From: "Donni" <Donnilee@snet.net>
Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2001 22:08:02 -0400
Subject: RE: "Hunt for the Werewolf" by Donnilee
Source: direct

TITLE:               HUNT FOR THE WEREWOLF

AUTHOR:            DONNILEE

E-MAIL:            DONNILEE@SNET.NET

WEB SITE:            pages.zdnet.com/brunoem/bbrain/id12.html

CATEGORY:            MSR - Angst - RST (Big time! What else?)

RATING:            NC-17 (What a surprise!)

SPOILERS:            Tiny ones throughout for Pilot, Rain King, Fire,
The End Game, War of Corpophages, Triangle, Home, Arcadia, Never Again,
Sein Und Zeit, Anasazi.

SUMMARY:            An old college friend of Mulder's is in danger and
while working the case, they are made to see how much they are missing
and where they'll end up if they don't give in to their love for one
another.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  

(A)        The Salty Dog does exist, but not in Virginia.  It's in New
London, CT, or at least it was between the years of 1984 and 1986 when I
lived there.  Yes, I went there with my friend, Kate (whom I haven't
seen in 10 years now) to check it out.  No, it's not a lounge.  Yes, it
is a gay bar.  Any other questions? 

(B)            Bloomingdale, TN exists but the Mary Magdelen Cloister is
my own invention. 

(C)        The barbeque apron that makes a brief appearance in this
story actually existed, hanging on the wall in a gay friend's kitchen. 
I laughed so hard when I saw it, I almost peed my pants.  I attended a
party there some time later and actually got to wear it once, amidst
hoots and hollers of, "Look out! Breeder on the Barbeque!"  A good time
was had by all!  I've been just waiting for the opportunity to slip that
apron in somewhere! 

(D)        I would like to give a nod to my friend, let's call him J! 
Over the past twelve years of our friendship, he has unwittingly given
me a comprehensive and in depth understanding of alternative lifestyles
and various sexual proclivities and orientations.  NO!  I didn't learn
it from him THAT way!  Get your mind out of the gutter!  :=) But he is
a true shining star of a friend who can always bring a smile to my face
with his bubbly personality and penchant for self-deprecating humor.  I
learned from him that Size 13, leather pumps DO in fact, exist!

 

A small example:  I joined him to watch a movie one night and left my
pocket book there.  He called me later that evening, disguising his
voice on my answering machine and saying:  "You left your pocket book
here, darling.  And you're just going to have to come get it, because it
doesn't go with ANY of the shoes I have!"

THANKS:  To my hubby, Bruno for beta reading!  Shan was busy with
another story and I wanted to get this out for the August challenge, so
I called my hubby back into the saddle to help me get this one out!  He
was a trooper.  Thanks, babe.

 

WHISPERS OF X CHALLENGE: AUGUST '01

1.         Shelf that falls down - Check!

2.         Sex on a Beach - Check!

3.            LooneyTunes Coffee Mug - Check!

4.            Unexpected Phone Call - Check!

5.         Porn Mag - "Do Me with it Big Boy" - Not Mulder's  - Check!

6.            Character named Jamie - Check!

7.         Black Ribbon - Check!

 

PART 1  (PG-13)

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING

BASEMENT OFFICE

Friday Night

 

I was a little worried about getting involved in this case.  I had a
vague sense of disquiet that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  Skinner
had briefed Mulder on some of the case before I got back from lunch, but
Mulder had said he'd only given him sketchy details and he hadn't read
the file yet.

 

He was finishing up a report on our last case while I was reading the
new file.

 

Operators from the Dial-A-Dream 1-900 service in Virginia were
disappearing without a trace, presumed dead as none were being found. 
Finally, when one of the girls' pocket books had been found in
Tennessee, the FBI was called in.  Since this now crossed state lines,
we had jurisdiction.

 

After reading the file and some of the statements from the other girls
at the service, which were vague at best, I turned to my partner.

 

"These girls that are disappearing all work for a 1-900 service.  Did
Skinner tell you that?"

 

"Huh?" he looked up at me.  "No, he didn't.  Just said it was an X-File
because of some of the witness reports and there were five missing
persons already.  Didn't really tell me much.  I figured I'd read the
file when I finished with this.  I only have a few more sentences here
and I'm done."

 

"O.K., finish up," I told him.  I continued to read.  When he sighed and
turned off his computer, I knew he was done.  

 

He swiveled in his chair to face me and said, "All right, partner, what
have we got?"

 

"You ever use Dial-A-Dream, Mulder?" I asked, trying to make a joke.

 

He had an odd look on his face.  I heard him mutter, "Oh damn."

 

He jumped out of his chair and nearly grabbed the file out of my hands. 
He scanned the summary sheet on top.  "What is it, Mulder?

 

He was already reaching for the phone.  I stopped him.  "Mulder!  What
is it?" I nearly shouted.  He stopped and looked at me.  

 

"I need to make a phone call."

 

"Where do you think we should start, Mulder?" I asked.  "Should we
recanvas these operators?" 

 

He shook his head.  "No.  I need to call Jamella." 

 

"Jamella?" 

 

"An old friend of mine."  He looked slightly frantic. I felt my gut
twist.  Who was Jamella?  One of the operators? I wondered.  Or was she
another old flame of his that I knew nothing about.  I was getting a
little tired of all these old girlfriends popping up.  The chick in
Kroner, Kansas was bad enough.  Phoebe turned me several shades of the
green with her phony come-ons.  Bambi the Bimbo had also made my green
eyed monster rear its ugly head.  But Diana had to be the worst.  That
two timing bitch was no longer a problem.  Uncharitable thought, I
chastised myself, seeing as how the woman was dead.

 

But it seemed one woman would drift out of his life only to be replaced
by another.  My reactions were getting worse each time.  I knew the time
was coming when I was going ot have to face up to my feelings and my
attraction for my partner.  I just didn't know how to do it.

 

Mulder reached for the receiver of the phone but then pulled back and
reached into his back pocket, extracting a little magnetic billfold. 
I'd never seen it before and raised an eyebrow at him.  He pulled the
two magnetic parts apart and it opened up like an accordion.  Rows of
tiny names and numbers appeared written down the tiny pages.  It was a
mini telephone list or ... a little black book for all intents and
purposes.  I swallowed.  He shrugged and ran his finger down the lines. 
"Been a while since I called.  Believe it or not, I don't remember the
number."

 

He finally stopped on a number and picked up the receiver.  I cut in,
"Mulder, you didn't answer my question.  Who is Jamella?"

 

"An old friend." 

 

"Care to elaborate?" 

 

"Not really." 

 

I couldn't help flashing him a dirty look that must have turned pained
because he sighed, his hand on the disconnect button and said, "She
works for this service.  I want to know she's all right.  And she's also
an inside bet for us.  She will talk to me."

 

"She's a 1-900 operator?" I asked, unable to keep the disdain out of my
voice.

 

"She only does that part time," he defended, sounding a little offended.

 

"Does she know you from calling the service?" I asked, knowing
immediately, I shouldn't have asked. 

 

Now it was his turn to give me a dirty look.  "No, I don't use this
service, precisely because she does work there." 

 

He didn't use THIS service.  He didn't say, 'I don't use these services
or these kinds of services'.  He just didn't use this one.  I wondered
how he knew this person.

 

I heard him speak into what was obviously a machine.  "Jamella, this is
Fox.  I know it's been a while.  But I've been assigned to help out on
this case of disappearing girls where you work.  Can we meet privately
and talk?  Call me.  Let me know you're all right.  I still have the
same cell number.  Or until 5:00 PM, you can reach me at work at
555-0202, Extension 123."

 

He hung up and turned to face me.  I turned away and looked down at the
reports in my hand, feigning interest.  I could sense his regard like a
hot beacon on the side of my face.  He'd said, 'This is Fox.'  Not
Mulder.  This is Fox.  Damn it.  Why could everybody on the fucking
planet call him Fox except me?  This person must be very close to him
for him to use his first name.  Then again, Mulder and Scully were who
we were now.  I didn't feel any distance because of calling him Mulder. 


 

After several moments of silence, he said, "Why don't you tell me what's
bothering you, Scully?  Or ask what you want to ask instead of getting
all bitchy on me.  Can you just ask what you want to know for once?"

 

"I'm not bitchy, and I don't want to know anything," I replied, without
looking up. 

 

Then he said something he'd never said before.  He usually let it go
when I was like this.  I looked up at him when he didn't say anything
dismissive, like 'all right, then.'  

 

As soon as my eyes met his he said, "Bullshit!" 

 

Then he turned and began reading his e-mails. 

 

I was floored by that one word said with so much anger.  He'd nearly
spit it out.  Tears stung my yes.  He was obviously fed up with my
evasive maneuvers.  He knew it was personal.  That's the only time I got
evasive.  It hurt him when I hid from him like this, as though I
couldn't trust him with my feelings.  If I could trust him, who could I
trust?  I was so confused sometimes.  And more lonely every day.  My
life with Mulder was all I had.  Without it . well, I didn't even want
to think about that.  Maybe that was part of the reason I felt so
threatened by anyone who could potentially take him away from me, even
for a little while.

 

I swallowed hard and decided I was sick of it too.  I hated feeling this
way, like I'd hurt him simply because I wasn't brave enough to say what
was really on my mind.  And what I had with Mulder wasn't enough any
more.

 

I cursed the ragged sound of my voice and asked, "Who is she Mulder?  Is
she another old girlfriend?" 

 

I was ready to kill him when he threw his head back and laughed
heartily.  I wasn't amused that he found my questions so humorous.  Damn
him.  He knew how hard it was for me to ask things like that.  And now
he was going to embarrass me and rub my nose in it besides.  "Damn it,
Mulder!  I'm trying!" I shouted.

 

His mirth died down and he looked instantly contrite.  He swung around
in his chair and said, "I'm sorry, Scully.  I don't know why you thought
that, but I can't even tell you how wrong you are."

 

I felt color creep up my neck in embarrassment.  I hoped it wouldn't
blossom over my face.  I'd tipped my hand now.  He knew I was interested
in if this woman was an old flame.  And what did that say about my
feelings for him?  He would read into it.  And why shouldn't he?

 

He was quiet and then surprised me by saying, "Scully, you don't need to
worry about that ... ever.  No one can take your place in my life."

 

Was he reading my mind?

 

"What are you talking about?" I asked, my voice raising an irritating
octave above normal. 

 

"I mean you don't ever need to be jealous." 

 

"I'm AM NOT jealous!" 

 

He just chuckled, and then said, "Whatever.  You don't need to worry." 

 

"I'm not worried. I was just curious." 

 

"Sure, how silly of me," he replied sarcastically, as if the idea of me
being jealous over him was ridiculous.  If he only knew how very jealous
I'd been in the past.  How the mere thought of this woman from his past
was making me want to pee on my territory.  I didn't think I could take
one more woman from his past.

 

What else could I say?  I didn't matter because just then the phone
rang. 

He picked up the phone and said, "Hey, J.  Just a sec, going to put you
on speaker phone so my partner can listen." 

 

He hit the button for hands-free on the phone and voice, low but soft
and mellow sailed out of the phone.  I was confused for a moment by the
androgynous voice that was oddly alluring.  After the first few words,
however, I realized Jamella was a man.  If I wasn't embarrassed before,
I was now.

 

"Foxy!  You don't write, you don't call!  What's a girl to think?" 

 

"I've been busy, Jamella." 

 

"Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy," the voice replied, in a sing song voice
laced with sarcasm.  "What darling?  You're so busy you can't even make
a phone call?"

 

"Sorry J, it's been a rough year." 

 

"I'm tired of your excuses. You only call me when you need me for
something.  Is your partner there?" 

 

"Yes," I answered.  "This is Agent Scully."  I was trying hard not to
choke on my amusement.  

 

Mulder was already laughing silently at my utter humiliation.  I
couldn't even blame him.   I gave him the look that said, 'You could
have warned me!'

 

The voice asked, "Agent Scully, is that any way to treat a lady?  I ask
you, one femme to another, does this man have ANY manners?"

 

I laughed out loud.  I couldn't help it.  "No, he doesn't.  But don't
take it personally.  He has no manners with me either."

 

"For SHAME!" the disembodied voice responded. "So tell me, Fox, anybody
capture that raisin you call a heart yet?"

 

"Me to know and you to find out," Mulder quipped.

 

"Bet that partner of yours has it.  You've never stayed with anyone this
long.  When do I get to meet the competition anyway?  I want to meet the
woman that took you away from me."

 

I laughed again and Mulder made face, now becoming irritated.  "Jamie,
watch your mouth."

 

"Uhhhh," I heard a gasp of unparalleled dissatisfaction.  "That was a
low blow, G-Man."

 

I assumed Jamie must be this . person's . real name. "What's good for
the goose ." Mulder replied, his voice trailing off.

 

"Oh sweetheart, I wiissshhh!"

 

I laughed now as Mulder blushed, shaking his head.  It took a lot to
make Mulder blush.  In seven years, I think I'd only seen it a couple of
times.

 

I couldn't resist joining in the bashing session.  "What Jamella? You're
not his type?"

 

"No darling.  'Fraid not.  We practice totally different religions."

 

I laughed now.  Mulder was still shaking his head in tolerant amusement
and now biting the inside of his cheek.

 

"Different religions, huh?  You're not Jewish, then, I take it?" I asked
with a teasing lilt in my voice.

 

Her low pitched voice let loose with a sultry laugh that made my face
split into yet another smile.  When her laughter died she said, "G-Man,
I like her.  She's got spunk."

 

"She does have that," Mulder replied, smiling at me.

 

"So you want to meet with me after not calling for nearly a year.  And
I'm supposed to drop everything and make room for you?"

 

Mulder cleared his throat.  "J, listen, I really need your help.  I'm
sorry I haven't called."

 

"Oh dear," he said, sounding resigned.  "That can only mean trouble. 
What do you need?"

 

"We need to meet with you and talk first, . in private."

 

"Private?  Shall I rent a room at the D.C. Marriott, darling?  I'll
buy!"

 

Mulder chuckled again.  "I need you to be serious for one minute here."

 

"I've never been more serious in my life, doll."

 

I grinned, offering no support when Mulder flashed me his kicked puppy
look, asking for help.  Anybody who could get away with calling Mulder,
'doll', was O.K. in my book, as long as she wasn't an ex-girlfriend.

 

*J* sighed heavily and then said, "All right, meet me tonight at the
Salty Dog, 8:00 PM.  Don't be late."

 

"I'll have my partner with me," he said, raising an eyebrow at me in
question.  I nodded.

 

"Lovely.  We can finally meet and compare notes."

 

"God help me," Mulder groaned.

 

"Where is the Salty Dog? I've never heard of it."

 

J laughed outright and said, "No, I don't imagine you have, girlfriend. 
It's a lounge for US, if you must know."

 

"US?," I said, rethinking my agreement to go with Mulder.  I shook
myself.  I would not be intimidated.

 

"Transvestites!" she whispered conspiratorially as though it were a bad
word.

 

This could be fun.  I asked, "Where do you know Mulder from?"

 

"Mulder?  You mean he kept up that nonsense of having you call him by
his last name?"

 

I stiffened.  "Yes, we do that.  He calls me Scully.  It's just the way
we are."

 

"Silly," she said firmly.  Then, "Anyway, don't be afraid, I'll protect
you.  You'll be my special guests.  I'll tell Ramone to watch the door
for you."  I realized he had never answered my question.

 

"Thanks," Mulder replied flatly.

 

"And do me a favor, FoxMan?"

 

"What's that J?"

 

"Don't dress like a fucking FBI agent, please.  Not that I don't love
your fine ass wrapped in Armani, but you won't last two minutes at the
Dog dressed like a G-Man.  They'd chew you up and spit you out. 
Besides, I do have an image to uphold."

 

I pressed my lips together tightly to avoid letting another guffaw
escape.  Mulder asked, "How should I dress?"

 

"Casual but sexy.  Like you're going on a date with a woman you love."

 

"I'll dress sexy just for you, J."

 

"You're a damn tease, you know that?" she said.  It was a rhetorical
question.  I happened to agree with her.  Mulder was one of the most
unconsciously sexy men I had ever known.  He had to know he was good
looking, but I really didn't think he was vain about his looks.  He
didn't seem to realize the impact they had on most women.

 

"What else?  Anything else I have to know, except to dress for the one I
love?"

He glanced at me and had an odd look on his face.  I raised my eyebrows.
 He asked J, "How should Scully dress?"

 

"The same.  You do own a dress, don't you girl?"

