TITLE: "Let's go fly a kite, Dana Scully"
AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com
CLASSIFICATION: MSR
KEYWORDS: S R A H
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, none of it. Alas, it was not to be ... :*)
SUMMARY: Post-story to Countdown. Scully wakes up from her 
coma and begins the long journey back to normal. With a lot of help 
from Mulder of course.

*~*~*

Five Years

Adverse wind makes,
or so the Japanese say,
the kite fly higher.

Can you see my kite
up there right next to yours?
They are a sharp contrast
with the blue of the sky.

The wind propels them further and further.
Mine, a bit lazy,
slowly but surely climbs.
Yours, wild and unruly,
passes by, flings itself upwards,
tumbles back into the depths.

A gust of wind prevents worse -
it zigzags, straightens and climbs
higher and higher.
Two kites, one sky and adverse wind. 

Anonymous (Dutch), translation by author

*~*~*

23 February 1972

	HER TINY BROWN SHOES were soaked and soiled by the mud 
which covered the dark forest ground. The snow had only recently 
begun to melt and the thin layer of ground that was no longer frozen 
solid formed a muddy mixture with the rotting leaves from last 
autumn. The cold made her breath freeze, but she didn't feel cold. 
Her coat kept her warm and these were her old shoes and she could 
ruin them to her heart's content.
	She splashed through the mud, sending the dirt flying 
through the air while her brand-new gun rested on her shoulder. Her 
brothers had insisted on carrying it for her, but she hadn't let them.
	She came across a small puddle of  melted snow. Bits of ice 
still clung stubbornly to the sides and with a satisfied grin she 
splashed her feet down in the water and ice. The muddy water flew 
in all directions, covering her from head to toes in mud and clinging 
to her long red curls. Her high laughter resounded through the trees, 
startling small animals close by.
	A lone bird sat fluffy and shivering and totally silent on a 
leafless branch, its black bead-like eyes watching the red-haired 
tomboy with wonder and surprise. It didn't fly away though, it 
knew all too well that it was going to need its precious energy for 
different and vastly more important purposes.
	The little girl, standing with her small feet in the puddle 
looked up and laughed again. Her wide laugh changed then into an 
innocent though sadistic smile as she took her gun and raised it and 
pointed it at the tiny bird. Her finger tightened around the trigger, 
clumsy with the lack of experience, but free of waverings because 
she was sure of her intentions. She had never killed a living creature 
before and she had no idea what it was like, but she knew the power 
-- the absolute power she held in her hands. And nothing was going 
to stop her.
	Her brothers had been looking for snakes for her to try out 
her new gun, but she hadn't wanted to shoot a creature as slithering 
and cowardly as a snake. No, she had wanted something which 
posed a more impressive challenge, a challenge her ego could be 
satisfied with. Something with which she could impress her 
brothers and her father. 
	The bird looked down at the pale freckled face of the girl 
and saw the double black hole of the iron which was pointed so 
aggressively towards it. But instead of flying away, scared by the 
fate that came amid fire and smoke from the barrel whenever this 
foolish girl saw fit, it smiled and its black beads for eyes turned into 
a deep warm hazel colour. The gun dropped from her trembling 
hands as she saw something she remembered quite vividly and tears 
started to drop when she realised the terrible mistake she had almost 
made. The bird flew up to her and then it extended a wing and 
touched her hand and kissed her softly on the cheek.
	"Good morning, Dana", it whispered.

	Present-day

	MULDER HAD BEEN READING a book. He had been pretty 
amazed by this -- and most definitely proud of himself, he hardly 
ever read a book that didn't link directly to his work. He simply 
didn't have the time, energy, or the spirit to read fiction, but right 
now he felt a niggle of regret for he was actually rather enjoying it. 
And it seemed a fitting way to spend the time while he kept vigil by 
his partner's side.
	Every now and then he looked up from his book to look at 
her sleeping deeply. She was lying on her side, her pale face turned 
towards him, one hand permanently resting in one of his own. It 
made turning the pages a true challenge but, hell, he had faced 
down everything from mutants via aliens to Jersey Devils ... though 
maybe that last bit was a bit too optimistic ... It sure made this look 
like a walk in the park.
	The book was rather good and he was making good 
progress. His thumb had started to draw soft slow circles on the 
back of her hand. Then all of a sudden a loud sound startled him 
and the book dropped from his hands. Reluctantly he let go of her 
hand in order to be able pick up the book from the floor.
	With a sigh he bent down under the bed, took his book and 
sat back on the chair. And saw that Scully's eyes had opened just a 
little bit.
	His heart and mind screamed for joy seeing this and the 
book went totally forgotten as he took her hand in both his own and 
then did what his heart told him to do: he leaned over and pressed a 
soft kiss on her cheek.
	"Good morning, Dana", he whispered, wishing he'd been 
able to keep the tears from sounding in his voice.

	SHE BLINKED A FEW times, letting her eyes adjust to the 
light in the room and trying hard to remember where she knew this 
man from. His presence was familiar, it was natural, so she knew 
there had to be a ...
	Mulder.
	Fox Mulder.
	He was Mulder. He was here for her. He was here next to 
her, holding her hand. Thank God that He had let her wake up to 
such a wonderful sight ...

	MULDER SAW HER EYES flutter shut again. His smile of joy 
at seeing her awake changed into one which mixed regret and 
contentment. Contentment because she had seemed to have 
recognised him. Regret because she had only been awake for a few 
seconds. Still, he felt a lot better now, even though she had been 
awake for such a short length of time.
	'That's good, Scully', he thought, smiling at the small form 
of his precious partner. 'Sleep. It will do you good. You need it, I'm 
sure that you do.'
	He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed each finger in turn, 
looking over her hand at her relaxed expression. 
	Later, he promised himself. Later he was going to do the 
same and turn it into a feeling totally different from what he felt 
now. Later. What a glorious word. Later meant they had time. It 
meant they actually still had time to spend together. 
	And, Lord, did he ever know what a luxury that was ...

	WHEN MULDER RETURNED THE following day, he found 
Scully with her eyes wide open. The room was totally silent apart 
from her soft, almost imperceptible breathing. She was completely 
still and this time she didn't seem to acknowledge his presence.
	It stabbed him practically to death ...
	Without noticing it he frowned, a painful feeling invading 
him at seeing his partner's mask-like expression. She seemed to be 
in a place far far away ...
	'Where are you, Scully?', he thought, bending over her, but 
she didn't react to him. 'Are you here in this room? Where are 
you?'
	He sighed and pulled a chair closer to the bed. He sat down 
and took one small pale hand in both his own. He smiled weakly. 
Such small hands, such strong hands ...
	"Hey, Scully", he said, sounding a lot more cheerful than he 
really felt.
	No reaction.
	He tried again. "Scully, can you hear me?"
	Still no reaction.
	Damn ...
	He looked round the room in frustration.
	"Scully ...", he begged. Please ...
	Nothing. Nothing at all. She just lay there with her eyes 
wide open, apparently seeing nothing, just staring at the ceiling. He 
followed her gaze. A poster was attached to the ceiling and it 
seemed as if she was looking at it. Charlie Brown and Lucy. "Go fly 
a kite, Charlie Brown", Lucy was saying.
	'Life's not fair', Mulder thought, wishing for the life of him 
that he'd have an opportunity to go and fly a kite with her sometime 
in the future. Most likely he wouldn't be that lucky ...
	He felt frustration forcing tears to the corners of his eyes 
and with a furious movement he wiped them away. In vain, they 
just kept resurfacing.
	'Ah shoot', he thought angrily. 'Why shouldn't I cry? Me, 
the one hell of a fucking Agent who can't even keep his partner out 
of trouble!'
	He sniffed his tears away, still holding her hand and tighter 
than ever. "Well", he said, looking at their hands instead of at 
Scully's face. "That's just another nice mess I've gotten you into, 
isn't it, Scully?" He looked at her unchanged expression. "I'm a 
lousy partner, I know I am. I really don't understand why you 
haven't quit on me ages ago ..."
	She kept staring at nothing with that dreadful empty look 
and deep inside him he felt something snap.
	"Shit", he muttered and closed his eyes. He sighed. "I'm so 
sorry, Scully", he said softly. "It's all my fault ..." He shook his 
head. "Will you please get better, Dana? I don't care how long 
you're going to need, I'll help you whatever it will take, but please 
come back to me, okay?" He reached out and smoothed back her 
hair, smiling weakly. "Don't you remember, Dana? You promised 
me you'd keep me out of trouble. I need you in order to stay out of 
trouble. I can't do that all on my own."
	Not a single reaction and he sighed again.
	The sound of the door opening made him look up. He saw a 
young man in doctor's uniform enter the room. The man smiled, but 
Mulder couldn't manage a smile in return. The man didn't seem to 
be offended, he was most probably used to it.
	"Good afternoon, sir", the doctor said and Mulder nodded.
	"Good afternoon, doctor", he answered and shook the 
doctor's hand. "Fox Mulder"
	"I'm Doctor Young. Sean Young", the man introduced 
himself.
	Doctor Young took a swift look at Scully's chart and 
quickly checked how she was doing. Then he turned his attention 
back at Mulder.
	"Are you her husband?" he asked.
	Mulder shook his head. "No."
	Doctor Young frowned. "Her brother then? Or her 
boyfriend?"
	"I'm her partner in the FBI", Mulder answered and Doctor 
Young nodded. Mystery solved. 
	"I heard that partners in law enforcement can be very close. 
Are you?"
	"We're closer than we're supposed to be", Mulder 
answered. 'A lot closer', he added mentally. "How is she doing, 
doctor?"
	"Well, under the present circumstances, not at all bad. She's 
progressing, although of course she's still not even near what she 
was like before she fell ill. We are cautiously optimistic about her 
chances though." Then he looked at her charts. "Do you have any 
idea what might have been the cause of her illness, Agent Mulder? 
We found several traces of animal venom in her bloodwork, but we 
weren't able to determine the exact nature of the venom nor the 
source. We suspect, however, the venom to be serotonin or a related 
form of serotonin. Now, I heard you were present when she fell ill 
as it was you who brought her to this hospital, so maybe you'd be 
able to supply us with additional information on the circumstances 
under which she contracted the disease."
	"I was there, yes", Mulder answered, "but I'm afraid there's 
not much I can tell you. She was bitten by some kind of beetle, but 
the species is still unknown to science."
	"That's a pity", Doctor Young said, "though I'm certain 
we'll find out in due time. I just hoped we could cut some corners 
by asking you about the accident."
	Mulder didn't reply and Doctor Young looked at Scully 
who had closed her eyes.
	"She's rather a pretty woman", Doctor Young said.
	"She is", Mulder answered, though he thought the term 
'pretty' a rather effective under-statement.
	Doctor Young looked at his watch. "I'm very sorry, Agent 
Mulder, but I should continue my round. The ward is rather full of 
patients at the moment and they need checking up. Don't hesitate to 
ask any questions that might arise. The doctors and nurses will 
certainly answer all the questions you might have."
	"Thanks", Mulder said.
	Doctor Young smiled. "She's going to be fine. She was 
obviously in good physical condition, I think that under the present 
conditions she's doing great. There's definite progress."
	Mulder managed a small smile. "Thank you, doctor. I 
appreciate your efforts."
	"You're welcome", he answered before leaving the room.
	Mulder turned back to Scully when they were alone once 
more. "Well, you heard the doctor, Scully", he said and took her 
hand firmly in his own. "We'll have to work hard and then 
everything's gonna be just fine. So ... are you with me?"
	He never knew whether or not he just imagined it, but he 
thought he felt a tiny squeeze on his hand and his smile widened. It 
lasted only a fraction of a second, but it was more than enough for 
him. She had heard him and she was going to fight along with him.
	If he remembered correctly his mother still had his kite 
somewhere in the old house in Chilmark ...

*~*~*

	"WHY WERE THEY ALLOWED to come back?!!!" The voice 
thundered across the dimly-lit room and the men inside looked up. 
They weren't impressed, they had seen too much; more was 
required to get them off-balance.
	A man on the opposite side of the room lit a cigarette and 
answered calmly. "I'll take care of it, trust me."
	"She'll get cured if we don't proceed", a dark man said. 
"And Mulder's no fool. He'll find out."
	"He'd find out anyway", a man grumbled. "I warned you! 
You're grossly underestimating them!"
	"We never underestimated Mulder and Scully!" Then the 
man turned towards the cigarette smoking man who didn't bother to 
look back. "Don't make another mistake!"
	"I won't. I told you to trust me. I've got everything under 
control", he answered and some angry looks were shot in his 
direction.
	A telephone went and a younger man answered it.
	"Yes?"
	"All right."
	He hung up and turned to the men in the room. "Agent 
Scully has woken up. They need advice", he announced and all 
turned towards the man in the corner of the room who calmly took 
another cigarette and lit it. Then he looked up.
	"It'll be taken care of. I have just the right person for that."
	"What do you have in mind?" a man asked gruffly, but the 
cigarette smoking man didn't answer him.
	"I think I said that it'll be taken care of." Then he left the 
room, leaving the other men angry in the dark room.
	"He's dangerous", one of them said and the others nodded.
	"Yes, they are", the first man answered. He looked at a man 
near the door. "You know what to do."
	The man nodded. The meeting was over.

*~*~*

	IT WAS ALREADY LATE that evening when Mulder had had a 
chance to come to the hospital. He hadn't slept the previous night 
and he was a wreck, but he needed to see Scully. The room was 
almost dark. Some faint lights in the distance were visible through 
the thin fabric of the curtains and the monitors by her head gave off 
an eerie green glow.
	For a moment he stood in the doorway, merely watching 
the scene as it was laid out before him. Then he took a deep breath 
and slowly walked to the bed where a small person was lying in 
deep sleep.
	She was on her side, her legs slightly bent, one of her hands 
cradling her face, the other resting on the pillow. Her face wasn't 
relaxed, it made him wonder if even in sleep she was still in pain.
	He sat down in the chair by the bed and took her free hand 
in his own. Her hand was cool and a bit damp. He felt her fingers 
tighten weakly around his own. It felt quite good.
	"Hi, Scully", he said, not knowing whether or not she could 
hear him. "I know this is a strange time and I know I really ought to 
let you sleep without being disturbed, but I just needed to see you." 
He drew soft circles over her hand and yawned.
	"You've got the right idea, Dana", he said softly. "Can I 
join you?" He chuckled. Even in sleep she could still make him feel 
like she said 'In your dreams, Fox Mulder' ...
	'Oh God, Scully', he thought, 'if only you knew!'
	Then he sighed. "I wish ... I wish you'd wake up, Scully ... I 
miss you. I mean, you're here, but I miss your voice and your eyes 
and ... everything ... I just wish you'd wake up fully." He smiled a 
bit. "Anyway, maybe you'd like to hear a thing or two about what 
happens at work. If not, you're free to zoom out", he said with a 
weak smile. "Moira Craig from pathology got married last week, I 
think you know her. The lucky one is Michael O'Gorman, you 
know, the one they'd coupled up with you for a brief moment some 
years ago." He chuckled and rested his head on the mattress, his 
face close to hers. He could feel her body heat and he smiled, then 
yawned again. God, he was really knocked up with fatigue. "Can 
you imagine them married? Just another proof for the saying that 
extremes meet, huh? But he's probably sorry he didn't get you after 
all; you're still his dream woman, you know. Well, actually you are 
every man's dream woman, every man in the Bureau. You should 
consider paying more attention to them, Scully, you could have a 
hot date every single night. They all wanna go out with you ..."
	He realised the sheer amount of nonsense he was talking 
and sighed. "I'm sorry, Scully, that wasn't fair ..."
	He was silent for a while, taking comfort in her warm 
presence.
	"Rumour has it that I'm going to get a new partner for as 
long as you're here in hospital, Scully, but-- ..." He suddenly fell 
silent when he felt the grip on his hand tighten considerably. So 
now he knew that she could hear him! He looked at her and saw 
that she was frowning in her sleep.
	"I know what you're thinking, Scully, but I won't let that 
happen to us. Whoever is going to be assigned to working with me 
is not going to take your place. I promise I'll not let that happen to 
us." He lifted her fingers to his mouth and kissed them softly. 
"Relax, Scully, we'll be together. I have no partner but you and 
nobody's going to take your place. Nobody at all." He smiled when 
he felt her fingers loosen slightly. Only the grip on his fingers 
showed that she was indeed awake and aware, her face hardly 
showed any emotions.
	He leaned closer to her and rested his forehead against hers, 
feeling so tired all of a sudden. "Please come back to me, Scully, I 
know I'm no good as a partner, but I cannot be alone anymore ..."
	With their foreheads touching he closed his eyes, some sort 
of energy-link connecting him with his sleeping partner. He sighed 
and rested his arms around her. "Bear with me, Scully, and we'll 
make it through it all", he whispered, feeling his mind travel off 
towards sleep. "It's a promise ..."

	WHY, GOD, WHY? WHY isn't this car moving?
	I'm slapping the steering-wheel, I'm prepared to do 
anything to get this thing moving, but it isn't! It's just not moving!!
	Oh God, Dana, I'm so sorry ...
	Come on, you fucking bucket of bolts! Move for God's 
sake!
	I'm desperate. She's so pale, I'm so scared I'm gonna lose 
her forever. I can't! Don't you get it? I can't lose her! I just can't ...
	She's moaning, she's thirsty. Hang on, Dana, hang on, 
baby, I'll help you ...
	I want to help her, but I have no idea how to do it. There's 
so little I can do except for trying to keep her temperature down. I'll 
get you some water, Dana. Yes, I know the water tastes disgusting, 
but you've got a fever the size of the Eiffel Tower, you should try 
and drink as much as you can ...
	Please, Dana, drink this. At least drink a little bit ... Good 
girl ...
	I'm going to get you out of here, Dana, I'm getting you to a 
hospital if it's the last thing I do, I swear.
	I look around. I'm pretty sure the jeep's never going to 
work again. We'll have to walk. It's the path towards certain death, 
I know, but we don't have a choice. Personally I don't think we're 
ever going to make it ...
	
	WE'RE SOMEWHERE DEEP IN the jungle now. I'm carrying 
Dana, she's very light, she weighs next to nothing. But her skin is 
so hot that it burns my arms. I have long given up attempting to 
cool her down, in these conditions those efforts are a mere waste of 
time and energy. She's drenched in sweat and I'm so tired ...
	I know it's not a good thing to do, but when I see a fallen 
tree I must sit down for a moment, I can't go on ... God, I'm so 
tired. We've been walking for days now and I've never stopped to 
rest.
	Dana stopped shivering a few hours ago. I no longer have 
my watch, but I can see the sun, that's how I know. I think she fell 
asleep, it'll do her good, I guess.
	I'm sitting on the log, cradling my sleeping partner in my 
arms. I'm so tired ... My eyes close against my will and I'm unable 
to open them. I know that if I fall asleep now we'll die here, so I 
force them open.
	Is this really the way it all has to end? I'm amazed at the 
utter unfairness of our lives as I feel my eyes shut again and my 
mind drifts off towards exhausted sleep. We're both going to die in 
this forest, I know that. By now it's impossible we'll ever find a 
way out of here.
	I look at her and smile. Her skin isn't as hot anymore. I'm 
so glad you're here with me, Dana ...
	Dana?
	Oh, God, no! Dana, please! Please wake up! Don't leave 
me here, Dana, please don't go without me!
	I feel my body surge in a desperate attempt to save her, but 
I also know it's all in vain.
	Dana's gone ...
	Oh, God ...

	I'M WALKING, TEARS KEEP streaming down my face as I 
hold my precious cargo close to me. Despite the moist heat of the 
jungle I'm cold, but nothing feels as cold as the body I hold and 
can't let go. My legs are numbed with the lack of rest and actual 
nutrition. I don't think I've had any food for at last four days now, I 
simply don't bother to eat. Sometimes I drink when I see water, but 
I'm too weak to eat. I only walk on.
	I use my hands to push away branches which grow over the 
imaginary path I follow. They're a raw bloody mess, stung by 
insects, bitten by animals, torn by thorns. I don't care, I only know I 
have to walk on.
	Then, suddenly, I reach a small river and for the first time 
since we left the ruins I feel the sun shine down on Dana and me. 
Warm benevolent generous rays of sunlight that sting my eyes, but 
warm my body.
	I take a deep breath as tears still run from under my closed 
eyelids and my nostrils fill with the spicy warm scent of the 
rainforest. It's silent around us, there are no animal sounds, just the 
soft rustling of leaves in the wind and the silver sound of the water. 
It's almost paradise here ...
	Then all of a sudden my knees buckle and with a moan I 
don't recognise as my own I fall down. Dana's body hits the ground 
before I do, but I don't have it in me to prevent it from happening. I 
lean on all fours and let my head drop in sheer exhaustion. Then I 
see her face, her head turned to one side, her dead eyes half-open. It 
hits me harder than any sledge-hammer ever could: I haven't even 
closed her eyes for her.
	I'm so sorry, Dana ...
	With an unsure hand I close her eyes. Then I let myself fall 
to the ground, there's no more strength left in me, everything hurts, 
everything ... even life itself ... I rest my forehead against hers and 
my arms encircle her in a last attempt to protect her.
	I can't do anything but let go ... let go of everything I am ... 
everything I live ...
	And I'm so grateful that I finally can.
	I close my eyes and something escapes from me ... and then 
I hear someone call my name ... no ... not anymore ...

	"FOX?" A WOMAN'S VOICE said softly behind him. Her 
voice was very concerned. "Fox, are you okay?"
	With some effort Mulder opened his eyes, his head still on 
his arms and he looked up.
	'God, it had been a dream!' he thought. "Yes, Mrs Scully, 
I'm fine", he said. He groaned. His back was positively killing him 
and his head hurt like hell. 
	"You've been crying, Fox, are you sure you're okay?"
	"I ... I had a nightmare ...", he said, sitting up and stretching 
the sore muscles in his back and shoulders. "I dreamt Dana and I 
hadn't made it from the jungle, I dreamt we had died ..."
	He saw Margaret stiffen slightly. "Well", she said with 
some difficulty, "fortunately that's ... that's not the way ... it went 
..."
	"It was all a dream", Mulder said. But it had been such a 
powerful one! He rubbed his eyes. "How's Dana?"
	"Look for yourself, Fox", Margaret said and he looked at 
Scully. And saw her look him straight in the eyes. It took his breath 
away. For this time she wasn't looking through him, like that time 
when she had first woken up, this time she looked at him. Seeing 
him. Really seeing him.
	"Scully?" he said softly, his voice breaking on the powerful 
emotions running through him at that moment.
	"Mulder", she mouthed and her lips formed a smile so 
small that anyone who wasn't as desperately waiting for one as he 
was surely would have missed it. But for him no smile ever looked 
as beautiful as this tiny upturning of the corners of her mouth.
	It literally brought tears to his eyes ...
	"She's going to be fine, isn't she, Mrs Scully?" he said 
softly, never looking away from her beautiful eyes, the life that he 
saw there, life he never thought he'd see again ... Then her eyes 
closed and he sighed, wishing they had had just one more moment 
...
	"She's going to be fine, isn't she, Mrs Scully?" he repeated, 
looking at Margaret who smiled and nodded.
	"Yes, Fox, knowing Dana, she's going to be just fine."

*~*~*

	THE SOUND OF A match scratching made him look up. The 
room was quite dark, only a small lamp to the left of him provided 
some light in the otherwise dark room. He was unable to make out 
the person who had entered his office without him knowing about 
it, but then he saw the red tip of a burning cigarette and he smelled 
the smoke.
	"Who's there?" he said, trying to distinguish the features of 
the person by the door. Despite the security people in the building 
he still wasn't feeling at ease. Then he saw the person move closer 
towards him, a shadow moving from the shadows, forming a new 
shadow closer to him. That person seemed to purposely avoid the 
scarce light in the room and he reached down for the light switch of 
the lamp in the middle of the room.
	"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Doctor Young", the 
person said in a calm voice, but there was something in his voice 
which made all resistance sound suicidal.
	"Who are you?" Doctor Young asked. He saw the cigarette 
being lifted and the tip lit up slightly. Then it was obscured by the 
expelled smoke.
	"Who I am is not important right now", the man said. 
"Special Agent Dana Scully was admitted here a few days ago, 
wasn't she?"
	"Yes, she was", Doctor Young answered. "Who are you? 
Who let you in?"
	"I want you to cure her."
	Doctor Young scoffed. "Actually, I've always been under 
the impression that that's exactly what hospitals are for!" he said 
sarcastically. "And if that announcement is the only reason for 
sneaking in my room like that without proper authorisation, then 
you'd better get the hell out of here before I'm calling security to do 
it for you!"
	"Calm down, Doctor Young, save your energy for saving 
your patients' lives", the man said, finally stepping into the light. 
Doctor Young frowned. He knew this man!
	"You were here in the hospital two days ago!"
	The man took his cigarette from his mouth and smiled 
coldly. "Yes, I was, as for every day since Agent Scully was 
admitted here!"
	"But Agent Mulder didn't mention you."
	"Oh, he wouldn't", the man said, his mouth losing the grin, 
his face becoming so cold that Doctor Young couldn't suppress a 
shiver. "He doesn't know."
	"Doesn't he know you?" Doctor Young asked.
	"He knows me very well", the man answered. He 
extinguished the cigarette on the blotter on Doctor Young's desk, 
burning the leather. "I suspect he merely tries not to."
	"Okay, what do you want from me?" Doctor Young asked, 
irritated by the man's vague answers.
	"Agent Scully will die", the man announced coldly and 
Doctor Young frowned.
	"What do you mean? She's doing okay. She's going to be 
fine!"
	"Yes she is", the man said, handing him a small cardboard 
box. "You can start the treatment whenever you want. I'd advise not 
to wait very long though."
	Doctor Young took the box, looking for addresses or 
anything that might give clues about its origin, but the box was 
blank. "Look, you can't expect me to just accept you walking in 
here unannounced and give me something I don't know and then 
think I'm actually going to it, okay? I don't know who you are, I 
have no idea who you work for, I--"
	"I have an agenda which involves things vastly different 
from those of my colleagues, Doctor Young. My interests lie in a 
different field. Let's just say that I would benefit from Agent 
Scully's recovery." He turned around and disappeared into the 
darkness. Doctor Young jumped up from his chair.
	"Wait!!" he said furiously. "You can't expect me to just ... 
play along with your little game and--"
	"On the contrary, Doctor Young. I just did", the man 
interrupted him coldly and he left, leaving Doctor Young confused 
in the office, wondering what the heck he had gotten himself into 
this time.
	He took the cardboard box and opened it. Inside were three 
small vials with a dark fluid, but in the faint light he couldn't make 
out the colour. He sighed. Weren't they ever going to just leave him 
alone?

*~*~*

	"SHHH, MY DAUGHTER ...", I whisper and I stroke her hair 
and forehead in much the same way as I did when she was just a 
little girl. She's been very restless ever since Fox woke up from his 
nightmare. It's almost as if she sensed his unrest and it distressed 
her as well.
	The connection between my daughter and her partner is so 
strong that it often fills me with great pleasure, with pride. I've 
always prayed that one day she'd find a man she'd be able to 
depend on as much as she can depend on Fox.
	He has been here for a few hours now, that is including the 
period that he was asleep when I found him, his hands around 
Dana's shoulders, their foreheads touching. Dana was awake then, 
smiling slightly, and I could see how much good that did to him. It 
was a pity she fell asleep again almost instantly.
	Over the years I've come to love him as a son, he's as dear 
to me as my own children. There is so much good in him, but you 
have to know where to look for it and how to get to it. Dana knows 
how to reach that deeply-hidden bright place in him and she also 
knows how to bring it out. And he makes Dana different ... more 
optimistic ... She's so different when she's with him.
	I remember her call on the evening of that day when she 
had first met him. He had shocked her with his attitude, but she had 
also enjoyed that afternoon in a way. She was challenged by his 
rapid verbal fire-round, she said. I wonder if she had ever expected 
or even anticipated that five years later they would still be together, 
so close, so connected, so in love.
	My daughter and her partner are undoubtedly in love, 
although, sadly, I don't think they've admitted it to themselves yet.
	"How is she, Mrs Scully?" I hear Fox's voice behind me 
and I turn around to see his smiling face, two cups of coffee in his 
hands.
	"Still very restless, Fox", I answer.
	He sits down in the chair next to mine and looks at Dana. 
For anyone still in doubt about the strength of their affection, they 
should come and see his fond look.
	Then he sits up and turns to me. "Oh, here's your coffee, 
Mrs Scully."
	I smile as I take the cup. Fox has never stopped calling me 
this. I once suggested he call me Margaret or Maggie, or even 
Mom, but he never did that. And considering he calls Dana by her 
surname, I suppose that is logical too. 
	He takes a sip from his coffee and caresses Dana's cheek. 
And look, she grows tranquil. I've seen this happen before but it 
will never cease to amaze me: Fox can make my daughter calm 
down no matter what happens or happened to her. And when he has 
to tell her something that grieves her, he can comfort her as well. 
She will always seek the protection of his presence as long as 
they're together. I just wonder if they've ever realised this 
themselves as well. I don't think they have.
	Maybe it's even better this way ...
	She murmurs and her hand comes up, seeking out his. Her 
movements are uncoordinated, but he meets her hand half-way and 
she closes her hand around his, intertwining their fingers.
	"Do you think it will be long before she'll be fully awake, 
Mrs Scully?" Fox asks. I shake my head.
	"I don't know, Fox", I answer, rubbing his back softly.
	"Last time she woke up from a coma, she was awake almost 
immediately. Why is it different this time?" he asks.
	"That I don't know either", I answer.
	"Do you think this is actually normal?"
	"I think so, Fox. I'm afraid last time was in fact an 
exception ..."
	"Oh ...", he says and I can see he's disappointed although 
he tries hard not to show it.
	He keeps caressing her hand and I see Dana smile ever so 
slightly. I don't need to see her smile though, her whole physique 
tells me she's enjoying this. She's enjoying Fox's presence and now 
that she's so unaware of herself, she isn't hiding it behind her 
professionalism. Sometimes I wish my daughter would show a bit 
more of herself, it would make such a difference ...
	"I think she really likes this, don't you think, Mrs Scully?" 
Fox asks and I nod. He has abandoned his professional demeanour 
completely for the moment, right now he's simply a man who's 
glad with every gesture, every sign of life that comes from his 
seriously ill partner, my daughter.
	"It's you who brings this out in her, Fox", I say and he 
smiles shyly.
	"Naw, she just likes being touched this way", he answers. 
"She'd like it just as much if it was you who touched her like this."
	I shake my head and close my hand over his. "No, Fox, 
she's so calm now because she feels safe. She feels safe because 
you're here with her. She senses your presence." He looks at me. 
"She was very restless when you were away, but she grew calm the 
moment you touched her. It was as if she realised that you were 
going to look after her now. She knows you'd never let anything 
happen to her."
	He shuts his eyes tightly and when he opens them again I 
can see tears in the corners.
	"I'm not like that, Mrs Scully", he says softly. "If I could 
do that she wouldn't be here now."
	He reaches out and cradles her head in his hands as though 
he wants to prove the opposite of his words, that he really can 
protect her from all evil.
	"You'd never let anyone hurt her", I say and he shakes his 
head.
	"The first one to hurt Scully will get his guts blown out as 
soon as I've got my fingers on him", he answers and I'm glad he 
smiles a bit. It softens the tone of his words.
	"I have a feeling you'll never need to do that, Fox", I say. "I 
believe in you and Dana, I don't think anything could ever happen 
to you two ..."
	He looks at me. At first he doesn't say anything, but then he 
speaks. His words come slowly. "I want to believe, Mrs Scully. I 
want to believe in Dana and you and myself, I want to believe in us 
..." Then he leans in and kisses Dana on her cheek. She murmurs 
and moves towards him as though she wants more, encouraging him 
to touch her this way. "I believe in you, Scully, don't let me down 
...", he whispers to her and he smiles, weaving his right hand 
through her hair. " ... I know you won't ..."
	He slowly sits back up and looks at me, looking slightly 
embarrassed. I smile and his lips curve just the slightest bit further. 
We don't speak. 
	Then the door opens and Doctor Young enters. "Agent 
Mulder, can I have a word with you?"
	I'm amazed to see how Fox changes into Agent Mulder, 
from a warm, sensitive man he changes into the consummate 
professional. He rises and follows Doctor Young out the room.
	Meanwhile Dana frowns and twists and turns in her bed. 
She's troubled. She's probably dreaming and something tells me it 
has everything to do with her and Fox ...

	MULDER AND I LOOK at each other and we nod. What must 
be done, must be done, there's no way we can avoid it, no way to 
walk around the problem and ignore its presence.
	He's waiting for us and he wants Mulder.
	Why? We think it's because Mulder is strong, but more 
emotional. He is easier to influence, if you can reach through his 
shield of professional cool which protects him so well.
	Modell knows this. And he also knows that he may just be 
the second one to ever break through Mulder's resistance and get 
under his skin.
	I was the first one ...
	I sit in the van and see Mulder in his jeans and T-shirt. Very 
James Deanish and maybe another time I might actually have 
enjoyed looking at him dressed like that. Mulder is a handsome 
man. He works out, he runs five miles every day, his body is 
muscular and toned. Healthy and strong.
	But now, at this moment, I only see him as my partner and 
I'm afraid for him.
	He just received the equipment with which we can follow 
his every move via microphones and a camera, allowing us to keep 
a close eye on what happens, and, if necessary, we can come into 
action. God, I hope so much we'll never have that necessity ... The 
hospital has been surrounded by elite-forces, Modell has not a 
single chance of getting away unnoticed.
	Mulder receives some last-minute information about the 
equipment, but he hardly seems to listen. Then he slowly turns 
around, I see the image his head-camera projects on the monitor. 
And then, as he's on his knees in front of me, I see myself, my 
expression sad. I feel sad.
	Mulder just made some very wrong remark, asking about 
the Playboy-channel. I know he watches porn, but it's something I 
always try to deny for myself, because it makes me sick. It always 
does, but especially when it's him I mean. He has so much 
admiration for strong women. Why then does he enjoy watching 
other women being used for entirely physical purposes only? It 
hurts ...
	He's on his knees and smiles up at me.
	"Smile, Scully", he says. I try, but I'm sure my attempted 
smile doesn't even reach my nose, let alone my eyes. Then he takes 
his gun and places it in my hands. I don't understand.
	"Take it, Mulder", I say, but he shakes his head.
	"No. I wouldn't want to end up pointing it at anyone but 
Modell", he says and I know he has a point there. Modell is lethal. 
He made a marine set himself alight, God knows what he could 
make Mulder, a vastly less stable man than that marine, do without 
so much as batting an eye-lid.
	Our eyes release each other and we look at our hands. 
They're close to each other, lying in my lap and with a determined 
but gentle movement I close my hand over his.
	Come back, it says.
	I care.
	I care about you.
	Watch out, it says.
	I love you, it says.
	Come back to me. Please.
	And then he's gone. I assume my place behind the 
equipment and I see him walk into the hospital. The camera follows 
every movement of his head as he scans the rooms. Amazed looks 
from the Doctors and nurses fill the screen of my monitor for short 
moments.
	Suddenly I hear shots being fired and for a moment I'm 
dead-certain they've been fired at Mulder, but then the image clears 
and I hear his report on the shooting. Strangely enough I see several 
bulletshells on the floor near the two bodies, though I'm pretty 
certain I heard only two shots, but, knowing better than to focus my 
attention on trivia like that, I turn my attention back to Mulder who 
has walked on.
	The image on the screen is good. I lost him just before the 
shooting and I admit that at that moment I was petrified.
	I never feel good when I'm not near him to watch his back 
and electronics are but a meagre substitute though I know they're 
better than nothing. And just a minute ago, nothing was all I had ...
	Mulder looks at a room filled with a huge white machine 
and I recognise it immediately. It's used for making MRI-scans. An 
image is projected onto the computer monitor outside the room and 
Mulder looks at it. For a second I only see just another brain scan, 
but then I remember our speculations about Modell's possible brain 
tumour and I ask Mulder to look at the monitor again.
	We were right. Modell is dying of cancer, he does have a 
brain tumour. Mulder picks up the folder which apparently was 
lying next to the computer keyboard and I hear his voice.
	"About a chance in a thousand, Scully." His words come 
slowly. "Modell's dying."
	Then suddenly he looks up and I see his face reflected in 
the window. It scares me, especially because he no longer reacts to 
my words. He turns around slowly and ...
	I stare right into the barrel of a gun and Modell's grinning 
face behind it. Modell reaches out and pulls the equipment from 
Mulder's head.
	The image goes black.
	Oh God ...

	THE NEXT IMAGE IN my memory is of me walking into the 
hospital. I'm putting on a bullet-proof vest while several heavily 
armed men flock around me. I have given them my gun, like 
Mulder I know just what Modell is capable of doing. Of making 
people do. We turn around the corner and then I'm on my own.
	My self-assured attitude lies in a heap of rubble near the 
feet of the men who are watching me just around the corner, their 
automatic weapons ready for use.
	I'm scared. It's no point fooling myself: I'm scared out of 
my mind.
	I find myself clenching and unclenching my fists and 
praying that I will find Mulder alive and well. That last image of 
Modell pointing a gun directly at Mulder's head races through my 
head and makes me assume the worst.
	Carefully I push open doors and with utmost caution I look 
inside. Nothing. Just an old woman in a bed and ...
	I freeze. I see Mulder staring at something or someone I 
cannot see myself. Slowly I open the door further and I see Modell, 
still in his blue hospital gown. His hair sticks to his head and sweat 
trickles down his face. His eyes are blood-shot. He has Mulder in a 
trance.
	My heart is pounding in my throat as I sit down as silently 
as possible. A revolver is lying on the table between both men's 
hands. Mulder doesn't seem to have noticed me at all, his eyes are 
fixed on Modell's face. Modell greets me, then directs his attention 
back at Mulder and it hits me:
	This is Russian Roulette they're playing ... Oh, God ...
	Again Modell rants about his imagined past as a Japanese 
warrior, but I can tell from the look on his face that he too is past 
the stage where even he believes his own words. But he feels 
there's no way back for him. He's dying and he's determined to 
take Mulder with him. And there's nothing I can do to stop him.
	He loads the revolver with the one bullet and lets the bullet 
container spin. Fate is to determine who will die here. And Modell's 
got nothing to lose. He explains the rules of this deadly game to 
Mulder who seems to be totally unaware of what he's about to do to 
himself.
	"Each gets one pull at the trigger", Modell says and for a 
moment I see his certainty waver. But he recovers to control Mulder 
even more. I see Mulder's hand move towards the revolver, but 
Modell stops him from picking it up by placing his hand over 
Mulder's.
	"One pull", he says, forcing the words out.
	And then Mulder lifts the gun, points it at Modell. I see him 
tense, I feel my own body brace itself for the seemingly inevitable.
	For once, please, fate has got to be on our side ...
	Mulder pulls the trigger and I feel my eyes narrow.
	<click>
	Nothing.
	I look at Modell who lets go of the breath he had been 
holding. "Piece of cake", he says, his voice betraying that for a 
moment he really was scared, even though he claimed disregard for 
his own death. Nobody disregards one's own death, in the end 
we're all afraid to die, it's like that.
	I breathe out, but then in a flash I know who's going to be 
next and I die inside.
	"Mulder, no", I say, pleading him to stop this, to be strong 
enough to withstand the pressure.
	"Mulder, yes", Modell hisses and I hate him more than ever 
for having such control over Mulder.
	Mulder, please ... "Mulder, you don't have to do this", I 
say. "You're stronger than this, you're ..."
	He raises the gun to his temple and pulls the trigger.
	That shot ...
	Mulder, no ...

	"MULDER!!" SCULLY WAS SITTING straight up in bed, her 
hands clutching the blanket to her chest, her eyes tightly shut, her 
face contorted in an expression of intense pain and shock. 
"Mulder!!!"
	Margaret, who had been sitting next to her, jumped to her 
feet, startled by the terrified screams of her daughter.
	"Mulder!! No!!" Scully screamed and Margaret took her 
daughter by the shoulders, trying to calm her down.
	"Dana! Calm down!" she said with a strong voice. "Dana, 
what is it?"
	Scully opened her eyes. "Mulder's dead!", she cried. 
"Mulder's dead!!"
	"Dana, Mulder isn't dead, he's here, he's okay", Margaret 
answered, but Scully didn't hear her.
	"Mulder's dead", she said, still holding her blanket to her 
chest, her eyes closed and tears running from under her eyelids. 
"Mulder's dead ..."
	A nurse came into the room, alarmed by Scully's screams 
and Margaret asked her to get Mulder. In the meantime she tried to 
calm down her daughter.
	"Dana, Mulder is okay, he will be here in a moment", she 
said soothingly. "Honey, it's okay ..." She tried to loosen the fierce 
grip with which Scully still held onto the blanket, but that only 
made her turn away from her mother and get into another fit of 
panic.
	"Mulder, no ...", she said with unfathomable pain in her 
voice. "Mulder ..." Then she screamed again. "Mulder!!!"
	At that moment Mulder came storming in and with one look 
at Margaret he sat down on the bed and took Scully in his arms.
	"Scully! Scully, what's wrong?"
	The sound of his voice made her open her eyes and her 
fingers loosened the vice-like grip on the blanket. She wrapped her 
arms around him and pulled him closer to her.
	"Not dead ...", she whispered and cried. "Mulder not dead 
..."
	Although he didn't know what had made her assume he had 
died, he didn't waste any time on that now.
	"I'm not dead, Scully, I'm here", he said softly, tucking her 
head under his chin. "I'm right here with you."
	She let her arms drop from where she had them. Then she 
folded them between them, her hands flat against his chest as he 
kept her close to him.
	"Thought you were dead, Mulder", she whispered, her tears 
still flowing, moistening the front of his shirt. He slowly rocked her 
and gradually her deep sobs became soft sniffles and then, with a 
deep sigh, he felt her relax.
	"Mulder?" he heard her whisper.
	"Yes, Scully?" 
	She sighed again. "Nothing ..." Then her hands dropped 
away from his chest and her head leaned heavily against it. She was 
asleep again.
	But Mulder couldn't make himself lay her down already so 
he held her for a few more minutes. He looked at her mother, still 
holding his precious partner close, rocking her softly.
	"This is no way to wake up for anyone", Margaret said with 
a pained voice.
	He shook his head, his eyes shutting tightly for a moment. 
"No, it isn't", he said, reliving every morning he had woken up like 
this without anyone to comfort him. "No, it isn't."

	WHEN MULDER CAME BACK the next day the contrast with 
the tense atmosphere of the day before couldn't be greater. Scully 
was in bed, her mother held her hand and her eyes were open. When 
she saw him her eyes widened and she smiled. Ruthlessly she 
pulled her hand from her mother's to grasp Mulder's.
	He had never felt so touched by anything ...
	Margaret hadn't seemed to mind that her daughter had 
traded her in for her partner so bluntly and she pulled a chair closer 
to the bed for Mulder who seemed unable to look at anybody but his 
partner.
	"Mulder", Scully whispered and Mulder could've swept her 
in his arms just then and there if it wasn't for common sense to hold 
him back ...
	"Hey Scully", he said, his voice suddenly soft with 
emotion. He studied her relaxed expression and he discovered once 
again just how much he loved looking at her. He gently touched his 
fingers to her cheek which made her smile deepen even more until 
dimples appeared in her cheeks.
	'God, I missed her', he thought, the thought sudden, but 
heart-deep.
	He looked at her mother who was sitting by the side of the 
bed and watched their fond looks and touches with all the love she 
felt for them. "How is she?" he asked.
	"Last night's nightmare shook her out of her waking coma", 
Margaret answered. A sad feeling crossed her gentle features. 
"She's awake now, aware of what's going on around her, but she 
sleeps quite a lot and she's still in a very early stage of her recovery. 
It might take another few months before she's ready to leave this 
hospital, the doctors told me."
	Mulder nodded and looked at the drowsy eyes of his partner 
who kept his hand to her chest as though it was a valued treasure. 
Then he saw her eyes slip shut, but she opened them right away, 
though she was unable to keep them open for very long.
	"Would you like me to go and let you sleep, Scully?" he 
asked, praying that she'd say no. He saw her shake her head 
slightly.
	"Stay", she whispered. "Till I sleep." Her eyes were already 
closed and he smiled.
	"Okay", he promised.

	THEY HAD WATCHED HER sleep quietly for about twenty 
minutes when Margaret rose from her chair.
	"Fox, would you like to go up to the restaurant with me to 
have a cup of coffee?" she asked. "There are some things I'd like to 
talk about with you."
	He looked at her and nodded. "Why, yes, of course, Mrs 
Scully." He got to his feet and looked at Scully's sleeping form for 
a moment. Then he bent over and kissed her softly on the forehead. 
She didn't wake up.
	"Rats", Mulder quipped, "guess I'm not her Prince 
Charming then after all."
	Margaret smiled and together they left the room.
	They had already reached the lifts when she spoke for the 
first time. "I can't tell you just how sick I am of hospitals", she 
sighed and Mulder nodded.
	"I know", he said.
	"When I received the news that you and Dana had returned 
from Brazil with Dana in a very critical condition, I cried ... I found 
it so very hard to understand why ..."
	"I know", Mulder whispered, knowing all too well how that 
felt.
	The lift rode up to the third floor where the restaurant was 
situated and they were silent for the duration of the ride. When they 
exited the car Mulder spoke. "It was quite hard to convince the 
people in the hospital in Macapa of the necessity to get her to this 
hospital, it ..." His factual delivery of the bare facts was interrupted 
by words that came from much deeper within. "I'm so sorry, Mrs 
Scully ..."
	She touched her hand to his arm and thanked God that he 
didn't flinch at the contact. "I know you are, Fox", she said gently, 
"and I also know that I wouldn't want anyone but you to keep an 
eye on my baby girl." Mulder looked at her and she nodded to 
confirm the truth of her words. It touched him deeply.
	"I'll ... I'll go and get the coffee, okay, Mrs Scully?...", he 
said softly.
	"That's fine, Fox", she answered smiling, touched to see 
how much her words could move him. "I'll go and find us a table."

	HE HARDLY TOUCHED HIS coffee as he sat with his head 
leaning on his interlocked hands and staring at some point in the 
distance.
	"You know, Fox", Margaret began. "I once read that one 
should never deprive a person of hope as it may be all they have 
left. When I heard about Dana's accident I felt like ... someone had 
just done that -- taken away my hope.
	"And when I first saw her, lying so still among all those 
machines, those horrible pipes and tubes coming from all over her 
body, I felt like this time I was going to lose my baby girl for real. I 
cried, Fox, I wondered why my little girl had to meet with all these 
accidents and there was nothing I could do for her but hold her hand 
and pray that she'd pull through and get better again ..." She looked 
at Mulder who hardly moved. "Do you believe in God, Fox?"
	Mulder looked down at his coffee, not ready to meet her 
eyes. He slowly shook his head. "No, Mrs Scully, I do not." He 
raised his head to see Margaret look at him, her smile sad but not 
accusing.
	"You know that Dana has lost quite a bit of her faith as 
well, don't you?" she asked and he nodded. "Sometimes", she 
continued, "this saddens me, but she's a very smart person, she's 
perfectly able to decide for herself what she believes or doesn't 
believe." She thought for a moment. "I have always found 
consolation in my faith, in my belief in God, I have found hope and 
rest in it, but for some time now I've been finding that in the 
connection between Dana and you as well. I heard you talking to 
her on that second day, telling her that you'd let her go if that was 
what she really wanted ... It was something I never thought I'd ever 
hear anyone say to her. I never thought anyone would be willing to 
give up so much for my daughter's happiness."
	"I really meant it, Mrs Scully, but it was so hard to say, I 
was so afraid ...", Mulder answered softly.
	Margaret closed her hand over his. "I understand, Fox", she 
said and they were silent for a moment.
	"When I saw Dana like that, so deep in a coma without any 
clear indication that she'd wake up soon or in fact that she'd wake 
up at all, I remembered her living will", Margaret said softly. "It 
was something I wanted to discuss with you, but then she woke up 
yesterday and I guess I was just so eager to forget about the 
document. But ..."
	"But what, Mrs Scully?" Mulder asked, already having 
some idea as to what she was about to say.
	"But in case she should relapse into a coma, I need to know 
your opinion, Fox, and I don't want to wait until that terrible 
moment, because I can't be sure we'll both be able to make 
decisions with a clear enough mind. And nothing matters more to 
me when it comes to Dana than what you think. What you think 
best for her."
	Mulder looked at her. "Why me? I ... I'm no relative, I'm 
not a member of your family, I..." He shook his head. Margaret 
looked at him, but didn't say anything at first. Then she spoke 
slowly.
	"Like I said, no opinion is as important to me as yours 
when it's about Dana. I know what you're thinking, Fox, or at least 
I think I do. You think I should ask her brothers about this ..." 
Mulder nodded and she smiled, shaking her head. "No, Fox, you're 
wrong there. I hold my sons' opinions in high esteem, but they're 
hardly ever here ... No one knows my daughter as well as you do, 
you are much more important to me when it comes to her. I will ask 
Bill and Charlie what they think if it should ever come down to it, 
but your opinion ..."
	"It's what she wants", Mulder answered slowly. "She made 
this living will, she wants it..." He looked at her and saw she wasn't 
satisfied with this answer. He sighed and shook his head. "No", he 
said. "I could never decide to carry out the will. I know how selfish 
this is, but I simply can't."
	"You signed as her witness", Margaret reminded him.
	He groaned. "God, don't I know that! And last time this 
issue came up I don't think I ever regretted putting my name under 
anything as much as on that piece of paper! Mrs Scully, I don't 
know if you can understand this, but I can't decide whether or not 
to ... switch off the life-support. I can't ... It would make me feel as 
if I'd have a hand in her fate. As if I'd even have the right to have a 
hand in it! And in case she should die as result of the fact that I said 
yes ... I'd never be able to look myself in the face again." He 
sighed, but it sounded more like a sob. "Mrs Scully, basically Dana 
and you are all I've got in the world ... I can't bear to lose one of 
you ... much less decide about it ..."
	He shook his head and when he spoke again his words 
came slowly. "I also read something about wisdom, Mrs Scully, and 
it stuck with me."
	"What was that, Fox?"
	He looked at her as he rose to his feet. "Beware of those 
who have nothing to lose", he said in a low voice and left the 
restaurant, leaving Margaret at the table. She felt her heart 
embracing him again, wanting to hold him like she had always done 
with her own children when they were hurt and sad.
	"God bless you, Fox Mulder", she said softly and smiled. 
"God bless you for loving my daughter so much."
	Then she rose and headed for Dana's room, knowing that 
she'd find him there.

*~*~*

One week later

	MULDER WAS ONCE AGAIN sitting by Scully's bedside when 
he heard a timid knock on the door. Whoever it was didn't come in, 
but waited for him to open the door so he got up and walked over to 
the door to open it. His eyes widened.
	"Frohike?"
	"Is this a bad time, Mulder?" the short man asked and 
Mulder shook his head.
	"No, no, come in."
	He let Frohike walk past him and as they walked towards 
Scully, Frohike turned to Mulder. "How is she doing?" he asked.
	"Okay", Mulder answered. "She's awake, but there's still a 
long way to go for her."
	They approached the bed and Margaret, who had never met 
Frohike, rose to introduce herself. Frohike did the same, introducing 
himself as an old friend of Mulder's, making Mulder grin and 
whisper to her that "He's even more paranoid than me!" It made her 
laugh.
	"Never thought that was possible, Fox", she answered and 
they smiled. Then Mulder turned to Scully who appeared to have 
been stubbornly sleeping through it all.
	"Hey, Scully, look who came from the darkness of his lair 
to visit you", he said gently and she stirred. With a soft sound she 
opened her eyes and a small smile flirted with her lips when she 
saw who it was.
	"Should've known you guys wouldn't leave us alone", she 
whispered. "What's the conspiracy this time, Frohike?"
	"Scully! You're offending him!" Mulder said, but he 
couldn't hide the amused grin. Frohike on the other hand didn't 
know very well what to make of it and smiled a bit awkwardly. 
Then he nervously handed her a small present. Scully reached out to 
take it, then looked at Mulder. "Can you open it for me, Mulder?"
	He took it and while he took the wrapping off, she 
continued, speaking to Frohike. "So, what's it this time, Frohike? 
Let's see, we had the Roswell incident, we know all about the cattle 
mutilations now, em, I think that brings us to 'Who killed JFK', 
mm?"
	He didn't answer straight away, but they heard Mulder's 
surprised laughter. "God, Scully, are you psychic, or what?" and he 
held up the book entitled 'The Grassy Knoll -- What Really 
Happened' and she smiled.
	"Well", Frohike said, feeling slightly uneasy. "We thought 
you'd like to know the truth, you know. We read it, it's good, the 
review is in this month's issue of TLG. We mailed you a copy."
	"Well, in that case I should certainly read it, shouldn't I?" 
she smiled.
	Frohike found it difficult to come up with an answer so he 
looked at Mulder who had sat down, holding Scully's hand.
	"Actually", he began, "there is something I wanted to 
discuss with you, Mulder."
	Mulder raised his eye-brows. "So, and what could that be? 
The total implosion of the universe, the second Big Bang, or simply 
a controlled Armageddon?"
	"Ha-ha", Frohike said, not in the least amused. "This is 
serious, Mulder."
	Mulder looked at him. "Okay", he said, "what's the 
conspiracy all about then?"
	Frohike looked a bit worried. "I think we ought to find 
ourselves a more private place for that, Mulder."
	Mulder couldn't believe the man's words. "Oh, come on, 
Frohike! You know you can trust Scully and I can assure you the 
same goes for her mother!" he protested. Sometimes even he found 
the Lone Gunmen's paranoia exaggerated. Frohike fidgeted and 
Mulder gave in. "Okay, Frohike, have it your way. Excuse us, fair 
ladies", he said with a courtly bow.
	Scully chuckled, amused by both Mulder's mock-formal 
bow and by Frohike's nervosity. "Ah, Frohike, you're no fun 
anymore!"
	Mulder grinned. "There you go!" he said and followed the 
man out of the room.

