Date: 26 Aug 1998 05:54:23 GMT
From: Jay1029 <jay1029@aol.com>
Subject: NEW: "Veritas Nullus" (01/12) XRA

Title - Veritas Nullus
Author - Janet
E-Mail address - Jay1029@aol.com
Rating - R for violence, content and language
Category - X, R, A
Spoilers - Mild references up to and including Fight the Future
Keywords - Rape, Alternate Universe, Mulder/Scully/Skinner friendship; 
Scully/other romance; Scully/Mulder UST
Summary -  Scully is raped in Mulder's apartment and Mulder is shot by 
her gun. Is he the assailant?
Disclaimer: Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, Walter Skinner, and the others don't 
belong to me.  They're property of Chris Carter and the respective 
actors/actresses that play them. I promise to put them back the way I 
found them after I'm done. ;)
Author's Note: The title, 'Veritas Nullus', means 'Trust No One' in Latin.
Also, 
this is my first fanfic, so please bear with me! Feedback is greatly
appreciated. 

Part (01/12)
September 2, 1998
Baltimore, Maryland
Time and exact location unknown

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here 
he's here he's here. . ." 

   Alexis Laine, 32, from Baltimore was coming home from a party in honor 
of her. Her latest novel, The Search For Cassie, had made the best seller list.

Alexis, her husband, Malcolm, and their various friends had been celebrating 
in The Spot. 

	Hours had past, no one noticing, as they had danced the night away. 
Malcolm, a cardiologist at the local hospital, had been called in, and had to 
leave early, taking their car with him. Alexis didn't mind too much; she knew
Malcolm was happy for her. Sometime throughout the evening, people made 
their departures, wishing Alexis more luck and congratulating her again. And 
when Sarah and Ray Anderson offered Alexis a ride home, she declined, 
pointing out what a wonderful evening it was outside and how her townhouse 
was a mere couple of blocks away. She headed out of The Spot, onto 82 
Street, smiling to herself, feeling wonderful about herself. 

Until he showed up.

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's
here he's here. . ." 

   Turning down an alley as a means of a shortcut, Alexis was pulled from 
behind by a man. She couldn't make out a face; this man was dressed all in 
black. It was no use to try and look anyway, the alley was dimly lit. She tried
to scream, but couldn't. He injected something into her arm and she could only 
picture what kind of horrible diseases she may have contracted from the needle.

	 Alexis thrusted her purse in the view of her attacker, but he simply threw
her to the ground, tearing off her clothes as he went. He kept hitting 
her, over and over, harder and harder with every stroke. No part of her now 
bare body was safe; his fists beat every inch he could get his hands on. 
She forced herself to look away from his eyes - those cold, steely blue eyes. 
And, after he had got what he wanted, he threw her aside like some rag doll,
waiting for the unknown substance he'd injected her with to take its course.

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's
here he's here. . ." 

   Alexis was found not too long afterward, shivering in what little clothing
she managed to salvage and cover herself with. She kept rocking back and forth,

with no expression at all on her face, repeating the words "He's here" as she
remained oblivious to what was going on around her. Anthony Mazzotta, who owned
the small Italian restaurant the next street over, found her, immediately
reporting what he saw to the local authorities. 

	He tried to communicate with her; the attempts all failures. Anthony decided
to reassure her that she would be okay, the police were on their way, 
but she couldn't hear him talking to her. She could only hear that raspy voice 
that *he* used. Alexis continued to rock back and forth as the police came,
their red and blue lights flashing on her slimly-covered skin. 

	"Sir?" called one of the officers.

Lieutenant Johnathan Smith stepped out of his car. "Yeah, Daniels, what've we 
got?"

	"It's another one, sir. Just like the one from Belvedere Heights." 

And Alexis continued to shake.

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's
here he's here. . ." 
______________________________________________________________
October 23, 1998
Georgetown Police Department
Georgetown, Delaware
9:44 PM

	"Here you are, Detective. These start back from June." A pile of 
folders were placed on the corner of Detective Ray Anderson's already filled 
desk. He sipped on his bitter-tasting coffee.

	"Thanks, Melanie."

	"Anything else, Ray?" The petite blonde turned around.

	"Has the hospital called back with anymore information on the victim yet?"

The blonde shook her head. "Her condition is still critical."

Anderson pressed his fingers against his throbbing forehead. Another girl, 
Gillian Spencer, was brought in that night, victim of the rape. The fifth one 
within a five month period. The department, along with that from surrounding 
cities where the other attacks, occurred were at a standstill, with no lead on 
the rapist and even less to connect the victims together. Each varied from the
other in size, ethnicity, hair color and age; yet, all of the attacks were the 
same. 

	"Still hard at work, I see," commented Detective Jack Burke. Burke 
was an older man who had been somewhat of a mentor  to Anderson in his
rookie days. "I taught you everything you know," he reminded him at least 
once a week.

	"Yeah," Anderson answered. "I'm busting my ass, trying to find something to
nail this guy."

	"Another one?"

	"Uh-huh." 

Burke sat and fumbled through an open file. Witnesses' statements and a 
handful of pictures, along with the background of the most recent victim,
interested him. He, too, had begun helping out with the ongoing investigation 
as to just what the hell was happening in Maryland. This file looked like 
Alexis Laine's, Tess Monroe's, Victoria Ward's, and Patricia Alden's 
before it. 

           "Her name is Gillian Spencer, 22, college student, on her way home 
from her evening jog. She was found out by the old docks on Sycamore by 
some teens just passin' by. Scared the shit out of them, long story short."

          "She's just like the others, Ray," Burke admitted, gravely.

          "And that's what's scaring the shit out of me right now." Anderson 
stood and paced. "I think we've got ourselves a serial rapist along the 
eastern Maryland area." Burke nodded. "I'm going to call Pete and see if he 
found anything usable." Picking up the phone, he dialed extension 0809. 
"Hey, Pete, it's Ray. Listen, about that shit we got from Gillian 
Spencer. . .Uh-huh. Yeah. You sure? No, that's fine. You know where to 
reach me if you do." Anderson kicked the side of his desk. "Dammit! Son of 
a bitch!" he swore.	
	
	"Pete find something? Hair? What?" Burke wondered, trying to 
gauge from Anderson's reaction.
	
	"Nothing."

Burke nearly catapulted out of his seat. "Nothing? He found nothing at all? 
Is he screwing with you or what?"
	
	"No, everything he found -- hair, blood, whatever - was the girl's."
	
	"How can that be? That's damn near impossible!"

Anderson frowned at him, plunging a hand in his sandy blonde hair. "It just 
became possible for the fifth consecutive time."
_____________________________________________________________
November 2, 1998
Annapolis General Hospital Emergency, waiting room
Annapolis, Maryland
11:13 PM

	Officer Kevin Phillips stood upon seeing the tall officer enter the 
waiting room. "Detective Anderson?"

The man nodded, offering his hand. The two shook and Phillips sat again. 

	"I'm sorry to call you out here at this hour, but --"

	"You said you had another one?" Anderson interrupted. He had 
gotten a fax an hour earlier and jumped in his car, racing to Annapolis. What 
he feared was that this maniac had struck again. His fears were confirmed 
by the look on Phillips' face.

	"Yeah, a Miranda Jakobs, 26, found in the park. I read about 
something similar happening in Georgetown less than a month ago."

	"And Baltimore before that, and Belvedere Heights and Hunt Valley before that.
This bastard just keeps going and going. Did they bathe her?"

Phillips shook his head affirmatively. "After the examination."

	"And, let me guess. They found nothing. No trace of hair other than 
her own, same goes for blood, tears, and other bodily secretions."

Phillips nodded again. "I wish I had more to go on, but I don't. Whoever this 
is, he's covering his tracks with precision that I've never seen before. And
I've 
seen many rapes in my 12 years here."

Anderson looked into the hallway, where the nurses and doctors buzzed 
around hurriedly in their soft-padded shoes. "He'll mess up sometimes. It's
inevitable. We just have to wait until he does."
_______________________________________________________________
December 23, 1998
J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building
Federal Bureau of Investigation Headquarters
X-Files Office
Washington, D.C.
8:05 AM

*~*~*
You come out at night, that's when the energy comes
And the dark side's light and the vampires roam
You live in a church, where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search for the ghosts in the halls.
You wear sandals in the snow and a smile that won't wash away.
Can you look out the window without your shadow getting in the way? 
You're so beautiful, with an edge and a charm and
And so careful when I'm in your arms.
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	"Merry Christmas, Mulder," Dana Scully said, cheerfully entering 
the new X-Files office. The man behind his desk stood to greet her. Dropping 
her briefcase on her new desk in the corner, she observed her lanky partner's 
tie with a laugh.

	"What?" Fox Mulder asked, looking down the front of him. Did he drop some of
that donut he had? Did he scatter sunflower seeds on his shirt? Was 
his fly open? "What's so funny?"

