From: Angela Newberry <Angela@thriftwood2.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 21:19:41 +0100
Subject: New: Dreaming Reality (1/3)
Source: atxc

Title: Dreaming Reality
Date: June 2001
Author: The Pimpernel
Rating: R ish
Summary: Blissful ignorance or stark reality or is it blissful reality
and stark
ignorance.

Category: VR, MSR PWP - pure self indulgence.
Spoilers: Yes, anything up to season 8 is fair game.
Feedback: I'd be stunned but if you want to I promise to reply when
I've picked the keyboard up off the floor. -
thepimpernel@waitrose.com
Archive: I'd be even more stunned but go ahead. It's written to be
read. Disclaimer: I'm English - forgive me my spelling
Grovels at the foundation stone of FOX Corporation, please accept this
free publicity. In other words any reference to characters created by
Chris Carter real or
imaginary is purely deliberate but they're not mine.

Part 1 of 3

Dana Scully awoke in a strange bed in a strange room. Not necessarily
something to worry about, she was always waking up in strange motel
rooms she thought hazily to herself. She was feeling very groggy and
disorientated; she ached and had several tender spots, probably
bruises she decided. Nothing strange about that either she thought.
She just had this nagging feeling that waking in a warm, dry, sweet
smelling place this morning was, somehow, an unusual occurrence. 

She became aware of some background noises that sounded oddly
domestic, like someone pottering about in a kitchen. There was also
the sound of someone humming happily, actually it sounded a lot like
Mulder. Had she ever heard him humming to himself? Her brain was just
too fuzzy to think about that right now.  She didn't get the feeling
of impending doom, so she relaxed slightly and continued ordering her
thoughts.  Actually, as her senses and thought processes slowly
started to consolidate, she realised that the bed smelt of Mulder. Now
that was strange, her thought processes started to speed up. They had
shared a bed before, in exceptional circumstances. She could not quite
recall what circumstances had led to this situation but still there
was not anything to activate her panic mechanism. 

She stretched herself carefully, slowly cataloguing the aches, pains
and bruises and became aware of some more facts. As she stretched out
her arms across the sheets something felt different about her hand.
She slowly opened her eyes and found herself facing the middle of the
bed, the sheets were mussed and there was an indentation in the
pillow. Confirmation that they had shared a bed last night. She wished
everything wasn't so hazy?  Had she been drunk last night? It didn't
feel like a hangover. Her hand started to reflexively smooth out the
covers in front of her that's when she noticed the ring on her finger.
To be precise third finger left hand.  She stared at it
uncomprehendingly for a moment. Momentarily her stomach dropped to her
toes and the blood left her face, she reassured herself that it was
Mulder she could hear, not some drunken stranger she'd picked up
somewhere. She knew Mulder was attracted to her but even if she had
been drunk he wouldn't have. what if they'd both been drunk? She shook
her head; we must be under cover she thought. God why couldn't she
remember! 

Suddenly some images flashed in her mind, some pleasant, some not very
pleasant.  Smelly damp cellars, gun fire, being carried, then warm
showers, feeling safe. As her mind drifted through these snapshots
which were making no sense whatsoever, another part of her mind had
started joining the dots.  Mulder, bed, ring, naked.  NAKED. She shot
upright, and immediately wished she had not as the world swam in front
of her eyes and she felt nauseous. She tried to calm herself even as
the adrenaline pushed her into full panic mode, her heart racing. 
There must be some simple explanation. 

She took some deep calming breaths and looked about the room as her
vision straightened itself out. Nothing to panic about here Dana, she
chastised herself. They were on assignment? Yes, that must be it they
were on assignment, undercover, they must have got into fight and she
had a concussion. She was covered in bruises and there was definitely
a lump on the back of her head, she must be suffering a slight amnesia
from the blow. Should she be in hospital? She probably told Mulder she
was fine. But why was she naked? That definitely sounded like Mulder
in the kitchen there would be some simple explanation, well maybe not
simple knowing Mulder but nothing untoward would have happened. But
she couldn't shake this image of having a shower. with Mulder. naked. 

She concentrated on her body a bit more closely, no she didn't feel
like anything.  exceptional had happened and she was fairly sure she'd
know about it after all this time, even with a shower. God she hoped
she'd know about it but she couldn't help just putting a hand down to
check. No everything felt. normal she thought, boringly unused and
almost sighed. Mulder wouldn't have taken advantage of her, despite
his faade of sexual innuendo and proclivity for leering he was a
decent and chivalrous man. Even given the more recent open looks of
admiration and regard, he would not have pressed his advantage unless
he was sure about her reciprocity.  It would have required a positive
response from her. And that was something she admired about him wasn't
it, how she wanted him to be wasn't it? 

These images in her head..  some of them were downright scary; not
something she wanted to dwell on. Maybe Mulder knew what was going on.
of course ask Mulder.  She glanced around the room again, she couldn't
see any of her clothes. There was one of Mulder's tee shirts lying at
the bottom of the bed. Folded she noticed as she picked it up, well
one of Mulder's running vests she amended to herself. She slipped it
over her head and cautiously got out of the bed testing her aching
limbs. She looked at herself in the mirror, well it covered the
essentials. mostly. She must remember to keep her arms close to her
sides and not bend forward too much. She padded towards the sounds of
Mulder and what she assumed was a kitchen. 

She leaned against the doorjamb and observed Mulder as he made. 
pancakes. Now this was definitely strange, Mulder in the kitchen, and
Mulder making fresh pancakes, as in not from a packet, the debris of
eggshells, carton of milk and spilt flour giving him away. This was a
morning for surprises, so long as there were no shocks. Mulder looked
round at that point smiled at her, took a couple of strides in her
direction said "morning sunshine" and kissed her on the lips. Just as
quickly he turned back to his pancakes saying "that's good timing, I
was just about to wake you, breakfast is almost ready. The coffee will
be done in a moment but there's orange juice on the table if you want
some" he nodded in the table's direction. 

She nodded dumbly, some part of her mind still responding to basic
commands. The rest of it had splintered off into a thousand different
directions.  Going who, what, where, when or maybe it was why, which,
Wednesday with a side helping of wherefore and that didn't just
happen. What the Hell is going on? 

Mulder was dressed in just a towel, another part of her mind was
registering, the base instinct mode.  the very base instinct. Her
mouth opened to say something but there were too many thoughts going
round in her head for any of the brain to mouth co- ordination needed
for speech. She was urgently, desperately trying to pull her thoughts
together but it was like trying to get hold of wisps of cloud.
Fortunately her body was operating on automatic, she found herself
sitting at the table with a glass of orange juice in her hand staring
at it stupidly. She didn't remember getting this far.  Mulder turned
round with a plate of pancakes, a jar of maple syrup and a blessed
couple of mugs of coffee. 

At that point she blurted out "who are you and what you have you done
with my partner". 

He grinned at her "what? You've never seen me cook before? Drink your
coffee, you know how much better you feel after your first cup". 

She looked at him somewhat helplessly, and took a swig of coffee. No,
that did not help. 

"Mulder, I . um... I seem to be a bit unclear about. about." 

'about what?' She thought to herself, last night, this morning,
yesterday even? All of the above. She settled for a safe "Where are
we?" and hoped that Mulder would fill in a few more details. 

Fat chance she thought as she saw him grin again he was going to make
her work for this, he was going to make her squirm, she could tell.
Bastard. 

"What's the last thing you remember?" he asked. 

Scully closed her eyes and tried to think. 

"It was Tuesday evening, I was on my way home, walking to my car, she
continued slowly. I was with Agent Wagstaff from the labs. I'd brought
some samples from Quantico with me, I'd given my autopsy reports to
Skinner, gone to the labs with the samples. Linda was just on her way
home, so we walked to our cars together so I could give her some
background information on the samples on the way.  I think we got as
far as the parking level then. God Mulder, all I can remember then is
.well nothing just flashes of images that I can't even tell you if
they are real or not." She finished looking at him helplessly. 

He'd dished out a couple of pancakes on to a plate and poured a
generous helping of maple syrup over them while she'd been rambling.
He put it in front of her. 

"Eat Scully, you've not had much in the last twenty four hours, and
I'm fairly sure you haven't had anything decent for a few days before
that. That's probably part of the reason why your feeling so
disoriented as well as the after effects of the drugs." 

Drugs, what drugs! 

"Mulder, please tell.". 

"Eat Scully. You know the ropes, eat slowly but eat". 

She was going to continue arguing. 

