From: "Shanda Weeks" <shanagail26@hotmail.com>
Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 08:53:03 -0500
Subject: Purity Control by Arissa JML
Source: direct

Title: Purity Control

Author: Arissa JML

Rating: NC-17

Category:

Spoilers: some little ones through season 7, however, then we go off
into my own little world where the events of Requiem and everything
that came after that are gleefully ignored.

Keywords: MSR, casefile

Summary: What happens when you find what they don't want you to find -
and you don't remember what you've found? How far would they go to
keep you silent? And how far would you go to protect the ones you
love?

Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, and the x-files do not belong to me. Which
is really too bad, cuz I'd take better care of them than Chris Carter,
Fox, and 1013...but, well...we all know that Chris owns them! Song
lyrics used without permission from Keith Urban's "Your Everything".
It's a beautiful song, you should listen to it.

Authour's note: After re reading this I discovered that it was easy to
get confused about who was talking. The story is an alternating POV,
starting with Mulder. However, some of the scenes got...um...more
complicated than I'd imagined. So...when you see 'XXXX' between
sections it is a change in character POV. When you see '*****' it is
still the same character, but the scene has changed
somewhat...(whew...that was really more complicated than it should
have been!) BTW...I LOVE feedback!! (shanagail26@hotmail.com)

Dedication: This story is for my daughter, Sky, for giving me a reason
to go on even when I didn't think I could. And for Myron....I think he
knows why, but just in case...for giving me back what I thought I'd
lost....my faith in other people. Thank you both, for everything.
***********************************************

Sydney, Austrailia
November 4, 2004

I walk slowly around the perimeter of the park, my eyes scanning for a
familiar face. That face that has haunted my dreams for the past three
and a half years. She's been my only thought for all this time,
through all that I've done to ensure she could safely return.

And then I see her. She's sitting on a bench near the playground,
staring out across the park. I stop behind a tree and just watch her
for a while.  She's changed since I saw her last. She looks like she's
lost weight and her shoulders sag in a way I've never witnessed in her
before.

I sigh and my mind skips over a thousand pictures of her. So many
things that I'll never forget, like our first case when she stood in
the rain in the cemetary and laughed with me and the first time she
let me kiss her, really kiss her.

Three years of hell have led me to this place, so far from our home.
All I've wanted in all those years is sitting on a bench a few yards
away, waiting. I wonder if she still waits for me or if she's given
up. Does she wonder if I'll ever come back to her? Has she wished and
hoped and cried as much as I have?

Three years. A year spent in jail, trying to clear myself of the
murder charge against me, and two years fighting a shadow to save us
from information I still can't remember. There were times I didn't
think I'd ever see this day. And yet here I stand, watching her from a
distance and unable to make my legs move toward her. I lean unsteadily
against the tree and blink to hold in the tears that want to fall.

I watch her glance at the sandbox where there are several children
playing and then settle back on the bench, looking tired. As she moves
her red hair catches the sunlight and shines, causing my breath to
catch in my throat. I allow my mind to drift back to that night so
long ago that started the long and dangerous path we've been on ever
since.

XXXXXXXXXX

I allow my eyes to sweep across the park in front of me. Tears fill my
eyes as I see strangers. The one face that I've searched for all these
years has yet to appear. That face haunts me in my dreams and stares
me in the eyes all day long.

He left our home in Scotland for me. Not because I wanted him to go
really.  Not because I'd asked. But because I was sick, had been for
several weeks and we didn't know what it was. We were both worried
about the same thing, I know. That chip in my neck and the cancer it
holds at bay.

Had it come back? We'd come so far, in our relationship and our lives,
finally away from the shadows that had hunted us for years. Was it all
for nothing? Would they win anyway? I was terrified and more than a
little homesick for my family. But I was determined to fight it in
every way possible and make the most of what we had left.

And then one day he anounced that he was going home, to make sure it
was safe before he came to get me. I knew what he was trying to do.
He'd seen how upset I was and he was offering to sacrifice himself so
that I could go home. We both knew the risk he was taking in going
back. He was still wanted for murder and there were still people out
there that would rather see us both dead than to give us any time to
talk to anyone about clearing his name.

But he wouldn't listen to my arguments and I'd watched as he'd left
me, wondering if I would ever see him again. It was shortly after that
I'd discovered the reason for the sickness. And there hadn't been any
way to contact him. I wish he could have known.

My eyes shift back to the sandbox where they are playing and I feel a
sad smile tugging at my lips. Three years ago when I first got here I
came to the park with hope everyday. I still come every day, but I
find that each time I leave with less hope and I am unable to get it
back. I'm afraid of what's already happened and I'm afraid of what
will happen if I never see him again.

I sigh and lean back, allowing my mind to drift back in time. To that
one night so long ago, like so many others before it, that completely
changed both of our lives forever.

**********
Dana Scully's Apartment
Georgetown, MD
April 15, 2000
3:25am, Saturday

**BRING**

I jerk at the shrill sound of the phone and slap at the nightstand to
reach it. My brain isn't completely awake as I bring the phone to my
ear.

"Scully," I mutter softly, my voice still slurred with sleep.

Silence.

And then Mulder's voice, low and ragged. "Purity Control."

And then the sound of the dial tone. I'm out of bed and dressed before
I remember to hang up the phone. My mind still hasn't caught up to my
body as I hurridly grab the bag from the corner of my closet. My only
thought is that I have to get out of here, fast.

I leave my apartment on foot and head south. I keep my head down and
my eyes are darting back and forth, watching for people following me.
Everything is on autopilot, my mind too preoccupied with the
implications of what Mulder said to concentrate on paying attention to
where I'm going. I suppose it's a good thing Mulder insisted that we
practice this over and over again.

I reach a payphone three blocks south of my apartment and stop. I
haven't been there but a few seconds when it starts to ring. I pick it
up on the third ring, but don't say anything. There are a few seconds
of silence where I can hear his labored breathing. I frown, but hold
the questions that are swirling in my mind. Finally he starts to
speak, rattling off a list of ten numbers. I repeat them to him and
hang up before he can respond in any way.

I walk two more blocks before I find a cab to hail. I direct the cab
driver to Dulles airport and then lean back in my seat, absorbed in
thought. My hand unconsciously grips the bag that I brought with me.
My whole life is in this bag and I'm completely terrified by the
meaning of Mulder's call.

Purity Control.

It's a message. A very clear one. My life is in danger. The only
problem is, I don't know why, from who, or anything else about what is
going on. The only thing I know for sure is that Mulder never would
have used that code if he hadn't had a really good reason.

The cab drops me at the airport and I pay him with cash that I
retrieved from the bag I'm carrying. I go inside and wait until he
leaves before I leave the terminal and head to the rental car counter.
I rent the car with a fake ID card that was also in the bag and pay
for it with a credit card under the same name. And then I'm on my way
to Mulder.

His message was to meet at a safe house the gunmen set up for us about
twenty minuets out of the city. To anyone else that list of numbers
would have been meaningless, but Mulder and I had worked this out
carefully years ago. It had been his suggestion, after his 'suicide',
that we work out a plan to keep in touch and get away if we needed to.
I had been more than happy at the time to agree. It wasn't until we
actually started making arrangements that I started to wonder about it
all.

I glance at the bag beside me. There are three sets of ID in that bag
for me. Complete ID that the gunmen set up -- each name even has a
tracable history. There is about fifty thousand dollars cash stuck in
there, with two weapons that are registered to one of the ID's. The
cash came from Mulder.  That was a big surprise. It turned out that my
partner, the one that lived in a small, dank apartment and never did
anything nice for himself except the suits, was rich.

I suppose I had always known that about him, somewhere in the back of
my mind. I mean, he grew up on Martha's Vineyard, they had a summer
home in Rhode Island, he went to Oxford. That all adds up to one thing
- money. But I had never acknowledged it until he handed me that
envelope for my bag that day.

I was shocked. And I just blurted out my question about where it came
from.  He just smiled at me and calmly told me he had enough, not to
worry. So, when he gave me the passbook for the savings account that
goes with my new ID I didn't say a word, just accepted it. He's never
told me what he has, but I suspect it's a lot. He got everything from
his dad's estate when he died and last year he inhereited his
mother's. I actually think that bothered him a lot. Not that he
inhereited the money, but where it came from. The fact that the money
was in some part directly related to the fact that he didn't have to
share it with Samantha.

I spotted the drive and slowed down, automatically checking my mirrors
to ensure that I hadn't been followed. I didn't see anyone, so I
turned my lights off and pulled into the drive. I parked my car in the
back of the house next to the one that was there. Mulder's car,
probably rented from the same counter I rented mine from. There was a
light visible from the back door, so I grabbed my bag and moved
quickly up the steps and knocked three times.

The door swung open and I stepped across the threshold and pushed the
door shut behind me. And then I stopped dead in my tracks. I was
looking *down* at Mulder, who was kneeling on the floor in front of
me. He was swaying slightly back and forth and I was not at all sure
how he was managing to stay upright.

"Scully.." he croaked hoarsely, and then collapsed to the floor.

I dropped to my knees in front of him and swept my eyes over him.
Jesus Christ, he looks bad. My hands are shaking slightly as I
unbutton his shirt to look at him closer. His shirt is covered in
blood and something else that I can't identify at the moment. I gasp
when I get it completely open and can see his chest.

His chest and stomach are covered with bruises and welts and there is
a makeshift banadage on his left shoulder. I draw a deep breath and
gently remove the banadage. Fear surges through me when I see the
bullet wound beneath it. It is high on his left shoulder and seems to
have stopped bleeding for now, but from the looks of his shirt he lost
a lot of blood.  His right arm is laying at an odd angle and it takes
me a full minuet to realize what is wrong. His shoulder is dislocated
and his wrist has a deep purple bruise around it and is swollen.

I don't even try to stop the tears that spring to my eyes when I run
my fingers through his hair, checking for head wounds. I find a large
lump on the back of his head. The hair around it is matted and sticky
with what can only be dried blood. I trace my fingertips gently over
his face, which is bruised and bloody too.

Oh, Mulder. What the hell is going on? Who did this to you?

I sigh and close my eyes for a second, trying to get my doctors
distance back so that I can help him. Then I purposely avoid looking
at his face as I start to work on his shoulder.

Christ, it's gonna be a long day.

XXXXXXXXXX
safehouse somewhere outside DC
Saturday evening, 6pm


My senes slowly become aware of my surroundings. Waves of throbbing
pain seem to be radiating from every pore of my body. My thoughts are
hazy and I struggle to place where I am, which is difficult as I can't
seem to pry my eyes open to look. When my eyelids finally lift my
vision wavers and swims, making my stomach roll. I squeeze my eyes
shut again and fight the urge to gag.

Shit!!

Scully!! My eyes fly open and I sit bold upright in bed despite the
searing pain that shoots through me. The room makes a dizzying tilt
and I can no longer stop the surge of bile that rises in my throat. I
make a weak grab for the bedside table with my right arm and find that
I can't move it.  Unable to concentrate on the problem at the moment,
I simply grab with the other arm and lean over the side of the bed. My
stomach heaves violently for a few minuets, but there wasn't anything
in it to come up.

Just as I'm getting my heaving under control the door opens and Scully
walks in. I blink my still blurred eyes and try to focus on her face.
She looks tired...and sideways, but I think that's me...and I know she
must have been up ever since I first called her. I have no idea what
time that was.

She pauses and takes in my appearance. I can see a small smile of
relief that wants to break free, but she holds onto it.

"Mulder?" Her voice is soft and questioning.

"Scu.." is all I can get out of my dry throat. She seems to understand
and moves to the dresser to fill a glass from a pitcher of water I
hadn't noticed before. She hands me the glass and waits patiently
while I gulp the whole thing in one drink.

"Better?" She asks, with just a hint of teasing. I offer her a small
smile and nod my head. "So..."

"Scully, what the hell happened to me?"

"Actually, I was hoping you could tell me," she answered softly. I
fidgeted under her intense stare. I had a vague idea, I remembered
parts of it, but I do not remember how I got here or how she knew to
be here instead of the other house. "You don't know do you, Mulder?"

"I - I remember some...but not a lot after they left," I answer
carefully.

"Start at the beginning, Mulder. Who are *they*?" She moves over and
sits down on the bed, gently pushing on my shoulders. I don't resist,
I'm hurting too bad to put up any argument. She looks really worried
now that my eyes have cleared.

"Okay, the beginning." I pause and take a deep breath. "Remember the
disk I got from an anonyomous source last week?"

Scully nods slowly, but otherwise doesn't say anything.

"Well, I actually met with the guy. He gave me the disk and some
information. But it was the first time I'd ever met him. He contacted
me." I stop and look up to gauge her reaction.

"You made copies of that disk. It's the one you gave me, isn't it?"
This is asked in her classic Agent Scully voice and I have to suppress
the urge to smile. She isn't angry or upset, she's just after the
facts. Always a scientist, my Scully.

Wait...*My* Scully?!

"Um...yeah, it is," I finally answer, shaking all thoughts of Scully
being mine out of my head. Now is not the time for that. "I also gave
a copy to the gunmen, and left one in the safe at the office."

"So, I take it someone wants their disk back?"

"You could say that," I answer carefully. This is where is gets
sticky.  "This is where my memories get a little hazy."

"Just tell me what you remember, Mulder," she says softly. She reaches
out and her right hand gently covers mine where it is securely
fastened to me with a makeshift splint. I smile at her and nod my
head, searching for a place to start.

"Okay, you left the office and I was doing some research for a new
case. I heard footsteps...I thought it was Skinner or you or...I don't
know," I shake my head. "I had my back to the door. How stupid is
that? Me, mister paranoid, and I didn't even turn around to make sure
I was right about who was walking up behind me."

"Mulder, that's not fair," Scully says, her tone defensive. I'm not
sure what to say to that, so I don't say anything for a long moment.
Then I just continue with my story.

"He hit me with something, in the back of the head. It knocked me out.
The next thing I remember is being in my apartment. There were four
men -- I didn't really get a good look at any of them. My head was
swimming. My source was there." I stop then and swallow hard. This
memory is *very* clear and I wish it wasn't.

"What is it, Mulder?" Scully moves closer to me, sensing how
uncomfortable I've become.

"He was tied with his hands behind his back, sitting on his knees in
front of me. He looked - terrified. And they.." I choked slightly and
forced the words out around the lump in my throat. "They executed him.
Right in front of me."

I can't go on and stumble to a stop. I have to squeeze my eyes shut to
keep the tears that want to fall at bay. I'll never forget the look on
his face when they put that gun to the back of his head. Accusation.
Betrayal. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. It was my fault. If
he hadn't contacted me he would still be alive. They blew his brains
all over me. I shudder slightly at the memory and Scully's hand lands
on my brow, gently smoothing over it.

I open my eyes to look at her and she's smiling at me. I can see the
tears shining in her eyes and I can see that she's hurting. For me and
for a man she never met because she can see that I am hurting for him
too. She amazes me sometimes. I can't do anything but hold her gaze.

"Oh, Mulder," she finally whispers. "It wasn't your fault."

"But if he hadn't --"

"But he did," she insisted. "And it wasn't your fault. Now, tell me
the rest."

I sigh, but do as she asks. "They wanted to know where the copies
were. I wouldn't tell them. One of the guys had a..a night stick, I
think. Or a club of some kind." I shrug helplessly. "I'm not sure what
all happened after he started in on me. It comes and goes, but I think
I was mostly passed out the whole time."

Scully draws a sharp breath and I lift my eyes to look at her again. I
can tell that she's trying not to cry and I can't help but wonder what
that means. She's probably just glad that I wasn't conscious, I tell
myself.

"Anyway, I remember them demanding to know where I'd hidden the
copies, who knew about them. I vaguely remember a...a needle?" My
voice had become a question on this last part as the memory pushed its
way through the heavyness still in my brain.

Scully frowned and reached for my left arm. She pushes the sleeve up a
little and I can see the tiny puncture wound from the needle. They did
inject me with something. Shit. Now what?

"We have to get you to a hospital, Mulder," Scully starts, her eyes
determined.

"We can't go back to the city, Scully. Not as us. We are in danger," I
insist, even though the exact reason for that still eludes me. They
obviously left me for dead last night, so why are Scully and I both
still in danger? I rub my temple with my left hand, trying desperately
to remember.

"I remember...falling, thinking this is it, it's over. And then being
popped like you would pop a belt. And then, voices...they were
talking," I close my eyes and struggle to bring the hazy picture into
focus in my mind.

"They were talking about getting the other two copies of the disk.
They said...oh, god, Scully! They said they were going to pay the AD a
visit -- after they got rid of my partner," I pause and take a deep
breath. I'm talking fast now as the pictures click into place. "I
remember hearing them say, kill him. I felt the bullet, but I was in
so much pain, so far out of it already that it didn't really register.
I vaguely recall them leaving.  Then I passed out.

"When I came to, I didn't know how long I'd been out. I was terrified
that I'd be too late. I called you, you were all I could really
remember at the time. Just that you were in danger and we had to get
the hell out of the city. Fast. I don't remember anything at all after
I called you with the code word." I shrug again and fall silent.

"Jesus Christ, Mulder," Scully finally says. "It's a wonder you made
it here."

I nod slowly. I realize that. I can't tell you how I got here or how I
managed to do anything other than fall over and die. Scully is studing
me intently.

"Mulder, you said you remembered falling...and then stopping
suddenly?" I nod at her. "Well, you had a dislocated shoulder and
elbow, and wrist is broken. There is a dark purple bruise around your
wrist, from a handcuff. Do you know if you fell or were pushed from
somewhere?"

I frown and think about it. All I can really remember is the darkness
and the cold. I look at her and shake my head. "No, not really. Just
that it was dark."

She sighs. "So, you think we need to disappear? What about Skinner?  
Shouldn't we warn him if you think his life may be in danger?"

"Yeah, we should. I'm afraid to, they may find us. But I don't think
we have a choice."

She nods. "I'll make the call. I'll make it quick and then I'll be
right back, okay?"

I smile and watch her leave the room, suddenly feeling very bad about
this whole thing. I know I'm right. I know that I heard something
before I passed out that made me believe that no matter where we went
they were going to kill us. That we had to move right then. But no
matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quite grasp what it was.

XXXXXXXXXX

I quickly leave Mulder's room and go to the kitchen for my cell phone.
I'm seething inwardly at what they did to him. It wouldn't have taken
a whole lot more force to completely rip his arm off. Those bastards,
why can't they just leave us alone?

And poor Mulder. Executing that man in front of him was a sure way to
make him feel like it is all his fault. He does, I could see it on his
face when he was telling me. He thinks it's his fault that they killed
his source. But it's not. He didn't leak the information about his
source. He couldn't have known or stopped it. Of that I'm certian.

I hurridly dial the AD's extention and listen as it rings.
Hum...that's odd.  Skinner's not answering his personal line. A small
flutter of fear starts in my gut as I hang up the phone and dial the
outer office. Kimberly answers on the second ring and I immediately
know that something is up. For one thing, it's a Saturday afternoon,
and for another she sounds like she's crying.

"Assistant Director Skinner's office," she manages to say, her voice
breaking slightly on his name.

"I need to speak to the AD," I say, not bothering to tell her who I
am. She starts to cry in ernest now.

"I'm s-sorry," she sniffles. "The AD isn't...he's..."

"Kimberly," I say softly and I hear her gasp quietly. I think she
finally recognized my voice.

"He's in the hospital, Georgetown Memorial. He's been shot," she says
softly. I can't help the gasp that escapes me. "Agent Scully?" she
whispers.

For some reason I am afraid to tell her it's me. Without saying
anything I slowly hang up the phone. I have to find out what's going
on before I tell Mulder this. It's just one more thing that he will
blame himself for. I stand undecided for a few seconds and then
quickly dial the next number. My heart is racing as the line rings.

"Lone Gunmen," Frohike answers.

"No names," I say quickly. "Do you know who this is?"

"Yes," he answers.

"I need some information. Can you help me?"

"Yes."

"There is a situation at the Hoover building. I need to know what
happened and what's been said about it. There is also a patient at
Georgetown Memorial. I need to know how he is and any medical
information you can get from his file. Understand?"

"I understand. It'll take about an hour, how can I get you?"

"You can't. I'll get back to you," I answer. I pause for a moment and
then quietly, "Thank you, my friend."

I don't wait for his response, but hang up the phone. Now all we can
do is wait. And for some reason the thought of waiting around here for
much longer doesn't seem like a good one. I have to get Mulder to a
hospital, he is in no shape to do anything else. But I can't risk
going anywhere, as anyone, until I know what the hell is going on and
why it is that we are running.

