From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Mon, 5 Jun 2000 10:21:29 -0500 Subject: Panic Part 1 of 3 by Mulderslady Source: direct Reply To: damacia@home.com Panic! by Mulderslady Part 1 of 3 DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Mais Cooper, Davis, Philip, and Dr. James Peck do. RATING: Hard R to Nc-17 CLASSIFICATION: S, A, Mental and Physical MT, MSR, MS Married KEYWORDS: MSR, Mulder and Scully angst, Physical and Mental MT, MS Married SPOILERS: Biogenesis URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/panic.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: How far would Mulder go to protect Scully? Could he live with the consequences of his actions? Note from Author:: There are a few disturbing scenes of torture and rape. If this disturbs you, don't look any further. :0) **************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% And in me he starts to confide That my family don't seem so familiar And my enemies all know my name And if you hear me tap on your window Better get on your knees and pray Panic is on the way Gas Panic! By Oasis ***************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder's head throbbed, a dull pain that seeped from the back of his head all the way to his eyes. He winced and opened his eyes slowly looking around. The room was bright, a desk was situated in the middle, but nothing that made the place stick out in Mulder's mind. Where am I? How'd I get here? Where's Scully? "Scully!" He screamed, causing more pain to radiate through his head. How'd we get here, think, he thought as he tried hard to break through the haze. He got out of the car and went to the trunk when something clobbered him over the head. "Mulder! Mulder in here!" Mulder turned to her voice, seeing her locked in a glass chamber just a few yards away. "Scully! Hold on honey, I'll get you out." Mulder said starting towards her only to be jerked back to his place. "What the . . ." Mulder looked at the light handcuffs on his wrists, chaining him to the wall. "Mr. Mulder hello, nice to see you're awake at last." A man said, coming across the room in a white lab coat. "Who are you? What do you want?" Mulder looked back where Scully was to find her missing "Where's Scully?" "I'm you doctor. Don't worry about her my little Fox, you belong to me now." the doctor said with a devilish leer. "Let me go! What are you doing to her?! Let me go!" Mulder felt a course of pain race through his body and heard her scream. "Scully! What are you doing to her? What do you want?" "You'll find out soon enough Foxy boy." The doctor said quickly injecting him in the neck and stepping away before Mulder could grab him. Mulder thrashed against his chains viciously, trying to get loose, then his world went black. 1 week later A swift kick to the ribs woke Mulder up quickly. He coughed and stood up looking around. He was in the bright room with the desk again, instead of his dark cell. He could clearly hear Scully's screams and his heart wrenched as he turned to face the doctor. "Hello Fox. How are you today?" Mulder spit on him, giving him an angry glare. "My, my, not very nice way to greet your host." "What do you want from us? Why are you hurting her? Who are you working for?" The doctor stayed silent. "Answer me now! What are you doing to Scully?! What are you doing to my wife?!" "Just applying a mild shock every time she gets out of line. She's just as disrespectful as you are." "Where is she? Why won't you let me see her?" Mulder felt another course of pain run through him and heard her screams of pain. Mulder fell to his knees in pain. "My, did that hurt Fox? Isn't that interesting, you have a clairvoyant link with your wife. When did that start?" "Let me go." Mulder growled at him as he stood "Was it after that little stint where you were in the psyche ward, after the artifact?" "I said let me go." "No, I like playing with you all chained up like this." "Then let her go." "Why? She has the same capabilities as you, greater ones in fact. She's a powerful clairvoyant, something we didn't expect. She'll be more useful to us, why should I let her go?" "Please don't hurt her anymore." The doctor smiled again and said into his walkie-talkie "Increase the shock by 20%" "NO! Please NO! Stop!" Mulder screamed as he felt another bolt of pain course through him. He crumpled to his knees and pleaded, "Scully! No please, I'll do anything, please stop, please don't hurt her anymore." "Anything?" "Yes! Anything!" Mulder begged as he rose shakily. "Stop the tests, leave her there." the doctor said into the walkie-talkie. He walked over to Mulder and let his fingers run up and down his exposed torso. Mulder shivered from fear, and looked at the doctor with frightened eyes. "If I unchain you, will you promise to play nice and not try to run away? You do and she's dead understand?" Mulder nodded quickly as the doctor unlocked him. Mulder rubbed his wrists and looked at the doctor strangely when he came back up to him and unzipped his pants. "Anything?" Mulder nodded, gulping from fear. "You do love her, don't you?" "Yes sir." The doctor chuckled at the change in Mulder's demeanor. "So polite, take off your pants." "Sir?" "Take off your pants." Mulder quickly removed his pants. "Good, but I think you forgot something." The doctor said, snapping the waistband of Mulder's boxers. "No." "NO? I thought you said anything. This is anything. This is what can save your precious Dana's life. Go lean across the desk." Mulder hesitated and walked over to the desk slowly and leaned across it. "You forgot something Foxy." The doctor said, peeling Mulder's boxers off him. Mulder trembled as the fabric slid down to his ankles. He felt a cold lubed finger enter his rectum and jerked away quickly. "What's wrong my pretty Fox, your first time?" "Please don't do this, please. I'll do anything you want please, just please don't do this." "OH but Fox, this is what I want and you said I could have anything. Sit still!" Mulder jerked and tried to get away when he felt multiple strong arms and hands hold him down. "We got him Doc, take your time." one guard said leering at Mulder "Yeah, come on Foxy boy don't be a wuss, take it like a man." Another said as the doctor dropped his pants and undid his boxers. "Please no, Please." Mulder pleaded quietly. "Shut up, I said shut up." the doctor said, slamming Mulder's head against the desk hard. Blood replacing the tears staining Mulder's face as he felt a second, then a third lubed finger inserted into his body. "Please no" he pleaded as he felt the fingers removed and something else placed at his entrance. "Just think Fox, at least she's safe now. That's what you wanted right? For her to be safe? Don't worry, I won't take long, I've had a hard on for you all day." Mulder heard the guards that were holding him laugh as they applied more pressure to hold him in place. "Scully, Scully I love you." Mulder whispered before screaming out in agony as the doctor plunged into him. "Good God you feel good! So nice and tight, just something about breaking a back door virgin. Don't worry Foxy boy, I'll break that cherry right." "Not too right I want a turn when you're done." Mulder's eyes widened when he heard that and he tried futilely to get away. The doctor slammed Mulder's head against the desk again, the pop of cartilage adding to Mulder's screams. Mulder felt a wave of pain and pleasure as the man's cock brushed his prostate and he unconsciously let out a groan. "There now you got it. You liked that didn't you? Let me do it again then." The doctor's cock kept brushing against Mulder's prostate, forcing a steady stream of moans and whimpers of pleasure from him, and causing his limp cock to harden. "Well, well, well what's this?" the doctor said, wrapping his hand around Mulder's bulging erection, "I think your beginning to enjoy this, eager little cunt." The doctor started to pump Mulder's cock in time with his thrusts as his climax neared. Mulder was dripping unmercifully as he felt the doctor come inside him. "Oh you are one hot piece of ass! What's this? Wasn't good enough for you?" Mulder nodded no, his breathing heavy as he used all his will power not to come. He would not suffer that indignity; he refused. "Are you fighting me? Huh? Are you?" the doctor said slamming Mulder's head against the desk again and stepping away, letting the guards punch him repeatedly in the ribs and back. Mulder crumpled to the ground. "Come you little cock sucker, come!" "No!" Mulder screamed as a guard kicked him hard in the face. "Come now or I'll kill her!" "NO!" The doctor reached for his walkie-talkie "Increase the voltage 70 % and let her have it." "NO! Scully! No! Please no!" Mulder begged as he got another boot to the face "Then come!" "Ok, ok I'll do it." "I'm waiting, so's your precious Scully. Come you little slut." Mulder wrapped his hand around his cock and stroked himself till he splashed warm cum everywhere. "That's better. Hold the shock." the doctor said into the walkie-talkie. He walked over to Mulder, who was sobbing and trembling on the floor covered in blood and cum. "You saved her from today's tests." "Today's?" Mulder said looking at the doctor incredulously, "I thought you were going to let her go?" "I never promised that my beautiful Fox. I promised to stop hurting her, and I will. You have to promise to have that eager little ass waiting for me whenever I want it." "No!" "Well then tomorrow she'll get that 70% shock." "No please don't ok, I'll do anything you want just don't . . ." "That's more like it. It's not like you didn't enjoy it, eager little slut. Get dressed." Mulder tried to put his boxers and pants on, but fell back in pain. The doctor kicked him hard in the back. "Dress!" Mulder mustered up the will power and pulled on his boxers and pants. "Take him back to his cell and clean him up . . . when you're done with him." Mulder looked at the leering guards in terror as they came towards him. The doctor laughed at his high pitched screams and shut the door. Mulder sat trembling in the corner of his cell. His cell door opened and he cowered. Oh god please not now, not again, he thought as a guard stepped in. "Foxy boy? Look what the doctor said you could have. A pretty present." Scully walked in his cell and gasped when she saw him. His nose was taped up along with a few fingers, bruises covered his body as he shivered in spasms of terror. She ran to him, holding him tightly. "Oh Scully!" He said, with a reverence Scully had never heard before, "Oh god honey are you ok?" "Yeah, they haven't shocked me anymore." "Good, good." "What did they do to you Mulder? What