"I'll tell you what I know if you're a good girl and eat the breakfast
I have slaved over. It's not poisoned, I don't intend to kill you
having just dragged your ass out of hellsville." he wheedled. 

Scully scowled at him, she did not like being manipulated but he was
probably right and they did smell good and yes he had made them and it
sounded like she should be grateful. Now's one of those times you
should give in gracefully Dana, she told herself, at least for now.
She gave the impression of reluctantly capitulating as she picked up
her cutlery and gave him a "I'm not letting you off the hook" look and
took a mouthful of pancake, 'mmmmm' that was good. She realised
suddenly how ravenous she was. 

Mulder started on his own breakfast and gave her a quick summary. 
During a drugs bust, someone had got lucky and actually picked up the
girlfriend of a drug baron.  When bribery and corruption had failed to
get the girl out of custody, he resorted to more direct tactics. That
was kidnapping a couple of FBI agents and holding them as hostages to
negotiate a trade for the girl. The relatively innocent bystanders in
this action being Linda and her as the unfortunate hostages. 

"Don't eat so fast Scully" he admonished her. She realised that her
hunger had taken over and she had been unconsciously stuffing food
down her throat at a rate of knots.  She consciously slowed her
eating, not wanting to make herself sick at this point. 

"The FBI doesn't negotiate, so..." she encouraged him to go on. 

"To cut a long story short, we got lucky. You'd been missing for five
days." 

"Five days!" she interrupted incredulity on her face. 

He nodded and continued ". the deadline was fast approaching, when we
received an anonymous tip. The tip was substantiated, you had been
taken out of the country, so I. er. took a leave of absence to go
camping. with friends..." 

"You came for me unofficially Mulder?" He nodded. 

"And Linda?" 

He grimaced. "We assume it was her death that hit someone's conscience
enough to trigger the Chinese whispers that made it to the FBI.
Skinner told me, said that they'd do the official enquiry through the
embassy. As I was gearing myself up to tell him there wasn't time." 

Scully could just imagine the scene, it brought a wry smile to her
face, and then a panic when she thought how that might have played
out. She realised that Mulder was still talking. 

". that I was too close to the case and that maybe I should take a
vacation. He even handed me a ticket and told me my plane left in an
hour." 

 He smiled depreciatingly at her. She should smile back but her
sadness for Linda warred with the relief and happiness that Mulder had
donned his hero outfit and saved her again. Survivors guilt no doubt,
Mulder would understand her lack of response but he deserved better. 

"So, what?. the plane landed, you went to the nearest hotel and there
I was sitting at the bar sipping a Singapore Sling; you grabbed me and
we made a quick getaway?" 

A look of mock hurt came over his features. "You wound me Scully" he
said clutching a hand to his heart. "I journeyed through storm and
flood, climbed mountains, dodged a hail of bullets, fought the demons,
killed the villain, righted wrongs, saved the innocent and 'then' ran
off with the girl." 

Scully raised an eyebrow at him meaningfully not that she minded his
teasing, he was happy, presumably on an adrenaline high from the
stresses and strains of his superman rescue. She didn't want to spoil
that but she did want to hear the full story.  She was hoping it was
going to clarify these pictures she had swimming in her mind.  Mulder
had mentioned drugs maybe she'd been hallucinating. She encouraged him
to be serious and leaned over the table to get another pancake. 

She saw Mulder's eyes flicker down and then quickly back to her face. 
She realised with a blush, that she had probably given him quite an
eyeful, well more than she was already giving him in this shirt. She
wasn't sure why she was embarrassed, normally she'd have ignored it or
made some passing remark. She wasn't a prude, reserved yes, private
yes, but they had built up an easy, casual friendship over the years,
practically like an old married couple in some ways. They had reached
a balanced comfort level with each other on a physical level; it was
only mentally that they frequently clashed, although that could be
quite stimulating at times. Of course other times it was all out war.
Despite their comfort level she usually kept her modesty around him,
deep down she probably felt that it wasn't really fair to either of
them. 

But now she felt a little self-conscious despite the fact that he'd
seen it all before and that all's fair in love and to the ends of the
earth rescue attempts.  Or opportunistic glances in decontamination
showers she thought but that opportunity hadn't been of his making and
God knows there'd been plenty of occasions over the years when he
could have done so. He had not stared at her over the shower partition
wall, which he could have done; it had just been a glance, a quick
checking out. You couldn 't really blame the man for that given the
circumstances. And he was a man she'd checked;  you couldn't blame a
woman for that either, even if she was a doctor.  And that brought her
back to the graphic picture she had of showering with Mulder,
obviously this was a hallucination, otherwise they'd both done a very
thorough checking out and it was entirely too late to be shy now! 

So back to the moment, for all his insinuations, sometimes blatant
sexual remarks and porn hobby, Mulder was amazingly courteous when it
came down to the fine detail so to speak. Perhaps it was just that
this time Mulder seemed to be looking at her differently, like she was
some sort of cheese burger, he'd never been so blatantly lustful
towards her. Here she was, the rescue was over, she was semi naked
eating breakfast, had been naked in bed, there were several
unexplained events here, probably with a feasible explanation,
something to do with the rescue no doubt. She focused on eating her
pancake, tried to feel more relaxed about the situation, willed the
heat from her cheeks, she should not let her discomfort take refuge in
anger at Mulder, which would be unfair and unjustifiable. 

She hoped that Mulder would let her blush go by unremarked. Vain hope. 
She glanced up at Mulder from under her lashes, he was grinning at
her. He leaned forward to lift her chin up so he could look into her
eyes. 

"Hey" he said with an affectionate smile. He was acting differently,
no tentative approach; he wasn't expecting a rebuff it was if he was
confident of her acceptance of his look and touch. She ought to be
getting angry but his demeanour caught her off- guard, derailed her
chastisement, she remained silent. 

"You're not telling me you're still shy even after what happened last
 night?" he asked tenderly. Her mind went blank, confusion showed on
her face, then she remembered waking up naked. Her mouth dropped open,
the blood drained from her face to be replaced by a vibrant flush. She
gulped, oh God did something happen.  Mulder was teasing right? She
was expecting an 'I had you' any second now. It was a little unnerving
not knowing and he was not leering he was being so.  felicitous. 

"Last night?" she whispered. 

 Mulder looked surprised, then confused, then his face dropped as well
as his hand fell from her face. 

"You do remember last night?" he asked warily. Scully could see he was
anxious;  perhaps he thought he'd pushed her into something, but if
last night entailed a shower and this image wasn't an hallucination
then he certainly had not pushed her, in fact she'd done the dragging.
Not that he'd been kicking and screaming, for some reason they'd being
egging each other on and it had felt right. Now she felt all over the
place, she hung her head slightly and muttered "I have images of some.
I'm not sure if I am remembering correctly. there seems to be gaps." 

The worried look eased on Mulder's face and he smiled slightly "Not
surprising I suppose, you were very tired, actually more drained. I
hope you remember the good bits though otherwise I'm going to feel out
on a limb." 

At which point a timer went off distracting Mulder. Scully wasn't sure
whether to be relieved or frustrated.  "I don't really want to rush
you Scully but if you' ve finished eating we could do with getting
back on the road. We are back in the States but only just over the
border.  I still feel a bit exposed and I haven't been able to get in
touch with Skinner yet. There's no signal on the cell phone and the
phone's are down here." 

Mulder was leaning into a tumble dryer at this point pulling out some
clothes. She was fairly certain that even Mulder wouldn't put a suit
into the machine and as that's the last thing she remembered wearing
she wondered where her clothes were. She'd feel better for being
dressed before carrying on the conversation they were having, more
armoured. Mulder answered her question before she asked it. 

"Your clothes were beyond recovery Scully and there wasn't much open
around here at this time of year. There was only one clothing shop
which fortunately had a children's section" he joked.  He was facing
the tumble dryer still, was he trying to avoid looking at her. 

"At least I have managed to get my clothes cleaned and dried. But my
leather jacket is never going to be the same again. I managed to buy
you some jeans and a tee shirt and even a pair of sneakers but I. um.
couldn't get you any underwear.  I've got a spare pair of boxers if
you want to try them? Give you a chance to get into my pants." he
leered at her as he turned round. Trust Mulder to cover any
embarrassment he might have been feeling with innuendo. 

Scully glanced down at the tee shirt significantly or in this tee
shirt's case insignificantly. 

"Is this the tee shirt you got me Mulder because if it is, I have to
say I will probably be arrested for indecent exposure before we reach
the next town?" 