I sigh and drag a hand through my hair. With Mulder's memory missing
big chunks and his source dead I have no way of finding the answers to
those questions. Okay, so all that I can do is wait, no matter how
much I don't like it. I look at the door to the bedroom, frowning
slightly. I'm just afraid that the longer I wait the more likely I'll
lose Mulder before I can get him help. He's in bad shape and I've done
all I can for him.

I grab some pain killers from the first aid kit in the bathroom and
take them in to him. I basically avoid all his questions with the
command to sleep. I know that he can see that I'm hiding something,
but I just can't tell him what's going on yet. I have to know for
sure. So, I leave him to sleep and quietly load the bags into my car,
getting everything ready so that we can leave as soon as I get what I
need from the gunmen.

I glance at my watch. A little over an hour has gone by, so I go back
inside the house and find my phone. My hands are shaking as I dial the
number. It rings twice before Byers answers.

"Lone Gunmen."

"It's me. Did you get it?"

"Yeah, but you're gonna want to read this yourself."

I sigh, thinking quickly. There is a fax machine here, in case of
emergencies, but I didn't want to use it. My mind whirls for a long
moment, but I don't really have a lot of options.

"Okay, 213-555-4527."

"Two minuets," he answers tersely. I nod and click the phone off.

Two minuets. Well, I suppose I can wait two more minuets. As I'm
thinking this the fax machine starts to hum. It's coming through
already. I impatiently grab the papers out of the machine and start to
read them. I can feel the blood drain from my face and my knees feel
weak.

Oh, god. My eyes drift toward the door of the bedroom. I close my eyes
briefly and then draw a deep, steadying breath. I have to go tell him
now.  And then we have to get the hell out of here.

XXXXXXXXXX

I can see the minuet she walks in that something is wrong. Her face is
pale and she almost looks sick. She sinks down into the chair by the
window and stares at the papers in her hand for a long minuet. If I
didn't feel so bad I'd get up and ask her what is wrong, but my body
aches too much to even try. She finally looks up at me and I can see
the tears that are in her clear blue eyes.

"What is it, Scully?"

"Mulder, I called Skinner." She pauses and I know that something isn't
right. "He's been shot."

Oh shit. Man, I knew something was bad wrong. Then my eyes find hers
again and I know that she's not done yet.

"He was shot in the face...point blank range in front of his apartment
building last night. He's in ICU at Georgetown Memorial, but they
don't think he's ever going to wake up." She wiped a tear from her
cheek and looked away.

"Christ," I mutter softly. She nods absently, but still won't look at
me.  "What, Scully? What aren't you telling me?"

She sighs and looks at me again. "It was your service weapon, Mulder.
And a witness gave a description of the shooter that looks like you.
They found the body in your apartment, also apparently shot with your
weapon."

"Oh, god. They think I tried to kill Skinner." I allow my head to drop
back to the pillow and my eyes to close. I feel sick.

"There's more," she whispers, drawing my eyes back to hers. "They went
to my apartment to see if I could help, or if I knew where you were.
My apartment was trashed, your service weapon was there -- only your
prints. And they found blood, lots of blood." She shudders and closes
her eyes. "I don't know how to explain it, Mulder, but the report says
it's my blood. And they believe that from the amount they found that
I'm dead. They've put an APB out on you for murder, attempted murder,
and kidnapping a federal agent."

Fuck. This just keeps getting better and better. They didn't want to
take any chances I suppose. Or they found Scully gone and realized I
wasn't dead, so they needed to make it impossible for us to go back.
As that realization sinks in I shudder. It's perfect. If Scully were
to go back all they have to do is kill her before she can give a
statement, everybody believes she's dead anyway. If Skinner never
wakes up he can't say that I didn't shoot him.  This is just great.

I open my mouth to speak, but Scully holds her hand up, motioning for
me to be quiet. I wait, listening for whatever it was that got her
attention. At first I don't hear anything, but then I can hear the
faint sound of a car.  It's getting louder too. Scully waits a few
seconds longer and then she's on her feet, stuffing the papers she was
holding into her pocket.

"We've got to hide," she whispers, moving toward me. I nod and try my
best to help her as she guides me to my feet. My head makes a
sickening swirl and I almost lose my footing, but Scully's arm around
my waist keeps me upright.

We move quickly down the hallway and Scully pulls the door to the
basement open. I grab the stair rail with my left arm and Scully
supports as much of my weight as she can. We slowly make our way to
the basement and to the far wall. There is a room hidden here, for the
purpose of hiding if we needed to. From the sounds of people talking
outside I am guessing we need to.

I slide helplessly down the wall as Scully opens the door to the small
room.  I can hear footsteps upstairs now, and the voices are louder. I
stumble when she pulls me up again. Scully almost loses her balance,
but manages to stay upright somehow. We manage to get into the room
and Scully shuts the door, turning the lock as she does.

Now all we can do is wait. The room isn't very big, so we are sitting
practically on top of each other. In any other circumstance this would
be a very good thing. But right now, what little bit of energy and
strength that I had managed to maintain is gone and all I feel like
doing is passing out.  I have to force myself to remain conscious, in
case Scully needs my help.

Scully is sitting between me and the door, her eyes trained on the
small crack that is visible in the wall where the door opens. Her Sig
is gripped firmly in her hands, ready if she needs it. I watch her
carefully for a few minuets and it hits me. I recognize that
expression on her face. I've seen it before, on a few different
occasions. In the woods in Florida, in the interview room with Roche,
in a hotel room in New Mexico, staring down a senator on the senate
committee, and every other time she's stood up for me.  She's standing
guard, protecting me.

I swallow hard and close my eyes. I never looked at it that way
before, but now in my mind I can see every time she stood between me
and danger or death. That fierce, vengeful look in her eyes. She's
trying to keep me safe, as I've always tried to keep her safe. For a
moment the implications of what that could mean cause my heart to
pound. But we're friends, best friends. So that's probably all it is.
I know she cares about me, but it's only a friendly thing.

I hear the basement door open and footsteps decend the stairs. The
voices move closer to the back of the room and us and I hold my
breath. I can feel Scully doing the same. I try to concentrate on what
their saying, but my head is pounding and I still feel like it has a
huge layer of cotton stuffed into it. I think I'm getting weaker. It's
starting to hurt to breath, the effort making me want to pant.

XXXXXXXXXX

I can hear Mulder's breathing behind me even though I know he's trying
to be quiet. It's getting more labored and I know that the longer I
wait to get him out of here the less chance he has of making it
through this. He needs blood, and probably surgery to repair his lung.
I'm not sure, but I think they messed something up when they broke his
rib.

The men outside stop about five feet from the hidden door and I strain
to make out what their saying. One of the voices I recognize
immediately and I can feel my lip curl in disgust. I should have
known. Alex Krycek. I don't recognize the other voice, but he seems to
be a flunky from the sound of the conversation.

"I thought you told me they were here!" Krycek says, clearly agitated.

"They were! We traced the fax the gunmen sent. It had to be to them!"
The man whined, sounding desperate.

"So where did they go?!" Krycek shouts.

"Th-they can't have g-gone far," the man stutters. "We found both
their ID's in the bedroom on the dresser and there are two cars out
back."

I couldn't hear what Krycek said next, but I did hear the small crack
of a silenced pistol and a thump as a body hit the floor. There were
some shuffling noises, and then Krycek spoke again.

"Marita!"

I heard the quick fall of footsteps as she approached. She never got a
word out. As soon as the footsteps came into range I heard the pistol
crack again and another body fall. I shuddered as I realized what had
just happened, and what would happen to us if he found us.

I hear some shuffling noises and then Krycek moves away. The last
thing I hear is his voice, giving orders.

"Burn it down. And then pay the gunmen a visit."

Oh god. Burn it down. They were gonna burn the house down. And we
couldn't get out until we were sure they were gone. Oh god. This is
really, really bad. I turn to look at Mulder, knowing his fear of
fire, and then I realize, things are worse than really, really bad.
This just turned into a disaster.

Mulder is unconscious, deathly pale and barely breathing. My fingers
find his pulse and I curse under my breath. It's weak and thready.
He's not gonna make it. I lift my eyes toward the ceiling, trying to
hear what's going on.  I still hear footsteps upstairs, but I can
already smell the smoke. They set the fire in the basement, it has to
be, it feels too close.

I quickly strip the t-shirt I'm wearing off and tear it into. I tie
one half around my face like a bandana, to help me breath through the
smoke and the other half I tie around Mulder in the same fashion. I
briefly touch his forehead and whisper a prayer for help.

Now rationally, I know that moving Mulder's unconscious body is pretty
much impossible for me. But I know that if I don't get us both out of
here he's going to die. And I can't let that happen. I absolutely
refuse to believe that I can't get him out of this like I have every
other time he's gotten himself in trouble. I will not let him down.

With that thought in mind I lean down and slide one arm beneath his
shoulders, lifting his left arm around my neck and bracing it with my
free arm. Then I threw all my weight behind it and stood up with him.
My muscles were shaking with the effort to hold him up, but I had him
upright and balanced. Now if I can only move us.

I pause for a second to listen, and I can no longer hear sounds
upstairs.  Mabey they are at least outside and won't see us come up
from the basement.  With both arms holding Mulder and my weapon tucked
into my jeans there's not anything I can do to protect us. I take a
deep breath and slowly open the latch and push the door out.

Smoke immediately fills the small room. I look around and discover
Marita and a man laying side by side a few feet from where we are. I
notice our ID's are there too. I scrunch my brow in confusion. Why
would he leave our badges with the bodies? Unless...

My thoughts jerked back to the present when Mulder's body swayed and I
almost lost my hold on him. I carefully righted him and looked around
the rest of the room. The floor supports were blazing good now and I
knew that the floor wouldn't last much longer. I started moving us as
quickly as I could toward the stairs, which wasn't very fast.

Mulder wasn't helping me at all. His feet were doing more dragging
than walking and almost all of his weight was supported on my
shoulders. I didn't know how much longer I was gonna be able to hold
him.

"Come on, Mulder," I coaxed, "Please help me. I need your help,
Mulder."

He didn't respond at first, but then his feet took a few tumbling half
steps. By the time I reached the stairs I was panting and had to put
him down. This wasn't going to work. The stairs were already burning
at the top.  We had to get out now or we were both gonna die. I took a
deep breath and muttered an apology into Mulder's ear. Then I grabbed
him under both shoulders and pulled him up the stairs.

It wasn't easy, and I almost fell twice, but I did eventually get us
to the top. Only two stairs seperated us from the hallway. And they
were burning.  Not blazing, like the room below, but burning. I
swallowed hard and left Mulder to open the door, reaching up and
pushing it open without really getting into the fire. I didn't see
anyone, so I went back and grabbed him again. I curled my body around
his head and neck and then pulled us as quickly as I could through the
fire and out the door.

The house was burning too, but hadn't really gone up the way the
basement had yet. I knew it was only a matter of time. I continued to
pull Mulder down the hall, stopping every now and then to try and
catch my breath. I could see the back door in the kitchen now. We were
almost there. I'm not sure if it was knowing that we'd almost made it
or if it was that I noticed at that instant that Mulder wasn't
breathing, but something gave me the burst of strength I needed to
yank him the rest of the way across the floor and out the back door.

When we hit the porch I crouched and looked around quickly. Seeing no
one I turned immediately to Mulder, pulling the makeshift bandana away
from his face and leaning into him. Nope, no respiration. Damn it! My
fingers felt for a pulse. Nothing.

Shit! No, no no. This can not happen. I will not let this happen.

My body is on auto pilot. I can feel myself performing CPR, going
through the motions. I'm desperate. I have to be able to save him. I
can't do this without him. I never wanted to have to disappear without
him.

Come on, Mulder. I need you.

"Breathe, damn you, Mulder!" I scream at him, not noticing the tears
that are streaming down my face.

Then I see it, a slight movement from his chest. I stop what I'm doing
and feel for a pulse, leaning over at the same time. I can feel his
breath, unsteady and shallow, but there. And a pulse, faint and
definately unstable.  But he's still here. I swallow hard and glance
around again.

Still no one. So I make a dash for the car and quickly pull it as
close to the porch as I can. Then I load Mulder into the backseat.
This actually is easy compared to pulling him out of the house, so I
try not to curse when I lose my balance and fall trying to manuver his
long legs into the car.

I have no idea where I'm going. All I know is that we can't go back to
DC and I have to get Mulder to a hospital. But he can't be Mulder.

*****
Mercy General Hospital
somewhere in southern Virginia
Sunday morning, 3am


I sigh and run my fingers through my hair again, my eyes going to the
clock on the wall. This waiting room is like so many others Mulder and
I have been in over the years. I have been pacing this floor for the
past hour, waiting on the doctor to come tell me how Mulder's surgery
went.

I drove us to a small hospital in a little back of no where town in
southern Virginia last night after we left the house. The house was a
total loss, but I am guessing that was the intention when they set
fire to it. It's a good thing I had put our bags into the car before
they got there.

Finally I see a tall man wearing surgical scrubs walk into the room.
As I'm the only person here I assume that he's Mulder's doctor and I
meet him halfway. He smiles gently at me and I can feel the tension
drain out of my body.

"Miss Reese?"

"Yeah? How's he doing?"

"Mr. Kinsley was lucky. He has two broken ribs, but they didn't
puncture his lungs. There was a lot of bruising and he'll probably be
pretty sore for a while. We gave him a blood transfusion to replace
what he lost." He paused and smiled again. "I was told that you set
the break in his wrist?"

"Yeah, I'm...uh...I've had some medical training, but that was a long
time ago," I answered, stumbling only slightly over my cover story. He
doesn't seem to notice.

"Well, you did a good job. It didn't require surgery to reset and
he'll be out of his cast in about four weeks."

I smiled in relief and exhaustion. "Can I see him?"

"Yes. Just ask at the nurses station and they can give you his room
number.  However, he probably won't come around for a while."

I nodded and shook his hand before practically sprinting down the
hallway. I need to see Mulder and see for myself that he's okay. And I
have to get in touch with the gunmen. I've been so busy that I haven't
even thought of it again since Krycek left the house.

I find Mulder, sleeping peacefully in his bed. I sink into the chair
beside him and gently pick up his hand, absently running my fingers
over it.  Another hospital room, I muse to myself. We seem to do this
a lot. I lean my head back and shut my eyes, telling myself that it's
only for a second.  However, I haven't slept since Mulder woke me at
3am yesterday morning and my body decides it's time to shut down. My
last conscious thought is of Mulder.

XXXXXXXXXX 
Mulder's hospital room 
Sunday morning, 10am

I come to consciousness slowly, allowing my ears and nose to tell me
where I am before I chance opening my eyes. I can hear the steady
beeping of a heart monitor. Probably attached to me as it's right
beside me. I'm in a hospital.

My eyes open slowly, my brain taking inventory of my body. I'm sore as
hell and my head is pounding. There is a dull throbbing ache in my
right side and my whole body just sorta aches. I still can't remember
exactly what happened, but my mind at least feels awake and not cloudy
now.

I can feel a smile form when I turn my head slightly to the left.
Scully is sitting in a chair, pulled as close to the side of the bed
as she could get it. Her upper body is slumped over on the bed and her
head is resting lightly on my thigh. For the first time I become aware
that both of her hands are clenched tightly around my left one. She
looks so sweet sleeping there, her face soft and relaxed. The lines of
worry and grief that outline her face are gone, leaving only an
innocent looking angel.

God, I'm pathetic. Okay, I admit it, I'm totally crazy about my
partner.  More than that. I'm completely and hopelessly in love with
her. I have been for so long that I can't remember a time when I
wasn't. And I have no idea why she is still standing beside me -- or
in this case, sleeping beside me.  She should have left a long time
ago, but she didn't. So, I'll be pathetic and sappy if I want to.

As if she can feel my gaze, Scully's eyes slowly open. They are deep
blue and hazy with exhaustion. She blinks slowly and then a relieved
smile spreads across her face.

"You're awake," she says raising up and looking at me.

"Yeah," I answer, wincing at the raw sound of my voice.

"How do you feel?" She looks concerned still and I rush to reassure
her.

"Better. Sore, but better." I paused and looked around. "Where are
we?"

"We are in Virginia," she answered evasively. I raised my eyebrow at
her and waited. She looked toward the door and then leaned in close to
me. "Your name is Scott Kinsley and I am your fiance, Melanie
Reece...and I will kill the gunmen for that name."

I couldn't help the grin or the stupid comment that came out. "So, how
long have we been engaged? And if you're my fiance, why didn't you
kiss me when I woke up?"

Scully frowned at me, but I could see a sparkle of mischief in her
eyes.  "Shut up, *Scott*," she mock growled and I chuckled lightly.
"It was all I could think of at the time. I told them we'd been hiking
in the mountians and you'd fallen down a cliff. Said you had your
pistol with you and it went off in the fall, shot yourself in the
shoulder."

I was impressed. Scully was good under pressure. "So, they didn't
question you about it?"

"No, but..." she chewed her lip nervously. "They found some kind of
drug in your system. They couldn't identify it, but they asked me if I
knew. I just denied it, but I'm not sure he believed me."

I nodded slowly. "Are we safe here?"

"Well," she hedged, "not for long." She took a deep breath. "They
burned the house down, Mulder."

"Oh, god --" I start, but the doctor walks in and I clamp my mouth
shut again. Scully squeezes my hand and smiles up at him.

"So, how are you feeling today, Mr. Kinsley?" he asked, reading over
my chart.

"Much better," I answered, hoping he would mabey let me go.

"Well, you were quite lucky given what your fiance told us," he said,
glancing at Scully and then back to me. "She probably saved your life
by getting you here so quickly."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. Scully gave me a small
smile and sat back in her chair, her eyes closing. The doctor moved
between us and began looking over my injuries.

"Mabey you can talk her into letting us help her, too," he said
conversationally. My eyes snapped back open and focused on his face.
He was smiling, but I could see that he was also serious. My eyes went
to Scully's.

She looked unhappy with his comment, but didn't say anything. I
started to say something to her, but she shook her head and mumbled,
"I'm fine."

The doctor chuckled and finished what he was doing then backed up a
little.  "Well, everything looks good. I'd say that if you don't have
any other complications you can probably leave in a day or two."

"Thank you," Scully answered before I had a chance. The doctor nodded
and left the room.

I waited a few seconds and when it became obvious that she wasn't
going to talk, I did. "What happened, Scully?"

She sighed. "They set fire to the house. It started in the basement,
near where we were hiding at. I waited until I couldn't hear them
moving around anymore and then we got out."

I frowned slightly. I don't remember any of that. Well, I vaguely
recall the smell of smoke, and Scully's choked voice telling me she
needed my help. I tried to help her, but I don't remember what
happened.

"How did we get out?"

"What do you remember, Mulder?"

"Not very much," I answered, unwilling to tell her. I wanted to see
what she would say. Her face took on an anguished look and she turned
her head to hide it from me.

"When they left the basement and set the fire I turned to look at you,
to figure out what we were going to do. You were unconscious, barely
breathing," her voice cracked and she stopped to draw a deep breath.
"I think mabey you were half way conscious because you managed to help
me somewhat getting to the steps."

I nodded slowly. She still wouldn't meet my eyes and that bothered me
a lot.

"You completely passed out on me at the bottom of the stairs," she
whispered. "I'm sorry, I messed your back up pretty good dragging you
up the stairs."

My eyes widened. She *pulled* me up the stairs?! Jesus Christ, how in
the hell did she manage that? I'm twice her size. And now she's
telling me she's sorry she bruised my back while saving my life?
Christ, Scully.

"Scully," I started softly, my eyes running over her face. She still
wasn't looking at me. "It's okay, Scully."

She nodded slightly. "Yeah. I'm still not sure how I managed to get us
out without both of us getting burned." She sighed and ran a hand
through her hair. And that's when I noticed the bandage on her upper
arm.

I reached out carefully, running my fingertips up her arm to the edge
of the bandage. "What happened?"

She shrugged. "It's nothing, Mulder."

"Why won't you tell me?" I know I sounded hurt, but I couldn't help
it. She obviously saved my life. Several times in the past couple days
in fact. Why can't she let me help her? Or at least be honest about
what's wrong.

She finally looked at me again. I could see the tears that wanted to
fall, but she held them in. "It's nothing to worry about, Mulder.
Really. Just some superficial burns."

Burns?!

"Scully," I started, my voice somewhere between a warning and a plea.
She sighed.

"My right upper arm, shoulder, and back all were slightly burned
getting out of the house. I took care of the burns. They are fine. *I*
am fine," she says, stressing the part about being fine.

I give her a look that tells her I know she isn't telling me the
truth, but that I'm going to let it go for now. She gives me a slight
smirk and then nods her head. I'm still sitting there watching her
when I see her eyes widen and the color drain from her face.