happened?!" Mulder nodded his head no and kissed her hard. She pulled away slightly. "Mulder?" "No don't please, for me please? I need you." He said kissing her again. "Here?" She said tearing from his lips. "Yes here." He said holding her to him and standing up. He pinned her against the wall and quickly unbuttoned his pants. Scully squirmed to get loose as his hands pushed up her skirt and pulled down her underwear. "Mulder stop, what are you doing?" "I'm sorry." He said softly as he closed his eyes and entered her quickly with a grunt, thrusting into her hard and fast. "Mulder?" Scully said cupping his face in her hands, making him look in her eyes. "This is all I get please, let me have it. He's not going to let you stay all night. That's why the guards still here. I need something to give me hope, I love you Scully." "That's right you two, the doc says 1 hour a night, just for sex, no talking, no touching, no kissing after sex is initiated, not even so much as a grunt or whimper, got it?" The guard said patting his black jack against his hand as warning. They nodded and Scully hugged him tightly as he continued to thrust into her. 1 hour and 15 minutes later. "Hey, Hey come on, I don't have all night for you two to Fuck, one hour." Mulder grunted loudly as he slowed his thrusts again, kissing Scully tenderly "Hey, Hey lips off her, keep it quiet." "I love you, I love you Scully." Mulder whispered as he came quickly. "Ok that's it! You little cocksucker, I said Quiet!" The guard said grabbing Mulder by the hair and bringing his black jack across his face. The guard grabbed Scully and wrenched her from Mulder's grasp. "No! Scully!" Mulder said standing shakily, only to be knocked back to his knees by a crushing blow to the ribs, as two more guards came in to subdue him. "Mulder!" Scully screamed as she saw one of the guards raise a blackjack high over his head and bring it crashing down, just as his cell door closed. She heard him screaming her name as the guard carried her down the hall. "Gee you must be one sweet cunt to have him begging for you like that. Taking the beating of his life for it too." "I'm all he has left. He hasn't been separated from me since we got married. Now Put me DOWN!" "Ok, ok." the guard said setting her on her feet and guiding her back to her cell. "Scully, please bring her back." He whispered as one of the guards kicked him again. "Your times up Foxy, you'll get to see her tomorrow night. And if you follow the rules, no talking, no kissing, no touching, no noise at all, you won't be punished like this again." A guard said as he kicked Mulder in the face, sending him into blessed darkness. Next day "Fox? Fox? Wake up pretty Fox." The doctor said touching Mulder's battered face. Mulder jerked awake and shrank from his touch. "I hear you had a little present last night. Heard you enjoyed it so much you didn't want to stop." "Let her go." He said, his voice rough from screaming. "No." "Then kill me. I'm what you want, right?" "No." "What do you want?" "To break you." "Why?" "My orders, my bosses think you two are too formidable together. They want it so you'll never work again, never investigate things you have no right investigating." "Then kill me now." "You would be of no use to them dead, plus a broken man is more fun to play with." "Let me see her more." "No, one hour a night. One supervised hour a night." "Unsupervised." "No, I think it's time you saved your love for today, across the desk." Mulder hesitated. "Do you need assistance, I'm sure some of the guards would love to . . ." Mulder bolted up, undid his pants and boxers, and leaned across the desk quickly. "That's better." The doctor placed a lubed finger in Mulder's rectum, and Mulder winced making sure not to move a muscle. The doctor smiled and entered him quickly and sighed "You're definitely getting better about this. Was it cause I let you screw your little Dana last night? Did it make you feel like a man again? Did you tell her about us? Or maybe you like it? You like it, don't you Foxy?" Mulder stayed silent as the doctor sped up his thrusts. The doctor came quickly and pulled out, waiting. "I'm waiting Fox, where is my thank you?" Mulder came quickly "That's better. Next time I want you just like that, nice and quiet." "Yes sir." Mulder said dressing quickly. "Guards take him to his chambers . . . when you're done with him." Mulder's eyes widened in fear as the guards charged him. Mulder futilely fought the inevitable, screaming in terror as the doctor closed the door. That night "Mulder, what happened, what they do to you?" Scully said when she was let in and saw more wounds and bruises on Mulder. Mulder nodded no and captured her lips hungrily. "You're blocking me why? Why are you blocking your thoughts?" "Shh, we don't have much time please, no." He said stretching himself over top of her. The guard supervising them sighed and leaned against the wall, looking at the ceiling. "I'm not watching, I'll give you two that much Privacy." he said looking at his watch. 1 hour later "Times up!" The guard said, reaching for his blackjack just in case Mulder got wild. They parted quickly and redressed. Mulder sat in his corner and watched Scully with teary eyes, chewing his bottom lip slightly. The guard looked around and sighed heavily. "You can kiss him one more time, but make it quick." Mulder moved quickly and devoured her mouth with his. His tongue invaded her mouth, tasting her. "Ok, ok that's enough of that, come on Dana." Scully broke from his embrace and waved at him sadly as she left. Mulder broke into tears, burying his face in his hands. "Dana I . . . oh I miss you." He said softly. The guard looked back at him sympathetically and shut the door to his cell. 3 weeks later "He's been crying all night." The guard informed the doctor as he opened the door to Mulder's cell for him. "Has he now?" "They haven't really been separated like this for years. It's killing him, he's not eating, drinking . . ." "I will determine when we stop, a few more days and he'll be so broken, he'll be begging me to kill him. Now make sure she's ready for him later, bathe her, and make her look nice. It will be their last night together." "Last night?" The guard didn't like the sound of that. "Just do as your told." That night The guard watched Mulder trembling in the corner of his cell and shudder. He must be going nuts he thought as Scully as she came to the door, dressed in a silk gown, hair curled; she looked enchanting. "How is he Philip?" "Bad." "What do they do to him?" "I . . . I can't tell you. I'm sorry, he's waiting for you." She nodded and walked in with Philip. Mulder hugged her tightly. "OH god you look so beautiful Scully." He said, rubbing his need against her gently. "Hey, hey not so fast, take your time. The rules are relaxed tonight, she gets to stay all night. You must have been really good today." Philip said, sitting on the floor, getting comfortable. Next morning Scully snuggled into Mulder's chest more as he held her tighter. Something was happening, something horrifying, his defenses are down, maybe I can find out what they're doing to him, she thought as she started to enter his mind. He's lost weight, he looks haunted and scared. Mulder woke up quickly and blocked her. "Mulder, what don't you want me to see?" "NO you don't need to know. Just know that your safe, and they won't hurt you anymore." "Why, what did you do?" "Shh, please no." He said touching her face tenderly, letting his fingertips slide down her face. "I save you everyday, you save me every night." She nodded and hugged him tighter. The doctor came in and woke up Philip. "Have you lost track of the time?" "Huh?" Philip said, waking with a start and looking at his watch. "Sorry doc, alright you two break it up, say good bye." Mulder kissed her sweetly on the lips, letting his fingers trace across her stomach lightly. The doctor smiled as she left. "She looked nice last night, didn't she Fox?" "Yes she did." Mulder said sitting up and sighing heavily. "Did you enjoy having her all night?" "Yes sir I did." "Good, it won't happen again. We're running some tests on her and letting her go. She's served her purpose. I'll be back later." 3 hours later "Well, Well look at that?" Philip said as the doctor showed him the test results. "What are you going to do about that, you can't let her go now." "No she's a liability. She's not leaving, not alive anyway." "But she's . . . what about . . . He won't . . ." "His clairvoyance was planned, hers wasn't. She would be too powerful on her own. Plus, just imagine the effect it will have on him to find out she's dead. She doesn't leave here alive Philip, see to it." The doctor walked into Mulder's cell and closed the door. "What's that?" Mulder asked, noticing the envelope in his hand. "Test results." "For Scully?" "Yes, for Scully. You should be very proud of your wife Fox." "What do you mean?" "Well look for yourself. See that activity in her frontal lobes and right here in her god module?" "Clairvoyant activity." "Right and teamed with you, her clairvoyance is doubled." Mulder's head snapped up and he smiled proudly. The guard smiled through the window, frowning when he remembered his orders. I can't do this to him, I can't take her from him, take his world away, Philip thought as he headed off to Scully's cell. "Your letting her go home then?" The doctor nodded "Good." "Why's that good?" "She'll be safe, she'll be safe", Mulder said quietly, "Does she know? Does she know the extent of her clairvoyance?" "No she doesn't." "Well tell her." "No." "Well why not?" "She won't need to know that where she's going." "What do you mean? Where is she going? She's going home, your letting her go!" "No you said that. I never said she was going home." "Where is she going? Where are you taking my wife?!" "No where, no where." "Stop double talking me! Tell me! Tell me now!" Mulder said rising to full height "She'll be dead before the hours up, your precious Dana Scully-Mulder." "No!" Mulder shrieked, trying to rush the doctor, the chains stopping him inches from his goal. "No! You promised me!" "What are you going to do about it?? What are you going to do? Chained to the wall like the prize animal you are." "Let me go!" "So what you can kill me? So you can save her? No way. When your precious Dana is gone, we'll pair you with someone else. You'll be useful in that way. You'll be our prize stallion." "NO! Scully! NO! Where is she??! Please don't kill her please!" Mulder begged "She should be getting ready for her death." Mulder thrashed against the chains desperately. "See, wasn't I right Philip? The way to break a man is to take his family, those