She thought she saw him hesitate then he scanned her from head to
foot, his eyes danced and a smile twitched on his lips. 

"You look very decent from where I'm standing Scully." 

Well whatever else was going on Mulder was still Mulder, thank God for
that. She was tempted to cross her arms over her chest but as she
started to do that she realised that it would probably raise the
T-shirt to an even more revealing level. She settled for raising an
eyebrow. 

"There's stuff in the bag over on the counter." 

Once they were on their way, Scully started asking Mulder questions. 
Not about the showering, if that's what he'd meant by 'last night',
maybe they could pretend that hadn't happened, just a one-off event
given the circumstances and relief of the moment. She was asking about
where he found her. Mulder wasn't too keen on answering saying that if
she didn't remember it she was probably better off not knowing. 

"Mulder I have all these weird memories in my head, I'd like to try
and sort the truth from the fantasy. " 

"You've got fantasies Scully, let's." he trailed off when she gave him
the death stare. 

"Ok, Ok, I'll confess just don't hurt me" 

"Mulder..." she said warningly. So he told her, although she suspected
he was skimping on the gory details. The tip off had contained a clue
to her whereabouts otherwise he probably wouldn't have found her. The
locals were too scared to get involved. They knew what was going on
but were afraid for their own lives. Fortunately the kidnappers had
chosen remoteness and fear as their security, guards had been light.
She'd been kept tied up and drugged in a hidden cellar, he said the
best bit about it had been the rat droppings and she should leave it
at that. She had a flash of a dark dank rancid hellhole, of vomiting
on herself and decided that in this instance Mulder was right she
didn't need to go there. 

"You were dehydrated, drugged and had probably been tied in the one
position for a long time. If your joints ache that's probably why."
She had nodded in confirmation she'd been unconsciously kneading her
shoulders. She rolled her shoulders and rocked her head back and
forward then said "I don't think there's any permanent damage but I
still feel like I've been run over by a truck." 

She looked at him speculatively and asked him how he got her out. He
joked about doing his knight in shining armour trick. Rode in on his
trusty steed, scooped up the fair maiden in distress and rode out
again into the sunset. Yeah, right. She had no memory of this, if
she'd been drugged she must have been completely uncoordinated if not
unconscious.  Then she remembered a snippet, he'd carried her out and
she had regained consciousness briefly while he was dodging the
gunfire.  She'd thought it had been fireworks and had ohhed and ahhed
at the pretty colours and loud bangs the gunfire was making.
Fortunately she had been so weak that when she'd tried to stand up,
which would have put her straight into the line of fire, she'd only
managed to get to her hands and knees before Mulder noticed and pulled
her down, pinning her body under him while he concentrated on shooting
back. Then she'd giggled and squirmed against him, put her arms round
his waist and kissed his neck. That had almost been a fatal
distraction. Mulder had hissed at her to behave while trying to
concentrate on the snipers. Also she must have been hallucinating also
because over Mulder's shoulder she saw something crawling over the
rooftop. It looked like a big pink mouse and she was smiling at it,
then it changed into an orange bee. She hated bees.  She had felt
another gun at Mulder's hip, which she grabbed, aimed at the bee and
shot it. Mulder had whirled in panic only to see a dead sniper fall
off the roof.  He'd spared Scully an amazed look to which she had
replied "I hate bees" before passing out again. Some things were
better not remembered. 

"You carried me out" she stated. 

"Well the executive lift was out of order. Good job you'd lost some
weight while you'd been in there otherwise it might have been a
struggle." 

"How'd you escape the gunmen?" 

He looked at her. "I thought you didn't remember anything?" he said
accusingly. 

"As you're talking things are starting to drop into place, even the
hallucinations make more sense. Keep going G-man." 

It had taken several hours of dodging search parties to get to the
village where transport and ids had been arranged. 

"You were in and out of consciousness and dehydrated. I kept trying to
dribble water down your throat while you were conscious. I was really
worried about you Scully.  Fortunately, by the time we got to the safe
location you were a bit more with it. You seemed fairly lucid just
tired. I managed to get some soup into you at that point. Even managed
to clean you up a bit so you did smell a bit better." 

"Very diplomatic Mulder". 

 "You slept all the way to the border but your colour was better, you
were less feverish. You even seemed to know who I was when you were
awake but then again you also seemed pleased to see me so maybe you
were still feverish." 

She narrowed her eyes at him but he kept his face inscrutable. 

"You were sleeping when we got to the border. I was a bit worried when
the guards stopped us, in case someone was waiting for us or, even
though you seemed to understand what was going on, I thought if you
suddenly woke up and said my name you might give the game away. The
guards did their usual checks and I stopped them waking you so we
passed without incident". 

"How did you stop them waking me?" 

"Told them you were tired." He hedged, hardly hesitating but Scully
noticed he was hiding something. 

"Mulder?" 

He sighed in resignation; it wasn't a big deal really but depended on
how Scully reacted. "I told them we were just married and that I'd
worn you out.  He laughed, patted me on the back and let us go
through. Then I drove straight to the cabin." 

There was an incredulous look on Scully's face "You what?" she
interrupted. 

"I'm sorry Scully I didn't mean to denigrate you, I was just trying to
do the mano to mano thing to get us through and it worked. Please
don't take this out of context." 

She nodded her head in acceptance, that wasn't actually what had
bothered her, it was the married bit that had caught her off guard but
now she'd had a few seconds to think about it she realised it must be
part of their cover. She glanced at the ring still on her finger, for
some reason something was niggling at the back of her mind. She
mentally shook herself and concentrated on what Mulder was saying. 

"Then I drove straight to the cabin where we were last night. 
Fortunately you woke up while I was registering because by that time I
was exhausted. I'm not sure I could have carried you inside at that
point. Then we got cleaned up, fell into bed and I'm hoping you can
remember everything from when you woke up this morning." 

"A somewhat condensed version Mulder. What is it you're not telling
me?" Scully was thoughtful. From his story she wasn't sure how long it
had been since he 'd found her or when he'd last slept before that but
she suspected it had been several days. He must have driven the last
bit on adrenaline alone. She really shouldn't give him a hard time
about this but she had this feeling that there was something she
should be remembering. She chuckled at herself internally, a feeling
Dana when you've got memories of pink elephants in your head. She was
just disoriented by the drug- induced hallucinations. She should be
fawningly grateful to Mulder for coming to save her, she scoffed to
herself just not my style sorry. 


Continued in Part 2

Title: Dreaming Reality

Part 2 of 3

Mulder interrupted her reverie "Those must have been some pretty
powerful drugs Scully. You've been out of it for close to 48 hours,
apart from the couple of hours at the safe location and the odd brief
awakening. You any idea what they knocked you out with?" 

"Must have been some cocktail. I have this morning after feeling, like
I don 't remember dancing on the tables but everyone else does. Tell
me I didn't do anything embarrassing Mulder." 

A shadow passed briefly over his features before he turned to her "You
didn' t do anything embarrassing Scully" but he was grinning broadly.
They were just pulling into the next town so any further questions had
to be put on hold.  Mulder was giving all his attention to avoiding
the sparse traffic and finding the local police station. She thought
he was dodging but she let it pass for now there were more immediate
things to do. 

Mulder got his call into Skinner who was immensely relieved to hear
from him. He suggested they stayed lost for a few more days until the
official channels had sorted themselves out and that they were no
longer being chased. 

Mulder suggested they drive across country back to DC that would keep
them relatively anonymous. Not a bad idea, however, Mulder needed the
rest from driving and Scully wasn't really feeling up to it, but as
there was no rush they could take it in easy stages and give
themselves a bit of recovery time. They agreed to spend the rest of
the day doing some shopping and generally loafing about then set off
tomorrow. 

They got a motel room and then went to buy a change of clothing and
some toiletries.  Mulder agreed to buy dinner and they'd meet up back
at the motel.  Scully got back first and had just finished her shower,
momentarily forgetting that they were sharing a room she was brushing
her hair clad in only a towel, when Mulder came through the door arms
loaded with packages. He glanced appreciatively at her, his gaze
lingering over her bare legs, before shutting the door with his foot
and striding over to the bed to drop his shopping down. "Hey Scully,
you showered already? No fair you didn't wait for me this time". 