"What's wrong?" I ask immediately. She looks me straight in the eye
and I can see the fear that is clearly visible. It startles me a
little. Scully has never been one to show fear, to anyone. I've only
seen it a few times, but never like this.

"I -- oh god. I forgot," she whispered, her voice sounding slightly
stunned.  "It just...I was.."

"Scully," I interrupted, confused. She stopped and drew a deep breath
before starting over.

"I forgot to call the gunmen." She says this in a flat tone, her face
trying desperately to remain neutral, but failing miserably. I have no
idea what she's talking about.

"What?"

"It was Krycek, at the house. He killed Marita and some man, left the
bodies to burn. He said they were going to pay the gunmen a
visit...they traced the fax the gunmen sent to the house." She paused
and looked up at me. "After he left, I was so occupied with getting
you help before...I just forgot all about it. And then I fell asleep.
Oh god, what if..." she trails off and swallows hard. Her next words
are a tortured whisper, "What if he killed them, Mulder? While I
slept. I should have called them first."

I reached for her and pulled her against me as best I could. I only
had one arm, but I wrapped it as tightly around her as I could,
rocking slowly back and forth. I could hear the guilt in her voice. I
knew the feeling well, the way it could rip your soul out and devoure
you whole. It was killing me to see her feeling that way.

"Scully, it's not your fault. You were exhausted. You had been up
since -- I have no idea when..." I paused as another thought occured
to me. "What day is it?"

She sniffles slightly and pulls just far enough away to look at my
face, but doesn't leave my embrace. "It's Sunday morning."

"When did we get here, Scully?"

"This morning, about two or so," she answered.

"How long had you been asleep?"

A small grin tugged at her lips. "What is this, twenty questions?"

I grinned back. "Just answer the question, G-woman."

"Okay, you win. I had been asleep about six hours when I felt you
looking at me. I only meant to check for myself that you were okay
before I called the guys."

"It's not your fault. No matter what happened, it's not your fault." I
paused. "Besides, you know the boys, Krycek probably never even got
close to them."

She smiled tenatively and then stood up.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mulder was trying extremely hard to make me feel better. It wasn't
working necessarily, but he was trying. I gave him the best smile I
could manage and pulled completely away from his warm, comforting
embrace.

"I need to call them now to check in on them," I say, reaching for the
phone.

Mulder nods, and just watches me as I dial the number and put the
phone to my ear. It rings four times before Byers answers.

"Lo-Lone Gunmen," he says, stuttering slightly and sounding nervous. I
frowned and watched Mulder's face turn grim in response.

"It's me," I said. He cut me off quickly.

"No, I'm afraid you have the wrong number, The *Lost* Gunmen Shop is
671-588-4981."

And then I was listening to the dial tone. I stared at the phone for
half a second and then glanced up at Mulder. He was watching me
intensely, waiting for me to say something. I couldn't. There was a
huge knot in my throat.  Something was very wrong with Byers. And I
knew it was all my fault. I should have called them as soon as we got
out of the house.

Instead of answering Mulder's silent question I punched the number
Byers gave me into the phone and brought the phone back to my ear. It
rang twice and then was answered, but no one said anything. I frowned
and raised an eyebrow at Mulder.

"Hello?" I finally asked, cautiously. I heard a startled gasp and then
some rustling before a breathless Frohike answered me.

"Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," I answered, somewhat relieved.

"We thought you were both dead. They found your bodies at the house,
burned beyond recognition. But your ID's were there and some of
Mulder's personal affects, so they just assumed it was you."

"Jesus," I whispered, my eyes finding Mulder's. What must my mother be
thinking right now?

"Are you both..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, present and accounted for," I answered. I hesitated a little,
struggling with the words. "You're in danger...I'm so sorry, I should
have called you sooner."

"Yeah, I know. They got Byers, but Langley and I made it out. With the
disk." He stopped briefly, then I could hear him smile as he spoke.
"And it's not your fault. Everything will work out. You'll see."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and murmured softly. "Thank you, my
friend."

"Anytime. Anytime at all, Pretty Lady," he answered, his voice
suspiciously husky sounding. "But now we have to get off this line. We
broke the code on the disk. Give us a day or two and contact us again,
same number."

"Okay," I said, only half the word coming out before I was again
listening to a dial tone. That was getting to be a habit with me, I
mused to myself.  Three times in the past two days.

I turned to look at Mulder again. As soon as he met my eyes he reached
for me, somehow able to see that underneath the carefully blank and
neutral expression on my face I was about to fall apart. I didn't even
try to examine the intense need I was feeling to have him close to me,
protecting me. I would never admit that to anyone else, but sometimes
Mulder's strength is all that pulls me through.

I sank back down onto the bed, laying my head gently against Mulder's
chest and feeling him immediatly wrap his arm around my back. For a
long time neither one of us spoke. I couldn't, for the guilt and pain
that was knotted in my throat. Mulder simply held me, seeming to
realize that I needed his silence to find the words to tell him what
happened. Finally I drew a deep breath and pushed far enough away to
look him in the eyes, but not far enough to make him let go of me.

"They got Byers," I finally whispered, feeling the tears pooling in my
eyes.  I tried to blink them away, but only succeeding in sending one
sliding down my face. "Langley and Frohike got out with your disk.
They've decoded it, Mulder. We're supposed to get in touch with them
in a few days."

"Oh, Scully," he said softly, pulling me back against him. I swallowed
hard and buried my head in his chest so he couldn't see the tears that
were falling now. "It's not your fault," he whispered.

"I- I can't help but think if I had called them..."

"No, Scully. It's not your fault. You did everything you could. If
anything, it's my fault for giving them that disk to begin with."

I pulled away from him, wiping quickly at the tears that were on my
face and offering him a small smile. "Thank you, Mulder," I managed to
whisper.

He gave me a small smile and nodded slightly. I could see his answer
in his eyes. They were telling me anytime he could be there he would
be. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again, so I smoothed
a hand across his brow and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Sleep now, Mulder. We'll talk more tomorrow."

He nodded and closed his eyes. It wasn't long before his breathing
evened out and I knew he was asleep again. Poor Mulder. He'd been
trying so hard to stay awake and help me in this, but he was so tired.
I could see it in every move he made. He needs to rest, so that he'll
be strong enough to leave here. For some reason the thought of staying
here any longer makes me nervous.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, looking out the window. The sun
was just setting. I know that I won't sleep tonight, not feeling this
way. I get comfortable in a chair, pulling my pistol out of my purse
and settling it in my lap underneath the blanket I'm covered with.

*******

Mulder's hospital room
10pm, Sunday night

I wake up, breathing heavy, unsure of what woke me.  I listen
carefully to the sounds of the hospital.  Everything is quiet and
still, but something feels wrong.

I slowly drop my blanket to the floor and stand up, my hand gripping
my pistol tightly.  I glance at Mulder.  He is sleeping peacefully,
his breathing deep and relaxed.

I tiptoe carefully to the door, opening it enough to peer into the
hallway.  There is a man standing at the nurses station, talking
animatedly with someone that I can't see yet.  My eyes sweep the other
direction in the hall, but I don't see anything out of the ordinary.  
I look back toward the nurses station in time to see the man pull out
a gun and fire it four times.

My heart jumps clear into my throat.  I know, without even
understanding how, that this man is looking for Mulder.  I ease into
the hall, shutting the door carefully so as not to make any noise.  I
am within fifteen steps when the man turns and locks his eyes on me.

My pistol is already pointed at his head.  He grins a slightly
sadistic smile at me, his gun still hanging at his side.

"Hello, Agent Scully.  I've been looking for you."

"Who are you?" I ask, not bothering to keep the slightly hysterical
tone out of my voice.

"I'm a friend of a friend," he answered curtly, smiling at my
discomfort.

"Don't play games with me."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," he said, his smile disappearing.  "I
came to make sure it was you.  Don't worry, Krycek will be here soon
and it will all be over."

I should have known.  But I don't understand how they knew where to
look.  Unless someone tipped them.  But who?

As I'm thinking these things I notice the twitch of his right arm.  
He moved quickly, almost before I could comprehend what he was doing.  
His gun raised up, moving almost in slow motion in my direction.

I reacted without thinking.  My finger tightened on the trigger and I
felt the recoil from the shot before I realized that I'd done it.  
The man staggered and fell to his knees.  His gun went off and then he
collapsed backward, a small bloody hole forming in his skull.  His
bullets crashed into a cart at the end of the hall, startling me out
of my trance.

I rushed to the nurses station.  There were two dead women behind the
desk.  I quickly looked around for anyone else and finding no one I
tucked my pistol into my pants.  I quickly moved the man's body in
behind the desk with the other two.  Then I headed back for Mulder's
room.

We had to get out of here.

XXXXXXXXXX

I snap awake in an instant, my heart slamming in my chest. The hairs
on the back of my neck are standing up and I've got goose bumps
running down my arms. I hold still and listen, trying to determine
what is wrong.

It's quite. Mabey a little too quite. I sit up and look around for
Scully. A rush of fear runs through me when I realize that she isn't
here. I try to place anything at all that seems wrong, but there's
nothing to hear. I think that's the problem.

My eyes go to the window. It's still dark out. I see the blanket that
Scully dropped on the floor when she left. Other than that nothing
seems out of place.

Just then the door opens and Scully comes back in. She's got blood all
over her hands and shirt, and she's shaking visibly. She stops short
when she sees me, her gaze is tense and she only holds my eyes for a
second before she's moving again. She methodically picks up our things
and stuffs them into a bag, then she hands me clothes.

I don't ask, just take the clothes and dress as quickly as I can. I
can tell by the way she's acting that something is very wrong out
there. There's no time to question her on her motives. I'll find out
what's going on later, when I don't feel like we are in immediate
danger.

Scully stands with her back to me, facing the door, her pistol trained
on the closed door. When I'm dressed I move up next to her. She
doesn't once look away from the door, but reaches to her waistband and
hands me my spare weapon. I hadn't even seen it there before.

"Ready?" She questions, her voice low and tense. I nod and she grabs
both our bags and heads for the door. I fall into step behind her,
letting her lead the way out. She knows this place, and what's going
on out there, so I trust her to get me out of this.

We walk quickly down the hall toward the stairs. Scully's eyes keep
going back and forth to the doors on either side of the hallway. I
can't help but walk half turned backwards so that no one sneaks up on
us. The farther down the hall we get the more I realize something is
very wrong. There are no other patients on this floor and I haven't
seen any nursing staff.

Just as I'm thinking this we come to the nurses station and I barely
manage to stifle my startled gasp. Three people lay behind the desk,
all apparently shot to death. Two are dressed in medical scrubs, so I
assume they were the staff that was on duty tonight.  The other is a
man wearing jeans and a dark colored shirt.

Scully follows my gaze and I see her flinch. She jerks her head toward
the stairs and we move again, this time with a bit more urgency in our
steps.  She stops at the stairwell door and looks at me. I can read
her eyes and move to the other side of the doorway. She does a silent
count, my only indication the almost unnoticable dip of her head.

Then she swings the door open and steps through. I follow her quickly,
making sure no one is standing in the shadows behind her. When I'm
sure we're alone we start down the stairs. From the markings on the
wall we are on the third floor, so it shouldn't be far to the exit.

We're almost to the ground floor when that door swings open. Scully
stops abruptly, almost sending me stumbling into her. I take a hasty
step backwards when I see my doctor standing in front of us, holding a
nasty looking glock. The door above me opens and another man I do not
recognize steps through, armed the same as the good doctor.

"Well, I see you're feeling better, Mr. Mulder?" the doctor says
sarcastically.

I glance from him to the man behind us. I don't see any way out of
this at the moment. My hand relaxes its grip on my weapon and I see
Scully do the same. She's thinking exactly what I'm thinking. Now is
not our chance, but we will find one.

The doctor chuckles softly, noticing that we have both lowered our
weapons.  It suddenly occurs to me that if we wait around here for
Krycek to show up we may never get out of this. If we make a move now,
there is a high possiblity that at least one of us will get out. And
I'm determined that will be Scully. I won't let her get hurt because
of something that I've got.

I catch her eye and try to convey my thoughts. I can see that she's
ready to argue, but she doesn't say a word. The man above us moves
down and I feel him prod me in the back with his pistol. I step
forward, never letting Scully's gaze go. I can see the second she
understands that I'm about to make my move, with or without her.

Of course, I know that she would never just stand there and do
nothing. As soon as I make a move she will take out the other one.
Even if I will get chewed out later for it. That is, if I get out of
here alive.

I give her one more look and then I draw a deep breath. I see her
fingers tighten on her pistol grip. No one else saw that move, but I
know that it means she's ready for whatever I do next. Now if I only
knew what to do that would ensure both of us surviving the next few
minuets.

I stop suddenly and pivot in one move until I'm face to face with the
man behind me. I'm too close to him and don't really have enough time
to shoot him, so I reach out and grab the barrel of his pistol,
shoving it up and away from me at the same time.

The man grunts in surprise and staggers a little. Then he is fighting
me back, trying to get the weapon back down level with me. My arm is
aching as I resist him and I know that with only one arm and as sore
as I am from the last few days that I won't be able to win this fight.
I'm praying that Scully manages to get the hell out before he wins.

Somewhere in my subconscious I hear the sound of gun fire, and the
dull thump as a body hits the floor. I'm terrified and all my muscles
tense up, preparing for an assualt from behind. But I can't afford to
turn and look, so all I can do is hope that Scully is the one still
standing.

Then the man manages to twist the gun out of my grip. Before I can
regain my balance he swings it around and levels it off at my
forehead. I instinctively flinch when I hear the shot, and my body
lurches backward and to the side. Then everything is quite.

I slowly realize that I'm still standing and everything has gone
silent. I open my eyes and look slowly around. The man I was fighting
with is dead, the side of his head is missing. I turn around and find
the doctor laying in the floor with a bullet hole between his eyes.
Scully is leaning against the stair rail, her left hand holding her
right arm tightly, just above the elbow.

"Shit, Scully," I muttered, moving quickly down to where she was
standing. I pried her hand away to look at her arm. It looked like the
bullet had gone all the way through her upper arm, but I couldn't tell
if it had hit the bone or not.

"I'm fine, Mulder," she said firmly, pulling away from me and fumbling
for her bag that she had dropped.

I eyed her for a half a second. I knew that she would resent like hell
me trying to take care of her. But damn it, she was *not* fine and I
was really sick and tired of hearing that. With that thought in mind I
gently took her shoulders and moved her away from the bag out of my
way.

I picked up both bags and turned to face her. She was frowning, but
underneath the frown I could see the thanks in her eyes. I smiled at
her and nodded toward the door.

"We better get before any more of our friends show up," I said.

"Yeah, follow me," Scully whispered, turning and stepping over the
doctor so she could go out the door. I only hesitated for a second
before I stepped over him too and followed Scully outside.

**********
Dana Scully's hotel room
somewhere in Mississippi
Wendsday, 8pm


I am so tired. I've never felt this wiped out before. My eyes follow
Scully as she moves around the room. We are somewhere in Mississippi I
think. We ditched our rental car not far from the hospital in Virginia
and caught a bus to the next town over. I bought a car from a used car
lot there with some of the money we had in our bags. We've been
driving west ever since, kind of in a crisscross fashion, always
keeping to the back roads and away from the main highways.

It's Wednsday night and we've stopped for the night. We ordered room
service and are going to call the gunmen and decide where to go from
here. I know that Scully wants to go home. I know that she's upset
about her mother. I don't blame her. I feel the same way, knowing that
Maggie thinks she's lost her last daughter. And I feel guilty about
that too. After all, it was Scully's association with me that cost
them Melissa. And now, if everything we've heard so far -- which
admittedly isn't much -- is true, Maggie thinks that *I* murdered
Scully.

Scully sinks down onto the bed beside me and picks up the phone. My
eyes run from her face down to her bare feet and then back up. She
isn't looking at me, thank goodness. She'd kill me if she saw me look
at her that way. It doesn't stop me, I look at her that way all the
time. I just don't let her know it.

She dials the phone and waits silently. After a second she sighs and
says softly, "It's me."

She waits, nodding slightly, and then reaches for the pen and paper
from the table beside the bed. I lean over so I can see what she's
writing. It's a name, Dr. Elizabeth Hart. I frown and glance up at
her.

"Okay. Until then," she says softly and then hangs up, smiling
slightly to herself.

"What's up?" I ask, pointing at the name she wrote. She glanced down
and then back up at me smiling broadly. It's not something I see very
often and it takes my breath away. Scully's beautiful when she smiles.
Well, she's beautiful all the time, but her smile is stunning.

"That's me," she laughs, finally meeting my eyes. When she does her
smile slowly fades and she just looks at me. I know that she can see
what I'm thinking, or she at least can see that there's something
different about the way I'm looking at her.

I can't help it. I have to say it. If she shoots me then I guess I'll
know better next time. I reach up and gently tuck a strand of hair
behind her ear, never breaking our eye contact.

"You're so beautiful, Scully, especially when you smile like that. You
should do it more often," I whisper, my voice sounding a little
rougher than I wanted it to. Her eyes widened and she drew in a deep
breath.

"I -- " she paused, a soft blush creeping up her face. Her eyes
lowered and she mumbled quietly, "Thank you, Mulder."

I smiled to myself at her reaction and withdrew my hand from her face.
I made her blush. Who would have thought my opinion would matter
enough to elicit that reaction? I could tell that she wasn't sure what
to say, so I decided to change the subject and just ignore the last
part of our conversation.

"So, what is going on? What did the boys say?"

"Oh..um, Langely said that Dr. Hart was going to recieve a package at
the Marriott Inn in Little Rock on Saturday," she answered. She still
hasn't looked up at me. I sigh quietly. I made her uncomfortable.

Damn it. That's not what I meant to do. I only wanted to tell her what
I saw when I looked at her. But I don't usually tell her things like
that, do I? I usually just throw innuendo at her. I don't like the way
this has affected her, but I'm not sure what to do to fix it.

"So, our package is going to Little Rock?" I finally ask, only halfway
a question. I already know, I just want her to elaborate a little.

"Yeah. He said reservations were made six months ago and I wouldn't
have a problem even though I don't have an id that says Elizabeth
Hart. So, I guess all I can do is trust him," she finally says,
shrugging a little. Her eyes finally raise up and met mine again.

"Okay," I answer, smiling at her. I'm relieved that she seems to be
okay now. At least she's looking at me. "So, what's the plan?"

"The plan is sleep. We'll leave in the morning for Arkansas. We should
be there Friday, and then we wait," she answered decisively. Then she
grinned at me sheepishly. "How's that sound, partner?"

I returned her smile. "Sounds like a good idea."

I stood up and looked toward the connecting door and my own room. When
I turned back toward Scully she had also stood up and we were face to
face, only a few inches seperating us. I'm not sure what came over me,
but suddenly I couldn't stop myself. I leaned in slowly, my eyes going
from hers to her lips and back. When she didn't stop me or pull away I
brushed my lips gently over hers.

It was a chaste kiss and I didn't even try to deepen it. However, the
effect was instant. I was instantly aroused by the contact. Scully was
just staring at me, a look of surprise on her face. Her fingers
lightly touched her lips, and then as if just realizing what she'd
done she dropped her hand and lowered her eyes to the floor, blushing
furiously.

"Good night, Scully," I whispered, my voice sounding slightly unsteady
even to me. She glanced up at me and then away again.

"Good night, Mulder." Her answer was so soft I almost didn't hear it.
I smiled gently at the top of her head and quickly retreated to my
room.

XXXXXXXXXX

I'm still just standing by the bed, staring at the closed door that
Mulder just went out. He kissed me. Mulder kissed me. I can't believe
it. I never would have thought. I mean, yeah, it was just a chaste
kiss, almost a repeat of New Year's. But there was something different
in it this time.

And he told me I was beautiful. Does he really see me that way? I
shivered slightly and sat back down. My eyes were still locked on the
door and I couldn't seem to look away. He's never said anything like
that to me before.

He's been different since this started. Well, since before this
started actually. Since our last case, I guess. It hasn't been
anything that I could really put my finger on, but I've noticed a
difference in the way he is around me. I've even caught him staring at
me a few times. I haven't said anything about it, but it makes me
wonder.

My eyes finally fall on the bedside table and the name Langely gave
me. I wonder what we'll find when we get to Little Rock. I lean back
and close my eyes, my brain still running in a hundred directions. I
need to sleep. I have to be rested for the drive tomorrow. Mulder
still isn't up to it, even though he's been trying to tell me he's
fine.