he loves more than anything away from him." He said turning to Philip as he came in the cell solemnly. "Is she dead?" the doctor asked. "Almost. She wanted you to have this." He said handing Mulder Scully's cross necklace. It was crusted over with her blood. Mulder froze, tears coming out of his eyes as he took the necklace and collapsed in a ball with an animal-like shriek of pain. "Oh god please stop. Anything, I'll do anything." "What Fox?" "Anything, I'll do anything, please stop, please don't kill her, don't kill her please I can't . . .I can't live with out her please." "Fox, Fox my pretty Fox, no this has to be. She won't suffer long and you'll forget her soon. You'll have someone else soon, someone else to love just as much as her." Mulder glared at him and charged him again, straining against the chains, the concrete holding them started to crack. "How pathetic, look at him. You going to tear them out of the wall? Hmm Foxy boy?" "Doc? Come on." Phillip said, the fear evident in his voice. "No I'll stay with him, finish her. I'll get another guard to help me move him." "Reggie, are you sure they're here? It looks like a warehouse." Agent Davis said cocking his gun "Yes, right here. Ready, break down the door." The door opened just before they started towards it. Phillip emerged, a bucking screaming sack on his shoulders. "Put me down now! Or I swear I'll . . ." "That's Scully, stop right there FBI." Reggie said training his gun on Phillip. "OH Good you're here, I didn't think you'd take that call seriously. Take her, follow me. He's going to kill him." "Who?" "The doc Hurry." Reggie and the rest of his team followed him quickly to Mulder's cell "In there." Phillip said stepping back. Reggie kicked in the door and looked in the empty room. "There's nobody here." "Shoot he's gone. I don't know where." Phillip said in a huff. "Well we got Scully. Keep looking for Mulder." Reggie said calling forensics into Mulder's cell. After a few minutes, one of the forensic agents said softly, "I hope you find him soon." "What do you mean?" "Excuse my frankness Reggie, but I think he's being raped. Two puddles of dried semen. Two different placements like one was . . . behind." Reggie cringed at the thought. "ok, ok they can't be that far, canvas the area." 3 weeks later Scully walked in BSU/ISU and headed to Reggie's desk. "Anything?" Reggie snapped out of his revelry to stare into the fiery blue eyes of Dana Scully. "No nothing, no trace of them. I don't know what to do, what road to travel. To tell you the truth, I feel helpless. These kinds of tough cases I depend on Mulder to solve them." Scully smiled sadly, then sighed heavily "Can I tell you something?" "Sure." "Follow me." Scully took him out of earshot of the other agents "Mulder and myself are connected." "Yeah, your married." "No, we have a psychic link." "What?" Reggie said not shocked by the news, but by the person he was hearing it from. "I know, but it's true. It's gotten clearer recently. He's finally leaving his mind open, not blocking me." "So what are you telling me?" "I know where he is." Undisclosed Area "He refuses to eat, sleep, talk, or move." "Yeah he hardly looks at the women we send in for him. We can't even force him to sleep with them." "He'd rather take a beating than do it." The guards reported to the doctor. "Who would have thought losing her would break him that thoroughly. We should have thought of this sooner. Let's see what I can do." The doctor said walking into Mulder cell. "Foxy," Mulder locked eyes with the doctor, throwing him a vicious look. "Ouch if looks could kill. Something wrong? Why aren't you enjoying yourself? Three or four beautiful women a night?" Mulder buried his face in his hands and burst into tears. "You miss her, don't you? Your precious Dana. Let's see what would she be doing at this exact moment if she was still alive. She would be what, just getting out of the shower, her hair towel dried, and her body damp. It's Saturday so you would let your emotions get the best of you, seduce her, make love to her all morning then sit and cuddle with her the rest of the day." Mulder looked up at him stricken, tears bathing his blood stained face. "Scully." He whispered "She's gone." "Kill me too." "No." "I want to die. I can't live without her please kill me." "Aw how sweet. But no, now you be a good boy and do what your told . . ." "No I'm not . . . I won't sleep with anyone other than Scully. No one but my wife." "Faithful even in death. We'll see about that." The doctor said, walking over to him, kicking him in the chest and face. He picked his head up by his hair, shaking him hard and slamming him on the ground. "FBI Freeze." Reggie said as they arrested the guards outside Mulder's cell. "Mulder, Fox Mulder, where is he?" "In there!" Reggie looked through the window in the door, looking away in disgust when he saw Mulder being raped. He looked again and saw the man pulling out of Mulder as Mulder crumpled to the ground. His emaciated, broken form contrasting with the gray floor; "Exhausted, bruised, no power to rise on his own, barely able to breathe. "Get up." The doctor said as he redid his pants. Mulder didn't move the doctor pulled up Mulder's pants and repeated "Get up Now!" placing a swift kick to Mulder's chest for emphasis. Mulder rose to his feet slowly and the doctor smiled triumphant. "Mission accomplished, thoroughly broken." "Now I'm going to break you." Mulder said lunging at him, grasping the doctor by the throat tightly. "Let's go, let's go" Reggie said bursting through the door. "Mulder, Mulder we got him, get off him Mulder!" Reggie said trying to pull Mulder away. Mulder pushed him back gruffly, slamming the doctor's head against the floor. "How's that feel? Huh?" he growled and he squeezed his throat tighter. Reggie and the rest of his team dog piled Mulder, wrenching him away. "Let me go! I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill him!" Mulder screamed, breaking down into hysterical sobs "It's okay Mulder, we're getting you out of here." Panic! by Mulderslady Part 2 of 3 **************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% And in me he starts to confide That my family don't seem so familiar And my enemies all know my name And if you hear me tap on your window Better get on your knees and pray Panic is on the way Gas Panic! By Oasis ***************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Hospital "Where is he? How is he? Reggie?" Scully said running down the hallway. "Dana . . . he's . . . he was . . . raped, repeatedly. He's suffering blood loss from anal tears and numerous beatings. He didn't drink or eat anything for almost a week. He . . . Dana . . . " Scully dried her eyes, reeling at the news "I need to see him." "Not yet, please, he wouldn't want you to see him like this." "I just need to see him, make sure he's safe, even if it's through a window." Reggie nodded and led her to his room. Mulder laid on his bed looking blankly out the window. His face was purple and swollen, chunks of his hair missing, his arms in casts up to his elbows, an oxygen tube in his nose. He didn't move, hardly blinked. "Oh Mulder." Scully whispered, touching the glass as if she were touching him. The nurse tried to engage him in conversation, he just watched her with frightened eyes, following her movements. "Mr. Mulder? You want the window open, give you some fresh air?" No response. She opened the window and left sighing heavily "Completely unresponsive. I don't know what to do, he's just laying there, waiting. I've never seen someone just give up before." Mulder sat up suddenly "Nurse he's sitting up." Scully said concerned. "What?!!" his nurse said, watching as Mulder moved to the edge of the bed and stand up. "What's he doing? Where's he going?" he looked at the window and smiled, sighing heavily. "Oh my god he's going to throw himself out of the window." Scully said as Mulder started to run towards the open window. "Mulder No!" Scully screamed mentally as Reggie and the nurse ran into stop him. Mulder froze mid-run "Scully?" he whispered as Reggie grabbed hold of him. "Mulder? What do you . . ." "Get the Fuck off me!" Mulder said pulling from Reggie, balling up in a corner, covering his head. "Mr. Mulder? Hi I'm Karen your nurse, do you need help back into your bed?" "I need Scully." He said quietly almost inaudibly "I'm sorry?" "I need my Scully." He said bursting into tears. "Leave him there, he'll be OK. I'll help him back into bed." Reggie said to Karen as she walked out, locking eyes with Scully "Are you his Scully?" She asked with a smile. "Yes." "He wants to see you." "Thank you, I will he wouldn't want me to see him like that, once he's calm." Karen nodded regarding his Scully carefully. She was alluring, fiery hair, pale skin, piercing eyes, she seemed to be glowing despite the situation. "How long have you two been married?" Scully turned and looked at her strangely "6 and a half years, why?" "You just don't seem like it." "Really?" "You seem like newly weds, sorry." "No, no that's ok we get it a lot. I'm desperately in love with him and he's just wild about me." Scully said in a sing-songy way. Karen laughed. "Looks like you could use some coffee, come on." Reggie watched Mulder trembling in the corner. He probably did this after they finished with him, coping technique. "Mulder? Mulder?" Mulder looked up and smiled at Reggie. "Hi." "Hey man missed you." "You just missed my solve rate." "That too. Need help back into bed?" "No, can you move so I can . . ." "Can what?" "I need to die." "Why?" "She's gone. She's gone and I can't . . . please move." "No I don't understand." "Scully." "She's . . ." "Dead. He told me he'd killed her." "Really?" Mulder nodded "He found out about the link and he killed her then told me everything. The guard, the guard who killed her, he gave me her necklace. It was covered in blood, her blood. Please, I can't . . . I can't live without her, I can't live without my family Reggie." Reggie smiled sadly at him. No wonder he was like this, he thought she was dead. No wonder he wouldn't let us take that necklace off him, it's all he thought he had left of her. "Mulder?" "Yeah?" "She's not dead." "Excuse me?" "She's not dead. She's alive, healthy. She had a few burns, but they've healed, she's been worried out of her head about you. She was actually the one who led us to you." "Scully ? Alive?" "Yes." "Alive, my Scully?" "Yes, your Scully" Reggie said amused "Where is she? I want to see her. Please Reggie, bring her to me. Where is she?" "Ok, ok get off the floor and into bed, and I'll get her." Reggie motioned for Karen to come to him. "Can