	"OKAY, FROHIKE, IT'S SHOWTIME!" Mulder said when they 
had finally found a place in the hospital which Frohike deemed safe 
enough.
	The man took the briefcase he had kept with him the whole 
time and, with an air which would've suited David Copperfield, he 
opened the lid to reveal the contents. Inside were several small 
plastic boxes containing some kind of living creature, but Mulder 
couldn't make out what they were so he bent over to take a closer 
look. 
	He was startled by what he saw and frowned. "Are these ..."
	"Yep, the same as you saw down there in the rain-forest", 
Frohike answered.
	Mulder took one of the boxes from the briefcase and 
examined its contents. "Where did you get these?"
	"Langly managed to hack into a certain database of which 
the source had better be kept a secret and we managed to acquire 
twelve specimens of this particular species of beetle."
	"But, for what purpose? Why bother?" Mulder asked. "I 
mean, we've found the venom in Scully's blood and Doctor Young-
- ..."
	"Doctor Young? Doctor Sean Young?" Frohike interrupted 
him and Mulder nodded. "What a coincidence", Frohike continued 
enigmatically and whistled through his teeth. "Go on, Mulder."
	Mulder shrugged and did so. "Doctor Young ordered some 
tests to be run on the samples containing the venom. He thinks it's a 
mutated form of serotonin. I guess she went through some kind of 
anaphylactic shock, a rare allergic reaction to the insect's venom."
	"I certainly hope that's all there is to it, Mulder", Frohike 
said, handing him the briefcase. "I advise you to find Agent Pete 
Hansen, he's a trustworthy entomologist, and let him go over the 
animals. The outcome may surprise you ..."
	"What do you mean?" Mulder asked, more than a little 
irritated by Frohike's sense of paranoia. "Are you suggesting that ... 
that these beetles ..."
	" ... are man-made, Mulder."
	Mulder laughed and shook his head. "You're nuts, you 
know that, Frohike? You're out of your perverted little mind!"
	Frohike said nothing, just looked at Mulder. "Get them 
examined, Mulder", he said eventually and walked away. "Oh, and 
keep it off the record! Some people would rather not see you get 
them studied!"

*~*~*

	ASSISTANT DIRECTOR SKINNER SAT behind his desk and 
looked around his office. It wasn't terribly attractive, he noticed, 
there was hardly anything that would distinguish this office from 
the random Assistant Directors' offices this building housed. 
Massive desk, two brown leather arm-chairs waiting opposite of 
him, a photo of president Clinton on the wall, watching over the 
justice spoken in this office. Others often had pictures of their 
families neatly arranged on their desk. But not he; even before his 
divorce he hadn't kept a picture of his wife in his office, it hadn't 
seemed important to him. He and Sharon hadn't married out of 
love, and the divorce had proved to be more difficult in court than 
at home.
	Then he looked at the small pile of papers lying on his 
immaculate desk and with an absent-minded move he ran his 
fingers through them. He wasn't pleased with what they held.
	For a moment he was determined not to sign them. It was 
going to break them, to break the bond they had and which he 
admired so much. But he knew he had precious little choice in this 
matter. His only duty was to see to it that the order was carried out.
	He closed his eyes for a moment and forced himself to see 
reason. He took a pen and determinedly turned to the last page, 
intentionally avoiding to read the rest. He knew what was there, he 
had read it countless times before, and he had no desire to read it 
again.
	Then, with a strong movement, he signed his name under it, 
thereby authorising the execution of the issue lying in front of him. 
He closed the folder and pushed it aside. Then he called his 
secretary.
	"Penny, I need to see Agent Mulder right away."

*~*~*

	"WOW, AGENT MULDER!" THE young scientist studied the 
small box he was holding in his hand. He took the beetle expertly 
from its container and turned it around. Then he put the animal back 
and closed the lid. "This is real?"
	"The real McCoy", Mulder answered, not half as 
exhilarated about the object as the young man next to him. "And I 
want you to examine them, Agent Hansen. Whatever way you see 
fit and whatever measures you deem necessary."
	"I only heard about these, Agent Mulder, they're very rare. 
I'm very excited to finally get to see one for real!"
	"Mm, they're not as rare as they'd like you to think, as long 
as you know where to look for them", Mulder answered. "But it's 
all right that you'd like to think they're rare for I want this 
examination to be off the record, understood?"
	Hansen frowned. "Off the record, Agent Mulder? For what 
reasons?"
	"Personal reasons mainly", Mulder answered in a clipped 
voice. "Let's just say that there are people who are aware of the fact 
that there are a few dozen more of these creeps around than you or 
most other scientists know. Agent Scully and I deal with these 
people more often than we like and we know what they're capable 
of." He stopped, realising he was about to give more information 
than necessary. He composed himself and continued in a no-
nonsense voice. "You have a 'carte blanche' concerning your 
intentions for these creatures. The one you're holding in your hand 
was killed only 30 minutes ago. I'd advise you to start on that one 
first as it's probably no longer that poisonous and certainly can't 
attack you anymore. The venom in itself is strong enough to kill and 
there is no special antidote, though the venom is believed to be 
serotonin-derived."
	"But I thought-- ..."
	"I know what you're thinking", Mulder cut him off. "And I 
want you to find out whether what you're thinking is correct, Agent 
Hansen. You're the entomologist. Do your job."
	Mulder took the small aluminium briefcase Frohike had 
given him and opened it. Inside were the other beetles.
	Alive.
	"You see, Agent Hansen, I'd advise you to try the dead bug 
first. The danger will be less. These creeps are pretty aggressive 
little guys."
	Agent Hansen broke into a sweat. He was more than just a 
little intimidated by the man who had brought him the briefcase. He 
knew of Agent Mulder's reputation, but he had always thought him 
to be a kind of a crank, a lot different from what he experienced 
right now. But at the same time that he felt this, he also felt that 
strange rush of excitement which was often so sorely lacking in the 
laboratories he always worked in. He cleared his throat and looked 
at Mulder.
	"Okay, Agent Mulder, you got yourself a deal. What do you 
want me to find or do?"
	"I want you to examine these beetles. And you will report 
your findings to me and to me only, is that clear?" Mulder's voice 
was as cold and emotionless as before.
	"But what if-- ..."
	"Is that clear, Agent Hansen?" he cut him off and turned on 
his heels, not waiting for the man to answer. And, standing in the 
doorway, Mulder turned around and said: "You will not be 
disturbed, Agent Hansen. Trust me."
	Then Mulder closed the door and for the first time that day, 
he smiled. He took one last look through the small window in the 
door to see Pete Hansen study the dead beetle, a look of amazement 
on his face.
	"Sorry, Pete", he said softly and slightly amused. Then he 
walked on, already knowing what the results of Pete's tests would 
be. But he needed proof, he needed hard, solid, undeniable evidence 
with which he could confront the people responsible. And if that 
meant freaking out a young scientist, so be it. The kid had to learn it 
anyway.
	But first he needed to make sure that he'd be able to live up 
to his promise and that Pete really wouldn't be disturbed. After all, 
Special Agent Fox Mulder could be trusted, couldn't he?
	He scoffed at the idea as he walked on, hoping Pete Hansen 
wouldn't be needing too much time.

*~*~*

	"AH, GOOD MORNING, AGENT Mulder", Doctor Young said 
as he entered Scully's room. "It's good to see you here."
	"Thank you, Doctor", Mulder answered.
	Doctor Young came closer to the bed and looked at Scully 
who was sleeping soundly.
	"Has she been awake during the past two hours?" he asked 
and Mulder shook his head.
	"Nope. Been asleep for as long as I've been here", he 
answered. "Not much entertainment here anyway."
	"Mm, that's all right. In fact we didn't quite expect her to 
have woken up at all at this stage in the recovery process. She's 
slightly ahead of schedule", Doctor Young said.
	Mulder didn't react.
	"Actually, Agent Mulder, there is something about Dana I'd 
like to discuss with you", Doctor Young said, leafing through a thin 
folder he had brought with him. "I talked about this with the nursing 
staff and we have a couple of questions about her we'd like to have 
answered. So if you could follow me to my office, we can go over 
them and see what we can find."
	Mulder got up from his chair. "Sure."
	"The nurses are keeping a constant eye on her, Agent 
Mulder", Doctor Young assured him. "Any change in her condition, 
good or bad, and we'll be notified immediately."
	The men arrived at a white door near the department 
counter. A neat metal name-plate was attached to the door, 
announcing Doctor Young's name, title, and impressive position in 
the hospital. He opened the door and Mulder followed him inside.
	"Please have a seat, Agent Mulder", he said, sitting down 
behind his desk. Mulder took a chair and waited.
	Doctor Young opened a medical file, one of the half dozen 
or so he had lying on his desk. Then, without really looking at its 
contents, he folded his hands and leaned his chin on his hands.
	"We've been performing some examinations on Dana since 
her admittance to this hospital. In fact, we did a preliminary, 
general test right after she was admitted, which seemed to confirm 
our thoughts about her ailment and the necessary treatments. But 
when we took a closer look at the results which came from the lab, 
we found that they were all but what we'd been expecting. In fact 
they were quite ... extraordinary, to say the least. That's why we did 
some further, more specific tests. Still we didn't get the answers to 
our questions. And in the end we decided that perhaps you, as her 
partner in the FBI, would be able to supply us with some of the 
answers we couldn't find by testing her. Perhaps some answers or 
explanations that might give us a more detailed idea in which 
direction to look."
	Mulder frowned. "I'm not a medical doctor. I was trained in 
psychology, but I'm sorry to have to confess that I'm little 
experienced in medical sciences."
	"I know", Doctor Young said. "We weren't looking for 
medical opinions as I'm sure our hospital has specialists sufficiently 
trained to find answers to ailments of a purely medical nature. 
There are, however, some problems -- medical problems -- with 
Dana that, in our opinion, have an altogether different origin. An 
origin we do not know about. Now, on a purely personal basis, I've 
always been sort of interested in parascience, but even with the 
knowledge I accumulated in that field over the years, I find myself 
unable to explain some of the things we found in the tests."
	"Such as?"
	"Well, there are four things actually", Doctor Young said 
and he went through the sheets of paper, X-rays and MRI-scans in 
the file. Then he pulled out three sheets and, closing the file, he 
placed them on top of the folder. He looked at Mulder, assuming 
the same chin-on-hand position of just a minute ago. "First of all we 
found some evidence of brittleness in her bones, a brittleness we 
cannot explain. This is highly unusual as, as far as I know, this has 
only been detected in astronauts who spent a prolonged period of 
time in an environment of weightlessness, like those who lived in 
the space-centre Mir. As you may know the effect of lack of gravity 
has its effect on the structure of bone, muscle, and nerve tissue in 
the human body. While there are no traces of this abnormality in 
Dana's muscles or nerves, she does have the problem in her bones. 
It's nothing to worry about, she's still young and the problems are 
marginal, but it's something I cannot explain."
	Doctor Young looked at the paper to see what the next item 
on his list was. Mulder in the meantime was puzzled.
	'Prolonged period of weightlessness?' he thought.
	"The second thing on this list is a small scar she has at the 
base of her neck. Now, we assumed she had a piece of bulletshell 
under her skin there and had it removed at some point in her life, 
but the records we checked show no such injury or operation. It's 
only a minor item, but it puzzled me, especially in connection with 
the other items on my small list.
	"We did of course a routine check on her bloodwork which 
basically came out okay, that is, as we suspected. Apart from the 
amounts of animal venom which I discussed with you earlier, we 
did, however, find something else, something completely 
unexpected ..."
	"Branched DNA", Mulder said slowly, knowing what it 
was the Doctor meant.
	Doctor Young nodded. "As a matter of fact we did. We did 
find tiny amounts of branched DNA and frankly it has us in some 
confusion. Nobody has this in his or her blood as it's artificially 
constructed and again, after reviewing her medical files, we found 
no evidence of her being treated with anything even closely 
connected to it."
	Mulder didn't give his ideas away yet. He knew where all 
these things came from and actually, he wasn't terribly amazed to 
hear Doctor Young talk about it. The medical staff of this hospital 
had to be blind to miss it in fact. Things like these were bound to 
surface whenever she would have to undergo some really in-depth 
medical examination.
	"What is the fourth thing on your list, Doctor Young?" he 
asked. He'd have plenty of time to spout his ideas during the next 
few months, he had no reason to hurry now. Besides, it would 
probably help him to hear the whole story first and then draw 
conclusions.
	"Well ... um ...", Doctor Young hesitated for a brief 
moment. "We found that something was wrong with her 
reproductive organs ..."
	"She's infertile", Mulder said calmly and Doctor Young 
nodded.
	"We found that she is, yes."
	"Her ovaries were taken", Mulder said, his voice still as 
calm as before. But this time Doctor Young didn't nod and Mulder 
frowned. "Aren't they?"
	"In fact only one of them has disappeared", Doctor Young 
said. "She misses the right one, but the left one is still intact, though 
unproductive. No ova seem to have ripened from that one for a few 
years now, so in that respect she is indeed infertile, but not because 
she no longer has her ovaries."
	Mulder found he had some difficulties processing the 
Doctor's words. But, hadn't he seen -- and held -- the tiny tubes in 
the archives? Hadn't he seen the creatures apparently created with 
her eggs? The Kurt Crawford hybrids? And little Emily?
	"Does this mean that ... she could still have children?" he 
asked slowly, his words slow and deliberate as if it was something 
which required a careful waging of pros and cons. And maybe it 
was ...
	Doctor Young shook his head. "No, with the situation being 
as it is, she cannot bear children. The one ovary she still has doesn't 
produce any eggs and hasn't done so for a few years. To be honest 
we were slightly amazed by the healthy condition of the organ as 
organs usually deteriorates over the course of time when they're not 
used. I think one could safely say that her reproductive organs have 
sort of shut down, but we don't know because of what."
	A short silence fell in the office. Then Doctor Young 
continued.
	"What we would like to know is whether you have any 
thought on the possible origin of this bone-problem, the tiny scar on 
her neck, the unexplainable presence of the branched DNA in her 
blood and the mysterious disappearance of one of her ovaries and 
the total shut-down of the rest of her reproductive organs.
	"I'm asking you this in one go, Agent Mulder, because it's 
my personal opinion that they all have the same underlying cause. I 
hope that you understand that I don't require or even expect a full 
explanation if you don't have one, but, let's say we're just a tiny bit 
curious and anxious to help Dana in the best way possible."
	"I see", Mulder said. Then he leaned over the desk and 
looked at the young Doctor, keeping him pinned to his chair with 
his gaze, as though he was interrogating a suspect. "Doctor Young, 
do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?"

	TWO HOURS LATER DOCTOR Young's office was empty.
	"Anyway, I hope you'll be able to work with the 
information I gave you. I know it's not all that specific, but it's 
what I've got", Mulder said.
	"I think we can, yes. We know a few things more, and in 
this line of business everything helps", Doctor Young said, shaking 
Mulder's hand. "You going to Dana's room now?"
	Mulder shook his head. "No, I have an appointment with 
some fellow scientists and close friends of mine."
	"A second opinion?" Doctor Young asked with a frown.
	"No", Mulder answered. "Just a quick look at the paranoid 
side of life."

*~*~*

Lone Gunmen's office, 30 minutes later

	"OKAY, GUYS, IT'S 'SHOW and tell'!" Mulder said. "What 
have you got for me?" He sat back in his chair in the cramped room 
where the Lone Gunmen held residence.
	"Hold on tight, Mulder", Frohike said, switching on an 
illuminating magnifying glass.
	"I am", Mulder deadpanned, receiving looks from the three 
other men in the room.
	"What did Pete tell you about the beetles?" Langly asked 
and Mulder took some papers from his briefcase.
	"Well, he came as far as telling me that these beetles are not 
man-made, as Frohike tried to tell me, but they were certainly 
genetically mutated. They're a related species of Carabus silvestrus 
and have probably been imported into the South Americas. As for 
the animal's venom, he found this", Mulder said and he handed 
Langly a slip of paper on which a chemical formula was jotted 
down. "It's not serotonin." With the formula came a few scribbled 
notes which would only make sense to people used to seeing and 
dealing with them on a daily basis.
	The men took a look at the paper and nodded. Obviously it 
was what they had expected.
	"We thought as much, yes", Byers said. "It's the result of a 
fairly uncomplicated, run-of-the-mill gene-altering process. It can 
be conducted under standard circumstances and with ordinary 
laboratory equipment. It wouldn't attract too much unwanted 
attention. And the results are guaranteed to please."
	"To please them that is", Langly said and Frohike nodded 
grimly.
	"Chances of survival are practically zero", he said and 
Mulder shot up from his chair.
	"What do you mean?" he asked.
	"What we mean is that the genetic material contained 
within the cells in the venom attack the white blood-cells, 
paralysing them and basically it renders the immune-system 
inactive", Langly explained. "On top of that the venom sends 
warning-signals to those parts of the brain where body temperature 
is regulated. The victim's body doesn't know but thinks it's in a 
freezer, and immediately ... stokes the fires. The victim's body 
temperature rises uncontrollably to lethal heights within unheard-of 
time.
	"The fact that you managed to keep Scully's temperature 
down for as long as it took you to get her to a hospital is pretty 
remarkable. We don't know of any earlier case in which that has 
happened."
	"You mean, this isn't something new?" Mulder asked 
amazed. "I thought nobody knew of the existence of these beetles."
	"Oh no, Mulder", Byers said. "The gene-altering process is 
in fact a rather modern addition to old tests. These experiments 
have been conducted by American and Soviet government 
organisations for several decades now. We suspect this was all 
within the concept of biological war-fare. After all, these beetles 
looked a lot like the ones you see in your garden every day, nobody 
would be warned by a slight increase in their numbers. In fact, some 
people might even get enthusiastic, cheering that at last things were 
improving with the environment." 
	Langly nodded. "We think these beetles were bred 
specifically for infecting people with a deadly disease, and the 
availability of extraterrestrial material was actually pretty 
convenient."
	"These beetles are alien?" Mulder asked, not able to 
suppress an amazed chuckle. "Oh, come on, guys, this time you've 
really pushed it too far ..." He shook his head in disbelief.
	"Not the beetles", Frohike said. "Just part of the technology 
behind their existence."
	Mulder sighed. "Okay, okay, so these little creeps are part 
alien, I think I could just make myself buy that. But if this is such a 
deadly infection or whatever it is that had Scully in a coma, why did 
she survive for so long? If it's true what you're telling me, we 
shouldn't even have made it out of the Inca city with her alive, or 
am I completely wrong here?"
	"We don't know", Byers said after exchanging looks with 
his fellow-conspirators. "That's one of the things we haven't 
figured out yet."
	"Is there a chance she'll pull through and get well?" Mulder 
asked.
	"Certainly hope so", Frohike said just a bit too eagerly and 
Mulder's hand shot out and nearly punched his nose in. "I'm 
serious!" the short man protested.
	"Frohike, one of these days I'm gonna pull my gun and 
blow your guts out for your perverted ideas", Mulder said 
exasperated.
	"Sorry", the man muttered and moved back to his computer 
with a slightly indignant move.
	Langly cleared his throat and gave a more serious answer. 
"We know that Scully's improvements may have a lot to do with 
the doctor who's taking care of her."
	"Doctor Young?"
	"That's the guy", Byers said. "Famous man in our circles."
	"Positively or negatively?" Mulder asked.
	"Actually, we don't know for sure. We know he has 
connections with the Syndicate, but we haven't been able to get a 
clear picture of the actual extent of that connection. In a way we're 
all connected to that little group via the simple reason of having 
been born in this country", Byers answered. "We know he has been 
approached by high-ranking members of that elite group of elders 
on a regular basis, the last time a few weeks ago. And a few days 
ago that chain-smoking bastard came by his office in the hospital as 
well."
	"Cancer Man?" Mulder asked. "Cancer Man was in the 
hospital? What did he do? Did he get to Scully's room? Did he hurt 
her?"
	"Mulder, sit back down", Byers said. "He didn't even come 
near the room. We think he merely came for something which 
mattered to Doctor Young only."
	"Meaning?" Mulder asked, not quite understanding what he 
meant.
	"Our smoking friend has a cure and most likely he just 
delivered it to Doctor Young", Frohike said.
	Mulder sighed. "That's not gonna be charity, guys, he has 
an eye on someone for a deal. These people never do it any other 
way."
	The three men didn't answer. "Well, whatever it is, Doctor 
Young can still be trusted as far as we can see."
	"I see", Mulder merely said. Then he turned back to the 
original cause of him coming over to the Lone Gunmen's office. 
"About this cure, is there any possibility that her chance-encounter 
with the little green men has anything to do with her apparently 
surprising recovery?"
	"Maybe, we don't really know", Langly said. "Why?"
	"Well", Mulder said. "I had a meeting with Doctor Young 
this morning and he asked me about the traces of that branched 
DNA which almost killed her a few years ago and about that scar in 
her neck. And although I didn't know then what I know now, I 
think her little trip into outer space may have given her a slight 
advantage as well."
	Langly nodded. "Perhaps it may have." Then he looked at 
the others. "I hope so", he added. Mulder was touched by the 
sincere concern in the man's voice.
	A silence fell and Mulder coughed softly. "Anyway, I think 
I'd better go back. Skinner promised to come by Scully in a few 
days and I'm expected at HQ in an hour and a half. Apparently 
they're carrying out their threat of giving me a new partner."
	"Man or woman?" Byers asked and Mulder shrugged.
	"I have no idea", he answered truthfully.
	"If it is a woman as pretty as the beautiful Agent Scully, 
please be so kind as to mention me to her", Frohike said and Mulder 
humphed.
	"In your dreams, Frohike!"
	The man grinned. "More often than you think, Mulder!" 
and Mulder rolled his eyes, making his way back to civilisation.

*~*~*

	"AGENT O'DONNELL"
	The young woman shivered despite the warmth of summer. 
She looked at the man standing by the window of the well-lit office. 
He didn't seem at ease here, seeking the darker corners of the office 
as if the light was uncomfortable to him.
	"Yes, sir?"
	"Do you have any idea what you are here for?" the man 
asked and Agent O'Donnell shook her head.
	"No, sir", she answered, "but I've been under the 
impression that I certainly hear that from you within reasonable 
time."
	The man lit a cigarette and nodded. "Yes, Agent O'Donnell, 
you will." He took a few draws from his cigarette, then placed it in 
an ash-tray. "Are you familiar with an Agent called Fox Mulder?"
	Agent O'Donnell looked at him and smiled a bit.
	"Why, yes sir", she answered. "I heard other Agents talk 
about him. He works with an Agent called Dana Scully, who taught 
us a few times in college. What I heard is that he's very smart but a 
bit ... weird ... or so they say. He's got this nickname, they call him 
'spooky'. Spooky Mulder."
	The man looked at her, not in the least amused by her 
account and her smile faded. Then she looked at him, her mind as 
sceptical as it could ever get.
	"So, what's the deal?" she asked.
	The man handed her a manilla folder. "As of right now 
you're Agent Mulder's official partner. I suppose it's better if you 
went to see him and got to know him."
	She got up from her chair and walked out of the office, not 
once looking around. The man, who was still standing in the corner 
of the room, moved from his place and drew the blinds. Then, in 
semi-darkness, he walked over to the computer, switched it on and 
logged onto the Bureau-net. Then he linked a message he had 
received by means of the Internet to a certain address. He smiled. 
There was simply no way they wouldn't find this sooner or later. He 
logged out and switched the computer off. Then he extinguished his 
cigarette in the ash-tray and left the office. No one had noticed him. 
He blended in perfectly, he was invisible, a dja-vu everyone 
always forgot.

*~*~*

	"MAY I COME IN, Agent Scully?"
	Scully woke up from her light reverie caused by the 
sedatives and endless boredom to see Assistant Director Skinner in 
the door way. She smiled.
	"Of course, sir", she answered and pushed herself up a 
little. She still hadn't regained control over her legs, but it was 
getting better.
	Skinner approached the bed and stood uneasily until Scully 
at last invited him to take a chair and sit down.
	"How are you feeling, Agent Scully?" he asked.
	"I'm fine, sir", she answered. "Apparently I'm way ahead 
of schedule, though I'm afraid it's going to take a little while longer 
before I'll be able to leave the hospital and return to work."
	The Assistant Director smiled a little. "That's satisfying 
news to hear, Agent Scully. You have been quite a topic among the 
other Agents since you were admitted to hospital. Actually both you 
and Agent Mulder have been."
	"Really?" she asked, somehow pleasantly surprised by her 
boss's semi-casual demeanour. God knows, it was probably as 
casual as he was going to be anyway. 
	"Sir, you wouldn't know where Mulder is, would you?" she 
asked after a little while.
	"I think he's in the office at the moment, Agent Scully", 
Skinner answered.
	"The office?" Scully frowned. "But I thought he was 
temporarily pausing from work."
	"He was, Agent Scully, but he requested taking up cases 
again. You have some experience in how the routine goes. If he 
weren't returning to The X-Files, he'd be assigned on other case-
studies. It is my personal opinion his talents are more useful in 
fields where his heart really lies."
	"He never liked working for the VCS anyway", Scully said.
	"No, he didn't", Skinner said. "And it's clear there's no 
Agent better qualified for the investigation than he is."
	'And me', Scully added mentally and not without a secret 
trace of pride. After five years of chasing down aliens, monsters, 
and mutants, and combinations of the three, she felt she had indeed 
gained quite some insight into the mysterious world hidden in those 
files labelled under the letter X. It made her feel proud. Proud to be 
a part of it. Proud to be one of that select group of people Mulder 
had let into his domain. Proud to be working with Mulder. Proud to 
be ...
	"In fact", Skinner interrupted her thoughts. "I think he'll be 
available to come to the hospital in about an hour. His semi-
reassignment was bound to bring up some work for him to do." He 
got up from his chair. "And I'm afraid that there's some work 
awaiting me as well."
	"I understand, sir", she said and smiled. "Thank you very 
much for making time to come and see me. I appreciate it very 
much."
	The Assistant Director gave one nod and turned.
	"Oh, excuse me, sir", he heard Scully's voice behind him. 
He turned towards her. "What was it that had Mulder occupied for 
today? He never told me anything about it, that's not really like 
him."
	"Why, Agent Scully, I thought you already knew", Skinner 
said, taking the door-handle. "He was assigned a new partner, 
Special Agent Claire O'Donnell. He's probably working her in." 
And with those words he left her alone.

	SCULLY WAS GLAD HE had left; her thoughts were too 
mixed-up, her mind too horrified by this new information to be able 
to have a decent and sensible conversation anyway.
	A new partner?
	Mulder had a new partner?
	But what about her? She was his partner, wasn't she? She 
was the one he could confide in, she was the one who worked with 
him, who backed him up, who had risked her life for him so often. 
Wasn't she? 
	He couldn't just trade her in so casually for someone else -- 
a woman even! -- when she was in hospital for some temporary dip 
in her health! Could he?
	She couldn't believe Skinner's words, it was just not 
possible, Mulder would never betray her like that ... Would he ...?
	And as tears of anger and deeply-felt grief began to fall, she 
turned and buried her face in the pillow.
	'Oh, Mulder', she thought as tears soaked the fabric. 'How 
could you do this to me? How could you ever betray me like this?' 
She sobbed loudly, deep, relief-bringing sobs, and didn't care about 
what other might like to think. 'I thought you cared about me, 
Mulder!' she thought and wept. 'I thought you returned my feelings 
...'
	And as the tear flow became more violent and angry, so did 
her temper and with a quick, furious move she turned onto her back 
and screamed with all the anger and strength she could muster.
	"Mulder, you bastard!!" 
	Then she covered her face with her hands and cried for 
what she had lost so cruelly.

	"MULDER, YOU BASTARD!"
	Mulder sighed. He could practically hear his conscience 
say, well, scream it in his ear.
	He had received a new partner for the time being and 
although he knew it was probably all for the best, he couldn't help 
feeling like he was betraying Scully by doing so.
	When he had heard about his new partner he had forced 
himself to look only at the logical sides of such a decision, but his 
mind kept reminding him of how this person would never be able to 
work with him. He needed Scully here ...
	With a determined move he cleared Scully's desk so that 
his new partner would have a place to work. He wasn't as 
determined though when he saw the empty desk and Scully's scarce 
office-belongings in a few cardboard boxes by his own desk.
	He couldn't help feeling like he had lost her somehow. 
After all, this was exactly what he'd have to do when -- God forbid 
-- there would ever come a time that she'd no longer be there for 
him. When she'd never return to this office. Or his life ...
	'Stop it!!' he shouted inwardly. He sat down at his desk and 
leaned his head in his hands, covering his eyes with them. Then he 
looked up and his eyes fell on the empty desk, belonging to the 
woman who was such an important part of his life. 'Fox Mulder, 
she's not gone. She may be ill, she may be in the hospital, but she's 
still your partner -- your real partner. She cares about you, she's not 
going away.'
	'No, I'm chasing her away', he thought and shook his head 
to get rid of the thought. 'I'm not chasing her away!'
	God, he missed having her here ...
	A rapping on the door shook him out of his thoughts. His 
new partner. He looked at his watch and nodded. Right on time. He 
disliked him already.
	'Probably a guy along the likes of Tom Colton', he thought. 
Good-looking, by the book and terribly sceptical. Someone he'd 
never be able to work with. 'Then again', he thought, 'that profile 
does fit Scully to a T ...' Whatever ...
	He got up and walked to the door. At least he could be 
decent enough to answer the door for his new partner. The man 
probably couldn't help being assigned to Spooky Mulder in the first 
place. There was still time enough to chase him out of the office 
and get him running for the hills.
	'If it's someone like Colton', he reminded himself, pasting 
a false smile on his face as he opened the door, 'you're not going 
to-- ... Oh Lord!' His thoughts suddenly took a totally different 
direction and the world turned a somersault around him.
	Right there in front of him was the most beautiful woman 
mankind had ever seen, he was dead-certain of that.
	"Agent Mulder?" she asked and smiled.
	'Say something, you fool!' he heard a little voice scold him. 
He cleared his throat and wished his two feet back on Planet Earth. 
"Eh, good afternoon, can I help you?"
	'Well done, Foxy boy', he thought and winced. 'That 
sounded just like-- ... Wake up!'
	The woman laughed and Mulder felt his hormones do an 
excited little dance. God, even her laugh was like he had never 
heard or seen before.
	"Actually, Agent Mulder, I'm assigned as your new partner 
for as long as Agent Scully can't be here."
	Scully. A welcome cold shower. Though his face probably 
told the woman he had never heard of an Agent Scully before. He 
knew he couldn't trust his hormones ...
	"Ahum, pleased to meet you, Agent-- ...", he began, 
wincing inwardly once again as he heard the eagerness in his voice.
	The woman extended a slender hand. "Agent O'Donnell. 
Claire O'Donnell."
	'Very pleased to meet you', the little Mulder-devil inside 
him answered, but he kept his mouth firmly shut. What was the 
matter with him?! Instead he settled for shaking her hand. He was 
proud of himself for this, at least he had managed to look relatively 
normal, not like someone who was in fact practically undressing a 
total stranger with his eyes as he found himself doing to his own 
embarrassment.
	Instead he settled for helping her out of her coat-- ...
	'And the rest-- ... Shut up!'
	... and gallantly hanging it on the coat-rack.
	'Gallantly ... in your dreams!' 
	He sighed. This was gonna be tough ...
	Claire meanwhile was standing in the office, looking 
slightly uneasy, casting curious, wondering glances around the 
strange office.
	"You know, Agent Mulder, I've heard a lot about you and 
about Agent Scully. About this office as well", she said, turning to 
face him.
	"Oh, really?" Mulder said with raised eye-brows as he 
walked to his desk and sat down behind it. "What have you heard 
then?"
	Claire looked at the chair by Mulder's desk and mentally he 
kicked himself for being such an insensitive moron. Gallant to the 
ladies as always ... Yeah, right ... He waved casually at the vacant 
chair and with a polite, slightly relieved nod she sat down.
	When she was sitting she smiled a little shyly. "Well", she 
said, looking down at her hands. "It depends on who you're asking 
really."
	"Of course", Mulder said. That didn't come as a big 
surprise.
	"I mean, there were people who sounded sincere and 
interested when they told me about you and Agent Scully. It was as 
if they really admired the work you do on the X-Files. They seemed 
rather positive as far as it came to my working with you. But other 
laughed. They think you're ... well ... crazy ..."
	"I'm sure that's not exactly the word they tend to use, 
Agent O'Donnell", Mulder said with wry amusement. "I think it's 
more along the lines of ... 'spooky' ..., isn't it?"
	"Well, yes, it is actually", Claire smiled. 
	Mulder smiled in return. 
	No Scully was she, but for the time being he could probably 
find a way to work with her. 'And get some long-denied personal 
needs satisfied in the process', his ruthless hormones teased. He 
winced. 'Fox Mulder, you are a pig!' He composed himself with a 
deep intake of stabilising, air-conditioned office-air. That usually 
did the trick when sexual tensions between him and Scully rose to 
dangerous levels as well ...
	"Anyway", he said and felt relieved at the calm sound of his 
voice, "I made some room for you. That desk over there is Agent 
Scully's desk, but you are free to use it for as long as we work as a 
team." Inwardly something still hurt as he said these words so 
casually, it almost felt like ... But then he shook his head 
imperceptibly and discharged the idea. No, he wasn't betraying 
Scully, he was just making the best of the situation and she knew it.
	Sorry, Scully ...
	"Speaking of her", Claire interrupted his thoughts. "How is 
Agent Scully doing?"
	"Scully? Under the present circumstances she's doing very 
well", Mulder said, unable to keep a warm smile from appearing. 
He was pleased to see Claire smile a genuine smile as well.
	"Any ideas on how long it's going to take before she'll be 
able to return to work?" she asked.
	"Not yet", he answered. "But she's certainly going to stay 
in the hospital for a little while longer. It's inevitable that it will 
cost some time before she'll be discharged."
	"I'm glad things are going well, Agent Mulder. I have 
always kind of admired her. I worked with a few other Agents and 
they were awed by her. Do you think she'd mind if  I went by to 
visit her someday soon?"
	"No, of course not", Mulder said. "I think she'd be pleased 
to meet her partner's new partner", he added with a smile.
	"She's bound to be disappointed in me", Claire said. "I'm 
not anywhere near what she is."
	"Nobody is", Mulder answered softly.
	"Which makes you a very lucky man, Agent Mulder", she 
added with a grin. "I don't think you have any idea just how many 
men in the building are just dying to have her for a partner!"
	"She's not available", he said.
	"No, and neither are you", she smiled. "Which makes me 
very lucky woman to be here ..."

	A FEW HOURS LATER Mulder looked up from his work to 
see his new partner ponder over the contents of a few articles he had 
given her as part of the X-File he was currently investigating. He 
smiled. Despite her lack of experience, both on the X-Files and on 
field-investigation in general, she was very very smart. She had 
come up with some interesting, fresh inroads into the problem and, 
something he kind of liked in particular, she wasn't half as sceptical 
as he had thought she'd be. In fact she was more or less what Scully 
had become by now: critical but open to wilder possibilities. It 
definitely made her easier to work with.
	During the first round of debates on the subject she had 
asked him if there was any other way she could address him apart 
from the rather formal 'Agent Mulder'.
	Mulder had agreed. It was a little too much to keep calling 
each other that. So, after suggesting and dismissing the notion that 
she'd call him Mulder, they had agreed on calling each other by 
their first names.
	"Are you sure you don't want me to call you Mulder, Fox?" 
she had asked. "I know that you and Agent Scully call each other by 
the surnames, it certainly would be no problem with me."
	He had shaken his head. No. And he had been very glad 
when she had seemed to have sensed the reason for this. Was there 
any proper way to explain that he wanted no Agent who worked 
with him on a daily basis but Scully to call him Mulder?
	He smiled at the thought of Scully. He was looking forward 
to seeing her again. And with a quick look at Claire he grinned. If 
she didn't turn into a female Alex Krycek, she'd be all right. And 
she was goddamn beautiful. His hormones congratulated him on 
having two such wonderful women working with him. He was a 
lucky man!

*~*~*

	IT WAS SOME TIME now since Mulder had first heard about 
the mysterious results found in Scully's tests. Doctor Young had 
reacted slightly amazed when hearing his question about the 
existence of extraterrestrials.
	"Well, in fact I do believe in extraterrestrial life. In a way 
that is", he added. And then he explained about reading articles on 
the subject and generally thinking it very well possible that there 
was other intelligent life somewhere in the universe. "There are 
simply too many galaxies out there. It would be very narrow-
minded indeed to dismiss the notion beforehand." It sounded like a 
reasonable explanation to Mulder.
	And now, sitting in his office and watching his new partner 
work, he thought back at the conversation the Doctor and he had 
had.
	Mulder had quickly addressed the topic of Scully's 
infertility -- or rather, the slim chance that in the end she wasn't -- 
as that was what he was really interested in. He had asked if there 
were any possible treatments for her, but Doctor Young hadn't 
thought so.
	"Of course she could undergo a drastic hormone-treatment, 
but I don't think it would be advisable for her, especially not in this 
condition."
	"Why not?" Mulder had asked.
	"Well, it would involve a massive attack on her ovaries and 
uterus with hormones which could turn out to damage them even 
more. As I told before, the organs are still in surprisingly good 
condition, it would be very unwise to risk them with something 
which would probably not work anyway. Besides, the treatment 
would definitely have negative influences on her health and it 
would require her to stay in the hospital for many more months as 
far as I can see. All in all I don't think it would be really worth it."
	Mulder had looked at Doctor Young, his expression not 
betraying the determined thought he held, 'You'd be surprised at 
what she'd think worthwhile when it could mean she could have a 
baby of her own ...', but he hadn't said it aloud. It already hurt 
enough to think it ...
	Moreover, it would probably come out sounding like he 
thought of himself as the father of Scully's child, a thought which 
seemed too good to ever come true.
	"Eh, Fox ...", Claire said, waking him up from his thoughts 
and beckoning him to come over to her desk. He got to his feet and 
walked across the small office they shared to her desk.
	"What is it, Claire?" he asked, leaning one hand on the back 
of her chair and the other on the desk. He looked at her computer 
monitor.
	After telling her about the discussions he and Doctor Young 
had had and his own obsession with finding a cure for Scully, she 
had enthusiastically volunteered to help him in his search for a 
better treatment, even though their search could hardly take up 
much of their time as they were kept too busy with other things, 
mostly X-Files and assisting on VCS-cases. And in Mulder's case, 
going to the hospital every day. But every spare minute was spent 
on searching the Internet and going over newspapers and 
magazines. Most of the time it was a waste of time but sometimes 
they found something. Like now.
	On Claire's monitor was a newspaper article.
	"It's from a medical magazine published by the University 
of Boston. It's about a revolutionary new treatment for ... don't 
laugh ... treating fertility-problems in chickens", Claire said and she 
heard Mulder's snicker. "I said, don't laugh!"
	"Sorry, Claire, didn't mean to", he apologised and actually 
managed to pull a straight face. "So, what does it say?"
	"Not much, to be honest", Claire said "The medicine has 
been developed into a potentially beneficial drug for humans, but 
it's still in its earliest stages of testing. It consists of injections with 
genetically engineered hormone-bases -- derived mostly from 
oestrogen -- meant to jump-start the development of eggs in the 
woman's ovaries. So far they've tested them on rats and, indeed, 
chickens and the results look promising. They've only recently 
started with human volunteers and though no conclusive results are 
known yet, it looks rather interesting, they say. But then again, this 
university developed the medicine, they're bound to be positive 
about it", she added with a shrug. "Could be something, could be 
nothing, I don't know."
	"Oh", Mulder merely said. Inwardly he said a lot more than 
just 'oh', but he didn't say it aloud. He of all people knew that looks 
could be deceptive. He turned to Claire. "Could you get me a print-
out of that article and everything you can find relating to that 
medicine and the people who developed it, please?"
	"Sure", she answered, hitting the print-button.
	Forty-five minutes later she had printed everything she had 
been able to find and Mulder took the dozen or so sheets of paper 
and carefully put them in a file, together with all the other possibly 
promising finds. Just another X-File, but this time Scully didn't 
know about its existence ...

	IN THE MEANTIME SCULLY was being bugged by countless 
nurses walking in and out of her room, coming to check up on 
things, to ask her things, and over all starting to royally piss her off 
with their nosing around ...
	So when the door opened for what had to be the hundredth 
time she sighed even before she knew who it was and turned away 
from the door, stubbornly trying to make herself invisible.
	"Why, Dana, I thought you'd be happy to see me again", 
her mother's amused voice came and Scully turned towards her, 
smiling a little embarrassedly.
	"Well, yeah, mom", she answered, hugging her mother. 
"It's just that it seems like I've more or less been examined inside 
out for the past few hours. They've taken so much blood, I must 
have provided them with a year's supply! And I thought you were 
just another doctor coming to probe me insane ..."
	"Insane? You?" Margaret laughed. "I thought after so many 
years with Fox nothing could make you insane."
	Scully smiled. "Mm, you may be right. Though Mulder 
himself usually does a very good job of it ..."
	"Speaking of Fox, where is he?"
	Scully shrugged. "Don't know. I haven't seen him all day. 
You wouldn't think he's forgotten me, would you, mom?"
	Margaret smiled. "Of course not, Dana, what would make 
you think he's forgotten about you?"
	"Well ... he's got this new partner ...", Scully said softly. 
"What if he chooses her ...?"
	"Dana, of course he'd never choose her", Margaret said, but 
Scully didn't seem so sure.
	"He speaks of her with such a fond tone in his voice ... I ... 
maybe I'm just afraid she'll take him away from me. I mean, we 
talked about her and he assured me that it was nothing, but I'm just 
... not sure ..."
	Margaret didn't quite know how to react to that and for a 
minute they were silent. Then she softly placed her hand over her 
daughter's and looked at her. "Dana?"
	Scully looked up. "What?"
	"Are you jealous of her?"
	"Jealous?" Scully asked, confused by the question.
	"Yes, that she is where you want to be", her mother said. 
"Because, and maybe I'm just making big assumptions now, I think 
you don't want her to be in that office with Fox while you're here in 
the hospital."
	"Well, I don't want to be stuck in here, that's for sure", 
Scully said, "but I'm not the type to be actually jealous because 
she's there and I'm not. Besides, the basement office ain't the most 
wonderful place in the world to be ..."
	"Fox is there ...", Margaret said slyly and she was pleased 
to see her daughter smile widely.
	"Yeah, Mulder's there ...", Scully answered dreamily. Then 
her head snapped up. "Mom!"
	"What is it, honey?" she asked innocently.
	"Mom! You're talking like you've already got us engaged 
and married! I ..." She sighed. Sometimes mothers were the worst 
kind ...
	For her part Margaret decided to throw all caution to the 
wind. "You're in love with him, aren't you, Dana?"
	"Mom!!" Scully turned beet-red. "Mom, I ... we ... what do 
you ..." She caught her mother's delighted expression and gave up. 
She smiled. "Kind of, yes ..."
	She was surprised to see her mother turn into a young 
woman like herself. "Kind of or just totally?" Margaret asked with a 
smile. "God knows I'd fall in love with a man like him!"
	Scully giggled, more than a little amazed at hearing her 
mother talk like that. But of course, her mother had once been just 
like herself, young, happy and with a man she loved. "Well, it's 
hard not to love Mulder", she smiled. "Unless you hate him."
	"There's no alternative for the extremes, no", Margaret 
said. "I can see how one can only either love or hate Fox Mulder; 
one can't just ... like ... him, I guess."
	Scully shook her head. "No. And there's no way I could 
ever make myself hate him, though I found it very easy to love him, 
even though he drives me nuts from time to time. And I guess that 
over the years I did allow him to come closer, allow myself to fall 
in love with him. And that's fine, it's great, it's what I want ..."
	Her mother nodded, understanding what she meant. 
"Dana", she said. "When did you first know that you were in love 
with Fox?"
	"I ... I don't really know", Scully answered. "I can't really 
pinpoint an exact moment in time, even though the feelings were 
pretty strong when he came by after I woke up from that coma 
several years ago after my abduction. He's the only one who could 
give me a gift like that and live to tell the tale", she added with a 
smile. "I think that the joy, the unabashed happiness in his 
expression made it all well. He seemed so incredibly happy that I'd 
woken up."
	Her mother smiled, knowing how he had reacted this time, 
and she tightened the grip of her hand on her daughter's. "But when 
did you first know it was more than just partnership that bound you 
two together?" she asked.
	Scully chuckled and played a little with the sheets of her 
bed. "Well, I guess that for that the necessary ingredients ought to 
be a cemetery, two empty graves, pouring rain and a straight-faced 
Fox Mulder trying to convince you of the fact that these corpses 
were dug up by a boy in a coma with the help of a girl in a wheel-
chair. Then add hysterical laughter and mix well with the urge to 
grab this dear man by his ears and kiss him silly ... which is 
something I'm gonna do sometime soon anyway ... Oh, and make 
sure that the guy you choose for a thing like that manages to look 
drop-dead gorgeous even when soaked to the bone ..."
	She had never before talked with her mother like this but 
she loved it. Her mother was usually so reserved, so worried about 
her, too ... nothing like the smiling woman sitting next to her, 
seemingly enjoying the picture she drew of her partner as much as 
she enjoyed it herself.
	"Yes", Margaret said. "He is quite handsome."
	"Quite handsome?" Scully said and giggled. "Oh my ... 
sometimes ... sometimes he's my 'eleven-thirty Coca Cola Light 
break' ..." She sighed and looking sideways at her mother, she saw 
her wide smile. They both burst out laughing. 
	What a man ...
	"Poor Fox", Margaret said, wiping the tears of laughter 
from her eyes. It only made them laugh even more.
	"Poor Fox indeed", Scully huffed and smiled. "But enough 
of Mulder for a sec, how are the boys?"
	"Oh, Dana, I don't think you heard the news yet", Margaret 
said. "Charlie's going to be a father again!"
	"Really?" Scully said. "Oh mom, that's fantastic! When? 
When is the baby expected?"
	"Five months from now, you must come with me and visit 
them when the baby's born", her mother said and Scully nodded 
fervently.
	"Of course", she answered. "Oh, mom, you're gonna be a 
grandmother again! That's so wonderful!" Then her expression 
saddened considerably all of a sudden. "I wish I could be that 
mother ..." She looked at her mother. "You know, mom, sometimes 
I feel so sad that I'll never have a baby myself ..." She sighed and 
Margaret sat down on the bed, taking her daughter in her arms. "I 
mean, I don't have the time nor the job to have children, but ... it's 
something I should be the one to decide about", she said softly, 
holding her mother close. "I should be the one and the man I'd want 
for that, not someone else ..."
	Margaret sighed and rubbed her daughter's back. "Maybe, 
Dana. Maybe someday things will change, you never know ..."
	Scully shook her head. "No, mom, things won't change. It's 
not just some defect, they took my ovaries, it's something which 
can't be cured." She wiped some tears away and looked at her 
mother. "It hurts so much ..."
	"Have you talked about this with Fox?" Margaret asked and 
Scully nodded.
	"I told him, but he ... he just thought it was his fault all over 
again", she answered. "He seems so eager almost to place the blame 
on himself no matter what happens to me that often I'd rather not 
tell him to spare him the pain."
	Her mother nodded. She knew all too well what her 
daughter meant. "What is Fox's attitude towards children?" she 
asked.
	Scully shook her head. "I don't know. It's not something 
we discuss very often and even when we stumble across the subject 
of children he just jokes about it and I drop it. It's not worth our 
time."
	"You two have never talked about children?" Margaret 
asked. "I mean, not in the sense of them being your children, but 
just ... in a more general context, for instance when a case required 
a point of view on it?"
	"Well", Scully said. "There was this case in Home, 
Pennsylvania, where we investigated a murder-case. Somewhere 
along the investigation the body of a baby was found and I had to 
do an autopsy on the tiny corpse. Afterwards, when I was done and 
we walked out into the open air, Mulder and I sat down on a bench 
and ..." She laughed softly. "I told Mulder how I thought the mother 
must be feeling, having lost her baby. Mulder said that she probably 
didn't mind it all that much as she did indeed more or less 'throw it 
away with the trash'. I apologised to him for mirroring myself to 
that mother too much and he suggested that in that case I should 
find myself a man with a spotless genetic make-up and a real high 
tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping up little 
'ber-Scullys'." She shook her head. "He was just making fun of a 
painful situation."
	"How did you react to it?"
	Scully shrugged. "Real stupid. I turned towards him and 
asked 'How about your family?'. Guess I can't blame the jerk for 
taking me seriously. For taking me up on it. And after spouting 
about the eagerness of the human body to propagate ... I can't 
imagine he'd ever forget about that, not to mention his photographic 
memory, and ever stop making fun of it. The man has no sense of 
subtlety ..."
	Her mother looked at her, knowing better. "Maybe that's 
just a reaction because he finds it so hard to believe he could ever 
have it any other way than he has it now. Perhaps Fox does want to 
be a father, but doesn't know ..."
	Scully shook her head, interrupting her mother. "Mulder 
doesn't want to be a father, I know that. Plus, he'd need a woman as 
well and so far it appears I'm the only woman who ever held out 
with him for a longer period of time." She smiled sadly. "And I'm 
not going to be of much use to him in that field either, am I?"
	Margaret closed her eyes for a moment, sorry to hear the 
sad tones in her daughter's voice. "I'll let you sleep, honey", she 
said softly and kissed her good-night. "See you in the morning, 
Dana."
	"Bye mom", Scully whispered. Then she saw her mother 
leave and a single tear dropped on the sheets.

	"MAMA! MAMA!"
	Slowly I open my eyes, leaving the warm imaginary cocoon 
I'm in. But nowadays I'm happy to do it though.
	"Look, mama, I picked flowers for you!"
	I turn my head to the right and see a little red-haired girl by 
the side of our bed, dressed in a light blue pair of pyjamas with tiny 
Snoopys printed all over it. Her hair is a tangled mess and she holds 
a little bunch of weeds and grasses in her outstretched hand, a big 
proud smile on her little face.
	'She's our daughter', I think and I'm amazed that this 
thought can still move me to tears. I smile, still a little sleepy.
	"Oh, honey, they're beautiful", I say and she climbs onto 
the bed and sits down in my lap where I cuddle her. And with her 
head resting against my breast she looks up at me and offers me the 
flowers as though they are the most precious red roses anyone has 
ever given another person. And to be honest, I'd trade every single 
rose I've ever been given for this bunch of weeds so lovingly 
presented.
	"They're from the garden, mama, I chose them myself", she 
says. See? That's what I mean ...
	I carefully take them, ignoring the sand that still sticks to 
the roots. The dew on the leaves drips down on the bedcovers and 
on my fingers and she gives a delightful little shriek when I softly 
'beep' her nose with my wet finger. I love doing that. Then I 
pretend to be sniffing the weeds' non-existent scent, thanking God 
that I don't suffer from hay-fever. I place the grasses on the bedside 
cabinet and lie back down; she comes down with me and I slip my 
arms around her as she lies with her head under my chin, sucking 
her thumb.
	"Can I seep wif you 'n daddy, mama?" she asks, her words 
slurred by the thumb in her mouth. I smile and look at the alarm 
clock. Four o'clock in the morning. It's okay, it's Saturday morning 
and we have a whole day ahead of us to do all sorts of wonderful 
things with the three of us. I scoot up a little and I lift up the covers 
after which she lets herself roll under them between me and her 
father. He lets out a little yelp when two tiny ice-cold feet come into 
contact with his legs.
	"Geez, Nathalie, where have you been? To Antarctica?" he 
mutters and I see him look at her, his eyes drowsy, his smile fond. It 
makes me smile as well.
	"Only the back yard, Mulder", I say and he looks at me for 
a moment, then back at his daughter who's looking at him with her 
big blue eyes and I almost literally see his heart melt. He loves her 
so much that I sometimes find it hard to understand that Mulder can 
love me and Nathalie so much even though he never experienced 
that kind of love himself when he was a child. He's a natural I think 
...
	"She brought us flowers, Mulder", I say and he looks at 
Nathalie.
	"Oh sweetie, have you really?" and Nathalie nods 
enthusiastically. Then Mulder takes her and pulls her on top of him, 
making her shriek a little.
	"Daddy!"
	I see a huge grin on his face as he wraps his arms around 
our little girl. His voice is mock-stern when he looks at her. "You're 
the beautiful young princess and I'm the evil pirate captain who has 
kidnapped you and I won't let you go unless you give me the 
treasure!" he says with a playful deep voice and Nathalie laughs, 
kicking her feet and flinging her arms around to try and get loose. 
This has been her favourite game for a little while now.
	"Daddy! Daddy, let me go!" she laughs and I see Mulder 
grin. He tickles her sides and she giggles.
	"Uh-uh, you know that I will only let you go if you give me 
the treasure!" he says and he hugs her close to him. A few weeks 
ago he told me that he had never thought that cuddling a child could 
feel so wonderful. I know what he meant by that, it still amazes me, 
too ...
	"Daddy, I don't have a treasure!"
	Mulder fakes a stern frown. "Well, if you don't have a 
treasure then what should we do?"
	She looks at me and I bend to whisper something in her ear. 
Her face lights up and she bounces up and down in his embrace. 
"Mama says you'll let me go if I give you a kiss!" and Mulder 
sighs, giving me a wink. I smile.
	"Well, if mama says so then I suppose we should do that", 
he sighs. Then he smiles. "Come on, give mama and me a kiss and 
then it's off to bed again, princess. It's a little too early to get up 
yet."
	"Okay, daddy", she says and with a big grin she kisses him 
soundly on the cheek after which she scrambles over to me. I can 
barely suppress a smile when I see Mulder wince when a tiny foot is 
placed firmly in his stomach. "Night, mama", she says and she 
kisses me after which she jumps off the bed.
	"Happy dreams, honey", I say and I see our daughter run 
back to her own room, still giggling when I hear the door slam shut. 
I sigh when I feel Mulder's arms come around me slowly, pulling 
me closer to him until my back rests against his chest and then I 
hear him sigh as well.
	"Isn't she fantastic?" I say and I feel him nod behind me.
	"She is", he answers and he places soft kisses on my neck 
and just below my ear. I shiver.
	"When I see Nattie I can hardly believe she's ours", I say 
softly. "She's so wonderful, so perfect ..." I close my eyes.
	"I've never been so glad about being wrong as I was about 
this", Mulder says, showering my neck and shoulders with tiny 
butterfly kisses. I know what he's referring to: my alleged inability 
to have children. But we were wrong. It took a lot of time and 
efforts and we'll never have another child, but we've got Nathalie 
and she's healthy. She's the best thing but one that has ever 
happened to me. Mulder's the best. The way we love has only been 
written and sung about, I know that for certain ... I hear his sigh and 
he continues. "I never knew having a baby could be so great. 
Thanks for showing me, Dana."
	"Thank you for making it possible to show you, Fox", I say 
softly, knowing how hard he sought for a cure, for a way to let this 
wonderful thing happen to us. I have my eyes closed and let myself 
enjoy his tender caresses like I've never let myself enjoy anything 
before. Sometimes I'm rather spartan in indulging  in life's 
pleasures, but when Mulder is the cause I have no choice but to give 
in and bask myself in the abundance of his love. "Thank you for 
wanting me", I say softly and I can almost feel the tears that sting in 
his eyes when I hear him swallow and I hear the strained voice 
when he answers.
	"Thank you for wanting me, babe", and I know I've 
touched a sensitive snare there. For all we've been through together, 
for all the times I've let him feel the strength of my love for him, he 
still seems to be as touched by it as when I first told him. He was 
simply dumb-founded for a split-second then, before I saw his 
expression change, feeling his searing love burn my skin as he took 
me in his arms. It was a night I'll never forget.
	We're silent for a while. True feelings don't have words ...
	"Your mom is expecting us today, Scully", Mulder says 
eventually. "We promised Nattie that we'd go and visit grandma 
today."
	I sigh and smile. "Yeah, she knows she's gonna get presents 
again." Mom's spoiling our daughter to death ...
	"Little devil", Mulder chuckles. "She's got it all figured 
out!"
	I smile. "Yes, she has. By the way, I believe Charlie's at 
mom's now. I think it would be great that he'd get to see his little 
niece. He wrote that he was looking forward to seeing her and us."
	I hear Mulder's sigh and he hardly answers. "Mm-mm", he 
only says and he slowly turns me around. "Turn around, baby", he 
whispers and I gladly do so. Much as I love feeling his touch on my 
back, he's much better when I can actually see him. Yet, for some 
reason, I keep my eyes closed and I smile when I feel his hands 
tenderly stroking my face and hair. I've never had a man treating 
me so tenderly, so lovingly. He can make me feel like a true 
goddess and I love him madly for it.
	"Are you awake, Scully?" he asks and I feel an unexpected 
coldness in the air above me, but I don't pay attention to it. Not 
now, not here. I open my eyes and smile. 
	"Yes I am", I whisper.