Scully walked around her desk, standing opposite her partner. With her right 
hand, she took hold of his tie to see the design more clearly; with her left,
she tightened it around his neck, as it hung loosely. Alien heads with Santa
Claus 
hats.<How truly Mulder> she thought with an inward laugh. "How appropriate," 
she said.

	"You think so?" Mulder flashed a grin to her. "It was either this or 
spaceships with reindeer. I thought this one was more ---"

	"Absurd?" she asked, adjusting her wire-rimmed glasses.

	" 'Festive' was the word I was looking for, Scully. 'Festive.' " Mulder turned
his back to her. 

	<What is he doing?> she asked herself. Turning back around, he 
had that grin on his face. The one that, well, indulged her un-partnerlike 
thoughts about him. Not that she had them very often. <Dana Katherine 
Scully!> a little voice within her called. <Who are you trying to kid?> 

	"Ahem, Scully, didn't you hear a word I said?"

His voice brought her back to the present, leaving her wondering whether or not

she'd been staring. God, she hoped not. He'd never leave that one alone. "Oh, 
hmm? I'm sorry, Mulder. What was it you said?"

	"Pucker up, Scullykins." That grin again! Scully sighed, her left hand 
still at the top of his tie by his neck.

	"Excuse me?"

His eyes simply drifted to the hat on his head. Attached was . . ."I believe
that 
is mistletoe. And, as tradition would have it, you have to kiss me." Uh-oh. The

'Scully' look, as Mulder called it. One skeptical eyebrow raised and 
lips pouty. 

	"Mulder. . ." she began, "would you like me to shoot you before or after you
open your presents?"

	"You know how I loves me some foreplay, Scully." He took off the hat, 
realizing her left hand still rested against his chest, her fingertips brushing
his 
neck. "Seriously, you got me some presents?"

	"No, that bag over there was for Skinner. Another way for me to suck 
up to the AD." She nodded in direction of the bag and Mulder's eyes followed.

	"I knew you liked me, Scullykins."

	"A few are from my mother. You know how she is. But, Mulder?"

	"Yeah?" His eyes didn't move from the bag overflowing with wrapped boxes. 

              <He looks like a little kid finding exactly what he wanted under
the Christmas tree> she mused silently."You ever call me 'Scullykins' again,
I'll 
shoot you, Mulder. I'll shoot you in a place they can't repair with modern
medicine." Again, she tightened his tie, laughing at him struggling to get air.

	"Sheesh, Scully. Touchy this morning, aren't we?" His face turned 
away. "Guess I won't be giving you your present today."

Scully licked her lips, going into the corner to retrieve the bag. "You didn't
have
 to buy me anything, Mulder," she said, softly.

	"You're right, I didn't," he replied, sitting on the corner of her desk, "but
I did." He handed her a box. "Be careful with that one."

	"This is for you, from my mom." She gave him a package of 
gingerbread alien heads and a box. Scully unwrapped her present from Mulder, 
a glass frame with a picture of Emily beside a picture of Melissa and her
father. 

	"Do you like it?" he asked. She nodded with a small smile. "Good," 
he said, handing her another box. "The pictures are for your desk." The next 
box contained a name plaque for the door. She fingered the lettering: Special
Agent Dana Scully, MD. "I was going to add 'And she can probably kick your 
ass, regardless of who you are, so watch your back' but I didn't think the door

was big enough." 

Scully laughed. She actually felt like an equal -- his equal -- in their
office. 
"Thank you, Mulder," she said, upon finding her voice. "They're wonderful."

	"And, to think, you were going to shoot me. Hmmph!" Scully laughed, 
shaking her head. Next, Mulder opened his presents. A picture of the two of 
them from Maggie Scully. "Hey, Scully, you're actually smiling in this one. I 
was beginning to wonder whether or not you had teeth." Mulder continued to 
look scrutinizingly at the picture in his hand. He wondered exactly where he 
was going to put it. Had to be at home; it wouldn't be too smart to put it on
his desk, out in the open. It would be like confirming the rumors about them.

*~*~*
You woke up screaming aloud, a prayer from your secret God,
you feed off our fears, and hold back your tears.
You give us a tantrum and a know-it-all grin,
just when we need one, when the evening's thin.
You're a beautiful, a beautiful fucked-up man,
You're setting up your razor wire shrine.
Cause you're working, building a mystery,
holding on and holding it in.
Yeah, you're working, building a mystery, 
and choosing so carefully.
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

 	Scully exhaled a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "Mulder, what
are you doing tomorrow night?"

Tomorrow night - Christmas Eve. Mulder knew exactly what he had planned:
dropping by to see the Gunmen for a bit, surfing the 'net, and watching a few 
movies until he fell asleep. "Um. . ." He watched his partner hide a smile, 
knowing exactly what she was referring to. Her and her mother both had been 
hinting at this since he spent Thanksgiving with them.

	"That's what I thought. You're not doing anything. You know, you could 
spend Christmas with us. . ."

	"I don't want to impose, Scully."

An eyebrow rose. "Since when are you, Fox Mulder, worried about that?" He 
didn't answer. "C'mon, it'll be fun."

Mulder's lips were drawn together as he thought. An entire weekend with her 
did seem appealing, but he didn't want to make himself look too obvious about
wanting to go. And, besides, it sure would beat the hell out of spending
Christmas 
by himself. "I'll make you a deal."

The eyebrow went up higher. "What kind of deal, Mulder?"

	"You know the Ball's in a couple of days. . ." He referred to the annual FBI
Ball that he always found an excuse to get out of.

	"And you're going this year," she interrupted.

	"I'll come to your mom's if you come to the Ball with me."

	"Mulder, are you asking me out on a date?"

He leered at her. "I'll buy you flowers if you wear something short and sexy."

	"I'll wear something short and sexy if you can handle it." She smirked at 
him. "I'm heading across the street for a bagel and coffee. I'll pick you up
something."

	"Nothing *you* would eat, Scully. I'm going through sugar withdrawal here."

	"Good," she picked up a card," it'll make you live longer." Scully handed the
card to him. "This is from me." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
"See you in a bit."

	Mulder watched her walk out the door before he opened the envelope. On the
front, it simply said 'Mulder.' The card itself - a Christmas scene with tree
decorations that he swore resembled alien heads - was more ornate. Opening 
the card, a picture fell out and landed by his feet. He retrieved it, not yet
looking, 
but reading Scully's message.

Her name is Samantha Anne Lewis; beside her is her eight-year-old son, Fox. I
wanted to tell you earlier, but, as always, I needed proof first. Samantha 
contacted me after recognizing you with me in the Post in July. We've only 
chatted briefly, but I haven't heard from her since August. I can't tell you
whether 
or not this is your sister; I can only hope. Mulder, even though this truth was

found, there are still many out there waiting for us to find them.
                                                     Merry Christmas 	
			
                                                              - Scully 
	Placing the card on the corner of his desk, he hesitantly turned over the 
picture. It was her - or it seemed to be. He could see himself in this woman;
memories of their last meeting - while Scully still battled her cancer -
displayed themself in his mind. How she said she'd *think* about keeping in
touch with him. And here, Scully had, without seeing her and relying on simple
word alone, brought him her address. Mulder bit back a cry. Scully had given
him what he had been asking for all these years now. . .the location of his
sister.

*~*~*
Funny how we feel so much, but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, oh, but we can't be heard.
So afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose.
Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night
Gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me light.
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

End of (01/12)

Part (02/12)

December 24, 1998
1029 Cedar Crest Terrace
Baltimore, Maryland
4:46 PM

*~*~*
A long December, and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last.
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, 
makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her.
-Counting Crows-
*~*~*
	"Fox!" Maggie Scully exclaimed upon seeing him. She was still the only 
person, besides his mother, he allowed to call him by his given name. He 
gently kissed her cheek with a smile. "Merry Christmas."

	"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Scully. This is for you." He placed a small wrapped box
in her hand.

	"Thank you, Fox." She ushered him inside and took his coat. "I'm so glad you
could make it."

	"Thanks for inviting me."

	"You know you don't need an invitation. You're always welcome here." 
Maggie gave him a warm smile, reminiscent of her youngest daughter's. "Can I 
get you something? Dinner should be ready soon."

	"Is Scul - Dana here? I wasn't sure when exactly to come, so --" Mulder was
interrupted by his partner's amused laugh. "Nevermind," he chuckled. "I think I
found her." He followed Scully's voice into the living room. Everything seemed
to 
be carefully decorated from the tree to the nativity set. This was the first 
Christmas in years he'd spent with a family; in the years following Samantha's
abduction, the Mulders saw no need for Christmas, as they had nothing to 
celebrate. But now, here he was with the Scullys - with Dana herself - and he
couldn't imagine any other place he'd rather be. There, separated from everyone

else in a corner with a drink in her hand, Scully was laughing with another
man. 
<And not just any other man> he thought, jaw immediately clenching. <Him.>
Scully was dressed elegantly in a tight black sweater with khaki pants, her
hair pulled back from her face. Mulder fumbled uncomfortably with his tie
before she turned and noticed him.