you get Dr. Scully in here, please he wants to see her now." "Ok." Reggie sat next to Mulder and sighed "He told you how he killed her?" Mulder nodded "Man that had to have been rough." Reggie flinched at his own statement. Rough that was a stupid question that was torture in its self, especially the way Mulder loves that woman. He turned and smiled as Scully came in the room "Mulder." She said with a reverence that Reggie had never heard before. Mulder reached his arms out for her and she came to him quickly. "OH Mulder I was so scared." Mulder gripped her face in his hands and looked at her, trying to convince himself she was really there. "Scully." He whispered, hugging her again. "I'll leave you two alone." Reggie said patting Mulder gently on the back. Mulder nodded, hugging Scully tighter "I love you, I love you so much Dana. I love you, I'm so glad your safe." Scully woke up with a start, feeling a warm hand touch her arm. "Hey baby." Mulder said with a smile, "I thought you were dead." Scully placed her hand over his and sighed, smiling at him. "So did I. We were missing 4 weeks, then it was 3 more weeks till we found you. I was frantic." "7 weeks of that . . .It didn't feel like it." "Time flies when you're being tortured." Mulder smiled and laid back. "Hurry up and get well we have lots of planning to do." "Like what?" "Well, that trip to Hawaii comes to mind." 6 weeks later Mulder walked into their house and smiled "Its good to be home." "Good to have you home." Scully said, kissing him gently on the lips. Mulder responded immediately, deepening the kiss, rubbing against her. Scully pulled away "Mulder?" "Sorry, sorry. A little needy I guess." Scully smiled "Why don't you rest and I'll get things settled for you." Mulder nodded as he headed to the bedroom. That night Scully came to bed and hugged a sleeping Mulder tightly. "I missed you." "I missed you too." Mulder growled back "Mulder . . . Mulder?" Scully said when Mulder's lips started to explore her. "Mulder?" "We don't have much time, please." He said rubbing his already hard erection against her. "Mulder stop, your home we have all the time in the world. Mulder?" Mulder pushed down his boxers and reached for her panties. "Mulder stop!" "No please, I need you so badly Scully. Please." Mulder said rubbing his now free and dripping erection on her thigh. "I need to feel normal, level. I love you." He said as she allowed him to remove her underwear and roll her on her back. He entered her quickly with a soft sigh. Scully pulled her shirt over her head, looking at Mulder concerned as he pumped into her slowly, trying to hold back his groans of pleasure, restraining himself from touching her. She took one of his hands in hers and ran it up her side slowly. His eyes popped open, and he looked confused and scared. "Scully? What about . . ." "Your home, your safe, you have plenty of time to make love to me the way you want, my precious Fox." Mulder smiled, slowing his thrusts more and tasting her creamy skin. Next morning Scully unraveled herself from Mulder and smiled. It was great to have him back, but now the big problem starts. He's going to need some intense therapy to deal with the rapes, torture, and separation issues. Last night was a prime example; he kept reverting back to the torture, not touching her, no noise, and no talking, quick sex, time limits. He was still being imprisoned in his mind. He needed to be set free. Hopefully he can do it soon for his sake, for our sake, for his jobs sake. Scully petted his hair lightly and Mulder woke up with a start "No not again." He begged, fear in his eyes. "Mulder it's me Scully, your home, your safe." Mulder smiled at Scully "Hey there pretty boy, how you feel?" "Better, I'd feel real good if you'd make love to me all morning." "Well I do have the day off." Scully teased. Mulder moved to kiss her when the doorbell sounded. He sighed heavily and laid back on the bed. "I got it Mulder, rest." Mulder nodded, watching her leave. Scully answered the door, smiling at the tall brunette with piercing green eyes that looked back at her. "Hi," "Hello Dr. Scully?" "Yes." "Mais Cooper, Mulder's . . ." "Therapist, hi didn't know you made house calls." "Well the first few sessions I like to have in a safe environment for them. From what I've read on his case, he's going to need some intense psychotherapy." "Come on in, he's not up yet." Mais smiled and looked around the house. Nicely decorated, nothing fancy but definitely not cheap. She looked at the pictures on the wall, smiling at a wedding picture of the two of them. He's a handsome guy, Mais thought as she sat on the couch. "Now?" "Mulder, don't start." "I don't need a therapist Scully, I can do this on my own." "I know you can, but I don't want you to. Please, for me?" Mulder sighed heavily "Anything for you baby." He said softly. Whipped, Mais thought giggling to herself. 20 minutes later Mulder emerged, barefoot, slightly baggy khaki pants on, dark blue shirt, his short hair still wet from his shower. "Hi." He said softly "Hello Agent Mulder, how are you?" "Fine how are you Mais?" "Yes Mais I'm fine. Sit down get comfortable." "I prefer to stand." Mais noticed his closed off body language and said "Mulder, I'm not going to hurt you." Mulder stepped away from her. "How do I know that? They always promised they'd never hurt me, how do I know you won't?" "Your home and your safe here. Plus you got to out weigh me by a good hundred or so pounds, I hope." Mulder stepped away further, hitting against some thing soft and warm. "Mulder? What are you doing over here?" Scully asked confused. Mulder jumped, trembling slightly "Scully?' he whispered. "Hey come on in the living room." "NO." "Why not?" "I . .. I'm scared." "We'll go together ok?" Scully said clasping his hand firmly and heading towards the living room. "Why are you scared of me?" Mais asked as Scully sat to the couch, Mulder at her feet. Mulder balled himself up and started to tremble more. "He's shutting down." Mais said quickly, "Mulder, where do you feel safe, go where you feel safe." Mulder got up and went back to their bedroom. Mais followed, he seemed calmer. "Mulder? Can we talk now?" Mulder nodded as he sat in the middle of his bed. "Why do you feel safe here?" Mulder shrugged. "Ok I understand how you where kidnapped, and what happened during. Why do you think they raped you?" "I know why they raped me." "Really?" "Yes, so Scully wasn't hurt. I didn't want her hurt anymore." "I don' t . . ." "They were shocking her, I could feel the pain she was in. I would have done anything to stop her pain." "What did you do?" "Anything." Mais shuddered, this is worse than I thought. "You . . allowed yourself to be raped to . .. " "Protect Scully, to keep my wife safe." Scully gasped, running to him and hugging him tightly. "Oh god Mulder I'm so sorry. I never would have. . ." "That's why I didn't tell you when you asked, that's why I blocked you. You would have tried to stop me." He said, rubbing Scully's back reassuringly "But after she was gone you were raped, why?" "To break me he said. I was already broken though when he told me he had killed Scully." Scully pulled away from him and ruffled his hair gently "I need some coffee, you want some darling?" Mulder nodded no, his eyes widening with fright when Scully disappeared from his sight. "Scully?" "What? I'm just in the kitchen." Mulder got up and watched her go to the kitchen. Mais noticed the behavior and asked. "How long were you separated?" "I only got to see her an hour a night. My reward for being quiet and still while I was raped. But I was only allowed to have sex with her. I couldn't just talk with her, or hold her. I had to have sex with her, I couldn't touch her, talk to her, kiss her, during sex. It was always supervised." Mulder said in a detached manner, his voice denoting his fear. Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into, Mais thought as she watched Mulder, his face lighting up when Scully came back. She's the key to his recovery, but he's got to open up to me, I have to make him trust me. "Hey I was worried." Mulder said kissing Scully on the cheek. "I was just in the kitchen." "I don't like you being out of my sight." "I think I better get going. Mulder, what's a good time for me to come by for our sessions?" Mais said rising quickly "The afternoons." "Ok have a good day." "Yeah you too." Mulder said his eyes never leaving Scully's. "Come here you." Mais heard him growl as he closed the bedroom door. "Mulder stop this coffee's hot. Mulderrr! God your insatiable." Mais heard Scully squeal "I know." He said followed by the squeal of bedsprings. Mais peeked back into their bedroom. His shirt flew against the door as he claimed Scully's mouth hungrily. He undid his pants and rubbed against her urgently. "Mulder? Slow down, we got plenty of time." "I'm sorry." "That's okay. I love you." She said teasing his skin with her fingertips. "This has nothing to do with what I went through, but this foreplay has to be cut short or I'll burst!" he said shuddering under her touch. Scully smiled, grabbing his ears and pulling his full lips to hers. He pulled back the covers on the bed and kicked off his boxers. He grinded his now free erection into her leg as his hands tore her clothes from her. "Wait, wait." He said pulling away from her and taking something out of the nightstand. "Mulder you . . ." "I just want to be safe that's all." He said as he put the condom on quickly and climbed under the covers with her. He pulled them over their heads and grunted loudly as he entered her. He started to thrust into her slowly and sighed heavily. "What? It's okay you can talk Mulder, why did you sigh like that?" "This is where I feel safe." "I know in our bedroom." "No I feel safe when I'm making love to you, when I'm inside you." Scully blushed "Well that's . . . gee you know how to make a girl feel special Mulder." Mais closed the door and walked out to her car. This is a challenge I hope I'm ready for. 3 months later "Where are they?" Reggie asked Davis as he looked at the monitors. "Right there." Davis said pointing at the screen. "Great! In the middle of the fray, where's their back up?" "Sprawled on the ground here and here." Reggie sighed, this is not what Mulder needed this soon after coming back to work. Dana says he's a nervous wreck when he gets home, he thought as he asked, "Can I get a feed in?" "Sure" Davis said plugging in headphones and handing them to Reggie. Heavy breathing came through, a whispered 'Stay calm, focus, stay calm' repeated over and over again. Oh boy Mulder! "Can I get a feed in to talk?" "Nope, this is just a one way. Mulder