 

"Yes," I managed to push out around the giant size ball of laughter that
wanted to emerge. 

 

"All right then, dress like you are going on a date with someone you
want to tangle up in the sheets later on."  

 

I choked and coughed behind my hand.

 

"Jamiiieee ." Mulder said in a voice that held warning.  I wondered what
that was all about.

 

"Don't give me that tone, Mr. Man!" Jamella replied in a persnickety
voice.  "You can call the shots when you behave like a better friend. 
One phone call in ten months does make an attentive friend make."

 

Mulder sighed.  "Why did I know you wouldn't make this easy for me?"

 

"Do I ever?"

 

"No, I'll see you at 8:00.  We still have work to do here."

 

"Right-O. Ta, ta."  The line went dead.

 

Mulder looked up at me and bit his bottom lip.  I shook my head in
amusement.  "I need to warn you that she's a match maker of the first
degree.  Been trying to set me up for years."

 

"You could have told me about her."

 

"That would have taken all the fun out of it."  He grinned and I
couldn't help smile in response.  It seemed he'd forgotten my adverse
reaction and I was glad if he was going to leave it in the 'dead and
buried' file.

 

"So what is this bar, really?" I asked.

 

"It's a gay bar.  But they host lounge acts.  It's a nice place
actually.  J does a number."

 

"He does?"

 

"She."

 

"She," I said solemnly and nodded my head.  We smiled at each other. 
"So what's his . uh . her game?"

 

"He's a drag queen.  Likes to be treated as a female and referred to
that way when he's Jamella."

 

"I gathered that."

 

"When he's not in drag, I call him J.  It's generic.  He doesn't like
being called Jamie at all."

 

"Where did you meet?"

 

"Would you believe me if I told you Oxford?"

 

"Really?"

 

"Really.  He was all male then, or appeared to be anyway, if a little
effeminate.  He dated seldom, but he did date some.  Didn't come out of
the closet until we were back in the States.  By that time, we were two
American misfits at Oxford that had bonded together.  We've remained
friends."

 

"What did he study?"

 

"Business."

 

"And he's doing lounge acts and working as a 1-900 operator?"

 

"We don't all use our educations, Scully.  I think he went because his
folks insisted, not because he really wanted to be there.  She's very
good at what she does."

 

I wondered if Mulder noticed that he had switched from He to She when
referring to Jamie.  "When did you find out he . she . "

 

"Was a gay cross dresser?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"About six months after returning the States.  I was still going to the
Academy and he invited me to see him perform.  I had no idea where I was
going.  He'd sung in a chorale at Oxford.  I knew he had a great voice. 
I really walked into a shocker."

 

"I'll bet!  It was a gay bar?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"She sounds smitten.  Did she make a pass at you?"

 

"God no! J knew I was straight.  It would have ruined our friendship. 
And neither of us have ever had a lot of close friends to spare.  I had
a little trouble fighting off a few of his friends though," he admitted
sheepishly.

 

I laughed.  "I'll bet."  Then I paused.  "She sounds like she wouldn't
run if you decided to swing both ways though."  I was just looking for
something to say.  I wanted to know more about this odd relationship. 
Mulder seemed to have an odd collection of friends.  I mean, look at the
Lone Gunmen!

 

I would have to be careful not to trip up with the he/she thing.

 

Mulder crinkled his nose.  "No, she probably wouldn't.  Then again, I
don't know.  We have a genuine affection for one another.  She wouldn't
want to mess that up any more than I would. "

 

I wondered if he was drawing that parallel with us.

 

"Not that it's an issue anyway.  I'm straight as an arrow.  Anyway,
we've had an understanding for a long time."

 

"And that would be?"

 

"She can tease me, but if she ever puts the make on me for real, I'll
flatten her dinky ass."

 

I laughed.  "Sounds like you were good friends.  Not many people will
tease you like that."

 

"We ARE still good friends.  I've been the bad friend.  Not her.  She's
always been there for me.  Even when things got rough around here."

 

"She knows your proclivity for the paranormal."

 

"Yeah, and she believes a lot of it."

 

"Oh God. Another one."

 

Mulder grinned at me.  "You'll like her.  And I mean HER.  I usually
call her J.  It's easier than tripping over myself trying to remember to
call her by another name.  That was her nickname in college.  I knew her
before Jamella existed. I've gotten used to calling her SHE, but never
to the name.  I just called her Jamie to piss her off."

 

"I caught that.  Why did you do it?"

 

"It's my signal that she's going too far."

 

"I didn't think she was.  I was rather enjoying watching her beat you up
verbally.  Not many people can do that."

 

"You can," he said perfectly serious, neatly changing the subject.

 

I smiled gently at him.  "So, what are we going to do for the rest of
the day?"

 

"I say we call these witnesses that were already interviewed and set up
appointments.  I don't expect them to tell us anything, but it's worth a
shot.  I expect J will give me the real scoop though.  They all talk to
her for some reason."

 

"Why's that?"

 

"You'll see. She's easy to talk to, despite all the bluster and
braggadocio.  She keeps confidences and she takes people seriously, no
matter how whacked they are."

 

"That explains why you two are friends!  If she can put up with
whackos!" I teased.

 

He laughed.  "Low blow, Scully."

 

"I don't imagine she can afford to be judgmental."

 

"Well, she could be, but she prefers to be well liked, and she is.  She
won't be a hypocrite and judge someone else.  She's been judged too
often herself.  She makes flippant comments but that's just her defense
mechanism.  When the chips are down, she's solid."

 

"O.K., let's get to work planning our week.  I have a feeling it's going
to be a long one.  Do you think there's something paranormal going on
here?"

 

"I don't know.  They've found some sort of sticky substance at the
apartments of each of the missing women."

 

"Five so far."

 

"Yeah.  And so far, the lab hasn't determined what it is."

 

"Is it green and toxic?" I quipped.

 

He smiled.  "No, we're waiting for the results.  I expect it's a known
substance."

 

"Why are we taking this case then?"

 

"Skinner gave it to us."

 

"There's got to be more than that, Mulder.  Don't try to hoodwink me. 
Why is this an X-File?"

 

He gave me a look that said, 'Damn, I'm caught.'  "You didn't read all
the witness statements?"

 

"No, I haven't had a chance."

 

"Me neither.  But Skinner said, well, they also found hairs at the
scene."

 

"Hairs," I repeated blandly.

 

"Yes, hairs.  Long, blonde hairs about six to eight inches long, baby
fine."

 

"Like a girl's, you mean?"

 

"No, I mean like a baby's."

 

"Babies don't have hair that long."

 

"Exactly."

 

I had a sudden feeling of uneasiness.  "What are you not telling me?"

 

He grinned sheepishly.  "They all disappeared on a full moon or a new
moon over the last two and half months."

 

"Mulder ."

 

"What?"

 

"What are you thinking?"

 

He smiled his angelic smile of innocence.  Mulder was a lot of things,
but innocent wasn't one of them.  "Let's see what J has to say.  We'll
go from there."

 

"Tell me," I demanded sternly.

 

"Those witness statement I mentioned, that make this an X-Files?"  He
didn't wait for an answer.  "A couple of the girls who haven't
disappeared have said . that they saw something."

 

"Something," I repeated blandly again, coaxing him along.  I was
beginning to get annoyed.

 

"Something big . with hair . hair all over it's body."

 

I groaned, hanging my head.  

 

He continued.  "When they saw it, it ran away but now they are all
afraid of being snatched.  They think this thing is what took the other
girls."

 

I spoke to my shoes.  "Please tell me you don't think ."

 

He cut me off.  "That's it's a werewolf?" he supplied calmly.

I looked up.  "Mulder, please ."

 

He grinned.  "I don't think anything yet.   But I want to check it out. 
And I'm worried about my friend.  I love that exasperated look you get
on your face, by the way.  It's a killer."  He chuckled again.

 

I sighed, knowing there was no getting out of this.  Besides, now I
wanted to meet this friend.  "Let's get to work."

 



PART 2 (PG-13)

DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN, D.C.

LATER THAT EVENING

7:15 PM

 

I was nervous.  I had no idea why.  I was standing outside her door,
wondering what she would think when she saw me.  I'd taken an unusually
long time getting dressed.  Ultimately, I'd decided to wear a pair of
faded black jeans with my black boots and black silk dress shirt with my
leather bomber jacket.  I'd left the top three buttons open on my shirt.
 I'd spiked my hair up with jell and put a diamond stud in my left ear. 
I hadn't worn an earring in ages.

 

Years ago, for guys, earring in the left ear was an indication that you
were straight.  In the seventies, left was straight and right was gay. 
I didn't think that was the case anymore, but figured it couldn't hurt.

 

I'd also slipped on a masculine gold link chain around my neck and a
gold nugget ring on my right ring finger.  I rarely wore jewelry, but I
didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb tonight.  Scully would stick
out, no matter what.  She would undoubtedly be the only woman in the
place.  But Scully didn't scare easily.  

 

I wondered how she would dress.  Jamella had told her to wear a dress,
but I didn't know if she would.  I'd rarely seen Scully in anything but
a suit or casual clothes.  I was trying to remember if I'd ever seen her
dressed for a night on the town when she opened the door.  I hadn't even
knocked.

 

My jaw dropped when I saw her and I was surprised and a little elated
when she gasped upon seeing me.  Probably just the shock of seeing me in
something besides Armani.

 

She was wearing a black halter top dress that clung to her curves and
criss-crossed over her chest to swath her breasts and then ran up to tie
behind her neck.  She swung the door open wider and I stepped in, still
staring unashamedly and walked around behind her.  

 

God have mercy, the back of the thing was wide open to her waist.  I
could see her tattoo just above the waistline that hugged her snugly. 
All that Scully skin just begging to be caressed.  My hand, having a
mind of its own, reached out and I rubbed the back of my fingers over
her tattoo.  Her skin felt like spun silk.  

 

She gasped loudly this time and stepped away from me, whirling around. 
She was obviously taken aback that I had touched her.  "Sorry," I
muttered, examining the tips of my boots.

 

She didn't say anything and I let my eyes drag over her feet which were
sporting 3-1/2 'fuck me' pumps and legs encased in black nylons.  I
continued my perusal up the loose skirt of the dress and over her perky
breasts which I now knew were not encased in a halter bra as I'd first
suspected.  I met her gaze and found her cheeks stained pink and her
lips pursed in an odd fashion.  

 

Her eyes raked over me from head to toe and I saw her eyes go wide when
they reached my head.  "Mulder!  You have an earring?!" she nearly
shouted.

 

I grinned.  "I haven't worn it in years, not much opportunity.  The FBI
frowns on it, you know?"

 

She smiled, reaching up and fingering my earlobe with her forefinger and
thumb.  I couldn't suppress the shiver that ran through me and she
quickly retracted her hand.  "Wow," she said, still seeming at a loss as
to what to say.  I could relate.

 

Finally I said, "Scully, you look . stunning."

 

She beamed me a smile, teeth and all and I felt my heart turn over in my
chest.  Jesus, this woman was going to be the death of me.  I grinned
when I realized she was blushing a deeper shade of pink.

 

Little did J know, Scully was the woman I was in love with.  I think he
suspected.  As many as four years ago, I'd shared a lot of information
about her with him.  She'd been intrigued that I finally had a partner I
could tolerate.  She'd given me a knowing look as soon as I'd told her
that Scully was a woman.

 

I'd told her it wasn't what she thought and launched into my speech
about our deep friendship and respect and she'd just given me that
pursed lip look that said, 'Go bullshit somebody else.'  I'd ignored it.
 I realized now though that when I'd talked to J in the past, I'd almost
always talked of Scully, and not much else.

 

"Ready to go?" she asked finally.

 

"Yeah, let's go," I said, alarmed at the husky tone of my voice.  

 

I picked up her suitcase and followed her out.  I reached down
tentatively with my free hand to place my hand in its usual spot on her
low back.  When I encountered her skin again, I had to bite my tongue to
keep from moaning.  She'd jumped a little.  I swear she did, but then
settled into a leisurely gait as we rode down in the elevator and exited
the building.  I unlocked the door and held the door for her.  She
slipped in, her small black patent leather pocketbook with the long
strap draped over one shoulder and hanging on her hip.  

 

When she pulled her legs up to fold them into the car, her dress rode up
and I thought I saw lace appear about mid thigh.  She shifted and then
looked up at me, her dress falling back into place.  She looked at me
strangely.  "Mulder, what is it?"

 

I realized I was staring at her legs and jerked my eyes back up. 
"Nothing," I mumbled and shut the door, jogging around to the other
side.  I slide in and glanced over at her as I fired up the engine.

 

She asked, "What were you looking at?"

 

Damn, she wasn't going to let this go.  Was she trying to kill me here? 
Was she enjoying teasing me like this?  "I thought I saw ."  

 

"Saw what?" she prompted, smiling evilly.

 

"Damn, Scully."

 

She just fixed me with her 'I'm not letting you weasel out of this one'
look and I sighed.  "I thought I saw . stockings and it just . surprised
me, that's all."

 

She smiled and looked down shyly.  "I am wearing stockings," she said
softly.

 

My voice wasn't much above a whisper either.  "And garter belts?" I
asked tentatively.

 

She shook her head.  "Not with this dress, just thigh highs, there's
elastic on the top."

 

"Jesus, Scully, what are you trying to do?  Kill me?"

 

She giggled.  "You like stockings, huh?" she asked, a little too
casually.

 

I grunted.  "Almost more than I like air," I replied.

 

She chuckled this time.  "Drive, Mulder."

 

I nodded and pulled out, concentrating on the road.  I needed to get my
mind off the fact that Scully was sitting beside me in that slip of
dress, wearing stockings and garter belts and no bra.  How was I going
to get through this night without giving away my attraction to her.  I
already had, but she could brush it off at this point.  

 

Damn, I was semi-hard and I wasn't even looking at her, I was just
thinking about what was under that dress, or wasn't, as the case may be.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

SALTY DOG LOUNGE

RICHMOND, VA.

THAT SAME NIGHT

7:50 PM

 

I almost swallowed my tongue when I opened the door to Mulder tonight. 
I was so flustered I forgot to ask him why he'd been standing there and
not knocking.  I'd been cruising into the living room, having finally
gotten ready and stopped to look at myself one more time in the all
mirror.   I'd taken extra time with my make-up and I'd let my hair dry
into soft waves rather than straightening it.  Then I'd gathered it up
on the back of my head in a French braid, weaving a black ribbon into it
and pulling wisps of hair out to curl around my face and the back of my
neck.

 

I glanced at the door and seen the shadow of his feet in the hallway and
made my way over to let him in.  He looked like he'd just left a
magazine photo shoot.  His hair was all spiked up with jell and his
bomber jacket was hanging open.  His snug, black silk shirt left nothing
to the imagination and I could see the outline of every muscle on that
gorgeous chest.  Some sparse chest hair was peeking out over the top
where he'd left it unbuttoned.  I'd had the insane urge to run my
fingers through it.

 

Even in heels, he towered over me in his thick heeled black, leather
boots.  They must have given him another inch of height.  And the
diamond stud in his ear was the topper.    I'd never even noticed that
his ear was pierced!  How could I have missed that?

 

I couldn't see it now that we were in the car, but I was fascinated by
the fact that Mulder had his ear pierced at some point during his
misspent youth, probably at Oxford.  I glanced at his hands, watching
his knuckles turn white as he gripped the steering wheel and noticed he
was wearing a gold ring as well as the necklace.  It was so NOT Mulder,
and yet . Damn, he looked good enough to eat.

 

I sighed and looked out the window at the passing landscape.  I had to
try and think about something else other than how good he looked.  How
was I going to survive an entire evening and keep my hands off him? 
Those black jeans hugged his thighs like a second skin and framed that
spectacular ass in soft denim.

 

I'd nearly jumped out of my skin when he'd touched my back so gently. 
It was barely a touch, but my whole body had washed with a warm
sensation and heat had pooled between my legs.  

 

Damn, I just felt another rush of wetness as I relived the feeling of
his warm, large hand on the small of my back.  It nearly spanned my
waist it was so large.  To have those hands on my body . NO!  Stop this,
I thought.  That way lay madness.

 

Maybe I should have worn underwear after all.  This was going to be a
long night.  I hoped he couldn't smell me.  I was aroused already and we
hadn't even made it to the club.

 

I gawked at all the neon as we pulled up to the club.  Mulder circled
the lot twice until he found a place fairly close.

 

We slipped out and went to the door.  A hulking brute of a guy wearing
cut off shorts, a weight belt and work boots was guarding the door.  He
wore no shirt and he looked like King Kong, his bald head glinting in
the ray of the spot light above the door. He stuck out his hand to
Mulder.  