	"Mulder!" Her face lit up as she crossed the room to meet him. "I was 
beginning to think you wouldn't come."

He eyed the other man cautiously. "I can't stay long. Just came to gave your 
mother her present and say 'hi' to you."

	"Nonsense," she said, waving him off. "A storm's predicted for tonight. I'm
not letting you drive anywhere. You're stuck here." Scully saw the two men 
staring each other down. "Excuse my manners. Mulder, this is --"

	"--Nikolas Cavanaugh," he finished for her. Neither made the move to greet the
other.

The dark-haired man smirked. Nikolas hadn't changed much in the ten years 
since Mulder had last seen him; still dressed in expensive apparel, he looked 
like a model. "That would be Special Agent Nikolas Cavanaugh now. Except I 
don't humiliate the Bureau by looking for UFOs, Alien Boy."

Scully frowned. This wasn't how she expected her best friend and new boyfriend 
to react to each other. Mulder's face reddened slightly at the taunting. "You 
two. . .know each other?"

	"Unfortunately." Mulder turned to Maggie, who just entered the room. "Mrs.
Scully, I thank you for everything, but I need to head to Quonochotaug to visit
my mother." He smiled at Scully. "Merry Christmas." Retrieving his coat, he 
walked out of the house.

	"Dana," Maggie said, her eyes following the path Mulder just took.

Scully started after him. "Mulder, wait!" she called from the porch, shivering
in 
her sweater as the cool air whipped around her thin body.

*~*~*
Is it my turn to wish you were lying here?
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping.
Is it my turn to totally understand, 
to watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing?
So, take every little piece of my heart,
take every little piece of my soul,
take every little piece of my mind.
'Cause if you're gone. . .inside. . .I'd die without you.
-P.M. Dawn -
*~*~*

Mulder turned at her insistence. "Scully, you know better than to be out here 
without a coat. You're always yelling at me for it."

	"Dammit, Mulder. Stop bullshitting me with the medical lecture! What the hell
just happened in there?"

	"Didn't Nicky-boy tell you we're good friends?" he replied, sarcastically. 
Scully walked next to him, small flecks of white beginning to invade her red 
hair. "I gotta go now, Scully. Merry Christmas."

	"Mulder, wait." He did as she said, turning back once more. Her face 
softened. "Please don't go. I didn't mean to yell at you like that. It's just.
. .I'd 
really like it if you stayed here with me. I've been looking forward to this."

	"Scully, I know that, and that's why I can't stay. Because if I do, I'll just
end up ruining your holiday and I can't do that." She grimaced, knowing she
wasn't going to win this argument. "You should go back inside now before you
get sick. I don't want to have to come back in to work with you all bitchy."
She laughed a bit. "I'll call you."

She hugged him tightly. "Drive carefully. I don't want to get some call from
the 
middle of nowhere to come and identify your sorry ass," she said into his 
shoulder.

	"And, all this time I thought you liked my ass," he shot back. There they 
stood for a moment, briefly enjoying their closeness. 

	"Dana?" Nikolas called to her from the porch.

	"Better get going, *Dana*," he teased. "Wouldn't want to keep Nicky-boy 
waiting." 

She chewed on her lower lip. "Merry Christmas, Mulder." 

Mulder nodded and opened his car door. He saw Scully falter, wave him 
good-bye and then, enter the house in his rearview mirror. He sighed, hearing 
the winds pick up outside the car. <Time to head home> Mulder thought, <to 
spend Christmas alone. . .again.>
_____________________________________________________________
December 31, 1998
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, MD
10:29 PM

	Dana Scully examined at the woman staring back at her in the mirror. It 
wasn't hard-as-nails "Ice Queen" Special Agent Scully; it wasn't the 
no-nonsense Doctor Scully, either. It was Dana, the side of herself that didn't

come out very often. She picked up a brush from the corner of her dresser, 
running it one final time through her already perfect-looking auburn hair. 

	Scully complimented herself on the excellent job she did. The silver 
eyeshadow she'd swept on the lids of her eyes complimented the shimmering 
black and silver dress she wore along with the silver flowers laced through her

hair. She bit her lip, looking herself over once more. Was it too much?
Granted, 
she was wearing more makeup than usual and her clothing drastically changed, 
but did she look inappropriate? Groaning at the cellular phone as it rang, she 
knew it could only be one of two people -- her mother, raving on and on about 
how happy she was that 'Fox' was bringing her to the ball, or Mulder simply 
because. . .he was Mulder. It was the latter. "Scully?"

	"What are you wearing?" he said into her phone.

	"Mulder, what are you doing calling me? Aren't you supposed to be getting
ready? This better be for fashion advice." Frantically, she searched her
jewelry box for the silver amulet he gave her for her birthday last year.
Simple, yet sophisticated and elegant. <Just like you, Scully> he had said upon
giving it to 
her. He still hadn't answered her. "Mulder?" she repeated, her voice assuming 
an impatient tone, "didn't you hear me?"

	"Uh, yeah, Scully. . .listen, about this thing tonight. . ."

He could hear the frustration mount in her through the phone. "Uh-uh. Don't you

even think about it, Fox Mulder, because there is not one thing you can say
that 
can get you out of going tonight. Your usual antisocial behavior concerning 
annual festivities such as this is disturbing and uncalled for. Not to mention,
I 
always seem to get blamed for your absence."

	"Scully, that wasn't what I was going to say."

	"Oh," she said, simply. "What were you going to say, Mulder?"

	"I just wanted to make sure we were still on for tonight, that's all."

	"Yeah," she responded, adding sadly, "unless, of course, Agent Fowley 
has decided to join you." Ever since her miraculous recovery a few months ago,
Diana and Mulder were dating on and off. <Which makes you jealous to no end> 
the voice inside her supplied. 

<Me? Jealous? What's there to be jealous of? Mulder's happy with Diana, I'm 
happy with Nikolas. I'm not jealous> she answered. 

<Keep telling yourself that, Dana> the voice said.

Mulder winced at her name. "No, we're off again." He paused. "I was more 
concerned about you being taken by Nicky-boy."

	"No, he's out in the field," Scully answered, quickly.

	"On that note, open your door."

She fumbled quickly with one strand of red that kept falling into her eyes. "I 
can't right now."	
	"Why not?" He thought quietly for a moment. "Scully. . .at the risk of you
kicking my ass. . .are you naked?"

Deciding to join her partner on this little mind game, Scully replied, "Yeah, 
Mulder, I am."

	"Well, then, go open it already."

She herself didn't realize how much she was actually looking forward to this 
night until she heard him ringing the doorbell. Nervously, she came out of 
her bedroom, sighing as she opened her door. <Oh, wow.> As he stood before 
her, one hand behind his back, the other extending a bouquet of wild flowers 
with a lazy grin on his face, Scully was reminded of one of those male models. 
He looked so damn good, dressed in a black tuxedo with white shirt. <Oh, wow,
indeed.> She returned his smile. "Mulder, thank you," she said, hanging up 
her cell phone. 

	Mulder thought he was going to drop right then and there. <Damn.> This was
definitely the side of Scully he'd never seen before. From the silver flowers
in her hair to the way the skirt of her dress danced mesmerizingly around her
ankles, he thought she looked perfect. Pure perfection. "I'm disappointed,"
Mulder 
frowned, returning his cell phone to his pocket.

	"Why?" Scully looked down at herself, almost self-consciously. Her hair 
and makeup looked impeccable. And the dress her mother helped her pick out
hugged her curves nicely and accented the right parts. <It's the front> she
thought 
to herself. <It cuts down too low and it makes me look trashy.> 

<But then, that is what Mulder looks for in a woman> the voice reminded her.
She frowned, dropping her blue eyes, making a final decision. <He must think
I'm ugly.>

	"You're not naked," he joked. 

She just rolled her eyes, silently happy that it wasn't her appearance he was
disappointed in. 

	"Seriously, Scully, you look beautiful."

She came out of the kitchen, placing a glass vase of her mother's on her living

room table. "You think so, Mulder?"

	"Yeah."

	"Well, thank you. For the compliment and the flowers."

	"I had 'em lying around, so I figured you'd put them to better use then I 
would." He held out a linked arm to her. "Miss Scully, may I escort you to the 
Ball of the Federal Bureau of Investigation?"

She took his arm. "Yes, you may." She leaned over to whisper in his ear. "But,
Mulder, watch your roaming hands. I'm armed and dangerous." 

Mulder pulled away from Scully as they waited for the elevator doors to open. 
He studied her in the dress. 

	"And, stop trying to figure out where my gun is hidden," she called, walking
into the now-open elevator. 

He followed with a sly grin on his face.
_____________________________________________________________
	"What time is it?" Mulder asked, playing with his tie.