and Scully didn't have the sets to talk." Great! Reggie thought listening in, come on Mulder pull it together, shoot him. Mulder trembled slightly, wiping the pouring sweat from his brow. "Scully." He whispered, as he watched the man wrestling with her. "What's wrong Mulder? Scared?" the man said as he whipped out a knife and started for Scully. Mulder took several deep breaths and pulled the trigger quickly. "Scully? You okay?" he asked, the fear choking his voice. "I'm fine Mulder, good shot!" Mulder nodded, reholstering his gun, still breathing erratically. "Alright Mulder took him out, lets go clean up." Reggie said proudly as he rushed from there control room into the warehouse. Mulder stood completely still, as Reggie and the VCS crew came in. "Good work man, I was worried." Reggie said patting Mulder on the back. "I still am, Mulder are you okay?" Scully said looking at his paling features with concern. "Yeah I'm cool." Mulder said as his eyes rolled in his head and he fainted. "Whoa, whoa get a stretcher in here, jeez!" Reggie said easing Mulder to the ground. "Man he's heavy, what happened, was he shot?" "No I think he just . . fainted." Scully said checking him over quickly. Hospital "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PSYCHE WARD?! What's he doing there?! He just fainted Damn It!" Scully screamed at the doctor as the other agents with her shrank away. "The doctor's in trouble if he doesn't have a good excuse." Reggie said with a smile. "Yeah Doc Ice doesn't play when it comes to Mulder." One for the agents responded. "He was exhibiting some behaviors that . . ." "OF course he was! Have you not read his chart?! I demand he be released into my custody immediately! He has his own therapist, and he doesn't respond well to being in a closed hospital environment!" "Yes Dr. Scully, right away." The doctor said hurrying away. "Stupid fake doctor." She muttered under her breath as she turned to glare at Reggie. "Were you here when they admitted him on that floor?" "No, I'm not sure how it happened Dana honest." Scully exhaled heavily. "It's okay, I'm sorry Reg I'm just tired and the last thing I need is an even more traumatized Mulder to have to deal with tonight." She smiled slightly when she saw Mulder being led to her. He ran to her quickly, picking her up and hugging her tightly. "Scully, oh Scully get me out of here." Scully held onto him for dear life when she didn't feel her feet on the floor. "Mulder? Put me down darling." Mulder looked at her confused a second then sat her down on her feet again "Sorry, you ok?" "I'm fine, Are YOU ok?" Mulder nodded, linking his fingers with hers as they walked out of the ER. Mais pulled up in the driveway and hurried inside. He's really going to need to talk, maybe he'll be ready to, she thought as she ran into the house. "Mulder stop let me, put my . . ." she heard Scully start only to be silenced by something. "Mulder stop it right now! Mais is going to be here in a minute." "No please I . . .I don't feel safe I . .. please let me feel safe." "Mulder stop!" Scully growled frustrated. Mais rounded the corner to the bedroom in time to see Scully push Mulder off her. "Dana please." Mulder begged pitifully. Scully softened. He must really be at his wits end, he called me Dana, she thought as she said "Later, talk with Mais." Mais came in the bedroom and smiled at him. He ignored her and sat next to Scully on the bed, hugging her tightly "I save you everyday, you save me every night." He said softly "No Mulder, you're safe everyday and every night. Your safe here, I promise." Mulder nodded, leaning his head on her shoulder. "Hey Mais how are you." Scully said, trying to pull out of Mulder's embrace. "Fine, Hello Mulder." "Hi." He said quietly, still clinging desperately to Scully. "Heard you had a rough day." Mais said sitting on the floor in front of them, "Want to talk about it?" "I got scared." "Well I heard it was a harrowing . . ." "I could have gotten Scully killed, I hesitated. I almost killed her and I . . . I can't be that terrified at work. I almost fainted." "You did faint Mulder." Scully corrected. "After, I meant during. I'm no good to my partner, or to Scully right now Mais. Can you talk with my superiors and get me some more time?" "Sure Mulder, how much more time?" Well at least he's talking, she thought as he responded. "I don't know I . . . a lot." "Ok I'll see what I can do." "I think I'm having panic attacks too. It almost felt like I was going to have a heart attack when I shot that man. I was shaking like a junkie. I still am." Mulder said looking at his trembling hands. "Scully? Stop them from shaking please." Scully petted his hair, hugging him gently. "I can't protect my family like this and I can't live without my family." Mulder said softly as he laid back on the bed, covering his face with his hands. "I can't live without my family." He repeated softly. "What do you mean?" Mais asked confused. He's constantly saying that, it's usually the only thing he says to me. This is the most he's every spoken to me in three months! Once I understand it maybe I can get into his mind a little, make him trust me. Mulder remained silent. "Mulder you need to tell me everything so I can work with you, so I can help you. You have to trust me." Mais said frustrated. "Mulder it's ok, you can tell her." Scully said making him sit up, rubbing his back lightly. Mulder nodded and took a deep breath. "Scully's . . ." Mulder started, linking his fingers with hers, "Scully's the only family I have. I don't have any living relatives. I . . . Scully's my whole world, and I'm terrified I'm going to lose her." "Is that it?" "No Scully's . .. me and Scully have a link, a clairvoyant . . . connection. It's hard to explain, but it's one of the reasons we were kidnapped." "Why didn't you want to tell me that?" Mais said. Clairvoyant connection aside, now I get the family reference. He has abandonment issues, the separation from her during his torture just exacerbated it. "When the other doctor found out the . . . he said he was going to kill her. He told me he's killed her, he told me how. I didn't want you to know cause I didn't want that to happen again." No wonder he refuses to talk with me, a psychologist tortured him and now I'm in his house trying to get in his head like that one was. OH Mais cooper tread carefully, she thought as she started "Mulder . . ." "I don't trust you!" "Why not what have I done? Is it cause I'm a psychologist like the other doctor? Cause I'm in your home, am I invading your territory?" "No you . . . I just don't know you. And I'm scared. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I just want to be left alone. God I am such a loser!" "No you're not Mulder." "Yes I am. I'm terrified of everyone! I'm scared to leave the house, to drive. I can't work, Scully and I can't go out anywhere. I want to be able to take Scully out, she deserves it, but I can't cause I'm worried for our safety." Scully kissed him lightly on the temple "It's ok Mulder sit up, you and Mais need to talk alone." "No!" "Mulder you have to start facing your fears, you'll never do it if I cater to you. Now I'm out side on the porch if you need me." Mulder watched her leave, fear in his eyes. "Scully." He said softly "No Mulder." She said giving him a stern look before vanishing from view. He trembled slightly. "Now Mulder, tell me about your abduction. We'll take this for the beginning." Mais started, getting comfortable. "No." "No what?" "I want to know about you first. What's your story." Mulder said moving away from her, sitting against the pillows at the headboard of his bed. "Then will you tell me about you?" "Yes." "Then will you tell me about the abduction?" "Yes." "Ok well my full name is Maisy Daisy Cooper." Mulder giggled "You're kidding?" "NO after the then rumored Dr. Suess character Daisy head Maisy. Don't ask my parents were weird. I was given up for adoption when I was 2 cause my Dad was killed in Nam and my mom snapped. She was institutionalized for the rest of her life. The Cooper's my new family, had 4 boys and the father wanted a daughter, mom could have cared less. I was spoiled completely and I developed a natural musical talent." "Musical talent?" Mulder said moving back towards her a little. "Piano, flute, guitar, you name it I can play it. My dad was thrilled, but my mom was pissed, she wanted me to have a practical purpose. Musical prodigy was not practical. It didn't help that I had genius level intelligence either made her even more jealous. She divorced my Dad when I was 8 and she some how got custody of all the kids and forbid my dad to see me. She forced me into a college prep school and wouldn't let me practice my music. This happened till I graduated at 16. I went to Berkeley which was close by where my dad lived. I emancipated myself and stayed with my dad." "So did you ever play again?" "Yeah still do, the club circuit nothing big, maybe I can get you and Scully some tickets. I found something else I loved in psychotherapy. I love helping people and now at the ripe old age of 30, I'm an old hack. Though I must admit, you are the toughest case I've had to date." Mulder nodded, blushing slightly "Feel better now Mulder?" He smiled slightly and nodded. "You have a pretty smile, you've never smiled when I'm around." "Nothing much to smile about while you're here." Mais gave him THE LOOK, making his smile brighten. "Now you, I have to know your story." Mais said, testing the waters and sitting on the corner of the bed. He had moved to the middle of the bed and didn't seem to notice her. "Well my full name Fox William Mulder. I was named after my great grand father, on my mom's side. He was a general or something. Life was fine till I was about 12 and my sister was taken while I was baby-sitting her by aliens." Mais snort laughed "Aliens?" "Well Maisy Daisy . . ." "Ok, ok, FOX" Mulder smirked and continued " I went into a catatonic state after she was taken for about 6 months. When I came out of it, my dad had started drinking heavily and my mom was so doped up on valium that I never registered on her scale of existence. Whenever my dad got stressed, he'd drink a pint then beat the crap out of me or my mom, yell at me, blame me for everything that was wrong in his life. I buried myself in my schoolwork and sports. I started to take piano lessons too, much to my mom's delight. When I played she would break out of her daze. She came to all my recitals, my dad all my games. Things seemed almost normal, my dad stopped hitting me, my mom ignoring me and I got a scholarship to Harvard. When I got ready to leave for college they told me they