	MULDER SAW HER OPEN her eyes and her smile disappeared.
	"Mulder?"
	He leaned closer. "What is it, Scully?"
	"Where ... what ... I ...", she said with an expression of 
puzzlement on her face. Then she closed her eyes and sighed, 
seemingly understanding the situation. "God", she sighed. "It was 
all a dream ..." She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Mulder, 
who looked worried. She smiled to indicate that it was all right and 
he smiled in relief.
	"Nice dream, Scully?" he asked and she nodded.
	"Wonderful dream", she whispered. "Best dream I've ever 
had ..."
	"Care to share?" Mulder asked with a hopeful smile.
	She laughed softly, wondering silently whether or not it 
would be wise to tell him. "A bit", she said eventually.
	"A bit what?"
	"Oh, Mulder, I cannot tell you all just yet", she sighed, but 
saw his expression of mild disappointment and she felt ashamed of 
her attitude. Hadn't they kept this friendship going just because they 
never hid anything from each other? And now she was denying him 
the contents of a simple dream ... "I can tell you something, 
though", she said.
	"What was your dream about then, Scully?"
	She reached out to take his hand in her own. Then she made 
him come closer to her. "It was about you and me, Mulder. You, 
me, and a little girl ..." Her eyes were dreamy and Mulder had to 
swallow a little lump.
	"Our ... our little girl?" he asked, finding that his voice had 
been reduced to a mere whisper.
	Scully turned her head to look at him and with a wide smile 
she nodded.
	"Mm-mm", she answered. "A little ber-Scully of 
ourselves ..." and Mulder smiled. It was all he could do ...

	'OH, MULDER, PLEASE DON'T give me that look', I think 
when I see his expression of disappointment. He doesn't know how 
much I regret having to tell him I can't tell him my dreams, but it 
would mean giving away so much about myself. I can't ...
	"A little ber-Scully of ourselves ...", I say and I see him 
smile. I'm pretty sure he remembers that conversation we had on 
that bench in Home, Pennsylvania. 'Talk about giving feelings and 
emotions away', I think, though that was something I will never 
regret.
	Sometimes I think I really ought to get a little more open if 
I want our relationship to continue. Mulder has already shown way 
more patience and consideration towards me than any man has ever 
done before, but I shouldn't forget that even he will give up 
someday. Even he will eventually reach the point of being fed up 
with my endless denial and leave me. And then? What am I going 
to do when that happens?
	You're gonna hate yourself, Dana Scully. Big time ...
	"You know, Scully, it's something I've been thinking about 
as well", Mulder says and I look up at him, more than just a little 
surprised to hear this from him.
	"You have?" I ask and he nods with a smile.
	"Yeah", he smiles, looking for all the world like shy. I 
realise he probably never intended to tell this to anyone and most 
likely he just blurted it out a second ago and he's embarrassed right 
now. Did I ever tell you that Mulder is adorable when he's looking 
bashful? He is, you know.
	"Really?" I say and I smile. "Tell me about it."
	"Ah", he grins, shaking his head, already having overcome 
his momentary loss of self-control. We both have a way too strong 
hold on ourselves I guess ... "No, I won't. You'll have to go first, 
Dana!"
	Bastard. But I can't blame him. It's only fair that I'll have 
to go first. After all, I can't turn his request down first, only to 
expect him not to do the same to me.
	Okay, here goes ...
	"I will try to remember all, Mulder, but I'm not 100% 
certain that I can", I begin and he nods. 
	"That's all right", he says softly and with an encouraging 
smile and all of a sudden I feel a little ashamed. Why did I ever 
think I shouldn't tell him my dream? I can tell him everything, I 
know that and still ... Then I look up and begin in earnest.
	"From where I can remember my dream is that I was woken 
up by a little red-haired girl in pyjamas. She was our daughter and 
she was holding a rather miserable-looking bunch of weeds and 
grasses in her little hands, a big proud smile on her face. She had 
picked them specially for us and I loved them. I didn't care about 
the poorly looking flowers, it was the gesture which counted, the 
love with which she had selected the grasses to make us a bouquet.
	"She then climbed on the bed and I cuddled her, taking the 
grasses and placing them carefully on the bedside cabinet because 
they were still dripping dew and sand. She then asked me if she 
could sleep in our bed and it was all right with me.
	"I don't know what year it was or anything else. I just know 
we had nothing important to do that day, we just had a whole lovely 
day ahead to spend with the three of us. In fact we were to go to my 
mother, we apparently had agreed with her to do so."
	Mulder has been watching me with a smile the whole time 
while I tell him this. He seems to love this as much as I do. "No 
doubt the proudest grandma in the entire world", he grins and I 
smile. I have no doubt that mom would make the proudest, greatest, 
most wonderful grandmother in the world.
	"Yeah, mom would be fantastic", I say, holding Mulder's 
hand. "Anyway, our daughter moved to lie between you and me and 
you woke up because her feet were so cold." I chuckle. "You 
yelped."
	"I yelped?" he asks and shakes his head quasi-offended. "I 
would never yelp!"
	"You yelped, I heard you!" I say, amused by his semi-
shocked appearance. "It was a sweet yelp", I reassure him and he 
smiles.
	"I was just joking", he says softly. "What came after the 
yelp?"
	I think for a short moment, trying to recapture the dream 
and then I go on.
	"You took our daughter in your arms and you hugged her. 
She loved it, you loved her so much, it was so obvious to see. And 
then ..." I chuckle and look at Mulder who's looking at me in a very 
peculiar way. He's never looked at me like this before, it makes me 
a little nervous ... If I'm not very much mistaken, that is most 
definitely love I'm seeing in his eyes ... "Then you held her close 
and said that she was the beautiful young princess and you were an 
evil pirate captain who had kidnapped her and you would only let 
her go for the treasure."
	"I'd never ask for a treasure", Mulder says and he seems 
totally serious. "Not from anyone I love."
	I grip his hand a little tighter, squeezing it gently. "I know 
you wouldn't. It was just a game you two were playing."
	He smiles at me and reaches out to place his other hand 
over mine. "So, what did she give me then?"
	"A kiss", I answer. "I leaned towards her, because she 
didn't know what to do. I told her that you would surely let her go 
for a kiss. So, that's what she gave you and you did let her go. You 
hugged her and then you told her to give you and me a kiss and go 
back to her own room because it was still very early in the morning. 
She did so and then she jumped off the bed and ran to her own 
room, slamming all the doors she met on her way", I say with a 
smile. I was just the same when I was a child, must be in the genes 
...
	"And then? What happened afterwards?" Mulder asks and 
suddenly I'm not as self-assured now as I was just a second ago. 
Over the past weeks we've become close, very close. Much closer 
than we'd ever thought or expected we'd become, but ... we were 
lovers in my dream ... we were probably married and we definitely 
had a child ... Should I tell him?
	Then I know I should. I don't want to hide things from him, 
we've been kept in the dark by so many people, we cannot afford 
doing the same to ourselves anymore. Besides, I want him to know, 
I want him to see what's in my dreams ...
	"You wrapped your arms around my waist and pulled me 
closer to you and you kissed me ever so softly. You were so tender 
to me. We talked a bit. About us and about our little daughter. We 
were so incredibly in love ..."
	We were? I look at Mulder and suddenly I start to doubt my 
use of that past tense.
	We are in love. We are so in love ...
	Then I look down. We will explore this terrain, there's no 
doubt about that anymore. But not right now, there are still too 
many demons to defeat, both his and my own, too many obstacles 
to overcome. We'll have to deal with those first.
	Mulder knows this and that's why he makes no attempt to 
push me into elaborating on my words. Instead he gently strokes my 
hand and doesn't answer for a long moment.
	"I can imagine that", he says softly, giving me a lovely 
smile. I stroke the back of his hand with my thumbs in a loving 
gesture. Then he looks up at me and smiles brightly. "Did I have a 
pegleg, Dana? If I was a pirate I must have had a pegleg, huh?"
	Aha, the pegleg. Ahab and the pegleg. You could say I was 
waiting for that one. I smile widely. "I don't remember actually", I 
say. "Maybe you should ask your daughter ..."
	He chuckles. "Yeah ..."
	"So", I say, shifting a little in bed, adjusting my position. 
"Do you want to tell me about your dream?"
	He smiles up at me. Then his eyes take on a dreamy look 
and he begins the story of his dream.

		I DON'T WANT TO CLOSE MY EYES, 
		I don't want to fall asleep,
		Because I miss you, baby,
		And I don't want to miss a thing.
	Aerosmith's on the radio and I listen. I turned the sound 
down the moment you fell asleep, but this song made me listen. 
Because, as I'm sitting here by your side, watching you sleep, I feel 
like these clich words do convey feelings I've wanted to express 
for so long.
	We've been here for several weeks now, thankfully you're 
getting better and better. You had some trouble talking last week, a 
very mild form of temporary aphasia they told me, but you 
recovered. So far that seems to have been the only setback we've 
experienced and I'm glad.
	I loved yesterday's discussion. I loved hearing about your 
dream. I loved being part of it. Like I told you, I do want to be a 
father one day, guess I just never thought you'd choose me. And of 
course it was still but a dream, but, hey, that's a beginning already, 
isn't it?
		I don't want to miss a thing, baby,
		I don't want to miss a single thing we experience 
together ...
	These lines aren't from the song, though I guess they could 
easily fit in. The song's from a film, 'Armageddon', haven't seen it 
yet, probably never will see it either. I'm not into films about the 
end of the world, it reminds me too much of what I feel we're 
fighting to prevent on a daily basis. And we don't have Bruce Willis 
to help us out of trouble ... No, I've got you, who needs Bruce 
Willis when I've got you? I mean, he sacrifices his life so that 
mankind may live, but ... Noble? Yes. Realistic? Not in a thousand 
years, Bruce ... But then again, it's just a film.
	And still, isn't this just what we're doing as well? 
Sacrificing our lives, our dreams, our future for the sake of people 
we don't know? One day we're both going to get killed and the 
world won't stop turning because of that for a single second. We'll 
get a nice funeral and that's it; the X-Files will be closed forever, 
may they rest in peace and good riddance. On the other hand, the 
idea of the fate of the world depending on you and me staying alive 
is too scary for words.
	Sometimes, when I look at what we see and experience, all 
that freaky stuff we encounter on a daily basis, I think they could 
make a film about us. Or a TV-series, who knows. Can't think of a 
suitably catchy title right now, but they probably have people for 
that anyway. That's not our speciality. Then again, the series would 
probably never make it past the pilot anyway, Scully, I can't 
imagine anyone actually being interested in the wild adventures of 
Mulder and Scully, FBI-Agents. Not even Fox network would like 
it, imagine that. I mean, maybe people would enjoy the show if we 
didn't actually exist, if Spooky Mulder and Doctor Scully were 
simply characters of fiction, but we aren't. We're real, we're alive. 
Bad luck, Scully, we could be rich. Being an actor in a hit-series is 
bound to be a better-paid job than working for the government!
	Well, I guess that's not a likely path of life for us either, is 
it, Scully?
	Tomorrow's your first day at walking-practise. I think you 
were way too optimistic about yourself, baby, forgive the smile. I 
know just how hard this is going to be, but I couldn't talk you out of 
the idea that you'd be different. Well, guess we'll find out who is 
right and who isn't by tomorrow afternoon then. If I didn't know 
you so well I'd probably be foolish enough to place bets, but I can't 
afford to do that as you surprise me just a little too often ...
		Because I miss you, baby,
		And I don't want to miss a thing.
	Whoops, big yawn, it's really getting far too late, even for 
an insomniac like me. You know what, Scully, I guess I'll leave you 
to the care of the nurses here and go home. I'm expecting some 
things from Byers, he promised to do some research for me and 
Claire, so let's see if the Gunmen managed to put enough trust in 
good old US-Mail and send it to me. If not, I'll have to go by their 
office and pick it up myself.
	Paranoid bunch of nerds ...
	Well, happy dreams, Scully, dream of me. Guess that's true 
nightmare material, isn't it? Whoa, that was The Look! Please tell 
me how you manage to do that even in your sleep! I think I'd better 
get my ass outta here ... Can I risk kissing you, Scully? You look 
too sweet for me to resist, you know ...
	Come and shoot me tomorrow, Dana. Good-night.

*~*~*

	SCULLY HAD BEEN WRONG. She had been so wrong. And 
the worst part was that she could have known. With her medical 
background she should have realised just how hard this was going 
to be. But she had forgotten, or maybe her mind had simply refused 
to remember, too keen on getting up and getting better.
	She felt like a little child, nine or ten months old, venturing 
its first wobbly steps into this world. Walking had never seemed so 
difficult ...
	This was her first day of training and she knew there were 
many sessions to follow. She had to train, her muscles had 
weakened considerably during those weeks she had been in bed and 
moreover her brain seemed to have received some impact as well. 
And right now she had to find out just how well her body still co-
operated ...
	Problem was that she still knew how to walk, that had never 
been much of a problem anyway of course. But her legs didn't seem 
to receive the necessary information from her brains, and her sense 
of balance was lacking terribly as well. She really had to learn to 
walk all over again ...
	"Come, Scully, try again", Mulder said, coaxing her across 
the room.
	"Mulder, I can't!" she said. She really couldn't. They had 
been trying for hours now and she still hadn't managed it across the 
room without her legs giving way, even when she held on to people 
for support.
	"Yes, you can", he said gently. "I know you can."
	"No, Mulder ... I ..." She let herself fall down onto the floor 
and sobbed.
	Mulder sat down beside her. "Hey, Scully, what's wrong?" 
he said softly, rubbing her back.
	"What's wrong?" she said angrily and she looked up at him. 
"What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! Everything's wrong! I 
can't even walk, that's what's wrong!! Nothing works, everything's 
wrong! And I'm sick to death of it!!" She covered her face with her 
hands and cried. "Why can't I? I want to walk, but my legs just 
don't work properly! Why not? Why don't they work?"
	"They just need a little training, Scully", Mulder said, 
lifting her up from the floor and letting her lean against him. "They 
have to learn the movements again and that's going to take some 
time. We just need to practise a lot and then everything will be just 
fine again, I know."
	Scully nodded, not looking at him, but knowing he was 
right. She took a deep, shuddery breath. "Shall ... shall we try again 
then?"
	"Of course", Mulder answered and helped her on her feet.

	"MULDER, IT DOESN'T WORK!" he heard her say, despair 
sounding in her voice. "It doesn't work, it really doesn't. I can't do 
it anymore, I can't ..."
	"Does it hurt, Scully? Are your legs hurting?" Mulder asked 
and Scully looked at him.
	"My legs don't hurt", she said angrily, "but my pride does, 
yes! I want to walk, Mulder, and I can't, I can't!" She shook her 
head. "I can't walk ..."
	Again she let herself drop to the floor and buried her face in 
the mat on the floor. She felt awful. She was such a failure, she 
knew, she felt so guilty towards Mulder. He was so patient with her 
and she failed him all the time. And now that she had made up her 
mind and decided for herself that she was going to do it ... she failed 
him again ...
	She felt him near her and turned her face away from him.
	"Go away", she sobbed.
	He didn't go away. Instead he knelt down and stroked her 
hair, smoothing it back from her forehead. The trainer approached 
them, but he gestured him to wait a moment. Then he turned back to 
Scully. 
	"Mulder, why don't you go? Why are you still here?"
	"I'm not leaving, Scully", he said softly.
	"Why not? I told you to go, why don't you go away?"
	"Because you need me", he answered. Something inside her 
leapt at these words. God, yes, she needed him. So badly.
	She shook her head. "I don't."
	"Yes, you do", he said, stubbornly sticking to his point.
	She sighed. "I do need you", she admitted softly. "But why 
are you still here? I'm such a failure."
	"A failure?"
	"Yes! I'm never going to get better again, I know! No 
matter how much I'm going to train, I know I'm not going to get 
better ..."
	"You are, Scully, I know you are", he said softly. "You've 
never given up, please, don't give up now ..."
	"There is nothing to give up, Mulder, it's all over. I'm 
never going to walk again, I know it." She shook her head and 
looked at Mulder. "You might just as well start to get used to the 
idea, Mulder. Fuck it, why did you even get me out of that damn 
forest anyway?! If this is all I'm gonna get for living? Why didn't 
you just let me die there?"
	Mulder was shocked to hear these words.
	"Why I got you out of that forest, Scully? Because I 
couldn't let you die, that's why!"
	She looked back, her eyes a lifeless grey with indifference. 
She shrugged. "I don't care", she said. "It doesn't matter. Nothing 
matters anymore."
	'Shit', he thought and searched his mind for ways to shake 
her out of this apathy. 'Guess I'll just have to scare her to death 
then.' So he got to his feet and walked to the door.
	"Mulder, where are you going?" he heard her voice behind 
him. There was a undertone of distress in her voice and he smiled 
without letting her see it. Then he lifted his chin and spoke again, 
still keeping his back towards her.
	"I'm leaving as you told me to do. You said I should go and 
as you always know what's best for you, I thought I'd better leave. 
See ya around, Agent Scully!" he said and he took the door-handle.
	"Mulder, no! No! Don't go, Mulder!" he heard her. She 
sounded desperate. He turned his head to look at her and saw her 
trying to get up to walk towards him, but she couldn't get up. Then 
she started to move towards him on all fours, but her arms gave way 
and she fell. The despair in her eyes froze his heart, but he didn't 
show it.
	"Good-bye, Agent Scully, it's been nice working with 
you!"
	"Mulder, no ...", he heard her softly say, reaching out for 
him. "Please, Mulder, don't go... I'm going to get better, I promise! 
Just ... don't leave me, Mulder, I need you so much ..."
	He saw her fall down on the floor, crying softly, and 
generally looking so miserable that even he felt sorry for teasing her 
like that. He walked over to her and sat down by her side. With his 
right hand he lifted her face off the floor and made her look at him. 
He smiled gently. "You've got a promise to hold now, you know", 
he said. "And I'm not going to leave you, Scully, I couldn't leave 
even if I had wanted to do so ..."
	"You're staying with me?" she whispered, before drawing 
him into a tight hug. He hugged her back full force.
	"Of course I'm staying with you, Dana, where could I go?"
	"I promise I'm going to work, Mulder. I will get better!"
	She sounded so determined that he couldn't suppress a 
smile. So he leaned in and kissed her softly on the crown of her 
head. "Of course you will get better", he smiled. "I wouldn't have 
expected anything else from Dana Scully."
	She held him for a few more minutes after which he helped 
her up. "Let's try again, shall we?" she said softly, letting him help 
her go to the starting point.
	"Of course", he said, knowing that with their combined 
strength she was going to beat this.

*~*~*

	I'VE BETRAYED MY PARTNER. I know I have.
	Yesterday Claire asked me if I'd like to go out with her and 
I said yes. She asked me and I suppose one could call it a date of 
sorts, we're going to have dinner together and then go to a club and 
dance. Dance the night away, get rid of my worries. I said that I'd 
love to go out with her, because I truly like Claire. So this morning 
she called me and told she had made reservations at a restaurant. I'll 
have to wear a tuxedo, something which almost made me regret the 
date because I hate those, but I'm not going to let that spoil our 
evening. And if I have to wear a tux, Claire will have to wear a 
dress ... and that's something I've never seen her in yet.
	I haven't told Scully yet, I will have to confront her with 
the news this afternoon or I'll never possess the guts to do it 
anymore. I have no idea just how she's going to react, I'm too 
scared to even think about her reaction. Frankly I hope she'll be 
pissed; an upset, pissed-off Dana Scully is far easier to deal with 
than a rational calm Scully in this case ... She's lethal when she's 
angry with me and opts for the calm approach. Besides Scully is 
awfully sexy when she's worked up about something, too ...
	The reason why I don't know how Scully's going to react is 
because she and Claire have never met. However, I know she's not 
terribly happy with the fact that I got a woman for a partner. She's a 
little jealous I think, and thinking that always makes me smile just a 
little bit. Scully is a consummate professional, this mild jealousy 
reminds me of the fact that there's a person hidden under that fair 
Irish skin, the soft caring woman that I know exists, but which I 
hardly ever get to see. But the morning after she had received the 
news about Claire ... God, I'll never forget the tongue-lashing I had 
to endure. There was nothing soft or caring there then. No sir. 
Looking back on it, I know Skinner didn't handle the matter with a 
great deal of tact really, but that's something which cannot be 
helped anymore. Scully was furious, I've hardly ever seen her like 
that. In defence I told Scully that it was merely a means of getting 
on with our work on the X-Files while she was here in the hospital 
and that she shouldn't be worrying about a thing as I really didn't 
have eyes for Claire. I lied. I do have eyes for Claire, I can't help it, 
I'm just a human being. I hope that when Claire and Scully finally 
meet things will be resolved. They're both very strong women, even 
though Scully's definitely Claire's superior in mental strength and 
equilibrium.
	Last night I dreamt about Scully and myself. We were in a 
motel room somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Outside a violent 
storm was raging but it was warm and comfy inside. I was lying on 
my stomach on the bed, my head resting heavily on my arms. I 
remember the covers, they were of a very old-fashioned brown 
colour, but they were soft and warm. I was wearing jeans which 
were torn at the knees and hikers' boots but I wasn't wearing a shirt 
or pullover. Scully was sitting on my back fully dressed, her perfect 
ass pressing into my lower back. She was giving me a massage and 
I got the impression that I had done something in the field that 
afternoon that had sprained some muscles in my shoulders and back 
and that I needed that massage. God, did I ever need that massage ...
	I was enjoying it very much, maybe a bit too much 
considering the nature of our relation-ship. That's why I decided to 
tell her that perhaps we were getting a little too personal here and 
that, if she'd feel uncomfortable with this at any time, she should 
just stop. I heard her gentle chuckle as she continued and I know 
she smiled even though I was unable to see her face. So I sighed 
and closed my eyes, feeling her small strong hands deftly kneading 
the sore muscles. And let her continue. We were both definitely 
enjoying this way too much ...
	And as she continued I became drowsy, lulled towards 
sleep by the warmth of the room, the hypnotic touches of her hands 
and the general atmosphere of well-being and happiness. She 
started to hum a little song, a song I had never heard before. Maybe 
I should have asked her to sing a little louder, sing it for me, but 
she'd probably refuse, telling me she really couldn't sing. I decided 
I didn't want to hear that so I didn't ask her to sing it louder.
	"Do you like this, Mulder?" I heard her ask and with a lazy 
movement I nodded.
	"Mm-mm." 
	Then she was silent for a brief while and continued the 
massage. I couldn't suppress a satisfied moan and I heard her 
chuckle softly. I smiled.
	"I'm happy, Mulder", I remember hearing her say then and 
I nodded a little.
	"I'm glad", I answered, turning my head. "Me, too." She 
was bending over a little and I could see her face. She was smiling 
as well.
	I want her to be happy. I want her to be healthy and happy 
and as care-free as we ever could be.
	"Do you believe you and I will ever fall in love?" she then 
asked. "I mean, to love each other with everything that goes with it? 
The responsibility, the care, the trust, everything?"
	I wasn't able to answer her then. I do care about her very 
very much and I often catch myself thinking I really am in love with 
her, but how could I ever be certain? She's the first woman who 
ever stirred emotions in me that weren't directly linked to sex. It's 
so new ...
	I sighed then, unable to give her an answer. She rose from 
my back and went to sit on the bed next to me and I felt cold. I 
know this action had everything to do with my inability to respond 
to her question and it affected her as badly as I had feared. Her 
touch changed and I looked up to see what was wrong.
	She was no longer there, instead Claire was sitting on the 
bed now, wearing clothes just like Scully's. Scully herself was 
gone. I didn't ask Claire where she had gone, I knew.
	Slowly the interior of the motel room morphed into the 
interior of our office, but Claire stayed; she stayed and she was 
working behind her messy little desk again.
	I think I understand what this had been all about. You see, I 
want to love Scully, I want to give myself to her unreservedly and 
let her ease my pains and smoothe away my troubles, but I'm not 
quite ready yet. She understands that and she's patient with me ...
	And Claire? I know that Claire is my partner at work, but 
she's not my partner in life, that honour is solely Scully's. I will tell 
Scully about this dream and I'm sure she'll understand. I really do 
want to go out with Claire and now I think I should.

	"MULDER, WHAT ARE YOU doing here?" Scully asked when 
she saw him standing in the doorway of her room. It was almost 
two a.m. and she hadn't expected him now. "I thought you were 
going out with Claire."
	He shrugged and came in. "Well, yeah, I suppose I was." 
He sat down in the chair by the bed instead of on the edge and 
Scully sensed something was wrong.
	She had almost forgotten how good he looked in a tuxedo, 
even with his bowtie hanging loose around his neck and with his 
jacket unbuttoned. His hair too was probably not quite the way it 
had originally been.
	"Mulder, what's the matter?" she asked. There had to be a 
good reason for him to come by so late and without having changed 
clothes.
	He pulled the tie from around his neck and ran a hand 
through his hair. It completely ruined whatever attempt to look neat. 
He looked so much better this way ...
	"I broke it off, Scully", he answered and she frowned.
	"Broke what off?"
	"Our date. Well, it couldn't have been much anyway. I 
can't imagine Claire liking it all that much", he said in a low voice.
	"But ... you were looking forward to it, Mulder, how could 
this happen? What went wrong?"
	"I went on this date because Claire had asked me. She said 
it might distract me from my problems and worries for a little while. 
And I guess it did. She's a wonderful woman to go out with, I really 
enjoyed it for as long as it lasted ..."
	"But?" Scully asked, sensing the catch in his voice.
	He looked at her and at last did sit down on the bed. "How 
were your feelings about all this, Scully?"
	She was silent, not knowing what to tell him.
	"You can be honest with me, Scully", he said. "Whatever 
you say I won't hold it against you as long as I know it's the truth."
	"Well ...", she began, "I didn't like it much in the first 
place, Mulder. I was sort of jealous, but I suppose that's only 
natural ..."
	"Were you afraid she might take me away from you?" he 
asked, hitting the nail squarely on the head.
	"Of course I was, Mulder", she answered softly. "I mean, I 
know as well as you that she has a boy-friend, but what does that 
mean nowadays when even marriages break up so easily? People 
change so often, it's as if they don't care about the responsibilities 
of a relationship ... And I guess I was ... afraid she might ... you 
know ..." She didn't continue, but Mulder knew what it was she had 
been thinking.
	He looked at her, both relieved and worried by her words. 
She appeared to have spoken the truth which was what he had 
wanted, but he was alarmed by her opinion of relationships and how 
easily they could change. Certainly, she did have a point there, but 
it just didn't seem to apply to their own particular relationship.
	He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I took her home about half 
an hour ago", he said. "I couldn't have been of much interest to her 
anyway ..."
	"What do you mean?"
	He smiled in spite of himself, shaking his head in disbelief. 
"I went out with Claire and all I talked about was you. And I guess 
that's fine for the office, but when a woman goes out with a man, 
she's not going to like it very much if the guy talks about another 
woman all the time ... I can imagine she'd have liked to have at 
least part of my attention. And I couldn't give her that attention. 
Not after a while anymore, that is."
	He saw her eyes request an explanation. He sighed.	
	"I mean, the night started out really well. The restaurant 
was great, the food was great, Claire made an excellent choice. 
Then, after dinner, we went to a club and again she chose well. It 
was a classy place, but not too posh, with great music. Think you're 
familiar with the place, Scully, it was called 'Eve's Apple'."
	"'Eve's Apple', Mulder?" Scully asked and she raised her 
eyebrows, trying and succeeding in hiding a blush. God knows 
some things in her past had happened there that didn't need 
elaborating on right now. And Mulder knew all about them ... He 
chuckled.
	"Yeah, I have to admit that the name does hold other 
implications as well ..." Then his smile faded. "I had been talking 
about you and me for a while and I could see that it started to annoy 
her, even though she did an excellent job in hiding it. She longed 
for some attention for herself, which of course is a very reasonable 
request. Still, I couldn't give her that attention.
	"Then, when the music changed, couples went onto the 
dancefloor and we followed. She's a great dancer, she dances much 
better than I do, and I guess I just got caught up in the music and the 
surroundings and in being so close to her ..." He looked at Scully, 
knowing that she must already have some clues as to where this was 
heading. "At least now she did have my attention all right ..."
	"Did you kiss her, Mulder?" she asked and she saw him 
close his eyes and sigh. Then he slowly nodded.
	"I'm sorry, Scully", he whispered.
	"Why did you kiss her?"
	He bit his lip and slowly turned his head to look at her. "I 
don't know. I don't know what came over me. It was the music, it 
was the feeling of her body against mine, it was the steady comfort 
and certainty she was offering. I was blinded by it. I've been so 
incredibly stupid ..."
	"No, you haven't", she said quietly and he looked at her. 
"It's okay, it's your good right to go out, I have no right to think I 
could reserve you for myself and you don't have to stop because of 
me. I'm glad you think of me, Mulder, but that shouldn't stop you 
from trying to get a life, to find someone ..." She sighed. "After all, 
we don't have a relationship, do we?"
	"But we do!" he said, sounding frustrated. "We do have a 
relationship! We have the most beautiful relationship in the world ... 
Don't you see that, Scully?" He looked her in the eyes and with a 
gentle finger smoothed back a lock of her hair. "Don't you see?" he 
whispered. Scully found she had trouble breathing.
	"I ..." She couldn't say anything in response that was even 
beginning to make sense to her. To make sense anyway.
	Mulder sighed and continued. "Scully, when I felt Claire's 
arms around me, I felt your arms around my shoulders. When I 
danced with Claire, I was dancing with you, feeling your hand in 
mine. And when I kissed Claire, I kissed you. But it wasn't you, it 
was Claire I was kissing. And I felt so dirty, so low ..."
	"What do you mean, Mulder?"
	"I felt I had betrayed both you and Claire by kissing her. I 
betrayed you by kissing a woman I do not love, and I betrayed 
Claire by pretending I love her while I don't, but imagining it was 
the woman I love." He looked down. "I took her home after that, I 
couldn't be with her anymore."
	He saw her looking at him, her expression not quite 
readable and he felt cold. God knows he had just appalled her with 
his confession. It might not have been what she wanted to hear in 
the least ... and then what?
	"What are you going to do now, Mulder?" she asked.
	This wasn't the question he had expected she'd ask and he 
shook his head, shrugging lightly.
	"Are you going back to work tomorrow?" she continued.
	He nodded. "Yes. I've been thinking about it and I suppose 
that's probably the best thing to do no matter what has happened."
	"Pretend nothing happened?"
	"No, I can't do that. But I've got to offer her my apologies. 
And an explanation to go with it, I suppose."
	She smiled and closed her eyes. "Mulder, the mess you 
always manage to get yourself into... sometimes it amazes me, you 
know", she said gently, taking his hand.
	He smiled back, stroking the back of her hand with his 
thumb. "It amazes you?" he said softly. "Just imagine what it does 
to me! And you know what amazes me even more than that, Scully? 
What amazes me most of all?"
	"What does?" she asked when he didn't continue.
	He bent closer to her and kissed her very softly, very 
sincerely on her cheek. "I've got two wonderful partners who 
understand that tendency of mine and help me to deal with it. To 
survive it. Two fantastic women who respect and support me no 
matter what." He raised up a little and looked at her with the most 
affectionate look she had ever seen in him. He opened his mouth to 
say something, but he didn't speak. Then he closed his eyes and 
when he opened them again after a minute they were wet. He 
sighed. "One day", he said, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing 
the fingers. "I promise that one day I'll find a way to thank you 
sufficiently, Scully ..."
	Then he got up from the bed, but Scully didn't let go of his 
hand. "You already have, Mulder", she said softly. "You're 
thanking me every minute of the day, you're thanking me too much 
..." 
	She let go of his hand and Mulder gulped. Then he turned 
around and quietly left the room.

*~*~*
TITLE: "Let's go fly a kite, Dana Scully"
AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com

	"MORNING SCULL-- ..." HE COULD'VE bitten his tongue off 
in embarrassment then and there when he saw her in bed, sleeping 
soundly. He looked at his watch and kicked himself. 	'It's 
nine in the morning, you jerk, of course she's asleep!' he thought 
angrily.
	Almost on tiptoes he walked further towards the bed and he 
stole a glance at her face which was turned away from the door and 
which she kept partly hidden in her pillow. With a gentle touch he 
brushed her hair away from her mouth after which he stepped back 
a little and just looked at her, a bit clueless as to what he could do 
now.
	He looked around the room and then he saw a few sheets of 
paper on the bedside cabinet. Curious as ever he picked them up 
and looked at the contents. These were last time's notes from her 
physiotherapist who was helping her with her walking trainings. He 
leafed through the papers as if it was a case file, seeing that they 
held mostly exercises. Some of them had marks next to them and 
short comments. Apparently those were the exercises she had 
already done. And then, at the bottom of the last sheet, he saw a few 
things the trainer had written and they caught his eye.
	'Making progress. Still in need of support though. Unless 
unexpected change full recovery is doubtful. Final evaluation 
considering possible continuation in five days.'
	He frowned. He thought things were going so well ...
	And with the report still in his hand, he heard a soft, almost 
inaudible hiccup, a tiny strangled sound coming from the direction 
of the bed. He walked over to her and looked again, this time more 
carefully, and he saw what he had missed the first time: her cheeks 
were wet and her fingers clutched the sheets tightly to her chest. 
She was crying. 
	'I guess she must have read the notes as well', he thought. 
He sat down on the edge of the bed and carefully tried to loosen the 
grip with which she held onto the sheets. When that didn't work he 
settled for just stroking her face and wiping away the tears.
	'She must be so disappointed', he thought and he shook his 
head. 'You're such a fighter, Dana, and then this happens to you.'
	He heard her sigh and she turned slightly towards him. 
"Mulder ...", she sighed and he smiled at the trust he heard in her 
voice, even though she couldn't see him smile.
	"Yeah, Scully, it's me", he whispered, bending over to kiss 
her tear-stained cheeks. "I'm here." She slowly opened her eyes and 
looked at him.
	"Mulder, why are you here? It's still so early", she 
whispered and he raised his eyebrows in apology.
	"Don't know. I woke up this morning and I wanted to be 
with you. Is that okay?" he asked and she sighed with a small smile, 
sitting up a little more.
	"Oh, Mulder, of course that's okay, you know you don't 
have to ask me that", she answered, looking up at him.
	"How are you doing?" Mulder asked, making her smile 
disappear.
	"Guess you read the notes", she said, seeing the papers in 
his hands and he nodded.
	"I thought everything was going just fine", he said.
	"Yes, so did I, but it seems we were wrong", Scully 
answered and she sighed. Then she looked up at him. "Mulder, 
what am I going to do now? If I can't walk, I can't work! And if I 
can't work, they'll split us up! I don't want that to happen!"
	"There's nothing wrong with the rest of you, Scully, you 
could get a desk job", he suggested, hating himself tremendously 
for even mentioning it. She shook her head, fresh tears dripping 
down her face.
	"You know as well as I do that I don't want that, Mulder! I 
could have become a secretary for a desk job, but I don't want that! 
I want to be out there in the field with you, investigating ..."
	He sat closer to her and pulled her in his embrace. "Come 
here, Dana ...", he said softly and let her weep in his arms while he 
whispered soft soothing words to her.
	"What are we going to do if I end up in a wheelchair, 
Mulder?" she whispered. He shook his head.
	"I don't know, Scully", he answered truthfully. "I haven't 
thought of that alternative yet."
	"Well", she said and sighed, "then maybe you should start." 
He looked at her, more than a bit amazed.
	"Scully, you're not giving up, are you?"
	Her expression was sad and her eyes were tear-filled. 
"Mulder, you read it yourself. And you know the statistics, there 
has always been quite a chance that I wouldn't recover fully. I think 
... I think it's about time we started giving that a thought ... that I 
might never be able to return to work ..."
	"Scully, you can't give up!" he said. "You've never given 
up, please, don't start now ..."
	"This isn't about giving up, Mulder, this is about looking 
facts in the face. I'm not getting better!" she said, burying her face 
in his shirt and sobbing deeply. He rested his head on top of hers 
and held her close in the shelter of his arms. They were silent for 
minutes at a stretch.
	Then, before he was actually aware of it, he started to speak 
slowly.
	"You know, Dana, I work with someone ..."
	She looked at him, not quite understanding what it was he 
meant. He smiled.
	"I work with a wonderful woman", he said. "A woman I 
admire more than anyone I've ever met."
	"What's her name?" Scully asked, feeling her heart clench. 
'God', she thought, 'He's in love with Claire! It's true after all: he 
is in love with her!'
	"Her name is Scully. Dana Scully", he answered instead 
and she relaxed, understanding the rules of the game. She decided 
to play along.
	"Scully?" she asked. "Why do you call her Scully? Why not 
Dana?"
	"Because", he said, nuzzling her hair, "we started out that 
way. She called me Mulder and I called her Scully. We never 
changed it."
	"Are you afraid to change it?"
	"No", Mulder answered. "There's just no need for a change. 
I like it when she calls me Mulder. I guess she likes it when I call 
her Scully."
	"Yes, I suppose she does. I think it has become a kind of 
habit between you two, hasn't it?" Scully said, loving the way they 
talked about themselves, placing her in third person. It made all this 
so much easier ...
	"Not quite a habit, I think, it's more like ..." He thought for 
a moment. "... that it sounds so special when she calls me Mulder. 
She does it like nobody else."
	"What do you mean, Fox?" she asked, taking her chances 
by calling him Fox.
	"Well, our bosses call me Mulder and my friends call me 
Mulder, but that's simply because that's my name and to them it's 
nothing but my name. But Scully, she can turn it into a true caress 
... it's incredible what she can do with my name by simply saying it 
..."
	"You like her very much, don't you, Fox?" Scully said, 
never wanting to leave her partner's warm embrace again. Nobody 
had ever been able to hold her so safely and still allow her the 
freedom and space to breathe, to manoeuvre, to live her own life. 
Her mother's embraces were so intense that they frightened her. She 
could almost feel the grief that rolled in thick waves inside her. But 
Mulder's hugs were different. And much more the way she liked. 
She felt him nod.
	"Yes, I do. She's fantastic. She's strong and beautiful and 
compassionate. She never gives up on anyone or anything." He 
stopped and Scully shut her eyes tightly, feeling a sob surface 
slowly. A mirror. That was what this conversation was supposed to 
be. He was holding a mirror to her and he supplied the reflection, 
telling her the way he saw her instead of going with what she saw.
	"She's my heroine", Mulder whispered and the sob reached 
the surface.
	"I'm sure ... I'm sure she admires you just as much", she 
whispered. She felt his lips on the crown of her head, kissing her 
softly.
	"I certainly hope so", he answered.
	"Are you in love with your partner, Fox?" she asked, 
holding her breath in anticipation of his answer. He nodded.
	"Yes, I am. It's impossible not to be in love with her. Do 
you think she's in love with me?" he asked, turning the tables. She 
took a deep breath. 'Okay, Dana Scully', she thought, 'This is it. 
Tell him the truth, that you really are in love with him, and accept 
that there's no way back to what it used to be; or tell him the lie, 
that you don't love him, and break his heart and your own in one 
go, but in the knowledge that nothing really has to change.' Of 
course there was no real choice to make.
	"I think she's in love with you as well, Fox", she answered. 
"When I feel and see you like this, I know she never had much of a 
chance but to let herself fall in love with you."
	"Really?" His voice was childlike with surprise.
	"Yes, really. I'm sure she loves you very much", Scully 
said, surprised at how easy, how familiar and comfortable it felt to 
say these words to him. She shifted a little closer to him. 'He's so 
nice and warm', she thought and smiled. "Do you often hold her 
like you're holding me now, Fox?"
	He shook his head, tightening the embrace slightly. "No, 
we're both a little afraid of showing our affection. We only hold 
each other when one of us is distressed and cannot cope with it 
alone. And never in public."
	"Does it hurt, Fox?"
	"What?"
	"That you feel you can't hold her like this so often?"
	He nodded. "Sometimes. And I want to hold her, but I'm 
just so afraid I'll spook her. I'm afraid she doesn't want it."
	"But if you pretend that, right now, she is me, does it feel 
strange then?" Scully asked, delightfully losing herself in this 
strange role playing game.
	"No, it feels wonderful." His voice was soft.
	Scully looked at him, seeing his tender gaze. "Close your 
eyes, Fox", she commanded and he frowned.
	"Why?"
	"Just close your eyes, Fox", she said again, but gentler this 
time. "I want you to close your eyes and go back to all those times 
that you wanted to hold her, but never dared."
	"I can't", he said, his voice strained.
	"Why not?" she asked, looking up at him. She saw the tears 
on his cheeks. It made her return to reality within a heart-beat.
	"These moments ... I just can't ... there are too many of 
them ..."
	She extended her hand to dry his tears and he immediately 
opened his eyes, covering her hand on his cheek with his own when 
he felt the soft contact. Their eyes locked and never wanted to let 
go.
	"You see, Scully", he whispered, calling her Scully for the 
first time since they had started the game. "There's no way you can 
give up now. Giving up means quitting and you can't quit. I can't 
think of having another partner, you're too important to me."
	"But what to do if I shouldn't be able to walk, Mulder?" she 
asked, forcing herself back into reality.
	"That's not an option, Scully", he said in a low voice, 
telling her that he truly didn't believe she wouldn't be able to walk 
in the end. "My Scully, the Scully I love, is a fighter, she never 
gives up until she has reached her goal." He tilted her face up with 
his finger, then slowly leaned in. "You have no choice, Scully", he 
whispered, his breath warm on her lips. "I'm not giving you the 
chance not to get better. Simple as that."
	She couldn't answer. Her eyes had closed of their own will, 
her nerves had plunged into hyperdrive. She felt his lips brush over 
hers, softly, carefully, tentatively and she gasped. Then he pulled 
back slightly. He looked at her, anxious to see her reaction. He 
wasn't disappointed.
	Her breath came in soft fast gasps, her eyes were closed, 
her lips slightly apart. She wanted this to happen, she wanted him to 
make this happen ...
	Dana Scully wanted him. He couldn't think of a more 
convincing, more arousing thought.
	"I love you", he whispered. "Stay with me, I need you, 
don't go. My life will be empty if you go ... Don't quit. Please ..."
	He leaned towards her, determined to make this more than 
just the careful testing of her reactions. He felt her lips just touch 
his ...
	... when his cell-phone went.
	Scully backed away, startled by the phone ringing and they 
both let out a frustrated moan.
	"God, no ...", Scully whispered, not knowing whether to 
laugh or to cry. "Not now ..."
	Mulder shook his head in frustration as he reached in his 
coat pocket and grabbed the cursed black piece of plastic and 
electronics which had spoilt the magic so cruelly.
	"Mulder"
	Scully saw him close his eyes in defeat.
	"You're kidding me!"
	"Guys, you can't be serious! Not now. You can't-- ..."
	He sighed.
	"Yes, yes, I'll be over in 40 minutes."
	He ended the call and looked at Scully who was sitting in 
bed, completely motionless.
	"You're going away?" she asked, her voice fragmented.
	"Just for a second, Scully. I'm coming back right away, I 
promise."
	"But ... I'll be alone", she said. "Why aren't you staying 
with me?"
	"The Lone Gunmen have information about your illness 
they claim I cannot afford to miss."
	"Can't they just keep it and give it to you later?" Scully 
suggested and Mulder felt himself awfully close to giving in. He 
sighed.
	"I want to stay, Scully. Really I do. But ..." He looked at 
her, begging for understanding. "I ... I'll be back immediately, 
okay? Claire is coming by this afternoon as well, she'll keep you 
company for as long as I'm away."
	Scully smiled. "She can't be much of a substitute, Mulder. I 
only want you."
	He leaned in and kissed her quickly. "So do I, sweetheart. 
I'll be back in a minute." He hopped off the bed, then stopped and 
smiled. "We'll get to that kiss, Scully, that's a promise." Then he 
headed for the door where he paused for a moment, taking a deep 
breath.
	"Frohike, you're mince-meat!"
	Then he was gone, leaving Scully smiling in anticipation.

	ABOUT HALF AN HOUR later Mulder arrived at the place 
where the Lone Gunmen had their headquarters. He knocked, 
knowing how long it was going to take these anti-conspirators to 
convince themselves of the fact that it was indeed him and he got 
impatient.
	"Okay, guys, let me in right now, or I'm gonna give this 
address to the Syndicate!" he said loudly, tapping his foot. The door 
was opened almost instantly and Mulder walked in, seeing Langly 
eye him angrily.
	"Mulder, you'd better not do that", he said very weakly and 
Mulder huffed, walking past him, not in the least impressed. 
	"Ah, Mulder, good thing you could come right away. 
We've got something exciting for you", Byers said when he saw 
Mulder.
	"Too bad, guys, I bet I saw every video you could possibly 
have found", Mulder deadpanned, seeing Frohike frown in 
puzzlement.
	"We pulled it off the Internet. Amazing stuff there", Langly 
said.
	"Yeah, I know. Where'd think I order? Toys 'R' Us?" 
Mulder replied icily.
	Frohike kept staring at Mulder to the point when the latter 
started to feel in the way. Then Frohike shook his head. "You look 
nervous, Mulder. Did we interrupt anything?"
	Mulder sighed irritated. "As a matter of fact you have. After 
five years Scully and I finally prove to have the guts and get a little 
more intimate and you ... guys ..."
	He saw the men look at him. "Wow", Frohike muttered. 
"The lovely Agent Scully and you got ... um ... you know ... close ... 
mmm?"
	Mulder shot him a look. "That's none of your business! 
Mouse brain ..." He sighed and turned to the others. "Okay, what 
have you got?"
	"Well", Byers said, "we ran some tests on those beetles and 
we went a little further with the formulas you gave us. We found 
out that the venom found in Scully's blood is in fact a related form 
of serotonin or 5-hydroxytryptamine, which is a naturally occurring 
venom found in wasps among other animals."
	"Wasps?" Mulder was amazed. "But these creatures aren't 
wasps. They're beetles, they're not even remotely related to wasps! 
Are you sure you didn't make a mistake?"
	"Absolutely", Langly said. "We couldn't believe our eyes 
either, we double-checked every calculation just to be sure."
	"We knew you were going to ask that question", Byers said.
	"But how could that poison get in those beetles?" Mulder 
asked.
	"We told you before, these creatures weren't part of Mother 
Nature's original design", Langly said. "Anyone with the right 
equipment and resources, not to mention plenty of tax-payers' 
dollars, can 'make' them. For the rest it's just a matter of cross-
breeding until you get an aggressive beetle which can take on the 
dangers of living in a tropical forest, and produce the right kind of 
venom."
	Mulder chuckled. "You know, Langly, for a moment there 
you sounded like a genuine nut-case. What you're suggesting here 
... you cannot possibly believe that yourself ..."
	"Great going, Mulder", Frohike mumbled. "You just pissed 
off the second one of your friends. You're in for the big hit today?"
	Mulder sighed. "I'm sorry, guys, I guess I'm just a little 
wired these days. And I had to try and lift Scully's spirits today."
	"By getting intimate?" Frohike said and Mulder could just 
feel the itching of his fingers, the involuntary urge to fold them 
expertly around the man's neck and squeeze very very slowly.
	"If it hadn't been for your excellent timing, yeah ...", he 
said exasperated.
	"What's wrong with her then, Mulder?" Langly asked and 
Mulder sighed.
	"There's quite a chance she might never be able to walk 
again. We both didn't know this, we both thought everything was 
fine, but her physiotherapist left his notes in her room. He's ... he's 
in serious doubt about whether she'll ever recover fully. It was a 
tremendous blow to us both, but especially to Scully. After all, you 
know what she's like."
	"Yeah ...", Langly said and the others nodded.
	"Anyway, if everything's okay Claire should be with her 
now. I hope she'll be able to find a way to cheer Scully up", Mulder 
said and got up from his chair.
	"What do you think they'd be talking about, Mulder?" 
Frohike asked and Mulder shrugged.
	"I have no idea", he answered. "I just hope they can find a 
way to get on together, I wouldn't want to be caught in a fight with 
Special Agent Dana Scully. She's too dangerous." Then he walked 
to the door, followed by Byers. He gave Mulder a note.
	"Mention this with Doctor Young. If the man is who we 
think he is, he might just be interested in this. We think he already 
received something, but we don't have the channels to verify it 
ourselves."
	Mulder looked at the slip of paper before folding it and 
tucking it in his pocket. "I'll see what I can do. But first I have 
some other news to break with her, I think the fact that she suffered 
from an allergic reaction isn't very high on my list of priorities at 
the moment." He turned around to walk on, but stopped. "Byers, 
just one more thing."
	The man looked at him. "What?"
	"Next time one of you calls, telling me there's an urgency 
...", Mulder said, "make it a national urgency, okay? Otherwise I'm 
afraid I'll really have to kill someone ..." Then he disappeared in the 
crowd, leaving Byers confused in the doorway.

	"I'M LOOKING FOR MS Dana Scully, please?"
	The elderly woman behind the counter looked up to see a 
young woman on the other side, a bouquet of flowers in her right 
hand, briefcase in the left. She was wearing a trench-coat and her 
auburn hair shone in the dimmed light.
	The elderly woman went through a short list and then 
directed her to the plain brown door at the far end of the corridor.
	"Room 22, ma'am."
	The young woman smiled politely. "Thank you very 
much." Then she walked to the appointed door.