	"It's 11:37, Mulder. Why, you have some kind of hot date or something?" 
Scully joked.

	"No," he answered. "I'm just not in the mood to party."

She placed her hand over his to prevent him from messing with his tie any 
further. Peering closer, she saw that he chose to wear the one with reindeer 
pulling spaceships. "Why don't we find our table?"

	"Do we really have to?" He was almost whining at this point. She knew the
reason behind his reluctance of being there. Mulder had been the laughing stock
of the Bureau for quite some time now. His fellow agents mercilessly taunted
him, no one ever taking him or his work seriously. No one but her. "We could
always just say 'hello' to Skinner and head back to your place," he continued.
"I might even be willing to watch one of those girlie movies with you." Mulder
looked down at her, hoping she'd agree so they could leave. No such luck.

	Scully sat at the table in the corner, secluded from everything and everyone
else, much like them. 

	<At least, I'm alone with her> he mused silently. <Maybe tonight won't be so
bad after all.> Mulder forced a smile as Scully grinned reassuringly at him. 

	"You'll be fine, Mulder," she whispered. "Trust me."

*~*~*
You take me in, no questions asked
You strip away the ugliness that surrounds me.
And I don't understand how the touch of your hand. . .
how I would be the one to fall. . .
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	One by one, the agents scheduled to sit with them sat around the table, 
each greeting their colleagues and effectively excluding Mulder and Scully. He 
didn't mind; Scully was there and that's all he cared about. He thought, maybe,

just once, he wouldn't have to worry about his peers referring to him as -- 

	"Spooky!" Agent David Kane from Behavioral Sciences exclaimed. "We're at the
Spooky table, complete with Mr. and Mrs. Spooky!"

Mulder sighed, looking over to Scully, who clenched her jaw, silently casting
an 
icy glare with her crystal blue eyes. "Agent Kane," he replied. It was going to

be a long night.

	"Find any little green men lately, Scully?" Karyn Paxton of Violent Crimes
asked. "Those are probably the only ones in your life."

	"Mulder," Scully began through clamped teeth," will you dance with me?"

Nodding in her direction, he took her small hand in his and led her onto the 
dance floor. "Thank you," he said in a soft voice.

	Scully leaned into his sturdy frame, needing to feel him. She closed the 
distance between them, swaying to the music with her eyes closed. She hoped 
this -- the two of them, alone, as they liked it -- would calm him down. She 
hated those nicknames and hated what they did to him even more.

*~*~*
I'll leave you with your misery, a friend who won't betray.
I'll pull you from your tower, I'll take away your pain
Show you all the beauty you possess, 
if you'd let yourself believe that we are born innocent. . .
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	Mulder rested his cheek against hers for the first time. The heels she wore
added to her diminutive size, allowing her more height than just barely
reaching his chin. 'Mr. and Mrs. Spooky' continued to ring out in his mind. He
disliked their joked about Scully and they knew it. Her hands linked behind his
neck; he could smell the fruity fragrance that exuded from her. Shutting his
eyes 
and holding her to him, he lost himself in her scent, in her warmth, in her.

*~*~*
In your eyes -- the light the heat
in your eyes -- I am complete
in your eyes -- the resolution
in your eyes -- of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes -- I see the light and the heat
in your eyes -- I wanna be that complete
in your eyes -- I wanna touch the light, the heat I see
in your eyes . . .
-Peter Gabriel-
*~*~*

	They'd been dancing for what seemed like hours, never loosening their grip on
each other as the songs faded. They found comfort in each other; no one 
existed in their world but Mulder and Scully. Someone tapped on Mulder's 
shoulder, breaking the spell he was hesitant to relinquish, as the song came to

an end. Faltering, he slowly opened his eyes to reveal an obviously drunken 
Agent Kane. "May I?" he asked. He looked at Scully; she nodded her approval, 
not needing to say much more than that.

			<I'll be fine, Mulder.>

			<Are you sure?>

			<Yes. If I need you, I'll let you know.>

	The silent communication their eyes conveyed broke when Assistant 
Director Walter Skinner approached him, clearing his throat. "Glad you and 
Agent Scully could make it, Agent Mulder," he said.

	"Wish I could say the same, sir," Fox replied, dryly. His eyes searched 
the crowd for Scully and Agent Kane; no sign of them anywhere. "Not like we 
had a choice in the matter, regardless."

	"You know, Agent Mulder, if you wouldn't be so damn cynical all of the time
and loosen up, you might find yourself having fun." With that, his superior
left. 

Mulder instantly caught view of an unhappy-looking Scully. Agent Kane pulled 
her closer every time she pushed him away. Locking eyes with her, Mulder 
headed back onto the dance floor.
______________________________________________________________
	Scully had to restrain herself from slugging this self-righteous bastard as 
his hands roamed around her body. She didn't want to cause a scene, so she 
simply pushed his hands off and distanced herself from him. "Stop," she said, 
firmly.

	"So, the Ice Queen freezes again," he slurred. "You didn't look so frigid in
Spooky's arms."

Scully felt the tears of humiliation rising, accompanied by the lump in the
back of 
her throat. His hands again found their way back to groping her body. "Stop
it!" 
she said, louder this time, causing people, including Skinner, to turn and take

notice.

He leered down the front of her dress. "You're an X-File all your own. 'The
Case 
of the Iron Maiden: The Most Unresponsive Bitch Ever to Enter the FBI.' " 
Dropping his voice, he added, "What's Spooky's secret? We all know you let 
him break in your chastity belt. Are you into that alien shit? Or do his
special 
powers turn you on?" Agent Kane bent down and kissed her savagely on the lips. 
He tasted of alcohol and instantly, Scully punched him, running onto the
terrace 
with Mulder behind her. 

Skinner grabbed him by the shoulders. "When Agent Scully said 'stop,' she 
meant it," he seethed. "And, if I catch you harassing my agent once more, I 
will personally kick your ass, if Agent Mulder doesn't get to you first." He
left, 
going towards the terrace.
_______________________________________________________________
	She hated crying. It was a sign of weakness, a sign of helplessness, and she
wasn't either of the two. Still, the hot beads of water fell from her eyes in 
two straight lines. She heard Mulder come out onto the terrace, reluctant to
approach her.

	"Scully?"

She turned, bottom lip quivering as it had after the Donnie Pfaster incident,
and, 
in three steps, he was there beside her, unsure if she wanted his comfort, but
offering it unconditionally. "I guess it's my turn to thank you," she
whispered.

	"I'm just sorry I didn't get there sooner." A silence lurked between them; it
wasn't an uncomfortable one. Their foreheads touched, each with eyes closed.
"What did he say to you, Scully?" Her arms snaked around him and they 
resumed the position they had not too long ago. His warmth immediately 
replenished her.

	"It doesn't matter," she sniffled. To the right of them, back inside the 
ballroom, they could hear them counting down to midnight, but neither turned 
to observe.

	"Ten!"

	"Scully, I just wanted to tell you --"

	"Nine!"

	"-- that I'm sorry."

	"Eight!"

	"Don't apologize, Mulder. You didn't do anything."

	"Seven!"

	"Goddamn him for ruining tonight for you. I know you were looking forward to
the ball, even if I wasn't."
	
	"Six!"
	
	"He didn't ruin anything." She pulled away slightly to look into his hazel 
eyes and reconfirm what she'd just said with her blue ones.

	"Five!"

	"Really?"

	"Four!"

	"Yeah, Mulder, really. Tonight has been wonderful. More so than I even 
expected. My hand just hurts a little." 

	"Three!"

He chuckled a little, kissing her red hand. "My little slugger."

	"Two!"

	"Mulder?"

	"One!"

	"Yeah, Scully?"

	"Happy New Year!" The agents inside began singing and kissing one 
another. 

Scully stood on her tiptoes, holding Mulder's head as she once did 
before. "Happy New Year," she whispered huskily, before pressing her lips to 
his innocently. Right as their mouths joined, fireworks erupted above them, 
lighting up the sky with numerous colors. Skinner walked away with a smile on 
his face. And, this time, there was no bee to interrupt.

End of (02/12)

Author's note:
"A Long December" by Counting Crows
"I'd Die Without You" by P.M. Dawn
"Sweet Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan
"Adia" by Sarah McLachlan
"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel 
were also used without permission. No infrigement intended.

Part (03/12)

January 2, 1999
West Forty-Sixth Street
New York City, New York
12:28 PM

	A meeting of a group of older men convened. A gray-haired one lit up a 
cigarette in the foreground. The men around him watched, waiting for him to 
speak. He inhaled, then exhaled slowly, almost deliberately, knowing of their
nervousness. "You know why I called this, don't you?" he spoke to no one in 
general. 

A gentleman with a British accent stood. "I have come up with a way to rid us 
of. . .our problem." He was young, perhaps the youngest one there, and his
impatience made the smoking man scowl. 