 

"You must be Fox, Jamella told me to look for you.  Said you were a hunk
and you'd have the little woman with you.  I'm Ramone. Go right on in."

 

Mulder pulled out his wallet to pay the cover charge, but Ramone waved
at him.  

 

"Jamella paid your way.  You're all set."

 

Mulder looked surprised, but put his hand on my back again and led me
through the door.  We were plunged into near darkness in the entryway. 
Mulder handed his coat to another bouncer at the door, who hung it on a
hanger from the poles that adorned both sides of the entryway.  As we
entered the main lounge, the lighting was dim but you could see.  Small
round tables circled a small dance floor which was situated in front of
a presidium stage.  We found a table right in front of the stage but off
to one side and sat down.  "The little woman?" I asked.

 

He shrugged, grinning.  "J has a peculiar sense of humor.  She's
probably in match maker mode."

 

A waiter was at the table very quickly and taking our drink order.  He
was dressed in tux pants and a cummerbund . nothing else but a bow tie
around his neck.  His torso was greased and he looked like something out
of GQ.  I eyed him appreciatively and he smiled, preening a little bit
and winking at me as he walked away.  I laughed and turned to find
Mulder scowling.

 

I laughed even harder. "I don't think I'm his type, Mulder.  I wouldn't
worry about it."

 

He schooled his features to his classic deadpan look and didn't say
anything.  "Mulder?"

 

"What?  I didn't say anything," he replied.

 

I grinned.  "You didn't have to and wipe that deadpan look off your
face."

 

He visibly relaxed and mumbled, "Sorry."

 

"Forget it."  I couldn't resist teasing him though just to see what
would happen.  I sighed loudly, looking back towards the bar where our
hunky cocktail waiter was leaning over the bar retrieving drinks and
said, "Too bad all the good ones are married or gay," I said in a
wistful tone.

 

I looked at Mulder, expecting him to smile or laugh and join in my
tease.  Instead I saw a solemn look on his face that almost looked .
disappointed?  He looked away but not before I saw the flash of hurt on
his face.

 

Damn, I was only teasing.  "Mulder, I was only teasing!" I chastised. 

 

He cleared his throat.  "I know, just not a joke guys get into I guess. 
One to save for your girlfriends."

 

" I didn't mean anything by that.  I was only teasing!"  I paused. 
"You're one of the good ones, Mulder!"

 

"Am I?" he asked, perfectly serious.

 

"Yes, you are."

 

He looked away.

 

I frowned, feeling uneasy all of a sudden.  Mulder was my best friend. 
I didn't have any girlfriends any more.  There were a few I still saw a
couple times a year for tradition sake, but for all intents and
purposes, Mulder was my only friend.  He was the only one I saw
regularly at any rate and he was without a doubt, my best friend. 
Sometimes I wished I had a girlfriend.  How many nights had I wished
that I had someone to share my feelings with.  I had at times longed for
a girlfriend to confide in.  Someone I could trust with my feelings for
Mulder and be sure they wouldn't repeat them.  

 

Oh, I could talk to my mother if I needed to.  But if I admitted I was
in love with Mulder, she would push me to advance the relationship.  She
wanted to see me married. 

 

Wait a minute! . In love with Mulder.  I sucked in a noisy breath and
Mulder's face was in mine instantly.  "Are you all right, Scully?"

 

"Yeah, I just thought of something . I forgot to do," I lied.

 

He looked at me strangely.  "Do we need to leave?"

 

"No! No, it's all right."

 

"I'm sorry, Scully, I didn't mean to go all silent on you.  I'm being an
ass.  I don't know what's the matter with me.  Maybe I'm a little jumpy
being in here, more than I thought I would be."

 

"It's all right."

 

"No, it's not.  I'm sorry.  I'm just . glad you're with me."

 

I knew that wasn't what he had been going to say.  "What were you going
to say?"

 

"It's silly, I guess.  But I wish someone would look at me like that
someday."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Like you just looked at that guy over there.  Like he was an ice cream
sundae."

 

I smiled at him, amazed at his insecurity and how oblivious he could be.

 

"What?" he asked, when I continued to stare at him incredulously.

 

He continued.  "I mean, its like I only seem to attract nut cases and
gay men.  Why do think that is?" he asked seriously.

 

I laughed then.  "Oh Mulder, you're priceless.  Women ogle you all the
time.  Don't you notice?"

 

He looked surprised.  "No way!"

 

I smiled and he returned my smiled.  "They do, Mulder.  And I'm not
immune.  You're a very handsome man.  So which am I, a nut case or a gay
man?" I teased.

 

He swallowed and licked his lips.  "You think I'm handsome?" he asked
tentatively.

 

I smiled wider.  "Of course I do.  Every woman with eyes in her head
thinks your sexy."  I felt the heat rise up my neck as soon as I
realized what I'd just said.  I'd said sexy rather than handsome.

 

He sucked in his breath.  "Sexy?  Do you think I'm sexy, Scully?"

 

I blushed profusely now, looking at my hands wrapped around my drink.  I
spoke softly, but loud enough to be heard over the buzz of conversation
taking place throught the bar.  "Yes, Mulder.  I think you're handsome .
and sexy."

 

His hand came out to capture my chin gently and turn my face toward his.
 He leaned in slowly, placing his lips near my ear and said, "That just
made my night because I think you're sexy too."

 

I shivered, "Mulder ."  I didn't even know what I was going to say.

 

His hot breath cascaded down my neck when he said, "And you are extra
special sexy in this dress."

 

"Thank you," I said softly, pulling away from him.  

 

He kept looking at me.  "Have you ever looked at me like  you looked at
that guy over there?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious.

 

Why was he asking?  This was getting uncomfortable.  I thought of an
out. 

 

"No, I ."

 

"No?" he cut me off, sounding very sad.  "Oh well," he muttered,
sounding very flippant.

 

Before I could think about it and stop myself, I teased him.  "I've
never seen you with a greased torso wearing nothing but a bow tie," I
teased.

 

He grinned widely as I blushed and then he asked, "Would you like to?"

 

I swallowed a burst of nervous laughter and blurted out.  "I don't know
if I could take it."

 

He laughed then and said, "Thanks for humoring me, Scully.  You're good
for my ego."

 

I realized in that moment that it had all been innuendo and he thought I
had been kidding, just throwing his innuendo back at him.  For some
reason, unlike in the past, I didn't want to fall back on innuendo to
escape being caught with my feelings on my sleeve.  I mumbled, "I wasn't
kidding, Mulder."

 

His head whipped around to face me, looking shocked.  He opened his
mouth and closed it again.  He didn't have a chance to say anything
because I cut him off.  Now I was embarrassed and wanting to retreat
into my shell.  Why the hell had I said that?  I should have just let it
go.  He'd given me an out and I should have taken it.

 

"Scully ." he began.

 

"Where's Jamella?" I asked, changing the subject.

 

"She's probably performing tonight."

 

"Really?!" I asked, excited at the prospect of seeing a show.  I hadn't
expected it despite what he had said the place was like.

 

"Scully ." he tried again and just then, the lights dimmed a little
more, a spot light appearing on the stage.  Another man, looking like he
stepped out of the Chippendale Review graced the stage and grabbed the
lone microphone standing there.  I feigned intense interest in what was
going on up on the stage.

 

He retreated, sitting back in his chair and sighing loudly, obviously
disappointed that I didn't want to continue this discussion.  We both
fell silent.  I, at least, was grateful for the distraction.  We'd been
wandering into very dangerous territory.  It was what I wanted and yet,
I could feel panic setting in at the prospect of actually doing anything
about my feelings for him.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you tonight.  She
usually performs on Saturday and will still grace the stage tomorrow
night.  But she's coming out to do one special song tonight."

 

The crowd cheered and clapped, obviously knowing who the man was talking
about.  He smiled.  "She tells me she has a friend here tonight and
asked that we all make him feel welcome."

 

The crowd erupted into woofs and fist waving with a few boos mixed in
for good measure.  The MC laughed and the spot light spun out into the
audience and landed directly on Mulder.  He put his hand over his
forehead to shield his eyes and muttered, "She's dead.  She is so
fucking dead."

 

I laughed as the MC said, "And just in case you're wondering, his name
is FOX!"

 

The crowd went wild with cat calls and whistles and offers of phone
numbers.  Mulder turned a shade of red I had never seen before and I
held my stomach, holding in my laughter.  It was just too rich.

 

He waved his hand testily at the MC and with a flick of his hand, the
spot light returned to him.  He chuckled and said, "That's enough,
ladies!  We don't want to scare one that good looking away now, do we?"
he quipped. 

 

A few more whistles and murmurs and the crowd finally died down.  When
there was silence again, the announcer said, "With great pleasure, I
introduce tonight .. the One, the Only . Femme fatale, Jamella LaCreme!

 

Everyone erupted into clapping as the curtain swung open and Jamella
appeared sitting on a stool, holding a microphone.  Another gent sat
primly at a baby grand piano.

 

I peered closely at this friend of Mulder's and was almost jealous. 
Expecting someone tall and lanky like Mulder, I was surprised to see a
petite woman sitting on the stool.  She boasted a long mane of wild,
kinky black hair that fell to her waist.  It was probably a wig but it
looked fabulous.  She had dark olive skin and was sheathed in a lavender
dress festooned with sequins that glittered in the stage lights as she
moved.  Delicate hands with lavender finger nails held the microphone as
silence descended.  One butt cheek perched on the stool.  Her other leg
stretched out in front of her showing her leg to mid thigh through the
large slit in the side of her dress.  She wore purple stockings and
lavender sandals.  The gown was sleeveless. 

 

She tipped her head towards the piano player and he began to play a slow
number I'd never heard before .

 

Jamella raised her eyes looking at Mulder and began to sing:

 

"Bluuuuueeeeooooooouououou, oh so lonesome for you,

Why can't you be bluuee, over me?

 

Bluuuuuueeeeooooooouououou, oh so lonesome for you,

Tears fill my eyes till I can't see.

 

Three O'clock in the morrrnnninnnn'

Here am Iiiiiiii.

Sitting here so lonely, 

So lonesome I could die.

 

"Bluuuuueeeeooooooouououou, oh so lonesome for you,

Why can't you be bluuee, over me?

 

Now that it's oooovvveeerrr

I realize .

Those sweet words you whispered .

Were nothing but lies!

 

"Bluuuuueeeeooooooouououou, oh so lonesome for you,

Why can't you be bluuee, over me?" 

 

Her voice soared up and down through the long drawn out notes and I was
amazed at how wonderful her voice was.  It wasn't androgynous in the
least when she sang.  She was all woman.  If I met her on the street, I
would never have known she was a man.

 

She hung her head at the end of the tune and stood, bowing gracefully as
the place erupted in applause once again.  Cat calls and whistles were
now for her as the curtain dropped and she was hidden from sight.  I
looked over at Mulder and he was smiling.  "She's a trip, isn't she?"

 

I grinned.  "She can sing, too.  I'm jealous already."

 

He laughed, knowing I couldn't carry at tune in a bushel basket.  Our
waiter reappeared with another wine spritzer for me and another Heineken
for Mulder.

He tipped the waiter who shook his rear end slightly and intentionally
bumped Mulder's shoulder on his way away from the table.  He shook his
head, obviously embarrassed, but determined not to make a scene.

 

I grinned again and then saw Jamella appear behind Mulder.  Her hands
slipped over his eyes and she leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Boo!"

 

He chuckled and stood up, spinning around.  He took her in his arms and
gave her hug.  It was quick but sincere.  She beamed up at him and then
turned to me.  "Oh, my, my, my, my, my," she said.  "She is a dish,
isn't she, Fox?"

 

It was my turn to laugh and blush and Mulder surprised me when he said,
"Yes, she's gorgeous, but be careful.  She can kick your ass quicker
than I can."

 

Jamella threw back her head and laughed, reaching for my hand.  "Come,
darling, we'll go in the back and talk while I change."

 

I raised my eyebrow at Mulder but he merely shrugged.  I stood and we
were led into the back of the lounge, down a long, dark hallway.  On our
walk, I realized she was only a few inches taller than me.  She wasn't
wearing heels, but her lavender sandals had a thick one inch heel. Once
in the well lit dressing room, overflowing with wigs, make up, and
costumes, we dug a place for ourselves in the wicker chairs spread about
the room, pulled them together near her bench and talked while she
pulled her hair up and put cold cream all over her face, washing her
makeup off.

 

She looked at me.  "That dress is simply divine, darling.  Where ever
did you find it?" she asked.

 

"A little dress shop called 'Cock and Tails'."  

 

She laughed heartily again.  "You'll give me the address, no?"

 

"Of course."

 

She continued to work on her hair and face as she got down to business. 
"All right, hit me with the questions, Foxy."

 

"Tell me what you know about the girls that disappeared.  Did they have
anything in common?"

 

"Besides that they all worked for Dial-A-Dream?"

 

"Besides that."

 

"They were all blondes."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes, some natural, only one I think, the other four were died various
shades of atrocious blonde."

 

I stifled a giggle at her catty comment.

 

"What else?" Mulder asked.

 

"They were amazons."

 

"Amazons?" I questioned.

 

"Yes, they were all between 5' 8" and 6' tall."

 

Mulder pursed his lips. "So that would mean that their assailant would
have had to be fairly strong to take them down?"

 

"I don't know.  He couldn't have been like me, that's for sure.  But
someone your size could do it."

 

"Are we assuming it's a HE?" I asked.

 

"What are you thinking, Scully?"  I saw Jamella raise an eyebrow,
seemingly surprised that he would ask my thoughts or opinions.

 

"I don't know.  Women can get awfully jealous of other women.  And it
sounds like these girls were competitive."

 

He nodded.  "We can't rule that out.  We'll have to interview everyone
who works there."  He turned back to Jamella.  What else?"

 

"You could look up their nostrils," she replied and turned back to the
mirror.  I did laugh at that.  

 

"Stuck up, huh?" I clarified.

 

She nodded.  "You have no idea, doll.  Atrocious."

 

Mulder and I grinned at each other.  "They were all like that?"

 

Jamella nodded.  "You'd think they worked for Heidi the Hollywood Madam
instead of Dial-A-Dream.  They all thought they were the cat's meow."

 

"Meow!" Mulder teased.

 

Jamella chuckled good-naturedly.

 

Mulder chuckled.  "Why do you still work there, J?" he asked, his tone
serious again.

 

She looked at him.  "Money . isn't it always about money?  I'm not going
to get rich singing in a lounge."

 

"It's not a safe profession anymore it seems," he said.

 

She tilted her head, pulling her hair extension off and released some
hair pins.  It hadn't been a wig after all.  I was surprised to see that
her real hair was as black as her wig and hung straight and thick down
her back, ending near the bottom of her shoulder blades.  She looked
almost like one of the authentic paintings of a young American Indian
squaw.  He/she was a beautiful person, even without the hair extension
and makeup. 

 

The features of the face were small and delicate, the cheekbones high
and the mouth full and generous.  Finally she said, "Are you worried
about me, Fox?  I'm flattered."

 

Mulder smiled. "I'm always worried about you, J."

 

"That's sweet."

 

"It's more than general concern for your well being now, though."

 

"I don't think I'm in any danger.  First of all, I'm a towering 5' 5"
without heels, and I'm about as far from blonde as you can get."

 

"Still, nothing saying this guy won't change his MO or his signature."

 

"I'm not stuck up, either," she said, still trying to make light of it.

 

"I'm really worried, J.  I wish you would take a leave for a while."

 

She stood and turned her back to Mulder.  "Get the zipper, would you
darling?"

 

Mulder flashed me a smirk and reached up to slide her zipper down
quickly and efficiently.  I shivered internally, wondering what it would
feel like to have Mulder remove my clothes.  

 

She was totally unselfconscious as she let the dress drop and wiggled
her hips to extricate herself.

 

She was wearing a slip underneath and a bra with falsies.  She turned
around as though on a catwalk and strutted around a little while we both
laughed.  She peeled off her nylons and shoes while I averted my eyes. 
Then she reached into a trunk and yanked some jeans on before pulling
the slip and bra off.  

 

She said nothing still as she pulled a plain white tee shirt on over her
head and pulled her long, thick hair back into a ponytail.  At that
moment, except for the lack of breasts, you could not tell if Jamella
was a he or a she.  It was uncanny.  In either case, she was beautiful
in an exotic sort of way.

 

She cleared her throat.  "Look, Fox.  I can't afford to not work."