	"CAN I HELP YOU?" Scully said when she saw the unknown 
woman enter her room.
	"Agent Scully?"
	Scully nodded. "Yes."
	"I'm Agent O'Donnell", the woman answered. "Claire 
O'Donnell. I'm working with your partner at the moment." She 
extended a hand and Scully shook it, surprisingly reluctant.
	So this was Claire O'Donnell! This was the beautiful 
woman Mulder hadn't been able to stop talking about ... The 
woman he had dated ...
	"Can I sit down, please?" Claire asked. Scully nodded.
	"Of course", she said, waving at the chairs by the bed.
	"Thanks", Claire said and sat down. Then she picked up the 
flowers and gave them to Scully who frowned imperceptibly. 
Yellow, she thought. Nobody but Mulder knew she liked yellow 
flowers best. What was going on here?
	"Actually, these were Fox's idea", Claire said, affirming 
her thoughts. "I asked him what kind of flowers I should get you 
and he suggested buying yellow flowers. I hope I made the right 
choice."
	Scully nodded and smiled. "They're very nice. I like them 
very much. Thank you."
	"I'll go and fetch a vase for them", Claire said, but Scully 
stopped her.
	"I don't think there's much of a hurry. They'll hold out for 
some time I suppose", she said, having decided that first of all she 
wanted to find out for herself just what Mulder's temporary partner 
was really like.
	Claire nodded and an uncomfortable silence fell in the 
room.
	"So", Scully said, breaking the tense silence. "What is it 
like to work with Special Agent Fox Mulder?" A safe question.
	"Well ...", Claire started, moving on her chair, feeling 
slightly uneasy with the question. "He's kind of weird sometimes. 
He's very focused, very passionate about his work. It's a challenge 
to work with him, but it can be rather scary at the same time ... I 
don't quite know how to put it."
	Scully nodded. She knew the feeling. "But do you like it?"
	"Oh yes", Claire answered. "I don't know if I would want 
to work with him for the rest of my working life, but I used to be 
teamed up with an Agent who was basically perfectly capable, but 
he lacked spirit and dedication. It made work very boring. Working 
with Agent Mulder is never boring. It's such a nice change." Then 
her eyes twinkled a bit. "A very nice change ..." With two fingers 
she made a waving motion as if having to cool herself down after 
seeing a particularly gorgeous man.
	Scully felt her face split in a grin. Mulder had been right, 
this woman wasn't here to take him away from her, even though she 
had the looks to do it. She was too young, too inexperienced, too ... 
playful almost ... to be of any threat to them. And she didn't seem to 
have the ambition to be his partner forever. That's why Scully 
decided to give in and indulge in a little innocent swooning-party 
with her younger colleague who seemed to be rather affected by her 
partner's good looks as well. Specific purpose, drooling over Fox 
Mulder ...
	Claire and she could well become friends ...
	"You know, Agent Scully, you're so lucky to work with 
him permanently!" Claire grinned.
	"Oh Lord, you have no idea", Scully said. "By the way, just 
call me Dana, okay?"
	"Got it. I'm Claire", she answered and grinned. Then she 
sighed. "I mean, he's just gorgeous! When I heard about becoming 
his partner I could never even have begun to anticipate this ... He's 
incredible!"
	"Is he ever", Scully said, leaning a bit closer to Claire as if 
about to reveal the world's most precious secret. "Have you ever 
gotten a good look at his butt? God, most definitely the sexiest ass 
in the world ..."
	"Really?" Claire said with cocked eye-brows. Then she 
frowned. "Too bad he wears those suit-pants. They hide 
everything."
	"I've seen him in jeans a few times. He's got this pair of 
really tight blue ones, you know. Geez! Just thinking about them 
makes me want him ..."
	"Can't imagine why", Claire grinned and giggled, very well 
able to draw a vivid picture of Fox Mulder in jeans.
	Scully joined her in laughs and continued. "And those 
glasses ..."
	"Ooo, aren't they just everything? I couldn't breathe when I 
saw him wearing them, still can't ..." Claire sighed. "You know, he 
had them sitting on his desk when I came into the office for the first 
time. And when he opened the door for me I just couldn't believe 
this was really the man I was going to work with for the next few 
months. He was just gorgeous and ... oh God ... I just couldn't 
believe my eyes! And after he had introduced himself and we 
started working he put on his glasses and ..." Claire let out a 
nervous giggle. " ... I could've melted into a puddle just on the spot 
..." She rolled her eyes. "Don't you think they're just everything?!"
	Scully grinned and faked a glamorous faint. "They're 
enough to trigger a whole series of fantasies that are definitely not 
fit for the office!" She saw Claire nod enthusiastically. "And when 
he eats those sunflower seeds ..."
	"He does that often, doesn't he?"
	"Actually, he's addicted to them. I told him I didn't like 
him eating them because of the mess he makes, but in reality I just 
couldn't watch him eat them and not want to pound on him like 
some tigress on her prey. The way he eats them ... geez ..." Scully 
moaned a little and Claire nodded in sympathy. God, did she ever 
know how Scully felt ...
	"The guy should take up an additional job, become a pin-up 
model or something", Claire grinned, seeing the possible results 
right in front of her eyes. She wondered if the woman who had the 
highly enviable right to work with him every day, had ever been 
through dreams about him the way she had during the past few 
weeks ...
	"My ideas exactly, Claire, that's what I've been thinking 
for five years now", Scully chuckled. "On the other hand, I'd have 
to share him ..."
	"Yeah, you would ... You know, I think he could make a 
suit look damn sexy", Claire muttered.
	"You think?" Scully asked. "Oh God, the man can make a 
garbage can look sexy if he's in it." She chuckled. "I can just see 
him in his jeans and-- ..."
	"That will do", Claire observed dryly, then blushed 
furiously. The women burst out laughing.
	"Anyway", Scully continued, drying the tears in her eyes. "I 
can just see him dressed like that, looking up at me ... well, for as 
long as I can keep my hands off him, helping him get rid of those 
garments of course ..."
	"Of course", Claire said with a dreamy voice. She leaned 
her elbows on the bed and from the faraway look in her eyes Scully 
could make up that Claire could just see the image. Scully propped 
on one elbow and joined her colleague in her fantasies. Claire 
continued, her voice as dreamy as her eyes. " ...offering you a red 
rose ..."
	"A red rose?" Scully laughed. "Mulder? He'd never ever 
give me a red rose!"
	"No?" Claire asked and Scully sighed and smiled, drawing 
little circles on the bedsheets with her fingers.
	"No", she said. "A yellow rose. He knows what I like ..."
	"Yeah, he does ...", Claire said in an equally soft voice. 
Then she looked at Scully. "Have you ever seen him do that puppy 
dog-look trick at you, Dana?" bringing up yet another item of Fox 
Mulder's palette of irresistabilities. She waited for Scully to 
confirm this, but she only went further.
	"Oh girl, that's nothing compared to the leers from him!" 
Claire saw her close her eyes and moan. "He sometimes looks at me 
like he wants to slowly undress me and have me for dinner and ..."
	"And what?" Claire asked eagerly.
	Scully sighed, removing her arm from over her eyes and 
looking at Claire. " ... I just wish he did ..."
	Claire sighed. "Yeah ... I know what you mean ..."
	The women were silent, both indulging in their personal 
fantasies about who they thought to be the sexiest FBI-Agent in the 
world by far.
	"Hello, ladies!" a warm man's voice sounded and they both 
jolted out of their reveries. They shot each other knowing grins and 
then looked at Mulder in a way that was bound to make him feel 
uncomfortable ...
	Mulder saw the unexpectedly eager looks from his female 
partners and frowned. For God's sake, they both looked like they 
were just about ready to ...
	Then he smiled. He recognised this! This was Dana Scully 
ready to play ... and apparently Claire O'Donnell wasn't very 
different. It was everywhere, the air in the room was absolutely 
crackling with it.
	He pulled an innocent face and faked amazement. If he 
handled this right, this could be fun! "Why, ladies, I was just about 
to ask you if you'd like a cup of coffee, but you look at me as if ... 
it's me that you want!"
	Scully and Claire saw him raise his eye-brows and they had 
to try hard not to move a muscle ... This man challenged them 
simply by being in the same room, they knew, and now he was even 
making it worse ... on purpose ...
	Inwardly Mulder scored another point as he saw the women 
turn beet-red, then look at one another and start to giggle 
incessantly.
	"Why, Agent Mulder", Claire grinned, "you seem to be 
right!" making it Mulder's turn to fidget.
	"Girls ...", he muttered with a smile, turning around to get 
the coffee.
	And he had barely closed the door behind him when Claire 
and Scully fell into deep, lustful sighs, their minds feasting on the 
image it came up with. They looked at each other and burst out 
giggling.
	There was a God, they knew.
	And he had just walked out of the room to get coffee ...

*~*~*

	MULDER WAS FURIOUS. WITH a fast angry stride he half-
walked, half-ran through the corridors of FBI Head Quarters.	
	It hadn't been his fault, Skinner had apologised for himself 
and Mulder had bitten back a sarcastic laugh. Sure. Of course it 
wasn't the Assistant-Director's fault. It was someone else's fault. It 
always was. Like his secretary's or his superiors' or whoever else 
he could find to place the blame on.
	Well, whatever the reason truly had been, it remained a fact 
that right now Mulder had spent over six hours in the building, five-
and-a-half of which he had spent waiting. He had done some work 
in the office but he couldn't leave the building because he needed to 
be able to be in Skinner's office within minutes whenever he'd get 
called in.
	After more than five hours he had been able to get to talk to 
his boss, and by that time he had already completely forgotten what 
it was he had wanted to see him for. So even the appointment had 
turned out to be a total waste of valuable time ...
	It had royally pissed him off.
	During those six hours he had called Mrs Scully several 
times, mostly just to inquire after Scully and to apologise to both of 
them, something which she told him was really not necessary. But 
he had wanted to be with Scully today. They'd been practising 
walking for weeks now and every day she improved. The 
physiotherapist had told them about Scully's sombre prospects 
concerning a full come-back, and by mutual agreement they had 
decided to fight and go for it. And, to the man's utter surprise, she 
had made it. Every day she got better and better and Mulder was 
anxious to be there with her when she'd finally make it across the 
room all by her own. This would mean that she'd have passed that 
part of rehabilitation, and, so the Doctors told them, the rest was 
going to be a lot easier once they had made it that far.
	And now ... maybe he had already missed that moment! 
Well, if this delay at HQ was going to be the reason for him missing 
it, he was going to make Skinner pay dearly for taking it away from 
him. He and Scully had been through some rough times, but they 
had always made it by being together and he was determined to be 
with her every step she made, literally or figuratively he didn't care.
	He jumped into his car and drove out of the parking-lot, 
causing some faces and less-polite gestures from colleagues who 
happened to be in his way and had to jump to the sides to save their 
skins. Like he gave a damn ...
	He took his cell-phone and punched in the number of 
Scully's room. Then he wedged it between his shoulder and the side 
of his head and tried to divide his attention between the dense 
evening traffic and the person who was going to answer the phone. 
Probably Mrs Scully.
	It was.
	"Hi, Mrs Scully, it's Fox here", he said with an involuntary 
smile. Hearing Scully's mother always made him smile.
	"Fox!" Margaret answered on the other side. She sounded 
happy and he felt relieved. It probably meant things were going all 
right and he needed that. He needed some good news ...
	There was a short silence and then Margaret continued. 
"Fox, are you calling from the car?"
	Mulder sighed in embarrassment. He knew her attitude 
towards calling whilst driving and he was glad she couldn't see him 
now.
	"Well, yes I am, Mrs Scully", he admitted a little 
sheepishly.
	"Then stop immediately, Fox! I don't want to see you get 
involved in an accident!"
	"Mrs Scully, I'll be all right", he said with a smile.
	"Yes, and you'll be telling me that each time until you end 
up in a hospital and I'll have two of my children to visit. I don't 
know if I can cope with that, Fox", she answered. She seemed to 
smile though and Mulder chuckled.
	"Okay, I'll hang up in a minute. How's Dana?" Mulder 
asked, knowing that as long as she'd be there, she'd never stop 
worrying about him. And he'd never win an argument like this in 
his life ...
	"She's doing great, Fox, and she can't wait to see you."
	Mulder felt a surge of hot emotion run through him. 
"Really?" he asked, his voice soft.
	"Yes, really", he heard Margaret smile. Then he heard 
Scully's voice in the back-ground and Margaret told her she 
couldn't. Whatever it was he didn't know. "Anyway", he heard 
Margaret say to him, "hang up the phone and come over. Dana 
threatened to call you in person if she couldn't speak to you-- ..."
	"I know your number, Mulder!" he heard Scully's voice 
and he chuckled.
	Margaret laughed. "You've kept her wondering what was 
keeping you all day, Fox."
	"That is a long and unpleasant story, Mrs Scully, with 
which I won't bore you right now", he grinned. "See you in a few 
minutes."
	"Good-bye, Fox, we'll see you in the training-room then", 
Margaret said. "Drive carefully!"
	"I will", he smiled. "Bye."

	HE APPROACHED THE TRAINING-ROOM where he knew 
Scully was having her trainings. He opened the door softly so that 
he wouldn't disturb the people in the room. He took a quick glance 
around the room to find Scully. There were several people 
practising, but then he spotted her and her mother, and a trainer who 
appeared to be coaxing her across the room in the far end. He took 
off his shoes to protect the floor and walked towards them.
	With a smile he watched Scully's movements. They were 
still kind of wobbly and uncertain, but so much better than before.
	"Hello, Fox", Mrs Scully greeted him. She was sitting on a 
bench, watching her daughter's efforts.
	Hearing this, Scully turned her head in his direction and a 
1000-watt smile appeared on her face. An old instinct made its way 
to the surface and she made a sudden turn from her previous 
direction and reached for him.
	And consequently lost her balance and fell ...
	Mulder rushed to her side. "Scully, are you okay?"
	She nodded, her face still split in that same huge smile. 
"I'm fine and you're late, Fox Mulder! Tell me, did Skinner finally 
decide that this time you really stepped over the line?"
	"Skinner? Phoa! He didn't have anything to say!" Mulder 
grumbled and Scully chuckled.
	"Still one morose bastard you are", she grinned. "But you 
made me lose my balance, Fox Mulder! And just when I had almost 
crossed the room flawlessly for the first time. Now I have to start all 
over again!"
	Mulder smiled. "I'm sorry."
	Scully grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck. "No, 
you're not. I bet you enjoyed this." She chuckled. "Come on, carry 
me to the starting point. That'll be your penalty for making me lose 
my balance."
	"For making you fall", he said, lifting her up from the floor.
	"Yes, for making me fall!" she repeated.
	"For startling you, too."
	"Exactly, for startling me!"
	"For making you smile and reach out for me."
	"Yeah, for making me smile and reach out for you!" she 
said. "That wasn't too bad, though ..."
	Then Mulder looked at her and placed his bets on his next 
move. "Because you're head over heels in love with me!" he said 
slyly. 
	Scully must have let her guard down or she'd never have 
said what she said next: "Precisely! Because I'm head over heels in 
love with you!" she repeated decidedly, then turning more than 
beet-red, realising what she had just blurted out. She didn't know 
what to say, because she couldn't deny it, but she'd never thought 
she'd tell him so nonchalantly ...
	Mulder smiled. "I know you are. You gave me enough 
proof of that just before I left for the Lone Gunmen's office. I guess 
I just liked to hear you say it to me as well, even if I'd have to use a 
little trick ..."
	"Cunning, Fox Mulder ...", she muttered and held him a 
little tighter as he carried her to the beginning of the line across the 
room.

	"YEAH, C'MON SCULLY, YOU can do it!" Mulder urged his 
partner on as if he was watching a football game and cheering on 
his favourite team.
	Scully looked at him and stopped for a second, trying to 
regain her balance. She was panting and little droplets of sweat 
beaded on her fore-head. Just a few more feet and she'd have 
surmounted that first major obstacle on her path to full recovery. 
After that there'd be no more steps that were going to be that 
difficult.
	"You'll catch me, won't you, Mulder?" she said between 
steps.
	Mulder nodded. "Of course I will catch you!"
	She smiled and bit her lower lip in concentration.
	Five more steps ...
	Four ...
	Three ...
	Two more steps ...
	One ...
	And then she was in Mulder's arms, exhausted and panting, 
drenched in sweat, but incredibly happy.
	"You did it!" Mulder exulted, holding her close. "You 
really did it! You crossed the room all by yourself!"
	"I did it ...", she said and smiled, still breathing heavily. 
Then she laughed. "Boy, my condition is just awful!"
	"I don't care, Scully", Mulder answered, sitting down and 
letting an exhausted Scully sit in his lap. She rested her head on his 
shoulder, attempting to get her breath back and forcing her racing 
heart to calm down a little. Then she raised her head and looked at 
him, surprised to see the proud expression she found in his eyes and 
the beautiful smile that curved his lips.
	He was proud of her. He was incredibly proud of her. And 
so happy for her ...
	It made her face crumple and tears flow. She flung her arms 
around his neck and held him in a tight hug.
	"I'm so happy, Mulder", she sobbed. "I can't believe I did it 
..."
	He gently rubbed her back through the drenched T-shirt and 
kissed her atop her head. "I know, I'm so proud of you", he said. 
"You made it all by yourself! My own strong partner ..."
	These words made new fresh tears fall and she buried her 
face in his shoulder, nuzzling the fabric of his jacket.
	"I was serious, Mulder", she said after a while. "I truly 
meant it ..."
	"Meant what?"
	"You know, that I am in love with you", she said. "You 
made me say it with a trick, but it's true. I would never have said 
that if I didn't already feel that way. I really do love you."
	Mulder smiled, masking the passion which flared so 
unexpectedly with an effective cool look. "I know you do, Scully. 
Like I said, that little unplanned move we made just before I left for 
the Lone Gunmen told me enough."
	"Guess Claire and I didn't leave you in much doubt either, 
huh?" she grinned, making him smile.
	"Not really, no", he said. "But I'd never have tricked you 
into saying it if I wasn't already 100% sure."
	She smiled widely. "I like it ... I like this very much ..."

*~*~*

	"SCULLY? ARE YOU AWAKE?" Mulder asked when he came 
in. He saw her lying in bed, her face turned to the window which 
was opposite the door.
	Hearing his voice she turned her head and smiled at him. 
"Yes, I'm awake, just day-dreaming a bit", she smiled. She was 
fully clothed except for her shoes which were standing neatly side 
by side under the bed. She pushed herself up in sitting position and 
sat crossed-legged, her hands resting in her lap.
	Mulder smiled and came up to her. "You're looking good, 
Scully" he said and kissed her softly on the cheek. This was rapidly 
becoming a habit of his and she liked it. In fact she even 
encouraged him.
	"Mmm, thanks, Mulder", she said. "I feel good, too. I'm 
feeling better than before."
	"That's great", he answered with a wide smile and he sat 
down on the edge of the bed. Scully scooted up to make room for 
him, but he indicated that she really didn't need to so she moved 
back, sitting close to him.
	"So, tell me, what was the dream all about then?" he asked.
	Scully shot him an innocent leer. "About you, gorgeous, 
who else?"
	Mulder chuckled, quickly composing himself. "Well, 
could've been Doctor Young of course", he suggested and he was 
amused to see her expression of disgust.
	"Ah yeck, Mulder!" She punched him in the ribs. "You 
can't be serious! Doctor Young? That kid? You cannot possibly see 
me with him! Why, that would get me behind bars for ... for child 
abuse! Doctor Young ... Geez ..." She rolled her eyes. Then she 
looked at him. "I'm sure you're having eyes for the entire group of 
nurse-trainees on the ward ..."
	He surprised her by not coming up with some wrong joke, 
but instead looking at her very intensely. "No, in fact I'm not", he 
said, his voice completely serious.
	A very dead silence fell in the room as within a split-second 
another wall between the two Agents crumbled and crashed down, 
lying in an unrepairable heap of rubble at their feet.
	Then Mulder looked down, breaking the tense atmosphere. 
"So, how's walking going then?"
	"All right. I'm getting stronger every day", Scully 
answered. "Today is my day off training, Marc is off to another 
hospital for the day for classes."
	"You had nothing to do then today?"
	"Nope. Apparently today was meant to be exceedingly 
boring", Scully said with a smile and a roll of her eyes. "It's a good 
thing you came by to get rid of the boredom."
	"And your mother? Where's she?" Mulder asked, noticing 
Margaret's absence.
	"She went to see a friend today. You're the first one to see 
me."
	"Fox Mulder, the saviour of all bored people", he mocked, 
his smile not quite reaching his eyes.
	"You're mine", Scully said softly.
	"I'm trying", he answered. Then he turned to look at her 
and placed his hand over hers. "In fact I came here to see you of 
course, but also because I've got something very important to tell 
you."
	Scully raised her eye-brows. "Really?"
	"Yes", he answered, getting up from the bed. "Can you 
leave your room?"
	"Guess so", she said. "I can go wherever I want in the 
hospital and to the park opposite of the building as long as I don't 
go by myself and let the nurses know where I am."
	"I can understand that", Mulder said. He offered his hand. 
"You want to go to the park then? What I want to tell you is rather 
... personal ... in nature."
	Scully looked at him, seeing him smile slightly. She smiled 
back. "Of course. Let me just get my shoes and that sweater -- can 
you believe it? It's 30oC outside and they won't let me leave 
without it!" She chuckled.
	Mulder grabbed the sweater and she tied it around her 
waist. "Let's go then", she said, letting Mulder help her off the bed. 
Then, with him supporting her, they walked out of the room.

	THEY WERE SITTING ON a bench in the park, enjoying the 
wonderful weather and the rich smell of mid-summer. Mulder had 
insisted on carrying her part of the walk and, knowing that he did 
have a point there because she was rapidly getting exhausted, she 
had let him, actually enjoying it quite a lot.
	"Scully?" he eventually began.
	"Yes?"
	"Did Doctor Young talk to you about the examinations they 
did on your condition when you were admitted to this hospital?"
	Scully nodded. "Yes, he told me."
	"Did he also tell you about the unusual results they found 
when the tests came back?" he asked.
	"Yes, he did. He said they had found that tiny scar on the 
base of my neck and about the branched DNA in my blood. He also 
told me that my bones weren't in top condition. He asked me if 
there was anything I could tell him about possible origins of these 
strange phenomena."
	"What did you tell him?"
	Scully chuckled. "I started by asking him if he believed in 
extraterrestrials." Then she looked at Mulder who laughed heartily. 
"What?"
	"Actually", Mulder grinned, "I asked him exactly the same 
when we discussed those results!"
	Scully smiled. "I learned from the master, I guess ..." and 
heard Mulder chuckle.
	Then he grew serious. "Well, I had a meeting with Doctor 
Young about these exams as well and he told me the same. Plus 
something else ..."
	"What else did he tell you, Mulder?"
	Mulder didn't reply immediately and Scully cocked her 
head. "What?"
	"Em ...", Mulder hesitated, trying for the life of him to find 
a way to approach the matter delicately. Then he turned to her and 
made her look at him. "Scully, when was the last time you had your 
periods?"
	She frowned. This question was definitely not the one she 
had expected. She took a deep breath. "Well ... I guess that was 
before I was abducted. I don't think I've ever had my periods since. 
But why do you ask, Mulder? You know I no longer have my 
ovaries and-- ..." She looked up sharply, her brow furrowed and her 
eyes wide. "What? What did Doctor Young tell you?!"
	Mulder ran a hand through his hair. "You're wrong about 
that", he said softly.
	Scully's expression of bewilderment grew more intense. 
"What do you mean?"
	Mulder sighed. "They -- whoever they were -- didn't take 
both your ovaries, Scully, they only took one. They did, however, 
shut the other one down which led us to believe they had indeed 
removed both." He didn't dare looking at her.
	"You mean ...", she started, but had difficulties continuing. 
She looked at some point in the distance, trying to process the 
information. Then she looked at Mulder. "You mean I can still get 
pregnant?"
	Mulder shook his head. "No, like I said, it's been shut down 
... It doesn't function anymore ..."
	"But theoretically, just hypothetically speaking, I still can?" 
Scully said softly. "I still do have the organs to conceive, don't I, 
Mulder?"
	"Yes", he whispered, hurrying to continue. "But they-- ..."
	She raised her hand to cut him off. "Stop, Mulder." She let 
her hand drop back in her lap and they involuntarily came together 
on her lower abdomen. Then she looked at him, her eyes both sad 
and excited. "I knew, Mulder ... I think somehow I always knew 
...", she whispered. "I never believed it, I couldn't. I couldn't tell 
myself 'You'll never have a child' and believe it. I mean, 
sometimes I made myself see reason and tell my image in the 
bathroom mirror that all this dreaming and fantasising about having 
children of my own was simply wishful thinking, but I never 
actually believed it ..." She looked at him, a weak smile on her face. 
Then she covered his hand with her own and he looked back. They 
smiled weakly. "I ... I'm glad you told me, Mulder, even though it 
doesn't change the situation all that much ..."
	Mulder felt his smile fade. He leaned his arms on his legs, 
his hands folded and his gaze directed at some people a few dozen 
yards off. "Doctor Young told me this some time ago, Scully, and it 
has kept me obsessed."
	She placed her hand on his arm. "Oh, Mulder, everything 
that happens to me obsesses you. How much have you built up?" 
she asked softly, her voice gentle and compassionate.
	He didn't answer her question, but went on where his own 
story had left off. "During my meeting with Doctor Young I asked 
him if there was a way one could cure this. He said no such cure 
existed."
	"Mulder ...", she began, but he interrupted her by looking at 
her.
	"I never take no for an answer when it comes to you, 
Scully, I never have and when he told me this I knew I certainly 
wasn't going to start then. I asked him again and he said that it was 
mostly a hormone-based matter. But the amount of artificial 
hormones needed to jump-start your system would surely kill you 
..." He grimaced at the thought. "I told Claire about this and that I 
wasn't going to resign myself to this verdict. She believed me."
	Scully felt a short stab at these words. This said so much 
about her as well: she'd never have believed Mulder's claim that 
there was hope if a scientist had claimed otherwise ...
	He looked at her. "She joined me, Scully, she searched for a 
cure along with me and some time ago ..." He stopped.
	"You found a cure?" Scully whispered, amazed by the 
possible implications of his words.
	"Scully", he said, a polite warning in his voice. "We may 
have found something, well, Claire did actually, but it's ... it's still 
very very experimental. No successful results have been reported ... 
but I ... I just needed to tell you this ..." He sighed. "I mean, I still 
cannot offer you anything realistic, but ... you can have whatever 
information is available about the treatment. I can bring it with me 
if you'd like to have it. But ... I just want you to know that it's 
potentially very dangerous, Scully, the treatment can be harmful to 
you if you decide to take it, it may harm your children as well. 
Nothing is certain yet and I ... I just don't want to see you get hurt 
again. Not you ..."
	"I know, Mulder, and you know that I'm not one to do 
things impulsively-- ..."
	"Tattoo", he mouthed and she blushed.
	"Okay, I'm usually not very impulsive", she smiled, 
grateful to see him smile a bit as well. Then she became serious 
again. "But I just want you to know that you don't have any idea 
how grateful I am that you're telling me all this."
	"I wish I could have told you I had a real cure for you, a no-
fail treatment. This still offers you nothing", he said in a low voice. 
Then he laughed bitterly. "Isn't that just like me? Offering you 
nothing but dreams and balloons? Pretty on the outside, empty on 
the inside?"
	Scully flinched a little when she heard his words. "Hope 
isn't empty on the inside, Mulder", she said softly and he looked at 
her. He was shocked to see her pale face so close to tears and he 
softened.
	"I just wish I could give you more than hope, Scully. I want 
to give you reality. God knows I want to ..."
	"Mulder, I can live with hope", Scully said gently. "Don't 
you see that hope is exactly what keeps people going, not reality? 
And as for me, until a few minutes ago I never hoped, never even 
dared to hope that one day I'd have a baby of my own. You gave 
me back that hope." She touched his arm and he turned to look at 
her, his eyes shiny. "I would love to read more about that treatment, 
Mulder, but I promise I will discuss with you any decision I make. I 
do believe the treatment will harm my health and right now I'm not 
in top condition anyway." She smiled a bit. She rose and held her 
hands out to him. "Thank you for telling me, I appreciate it more 
than I ever thought I would ..."
	He took her hands, but instead of letting go to walk back, he 
raised one and softly cupped her cheek in his palm, making her look 
at him. "Just promise me one thing, Scully", he said softly, his 
voice low.
	"What?"
	"I do hope that one day you will have your own baby. But 
when you do and it's a boy, please, don't name him after me ..."
	She looked up at me and saw him smile ruefully. "Wouldn't 
want to give the kid traumas", he added in a soft voice. He looked 
so vulnerable that she couldn't suppress the urge to hold him so she 
slipped her arms around his chest and held him tightly to her, her 
head resting under his chin. The she looked to the side, seeing two 
people smile at them and she smiled back, realising just how lucky 
she was to have someone in the world who cared so much for her.

	THEY WERE HOLDING EACH other so tightly, Scully realised 
and she sighed, knowing the reason behind it all too well. 'Are we 
still that afraid we'll lose each other?' she wondered.
	Sometimes she wondered why they were so different from 
everybody else. They were so happy together, but she didn't think 
there'd ever come a moment when they'd stop thinking about it and 
consider it a given. They both simply didn't work that way.
	"It's getting rather late, Mulder", she said softly, stroking 
his cheek. "I think they're getting worried about me back in the 
hospital."
	"They don't need to, Scully", Mulder answered.
	She looked at him, not quite getting what he meant by that.
	"I promised your mom I wouldn't let anything happen to 
you", he explained and she smiled.
	"Of course you wouldn't. I know that", she said.
	He let go of her. "You are right though. We ought to get 
back." He saluted mockingly, but with a smile. "Agents Mulder and 
Scully reporting for duty."
	She grinned. "Tell me, what duty would that be, Agent 
Mulder?"
	He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her 
closer to him. Then they slowly headed back for the hospital.
	"What duty is it, Mulder?" she repeated.
	He looked at her and smiled. "The only things we're really 
good at: messing everything up and then getting away with it!" 
Scully chuckled. He was so right. "Oh, and being in love, of 
course", he added.
	She laughed softly, leaning her head to his shoulder. "Of 
course", she said. "The third thing we excel in ..."
	They walked back in silence. When they entered the ward 
they found that the nurses had indeed started to worry a bit and they 
apologised. Then they went to Scully's room.
	And Mulder was just about to say good-night when Scully 
decided she hadn't had enough.
	"Mulder ..."
	He looked at her. She was sitting on the bed, still fully 
clothed and she was holding her arms out towards him.
	"Mulder, will you hold me for a little while longer, please?"
	He was rather surprised, but he nodded and sat down on the 
bed, taking her in his arms. She curled up until she felt just right.
	"I like being with you, Mulder", she whispered. "You make 
me feel so safe."
	He swallowed. "I try", he said.
	Scully smiled gently when she heard this. "I know", she 
answered, tenderly cupping the base of his skull in her hand and 
holding him to her. "That's exactly why I feel so safe. You'd never 
let a person hurt me ..." She looked him in the eyes. "No one has 
ever done so much for me. And I know I can watch out for myself, 
but sometimes, even though I act strong, I need someone to hold me 
and tell me that that person loves me, cares about me ... I'm so glad 
I have such a wonderful person, I'm so glad I have you ..."
	Mulder closed his eyes momentarily. "You're the first 
person who ever made me care so much, Scully. Before I knew you 
I'd never done this, I didn't even know I was able to." He rested his 
head on her shoulder. "And now I don't know how to do otherwise 
..."

	THEY HAD BEEN SITTING in each other's arms for a long 
time when Scully noticed a change. Mulder's arms were now 
holding her not just tightly, but even frantically, and he had turned 
his head so that his face touched her cheek.
	He was crying. She could hear his frantic attempts to hide 
the sobs, but it was to no avail.
	"Mulder", she whispered. "Mulder, what's wrong?"
	He didn't answer, instead he shook his head slightly, 
rubbing his brow against her cheek.
	"Oh, Mulder", she whispered, cupping his cheek in her 
palm and cradling it to her.
	"I'm so tired, Scully", he hiccuped between sobs. "I'm 
exhausted, I don't know how to go on anymore ..."
	She didn't say anything at first, not sure that there was 
actually something she could say to him which would offer him 
some comfort. Then she took a deep breath and looked at him.
	"Why are you so tired, Mulder?"
	He sniffed. "I simply am, Scully", he said. "They've been 
keeping me running and hiding for so many years now and it has 
tired me out. I can't sleep either ... the nightmares ... And now 
you're in the hospital ... I'm exhausted by everything ..."
	"I'm sorry I'm so ill, Mulder", she whispered, but he 
quickly shook his head.
	"No, Scully, it isn't you who makes me feel this way! 
You're the one who's kept me going for so long! It's the Bureau, 
it's the Syndicate! They're doing this to me, they make me so tired. 
And now I even have to work double, I mean, I know I've got 
Claire, but ..." He sighed. "All I think of is you and how you're 
doing", he said, looking her in the eyes. "You're all I can and want 
to think about. But then they called me back into the office! And 
it's not Claire's fault, she takes on as much of the work as she 
possibly can, but you know just how much work there always is ... 
and I just don't seem to be able to find the energy for it any longer 
..."
	Scully looked at him and she saw the exhausted look in his 
eyes.
	"I'm so tired, Scully", he sighed, closing his eyes and 
resting his head against her shoulder. "I'm so incredibly tired ..."
	She let her arms come around him and felt how he wrapped 
his arms around her back. Then she closed her eyes and rocked him 
softly like a mother comforting her child.
	"So tired ...", he whispered and sobbed once.
	She stroked his back. "Shh", she whispered. "I know ... Just 
rest here ..." She felt the moisture of his tears drip down on her 
shoulder, but she paid no attention to it.
	"I'm so tired 'cause I'm so scared, Dana ...", he whispered. 
"I'm so scared 'cause I'm so afraid I'll lose you ..."
	"Shh, Fox, don't be, I'm not going away ..."
	"You mean so much to me, what am I going to do if you're 
no longer here?" he asked and Scully heard the distress in his voice.
	"Mulder, not now, I'm not leaving you", she said, looking 
at him. "Why would I go when we still need each other so much? 
When we still have so much to accomplish?"
	He covered her hands on his cheeks with his own, keeping 
them there. "'We', Scully?"
	She smiled. "Oh, Mulder, of course 'we'! Never anything 
but the two of us."
	He didn't say anything in response, but bowed his head and 
sighed. Then, with his eyes closed he looked up.
	"So tired, Scully ...", he whispered. "I've gotta watch my 
back, gotta watch yours, but I can't ..."
	"Oh, Mulder, no one expects you to watch my back 24/7, 
nobody would be able to keep that up", she said softly, stroking his 
hair.
	"But I've got to, Scully! I have to! I can't risk you getting 
hurt ... And if I don't ... watch over you ... I feel so guilty for not 
doing my job ...", he said and Scully sighed, knowing how much he 
was obsessed by her well-being. He couldn't change that. And she 
couldn't change him.
	She made him rest his head on her shoulder. "Come here, 
Fox", she whispered. "I will look out for us both now. You can 
close your eyes and rest ..."
	He sighed and a tiny sob shook them both. She held him 
warmly to her own body, burying her face in his hair and sheltering 
his much larger form in her arms.
	"Rest, my sweetheart", she whispered. "I will keep you 
safe."
	"Yes, you will, won't you, Dana?" he said softly, looking 
up at her and smiling slightly. She smiled at him in return.
	"Of course I will, Fox", she answered. She cupped his face 
tenderly in her hands and looked in his eyes. "Didn't I promise to 
look after you? To keep you out of trouble?"
	He smiled. "Yes. Yes, you did", he answered.
	"Then what would make you think I was going to break 
with that promise?" she said, placing a lingering kiss on his 
forehead. They hardly ever did that, and to her it was the ultimate 
gesture of the deep, unfaltering respect they had for each other. 
They had always respected one another so much, even when there 
still was nothing else that bound them together yet. Eventually they 
had seen their partnership evolve into a unique, one-of-a-kind 
friendship, only to become even more. Slowly they had begun to 
realise they were falling deeply in love with each other, but Scully 
knew that no kiss, however passionate, would ever be able to 
convey the same heart-felt feelings of respect and admiration this 
kiss on the forehead could evoke.
	She let the kiss come to an end and rested her forehead 
against his. Then she looked at him. He had assumed the passive 
role, utterly trusting her not to do anything that would hurt him.
	"Mulder", she said and she saw him open his eyes slowly, 
the openness in his eyes, displaying the whole fragility of his being 
so unreservedly, shaking her to the bone.
	Then their eyes locked and something crackled and 
sparkled between them. For minutes nothing happened. Then he 
slowly leaned in and she saw his lips part slightly, feeling her lips 
involuntarily imitate the movement.
	They could kiss now, she knew. They could kiss now and 
never stop and everything would be all right.
	No, it wouldn't be all right. Something was missing. It 
wasn't the love which was missing, it wasn't the trust, it wasn't that 
they didn't both want it to happen with all their heart, it was 
something else. The right moment, this wasn't the right moment or 
the right reason ...
	Then she felt his lips brush over hers and she almost lost all 
restraint.
	'Live, Dana Scully!" something inside her said. 'You love 
him so much, don't you? Then live and love if that's what you 
want! And it is, you want to live, and God knows no one can make 
you love the way he can ...'
	Mulder sensed her hesitation and looked at her. "Scully, 
what's wrong?" he asked softly and she looked at him.
	She sighed. "God, Mulder, I wish I knew ..."
	"Didn't you want this?" he asked and she could hear the 
consideration in his voice. "Was I going too fast?"
	She shook his head, whispering that he wasn't, that she 
didn't know what it was. She stroked his face and chuckled weakly. 
"Isn't this typical?"
	"What is?"
	"I try to comfort you and in the end it's you comforting me 
again ... I wish I could turn it around for once", she answered.
	He surprised her by placing his head on her shoulder and 
sighing deeply. Then he spoke and she could hear the gentle smile 
in his voice. "You can always comfort me by being there for me. By 
simply being there ..." He paused and then he continued. "By 
offering me warm soft arms to rest in ..."
	She kissed the side of his face. "My arms are yours, Fox. 
Whenever you need them."
	"I do", he said. "I need them so much. I'm still so tired ..."

	MULDER FELL ASLEEP SHORTLY after this. He was still in 
my arms when his breathing slowed down and became deeper, more 
regular, the lines in his face disappearing one by one.
	I'm still holding him, feeling him lie heavily against me. I 
feel his weight, but strangely enough it doesn't bother me in the 
least. On the contrary, it's safe and warm proof for the presence of 
this wonderful man.
	I feel my eye-lids growing heavier with each second that 
passes and with one look at the clock I learn it's already nine p.m. 
Normally, at home, I'd still be up and wide awake, but being in the 
hospital has made me get used to sleeping early. And with Mulder 
unwittingly providing the example of how wonderful it could be ...
	Slowly with utmost care I take off his shoes and lie him 
down on the bed, his head on my pillow. Tonight we'll share it ... 
It's something we've never done before, but it feels good to be 
lying here with him. After all, I promised him I'd look out for him 
so he could rest without worries and there's no better way to 
achieve that than by sleeping with him ... In the most literal sense of 
the word for now ...
	It's a sad thought that hits me when I realise I'll wake up 
alone. When I wake up in a few hours Mulder will have gone home 
... We've got the most tolerant group of nurses here I have ever met, 
but even they cannot allow him to stay here in my bed, I'm afraid. 
But then I push that thought aside, not wanting to let that ruin the 
beauty of the moment, of being here with him. I don't want to think 
about him leaving me, I just want to see him here.
	I look at him, lying here beside me and with a smile I brush 
aside a few strands of hair which obscure my view of him. It's a 
rare treat to watch Mulder sleep, I sleep so much more than he does 
... and seeing him unconscious in a hospital bed isn't quite the same 
thing ...
	My eyes slip shut and with a sigh and a yawn I 
acknowledge the fact that no matter how much I'd love to stay 
awake and watch him sleep, I won't be able to and I give in. I rest 
my arm over his shoulder, then move closer to him to feel more of 
him.
	Slowly the world around us fades into darkness and we 
sleep.
	Good-night, sweet Mulder. Thank you for loving me so 
much ...

	THE WORLD AROUND ME slowly begins to get back into 
focus inside my head when I open my eyes reluctantly, one after the 
other. I feel warm ...
	I look down, feeling a small soft warm something clinging 
onto me and I see a shiny mass of copper hair and bits of ivory skin 
below it. And I remember: I fell asleep in Dana Scully's arms. 
Fantasies numbers 1 up to and including 22 realised in a heart-beat 
... And this time it isn't just a vague dream or some elusive fantasy, 
it's the delightful truth, it's wonderful reality. Okay, so we're both 
still dressed even though we're in bed together, but that doesn't ruin 
the beauty of the feeling one bit.
	She stirs a little and I smile, remembering what led to this. 
My little strong beautiful guardian angel ... Then my smile fades, 
knowing I'd give the world for a chance to be really worthy of my 
partner. She's way too good for a man like me, she really is.
	It's so tempting to stay here in bed with her until she wakes 
up and meanwhile just watch her sleep, watch over her. Even 
though I've never been present when she woke up in the morning I 
think I've got a fairly accurate idea of what she'll be looking like 
when she awakens. Let me see ...
	One moment she's still lying there, apparently deep asleep 
and then she makes this tiny sound, the kind of sweet sound you'd 
expect from a small furry animal like a kitten of a rabbit, and she 
turns around a bit, stirring ever so slightly. She doesn't open her 
eyes just yet, she knows she can stay in her world of sleep and 
dreams just a little bit longer, staying in that delightful never-never 
land her sleep is. But then she moves again; this time she kind of 
stretches and her eyes open just the slightest bit, letting bits of the 
world in, but not everything yet. Dana Scully wants to take it easy, 
especially in the morning. For her waking up isn't the desperate 
frantic fearful process it is for me, for her waking up is something 
nice, something pleasant. Something a person should enjoy and 
make last ... Then she yawns and sighs, apparently acknowledging 
the fact that the morning truly has come and that a new day is 
awaiting her.
	I don't know how much of this is actually true, maybe it's 
simply the dream I've got, the dream I dream for myself to 
experience.
	She's lying here with her head under my chin, her arms 
firmly around me. If I remember correctly I fell asleep in her arms, 
my face buried in the soft long curve of her throat, her hand easing 
me to her, inviting me to enjoy her offer of comfort, entreating me 
to accept her love ... I think that during the night we changed 
positions, I'm afraid we did.
	I smile when I lean closer and kiss her hair. I see her face, 
she smiles a little. She looks so innocent, so girl-like now, nothing 
like the cool professional scientist I see when she's performing an 
autopsy, or the imperturbable Special Agent the bad guys 
encounter. No, right now she's soft and pliable, small and sweet. 
She looks so small, she trusts me so much; I could take her between 
my thumb and index-finger and break her, crush her, just like that, 
but she trusts me not to.
	I don't think anyone ever made me care so much. It's fine 
with me, I think this new situation is one of the very best I could 
ever have gotten into: it's all new and unknown territory to me and I 
step into it with my eyes open and my soul expecting anything, both 
terrible things and beautiful things. So far the beauty has 
outnumbered the terror by 100 to one at least. Her doing, I know 
that. But I'm too happy to care, forgive the shrug.
	I think I ought to go home now. Like I said, it's terribly 
tempting to stay here, perhaps even fall asleep again and wake up 
with her side by side. Well, I'd probably get kicked out anyway, for 
sleeping in the same bed as she. I'd better go of my own initiative 
and not annoy the nurses. I regret having taken advantage of her 
trust just a few hours ago by wanting to kiss her. It was the only 
thing I could think of at that moment and it was the worst thing to 
do. And God bless her she didn't even hold it against me. No, 
instead of chastising me for this awful move of mine, she blamed 
herself, I can hardly believe it. Poor darling ... I'm glad I had the 
decency not to go with my urges no matter what. With her I should 
know better than to hurry things. The reward will be all the more 
satisfying if I wait till the right moment, I know that. I just hope 
we'll both live to see that day coming ... But something tells me 
we're not far away now. I hope that I'm right ...
	I smile at her as I ease myself from her arms. Then I bend 
closer to her and kiss her, smiling as I see her sleep. In a few hours 
I'll be back, I picked something up on my way to the hospital, a 
childhood memory I want her to have. Make that the one reason for 
me to leave her now ... I cover her small body with the bed covers 
and rise. Then I put on my shoes -- I can't remember having taken 
those off, but that's beside the point now I suppose -- and grab my 
coat.
	And, ready to leave, I can't resist the temptation to touch 
her one more time.
	Sleep well, sweet Dana. I love you.

	"GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, good morning!" Mulder 
smiled as he walked into Scully's room.
	She turned her head towards him and her smile widened to 
match his. "You're in a good mood, Mulder, what's the reason for 
the quick change since yesterday?"
	"The reason?" he asked and grinned. "I fell asleep next to 
the woman of my dreams and slept like a baby! And the whole 
world is gonna know that I feel good!" It made Scully's smile 
widen even more. It was a rare occasion to see Fox Mulder as bright 
and good-humoured as he was right now and it showed her once 
again just how wonderful a man he really could be.
	"I like it", she said and chuckled.
	He sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed her on the 
cheek. Then he reached down and picked something up from the 
floor. "Happy-- ...", he started but then raised his eye-brows.
	"Happy-- ... what, Mulder? It's not my birthday, it's not 
Christmas, it's just another ordinary Sunday", she grinned, curious 
to see how he was going to talk his way out of that one. Knowing 
Mulder it had to be good, but she was curious nonetheless.
	"That's it!" Mulder exclaimed, hopping off the bed and 
throwing open the curtains. A glorious beam of sunlight bathed the 
room in light and painted every surface rich and golden. "Happy 
SUN-day!"
	He was standing by the window and for a moment Scully's 
breath caught in her throat. The rays of the sun filtered through the 
soft fabric of the lace curtains and it surrounded him with a 
supernatural halo of pure light. Together with his heart-felt smile he 
seemed to have come straight out of her dreams; her own personal 
guardian angel. No wonder she always survived ...
	He came closer to the bed and sat down on its edge again. 
"So, happy Sunday, Scully!" and he handed her a long rectangular 
present.
	"Thanks", she smiled. She flipped open one side of the 
parcel, but found that the cellotape at the other end posed more of a 
problem. But she knew she had all the time in the world and she 
wasn't going to hurry.
	Mulder on the other hand seemed less patient and he 
extended a hand to help her. With a mischievous pout she patted his 
hand. "It's my present", she said, sounding like a stubborn little 
child.
	Mulder chuckled, but he was relieved when she had at last 
gotten the other side open as well. This had been really trying on his 
patience, eager as he was to find out if he had made the right 
decision with this. She rolled the paper open and held a long 
transparent plastic bag in her hands. Inside was something made of 
cloth and balsa wood sticks.
	"Oh, Mulder, you got me a kite!", she said and smiled at 
him. "How did you know I loved kites?"
	"That wasn't so hard, Scully", Mulder answered and 
grinned, hiding his relief, behind the grin. "I saw the poster on the 
ceiling. Plus you've got that poem on the wall in your apartment. In 
fact I found out long ago, but being Federal Agents doesn't offer 
much opportunity to go and fly kites together."
	"Great, I can't wait!" she smiled. Then she looked up at 
him. "But ... um ... how am I going to use it, Mulder? I mean, I can 
go outside, but I still can't run or anything. I can hardly walk really. 
I don't think I'll be able to get it in the air."
	"I'm sure we'll find a way to solve that little problem", he 
smiled. "Let's first get to the park and then we'll think about that, 
okay?"
	She smiled. "Okay." And while she put on her shoes, 
Mulder got her jacket from the coat-hanger. He smiled at her as she 
slipped on her jacket.
	"Let's go fly a kite, Dana Scully!"

	THEY HAD WALKED ACROSS the street to the park opposite 
the hospital. The warm rays of the sun and the cool wind had made 
Scully feel totally and insanely exhilarated and for a moment she 
had just stood there, letting the wind play with her hair. She had 
never enjoyed summer as much as she was enjoying it at that 
moment. Then they slowly walked on, going around the park and 
looking for the perfect spot to spend the rest of the afternoon.
	"This looks good", Scully said and Mulder nodded. There 
stood a large beech-tree which cast a generous shadow from the 
midsummer sun. In front of it was an open field, excellent for flying 
kites -- as several people showed.
	They sat down under the tree and Mulder unwrapped the 
kite while Scully watched.
	It was a good kite. A professional one. It must have cost 
him quite a lot of money, she thought, but wiped an unwelcome 
feeling of guilt from her mind. Right now all she wanted to feel was 
the happiness that being with Mulder could give her, especially now 
that he was in such a wonderful mood.
	"It's a beautiful kite, Mulder", she said admiringly when 
she saw the fabric lying on the grass. "Where did you get it?"
	"It belonged to my father", he explained, pushing the sticks 
in place. He was good at this, she noticed, he had probably learned 
how to fly a kite when he was young and learned to do it well. On 
the other hand, when Fox Mulder set his mind to something, he 
never stopped until he had mastered the skill to perfection. "It was 
in the old house in Chilmark. I rang mom to ask me whether it was 
still there and she told me she had brought it with her at Easter. She 
said that I had always loved flying kites and that it was just lying 
there and it would be a pity if it would fall victim to mice or 
fungus." He knotted the strings to the balsa wood. Then he took it in 
his hands and bounced it on his fist. "It's still pretty well-balanced", 
he said with satisfaction. "So, are you ready to fly it, Scully?"
	"I ... I'm not that good at getting a kite into the air, Mulder. 
Besides, I don't think I can walk well enough yet. Maybe you 
should get it up and then we can take turns holding it in the air."
	"Sure", he said, grabbing the kite and kissing her quickly on 
the cheek. Then he got up and walked into the sun. "Don't go 
anywhere!" he shouted.
	"Don't worry, I won't!" Scully laughed. She had heard the 
amusement in his voice and she knew he was only teasing her.
	She watched him walk towards the open field. His walk 
was light and cheerful, so unlike what she usually saw in him. He 
was in the best and sunniest mood she had seen him in for a long 
time and it flooded her body with a kind of loving warmth she had 
seldom felt in the presence of any person. And he was doing it all 
for her, trying to lift her spirits whenever she felt down, smiling at 
her, encouraging her, kissing her on the cheek, too ... He had 
become even more physical than before since she had woken up 
from her coma.
	Mulder had always been a physical person. He needed to 
feel her in order to feel connected to her and she encouraged this in 
him. She liked the gentle touch of his hand on the small of her back, 
his arm around her shoulder, his hand in hers ... it made her wonder 
if there was really more for them, that one day they'd get even more 
intimate ... It was wonderful as it was, but God, she craved so much 
more ... and the idea of loving him was so tempting ...
	With her arms around her knees she watched his 
experienced movements as he pulled the strings of the kite to lift it 
higher. He looked around and with a wide smile she waggled her 
fingers at him. He grinned and then she saw him turn his attention 
back to the kite.
	She longed to stand next to him in the sun, feeling that one 
sun shine down on both of them as they flew that red-white-blue 
kite together. She heard the flapping of the fabric in the wind as it 
roared through the air. Then she saw Mulder pull something from 
his pocket. It glittered in the sunlight and she wondered what it was. 
He bent down and screwed the object in the grass. Then he slowly 
pulled the strings to the ground and hooked both reels to the object. 
After securing that they were firmly in place, he walked back to her.
	He sat down beside her. "So, ready to give it a go, Scully?"
	She nodded eagerly. "Yeah, let's go!" She jumped to her 
feet, but it was good that Mulder had anticipated this instinctive 
movement for she immediately tumbled over. "Whoops, still a bit 
wobbly there ...", she chuckled. Mulder smiled and with utmost 
ease he lifted her up from the ground. She wrapped her arms around 
his neck and he carried her into the sun.
	"My strong man", she whispered playfully and smiled. 
Mulder smiled back and softly placed her on the grass near the 
reels.
	"For you always, Dana", he answered and smiled a true 
smile which made her feel warmer than the sun had already done. 
Scully reached out to take the reels, but Mulder stopped her.
	"Wait, Scully, let me get them first."
	She frowned. "Why? I can handle a kite!"
	He smiled. "I know you can, but this kite is stronger than 
most other kites. I just don't want you to get surprised by its 
strength." Then he took the kite from its trapping and he indeed had 
to give quite some counter force. When he had the kite back under 
control he looked at her, offering her the reels.
	"You wanna have a go, Dana?"
	She nodded enthusiastically and carefully they exchanged 
the reels. And the next feeling she experienced couldn't be 
described with simple words ...
	She felt so alive and vibrant, so powerful and strong. This 
kite, it felt like life, like luck, like all the good things in life she 
experienced far too little. And it made her see that even though she 
often felt out of control, she was in fact holding it all in her own 
hands. It just pulled hard and sometimes she didn't pay enough 
attention for a moment and it would try to break free, but because 
she had two reels, she could always find it back and Fortuna would 
never really escape her. For if at any moment she would feel too 
tired to hold the strings, Mulder was right there behind her and he'd 
take the reels from her for a moment without asking for a reason 
and he'd keep her life and hopes safe until she was ready to take the 
reels in her own hands again and get on with her life with Mulder as 
it was meant to be lived.
	Sharp, fast and on the edge.