	"In time, in time, young man," he silenced. Another puff from the cigarette.
"The X-Files have been reopened, much to my dismay."

	"I thought you took care of that." An older man called from the corner. He was
large and his gaze fixed on the smoking man was lethal.

	"I did. And now, I must take care of it again. Sir?" He motioned to the 
young man. "What is this plan you speak of?"

	"We can close down the X-Files permanently."

	"How?" The large man in the corner spoke again, eager to hear of this plan and
put it into effective action as soon as possible. Mulder was nosing around
again in places where he didn't belong and Scully, ever the loyal partner, was
doting behind him.

The young British man cleared his throat. "A case has been brought to Mulder's
attention that can lead to their downfall."

	"How can you be so sure of this?" The smoking man spoke again, after 
taking another drag from the cigarette.

	"That redhead partner of his is his primary weakness. He has proven time and
time again he will sacrifice for her. Same goes for him. We simply 
construct another obstacle."

The smoking man's lips turned upward. This young Brit had potential. "What do 
you suggest?" 

The young man spoke energetically, outlining what had to be done, as the older 
men listened around him. He spoke slowly, making sure they understood, but
quickly, so the plan could be activated. As he stopped, all turned to the 
smoking man for his decision. 

He put out his cigarette in a nearby ash tray. "Phase one, effective 
immediately." Reaching for his pack of Morley's, he lit another cigarette just 
as quickly and walked out of the room with a smile on his face.
_____________________________________________________________
January 11, 1999
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, Maryland
9:58 PM

*~*~*
I got my heart but my heart's no good 
And you're the only one that's understood
The more I give to you, the more I die.
And I want you, you are the perfect drug
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you, everything just falls apart.
Without you, everything falls apart,
without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*

	Scully rummaged through the files her partner placed on her desk. Pushing her
glasses up further on her nose, she listened to the rhythmic clanking of the
keyboard behind her, made by Mulder working on her laptop. A rapist had already
attacked five victims, all in the Maryland area and was still not 
apprehended. This seemingly usual case, however, turned into an X-File when 
the only connection between the victims was the state they were each found 
in. Each appearing to be suffering from some kind of psychosis, albeit a 
temporary one, found repeating the phrase "He's here" incessantly. This 
psychosis inevitably passes within a half hour, according to various witnesses,

and no memory of the rape is recalled, therefore, sparking her partner's 
interest. Scully briefly glanced over, noticing the man a mere two feet away 
from her on the floor, jumping into this with an intensity rarely seen by her 
before, even from him.

	"Whatcha thinkin' about, Scull?" he asked, pulling her out of her reverie. It
had been three hours, the clock now saying ten o'clock, since Mulder had 
appeared on her doorstep, file in hand, and that look in his eye; most of that 
time was spent in silence as Scully and Mulder each searched for some 
meaning in the case.

	"Have you even read through these files? Nothing adds up." She nodded in their
direction, taking another sip of her coffee - milk, no sugar. Who was she
kidding? Her partner with the eidetic memory had those files categorized in 
some special compartment for later use in that mind of his. Not waiting for an
answer, she answered his unspoken question. "You know how I feel about this 
sort of thing. Disgusting. Thoroughly disgusting." Scully stood and stretched
her arms above her head, her T-shirt lifting up to expose her stomach. Closing
her 
eyes, she placed a hand on the nape of her neck, massaging it to try and
relieve 
the throbbing muscles that screamed out at her every move. Tonight was a long 
night and they still had come up with nothing. All the while, Mulder had been 
staring. Scully opened her eyes, catching him in the act. "What?"

	He simply smiled, stretching his legs under the coffee table. "I think I just
got turned on, Scully." Mulder played the thought of her revealed, white
stomach in his head. 

She sat on her couch and threw a pillow at him, just missing his head. "You're 
lucky I don't throw you up against that wall over there and shoot you."

	"Oooh, Scully, you know what I like . . . " He threw her a suggestive grin 
before turning back to the screen. 

She moved over on the couch to kick him . . .  hard. 

	"So, back to your thoughts regarding this case. Got any theories?" Leaning
back against the couch, he rested his head near her thigh.

	"Are you actually going to be serious?" She raised her eyebrow skeptically at
him.

	"I always am." His response urged a sigh from her. "Enlighten me with your
infinite wisdom, oh great Doctor Scully."
___________________________________________________________
	"I agree with that detective, um, Anderson? I think it's a --" Scully 
stopped, feeling that familiar warm liquid flowing from her nose.

	"Oh - Scully!" Mulder bolted upright. 

Blindly, almost unconsciously, she lifted the first two fingertips from her
left 
hand to the area above her upper lip, pulling them away to examine. Both were
instantly crimson-colored. Blood. She was having a nosebleed. Scully laid back 
on her couch as Mulder obediently went to go retrieve a washcloth. 

	"Hold on a sec, Scully," he said. 

Blood was everywhere - appearing on the front of her shirt, on her hands and 
she could taste it building in the back of her throat. 

	"Okay, okay, I'm here." Mulder pulled her hands from her face, replacing it
with the wet cloth. She turned her head to the side; she was beginning to feel 
faint. "Scully? Scully, you with me here?" Her eyelids fluttered, but she could

offer him no response. "Scully?" Her arms began to move underneath him; the 
rest of her following the motions soon after. "Scully?" Her open eyes rolled
back 
into her head.
	
	<She's seizing> he told himself. He tried to keep her as still as possible so
she wouldn't hurt herself, but an arm unexpectedly snaked out and crashed into
the table, making a loud sound. The convulsions subsided as rapidly as they 
came; her eyes looked into his, still trying to focus. "Scully?" The only thing

going through his mind was what had just happened. Images kept replaying,
themselves like an ongoing movie. <Her cancer has come back> he thought, 
recalling the horrendous nosebleed. <It's come out of remission.> "I'm going to

call your mother, Scully. She'll know what to do."
	
	"Mul. . .Mullllllder," she whispered. 

He learned closer to her to hear better. The blood and convulsions had stopped,

but for how long? And what even triggered them? He didn't like this - their
roles 
as doctor and patient reversing - and he was helpless. 

	"Don't. . .don't call. . .Mullllllder." Her breathing was raspy, but back to 
normal, he suspected.

	"Are you sure, Scully? I mean, you just had a nosebleed and something 
that could've been a seizure. I'm not sure." Mulder felt her forehead, thinking

back to when he had touched it earlier as he gave her the washcloth. "Jesus, 
Scully, you're burning up! Let's go. I'll drive you to the hospital and --"

	"No," she said, her voice regaining the strength it was deprived of. "No, I
like it when we play doctor, Mulder."

He smiled in spite of himself. Mulder's heart was beating like continuous
thunder 
in his chest. He had, in his career as an FBI agent, seen the tortured victims
of 
serial killers, various mutants and mutations, and even people infected with
gruesome diseases that are unheard of in the realm of science, but seeing 
Scully covered in her own blood, having convulsions, and unable to hear him or 
know he was even there was by far the most terrifying sight of them all. "Okay,
Scully, no doctor."

	"Thank you," she threw him a half-smile. Scully's skin was beginning to 
turn pale, most likely, he knew, from the amount of blood she lost. "I'm fine, 
Mulder, really. Just a little queasy and weak, that's all. " Upon seeing the
look 
on his face, she clarified, "which are all perfectly normal responses to what
just happened, Mulder."

He simply nodded in agreement; she was the doctor and she knew. "Could 
you - Scully, could this have happened due to pregnancy?"

	"No, no," she said with a slight laugh. "This has nothing to do with 
pregnancy." She then answered his unspoken question. "No, I didn't sleep 
with him yet." Scully tried to sleep up, feeling the nausea build. "Whoa."

	"Hey, take it easy. Here," Mulder lifted her carefully, trying  not to upset 
her stomach anymore than it already was, "off to bed." In his arms, she 
weighed next to nothing. He tucked her in with a grin. "I'm going to crash on 
your couch tonight. See you tomorrow morning, Scully, bright and early."

*~*~*
I could lose my heart tonight if you don't turn and walk away
'Cause the way I feel I might lose control and let you stay
'Cause I could take you in my arms and never let go
I can only wonder how touching you would make me feel
But if I take that chance right now tomorrow will you want me still
So I should keep this to myself and never let you know
I could fall in love with you
And I know it's not right so I guess I should try to do what I should do
But I could fall in love with you
-Selena-
*~*~*

Mulder started to move, but Scully's hand reached out and grabbed him by the 
arm. "No, sleep in here. . .with me," she said, weakly.

This made him laugh. "You hitting on me again, Scull? Three times in one night.
 I feel so violated."

She smiled, her eyelids slowly falling. "Of course I'm hitting on you, Mulder. 
You're my favorite partner."

	"I thought you'd never ask." He climbed in bed next to her and she 
settled against him. He could feel heat radiating from her feverish skin. "But
I 
don't understand."