 

"I could lend you some money to tide you over, just until this
investigation is solved."

 

"No way, baby.  I love you dearly, but I'm not going to owe you money."

 

"Then consider it a gift.  Come on, what are your monthly expenses?"

 

She blinked rapidly as her eyes became wet.  "I don't want your money ."

 

"But?" he prompted.

 

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, worrying it with her teeth,
making her look about 15 years old.  Her voice was soft and barely above
a whisper when she said, "I'm scared, Fox.  I've been around some rough
characters in my life.  But this . mystery, not knowing what's out there
snatching those girls.  It worries me.  I know it's stupid.  I'm not
even . a girl!  He'd have a big surprise if he felt up my skirts."

 

"Big, huh?" I asked, trying to break the tension.

 

She threw her head back and laughed again.  "God, Fox, you've found a
treasure.  Hang on to this one, would you?"

 

"I plan on it," Mulder said, smiling at me and turning back to Jamella. 
The look he gave me was totally calm and his voice was filled with
conviction.  I suppressed another shiver. 

 

Jamella looked at me and said, "We need to talk."

 

I smiled.  

 

Mulder groaned.

 

I added, "There's no evidence that these girls were molested or that
they are dead.  There are no bodies so we are really grasping at straws.
 But Mulder's right, better safe than sorry."

 

She nodded.  "Thanks but it's too much to ask."



PART 3 (R )

SALTY DOG

DRESSING ROOM

 

Mulder made a sound of irritation.  "J, please.  You know my family had
money and now it's all mine.  The dollars aren't the issue.  Let's not
stand on ceremony here.  Give me some peace of mind.  Take the damn
money."

 

"My family had money too," she said.  I found that statement irrelevant.
 

 

Mulder sighed.  "And we both know you were written out.  What's that got
to do with anything?"

 

Written out of a Will? I wondered.

 

Jamella gave him a hurt look.

 

Mulder said, "Come on, J.  You know I don't say that to be cruel. 
Christ, are you going to risk your life to hold on to a little pride?"

 

She sniffed.  "My dignity is all I have left.  You know that."

 

Mulder was really getting aggravated now.  "This has nothing to do with
your dignity or making it on your own, J!  This is about protecting your
life!  You know nobody respects you more than I do!  For Christ's sake! 
Damn it!" he ended in frustration.

 

There was obviously some history here going way back.  It had something
to do with family money and I decided the best thing I could do for now
was stay silent.  I would ask Mulder about it later.

 

Mulder pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. 
Then he stood up abruptly and said, "I have to use the bathroom."  He
spun on his heel and left, closing the door a little too hard.  A shelf
near the door vibrated but then settled down.

 

Jamella's face crumpled as she tried not to cry.  She sunk into a chair
and leaned her elbows on her knees.  She muttered, "I'll never really
understand him.  Why is he pushing this?  I don't fit this profile."

 

I was silent for a long moment and then said quietly, "You know, Mulder
is the most loyal person I've ever met."

 

She lifted her head to look at me and smiled gently.  "I know," was all
she said.

 

"And he feels like he's let everybody he ever loved down."

 

She scrunched her brow.  "What do you mean?"

 

"It started with his sister."

 

"Yeah, I know that story.  I've told him it wasn't his fault.  I also
know he still blames himself."

 

"His father was killed while he was in the next room.  So he feels
responsible for that too, like he should have been able to prevent it
because he was right there.  In his mind, he failed him."

 

"Rubbish," she said.  "The man was a snake."

 

I nodded.  "True, but this is about what he thinks.  Then his mother
committed suicide."

 

"Selfish bitch," she muttered.  Then, "Sorry, I shouldn't say that."

 

"I happen to agree," I replied, "but for a slightly different reason. 
She did have a rare disease that was going to kill her."

 

She raised her eyebrows in question.

 

"She called and asked to see him.  We were out of state on a case."

 

She gasped softly, "Oh no, ."

 

I nodded.  "She didn't wait for him to get back.  She left this cryptic
message on his answering machine.  He was sure she was trying to tell
him something."

 

"God, how could anyone be so self-centered?" she asked.  I assumed it
was a rhetorical question, so I didn't respond.  She continued.  "I
didn't know about the message or her not waiting for him to return.  So
I suppose he blames himself or not being there for her too?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Shit."

 

"Do you see where I'm going with this?"

 

She just looked at me, her gaze unwavering, waiting for more
explanation.

 

"He needs to feel like he's done something to help to protect you.  If
something happened to you and he hadn't even tried to help ."  I trailed
off, leaving the thought unfinished.

 

"Then he would feel responsible for me too?"

 

"Exactly."

 

"Shit."

 

"He blames himself for every bad thing that's ever happened to me.  I
can't seem to make him understand that I've chosen to be here and stay
by his side.  Evil people have hurt both of us and we've chosen to keep
fighting, to stay in the game.  So, all penalties and consequences are
the result of our own choices.  None of it is his fault.  We knew the
risks and kept going anyway."

 

"He thinks he's let you down?" she clarified.

 

"Big time," I replied.

 

"Are you one of the people he loves . that he thinks he's let down?"

 

"I . don't know.  We care about each other a lot.  We've been through a
lot together.  But this is about YOU, not me.  He NEEDS to help you. 
He'll be terribly distracted on this case unless he thinks you're safe."

 

"So you're saying that I'd be doing him a favor if I take his money?"
she asked with a gentle tease.

 

I smiled.  "That's exactly what I'm saying.  He'll feel better and the
money doesn't mean anything to him anyway.  If he thinks your safe, he
can concentrate on the case."

 

She sighed again, blinking slowly.  "Maybe you're right."

 

"I know I'm right," I said confidently.

 

"I just hate to be indebted to anyone."

 

"I understand, but Mulder is right.  Nothing is worth risking your life
for if you don't have to.  And you don't have to.  He's offering a way
for you to be safer by not having to work there.  I want him to feel
you're safe.  You're an important friend to him.  He doesn't have many. 
Friends that is.  I don't want him to lose anymore."

 

"Sounds like you're an important friend too."

 

"I like to think so.  He's my best friend."

 

She smiled, a gentle look stealing over her face.  "God, I can see why
he loves you so much."

 

My eyes widened and I couldn't suppress the tiny gasp of surprise that
escaped me.  "He . we're just friends . and partners . and  ."

 

"And he loves you," she said, cutting me off.

 

I stared at her, unable to think of a response.

 

She smiled wide and asked, "Why do you look so surprised?"

 

"I'm not sure you're right about that.  He's the king of innuendo. 
We're close friends, but he goes for brunettes with long legs and big
boobs."

 

"All those fancy bitches have ever done is break his heart and mind fuck
him.  He's well rid of them.  He needs a real woman.  And all he's
talked about for the last four years is you.  True, I haven't seen him
now in ten months, but I doubt any of that has changed."

 

"We are together a lot.  It makes sense that he would talk about me."  I
wondered what Mulder had told her.

 

"I've known Fox since he was 19years old.  I've known every woman he's
ever gotten serious with.  He's never talked about any of them the way
he does about you."

 

"What way?"

 

"With . respect and reverence, like you're this pure unadulterated
spirit that can do no wrong."

 

I snorted and she smiled.  "I'm a long ways from pure."

 

"But he thinks of you that way.  I'm telling you he's in love with you,
even if he won't admit to you.  He won't risk losing you as a partner
and friend.  You mean too much to him.  You'll have to be the one to
give him a sign, a green light."

 

"Sign of what?" I asked, knowing what she meant.

 

"A sign that you feel the same way and he won't be rejected."

 

"But I ."

 

She tilted her head and raised one eyebrow.  She was almost better at
that than I was.

 

I swallowed.

 

"You're not going to tell me you don't love him," she said.  It was a
statement.  And she was challenging me to contradict her.

 

"Of course I love him, he's my best friend."

 

"That's not what I mean and you know it.  He's one of my best friends
too and I love him dearly.  But I'm talking about being *in love*.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

I returned from an extended visit to the bathroom which ended up
including the purchase of another beer at the bar.  The waiter had asked
for my phone number and I'd respectfully declined.  I needed to calm
down and get a grip on my frustration over J's stubbornness and pride. 
He'd always been fiercely independent, especially since his family had
disowned him.  It was like he was on a mission to prove that he didn't
need them.  I understood where he was coming from and understood his
need to do that.  I didn't want to fight with J, but I was really
worried about him.  Yes, I still thought of him as HIM in my mind.  I
called him Jamie in my head too, although I'd never tell him that.  He'd
always be Jamie to me.

 

The door to the dressing room was slightly ajar as I approached and I
heard Jamie say, "You're not going to tell me you don't love him."

 

"Of course I love him, he's my best friend," Scully replied.

 

"That's not what I mean and you know it.  He's one of my best friends
too and I love him dearly.  But I'm talking about being *in love*."

 

I realized I was holding my breath waiting to hear what Scully would
say.  She'd never really come right out and told me how she felt.  I
wondered.  I knew she cared for me, but how much was a mystery.  Finding
me physically attractive and loving me were two totally different
things.

 

Scully's voice actually trembled slightly as she said, "I don't know
how!"

 

She hadn't denied it!  Know how to do what?  What were they talking
about?

 

Then she laughed a self deprecating cackle.  I stepped over and pressed
my back to the wall.  I knew I shouldn't be listening.  But I wasn't
interrupting this conversation for anything.  Jamie could be a pain in
the ass but he really meant well.  This time I wondered if his meddling
would do any good.

 

No one would ever be as good a friend as Scully.  We'd been through too
much together.  But Jamie and I had been through some rough times
together too, back before I joined the FBI. We supported each other
through all those teen and early twenties anxieties in college and
heading into the real world, first loves and all that.  When Phoebe
screwed me over, if it wasn't for Jamie, I probably would have killed
myself.

 

Jamie was speaking again.  "It wouldn't take much."

 

"It's so weird.  We've been partners and friends for so long.  I don't
even know exactly when my feelings changed.  But how do you suddenly
tell your best firend that you want more?"

 

I released my breath, feeling my heartbeat accelerate.  Her feelings
changed?  She wanted more?

 

"How about, 'I love you and I want more'," Jamie supplied helpfully, his
voice filled with simple irony.  I could almost hear the "Uh, duh," on
the end of his sentence.

 

Scully chuckled again.  "Not that simple.  Our relationship is so
complicated."

 

Jamie made a tsking sound with his tongue.  "He's given me that
'complicated' bullshit before too.  It's complicated because you make it
that way.  Love is really very simple.  It either IS or it isn't.  The
hard part is admitting it to yourself.  IF you've done that, the hard
part is over."

 

"Why am I talking to you about this?" Scully asked.  "I don't even know
you!"

 

"I brought it up.  He didn't tell you I'm a hopeless romantic?"

 

"Match maker was the term he used, and he did say you were easy to talk
to."

 

Jamie laughed quietly.  "Yeah, I'm a match maker too, but only when I
really believe it's right and true love is there.  You are in love with
him, aren't you?"

 

"Yes," she said quietly.

 

My heart skipped a beat then began to pound.  Scully was in love with
me!  Holy shit!

 

"Then go for it, don't let him get away.  You both deserve happiness.  I
KNOW he does and you must be special for him to love you.  He doesn't
give away his heart very easily, you know?"

 

"How?!" Scully asked.  "How do I 'go for it'?"

 

"I don't know.  Try grabbing his ass!" Jamie joked, backing out of his
serious mode.

 

"What?!" Scully exclaimed, snorting around her laughter.

 

Jamie quipped.  "Didn't work for me but I'm willing to bet you'd have
better luck."

 

They were both still laughing when I entered the room, deciding I had
heard enough.  I didn't know how I was going to look Scully in the face.
 As good as it was to see Jamie, I now wanted to be alone with Scully.

 

The door had no spring on it and as I pushed it open, intent on breaking
up this little conversation before Jamie did damage, it flew back and
hit the wall, dislodging a shelf on the wall.  A cascade of wig models
and wigs fell to the floor with a giant clatter.

 

Jamie stood up, laughing and said, "Quit busting up the joint, would
you?  Jesus, you're like a bull in a china shop!"

 

I said, "So I guess my aspirations to becoming a delicate drag queen
like you are down the drain, huh?"

 

Jamie and Scully both laughed with me as we bent to retrieve the shelf. 
Scully's laughter was forced and sounded a bit nervous and anxious.  I
put the shelf back, setting it in the brackets.  Returning the wigs and
models to their rightful places took a couple of minutes.  I glanced at
Scully and she caught my eyes, but looked quickly away.  I hoped things
weren't going to get awkward now.   

 

My heart was finally starting to slow down.  I just kept thinking.  Oh
my God, she said she was in love with me!  

 

As I turned to ask her if she wanted to leave I saw a magazine on the
floor.  I stooped down to pick it up, figuring it had been a victim of
the falling shelf.  Emblazoned across the front in big red letters was
the title, "Do Me With It-Big Boy!"

 

I barked out a laugh and held the magazine up so Jamie and Scully could
see it.  "Yours, J?" I asked, sputtering around my laughter.  

 

He actually blushed and look at the floor.  "Stupid title," he muttered.

 

That only made Scully and I laugh harder.  There were pictures of
various toys on the front and I tossed it at him, still chuckling.  He
caught it and tossed it into the trunk that had held his clothes.  He
was shaking his head at me.  "I'll get you for that," he said.

 

I smiled.  "No, now we're even.  I owe you for that little spotlight
crap you pulled out there.  This isn't nearly so humiliating, so you're
getting off easy.   At least it's just me and Scully here."

 

He sighed dramatically.  "It never ends with you, does it?" he asked,
sounding very put upon.

 

We both chuckled.  I always laughed when we got together.  I'd forgotten
how much fun he could be as Jamie or Jamella.  He really had a great
sense of humor.

 

Scully said, "Let's get Jamella home and give her the check.  Then we
need to find a hotel and call it a night.  I'm exhausted."

 

I looked at J.  "You'll take the money?" I asked.  I was sure he would
fight me tooth and nail.  I wondered what Scully had said to him.

 

He merely nodded shyly and smiled a close mouthed smile.  "Against my
better judgment, yes.  I'm sick of hearing you whine," he complained,
making a joke out of it. 

 

I let it go, clapping him on back.  "Let's get out of here.  On to Chez
Leveau."

 

"Leveau?" Scully asked.  "Not LeCreme?"

 

Jamie waved for us to follow him as he shook his head in amusement. 
"And you're not staying in a hotel.  You're staying with me.  It's the
least I can do if I'm going to be a kept woman."

 

We were all laughing as we exited the bar and headed for the car.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

JAMIE LEVEAU'S APARTMENT

RICHMOND, VA

 

I sat in the back seat so that Mulder and *Jamie* could talk.  I
listened with amusement to them reminiscing about stealing a weather
vane off the roof of one of the buildings at Oxford.  Then they'd been
frantic trying to find a place to stash it until they could get it off
campus.  In the throes of their drunken prank, they hadn't thought about
what they were going to do with it once they had it.  

 

I found myself laughing with them, loving the sound of Mulder's
laughter.  So young Mulder had been a bit of thief, had he?  Drunken
college pranks often yielded some humorous memories.  He would probably
be shocked by a few of mine. 

 

He sounded so relaxed and carefree.  I made a mental note to remind him
to keep in touch with this old friend.  It was good for him to cut loose
now and then.  I loved the Gunmen but their idea of cutting loose was
hacking into Justice Department computers while swilling tequila.  

 

Jamie lived in a large townhouse in Richmond.  I was impressed, I was
expecting a dinky little pad.  He had a spare bedroom for guests, two
bathrooms, a kitchen and a tastefully decorated living room with sliding
glass door that led out onto a balcony on the second floor.  A garage
was underneath.  We parked the car and climbed the stairs to the main
floor and got the dime tour.

 

Of course, the problem now arose of where to sleep.  He had a guest room
but it had one bed, a double.  Mulder saw my look and quickly offered to
sleep on the couch, saying he was used to that anyway and J's couch
looked a lot more comfortable than his as well.

 

I'd argued that I was shorter and would fit better on the couch and it
was just for one night anyway.  J stood shaking his head as we argued. 
He started to laugh and we both stopped abruptly and looked at him. 
Mulder growled, "What's so damn funny?"

 

"You two sound like a couple of kids pissed off about not getting your
own way.  Fox, you can sleep with me if you want."

 

Mulder raised his eyebrows and made a face at J.  She looked at him and
laughed, saying, "I promise to behave myself if you do.  But I think
you're both being stupid.  Just sleep together in there.  You're both
adults for Christ's sake.  I would think you could handle one night in
the same bed."