I frown slightly. He's still a little pale and I can tell that he's
been really tired. I had to wake him up yesterday when I was ready to
leave.  That's unusual for my partner that never sleeps. I think I
even caught him yesterday taking a pain pill and that's something I
know I've never seen him willingly do. His injuries are healing, but
he needs to be in a bed somewhere and not running across the country
from god knows what to god knows what.

I touch the bandage on my upper arm. The bullet I took went clean
through without hitting anything. I was lucky. I was even more lucky
to get my second shot off before that guy killed Mulder. I know what
Mulder was thinking. He was thinking he was going to get me out of
there. He knew as well as I did that he was in no condition to take on
that man. He knew he couldn't win, but he tried, for me.

And I love him for that, even if I did want to kill him when it was
over.

I sigh and command my brain to shut off. I have to sleep now. The last
thought that my conscious mind has is of Mulder's lips gently brushing
across mine.

********
Marriot Inn
Little Rock, AR
Friday, 11:30am

I parked the car in front of the office and slid out. Mulder decided
to wait in the car, just in case the reservation was for one. The
drive had been long and I was tired, but I knew Mulder was feeling
even worse than I was. I sincerely hope that what ever we get tomorrow
gets us out of this mess, one way or another.

I sigh and approach the man behind the desk. He looks up and smiles at
me, showing off a dimple in his left cheek. He's kinda cute, and
obviously likes what he sees, but for some reason I have absolutely no
interest. For some reason. Listen to me, as if I don't know why I'm
not interested.

"May I help you?" he asks in a soft voice. I bite my lip to keep it
from trembling with my nerves.

"Yes. I believe you have a reservation for me, Dr. Elizabeth Hart," I
answer. I hold my breath as his eyes glance over at his computer. My
heart is pounding and I'm praying that he won't ask for my drivers
license.

"Oh yes, Dr. Hart. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you," he said quickly.
"Here you are, room 1167."

He handed me a key and a reciept to sign. I carefully and slowly wrote
the name and then gave him the reciept back. I was still nervous as
hell, but it seemed to be going smoothly so far.

"If you need anything else just let me know," he said. I nodded and
headed back to the car and Mulder.

I grinned at him as I slid behind the wheel. "Mulder, the boys are
geniuses.  I have no idea how they did it, but the reservation was
there."

"No trouble then?" he asked.

I shook my head slowly. "Nope, not a bit. But...there was only one
room," I said, feeling my face burning slightly. Mulder chuckled
lightly at my reaction to telling him that news and didn't say
anything. I duck my head and start the car.

Mulder reaches out and touches my arm gently. When I glance at him
he's got a contrite expression on his face. He bites his lip for a
moment and then says softly, "Scully, can I take you out tonight?
Um...to dinner, I mean."

I study him closely for a long moment, trying to decide if he is
really blushing or if it's my imagination. Finally I give him a small
smile and nod my head. He grins and releases my arm and I pull away
from the lobby doors and find a place to park the car.

XXXXXXXXXX

Marriot Inn
Room 1167
7pm

I nervously check my appearance again in the mirror above the bureau.
I'm waiting on Scully to come out of the bathroom so we can go. I made
reservations at the resturant downstairs earlier and then Scully and I
went to the mall and bought appropriate clothes. I still can't believe
I got up the nerve to ask her out. Or that she agreed. But I thought
we needed a chance to relax a little before we find out what's
happening tomorrow.

I hear the bathroom door open and I turn around to see Scully standing
there smiling at me. Dear god, that dress! She wouldn't let me see it
before. It's absolutely gorgeous. It hangs to about mid thigh on her
and is *very* tight.  It's black and doesn't have any straps, the top
barely covering her breasts.  The top has white lace around it, inlaid
with pearls. It has a chocker type collar around her neck, two thin
straps run from the top of the back up to the collar, which also has
white lace and pearls on it. Her hair is piled up on top of her head
in a mass of curls with a few stray wisps framing her face. She looks
good enough to eat.

"Wow," I manage to say, my voice only cracking slightly. I clear my
throat and try again. "You look...absolutely stunning."

Scully blushes, but smiles a happy smile at me. "Thank you."

I smile at her again. "You ready to go?"

She nods her head and steps forward. My hand falls to its normal place
on her lower back and I guide her out the door.

*********

Marriot Resturant
9pm


I am sitting here grinning with amuesment as I listen to Scully talk.
It strikes me suddenly that this is the most we've ever talked about
our lives to each other. We had a wonderful dinner and are sitting
here slowly sipping on a bottle of wine and I'm listening to Scully
tell me about her youthful indiscretions. It's amazing.

She finishes her story and raises one eyebrow up at my grin. All I can
do is shake my head, unable to find the words to tell her exactly what
it is I'm feeling tonight. Instead I let my eyes drift toward the
dance floor. The band just started the first notes of a slow song and
there are several people dancing already. I look at her again and she
asks me with her eyes what it is.

I don't answer, just stand up and walk to stand beside her chair. I
can feel my heart pounding and I'm sure she can hear it from where
she's sitting. I watch her look up at me and her expression goes from
confusion to surprise in an instand. I reach my hand out for her,
otherwise not saying anything at all.

She hesitates for half a second, then flashes me the most beautiful
smile I've ever seen and puts her hand in mine. Oh, man, she's really
going to do it. Scully's going to dance with me. I mean, we've danced
before at that Cher concert, but that doesn't really count. I was
hoping that she didn't notice that I was suddenly trembling as I
gently helped her to her feet and tucked her arm through mine.

When we reached the dance floor I turned her and slid my right arm
around her waist, pulling her up against me. The small cast on my
wrist makes it hard to actually feel much, but knowing that I'm
holding her this way is an intoxicating feeling. My left hand fell to
lace with the fingers of her right hand and I pulled them up and
rested them softly against my chest, right above my heart. Her left
hand landed on my bicep and she layed her head against my chest as if
it were the most natural thing in the world for her to do.

I was still trying to believe that this was Scully I was holding in my
arms this way when I heard the singer start to sing. The words sounded
so familiar somehow, even though I've never heard this song before.
And then I understand it, with about the second line.

               //the first time I looked in your eyes I knew
                 that I would do anything for you
                 the first time you touched my face I felt
                 what I've never felt with anyone else//

God, that fits the way I feel for Scully completely. I wonder if she
knows that I've been hers since the first time she touched me with
concern and caring. That I would go anywhere, do anything at all just
to make her happy.  I close my eyes and inhale deeply, trying to fight
the sudden rush of emotion I'm feeling.

               //I want to give back what you've given to me
                 I want to witness all of your dreams
                 Now that you've shown me who I really am
                 I wanna be more than just your man....

                 I wanna....

                 be the wind that fills your sails
                 be the hand that lifts your veil
                 be the moon that moves your tides
                 the sun coming up in your eyes
                 be the wheel that never rusts,
                 be the spark that lights you up
                 all that you've been dreaming of
                 and more.....

                 I wanna be your everything//


As I listen to the words I wonder how anyone could have written a song
that was so perfect for the way I felt. I want to be all of those
things to Scully. I want to be more than that. I've wanted it for so
long. And tonight has been so perfect. Can I show her? Do I dare let
her know what she is to me?

Somehow I feel like our time is running out and I'm terrified of what
is about to happen between us. But I have to. I can't wait until it's
too late.  I have to tell her, but I'm so afraid of what that means.
She can't possibly feel the things I feel and I don't want to scare
her away. My mind drifts in a battle over wanting to tell her and not
wanting to ruin what we have as I listen to the singer on stage.

               //When you wake up
                 I'll be the first thing you see
                 When it gets dark
                 you can reach out to me
                 I'll cherish your words
                 I'll finish your thoughts
                 I'll be your compass, Baby
                 when you get lost

                 I wanna....

                 be the wind that fills your sails
                 be the hand that lifts your veil
                 be the moon that moves your tides
                 the sun coming up in your eyes
                 be the wheel that never rusts,
                 be the spark that lights you up
                 all that you've been dreaming of
                 and more.....

                 I wanna be your everything//

Scully suddenly pulls back and looks up at me. Oh, god, I said it
outloud, didn't I? I know I had been singing those words to her in my
head, but the look on her face told me I had most definately been
whispering them against the top of her head. For a moment I didn't
know what to do, and then the part of me that is hopelessly in love
with this woman directed my eyes to her lips and I was lost.

Her expression showed surprise, confusion, and a little fear. But
there was something else there. Something I couldn't identify. And
that little spark of whatever it was gave me the courage to do what I
so desperately wanted to. I slowly lowered my head toward hers, giving
her plenty of time to stop me. She didn't, she watched me carefully,
her eyes slipping shut just before my lips brushed over hers.

I slowly brushed my lips across her mouth and then back, my left hand
raising up to cup her face and tilt her head slightly. I nipped gently
at her lower lip and then ran my tongue soothingly over it. Scully
moaned softly into my mouth and her lips parted slightly beneath mine.
My tongue moved of its own volitation, sliding slowly into her mouth
and sweeping tenatively across her teeth and gums before reaching out
and carefully sliding around hers.

I could feel myself getting aroused where our bodies were pressed
together.  As bad as I hated to I pulled back, breaking the kiss. But
not before placing another soft kiss on her lips. Christ, how could
one kiss turn me on so much?  I was staring dazedly down at her still
when her eyes fluttered open.

She didn't say anything and I started to get a little scared. What if
I'd crossed a line she didn't want me to cross? Then she blew my mind
completely. She gave me a small, mysterious smile that made my heart
skip a beat and then she snuggled back into my arms. I was stunned for
a moment, and then I could feel the huge grin that spread across my
face.

Oh my god, Scully let me kiss her. And she's still nestled snugly into
my arms. This is amazing. The band has started a new song and although
it's not as slow as the other one, I don't change our slow swaying
motion in the least.

I have no idea how long we've been standing there like that when I
hear someone softly clear their throat behind me. Scully and I both
jerk apart and I turn my head to see the band's singer standing there.
For the first time I realize that the band is packing up and everyone
else is gone or leaving. I glance back at Scully and see that she has
dropped her eyes and there is a soft red blush creeping up her neck
and face.

"Excuse me," the singer says softly. "I hate to interrupt, but we're
closing up the resturant."

I smile even though I can feel my ears burning. Christ, now I'm
blushing.  "Sure, no problem," I say. Then as an afterthought I turn
back to him. "You guys are really good."

He beams me a smile at the compliment and nods his head. "Thanks."

Then he turns and goes back to the stage. I turn to Scully and find
that she's at the table collecting her purse. I sigh inwardly,
suddenly scared that she's going to come up with all kinds of excuses
not to do this. Not to do what, Mulder? All she did was dance with
you. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that. But in my heart
I know better. I join her and we head out of the resturant and back
toward the room.

I put my hand on her lower back like usual and Scully surprises me
again.  She slids her own arm around my waist, causing my arm to go
completely around her at the same time. I have no idea what to say, so
I only look at her for a long moment. She smiles that same mysterious
smile at me. I'm not sure exactly what this is supposed to mean, but
at least she isn't angry at me.


XXXXXXXXXX

Marriot Inn
1 am

Oh, god. Mulder kissed me. I still can't believe it. We're in the
elevator now riding up to the room. There were several other people on
it with us and we were forced to let our arms fall away from each
other. However, Mulder trailed his hand down my arm and laced his
fingers through mine. When I looked up at him I could tell that he was
unsure, that he didn't know how I would react. Instead of talking I
gently squeezed his hand and the smile I got in return was the one
with teeth and all. I hardly ever see that smile, so I cherish the
times that I do.

I was so embarrassed when the band's singer came over to tell us they
were through playing. But I hadn't even noticed that there was no
music I was so lost in being in Mulder's arms. And still trying to
figure out what that kiss had meant. And now I'm going back to our
*one* room with him. I'm still not sure what to make of Mulder's mood,
but I know that the one little kiss he gave me still has me pretty
aroused. Just remembering his soft lips moving across mine, his tongue
running carefully around mine. I have to suppress the shudder that
wants to run through me at the memory.

We exit the elevator and start down the hall toward our room and
Mulder never lets go of my hand. That simple contact has my heart
racing still.  When we get there he has to drop my hand to get the key
out of his pocket. I take a deep breath and watch as he unlocks the
door and pushes it open, standing aside to let me enter first.

He steps in after me and as I start to walk away he catches my hand
again. I turn back to him, giving him a slightly questioning look.
He's just staring at me. I can't read his expression, although I can
make out some of the emotions that are running through his eyes. He
looks a little frightened, unsure of himself.

"What is it, Mulder?" I ask quietly when he doesn't say anything or
let go of my hand. He gives me that quirky half smile and shakes his
head slowly back and forth as if to say he doesn't know. He pulls
gently on my hand and I am suddenly pressed against him again. His
head slowly lowers toward mine and I'm hypnotized. I can't move.

"Scully," he breaths quietly just before his lips close over mine.
This kiss starts out slow and gentle like the one we shared
downstairs, but it quickly becomes hot. When his tongue swept into my
mouth I couldn't help the groan that came from my throat. Mulder's
hand buried itself in my hair and he pulled me closer, deepening the
kiss and sucking my tongue back into his mouth.

When I was thinking that I was going to have to move or pass out from
lack of oxygen, Mulder gently pulled away, placing soft kisses on my
cheeks and chin. When I opened my eyes to look at him he was watching
me with that uncertian expression again, but this time I swear I could
see something else behind it. Happiness and...love? Could he possibly
love me the way that I love him? Before I can think of anything to say
Mulder speaks. His voice is hoarse and shaky with desire.

"You know that I would do anything in the world for you, Scully. All
you ever have to do is ask and I'll give you anything you
want...anything at all. But right now I have to go take a shower
before I can't leave you," he murmurs gently. And then before I can
say a word he's gone, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

Oh god. What did that mean? I listen as the water comes on in the
bathroom and I know that if the hard bulge in his pants is any
indication, it's probably very cold water. I know that he wanted me.
But what did that mean?  He would give me anything? Christ, is he
trying to tell me that he wants more from our relationship? All I have
to do is ask. Could I really ask him for that?

I shake my head and slowly get ready for bed, trying not to think
about Mulder in the other room, standing naked in the shower. That
will not be very helpful for the very bad thoughts I'm having right
now. When I've got my pajamas on I crawl into the bed and close my
eyes, trying to find sleep away from the thoughts that are tumbling
around in my head.

**********

Marriot Inn
room 1167
4am

I can smell the smoke from the fire they set. I turn around to locate
Mulder and my heart almost stops. Mulder's unconscious and I can see
the unsteady rise and fall of his chest with his breathing. The smoke
isn't going to help. I have to get us out of here. Now.

I turn back to the door and quickly swing it open. The small space
we're standing in quickly fills with smoke. I'm choking, gagging on
the smoke and unable to get a breath. I start to move back toward
Mulder when I feel the cold press of steel against the back of my
neck.

"Don't move," Krycek whispers into my ear.

Panic surges through me at the situation. And at what I see now that
my eyes are focused on Mulder again. There are flames lapping at the
wall above where he's leaning. He isn't conscious and doesn't have a
clue how much danger he's in. And I can't help him.

"Mulder!" I scream, my voice choked and rough from the smoke and tears
that are building in my eyes. He doesn't move. I start toward him,
determined to not let him burn to death. I can't. Not like that. Fire
is the only thing I've ever seen Mulder truly afraid of. I can't let
him burn.

I barely make a step when I hear the gun behind me cock. "Don't move,"  
Krycek repeats.

"I have to help him! Mulder!" I scream, lunging toward him only to be
stopped by a sharp pain in my shoulder. I fall to my knees and watch
helplessly as the flames start to lick at Mulder's shirt and hair.

"NO! Oh god, Mulder!"

His eyes flutter open and for a second he looks confused. Then he
realizes what's happening and he's screaming, reaching out for me and
there's nothing I can do but sit there and watch him burn.

"Scully! Scully, wake up, sweetheart," his voice finally penetrates
the pounding of blood in my ears.

I slowly blink and my eyes open. Mulder's face is inches from mine and
for a moment I'm not sure where I'm at. Then reality starts to push
its way into my mind and I can see that I'm in the bed. The hotel
room. We're in Little Rock. Just a dream. It was just a dream. It
didn't happen.

"Scully?" Mulder questions, running his hand soothingly up my back.
It's then that I realize I'm in his lap, sitting in the middle of the
bed, and he's rocking me gently back and forth. I raise my head up off
his chest and look at his face again, but I can't say anything.

He looks worried and scared. That look of fear is close enough to what
I was dreaming to cause a shudder to run through my body. I can feel
the tears filling my eyes and I know I won't be able to stop them this
time. I can feel my bottom lip start to tremble and in a last ditch
effort to regain control I bite down on it hard.

Mulder's face crumbles into the tenderest expression I've ever seen.
He gently cups my face and runs his thumb over my bottom lip, forcing
me to free it from my teeth. Then his hand buries itself in the hair
at the side of my head and he pulls me forward, resting his forehead
on mine.

"Oh, Scully," he sighs, placing a chaste kiss on the tip of my nose.
Then he just holds me, still rocking gently back and forth. I can't
help it and the tears start to fall down my face. For once I don't try
to stop them, just let them fall. I need him to hold me right now.

I have no idea how long we've been sitting like that when my tears
finally dry up and I stop shaking. It is only then that I realize that
Mulder is crying too. I can feel the warm tears soaking into the hair
on the top of my head. I lean back to look at his face and he gives me
a gentle smile and tenderly wipes the tear tracks from my face.

"Are you okay?" he whispers softly. I nod, still not sure that I trust
my voice enough to speak. "Scully, are you sure? Do you want to talk
about it?"

"I'm fine, Mulder," I answer automatically and watch as he flinches. I
sigh and add softly, "Really, I'm okay. It was just a dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I -- not really," I say, looking anywhere but at his face. I don't
know how to tell him what I was dreaming. I have no idea how to
explain that I watched him burn to death in my dream, that this has
happened every night since the fire and I felt like I couldn't tell
him.

"Well, I would," he says, interrupting my thoughts. I look at him
quizzically and he hurries to finish before I can say anything. "You
were screaming, Scully. For me. You were screaming that you had to
help. I couldn't wake you up."

His voice cracked on the last part and he stops to draw a deep breath.
I'm not sure what exactly I said outloud, but I can tell that whatever
it was it shook Mulder up pretty bad. He looked as scared as I felt
when I woke up and now he's not looking at me again.

"I tried to wake you up and you jerked away from me so hard you hit
the night table. I wasn't able to look at it, but I'm sure you are
going to have one hell of a bruise on your shoulder. You were choking
and I couldn't get you to wake up."

I sigh again and run a shaky hand through my hair. "I'm sorry I scared
you, Mulder. I swear, I'm okay." I paused and looked at his face. I
knew he wasn't going to be satisfied until I told him what the dream
was about. "I dreamed about the fire. I dreamed that Krycek was
waiting when I opened the door. You were unconscious and he made me
watch while you -- you burned to death in front of me. Begging me to
help you and I couldn't do anything but watch." I was sobbing by the
time I had finished.

Mulder pulled me against his chest again and held on tight. His left
hand was running gently up and down my back. I could feel the tension
in his body, could feel him trying to keep a handle on his emotions.

"Christ, Scully," he muttered finally. "How many times have you had
this dream?"

I swallowed hard. Could I tell him this? "Every night since the fire,"
I answer quietly, unable to look him in the face, afraid of his
reaction.

"Every night? Jesus fucking Christ, Scully! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't," I said quietly. "I couldn't put any more worries onto
you than you were already carrying around. It's just a dream."

He doesn't say anything for a long while and I am beginning to wonder
what that means. I look up at him and my breath catches in my throat.
His eyes are squeezed shut and I can see the tears that are trying to
seep out from under his eyelids.

"Oh, Scully," he finally says, hugging me close. "Please, no matter
what, if something is wrong, bothering you for any reason -- even if
you think it's nothing -- Please, please tell me. I want to be able to
help you, to give you my support. But I can't do those things unless
you tell me when something is wrong."

I'm stunned and not really sure what to say to that, so all I do is
nod. He squeezes me tight for a moment and then loosenes his hold,
allowing me to move out of his lap. He snuggles back in beside me when
I get laid down and wraps his good arm around me again, pulling me
close to him. I am about to move away a little when I hear his voice,
raspy from crying and from lack of sleep.

"Please, Scully, let me hold you. Let me give you my strength tonight,
let me help you fight the demons. I want that. I need it, Scully,
almost as much as I need you."

I don't have an argument for that, nor do I really want one. I want to
feel him close to me and know that he is safe. So I snuggle a little
closer and close my eyes, trying to will sleep to come to me again.
Mulder sighs a contented sigh in my ear and I listen as his breathing
evens out and he finally sleeps again. It takes me a little longer to
fall asleep, but I finally drift off to thankfully peaceful dreams
where Mulder is holding me.