were getting a divorce and I . . I said something's I shouldn't . . . my dad and I never spoke after that. My mom, we got . . . we grew back together. I studied psychology then got a scholarship to Oxford and got my AB. I was recruited right out of college for the FBI and I've worked with the ISU/BSU ever since as a behavioral profiler." HA! There's the abandonment, abuse issues I thought he had. She looked at Mulder appraisingly. How did he get hooked up with someone like Dr. Scully? They don't seem each other's types. "So how'd you and Scully hook up?" His face lit up at the mention of her name and he moved closer. "We met at an awards ceremony. She was getting an award for teaching excellency or something like that. I don't remember the award." "Bet you remember everything else." Mais teased, Mulder blushed slightly and gave her a cocky half grin. "Oh yeah! This little midnight blue number with spaghetti straps. Fit her perfectly. She had her hair longer then, past her shoulder. I was 30 when I met her, she was 27 and I was immediately in love." Flashback "Mulder? Mulder you okay?" Reggie asked as Mulder stared at the stage, drooling a little. Reggie chuckled and wiped the drool off his mouth, "It's not that boring, is it?" Mulder started, blushing slightly "Huh? Oh sorry Reggie, I didn't drool on you did I? I just died and went to heaven." "HUH?" Reggie watched what Mulder's eyes were following, and smiled when he saw the petite red head. "Nice, Doc Ice." "Who?" "Dr. Dana Scully, the Ice Queen. Now come on Mulder you've been here longer than me and you never met her?" "No, haven't had the pleasure. She isn't seeing anybody is she?" "No that I know of, why?" Reggie asked amused. "Just seeing if I have a chance." "A chance? You're joking right?" Mulder motioned for him to be quiet as Scully started to talk. Reggie smiled and leaned into his wife "I think Mulder's in love." "Oh please Reggie with who?" Reggie motioned towards the stage. "You're kidding right? She's lesbian I hear." "Well don't tell him that." Reggie said watching Mulder watch Scully return to her table. "God I have to talk with her." Mulder said with a sigh. Reggie let out a half chuckle. "I'm sure you will, but your awards next." After the preliminaries Mulder stood up quickly fixing his tie, smoothing his jacket, running a hand through his hair. "How do I look?" he asked Reggie excitedly "Fine, go get her tiger." Reggie said, shaking his head as Mulder rushed over to Scully's table. "Poor man he'll really be disappointed when he finds out." Gini said watching Mulder walk over to Scully "Hi." Scully turned to look where the deep voice came from and stared into mystical hazel eyes. "Hey, Mulder? Right?" "Yes." Mulder said in awe, she remembered my name?! "Yes Dr. Scully." "Can't forget the face of the best profiler in the FBI, what's up?" She's so calm, nonchalant,what do I do now? Mulder gulped hard and asked "I . . . I wanted to know if you would like to dance. . . dance with me?" Scully double blinked, whoa hold up, handsome, very, very handsome FBI agent asking me to dance? Doc ice? She looked at him suspiciously a moment then softened. "Ok." ** "Bet you danced with her all night" Mais teased, poking him in his side playfully. Mulder smiled and sat next to her "Not all night, most of it though. I got her phone number called her the next day and asked her out." "So it just snowballed from there?" "Yeah, I proposed a year later, she accepted. We got married 6 months later." "So you two have been married what . . .7 years" "Yeah, well 6 and a half, it will be 7 this year." "7 years, god you two seem like newly weds." "Yeah, want to know a secret I haven't told Scully?" "Sure." Mais said amazed at how comfortable he had gotten with her. He's never talked to me this much! I hope it's not a one-time thing. "I fall in love with her more every day." Mais smiled and blushed slightly "Got another one, I'm getting her, her dream car for our anniversary too. 2000 Celica, silver totally hooked." "WOW!" "Yeah I know." "When's your anniversary?" "August 7th." "Not a June bride?" Mais teased. "No, she wanted to avoid that at all costs." "Well . . .want to tell me about your abduction now?" "No not right now, I . . . I'm kinda tired, maybe tomorrow?" "Sure, no problem. Have a good afternoon, I'll send her back in." Mulder smiled and nodded. "Oh hey, He wants you." Mais said as she almost ran into Scully coming out of the bedroom. Scully came to his side and hugged him tightly. "Feel better darling?" "Not really, but I'm getting there." Panic! by Mulderslady Part 3 of 3 **************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% And in me he starts to confide That my family don't seem so familiar And my enemies all know my name And if you hear me tap on your window Better get on your knees and pray Panic is on the way Gas Panic! By Oasis ***************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% 1 month later "Hey Mais he's in the extra room. Excuse me." Scully said, scooting past Mais and getting into her car. Mais walked back to the room "Mulder?" "Hey Mais up here." She smiled when she saw him on a ladder in the middle of the room, painting clouds on a ceiling of sky blue. "Need some help?" "Nah, this is my last cloud." Mulder said, painting a final stroke and climbing off the ladder. He stretched a kink out of his back and smiled down at Mais. "Hey!" He said enthusiastically "You're in a good mood." Mais said shocked "Yeah, well . . . yeah I am. I don't know why. I was up on that ladder just trying to remember why I was painting clouds on the ceiling." "So why are you? Something you're not telling me? Are we going to be hearing the pitter-patter of little feet soon?" Mulder blushed "Oh no, no nothing like that, we're turning the room into a rec. room. She wanted something cool on the ceiling." "So you're painting clouds?" "And a spaceship." Mais looked up again, seeing the space ship and the words 'I want to believe' spelled out on the ceiling. She snort laughed. "I have the poster in my office, Scully's going to get a kick out of it." "I'll say. Mulder, we still haven't talked about what happened." "I know we will." "Today?" "No. I want to tell you something else though." "Sure what?" He was talking with her more, but not about what happened. He was talking with her about normal things, additions to the house, life in general. Though she didn't mind, it did build trust, it wasn't what he needed to work through. "I'm still scared all the time. I still don't trust anyone. I'm not going to be able to go back to work in 3 months, I know that." "When will you be ready?" "I don't know, a year, a year and a half, maybe never. I was devastated when I thought she was dead. What if something happened to her at work, what if . . ." "We'll come to that later, one step at a time." "Yeah Scully wants me to go get some baby clothes for our newest godson. Suits and stuff so he can look extra cute going to church." There he goes switching subjects again. He is the best avoider. Mais thought as she tried to re-steer the conversation. "Have you ever considered going with her?" "Where? To church? No, not even before our abduction." "Why not?" "If there was a god, why did he let such an awful thing happen to Scully and me?" Mais sighed "If there was a god, why has he let every bad thing possible happen to ME? I'm scared for myself, for Scully I'm scared all the time and I can't stop it. The only thing you can do for me is to sedate me with Zoloft or let me talk it out. What I need is . . . I don't know what I need, but I don't need that." "You need to have faith in something." "I do, I have faith in Scully." Mulder said, locking eyes momentarily with Mais, "She's the only one I trust." "Hey, what about me?" Mais teased "You're getting there, slowly." "Well how about this, I'll come what you to go pool table shopping. You need to get out and I'll be right there if you get scared." "No, I really want to shop with Scully." "Mulder . . ." "Not for that reason, I just . . . it's a pride thing I know it sounds strange, it's just a pool table but . . . I just like being seen with her by my side." Mais shook her head "Whipped!" "And proud of it." Mais laughed "Well what about the other stuff?" "Some friends of mine are hooking us up with a pinball machine and some arcade machines, soccer table, dart board . . ." "So all you need is the pool table." "Yeah." "Well let's go get some posters or your godson's cute suits. You're going somewhere today Mulder." Mulder smiled and sighed. He ran a paint-streaked hand through his paint-streaked hair and nodded "Ok let me try and get some of this paint off me." "Ok." Mais said as Mulder went into the bathroom and started the water. He bent over the sink, letting the hot water soak his spiky hair. His pants slipped down his thin waist and Mais ran up behind him and pulled them up quickly. "Stop flashing that cute butt around Foxy." Mais joked. Mulder bolted up straight, pulling away from her quickly. Oh shoot, what I say? Mais thought as she saw the fear in his eyes. "Mulder?" "Stay away from me." "Mulder? I'm sorry, what I do?" "Just stay the Fuck away from me. I knew I couldn't trust you." Dang it! What kind of psychotherapist are you Mais! A psychologist raped him! That little Foxy comment set him off. Mulder gripped the sink tightly holding on to it for support, his eyes wide, breathing erratic as he started to tremble. "Mulder I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I won't hurt you, I promise." "Oh god." He said, fear making his voice squeak, "Please I . . . don't hurt me, please don't hurt her." Her? Scully. "Just kill me and leave her alone please." "I'm not going to hurt you or Scully Mulder. I'm sorry I . . . Mulder?" Mulder choked back sobs, tears coming out of his eyes as he slid to the ground and curled up into a ball. "Great! Master therapist you are Mais Cooper! UGH!!!!!" "Why what happened?" Scully asked with an amused smile as she came into the bedroom, her smile fading when she saw Mulder trembling violently in a ball under the sink. "What happened?" "I did something totally stupid and now he's shut down." "She's going to hurt me. She's going to do it again." "Mulder, it's ok your safe, I'm here now. Mulder? Look at me sweetheart." Mulder opened his eyes slowly, smiling when he saw Scully. "Hey." Scully said with a smile "Hi." "Come on, get off the floor." "Is she gone?" Scully turned and looked at Mais, who nodded and left the room. "Yeah she's gone. Come on get up." Mulder latched onto her as he rose slowly. "Oh Scully, you alright?" "Yes honey I'm fine. Come on you need to lay down." "No I need . . ." "No darling you're safe now. No one is going to hurt you." "Scully . . ." "Shh come on off with those shoes and under the covers." Mulder complied immediately, stripping down to his boxers and climbing under the sheets. "I'll be right back." "Scully no!" "Shh 5 minutes or less, promise." Scully said leaving and walking up to a pacing Mais, giving her a confused look. Mais explained what happened quickly. "He won't tell me about his rape, the torture . . ." Mais started. "He won't even tell me that Mais and he says I'm the only one he trusts." "I need to know what happened to him in order to help him. You saw him, what if someone at work had made an off color remark like that to him?" "I'll see what I can do. He . . . he was better!" Scully said frustrated. "He needs to talk about it. He needs to tell someone what happened. He needs to get the pain out, he needs to cry and get angry about it. But he refuses to, and I don't understand why." 2 weeks later "It wasn't like he didn't enjoy it! He was practically begging me to fuck him." Reggie slapped the doctor hard across the face. "Whoa, whoa Reggie calm down." Davis said, holding Reggie back. "No he wasn't, you cocksucker! He begged you to kill him and when you wouldn't, he begged you not to hurt his wife! He would have done anything to protect her." "And he did do anything." Reggie started towards him. "Reggie no." Davis warned "Why? Why torture him like that?" "To break him. Someone like him needs to be broken to stop searching." "Searching?" "For answers to questions that shouldn't be answered." "I don't follow you." "Of course not. His clairvoyance was arranged. His illness that sent him to the psychic ward last year, was a result of his mind adjusting." "Mulder's psychic?" "Clairvoyant yes. We didn't know that him and his wife where so well matched however, they developed a link, a clairvoyant connection. That couldn't be allowed, he needed to be stopped before he got to far in his investigation." "Investigation? Into the artifacts?" "No, his sister." "I don't understand." "The truth about her disappearance. Ever since he discovered her death, he and Dr. Scully have been trying to gather forensic evidence to explain her disappearance. With there combined clairvoyant abilities they would have found their answers easier. That couldn't be allowed, he can't find out the truth it would expose the project." OK! Reggie thought, this guy really is wacko. "Ok whatever. That still doesn't explain the rape and torture." "Well good god have you not seen the man? What a specimen! Beautiful man like that to have him writhing under you, the power over him . . . intoxicating. Have you ever had that type of power over a man before? Control his fate? His life? His spirit yours to bend and break? Being able to take him to the point where the last shred of hope is gone, to the point where he no longer cares if you kill him? To the point where the thought of dying is a comfort? I had that with Mulder and more. Much more. That man was one hot piece of ass. I just love to break backdoor virgins, though it's hard to believe he's never had a male lover before. He was easier to break than I thought too. Kill his wife that was all it took, broke like a twig. We shocked her for a while and he broke a tad. He said he'd do anything so we wouldn't hurt her, and boy did he ever! The true beauty of it was to have him see her for only an hour a night, no conversation just sex. We had to think of something else though cause he found some hope in that. It was there last night together that I realized what it was. It wasn't the act, it was her. You know your partner and his wife haven't been apart since they were married? Six and a half years, never separated except to go to work. It was her, she gave him hope. I've never seen anyone that attached, that in love with someone else that they would . . . I hope you realize Agent Perdue how tightly your partners life is wound around his wife." "Of course everyone knows how much Mulder loves her." "This is beyond any normal love, this is something more. He was physically dying with out her. He refused to eat, drink, or talk without her. He gave up without her; she's a weakness he can't afford. Come to think of it, how is he? Has he killed himself? Or is he a self induced vegetable?" "NO, he's recovering the best he can, Scully by his side." "WHAT?!" the doctor gasped in shock. "Your guard didn't kill her. He handed her right to us and then almost led us to you, but you were gone." "She's alive?" "Very much so and she'd be pissed to know you are too." "I'm dead and so are they. When they find out, they'll send some one else to finish the job I didn't . . ." "Whatever psycho. We got all we need from you. Pack him away Davis." Reggie said coolly, calling Scully quickly. "Hey Dana, how is he?" "Better he wanted to come with me to pickup some paper work. We're going up to his mom's place in Greenwich for the weekend." "I'm coming with you." "Why? Mais is coming with us, we . . ." "The . . . there maybe a possible danger for you two, it's just a precaution." "Ok then, I'll tell Mulder." Greenwich 1 am Reggie stumbled out of bed and went to the kitchen to get something to drink. "Can't sleep either huh?" Mais said, making Reggie jump. "Jeez hey Mais, yeah I'm surprised he could sleep." "He feels safe with her, I think this is the only time he feels comfortable." "Hmm, I'd feel vulnerable." Mais shrugged, her eyes drooping suddenly as her head fell to the table. "Mais?" Reggie said starting to her when he felt a hand grip his shoulder. "Out like a light, just like you." The person said, cracking a pistol across the back of Reggie's head, knocking him out. "Do we have what we came for?" "Yeah." "Let's go." Undisclosed place Reggie came to, his arms chained to the wall. He looked to either side and saw Mais and Mulder. "Mulder? Mulder wake up." Mulder shook his head clear and opened his eyes. "Where are we Reg?" "Don't know." Mulder looked around, panicking when he felt his arms chained. "What's this? Why are we . . .where's Scully?" "I don't know, calm down. Mais is over here, no Scully." Mulder took a deep breath scanning the room, groaning in dread. "Oh god no, we're back where it started." Mulder said recognizing the bright room. There was a larger table in the middle of the room instead of the desk. Mais came to with a start. "Morning Doc." Reggie teased "What's going on?" Mais asked confused "Kidnapping, Mulder thinks we're where they took him and Scully before." Mais looked around. "Where IS Scully?" "That's what we're wondering." "Ow." Mulder said softly, wincing in pain. "What?" Reggie asked, turning back when he heard people coming in the room. "Let go of me you punk!" Scully screamed, thrashing wildly. "Jeez! Get a good grip on her and tie her to the table. Well good to see you're awake for the show." The doctor said with a smile "You sick bastard, how'd you . . ." Reggie started "My bosses gave me another chance to correct my mistake. Never let a boy do a man's job, but first Dr. Cooper . . ." Mais locked eyes with the doctor, " Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Dr. James Peck, I'm the one responsible for the serious mind job on Mr. Mulder." "You Bastard!" "Thank you. You wanted to know what I did to him, how I broke him, you've probably wanted him to tell you. You've read my transcripts, but you never believed. I'll let you witness it for yourself. The way to thoroughly break a man like Fox Mulder is to take his family, the thing he cares about the most in this world from him Dr. Cooper. Such a power trip to break a man, you gotta try it sometime. This time I will succeed. Controls!" Dr. Peck said to one of his guards as he was handed a dial. "We'll administer a mild shock to Dr. Scully to prime her." "Oh god . .. Oh god . . " Mulder said softly, closing his eyes tightly, hissing with pain as Scully was shocked. "10% increase." Dr. Peck said, shocking her again. Pain coursed through Mulder's body as the current ran through a cursing Scully. "Oh my god he's feeling her pain, he's feeling everything." Mais said understanding dawning. "Now you see the beauty of the plan." "Stop now, your going to kill them both!" Reggie said, looking from Scully to Mulder. "That's the idea Agent Perdue. She's supposed to be dead anyway, and soon she will be." "No stop please . . ." Mulder whimpered. "30%" Dr. Peck said smiling as he increased the shock. "STOP NOW PLEASE!!! Oh Please, don't hurt her anymore, please let her go. Oh Ow!" "Mulder get a hold of yourself, calm down." Reggie said "40%" "No, Scully! Please stop! I'll do anything please don't hurt her anymore, please don't kill her please." "See Agent Perdue, see what I mean, look at him." "Mulder pull it together man, we gotta think of a way . . ." Reggie tried to reason, when Dr. Peck applied the shock again. "AH! NO! Scully! Anything! I . . . Scully! Stop please don't please!" Mulder said, starting to strain and thrash against his chains. Mais watched in amazement as he threw himself against the chains repeatedly, hysterically pleading for Scully's life. No wonder he didn't want to tell me, I'd never want to relive something this horrible, this painful. "Any thing, my dear Fox? Think hard." "Yes anything! You can beat me, kill me, fuck me till I can't stand up straight please, please don't hurt her anymore please!" "See how quick, how easy. He's a mess, look at him." Reggie looked at Mulder's anguished, tear stained face. He'd never seen Mulder in this much pain or this desperate, it unnerved him. "See Agent Perdue I told you, he's begging me to fuck him. You heard him, it's what he wants." "You bastard, he's do anything to prevent you from killing her." "What if I fuck her instead, your precious Dana, then I'd let you go." "No!" "You want her to be in pain." "I want you to let her go! I want you to leave her alone!" "I'm not letting her go Foxy boy, and I'm not going to stop hurting her. She's going to die this time Foxy and you're going to watch as she dies. I'll increase the shock to 50% and keep it on her till she's dead." Mulder screamed in pain as the shock started to run through Scully, and he strained desperately against his chains. "Ah look at the chained prize, oh wait her necklace you'll want that to remember her by won't you? Before or after she's dead?" Mulder growled in anger and pain as he locked eyes with Scully. "This is what he went through every time?" Reggie asked Mais, Mais nodded yes. Reggie turned back to Mulder, watching his anguish in awe. "Mulder get a hold of yourself." "No, no please I can't . . . I can't live without her please she's my whole world, please kill me