And another piece of the jigsaw dropped into place.  The shower dream
became a crystal clear reality, not the vague flashes she'd had before
and what she remembered could have come straight out of one of
Mulder's videos, the ones that weren' t his, well the bits that were a
prelude to sex. God surely that had been a drug induced fantasy. She'd
been so tired she could hardly stand up straight but she'd also been
so smelly and dirty it practically had a life force of its own, she
could hardly stand herself. God knows how Mulder had managed to drive
all that way in such a confined space for two days. Kept the windows
open no doubt. Her face blushed as she remembered Mulder leering at
her saying he could help her shower and her replying that as they were
married now she expected him to wait on her hand and foot and to bathe
her body in sweet scented hot water. They had made do with chlorinated
water in a motel shower. At least the water was hot. She remembered
him shampooing her hair, giggling as he had to hold her up with one
arm while trying to wash her with the other. She'd really been too
tired to feel more than appreciation as his hands soaped her neck and
shoulders and . and... further down. His actions had changed a cranky
knotted tiredness into a pleasant drowsiness. She didn't remember
anything after that until she woke up that morning. Not drying off or
getting into bed or . or anything.  She did remember a wet, naked
Mulder in the shower though. Her face flushed. Oh God!.what had
triggered her into that behaviour. What the hell did she do now? 

Mulder must have seen confusion and panic on her face. Her mouth
opened several times to speak but nothing came out. Her brain was too
busy processing. She must have looked like a goldfish. 

Mulder quickly masked a hurt look then looked resigned. "I got Chinese
for dinner.  I'll go grab a shower." With which he grabbed a couple of
bags, moved rapidly to the bathroom and firmly shut the door. 

Her cerebral processes seemed to be stuck on 'Oh God Oh God'. Her
reaction had hurt Mulder and from what she could remember she could
understand why.  What she desperately needed to know was how they had
got to that point in the first place. Even if she'd still been under
the effect of the drugs and her inhibitions lowered Mulder would never
have taken her up on an offer like that. Unless he was under the
impression that she wasn't drugged... not unreasonable after two days
but even so there must have been some other encouragement. And
inhibitions lowered aside why would she make a joke about being
married? That's the sort of thing Mulder said to her. She glanced down
at the wedding ring she was still wearing. 

She had all sorts of images in her head that were still unaccounted
for, and she sure as hell hoped that not all of them were true,
especially the one about the pink elephant.  Unfortunately, she didn't
remember anything about wedding rings or any conversations that would
have given Mulder the confidence to get in the shower with her 'and'
expect it to happen again. She was missing something vital and the
only person who could help her was Mulder. How the hell did she
approach this? She could make a bad situation worse by treading on
some delicate Mulder feelings by asking the wrong question. Mulder
could be sensitive about some things, though he usually hid it well.
Too many rejections and betrayals in the past and she did not want to
add herself to the list. 

She still hadn't come to any conclusions when she heard the shower go
off. Her mind was still processing in circles and it was dwelling on
aspects of last night 's shower rather more than it should be. Like
Mulder's wet naked, aroused body.  It was having a distinct effect on
her body, now fed, watered and well rested it was doing some
languorous internal stretching in excited anticipation of having
something else sated.  Well it was going to be disappointed. again. 

She tried to shake her thoughts and realised she was still standing
staring at the bathroom door dressed only in a towel. Fortunately that
realisation was enough to galvanise her into action, ransacking the
bags from her earlier shopping. At least this town had run to ladies
clothing and lingerie in her size, even if they were only plain white
cotton.  Outwardly at least she was calm, cool and collected when
Mulder came out of the bathroom. Inside was a maelstrom of thoughts
and hormones, not calmed in the least by Mulder, fresh and sparkly out
of the shower, standing bare foot and dressed in hip hugging jeans and
tight tee shirt. There is no doubt she gave him the once over, maybe a
twice over and she admitted she licked her lips.  She blamed it on the
state of her mind, she wasn't herself and she still hadn't got a clue
what to say.  Talk about giving the poor guy mixed messages. 

Fortunately her glance seemed to cheer Mulder up, but he stilled
smiled wryly at her and said, "Do you want to forget last night?
Perhaps you were too tired to know what was happening? I thought you.
I didn't mean to. anyway let's forget it." 

He was giving her an out bless his sweet heart but tempting though
that was it would close the subject if she took it and she wanted
confirmation. Actually she wanted rebuttal but she'd settle for the
truth. She needed to know. She had the courage to face the problem but
that didn't stop her feeling uncomfortable about it. 

"I had thought it was a dream." she sighed "I do remember showering
with you Mulder." she managed to mumble not meeting his eyes "and I
acknowledge that it was me who. uhm... initiated it. But I don't
remember after or bits from before.. I have these pictures in my head
but I don't know if they happened or if they are just hallucinations.
Although thinking about it, the drugs should have been sufficiently
out of my system that I had stopped hallucinating. But it all just
seems to run together, I'm not even sure of the timeline for some of
these images." she said cautiously. "I don't do confused well, I'm
covering for it badly and that's reflecting on you which I don't want
to do. I really need you to clarify. " she added hesitantly. 

 Mulder seemed to relax slightly "It would have been easier to show
you Scully." He waggled his eyebrows at her. 

She gave him the your not funny look, she'd exposed herself somewhat
and she was feeling vulnerable. 

"So you thought you were dreaming Scully?" 

She nodded encouragingly. 

"You dream about me then? Want to tell me what you remember and I'll
tell you true or false?" 

Bastard. No she most certainly did not want to say what was in her
head. 

"Mulder I have pictures of pink elephants in my head." better to admit
to that then some of the other things going on up there. 

"Ahh, was that the one who changed into a orange bee that you shot?" 

Her jaw hit the floor again. 

"Well it was a sniper but you said he changed to a orange bee which
you did not like so you shot him. And just as well or he'd have shot
me in the back." 

Oh right made sense now! 

"See I was hallucinating. Just tell me what really happened." She was
trying not to beg here. Trying to keep her tone well modulated. "Be
nice." She thought Mulder might have wanted to tease her some more but
whatever he saw in her face panic, fear, apprehension, death stare
made him relent. 

"Alright but I think hearing some of your hallucinations would be
entertaining and we've got several days in the car, so don't think
your getting away with this scot-free.  When we got to the cabin last
night you were dead on your feet, despite all the rest you'd got in
the car, guess in was a combination of drugs, dehydration, lack of
food and being tied up for several days. Anyway you were limp, like a
wet lettuce and I would have put you straight to bed but . well you
stank Scully, it was even keeping you awake a bit like smelling salts.
So you insisted on a shower but you didn't have the strength to stand
up. After several minutes of giggling where you were doing your best
new born fawn impression while trying to get you clothes off, you
slumped on the floor, pouted and told me that as we were married now
the least I could do was help instead of standing there laughing." 

"I did not pout!" 

Mulder pointedly ignored her and carried on speaking but his lips were
twitching. 

"So I err." his hands gesticulated in the air "you know. got you into
the shower.." 

"Fully clothed?" she asked, was he going to be embarrassed about this,
Mr Porn King? Maybe she didn't want to know about this, unfortunately
she needed to. 

"No, I undressed you" he sighed "then we got cleaned up and went to
bed." He was rushing this. 

"You were in the shower with me?" she squeaked. He nodded cautiously. 
She looked at him meaningfully, encouraging him to go on with more
details. He squirmed a bit and then it was like a switch went down and
his eyes started to gleam.  Uh oh maybe she didn't want the details.
"Fortunately the cabin had shampoo and soap, you not travelling with
your usual toiletries - you had some really ingrained dirty bits." 

Oh God, that bit came flooding back, he'd washed her hair and her back
and. then he'd washed. and then she'd washed his. Oh God. Mulder must
have seen the shock on my face. 

"Is this anything like you remember? Err, Scully you didn't see me as
the pink elephant did you?" he was wrinkling his nose. "You seemed ok
at the time. You didn't shoot me or anything." 

"Yes and no Mulder, no pink elephant this time." Did she just tell him
to tell her about this? She might have been better off not knowing..
Now she remembered him drying her off and putting her to bed then it
was a complete blank, presumably she just went out like a light.
'Please tell me I went to sleep' she thought. If anything else had
happened she'd have liked to remember that. She hoped. 

"I was naked this morning?" she blurted out. 

"You must have packed in a rush Scully. No toiletries and no sleep
wear! Tut, tut, tut, breaking the FBI's regulations on nighttime
attire. Good job we're not on a case!" 