	"I just. . .I would feel more safe with you in here. . .with me. Is that too 
much to ask?"

	"No, not at all." He paused, looking down at her. "Are you. . .are you 
scared about being on this, Scully? I mean, cause if you are, it's 
understandable. We could always get other agents on it or I can handle it 
myself. Just say the word and it's done."

	"Not a chance, G-man. This is our case and our responsibility to catch this
guy. Besides, no one will put up with you like I do." He felt her smile. 
"G'night, Mulder."

	"Night, Scully." Oh, God. How did he get himself into this? He had to admit,
he was relieved that she trusted him enough to admit he made her feel safe. And
he was thankful for that, really, he was. But it didn't necessarily mean they
should sleep in the same bed. The same bed! <Dammit> he swore at himself,
shifting so she wouldn't feel his erection. <She needs your help, not your
raging hormones!> Reaching over, he turned off the bedside lamp, settling back
into the pillows. Scully's flaming hair was fanned out on the pillow underneath
her and, perhaps for one of the first times, he saw her without makeup. Even
without the basic coloring she wore daily, she was breathtakingly beautiful. <I
love her> he told himself as she snuggled closer to him, putting a hand on his
cheek. Scully mumbled something and pulled his face to hers so that their heads
touched. <I really do love her.>

*~*~*
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping, far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together and I just wanna stay with
you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you, right here with you just like this.
I just wanna hold you close
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time.
-Aerosmith-
*~*~*

End of (03/12)

Author's note:
"The Perfect Drug" by Nine Inch Nails
"I Could Fall In Love With You" by Selena
"I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith
were also used without permission. No infrigement intended.

Part (04/12)

January 12, 1999
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, Maryland
8:31 AM

*~*~*
We're partners in crime, you've got that certain something
What you give to me, takes my breath away
-Aerosmith-
*~*~*

	Maggie Scully unlocked the door to her daughter's apartment, expecting to find
her up and about. She walked in, hearing no one and deciding Scully was asleep.
'What happened here last night?' she wondered. Two drops of red were 
on the carpet, a couple more staining the couch. An older sweatshirt hung over 
the back of the recliner. Files labeled with an X strewn over the table,
pictures exposed, with sneakers underneath the table. A coffee mug was on
Scully's 
usually tidy desk, but even that had various folders covering it. Maggie walked

into Scully's bedroom. She could make out her daughter's sleeping form 
and. . .Mulder? Yes, it was him. She could recognize that face anywhere. 
Scully lay with her head on his chest, her lower limbs entwined with his.
Mulder rested his chin atop her head and wrapped his long forearms around her
torso. Maggie, who was shocked by this very un-partnerlike show, was pleased
nonetheless to see her daughter and the man she'd come to consider as her 
third son in this compromising position of sorts. 

Mulder stirred, stretching, mindful of a still-asleep Scully. He smiled down on

her before noticing her mother in the doorway, returning his smile. "Mrs.
Scully!" 
he said, removing himself from Scully. He rose from the bed. 

Maggie laughed inwardly as he continued to act like a teenager caught by his
parents. "Hello, Fox."

He looked to Scully - almost for help - before bringing Maggie into the
kitchen. 
"Mrs. Scully. . ." He wasn't quite sure how to word what he wanted to say. "Me 
and Scully. . .we. . .it's not what you think."

	"And what is it you think I think, Fox?"

	"That we. . .well, that we slept together. Which we did," he said, quickly 
adding, "but not like that."

	"You don't have to explain what went on between you and Dana to me."

	"But I feel the need to." Mulder ran a hand over his sleep-tousled hair in 
attempts to tame it. "Scully. . .got sick last night and she made me stay over.

That's it."

	"I believe you, Fox," Maggie said, putting a hand over his to steady it. "Can
I admit something to you?"

	"Okay."

	"I'm glad I found you in Dana's bed rather than that Nikolas fellow."

Mulder grew a shade of red. "What are you doing here this morning? Was 
Scully expecting you? I can leave, if you want."

	"Oh, no," she replied. "I just stopped over on my way to the airport. I wanted
to see Dana before I left to visit Charles."

	"Ah, the Scully missing in action," he said with a laugh. "I could wake her
for you."

	"No, that's not necessary." Maggie stood. "You could just tell her I was here
and that I'll call her when I'm situated."

	"I will. Have a nice trip, Mrs. Scully."

Maggie hugged the reluctant Mulder. "Thank you." She knew not to take offense 
to his reluctance, a lesson she learned before, and she didn't. "And, Fox?"

	"Yes?"

	"I'm glad you stayed with Dana last night when she was sick. She's so 
damn stubborn sometimes about everything. You're always good with her."

	"I try to be." He kissed her forehead and she was out the door. "Goodbye."

*~*~*
You lay down beside me then, you were with me every waking hour
so close I could feel your breath
You know if I leave you now, it doesn't mean that I love you any less
it's just the state I'm in, I can't be good to anyone else like this
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	Mulder's running had become therapeutic for him; he ran when they were 
solving a case to help him formulate theories, calm him down or just to clear 
his head. That morning, he ran to do all three. As the bright sun shone through

the bedroom window, he continued to watch the petite redhead sleep. He 
enjoyed doing this, a private moment he allowed himself on occasion. Scully 
looked so small between the surrounding mountains of pillows and blankets, 
almost like a child in her parents' bed. He laughed to himself, thinking how
she 
would kill him for doing this if she knew. She stirred against her pillow with
a 
quiet moan, but didn't wake. He grinned and walked back into the kitchen.

*~*~*
I remember the nights I watched as you lay sleeping
Your body gripped by some far away dream
Well I was so scared and so in love then
And so lost in all of you that I had seen
Blessed our bodies would lay so entwined
I remember when you left in the morning at daybreak
So silent you stole from my bed
To go back to the one who possesses your soul
And I back to the life that I dread
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*
	
	Scully followed the scent of cinnamon and bananas into her kitchen. <Mom> she
thought. What she found was Mulder clad in wet hair, a pair of black 
jogging pants and oven mitts. She had never seen him like this before. It was
so,
 so, so. . .she didn't know. 

<Perhaps 'arousing' is the word you're looking for, Dana> the voice inside her
head supplied. 

<Shut up> she silenced it. "You're a man of many talents, aren't you?" she
laughed.

He turned around at the sound of her voice, giving her a lopsided grin. "You
know 
it," he joked. "I made some banana bread. Hope you like it."

	"Mmm, my favorite," she mused, "although I'm curious as to why you've 
never cooked for me before."

	"You never asked before," he said, placing a piece in front of her. 

She looked at him in confusion as he held his open palm to her forehead, and,
then, to her cheek. 

	"You feeling better?"
	
	"What do you mean?"

	"Well, after last night --"

Her eyes widened. After last night? What happened last night? She closed her 
eyes, racking her mind, trying to find some memory as to what happened. 
<Mulder came over> she remembered, <and we were speculating on that case 
and then. . .and then. . .> And then, what? She opened her eyes. Nothing. 
She couldn't remember anything until she had recently woke up. Had they 
slept together? Yes, she recalled, thinking how both sides of her bed were
slept 
in. But had they had sex? By the look on his face, she couldn't tell. Wouldn't 
she have remembered, though, if they had? "Mulder," she began, not sure of 
how to ask.

	"I really think you should see a doctor, Scully. You were pretty 
exhausted afterwards. I know it's been a long time and all, but still. I'm 
surprised you're not sore."

She felt a blush creeping up on her cheeks. They had done it. <I don't believe 
this!> she thought. She fantasized for a good portion of their partnership
about 
having sex with him, and, now that they had, she didn't even remember it! 
"Mulder," she repeated, dropping her gaze, "maybe we ought to talk about 
what happened last night."

	"No need to, Scully. It happens." He ran a hand over his drying hair. It
didn't help any; his hair continued to stick out in every direction. "I just
hope it never happens again."

She looked up at him, amazed and hurt. Okay, so she wasn't exactly the 
Bambi or Detective White type, but he didn't have to be so forthcoming with his
disappointment. Her lips pressed tightly together; she could feel her eyes
filling 
with tears. Damn him. Damn him straight to hell. Damn him for disregarding her
feelings. Damn him for telling her straight to her face that he hopes they
never 
have sex again. And damn him even more for fulfilling her deepest fears of his
rejection of her. "Trust me, it won't. Ever again." Her feeling of hurt was
instantly replaced by anger. He was making her cry. <Asshole> she said to
herself as two tears fell. She swatted at them, so mad she could hardly stand
it. She wanted 
to go over to him and hit him. Hit him hard so he could feel the pain he made 
her feel. Damn him. <Standing there, back turned. He doesn't even want to look 
at me!> she said to herself.