*********

Marriot Inn
Room 1167
Saturday, April 22
9am

I sigh tiredly and lower myself into the hot bath water. Mulder was
right, my shoulder has a horrible looking purple and black bruise on
it. But nothing else was injured...especially Mulder...and so I
suppose a bruise is a small price to pay. I managed to get a little
bit of sleep before the desk clerk called to tell me I had a package
at the front desk.

Mulder had already been awake and he volunteered to go get the package
and some coffee and bagels while I took a bath. We would decide what
our game plan was when we'd had a chance to look over the papers.
Mulder thought we should move to another hotel at least after
breakfast, but we really hadn't decided on that either. It was
probably a good idea, even though I did feel like we were safe.

I mean, I know that we weren't followed, and we've used two different
identities since we left the hospital in Virginia. We zig zagged
across the southern US and finally ended up here under another name. I
was fairly confident that the boys would make sure the package
couldn't be traced and so I was pretty comfortable here. Now, if I
could only decide what to do about Mulder.

He has been so different toward me lately. I'm not sure what to make
of his behavior. There have been a couple times in the past few days
that I've felt sure he was asking for more out of our relationship.
That mabey he does love me like I've always hoped he might. But I'm
not sure. And unless I'm completely sure I can't take the chance of
making a move. I mean, what if I'm wrong? What if that's not what he
wants? I couldn't take that chance.

I am startled out of my thoughts by a sharp rap at the door. I frown
slightly as I'm pulling myself out of the tub. I run the towel over my
body and then grab Mulder's shirt that is laying on the counter from
his shower last night. As I'm leaving the bathroom I see the key card
laying on the dresser in the bed room. A small grin tugs at my lips as
I finish with the buttons on the shirt.

Mulder locked himself out, I think, slightly amused. I'm barely paying
any attention when I throw the lock and swing the door open. I take
half a step back and start to turn toward the bathroom when it finally
registers with my consciousness.

THAT IS NOT MULDER!!

Before I have time for any farther thoughts or actions Krycek steps
into the room and kicks the door shut with his foot. I pivot around
and make a dash for the other side of the bed where my weapon is. I'm
not fast enough. I feel his hand close around my upper arm and before
I can do anything I'm being spun around and thrown roughly in the
direction of the dresser.

I grab the edge for balance and turn back to Krycek. He's almost on
top of me now and I draw back and land a punch square on his jaw. A
small amount of satisfaction ripples through me when his head jerks
back and he has to take a step away from me to keep his feet. I try
again to get to my gun, but he's between me and it now and there's no
way I can reach it.

Krycek again grabs my arm and slings me away from him. This time I hit
the wall with my back. Pain shoots through my head on the impact and I
blink to contain the tears that immediately sprang to my eyes. Krycek
has me pinned to the wall, his body blocking my escape. As my eyes
open back up and focus on him he backhands me across the face.

I can taste the sharp tang of blood in my mouth. I raise my arm to
strike back when he neatly catches it and then the other one and tucks
them securely inside his prosthetic hand. Damn, where in the hell did
he get that thing? It looks almost real, but it feels like plastic and
it has more strength than his other hand. I can't move at all, my arms
pinned above my head.

He sneers at me, "Well, well, looks like you and I are finally going
to get to know each other. I always wondered what it would be like to
put you in your place. Mulder was never man enough to do it, was he?"

Oh, god. What the hell is he doing?

As if reading my mind Krycek reaches up and closes his real hand
around my throat, squeezing firmly. I gasp and desperately pull on my
arms, trying to get away from him. He just keeps applying pressure. I
can feel darkness encroaching on my conscious mind and I fight even
harder, knowing that once I black out I have no hope.

In a last ditch effort I wedge my leg between his and jerk my knee up
as hard as I can. My aim is a little off, but I know it hurt. His
breath whooshed out in a sharp hiss and the pressure on my throat
lessened enough for me to draw a gasping breath.

Then he was spinning me away from the wall, the force behind his
movement enough that I didn't have any real balance of my own. I was
also still trying to catch my breath. I felt my feet go out from
underneath me and I knew I was falling. I reached out blindly for
something to grab, but didn't get anything but air. Then my head
impacted against the corner of the night stand and stars flashed
behind my eyes.

I wasn't really unconscious, I could still feel what was happening.
But I couldn't see for the stars and darkness that had decended in my
eyes and I couldn't react because my body wasn't responding to my
brains demand to move. I feel my body hit the floor and I struggle to
shake the haziness that is encroaching into my consciousness again.

I feel Krycek's hands on my body, lifting me. Then I'm on the bed. I'm
still trying to clear my head enough to think straight when I feel the
cold metal of handcuffs click around my wrists.

That is enough of a jolt to clear my mind even though when my eyes
finally focus I wish it hadn't been. I'm handcuffed to the bed on my
back and Krycek is sitting on my legs. Oh fuck. This situation just
got really extrememly bad. I pull desperately on the cuffs, trying to
get my hands free. This elicits a small chuckle from the man above me.

"You really shouldn't have tried to knee me, you know?" He asks
slowly, his eyes sweeping across my body. I realize with horror that
all I'm wearing is Mulder's shirt. Nothing else. "Now I think I really
am gonna have to put you in your place, you stupid bitch," he sneers
at me.

My mind goes on pause with realization and terror as he raises his
hand and in one clean jerk rips all the buttons off the front of the
shirt I'm wearing. I can feel the tears gathered in my eyes and I am
fiercely trying not to let them show. My arms are jerking helplessly
at the cuffs and I'm twisting as violently as I can, trying to
dislodge him.

My efforts only get me another sharp blow to the jaw. It causes the
stars that were still in the edge of my vision to reassert themselves.
The tears I'd been holding are flowing steadily down my cheeks now.
Even as I struggle to get away I know that I won't. He's going to rape
me and then he's going to kill me.

Oh god, no. Not like this, please, I silently beg as I hear the zipper
on his jeans being lowered. I lock my ankles together and keep my eyes
squeezed shut. I can't watch this, I just can't. Oh, Mulder. Where are
you? I need you.

As I feel my legs start to slip apart from the pressure he's exerting
on my thighs I scream. I can't help it and I scream as loud as I can,
"MULDER!!!  HELP ME!!!"

My voice cuts off on a sob of pain as Krycek's fist connects with my
jaw again. My legs finally jerk apart about the same time that I hear
a loud crash from behind Krycek. The next thing I know, the weight
that had been pinning me to the bed was gone, followed by a soft grunt
of pain as someone hit the floor.

I managed to get up on my knees near the headboard where my hands were
cuffed and look over the edge. I'd never seen a more beautiful sight.
Mulder was sitting on Krycek's stomach with his arms pinned behind his
back. From the color of Krycek's face I'd say he can't breath due to
the choke hold Mulder has on him.

I sit in stunned silence, trying desperately to cover my body. Mulder
finally stands up and jerks Krycek up, slamming him against the wall,
actually very near where he held me earlier. Then he proceedes to beat
the shit out of him, all the while keeping his cast firmly pressed
against Krycek's neck.

Shit, he's going to kill him. Mulder has no intention of stopping, I
can see it in his face. I've never seen him look like that before.
Like an avenging angel out for blood. Suddenly I know that I can't let
him kill Krycek. As much as I'd like for him to at this moment, I just
can't.

"Mulder?" I whisper, surprised at how wobbly my voice sounds. He
doesn't answer. Doesn't even acknowledge that I've said anything. The
sobs that had stopped with his entrance started up again and I managed
one more time to get his name out. "Mul - der," I sobbed and then I
couldn't talk for the tears.

XXXXXXXXXX

Marriot Inn
Room 1167
Saturday, 9:45am

"Mul - der."

Her broken sob jerks me out of the blinding rage I was in. I glanced
over my shoulder and felt my heart break again at the sight. Scully
has managed to sit up on the bed and is trying desperately to cover
her body with the torn shirt that she's wearing. She's shaking with
the force of her sobs.

I look at Krycek again, slowly release my hold on him and step back.
He slids down the wall into a heap, unconscious. His breathing is
raspy and shallow, but there. Too bad, I really wanted to kill the son
of a bitch...very slowly. But right now Scully needs me.

I step quickly to the bed, fishing my spare handcuff key out of my
pocket.  She doesn't look up at me when I approach, just continues to
sob and rock slowly back and forth. I release her hands and gently rub
my fingers across her wrists. They are bruised and bloody from her
struggle with the cuffs.

I sit down beside her, quietly taking in the rest of her appearance.
The left side of her face is bruised and swollen and her eye is going
to be black. There's a nasty looking cut on her right temple that is
turning a nice shade of purple around it already. She also had
fingerprints on her throat.

I can feel the bile rise in my throat and I swallow hard, trying not
to show it. I have no idea what she needs right now. I have no idea
what that bastard did to her. Without really thinking about it I slip
my leather jacket off and lay it across her shoulders. Then I gently
and carefully put my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me.

She doesn't resist. Actually she practically falls against me, her
arms wrapping around my neck and holding on as tight as she can. She's
still crying and I can feel her whole body trembling. I can't help the
tears that fill my eyes and start to slide slowly down my face as I
hold her.

Christ, what if I'd been a little later getting back? Even another
sixty seconds? I know exactly what was about to happen when I kicked
in the door.  Another sixty seconds and I wouldn't have stopped, he'd
be dead. I try to suppress the shudder that wants to run through me. I
don't know what I would have done if I'd seen that. What I saw was bad
enough.

I think I was in shock when I kicked in the door. I'd heard her scream
and hadn't even bothered to try and open the door. When my eyes fell
on the bed I was terrified. Scully was tied to the bed, wearing only
the torn remains of a shirt and Alex Krycek was sitting between her
legs that I'm sure from the dark red marks on her thighs he'd forced
apart. And his jeans were around his knees.

Fucking son of a bitch! That had been my only thought before I tackled
him.  I don't think he even had time to realize I was there before I
was sitting on him. I wanted to kill him. I still want to kill him. I
still may. Christ, I know he didn't rape her, but I have no idea what
else he may have done before I got here.

Scully finally quiets and pulls gently away from me. She glances up
and then back down quickly, mumbling, "I'm fine, Mulder. I -- thank
you."

And then she's gone, moving quickly into the bathroom and shutting the
door behind her. I sit and stare at the door for a long minuet before
I finally move again. The first thing I need to do is get the stuff I
dropped when I kicked in the door. My eyes fell on Krycek again and I
felt another surge of anger. Then I have to take care of that piece of
slime.

By the time I get the package and the bag with the bagels picked up
I'm ready to kill him again. And the more I think about it, the more
ticked off I get at Scully's 'I'm fine, Mulder.' She's not fucking
fine. I don't have to be a genius to know that she's not fine. And I
wouldn't expect her to be after what's happened the past week, and
especially today. But I'd like it if just once in her life Scully
would admit to me that she's not okay.

I walk back over and look down at Krycek. He's conscious now, but he
still hasn't moved from the floor. I can't help the rage that surges
through me again and I don't even try to stop the kick that slams into
his ribs. He grunts and lays still again, panting and looking silently
up at me.

"Come on you asshole," I say, reaching down and jerking him to his
feet. I quickly retrieve the handcuffs from the bed and cuff him to
the chair. Then I stuff our package from the gunmen into my bag and
move to gather Scully's things. By the time she comes out of the
bathroom both bags are ready and waiting.

She stops halfway across the room from me and just stands there,
looking anywhere but at my face. My heart just breaks into a million
pieces when she finally looks up at me and I see the tears in her
eyes. She bites her lip hard and looks away from me again.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask her softly. She nods her head, once and
moves to stand beside me. We start toward the door and my hand falls
to it's normal place on her lower back. As soon as I touch her I see
and feel her flinch. Anger and pain both flair inside my chest as I
realize that she's afraid. And even if she doesn't mean it that way, I
feel that she's afraid of me. I quickly move my hand and mutter,
"Sorry."

Scully stops and turns to look at me. Her eyes are wet, but she isn't
letting the tears fall. "It's okay, Mulder," she whispers. She pauses
briefly and then, "I need you to touch me."

And then she's out the door. What the hell did that mean? She *needs*
me to touch her? Okay, Mulder, don't read anything into that
statement. She's been through some pretty traumatic events recently.
It doesn't mean anything.

I'm telling myself all these things as I catch up to her. My hand
again lands on her back and this time she simply flashes me a small
smile over her shoulder. Christ, I wish I knew what was going on in
her head -- even half the time!

**********

Motel 6
St. Louis, MO
Saturday, 8:30pm

I sigh and glance over at Scully again. She's still sound asleep.
That's good. She really needs to rest. I think she was mostly in shock
all day. She didn't talk at all unless she had to and seemed to be
lost in a fog all day.

When we got here I skimmed over the information we'd gotten from the
gunmen and briefly told her what was going on. Then I'd insisted that
she go to bed and sleep. Each detail that I'd given her had made her
already pale face that much whiter and I didn't want to tell her
everything right now. Not until she was feeling a little better.

After I was sure she was asleep I'd gone over every detail of the
information. Some of it was what I expected. New identities for Scully
and I. Entire lives. I have no idea how the boys pulled it off, but
Scully's new identity even has her medical creditentials with it. And
I have my psychology creditentials with mine.

I stare at the names on the passports. I'm not sure if I should smile
at their thoughtfulness or go back just to kill them. Kathrine Emily
Hollins. I know what the boys were thinking when they did that, but
I'm not sure how Scully's going to react to that. Emily is still
something that effects her greatly.

And my name, well, we all could have lived without that. William
Marshall Rosstin. I really hate that name. It was my fathers name and
Scully's brother and my middle name and I've always hated it. Almost
as much as I hate Fox. But I should have expected it. They kept
Scully's middle name too.

The rest of the information in the package made my stomach churn. The
first page completely sealed my fate and probably Scully's too. Walter
S. Skinner, Assistant Director for the FBI, died at Georgetown
Memorial Hospital on Sunday, April 16, 2000. The newspaper clipping
went on to say how Skinner had been shot by a former FBI agent that
had apparently murdered a government employee by the name of Jason
Kerington on the same night and then abducted his partner. There was
no mention of the fire and for some reason that bothered me.

The remaining pages contained information they had pulled from the
disk I'd gotten from Kerington. As I read I had a sense of disquiet
for some reason.  I wasn't sure what was bothering me, but something
wasn't right with this information. Something wasn't here. But it was
everything I'd ever wanted to find. All the proof I'd ever needed to
prove what I'd been saying for years.  Enough to completely destroy
what was left of the conspiracy and to take down the top people,
including Kersh, Spender, and Krycek.

But something was missing. Whatever it was that I'd heard that night
wasn't here. And even though I couldn't remember what that was, I knew
that without it our lives would always be in danger. I frowned at the
papers thoughtfully. It has to be here. I have to just be missing
something. Even if it's not here, I have enough that I should be able
to put it together.  But even as I can feel the information dancing on
the edge of my brain I can't grasp it.

I give a disgusted sigh and flip to the last page. And stop dead. I
turn and look at Scully again, feeling tears building in my eyes. Oh,
god, what's this going to do to her? She's already been through so
much. How much more can any one person endure without completely
losing it?

It is a small newspaper clipping. It seems that the body of one John
F.  Byers was found floating in the reflecting pool at the mall in DC.
There was a sealed envelope attached to the clipping addressed to
Scully. I sighed and put it back down. I wasn't sure what to feel. I
was upset about Byers. He was my friend and it was my mission that had
gotten him into this in the first place. And I knew what it was going
to do to Scully. She already felt guilty that he'd been taken. And now
to find out that he's dead.

I started to stand up when I noticed another envelope with my name on
it. I picked it up and tore it open, hoping there would be something
there that could help us in this situation we were suddenly in.

	Mulder,
	We felt that we should let you know about Byers. Please don't
let Scully take it too hard. He wouldn't have wanted that and he
wouldn't have been anywhere else than helping the two of you. It isn't
her fault.
	Also, please let her know that we took steps to protect her
mother. She was quietly removed from Baltimore under an assumed name
and is now safely with Bill and Tara in San Diego.
	There isn't anything else we can do. Good luck and take care of her.

	Frohike and Langely

I quietly put all the papers back up and sat there staring at my
sleeping partner. She has been through so much in the past week. And
now I have to give her more bad news. With Skinner dead, I can't go
back. There's not any way to prove I didn't kill him.

And if Scully goes back they will either kill her before she has a
chance to talk or they will put her in jail for helping me escape. At
least the gunmen were able to get Maggie out of the city. It's not
much of a consolation, but it's something.

Scully tosses restlessly on the bed and I smile gently. She's not
sleeping soundly, but at least she's resting. That gives me time to
decide what I'm going to do. And what we can both risk doing. But
mostly, I have to decide what to do about telling Scully how I feel
about her.

I have been comtemplating it for months. Telling my partner and best
friend that I'm hopelessly in love with her isn't the easiest thing
I've ever faced. So far I haven't had the courage to do it. Every time
I think I'm going to I chicken out before I can get the words out.
Every time I start to say the words I remember her reaction the last
time I said it.

Of course, I was doped to the gills and not really myself at that
time. She thought I was having some really good hallucinations, so she
didn't believe me. And I suppose I can't blame her for that. I don't
guess I would have believed me either. But it has had the effect of
making me an absolute coward when it comes to her.

When all this started I swore to myself that I wouldn't let it end
without telling her. But I'm still afraid. I mean, I thought we'd get
what we needed and be able to go home. I never dreamed that to declare
my feelings would mean to take her away from her family and her life
forever. I'm not sure that I can do that to her.

Can I ask her to leave everything she has for a life on the run with
me?  What can I possibly offer her? I glance at the envelope that
holds all the information again. If she made it back, Scully could
probably clear her name and have enough information to be safe with
what's there. But I can't. I won't ever be able to go back.

Scully moans softly and I can't help myself. I move over and lay down
beside her. Then I gently pull her into my arms and soothingly rub her
back. Her breathing relaxes again and she snuggles close. Tears fill
my eyes as I inhale the scent of her hair. I need her and yet I can't
ask her to go. I have to let her go. I can't ask her to stay. Even if
it kills me -- and I think it might -- I have to let her go.

XXXXXXXXXX

Motel 6
St. Louis, MO
Sunday, 9am

My eyes open slowly and I blink, trying to clear my head. It takes me
a full minuet to realize that I'm alone in the room. Before I can
think about where Mulder might have gone he walks into the room.

"Morning Sunshine," he smiles. I can feel my heart skip a beat when I
see his tender look. Good Lord, what that man can do to me with just a
look.

"Good morning, Mulder," I answer softly. Before he has a chance to say
anything else I'm out of bed and in the bathroom. I don't know what's
wrong with me, but I don't feel right. It would be so easy for me to
let my feelings for Mulder show, but I'm afraid of his reaction.

What would he say if I told him how much I love him? Would we ever be
able to work anything out? Could he possibly feel for me what I feel
for him? I remember the one time he told me he loved me. He was on
some good drugs and having one hell of a hallucination. I didn't take
him seriously. I always thought that if he really meant it he would
have come to me later, when he was himself again, and told me. But he
never mentioned it so I figure it was just the drugs.

I sigh and quickly finish getting ready. Then I slowly open the door
and go back out to face Mulder. He's sitting in the chair, staring
thoughtfully out the window. He doesn't turn around when I enter the
room so I just stand there and watch him for a long time. Finally I
softly clear my throat to get his attention.

When he looks at me I can see that something is wrong. He looks like
he's about to cry and I can't for the life of me figure out what it
is. I move over and sit on the bed facing him, a thousand horrible
things running through my mind.

"Scully," he says softly and the tone of his voice tells me that
something is very wrong. "There are some things we need to talk about
before we do anything else."

"Okay," I say. My heart is racing and I can feel the fear that is
building in my stomach.

"First of all, I got a note in all this stuff from the boys. They
moved your mom. She's in San Diego and she's safe. They wanted you to
know that."

I smile softly and nod my head. Leave it to the boys to think of my
mom. She believes me to be dead, I know. But the boys probably gave
her enough to at least give her hope. And now I know that she's safe
and I don't have to worry about anyone looking for me getting to her.

"Scully, I don't know how to tell you this," Mulder says quietly. He
shurgs and then hands me an envelope and a small folded newspaper
clipping.

My hands are trembling as I open the clipping and read. I can feel the
tears sliding down my face as the words on the page sink in. Oh god.
They killed Byers. I look up and am surprised to find Mulder sitting
in front of me, a concerned look on his face. I open my mouth to talk
and all that comes out is a sob. That's all it takes.