Meanwhile her mind had now skipped back to something he said earlier. 
She'd said 'now we are married' - her!' Again she was rapidly
searching her memories, including what she thought were dreams, armed
with this new information on the shower. Nothing, nada, zilch, well
there was that little scene in a little chapel but that was definitely
a figment of her imagination and rapidly dismissed.  Married, keyword,
search, no entries found. Shit. It was just them teasing each other
about their cover wasn't it? How was she going to bring this up? 

Mulder was now bouncing around again. 

"As we are going to drive back to DC, I thought we might take in a few
sites while we're at it." 

He had a map out. 

"Any particular things you'd like to see or do, not do on the way?" 

She shook her head. " So long as we don't look up Elvis." 

He looked disappointed but it was one of his exaggerated pouts, so he
probably had something else in mind. She groaned inwardly. 

"This wont turn into a UFO hotspot viewing trip will it Mulder?" 

 "As if I'd do that to you on our honeymoon!" 

Her jaw dropped again, she was going to have to get it some padding if
it was going to keep hitting the floor at this rate just to stop the
bruising. Not only that but he had sat next to her on the bed with the
map and now he was leaning over well into her personal space,
practically whispering in her ear. Her stomach lurched as his hand
touched her knee and stroked upwards. She was startled and flinched
back. Mulder looked into her eyes then looked resigned and he sighed. 

"Is this all going to fast for you Scully?" She was definitely doing
her best goldfish impression now, mouth opening and closing but
nothing coming out 'too fast' she thought - she did not even know
they'd started. 

He backed off and stopped smiling. God it was all or nothing with him. 
He shook his head and muttered something like 'I might have known', he
looked hurt.  He pushed himself away from the bed and stood looking
out of the window She was confused, she needed answers but she just
wasn't sure of the questions. However whatever had happened they had
obviously got closer and now she didn't want him to back off that far,
she didn't want him to hurt. She reached out to touch his arm before
he retreated too far physically as well as mentally. 

"Mulder. I know yesterday I must have sounded really sure. positive
about . things. But today everything seems surreal, or more to the
point the last few days seem surreal and today I just landed with a
bang. from a great height.  I just need a little time and space." 

Mulder nodded and looked like he was going to shift further away. 

"Just a little not great acres of it. I'd like to know that I could
reach out for an anchor if I feel myself floating away." She looked at
him meaningfully, she hoped. He seemed to understand. He reached out
to caress her cheek with his fingertips. 

"Sorry Scully, I'm doing my usual getting so excited about something
that I' m racing on ahead forgetting where you've been and that your
still tied up..."  he stopped there realising what he had said and
then gave a suggestive smile. 

"In your dreams Mulder" 

"Always in the good ones" 

She was not going to follow that lead, she was not. maybe later. Of
course she had got completely sidetracked from the honeymoon comment,
but she guessed that was just a Mulder remark about their cover. 

So they were staying the night, in one room again, with one bed again. 
She should be arguing right but then she remembered that Mulder's
funds were probably limited right now. Did she need to think of a way
round this? They'd done this before, they'd done it last night for
god's sake. Still she'd been so fatigued she'd gone out like a light,
she was still feeling tired but not exhausted and that was the
difference. She need not have worried, as it happened a full stomach,
tired muscles possibly some withdrawal symptoms combined such that
when her head hit the pillow she fell asleep quickly before Mulder
even got out of the bathroom. When she awoke early the next morning
after a good night's sleep, she was somewhat startled to find herself
next to a warm body with its arm round her waist. It only took her a
few seconds to work out it was Mulder so she dropped down to
disconcerted. She'd forgotten what this felt like.  If she was honest
with herself it was nice but her first impulse was still to leap out
of bed. There was a gentle breath on the back of her neck. Her second
impulse was that as it was Mulder it was ok to spoon, she did ask him
to be close enough to touch didn't she - this was not quite what she'd
had in mind, but she'd let that go with a bit of soporific license.
Her third impulse was that this was quite pleasant. Good job she was
not impulsive. 

Surprisingly her initial startle on waking had not woken Mr
Notoriously Light Sleeper. Actually that was not quite true, he didn't
always sleep much but he could sleep quite deeply given the right
circumstances. These were obviously the right circumstances. In fact
it had just made him tighten his arm round her, which was another
reason she hadn't leapt out of bed, she'd been held in place.  So she
carried on lying there, mind in turmoil again. God her brains ought to
be scrambled by now they'd been stirred up so much. And that was
unusual in itself. She had made up her mind where Mulder stood in her
life. There was no reason for her to be in turmoil about his proximity
because they were just friends. Dear, close friends, die for you, lend
you money type friends, share my non fat tutti fruitti dreamsicle with
you type friends (if forced). Do my laundry for me type friends - nah,
a girl's got to have her limits and Mulder's smelly socks was one of
hers. Further there was no way she was letting him near her underwear,
he'd only give it to Frohike. In fact she suspected that when she lost
some on a case the other month that. But she didn't want to think
about that right now. She shivered at the thought. 

So where was she? Oh yes, so what did this spooning mean? Did it mean
anything at all? She shouldn't be enjoying it? What was wrong with
enjoying it? A few cozy moments with a friend after a somewhat
traumatic ordeal, a life saving friend. Just a few minutes, the
psychological benefits of touch were well documented, she could treat
herself couldn't she? Mulder wouldn't think any the less of her for
taking a few moments of his reassurance that he was always so willing
to share and often wanted to when she didn't feel she needed it. She
also ought to remember that she often reciprocated and now could be
one of those times thinking about it. He must have been frantic trying
to find her and with no leads, knowing with whom he was dealing must
have made him fear the worst. Then the frantic escape run with a
partner who was no help, a positive hindrance as she alternated
between being as high as a kite or unconscious. Yes, Mulder probably
needed the reassurance too, a connection until the dust settled. So
this was a mutual benefit, a mutual giving and receiving. We'd be back
to normal once we got to DC. Go with the moment Dana. 

She must have dozed off with that thought and was having a very
pleasant dream about sitting in a little village, drowsing in the
sunshine with a cool lemonade. Dogs panting in the shade of a tree and
a little girl giving her a bunch of wild flowers she'd picked
specially for her, a huge smile on her face. And there was Mulder
smiling at her over the girl's head, holding his hand out. 'Is this
right Scully?' he asked. 'I think so' she replied 'you in torn jeans,
me sporting this year's cellar outfit and matching accessory bruises,
in the back of nowhere and a priest on hand. A marriage made in heaven
Mulder. The only other place that would have been appropriate would
have been a hospital.'

A car door slamming brought her out of her dream. They were still
lying in the same position but now the urge to use the bathroom was
overwhelming, an overriding stimulus. She tried to sneak out from
under Mulder's arm but to no avail. He tightened his arm round her but
this time he started to wake up, and grumbled as she wriggled trying
to get him to move his arm. 

"I need to pee Mulder, let go" 

It took him a few moments to process before he relaxed his grip and
she scrambled for the bathroom. She dismissed his body's reaction to
her wriggling as entirely due to the physical stimulus, or even an
automatic morning response. Nothing to get agitated about. 

They had a leisurely breakfast and then were on their way, Mulder
picking the route.  They passed the day in small talk. Mulder always
seemed to have a wealth of trivia about places he'd never been let
alone where he had been. Mulder goaded her into a discussion about 'if
a man says something in a forest when there's no woman to hear him, is
he still wrong?' That one was easy but they discussed it anyway, what
was special about a forest the man's was wrong wherever he said it!
But it beat letting her mind wander. 

They got out mid afternoon and stretched their legs, had a short walk
by a river and ate the fruit and cheese Mulder had bought the previous
day. It was a very tranquil interlude, very therapeutic. Mulder was
touching her frequently. Just small touches as he passed her an apple,
the small of her back as he guided her back to the car, a brush
against her as they put things back in the car. All unnecessary but it
was not unpleasant, it wasn't intrusive, it was just there. He needed
these little connections she reminded herself. Part of her was
grateful for Mulder's presence, his actions on her behalf. She was
feeling relaxed and content in his presence and Mulder was happily
lapping up the goodwill she was radiating. Might as well make the most
of it, store up the touching bank before there was a drought come
their next argument, just relax into the moment. They didn't get many
of those and hell Mulder was on vacation, he deserved a bit of down
time. 

The following days were the same, Mulder touching her more, smiling
and teasing her, but as he had backed off the overt behaviour she
wasn't uncomfortable with it.  Truth be told, actually she was
enjoying it, but don't tell Scully, she wouldn't find it appropriate
behaviour. Dana however was soaking it up. This was what was so
dangerous about spending down time with Mulder. He made her forget all
those reasons she kept telling herself that Mulder and she were just
good friends. She shouldn't fret about it, in a couple of days they'd
start rubbing each other up the wrong way and distance would be the
order of the day. 