 

Shaking his head like we were recalcitrant children, he whooshed by us
and bounced down the stairs to the main floor, leaving us standing in
the hallway between the two bedrooms looking at each other.  Neither one
of us knew what to say.  I didn't know what I wanted.  Sleeping with
Mulder and not touching him would be torture.  Then again, maybe I could
touch him.  Did I have the courage?  Did I believe what J had told me? 
That he was in love with me?

 

If he was and I was, then . but should I make my move here, in someone
else's house?  That didn't really seem right.  Then again, I'm sure J
would be doing cartwheels over having successfully pushed us over the
edge.  I looked at Mulder, but couldn't read the expression on his face.
 He tentatively reached out and picked up my hand where it dangled at my
side.  

 

I looked at him curiously as he held it gently with both of his, his
thumbs gently caressing the top of my hand.  I felt my blood quicken
just from this simple touch.  Jesus, I was so aware of him  now after my
talk with J.

 

He cleared his throat.  "Look, Scully, obviously the idea of sleeping in
there with me makes you uncomfortable.  So I'll just take the couch,
like I said." 

 

I said, "You could sleep in there with him."

 

He grinned, trying to make a joke.  "I don't trust J THAT much," he
quipped.  

 

We both chuckled quietly.  I looked up to find him staring at my face. 
His eyelids were heavy and his lips were parted.  His tongue darted out
to lick his lips and I felt a shiver of warmth cascade down my torso and
lodge in crotch.  I sucked in a noisy breath and he tilted his head to
the side, regarding me with curiosity.  Then he bent quickly and brushed
his lips over mine, just barely.  

 

I gasped at the unexpected feel of his lips on mine, however fleeting. 
He quickly stepped away from me, dropping his hand.  "Go to bed, Scully.
 I'm going to go down and talk with J some more."

 

I nodded, suddenly mute.  Then he was gone.  I stared down the darkened
staircase, wondering at my sudden sense of loss.  I shook myself and
walked into the guestroom.  Mulder had hauled my overnight bag in when
we came up.  It was sitting at the foot of the bed.  I strode to the
nightstand and turned on the lamp which cast a subtle glow in the room
from the blue lampshade.  I crossed back and closed the door.

 

I didn't want to go to bed.  I did but . I didn't want to go to bed
alone.  I remembered him unzipping J's dress and again wondered what it
would feel like to have him remove this dress.  I sat on the bed and
sighed.  I'd missed my chance.  I could have invited him to sleep in
here and now I'd missed my chance.  To invite him now, I would feel like
an ass, going back on my decision.  Damn it!  Why couldn't I make myself
take this step.  Maybe I could when we got home.

 

I reached up to remove my French braid before I undressed.  I fingered
the balck ribbon, wondering if there was a graceful way to invite him
back up here.  God, did I really want that?  Yes, I did.  But I was a
coward.  Despite Jamie's perception, I didn't know if I could make the
first move.  It would be nice if Mulder just took the decision out of my
hands.  I knew if he ever touched me for real, I wouldn't be able to
muster any resistance.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

I didn't want to be here.  I had enjoyed J's company and it had been fun
to reminisce about some old times at Oxford.  There were a few good
ones, Phoebe notwithstanding.  But now this whole sleeping arrangement
thing had me in a knot.  I knew what I had heard earlier.  Scully had
admitted she was in love with me.  That blew me away.

 

But she didn't know that I knew.  And just because J had worked his
magic and gotten her to open up didn't mean she was ready to spill the
beans to me.  And if she was, that didn't mean she was ready to do a
flying leap into the sack.  If she confessed to me at all, I envisioned
long, drawn out conversations about all the things that could go wrong. 
She would have contingency plans inside contingency plans inside
agreements inside agreements.  That part I wasn't looking forward to. 
That was a part of Scully that J didn't understand. 

 

He started in as soon as we hit the kitchen.  He made some nasty instant
coffee and handed me a cup festooned with pictures of Bugs Bunny, Porky
Pig and Daffy Duck.  A huge Warner Brothers logo was on the other side. 
The characters were all beaming out from under the Looney Toones logo. 
I laughed at the cup.  I think he'd had this one in college.  Could it
be the same one?  

 

He grinned at me, telling me with a look that it was.  I shook my head
and took a sip.  He'd always been a big Bugs Bunny fan.  I'd since
teased him that he liked Bugs Bunny because he dressed in drag to dupe
Elmer Fudd.  He said that his favorite episode was the Mad Scientist
episode with Bugs giving the monster a permanent and spouting, 'Because
an interesting monster should have an Interesting hair do!'  "I can't
believe you still have this," I murmured, shaking my head.

 

He ignored my comment and asked,  "How long were you eavesdropping
outside the dressing room?"  I choked and almost burned my throat on the
swallow of coffee I'd just taken.  He patted me on the back and then
took a seat next to me at the kitchen table.

 

I looked up at him sheepishly.  "I . didn't think that would be a good
time to interrupt."

 

"No, it wouldn't have been."

 

I raised an eyebrow, asking him how he knew.  He could still read my
face better than anyone I knew, except for Scully, that is.  

 

He answered my unspoken question, "I saw your shadow outside the door. 
You were backlit by that shitty lighting they have in that hallway."

 

I chuckled.  He smiled.  "So answer the question."

 

"I came up when she was saying she didn't know how.  How to do what, I
didn't know."

 

"Ahh," he said.  "So you heard the part where she admitted she was in
love with you."

 

"Yes," I said simply.

 

"So what are you going to do about it?"  

 

Right to the point, that was J.  "Nothing, yet."

 

He made a sour face. "Why not?"

 

"It's complicated."

 

"If I hear that one more time I think I'll scream," he replied.

 

"Well, the truth hurts sometimes."

 

"What's holding you back?"

 

"Scully and I have been through a lot together J.  You know that.  I've
told you some of it, but not all of it.  She lost a daughter and now she
can't have children because of what those bastards did to her."

 

"I didn't know that."

 

"Well, I'm not the only one in this partnership with baggage."

 

"I should buy you a tee-shirt that says, 'I Have Issues', he deadpanned.

 

I laughed at that, unable to stay mad at him for his nosiness for too
long.  He meant well and I knew that.  But I wasn't used to opening up
to people about Scully.  "Just because she admitted it, doesn't mean
that she's ready to plunge in with both feet and her eyes closed.  We
have over six years of history here, J.  Yes, we've been best friends
for a long time and we've supported each other through some shit more
horrible than you can even imagine."

 

"But?" he prompted.

 

"But we've hurt each other too."

 

"Now we're getting at it."

 

I stared at my coffee and took another sip.  He was waiting patiently
for me to continue and I knew he wasn't going to let it be until he knew
more about what was going on.  And I needed to talk to someone.  I had
no one but Scully and I couldn't talk to her about her.  The Gunmen were
not guys that I wanted having the personal details of my relationship
with Scully.  They all had mouths much to big for their own good.

 

"If it wasn't for me, she could have a normal life.  She could have a
husband and a nine to five job and kids, a house, the white picket fence
and the whole nine yards.  Instead, she hitched her wagon to me and it's
been nothing but misery ever since.  I've ditched her in the name of
protecting her.  I've shut her out when I didn't want her to see my dark
side.  She's been abducted, shot and contracted cancer."  I stopped and
swallowed hard, realizing the list was long and ugly of things that
Scully had endured because of me.

 

J sighed one of his exasperated sighs and I knew a reprimand was coming.
 "First, nobody who wants a normal life becomes a pathologist and then
joins the FBI," he said in a matter of fact voice.  "Second, if she
wanted a husband, a nine to five job, and 2.5 kids, she would have left
you a long time ago and went out and gotten those things.  She doesn't
strike me as the kind of woman that let's others decide how she's going
to live her life."

 

"You make it sound so simple, but there's more to it than that."

 

"Shut up.  I'm not finished."

 

I looked at him, feeling a bolt of anger but realizing it was probably
because he was giving me a hard time instead of patting me on the head
and saying 'poor Fox, everything will be all right'.   I remained
silent, trying to tamp down my anger.

 

"Third, I'm quite sure after six plus years that she's seen your dark
side.  If that was frightening to her, she would have bolted.  She's
still here and that should tell you something.  That's one tough woman
up there."

 

"I know," I replied simply.  If she wasn't tough, she'd be dead.

 

"As far as the rest of it goes, she knew the risks when she agreed to
become a field FBI agent.  Unfortunately, you two like to play John
Wayne.  It was inevitable that she would get hurt at some point.  No one
could have predicted all the rotten shit that's come down on you two. 
Not her, and certainly not you."

 

"I don't know how to explain this to you.  There's deep affection there,
but there are also wounds that aren't healed."

 

"Crossing the line with her would heal a lot of them."

 

"How can you say that when you don't even know what those wounds are?" I
asked, getting irritated again at his presumption.

 

"I can say that because I know you, and I know human nature.  I've
studied it for years, from all sides.  The lady is obviously still by
your side for a reason.  And I don't think it's the running and the
dodging bullets that she's so enamored with.  I know married people with
less going for them you two.  She's getting all your bullshit and none
of the benefits."

 

I huffed.  "I don't know, J.  I'm tired of talking about this."

 

"I'm not and we're not finished.  And when did love suddenly dip back
down to deep affection?"

 

I stared at him.  "She thinks that she loves me ."

 

He cut me off.  "No!  She KNOWS that she loves you.  Why do you refuse
to believe that?  You heard her.  She loves you but doesn't know how to
cross the line.  You two have so many damn habits with each other that
she doesn't know how to change the dynamic of your relationship.  I told
her she would have to be the one to do it.  I still believe that.  But
I'd hoped that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong.  I'd hoped that maybe I
could talk some sense into you."

 

"Some sense into me?  You're being awfully presumptuous, J."

 

"So I'm presumptuous.  What else is new?" 

 

"I'll handle this in my own way."

 

"And that's been working so well up to this point," he said
sarcastically.  

 

Now my fuse sparked.  "You don't know what you're talking about!  I have
everything to lose if this relationship goes bad!  Do you understand
that?"

 

"And you have everything to gain," he stated calmly.  "Nothing is
without risk.  But I think she's worth the risk."

 

"I can't take a chance that . if things went bad later on . it's not
just my heart and personal life that would be shattered.  My career
would be over, whatever's left of it.  I can't work without her anymore.
 I found that out when she was gone."

 

He looked at me and smiled as though I were a dense child.  "I'm not
wrong about this, Fox.  She loves you.  She's not going anywhere.  If
all the shit you've been through hasn't made her bolt, then there's
absolutely nothing you can do to chase her away or ruin your friendship.
 Except maybe one thing."

 

"What's that?"

 

"You could take up with someone else in a futile attempt to NOT be with
her and break her heart.  Or, you could cheat on her after you had her
as a lover.  But I don't think you're that stupid."

 

"I would never betray Scully.  Her trust is everything to me."

 

"Well, that's the only thing I can possibly think of that would induce
her to give you the boot."

 

"Do you know how many times I've almost gotten her killed because she
felt she had to come chasing after me?"

 

"She chased after you because she loves you, not because she felt some
obligation or duty.  She's not that narrow."

 

I stood up and walked to the sink, throwing out the half a cup of nasty
instant coffee left in my cup.  The mug clattered into the stainless
steel sink.  I turned to him and said, "I'm tired.  I need to sleep. 
I'm through talking about this."

 

I walked into the living room with him on my heels.  "For once in your
life, Fox, listen to something besides your own warped sense of guilt! 
God, you are such a fucking martyr!"

 

"Don't start with me, J!"



PART 4 (NC-17)

JAMIE LEVEAU'S APARTMENT

RICHMOND VIRGINIA

 

I knew what he was trying to do.  He was trying to make me angry.  He
wanted me to break down and let all my shit out.  I wasn't prepared to
do that.  He stared at me for a second and then turned his back and
walked to the foot of the staircase.  He stopped and turned to me.  I
almost didn't hear him when he said, "You're such a fucking coward."

 

Then he turned and stomped up the stairs. 

 

I felt anger sweep through me.  The little prick was not going to march
out on me after insulting me like that.  I don't know why it was so
important to me to make him understand.  But for some reason, it was.

 

I gritted my teeth, clamping down on the primal scream I wanted to let
loose to relieve my frustration.  I couldn't leave this between us like
this or we would be pissy and angry with each other in the morning.  He
was one of the few friends I had left and I didn't have any to spare.  I
took a deep breath and followed him up the stairs.

 

He was just entering his bedroom, evidently having used the bathroom or
something to delay his going to bed.  I grabbed his arm and spun him
around.

 

"J, you don't know what you're talking about."

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

I reached up to untie the halter on my dress and just then I heard the
them climbing the stairs.  I stopped and turned toward the door.  They
were arguing in hushed whispers.

 

"J, you don't know what you're talking about."

 

"And I say I do."

 

"Well, you don't.  Even if what you say is true . I can't just leap into
this."

 

"Leap into this?  Leap into this?  Oh for God sakes, it's been years,
Fox!  What have you got to lose?  I'm telling you can't possibly screw
this up!"

 

Were they talking about me? I wondered.

 

Mulder replied, "What have I got to lose?  More than you can ever
fucking imagine, J.  If I do this wrong, I could lose everything that
means anything to me.  My work aside . I can't risk it.  I NEED her too
much!  Can't you understand that?  At least this way, she's in my life
on a daily basis.  I get to keep her near and share parts of my life
with her."

 

"I love you, Fox.   But you're an asshole, do you know that?"

 

"Thanks a lot," he said sarcastically.

 

"You make everything so fucking complicated.  You always did love making
mountains out of mole hills.  It's not complicated!  It's simple.  You
love her.  She loves you.  Quit hiding behind your work and your
excuses.  Because that's all they are, excuses!"

 

"They are valid excuses, J.  Let's go in here."

 

I heard them move into the bedroom across the hall, but I could still
hear, although it wasn't as clear.  I crept to the door and silently
turned the knob, carefully letting it spin back after I cracked the door
open.  I laid my ear to the crack, feeling guilty and unbearably curious
at the same time.

 

"No they're not valid.  You've run out of excuses.  Sometimes I think
you enjoy being a martyr, punishing yourself for all your imagined
crimes.  It keeps you from having to take any chances, doesn't it? 
Everything's your fault.  Well, I got news for you, buddy.  You're not
that fucking important that the world turns around you and you have this
huge impact on everything around you!

 

"You're never going to be happy this way.  This relationship is more
important than your fucking job!  The way it is now . it's never going
to be enough for you.  Sooo . what?  You're going to spend the rest of
your life pining away?  Lusting after her and going nuts because you
can't touch her?  Is that what you want to do for the rest of your life?
 Spend the next thirty years jerking off on your couch while you think
about her.  It's crazy!"

 

"Keep your voice down!" Mulder growled in a violent whisper.  "And when
did my sex life become your business anyway!?"

 

"This is all bullshit.  You're just fucking scared and you won't admit
it!  You are THIS close to having something real, having what you always
wanted and you're too fucking scared to take a hold of it because of
what those snotty society bitches did to you.  SHE'S not them!  She's
not remotely like them, Fox.  I know I just met her tonight but you've
been telling me about her for years.  I felt like I knew her before I
laid eyes on her.  She is not THEM, Fox.  Let her in, for God sakes. 
Because if you don't, you're going to end up old, lonely and miserable
and dying with nothing but regrets!"

 

Mexican standoff.  They were silent for many moments and I wondered what
was going on.  I had the urge to open the door and break it up.  I
didn't want Mulder to fight with J.  I didn't want him to put a rift
between them, especially because of me.  

 

Finally, J spoke again.  "Look, I didn't mean to fight with you.  It's
your life.  You do what you want.  But did you ever think that you might
be denying her that happiness you're so sure she should be leaving you
to find with someone else?  Maybe you're the only one that can make her
happy, because she's in love with YOU.  Not someone else.  I'll bet that
is why she's still with you.  She LOVES you, Fox, and for all the RIGHT
reasons.  

 

"You've been miserable and lonely for so many years.  I don't want you
to become old and filled with regrets too.  Especially not when
happiness is so fucking close you can taste it.  All  you have to do is
reach out and take it.  Don't end up alone, Fox.  It's no way to go out.
 It is none of my business and I know it.  It's just that . damn, it
sucks wanting more for your friends than they want for themselves."

 

There was silence again and then J said, "Oh shit, Fox."

 

What was happening out there? "Shhh, I'm sorry, buddy.  I'm so sorry," J
added.