Mulder's arms are around me and he's holding me tightly against him
before I can think anymore. He rocks me slowly back and forth,
whispering softly into my hair. I can't pretend to be strong right
now, not after everything that's happened recently. So I let go and
allow myself to cry into his shirt, clinging to him as if my life
depended on it. In a way, I guess it does. I wouldn't be here now,
would never survive at all, if I didn't have Mulder.

When my tears stop Mulder pulls gently away. He keeps his arms around
me, but moves back enough to look at me. I can see in his eyes the
strong emotion he's dealing with. That tender expression he's wearing
is almost enough to start my tears again. But I hold onto them and
watch him. He leans in and gently touches his lips to mine. It's just
a brief contact, full of caring and emotion, and then he's gone again.

"Are you okay?" he asks carefully, his eyes searching mine.

I nod my head and draw a breath to speak. But he doesn't let me. His
hand raises and he slowly places one finger over my mouth to keep me
silent.

"Scully, I need to know. I need you to be honest with me. I have to
know that you're okay before I say anything else," he says softly,
determinedly.

"I'm a little upset, Mulder," I whisper softly. "But, that's to be
expected.  Really, I'm okay. I swear."

His eyes search mine for a long moment before he slowly nods his head.
I can see the emotional battle he's waging with himself as he watches
me. He wants to say something, I can see it. But he's not sure if he
should. Finally he draws a deep breath, closes his eyes and begins to
speak.

"Scully, I need you to hear me out before you say anything at all. No
matter what, I need you to not try to interrupt me." He pauses and his
eyes open to lock with mine. "Please understand that nothing I tell
you today requires a response of any kind. I just need for you to
know."

I nod my head slowly, unsure of where he's going with this. Whatever
it is, I can tell that it is extremely important to him. And for that
reason alone it is important to me that I do as he asks. I try to
communicate that with my eyes and the look that he gives me in return
tells me I have. He nervously runs his hand through his hair and looks
away from me.

"When you first came to me seven years ago I never dreamed that we'd
come through so much together. I didn't want a partner. And I
certianly didn't want a friend or someone I could trust. It didn't
matter that I was alone. I liked it that way."

He swallowed hard and focused on me again. I was surprised to see that
his eyes were wet with unshed tears. The sight caused my breath to
hitch and a small pain in my chest. He wasn't just unsure of saying
this, he was terrified.

"But you didn't run away, Scully. You put up with my selfish, bull
headed attitude and arrogant personality and you put me in my place
more than once." He smiled gently through the tears he was still
fighting. "And along the way you saved my ass more times than I can
count. And I realized that you had become not only my partner, but my
friend and the only person in the world that I completely trusted. And
I needed you."

His voice cracked on the last sentence and he stopped to draw a breath
again. I wanted so bad to tell him that he'd done all that and become
all of those things to me too. But I knew he didn't want me to talk,
so I held my tongue and just watched him, wondering exactly what it
was he was trying to say to me.

"I couldn't do it without you anymore. I just couldn't go on. I didn't
have the strength. When you were missing, my life didn't have any
meaning to it anymore. It was like nothing, not the truth, not
Samantha, not anything, had any kind of meaning to me anymore. But I
still didn't get it. Still couldn't call it what it was," his voice
choked off onto a half sob and it broke my heart into a million
pieces. I reached out and took his hand, holding on tight because it
was the only thing I could think of to do.

"When you came back and I almost lost you...my life was over. I know
you don't want to hear this, Scully, and I'm not proud of it. But I
knew, when they were trying to turn off your life support, that when
you took your last breath I would put a bullet in my head."

I couldn't help the gasp that escaped me. The tears that had been
threatening me began to stream down my face. I never knew what all
that had done to him, but I never would have imagined that it meant
that much. I couldn't stand to hear him talk that way, yet I was
reluctant to interrupt him.

"I argued with myself for almost a year after that before I finally
admitted it to myself. And I wanted so badly to tell you, just to let
you know. But I was so afraid. What if that's not what you wanted to
hear? Would you leave me? You were -- ARE -- my best friend, my only
friend. I just couldn't risk it."

He'd been looking at the bed between us. Now he looked up and his
normally hazel eyes had turned a soft, light green color. I could see
on his face the words that he was about to speak and it took my breath
away. I had caught glimpses of this strong emotion in him before, but
only brief glimpses, never like this. Never where I could read the
words in his eyes without his lips having moved at all. I could feel
my heart pounding and I know my eyes were wide with shock.

"I love you, Scully. I'm so in love with you that it's ridiculis. I've
loved you for so long, and I've always been too afraid to tell you.
But I had to tell you now. I couldn't have done what I have to do
without telling you the way that I feel. The way I've always felt."

"Oh, god, Mulder," I whispered, still too stunned to do anything else.
I took a deep breath and was about to tell him that I love him too
when he shook his head and placed his finger over his own lips. I made
a sound of protest, but he merely smiled and shook his head again.
With a sigh I shut my mouth and watched him.

"I didn't tell you that so that you would respond. I just wanted you
to know," he whispered. "Because I wanted you to have all the facts."

I gave him a slightly confused look, arching one eyebrow just a
little. He chuckled lightly, but I could tell that it was forced and
he really didn't mean it.

"This is enough information for you to go home, clear your name, be
safe, and even get your job back," he said, handing me the envelope
that the boys had given us. "There is also a new identity for you in
there. Everything, even your medical creditentials are in there. Now,
here's the difficult part."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. He was looking at
me still, but I could see that he was making himself hold my eyes.
There were tears running freely down both our faces and his voice had
dropped to barely a whisper.

"I can't go back, Scully. No matter what else I can prove, I can never
prove that I didn't kill Skinner. I can never go home, my life is
over. I'm leaving the country." He swallowed hard and shut his eyes,
blocking out my face. "I want you to be with me, Scully. But only if
you truly want to be.  Understand, I'm not asking for my partner. I'm
asking for my friend...and for the woman I love."

His eyes opened again and he stared at me silently for a minuet. I
could tell he wasn't finished, so I just waited for him to gather his
thoughts enough to talk again.

"I'm giving all of this information, the power to have your life back,
to you. And I'm leaving. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I'll be at
the Beverly Hilton two weeks from today. Fourteen days, Scully. And
then I'm going to vanish and no one is ever going to hear from me
again."

"Mulder, what are you asking?" I asked quietly, not quite believing
what I was hearing from him.

"I'm not asking for anything you don't want, Scully. I'm telling you
that you have the power to go home, as yourself. The power to take
back at least part of what they've taken from you in the last seven
years. And I'm telling you that you have the option to leave all of
that behind and start over with me, as someone else. I'm telling you
that the choice is yours and I won't push you to make it right now and
I won't sit here in your way and try to influence you one way or the
other. I'm telling you that if you want me, want to have a life with
me, you can find me in Los Angeles at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in
fourteen days."

He leaned in and caught my lips with his. His kiss started out slow
and gentle, but he soon deepened it. When his tongue swept into my
mouth and over my own tongue I shivered. My heart was racing and I
couldn't breath. I could feel all the emotion and desperation that was
in his kiss and it made me feel light headed that I could affect him
that way.

"My name is written on a piece of paper, clipped to your new driver's
license, if you need it. No matter what you decide, Scully, remember
that I love you. That I always have loved you and nothing will ever
change that,"  he whispered. Then he stood up and before I could
gather my thoughts enough to talk he was gone.

I blinked my eyes and stood up to follow him when I heard it. Just
faintly at first, but then loud enough for me to make out. Sobs.
Coming from the hallway outside my room.  His breath heaved a few
times and then I heard his voice...soft, ragged, and filled with
emotion.  "I love you so much, Dana Scully. You don't even know."

The sound caused me to freeze, unable to move any closer to him even
though that's what my heart was screaming for me to do.

XXXXXXXX

Room 2267
Beverly Hilton Hotel
Los Angeles, CA
Saturday, May 6
11pm

I'm sitting here staring out the window, watching the cars go by
below. I've been doing this every night since I got here. I told her
that I didn't know where I was going, but I really did. I went to
Phoenix for a few days and then I came here. I've watched out that
window every night, hoping somehow that I'd see her, that she'd be
here.

I'm leaving in the morning. I have a flight to London booked for eight
in the morning. I glance at the table and swallow the lump that's in
my throat.  I booked two seats, one for me and one for Scully. But she
hasn't come yet, and really I didn't think she would. I mean, why
would she want to live on the run, always looking over our shoulders,
with me? All I've ever caused her is pain.

I sigh and move to sit on the bed. I knew I probably shouldn't have
told her what I did. But I just had to let her know. I couldn't stand
the thought of never seeing her again without her at least knowing
that I loved her. I'd always thought she'd known anyway. I wasn't very
good at hiding it. But I'd never voiced it. Well, never that she took
me seriously anyway.

I close my eyes and let my mind wander. Scully and I have been through
so much together. I guess I had always held onto the hope that somehow
all of that meant as much to her as it did to me. I always wanted so
bad for it to.  The words to that song we danced to floated through my
mind again. Yes, I'd always wanted to be her everything, more than
that to her.

Scully was my everything...as cliched as that sounds. It's true. Over
the last seven years she's been my partner, my friend, my confidante,
and the only person I could trust. She's been my defender, my
protector, my accomplice, and my savior more than I can say. She is
without a doubt the only thing I've ever truly needed. I need her like
I need my next breath and the thought of never seeing her again feels
like someone is slowly squeezing the life out of my soul.

I'm not sure I can go on without her. I've been there before. When she
was gone, I could barely function. I really lost it. When I thought I
was going to lose her to the cancer, I was desperate. I came so close
to the edge so many times. Antartica, Phaster, Padgett, so many times
that I couldn't protect her. And now I don't know where she's at or if
she made it somewhere safe or if she's gone.

But I had to let her go. She had to have the chance. It was the chance
to take back her life. Those bastards have taken so much from the both
of us. I would have loved to go back and see them get what they
deserve. To finally prove that what we've been chasing all these years
was real, that we were right.

I know it wouldn't make up for the loss, but it would feel good to
know that I had finally gotten justice for what had happened. For what
they'd done to me and to Scully. I know she wanted justice for
Melissa. I'd read all of the documents in that envelope I left with
her. The proof she needed to close Melissa's file, her file, and
Emily's file was all there.

I'd also seen Samantha's file, but Scully hadn't. I'd taken it out.
That was something I had to do myself. I wasn't sure exactly how yet,
but I was personally going to close that one. My own way. I didn't see
as I had anything to lose anymore. I didn't want to start a new life
alone. I'd been alone before and I can't do it anymore. Without
Scully, I don't have a life.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a soft rap on the door. I sat
very still, listening to the sounds from the hallway outside. It was
quiet. I reached carefully for my pistol that was laying on the
bedside table, checking the safety and the clip. Then I tipped toed
carefully across the room and to the door.

There was another quick, light knock. It sounded nervous. Something
inside my gut started to flutter and my heart was pounding. I wasn't
expecting anyone, but for some reason, I didn't feel threatened.

"Who's there?" I asked carefully.

"Kathrine," came that familiar voice that I would know anywhere. I
jerked the door open, and sure enough, there stood Scully. She looked
a little different, but she was still Scully. I quickly ushered her in
and shut the door again. Then all I could do was stand there and stare
at her.

"Mulder, you're staring," she whispered nervously, her cheeks flushing
slightly.

"I..." I couldn't think of anything to say to her, so I just went back
to staring. I noticed that she looked nervous and uncomfortable. She
was wringing her hands together and looking every where but at me.

"Okay, well," she started and then stopped. She studied me intently
for a long moment and then began to pace back and forth in front of
me. She drew a deep breath and then started to talk again.

"I know what I want to say. Really I do. I should, you know? Because
I've been practicing ever since I crossed the state line into
California. But, I suppose that's irrelevent as I still haven't
figured out how to say the things I need for you to know." She stopped
and looked at me and I could see the tears that were in her eyes. The
look on her face tore at my heart. I couldn't stand to see her look
that way, so I forced my voice to work.

"Scully, slow down. It's okay, just take your time and tell me. I'll
always listen...no matter what. Okay?"

She flashed me a grateful smile and nodded. "Okay, Mulder." Another
deep breath and then she started again. "Fourteen days ago I was ready
to run away with you forever. I would have gone and never looked back.
I couldn't believe the things you were telling me. I never
thought...had never even allowed myself to imagine that you might feel
that way for me.

"And then, before I could say a word, before I could even *think* you
were gone. I wanted to go after you, but I couldn't seem to make my
legs work."  She sighed and nervously tucked a stray strand of hair
behind her ear. "I looked at all that information. I cried and I
screamed and I told myself that I was going to see them pay. That
finally, after all that I've given up I was going to make them pay."

She raised her head up and I could see the tears that were now
streaking down her face. She was smiling a wobbly smile through them
and her eyes were shining with a strange mix of pain and joy. I wasn't
exactly sure what she was saying, but whatever it was I knew it was
going to change my life forever, one way or another.

"But, Mulder, I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I realized that after the
vengence there was nothing of my life. I have lost so much. I lost my
sister, my only daughter, and the chance to have any more children. I
gave up on a normal life, I fought monsters and ghosts and aliens and
cancer, and I was abducted, experimented on, and left to die. And I
finally had the proof that I needed to make the men responsible for
all of that to pay. I couldn't do it. I couldn't make that last
sacrifice."

"Scully?" I whispered unsteadily. Hearing her recite all of that had
left my heart pounding and pain washing through me. All of those
things happened because of her association with me. But what was she
trying to tell me?

"Oh, Mulder. Don't you see?" she asked softly. I shook my head slowly
back and forth. "I couldn't do it because it would mean that I would
have to give up you. I couldn't leave you. My family, my life,
everything I've ever fought for...none of that matters at all without
you to share it with me. I need you, Mulder. I've always needed you
with me. I can't go on with my life without you." She stopped and drew
another deep breath. "I love you, Mulder.  You somehow managed to get
underneath that shell I always hid behind. And you loved me even then.
I can see...could see then how much you cared. But I refused to
believe that you could actually love me, the way I'd come to love you.

"You came into my life and completely turned everything I knew upside
down and inside out. And I wasn't sure what I could hold onto any
more. But I discovered that I could always count on you. Even when you
were ditching me and I was tracking your sorry ass down, I knew. I
knew that you would always be there when I needed you. I knew that you
would always find me when I was lost just like I always found you. I
knew that when the whole world was aganist me that I had the strength
to stand against them, to fight, and to win. Because I had you.
Because you were there. You are the only thing in the world that I
can't live without. You are so much a part of me that I can't imagine
being able to breath if you weren't a part of my life."

I was stunned and I felt a little light headed. My knees decided to
take a vacation and I felt my legs go out from under me. Luckily I was
standing near the bed and I fell on it instead of the floor. I
couldn't quite grasp what she was telling me. Did she really say what
I just heard? Or am I having a massive hallucination?

"Scu-Scully?" I managed to whishper hoarsly, my eyes catching hers and
begging the truth. I couldn't allow myself to believe it, and yet I
couldn't help but feel hope. She moved over and knelt on the floor
between my legs.  Her hands gently framed my face and she let her eyes
show me everything I needed to know. She was crying and I realized
quite suddenly that I was too.

"I love you, Mulder," she whispered again, her voice full of emotion
and truth. And that's when I knew. When I looked into her eyes and
listened to her voice and saw the truth in both of them.

And still all I could do was sit there and stare at her.

XXXXXXXXXX

I didn't have a clue what I was going to say when I got here. I knew
that I needed him to know how I felt. I needed to make him understand
that it was *my* feelings I was responding to and not his. I rehearsed
all the way here from St. Louis. But I still didn't know how to make
him understand.

When his legs gave out and he fell on the bed my heart shattered. He
looked so shocked. Had he really not known? Had I really never shown
him how I felt. I always thought that he knew, that I didn't hide it
all that well. I guess I was wrong. But now, now I had to make him
see.

I knelt down in front of him and gently cradled his face between my
hands.  For the first time I knowingly let my guard down and looked
him straight in the eyes. I was trying desperately to let him see all
the things that I was feeling inside.

"I love you, Mulder," I whispered again, letting my heart show in my
words.  I saw when he finally believed me, when he finally realized I
was telling the truth. His expression didn't change at all, though. He
still looked like he was in shock. Only now it was because he really
believed me.

Then, suddenly it was like something snapped and he was moving again.
A soft, strangled sob escaped from his throat and he raised his hands,
which were shaking slightly, to either side of my head. His fingers
wound into my hair and he tilted my face up to his. When our eyes met
mine were snared by what was shining in his. I could see love,
passion, joy, and desire. But what caught my attention was the awe
struck expression behind all of that.

"Oh, Scully, I love you so much," he whispered in a tortured voice.
Then before I could do anything his lips were slanted across mine.

His kiss started out desperate, his tongue sweeping into my mouth and
dueling with mine. I could feel the emotion and the need that laced
his actions. And I returned it completely, fighting him for control of
the kiss.  He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and lightly nipped
it with his teeth.

I felt his weight shift and then his whole body was sliding off the
edge of the bed in front of me. He landed on his knees, one arm
snaking down around my waist and pulling me closer to him and the
other hand buring itself completely into my hair. He pulled back
slightly, his eyes searching my face for a second and then he was
kissing me again.

This time his kiss was gentle and slow. His lips gently pulled at
mine, sliding across them slowly. Then he carefully ran his tongue
over my bottom lip and then the top one. I sighed into his mouth,
allowing my lips to part for him. When his tongue again slid past my
lips it was slow and careful. He gently painted the roof of my mouth,
my teeth, and gums with his tongue.

My heart was hammering and I was drawing harsh breaths through my nose
in an effort to keep my lips locked with his. I felt like I had fire
running through my veins and all he was doing was kissing me. My right
hand twisted into the short hair at the nape of his neck and my other
hand slid down his chest, feeling the strong thumping from his heart.
I felt his body shiver with my touch and it sent a bolt of electricity
through me.

He finally pulled away, raising his head up and staring solemnly at
me. His arms didn't release me, still holding me as close as he could.
There were tears leaking from his eyes as he watched me. I smiled
tenatively at him, reveling in the feel of having his arms wrapped
protectively around me.

"Scully, I'm so in love with you," he whispered in a hoarse voice. His
eyes closed and then reopened slowly. They had changed to a dark
emerald green and I could see desire blazing in them. "I need to know
if you're sure this is what you want, Scully. We can't go back. If you
go with me we can't change it later."

"Mulder, I wouldn't ever want to be anywhere else. I need you with me
to be able to function properly. I love you, with everything that I am
and everything that I have. Always," I answered, my voice just as low
as his.

"Oh, Scully," he sighed, his voice choking on a sob.  He leaned his
forhead against mine and closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath
through his nose.

When he opened his eyes again he raised his head and smiled a wobbly
smile at me.  Then he carefully stood up, pulling me with him and
drawing me into his arms again.

"There are so many things I'd like to say to you right now.  And even
more that I'd like to do, but I want to do this right, Scully.  I
*need* to do this right."

I wasn't sure exactly what he meant so I just looked up at him,
letting the question show in my eyes.  He smiled and gently tucked a
strand of hair behind my ear.

"We should get some sleep.  We've got an early flight in the morning,"
he said, completely ignoring my question.  I couldn't help but smile
at him.

I nodded slowly. "Okay, Mulder."

********

Flight 1013
En route to London
Sunday, May 7
10am


Mulder was sleeping beside me.  We had held each other all night.  
And neither one of us got any sleep.  Not because anything had
happened.  It was because we had talked all night.  About everything
you can imagine.  For two people that are closer than anyone I know,
we sure did find a lot of things to discuss.

It was almost three thirty when I fell asleep this morning.  And then
we got up around six to go to the airport.  Our flight left at nine
and Mulder had crashed about twenty minuets into it.

I smiled gently at his peaceful face.  All that had happened was still
bouncing around in my head.  We've come a long way in the past few
weeks.  And even farther in the past seven years.  But hearing Mulder
say that he loved me, and being able to tell him how I felt about him
was something that I never dreamed would really happen.

I close my eyes and let my mind drift.  So many different situations
that we had faced in our years together.  What I told him last night
was all true.  And there was so much more to it than that.  He was my
only friend for most of that time.  And he was the only person I
trusted.  He had been my rock, and the reason that I had been able to
carry on at times.  Without him I don't know if I could have survived.

Mulder had never told me how he felt, but I had seen it from him on so
many different occasions.  I just never realized what I was
witnessing.  It hadn't occured to me that the protectiveness was
anything more than friendship.  I guess that I hadn't been looking
close enough.  Or mabey I hadn't wanted to look too close.  I could
see it now in all of those situations.