This was dramatically proven once they were back in DC and sat in
Skinner's office, but not for the reason she was expecting. They
hadn't even been home to change, as Skinner wanted a quick briefing
before they did anything else, in case it was decided that she should
not be seen yet. Mulder had been summarising the events leaving out
quite a bit of detail, things that Skinner might want to know but what
an AD really shouldn't under the circumstances. At the end of which
Skinner had nodded then asked for an official report by tomorrow.
Mulder had said he was on leave and what official report. The one that
says you were on vacation in New Mexico when one evening you came back
to your motel to find Scully dazed and bewildered but mostly uninjured
and she got there totally unassisted by any interference from you. It
could go down as successful negotiations between the diplomats. Mulder
had started to protest that they would get away with kidnapping her.
Skinner had pointed out that there was my statement and that another
agent was dead. There would be plenty to charge them with if there was
ever an arrest but this way Mulder would avoid another censure on his
record. Mulder had thought about it hard for a few minutes before he
looked at her and she'd given him the it's not worth it look. He had
understood and for once backed down nodding at Skinner. Skinner had
smiled she was sure in relief. 

 "Unofficially Mulder, well done, you even managed to keep your
identity hidden.  They can probably work it out by now but it gave us
the few days we needed. The girl got pissed when he couldn't get her
out and decided to turn states evidence. She's in the witness
protection schema now. I think it's safe for Agent Scully to go home,
they've got other things on their mind. Like how many drugs busts are
going down today. Although I guess Scully's going to have her own
unofficial body guard anyway. Let me be the first to offer my
congratulations. It's just typically that you two would get married so
unconventionally." 

Guess what happened to my jaw. 'What!!'. Shock kept me mute but I'd
quickly looked at Mulder. He looked surprised but answered smoothly. 

"Ahh. Thank you Sir. But how did you find out. I thought we'd kept it
pretty quiet." 

'What!!' my mind went again. 'Married! Who, What, when?! MARRIED!'
It's a good job she couldn't get a word out. Incoherency wouldn't have
done her normal self assured, articulate persona justice at all. 

"You know I can't revel my sources" Skinner had returned smiling
evilly. 

"Anyway I don't count it as unconventional. It was just a nice quiet
wedding in a little chapel. It's done every day." returned Mulder also
grinning. 

"Sure but why not in this country with a few friends and relatives
present or invited for a toast at least. I'm sure Scully's mom would
have liked to have been there."  countered Skinner. 

"Well you know how it is sir." 

"Spill the beans Mulder" insisted Skinner. 

Continued in Part 3

Title: Dreaming Reality

Part 3 of 3


"It was quite simple really. Our contact with the new identities
happened to be the local priest who was under the impression that we
were married.  Something in the translation of partner I guess. Anyway
he thought it was a great 'amore' that would trigger such a stupid act
as going to rescue my 'wife' from the drug lords. Not that he thought
I was stupid rescuing Scully just that I was stupid going against the
drug barons but as it was obviously all for love that made it alright.
When we explained we weren't actually married or together he was a bit
disconcerted about the papers that had been arranged as husband and
wife. We were trying to convince him that we were used to under cover
work and we didn't have a problem with the papers when one of the
local children piped up with what I think translated to 'But they're
in love padre why don't you just marry them now.' That got the backing
of the entire village. To put it mildly resistance was useless. The
priest didn't want to take no for an answer convinced that no one
would run the wrath of the drug barons except for love then Scully
just chimed in with a 'Let's just do it' - so we did. Last of the
great romantics that's us." 

'Whaaat! She did not, she wouldn't, she couldn't have...' Reflex
speech override slipped in. 

"Let's just do it??" she exclaimed. 

Mulder grinned. "You're very words Scully". 

She was building herself up for a big protest, Skinner who had started
chuckling suddenly seemed to realise that maybe all was not well
because he suddenly started looking backward and forward between the
two of us with a concerned look. Fortunately for him, there was an
interruption in the form of someone knocking and entering his office.
Scully was reminded of where they were and as Skinner dismissed them
with a wave of his hand she scuttled down to the basement, temper
brewing to boiling point. By the time she got down to the office she
was a pressure cooker about to blow. But she had it contained she was
ready to listen to reason, honest, she just couldn't think of how
Mulder was going to wriggle out of this. Her voice was strained but
controlled, a dangerous combination. 

"Why did you tell Skinner that fairytale?" she asked deceptively calm. 

"Because it was true Scully. Why wouldn't I tell him? We needed to
tell him sometime. He obviously knew some of the story he might as
well have the true one. It does make for a Mulder and Scully classic." 

"TRUE! What do you mean true?" she was shrill, calm tossed aside. 

Mulder looked aghast. "You don't remember do you? " he said
accusingly. "You remember pink elephants, shooting bees, me carrying
you, and even damp dark cellars but you completely forget marrying me
or even agreeing to marry me.  That's just typical of you Scully.
Going into denial when you don't want something to be true, or
remembering and hiding behind 'I need some time and space.' That was
just cruel Scully." 

That's false, denial she may sometimes do about feelings or emotions
but she 'd always been honest about the choices and actions she'd
taken, good or bad. She was in no mood to discuss this right now
though, something in the back of her mind was ringing an alarm bell
that this was not a rational argument and she was going to say things
she didn't mean but she was beyond logic here. This was too personal. 

"Denial! How did we even have time to get married? You said it was a
headlong chase until we reached the border. This is carrying the joke
too far." 

Mulder reached into his pocket and slapped a piece of paper down on
the desk. 

"You want proof. Recognise your own signature Scully or do you think I
forged it?  For a joke." 

She picked up the paper but it was several moments before she could
comprehend that it was a marriage license between Dana Katherine
Scully & Fox William Mulder.  Mulder's scrawling signature and her
neat one. Oh God. The bottom dropped out of her world or the world
dropped out of her bottom, certainly her stomach plummeted the blood
drained from her face. It must have drained from her brain too because
she was coming up a complete blank. 

"This was just to get us through the situation right? We can get an
annulment?" she stammered looking up at him. That was a mistake. He
was angry now, very angry, the veins were pulsing on his neck and
head. He was going red his eyes blazed. She thought for the first time
she might be afraid of Mulder, that anger was directed at her, no
holds bared. She'd never seen him like this. She'd seen him irritated
and frustrated at her. She'd seen him angry with others especially
when he'd been lied to and manipulated. He'd been angry at her when
he'd been drugged. He'd snapped at her and she'd done the same, but
she had never seen a full blown Mulder temper directed at her, he just
didn't lose it like that. 

"NO!" he exploded "You promised me Scully. You swore you were in your
right mind that you meant it. You told me to check your eyes for
dilation, if I doubted you.  It was what we both wanted. You..." He
turned round and thumped the filing cabinet hard when he couldn't
contain it anymore. 

'ohmygodohmygodohmygod' she couldn't think fast enough, had no idea
what to say. She needed time to gather her thoughts but that was
something she was completely out of. That punch to the filing cabinet
must have hurt and she guessed she went into automatic doctor mode as
an instinctive mind-defence mechanism - unfortunately not a good move
in the circumstances. She reached for his hand. He whirled round, he
was very close and leaning over her. It looked suspiciously like tears
in his eyes. She thought she must have flinched. Whatever, the anger
suddenly dissipated to be replaced by what she could only think of
later as devastation. 

"You promised Scully" he almost whispered. Then he charged out of the
room leaving the door swinging open. 

"Mulder" she called after him but he was well on his way. And what did
she have to say at this point. She stared at the marriage certificate
and then at the ring on my finger. Of all the things that had happened
to her in the years since she joined the x files, this had to be one
of the most unbelievable. She didn't know how long she stood staring
at the certificate but the ringing of the phone broke her reverie. She
didn't answer it. She picked up the license and folded it carefully
putting it in her pocket.  Then she went home. Fortunately she could
not take her car, which was still in the car park from the night she
was kidnapped, but her spare keys were at home, just as well as her
mind was not aware of any external happenings. The cab driver could
have robbed the bank on the way home for all the attention she was
paying.  He had to speak to her several times when he parked outside
her apartment before she noticed were she was, with no recall of the
journey. She sat at her kitchen table with a cooling cup of tea. She
had the wedding ring in her fingers, turning it round and round in a
parody of her mind, thinking and thinking and thinking. 