	AS LONG AS SHE had been holding the kite, sitting crossed-
legged on the grass, Mulder had been sitting behind her on his 
knees, his legs on either side of her, her back resting against him. 
She held the reels and controlled the movements of the kite. 
Sometimes he reached out and pulled one of the strings, but most of 
the time he let her control it. Then he rested his hands on her sides 
and just looked along the strings to the kite which carried so many 
childhood memories in its bright colours.
	He had made the right decision to give this kite to her.
	But more and more he found his eyes not on the kite but on 
the small person holding it. He was drawn to her by her presence 
alone. He hadn't meant to sit so close to her, but he felt he had to. 
Feeling her body heat and the sun, the wind in his hair and her small 
waist under his hands, it made him feel so alive ...
	She had kicked off her shoes and the grass played with her 
bare feet. Small feet, he noticed. He had once joked about it, but it 
was true. She really did have small feet. With lacquered toe-nails. It 
made him grin. He had always known Scully was the type to paint 
her toe-nails -- her shoes were a dead give-away.
	He felt her move, stretching her legs and leaning more 
securely against him. He felt his body do an involuntary leap at the 
sudden increase in contact and for a moment he was totally 
absorbed by willing his body to calm down again. This was not the 
time ...
	"Mulder, I'm a bit tired", he heard her say. "Could you ..." 
She looked at him, offering her the reels.
	"Of course", he said, glad for the opportunity to distract his 
mind from that other subject which had been way too tempting. He 
gently covered her hands which were still holding the reels and ... 
they both froze in their actions as the kite plummeted to earth.
	Their eyes locked and time stopped as their looks 
exchanged feelings of passion, need, love and hope; it was all there, 
everything they had been looking for in the other for so long, 
everything they constantly denied existence ...
	Then Mulder looked down and when he looked back at her, 
his eyes had changed. They held friendship, yes, and acceptance. 
No regret, Scully saw to her relief, but the white-hot passion she 
had seen there just a second ago had disappeared. She felt a sob of 
disappointment surface from deep within her, realising that 
behaviour like this wasn't going to ever take them somewhere near 
what they really wanted ...
	With a sigh Mulder rose to pick the kite up from the grass 
and Scully felt suddenly cold and bereft. She felt confused, angry, 
she was so afraid that she -- they -- had just destroyed the fragile 
parts of that mighty basis on which their friendship was built by 
giving way to their feelings, and that one day, despite its strength, it 
would all crumble under their feet because they weren't cautious 
enough ...
	But his look had been her own, hadn't it? She had looked at 
her partner in ways she had never allowed herself to see him except 
in her dreams -- not as her partner, but as a young attractive healthy 
man -- a potential lover -- and his look had betrayed the same kind 
of feelings towards her ...
	She sighed. She knew she was going to have to be patient to 
see what was lying ahead. She just hoped that this slip of their hold 
on themselves wasn't going to be the end of their friendship ... if 
they couldn't turn it into something more ...
	She felt Mulder sit down beside her. He gently touched her 
shoulder and she jumped.
	"Ouch, that hurt!"
	"I was afraid so", he said softly. "You've got quite a 
sunburn there." He got to his feet. "Come, let me get you back into 
the shadow. You're getting burned alive if we stay here."
	He picked her up and to her surprise she felt a kind of 
warmth that she hadn't expected after this awkward scene. 'Maybe', 
she thought, 'all is not lost yet.' Then she sighed very softly so he 
wouldn't notice. Perhaps not, but who could tell for certain ...?
	"Mulder", she said slowly when he sat her down under the 
tree and moved to sit down beside her. She rose to sit on her knees. 
"I don't know what came over me just a minute ago, but I want-- 
..."
	"Shhh", he said, sitting on his knees as well and placing a 
fingertip lightly over her lips. "Don't ..."
	She looked at him and he explained himself. "I don't think I 
want to hear your explanation for what we were about to do, 
Scully." He lifted his finger from her mouth and once more she felt 
herself drawn to him -- the look in his eyes was back more than 
full-force! "I don't want to hear it, because, to be honest, I don't 
think there is an explanation ... We know what we were about to do 
and we also know that if we don't give in to it now, we will next 
time." He smiled and Scully's heart skipped a beat. "There's no 
stopping it, us, this. Never was, never will be. It's fate, Scully ... Ice 
tea ... Must be."
	She swallowed with difficulty. "Did we make a mistake, 
Mulder?" she asked, already knowing his answer.
	"No", he said, shaking his head. She felt rays of heat shoot 
through her body, hearing the tone in his voice.
	"Then what ...", she started, dropping her gaze to the 
ground but slowly raising it, giving him a searing once-over. " ... 
what is stopping us?" She finally, after all these years, allowed her 
eyes to show what she had felt for so long now and she was sure it 
would have the desired effect. It had.
	Mulder's eyes narrowed to slits. "Is there anything that 
could stop us?" he said, his voice raw. It was enough, it was all the 
proof she needed, and indeed nothing was going to stop them now. 
She grabbed the sides of his head and pulled him to her, slanting her 
mouth over his. God, he tasted good ... She sure had missed a lot 
over the years ... He wrapped his arms around her, one around her 
shoulders, the other one keeping her head to his, his hand tangling 
in her hair attempting to hold her even closer to him.
	There was no kiss in the world that could've held so many 
emotions, he knew, and his mind screamed. Screamed her name 
over and over again as his worst dreams returned with a vengeance. 
And with each stroke of her tongue, with each nip of her teeth, with 
each tightening of their embrace he relived and discharged another 
one of his countless nightmares. It was the most intensely 
frightening and at the same time most impossibly reassuring kiss he 
had ever been given by anyone. But Scully wasn't just another 
person, he knew, she was Scully and that explained it so well ... She 
could take these horrible moments away from him, make him forget 
them, only she could do that, only she had the power and strength to 
do that for him...
	Inwardly he screamed her name, or maybe he said it aloud, 
too, he didn't know. All he knew was that he needed her and that 
nothing, nothing, nothing in the world was ever going to take her 
away from him again.
	Quite abruptly he broke from the kiss and crushed her to 
him. He looked over her shoulder as he held her as close as he 
possibly could in a desperate embrace. He felt her hands on his back 
and he clenched his teeth. Then he grabbed her face and pierced a 
hole in her skull with his look.
	"Don't you ever, ever leave me, Scully!" he hissed. "I don't 
care what it is going to take, but you and I will never be apart!" He 
sounded furious. He was furious, furious with himself, with his own 
rotten incapability to keep her safe and out of danger.
	Then he saw her looking at him, her eyes wide with shock 
at his unexpected fury. He immediately felt himself soften.
	"M-Mulder?" she whispered, her lips soft and pink and 
swollen from their kiss, but her eyes wide with bewilderment. 
"Mulder, did I do anything wrong ...?"
	He stared at her in horror. "No, no, Scully, you never have, 
you never could!" He tried to convince her of the truth of his words. 
"I ... I was angry, furious even, but with myself! I ..." He sighed, 
finally letting go of her and leaning his back and head against the 
trunk of the tree. His eyes slipped shut. "I try and I try and I try but 
I can't keep you safe ...", he whispered, his face contorted in a 
pained frown as if these words came from deep within. "I can't 
keep you safe, though that's all I want!" He slowly ran his hand 
over his face and looked at her.
	"When I saw you today with that kite, I ... I came to a 
conclusion that had existed inside me for very long, but which I 
always suppressed because I thought, I knew I couldn't ... show you 
..." He grimaced and sighed. "Your coma was a harsh eye-opener 
for me, Dana, it kicked me face-down into the muck of my own 
insecurity, my own incapability of showing the only person who 
ever cared about me that I care about her!" He had turned to face 
her and his eyes pinned her to the tree behind her. "Can you 
understand this, beloved Dana Scully? Nobody, but nobody in the 
world ever gave a damn about me and my feelings! Nobody! 
Everyone has a father and a mother who love their children one way 
or another; my mother pretty much ignored me and my father even 
sacrificed my sister! Hell, for all I know he may not even have been 
my father at all! My real father may be my worst enemy!" He took 
a deep breath and went on. "Everyone has known love in some 
form, until five years ago I barely knew it even existed! Everyone 
has people who care about him or her, whom one might even call 
friends and I ... I only have one ..." He voice softened considerably. 
"I only have you ... You showed me that life is fair and worthwhile 
after all. You showed me that despite my fucked-up life I'm still a 
human being with a be it limited capability to hope, love and trust. 
To cherish hope for my love for you, my trust in you. To believe 
that, if I'm a good boy, I will in the end get something in return for 
what I'm willing to give up for just a little bit of your affection ..." 
He looked at her, his soul laid bare, his heart open. He had never 
allowed himself to be so deliberately vulnerable to anyone. He 
closed his eyes and bowed his head. "Tell me, Scully", he 
whispered. "Does this -- do I mean anything to you?"
	She swallowed a lump in her throat. "Oh, Mulder, don't 
you know?" she whispered, cupping his jaw in her hand and making 
him look up at her. She sighed and smiled a bit. "Life without you 
... It's ... it's nothing but a broken pencil ..."
	He looked at her in confusion and she smiled as she gave 
him the only answer her ever needed.
	"Pointless."

	DID YOU KNOW THAT a heart can truly crack? That the 
moment that one all-important person in your life shows you just 
how important you are to him or her, your throat is blocked and 
hurting with tears, your limbs give way while you're praying to be 
caught by that person, and your heart ... simply breaks open to let 
that person in, welcome and embrace him or her, whether he or she 
knows it or not?
	My heart just did exactly that. It was a strange, but fantastic 
feeling. You, Dana Scully, just took over; right now and for all the 
days of our lives still to come you're in charge of my heart, of my 
life.
	I cannot control it and sure as hell don't want to.
	I see you looking at me and I can't believe the words you 
said to me. I can't believe I told you so much, confessed everything 
that made me so difficult to be with, and you reacted so ... so 
incredibly wonderful to it. I can't believe I'm that important to you 
either. It's bloody scary because from now on I'll never have only 
myself to care about anymore, I'll never be able to tell myself that 
the whole world and all its creatures that live on top of this big 
lump of rock can just go to hell for all I care, and I'll never be able 
to look a broken pencil in the face without thinking of you ...
	It's pointless.
	You slowly stand, keeping your balance by means of the 
old beech tree and you look at me, probably silently wondering why 
I keep sitting on the grass, looking up at you and gaping at you like 
some lunatic. You know, Scully, that's only because you can't see 
what I can see. You can't see the sun behind you. You can't see the 
halo of light, you can't see a goddess come to life like I can.
	You cannot know how hard it is for me to refrain from 
throwing myself down on my knees in astonished gratitude for what 
you give to me so easily. And that's why I rise as well, once again 
towering over you. And hating that. Sometimes, no, most of the 
time I wish our heights weren't so different, I'm tired of being 
taller, of looking bigger, of appearing stronger, I want you to be 
taller, bigger than me, because ... because that's how it really is. 
You are so much stronger than I am, yet I seem to be stronger ... It's 
not right for you to have to look up at me, simply isn't.
	You smile at me. "Smile, Mulder", you say, placing a cool 
light finger under my chin and closing my mouth. I smile at the 
gesture, I smile, I grin, I laugh. I place my hands under your arms 
and lift you up and in my arms, holding you tightly to me. I feel 
your arms come around my neck, your legs around my hips and I 
cannot do anything but try to hold you as close to me as I possibly 
can without hurting you.
	"God bless you, Scully", I whisper in your ear. You're the 
only angel I know. God bless you, my angel ...
	You lift your head from my shoulder and look at me, your 
eyes engulfing me, taking me in. I'm silently wondering how a 
person can possibly love so intensely and yet have some energy left 
for living.
	"Sit down, Mulder", you whisper and I know that just like 
me you're not ready to go back to the hospital yet. Carefully, 
making sure that I don't lose my balance with you in my arms, I try 
to sit and I almost make it, it's only the last few inches that I cannot 
find the ground in time and I tumble over, taking you with me. 
Luckily you land on top of me and with a delightful smile you smile 
down at me.
	"Wow, Mulder, I'm impressed!" you whisper and I can see 
the sparkles in your eyes. Then, without warning, they disappear, 
making way for a hot, smouldering look I've never seen in you 
before. I'm not sure whether I can handle those quite the way a 
gentleman should, Scully ...
	I feel you rolling off of me and then your arms come around 
me, your legs around my own, your lips on my mouth. As of their 
own volition my arms pull you to me and it's a damn good thing 
they know the trade by themselves, because my mind has more 
important things to deal with at this specific magical moment.
	Then, about forty-thousand light-years later, I realise just 
what we're doing -- and that any second now we can be arrested for 
public indecency, Federal Agents or not ...
	"Scully", I say softly, finding it terribly difficult to break 
the contact. You don't look at me, instead you continue kissing me, 
my jaw, my neck, it's exquisite torture -- even more because it's 
forbidden, and we certainly won't be able to take this further for at 
least one more month. "Scully, we're gonna get in trouble ...", I say, 
once again trying to get your attention and this time you do look up. 
And apparently you know exactly what I'm referring to, though 
your answer doesn't sound like you're all that impressed ...
	"So", you say, your voice hot and smoky and it ups my 
arousal considerably. "In that case ... you can arrest me and I'll 
arrest you, Agent Mulder. Agreed?"
	Your proposal is as attractively unrealistic as it is 
unrealistically attractive and I sigh. God, I wish we wouldn't have 
to stop, I wish we could continue like this, but we can't; there's 
nothing I'd rather do, but we simply can't. It's the law. It's part of 
that same bunch of laws we fight to protect on a daily basis -- and 
those laws are now proving to be such a barrier to our love.
	With some difficulty I sit back up, taking you with me, 
sitting you in the vee of my legs, your legs wrapped around my 
waist, your arms tightly around my neck. We kiss. A lifetime long. 
And when we part, I close my eyes. For a long long moment I only 
think. About you. About me. About our life together as it was, as it 
is, as it may be one day.
	You don't know this yet, but tomorrow I have a meeting 
with Skinner. And while you're in here continuing your battle to get 
better, I'll be in the office, hoping with all my heart that one day I 
will hear your footsteps in the corridors leading to the basement 
office again.
	Rumour has it they're going to shut us down, Scully ...

*~*~*

	"ARE YOU SURE ABOUT this, Dana?" Doctor Young asked, 
his voice filled with premature rejection.
	"Do I have to be?" Scully blurted out, then she composed 
herself. "Sean, I may never be totally sure about it, I just know I 
need to do this."
	Doctor Young looked at her with narrowed eyes, seeing her 
sit in front of him, her hands folded demurely in her lap, her eyes 
averted, her posture, however, rigid with determination.
	Dana Scully wasn't alien to dealing with stoic scientists.
	"Dana, this treatment you're suggesting, it's so new I never 
even heard about it until you came up with it. I don't know what to 
think of it, I ... I don't know anything about the risks ... I have my 
responsibilities towards my patients, Dana, I can't just try out 
anything and not think about the possible consequences!"
	"I know that, Sean, but I'm a doctor", Scully assured him 
calmly. "I can pull my weight."
	Doctor Young eyed her sharply and she looked down.
	"I'm serious about this, Sean. And I don't lie to you when I 
tell you that I have at least as many doubts about this as you have, 
but ..." She looked at him. " ... but I think one has to be a woman to 
understand why I still want to take those risks ..."
	Doctor Young didn't say anything in reply, knowing that 
this was something he couldn't comment on in any way. "Does 
your partner, Agent Mulder, know about your decision, Dana?"
	Scully shook her head. "No, he doesn't. I can't let him 
know yet", she whispered.
	"Why not?"
	She sighed. "He'd never let me do it. That's what makes it 
so hard. He's desperate to make all my wishes and dreams come 
true, but not if it involves me getting harmed or even so much as 
risk getting hurt. He practically dies every time I get hurt, that 
makes him so ..." She shook her head. "I can't let him know until I 
have actually started", she finished in a whisper.
	"Does your mother know?"
	"No."
	"Is there anyone but you and me who knows, Dana?" 
Doctor Young asked sharply and Scully felt a very childlike feeling 
of shame rise. She shook her head shyly.
	"No." Then she looked up. "I can't let them know yet. They 
wouldn't understand ..."
	Doctor Young looked at the young woman before him. 
Then he made up his mind and shook his head. "I'm not going to do 
it, Dana, I'm sorry, but I refuse to take the risk." He got to his feet 
and walked to the door. He looked around once and froze when he 
saw her look at him.
	Her face was calm, her body relaxed, but her eyes 
screamed, begged, cried, and accused all at the same time. "I 
understand", she said coolly, but her eyes told him that she didn't, 
or at least refused to understand. She wasn't going to let matters rest 
with the answer she had received, he knew, and he couldn't help 
feeling awed by the strength in her.
	Then she placed her hands on the armrests and rose, her 
legs still needing that bit of extra support to get up. She walked over 
to him and stood before him.
	"Sean", she said, her eyes now very sad and very very 
desperate. "I know why you decided not to do it. I would have 
decided exactly the same if I were in your shoes, but ... I cannot let 
this chance pass me by and not use it. I'm desperate, Sean, I have so 
little left in my life, I have been hurt by people in so many ways, I 
have little hope left and my dreams are few and far between and 
often turned into veritable nightmares." She sighed and with closed 
eyes she bowed her head. "I'm ... I'm a woman, Sean, I need this so 
much ..." she whispered almost inaudibly.
	Doctor Young looked at her for a moment, then sighed, 
overcome by the power in this woman. "I'll think about it", he said 
and that ended the discussion.

	DOCTOR YOUNG WALKED BACK to his office, his mind still 
on the discussion he and Dana Scully had just had. He placed his 
hand on the door handle and left it there for a moment, sighing in 
resignation, knowing just how much he was overcome by the 
strength in her. The feeling he felt was a strange mixture of 
amazement, admiration and irritation, but the outcome was always 
that he found it virtually impossible to deny her any request.
	He opened the door with a sigh, then stopped in the 
doorway. He smelled smoke. Cigarettes.
	He switched on the lights before the man in the room could 
order him not to and for one moment he was absolutely certain that 
the man would either change into a shrivelling pile of ash, or morph 
into the shape of a demonic bat, a vampire who sucks the life out of 
people but cannot bear daylight. But of course the man didn't and 
Doctor Young stepped inside.
	"Did she talk to you?" the man asked as a way of 
introduction. Doctor Young nodded.
	"Yes, she did."
	The man extinguished his cigarette, as always leaving over 
half the cigarette unsmoked.
	"Good", he said. "Of course you'll do it."
	Doctor Young clenched his teeth in frustration and anger. 
There was this undefinable something in the man's voice that made 
clear he never took no for an answer, but Doctor Young was tired of 
letting him be told what to do.
	"It's irresponsible", he protested weakly.
	"It's safe", the man answered. "There's no harm in it. My 
contact provided all the means to make this cure successful."
	"For whom? For Agent Scully? Will she be cured? Or for 
you and your pals? Which means she's going to die after all!" 
Doctor Young said, his voice raised.
	The man didn't answer his questions, but walked past him, 
lighting another cigarette as he went into the hospital corridor.
	"Hey!" Doctor Young protested. "You can't smoke in a 
hospital! We've got sick people in here!" God, he thought, he 
sounded so weak! No wonder these people never took any notice of 
what he said ...
	"You can start anytime you want. The medicines are on 
your desk. It's my belief that Agent Scully will come by to ask for it 
herself very soon. Her decision will be your decision!" the man 
said, closing the door behind him, shutting Doctor Young in his 
office.
	He was seeing red by now. He hated that chain-smoking 
son of a bitch to the core of his being ... And when he heard the soft 
ticks of raindrops on the window, rapidly turning into a violent 
midsummer storm, he knew he'd better not be called in to do an 
emergency operation anytime soon for he was just about to consider 
cold-blooded massacre of innocents for a gun with just one bullet 
and shoot that smoking bastard his brains out ...

	MEANWHILE, AT THAT SAME moment, Mulder was walking 
through the corridors of the hospital, on his way to Scully's room. It 
had already become dark before he had finally found time to come 
and visit and though he had called several times that day to 
apologise and assure her that he was coming by that night, he had 
never thought it would be so late.
	And that's why he was so surprised to find she was still 
awake and standing by the window, staring at the darkness and the 
fierce summer storm which was raging outside. She was dressed in 
a light summer dress and her feet were bare.
	When he came in, she turned her head and smiled.
	"Hi", she said and he smiled back. Then she looked out of 
the window again. "Look", she said with a calm voice. "It's 
raining."
	Mulder moved to stand beside her and gently pulled her to 
him. He nodded. "Yes, it is", he answered. Then he heard her sigh. 
"What is it?"
	She looked at him. "Nothing. It's okay", she answered.
	"No, it isn't", he replied quietly.
	She sighed and he tried again. "What's wrong, Scully?"
	She took his hand in her own, letting her head rest on his 
shoulder. "It's just that ... that I haven't felt the rain for so long ... 
It's almost as if I've been in the hospital for such a long time that 
I've completely forgotten what rain feels like ..."
	Mulder looked at her and took a second to process her 
words. And slowly a plan formed, a plan to remind her of how it 
felt to be soaking sopping wet, a stupid irresponsible plan, too. In 
her condition maybe even potentially dangerous, but then again she 
never wanted to be treated like she was fragile and he decided to go 
for it, no matter what the consequences.
	He took the door handles of the door that led to the hospital 
garden and opened it. A cool wave of wind blew in, taking with it a 
fine shower of rain. He was glad that despite the storm it was still 
well over 25 oC, this made his plan a little less reckless ...
	"Mulder, what are you doing?" Scully laughed, shielding 
her face from the sudden gust of wind with pale slender arms.
	"Well, you said you forgot what rain felt like, so I thought 
I'd remind just what it is to be drowned in a storm!" he grinned and 
with a last look at the thin cotton summer dress she was wearing he 
grabbed her hand and pulled her with him into the garden and into 
the storm.
	Scully yelped, surprised by his sudden and totally 
unexpected move, but almost immediately after that she felt a surge 
of joy, infinite joy that made her heart jump and her mouth curve in 
a wide smile.
	"So", Mulder said loudly, standing next to her and bending 
down to make himself intelligible. "Is it all coming back to you 
again?"
	She nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yeah! You know, I had 
really forgotten", she said, grinning when she saw how Mulder 
looked, his hair plastered to his head, his face dripping and his 
clothes totally soaked. Then she remembered how she was probably 
looking and with a quick look at her own clothes she realised that 
by now they revealed a lot more than Mulder had ever got to see 
from her. The curse of a pale pink dress ...
	She let go of Mulder's hand and then she threw her arms in 
the air and cried out a savage cry of joy, an ancient instinct driving 
her wild. Mulder couldn't help but smile as he saw his partner do 
some sort of primitive rain dance in the garden, her body wet and 
strands of hair sticking to her face as she whirled around in an 
expression of pure vital force.
	Then suddenly she stopped her dance and turned to face 
him, her lips grinning and her eyes twinkling mischievously. She 
held her arms out to the sides and look at him through the shower of 
rain.
	"Agent Mulder, I'm standing here in the mud and drizzle, 
looking at two empty coffins in a cemetary while some whacked-
out kid just told me she's going to die because she has 'the marks' 
and you say this fits a profile?"
	For a brief moment Mulder didn't know what she was 
talking about but then it came back to him in a flash. Bellefleur, the 
very plausible state of Oregon. Their very first case together. The 
cemetary where they had been looking at those empty graves in 
pouring rain. The moment their imposed partnership had changed 
into a deep unbreakable friendship. He grinned and effortlessly 
picked up where she had left off.
	"Yes, Agent Scully, a profile. And I think there's a force 
going on here that causes the marks on these kids' backs, marks due 
to the alien tests performed on them and this force makes them go 
into the woods."
	Scully walked towards him and when she was almost 
touching her body to his she looked up to look in his eyes. She 
grinned. "So this force was chasing Theresa Nemman through the 
woods that night?"
	"No, it was Billy Miles. And Danny Doty feels the same 
impulse, that's why he insists on being behind bars, so he can't 
obey these orders", Mulder answered, looking down at his partner 
who was standing before him, wetter than a mermaid.
	Scully felt the same impulse rise as she had felt so many 
years ago: laugh. Laugh till she was blue in the face. And another 
exhilarating feeling. Love. Intense, hot love for her partner.
	"Come here", she hiccuped between laughter and with her 
arms around his neck she raised on tip toe and pressed her lips to 
his, kissing him deeply, allowing him to kiss her the way she really 
wanted him to, to let him make her feel a way she had seldom felt: 
so deeply, infinitely loved and to love back equally strongly.
	After a while he looked at her, still holding her tightly and 
he smiled. "So, tell me, Agent Scully, do you believe in the 
existence of extraterrestrials?"
	She grinned. "Oh, Mulder, I always have, I had no choice 
..."
	He looked at her. "Really?" he asked softly and she nodded.
	"Yes, I just couldn't tell you, not without risking our 
extraordinary friendship", she said, rubbing her cheek over his 
drenched shirt, welcoming the exquisite new blend of summer rain 
and Mulder that invaded her nostrils. "Have I ruined our friendship 
now, Mulder?"
	He shook his head. "No, I don't see how you ever could", 
he answered softly.
	She could stay here forever, she thought, holding him like 
this, keeping her so safe. But then she felt the cold start to creep up 
her body and knew it was unrealistic.
	"Let's go inside", she whispered and she actually felt her 
teeth chatter. He nodded.
	"Yeah", he answered in a low voice. "You'd catch a death 
of cold of we'd stay out here." He chuckled. "And after all the 
efforts to avoid exactly that ..."
	She grinned, holding him close as they walked back into 
her room. Mulder closed the doors and Scully headed for the small 
bathroom that belonged to her room.
	"Can I join you?" Mulder asked playfully, receiving a look 
from her and he smiled. 'One day', he thought. 'Maybe one day I'll 
be lucky enough ...' Then he sighed, knowing how many obstacles 
there were still left to overcome. They would have to be very 
patient. And he felt he had almost used up all his patience ...

*~*~*

	"AGENT MULDER?"
	Mulder looked around and saw Dr. Pete Hansen behind 
him.
	"Dr. Hansen?"
	The man nodded. "Yes, I found a few more things about the 
beetles and their sting and I thought you might be interested in 
hearing about it."
	Mulder sat down. "Yes, yes, I am", he said. "What did you 
find?"
	"Well", Pete began, taking a chair and sitting down. He 
took a few sheets from a note-block and spread them out before 
them. "Frankly I was quite fascinated by this matter so I decided to 
go into it a little further, because I sensed there had to be more to it 
than met the eye."
	"And you did find more", Mulder said.
	Pete nodded. "Yes, I did." He went through the sheets, 
searching for the one he needed. Then he seemed to have found it. 
"Look. As you already know the venom these beetles secreted is 
distantly related to serotonin or 5-hydrotryptamine as it is known in 
science. Now, although it isn't serotonin as we know it, the venom 
is affected and weakened by normal antidotes we use against 
serotonin. As you may know serotonin is found naturally occurring 
in the human body, in fact it's an essential hormone and works as a 
neurotransmitter in the brain. It is concentrated in certain parts of 
the brain, especially the midbrain and the hypothalamus and the 
concentration of course can change, often leading to severe mood 
disorders. If there's too much serotonin produced in the body, 
people tend to get into depressions or, in milder cases, develop 
migraines or nausea. Several antidepressant drugs in fact work by 
reducing the amount of serotonin produced in the body."
	"But", Mulder said, "what has that to do with Scully's 
situation?"
	"As this is a genetically mutated version of the kind we 
know, I cannot explain the unusually strong reaction to the venom, 
also because there's another source of poison in the samples which 
we haven't been able to identify. It's something totally unknown to 
science and I'm still working on it. But I don't have much time 
available to devote to this."
	"I understand", Mulder said.
	"Anyway", Pete continued, "I don't know if you knew that 
LSD affects the way serotonin works in the body and can neutralise 
its negative parts?"
	Mulder shook his head. "No, in fact I didn't."
	"LSD, or Lysergic Acid Diethylamide, is related to a 
powerful, naturally occurring hallucinogenic compound called 
Dimethyltryptamine or DMT. In the time of the early Spanish 
explorations the Indians of South America used a hallucinogenic 
snuff called Cohoba or Yopo, made from the seeds of a tropical 
American tree. It was inhaled deeply by means of special bilateral 
tubes. Cohoba is mostly DMT, which is a strong antidote against 
serotonin. In Africa there was a similar drug called Ibogaine. 
African hunters chewed the roots and leaves of the Tabernanthe 
iboga to remain alert and calm whilst stalking their prey."
	"But how can we relate this to what happened to Scully?" 
Mulder asked. "You just told me these drugs were used during the 
time of the Spanish Conquistadors, that's over 400 years ago. It's 
hardly likely she actually had some."
	"I know", Pete answered, "and I do not claim to have the 
perfect answer to your question, but I have a theory."
	"What is it?"
	"As you and Agent Scully went to an old Inca city, it is my 
opinion that maybe, in one way or another, she might have ingested 
some of this drug", Pete said slowly. "You were travelling with a 
native guide and you told me he cooked for the entire group. Now, 
maybe to modern science this drug Cohoba may already be extinct, 
but native people often keep traditions which go back many 
centuries. Maybe this guide was still using Cohoba or a modern 
version of it as the tree which supplies the raw material still exists. 
It's a tree which goes by the Latin name Piptadenia peregrina. And 
if he used it, it is very likely you and Agent Scully had some as 
well. And this amount of the drug may just have helped you to get 
her to the hospital of Macapa in time."
	Mulder didn't answer right away. He looked at Pete. 
"There's not much we can actually do for Scully with this 
information, is there?"
	Pete shook his head. "No. In her case there isn't. But I hope 
these findings will attribute to medical science." He smiled a bit 
shyly. "And I thought you might like to know."
	Mulder nodded. "I do. At least it explains a few things I 
was still wondering about." He shook the man's hand. "Thank you, 
Dr. Hansen, I appreciate your efforts. See you at the presentation of 
the Nobel Prize!" and smiled, seeing the young scientist's proud 
expression.

*~*~*

A few days later

	"OKAY, DANA", THE NURSE said. "Everything looks 
promising. I'll come by with your medicines in about an hour, 
okay?" She smiled.
	Scully smiled back and nodded, rubbing the spot on her 
hand where the IV-needle had been for so long. It still itched a little 
and she had to fight the urge to scratch.
	The nurse left her room and with a bored sigh Scully leaned 
back against her pillows. This was going to be such a long boring 
day, she thought. Her mother was away for the day to visit an uncle 
who was also in hospital -- it had cost Scully almost all her energy 
to convince her mother that she had no intention of dying and 
certainly not now, and Margaret had given in --, Mulder had a 
meeting with Skinner concerning that case Claire and he were 
apparently wrapping up, and he wouldn't be able to come to visit 
her until late that afternoon. And for the rest, well, there weren't 
very many other people to expect today ...
	This was going to be a booooooring day ...
	She placed her arm over her eyes and willed her mind off to 
another place. Some place interesting. Some place adventurous. 
Some place that wasn't this hospital room. Some place which had a 
door holding a name plate announcing Fox Mulder ... She smiled at 
the thought.
	'Never thought I'd actually miss that dusty, dark, cramped 
bit we call our office', she thought. Then her smile faded and she 
sighed again, wishing Mulder was here.
	"Dana?"
	She removed her arm from her eyes and turned her head in 
the direction of the door. Her eyes flew open and her lips curved in 
a wide smile.
	"Dana? Can I come in?" a man in a handsome, immaculate 
Navy uniform asked.
	Scully pushed herself up in sitting position.
	"Bill! What a surprise! I didn't know you were in town!"
	Bill walked into the room and after placing his hat onto the 
chair by the bed he embraced his sister warmly. "Once in a lifetime, 
Dana", he answered.
	"How are you, my big brother?" Scully laughed.
	"That's not fair, Dana, I wanted to ask you that!", Bill 
countered, holding her at arms length and looking at her 
appraisingly.
	"I'm not your big brother, Bill, I'm your little sister", 
Scully smiled. Bill took his hat from the seat of the chair and sat 
down, smiling at her.
	"You look good, Dana", he said. "If it hadn't been for mom 
telling me that you had been on the verge of dying, I'd never have 
believed it, seeing you like this."
	"Thank you", Scully smiled, "but actually I'm almost ready 
to be discharged from hospital and once I'm out I'll probably be 
back in the field which means I'll be looking like hell again. You're 
actually seeing me at my -- immobilised -- best now!"
	Bill laughed.
	"And how are you?" she asked. "What national emergency 
caused you to come to the capital?"
	"Mom told me you were ill and as I was coming back home 
anyway I made sure I got off in DC and visit you." He reached into 
his briefcase. "I talked to mom. She said you wanted to have this." 
He gave her something wrapped in a plastic bag. Scully opened it 
and laughed when she saw the contents. It was her own copy of 
'Moby Dick'. She waved it at Bill with an amused grin. "Only you 
can get away with giving someone his or her own possessions for a 
present, can't you?"
	"Guilty as charged, ma'am", Bill said with a grin.
	"So", Scully said. "How's Tara? How are the kids?"
	"They're fine. It's amazing how fast they're growing. It 
makes me think about staying home for a few years, to make sure I 
won't miss them growing up."
	"I can imagine", Scully said, letting the book rest in her lap. 
"I'm sure Mulder would do the same if we had any kids."
	A painful silence fell in the room at her mentioning of 
Mulder's name and of the issue of children.
	"So ...", Bill said awkwardly. " ... ahum ... how's Mulder 
doing?"
	"He's fine", she answered. "He's in the process of 
wrapping up a case, but it's a case for which he can stay in DC. 
Basically it's more of a VCS-case than an X-File, and it enables 
him to come and visit me every day."
	Bill said nothing in return, just sighed and Scully sensed the 
problem. It was that same problem between her brother and her 
partner as always: Mulder didn't like Bill. And Bill simply thought 
Mulder was a lunatic and Scully shouldn't be working with him ...
	"He's no good for you, Dana", Bill said with a shake of his 
head, confirming her thoughts. She sighed.
	"He is, Bill", she said quietly. "You would know he is if 
only you knew him better."
	"But, Dana, look at the situation he's got you in! Mom told 
me they had even given up all hope of your recovery!" Bill 
protested.
	"This isn't his fault!"
	"But you got hurt on one of those ludicrous cases of his, 
didn't you?!" Bill said with a raised voice. "I'd say that makes him 
the one to blame!"
	"It wasn't because of him I got in hospital, Bill, it was 
because I run risks, risks that are part of the job I have!"
	"Yes, but that job includes Mulder and he got you involved 
in that stupid quest of his in the first place!"
	"Bill", Scully warned him, "if you're suggesting Mulder 
forces me to stay with him, think again! He never requested this 
partnership, I was assigned as his partner and I stayed. Besides, he's 
willing to let me leave whenever I should feel the need to do so!"
	"That's easy enough for him to say, Dana, because he 
knows you won't leave him!"
	"Exactly!" Scully said and looked him straight in the eyes. 
Then she sighed and looked at the book in her lap. "Bill", she 
continued in a softer voice. "I don't need you to protect me 
anymore. I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I'm a grown 
woman now. I can make my own choices and decisions. I know I'll 
always be your little sister, but I'm not a child anymore."
	Bill seemed a little shy. "I know, Dana, it's just that ... I 
already lost a sister because of this quest of his ... I just don't want 
to lose you as well ..."
	"I know, Bill", Scully smiled and held out her hand to him. 
He took it. "And I promise you I will be careful and back away as 
soon as I get into real trouble, okay?"
	Bill smiled wryly. "No, you won't, Dana, you've never run 
away from danger. It attracts you. You like danger." His smile 
faded. "That's exactly what worries me ..."
	Scully smiled weakly. He was right, she knew. 
	"Can I bring coffee into this room, Dana?" Bill asked. "I 
haven't had coffee for a whole day and my system craves the 
caffeine!"
	"My big brother, still hooked on caffeine", Scully teased 
him gently.
	"At least I quit smoking!" Bill announced proudly. Scully 
laughed and gave him a mock-applause. 
	"I haven't", she admitted.
	"No, but you hardly smoked in the first place", Bill grinned 
and got up. "Unless you changed?"
	She shook her head. "Nope."
	"Okay, I'm off to get a cup of coffee. Will be right back, 
okay?" Then he was gone.

	A FEW MINUTES LATER Bill returned with a cup of coffee in 
one hand and a chicken salad sandwich in the other. "This sandwich 
had my name all over it. I couldn't stand the thought that this poor 
chicken had been killed for me and I wouldn't be merciful enough 
to eat it", he said by way of explanation.
	Scully grinned. "You can still do it, can't you? That's 
exactly the way you excused yourself for the mysterious empty 
cookie jar when I was eight!"
	Bill took a big bite from his sandwich. "Well, i' vorked, 
dinnit?" he said with his mouth full and Scully almost exploded 
with laughter. Bill swallowed the bite and offered her the rest of his 
sandwich. "Here, you wanna have a bite, Dana?"
	Scully looked at the sandwich. It looked very good ... Then 
she shrugged. Why the hell not? "Sure", she said and he held the 
sandwich as she took a huge bite.
	"Hey, not the entire thing!" he protested when he saw what 
was left. "I paid for this!"
	"Mmm", Scully mumbled and she held her hand to her 
mouth as she swallowed. "This is delicious!" She used the paper 
napkin Bill had brought to wipe the crumbs from her mouth. 
"Imagine this, I've been in this hospital for weeks and I never knew 
they served such excellent sandwiches!" She took the glass of 
orange juice from the bedside cabinet and drained it. "It tastes even 
better than those chicken croissants Mulder and I had a few months 
ago."
	"So, you and Mulder went out?" Bill asked, looking over 
the brim of his cup and taking a draught. "What was the occasion 
for this festivity?"
	"We went picnicking. We had just wrapped up a case and 
one Saturday afternoon Mulder came by with a basket of food and 
drink and a blanket in the trunk of his car and we went for a picnic. 
It was one of the first times I ever saw him so relaxed, so ... intimate 
and open ... we could talk about things that had nothing to do with 
work and for once that didn't matter to me because it was Mulder I 
was telling this to ... It was wonderful ..."
	Bill looked at her, but didn't join her in smiles. He didn't 
like the fond tone in her voice one bit. "That sounded a lot like love, 
Dana", he said.
	Scully saw her brother's grim expression and she sighed 
inwardly. Oh, how much she wished he would just accept the fact 
that she worked with Mulder because she wanted to ... that he 
would finally start to accept Mulder himself as well ...
	"Yes, it does", she said quietly. "I think there was a lot of 
love between Mulder and me that afternoon ..."
	"Mom told me, Dana", Bill said, placing the styrofoam cup 
onto the bedside cabinet. "She told me you are in love with him. Is 
that true?"
	"Yes, it is", she said. "I am in love with him." She saw Bill 
shut his eyes.
	"Ah, Dana! Why?" He looked at her, shaking his head. 
"Why him? Why this guy Mulder?"
	She didn't answer. She didn't know if she even could.
	"You can have any man you want, Dana", Bill said. 
"You're smart, you're beautiful, I'm sure there are plenty of men 
around who'd love to have a beautiful woman like yourself. You 
can have men who are so much better than Mulder!"
	Scully had looked at him in silence as he spoke. When he 
was finished she looked down at her hands.
	"I don't want 'any man', Bill", she said. Her voice was soft 
but determined. "I want Mulder."
	"But why, Dana? Why? What has he ever done to make you 
love him?" Bill asked. He simply couldn't understand how she 
could possibly love this ... nut-case ...
	"He gives me life, Bill", she answered. She heard his 
humph.
	"I'd say that's exactly what he doesn't do, Dana, I'd say he 
just takes your life away from you!"
	"He doesn't", Scully whispered. She wanted to defend her 
partner, but didn't really know how to do that. "I want him because 
he gives my life meaning. When I'm with him I feel like I'm really 
living life as it is meant to be lived. Fast, sharp, on the edge. 
Passionate. He gives my life a kind of fire that no man has ever 
done. Bill, when I'm with him, I live. When I'm not with him, I 
can't wait to live again ..."
	Bill shook his head. "You're crazy, Dana, you know that? 
His insanity is catching!"
	"Bill, stop!" Scully said with tears in her eyes. "Stop it!" 
She hid her face in her hands and cried. "Why do you have to say 
all this? Why can't you just be happy for me? Why can't you just 
let me love the man I love? I'm happy with him, Bill, there's not a 
single person in the whole world who means so much to me. Why 
can't you just accept that I love him and want to love him? Be 
happy for the fact that I finally found a man I love, a man who loves 
me so much in return?"
	Bill sighed and closed his eyes for a second. He frowned. 
"But Dana, look at all he's done to you ... look at-- ..."
	"I don't want to, Bill!" Scully interrupted him angrily. 
"Don't you get it? Don't you understand? I'm not like you! I'm not 
like all those people who only want to think about the bad qualities 
in a person and forget about all the wonderful things! I know 
Mulder has his bad qualities, who hasn't?! I know I've been 
through some traumatising events over the past five years, I know 
that! But I don't want to remember those times, I want to think 
about all those priceless moments we experienced together! I want 
to think about barbecue sauce and ice tea! About midnight stake-
outs and Chinese take-out in some dirty road-side motel and 
watching some old film with him whilst eating. I want to think 
about every time he acknowledged the grief in me because I felt so 
guilty of Melissa's death and he was never angry when I'd call him 
in the middle of the night, instead he let me cry, even came over if 
that was what I needed ... I want to think about that ..." Her voice 
died away. "I want to love him...", she whispered. "I want to ..."
	She turned onto her stomach and hid her face in the pillow 
as she wept. Strangely enough she didn't feel angry with her 
brother, she just felt very very sad that he didn't seem to be able to 
open his eyes to Mulder's good qualities, to all the things that made 
Mulder what he was and meant to her. The wonderful, caring, 
loving man she knew and loved with all her heart.
	Bill sighed as he saw his sister crying her eyes out. It 
wasn't that he denied her love. He had always hoped that one day 
she'd meet the man she could love. It was just that ... why did she 
have to fall for this man? He sighed again and slowly extended his 
hand, stroking her hair. It made her look up, her eyes red and puffy, 
her pillow wet with tears.
	"Why can't you let yourself believe, Bill?" she whispered. 
"Believe that Mulder really is the man I want?"
	Bill sighed and looked at her. "I do", he said softly.
	She looked up, amazed. "Bill?"
	"I ... I want you to be happy, Dana ...", he sighed. He found 
it hard to say, but he couldn't deny her her share of love and 
happiness in the world, just because her choice could never be his 
own. 'God knows she deserves to be loved', he thought. "And if 
Mulder's the one who can make you happy, then ... there's nothing 
more I can say ...", he said softly.
	Scully turned onto her side. She held out her hand and he 
took it. "I know you don't think much of him, Bill", she said, 
squeezing his hand gently. "But I want you to just give him a 
chance ..."
	Bill nodded. "Just promise me one thing, Dana?"
	"What's that?"
	"Promise me that the first moment he does anything to hurt 
you, you let me know. I'll come back instantly!"
	"To shoot his brains out?" Scully smiled.
	"That would be the least, yes", Bill confirmed.
	"You won't have time for that, Bill", Scully said softly. 
"You see, he took this vow ..."
	"What vow?"
	"Whoever hurts me will die at his hands", Scully said, her 
voice and look dead-serious. "And if that person is himself he isn't 
going to hesitate either ..."

	THE MOMENT BILL LEFT the room Scully saw another man 
enter. She smiled broadly and held her arms out to him.
	"Mulder! You are early!"
	He sat down on the bed and leaned down to kiss her. When 
their lips parted he sat up a little, looking at her. He frowned. 
"You've been crying. What happened?"
	Scully shook her head. "Not now", she whispered and 
Mulder understood. She was going to tell him he knew. Then she 
touched her hand to his face. "What happened, Mulder? How did 
you manage to get here so soon?"
	"Our meeting with Skinner was cancelled." He rolled his 
eyes. "What a way to waste the day!" Then he smiled. "I could've 
been here with you all day", he said, turning her hand and kissing 
the palm.
	"You're here now", she said softly. "That's all that 
matters."
	He smiled. "Yeah, you're right." Then he became serious. 
"Scully, when I walked into this room, was that Bill who just left?"
	She nodded. "Yes, he came by to see me."
	"Wow", Mulder said and Scully chuckled.	
	"Yes", she said. "Once a century he does such a thing."
	"So, what did you two talk about?"
	"Not much", she confessed. "It was mainly about you and I 
working together. He's not pleased with that. He thinks you're 
insane and a danger to me ..."
	Mulder sighed. "Well, I guess he does have a point there ..."
	"Mulder ..."
	"But I am the one who gets you into trouble all the time!" 
he protested.
	She shook her head. "No, you're not", she said calmly. 
"You know you're not. And Bill changed his attitude towards you a 
bit today. I think you ought to go and talk to him."
	"He hates me, Scully."
	"Not anymore", she said and looked at him. "Like I said, 
we talked. I think you should do the same."
	"I don't know, Scully", he hesitated.
	"Just do it, Mulder, go and talk with him. I'm sure he's still 
in the building somewhere. Go and talk matters out."
	He was still not sure. "Well, um ... if you insist ..."
	"I certainly do", she said with a smile and he smiled 
nervously back.
	"Dana, if I go and talk to him and he should beat me up, 
will you make sure I end up in the bed next to yours?"
	Scully chuckled. "Oh, Mulder, he's not going to beat you 
up! He may want to beat you up, but he never could ..."
	"Mmm, I'm not so sure about that ..."
	"Go on, shoo!" Scully laughed. "Go on, you go and-- ... Oh 
look, there he comes!"
	Mulder let out a deep breath. "Okay, if that's what makes 
you happy ..."
	"Oh please, Mulder, it's not like you're being led to the 
firing squad", Scully sighed, rolling her eyes.
	"That's just what you say, babe", he muttered, leaning in 
for a quick kiss. Then he got up and with a last smile he left the 
room, ready to confront his partner's brother.

	BILL NOTICED MULDER THE moment the latter left Scully's 
room. Mulder saw him give him a doubtful distrusting look, but to 
his amazement Bill seemed to force himself to let this look 
disappear.
	"Mr Mulder", Bill said rather coolly.
	"That's Mulder, Mr Scully", Mulder said.
	"That's Bill to you, Mulder", Bill said with a half-smile and 
Mulder started to hope that maybe all wasn't lost yet before it had 
even started.
	"I just came from your sister's room. She looks good", 
Mulder said.
	Bill nodded. "Yes, she does. It's rather remarkable what she 
manages to endure and only come out stronger."
	"She's amazing", Mulder only said.
	"She is. She's incredibly strong, much stronger than I am 
..."
	"Compared to me, she's more than human", Mulder said. 
"That pretty much sums up what I'm worth in our partnership 
whenever the going gets tough."
	"Mulder, when the going gets tough, the tough hide under 
the table", Bill said and he saw Mulder's puzzled expression.
	"I ... I don't understand ..."
	"Blackadder, Mulder", Bill said. "You should try and get 
some culture into that brain of yours." The men walked on. "Did 
you know Dana loves British comedy? Monty Python is a favourite 
of hers, as is Blackadder. She loves series like those, she can even 
quote from them."
	"I didn't know that", Mulder confessed.
	"Father taught us how to appreciate culture. Literature, 
drama, but also good films and television programmes", Bill 
explained.
	"My father never bothered. He wasn't interested in culture 
himself, let alone teach his wayward son ..."
	"You should read more, Mulder", Bill said and he sat down 
in a chair. It was a small group of chairs around a table, a little out 
of the walkway. It had a neglected plant standing near the window 
and some old magazines lying scattered over the table. Mulder 
followed his example. "Gets your mind off those UFOs of yours."
	Mulder only sighed. What comment could he give to that?
	"So ... em ... you two are getting closer, aren't you?" Bill 
said, eyeing Mulder in a peculiar way.
	"Yes, we are", Mulder said.
	"Did you know she's in love with you?" Bill asked bluntly.
	Mulder smiled and looked at the man opposite of him. 
"Yes, I do."
	"Do you love her in return?"
	"Yes, I do", Mulder repeated. When he didn't hear Bill 
continue he added: "I don't think anyone could not love a woman 
like Dana ..."
	Bill nodded. "That's true."
	"Look, Bill", Mulder said. "Dana insisted that you and I 
should talk, but frankly ... I mean, I know you don't like me. I don't 
know if it's much use."
	Bill sighed. "Mulder, I talked with Dana. We talked mainly 
about her work with you, in fact nowadays that's all our be it 
limited correspondence is about. I never liked her working with 
you, I will be frank with you about that and I still am very doubtful 
about her staying in the X-Files, but she insists that it's where she 
wants to be and that nothing is going to make her change her mind. 
And if so, I agree with her choice."
	Mulder opened his mouth, but Bill raised his hand to cut 
him off. "I'm not finished, Mr Mulder."
	Mulder closed his mouth and waited for the man to 
continue.
	"I talked to Dana about half an hour ago. She told me about 
her relationship with you. And I'm not your biggest fan, Mulder, I 
never will be. But she's convinced that she wants to stay with you 
and I ..." He stopped for a moment as if his next words were going 
to be extremely hard for him to say. " ... if being with you is what 
makes her happy, then that is all I can possibly want. She's a smart 
woman, I'm sure she sees things in you that I do not and that I will 
never see.
	"Understand what I'm saying, Mulder, I don't think you're 
worthy of my sister, personally I still think you ought to be locked 
up in a nice white straightjacket for all you believe in, but ..." He 
sighed and looked at Mulder who looked back. " ... I want her to be 
happy. Mom thinks you're fantastic, Dana thinks you're even 
better, Dad kind of liked you and Charlie likes you -- probably 
because he's never met you in person and therefore doesn't know 
the truth --  because Dana loves you. So that makes it 4 to 1."
	Mulder didn't know how to react. "I never thought myself 
worthy of Dana, Bill. I don't know why she ever fell in love with 
me, I mean, I know why I fell in love with her ..."
	"Why did you fall in love with her?" Bill asked sharply.
	"I owe her everything, my job, my sanity-- ..."
	"You're insane, so don't give me that crap!" Bill spat, 
interrupting him and Mulder looked down.
	"I owe her my life", he said softly, but without hesitation.
	"And you just take her life away from her", Bill said with a 
pained look.
	Mulder looked at the floor at these words. They cut into 
him like a blunt knife, not leaving a clean cut, but tearing at the 
flesh around it. "I know", he said softly. "God knows I know."
	"Remember this, Fox Mulder, I already lost one sister to 
this fucking quest of yours and Goddammit I don't want to lose 
Dana as well!" Bill said sharply. "And the moment I hear that you 
hurt her in no matter what way, I swear I'll come back and squeeze 
your brain to pulp!"
	"I wouldn't have expected anything less, Bill", Mulder said 
with a lop-sided smile. "I only think you won't be in time for that 
then."
	Bill squeezed his eyes shut for a second. "Just ... just don't 
let anything happen to her, Mulder ...", he said softly. He got to his 
feet abruptly and walked through the doorway, disappearing into 
the corridors, and leaving Mulder amazed and impressed in the 
corner of the hallway.

	*~*~*

	MULDER LEAFED THROUGH HIS partner's medical file and 
sighed. He had thought as much, he knew her too well ...
	"You could have told me, Scully", he said softly to himself. 
"Why didn't you tell me?"
	The door opened and Scully walked in, a glass of orange 
juice in her hand. She smiled widely when she saw him.
	"Mulder! I didn't know you were here!" she said and 
walked up to him after placing the glass on the table by the door. 
She reached up and kissed him, then she let him go and sat down on 
her bed.
	She saw he was still holding her file in his hands and she 
frowned. "Has anything changed, Mulder?"
	"You did it", he merely said. "You took it."
	"I took what?"
	"The treatment. You took the treatment I found, didn't 
you?"
	She looked down, feeling slightly embarrassed.
	"Why?" he asked.
	"Because I wanted it, Mulder, that's why", she answered, 
but he shook his head.
	"No, I mean, why didn't you tell me?" He looked at her, his 
eyes not quite readable. "Did you think this wasn't important to 
me?"
	"I didn't mean it that way", she whispered.
	"Why did you take it and not tell me?" he asked.
	"Mulder ..."
	"Did you think I wouldn't be interested?" His voice was 
raised.
	"No ..." She shook her head.
	"You promised me! You fucking promised to tell me!!"
	"Mulder, please ..."
	He stood before her, not understanding how she could have 
done this without telling him about it. "Did you really think this was 
something which wouldn't involve me as well? God, I spent hours -
- we spent hours and hours, searching the world to find this 
treatment for you because I wanted to help you make a dream come 
true, but at least I thought you'd have the decency to tell me if you 
actually decided to take it!"
	Scully shook her head. She felt awfully ashamed of her 
behaviour and tears dripped down her face.
	"I'm sorry, Mulder", she whispered. "I didn't realise ..."
	He saw her sitting on her bed, obviously feeling terrible and 
he felt his heart soften involuntarily. He really couldn't stay angry 
with her, he realised, no way at all. He sighed in frustration.
	"Scully, I ..." He looked at her, his voice softer now. "Why 
did you decide not to tell me? What was it that made you think you 
couldn't tell me?"
	She looked up at him. "I didn't tell you because you'd 
never have let me."
	He was stunned. "What?"
	She got up from the bed and walked up to him, pressing 
herself to him. He was amazed by her courage. He sighed in 
resignation, realising that she knew just how much power she had 
over him, that she knew exactly what would make him melt. "Why 
did you think I wouldn't let you?" he said softly.
	"You'd never allow me to do this", she said, resting her 
head under his chin and holding him even tighter. With a sigh he 
wrapped his arms around him and held her to him. "You told me I 
might get hurt because of this, that it might damage my health ... 
You'd never let me do anything that does that. You care too much 
about me."
	He didn't quite know how to answer to that. Then he sighed 
again. "Well, what can I say to that?"
	"That I'm right", Scully whispered, kissing his neck. "That 
you wouldn't let me do it, until the moment you could assure me it 
was safe."
	He nodded. "Why didn't you wait till that moment, Scully? 
God knows this may kill you after all! This treatment is still so 
experimental, I know so little about it ..."
	She shook her head. "It's safe, I know."
	"Scully, you've got no proof for your words! You know 
just how dangerous all this is!" He looked at her, tilting her face up 
to look in her eyes. "And then?" he said softly. "What am I going to 
do then? You may die as a result of this thing and then what? Then 
what will I have to live for ...?" He pressed her head softly to him, 
resting his own on top of hers. "Nothing, Dana. There will be 
nothing, I won't have anything left ..."
	They stood in each other's arms for minutes, not talking, 
just holding one another.
	"Mulder", Scully eventually began, "I understand how 
you're feeling, or at least I think I do." He looked down at her and 
saw her smile softly. Then she took a deep breath. "But I'm so 
afraid to wait any longer ... I'm tired of living for anything but the 
present. I know the past holds so many nightmares and that my 
future is so uncertain ... but I want something that will give both my 
present and future meaning, something that will make me feel like 
my presence on this earth has meaning, is justified ..." She sighed 
and kissed him. "Mulder, I found what makes my present 
worthwhile and I want that which will give me my future. I'm 
determined, I am going to get there, I know ..."
	He looked at her. "Am I that which makes your present 
worthwhile?" he asked and he smiled when he saw her nod. It had 
been a tricky question, but he had decided to go for it anyway as by 
now he should have some clues, shouldn't he?
	Still, there was still the issue of her future and he didn't 
have the guts to let her know his initial thoughts.
	"But what about your future, Scully?" he asked, silently 
hoping that her wish would coincide with his own.
	Scully sighed and closed her eyes, burying her face in the 
curve of his throat. "There is a good reason why I decided to go for 
it and take the treatment you and Claire found", she whispered, her 
mouth touching the soft vulnerable skin of his throat. She kissed 
him there and took a deep breath. Then she looked at him.
	"I want your baby, Mulder."

	FOR A MOMENT HIS breath caught in his throat and his heart 
skipped too many beats to be healthy. True, he had always 
fantasised about this, there had been a deep secret place within him 
that had held his hopes that one day she'd say this to him, but now 
that she actually did verbalise this wish, he didn't know how to 
react.
	Scully saw it and smiled. "I'm serious", she said softly. "I 
know that you told me you'd like to be a father someday and I 
know I could never have a baby by any other man than you."
	Mulder didn't quite know what to do or say. Then he took a 
deep breath. "Wow", he said, knowing this was a huge 
understatement, but for the moment he couldn't come up with 
another, more suitable word. He laughed softly and looked at her. 
"That wasn't exactly what I thought I'd hear from you right now. 
Or maybe I hoped I would, but I didn't think I'd hear it right now, 
but never thought I ..." He was lost in his words.
	"I mean it", she whispered, "but I need to know that you 
want it as well."
	"What do you mean?" he asked. "You said that you knew I 
wanted this. Besides, you've already started, what does it matter 
then? If you hadn't been sure, you should've asked me before you 
even started."	
	She shook her head. "Mulder, it's not too late yet. I can still 
stop and I don't think much will have changed. Besides ..." She 
looked up at him and smiled. "... we've never made love. Whatever 
treatment I take and whatever the results of it will be, until we ... 
well ... actually do... it ..." Curse of her catholic upbringing, she 
knew. She wasn't prudish or old-fashioned in her ideas, but she 
nevertheless always found it hard to talk about sex as if it was 
something she discussed every day. Especially when it came to her 
relationship with this man. "... we aren't very likely to have a baby 
anyway, now are we?"
	Mulder sighed and smiled. Trust Scully to look at the 
matter that way ... And best of all she was absolutely right.
	"Mulder", she whispered, letting her fingers trail over his 
face. "I don't want to hurry, we do have all the time we need, I 
know. But ..." She bit her bottom lip. "... I think at least you'd have 
a right to know. I mean, I would've told you eventually, but I think 
it's actually better to warn you beforehand, isn't it?" She heard him 
chuckle and she smiled. "Tell me, Mulder, did I just make a fool of 
myself with this?"
	He shook his head. "No, you didn't", he answered, not 
looking at her. "I guess I just didn't really expect this now ..." He 
felt her lips touch softly to the hollow of his throat. "You shocked 
me, Dana."
	She chuckled, keeping her head resting in the curve of his 
throat. "Did I really?"
	He kissed her atop her head. "Oh yeah ... you've always 
been very good at that ..." He looked at her and smiled when he saw 
her smile at him. This woman was so important to him that it had to 
be dangerous, he thought and grinned, caressing her hair. Yes, 
dangerous. But delightfully dangerous. He'd give the world for this 
kind of danger ...
	"Mulder?"
	He looked at her and saw that her smile had faded. "What is 
it, Scully?"
	She sighed. "I'm scared."
	"What for?" he asked softly.
	"The treatment", she replied. "I'm scared that I'm going to 
die ..." She sighed. "I'm scared you were right ..."
	He sighed as well. He was tempted to tell her that just a 
second ago she had seemed pretty optimistic while he had been the 
scared one, but he didn't say it. "Me too, Scully", he answered 
instead. "Are you sure you still want to do this? You don't have to 
do it for me if that's the reason behind your taking it. You don't 
have to prove yourself to me by taking this treatment."
	She nodded. "I am sure. I'm just a little scared ..." She 
smiled at him and weaved her fingers through his, interlocking their 
hands. "Though I'm kind of looking forward to it as well. It's a very 
double feeling."
	"Maybe", he said, biting his lip. "Maybe we should just let 
it come as it may and hope for the best."
	Scully laughed softly when she heard these words. "Oh 
Mulder, isn't that just what we always do?"