 

What the hell?  Then I heard it.  Mulder was crying.  Crying!  I could
hear his hand patting Mulder's back.  He must be hugging him.  I felt my
heart split wide open and tears sting my eyes.  Mulder was trying to be
quiet, but there was no mistaking it.  He was trying to swallow his
sobs.  I heard him draw in a noisy breath and sniffle, hiccupping as he
tried to get control.  "Shit, J. What the fuck?  I'm sorry."

 

"Don't be sorry.  I'm the one who's sorry.  I didn't mean to do this to
you."

 

He sniffled again.  "You're a pain in the ass and a nosey little fucker.
 But you're right . as usual.  I am afraid."  He paused.  "No, I'm
fucking terrified."

 

There was silence and then J said, "You say you trust her, Fox," he said
softly, no longer whispering, but still keeping his voice soothing.

 

"I do!  I've never trusted anybody the way I trust Scully."

 

"You need to trust her with everything, Fox."

 

"I do!"

 

"No, you don't.  You don't trust her with your heart."

 

I heard him swallow a sob.  "I want to," he whispered.

 

"You'll never have better odds than this, buddy.  Just think about it."

 

"I'm going down now."

 

"Yeah, all right.  Sleep on it.  But really think long and hard, O.K.? 
I only want you to be happy."

 

"I know."

 

"Have I ever steered you wrong?"

 

"No."

 

"I'm not this time either," he said confidently.  

 

I pressed my lips together in an effort to stay quiet.  What should I
do?  Could I let him go downstairs?  I knew he would lay awake all
night.  God, I was as afraid as he was, but one of us had to push past
that fear or we would spend the rest of our lives in limbo.  I didn't
want to end up alone either.  I knew J had just voiced Mulder's biggest
fears . growing old, alone, lonely and filled with regrets.  The final
abandonment.  J had said I would have to be the one to start it.  I
would have to give Mulder a sign that he wouldn't be rejected.  I knew
he wouldn't risk it.  He'd just been hurt too many times.  I had to try.
 Hearing him cry had broken my heart.

 

I took a deep shuddering breath and opened the door when I heard Mulder
step into the hall.  I heard him gasp. "Scully!"  His voice was raw.

 

"Hey."

 

"Hey," he repeated. "I'm, uh, just headed down.  We didn't mean to wake
you."

 

J was looking at me from behind Mulder, biting his bottom lip.  Mulder
didn't seem to notice that we were being watched.

 

"You didn't wake me.  I haven't even gotten undressed yet."

 

He looked at the floor and I saw J smile at me and wink.  Had he planned
on me hearing the whole thing?  Sneaky little bastard.  He smiled again
and softly, mouthing the words, 'Go Get Him' and closed his door,
disappearing from sight.

 

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

 

I drew another shuddering deep breath.  "I heard you," I blurted out.

 

He looked stricken and physically took a step back away from me.  "Oh,
Jesus.  Scully, it's not ."

 

"It's all right," I said, swallowing hard.  My heart was pounding
against my ribcage.

 

"It is?" he asked, sounding like a confused little boy.

 

"Come in here for a minute."  He shook his head but I reached out and
took his hand.  "Let's talk for a minute."

 

"I don't think I can right now, Scully.  I don't know what to say.  I
need ."

 

"You need to come in here and listen to me for a few minutes."  I tugged
on his hand and he followed me into the room as I walked backwards.

 

I'd kicked off my shoes and he looked gigantic in the soft blue
lamplight, towering over me all dressed in black.  It made his face
stand out in stark relief above his dark clothes, almost as if his head
were floating there.  I could see the faint tracks on his face where his
tears had scorched his face.  I sat down on the bed and patted the
mattress next to me.  He sat down tentatively.  "I'm sorry you heard
that," he began.  "I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

 

"No."

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

"No?" he questioned quietly, looking so scared.  I felt an overwhelming
desire to wipe that fear out of him.  As always happened when he was in
true emotional distress, I couldn't help myself.  I felt my reserve wash
away along with some of my fear.

 

I still had butterflies in my stomach but at least I could talk around
them, unlike the lump that had been lodged in my throat earlier.  "I
need to tell you something."

 

"What?"

 

"I've told other people and I haven't told you.  I don't think that's
fair."

 

"What are you talking about, Scully?  You don't have to tell me
everything."

 

"No, but I need to tell you this because it's about you."

 

His eyes riveted on my face and he went very still.  After a couple of
moments, while I gathered my thoughts, he said, "What about me?"

 

The moment of truth, I thought to myself.  I summoned my courage. 
"You've been my best friend for a long time, Mulder."

 

"And you're mine."

 

I nodded.  "And I never want to do anything to ruin that.  I treasure
your friendship, Mulder."

 

"Me too, Scully.  God, what I said.  It doesn't have to change anything.
I swear!  J is just being a pain.  He always could get under my skin and
I ."

 

I lifted two fingers and pressed them into his lips.  He stopped talking
abruptly and pulled in a little gasp.  When I was assured of his
silence, I let my fingers slip off his lips and watched him shiver. 
God, he was so unbearably sexy, sitting there with all his attention
riveted on me.

 

"But I think we're at a crossroads, Mulder."

 

"Crossroads?  Oh God, Scully.  Please don't leave!" he begged, reaching
for me and then pulling his arms back, automatically assuming the worst.

 

I reached up to cup his face with my right palm.  "I'm not going
anywhere, Mulder."

 

He visibly relaxed under my gaze.  "What do you mean then?"

 

"I mean that I think we've ignored this thing between us for too long."

 

"This thing?"

 

"I think that NOT talking about it or admitting it IS starting to affect
our friendship.  We need to talk about it, Mulder, or it will ruin our
friendship eventually . the very thing we're both trying so hard to
preserve."

 

He looked down at the bedspread and I dropped my hand.  "What do you
want me to do?  What do you want me to say?"

 

I smiled softly.  "This isn't about pleasing me or telling me what I
want to hear, Mulder.  I think maybe it's time to rethink our
relationship, get some things out in the open.  I want to ask you a few
questions and I want you to tell me the truth.  Not what you think I
want to hear.  I need the unadulterated truth."

 

He looked up and me, licking his lips and then he nodded tentatively.  

 

"Do you think that I would ever hurt you intentionally?"

 

He shook his head vigorously in the negative.  "No!"

 

"Do you think that I could go through everything I've gone through . and
still be here if I didn't care about you?"

 

"No, I know you care about me."

 

"Do you think I take relationships lightly?"

 

"No," he said quietly.

 

"Do you think I would ever be cruel and unfaithful like Phoebe?"

 

"No," he whispered, looking distressed again, his brow furrowing. 
"You're the most loyal person I know."

 

"Do you think I would ever be two-faced and betray you like Diana did?"

 

"No."  He hung his head.  "Scully, don't compare yourself to them.  I
don't.  They aren't even in your league."

 

"Do you think I'm a bimbo like that chick in the Kroner, Kansas, or
Bambi the bug lover."

 

He smiled sadly and looked up at me, still looking tentative and said,
"Of course not."

 

"Do you fantasize about me when you masturbate?"

 

He looked startled and nervous, slightly embarrassed.  I gave him the
'be honest' look and he stuttered, "Um . yea . yes."

 

"I fantasize about you too," I said softly.

 

Now he looked flabbergasted.  "You do?"

 

I nodded.  "Do you find yourself wanting to touch me but holding back
because you're afraid of how I'd react or afraid of being rejected . or
ruining our friendship?  So you turn away from me and that feeling but
it leaves this . ache inside?"

 

He blinked rapidly, licking his lips.  "How did you know?" he asked
quietly, hanging his head again.

 

"Because that's what is happening to me.  Almost every day now," I
confessed.

 

"Oh God, Scully."  He looked up and met my gaze.  "Don't ever be afraid
to touch me.  Those moments . when you touch me . for any reason . I
live for those moments, Scully."

 

I cupped his face in both hands and said, "Look at me, I need to see
your eyes for this one."

 

He met my gaze and I could still see the fear there, but there was
something else . hope?

 

"Mulder .  I need to know what kind ."

 

I swallowed harshly feeling the butterflies in my stomach have a party.

 

"Ask me," he whispered.  "What do you need to know?"

 

"I know you love me, Mulder."  He bit his lip and his eyes became wet
again but he didn't cry.  "But are you *in love* with me?"

 

He blinked slowly and I stared into eyes.  His bottom lip quivered
slightly but then he whispered, "Yes!"

 

I smiled feeling my heart rate accelerate.  "Do you want me?"

 

"Yes!" he hissed, looking over my shoulder.  He added, "You know I do."

 

"In what way?"

 

He jerked slightly, surprised by the question.  "What do you mean?"

 

"I mean, do you want me just as a lover?"

 

"No!  I want that too, but ."

 

"But?"

 

"I can't believe I just told you that."  

 

I locked my eyes with his again and smiled.  "What do you want, Mulder?"

 

His eyes locked with mine and I saw all the love and respect and
tenderness for me flowing out of them and caught my breath.  He took a
deep breath.  His voice was low and gravel when he answered, "I want to
be as close to you as I can get, as close as you'll let me be.  I want
to share . as much as you'll let me share with you."  He paused and then
said, "I'm greedy.  I want everything, Scully."

 

He lips twisted into a grimace of fear and sadness over having told me
the truth finally.  He was still afraid of how I was going to react.

 

That was what I needed to know.  He wanted everything.  I was still
nervous, but I wasn't scared.  I stood up and he followed me, slowly
getting to his feet.  "Here goes everything," I mumbled.  I twirled
around presenting my back to him and said, "Get that for me, would you
darling?"

 

He issued a quick bark of laughter as I mimicked J. Then he reached up
to gently ply the knot apart at the back of my neck.  I shivered at the
feel of his warm fingers on my neck.  I felt it loosen and I let the
halter slide over my breasts and pool around my waist.  He whispered,
"Oh God, Scully, you're so soft."

 

His hands landed on my shoulders.  I could feel a slight tremor in them
and delighted in the fact that I was affecting him so much.  I could
feel the heat rolling off his body.  "You're so beautiful.  Do you have
any idea what you do to me?" he murmured.

 

"What do I do to you?  Tell me."

 

His voice rumbled into my ear, "You make me insane.  I've never felt
desire like I feel when I look at you."

 

His hand traveled off my shoulders and gently down my back, his fingers
exploring my skin.  His words and the heat of his hands made me feel
like I was melting and I moaned gently and quietly when his hands landed
on the bare skin of my waist and slid up to brush the sides of my
breasts.  "Touch me," I whispered.

 

My nipples hardened and tingles ran down my sides.  His hands slowly and
tentatively traveled around to the front, splaying out over my rib cage.
 A little, "Oh!" escaped me when his hand brushed the underside of my
breast.

 

He pressed his torso against my back and said, "Scully, are you sure
this is what you want?"

 

"I'm sure," I replied, glad my voice didn't crack.

 

"Because if you let me touch you this way, there's no going back.  Ever.
 No one else, ever again."

 

"I know."

 

"You'll be mine then, Scully.  ALL mine.  I love you too much to do this
half way.  It's all or nothing.  It's a lot to ask, I know.  But you
need to know that you'll . *belong* to me.  I can't do this any other
way and survive it."

 

I shuddered internally, hearing the dark possessiveness in his voice. 
Oddly, it didn't make me rebel, it aroused me.  "I know I will.  But
will you *belong* to me?" I asked.

 

His face came down and he rested his cheek against mine.  I could feel
his razor stubble and his silk shirt against my bare skin and it felt
divine.  I turned my head to see his face and he said, "I've already
belonged to you for years, Scully.  You own my soul."

 

"Oh Christ," I whimpered, overwhelmed at the realization of what that
meant.  He needed me easily as much as I needed him.  If I let him in,
he would give me absolutely everything he had to give.  And he would
expect the same in return.  This was the love of fairy tales, the love
people dreamed of but never really believed existed, unless they found
it.  I'd be a fool to walk away from this, to deny this.  Our passion
might consume us both, but right now, I didn't care.  I wanted to be
consumed.  It had been so long.

 

I looked down and was overwhelmed by the site of his large brown hands
on my white skin.  My heart beat a rapid tattoo under his touch.  I
placed my hands over his.  His fingers flexed and he said, "Are you O.K.
doing this here or would you rather wait?"

 

He was still hedging his bets, giving me a stall, a way out if I chose
to take it.  I only had one concern and I voiced it. "Will J mind if we
do this here?" I asked.

 

He snorted.  "No, he'll be screaming, 'I told you so!'  He'll probably
do a cartwheel!"

 

I chuckled.  "Then make love to me, Mulder."

 

He groaned, bending his knees and pressing himself full length against
my back.  I could feel his erection against my low back, hot and hard. 
I pushed my back against it, feeling the soft denim slide over my skin. 
He grunted and then groaned low in my ear.  "I want you so badly."

 

"It's time."

 

He spun me around and stared for a long while at my breasts.  His hands,
resting on my waist, slid up to cup each breast, testing the weight of
them.  My nipples hardened to sharp peaks and when his thumbs brushed
over them I yelped and felt a shock rip from my breast down to sting my
clit and make it buzz.

 

His hands slid down and slipped under the waist of my dress, continuing
down over my hips and down my thighs, taking the dress with them.  He
knelt down in front of me and I stepped out of the pool of my dress.  He
tossed it behind him and looked up at me, gasping loudly.

 

I grinned, loving the look of total amazement and shock when he saw that
I wasn't wearing any panties.  He mumbled, "Whoa.  Good thing I didn't
know you were naked under that dress all night."

 

I was now standing there in nothing but my black stockings.  His
fingertips played with the elastic at the top of my stockings and he
looked up at me and said, "So sexy against your white skin.  I can't
decide whether to take them off or not."  

 

His voice was husky with arousal and I felt my nether lips swell and
grow slick.  He decided to leave them on apparently because his hands
slid up to grasp my hips.  He slipped a knee between my feet and nudged
my ankle.  I spread my legs a little wider, realizing what he was going
to do as he stared at my apex.  The course curls over my sex were stuck
together in clumps of moisture that had been leaking out of me all
night.  It's a wonder I didn't have a wet spot on the back of the dress.

 

His hands slid around back and cupped my ass.  He looked up at me and
holding my eyes, he lowered his mouth to my juncture.  He breathed hot,
moist air onto my sensitive nerves and my hips bucked involuntarily.  He
whispered, "I've been wanting to do this for years."

 

I was overwhelmed with tenderness for him and slipped my fingers into
his thick chestnut hair, combing it away from his face, scratching his
scalp lightly.  He moaned and shivered and let his mouth drop onto my
sex in a open mouthed kiss.  I barked out an exclamation, "Oh God!" as
the shock of the long forgotten feeling assaulted me.

 

His words were slurred as he talked against my skin, "Oh gooll . sof .
fwet."

 

I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a man's mouth on my sex.  And
I didn't care because this was like having a hot fudge sundae with
sprinkles after having eaten only plain vanilla in a stale cone all your
life.  I was so wet, it was dripping out of me and running down the
insides of my thighs, soaking into the top of the lace on my stockings. 
Now it was soaking the lower half of his face.

 

"Mmmm," he hummed against me.  

 

When his talented tongue entered my hot passage, my knees buckled and I
squeaked, "Oh shit."

 

I felt him chuckle against me, his tentativeness seeming to have fled. I
guess once he got the green light, he was all business.  He probably
knew how good he was at this.  God bless his oral fixation. His tongue
stabbed at my opening, and he retreated, slurping my overflowing juices
into his mouth and humming as though he were eating ambrosia.

 

A long finger slipped inside me to replace his tongue and my muscles
involuntarily clamped down on them.  He moaned, having moved his mouth
to cover my clit and I felt the vibrations assault my sensitive little
center and I cried out, "Oh Jesus, Mulder!"

 

He added a second finger and began fucking me hard and fast with his
fingers, curling them in toward the front wall of my swollen passage.  I
nearly fell over backwards when he found my G-spot.  My knees buckled
again as my entire abdomen melted into a puddle of buzzing warmth, my
womb cringing with every pass over that tender spot.  

 

His left arm banded under my ass for support.  If he hadn't been holding
on, I wouldn't be standing right now.  My hands went to his shoulders
for support.  I looked down just in time to see him flick his tongue out
and begin poking at my clit.  Then he would lave it with his tongue,
giving it a hard lick.

 

Poke, lick.  Poke, lick.  Poke, lick.  He never stopped finger fucking
me although his pace had slowed a bit.