Hours later she was still in the same position, despite all her
thinking there were still gaps in her remembrances. If what she was
now admitting to herself was true, it certainly explained Mulder's
behaviour, his anger was justified, his hurt deep.  However, she
needed confirmation and there was only one person who could supply it,
with the possible exception of the priest if she knew where it was
they got married but she was fairly certain she didn't have time for
the scenic route.  She had effectively ripped Mulder's heart out and
one way or another she needed to fix that and the longer she waited
the worse it was going to get. They'd both had time and space to cool
down and gather thoughts but much more time and the gap would widen to
he point where it could not be bridged and that really wasn't
acceptable.  From things she recalled now, things that she thought had
been dreams if not fantasies, it would seem that she had some
apologising to do, possibly some down right grovelling. Well
humiliating as this might be she'd caused the rift so the first move
was hers. With which she snapped out of her trance and rushed round
her apartment getting ready to go out. 

Now she just had to work out how to approach him especially given the
scene earlier today. There was no point procrastinating, something had
to be done, she needed to make decisions, they needed to make
decisions and that couldn't be done from here.  She showered and
changed and headed for Mulder's apartment hoping that one he was in
and two that he had calmed down a bit. 

He didn't answer his door. Scully hesitated before using her key, if
he wasn 't in she'd wait outside, if he was in but not answering well
they needed to settle this, at the very least try to salvage their
partnership and as much of their friendship as possible.  Please God
that was possible. Scully didn't even want to look beyond to a life
empty of Mulder that was just too paranormal. 

The apartment looked like a whirlwind had hit it paper, books and
magazines scattered everywhere, pictures broken, shattered glass
crunched under foot. Cushions strewn every which way. In the middle of
this debris Mulder now sat quietly on his couch. He was staring
vacantly at the wall, not even the television was on. There was more
blood and bruising on his knuckles. 

Scully swallowed and held back her tears. She approached
apprehensively. "Mulder?"  she said gently. For a moment she thought
he wasn't going to respond.  She edged a bit closer to him. "Mulder?"
she said only slightly louder. After a few moments he said "You can
have your annulment" his voice was desolate. 

"What?" was her instinctive response. He still didn't look at her. 

"I'm sorry. You were drugged, you don't remember. It never happened. 
It's probably not legal here anyway." he said brokenly. 

Scully was distraught; she could see the pain in him. Pain that she'd
caused. She'd never wanted to join the list of people who'd hurt him,
kicked his ego when it was vulnerable. For all he could be self
absorbed, arrogant and obliviously blas about somethings he had a
soft, caring, sensitive heart that he usually kept well protected. 
He'd exposed it to her and boy had she stabbed it, she was hoping not
fatally, that she could repair the damage. She took a deep breath
trying to calm herself and get some order into the dozens of sentences
and part sentences that were vying for her tongue.  This could have
been much worse, at least she had the opportunity to speak, but the
gap was widening rapidly and she needed to talk while Mulder was still
listening, she hoped. 

"If it feels legal in our hearts and minds that's all it needs to be." 

Mulder looked at her for the first time, his face was beleaguered. 

"Mulder, my memories are unreliable but I have one particular memory
that I had been assuming was a dream. a wonderful dream, an extreme
possibility rather than a reality. I want to relate it to you so you
tell me if it's true" 

He didn't say anything and she had to take confidence from his silence
to continue.  She swallowed again, licked her dry lips and took a deep
breath to fortify her for what she had to reveal. 

"It involves a sunny afternoon, with the flies humming, the crickets
singing. Dogs panting in the shade; homemade lemonade drunk out of an
earthenware mug. A little girl offering me a bunch of wild flowers." 

She thought she saw a glimmer in his eyes but it was fleeting. 

"Is any of this reality Mulder?" she asked tentatively. She was
feeling uncomfortable and wanted to look away from him but she knew
she had to watch his face carefully for any show of emotion. But her
eyes were flitting nervously from his face to a spot just behind his
right shoulder. She realised that she was twisting her fingers
together and tried to stop, that made her cross her arms defensively
when she tried to drop them to her sides her hands gravitated to
nervous twitching again almost immediately.  He nodded slowly, almost
imperceptibly. 

"You took one of the flowers and put it in my hair. I complained it
was probably full of bugs. You said no self-respecting bug would stay
anywhere near my hair the condition it was in." 

She looked at him questioningly. He nodded again. She would have liked
a bit more participation from him but he was pretty far withdrawn into
himself and after her denials earlier today he no doubt needed some
very positive statements from her.  Needed her to say it out loud,
acknowledging it to herself as well as to him. Oh God this would be so
embarrassing if this next bit were a dream. 

"There was a little church; it was cool and quiet inside. An old woman
who offered her dead daughter and son-in-law's wedding rings so that a
part of them would go on." 

She paused again. He nodded a bit more forcefully this time. 

"In my dream. in my recollections a couple pledge themselves to one
another and he kisses her sweetly." 

She was distancing herself slightly here but it was all too personal,
too close. but she saw Mulder swallow noticeably and nod again
slightly. He might have been holding his breath. Scully needed to sit
down, the adrenaline rush, which had got her through the initial part
of this confession, was rapidly receding and she was trembling.  She
looked at the mess on the couch next to Mulder. She bent over as if to
sort the recoverable from the non-recoverable, then caught herself and
changed her movements to sweep the mess onto the floor, creating
enough room to sit down. She had a brief worry that Mulder would get
up from the couch to move away and that she should have sat opposite
him but she needed to be closer and it appeared that Mulder was rooted
to the spot anyway. If a fleeting smirk passed quickly over Mulder's
features, Scully was too busy with her thoughts and trying to bolster
her confidence to pay much attention. She could face liver eating
monsters, flukemen, violent axe wielding criminals but facing her own
emotions was a terrifying ordeal, revealing them was petrifying. 

"In my dream." she squeaked. She cleared her throat and tried again. 
"In my dream he.. he tells her.that he..uhm.. that he.. " she took a
deep breathe come on Dana get it out "he tells her.that he loves her.. 
and she." she faltered to a halt again.  Unsure where she was going
with this Mulder didn't say anything but his eyes encouraged her to go
on. "And she says. she doesn't say 'oh brother'." 

Mulder did smile slightly at that but she could tell from his face
that he didn't understand what she was fumbling to say. Mulder nodded
"It was a lovely dream.  Shame it didn't end up happily ever after in
real life." 

He moved to get up off the couch. Scully grabbed his arm dignity flung
aside. 

"No!" she gasped "Mulder please." He did pause in his movements but
his face was wary. 

"I'm sorry I did not remember." He looked at her sceptically. "that I
didn't acknowledge that I.. I did feel fine at the time, I don't know
if I was still drugged or if it was some slow release mechanism. I've
still got holes in my memory and it's very disconcerting, and some
things are very hazy and surreal. I can't remember what happened after
the church, I can't remember from before the lemonade.  I just thought
it was a dream, a wonderful dream, something I wanted but shouldn't
have, and you must admit even for us the circumstances are pretty
unconventional." 

He smiled wryly in acceptance but again tried to move off the couch
"True but that doesn't affect how you feel about it in the cold light
of the FBI, Washington, life, the universe and everything." 

She kept her grasp on his arm. She could tell he was annoyed that she
wouldn 't let him distance himself, after all he'd supplied written
proof in the form a marriage license that he was telling the truth and
she hadn't wanted to believe that. As far as he was concerned her
initial reaction was that she didn't want to be married to him. 

"Scully I understand you're trying to calmly and rationally figure out
what happened, putting your memories into a logical order and I'd
really like to help but I 'm too. I need some space."  His voice was
raspy with choked emotion. 

He put his hand over hers intending to move it so he could get up. 
Scully realised she wasn't handling this at all well, in order to
protect her own feelings and cover her embarrassment she was poking at
Mulder's pain and not revealing any of her own.  Mulder had opened
himself emotionally, exposed himself fully and she'd certainly kicked
him where it hurt. All Mulder wanted to do now was to lick his wounds,
well she was a doctor she knew how to mend wounds it just took
fortitude. 

"Mulder, I could spend some time explaining my subsequent actions,
that I was caught off guard and so my automatic defence mechanism
kicked in, but that's not the most important point right now. Mulder
drugged or not from what I remember now I didn't say anything I didn't
mean. I do love you and I do want to be with you, although in all
fairness in the cold light of DC there are a lot of issues. I could
spend a lot of time apologising profusely but I think actions will
speak louder than words." 