	*~*~*

A few days later

	"GOOD MORNING!" MULDER OPENED the door and smiled 
widely at the two women in the room.
	"Good morning, Fox", Margaret answered with a smile. 
Scully on the contrary didn't give a likewise respond.
	"Hi", she said flatly.
	Mulder sat down on the bed. "Hey, Scully, what's the 
matter?" he asked, kissing her on the cheek as usual. She didn't 
respond to it as warmly as previously and he frowned. "Is there 
anything the matter, Scully?"
	She sighed. "No, no, I'm fine. It's okay", she said. "So, 
how's work going?"
	"Okay", he answered. "We just handed in our report and 
we're waiting for its return and the call to come and defend it to 
Skinner. We have taken a few days off to relax in fact, Claire's off 
to see John's parents."
	"And you're off to see me?" she answered coldly.
	"Why yes, Scully, I ..." He was slightly confused. He took 
her hands in his own and looked at her. "Scully, you're not fine, 
don't fool me, you know I don't like that!"
	She pulled her hands from his. "Mulder, don't meddle with 
me! I didn't ask for that, so cut it out! Just drop it, okay?"
	"Okay", he said, taken aback by her clipped tones. Margaret 
on the other hand decided to enter the conversation and take sides 
for Mulder.
	"Dana! That is not the way you can treat him, do you hear 
me?" she said sternly. Scully looked at her and blushed a bit, 
obviously feeling a little embarrassed. "Apologise to him, Dana!"
	Scully fidgeted. "Don't want to ...", she muttered like a 
child.
	"Dana ...", her mother warned and Scully shrugged and 
sighed.
	"Okay, okay", she sighed. "I'm sorry, Mulder". It didn't 
sound very convincing, but for the sake of world-peace Mulder 
decided to let it slip.
	"Apologies accepted", he smiled, seeing Margaret sigh in 
defeat and rise to her feet.
	"Would you like a cup of coffee, Fox?" she asked softly 
and he nodded.
	"Yes, please, Mrs Scully."
	But when Margaret was out of the room, Mulder decided to 
show his real feelings.
	"Okay, Scully, what was that?"
	Scully sighed. "God, Mulder, why do you have to be so 
dense? I told you I'm okay, so just drop it, okay!"
	He shook his head as he looked at her in anger. "No, I 
won't 'just drop it, okay'! I want an explanation! Jesus Christ, when 
I came in this room ... I felt like you practically slapped me back out 
again! Why? You can tell me if I did anything wrong, you know I 
can handle that, I just want to know if I did anything wrong, 
because I sure as hell don't have a clue!"
	Scully looked at him, feeling a little ashamed. "No, you 
didn't do anything wrong, Mulder."
	"Then what is it?"
	"I ... I've been thinking, you know."
	"Thinking?"
	"Yeah, actually I have!" she said cynically. "I do that 
sometimes, you know ... I'm not a blonde, I can think ..."
	Mulder sighed. "Okay, don't lose it ...", he muttered. Then 
he looked up at her. "So, em, what have you been thinking about 
then?"
	"About myself, my life, my work, my work on The X-Files 
... I've been thinking about you, too ..." She sighed.
	"You've been thinking about the best way to piss me off?" 
he said coldly. "Well, you did a pretty good job there!" 
	Scully groaned. "Geez, Mulder! I ...", she took a deep 
breath, trying to calm down from her near-tears. "I've been thinking 
about all this because ... because I'm just not so sure I can still do 
this ..."
	Mulder looked at her. "What?"
	"Mulder, I like working with you, I really do, but ... it's 
getting too much ..."
	"You ... you wanna quit?" he whispered in shock. "You're 
quitting?"
	She shook her head slowly. "I'm not quitting, Mulder, it's 
just that ... my body ... it has a limit and ... now that I've had the 
time to think about my life as it is, especially since I started that 
fertility treatment ..."
	"What?" Mulder asked, his voice soft.
	"Mulder, I'm thirty-three years old, you're thirty-seven! 
We're not ... I ... there's more to life than this, Mulder, and I still 
want to be young enough to live another life, because there is one! I 
want you to still be young enough, too ..."
	"But why the change? Why so sudden?" he asked. "I didn't 
... you never told me that you were feeling bothered by this, you 
never seemed to mind the dangers, the job ... I always thought this 
was what you wanted."
	"I did, Mulder, I loved it, I loved working as a field Agent!"
	"But you don't like it anymore, is that right?"
	"I ..." Scully sighed. "I suppose I still do ..."
	"You suppose?" Mulder asked and shook his head. "You 
can't 'suppose' to like this, Scully, you can't afford to simply 
'suppose' to like the job. You either want to do it or you don't, you 
can't 'kind of' want to do it, that's what gets you killed in this line 
of business and you know it!"
	"But I'm gonna get killed anyway!" she said exasperated. 
"Look at us! Just look at us! Look at me! Here I am, in a hospital, 
just returned from the dead again. And one day, probably long 
before I turn forty, some lunatic is gonna blast a bullet in my head 
and I'll be dead! Finis! History! Still, here I am, taking some 
hormone treatment for my future, pretending  such a fate isn't 
lurking around a corner at all!"
	Mulder bowed his head. "If that's how you see it, then I 
suppose you're right to want to step away."
	She shook her head in frustration. "No, no, Mulder, I don't 
want to stop, I just ..."
	"Then what do you want, Scully?" Mulder said sharply. "I 
wouldn't mind your stepping away if only you could give me a 
reason I could live with, because right now I can make head nor 
tails of it!"
	"I don't know, Mulder", she said softly, feeling a tear 
rolling down her cheek. "I just ... don't seem to be able to find the 
satisfaction in this work like I once did ..."
	"But why? I thought you loved your work. I thought you 
told me you loved me ... And I can understand that, because of what 
has happened to you, you don't find fulfilment in this work, but I 
can't work without you, you know that."
	"You've got Claire now, Mulder, you seemed pretty content 
working with her", she said rather coolly.
	He rolled his eyes. "Claire was assigned to me on a 
temporary basis! She's leaving as soon as you return to work!"
	"Well, then maybe you should think of having her on a 
permanent basis", she said.
	"Scully, I don't want her permanently! I want you back!" 
Mulder said, his voice raised.
	"And you can't have me!!" Scully screamed back, furious 
with his way of claiming her as his own. "I'm not your property! 
I'm a person with a will of my own and I am the one who decides 
what I'm gonna do or not!!"
	"But ..."
	"No, Mulder, you always think you can have it all and on 
your terms, but I'm sick of it!"
	"But Scully, I ..."
	"We're done, Fox Mulder!" Scully said coldly, turning her 
back on him.
	"Scully, we can do this on your terms. And I know I've 
driven you up a wall sometimes, but please, don't just turn away 
...", he begged.
	"Good night, Agent Mulder", was the only answer he got.
	"Scully, you can't just quit! Not like this, not after all we've 
experienced together! You can't think I'm gonna accept you 
surprising me like this; you never showed irritation -- real irritation 
--, you can't expect me to accept this! You've gotta give me a 
chance!"
	"Good night, Agent Mulder."
	"Scully, please give me another chance ..."
	"I thought I said good night!" she snapped and he sighed in 
defeat.
	He rose and for a moment he looked at her, feeling so 
incredibly sad all of a sudden. He didn't risk touching her now, 
though he wanted to hold her close, so close that she'd never be 
able to carry out her threat of leaving him ... But he didn't. Instead 
he walked slowly to the door. Then, as he took the door handle he 
sighed and bowed his head. 
	"I just want you to know that ... I still love you, Scully", he 
said softly and he could've sworn he heard a tiny suppressed sob. 
"Good night, Dana." Then he closed the door behind him and 
walked away.

	"FOX, WHAT'S THE MATTER with you?" Margaret asked 
when she saw him sitting in a chair just outside Scully's room, his 
head in his hands.
	He shook his head. "She's quitting, Mrs Scully."
	She frowned. "What? She's going away?"
	He nodded.
	"But I thought she loved working with you!"
	"Yeah, I thought so too, but it seems we've both been 
wrong ..." Then he looked up at her. "Mrs Scully, what's wrong 
with her? I've never seen her like that, I don't understand what 
made me deserve this! She's so ... I don't know ... Just a week ago 
she said that she loved the job and never wanted to stop and now ... 
now I'm suddenly a pain in the ass and I should just accept her 
resignation!"
	"Only a week ago she said that she wanted to stay?" 
Margaret asked and Mulder nodded. She laughed in relief. "I'm so 
glad. Then I suppose nothing is wrong after all."
	"Nothing's wrong? That's an easy thing to say if you don't 
rely with your life on that same person who just announced that you 
should find yourself a new partner because she simply can't be 
bothered any longer!" he said sarcastically.
	"Fox, she's going to be fine", Margaret said, rubbing his 
back. "Believe me. I bet that when you go back and see her 
tomorrow she'll be so sorry and she'd be only too glad to take all 
her words back."
	"I don't know, Mrs Scully", he said slowly.
	"She's okay, Fox, she's just a little cross. All women have 
that when they're having their periods, it's the hormones. It'll pass."
	"Periods? She's having her periods?" Mulder asked, finding 
that his jaw had hit the floor with a vengeance. He picked it up and 
shut his mouth. Margaret in the meantime didn't seem to find it all 
that extraordinary. "Yes, she had her periods. Her periods stopped 
after her abduction, but somehow they came back. And when a 
woman has her periods, she tends to go through some mood swings. 
It's nothing to worry about. Usually these moods get better when 
it's all over, but for some reason they continued in her. I guess 
that's because she's got this hormone-treatment, it naturally affects 
her body. I'm so glad when she told me that she was having her 
periods, she was so sad knowing that she couldn't have babies. Who 
knows, maybe one day she will have a child after all!"
	"She had her periods?" Mulder said, totally stupefied by the 
news.
	Margaret looked at him. "Fox, is there something you need 
to tell me?"
	He nodded slowly. "Yes, I suppose there is. But I think we 
both need a cup of strong coffee and a chair for that ..."

	AFTER A CAUTIOUS KNOCK Mulder opened the door to 
Scully's room when he returned the following morning. He closed 
the door behind him and after taking off his coat he walked closer to 
the bed -- only to see her stand by the window. She was staring at 
the world outside her room and initially didn't seem to notice him. 
He didn't make a sound to let his presence be known. Then she 
slowly turned around and her eyes met his for a split-second before 
she looked down.
	"Hi", she said timidly and Mulder smiled.
	"Hi yourself", he replied, making her smile as well. He 
knew that would do the trick to make her smile. And it appeared 
that her mother had been right: she was sorry. Pretty convincingly 
sorry in fact. She slowly lifted her head and looked at him as he 
stood by the bed, neither of them making a move towards the other. 
Her hands were restless and she seemed nervous. Neither of them 
spoke. Her fingers fumbled with the top button of her T-shirt and 
she took a deep breath. Then she reached out and pulled a random 
flower from one of the many bouquets gathered on the table by the 
window. With an unsure movement she stretched her hand with the 
flower out to him.
	"Peace?" she asked, giving him a hopeful smile.
	For Fox Mulder's part, his heart melt then and there, seeing 
her by the window with that flower in her hand, looking so 
uncertain, hoping so much that he'd forgive her the previous day. 
He reached out to accept it, but instead of merely taking the flower, 
he closed his fingers around hers and pulled her gently to him. She 
went willingly enough.
	"Is this an official peace-offering?" he asked playfully, 
loosely encircling her shoulders. She still had the flower in her 
hands and held it up to him.
	"Yes", she said. "I was just such a bitch yesterday. You 
tried so hard to make me feel better and all I could do was yell and 
scream at you. I'm sorry for that. Very sorry", she added in a 
whisper.
	" 's Okay", he answered, his voice nearly as soft. He took 
the flower from her fingers and with a determined flick of his 
fingers he broke the stem in half. Then he softly placed the flower 
in her hair, letting the remains of the stem fall to the floor.
	Scully smiled when she felt the flower in her hair and she 
looked up at him, seeing that same smile on his lips which had 
made her fall in love with this man so long ago. She felt herself fall 
in love all over again at that moment. "So", she said softly, "does 
that mean the peace-treaty can be signed?"
	He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah."
	Scully smiled, letting her hands come round his back. She 
rested her cheek against his breast-bone and felt her head rest on top 
of hers, while his hands still held her close to him. And as they 
stood there she felt warm tears well up in her eyes.
	'You're so good to me, Mulder', she thought. No matter 
what she did, no matter how bad or misplaced her words or actions 
were, he always forgave her, always came back to her to give her 
another chance. Always. He didn't ask questions, he didn't ask 
anything in return for it, just believed in her and gave her 
everything he had to offer.
	And she ... she had lost it and screamed at him until he 
hadn't had any choice but to leave the room, his head bowed in 
defeat, his shoulders slumped.
	She had never hated herself as much as she had during 
those first moments after the door had closed behind his back, 
leaving her alone in her room and realisation kicked in with a 
vengeance. She had cried her eyes out all night, so afraid she had 
pushed it too far, so afraid she'd never get him back, so afraid she'd 
scared him off and lost him forever.
	So angry too ...
	"Sorry", she whispered against his throat, her eyes tightly 
shut. "I'm so sorry ..."
	Mulder heard her tear-filled words of regret and bowed his 
head, kissing her softly on the crown of her head. "I know, baby, 
it's okay ..."
	He felt her shake her head. "No", she said, "no, it shouldn't 
be okay, Mulder! I had no reason or right to treat you like that! I ..."
	"Shh, don't", he said softly, placing his fingertip lightly 
over her lips. "I know why you acted the way you did, it's okay, it's 
all right. I promise." He let his hand fall from her mouth and come 
back around her shoulders.
	She slowly looked up at him and saw him looking at her. 
And without another thought their lips touched and fused, both 
kissing one another with all the power and passion of their love. She 
pressed her hands in his back while he slid his hands over the curve 
of her back. Then he lifted her in his arms, carrying her to the bed, 
both trying not to have to break the kiss.
	With an inelegant move they landed on the bed, teeth 
clicking and noses bumping. They grinned and then kissed with 
renewed passion. And it wasn't until Scully started to do away with 
his tie and jacket and flick open the buttons of his shirt that Mulder 
realised for the first time since they had started this that this was 
still a hospital room.
	And hospitals meant zero privacy.
	With a gentle hand he stopped her. "Um, I don't think the 
hospital's the best place for what we have in mind, Scully", he 
whispered, taking his tie from her fingers and slightly lifting off of 
her. She blushed fiercely and grinned.
	"No, I don't think it is ...", she said. Then she waggled her 
eye-brows. "Gotta have to find a place soon, Mulder. Can't you get 
me out of here? After all, creds should be good for something, don't 
you think?" She kissed him briefly. "Come, Mulder, do your best. I 
don't think I'll be able to hold out much longer ..."
	He shook his head. "No, neither will I." Then he laughed. 
"Hey, Scully, I've got an idea."
	"Yeah? What is it?"
	"Well, I've got plenty of vacation time saved up, how about 
you?"
	"Lots of it", she said, "Why?"
	"Maybe we could talk Skinner into sending us off to 
California or Florida sometime soon. Or Hawaii, anywhere where 
it's sunny! Hey, how about that, huh? You and me, just the two of 
us?"
	Scully smiled. "Hawaii, Mulder? I always thought you 
wanted me to go and see Area 51 with you ..."
	He feigned indignation. "Madam, you hurt me!" he said, 
but failed to keep the amusement from his voice. "So, you wanna 
go on vacation with me then, Scully?"
	She sighed, pulling him to her again. "Love it", she said and 
kissed him.

	"I CAN?" SCULLY ASKED and looked at her mother with a 
look promising eternal devotion. "They said I could leave the 
hospital?"
	'Good God, Mulder, what devil did you sell your soul to 
this time?' she thought.
	"Yes, honey. They told me your condition has improved 
enough to let you go home if you'd like to do so."
	Scully nodded enthusiastically. Now she finally had the 
chance to stay with Mulder for a few days! They had talked about it 
so often and she had dreamed about it even more. He had really 
done his best!
	"I can't wait to go, mom", she said with a huge smile, 
practically bouncing up and down in her bed. "When will I be 
discharged?"
	"Well, considering it's Thursday now I guess you'll have to 
stay here for the night and maybe they'll let you come home with 
me tomorrow afternoon", Margaret said smiling. Her smile faded, 
however, when she saw her daughter's disappointed expression. 
"What's wrong, honey?"
	Scully shook her head. "Nothing's wrong, mom, it's just 
that ... that I don't really want to go home with you ... I ..."
	"You don't?" Margaret asked amazed. Then she realised 
just what her daughter's real plans were. "You want to stay with 
Fox, don't you, Dana?"
	Scully nodded slowly. "I do, mom. We've been talking 
about it, I want to be with him ..."
	"I understand ..."
	They were silent for a moment.
	"You know what, mom?" Scully eventually broke the 
silence.
	"What?"
	"I love him ... really really love him ..."
	"Oh, sweetheart, I already knew that", her mother smiled 
and Scully frowned.
	"You did?"
	"Dana, honey, you two practically have an arrow and a 
neon sign pointed at you when you're together. There's no 
mistaking it. In fact the doctors already asked me for the date of 
your wedding-day!"
	Scully felt a blush creep up. "Oh ...", she merely said. Had 
it really been that obvious? Then she smiled widely. "I'm gonna 
call Mulder right away! He'll be so happy!"

	"FOX MULDER'S OFFICE", SCULLY heard on the other side 
of the line.
	It was Claire. And as she heard this voice a mischievous 
plan started to form in her head. A plan that could make this 
weekend even better than she had already anticipated ...
	"Hi, it's Dana", she said, immediately adding "Claire, don't 
let Mulder know it's me!!"
	She heard a neutral "Sure" from the woman on the other 
side and she knew Claire had some clues as to what she was up to.
	"Thanks, Claire", she smiled, despite the fact that Claire 
couldn't see her. "Hey, Claire, I just had the most wonderful news. 
I'm allowed to go home! But for what I have planned I'm going to 
need your help."
	"Of course, that'll be no problem", Claire answered 
formally, but unable to keep a twinkle from her voice. Scully heard 
a voice -- Mulder's voice -- in the background upon which Claire 
answered:
	"It's Holly, she has found the data I asked her for." It was 
an answer which appeared to satisfy Mulder's curiosity.
	'Oh, Mulder, if only you knew ...', Scully thought.
	"Yes, sure, Holly, that's the info I need", came Claire's 
voice. She was playing along well.
	"Claire, do you have anything planned for the weekend?"
	"No, I can't say I have", Claire answered.
	Scully took a deep breath. "Well, in that case I'm going to 
call your boyfriend and if it's okay with you I'd like to take your 
place tomorrow afternoon till Monday morning", she said.
	She could almost see Claire's frown. "I'm sorry?"
	"What I mean is this: John will come and pick you up after 
you've left the basement office tomorrow and when Mulder doesn't 
expect it, I come in ... something like that", Scully explained.
	"Oh, I see."
	"Hey, look Claire, we're going to need a little more privacy 
-- that is, no Fox Mulder near any of us -- to complete our plans, but 
do you like it?"
	"Yes, I do. It's very good." Still that amazing professional 
attitude. This woman was good! Scully knew that she'd have lost it 
ages ago ...
	"Well, find yourself an excuse to leave the office and I'll 
call you back on your cell-phone in, let's say, five minutes, okay? 
Just make sure that Mulder isn't eavesdropping!" Scully said, 
feeling totally excited about her plan. This weekend was going to be 
the most beautiful weekend of her life!
	"Okay, I'll be there right away", Claire said and Scully 
could hear the wink in her voice.

	*~*~*

TITLE: "Let's go fly a kite, Dana Scully"
AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com

	*~*~*

	"WE HEARD AGENT SCULLY has been discharged", an 
ominous voice came from the darkness of the room. The man, who 
had been about to light his cigarette, looked up, more than a little 
startled by the other man's unexpected presence. He composed 
himself immediately.
	"Yes, she has. Or so I've been told", he answered, lighting 
the cigarette.
	"This is not the way we can continue."
	The smoking man didn't answer right away.
	"You're jeopardising the Project with your actions!" the 
man in the dark said.
	"Apparently Agents Mulder and Scully are stronger than we 
anticipated. We'll have to adjust our plans", the smoking man said 
calmly.
	"And just how are you thinking to resolve this problem?"
	"I have another card up my sleeve", he answered. "The 
situation isn't lost yet."
	The man in the dark shot him a furious look. "I hope you 
know what you're doing."

*~*~*

	IN THE END THEY had agreed that Claire would leave the 
office ten minutes to three on Friday afternoon and John would be 
waiting for her outside the FBI building. Scully meanwhile would 
wait until three o'clock and get into the basement office as 
undetectedly as possible so that Mulder would be caught totally off-
guard.
	It was half past two now and Scully was one big jittering 
bunch of nerves. Time seemed to creep forward in an agonisingly 
slow pace while she drank the coffee other Agents, who were also 
involved in the plan, offered her. This was most likely Claire's 
doing.
	Then, as she saw the clock say 2:52 p.m. she saw Claire 
turn around the corner and towards her. The woman's face broke 
into a wide smile and Scully rose to greet her, smiling equally 
warmly.
	"Dana, you look so good!" Claire said appraisingly.
	"Oh, Claire, I am feeling good", Scully smiled and Claire 
chuckled. If she had only half an idea of what Scully had in mind 
she already knew they were going to have a wonderful weekend. 
"Okay, you got your deal", she said and smiled, "Fox is totally 
unaware of the fact that you're coming. Go and surprise him!"
	"I will", Scully said, bracing herself. "Thanks a lifetime, 
Claire!"
	"You're welcome", she answered. "Have a lovely weekend 
together!"
	Scully nodded and walked in the direction of the office, a 
way she had walked thousands of times. But it had never seemed to 
be so long or of so much importance ...

	SHE LOOKED AT THE plain brown door to their office and 
willed her raging nerves to calm down. She took a few deep 
reassuring breaths, then lifted her hand and opened the door softly. 
She hoped Mulder wouldn't notice her just yet ...
	He didn't. He was sitting behind his computer when Scully 
got her first long look of her partner at work in a long time.
	Wearing his glasses ...
	:::shudder:::
	He didn't look up and Scully expected that Claire had given 
him 'a reason' not to. It was all right with her.
	With soft steps she walked over to where he was sitting, 
glad that she wasn't wearing heels today, and her shoes made 
practically no sound at all. She stood behind him and for a brief 
moment just watched him work, his curious untrained way of typing 
as fascinating as ever. Then she gently rested her arms on his 
shoulders and around his neck.
	"Hi Mulder", she said, her voice suddenly rendered soft 
with emotions.
	'God', she thought, 'it's good to be back here with him!'
	Mulder froze at the gentle touch and turned in her embrace. 
He had a smile of unabashed happy surprise on his face.
	"Scully?"
	She nodded and tightened the embrace a little.
	"Scully, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the 
hospital? Where's Claire?" Mulder asked, placing his left hand on 
her arm and stroking lightly.
	"I've been discharged, Mulder", she said. "Claire's with 
John, he picked her up just a few minutes ago. I'm going to take her 
place for the weekend -- if that's okay with you ..."
	"Oh, Scully, of course it is", he answered with a contented 
sigh and leaned his head against her stomach.
	They were silent for a few minutes. Mulder remained 
leaning against her while Scully moved her hand up to his head and 
gently combed her fingers through the strands of his hair.
	"You feel good", she said softly.
	"So do you, angel", he replied and with a light tug he 
indicated that he wished her closer to him. She happily obliged. She 
walked around him, then let him pull her in his arms and onto his 
lap. They sighed softly as they sat so close together, their heads 
touching, their arms securely around each other.
	"How's work?" Scully eventually asked, her cold-shower 
question not breaking the wonderful atmosphere.
	"Dull without you to keep me hopping", he said and smiled.
	"Isn't Claire doing what I asked her to do then?"
	"What's that?"
	"Continue the training of Special Agent Fox Mulder on 
how to behave?"
	"Oh, Dana, nobody can do that but you, you know that", 
Mulder answered, holding her tighter. God, she felt wonderful. She 
was wonderful. The most wonderful person in this whole damn 
world!
	"What are you working on?" she asked, seeing the first 
drafts of a report on the monitor.
	"Another case for those guys in the VCS. They had come 
across some "unexplained phenomena" during their investigation 
..." Mulder drew the inverted commas in the air to indicate he 
wasn't at all impressed by what he had received. " ... and they 
thought 'Hey, why not send it down to the basement and let Spooky 
clear up the mess'!"
	Scully chuckled. "You weren't impressed", she observed.
	"Who, me?" Mulder said. "My dear Agent Scully, I'm 
interested in everything out of the ordinary, you ought to know that 
by now!" He wasn't able to keep the ridicule out of his voice and 
she smiled.
	"But you were all too happy to make an exception for them, 
weren't you?" she smiled.
	"Damn, Scully, you know me too well!" he laughed. Then 
he looked at the monitor and grew serious again. "This is just a load 
of bull-shit, Scully. Look at it, every rookie could see what's wrong 
here!"
	"They're wasting your time. On purpose", she said quite 
seriously. "Even with Claire they still doubt you."
	"I don't think they'll ever have much respect for me", 
Mulder sighed. "I screwed up too much too badly ..."
	Scully rose from his lap. "Come, let me help you. Let's see 
if I can still do it." She walked over to the part of the office which 
was now Claire's domain for the time being. There she looked at 
the things on the desk -- her desk. But not her things and it hurt. She 
raised her eyes to look at Mulder who looked back with a pained 
expression.
	She knew what he was thinking, it was practically plastered 
onto his face.
	"It's okay, Mulder", she said softly. "I know you didn't 
expect me today ..."
	"I'm sorry, Scully", he only said. He felt awful seeing her at 
her desk, a desk filled with objects that weren't hers. He felt like he 
had replaced her. He felt like he had ditched her. He felt like he had 
truly lost her ...
	Scully pulled the chair  to his desk and sat down beside 
him. "You really don't need to be, Mulder, it's not your fault and 
it's not Claire's fault either. You were just making the best of the 
situation, I know. At least her things and the order she keeps them 
in matches your desk", she said with a gentle smile.
	Mulder nodded and smiled as well. "Yeah, she's a bit 
messier than you are ..." And with these words she reached over and 
took some notes spread across his desk. 
	"Come, let's get started, Mulder. It's only an hour before 
they're kicking us out of the office for the day!"

	OF COURSE THEY WEREN'T even close to wrapping up the 
case when Mulder at last noticed the time. They had worked for 
over two hours and neither of them had seemed to notice it.
	"Geez, Scully, where's your sense of punctuality?" he 
laughed, seeing the time on the office clock. "It's half past six!"
	"I was getting a little hungry", she admitted.
	"Then you should have said something", he said. He took 
her hand and pulled her up from the chair. "C'mon, let's go. I have 
no intention of spending the night here."
	"Claire told me you often do that these days though", 
Scully answered as they walked to the door. But before she could 
take her coat she felt Mulder's arms around her.
	"That's because when I'm with Claire I don't have 
someone to come home to", he said softly.
	She felt the truth in his eyes and understood the meaning of 
his words, words which made her usual reservedness crumble, 
especially in combination with those eyes.
	"Oh, Mulder", she sighed and she looked at him. Their 
gazes locked. There was such a strong connection between them, 
she just couldn't believe there was any force on earth or beyond that 
could ever break that bond. And it was the gentle touch of Mulder's 
lips on hers that proved the truth of these thoughts.
	
	THEY HAD KISSED FOR ages it seemed, but Mulder knew it 
was still too short a time. A few times they had been forced to break 
from the kiss, being completely out of breath, but each time their 
mouths had found each other hungrily, neither prepared for the 
passion they found in each other, neither willing to give up this 
unexpected passion.
	After some time the kiss had lost its desperate need and 
became sweeter, more lovingly. It ended in a tight embrace.
	"God, I missed you here", Mulder said and he felt Scully 
nod.
	"I know."
	"I thought we'd never be together in this office again", he 
said.
	"I know."
	"I thought I had lost you for good ..."
	This time Scully chuckled instead of answering and Mulder 
looked at her.
	"What?" he asked.
	"Oh, Mulder, you couldn't lose me if you tried ...", she 
sighed with a wide smile. But to her surprise he didn't smile back, 
instead something dark crossed his features and he crushed her to 
him. He murmured something unintelligible in her hair, but Scully 
didn't need him to repeat it. She knew far too well what he had just 
said.
	They remained standing in each other's arms for a short 
while longer, gently and soothingly rocking one another. Then 
Scully sniffed and with a soft voice she said, "Come, Mulder, it's 
getting late ... Let's go home ..."

	AS THEY WALKED ACROSS the parking lot, their hands 
firmly intertwined, Mulder thought of something practical.
	"Hey, Scully, are you by car?"
	Scully shook her head. "No, I took a cab. I'm not allowed 
to drive yet. There are still too many lapses in my concentration to 
make it safe for me to drive."
	"Oh", Mulder only said.
	She squeezed his hand gently. "Perhaps I'm not entirely 
well yet, Mulder, but I'm getting there, I really am. We'll just have 
to be ... well ... patient" and she looked up at him to see him smile.
	He moved his hand up and around her shoulders. "I know, 
Scully, I will be patient ..."
	"I know you will be", she answered. "You have been so 
patient with me for years now."
	By this time they had reached Mulder's car and he opened 
the door for her. Scully smiled and raised her eyebrows. "And a true 
gentleman to boot!" she said appreciatively. Mulder smiled at her 
remark as he walked to the other side and he got in. Scully had 
buckled up meanwhile and he did the same.
	"Well, where would you like to go, Scully? Your place or 
mine?" he said as he drove off.
	"We'll have to go to my apartment, I think", Scully said. 
"My medicines are there, one could never know ..."
	"We can pick them up if you want to", Mulder suggested, 
but Scully shook her head.
	"No, I think I'd rather go home now", she said. Then she 
chuckled. "Can you imagine, I actually missed the old place!"
	"Your apartment or the office?"
	"Both", she smiled. "I missed you too", she added, looking 
at him. She saw him reach for her hand and she took it, safely 
holding it. They didn't let go for as long as the trip lasted, the 
contact innocent, but warm, and a possible prediction of things that 
could well happen someday.

	"YOU GOT ANY POPCORN in this place, Scully?" Mulder 
asked when they had arrived at her place. He had taken her coat and 
was hanging it in the closet as Scully walked into her home.
	"Yes, why?"
	"Because of ... this", he whispered in her ear, a big smile on 
his face. He held a videotape in front of her eyes and Scully's face 
lit up as she took the tape from his hands.
	"Mulder, how did you know?" she asked amazed, watching 
him walk past her into her kitchen and take the popcorn and a bowl. 
He looked back at her and smiled.
	"Bill told me you were a Monty Python fan. And I 
remembered watching 'The Flying Circus' when I lived in Oxford 
so I got a tape for you."
	Scully walked up to him and, standing behind him, she 
wrapped her arms around his chest and pressed her cheek to his 
neck. "Boy, you are good!", she whispered and grinned. She felt his 
chuckle while he poured the popcorn in the bowl, ready to put it in 
the microwave.
	"Yes, I am", he answered, arrogantly pleased with himself, 
but also secretly proud of being able to surprise her with this. Then 
he turned around and smiled at her. "You know, I'm so good, 
sometimes I amaze even myself!" and waggled his eyebrows at her.

	SCULLY TOOK THE NEARLY empty bottle of red wine and 
poured herself another glass. Then she leaned back against Mulder 
and watched the flickering light of the fire in the hearth.
	The film had ended well over two hours ago and right now 
they were just sitting on her couch doing nothing. She pulled her 
feet under her and with a deep sigh settled more securely against 
him, enjoying his presence.
	She yawned.
	"Tired, Scully?" he asked and she nodded.
	"A bit."
	"Would you like me to leave so you can go to bed?" he 
asked but she shook her head.
	"No, I would like you to stay."
	"Okay."
	Silence.
	"How are your treatments going?" Mulder asked after a 
little while.
	"Fine", she said. "No complications so far and as you know 
I had my periods."
	"Yeah", he said, unable to keep a smile from appearing on 
his face. Mentally he kicked himself for sounding so eager to want 
to be the one who ...
	'Fat chance, Fox Mulder', he scolded himself. 'What have 
you got to offer her anyway?'
	"God, it was terrible", he heard her say and he frowned.
	"What was?"
	"Having my periods again. I had forgotten all about the 
headaches and the nausea and the bad temper and the cramps and 
everything ..."
	"Well", he said softly, "you could stop having the 
treatment. There's nobody forcing you to do it ..."
	She smiled at him and touched her hand to his jaw. 
"Mulder, I would only do that if there was any chance that you 
might actually mean those words ..."
	He sighed. "You shouldn't listen to me so often, Scully. I'm 
not a very dependable person."
	She didn't quite know how to answer that. Then she took a 
deep breath. "Mulder, would it scar you for life if I told you I do 
depend on you?"
	"Yes it would", he quipped, his smile a bit sad.
	"Mulder, I depend on you", she teased, then became serious 
again. "I do, Mulder, really much."
	"I find it hard to understand what makes you think you 
could depend on me", he muttered, not looking at her.
	She sighed, her voice sad when she spoke again, her eyes 
fixed on his face. She was taking a huge risk here, but she needed 
him to know. "Mulder, when I tell you that I depend on you because 
I love you, because I want to be with you for the rest of my life ... 
do you think I'm lying to you?"
	He didn't answer, nor did he look at her. Instead he kept 
staring at the fire and a deep sigh escaped him. Scully reached out 
to gently brush a stubborn strand of hair from his fore-head and he 
looked at her for a second. She froze at the amount of self-doubt in 
those eyes.
	"Mulder, why do you always think so little of yourself?" 
she said softly.
	"Because that's the truth", he said bitterly. "I try to be good, 
I try all the time, but I only screw things up. I hurt people, I hurt 
you ... I'm a worthless pain in the ass and there's nothing I can do 
about it!"
	There was no chance she could ever have been prepared for 
so much self-loathing and it rendered her speechless.
	"Well", she said after a while, her voice low and uncertain. 
"Maybe ... maybe I just sometimes wish you really would hurt me 
... at least it would let our opinions of you match ..."
	He looked at her for the briefest of moments. Then he 
slowly eased himself from her embrace and rose to his feet. "I'm 
sorry ...", he said, his voice terribly sad. "I ... I really should be 
going now ..."
	"Why?"
	"Scully, I can't stay here with you now ... I ... I really can't 
... you can't ..."
	"I can't ... what, Mulder?" she whispered, getting up as 
well, standing behind him.
	He shook his head, but didn't answer.
	"I can't ... want you here?" she asked softly. "Is that what 
you're thinking? Mulder? I can't ... want you to stay with me? 
Because I can't ... possibly care about you? Is that it?" Tears started 
to flow as she walked up to him. And standing behind him she saw 
his tense posture and she bowed her head. "I can't ... want you, 
Mulder? Are you thinking that?" She sighed and wiped the tears 
away, then she slowly headed back for the couch and sat down, her 
eyes at the fire. 
	"I'll tell you what I can't do, Mulder", she said and it made 
him turn around. He saw her small body, looking so fragile all of a 
sudden and it shook him to his marrow.
	"I'll tell you what I can't do", she repeated. "I can't let you 
think that of yourself, Mulder. I can't let you hate yourself so much. 
I can't forbid myself to love you, I can't let you fall, I can't tell 
myself to see you as less than my best best friend, as my soulmate 
and other half. I can't make myself unlove you, Mulder ... I can't."
	Not making a sound he walked back to the couch. She 
didn't hear or see him and continued to speak. "I tried to see if I 
could forget about you, even for a moment, but I can't. I love you, 
that's one truth this quest of ours has brought to the light. I love you 
with all that's in me and I guess that defines my only real inability:" 
She finally looked around and saw him looking at her. She sat up on 
her knees and, leaning over the back of the couch, she extended her 
hands towards him. He took them. "I can't live without you, 
Mulder. I know you hurt me sometimes and I tried to make that a 
reason not to love you, but I still want to be with you ..."
	She looked at their hands, interlocked as if the end of the 
world wasn't going to be able to rip them apart. Then she looked up 
to read his face. Still that damn self-depreciating look!
	"Fuck it, Mulder!!", she screamed, suddenly feeling so 
angry with him and this self-flagellation of his. "Why can't you just 
let yourself want anyone? Why can't you accept the fact that there 
are people who love you because they love you just the way you 
are? Why do you have to torture yourself like that all the time?!" 
She felt tears stream down and allowed herself to cry freely. 
"Mulder, I love you! Don't you see that I do?!" With a force she 
didn't recognise as her own she pulled his hands and, because he 
didn't expected the move, he tumbled over the back of the couch 
and over her, landing on top of her. She flung her arms around his 
neck and crushed him to her. "I love you, Fox! You're not 
worthless, you mean my life to me!!" She looked up at him, seeing 
his eyes red with tears as well. "Do you know how much you hurt 
me with your words just a minute ago, Mulder?" she said and she 
saw the regret which crossed his face. "Nothing, but nothing can 
ever hurt me as long as I know you're with me, but words like those 
... I never ever want to hear them from you again, do you get that?" 
she said, bringing his face down to hers so that she felt his breath on 
her lips. "I forbid you to say those words! I forbid you to even think 
them!" And with these words she reached for him and pressed her 
mouth to his, snaking her arms behind his head and neck to pull him 
even closer.
	Mulder tasted the saltiness of their tears as they kissed. And 
as the kiss became deeper and more thorough, more love-filled with 
every second that passed, he felt fresh tears seep from under his 
closed eyelids, loving her too much to understand.
	Wasn't this just what he had never dared to hope any 
woman would ever say to him? Wasn't what this woman and he had 
exactly what he had never dared to dream of ever having? Not even 
in his most reckless of dreams? That somewhere in this world there 
would ever be someone who could care so much about him?
	He felt her lips release his own and he raised up a little to 
look down at her. Her face was flushed and wet with their tears, and 
her eyes were red and puffy but they sparkled. She was the most 
beautiful woman in the world and she was in love with him, even 
though he couldn't ... but then he stopped. She had forbidden him to 
think like that ...
	She smiled weakly and sighed the sweetest sigh he had ever 
heard in his life. And he was just about to bend down for another 
kiss when he heard her soft plea.
	"Make love to me, Mulder. Prove how much you love me."
	And that's when the alarms went off inside his head. He 
hated it, he hated feeling this feeling, but he knew it was right and 
he moved up from her a bit. With a sad smile he shook his head.
	"No, Scully", he whispered. "Not like this."
	Her look almost killed him. "No?" she asked and the tone in 
her voice ripped his heart to pieces. "Why not, Mulder? I love you, 
you love me, what could be wrong?"
	He sighed and closed his eyes, rolling off of her. Then he 
looked back at her, trying desperately to make her see the truth in 
his words. "Scully, I don't lie when I tell you that I do want this, but 
we never discussed it and you're not quite yourself yet, I ..." He 
sighed. "I'm just so afraid we'll make a mistake we cannot correct 
..."
	She looked at him and saw the raw pain in his heart. She 
knew what he was feeling and how he was feeling. And worst of all 
she could hardly make herself respect it ... even though he was 
right.
	"Mulder ...", she began, but he cut her off.
	"No, Scully, I don't want to ..." He stopped and with a 
frustrated groan he shook his head. "God, I want this! I want this so 
much! But ... not like this ... not when it has to happen amid a fit of 
anger! You were distressed and so was I and I'm ... I'm just not sure 
you meant everything you said just a second ago ... and I can't take 
advantage of something which hasn't been said with a clear mind, 
something we may regret afterwards if we go on without thinking 
about the consequences ... especially not when it's us making love", 
he finished in a whisper.
	Totally unexpectedly Scully felt her heart crack open at his 
words. His tenderness, his consideration, his unabashed use of the 
phrase 'us making love'. For that was what this was. They were 
making love. Or rather, they had been about to do that. And he 
looked so lost now that he had stopped them, like he didn't really 
know what to do ...
	He rolled off the couch and sat down on the floor, his back 
resting against the couch, his arms resting on his knees and his head 
dropped.
	The heated passion inside her had cooled down to a far 
more pleasant thrumming, a feeling of warm expectation circling 
just below her skin. She went to lie face down on the couch and 
with a cautious gesture brushed a lock of his hair in place. He didn't 
move, neither moving closer to her, encouraging her, nor moving 
away. She took it as a good sign.
	"Oh, Mulder", she sighed. "You're not kicking yourself 
again, are you?"
	No answer, just a deep sigh.
	She let herself slide off the couch to sit against him on the 
floor, her head on his shoulder as she tried to let her hands 
communicate the love and admiration she felt for him. She softly 
kissed his shoulder, then leaned her head against it.
	"I love you", she whispered and saw a small smile appear 
on his lips.
	"I know, Dana", he said softly and he turned his head 
slightly, letting it rest against hers. "Can't explain how much that 
surprises me ..."
	"Mulder, I believe I forbade you thinking like that", she 
said with a gentle smile. He shrugged.
	"But I'm such a maverick. I don't fit in at all, I'm shunned 
by other people, no one wants to have anything to do with me. But 
because of me, they avoid you as well ... You'll never reach what 
you deserve as long as you're with me, I know that. God, 
sometimes I think I merely work as a millstone hanging around 
your neck, holding you down on your way to climb the ladder."
	"No, you don't", she said and he looked at her.
	"Then what am I?" he asked. "What in God's name is there 
still in me then?!"
	"You are what you are, Mulder, and that means 'different 
from most people'. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad or 
something to be ashamed of." She looked at him. "Mulder, the fact 
that you're so different from other Agents in the Bureau is one of 
the things that attracted me to you in the first place. It was 
something I couldn't resist, it was a challenge of sorts and I still 
love every minute of being with you, because of that challenge. It's 
what made me fall in love with you. The challenge of living with 
you. You're not an easy person to be with, but that doesn't bother 
me, it's what I want." She smiled. "If I had wanted predictability I 
could have found it anywhere. But I don't want predictability. I 
want adventure and excitement and a life-style that's different, with 
a person who's different from the others. And you are. You're 
different, you're ... original even ..."
	"I'm original?" he asked and she nodded, wrapping her 
arms around his neck and sitting in his lap. Then she looked at him, 
wanting him to look back, hoping to tease him back to where they 
had left off just a few minutes ago. He seemed to go with her quite 
easily.
	"You are", she answered, kissing him warm and sensual. 
There was some unfinished business which she was more than 
willing to attend to. "You are the most original man I've ever met." 
His mouth was warm and inviting, inviting her to continue and lead 
the way. But Scully soon discovered that she wasn't the only one 
with initiative here, Mulder took the lead soon enough.
	"Meaning?" he asked, his hands roaming over her body as 
his mouth plundered hers.
	It was a while before she could find a moment to answer 
him, not really very keen on pausing from her pleasant pastime. 
Then she looked at him and smiled. "Mulder, always try to be an 
original. And if that means a little eccentric, so be it."
	His eyes shot open to see her smile at him, a smile that 
showed him every little bit of her inner self. It was the most 
adorable, touching, arousing smile he had ever been given, that was 
for sure. He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't know 
what he could possibly say. Or how he could ever put his feelings 
into words.
	"It's all right what we're doing here, Mulder", Scully said 
softly. "We've both seen this moment coming and we've been right 
not to hurry. But ... I think we shouldn't be afraid of what isn't there 
..." She kissed him very earnestly, giving him everything she had to 
give. Then, when they broke from the kiss after what had seemed 
ages, she slowly undid the buttons of her blouse and let it fall open 
and from her shoulders. She saw him swallow and couldn't 
suppress a smile.
	"Make love to me, Mulder. Right here. Right now", she 
whispered, knowing that this time he wasn't going to refuse her 
request.

	A LAZY MOVEMENT ENABLED Mulder to pull the throw 
from Scully's couch and it landed on top of the couple. It was more 
than enough, he knew, feeling the combined warmth of the fire in 
the hearth, Scully's body and the aftermath of intense love adding 
everything he needed to the comfort of the soft quilt. He sighed and 
smiled, looking down at the woman in his arms. They were lying on 
the soft carpet of Scully's apartment in a tangle of arms and legs 
and damp flesh, trying to figure out what exactly had happened 
here.
	Oh, he knew what had happened here, they had made love. 
Earth-shocking, mind-bending love. It was just that he had always 
envisioned them experiencing their first time together ... well ... in 
bed. Not on the floor of her apartment ...
	He felt her wrap her legs a little tighter around his hips and 
she sighed, keeping her eyes closed, her fingers digging into the 
muscles of his back. Then, with a chuckle, she yawned, making him 
yawn as well.
	"Bed, Scully?" he asked and she nodded, a little too 
enthusiastically to make him believe she was thinking of sleeping.
	With a chuckle he rose, holding her tightly to him, and 
carried her to her bedroom. There he placed her on the soft mattress 
and, snuggling in beside her, he pulled the covers over himself and 
his already sleeping partner.
	She was right, he thought, even he had a future with 
someone he loved and who loved him dearly in return. He pulled 
her gently to him and when they were comfortably spooned 
together he sighed a very contented sigh.
	So he was an original, he thought. You'd need a woman 
like Dana Scully to make a man like him feel good ...

*~*~*

	THE SOUND OF SOMEONE knocking loudly on Scully's front 
door woke Mulder up the following morning and with a soft groan 
he carefully released himself from Scully's embrace.
	"M'lr ... where're you goin'...?" she murmured and he 
smiled, hearing that person knock again and even more insistently.
	"There's someone at the door, sweetheart. I'll be right 
back", he whispered and she let him go, though clearly not whole-
heartedly.
	"Hurry back", she said, curling up in bed. "I'm cold without 
you."
	He threw on a bathrobe and hurried to the door, in the 
meantime trying to comb his hair with his fingers. He opened the 
door and saw a young man standing there with a large brown 
envelope in his hand. Mulder tried to muster as much dignity as 
possible, knowing he must be looking like hell.
	'Curse of sex in the morning', he thought wryly. "Can I 
help you?"
	"I've got a registered letter for Ms Scully. Is she at home?" 
the man said. Mulder nodded.
	"I'm her partner. I'll take care of it", he answered and the 
man, obviously not very fixed on rules, shrugged.
	"Fine with me. As long as anyone accepts it. Could you 
sign here, please?"
	Mulder scribbled his name on a paper and received the 
envelope.
	"Have a nice day", the man said and Mulder mumbled 
something vague in return, hating that 'have a nice day' to the core 
of his being. Then he took the envelope to the bedroom where 
Scully was waiting for him. A wide smile appeared on her already 
beaming face when she saw him and she beckoned him to the bed.
	"Come here", she said, the tone in her voice leaving no 
questions as to what she really wanted. But Mulder didn't come to 
her right away and she frowned. "What?"
	"It's a registered letter for you, Scully", he said.
	She smiled. "Oh, Mulder, that's not important right now", 
she said. "I'm sure it can wait. Come here, let it wait ..."
	He smiled, but something on the envelope had caught his 
eye and he wasn't so sure they could afford letting it wait. "Scully, 
it's from the Bureau", he said and the smile on her face 
disappeared.
	"The Bureau?" she repeated with a soft voice and he 
nodded.
	"Don't suppose it's a 'get well' card, do you?" he asked 
with absolutely no amusement and she shook her head. "Do you 
want to open the letter or shall I open it?"
	"You open it", she whispered, sitting up in bed and tucking 
the bedcovers under her arms and over her breasts for modesty. 
Mulder saw it and smiled.
	"You don't need to do that, you know. I can assure you 
there's nothing you need to be ashamed of ..." Then he sat down 
next to her and she sat closer to him. He tore open the envelope and 
retrieved a sheet of paper with the FBI's mark on it. He unfolded it 
and they began to read.

	"IT'S TRUE, ISN'T IT, Mulder?" Scully whispered after she 
had read the letter over and over again. Her voice wavered with 
emotions. He nodded, but didn't speak. Then he turned to look at 
her and swallowed.
	"They've done it again" was all he could say.
	"It's over", she whispered incredulously. Then she grabbed 
the letter and read it once again as if its contents had mysteriously 
changed over the past few seconds. She looked up and at him and 
saw his lost expression. "Why? Why are they doing this to us 
again?"
	"I don't know", he said, his voice almost a wail.
	"I can't believe it." She shook her head.
	"It's true. They're sending you off to Arizona. They're 
splitting us up again and this time they made sure we can't stay in 
contact with each other. We're getting separated ..." 
	Scully had never heard her partner's voice sound so empty, 
so devoid of any hope and it made reality crash down on her. She 
grabbed his arm. "No, they can't!" she said, her eyes wide and 
unbelieving. "They cannot separate us, not now, not ever! They 
can't do that to us, Mulder! They can't!!"
	He looked at her and the thoroughly sad expression in his 
eyes made her face crumple. And, taking her in his arms, he let her 
cry.
	"I thought ... I thought after last night everything was okay 
at last", she whispered, sobs choking her voice. "I had been looking 
forward to this for so long and ... I just knew nothing could make 
this change, but they have! They have split us up again!"
	Mulder didn't know what he could say to comfort her, so he 
opted for simply holding her, hoping for the world it would be 
enough for her for now.
	God, they'd been separated again. It wasn't fair, it was 
Goddammit not fair! They belonged together, didn't they see that? 
Was that so hard to understand? He couldn't let her leave, he 
needed her here, Scully and he couldn't be apart! Didn't they 
understand that?!
	"I can't let you go there, Scully", he said softly, cradling his 
still-weeping partner in his arms. He took the despised letter as if he 
had to ascertain himself once more of the dreadful news. He shook 
his head, seeing the date on which she'd have to report at the field-
office of Tucson, Arizona. It was only five days from now ...
	"They want to break us, Scully, that's the only reason for 
this", he said. "We're so strong together, they can't fight us when 
we're together. But they know they can break us by taking one 
away from the other."
	"Do you think Skinner's behind this?" she asked softly, 
voicing her doubts.
	"I don't know, Scully", he answered, "but I wouldn't be 
surprised ..."
	She lifted her face from his chest and looked at him. "But 
what about the X-Files, Mulder? They didn't mention the X-Files 
being closed again."
	His expression was grim. "I don't think they've closed them 
at all, Scully. I think they simply made Claire my official partner 
and sent you away to Arizona."
	"But why ... I ... I don't understand ..."
	"I think they wanted me and Claire together even when you 
were still in a coma. I should have been suspicious of getting a new 
partner so soon, but I didn't spare a minute to think about it. It's my 
guess that they hoped I'd choose for her of my free will." He took a 
deep breath. "And when they found out I wasn't really inclined to 
do that, they sent us this letter ..."
	"But Claire likes you, she agrees with you and your ideas", 
Scully said. "She's as unlikely to debunk your work as I am. What 
is it that would make her less of a threat than me?"
	"I don't think they're interested in anyone debunking my 
work anymore, Scully. They just want me to shut up. And" He 
looked at her, gently taking her face in his hands, "I'm not in love 
with her the way I'm in love with you." He brushed a strand of hair 
from her face and with a smile kissed away a tear on her cheek. 
Then he gathered her to him. "Over the past two months I've come 
to like her very much and I know you like her too. But I'd never 
face the devil for her sake, while as for you ... I'd sell my life and 
soul to him without a second thought if it was for you, Dana ... I'm 
too much in love with you not to ..."
	Scully couldn't answer, only grip him even closer. She 
heard the soft ticks of the rain on the windows and she shut her eyes 
tightly as she pressed her face into his shoulder, letting the tears 
come as they came. "You make my heart beat, Mulder, you're the 
oxygen I breathe ... How can I ever leave you and hope to survive?" 
She felt the tightness in her throat and she buried her face in the 
side of his neck. "You're my angel, the angel who's kept me safe all 
along", she whispered, seeing tears drip from his eyes as well. She 
reached behind her neck and unclasped the cross-necklace she 
wore. "Please, let me be yours ..."
	He let her fasten the necklace around his neck, then smiled 
at her. "Maybe we should buy a second one", he said softly, gently 
caressing her cheek and wiping away the tears there. "We're 
exchanging it so often ..."
	She couldn't help the smile curving her lips. "Maybe we 
should ...", she whispered. Then she saw the soft glimmer of the 
tiny gold cross, lying so quietly against his breastbone and she 
knew that no other object, however expensive or precious, would 
ever be able to replace this humble declaration of infinite faith, love 
and trust.
	"But then again", she smiled, "maybe we shouldn't ..."