	"Good. Scully, that was horrible. I mean, I'm not used to that kind of stuff.
I'm glad you didn't wake up in the middle of the night doing that," he
chuckled. "I don't know what I would've done." Mulder looked over to her,
expecting a smile from her, too, but only seeing a mixture of hurt and anger on
her face. Not to mention the tears that she furiously brushed aside. "Scully?
What's wrong? It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

Scully pushed the arm he put around her shoulders. "I get the idea, Mulder, 
geez! You are the absolute biggest asshole I've ever met!"

<Uh-oh> he warned himself. <Scully cursing is never a good sign.> "What did I 
do, Scully?"

	"You came over last night to work on a case, but that's not all you were 
after, huh?" she continued.

<What was she talking about?> "I don't understand." His hazel eyes blazed 
with puzzlement.

	"You don't understand? Mulder, Jesus Christ! How much more dense can you get?"
She placed her hands on her hips. <Better here than around his neck> she
thought. "I understand you weren't exactly pleased with what happened 
between us last night, but do you have to be so honest about it? God, Mulder, 
you didn't have to tell me how bad of a fuck I was."

His eyes grew wide. "Scully, that's what you think happened last night?"

<Not that tone> she thought to herself. <I hate that fucking condescending 
tone.>

"Mulder, I'm not stupid. Of course that's what happened."

	"You don't remember." His eyes conveyed his concern. "Scully, we slept
together, but not like. . .that. We didn't have sex?"

Her anger began to subside. "We didn't?"

	"No."

	"Then. . .what?"

	"You had a nosebleed. A pretty bad one. And then you went into some kind of
seizure," he grimaced, reminded of the sight. "That's what I was talking 
about. I stayed because you freaked me out."

	"And that's all?"

	"That's all. I barely touched you, if that makes you feel any better."

	"Mulder, I --" God, how could she have possibly thought that? She felt so
ashamed. "I'm sorry."
	"Don't apologize." He smiled to reassure her. And then, in typical Mulder 
fashion, he joked, "I think we still need to work on the drooling, Scull. I
woke up 
with a puddle on my chest."

She shook her head with a smile. He still messed with that piece of hair that 
always fell into his eyes. Reaching up, she gently put it back into place. He 
trembled slightly at her soft caress. She thanked him, without words, for
staying 
with her, taking care of her when she was sick, for other things she couldn't 
quite say aloud yet. From behind them, someone cleared their throat, annoyed,
destroying the moment. Scully dropped her hair and whipped around. Nikolas 
stood in the doorway, arms across his chest, staring directly at Mulder. <Why
is 
he so mad?> she thought. Their touch had been innocent and yet. . .

	"Why am I not surprised to find you here, Spooky?" he started.

Mulder sighed, looking down at her. "Maybe I should get going now, Scully."

	"No, stay. You haven't even eaten yet."

	"I'll pick something up on the way home." He threw on his sweatshirt that was
draped over the back of Scully's recliner. "I'll call you later."

	"Mulder, no." She stood in front of the door. "We still have a case to talk 
about."

	"He stayed over last night, didn't he?" Nikolas fumed. "So, that's why you
called me last night, Dana, telling me not to come over. Cause you had other 
plans with Spooky!"

	"That's enough!" she exclaimed. She was really tired of coming between 
Mulder and Nikolas and she hated explaining herself everytime Nikolas found 
them together.

	"Scully wasn't feeling well last night. So, back off, Cavanaugh. She doesn't
need to be fighting with you."

	"I bet you made her all better, huh, Spooky? I just want to know when 'covet
thy partner' became part of FBI protocol."

	"Go home, Nikolas," Scully said. "Come back later. I can't deal with this 
right now." She swayed slightly, her head pounding with a growing headache. 
Nikolas remained. Closing her eyes as she tried to will the pain away, she 
clung to a nearby table for support.

	"You heard her, Cavanaugh. Get out." The two had a visual war before 
Nikolas gave up and left. "You alright, Scully? Need some aspirin or 
something?"

	"I'm fine, Mulder," she whispered.

	"Now, where have I heard that before?" He ushered her over to the couch. "Now,
lay down for awhile."

	"But the case --"

	"--will still be there when you wake up. You're not going to win this one, 
Scully, and I don't feel like fighting cause I'm hungry. So, just take my
advice, 
and lay down."		

	"Yes, Dr. Mulder," she replied, closing her eyes.

*~*~*
If I could see into your heart  then would I know just where to start.
Cause I'm lost and I need to be found.
Crazy as it sounds...I need you around.
If I could stand to be on my own then I would probably just leave you alone.
But I'm gonna feel this way till I'm six feet underground, crazy as it
sounds...I need you around.
Turning, tossing, and turning...my love is burning me down. 
If I could change one thing in this world, I'd change your mind and make you my
girl.
-Smoking Popes-
*~*~*

End of (04/12)

Author's Note:
"Cryin' " by Aerosmith
"Wait" by Sarah McLachlan
"I Will Not Forget You" by Sarah McLachlan
"I Need You Around" by the Smoking Popes
were used without permission. No infrigement intended.

Part (05/12)

February 23, 1999
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, Maryland
7:09 PM

*~*~*
Blue eyes, ooh, I love blue eyes.
When I'm by her side, where I long to be,
I will see blue eyes laughing in the sun,
laughing in the rain.
Baby's got blue eyes, and I am home again.
-Elton John-
*~*~*

	Mulder poised his hand on Scully's apartment door, stopping before he 
knocked. He heard what sounded like muffled crying. 'Scully - crying?' he
thought 
to himself. Mulder debated whether or not to go in, upon hearing her cry.
Perhaps
he should just wait until she was finished. That way, he wouldn't invade her 
personal space. But he felt the need, as he always did, he guessed, to comfort 
her, not as her partner, but as her best friend. As she would do for him, he 
reminded himself endlessly. Shifting the bag of a movie, light popcorn, and 
her presents to his left arm, he dug into his coat pocket for her key.
Inserting 
it, he noticed the door was already unlocked. He entered, not seeing Scully
anywhere. "I brought a movie, Scully. I figured, if you weren't doing anything,

we could watch it. I even brought you light popcorn." He held up the box, as to

entice her. Nothing - no movement, no sound, no Scully. He began to worry. 
Maybe something was wrong, she was in trouble and couldn't answer his calls.
"Scully, you home?" He walked into her living room, finally seeing a cloud of
red contrasting the blue and white plaid of the couch. "Scully, you okay?"

	She sat up at the sound of his voice, trying to look away so he wouldn't see
her cry. Trying to build up the walls that she so carefully constructed for
times 
like these. Trying to hide her feelings so they wouldn't be ridiculed, as most
were 
in the past. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" Her voice was still a bit wary 
from her bout of crying. Scully hoped he didn't notice as much as she did.

	"I come bearing gifts." He held up the bag for her to see, his joke not having
the comedic value he'd hoped. His face took on a concerned look. "Scully, 
what's wrong? Even I don't cry on my birthday. Is it some getting old thing? 
You're only 35." Scully didn't confide in him easily, mostly due to the barrier
of confidentiality she thought was necessary, but he hoped this time would be 
different. And, if not, at least his concern would show.

	"Mulder, are you happy for me?"

Not knowing to what she was referring, he sat opposite her on the coffee table.
Scully looked as though she was internally struggling with something. Her guard

was visibly down now. "What do you mean?" he started carefully, in hopes that
maybe - just maybe - she'd let him in.

	"I know you and Nikolas don't get along well. Something happened in 
Oxford --"

	"Scully, that was a long time ago. It shouldn't be affecting you."

	"I know, but let me finish. Are you happy for me and Nikolas?" Her azure 
eyes remained focused on her intertwined hands resting in her lap. Mulder 
hated it when she turned her eyes away from him; he could tell something was
wrong. Scully continued to look down, avoiding all eye contact with him,
knowing 
he could read her if he saw her eyes.

	"Scully, it doesn't matter. What I think of him, professionally or personally,
isn't important."

	"You're wrong, Mulder. It matters to me," Scully said, finally lifting her
eyes to meet his hazel ones. He'd broken past her walls and all was revealed to

him through her eyes. Fear and sadness were apparent behind those blue 
pools. "What you think is very important to me. You're my best friend, Mulder, 
my only friend," she emphasized.

*~*~*
See, I don't believe in the sorcerers or the preachers,
I just believe in you.
And I don't believe in the scholars or the wise men,
I just believe in you.
-Collective Soul-
*~*~*

	Mulder chewed his bottom lip uncomfortably. He couldn't tell her no, he 
hated Nikolas for successfully stealing both Phoebe Green and her from him or 
no, because she deserved better. He couldn't tell her no, because he himself 
had fallen for her along the way and the thought of another man with her made 
him sick. He could only tell her one thing - a lie. And he hated his options.

*~*~*
The strands in your eyes, color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
Tell me we belong together, dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.
And I'll be you're crying shoulder, I'll be love suicide.
And I'll be better when I'm older, I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
And I've dropped out, burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
Tuned in, turned out, remembered the things that you said.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive, not dead.
-Edwin McCain-
*~*~*

	"Yeah, Scully, I guess I am happy for you. If you're happy, I'm happy."