Dana Scully awoke in a strange bed in a strange room. Not necessarily
something to worry about, she was always waking up in strange motel
rooms she thought hazily to herself. She was feeling very. lethargic
this morning, she ached and had several tender spots, probably bruises
she decided. Nothing strange about that either she thought. She just
had this nagging feeling she was waking up some where familiar but,
somehow, an unusual occurrence. 

She became aware of some background noises that sounded oddly
domestic, like someone pottering about in a kitchen. There was also
the sound of someone humming happily, actually it sounded a lot like
Mulder. Had she ever heard him humming to himself? Yeah, once she
thought. Despite the recollections that thought brought she didn't get
the feeling of impending doom, the bed smelt of Mulder and her insides
did a sultry stretch. Outside, she stretched herself carefully,
languorously, slowly cataloguing the aches and twinges and yet she
felt strangely content, and naked.  Naked! Her eyes popped open. Oh
yeah she thought and a warm, sated smile appeared on her face. 

She sat up and saw that Mulder had left one of his tee shirts folded
at the bottom of the bed. She smiled broadly and put it on. She looked
at herself in the mirror, a bit late to be shy now. One thing to know
that intellectually quite another to act it. She padded to the kitchen
door and leaned against the jamb and watched Mulder. Dressed only in
boxers he was making pancakes, it was an attractive sight.  Semi naked
Mulder and pancakes, now where was the syrup. 

She said nothing, not wanting to startle him while he had a hot pan in
his hand, given his current state of undress. As he turned to place
the pancake on a plate, he noticed her. He finished with the pancake,
put the pan down, turned off the heat then bounced towards her. 

"Morning sunshine" he said with a smile and then kissed her. "You've
got excellent timing, breakfast is ready, juice is on the table". 

He noticed her deadpan face; he backed off, hesitating his face
falling. 

"Scully?" 

She stared at him a bit longer but couldn't keep her face straight any
longer. She broke into a huge smile and said "Actually, I give all the
credit for timing to you"  followed by a seductive smile. Mulder gave
a relieved sigh and smiled slightly. 

"Don't do that to me Scully" 

She gave him a questioning look. 

"It's too dj vu." 

She smiled apologetically. 

"It's ok. Just me being jittery. You can make it up to me" he
suggested. 

"Oh can I?" 

"Yep, by eating my pancakes with gusto." 

" I'd rather eat them with syrup" 

He gave his ha, ha look and pointed at a chair. She sat. As she was
eating she said,

You know who ever lives here is going to be really upset you've used
his kitchen. He had nearly a whole collection of spiders living in
that stove and as for the mould cultures in the..." 

"Ha, ha, ha, careful or I'll take my pancakes away and you'll get no
breakfast Agent Scully." 

"That punishment is a bit harsh don't you think?" she pouted "Besides
it would be a terrible waste especially when you've slaved over a hot
stove."

"Who said they'd go to waste." he said reaching for another. 

"Mulder you're a pig" 

"Oink, oink" 

They ate breakfast and Scully started to clear away the debris. 

"We can do that later" Mulder said grasping her wrist and pulling her
towards him.

"But it'll be easier before everything dries on..." she squeaked the
last couple of words as Mulder pulled her into his lap, securing her
to his chest with an arm round her waist. 

"Mulder we need." she gasped to a halt as he started nibbling her
neck.

"Mulder. we. mmm. we need. ahh. need to." his hand was stroking her
thigh which was mostly exposed due to the shortness of the tee shirt.

"Work." she managed to mumble as his lips nibbled her ear lobe. She
groaned and appeared to be surrendering to his ministrations when with
a huge effort of will she put her hands on his chest and pushed away
from his mouth.  Unfortunately his hands still had full access. She
tried to squirm off his lap.

"Mulder, we need to get ready for work!" 

His arm held her fast and he was grinning inanely. 

"I'm still on vacation Scully" he said moving his hand up over her
hip, stroking her side, heading upwards. He was kissing her shoulder
heading downwards.  She managed not to moan. 

"Then I've got to get ready for work." she persisted. 

Complaints from several body parts bombarded her mind, but she
determinedly ignored the tingling sensations, her brain was standing
on a point of principle here.  The rest of the body was registering
disbelief and wondering how to stab the brain with the point.

 "I phoned in for you earlier, you're on vacation too." he said
smugly. 

"You what!" she snapped "You arranging my time for me again?" 

He was surprised and confused. He looked at her for a moment, then
sighed, shaking his head. 

"I'm sorry Scully, I assumed. abusing my husbandly privileges, I
should have asked." his hands dropped away from her giving her the
opportunity to move. Scully however, hung her head in embarrassment;
this was all so new, so different, so quick she just felt a little out
of control. So how does she respond? By losing more control and
snapping at Mulder. Yes he should have asked should not take things
for granted but then again weren't they allowed to anticipate the
others wants and needs, to even take liberties for some selfish
fulfilment because they knew the other cared and would want to give of
themselves, to participate. Like she'd buy two tickets to the theatre
assuming he'd want to go with her and he'd buy two tickets to the ball
game for the same reason. So there might be occasions when the other
wouldn't go but it would unlikely be for the reason that the other was
organising their time.  So long as there was balance then this was all
part and parcel of a relationship, an extension of a friendship. She
had just been independent for so long she'd forgotten how to play.
It's not that she had to give her independence up just she had to take
someone else into account. 

"I'm sorry Mulder that was uncalled for. It's just. I'm having
trouble." She stopped, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm
going to need to take this slowly Mulder. It's not you, I've just been
alone so long and." 

"I know Scully, I understand." He turned her head so she had to look
at him. "I do know you a little bit you know? Not as much as I'd like
but in this instance you probably have a set order of progression, a
list of actions with a timetable to make sure everything's going
according to plan." She raised her eyebrow at him. 

"First go shopping together, do laundry together, Mulder takes out the
trash on Mondays, Mulder goes out with the trash if he doesn't put the
toilet lid down and exceeds the third warning. Sex scheduled for
Wednesday's and Saturday's." 

"Mulder!" she said in exasperation. Hitting him slightly on the
shoulder. "I 'm not that bad." 

"But this hasn't gone in nice logical steps has it Scully? So you are
feeling a bit out of your depth and my impulsive behaviour doesn't
allow you to put your feet down, to feel in some sort of control." 

She nodded, her head lowered, biting her bottom lip. She wasn't sure
if she should be relieved that Mulder understood or upset that she was
so predictable. 

"But look at it this way Scully, You're a good swimmer, you should
just relax, let yourself bob along in the water while you get your
breath and bearings. There's no reason to fight it. The sea was deeper
than you expected when you jumped in so you got a mouthful of water.
When you get your breath back you'll be able to see the shore and get
back to it when you're ready. And I'll try not to splash water in your
face while you get your breath back. Of course you could always put
your hands on my shoulders and let me support you for a while but that
way you run the risk of me carrying you off to the reef that is in the
opposite direction to the shore of course. But it's very beautiful
there worth a spontaneous trip or even a planned one." 

She looked at him, indecision written on her face. There was comfort
in routine, work provided all the surprises she could usually cope
with but she was so tempted to go to the reef, so tempted. There'd
probably be sharks, snakes, eels, and jagged rocks but there'd also be
a riot of colour with the corals and seaweed. Fish in rainbow hues,
sun sparkling through the water. She gasped. While she'd been lost in
thought Mulder had poured maple syrup over the top of her breasts that
were conveniently exposed by the tee shirt. 

"Mulder!" she exclaimed but rapidly changed that to a moan as he bent
his head to start licking it off. His tongue tracing the path of the
syrup as in ran down and round. 

"Just a sample of what's out there Scully, just in case in helps with
your decision." he mumbled into her breast. Despite the fact that
Scully's thought processes were in a whirl, she knew she had a choice
here. Let Mulder have control mmm.  that was good. Where was she? Oh
right let Mulder have control here or stop... oh yes... what was the
choice again. and she allowed herself to float in the water and let
Mulder pick the direction. He could take the trash out... oh yeah...
and if they mmm. had sex Wednesday and Saturday they better make love
Tuesday and Friday. oh god right there... and Sunday was pretty free,
time for a bath on Sunday's, long leisurely soaks together ahhh. and
maybe Thursday. Monday's, she supposed she'd have to give him one
night off a week he was nearly forty after all.. So why was she
hesitating again? Mulder knew where they were going and she had the
strength of his beliefs after all! 


The End