 

I was whimpering as my legs trembled with tension.  "Oh, Mulder. Oh God.
 Right there.  Oh Jesus.  That's the spot.  That's the spot. 
Ohohohohoho, don't stop.  Oh, you're going to make me come with that
sexy mouth.  God, I've always loved your mouth, Mulder!"

 

He groaned again, this time sucking my clit into his mouth, trapping
tightly between his lips and raked his abrasive tongue over it from
underneath.  Forgetting any attempt to be quiet.  I shouted,
"Mmmuuullldddeeerrr!  Oh shit, yyyeeesss! Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh, OHMYGOD!"

 

My orgasm hit me like a tidal wave, rocking my body with tremors and
making my thighs quiver with release and my ass clench with wave after
wave of pleasure.  

 

I glanced down and realized he was still fully dressed.  For some
reason, the image of this big, dark man kneeling at my feet, fully
clothed and eating me out slammed into my brain and I felt my body start
to spasm all over again as he suckled and laved my clit, stroking my
G-spot hard with every pass of his fingers, prolonging my orgasm for a
length of time I hadn't thought possible.

 

My quivering died down and my legs gave out completely as I crumpled to
the floor on my knees, my legs spread wide, grasping at his shoulders
for purchase.  He held me while I trembled with aftershocks.  Finally I
looked up at him and said, "Damn, Mulder, and you haven't even kissed me
yet."

 

He grinned like a maniac and swooped down to assault my mouth.  My
release having left my bones feeling like dishrags didn't seem to
prevent my arousal from sweeping through me all over again as he
plundered my mouth with hard, passionate kissing, his tongue battling
with mine for control.  I gave up and let him take over.  I couldn't
even think anymore.  

 

Suddenly, he grabbed my hand and pressed it to his crotch.  God help me,
he felt huge.  I squeezed through the denim and he groaned.  I could
listen to that sexy sound all night and determined it wouldn't be the
last time I heard it tonight. Then he muttered,  "Can't believe I'm
really touching you."

 

We scrambled to our feet and I fell backwards onto the bed.  I made to
rise and he croaked out, "No stay there."

 

His eyes scanned my body as he pulled off his boots, shed his pants and
socks and nearly ripped his shirt off.  One button did go flying.  I
chuckled at his haste but then I gasped when yanked his boxers down and
his erection sprung free,  bouncing and jutting out toward me, the
weight of it pulling down.

 

My God.  He was hung like a horse.  I'd always suspected that but seeing
it was still a shock.  I hadn't been thinking about it at that moment. 
His shaft was long, his head having leaked precum into his navel when it
was still trapped in his pants.  He wasn't just long, he was big around,
his engorged head the size of the plum.  I moaned, feeling my crotch
flood with wetness at the sight of it, knowing how good it was going to
feel inside me.  He crawled up onto the bed, maneuvering me up and into
the middle of the bed.  He straddled me and I reached between us,
wrapping my fingers around him and stroking down to the root. 

 

He was so thick my fingers didn't meet as they wrapped around his root. 
He groaned and bucked into my hand as I continued to stroke him, letting
my palm smear his precum over the wide head.  I actually wondered if it
would fit inside me.  "You're so big, Mulder!"  

 

One corner of his mouth jerked up in amusement.  "I think you're just
small," he croaked out.  "I'm not John Holmes," he joked.  

 

"If you don't think this is big, Mulder, you watch way too much porn." 
He chuckled and I blushed.  "Glad you like it," he said around a
chuckle.

 

I had a brief flash of embarrassment as I realized Jamie was just on the
other side of the hall and we weren't being quiet in any way, shape or
form.   

 

The thought was gone as quickly as it came, because Mulder chose that
moment to descend between my thighs, pulling my hand off him to pinning
my hands at the side of head.  His mouth attacked my turgid nipple,
sucking hard, nipping fiercely and then licking to sooth it.  Bolts of
sensation rushed through my nipples and my clit answered the call with a
mighty throb every time he nipped or suckled me hard.  I was writhing
underneath him, no longer able to stay still.

 

My hands were pinned but I was arching my back and lifting my hips in
offering.  I panted, "Oh Mulder, please!"

 

He grunted, but merely moved to the other side and attacked the other
nipple.  I cried out again and kept squirming beneath him.  I'd never
writhed!  I hadn't even really known what that word meant until now.

 

I jerked my hands loose and began exploring his body, loving the feel of
his muscles tensing and releasing beneath my hands.  I was in a
maelstrom of arousal and need.  I never knew it could be like this.  I'd
heard my own voice as though in a tunnel as I broke down and begged. 
"Mulder, please! I can't . can't take it!  Oh please, I need you .
inside . inside me!"

 

The groan that sounded from him was primal and so filled with longing
and desire, I shuddered at the sound of it.



PART 5 (NC-17)

JAMIE LEVEAU'S APARTMENT

RICHMOND, VA

The Wee Hours of the Morning

 

The way she was responding to me was making feel dizzy with excitement. 
Even in my wildest fantasies, she wasn't so uninhibited and responsive. 
Every touch, every kiss, brought a gasp or a sound from her.  She
moaned, gasped and whimpered beneath me, making me quake with desire. 
Then she begged me to take her and the room spun around me as I
experienced a wave of vertigo.  I shut my eyes, breathing deeply to
regain my equilibrium.

 

My hands cradled her head as my sex throbbed at her juncture.  "Scully,"
I rasped out, feeling my arms tremble slightly.  I could feel her
moisture saturating the tip of my cock.

 

She stilled her squirming hips as we panted in each other's faces.  My
eyes locked with hers and I told her for the first time without humor or
reservation or drugs, "I love you so much it hurts."

 

She sobbed once and pulled my head down to kiss me deeply.  As we
conveyed our feelings through our kiss, I slid my body slowly inside
hers, giving her time to adjust to my size.  I pulled back some and slid
in again, finally sinking in all the way.  Our kiss broke around our
mutual groans and her breath hitched and she gasped, "Oh God, Mulder. 
I've never been this full.  You feel better than I ever dreamed."

 

"You're so small inside.  Feels fantastic, so good."  She dreamed about
me?  I kissed her again, beginning to thrust slowly.  The feeling of her
slick but unbelievably tight body embracing my aching flesh was
exquisite.

 

Our mutual cries of joy and pleasure blended into a divine musical of
passion as we positively reveled in each other's bodies for the first
time.  I couldn't help muttering, "Oh my God, feels fantastic.  Oh shit,
you're so tight, so small.  OHGOD! Scully!  Feels so good!"

 

Over six years of love, longing and lust were building into a soul
shattering orgasm.  I moaned continuously as I sped up a little, sinking
into her over and over, feeling my balls plastered against her ass every
time I pushed deeply inside her, stretching the entrance to her womb.  

 

I could feel her stockings rub against my hipbones where her legs were
wrapped around my waist.  Those black stockings were like something out
of one of my most lurid fantasies.  She was innocence and decadence all
at the same time.  It made my burn with desire.  I didn't want to go too
fast.  I wanted this to last as long as possible.  And I wanted to feel
her come while I was inside her.  

 

I wasn't kidding.  I'd never felt anything this tight.  I didn't even
grip myself this tight when I jerked off.  I almost had to force myself
in, she was so small.  Pushing past that resistance and burying my
incredibly rigid cock to the hilt, feeling her snug walls pressed aside,
 was a new exquisite pleasure I'd never experienced.  She wrapped around
me like a loving fist from top to bottom.  I whispered, "I've never been
this hard."

 

I swiveled my hips against her pubic bone at the bottom of each thrust,
and she whimpered out the most erotic sound of pleasure and I felt her
body grasp mine over and over as she broke apart in my arms, shaking and
crying out my name.  "Mmmuullldddeeerrr!  Oh Jesus!  Oh God!  Can't
believe!  Aaaahhhh!  Aaaahhhh!"

 

Her crying out my name was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard.  I
felt relief that I'd made her come again.  I wasn't sure I would be able
to hold out long enough to make it happen.  But now that it had, I was
no longer able to hold out, her shrieks of pleasure and the gripping of
my aching cock too much to bear.

 

I cried out in ecstasy and joy as my body burned and flooded her with my
essence.  I felt as though we merged into one being as the pleasure
raced through me.   "OOHH GGOODD, SCCUULLYY!  I love you, I love you! 
Sweet Jesus!"  I shouted as my orgasm continued.  I didn't ever remember
one lasting this long.

 

I could feel and hear her joy and relief in her release.  It washed over
me in waves like a healing balm.  I had given her this pleasure.  Me.  I
collapsed onto her strong, tiny body, disoriented and still moaning in
delight.  She whispered in my ear, her voice sultry and sated, "I love
you, Mulder.  I knew you'd be an incredible lover, but it was better
than I even thought it would be."

 

I panted out, "You've have no idea what you've gotten yourself into,
Scully.  I'm not nearly done with you.  You ain't seen nothing yet." 

 

"I'm looking forward to it," she replied, a smile in her voice.  We both
chuckled as we lay shivering and trembling with aftershocks.  I felt so
complete, sated and utterly blessed at that moment.  I felt a joy that I
didn't know existed.  A peace stole over me as I lay there cradled in
her arms and legs, my flaccid member unwilling to leave it's warm haven
just yet.

 

This is what life was all about.  Sharing love and passion with your
soulmate.  For that's what she was to me.  My perfect opposite.  When I
regained control of my breathing and muscles, I lifted my head and
kissed her gently with reverence and awe.  She was my shrine and I would
worship here till the day I died.  My love was reflected back at me as
she returned my kiss with an understanding and tenderness that stole my
breath away.

 

We groaned as I finally rolled away from her, feeling the sweat
beginning to cool on my body.  She rolled over to cling to my side,
whispering, "God, Mulder, that was the most beautiful, powerful
experience I've ever had.  I didn't know it could be like that."

 

She squeezed me tight and I returned her hug.  I kissed her neck and
whispered into her ear.  "I love you doesn't even to begin to explain
what I feel for you, how essential you are to me."

 

She tilted her head up to look at me.  "Why did we wait so long?' she
asked, sounding truly confused.  I was trying to remember the reasons
myself.

 

I gave her one word, "Fear."

 

"No more fear, O.K., Mulder?"

 

I smiled, feeling giddy and exhausted.  "I was so afraid you didn't
really love me back, not the way I loved you.  Sometimes it hurt so bad
to want you and I just felt pathetic."

 

"Did I change your mind?"

 

"Yes!  Lord, Scully, I . felt it.  I know that sounds crazy, but I felt
your love for me."

 

"It's not crazy.  What did it feel like?"

 

"Like a cleansing fire that filled in all my cracks."

 

"All your cracks?" she asked, swallowing a bubble of laughter.

 

I smiled again, feeling goofy.  "All the cracks in my psyche, in my
soul.  Scully, I think I feel like a whole and complete person for the
first time in my life."

 

She hummed and then said, "Me too."

 

"I feel like a Phoenix, risen from the ashes."

 

"I love you, Mulder."

 

"I love you too.  I know we need to talk, Scully."

 

"Not tonight."

 

"Sleep now, then?"

 

"Hmm, sleep ." she trailed off.  

 

I looked down and realized she'd fallen asleep in mid sentence.  I
cradled her gently, slipping into the arms of Morpheus.  I didn't dream
of monsters and panic over evil coming to get me.  I simply slept the
sleep of the sated and euphoric man. 

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

I woke to the harsh light of the sun streaming in the window.  I was
practically laying on top of Mulder, my legs tangled with his, my body
draped over an entire half of his torso.  I felt lazy and sated. 

 

Oh God help me, the way he made me feel.  The man worshipped me.  That
frightened me a little, but it also thrilled me.  I did indeed, belong
to him.  Oddly, there was no sense of binding in that realization.  Only
a freedom and a relief at finally being able to show my feelings.  Every
woman dreams of having a man love them the way Mulder loves me . with
everything he has, every fiber of his being.  Few ever find that kind of
love.  And to think, I almost let it slip through my fingers because I
was afraid.  How could I have doubted him?  How could I have doubted
that he loved me this way?  How had I never seen it?

 

The questions were moot now.  I knew now.  I loved him with equal fervor
and I planned on making sure he knew it every day for the rest of his
life.  Here I was feeling a little stupid and pathetic because I needed
him so much.  And I didn't want to need anyone.  Come to find out he
needs me as much if not more than I need him.  Why couldn't I see it?

 

Enough with the questions.  There was a large expanse of tanned Mulder
chest beneath my cheek.  I turned my head and gave an experimental lick.
 He moaned softly in his sleep, whispering, "Scully ."

 

I smiled and sucked the skin below his nipple, loving the feel of his
muscles quivering under my mouth.  When my tongue swirled around his
nipple and then sucked it into my mouth, teasing it's hard, little nob,
he groaned and woke, his pelvis lifting off the bed.

 

He looked down at me.  I pretended not to notice and just moved on to
explore his chest with my tongue.  I moved up to his neck and clamped
onto his pulse, sucking hard and grazing him with my teeth.  His voice
was low and sleepy but so aroused.  "Aaawww, Scully.  It wasn't a dream!
 I'm really here.  Oh, God."  He paused, then sounding surprised, "You
like morning sex?"

 

I smiled against his skin and moved down to rib cage.  I teased, "What
makes you think that?"

 

"Because you HAVE to know how dangerous what you are doing is, don't
you?"

 

"I think I'd like morning sex with YOU,"  I shrugged and he chuckled. 
His humor cut off abruptly as my hand wrapped around his cock, now hard
and heavy in my hand.  "Oh shit!" he exclaimed.

 

I took as much of him as I could into my mouth and sucked, retreating
and bathing him with my tongue.  "Ooohhhh, Scccuuulllyyy ." his voice
quivered out, making me feel a rush of warmth in my body, knowing that I
was affecting him.  I'd dreamt of it, but the reality was stunning.  I
glanced up to look at his face.  His beautiful face was held in a
expression of intense arousal, his mouth open, his eyes shut, his jaw
moving slightly with his breath, was which becoming ragged.

 

I bobbed up and down his shaft, sucking and tasting him.  I wrapped my
hand around the portion I couldn't fit into my mouth and worked his
shaft along with my hand, along with my mouth.  I'd deep throated
before, but he was just too big.  I didn't know if I would ever be able
to take all of him.  But I would have fun trying!

 

He pried me away and I let go with an audible pop.  He pulled me up,
jostling my body like a rag doll.  I continued to stroke him, loving the
feel of his hot, silky hardness pulsing in my hand.  I whispered, "I
have to ask . how big are you, Mulder?  Don't tell me you never measured
this thing," I teased.

 

He barked out a burst of embarrassed laughter.  "It's . ah ." 

 

I squeezed him hard and he blurted out, "Na, na, nine!"  

 

Holy shit, he was nine inches long.  I shuddered, realizing how far up
inside me he had been.  I wouldn't have even thought there were nine
inches inside me, or that I could stretch that far.  The human body was
an amazing thing.  I had to feel it again.  I groaned, feeling myself
flood with wetness again.  "Take me again, Mulder," I moaned.

 

He rolled me over onto my stomach, jamming a pillow under my hips.  

 

He covered me, one hand sliding under me and sliding down to test my
readiness.  "So wet," he muttered, upon feeling my swollen labia
engorged and soaking between my legs.

 

"You make me like this," I whispered.

 

"It's like a dream.  I can really do this to you." he muttered under his
breath, obviously talking to himself, still slightly disbelieving that
he excited me this way.

 

He grunted and slid both hands to my hips, beginning the long slide
inside.  My muscles spasmed and he stopped.  "Go!" I yelped.  

 

He grunted, pulling back a little and pushing in again, a little deeper
this time.  A few determined strokes later, he was almost in and my
muscles were stretching to accommodate him.  I willed my body to relax. 
"You O.K.?" he asked, panting into my ear.  

 

"Yes, give me all of it."  

 

He groaned, pulled back until just the head rested inside my throbbing
labia and then slammed his rigid cock into me in one stroke, burying his
huge shaft to the balls.  I yelped and cried out at the pleasure/ pain
of his sudden intrusion.  He held still and asked, "Oh shit.  Did I hurt
you?"

 

"No, you're just . really . Big!  And it's been a while."

 

He make a sound of amusement and began to pump in and out of my at a
languid pace, pressing my hips into the pillow.  His strong thighs
bracketed mine and squeezed them together.  It made a mighty tight fit
for him and we both groaned in unison.  

 

His pace accelerated and I lost control of my vocal chords as the waves
of pleasure washed through me.  The feel of him, hot and hard, made me
quiver and whimper as my muscles burned, ached and then fluttered around
his enormous cock.  The feeling was exquisite.  He began to pump me hard
and fast, but kept his strokes long and deep.