instead." "My god man, it's not the end of the world if she dies. You'll find someone else." Dr. Peck said with a sadistic smile. Mulder sat stunned a second and took a deep breath before he strained full force on his chains "Mulder?" Reggie said when he saw the concrete where the chains where bolted in begin to give. "Adrenaline rush to the max!" Mais said in shock. "He's going to rip them out the wall or his arms off trying." Scully stopped screaming and cursing and Mulder frantically leaned against the chains, pulling them out of the wall as he launched himself at Dr. Peck. A shot rang out and everything went black. When the lights came back on Reggie saw Mulder. He was clutching at Scully's limp body on the table in front of them "Scully? Scully? Honey I . . . Dana, please honey talk to me. Please" Mulder cried as he gathered her to him, smoothing her hair from her face. "I love you so much Scully, breath baby breathe." "Oh please Dana don't be dead." Reggie whispered, Mais looked at him in silent agreement. Scully coughed hard and they breathed a sigh of relief. Mulder held her to him tighter. Reggie looked at the space where Mulder was, his eyes bulging at the hole in the wall. "God lord he tore them out of the wall!" "Agent Perdue are you ok?" Davis asked as he looked over Mais. "Davis, how did you . . ." "Transmitter in Dr. Peck's leg, who said house-arrest alarms aren't useful. Don't worry Mulder won't be charged for murder. Self defense." "Huh?" Reggie said looking at Dr. Peck, who's head was laying unnaturally to the side. "Didn't think he had it in him." Davis said looking at a trembling Mulder, who was holding onto Scully tightly, " Just snapped his neck in two. I guess if you have the right motivation . . ." "Yeah . .. um Davis? Unlock me." "Oh yeah, yeah." "Agent Mulder? Let go, Agent Mulder we need to make sure Dr. Scully's okay. Agent Mulder?" an agent said trying to make Mulder release Scully from his grasp. "Don't." Mulder said in a low growl. "K." the agent said backing up quickly. "Mulder? Honey, let me go I need to get checked over ok?" Scully said trying to pull away. Mulder nodded no, holding her tighter. Scully rubbed his back reassuringly. "Ok then how about you take me to the ambulance ok? I'm not sure I'm steady enough to walk." Mulder nodded yes and stood up, carrying her to the ambulance, climbing in with her. "You're going to need to sedate him. He's not going to let go willingly, and you'll never successfully wrestle me away." Scully said to an EMT, who nodded and prepped a syringe. 12 hours later Screams of terror erupted through the psyche ward as Mulder came from under the haze of tranquilizers in his system. "Sounds like Agent Mulder's awake Karen. I do not envy you." Another nurse said with a smile as Karen ran down to check on Mulder. He was thrashing, and straining against the five point restraints. "Agent Mulder hi, I'm Karen your nurse, remember me from last time?" Karen said softly coming towards him slowly. Mulder stopped thrashing and looked at her suspiciously. "We really need to stop meeting like this." Mulder flashed her a quick grin, still watching her carefully. "I need to check your vitals. You have two dislocated shoulders, a broken clavicle and a bad sprain, besides that you'll be okay." Physically, she thought as he flinched when she moved towards him. "Where's Scully?" he said in a strangled whisper "Scully?" Scully, who's . . . oh his wife! "Your wife?" "Yes, where is she? Is she hurt? Did . . ." "She's on a different floor, she' s ok. She just had some burns and shock related injuries, we're keeping her for observation. Can I see your arm?" Karen said, holding the blood pressure cuff in her hand. "Can I see her please?" "Sure I'll let her know you're awake. Can I see your arm now?" "Are you going to hurt me?" he said tearfully, his voice quiet and childlike "No sweetheart, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to take your blood pressure and temperature. You had a bit of a fever when you came in." "Untie me." He said softly, pulling against the restraints "I'm sorry, I can't do that darling." Karen said fastening the blood pressure cuff and putting the thermometer in his mouth. He's as white as a sheet, and he can't seem to stop shaking. What happened to him this time? Mulder whimpered, flinching when her hand reached to take the thermometer from his mouth. "There, still high." "He usually runs a high temp." Scully said softly as she came into the room. His eyes brightened and he strained to sit up. "Shh, Shh honey don't move too much, you'll aggravate your shoulders." "OH baby I was so worried, I thought . . ." "Shh relax." Scully said, placing her hand on his chest gently. Mulder nodded, smiling happily as he closed his eyes. "Hey Karen we need to stop meeting like this." Karen laughed "That what I told him, glad to see he's in a little better shape than last time." "Yeah." Scully said ruffling his hair gently, making him purr softly. "Reggie's worried about you Mulder." Scully said after a few moments "Why?" "I guess he's never seen you break before, it scared him to see you so vulnerable." "I didn't want him to see, but I . . . I couldn't let them kill you. I couldn't." "I know. He thinks you need to take more time, lots of it so you can get your head together." "How long?" "Indefinitely. Maybe a year at most." "No, I can't go back ever. I . . . I'm terrified . . . I . . ." "Shh rest now, we'll talk about this more later ok?" Mulder nodded, closing his eyes trying to sleep as Scully talked with Karen. 10 weeks later Mulder snuggled into Scully more as she shifted away from the early morning light. Mulder sighed content. "I need to get up sweetie, let go." "Ok." Mulder said holding her tighter. Scully giggled and kissed his neck tenderly as she snuggled into him more. Reggie unlocked the door and headed back to their bedroom. Hopefully she's up, he thought as he opened their bedroom door. Nope, he's good at making her late, Reggie thought as he eavesdropped. "I don't want to go back Scully." "Mulder, what are you going to do? Sleep all day?" "And cook and clean, other things around the house." "Fox Mulder house husband, get real." "I mean it Scully, I don't . . ." "Mulder, 16 years with the bureau and you just leave like that?" "Yes, you're more important." "Mulder you'll get bored." "I could do what other house wives do." Scully giggled "And since mom died and left me everything, we don't need to worry about money." "That not what I'm worried about. You get into too much trouble WITH a job . . . just give yourself a year to evaluate. You and Mais need . . ." "NO." "Yes, you're seeing a therapist. Mais has first hand knowledge about you, no arguments. Now let me go, Reggie'll be here to pick me up soon." "NO." Mulder teased "Fox William Mulder if you don't . . ." "Ok." He said letting go of her quickly. "Whipped." Reggie said, making Mulder jump. He relaxed when he saw Reggie "Hey Reg." "Hey man, I see you've succeeded in making her late again." "Of course." "20 minutes Reg." Scully said, running to the bathroom. "K Dana." When she closed the door, Reggie smiled at Mulder and sat next to him on the bed. "Mulder, you? A househusband? What next a minivan?" "Shouldn't ease drop Reg." "Look I know it was bad, but give it a year. They've put me with Davis for crying out loud. You know how bad he is." Mulder smiled weakly and sat up in bed. "Plus having a clairvoyant He-man as a partner isn't bad either." Mulder laughed. "Paid for it too, back still hurts." "Ripped them right out of the concrete! Mulder?" "Yeah?" "I don't want anyone besides you to back me up. You're my bud, we've been partners straight from the academy." "I know Reg, but Davis isn't . . ." "Davis is lucky I didn't strangle him last week. I'd rather work alone, I told Patterson that. Look give it a year, some intense therapy, then think about it alright Mulder?" "Sure Reg, sure." Year evaluation: Patient Fox William Mulder age 40. The patient has been under intense therapy since being abducted twice. On the initial abduction, the subject was raped and tortured. Mulder has done well considering everything he's been through. He's still deeply devoted and attached to his wife, but he's getting better about being away from her. Regretfully, he's not able to return to work in the same capacity as he was. During his reevaluation testing, he had several severe panic attacks resulting in his hospitalization for a few days. He refused to be put on Zoloft and refused to be retested. He consults from home with his partner Agent Reggie Perdue. When a case needs investigation, Agent Perdue investigates with Mulder's wife Special Agent Dr. Dana Scully as backup. He seems happy with this and happy with being home. He's gotten to be a very good cook and housekeeper his wife reports. He's able to venture outside now and has joined a neighborhood group for stay at home moms that have little excursions and get togethers. He needs this outside exposure to people, he's still very uncomfortable with people he doesn't know. For their 8th anniversary, Mulder and his wife plan to take a cruise to Hawaii, he says he wants to be able to enjoy himself without fearing for his life. I hope and pray I can help him accomplish that, I hope I can help him regain his life, a life free of fear and panic." Mais put her pen down and looked at him on the back porch watching Scully in the back yard with their German Shepherd puppy Kaja, her present to him last year for their anniversary. Mais watched his eyes, focused on Scully's every move, shifting quickly around the yard. He tightened his grip on the side of the porch when he saw a moment, relaxing when he found it was just a breeze. Mais smiled sadly as she came up behind him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He turned slowly and smiled at her. "When will it stop Mais?" "Soon, hopefully very soon." She said softly as Kaja and Scully came running to him. GAS PANIC! By OASIS What tongueless ghost of sin crept through my curtains? Sailing on a sea of sweat on a stormy night I think he don't got a name but I can't be certain And in me he starts to confide That my family don't seem so familiar And my enemies all know my name And if you hear me tap on you window Better get on your knees and pray panic is on the way My pulse pumps out a beat to he ghost dancer My eyes are dead and my throat's like a black hole And if there's a god would he give another chancer An hour to sing for his soul Cos my family don't seem so familiar And my enemies all know my name And if you hear me tap on you window Better get on your knees and pray panic is on the way Panic is on the way