	"FOX, ARE YOU OKAY?" Claire asked, seeing Mulder sit 
behind his desk, his look miles away. He was turning the pendant of 
Scully's necklace around and around in his fingers, apparently 
without being aware of it at all.
	He looked up and sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine", he said, but 
Claire had learned to make a difference between what his mouth 
was saying and what his body language was telling her. He was 
feeling rotten and she knew it.
	She sighed. "Fox, what's the problem?"
	"Well, to make a long story short: you're my partner for 
real now", he answered, but Claire didn't know if she'd understood 
him correctly.
	"I'm sorry?"
	Mulder sighed and got to his feet. And walking slowly 
through the cramped office he explained himself. "They've split 
Scully and me up. I don't know who's responsible, in fact we didn't 
even know about it until this morning when we received a letter 
from the Bureau."
	"They've closed down the X-Files?"
	Mulder shook his head. "No, they haven't. At first Scully 
and I thought they had, but they haven't. Instead they reassigned 
Scully and teamed you and me up officially. And it's not like I 
don't like working with you, I do like it, but ... it's just that ..."
	"That you and Dana belong here", Claire said calmly, not 
offended by this.
	He let his head drop in resignation. "I just don't understand 
..." He sighed. "Anyway, she gave me her necklace. That's what 
you saw me playing with when you came in."
	"Her necklace?" Claire got up from her chair and walked up 
to him. He showed her the tiny gold cross around his neck. "It's 
beautiful", she said, "why did she give it to you?"
	He sighed. "Whenever we are apart for some considerable 
length of time she gives it to me. It's some kind of way to link us 
together, to affirm the connection between her and me." He let it 
slip under his shirt again. "I'm always glad when I can give it back 
to her."
	"That means you're together again, doesn't it?" Claire said 
and Mulder nodded. "But why did they make us partners?" she 
continued. He shrugged.
	"I don't know", he said. "Well, I do have my ideas ... I 
think they realised that I'm not as dangerous to them when coupled 
with you than when Scully's my partner."
	"But, I know they shut down the X-Files before, didn't that 
sufficiently break the danger for them then? I mean, why go to this 
distance when it could be so much easier?"
	"When the X-Files were closed Scully and I were even 
stronger than before. We had always kept quiet in a way, but with 
the X-Files closed we no longer needed to be so cautious. After all, 
we had nothing to lose and everything to gain. But now, with the 
situation being as it is, we have nothing at all. I still have the X-
Files which is a means of power for them because they can still take 
those away from me, I still have a partner I care about and they can 
take you away from me as well. And at the same time I have lost 
Scully after all now ..."
	"Where did they transfer Dana to?"
	"Tucson Field Office in Tucson, Arizona", Mulder said 
grimly.
	"What?" Claire was shocked. "They transferred her to 
Arizona? But they can't!"
	"They can, they did, it's done", he said softly.
	"But that's so unfair! She's my friend, you two are in love! 
They know that! How can they make this decision knowing all 
this?"
	"They did it exactly because you two are friends and 
because Scully and I are in love. They know they can break us with 
this."
	"But the FBI doesn't have anything to gain by wanting to 
break their Agents!" Claire protested.
	Mulder looked up at her and couldn't help the sarcasm 
which dripped from his voice. "Welcome to the wonderful world of 
the X-Files, Agent O'Donnell. This department is all about getting 
broken and being hindered!"
	Claire sighed. "Have you talked to A.D. Skinner about 
this?"
	"Are you crazy?" Mulder said. "He's behind all this! God, I 
thought by now that the man was on our side, but I once again fell 
for it! I can't believe I've been so blind, so stupid! The man's 
nothing but deceit!"
	Claire was stupefied. "What do you mean?"
	Mulder laughed cynically. "What I mean is that for too long 
I've gone with this ..." He hit the poster behind him 'I want to 
believe' with his fist "... and forgot about what really counts in 
here:" He took a textmarker and wrote bluntly across his poster the 
words 'TRUST NO ONE'. Then he threw down the marker and 
stormed out of the office, leaving Claire behind amidst dead-
silence. She looked at the ruined poster and slowly pulled the 
thumb-tacks out to remove it. She sighed. It was going to be a long 
time before he'd accept this new situation ...

	"COME IN", SKINNER SAID, not looking up from his work. 
The door opened and Mulder walked in, his placid expression 
masking the turmoil inside him. He closed the door behind him and 
remained standing by the door.
	Skinner looked up. "Agent Mulder."
	"Can I have a word with you, sir?" Mulder asked.
	"Is it an urgency?" Skinner asked coldly and Mulder 
nodded.
	"Yes, it is, sir."
	Skinner put down his pen and folded his hands. "All right, 
what's the problem?"
	Mulder looked sharply at the man. "The problem is that you 
split Scully and me up again!"
	Skinner frowned. "What?"
	Mulder came closer. "What I mean is that you're sending 
Scully off to Arizona and keeping me here locked away in the 
basement! Why? And why the hell didn't you tell us face to face? 
Why the hell did you use a fucking letter to tell us?!!"
	"Agent Mulder, what are you talking about?" Skinner asked 
firmly, getting up and claiming his superiority.
	"You split Scully and me up!!" Mulder yelled, furious by 
the man's denial of his betrayal. "You fucking split us up!! And you 
can't! We're not going to obey, she's not going away!!!" He took 
the much-hated letter from his pocket and threw it down on the 
Assistant-Director's desk. He wanted to throw it in Skinner's face, 
but knew that such contempt would only worsen his case.
	Skinner took the letter and opened it. Then he began to read 
the contents, his face not betraying what he was thinking. After he 
had read it he placed it back on his desk.
	"This didn't come from me", he said calmly.
	Mulder's eyes nearly rolled out of their sockets. "What?"
	"This didn't come from me. I know nothing about Agent 
Scully's reassignment as mentioned here in this letter."
	Mulder closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, when 
he felt calmer again, he looked at his boss. "Would you have any 
idea who did order this, sir?"
	Skinner shook his head. "I don't know. I would have to 
dedicate some time to this inquiry."
	"Is there anything you can do to help, sir?"
	"I don't know that either, Agent Mulder. This has clearly 
been done by people above me and I have no idea about their 
possible power as I have no idea about their identity."
	Mulder sighed. "I understand, sir."
	Skinner took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his 
nose. "I'll see what I can do." Then he looked sharply at the 
younger Agent. "But don't expect too much of it, Agent Mulder. I 
doubt whether I can undo this. I doubt whether there is anything at 
all I can do!"
	Mulder looked at him. "I understand." Then he turned and 
walked out of the office. Now he didn't even know who was behind 
this. He was glad though that it didn't seem to be Skinner.
	He took his cell-phone and dialled Scully's number.
	"Scully, it's me", he said when he heard her on the other 
end. "Listen, I talked to Skinner. He claimed he wasn't behind all 
this after all, in fact, he claimed he never knew about your transfer 
in the first place."
	"No."
	"I don't know if he's lying, I want to trust him, but I'm not 
entirely sure. Anyway, he promised he'd try his hardest to get them 
to nullify your transfer."
	"I don't know what we'll do if he doesn't succeed, Scully. 
I'm afraid the only thing we can do is wait and keep our fingers 
firmly crossed ..."
	"Yes."
	He smiled. "I love you too, Dana, bye."
	He hit the off-button and put the phone back in his pocket. 
Then he headed back for the office.

	MULDER KNOCKED AND SCULLY opened the door almost 
instantly.
	"You look pale, Scully", he said, giving her a kiss. "Are 
you okay?"
	She sighed. "No", she answered and walked into her 
apartment. "I knew you were going to ask that and I debated 
whether or not to tell you I was fine, or stick to the truth ..."
	Her apartment sounded hollow, her furniture had mostly 
been removed and there were only a few boxes left scattered around 
the room. Two suitcases stood by the door, ready for departure.
	It was the saddest thing Mulder had ever seen in his life.
	"Did you pack all by yourself, Scully?" he asked, looking 
around the familiar place which was so empty now.
	She shook her head. "No, Mr and Mrs Van Bueren, my new 
neighbours, helped me pack. They had some boxes left from their 
own removal. Those came in handy ..."
	Mulder looked to the side and saw her couch hadn't been 
removed yet.
	"Aren't you taking your couch with you to Arizona, 
Scully?" he asked and she shook her head again.
	"No. It's an old one and needed replacing anyway. I'm not 
going to bother. I'm sure I'll be able to find a new one in Tucson", 
she answered, absent-mindedly brushing her hands over the walls 
and ridges that were so familiar to her and which had made this 
place her home for so long. "I'm gonna miss my home ...", she said 
softly, speaking to the world in general. The she looked at Mulder 
and she bit her bottom lip. "A lot ..."
	Mulder looked at her, a little unsure as to how he could 
offer her some comfort.
	"I've got coffee in the pot over there, Mulder", she said 
softly, not quite looking at him. "And I left two cups from the box. 
If you'd like a cup of coffee, feel free to get one."
	He walked over to the coffee-pot and got them both a cup. 
Then he gave one to Scully who nodded in appreciation, even 
managing a small smile. It was the first one he'd seen in days now. 
Then he sat down on the couch and she followed his example.
	"Are you ready to go then?" he asked.
	She shook her head. "No. I don't think I'll ever be until I'm 
already settled in Tucson Arizona." She hiccuped once, then let out 
a deep sigh. "I wonder what on earth I'm going to do there that will 
be even remotely interesting. They don't have anything to offer that 
would be a challenge to me, it's never going to hold the interest 
working with you on the X-Files does."
	Mulder softly rubbed her back. "You don't know that yet, 
Dana. Maybe they're teaming you up with a guy a thousand times 
better than me. Someone who's dependable and strong and stable 
and witty." His voice was completely devoid of any amusement, in 
fact, he sounded very very sad. "Maybe you'll finally meet the man 
you deserve to spend the rest of your life with ..."
	Hearing these words from him made her cry. With tears 
rolling over her face she shook her head. "Don't say such awful 
things, Mulder! I don't want such a man, I want you!"
	He turned to sit with his legs crossed, cradling his crying 
partner in his arms, curling his own body around her. They were 
sitting so close to each other that for a moment Mulder was 
absolutely sure she just couldn't be leaving the following day, not 
without taking parts of him with her as well. They were simply too 
strongly connected ... But then he knew he was thinking nonsense 
and sighed.
	"Do you have a place to live yet?" he asked. Scully shook 
her head.
	"Not a place of my own, no", she answered, not turning 
away from him a single inch. "I agreed I could stay with an old 
college friend until I'd found my own place. She works at the 
Tucson Field Office as well, she offered to help me settle in the new 
job and get to know the people and the town."
	"Do I know her?"
	"No, I don't think so. We were in the same class when we 
graduated. Her name is Elizabeth Mayson."
	Mulder nodded and they were silent. They both knew there 
wasn't much they could talk about. Scully moved a bit in his 
embrace and he loosened his grip. But when she appeared to have 
found a comfortable position, he embraced her even tighter than 
before.
	"Work's never going to be the same when you're gone", he 
whispered, kissing her in her hair. "I mean, of course I've still got 
Claire and I've still got the X-Files, but ..."
	"Why do they have to be so cruel to us?" Scully asked, 
looking up at him.
	Mulder shook his head. "I don't know. I really don't know 
..."
	"I only wanted to be loved", she whispered, her voice tight 
with tears. "I always learned to be tough, my father always told me 
to be tough and hard and sensible, because that was going to take 
me far in this world, but I just want to love and be loved ..."
	"You are loved, Scully", he whispered in her ear. "You are 
loved by so many people. Your mother loves you, your brothers 
love you, I know your father and your sister love you. I love you, 
too, I love you so much. No one will ever love you as much as I 
do", he said and kissed her cheek. Then he tilted her face up and 
looked her in the eyes. "No one at all." And they kissed.
	Something inside her screamed that this was a farewell kiss, 
that it was that kiss she had always hoped she'd never have to give 
him, but she was unable to break it. It felt so good ... It was the most 
passionate, lustful farewell kiss she had ever thought possible. She 
let her control slip purposely as they continued, the kiss wet and 
devouring. She knew that tonight she was going to rewrite her 
memory of him, because this night was going to have to last her for 
as long as she was in that God-forsaken Field Office in Tucson, 
Arizona, thousands of miles away from the man she loved so much.
	And when she reached out to brush the tears away from her 
lover's eyes she knew that tonight she wasn't going to be alone. No 
way.
	"Stay here tonight, Mulder", she whispered. "I need you 
one more night."

	THE TRIP TO THE airport had been spent in total silence, 
neither capable of saying a thing. They had been too lost in 
thoughts, trying for the life of them to figure out the why and how 
of this new unwanted situation and how they'd possibly be able to 
deal with it. One time Mulder had turned to Scully, only to see her 
sigh deeply and wipe a tear from her eyes. She was so pale that for 
a moment he had feared she was ill, but a look from her assured him 
that illness was in no way the reason for her paleness. He hadn't 
even attempted to ask her whether she was fine, instead he had 
reached out and taken her hand, hardly taking his eyes off the road 
in front of them.
	Checking in went unusually fast and also going past 
security proved easy and smooth. For one moment he had hoped 
she'd have forgotten her tickets, her passport, her badge, anything, 
just so that they'd have to go back and fetch it and she would 
consequently miss her flight and they'd have to wait until a seat in a 
next plane was available. And he'd have her with him just a little bit 
longer. But Dana Scully never forgot such things. Unfortunately.
	He knew he was thinking foolishly. After all, it wasn't like 
they were getting separated forever ... But why then did it feel so 
much as if they were? He knew it was irrational, but he just 
couldn't help feeling that way, just couldn't.
	"Would you like something, Scully?" he asked when they 
were seated in a cramped little airport restaurant.
	'Just you', she thought and shook her head. "No, thank you, 
Mulder." She was sitting on a bench against the wall with Mulder 
sitting opposite of her. He had his hands on the table and she 
covered them with hers, making him smile a bit, then taking her 
hands in his own.
	"You okay a little?" he asked and she nodded, yet feeling 
terribly close to crying.
	"Yes", she said. "I'm fine." She saw him get to his feet and 
move over to her side, then sitting down on the bench next to her.
	"No, you're not", he said quietly, wrapping his arm around 
her shoulder and making her lean against him. He kissed her on top 
of her head. "And neither am I."
	A waitress in a short black dress came by, but walked on 
when she saw she wasn't very likely to sell much to the couple.
	"Just fifteen more minutes", Scully whispered as she saw 
the time on a big airport clock. She felt his arms come around her a 
little tighter.
	Mulder nodded. "Perhaps we'd better go to the gate. You 
shouldn't miss your flight."
	'Yes, I should', Scully thought. 'I should stay here with you 
and never leave. I shouldn't be leaving you at all.' She sighed. 
"You're probably right ..."
	She picked up her coat while Mulder took her carry-on 
luggage. He had insisted on carrying it for her and she had let him, 
knowing this wasn't out of some old-fashioned idea that she be too 
weak or feminine to carry her bags herself, but simply because he 
needed to do this last thing for her.
	The distance they had to walk to the gate where her plane 
was to leave was short, taking them less than three minutes of 
walking. They didn't speak. There wasn't much they could talk 
about anyway without destroying whatever little control they still 
had on themselves. When they arrived at the gate they instinctively 
went to stand a little to the side, once again effortlessly finding each 
other's embrace.
	"You know, Mulder, Skinner's bound to find out you used 
your credentials to come to the gates with me. They're gonna find 
out you're not even supposed to be here", she said softly, rubbing 
her cheek against the knot of his tie. God, she was going to miss 
him! From his warm voice to his terrible mismatched ties. She was 
going to miss every bit of him like she'd miss an arm or a leg ...
	"Dana, I'd break every rule for you, you know that", he 
answered very earnestly. It made her look up and the intense gaze 
she saw there made her face crumple and she wept.
	"I'm gonna miss you, Mulder, I'm gonna miss you so 
much", she whispered, hiccups choking her voice.
	Mulder found that his own voice had gone lost on the 
unexpected force of his emotions and took a while before he 
managed to say anything. "You couldn't possibly miss me more 
than I'm already missing you, Scully", he said, holding her tightly 
to him.
	She sighed. "You know, Mulder, for some time now I've 
been having this little fantasy about you and me. We'd continue 
working on the X-Files like we always had and at a certain stage 
we'd get married and buy a little house with a little garden and, who 
knows, have children. Now I know that despite everything we've 
tried so far, that last thing may still never happen, but at least I 
thought we'd still have each other, right? But when we received that 
letter I suddenly realised that in all likelihood it would never 
become more than a fantasy. And it felt ... it was worse than the 
moment I heard I couldn't conceive. Because, however devastating 
that news was, I still had you then. And now ... now they're even 
taking you away from me ..." She looked up at him, his image 
blurred by the tears in her eyes. "... I'm not even allowed to keep 
you ..."
	Mulder couldn't answer, knowing far too well how well her 
feelings matched his own. He hid his face in her hair, inhaling her 
scent, kissing her there, kissing her hair, kissing her wet cheek, 
kissing her closed eyes, kissing her lips to the point where he 
thought he couldn't let them go, that she'd never ever be able to 
leave him so alone, not ending the kiss until the call for boarding 
sounded through the loudspeakers.
	"Mulder", he heard her whisper and he slowly raised his 
head to look at her.
	"You should go", he said with difficulty. He saw her sad 
expression.
	"Yeah ... I should ...", she whispered. Then she threw 
herself in his arms. "I can't!" she cried. "I don't want to go!"
	He rocked her slowly in his embrace. "We will make your 
dream happen, Scully", he promised. "Maybe not as soon as we 
would have liked, but we will, I promise. We'll have a house and a 
garden and I'll be your husband and our children will be there, 
playing in the backyard and we'll be so happy ... We're gonna get 
there, I know." He kissed her. "I just know we are." He gently 
loosened the embrace, noticing the coldness that came over him at 
that moment. "Help me make this time apart as short as possible 
...", he said and he saw her nod.
	The final boarding-call was issued and they walked to the 
entrance of the passenger bridge, the point where right now even 
FBI-credentials couldn't help them further.
	"Then I suppose this is the point where we say good-bye, 
isn't it, Mulder?" Scully said softly and he nodded.
	"Will you take care, Scully? Please, promise me you'll be 
careful, okay?"
	"I will, I do", she whispered. Then she looked up at him 
and with a desperate moan she flung her arms around his neck and 
kissed him hard. "I will marry you, Fox Mulder", she said. "I love 
you!" Then she released him and walked to the plane.
	He couldn't help the tiny smile that formed as he saw her 
walk away from him. 'Bye, Dana', he thought. 'I love you, too.' 
Then he sighed. He was alone. Again. And he had no idea for how 
long.

	MULDER WATCHED SCULLY WALK down the passenger 
bridge and he sighed, closing his eyes. He couldn't move, couldn't 
talk, couldn't do anything as he saw his life board a one-way flight 
to Tucson, Arizona. Then he hid his face in his hands and took a 
deep breath. He turned around slowly and, like an automaton, made 
his way through the crowd invading the corridors. He hardly 
noticed them at all.
	He saw a row of hard plastic chairs to one side of the 
hallway and slowly made his way towards them, letting himself fall 
down into one of them, a blue one.
	'The colour of her eyes', he thought and moaned. 'Stop it! 
Stop driving yourself insane!'
	God, he missed her. So much ...
	He saw the rain slowly fall and remembered the morning 
when they had received that dreadful message. 'You wanted me to 
be your angel', he thought, reaching under his shirt and holding the 
tiny cross. 'You asked me to be the oxygen in your lungs.' He 
shook his head. 'How can I be that when you're the air I need to 
breathe to stay alive?'
	He leaned his head in his hands and closed his eyes, trying 
for the life of him to find a way of how to survive the ordeal of 
being alone.
	For a brief moment he considered calling her mother and 
asking her to come over and let him cry on her shoulder, already 
missing Dana so much.
	For a brief moment he considered handing in his 
resignation and following her to Arizona.
	For the briefest moment he considered hijacking the plane 
she was on and forcing the pilot to return to Washington DC ... 
Jesus, Scully would hate him ... But that would be among the very 
last things he'd worry about for at least he'd have her back. In a 
way ...
	He let his hands drop back in his lap and with a deep sigh 
he closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair, not opening them 
again until he heard a young woman's voice next to him.
	"Excuse me, sir, but is this seat taken?"
	His eyes flew open and he found himself staring right into 
the very beautiful, very nervous eyes of Dana Scully. He could only 
gape.
	"Does silence give consent, Agent Mulder?" she asked and 
he made his mouth resemble less of a cave and more that of the 
mouth of a well-raised human being.
	"Scully?" Two whole syllables. He was definitely proud of 
himself.
	She grinned. "Yup, that must be me."
	"Scully, what happened? Did you miss your flight?"
	She shook her head. "Nope. I got on and then I got off 
again."
	"But ... but why? I mean, you have to be in Arizona 
tomorrow, you ...", he said, seeing but hardly understanding the 
guts she possessed to disobey orders so blatantly.
	"Mulder, you know why", she said, sitting down on the 
chair next to where he was sitting and leaning her head against him. 
"I got off that plane because I needed you. I cannot leave you like 
that, I knew that before and I realised it once again when I was on 
that blasted plane which was about to take me thousands of miles 
away from you. And I knew that either you had to come with me or 
I had to go back to you." She smiled at him. "It was an easy choice 
to make."
	He held her as she told him this. "We'll find a way to deal 
with those who wanted you gone, Scully. We'll show them they 
can't split Mulder and Scully up!"
	"Skinner never approved in the first place. That should be 
of some help", she said. "He should be able to help me out of the 
trouble of not appearing at the Tucson Field Office first thing 
tomorrow." She grinned up at him. "For some reason, I don't think 
I'm gonna be there, you see ..."
	"No, I don't think you are", Mulder smiled. And a damn 
good thing it was too, he added in his mind. He held her for a short 
time longer, enjoying the unexpected feeling of having her here 
with him. He would never have thought that Special Agent Dana 
'I'd never go against a single order in my life' Scully would just let 
a plane fly off with a note to her future superiors to get lost and find 
somebody else, 'cause she'd rather stay with him. "Where did you 
get the guts to go against your orders like this, Scully?"
	"I don't know, Mulder", she answered, getting up from the 
chair and taking her bag from the floor. Then she pried her fingers 
through his and they slowly walked to the exit. "I had placed my 
purse on the seat and was just about to stuff my coat and bag in the 
overhead locker when I realised that there was really no reason for 
me to go to Arizona rather than stay here with you in DC."
	"They're gonna put this in your personal file, Scully. 
They're not gonna like this", he said, but she shook her head.
	"Mulder, they don't like us anyway. We're specialised in 
being a pain in the ass and we know it. Still, you know what we just 
keep on doing? We keep trying to be good little Agents and fit in as 
nicely as we possibly can with the X-Files under our belts. Why 
don't we stop? Why don't we give our feelings a chance for a 
change? God knows we want to. God knows we deserve it by now, 
don't we? I want to tell the Board to fuck off and die if they keep 
splitting us up. They can't! I'm not gonna let them!"
	She was standing before him as if she had to defend her 
reasons even to him. He grinned.
	"That's my girl", he said, taking her in his arms and kissing 
her briefly, then just holding her. "We should've come to that 
conclusion a lot earlier. It would have spared us so much 
frustration."
	"We're a pair of cowards", Scully grinned. That's what we 
are. We're too bloody scared to admit it even to ourselves."
	"We were", Mulder corrected her with a smile. "We were 
too bloody scared. We're not anymore." He raised his eyebrows and 
smiled. "Are we?"
	"No", she answered, shaking her head and leaning against 
him. "No, we're not."

*~*~*

	SCULLY WOKE WITH SOMETHING warm and heavy pressing 
into her back and for one sleepy moment she wondered just what it 
was. And then she remembered.
	Mulder.
	Mulder was in bed with her. She wasn't alone, she wasn't 
in Arizona, she was at Mulder's and he was here with her.
	She felt his arms tightly around her chest, his hands -- not 
surprisingly -- on her breasts and his long legs tangling in her much 
shorter ones. The hairs on his legs tickled just the slightest bit as he 
stirred and she smiled, her eyes slipping shut amidst thoughts of 
very forbidden nature.
	Careful not to wake him she turned in his embrace, noting 
again how he always gave her enough room to manoeuvre, even in 
sleep. And, facing him fully, she had every opportunity she needed 
for some really long, hungry looks at his face and body.
	'Beautiful', she thought. 'He's beautiful. He's gorgeous. 
He's mine. Mine, mine, mine ..." and she smiled, feeling deliciously 
selfish and possessive towards him. She carefully brushed a lock of 
hair from his brow and he sighed at her gentle touch, gripping her a 
little tighter ...
	"Dana ...", he sighed and his lips curved just the slightest 
bit.
	"Yeah, I'm here", she whispered, kissing the recently 
upturned corners of his mouth. "I'm right here with you." Then she 
kissed his closed eyes and his cheek, the light stubble tickling her 
lips and sending small shivers down her spine, pooling down deep 
in her centre. It made her look back at him and her mind stirred into 
action for real.
	She wanted him.
	Especially after last night.
	She was needy.
	Hungry.
	Dangerous.
	Her thoughts were most definitely dangerous in nature.
	She smiled lazily as she felt the soft thrumming in her core, 
soft and pleasant and anticipatory. Especially because the man who 
stirred up all these thoughts in her still slept like a baby.
	She started to shower his body with kisses, letting her hands 
glide over his skin and smiled a very pleased smile when she saw 
the physical reaction her actions had on him.
	Okay, so maybe not a baby ...
	"Mulder", she whispered, her voice holding a wanton sing-
song tone she had seldom heard from herself. She looked at him, 
feeling the shivers that ran through him. Her hands continued to 
softly skim his skin, touching him everywhere. She felt his skin 
tremble, his muscles tense and relax under her hands. She smiled, 
her voice warm and dark as velvet. "Oh Mulder ..."
	She felt evil.
	Wicked.
	Almighty.
	She felt like she had the power of all womankind in her 
fingertips and this beautiful man next to her, trying so stubbornly to 
stay asleep, was her target. And she'd be damned if she wasn't 
going to hit pay-dirt within the next fifteen minutes.
	Grateful for the generous mid-summer morning warmth she 
carefully pulled the covers away from their bodies, wanting to see 
him and herself without anything obstructing her view. She turned 
away from him slightly in order to get the bedsheets to the bottom 
of the bed and she heard a displeased groan coming from the mouth 
of her lover. But she paid no attention to it for a second.
	Then she felt a strong arm around her waist, pulling her 
back down to the bed. And she stared into the very awake eyes of 
Fox Mulder.
	"Here", he growled. The deep sound of his voice and the 
possessive gleam in his eyes sent sparks along her nerves and she 
felt a familiar wetness invading her. She knew that the look he gave 
her at this moment had nothing to do with sleep and everything with 
unbridled passion. This man wanted her and she knew perfectly 
well that Fox Mulder always got what he wanted -- one way or 
another ...
	'Fifteen minutes my ass ... make that fifteen seconds ...'
	She allowed a searing look to invade her eyes as her lips 
smiled innocently and the sharp contrast had the desired effect on 
him for he roughly pulled her to him and the next thought that 
entered her passion-muddled brain was that he sure knew how to 
kiss ...
	She wrapped her limbs around him, keeping their lips 
sealed together and slowly they reached the point of merging, a hot 
feeling of love in its purest form that brought them both to the most 
satisfying high they had ever experienced in their lives.
	Afterwards they lay in each other's arms, slowly coming 
down amidst a feeling of utter languor in that special place where 
place where only physical feeling was allowed. Their breathing 
slowly returned to normal and Scully sighed, smiling widely. Then 
she heard Mulder chuckle and she looked at him.
	"What?" she whispered.
	He smiled and touched her face. "I was just thinking ... just 
think of all the time we wasted over the past five years ..."
	She nodded. "Yeah ...", she said, her voice just a little 
regretful. Then she looked back at him. "Among those files ... I 
guess we never encountered people who could make us go back in 
time, did we?"
	He chuckled at her suggestion. "No, I don't think we ever 
met someone like that, Scully."
	"Damn", she muttered. "I'd really love to go back to some 
time earlier in our partnership."
	"Really?" he asked, cradling her head under his chin. "Just 
about when in our partnership then?"
	"Oh, somewhere right at the beginning", she said, her voice 
a bit sleepy. Then she looked up at him and smiled. "You remember 
that scene in the car? The case with Eugene Victor Tooms and the 
ice tea when we were staking out Tooms' house, Mulder?"
	God, did he ever! And he had just blurted out those words 
about love like some in-experienced teenager. Luckily she had 
thought his words to be a mere joke, not understanding that in fact 
they hadn't been a joke at all.
	"Yes", he said hoarsely. "In fact I do."
	"Bet you wished I had brought ice tea, huh, Mulder?" she 
asked with a wicked smile and he nodded.
	"Too bad you brought root beer, Scully. I don't even really 
like root beer", he whispered, pulling her on top of him and 
bringing her face closer to him. "Why didn't you bring ice tea, 
Dana?"
	She brushed her lips briefly over his as a prelude of what 
she had in mind, then smiled. "Who says I didn't?"
	"Wha-- ...", he began, but she cut every possible word short 
with her lips. She knew what he had been about to say.
	She felt evil.
	Wicked.
	She felt like she had the power of all womankind in her 
fingertips ...
	She smiled, then kissed him again.
	God, she loved being a woman ...

	MULDER HADN'T FAILED TO notice how she had been 
teasing him. He rather liked it.
	"You like being bossy, don't you, Dana?" he asked and she 
smiled, rolling onto her back. She was lying next to him on her 
back, her arms stretched out in a disarming display of trust. He 
softly ran his one hand over her breasts and belly as he used his 
other hand to support his head. She nodded.
	"Once in a while", she answered. "And with a man who 
knows how to appreciate it."
	He smiled, coming down to steal a kiss. "So, you knew I'd 
enjoy it then?"
	"Oh Mulder, of course I knew", she smiled. "I've known 
you long enough for that."
	He grinned. "Yes, you have." Then he made her come in his 
arms. "Come here, beautiful", he whispered.
	With her head tucked under his chin, she let herself relax 
and she smiled. Then she remembered something. "Mulder, what 
would we have done if I hadn't gotten off that plane?"
	Mulder groaned. "God, Scully, not now!"
	"I'd be in Arizona now", she continued softly, letting her 
fingers trail over his chest. "God, I'd be feeling miserable ..." She 
looked up. "... I'd be missing so much ..."
	He nodded, but didn't answer her, his mind being too busy 
with its own thoughts of how her departure had been about to 
shatter his life. Then the silence in the room was broken by the 
phone ringing. Mulder reached out and, still holding Scully in his 
arms, he grabbed it.
	"Mulder."
	"Yes, sir."
	He saw Scully look at him and he mouthed 'Skinner'. She 
nodded.
	"Yes, we were well in time for her flight, sir."
	He sighed. "Well, saying good-bye is never easy ..."
	Then he frowned. "What?"
	"Excuse me, sir, but you managed to do what for her?"
	"Quantico?"
	Scully frowned and Mulder whispered: "They changed your 
reassignment into Quantico!" Then he turned his attention back to 
the person on the other end of the line. "Yes, I think I'd be able to 
get in touch with her, yes."
	He smiled. "No, sir, it won't be any difficulty for me at all. 
In fact I think I should indeed be the one to tell her ..."
	He chuckled. "Ah sir, I should've known we could never 
hide such a thing from you. I suppose they didn't make you an 
Assistant Director for nothing, did they?"
	"No, she didn't leave. She got on the plane all right, but 
then she got off again before the plane left."
	His smile faded and he grew serious again. "I promise we'll 
never do a thing like that again, sir. You've got my word of 
honour." He couldn't suppress the urge to give Scully a wink.
	"Yes, sir, we'll be in your office first thing tomorrow 
morning."
	He put the receiver back and sighed with a delightful smile. 
"I knew we could trust our hunches, Scully!" he said and pulled her 
up so that her face was level with his own. "Skinner was on our side 
after all. And you're going to Quantico instead of Arizona!!"
	Scully bent down and kissed him softly. "Just imagine the 
mistake I'd have made if I hadn't decided to come back", she said. 
"I'd be in Arizona and totally for nothing!"
	"You'd have a problem, because they'd expect you at 
Quantico as well", Mulder said and chuckled. "Just imagine all 
those poor male students who expected to have the gorgeous Dr 
Scully teach them criminal pathology and you'd be stuck in that 
furnace called Arizona. You'd have let them down big time, 
Scully!"
	"Well, luckily those students won't have anything to worry 
about now", she smiled. "And neither have we ourselves."
	"No, we haven't", he said. Then he frowned, seemingly 
remembering something. "Scully, I'm afraid we do have a problem 
... well, you have actually ..."
	"What's that then?"
	"Well", he said, "you may have gotten off that plane okay, 
but your suitcases sure as hell haven't! They're in Tucson now, as is 
the complete furniture of your apartment. Now, that last thing isn't 
that bad as you can stay here, but ..."
	Scully gaped at him, realising the truth of his words. Then 
she closed her mouth and smiled. "We'll track those down. That 
shouldn't be too difficult."
	He chuckled. "Yeah! We're Federal Agents, let's show the 
American people their tax-dollars don't go to waste entirely!"
	Scully huffed. "Quite, by spending it on tracking down a 
couple of suitcases we would certainly get their sympathy! I think 
we'd better not bring that out in the open, Mulder ..." Then she 
sighed. "But what are we doing here talking about boring stuff like 
that? We're wasting good time which we could also use for making 
love ..."
	He smiled up at her and nodded slowly. "Yeah ..." Then he 
brought her head down to his and started kissing her, knowing it 
was gonna be a long time before-- ...
	The phone rang. Again ...
	Scully groaned, letting her head drop. "I hate that phone", 
she mumbled. "Hate it!"
	With a sigh and a mischievous look Mulder took the 
phoneline. "Want me to pull?"
	Scully shook her head. "No, that's mom. Let's see what 
she's got to tell us."
	Mulder frowned in amazement. "That's your mother? How 
d'you know?"
	"I know. I can tell by the way the phone rings." When she 
saw he didn't understand she bent closer to him. "Let's call it a 
woman's intuition ..." and took the receiver.
	"Hi mom!"
	She laughed. "Yes, I'm at Mulder's!"
	"No, not in Arizona."
	"What did I do?" She looked at Mulder and kissed him 
softly. "I couldn't leave. I just couldn't say good-bye to him", she 
said softly, stroking his hair and running her fingertips over his 
face. Then she smiled.
	"Oh, mom, I know you would understand."
	"How? Because I know you love him too, that's how."
	"What?"
	"Well, we just got a call from Assistant Director Skinner 
and apparently he managed to change my reassignment into going 
back to Quantico." She chuckled. "I'm back to being a teacher."
	"No, Claire is Mulder's partner now."
	"Oh, mom, I'm already to happy that I can stay here with 
Mulder, I can live with not being his partner for now."
	She saw Mulder look at her. "Scully ...", he whispered, the 
tone in his voice betraying that he wished to have her for himself. 
She smiled and nodded at him.
	"Gotta go now, mom, someone's starting to feel left out. 
He's getting impatient."
	She giggled. "We're in bed, mom." Then she laughed. "No, 
we're not wearing any underwear!" She saw Mulder peek under the 
covers and shake his head.
	"Definitely not", he whispered and grinned. 
	She could barely suppress the urge to burst out giggling. 
"What?"
	"Oh, I don't know when I'm expected to start teaching. I 
suppose Skinner will tell us tomorrow and besides the doctors 
insisted I should take it easy for at least another three weeks, so it 
won't be very soon that I'm supposed to start full-time ..."
	Mulder saw her shake her head. "I don't know why they 
sent me to Arizona so soon, mom, all I know is that they did. Guess 
they had their reasons, reasons I do not understand and frankly 
don't want to understand either ...", she said softly. Then her face lit 
up. "Oh, mom, I'd love that! I'm sure Mulder would as well! Hold 
on a sec, mom, I'll ask him right away."
	She turned to him. "Mom invites us both over for the next 
three weeks! Would you like to come?"
	Mulder frowned. "I'd love to go with you, I'm just not sure 
it's possible for me. I mean, one week would be hard already, we've 
really got a lot of work to do, Claire and me ..."
	"I understand, Mulder", she said. "Mom, Mulder isn't sure 
yet. He would love to come, but he'll call you himself to let you 
know, okay?"
	"Yeah, bye."
	"Bye, mom!" she laughed. Then she put down the receiver.
	"Wow, what a call. That must be a woman's secret ...", 
Mulder smiled. Then he reached out for her. "Come here", he 
whispered. "There's some unfinished business we have to attend 
to."
	Scully smiled, wrapping her arms warmly around him. 
"What are we going to do if that phone rings again, Mulder?"
	He humphed. "That phone isn't going to ring again, 
sweetheart. Everyone we know just called."
	She raised her eyebrows. "What about our pals at the anti-
conspiracy club? The gunmen? They've called you away before ... 
who says they won't time it just as excellently this time?"
	He sighed and smiled. "Of course." Then he took the phone 
line and pulled it out of the wall socket. Then he turned his attention 
back to Scully. "So, that should take care of it."
	She smiled. "Yeah ..." Then she touched her lips to his. 
"And now I think I've waited long enough ..."

*~*~*

	"COME ON, GUYS, DON'T mess everything up already, will 
you?" Mulder sighed and cursed the minute he had asked the Lone 
Gunmen to help him. He looked up. "Byers, where the hell has 
Frohike gone?"
	Byers looked up from the list he was checking and looked 
around the room. "No idea. Actually, I hadn't missed him yet."
	Mulder heard Langly chuckle. "Typical, huh, Mulder?" He 
tossed him a can of beer which Mulder only barely managed to 
catch. "Here, catch!"
	"Jesus, Langly", Mulder muttered, placing the can on a 
crate and deciding to leave to there to calm down a bit for the next 
half hour. "If I hadn't caught that we'd have had beer all over the 
place!"
	"And?" Langly answered, taking a bite from his hamburger. 
"I've got beer all over my place, I don't see the problem."
	Mulder rolled his eyes. "Of course you don't, ass-hole, but 
this ain't your place, this is Scully's! And I want this apartment to 
be refurbished and clean before she gets home from her stay with 
her mother, okay? And that means no beer on the carpet. Or 
ketchup on the walls-stop-wiping-your-fingers-on-that-chair!"
	Langly shrugged, wiped the excess ketchup off on his jeans 
and opened another box.
	"Mulder", Byers said, "I think we've got everything now. 
We just need to unpack all those crates and boxes and redo the 
apartment."
	"Yay, that'll be fun ...", Mulder sighed, once again 
understanding why Scully had always insisted these guys be kept 
out of her apartment at all times and all costs, no matter what the 
emergency. "I might as well have hired a pig to do the restyling ..."
	At that moment Frohike walked in.
	"Speak of the devil", Mulder deadpanned and Langly 
grinned.
	"Hey, Frohike, you're a pig!" he grinned and the man 
huffed.
	"Thanks, dude, same to you", he countered.
	"Hey, Frohike, where on earth have you been?" Mulder 
asked, unwrapping a box filled with crockery.
	"Mailman came. I went over the mail", Frohike answered, 
handing the mail to Mulder. "It's safe."
	"Of course it is", Mulder sighed. "What the hell could be 
wrong with a couple of bills, a postcard and a letter from ..." He 
looked at the return address. "... whoever this may be?"
	"Probably nothing, but one can never be too sure", Frohike 
answered totally serious and Mulder gave up, putting the letter in 
his coat pocket to give it to Scully first time he'd see her. 	"Sure. 
Whatever you say ..."
	"Mulder, what the hell are these for?" Langly said with a 
confused look at a box full of kitchen appliances.
	"Dunno, guess they're for cooking", Mulder answered, not 
even attempting to look carefully. "Ask Scully, she should be able 
to tell you."
	"D-uh, she bought them!"
	"Well, there you go ..."
	"Good thing I can't cook", Langly said, picking one of the 
spoons from the box. "I've got no idea how to use this ..."
	"Mulder?" Frohike stuck his head around the corner. 
"Where do you want us to put the bed?"
	"Try the bedroom", Mulder answered dryly, carefully 
placing the delicate glass-ware in the designated cupboard.
	"Geez, Mulder, if you don't want us here after all, just say 
so. We'll be gone", Byers sighed.
	This made Mulder look up. He apologised with a look. "I'm 
sorry, guys." He got up and followed Byers and Frohike to Scully's 
bedroom, seeing the parts of the bed with the mattress, pillows and 
covers against the wall. "Well", he said, "she used to have the 
headboard against that wall, so perhaps we'd better put the bed back 
in its original place. I don't think she'd feel much at home if we'd 
start improvising ..."
	Byers looked at Mulder. "That's what you're trying to 
achieve, isn't it, Mulder? Make her feel at home again?"
	Mulder nodded. "Yes, I want to give her back her own 
home. I don't understand how or why, but despite all those horrible 
things that happened here, like her abduction and her sister's death, 
she's really attached to the place. I want to give that back to her."
	"Well, in that case, let's get on with it!" Frohike said, 
grabbing the mattress. "How about you guys fix the bed and I take 
care of the covering!"
	"You're perverted, Frohike", Mulder huffed, knowing all 
about the man's crush on Scully.
"I bet you cut a corner from every sheet and blanket she's got and 
keeping it as trophies to feed your filthy fantasies!"
	Frohike pulled an insulted face. "I would never ever do 
that! Just because I think she's hot doesn't mean I cut her sheets to 
pieces!" Then he grinned. "I bet you never guess what I use for 
bedlinen!"
	Mulder looked at him in amazement. "Don't tell me you've 
nicked one of her sheets ..." He saw the man look down and he 
groaned, shutting his eyes. "Christ, Frohike!!"
	"Sorry ... But it even smelled like her ...", Frohike muttered.
	Mulder threw his hands in the air in defeat. "Okay, that's it, 
I give up. If Scully wants to fight over this, she can just go ahead, 
but I'm giving up. Right here, right now!" He grabbed the 
headboard. "Now, let's go and fix this place as quickly as we can 
and I don't want to hear another word, okay?"
	At that moment Langly came into the bedroom. "Mulder, 
didn't she have this couch as well?"
	Mulder looked at him and remembered. "Damn, the couch 
is gone. She didn't take it with her to Arizona, that's right. And I 
have no idea just where she took it to ..."
	The three Gunmen looked at each other and then at Mulder. 
"Well", Byers said carefully. "I think that in that case there's only 
one solution ..."
	'Uh-oh', Mulder thought. "And what would that be?"
	"We'll have to go into town and buy her a new couch", 
Byers answered and Mulder let himself fall down on the bed.
	'God, no!', he thought, knowing that he could survive 
anything, but not having to go couch-shopping with the three 
stooges ... He sighed into the mattress. 'You owe me, Scully', he 
thought, shaking his head. 'You owe me big time!'

One week later

	"HI, FOX", CLAIRE SAID with a smile, seeing him enter their 
office.
	"Morning, Claire", he replied, smiling brightly back at her. 
He crossed the office and sat down behind his desk. He saw her 
writing and his curiosity got the better of him. "What's that?"
	"Additional note to the case file I handed in last week, Fox. 
Skinner requested it", she answered.
	"Oh."
	He leaned back in his chair, put his feet on top of his desk 
and indulged himself in a good stretch. "Guess there's nothing 
really exciting going on, is there?"
	Claire shook her head. "Nope, it's vacation time for 
everyone, even for the bad guys."
	Mulder laughed at her remark. "Yeah ..."
	"Which reminds me ...", Claire said, getting up from her 
chair and walking over to where he was sitting. "... you've been 
away as well!" She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "How 
was it?"
	Mulder smiled widely. "Fantastic. Absolutely unbelievable. 
It's been the best week of my life!" He chuckled. "I really didn't 
want to go back to DC, you know."
	"What did you do?" she smiled.
	"I don't know, we didn't do much actually. Scully's mother 
lives in a really nice place with a lot of nature and of course close to 
the sea. A sea-faring family like the Scullys could never be far from 
the sea. It was fantastic to be on the beach and just sit there 
watching the sea with Scully or her mother. Scully and I spent most 
of the days walking and talking about all kinds of things. Nothing 
terribly exciting, but I couldn't have had a better week to relax than 
this one. I had a wonderful time ..."
	They were silent for a little while and Claire let go of him, 
walking back to her own desk. She saw him sigh and she smiled. 
	"Miss her, Fox?"
	He looked up and at her and grinned. "Horribly", he said, 
rolling his eyes. "It feels like she's on the other end of the world 
and I've lost all contact. I couldn't be missing her more if she'd 
been in Arizona ..."
	Claire laughed. "You can't be serious, Fox. You two are on 
the phone for hours every day! You know, one day the Bureau is 
gonna find out about the phone bills and you two are going to get in 
trouble!"
	"No way", he answered, grinning widely. "They'd never 
find out. And then, what would they want to tell me? I can always 
claim these calls were for business purposes only." He sighed. "It's 
really not enough just to hear her on the phone, you know ..."
	Claire shrugged. "Then call her and tell her to come back if 
you miss her so much!"
	Mulder shook his head. "I can't do that! The doctors 
insisted she should take these three weeks off to get back to every-
day life after so much time in the hospital. I can't ask her to come 
back already. Besides, she deserves being pampered by her mother 
for a little while. God knows, the first step she sets in DC and she'll 
be back to business. She's a workaholic, there's no stopping her 
from working." He shook his head again. "I really can't do that to 
her."
	Claire nodded. "That's true", she agreed. Then she grinned. 
"But you're just too eager to do it, aren't you, Fox?"
	Mulder smiled. "Absolutely!" Then he sighed. "But I'd 
better get some work done. It's not fair to let you do all the work 
while I just sit here ..." He took the folder that was sitting on his 
desk. Silence returned to the cramped basement office and the hours 
ticked away.

	THE RINGING OF THE phone on Claire's desk startled the two 
Agents.
	"Fox Mulder's office", Claire answered it. Then she smiled.
	"Hi, Dana, how are you?"
	"Yes, he's here all right", she said, giving Mulder a wink. 
"Want me to ..."
	"Okay."
	"No, you're not interrupting anything."
	"No, of course not."
	By that time Mulder was practically burning up with 
curiosity and the longing to speak to Scully again. Claire saw it and 
with a little movement of her head she beckoned him to come over 
to the phone.
	"All right, Dana, here's your true-love!"
	She handed him the phone and mouthed: 'Ask her!'
	Mulder nodded before directing his full attention to the 
person on the other end of the line. "Hi, Scully", he said, his voice 
warm and gentle.
	"Hi, Mulder", Scully answered and he could hear the smile 
in her voice. It made him smile even more.
	"How are you doing?" he asked.
	"I'm fine. Having a wonderful time here -- though it would 
be even better if you were here of course ...", she answered.
	"Wish I were there as well, baby", Mulder whispered. 
"What are you doing at the moment?"
	"I'm sitting on the couch in the living room, watching 
television. But there's really nothing on so I thought I call you and 
spend the time with someone of interest. You know what the topic 
of this Jerry Springer Show is, Mulder?"
	He shrugged, even though she couldn't see him. "Beats me. 
'I was caught in a love triangle'?", he suggested a wild guess.
	He heard her laugh on the other side. "Almost! Actually it's 
'I'm stuck in a love hexagon'!"
	Mulder almost fell off his chair laughing. "A 'love 
hexagon'? How could they possibly survive?"
	"Don't know. Guess they couldn't or they wouldn't be on 
Jerry Springer", Scully grinned. "It's really too ridiculous for words 
..."
	"You could say that again, yeah ...", Mulder commented 
dryly. Then he smiled. "So what else did you do today?"
	"Well, I took the neighbours' dogs for a walk along the 
beach and this afternoon mom's going to take me for a swim." She 
laughed a bit. "Hope you'll still like me when I come back, Mulder, 
I'm so active I eat like a horse every day! I'm bound to have gained 
a few pounds ..."
	He smiled. "I don't think I'd mind very much. So, what are 
your plans for next week?"
	It was silent on the other end for a moment. Then he heard 
her continue. "I don't know yet, I haven't got anything planned. Got 
any suggestions?"
	"Come back to me", he supplied and smiled when he heard 
her laugh. It was the most glorious sound in the world to him.
	"Mom would never let me go, Mulder", she said with just a 
trace amount of regret. "She's determined to keep me here because 
the doctors insisted I should be pampered for a week or three."
	Mulder nodded involuntarily. She was right. "We've never 
been apart for such a long time, Scully", he said seriously.
	"No, we haven't."
	"It's not right."
	"No, it isn't."
	Silence.
	Then he smiled. "Miss me?"
	He heard Scully's sigh and chuckle. "Yeah ..."
	"Come back then."
	"Mulder, I already told you, mom is not going to let me go 
back", she protested, but he could hear the desire to come back in 
her voice. "The doctors-- ..."
	"I know what the doctors said, Scully, just tell her that your 
personal psychologist doesn't agree. That he thinks it's quite all 
right for you to come back provided you do not work and take it 
easy for another week or so."
	"My personal psychologist?" Scully teased. "You are my 
personal psychologist, handsome? God, I'm a lucky patient!"
	Mulder felt a blush creep up. "Just tell her ..."
	"Okay. Hang on, will you?"
	"Sure", he said and heard her walk away from the phone. 
	A few minutes later she picked the phone up again.
	"Fox?"
	"Yeah?"
	"Mom doesn't believe you're my personal psychologist."
	"She doesn't?"
	"Nope. She says you're not charging me enough."
	Mulder couldn't help smiling, even though he felt a pang of 
guilt. He wasn't charging her enough? He couldn't believe that, he 
was responsible for each and every attack on her life. For 
Goodness' sake, she had more than once almost been killed because 
of him. He'd say he was charging her way too much ...
	"Mulder?" Scully said and he swallowed.
	"Yeah?"
	"You seemed to leave me there for a moment, Fox. Where 
did you go?"
	Mulder shook his head. 'To the Land of Guilt', he thought. 
'I'm native to that country ...' He sighed. "Nowhere. Just come 
back to me, okay? I'm missing you too much ..."
	It was silent for a brief while.
	"I miss you too, babe", Scully whispered.
	Mulder looked sideways at Claire who had been watching 
him the whole time. She gave him an encouraging nod.
	"Can ... can I come to the airport to pick you up?" he asked 
softly.
	He knew she nodded. "I'll give you a call what time I'll be 
in DC, okay?"
	"That's all right, sweetheart. Just make sure you're on the 
first flight available. I really can't wait to see you again."
	"I know", she answered. "Well, I'd better go then and call 
the airport to see whether there's a flight I can get on."
	"You do just that", Mulder smiled. "I love you, Dana."
	"Love you, too, Fox. I'll give you a call as soon as 
possible."
	"Bye then", he said.
	"Bye", Scully replied and he heard the dry click of a phone 
being hung up. He placed the receiver back on the phone and slowly 
turned back to Claire who was watching him.
	"She's coming, isn't she, Fox?" she asked.
	Mulder nodded and he felt a smile spread on his face. 
"Yes!" Then he moved towards Claire and with one move he swept 
her off her feet and kissed her soundly on the cheek. Claire yelped, 
but couldn't help laughing.
	"She's coming back, Claire!" Mulder exulted. "Scully's 
coming back to me!"
	"Fox, put me down!" Claire laughed and tried to push his 
arms away. He put her down on her feet and she smiled at him. 
"Save that for someone who can't wait to see you again ...", she 
smiled widely.
	"What? You didn't like it?" Mulder feigned indignation.
	Claire rolled her eyes in response. "Fox, baby, any sane 
woman on this planet would love to be in the arms of a gorgeous 
guy like you, but sadly you're already taken. Besides ..." She gave 
him a wink "... I've got a tall, hazel-eyed man of my own to drive 
me crazy ..."
	Mulder laughed. Her boyfriend. "That's right", he said, 
sitting down in his chair and leaning back. "Okay, what do we do 
now? I really don't feel like working anymore ..."
	"Mmm, I think this would call for a celebration all right", 
Claire said. "So, if you clear up the mess on your desk a little, I'll 
pop down to the deli across the street for something to celebrate in 
style. It's on me."

	"FOX, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, calm down!" Claire sighed.
	Mulder paused and looked at her with a guilty look. He'd 
been pacing up and down the office for what seemed ages now and 
didn't seem very inclined to stop any time soon. And it was starting 
to drive Claire absolutely insane. 
	"I can't", he said weakly. "What if her plane's delayed or if 
she can't get to the airport in time or ..."
	"Please, Fox, everything's bound to be just fine. If she'd 
have had any problems at all I'm sure she would have called. And 
you're keeping my mind off my work!"
	"Sorry, Claire", Mulder apologised, but started pacing again 
and with a sigh Claire got up from her chair and without another 
word pushed a random file in his hands.
	"Go and investigate this, Agent Mulder!" she said, walking 
out of the office.
	Mulder frowned. "But ... I already ..."
	Claire stopped in the doorway and turned around, rolling 
her eyes. Mulder grinned. Okay, so he was a little nervous ...

	"FOX", CLAIRE STARTED WHEN they were on their way to 
the airport. "I hope you don't mind if I go back with John. We 
agreed to meet at the airport and ... I thought ..."
	Mulder shook his head. A feeling of ashamed relief washed 
over him at her words. He had been cherishing hopes for a weekend 
with nobody but him and Scully and he intended on starting it as 
soon as she'd be in DC, but he hadn't had the heart to actually send 
his partner away.
	"No, no, that's fine. No problem at all", he said, trying to 
sound as sincere and casual as he possibly could. But Claire sensed 
his true feelings and grinned.
	"Wouldn't want to interfere with your plans, Fox", she said, 
making Mulder look down for a moment in embarrassment.
	"Guess that didn't come out very well, did it?" he asked, 
looking at her quickly before directing his look back to the cars in 
front of theirs. Claire smiled.
	"Never mind, I know what's keeping your mind occupied at 
the moment. Or rather, who's keeping your mind occupied ..." Then 
she placed her hand lightly on his arm. "So, tell me, what wild plans 
do you have for the weekend?"
	"Well", Mulder said, taking a deep breath and he smiled. "I 
haven't actually got much planned for the weekend, just for 
tonight."
	"Tell me."
	"Well, I'm taking Scully out for dinner to start with ..."
	"Ooo, which restaurant?" Claire asked.
	"I made reservations at La Colline", he answered, looking 
at her for a reaction.
	"You mean that fancy French place which opened two 
weeks ago?" she asked and nodded appreciatively when he nodded. 
"You're making this into a grand night out, babe", Claire 
complimented him. "And afterwards?"
	Mulder heard the twinkle in her voice and he decided to 
throw all false pretences to the wind. "Actually, I haven't thought of 
anything", he said and smiled. "I was thinking about just going to 
my place or hers after dinner and have mind-blowing sex for the 
rest of the night!"
	"Fox!"
	"Well, you asked me for my plan and that's my plan ...", he 
said with an innocent shrug and Claire laughed.
	"Sounds like a good idea. I think I should suggest the same 
kind of after-dinner party to John!"