And then there was what was going to happen tonight.  I know that it
was.  We were both feeling the tension.  And I wanted it, so bad.  
Mulder had told me last night that he didn't want to rush anything.  
He wanted to take it slowly.  I hadn't said so, but I couldn't help
but think that seven years was plenty slow enough.  We were closer
than any two people could be.  And we knew everything about each
other.  So there wasn't any reason to get to know one another.  We
already did.

As far as making love to Mulder, it was the only step we hadn't taken
yet.  I love him.  And he loves me.  All that's left is that physical
connection.  I understand Mulder's reasoning.  And I love him even
more for that.  He told me that if I went with him there was no
turning back.  But he was still giving me a way out.  He was leaving
the door open in case I decide to leave him once we get to London.

I smiled at his sleeping form again and then settled back in my seat.  
The only thing wrong with this whole thing was that my family believed
me to be dead.  And they believed that Mulder had murdered me.  A
slightly sarcastic smile flashed across my face at the thought of
Bill.  He was probably telling mom and Tara right now that he told
them so.

I had gone to San Diego before meeting Mulder.  I hadn't told him that
last night.  I didn't want to worry him, but I had to see them one
last time before I left.  I didn't go in and I don't believe they had
seen me.  I sat in my car across the road from Bill's house for almost
three hours.

I don't know exactly what I had accomplished.  I do know that when I
finally left, after watching them all leave together, that I somehow
felt better about what I was doing.  I was going with Mulder, no
matter what.  What I told him last night was true.  I couldn't go on
without him.  Even being with my family wasn't enough for me to deny
the feelings that were between us.  But being able to see them, even
though I didn't talk to them, helped me.  I guess it is just knowing
that they are okay, that they will survive.  And I know them.  They
will survive.

I sigh and close my eyes.  I need to sleep.  There are still a lot of
things Mulder and I have to do and talk about.  And when we reach
London we are going to need to be rested.

XXXXXXXXXX

Flight 1013
circling London airport

I wake up slowly, feeling the warmth of a body pressed against my
side.  My eyes open and I am faced with a mass of red hair.  I can't
help the small grin as I look at her.  She is snuggled under my arm,
her head resting at a slightly odd angle against my chest.  I don't
want to wake her, but we are about to land.

"Scully," I whisper softly, carefully pushing her hair out of her
face.  "Come on, Baby, wake up."

Her eyes flutter open, hazy with sleep.  She smiles a sleepy smile at
me and then closes her eyes again.  I chuckle softly and try again.

"Scully, wake up.  We're landing."

"Hum?"  She hums, opening her eyes and blinking at me.

"We are about to land.  You need to wake up."

"Kay," she answers.  She moves away and I immediately miss her heat.

I watch her as she stretchs.  I still can't believe she's here with
me.  The things she told me last night completely blew my mind.  I
never dreamed that she could feel those things for me.  Or that she
could give up her family to be with me.  I didn't have a whole lot to
offer her.  I certainly couldn't give her security.  But somehow she
was here.

I sighed lightly and picked up her hand.  She smiled at me and gave my
fingers a light squeeze.  My heart feels like it's going to break any
minuet now.  This woman has been the love of my life for nearly seven
years and she's finally going to be mine.

I hope.

I am not going to be completely optimistic until after tonight.  
After I ask her to marry me.  She doesn't know that yet, but I am.  
I'm still not sure she will stay.  I've asked her to give up a lot to
be with me.  But so far she's here and that's more than I had hoped
for.

XXXXXXXXXX


Grand Hotel
Room 213
London, England
Sunday, May 7
8pm


I still can't quiet believe that I'm here, in London.  Everything that
has happened in the last few weeks has been so quick and it is hard to
catch up with myself.  But I'm here, and I'm with Mulder.  And he
wants me to be his. I still find that one the hardest thing in the
world to believe.  Mulder loves me.

I guess I knew that before.  Now that I look at all we've been through
in the last seven years it seems silly to think that I didn't already
know that.  He has shown me so many times.  But I could never put a
name to the things I could see in his eyes.  Or mabey I never wanted
to.

No, that's not true.  I wanted to think that he loved me.  I was just
afraid to.  Afraid that it was only my wishful thinking that put that
look in his eyes.  Afriad that if I ever mentioned it I would lose
him.  All that time we were both worried about the same thing.

I sigh and finish putting my shoes on.  Mulder left almost as soon as
we got checked into the hotel.  He said he had something he had to do.  
I didn't question him.  He seemed determined to go and so I took a
nap.  It was well needed.  Traveling across so many time zones can
really take it out of you.

Mulder told me to meet him in front of the hotel at eight tonight.  
So when I woke up I showered and got ready.  I wasn't sure exactly
what he had in mind, but it seemed important to him, so I had dressed
up somewhat.  With one final glance at the mirror I nodded my head and
left to meet him.

I was surprised when I stepped out the front door and found not
Mulder, but a horse drawn carriage and its driver waiting for me.

"Ms. Kathrine Hollins?" the driver asked quietly when I stopped in
front of him.

"Yes," I answered, only hesitating slightly at the use of my assumed
name.

"Mr. Rosstin asked that I pick you up.  He's waiting for us."

"Where are we going?"

The driver simply smiled at me and offered his hand to help me into
the carriage.  I sighed and took the offer, knowing from the look that
I wasn't going to get any information out of him.  It was better just
to go along.

And just going along wasn't so bad.  I'd never been treated to a
carriage ride before.  I watched as the scenary slowly passed.  It was
nice to just relax and enjoy myself for once.

When we finally stopped we were at the entrance of a park.  There were
rose bushes everywhere.  It was a beautiful sight.  The driver helped
me down from the carriage and then gave me another knowing smile.

"You'll find Mr. Rosstin at the end of the path," he said, nodding to
the path of strewn rose petals I hadn't noticed before.

"Thank you," I answered, smiling at him.  He nodded and climbed into
his carriage.  I turned and started down the path.

The path Mulder had made wound through the middle of the rose bushes.  
When I rounded the last corner I spotted Mulder.  He was just lighting
some candles on a small table.  There was a bottle of champagne in an
ice bucket and a dozen red roses sitting on the table too.  He looked
up when I came into view and flashed me his pateneted Mulder smile,
the one with teeth.

XXXXXXXXXX

I looked up when I heard her coming.  She was standing at the edge of
the bushes, watching me.  I smiled at her and motioned her over to me.  
I could see the soft pink blush that was spreading across her face as
she moved closer to the table.

"What's this?"  she asked, her eyes sweeping the table that I had set
up.  I grinned again and only shook my head.  She arched one eyebrow
and I could see the corners of her mouth twitch around a smile she was
trying hard not to show.

"Come here, Scully," I said softly, my eyes never leaving her.

She walked slowly toward me, her eyes dancing with mischief.  I could
tell by the way she was looking at me what she was going to do before
she even got close.  As much as I wanted to kiss her right now I knew
that if I let her I would never get the words that I wanted to say
out.  So when she got close enough for me to touch I gently took her
shoulders and guided her down into a chair.

"Scully, I want to tell you something," I said, moving around to stand
in front of her.  She looked up at me, her eyes asking me what I was
going to say.  I couldn't help but smile at the thought of her knowing
me well enough to speak without words and at the same time not having
a clue about the ring that was burning a hole in my pocket.

"I love you, Scully.  I've loved you for a very long time.  You are a
part of me that I can't ever imagine being without."  I paused to
allow her time to digest that part of my speech.  Then before she
could say anything I slowly knelt in front of her, my hand reaching
for the ring.  "I need you with me.  I always will."

I pulled the ring out, letting her see it as I reached for her hand.  
Her eyes had widened with shock and her mouth was open slightly.  I
could hear her breathing speed up slightly.  "Scully, will you marry
me?"

She looked like she was going to cry.  I watched her carefully, my
heart pounding in my chest as her eyes filled with tears.  She opened
and closed her mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out.  I could
feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes as well.  A single tear
slipped from her blue eyes and slowly slid down her face.  My heart
was in my throat.  My entire life hung on what that single tear meant.

"Oh my god, Mulder," she breathed softly.  "I...I...Of course I will."

I think my heart stopped for a second.  And then we were both laughing
and crying at the same time.

"I love you, Mulder," she whispered as I slid the ring onto her
finger.

"I love you, too, Scully," I answered, my voice also a whisper.  I
leaned up and gently kissed her lips, very proud of the fact that I
wasn't shaking too hard.


XXXXXXXXXX


Same Park
2 hours later...


We were laying on a blanket near the rose bushes.  It was a beautiful
night and we were enjoying the comfort of being together.  I was still
amazed.  I had no idea that Mulder wanted to marry me.  I mean, I knew
that he wanted us to be a couple, but I never dreamed that he would
want to marry me.

Of course, I suppose that we'd been dating for seven years.  But it
had still shocked me when he slid that ring out of his pocket.  I
couldn't think.  All I could do was stare.  And then I realized that
he was waiting for an answer.  It took every ounce of strength I had
to make my voice work. And then it didn't work all that well.  All I
could manage was a soft whisper.

I couldn't keep my eyes off the ring that was now on my finger.  It
was beautiful.  It had a large marquise cut diamond in the center,
with three smaller diamonds framing it on either side.  There were
also five smaller diamonds running down each side of the band.  I had
never seen anything so beautiful in my life.

"Hey, sweetie," Mulder mumbled, pulling me tightly against him.  "We
should go back to the hotel.  It's getting late."

"Okay," I agree soflty, nuzzling his neck.

We gather our things and make our way back out of the park.  I'm only
slightly surprised to find the carriage and it's driver waiting there
for us.  The ride back to the hotel is quiet.  Mulder's arm is wrapped
around me and I'm snuggled as close to him as I can get.  I don't want
to let him get too far away for fear this might all be a dream.

The carriage stopped outside the hotel and Mulder stepped off, turning
and offering me his hand.  It struck me then how much of a gentleman
he was.  I had never been very willing to allow him to be that way
with me.  But I knew he was.  He always made the gestures, I just
didn't allow them.  Not this time though.  I smiled at him and let him
help me down from the carriage.

Mulder quietly spoke to the driver and settled his bill.  Then we
turned and started into the hotel.  His hand landed in its spot in the
small of my back.  Yes, I always thought of that as his spot.  That
was one gesture I always allowed.  It made me feel warm all over to
feel his hand on me there.
  Before it was because that was one of the only times I allowed him
to touch me.  Now it was because it felt so familiar and comforting.

When we entered the room I felt a group of butterflies start dancing
in my stomach.  The thought of what was probably going to happen
tonight caused my mouth to go dry.  I was so nervous.  I don't know
why I was nervous.  We had been together for so long.  Mulder had been
my best friend for the last seven years.  We had been through so much
together.  And now I knew that he loved me.  It was strange to be
nervous around him, but for some reason I couldn't help it.

I started across the room to the bathroom, needing some space to get
my equilibrum back.  Mulder's hand on my arm stopped me in my tracks.  
I turned to look at him.  But I wasn't able to hold his gaze and my
eyes dropped to study the carpet.

"You okay, Scully?"  Mulder asked quietly.  I nodded, still not able
to look up.  "I won't hurt you.  And I won't do anything that you
don't want me to do."

"I know, Mulder," I managed to whisper.

"Scully, look at me."  I dragged my eyes back up and caught his gaze.  
"You trust me?"

The question startled me.  Of course I trusted Mulder.  But I wasn't
acting like it was I?  I smiled, feeling some of the nervousness leave
my body.  "Of course I do, Mulder."

"Come here," he whispered, leaning back against the dresser and
reaching for me. I stepped into him and wrapped my arms around his
neck.  His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me tightly against
him.  He sighed quietly into my hair.  "Would it help if I told you
that I was nervous too?"

I chuckled lightly, nodding my head against his chest.  "Are we both
adults here?"  I asked, my voice only slightly sarcastic.

He huffed a little laugh and then squeezed me again.  "Yeah, I think
so."

I looked up and smiled at him.  Then the smile slowly faded as I
watched his eyes.  He was looking at me in a way I'd never seen
before.  He leaned slowly toward me, his eyes asking permission for
what he was about to do.  My only answer was to lean up and met him
halfway.

When our lips met it was slow and careful.  He gently moved his lips
across mine.  When I felt his tongue brush across my lips I sighed,
opening my mouth to him.  The kiss was almost in slow motion.  I could
feel every part of him pressed against me.  The butterflies that had
been in my stomach since we got back were now doing a river dance,
clean up to my throat.

He broke our kiss and smiled at me, catching his breath.  "This is
okay?"

"Yeah," I answered, alarmed at how breathy my voice sounded.

One of his hands slid up to the back of my neck and he slanted his
mouth over mine again.  This kiss was more intense than the last one.  
I almost fainted when his tongue swept into my mouth, demanding a
response.  I couldn't help the soft moan that escaped me.  The sound
seemed to inflame him.  His kiss became deeper and full of passion.  
I was drawing harsh breaths through my nose to keep my lips pressed
firmly to his.

His hands began to run up and down my back, gently caressing me.  My
thoughts were blurry, my mind unable to keep up with my body's
response to Mulder's touch.  I drew a sharp breath and broke our kiss
when his hands landed at the hem of my shirt and gently slipped
underneath it.  His hands continued his soft rubbing motion on my bare
back, up to the back of my bra and back down to my waist.

I was trembling, unable to do anything but hold onto him.  He leaned
down and kissed me again, slower this time, but still full of passion
and desire. My heart was pounding against my ribs.  He carefully
raised my shirt with his hands still on my back.  Then he broke the
kiss and looked at me as he raised it up.  I put my hands over my head
and he quickly removed it and tossed it to the floor.  My hands fell
to his chest and I leaned up and kissed him again.  It was all I could
do at the moment.

He didn't seem to be in any rush.  He carefully smoothed his hands
around to my stomach, sending sparks shooting through my entire body.  
Then he slowly moved around to my back, unfastening my bra with one
hand.  He raised up, catching my eyes.  His hands went to my
shoulders, slowly pushing my straps down until they hung loosely on my
arms.  I dropped my arms from his chest and allowed my bra to fall in
the floor between us.

Mulder gasped softly, his eyes taking in my chest for the first time
without clothes on.  His hands reached out carefully, cupping one
breast in each hand, squeezing gently.  I moaned again.  That was all
it took.  He immediately began massaging my breasts, his lips falling
to latch onto my neck just above my shoulder.  I shuddered slightly,
feeling a little dizzy.

He moved back and quickly removed his own shirt, pulling me to him
again as soon as it was gone.  Somewhere in the fog that was
surrounding my brain I realized that I needed to participate in this
and I wasn't.  His hands fell to the waist of my pants and began
unfastening them.  When they were undone he pushed them away.  I
lifted my feet one at a time so that he could remove them completely.

As soon as he stood back up I forced my trembling fingers to move.  I
slowly unfastened his pants and then tugged until I had them around
his ankles.  He grinned at me, his eyes dark and hungry as I knelt
down to finish removing them.  As soon as they were off he tugged me
back to my feet.

I gasped in surprise as his hands slid down onto my butt and he lifted
me off my feet.  He turned and placed me gently on the dresser.  His
lips found mine again, his kiss slow and steady.  I laced my fingers
behind his head, holding on and allowing myself to be swept away in
the emotions that were running through me.

His fingers tease my bare skin, playing gently with my breast and
caressing my stomach.  His lips move from my lips to my ear and down
my neck.  I lean my head back, absorbed in the sensation of him
touching me.  His mouth trails slowly behind his hands, finally
catching my breast.  He sucks it gently into his mouth sending a wash
of pleasure throughout my body.  I can feel the warmth and wetness
between my legs.  As his mouth lifts his teeth nip at my nipple,
giving it a slight tug and sending sparks shooting down my body.

My whole body is trembling and throbbing.  My hands smooth over his
shoulders and head, touching him in the only places I can still reach.  
His lips trail down my stomach after treating both breasts to the same
intense pleasure.  When he reaches the top of my panties his fingers
hook into the elastic and he tugs.  I put my hands on the edge of the
dresser and lift just enough for him to take them off.  As he tosses
them away he kneels down in front of me.

Oh, god.  He's really going to do it.  He's really going to kiss me
there.  I have always wondered if he would like that.  I've dreamed
about letting him do it, even though I've never before let anyone
else.  I wasn't ever comfortable with it.  But somehow I am okay with
him being there.  His eyes find mine, asking for permission to do what
he wants.  All I can do is nod.

And that's all it takes.  As soon as he sees that his tongue sweeps
over me. He licks all around where I really want him to be, teasing
me, making me wait.  I watch him only for a second, then my head falls
back and my eyes close.  The fire that had been running through my
veins has turned into an inferno.  I can feel him as he sucks at me
and then runs his tongue across me, never staying in one place too
long, exploring every part of me.

My breath hitchs slightly as I feel him slid a finger inside me,
gently massaging from the inside as his tongue finally lands at that
one spot on the outside and begins an intense assault.  I can't think
anymore and I feel like the room is suddenly spinning in circles.  I
can hear my breath getting shorter.  The sensations are all running
together, so much so that I can't tell exactly what he's doing
anymore.  All I can tell is that it feels really good.

I feel it start slowly, an intense burning sensation under his tongue.  
It grows quickly, sending sparks and electricity all the way up to my
head and down to my toes.  And then everything just shatters, waves of
pleasure and a deep pulsing wash through me as my orgasm takes over
completely and from somewhere outside my body I hear my voice.

"Oh, god!"

Mulder lifts his head as the last waves of my orgasm roll through me.  
My body is still humming with electricity, throbbing with the need to
have him inside me.  I catch his eyes and can see the self satisfied
smile he's wearing, but it doesn't matter.  All that matters is us,
being together in this final way.  I tug at his arm, asking him
silently to stand up, to finally fill me the way only he can.  As he
does he shakes his head in wonder.

"You are so beautiful, Scully," he whispers reverently.  I pull him to
me and crush our lips together.  As he kisses me back my fingers hook
into the elastic at the top of his boxers and I push.  I can't get
them very far because I'm not really in a position to, but Mulder,
being the helpful guy that he is quickly finishes removing them.

He steps back between my legs, pressing his body firmly to mine.  I
know what I want, but I can't ask for it.  I raise my hips slightly,
nudging him, hoping he'll understand.  He does.  He reaches between us
and carefully guides himself to my entrance.  Then he stops.  His eyes
lock with mine and I am struck by the emotion that is showing in them.  
He looks lost, an awestruck expression on his face.  I can see the
reverence and love that shines from his eyes, which have changed to a
deep emerald green.  My eyes want to close, but I can't look away.  
It strikes me that this is the look I've always longed for.  That look
of true, deep love.  The one that says I'm loved and cherished and
wanted, not just for my body, but for who I am.  I can feel the tears
that are clogged in my throat and I struggle not to let them show.

Mulder moves slowly, gently sliding inside me, all the way.  Then he
stops and looks at me again.  The awe is replaced by amazement.  I
smile and wrap my legs around his waist, giving him permission to
move.  He starts slowly, moving almost all the way out and then back
in.  I wrap one arm around his neck and the other hand grips the edge
of the dresser.

The sensation of having him finally inside me is almost too much.  I
allow my head to drop back and my eyes close, giving myself over to
the intense feeling for the first time in my life.  I can feel every
part of him as he withdraws almost all the way and then pushes back
in.

"Hold on," Mulder mumbles, his voice raspy.  I look at him, the
question showing in my face, but he doesn't answer.  He just wraps his
arms around my waist and lifts.  My other arm wraps around his neck
and I lock my feet behind his back.  He picks me up and turns toward
the bed.

My face is so close to his I just can't help it.  As he takes the last
two steps to the edge of the bed I lock my lips to his, kissing him
hard.  He moans into my mouth, turning us at the last second so that
he fell on his back.  I rearrange my legs so that I'm straddling him
without ever breaking our kiss.

When I finally pull away for air I raise up slightly, causing a sharp
jolt of arousal to flood my body at the new angle.  I move quickly,
seemingly unable to slow down as the feelings wash over me.  Being
able to see his face, watching me as I move is an extreme turn on.  
My hands land on his chest to help keep my balance.

Mulder reaches up and pushes my hair back out of my face.  Then his
hands land on my hips, holding on as I move against him.  My eyes are
caught by the sight of his strong biceps bulging with the effort of
holding me.  I can feel my orgasm approaching again and I'm surprised.  
I've never had more than one, if I even had one.  But all these
feelings are soaring through me at a rapid pace and I know that this
one is going to be intense.