 

I felt a flash of embarrassment as I realized I was still wearing my
stockings from the night before.  But he didn't seem to mind, or even
notice.

 

I don't think he realized he was chanting quietly in little pants.  "Oh
fuck, so tight, oh fuck, so tight, oh fuck, so tight."

 

I felt my orgasm coil in my gut and shouted, "So close, oh God, Mulder,
Yes!"

 

He grunted and began to hit me even harder, his cock slamming into me. 
The added sensation of his hips smacking into my ass and his balls
slapping my clitoris made me delirious.  I began crying out, "Yes!  Fuck
me hard, Mulder!  Give me all of it.  So deep this way!  Stuff it in. 
Oh, push hard.  Fuck me hard!"

 

I loved the feeling of his incredibly hard cock as it pushed past the
resistance of my protesting muscles and plowed deep into my body,
ignoring the size of my long unused entrance that shouldn't have been
able to accept him.  He was in so deep.  

 

I was stretched so wide and my muscles were sore from last night.  It
wasn't pain.  More of an arousing ache.  The pleasure/pain of his huge
cock being shoved, almost forced into me as my aching walls protested,
was unlike any pleasure I'd ever known.

 

No one had ever penetrated me this deep and I felt a pressure deep in my
abdomen that I knew I'd never felt before.  It made my entire pelvis
throb and ache as he slammed into my cervix, sinking in from above and
punishing my G-spot like it had never been punished.  I felt my labia
stretch and roll as he retreated, pulling the skin back along his shaft
as he yanked his hips back with every stroke.

 

I whimpered and a quivered like a woman possessed, no coherent words
able to be formed.  My whole body convulsed as my release hit me like a
stinging slap. "I'm coommiinngg!" I shouted.  It didn't sound stupid at
the time.

 

 My scalp tingled, my clit jumped and my womb cringed, as he continued
to plow into me, not even slowing down.  My thighs vibrated with the
intense rippling pleasure as my orgasm continued to wash over me.  I
found my voice and shouted, "Mulder! Yes, yes, yeehhheeesss!"

 

He shouted, "Ahhh, God Scully! Yes, you're coming for me!" as he felt me
grip him harshly as I rode out the most intense orgasm of my life.  I
was totally delirious.

 

I felt his sweat land on my back in cool droplets as they fell from his
face and hair.  He was like a machine, continuing to pound me.  His
mouth came down to nip at my shoulders as his pace slowed slightly.  But
he continued to hit me hard, my now over-sensitized tunnel fluttering in
confusion at the continued pleasurable assault.

 

His lips near my ear and his voice was ragged with ecstasy.  He
muttered, again, I think unaware, "Love your tiny, little body.  Love
your tiny, little body.  Love your tiny, little body."  Then, "Oh
Christ, I'm inside Scully.  Oh Christ, I'm inside Scully.  Make her come
again. Gotta make her come again."

 

He sucked on the back on my neck.  One hand slid under me to grasp my
breast.  His fingers found my nipple and pinched.  I felt pleasure
ripple through me as I peaked again.  "Awww, yeah!" he shouted.  "I've
never been squeezed so hard!"

 

His lips met the skin below and behind my ear and sucked in as I
listened to him drag noisy breaths in through his nostrils as my orgasm
ended.

 

I worked my hand down under me and between his legs.  Each time his
balls slapped my soaking crotch with a splat, I curled my fingers up to
catch his sack as it retreated, feeling his testicles roll as they slid
backwards over my fingers.  "Your turn, Mulder.  Let go for me, baby."

 

He let go of my neck and began to chant.  "Oh yeah, oh yeah, Scully!  Do
That!  Oh sweet Jesus.  Oh feels so good.  Touch my balls.  Oh a little
more, a little harder.  Oh, I'm gonna come, wanna come.  Squeeze a
little.  Oh yeah, oh yeah, ooohhh ffuucckk!"

 

I pressed my hand harder against his sack as he made his final thrusts,
wrapping my fingers around his sack.  That did it.

 

"Ssscccuuulllyyy!" my name tore out of his throat I felt his hips
shudder against my ass and press deep as he found his release.  My
tunnel was awash in his hot seed.  His cock remained inside but he
rocked his hips against me in shallow, quick thrusts, massaging the the
head of his cock against my G-spot as his hot seed splashed inside me. 
I think it was a lucky accident, but maybe he knew what he was doing.

 

Out of his mind with the force of his orgasm, he wailed, "Your little
cunt is soooo  ffuucckkiinngg ttiigghhtt!"

 

I shouted as I felt my walls spasm again, pulling gently on his nuts,
milking him for every drop.  He collapsed onto my back and croaked,
"Jesus, Scully.  I'm an old man.  I don't know how many orgasms like
that I can take."

 

"You were amazing, Mulder."

 

"Me?  You . God, Scully.  I can't even describe how intense that was" 
He paused.  "Did you call me, baby?"

 

I laughed and buried my face in the pillow.  "Yeah, I think I did."

 

He feathered his lips over the back of my neck and whispered, "I liked
it . a lot!"  

 

I didn't know what to say so I decided to change the subject and said,
"We've destroyed these sheets.  They may never be the same again.  I
clenched my muscles and felt warm jism slide out of me around his now
flaccid cock.  It coated the inside of my thighs.  He grunted and rolled
off me, causing a gush of sperm and my own juices to exit my body. 
"Uuhh!" I made a sound of disgust.

 

He laughed and rolled off the bed, coming to his feet like an agile cat.
 I looked at the clock and gasped.  "My God, Mulder, it's 10:00 AM!"

 

He laughed again.  "We slept in."

 

"I'll say.  Christ, we need to get to work."

 

"Calm down, Scully.  Let's take a shower first."

 

"What about J?"

 

"What about J?" he repeated.

 

I huffed out a breath.  "Go take a shower," commanded.

 

He reached out and grasped my wrist, tugging me to the edge of the bed
and standing me up.  I made a face as I gestured to my legs.  "I'm a
mess."

 

He smiled and said, "Come with me."

 

"No, Mulder, just go take a shower."

 

"Scully," he began, dropping into his professor mode, "You screamed your
head off last night and less than ten minutes ago, you hollered out for
the world to hear that you were coming."

 

I blushed to the roots of my hair, covering my face with my hands.  He
chuckled and then continued.  "And NOW you're going to get modest and
worry about what J thinks?"

 

"Oh God," I muttered.  

 

His arm came around my shoulders and his lips dropped to my ear.  "Don't
worry about it, but expect some teasing.  I for one, loved it.  You were
magnificent."

 

"Me?  YOU!"  I shrugged, unsure what I wanted to say. 

 

He peeked into the hallway.  "No one out here.  Run in the bathroom and
I'll bring in some towels and clothes.  Go on."

 

I raced out into the hallway, feeling extremely exposed and sighed with
relief once inside the bathroom and swung the door shut.  I started up
the shower and climbed in.  Mulder appeared moments later with towels
and our toiletry bags.  He handed me my shampoo around the curtain and I
began to wash my hair.

 

We showered and washed each other's backs, laughing for no good reason
at all, just thrilled to be together like this finally.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

He was bopping around the kitchen wearing a barbeque apron that said,
"This Is No Ordinary Housewife You're Dealing With".  We hooted with
laughter as he turned to greet us, the biggest shit eating grin on his
face.  His hair was hanging loose down his back and he flipped some eggs
in the frying pan heating on the stove.  He started in immediately.

 

"Morning, sleepy heads.  How are you two love birds this morning?"

 

Scully turned the color of a tomato again, doing an about face and
heading back out of the kitchen.  I laughed and grabbed her up around
the waist and lifting her off the floor.  She squealed, "Mulder, put me
down!"

 

I laughed, swinging her around and placing her gently on her feet.  I
smiled at J over her head, leaving my arms around her waist.  "Be gentle
with her J.  If you tease too much, she WILL bolt.  She won't take as
much of your shit as I will."

 

He grinned.  "You don't need to be embarrassed."

 

"Yeah, right!" Scully exclaimed and broke out of my arms.  I watched her
carefully to determine if she was really upset.  But her quick smile at
me told me she was all right.  I was so afraid that in the light of day
she would be awkward.  That might come later, but so far, so good.  

 

J grinned at me again and said, "I heard the shower going so I started
rustling up some eggs.  He scraped the eggs onto a big plate and set
them on the kitchen counter with some plates and silverware.  "Help
yourself."

 

He pulled bacon out of the microwave and patted it with a paper towel
then set that down too.  "Smells delicious."

 

We each took a plate and silverware and dug in.  He poured coffee and
brought milk and sugar to the table and finally sat down to eat himself.
 "I slept late too."

 

Scully turned to him.  "Did we throw you off your schedule?"

 

"Oh no, I'm used to working late at the Club and sleeping late in the
morning.  I did, uh, stay up later than usual though."

 

"Oh," she gasped out, starting to color again.

 

"Yeah, there was this awful racket going on next door."

 

Scully choked on her forkful of eggs and whipped a napkin up to her
face.  I laughed out loud, I couldn't help it.  "That's enough, J," I
said, trying to suppress my chuckles.

 

He grinned mercilessly and without remorse.  Then he sighed deeply and
dramatically, turning his face to Scully and giving her a moony look. 
"Some girls have all the luck."

 

Scully laughed then and the sound of it was musical.  I rarely saw her
laugh.  She was so beautiful when she laughed.   I had no idea where we
were going to go from here.  But the impossible had happened.  She was
in love with me and we'd made love.  There was no going back now.  I
hoped she really did understand that.  I wouldn't be able to let her go
now.

 

We ate in silence for a while and finally J said, "Soooo.." 

 

We smiled at him, keeping our silence.  His face fell.  "Ah, come on!"
he exclaimed, an exaggerated pout on his face.  Scully and I both
laughed at him then.

 

When I got my mirth under control I said, "J . thank you."

 

"For what?" he asked airily, knowing exactly what I was talking about.  

 

He couldn't just say 'you're welcome.'  Oh no.  He'd never made it easy
for me and he wasn't going to now.  I cleared my throat.  "For being
here, opening my eyes . "

 

Scully smiled a shy smile.  J tilted his head at me and said, "My
pleasure, " he said, his voice utterly sincere.

 

Scully coughed, gently this time and said, "I owe you a thanks too.  I
don't know what it is, but I told you things last night I've never told
anyone."

 

He beamed.  "That's a good thing, right?"

 

Scully nodded, smiling a close lipped smile at him.  "Yeah, it is. 
Mulder was right, you're very easy to talk to."

 

"I don't think so," I teased.  "You were a bit brutal with me last
night, buddy."

 

"Nothing else gets through that thick skull of yours, Fox."

 

We were silent for a few moments, sipping our coffee.  "So what now?" he
asked.

 

"What do you mean?" Scully asked.

 

"You two going to be all right or are you going to freak out once you
leave this house?"

 

Scully swallowed.  I held my breath waiting for her answer.  I was
asking myself the same question.  I would be all right as long as she
was.  I would only freak out if she had regrets.  When she didn't say
anything, I decided maybe I should share that.  I needed to stop hiding
and being embarrassed about what I felt.  J was my oldest friend and
Scully was my best friend.  Neither one was going to judge me.  I don't
know why I stubbornly clung to that knee jerk reaction to hide when
someone got close.  I shouldn't be that way . not with these two, at
least.

 

I cleared my throat again.  "I'll be fine as long as you are, Scully."

 

"Meaning?"

 

"If you're happy . that's all that matters to me."  I paused.  "If you .
think later on that this was a mistake or ."

 

"No!" she said quickly, immediately reassuring me. 

 

I smiled.  "If you had regrets, that the one thing I don't think I could
take.  And that's all I'm going to say in front of J."

 

I turned to him.  "Sorry, but the rest is too personal."

 

He nodded his acceptance.  "Good.  I'm really happy for you two.  I mean
it."

 

"You're a very special person, Jamie/Jamella/J, whoever you are," Scully
quipped.

 

He threw his head back and laughed.  "Thanks . I think!"

 

We all chuckled.  I sighed, standing up and helping J clear away the
plates and utensils.  When the dishes were all in the sink I said, "We
need to get to work, Scully."

 

She sighed too, as reluctant as I was to dive back into this case.  But
I needed to solve this one.  It was more than just closing another
X-File, or exposing a potential hoax.  There were five girls missing. 
Next week was another full moon, and I wouldn't feel J was safe until I
figured this one out.

 

"Where do we start?  Reinterviewing."

 

"Waste of time," Jamie said.

 

We both looked at him.  "Why?" I asked.  "We often find out things that
other police interrogators miss.  I ask different questions."

 

"I know that, but these girls . they are mostly air heads, but . at the
same time, I feel for them.  They're scared.  Really scared.  They don't
want to talk about it.  It makes it too real for them."

 

"Are you scared?" I asked.

 

"Yes, but not as much as they are.  I don't know if this guy watches the
place, is a customer or what?  I wouldn't have any idea if he knew I was
a guy or not."

 

"Do you dress for work?" I asked, meaning in female clothing.

 

"Sometimes, not always.  It depends on what I'm doing afterwards.  If I
have to go to the Club right after, then yes.  If not, it depends.  I
usually do though."

 

Scully nodded.  "I don't know where else to start though."

 

"I'd like to visit each missing girls' apartment and have a look around.
 And Scully, we ought to call the lab and find out if they figured out
what that gooey shit was on the carpet in each girls apartment."

 

"I can take you to their apartments."

 

"How would we get in?"

 

"We'd have to go to the police station first.  I can make a call."

 

"You know someone at the police station?" I asked.

 

A sly grin crept over his face and I raised my eyebrows.  Scully smiled
wide.  He nodded, almost looking shy.  "Yeah, let me call him."

 

"Who?" I asked, blocking his retreat toward the living room.  He went to
duck around me and I bounced back and forth, blocking the doorway.  He
laughed and finally stopped trying to duck around me.

 

"You're a big mother, you know that?" he said, throwing out the
non-sequitar.

 

I laughed.  "You're just dinky."

 

He made a expression of disgust with his mouth.  He hated when I called
him dinky.  "His name is . I probably shouldn't tell you."

 

I gave him a look that said, 'Oh please.'  Then added, "You know I'm not
going to tell anyone.  Neither is Scully."

 

He took a deep breath.  "O.K., you're right.  Here I am asking you to
tell me all about your relationship and I'm not telling you about mine."

 

"Exactly," I said.

 

He smiled, looking away and back at me.  "His name is Daryl."

 

"Daryl," I repeated, waving my hand in a gesture that asked for more.

 

"Daryl Cartwright," he finally spit out.

 

"Rank?"

 

"He's a detective.."

 

I waggled my eyebrows at him and he laughed.  "Height, weight, hair
color."

 

"Nosey son of a bitch, aren't you?"

 

"No more than you," I threw back at him.

 

He crossed his arms over his chest.   "It could ruin his career if it
got out."

 

I nodded. "You're secret's safe with us.  You know you can trust us,
don't you?"

 

He looked at the ground and back up at me.  "Yes, I know.  I'm just so
used to . hiding, except in places like the lounge where I can let
loose."

 

"I know.  It sucks.  I hope it works out for you.  You deserve someone
too, you know."

 

He smiled.  "I think I might have found The One, if he doesn't get the
jitters and bolt on me."

 

"I'm glad you have someone."

 

"Well, it's still in the infancy stage."

 

I smiled.  "You'll do fine.  Who could resist you?"

 

He grinned.  "You could."

 

I chuckled, biting my lip.  "Yeah, but I've always been different."

 

He nodded, looking amused.  "Yeah, you've always been different.  I'll
say that for you," he agreed.

 

"So, describe him."

 

He swallowed.  "He's tall, like you, six foot."

 

I nodded.  

 

"He's got . "  He stopped, looking nervous all of a sudden.

 

"What?" I asked.

 

"He's got brown hair and green eyes," he blurted out.  My mouth dropped
open and I saw Scully put her tongue in her cheek, picking up on the
implication as fast as I did.

 

He shook his head.  "I swear, it's not that, Fox."

 

I nodded.  "It's all right," I said, proud that my voice was smooth and
unruffled. 

 

He visibly relaxed.  "I was afraid you'd think that.  It's just a
coincidence, I swear!"

 

I leaned against the doorjamb that separated the kitchen from the living
room.  "Even if it wasn't, I'd be flattered, not pissed off.  What
else?" I asked, my question effectively telling him I wasn't upset or
unnerved by what he'd said.

 

He relaxed, his arms dropping to his sides.  "I wasn't afraid you'd be
pissed.  I was afraid you'd be creeped out."