	WITH A SMILE SCULLY leaned back in her seat. She had just 
boarded the plane and as far as she could see there was nothing that 
was likely to cause a delay. Well, it would certainly not be her, she 
thought, this was one plane she wasn't going to hop off ...
	"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen", a tinned voice came 
through the intercom. "Welcome aboard this flight to Washington 
DC's National Airport, I am your captain-- ..."
	Scully had zoomed out. She knew the chatter ...
	The plane slowly rolled towards the runway and then she 
felt the actual take-off. Her hands involuntarily gripped the armrests 
like vicious pliers as the plane accelerated and got off the ground. 
For as long as Dana Scully'd have to use planes to get from one 
way to another she'd hate the take-offs ... But soon the plane 
reached cruising altitude and she relaxed.
	She smiled.
	One whole hour for dreaming of Fox Mulder was awaiting 
her ... and then she'd finally get to see him in the flesh again. What 
a wonderful way to spend the trip. She dozed off, her lips curved 
just the slightest bit in a dreamy, anticipatory smile.

	IT WAS DEFINITELY FAR too soon when she felt a gentle tap 
on her shoulder.
	"Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am, but we've arrived in 
Washington DC and we're about to land."
	Scully opened her eyes slowly to see an air-hostess smile at 
her. "We're about to land. Are you okay, ma'am?"
	"Yes, yes, I am, thank you very much", she answered and 
saw the air-hostess walk away. Then it hit her: she was in DC! 
Mulder was here!
	She was home!
	'Home is where the heart is', she thought and with a smile 
she acknowledged that fact. No matter how wonderful it had been 
to spend some time with her mother and no matter how much she 
loved her, but it just couldn't match up with being with Mulder.
	After a nearly bump-free landing the plane rolled towards 
the gates and came to a stand-still. Scully unbuckled the safety belt 
and got up from her seat, taking her coat and carry-on luggage from 
the overhead lockers. Carry-on luggage was all she had taken with 
her as she had most of her clothes at Mulder's place anyway, and 
right now she was praising the gods for this stroke of genius 
because she couldn't wait to see Mulder again -- and waiting for the 
luggage carrousel would be asking too much of her right now ...
	She walked through the passenger bridge, but, getting 
impatient with the dawdlers in front of her, decided to forget about 
politeness and she pushed her way through the crowd which had 
just left the plane. Then she dealt with security and walked quickly 
towards the hall and ...
	Oh God ... there he was ... Mulder was there, waiting for 
her ...
	Within a flash of a second he saw her and his face just 
beamed. He quickly walked towards her as she started to run and 
the next moment they were in each other's arms, holding one 
another as if they were never going to let go again.
	"Oh God, Mulder ...", she said, crushing him to her.
	"You're here", was all he could say, kissing the side of her 
head as he kept her as close to him as he possibly could. "You're 
here at last ..."

	AFTER SOME TIME THEY had decided to let go of each other, 
feeling the eyes of a curious crowd on them, and making them feel 
slightly uneasy to say the very least ...
	"So, tell me, Mulder", Scully said as they walked towards 
the exit. She had her arm firmly around him and looked at him. 
"What is the take-out for tonight?"
	"We're not having any of that tonight, Scully", he smiled. 
"I made reservations for dinner at a very good restaurant -- or so 
I've been assured by my trusty partner ..."
	Scully couldn't help protesting. "Mulder, I'm not dressed 
for going out. I'm not wearing a dress, I'm not even wearing one of 
my suits!"
	Mulder stopped and made her look at him. "Scully, don't 
you understand? I don't need to see some posh dress on you or a 
tuxedo on myself when I want to go out with you. I just need you 
with me. Besides, you look absolutely gorgeous, I don't think 
anyone would have any problems with what you're wearing right 
now."
	"Really?"
	"Really", he smiled. "It's 100% you and what more can I 
possibly ask for?"
	She smiled as she leaned towards him more securely and 
took his hand in her own. "That was sweet, Mulder, it really was."
	He looked at her smaller form, clinging so tightly onto him 
and he thanked whoever was in charge of love as beautiful as theirs 
that he or she had taken some pity on him and allowed him to 
experience all this and with such a fantastic woman.
	"Let's go have dinner", he said, his voice soft with 
emotions and they got into his car.
	"Apart from dinner", Scully asked when they were on the 
road, "is there anything else, any more surprises I should be looking 
forward to?"
	"Mmm, I'd say that depends entirely on you and what you 
classify as 'surprises'", Mulder replied enigmatically.
	Scully smiled and placed her hand on his thigh. "Well", she 
said slowly, "sex wouldn't be much of a surprise, would it?" She 
saw him smile back at her. "Mulder?"
	"Then, if it's all right with you, I don't think I've got a 
great deal of surprises left in store for you, Dana Scully", he replied, 
his eyes shooting sparks of passion for a split-second. "Except 
maybe for what the sex would be like ..."
	Scully bit her lip as she moved uncomfortably in her seat, 
feeling the heat and wetness rapidly take over her body.
	She couldn't ask him to just forget dinner and go home 
already, could she?

	IN THE END SHE had decided not to mention her idea of 
leaving out dinner, but the tension in the car had most definitely 
risen. Every touch, whether accidental or deliberate, was charged 
with electricity. Sparks shot through the air with each exchange of 
looks.
	It didn't really make this a whole lot easier ...
	They were at the table Mulder had reserved, waiting for 
their dinner to arrive. By this time Scully had found she could 
barely look at Mulder anymore without wanting to pound on him, 
rip his clothes off and make love to him then and there on the 
restaurant floor. And apparently Mulder was in some trouble as 
well.
	The waiter arrived with the bottle of wine and Scully knew 
it was time to leave. There was just no way she was ever going to 
hold out through dinner.
	"Mulder", she began, her voice unexpectedly low. She 
looked at the glass of white wine she was holding in her hand, then 
at her partner who was watching her intently. "Mulder, the usual 
stuff, lobster, dessert, coffee, dance, kiss ... can't we just ... skip 
those ...?"
	His eyes darkened and his expression looked for all the 
world like grateful. He got up and approached the waiter as she 
grabbed their coats. With the bottle of wine for later they left the 
restaurant and Scully had to restrain herself in her desire not even to 
wait until they were home. And after that, not to insist on driving 
herself. It wouldn't be safe, she knew, and that had nothing to do 
with her stay in hospital and everything with her by now 
uncontrollable hurry to finally get some action going.
	During the trip home not a word was spoken by either of 
them and they didn't dare to touch one another even though Mulder 
had to fight the urge to keep looking at her. Instead he forced his 
eyes to stay on the road in front of him, even though his eyes 
wandered off unstoppably each time they met with a red light.
	It didn't dawn on Scully that they were going to her 
apartment which for her was still something impossible as she knew 
nothing about the changes done to it during her stay with her 
mother. She couldn't spare a minute for that, she was too busy 
trying to keep her hands off the man next to her ... Mulder parked 
the car haphazardly in front of the building, knowing that tomorrow 
he'd park it better. Right now all he wanted was to get inside and 
finally get the action he'd been waiting for all day.
	With admirable cool they managed to cross the parking lot 
and walked through the hallway to her apartment. Mulder dug up 
the key to her apartment and inserted it in the lock. Then he felt 
how close Scully was standing to him, keeping her body pressed 
insistently into him with her lips on every bit of bare skin she could 
find and he had to pause for a second to regain his equilibrium -- a 
moment which caused a frustrated little sound from the woman 
behind him and a quick move of her hand to open the door for him.
	And then they were inside. Mulder kicked the door shut in 
the same movement as when he pushed Scully against the wall and 
crushed her to him. Their mouths found each other hungrily and the 
bottle of wine rolled forgotten into the apartment as they 
temporarily silenced their need for each other.
	"The bedroom", Scully gasped and Mulder nodded. In a 
tangle of limbs they stumbled towards Scully's bedroom, discarding 
the totally useless pieces of clothing in the process.
	They had undressed to their underwear when Mulder let 
himself and Scully fall down onto the soft bed. She landed on her 
stomach and with a quick flick of his hands he had her bra 
unhooked, silently congratulating himself on not needing second 
takes on bits of clothing now that he was finally together with her 
again. Then he placed his mouth between her shoulder blades and 
nibbled, licked and kissed his way south, tracing her spine with his 
lips and tongue. Scully giggled and gasped at the feeling.
	"Mulder ...", she gasped, and turned onto her back to look 
at him. " ... Mulder ... what were you doing ...?"
	"We didn't have dinner", he replied, his voice low and 
hoarse. He was not at all sorry she had turned onto her back and he 
bent down to kiss her breasts. "I'm hungry ..."
	And with these words he dove in and Scully had no choice 
but to let go of reality ...

	A LAZY LOOK AT the window told Scully that a new day 
was about to begin. She smiled. What a night this had been ...
	It was only then that she realised they were at her place and 
tears sprung to her eyes.
	'My home', she thought. 'I'm truly back home ... Mulder 
made me come home again ...'
	She looked down a bit. His breathing was slow and even as 
he slept, his head tucked under her chin, one hand on her breast, the 
other encircling her waist possessively. She raised her hands and 
softly stroked his hair. Then he moved and she felt his lips brush 
softly over the soft flesh of her breasts. She couldn't help smiling 
and with fondness she gently ruffled his hair. The smile became 
wider and wider as her mind became brighter and lighter every 
minute with love and hope, ending in a wide laugh. She threw her 
head back and softly laughed with all the happiness she felt until 
tears of emotion rolled over her cheeks.
	It woke Mulder up and he looked at her, slowly lifting his 
head from her chest. The movement made her look down again and 
he felt his heart grow and open up with the beautiful smile she gave 
him. Gradually her smile blended into one of supreme 
contentedness and happiness. He sighed.
	"Give me another of those smiles and I'll marry you", he 
said with a deep sigh, seeing the 1000-watt smile appear on her face 
all over again.
	"You will?" she asked. "So we are going to get married 
then?"
	He smiled and brought his fingers to his mouth and pressed 
a kiss on the tips, then brushed them tenderly over her lips. He 
swallowed when he felt her kiss them.
	"Of course we are", he answered. "Did you ever have any 
doubt about that?"
	She shook her head. "No", she whispered. "Not ever." Then 
she smiled. "By the way, why did you use your fingertips to kiss 
me, Mulder? Your lips know the trade quite well enough."
	"My fingers got jealous", he smiled, tracing the lines of her 
face with his fingers. "I've got jealous fingers, you know."
	"Really? What are they jealous of then?"
	"My mouth. They wanted to feel your lips, too", he 
explained, seeing Scully smile widely. Then he saw her bring her 
fingers to her lips, probably to imitate the idea, but he wouldn't 
have it. So he took her wrist and stilled her movements.
	"No", he whispered, "let me do that for you." Then he 
slowly kissed each finger of her hand, making sure that he covered 
every square inch with fond caresses, moving slowly from her 
fingers to her wrist.
	Involuntarily she felt her eyes slip shut as her body 
tightened and relaxed all at the same time, focusing its entire 
attention on the featherlight touches applied to the palm of her 
hand. She had never known that such innocent caresses could be 
such a turn-on ... Then he moved to lie next to her, his face level 
with hers. He propped up on one elbow and looked at her.
	"What are you thinking, Mulder?" she smiled.
	He shook his head. "Not much", he admitted, reaching out 
to trace the bridge of her nose with his finger. "Just ... wallowing 
myself in happiness ..."
	Scully sighed and with a dreamy look at him she answered: 
"Yeah, me too ..." Then she smiled. "You refurbished my 
apartment, Mulder. When?"
	He chuckled at the memory of those chaotic moments. "I 
was on my way to hand the landlord the key I've got to your 
apartment when I ran into the Gunmen. They told me they had 
traced down your things ... So we decided to go to the landlord as 
planned, but not to hand in the key, but instead to rent your place 
again. I paid this month's rent, the Gunmen paid next month's. And 
while you were with your mother, we refurbished the place. It was 
hell ..." He smiled. "We even stocked your fridge, though I had to 
do the shopping myself, because otherwise you'd have found 
nothing but beer in there!"
	"So, this place is mine again?" Scully asked, realising that 
she was truly back home.
	"Well", Mulder grinned, "theoretically speaking it's mine 
this month and the Gunmen's next month, but we decided that you 
could consider it yours all right!" He bent down to kiss her. 
"Welcome home, Scully", he said softly.
	Unexpected tears blocked her throat for a moment and she 
couldn't answer him. Then she reached up and pulled him down to 
her. "Thank you, Mulder", she whispered. "Thank you so very 
much ..."
	"You're welcome", he smiled. "Guess I'll pass on the 
thanks to our pals ..."
	"Please do", she said and smiled through her tears. "I know 
they must have been hell to work with, but whenever it comes down 
to it, they're always there to help ..."
	"Yes, they are ...", Mulder answered.
	They were silent for a long moment. He brushed a strand of 
hair from her fore-head and decided to leave his hand there. Scully 
shot a look at the alarmclock which she had "forgotten" to set and 
saw the time, not caring one bit. Then, when she looked back at 
Mulder, she saw him indulge himself in an unashamed wide yawn 
and she chuckled.
	"Did I tire you out, Mulder?" Her question was answered 
with a humph and a big grin.
	"Never", he laughed, bending down to tickle her with his 
lips and fingers. Scully laughed out loud as she tried to make him 
stop, but she only succeeded in making him try even harder. After a 
while they lay giggling and panting in each other's arms, trying to 
recapture their breath. Scully looked down at Mulder who seemed 
busy trying to find the best way to relax in her embrace.
	"That was good, Mulder", she sighed, making him look up 
at her and smile. Then a wicked gleam came over her eyes. 
"Though personally I prefer sex to tire me out!"
	He laughed. "Yeah, me too. Good as a means of variation 
though."
	"Have we reached that stage already, Mulder? I thought 
your repertoire was a little more extensive than this. Otherwise I 
think I might be able to teach you a thing or two!" Scully said with 
a playful roll of her eyes.
	Mulder chuckled. "Don't worry, Scully, I know a few more 
things to ... keep the nights interesting", he answered, leaning in for 
a kiss.
	"Mmm, about to show me one of them, Mulder?" she 
asked, but he shook his head.
	"No, but I will show you one of my other unexpected 
talents, sweetheart: I'm going to cook you breakfast!"
	Scully shocked him by slapping her hand to her mouth and 
look at him in total bewilder-ment. "Oh God!" she whispered and 
he started to worry.
	"What? What is it, Scully? What's wrong?" he asked 
concerned.
	"You can cook?" she asked instead, but she was unable to 
keep the corners of her mouth from turning up and seeing that 
Mulder realised she was teasing him. And, seeing his relieved 
smile, she lost it and started laughing, making him laugh as well.
	"Why, you ...", he laughed, raising himself up to lean over 
her and see her sparkling eyes and toothy smile. "You ... you little 
... tease!" he laughed, shaking his head. Then he felt her arms 
around his neck and she pulled him down to her.
	"Come here", she whispered. "I'm hungry. For you!"
	"And breakfast?" he asked, kissing her softly. She shook 
her head.
	"I don't need no stinkin' breakfast", she murmured, then 
kissed him for real.

*~*~*
Two weeks later

	CLAIRE WAS IN THE office when Scully opened the door and 
walked in.
	"Hi, Dana", she said when she saw her. "How are classes 
going?"
	"They're going fine, thanks", Scully answered. "I think I've 
really been lucky with this batch of students!"
	"Jeffrey told me that's just because the students are having 
a crush on you", Claire grinned and Scully smiled.
	"Let them. As long as they keep their mouths shut and pay 
attention I don't really care what they think. And at least they do 
pay attention now."
	Claire smiled back. Then she frowned. "Dana, are you 
okay?"
	Scully looked up from the book she was going to read. 
"Yes, sure. Why?"
	"You look a bit pale. You're not ill, are you?"
	Scully shook her head. "No, I don't think so. I just didn't 
feel very hungry this morning and I was a bit sick, but I think that 
was because we went to bed rather late. I'm just a little tired."
	"Oh, then I suppose everything's okay", Claire answered 
and that ended the discussion.

	A FEW HOURS LATER the phone rang and Claire got up from 
her chair.
	"Yes, yes, I heard you ...", she sighed, hurrying to get the 
phone. "Fox Mulder's office."
	"This is Claire O'Donnell."
	"Yes."
	"Yes, she's here."
	"No, he's at the labs."
	"Yes. Yes."
	"Sure, here she is."
	She nodded at Scully who had looked up from her work 
during the brief conversation over the phone.
	"It's Doctor Young for you", Claire whispered and Scully 
got up and walked over to the phone. She felt a little nervous. He 
had been applying the fertility treatment Claire and Mulder had 
found for nearly two months now and so far she had had her periods 
twice. There was some definite progress but ...
	"Dana Scully."
	"Ah, good afternoon, Dana, this is Sean Young."
	"Good afternoon, Sean", Scully said and she smiled.
	"How are you doing, Dana?"
	"I'm fine. As always", she added with a grin. By now 
Doctor Young knew as well as anyone about her habitual 'I'm 
fine'-answer she gave to every inquiry after her health.
	"Did you go back to the hospital to see Dr. Mary-Louise 
Simmons as I advised?" he asked and Scully chuckled.
	"Yes, I did. You found me a true member of the Inquisition, 
Sean! She's cruel to poor little Agents like me!" she pouted.
	Doctor Young laughed. "I'm sorry, Dana, but less than the 
Inquisition is just not going to work for you. You're too strong for 
them!"
	"Sean, are you coming on to me?" Scully leered playfully 
and another bark of laughter sounded from the other end of the line.
	"Dana, much as I'd love to have a woman like you, you 
have Agent Mulder and he's yours. I'm keeping my hands off of 
you, I promise."
	"Mwah, Sean, you're no fun anymore", Scully grinned, 
enjoying the easy banter between her and Doctor Young. Over the 
past months they had become very good friends and she enjoyed 
their conversations.
	"No, I'm not", Doctor Young said and she heard the smile 
in his voice. "That's exactly what my wife's complaining about!"
	"Sean!"
	"Just kidding, Dana", he grinned. Then he became serious. 
"Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're all right because I have 
something very important, very serious to tell you and for that I 
need to ask you something as well."
	"Is this about the treatment?" Scully asked and she felt her 
stomach clench in a knot. So far it had all looked good, but she was 
totally aware of the fact that this could change radically any time.
	"Yes, it is", Doctor Young said and his voice was dead 
serious.
	"Are there complications?" Scully asked, almost holding 
her breath with fear. "Things are going wrong, aren't they?"
	"Dana, don't always assume the worst when I call you", she 
heard Doctor Young say with a smile. "Every time I call, you think 
it's all going wrong, but let me assure you that I have good news for 
you. So just sit back and relax, everything's just fine."
	"Okay", she smiled, a bit embarrassed. She was glad he 
couldn't see her. "So, tell me, what is it you have to tell me?"
	"Well", Doctor Young said, "before I can tell you I have a 
question to ask that might just help you figure it all out yourself ..."
	Scully moaned. Recently Doctor Young had started to like 
talking in riddles and she never managed to get to the exact answer 
... "I bet I will", she said. "What's the question, Sean?"
	"Did you feel sick this morning, Dana?"
	Scully frowned. What kind of question was that? And why 
did he bother to ask? "Well, yes, a bit. In fact I've been slightly sick 
in the morning for about a week now, but I assumed that was 
because of spending the evenings and nights with Mulder."
	"Rough nights, then?" she heard Doctor Young grin and she 
smiled.
	"Kind of, yes, they're all but boring to say the least ...", she 
answered. 'Guilty as charged', she added in thought and smiled.
	Well, it wasn't entirely her fault that she just couldn't keep 
her hands off Mulder when he was wearing ... well ... nothing at all, 
was it? 
	"But I thought being sick in the morning surely wouldn't 
have anything to do with Mulder", she continued.
	"Mmm, yes ...", Doctor Young said mysteriously. "Well, let 
me assure you that this morning sickness has in fact everything to 
do with you spending the night with Agent Mulder, Dana."
	"How then, Sean? How would you explain the morning 
sickn-- ..." Her mouth snapped shut as realisation kicked in. She 
actually found herself staring at the phone in disbelief.
	"Hello, Dana? Are you still there?" she heard Doctor 
Young's voice and she slowly put the phone back to her ear.
	"Yes, yes, I'm still here", she said softly and took a deep 
breath, closing her eyes for a moment. Then she smiled widely. 
"Really?"
	"Really", she heard Doctor Young smile. "I verified the 
news with Doctor Franzen who helped you and Agent Mulder with 
the treatment and let me assure you that it is true."
	Then she frowned. "But it's only been just over two months 
now since we started ... I ... it's just not possible ..."
	"Ask your partner to classify it as one of his famous 
'unexplained phenomena', because it is true. Congratulations!"
	Scully couldn't help laughing. "Oh, Sean, thank you so very 
much! This is the best news I could have ever had!" She sat down 
in her chair and smiled brightly. "Tell me, Sean, what do you need 
in return for this? Name anything you want!"
	"Oh", she heard his innocent reaction, "eternal devotion 
would do ..." Scully heard the teasing tone in his voice and she 
smiled.
	"You got it", she answered. "Can I tell others?"
	"Well", Doctor Young said cautiously. "I suggest you only 
tell Agent Mulder and maybe your mother and Agent Mulder's 
partner, but I think you'd better wait a little longer before you make 
it front-page news in the Washington Post."
	"I understand", she said. "Well, in that case I'd better go 
now and tell Mulder. Thank you so very much for not waiting till 
tomorrow, Sean, and I'll see you in your office at ten as planned 
then, okay?"
	"That's fine, Dana", Doctor Young said. "Take good care 
and I see you in the morning. Good bye."
	"Bye, Sean", she smiled and she put the phone down. Then 
she slowly raised her hands to her mouth and just stared at the wall 
in front of her.
	"Dana?" she heard Claire ask. "Are you all right?"
	She turned around slowly. "Yes. Yes, I am, it's just ..."
	"What did Doctor Young call you for?" Claire asked and 
Scully turned around to face her. Then a huge smile lit up her face 
and she walked up to Claire and embraced her, startling her 
colleague who hadn't exactly expected this.
	"I'm pregnant, Claire! I'm going to have a baby! We are 
going to have a baby!!" she exulted.
	Claire's smile widened to match Scully's. "Really? You 
and Fox are going to have a baby?"
	Scully nodded and felt warm tears of happiness trickle 
down her cheeks. Claire saw it and she felt her eyes become moist 
as well.
	"Oh, Dana, I'm so happy for you ...", she said, hugging her. 
"You wanted this so much ..."
	Scully nodded. "Yes, yes, we did ..." Then she looked at 
Claire. "Thank you so much for doing so much to find this 
treatment for us, Claire. I don't know how I'm ever going to thank 
you enough ..."
	Claire smiled through her tears. "Never mind that, Dana, 
the only thank-you I needed was this news, it really is all I need."
	Both women sighed and smiled at each other. Then Claire 
grabbed a box of tissues and they dried their eyes.
	"I'm ... I'm going to call Mulder", Scully said, picking up 
the phone. "I need to tell him this ... He needs to know ..."
	"No", Claire said and Scully looked at her. "No, don't tell 
him over the phone", Claire explained. "He told me he'd head 
straight home after work, he should be home by now. This is 
something you must tell him in person, Dana, I think you two have 
something to celebrate ..."
	Scully nodded. "I suppose you're right. And I really want to 
be there, too ... You'll be fine here then?"
	Claire smiled as she gently ushered Scully to the door and 
out of the office. "I promise", she smiled. "Go on, shoo! Go home 
and make someone very very happy!"
	Scully smiled back. "I'll be in debt with you for the rest of 
my life, Claire", she said and put her briefcase on the floor to give 
the woman a quick hug. Then Claire picked up the briefcase and 
with a smile handed it back to Scully.
	"Okay, okay, go on!" she laughed.
	"Bye, Claire!" Scully said with a smile and she left the 
office.
	"Congratulations, Dana! Drive carefully!"

	SCULLY PUSHED THE SPEED limit all the way back to her 
apartment. Mulder had moved in with her when she had just been 
discharged from hospital to be able to keep an eye on her condition 
and neither had wanted him to move out again.
	It still dazed her. Amazed her. She was pregnant. She was 
going to have a baby. Mulder's baby. For real. All sorts of thoughts 
went through her head as she approached the apartment building 
where she lived.
		Was the baby going to be healthy?
		A name.
		What was going to be the effect of the treatment on 
her child?
		A name for their baby.
		How to tell Mulder?
		Nathalie. It had to be Nathalie.
		Or David.
		Would they have to get married now?
		What name would Mulder like?
		How was she going to fit this in with her 
workscheme?
		Mom ... She had to tell mom. Mulder first though 
...
		Their baby ...
		Really ...
	She parked her car while the thoughts still raced through 
her mind and she walked to her apartment. Then she opened the 
door. And stopped in the doorway.
	The apartment was dark. Silent. Empty.
	"Mulder?" she said loudly, but no one answered. "Mulder, 
are you here?!"
	'Mulder's not here', it flashed through her mind. 'He's 
supposed to be here! Where is he?'
	She felt a surge of panic rise but she forced herself to 
remain calm, telling herself that he was probably just fine, that there 
had to be a perfectly good reason why he wasn't here, that ...
	She had to find him!
	She switched on a few lights and tossed her coat and 
briefcase in a chair. Then she grabbed the phone and dialled the 
number of the office, noticing that her hands were shaking.
	"Fox Mulder's office", she heard Claire's calm voice and 
she took a deep breath.
	"Hi Claire, this is Dana. Is Mulder there?"
	"No", she heard Claire answer. "No, he isn't. Isn't he at 
your place? Where are you, Dana? Is everything okay?"
	Scully closed her eyes. "Yes, I think it is. I'm in my 
apartment now, but Mulder isn't here and I don't see a note telling 
me his of whereabouts either. Frankly I'm a bit worried. Do you 
know the number of the laboratory he went to for those tests this 
afternoon?"
	Claire named a certain lab in the building and gave her the 
number. "But I'm quite sure he's not there anymore, Dana", she 
said. "Why don't you try his apartment? Maybe he went home, pick 
up some clothes or something."
	"Mmm, you may be right. Thanks a lot, Claire", Scully 
said, sounding a lot more certain than she actually felt.
	"Bye, Dana, take care", she heard Claire say and she 
sighed.
	"Thanks, Claire, bye."
	She heard the dry click on the other end and with a sigh she 
disconnected as well. For a moment she closed her eyes and when 
she opened them again she wasn't entirely surprised to feel tears 
pricking in the corners. She looked down at her stomach and sighed, 
smiling a bit sadly.
	"Well, whaddya know, sweetie ... I haven't even told your 
daddy about you yet and he already fled the country", she said 
softly and smiled. Then she sighed and decided to call his 
apartment. She quickly dialled the number and waited.
	After a short while the answering machine picked up.
	"<Hi, this is Fox Mulder, I'm--...>"
	"I'm here", he heard his short sharp reply and she sighed in 
relief.
	"Hi, Mulder, it's me", she said. "Where have you been? 
I've been looking for you."
	She could have sworn she heard a soft sigh and a moan on 
the other side. He didn't answer right away, something which only 
strengthened her conviction that something was really very wrong 
here.
	"I ... I can't come to your place right now, Scully ... please 
come ... please come here ...", he said softly.
	She heard his silent plea not to ask him further questions 
and she closed her eyes for a long moment.
	"I'll be right there, Mulder, don't leave until I'm there, 
okay?" she said quietly and with a sigh she hung up the phone. 
Then she grabbed her purse and car keys and went to her car.
	She had found Mulder at last, but the tone in his voice was 
completely wrong.
	She was afraid for him.

	MULDER OPENED THE DOOR almost immediately after she 
knocked and the first look she got of him didn't ease her mind at all. 
His shirt was rumpled and he was longer wearing a tie or jacket. His 
jaw was tight and his eyes grim and brimmed red. He had been 
crying.
	"Mulder, what's wrong?" she asked, walking into the small 
apartment. Then she stopped, seeing just what was the matter: the 
whole place looked like a bomb had gone off. "Mulder?"
	"They broke into my apartment, Scully", he said. "I 
received the results of the tests I had Dr Hansen perform on those 
beetles and I had them here to file them in the morning, but 
somehow they must have known. Someone must have tipped them 
they were here. The results are gone, Scully, we've got nothing left 
..."
	She felt a wave of anger sweep over her, but she only 
sighed. "How ... how did you know this had happened?"
	"I didn't", he answered grimly. "I was home early so I 
decided to go by my place and pick up some clothes. That's when I 
found out." He sat down on the couch and made her sit down beside 
him. "But those results aren't important", he continued, "they mean 
nothing personal to me ... It's the rest, it's ..."
	"What, Mulder?" Scully asked softly and she felt him take 
her hand, interlocking their fingers.
	"They took everything for your treatment as well, Scully", 
he whispered, his voice pained. "Results, statistics, medicines, 
everything ... everything we found, everything you need, they took 
it all ..."
	Involuntarily her fingers tightened on his and his next 
words expressed what she feared so much.
	"They never wanted you to get better, Scully. They didn't 
want you to wake up from that come and when you did, they didn't 
want you to get better. And now ... now that you're healthy again ... 
they don't want you to have the child we want so much. I don't 
know why, but they're doing everything to keep us from living ..." 
His last words were a mere whisper and when she saw the grief on 
his face she smiled gently at him and made him rest his head against 
her breast, his sobs soft and deep while his arms rested around her 
waist.
	She had never before met a man who showed his true 
feelings as freely as he did and she thanked the gods for letting her 
meet him. She planted soft kisses on his hairline and with gentle 
brushes wiped away his tears as she held him strong.
	"I'm so sorry, Scully", he whispered, his eyes shut tight, 
feeling so guilty, so dirty, so unable to give her what he wanted to 
give her so much. He heard her soft words of comfort and felt the 
light kisses she bestowed on him, her hands softly stroking his hair 
and brushing away his tears. "I try so hard to give you what you 
want, but they just won't let me ... They just take it all away ..."
	The only answer she could give him was another warm 
heart-felt kiss and he swallowed some tears. "We were close, 
Scully, I know we were. If they went to such great lengths to make 
this treatment disappear, it must have been good ..." Then he 
realised what he was saying and he squeezed his eyes shut, turning 
his face to her chest and feeling her heartbeat against his cheek, 
feeling her clean soft feminine scent creep into him through his 
pores. He welcomed it with all he was. "I'm so sorry ..."
	"No, Mulder, don't be ...", she whispered. "You know-- ..."
	He cut her off, a sudden flash of utter rage blinding him. 
"They take everything away from us! Every fucking thing! They 
crush your future, they crush mine, they can't do this to us! They're 
stealing our future and I hate them for this! I hate them!! Dammit, 
they can't do this to us! They can't just take away everything we 
fight for and then walk away free! They can't!!!" His wordflow was 
cut short by a deep deep sob and he collapsed in her arms, feeling 
her tears drip down on his face and arms. "They've taken 
everything, Scully ... I want to give you so much, but they keep 
taking those chances away from me ..."
	"But you're giving me so much already, Mulder", she said 
softly. "You've given me more than I could ever have wished for. 
What else is it you could still want to give me ...?"
	Didn't he know? Didn't he realise how much he had 
already given her? That no matter what was going to happen, she'd 
always know he'd do everything for her?
	"You gave me everything I wanted, Mulder", she said 
softly. "I woke up from that coma and you helped me to get better 
again. You searched the globe for that treatment ... You've been 
giving me so much for the past five years, you're giving me a life I 
never knew even existed ..." She brushed the hair from his fore-
head. "Don't you see, Fox? Living is what I want, and living is 
what I'm going to do." She bent closer to him and kissed him very 
softly, very sincerely. "With you. As I always have."
	He answered the kiss for a moment. Then he slowly shook 
his head. "In that case you shouldn't choose me, Scully. If living is 
what you want you shouldn't stick with me. I could never even 
begin giving you life."
	She couldn't help smiling through her tears. 'Oh Mulder, 
you couldn't be more wrong', she thought as she looked at him, 
holding her so tightly, so unaware what he had already given her. 
"On the contrary, Mulder", she whispered, making him look up at 
her. "Life is what you just can't stop giving me. And you've even 
given it to me in two ways ..."
	"I ... I don't understand ..."
	She looked at him with such powerful love that he felt an 
invisible thread of pure loving energy tie their hearts together in a 
knot that couldn't be undone.
	"I'm pregnant, Mulder", he heard her say and the knot 
tightened. "We're going to have a baby. The treatment worked ..."
	He went still. Absolutely still. His eyes were as wide as 
saucers when he looked up at her. "A baby?" he whispered and she 
nodded, a heavenly smile lighting up her face.
	"We won. They lost", she said. "We're going to have a 
baby. My baby. Your baby." She kissed his hand which he had kept 
on her belly. "Our baby."
	"We won", he repeated in a whisper. "They lost. They lost 
and we won." He looked at her as he let himself drop on both knees 
and with trembling fingers he slowly pulled her blouse from her 
skirt, wanting to touch her flesh, to feel the delicious warmth he 
always felt when they were making love, the warm flesh which now 
protected a little child. And with a muffled moan he buried his face 
in her soft flesh, wanting to kiss her, to kiss the baby inside her, 
thanking her for giving him all this of which he was so certain he 
didn't deserve it ...
	She stroked his hair and looked at him with a loving smile 
as he bathed her belly in kisses and warm tears, keeping him close 
to her. Then she made him get to his feet again and with a quick 
look at him she made their lips touch.
	Ice ages came and went, oceans dried up and filled again 
and stars exploded and were reborn, that was how long their kiss 
lasted. When at last their lips parted Mulder was simply awe-struck.
	"You're incredible, Scully", he said, his eyes wide with 
amazement at what had happened.
	"Thank you, Mulder", she smiled, "but the honour is yours 
too, you know." She kissed him briefly. "Only with you I can be so 
incredible, if it hadn't been for you I would have been very 'un-
incredible', I'm afraid ..." and she heard Mulder chuckle. Then she 
became serious and made him look at her. "These next eight months 
are going to be very risky, both for the baby and for me. We don't 
know what the possible consequences of the treatment are or will be 
in the long run, I may not be able to work or do much at all." She 
felt his hand on her abdomen and saw him looking at her, loving her 
beyond comprehension. "Things may go wrong", she continued 
softly. "I don't want them to go wrong, I want this baby so very 
much and I couldn't stand the thought of losing the baby, but we 
cannot afford not to consider the worst. It could happen ..."
	"I know, Dana", Mulder said softly, understanding very 
well just how dangerous this could be.
	"Every pregnancy is a true tour-de-force of Nature, Mulder, 
and even though the actual conception probably went quite natural 
..." She heard him chuckle and he tightened the embrace slightly. 
"... the process which preceded it and made all this possible didn't 
..."
	"I want this child, Scully", he said. "It's an opportunity at 
living a life I never thought I'd ever have. It's beautiful, it's warm, 
it's human ..."
	"Human, Mulder?"
	"It's you, it's a life for real", he said softly, pressing her to 
him. Good thing she was fluent at MulderSpeak ...
	"Wonderful, isn't it?" she smiled and he nodded.
	"Yes, it is", he sighed and held her close. "It's unbelievable 
..."

	THE PHONE RANG AND with a displeased groan Mulder 
loosened himself from Scully's arms. The invention of the 
telephone had never seemed more of a curse than during the past 
two months ...
	"Mulder."
	"Yes, sir."
	"Yes, she's here as well."
	He grinned, then laughed. "Yes, sir, both of them."
	"Thank you, sir."
	"Incredible. Knocked me off my feet."
	"No, she caught me. As always."
	"Certainly, sir, we'll be there right away."
	By this time Scully was practically burning with curiosity. 
The only conclusion she had been able to draw from this 
conversation was that Skinner already knew of her pregnancy, but 
that was just impossible, wasn't it?
	"What's up, Mulder?" she asked.
	"We're expected to the Assistant Director on the double", 
he answered, taking her in his arms and drawing her to him. "We 
cannot afford to lose a minute."
	"Mmm, you're not taking his words too literally, are you?" 
Scully smiled, raising up on her toes to kiss him. Mulder shook his 
head.
	"On days like these there's really nothing more important 
than loving you, Dana. Skinner will just have to wait."
	She shivered a little, feeling her body react to the impact of 
these words. Oh, how much she had always wished someone would 
ever say these to her ... But she knew that right now she couldn't 
give in to what they both really really wanted.
	"Mulder", she whispered, brushing her lips over his jaw. 
"Mulder, we have to go and see him. We can't afford upsetting him 
any more, we've done that too often ..."
	Mulder sighed. "You're probably right", he answered, 
finding that his body seemed surprisingly reluctant to move away 
from hers. But before he had been able to let her go completely, she 
remembered something.
	"Mulder, that phone-call just a second ago ... does Skinner 
know?"
	He nodded. "Yes, somehow he does."
	She frowned in confusion. "But ... how? We found out 
ourselves only today, how could he have found out?"
	"Someone must have told him?"
	"Who?"
	"I don't know", he answered truthfully. "Probably Doctor 
Young, or maybe Claire, I don't know."
	Scully sighed. She hated not being in total control and 
Mulder sensed her frustration. "Hey, Scully, it's okay that he 
knows", he said with a gentle smile and used his finger to lift her 
face and make her look at him. "We'd have to tell him anyway as 
this is something which is quite hard to hide. And at least it saves us 
the trouble of having to bring up the subject. Besides, Skinner is 
okay, we can trust him."
	Scully smiled. "You're right", she answered, knowing that 
he was having a point there. Then she grabbed him hand and with a 
joyful spring in her step led him out of the ransacked apartment.

	SKINNER'S SECRETARY MUST HAVE seen them coming for 
their boss was already at the door when they approached his office. 
He gave them a brief nod to acknowledge their presence. Then they 
followed him into the outer office where Skinner turned to Mulder.
	"Agent Mulder, please come into the office. I'd like to 
speak to you first. In private." His tone made refusal impossible or 
even unthinkable and Mulder followed him while Scully took a seat 
in the outer office.
	Skinner closed the door and told Mulder to take a seat. He 
himself sat down behind his desk while Mulder sat down in one of 
the familiar brown chairs he and Scully had been sitting in so often 
over the past five years.
	"Well, Agent Mulder", the Assistant Director started, "I 
must say I'm rather disappointed with the result you handed in last 
time about the Lincoln Murders."
	Mulder frowned. He remembered having investigated this 
series of homicides with Claire, but he knew nothing about a report 
he had allegedly handed in.
	"A report, sir? I know nothing about-- ..."
	"Precisely", Skinner interrupted him. "You never handed 
one in, even though it's over a month ago now! And I understand 
you had a couple of things on your mind you'd like to prioritise, but 
you cannot neglect your duties, Agent Mulder, and one of these 
duties is to hand in the report within reasonable time. Now, I've 
been approached by people who seem to think this negligence is 
something which occurs far too often, so I'd advise you not to treat 
these matters so carelessly. I cannot protect you forever!"
	"I understand, sir. I'll start working on it right away."
	"And please do it by the book for once, will you, Mulder? 
The amount of paranormal phenomena wasn't as high as usual, so 
please try to handle it in a more conventional manner. There are 
people who haven't been pleased by the way you dealt with 
previous accounts and it's getting ever more difficult for me to 
defend you to them."
	"Thank you very much, sir, for notifying me. I'll keep it in 
mind", he answered, surprised to see Skinner take off his glasses 
and pinch the bridge of his nose with a sigh.
	"Yes, I know you will keep it in mind, Mulder. But could 
you please let it get past that stage for once? Save me the effort of 
having to talk your ass out of trouble with those less tolerant than 
me."
	Mulder nodded. "Yes, sir."
	Then Skinner leaned back in his chair and assumed a 
relaxed, very different attitude. "Okay, we'll leave that alone for 
now." He smiled "Tell me, how did Scully bring you the news?"
	Mulder smiled. "True Scully-fashion, sir. Like I said, it 
knocked me off my feet."
	"Happy, Mulder?"
	His smile widened and he looked at their boss. "Yes, I am", 
he answered, a warm feeling passing over him at his boss's genuine 
interest. Even though he'd probably never find out 100% just what 
Skinner's place was, the man was definitely on their side. "By the 
way", Mulder continued. "We were wondering just how you knew 
about it?"
	"Claire came in yesterday for evaluation and told Penny. 
Penny was involved in a car accident just over year ago and Doctor 
Young performed the operation. So she knows Doctor Young and 
the women started talking. That's how I found out", Skinner 
answered. Penny was his secretary and clearly also a former patient 
of Doctor Young.
	"Didn't she have a son some time ago?" Mulder asked and 
Skinner nodded. Mulder chuckled. "Uh-oh, in that case I think I 
know just what their conversation is all about ..."
	He was right. When the men opened the door, they found 
the two women involved in a lively conversation about names, pink 
and blue baby-clothes, and dirty nappies. Skinner shot Mulder an 
amused glance. 'Be prepared', it said and Mulder grinned, surprised 
to find himself actually looking forward to all that ...
	"Agent Scully", Skinner said, making her look up. "Please 
come in."
	Scully got up and followed the men. She smiled at Penny.
	"Congratulations, Agent Scully. Good luck!" Penny said 
and Scully smiled. Then she walked in, closed the door behind her 
and sat down in the chair next to Mulder.
	"Agent Scully, welcome back. It's good to see you looking 
as good as you do. Frankly, I'm a bit amazed, you make me 
consider Doctor Young as my personal physiologist."
	Scully smiled, but didn't answer.
	"By the way", Skinner continued, "I hope my message to 
come down didn't interrupt anything. What I have to tell you 
doesn't involve a great deal of urgency." He was surprised to see 
his Agents exchange quick looks, then compose themselves again.
	"No, sir", they answered in unison, making him even more 
suspicious. He decided to let it slip though.
	He reached into a drawer and took out a large flat brown 
envelope. He handed it to Mulder who took it and opened it, 
retrieving two tickets and a file.
	"For Florida", Skinner told them and they looked at him for 
an explanation. "I have been watching you for the past two 
months", Skinner began, "and regardless of what those in power 
think, I've decided to send you two on a trip to Florida. As you can 
read in the file it's an official investigation, but there's really not 
much to do for you, but to enjoy a vacation and get back to bureau-
life in a more relaxed, quiet manner, something I deemed especially 
important for Agent Scully, despite her transfer to Quantico."
	They both got the message that sounded between the lines. 
Skinner obviously needed to have them out of town for a few 
weeks, probably for a very good reason.
	"Yes, sir", Scully answered and she rose from her chair. 
Mulder didn't say a word, but followed her out of the office and 
with a smile at Penny, they headed for their own office. Scully 
grabbed Mulder's hand as they walked down the stairs toward the 
notorious basement office. Then Mulder opened the door and ...
	... they saw Claire and John in a heated embrace, necking 
like two teenagers.
	Mulder felt his jaw drop to the floor at the sight. Then he 
picked it up and grinned widely, looking at Scully who smiled 
gloriously back. Their colleague and her boyfriend in the meantime 
were quite unaware of their presence.
	"Hey, Scully", Mulder whispered. "Care to join them?"
	Scully chuckled but shook her head. "Let's grant them 
some privacy, shall we?" Then she rose up on tip-toes and 
whispered in his ear: "Let's go home". He looked at her and smiled. 
"This time, Agent Mulder", she said softly, leading him out of the 
office, "a clean desk just wouldn't be enough, I'm afraid ..."
	"I can't wait to go to Florida", Mulder sighed, pulling her to 
him, grateful for the quiet, abandoned corridor just outside their 
office.
	Well, almost abandoned then ... their passion making them 
oblivious to the man who was standing at the other end of the 
corridor and looked at them.
	All wasn't over, he knew, and took a cigarette from the box 
of Morley's, but he was going to solve the problems. And sending 
them off to Florida was very likely to solve the Mulder-Scully 
problem. Then he walked back, there was some business to attend 
to. He lit the cigarette and walked away.

*~*~*

	SHE'S IN MY ARMS, soft, small, strong and all mine. Her 
breathing is slow and deep and her lips curved in a lazy smile as she 
clings onto me. I will never let this woman go.
	She's not going away anymore. Not to Arizona and not to 
wherever she wanted to go when she was talking about quitting. 
I've never have a heart-attack in my life, but that came awfully 
close ... My life stopped, just stopped, like someone had taken a pair 
of scissors and cut my line of fate.
	Strange really, the way her actions define my life. I never 
experienced anything like it before she came into my life. Scary it 
is, too, it gives me a feeling of not being in total control of my life. 
And probably the scariest part of all is that I want her to have a 
hand in my fate, some means of control over my destiny. God 
knows, she cannot possibly make things worse than I would all by 
myself. I'm just no good at living, I guess.
	She makes a tiny soft sound and turns in my embrace. Her 
arms let go of the tight embrace and rest heavily on my chest and 
stomach. Her hands are clenched in loose fists, her body curled up 
like a baby's.
	Which brings me to the next paragraph of my life. Or 
chapter if you prefer, I don't know. A baby. A tiny helpless wee 
pink bitty-bit of life that's Scully and me combined in one. I look 
down at her belly, but it's still as flat as before. And of course it is, 
she hasn't been pregnant for more than a few weeks now at most, it 
won't show until we're at least another two months further down 
the road. And yet I imagine seeing a change about her, you know, 
not just the obvious things like her belly or her breasts, but 
everything, as if this presence of life inside her changes the whole 
way she looks. And perhaps it does, who knows.
	Tonight at three a.m. we're leaving for Florida. We packed 
all day yesterday and today. I couldn't believe my eyes when I 
noticed that after one whole day we still didn't have every-thing 
packed. I used to need a mere thirty minutes measured from the 
second I grabbed my bags till the moment I zipped it closed, and I 
know she can do it as well. And now ... now we needed two whole 
days ...
	I look at her and smile. Well, we weren't really packing all 
day ... I mean, we were busy all day all right, but I think we were 
more busy with each other than with the stuff we wanted to take 
with us.
	We're just so totally in love that we've dropped back in our 
development to the level of teenagers, we just can't keep our hands 
off each other ... So after we had shut the suitcases we exchanged 
looks and the next moment we were in bed ... at three o'clock in the 
afternoon, making love as though it was to be our last time ever. 
Which, luckily, it wasn't. It's never going to be a last time, I'm 
pretty sure our love's simply too strong for that.
	Hey, how about something sappy, huh?
	I can't help chuckling and I hear Scully mutter something to 
me.
	"You're laughing", she murmurs. "Why?"
	I smile and pull her up so that her face is closer to my own. 
"I'm laughing because I love you so much", I whisper and she 
sighs.
	"Me, too." Then she falls asleep again.
	So, tomorrow we're off to Florida. Skinner found this X-
File which includes lovely, deserted beaches and not too many 
crowds to deal with, excellent for taking a vacation. HE knows 
we're not the type for overcrowded, touristy baking-beaches; 
Federal Agents aren't often seen there when off-duty. Or on-duty 
for that matter ... It's going to be our last vacation together, just the 
two of us. I'm sure next time we'll be three, which is a fantastic 
thing as well, but I'm glad that we'll have at least one vacation for 
ourselves.
	You know, I might ask her to marry me when we're there ... 
In a way we both asked each other already, but we never came back 
to it and I'd love to have Dana Scully for my wife ... Besides, she's 
a Catholic, I think that, despite the fact that's she's not too strict in 
her beliefs, she'd like to be married when the baby's born.
	We both think it's going to be a girl, don't ask me why. In 
case it is a girl we're going to call her Nathalie. Scully told me 
about her dream, the dream with little five-year-old Nathalie 
bringing in weeds from the garden and playing pirate and princess 
with me. There's not a single name that sounds so wonderful for our 
little girl. Of course it could be a boy, too, it's still too early to have 
a doctor find out about the gender of the baby. In that case, if it is a 
boy, Scully liked the name David. She said it sounded like me. I 
was touched by that idea, it sounded like she wanted the boy to take 
after me. Poor kid, your mommy's making a big mistake -- she 
must be way too much in love with me ...
	For a moment we considered the name Emily for our 
daughter, but we dismissed that idea almost instantly. Calling our 
daughter Emily would almost mean we'd be replacing little Emily 
and we could never do such a thing. 
	Scully misses Emily very much, much more than she likes 
to show, but I know. She misses her more every day ... And no 
matter how many children we'll eventually have, we won't ever 
forget her. We'll never be able to ...
	I look at the clock, it's seven o'clock in the evening now 
and I hear my stomach growl. We didn't have supper today. I 
wonder if she's hungry, her appetite hasn't been tremendous since 
she returned from her mother. Well, I am hungry so I try to get her 
off me, but she's stubborn.
	"Where are you going, Mulder?" she whispers.
	I stroke her hair. "Nowhere. I'm just gonna get something 
to eat. I'm hungry."
	"Thought we had taken care of that", she murmurs and I 
can't help chuckling.
	"Hungry for food, sweetheart."
	"Not for me?" she asks and I see her look up at me. Trust 
her to make my insides go all gooey with nothing more than those 
three words ... 'I love you' definitely never had a sexier equivalent 
...
	"Dana, if I'd give in to all the times I am hungry for you, 
we'd never leave this bed again", I say in a low voice and she sighs 
and smiles.
	"Good answer", she says. "What are you going to get for 
supper?"
	"Dunno, depends on what you've got", I say, knowing that 
contrary to my own refrigerator hers is always well-supplied. And I 
knew what to get when I stocked it last time. It's a good thing, by 
the way, that I regularly ate at her place over the past five years, at 
least it allowed me to get used to proper, healthy, well-balanced 
food. My mother told me that when she and dad got married, he 
almost immediately developed an ulcer, allegedly because now he 
was eating decent food for the first time in years ... and his stomach 
just couldn't handle the vitamins! I like to hear this story, mom 
always tells it with a certain kind of fondness. It makes me feel that, 
despite the awful situation later on in their marriage, there was love 
when they got married.
	"There's some left-over Chinese from yesterday in the 
fridge. We might as well eat that, otherwise I'd have to throw it 
away anyway."
	"I'll get it", I say, but she's not letting me go. "You'd have 
to at least let me go, Dana."
	"Then stay. I'm not hungry and I want you here with me. 
Nattie wants you here with her", she adds slyly. Unless I'm very 
much mistaken, and I'm pretty sure I'm not, this could qualify as a 
classic example of successful blackmail. So I give in, I can't resist it 
...
	"Nattie wants me here?" I ask, feeling her lips against my 
throat. I swallow.
	"Yes", she whispers against my skin and I feel the 
vibrations of the air as it leaves her mouth, the warm, slightly moist 
breath warming my skin. I'm lost. There's just no way I can ever 
comment on that, so I don't.
	Welcome, my little princess ... No one will ever be more 
welcome than you ...

*~*~*

	THE MEN IN THE room were silent, their hard faces 
inscrutable, their cold eyes fixed on the man nearest to the window.
	He cast a look across the street and then looked back at the 
men in the room. Like them his expression hadn't changed even the 
slightest bit.
	"He's not there", he observed calmly.
	"He betrayed us", another man said. "He must be hauled 
back or gotten rid of."
	"Maybe."
	"We cannot risk exposure!" one man said firmly.
	The man by the window eyed him sharply. "We do not risk 
exposure. There's nothing to expose, nothing to reveal or prove. 
Our man took care of that."
	"How do we know he can still be trusted?"
	The question wasn't answered.
	A younger man spoke up. "Mulder's apartment was cleared 
day before yesterday."
	"Yes, I know", the man replied calmly. He could have 
sworn he saw some of the poker-faces relax ever so slightly.
	"So, everything has been removed then?" a man asked and 
the man by the window nodded.
	"Yes, it has. Everything has been taken away and 
destroyed. Mulder has no proof or the means to retrieve the 
information."
	A few grim nods were his share and with a stern 
"Gentlemen" he left the room.
	He had barely walked ten yards when he smelled the 
burning cigarette of the man walking behind him. He turned around 
to confront the man.
	"You protected them!" he said angrily, not so bent on 
hiding his feelings now. The cigarette-smoking man nodded, his 
mouth set in a haughty smile. Ash fell from the cigarette.
	"Yes, I have", he answered calmly.
	"Why?" the man whispered furiously. "My God, you act 
like you're the only one with an interest here!"
	The cigarette-smoking man's smile disappeared. "Oh, I 
certainly am not", he said, "but my interests are different. Vastly 
different."
	"You're playing a dangerous game! You're playing with 
your life!" the man hissed. "Some of us think you more dangerous 
than Mulder!"
	"I made Mulder", the smoking man said. "That, my friend, 
makes me lethal." He smiled again. "Doesn't it?"
	The man decided this wasn't getting them anywhere. "You 
cannot win!"
	"No one can", the smoking man said. "Only 'they' can."
	The man shot him one last furious look and walked on. 
With a slight smile the smoking man saw him leave and he 
extinguished his cigarette. Then he walked on. He had one more 
matter to attend to.

	A NONDESCRIPT BLACK SEDAN stopped in front of Doctor 
Young's house and a man got out. He was wearing a dark overcoat 
and a dark suit, making him virtually invisible in the dark night. 
The only indication that gave away his presence was the fiery red 
tip of his cigarette. He quickly walked up the front lane to the door 
and knocked. He knew the inhabitant of this house would be awake, 
even at this late hour.
	He was right. After two minutes Doctor Young's silhouette 
appeared and the door was opened.
	"Yes?"
	"Doctor Young", the man said and he smiled a cold smile. 
"It's good to see you still alive."
	"I get used to running and hiding", Doctor Young 
answered. "What do you want?"
	"Nothing", the smoking man answered. "You did what you 
were supposed to do and I come to give you something for your 
loyal service to us."
	"Give me something?" Doctor Young repeated. "That 
would be a first ..."
	"A first time for everything, Doctor", the man answered, his 
face cold and hard. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a 
brown envelope. He handed it to Doctor Young. "You know what 
to do", he said and turned on his heels, walking away and blending 
in with the darkness of the night.
	Doctor Young sighed and looked at the plain brown 
wrapper. Yes, he knew what to do. He walked back in the house, 
extinguished the light in the hall, took his already-packed suitcase 
and put it in the trunk of his car. He got in and with one last look at 
his house, he drove off into the night.

???

The End

??
Kirsten Kerkhof
15-11-1998



154

The X-Files? * Let's go fly a kite, Dana Scully