My breath sort of hiccups as a shot of electricity pulses throughout
my entire body.  If I didn't know any better I'd think mabey my hair
was standing on end.  And then, before I can think anymore my orgasm
takes over. It's a whole body experience, moving first up to my head
then down to my toes and then back up.  It is a wave of intense
pleasure and sensation, causing my internal muscles to clench and
release harshly.  I toss my head back and close my eyes again, unable
to fight the feelings that are racing through me.  I can hear my voice
but I'm not sure what I'm saying.

As the last of the waves finally recede I fall forward, unable to keep
myself upright any longer.  Mulder's body stops my fall as he sits up,
wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me against him.  He
stops, letting me catch my breath for a second.  Then he kisses me
slowly, a soft, calming kiss.  When he pulls his lips away from mine I
sigh, but then I feel them softly touching my eyelids and nose.  I
open my eyes and he smiles gently at me.

"Okay?"  He asks, his voice sounding strangely odd to my ears.  I'm
not sure what I heard in that one word, but my mind is too mushy to
think about it right now.  I nod and return his smile.

He leans forward and captures my lips again.  This kiss is soft and
slow.  I return it, wrapping my arms around his neck and buring my
fingers in his hair.  His hands ran soothingly up and down my back.  
We stayed that way for a long time, just kissing and sitting together,
him still inside me.  When my heart rate had returned almost to normal
Mulder broke our kiss.  He rubbed his nose against mine in an eskimo
kiss and then one hand slid up the cup the back of my head while the
other stayed on my back.

He raised up on his knees and then slowly lowered me to the bed, his
hand on my head gently laying me down.  He followed me down, still
never leaving the warmth of my body.  I could feel him, still hard and
throbbing slightly inside me.

He kisses me again as he starts moving.  I bend my legs at the knees
and put my feet flat on the bed to give me leverage as I met his
thrusts.  Our lips seperate, but stay close enough that I can still
taste him as he pants into my mouth.  A fine layer of sweat has broken
out over our bodies.  I can feel his slid against my stomach.  The
slow steady rhythm that we had been keeping began to pick up.  I was
having trouble keeping up with him.

It hadn't been but a few minuets with this new pace when my orgasm
hit.  It wasn't one that I could feel coming.  This time it just
exploded, sending hot shock waves throughout my entire body.  My
breath caught in my throat and for a second I couldn't inhale or
exhale.  Then my breath whooshed out my mouth and my body began
shaking uncontrollably.  I couldn't help the words that began falling
out of my mouth.

"Oh, Mul...der...ohgod!"

Mulder groaned low in his throat and began slamming into me.  He
reached down and looped his arm under my knee and then dropped his
elbow back to the bed, pushing my leg up and out.  His other hand
gripped my waist tightly.  I managed to open my eyes, knowing somehow
that he was close.  I trained my still blurry vision on his face and
watched.

His face twisted into a grimace that was half pleasure and half pain.  
He threw his head back and ground against me, releasing into me.  I
wrapped one arm around his neck and one around his back and held on as
tight as I could. He jerked his hips a few more times, pressing hard
against me.

"AHHH....Shit!"  He half yelled, half moaned, his head dropping to my
shoulder.  His movement stilled and he collapsed against me, breathing
hard. I ran my hands up and down his back, soothing him and holding
on.

After a few minuets he raised his head up and looked at me.  I
grinned, feeling suddenly happy and free for the first time ever.  He
answered with a lazy smile, his eyes still slightly unfocused.  I
leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"I should move.  I'm crushing you," he whispered, brushing my sweat
slicked hair out of my eyes.

"No.  I like you here."  I answered, my arms tightening around him.  
"Stay."

He nodded and layed his head back down again.  Neither one of us said
anything for a long time.  I closed my eyes and had just started to
doze off when I felt him move.  He slid sideways, moving to lay beside
me and drawing a deep breath.  I raised up and propped my head on my
hand to watch him.

"I'll be right back,"  he said, gently plucking my nose with his
fingers.  I playfully swatted his hand and nodded.

He moved gracefully across the room, seemingly unconcerned with his
state of undress.  When he returned a few minuets later he was
carrying a wash cloth. I looked at him quizzically, one eyebrow arched
slightly.  He moved to sit on the bed beside me, smiling.

"Open," he said.  I let my legs drop open for him.

And then Mulder did the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.  
He gently began to clean my up.  His touch was gentle and slow, taking
his time and making sure he got it all.  I could feel the tears
threatening, building in my eyes as I watched him.


XXXXXXXXXX


I was still mostly in shock.  I couldn't believe that I'd finally made
love to Scully.  I'd dreamed about it so much, but nothing could
compare to the feeling of actually being inside her.  I was
concentrating on cleaning her up, but the only thought that was
running through my mind was 'I made Dana Scully come.' Now I realize
that is a very crass thought, but I just can't seem to wrap my mind
around it.

I looked up when I was finished and felt a flash of fear go through
me.  Scully was fighting tears.  I could see them shining in her
bright blue eyes.

"Scully?"  I asked, alarmed at how shaky my voice was.  "What's wrong,
baby?"

She sniffled slightly, smiling through her tears.  "No one's ever done
that for me."

I was a little confused.  "Done what?"

"Cleaned me up like that," she answered, looking away as she said it.  
I felt my heart break.

"Then they were stupid," I said calmly.  She looked at me, the
question clearly etched on her face.  "That's a big part of it.  
Making love doesn't end when you have an orgasm.  It's all the things
that come before and after that makes it love and not just sex," I
explained.

She smiled a brillant smile at me and nodded her head.  I could tell
that she wasn't able to talk, so I didn't ask her to.

I tossed the wash cloth away and pulled the covers back on the bed,
motioning her to join me.  She crawled up and I slid in beside her,
covering us up.  She immediately snuggled against my side, throwing
one leg across me and one hand landed on my chest to cover my heart.

This is absolutely amazing to me.  I have a very naked Scully snuggled
against me.  And we are both healthy and whole.  And she just let me
make love to her.  I kissed the top of her head and squeezed her
gently.

"If I turn over will you hold me?"  she asked quietly.

"Of course I will," I answered, not quite believing she would have to
ask.

She turned on her side and I snuggled up against her back, my arm
wrapping around her and holding her close.  She pushed her butt up
against me, wiggling slightly.  I opened my mouth to speak, but she
beat me to it.

"Yes, Mulder," she mumbled sleepily.  "I am flirting with you."

I gasped slightly, stunned that she would so openly flirt.  Then I
chuckled lightly.  "You can flirt with me any time you want, Scully."

She hummed lightly.  I could feel her breathing even out and get deep
and I knew that she had dozed off in my arms.  For a long time all I
could do was watch her.  I couldn't believe that we were really here
like this.  I've been in love with this woman for so long that it's a
little scary to finally have her with me like this.

As I started to drift off to sleep I mumbled into her hair, "I love
you so much, Scully."

In a sleep filled voice she whispered back, "luv you, too, Mulder."


*********


Mulder and Scully's residence
Scottish Highlands
Three month later...


Scully and I have been married for almost three months.  We moved to
Scotland and married in a small midevil chapel when we left London
three months ago.  This life has been wonderful.  No one here is
looking for us, no one wants to kill us.  We haven't had to run for
our lives once.  I'm not sure how to react to the calm that we've
found.

There is only one small problem.  Scully's been sick for the last four
weeks.  I'm not sure what it is, but I'm beginning to get worried.  
The only other time I've seen her like this was when she was sick with
the cancer.  And I can't accept that.  After all we've been through
and as far as we've come I cannot accept that she might be sick again.

I watch her discreetly as we walk.  She wouldn't be happy if she knew
that I was worring about her.  But I can't help it.  She is my life.  
I need her and now that I know she loves me too I can't imagine ever
being without her.

We've started calling each other by our new names, at least in public.  
When we are alone in our own bed it's still Scully.  She'll always be
my Scully.  But in public now it's Kathrine, or Kat.  It's safer that
way.

We walk slowly around the house, just enjoying being outside together.  
Her hand in mine feels perfect, like it's supposed to be there.  I
glance at her and am surprised to see her frowning.  I start to say
something, and that's when it happpens.

Scully sways and then her knees crumple under her and she starts to
fall.  I'm beside her in one step and my arms band around her waist,
supporting her weight as she sags to the ground.

"Scully!"

"Muld.." Her eyes roll back and then flutter closed.  My heart is
racing with panic.  This can't be happening.

I kneel beside her, my shaking hands carefully smoothing over her
face.  I talk quietly, calling her name and begging her to open her
eyes.  She doesn't.  I can feel her pulse, and she is breathing fine,
but she won't wake up.

I carefully scoop her into my arms and take her inside, laying her
gently on the bed.  I guess I should call an ambulance, but she
doesn't appear to be in any real danger, so all I do is watch her.

I've known that she wasn't feeling well.  I've even contemplated the
reasons.  That chip that's in her neck is supposed to protect her from
the cancer.  But what if they think she's dead, or if they are trying
to pull us back out in the open.  Is it possible that they could just
shut down whatever it is that the chip is supposed to do?  Could she
really be sick again?

I know that she's been missing her family lately.  I think that she's
been having the same thoughts I have.  She's afraid that she's sick
and going to die.  And I know that she wants to go home.  To be with
her mother.  I don't blame her.  I would have understood four weeks
ago if she'd wanted to leave. But she hasn't mentioned it, not once.

Mabey it's that she doesn't think she can go home.  And she's probably
right.  I know that we would both be in danger if we went back.  But I
also know that is what she needs right now.  I love her more than my
own life.  If I could give her that I would.

I sigh, watching as her eyes flutter slightly and then slowly open up.  
She looks confused for a moment.  I take a deep breath and suddenly
realize that there is only one thing that I can do for her now.  And
I'm going to do it even if it gets me killed.

XXXXXXXXX

My eyes open and for a moment I don't know where I'm at.  Then I see
Mulder, sitting on the bed watching me.  I remember what happened now
and I'm embarrassed.  I can't believe I fainted on him.  I've never
fainted in my life.

I search his eyes and quite suddenly I know what he's thinking.  He's
leaving.  I know it like I know my own name.  And I'm afraid.  If he
leaves me what am I going to do?  I don't want to die alone here in a
strange land. Then again, I don't want to die here without my family.  
It's a strange combination of feelings.

"You're leaving, aren't you?"  I ask quietly, my mind already knowing
the answer.

"Yes," he answered. "I'm going home, to make sure that you can."

"But, Mulder, they'll kill you," I said, my voice raising with fear.

"No, they won't," he said firmly.  He sighed and picked up my hand.
"Scully, I can't watch you die here, wishing you were with your
family.  I'm going to make sure it's safe for you to come home."

"But how will I know?  How will I know if you're even alive or not?"

"I'll come back."  He leaned over and kissed me firmly on the lips.  
"You can't get rid of me that easily."

I smiled in spite of myself.  "I'd never dream of trying."

XXXXXXXXXX
Sydney, Austrailia
November 4, 2004

I blink my eyes slowly and force myself back to the present. She's
here and it's finally all over with. And still, all I can do is stand
here and stare at her.

Then as if she can feel my gaze on her, she slowly turns her head and
looks at me. From this distance I can see the shock that spreads
across her face when our eyes meet. She half stands, but her legs seem
to give out and she latches onto the back of the bench for support.
Suddenly the muscles that wouldn't move before are and I'm running
across the park. I've only taken about two steps when she regains her
legs and starts to run toward me.

When we are within a few steps of each other she launches herself into
my arms. Instinct takes over and my arms band tightly around her waist
as I feel hers wrap themselves around my neck. I barely hear her
voice, choked with tears as she whispers my name into my chest. Not
William, the man she married and lived with for so short a time all
those years ago. Not Mulder, her friend and partner for so long before
that. But my given name, breathed out in a way that made the last of
my control snap.

The tears I'd been trying to hold onto ever since I saw her start to
fall. I don't try to stop them, just pull her as close to me as I can
and hold on.  We slowly sink to our knees together, my legs being too
weak to support us any more. We still haven't let go of one another,
both of us crying and laughing at the same time.

She finally catches her breath and leans back to look at me. Her eyes
show disbelief and joy all at once. I want to kiss her, but I'm afraid
to. Afraid that she may have changed her mind, that I may have been
gone for too long.  My hands are shaking as I raise them up and cup
the sides of her face.

"Oh, Dana," I whisper softly, my voice rough with suppressed tears.
Her eyes shine brightly, holding mine hostage as her hands gently land
on my wrists.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she says, her voice shaking
slightly.  "After all we'd been through I thought I'd lost you."

"I tried so hard to get back. I never thought of anything else, only
of finding a way to get back to you." And then I can't help it
anymore. I lean into her slowly, silently asking her permission with
my eyes. Her answer is a soft, mysterious smile that I remember from a
hotel in Little Rock so many years ago. My lips brush lightly across
hers and she sighs gently against them as her eyes flutter closed.

I take her invitation and deepen the kiss slightly, running my tongue
across her bottom lip and then letting it slide slowly into her mouth
as her lips part. Her hands slid up my arms and she buries her fingers
into the hair at the nape of my neck. The kiss is slow and tender and
full of all the emotion that it was the last time I kissed her this
way. As she kisses me back I can't help the fresh tears that fill my
eyes.

I pull back reluctantly and rest my forehead against hers. The
familiar gesture forces a thousand memories through me and I close my
eyes, trying to get some kind of control over my emotions. I open my
eyes again when Scully gently pulls away. I'm about to ask her what's
wrong when I catch sight of the two small children that are standing
with us now. The little girl is slightly behind Scully, like she's
hiding. The boy, who could be her twin, stood protectively between me
and Scully. Before I have time for any farther thought the little boy
starts to talk.

"Are you my daddy?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you my daddy?"

Shocked hazel eyes laser up and lock with mine. I can read the
confusion and disbelief in them as he stares at me. My insides are
shaking and I'm not able to form the words that I need to tell him. To
tell them all. I reach out and draw my son back against me, my arm
slipping around his waist to hold him still. Then I look back up at
Mulder and swallow hard.

"Andy, please take your sister back to the sandbox. Mommy will be
right there, okay?"

Andrew looks up at me for a long moment, trying to decide if I'm okay.
He's so strong, my son. Like his father. And always trying to protect
me. But he doesn't have to, not anymore. Finally he takes his sister's
hand and leads her away. I look back at Mulder and can see that he is
no longer confused.  All it took was a close look at Andrew for him to
see himself.

"Scully?" he questions softly, his voice wavering slightly.

"Yes, Mulder," I answer just as softly, unable to stop the tears that
are building in my eyes again. "Andrew and Allison are ours."

Tears start to slid quickly down his face as he stares at me. He
doesn't say anything for a long time. I'm beginning to get worried
about his reaction. I mean, we never discussed having children. We
never considered it a possibilty so it was never an issue. What if
it's not what he wanted? He had no way to tell me. I mean, his
children are almost four years old and he's never met them before
today. What if he's upset with me?

I hesitantly reach out and lay my hand on his arm, my eyes searching
his face. "Mulder?"

"O-Ours?" he whispers unsteadily. I nod my head slowly, still unsure
what he's thinking. "Oh god, Scully," he chokes, still just staring at
me.

I feel tears burning in my eyes as he kneels there in front of me. He
still hasn't made any indication of what his feelings on this matter
are. He's hiding from me, lost somewhere inside himself. I can see it
in his eyes. I can feel my heart shatter even as I open my mouth to
speak, but I have to do this. The last of the hope I'd held onto for
all these years finally seeped out and floated away on the breeze.

"Mulder, I know we never talked about it and I understand that it
wasn't something you wanted. I- I won't tell them...and...I
won't...ask you to stay...if you don't want to," I whisper, my voice
barely audible around the large lump that had formed in my throat.

My words seemed to snap him out of whatever he was in and his eyes
focused sharply on mine. In the space of a heartbeat his face melted
into that expression of love and tenderness that I remembered so well
from our wedding night and he reached out and pulled me tightly into
his arms.

"Oh, Dana," he muttered into my hair as his hands gently caressed my
back.  "I love you so much. You are all I've thought of all these
years. I never told you that I wanted children because I never thought
it was possible and I didn't want to hurt you. But this," he squeezed
me tighter to him and then relaxed slightly. "This is perfect. To have
children with the woman that I love. The children I thought I'd never
see, even if I did dream about them at night. It's all I've ever
wanted with you, Scully. For more years than you even know."

I choked on the sob that welled up in my throat and threw my arms
around him again. I couldn't talk, so I held on to him with everything
I had. I was almost afraid that I was dreaming. That I would wake up
and find that it was all a dream, that he wasn't here with me. He held
on just as tightly, rocking me slowly back and forth. He was murmuring
softly into my hair, but I couldn't make out the words through the
tears in his voice.

I have no idea how long I sat there on my knees in the middle of the
park, crying in Mulder's arms, when I felt the gentle touch of small
hands on my back. I pulled reluctantly away from Mulder and turned to
the beautiful children he had given me. Allison looked like she was
about to cry and Andrew looked like he knew.

Mulder and I moved apart and I reached to pull Allison into my lap.
Andrew stood uncertianly in front of me, his eyes - so like his
father's - begging me to tell him the truth. To confirm what his sharp
little mind had already figured out. I glanced at Mulder and saw him
nod slightly. He looked nervous and unsure of himself, but I could see
the amazement and love that was on his face.

"It's alright, Alli," I soothed my daughter, brushing her auburn hair
back out of her face. I looked at my children and then at their
father. "Mulder, this is Allison Faith and Andrew Fox. Andrew,
Alli....I want you to meet your father."

For one very long second no one moved or made a sound. Then all at
once Allison stood up and launched herself into Mulder's arms. She was
giggling!  My little girl who was always so quiet and reserved was
giggling in her father's arms. It was a sight I never thought I'd get
to see.

Mulder sobbed brokenly into her hair and collapsed to his butt on the
ground, his arms wrapped around her. Andrew watched him carefully for
a long time and then walked slowly over to him. I could see the
indecision in his young face. He so wanted it to be true, for his
father to finally be home.  And yet, he was so afraid that it wasn't
real.

Mulder looked up and watched him solemnly for a moment. Then he slowly
reached his hand out, reaching for his son. Andrew hesitated for a
couple seconds before he finally went. When he had them both wrapped
into his arms Mulder looked at me over their heads. His eyes were
shining with tears and he looked absolutely amazed.

I could read the question in his eyes and I answered him quietly.  
"The sickness when you left.  I still don't understand how."

Andrew looked back at me and then at Mulder again.  "Mommy, is Daddy
going to stay with us now?  Are the bad people gone?"

"Yes, son," Mulder answered, hugging them both again.  "The bad people
are gone."

I had to ask the next question, even though I knew my children
wouldn't understand.  "Can we go home, Mulder?"

He nodded his head, smiling softly at me.  "Yes.  And there are some
people that will be waiting for us when we get there."

I quirked my eyebrow up at him and he laughed a slightly hysterical
laugh.

"Your mother.  And surprisingly enough, Bill and Tara."

I smiled again, slowly standing back up.  "Come on, guys.  Let's go
home."


XXXXXXXXXX


Six months later
Mulder residence
Falls Church, VA


I am standing here watching them play.  I still can't believe it.  
After everything that happened I can't believe that we're together
again.  Or that we have children.  But we are.  Scully is with me and
we have picked up right where we left off.

We spent a lot of time in the beginning talking about what had
happened when we were apart.  I told her about Bill.  When I came home
and was immediately arrested Bill came to see me.  I told him the
truth.  And to my surprise he believed me.  He also helped me.  If it
weren't for him I don't know if I ever would have managed to clear my
name and prove I didn't kill Skinner.

And she told me about the children.  How she found out that her
sickness was because of her pregnacy.  She was so happy and so upset
at the same time.  She had tried to find me, but couldn't for fear of
someone tracking her down.  She told me that she went to that park
every day.  She never gave up on us.  And that gave me such joy.  To
know that our love survived all of that and is still so strong.

Andrew and Allison have adjusted well.  They are both very happy
children.  And they are both beautiful.  They seem to have accepted me
without any hesitation, even if I was absent for the first four years
of their lives.  It seems that my children share their mother's
capacity to forgive me.

"What are you thinking?"  Scully asks, slipping her arms around me and
laying her head on my back.

"I was just thinking how lucky I am," I answered softly.

"How lucky we all are," she says, raising her head and watching the
children playing in the yard.

"Yes.  All of us."

"I love you, Mulder," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"I love you, too, Scully," I answer, moving around to face her.  She
is still the most beautiful woman I've ever known and I tell her so.  
"You are so unearthly beautiful."

She grins and reaches up, her hand tugging gently on my neck.  I
gladly oblige, lowering my mouth to hers in a soft gentle kiss.  When
we move apart I smile softly.

Yes, life is good.  And we are the luckiest people alive.




THE END






























































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