She sighed. That wasn't the answer she'd expected, not the answer she 
wanted. "How can you be," she asked, voice wavering, "when I'm not even 
happy for myself?"

	"What?"

	"Nikolas proposed to me tonight. He wants me to be transferred to the 
Delaware field office with him as soon as I can."

<What? Scully leaving Washington?> he thought. He was totally unprepared for 
that. <We've managed to stay together for almost six years, going to hell and
back more times than I care to remember, and for what? It was all for nothing?>
He couldn't hide his disappointment. "So . . . what are you going to do?"

Scully placed her shaking hands over his, which covered his thighs. "I told him

I couldn't leave. That I couldn't leave you," she whispered, breaking the
contact 
their eyes had again. "He was pretty upset."

	"Get some other agent to cover Spooky. He doesn't need you by his side."

	"His name is Mulder, dammit! There is no other agent that will go with him,
especially not one that will produce the same results as we have. I have a
responsibility to him."

	"How long Dana?"

She stopped pacing enough to look at him. "Excuse me?" His question caught 
her off guard.

	"How long has it been since you and Spooky hit the sheets? That's the 
reason why you won't leave him, isn't it? He's too good of a fuck."

Scully stared at Nikolas, mouth agape, trying to comprehend what he just said. 
He was accusing her of cheating on him with Mulder? She couldn't fathom what 
was going on. This man before her, whom she believed she loved, was coaxing 
her into admitting she'd been unfaithful and that her and Mulder were 
indeed. . .lovers. Sure, their relationship didn't fit the "friendship"
definition, but 
they hadn't slept together, in spite of how many times she entertained the 
thought. She emitted a low gasp and quickly recollected herself. "Mulder and
I," 
she stressed, determined to make him understand this once so she wouldn't 
have to repeat herself in the future, "are best friends, nothing more. The only

non-platonic relationship I have is with you. You and only you. That's the way 
it's been since I met you. I cannot believe you can possibly sit there and say 
such a thing!"

	"One thing you should know, Dana, is that you're a terrible liar. I see the
little side glances you give each other. How he's constantly touching you. How
you smile at him as if you two know a secret no one else does. How you get when
you're around him. The list goes on and on. Don't deny it!"

She opened the door and pointed in its direction. "Get out, Nikolas. And if my
relationship with Mulder pisses you off that bad," she wiggled out of the ring
he 
had put on her finger a few short hours ago, "then take this with you!" She 
slammed the door behind him, catching her toe. "Fuck!" she swore, her eyes 
welling up with tears . . .

	"I can imagine," he said, bringing her back from her memory. Hearing her say
she couldn't leave him blew him away. He knew first hand how complex 
their relationship was, but this seemed to put it all, even if briefly, into 
perspective. They were like parts of each other now. It had gone beyond the 
normal restraints of friendship or even partnership. This was more. What
exactly, 
he couldn't explain, unsure of what they were even had a name. But, he knew,
maybe as well as she did, one surely couldn't live without the other.

	"No, you can't, actually. I told him if our relationship was such a nuisance
to him, that I couldn't marry him. We both said a lot of things. We were both
angry. I don't know if I can take some of those things back." Scully stood, 
breaking the contact their hands held. "Would you like some cake? My mom 
brought it over, but I haven't really been in the mood to celebrate." 

	"Sure." She cut two slices of the chocolate cake and brought in two 
glasses of milk. <Dana Scully, always in eternal denial> he thought to himself.

Sure, she had opened herself up to him for a second, in order to let a glimpse 
of the real her through for him to see, and then, surely enough, closed off, 
under the pretense that all would be forgotten. That what they just said never
happened. "This is great," he commented.

	"Chocolate - my favorite," she said, offering a slight smile.

	"I can see why. Your mother's an excellent baker." Complying with her 
unspoken wishes, Mulder, too, dismissed their conversation, only to resume it 
on her terms. Remembering the bag he brought, he said. "Uh, I just came over 
to wish you a happy birthday and to give you something. I'll leave. I don't
want Nikolas to have to come home and see me here."

	"No, stay." Her persistent glare encouraged more than her words. "Please,
Mulder. I don't want to spend my birthday alone." He nodded and sat back down.
She observed the cover of the box to find two lips. "This better not be 
one of the movies that you don't own," she warned.

	"It's the Rocky Horror Picture Show - a classic."

	"I love this movie!" she said, her face instantly brightening. "But what makes
it a classic to you?"

	"Aliens, sex - what more can you ask for?" he kidded. This provoked the 
first smile and a hint of the first sound of laughter he'd heard all day.
Turning the 
lamp on the corner table off, Mulder wrapped the two of them with a nearby 
blanket and turned on the movie. The two watched as Janet and Brad entered 
the castle and as the transvestites did the "Time Warp" without a word passing
between them. Just a couple of giggles here and there and low singing. 

Mulder was the first to speak, saying something he felt the need to get out in
the open. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

	"For what?" She nearly choked on the words as they came out of her 
mouth. Scully instantly knew what he was doing; he was blaming himself for 
what happened earlier between her and Nikolas. She had always been able to 
read him so easily. Now was no different. "For what, Mulder?"

	"For everything. For you having to defend me and our relationship to Nikolas,"
he admitted. "For a lot of things."

	"Don't start that." Her eyes briefly held his, and then, returned to the 
television. "He knows there's nothing more to our relationship than friendship,

trust, and mutual respect. That's it. That's all we are."

	Mulder took his eyes off the screen momentarily to look over at her. "Are 
you trying to convince me. . .or yourself?" Both looked away from the other 
hurriedly. <You're such an ass, Mulder> he scolded himself. <Why did you have 
to open your mouth when things were going good and show her just how much 
of an ass you could truly be? Stupid! So goddamn stupid! Open mouth, insert
foot.>

	<How can he think I have to persuade myself as to how our relationship goes?>
Scully's gaze, which was originally fixed on the screen, turned back to Mulder.
He, in return, snuck glances back at her whenever he thought she wasn't 
looking. <I know what makes me and Mulder fit so well together. Our friendship.

He's been the constant support and best friend for me, one of the few people
I've 
ever actually opened up to. And I trust him with everything I have, just as I
know 
he trusts me. But that's it. That's the extent of our relationship. My feelings
for 
him go no further than that.> 

<You speak with a detachment> the voice inside her admonished. <All so you
won't have to face what's right in front of you.>

	"Are you in love with him?" Mulder had to ask, had to know.

She didn't like where this conversation was heading. "Mulder. . .I --"

	"Do you love him, Scully? It's not that hard of a question," he said, this 
time more persistent. "You can lie to me, but you'll be lying to yourself,
too."

	<I love Nikolas> she told herself. <I'm in love with. . .am I in love with
him? Do I really love him? Or am I just deluding myself as Mulder implied?> She

frowned; she hated when he was right. She looked into his eyes, knowing 
the answer. 

<I love you, Mulder. It's always been about you. Always.>

	"No," she said, softly, staring at his lips. She hoped he couldn't read her
thoughts, as he'd been known to do in the past. He couldn't know her 
feelings, simply because she couldn't stand his rejection of them. And it
wasn't 
right, the rational side of her analyzed often. They were partners, for
Christsake! 
It was as if loving Fox Mulder was a sin. . .but she didn't care anymore. 

Unconsciously, she licked her lips, perhaps her mind's way of predicting what 
was about to happen. Her eyes drifted upward, showing to her his desire and 
passion that mirrored her own. Boldly, she ran her thumb over his cheek,
feeling 
him tremble and liking the feeling of power she felt running through her when 
he elicited a low groan. He closed his eyes, blindly pressing his face closer
to 
her hand and her breath caught in her throat. God, yes, this was right. This
felt 
so right. What was going through her mind all those years of denying her 
feelings? Of denying them this? 

He opened his eyes, finding Scully studying his face with her fingertips. 
Mulder snaked his arm around her neck, pulling her head closer to his and his 
lips enveloped hers. Scully froze against him - from shock, he knew, rather 
than fright - and then, relaxed against him. What was he doing? Was he 
really. . .oh, man, he was. 

He was kissing Dana Scully.

	He totally forgot about the movie, which probably still played on the 
television, and concentrated on her lips, her scent, her taste. He almost 
wondered, daily, if she tasted the same as she smelled. He pictured her 
tasting of apples and cinnamon; his wildest dreams couldn't have prepared him 
for this.

	Scully's hand continued its searching, caressing and touching as her right
hand joined it. He felt so right. . .they felt so right together. Opening her
mouth to give him better access, she moved closer to him, deepening the kiss as
she sat on his legs. She held Mulder's head in her hands, pulling him closer as
he 
did with her. A little voice in her head screamed with pleasure and she, in
turn, moaned into his mouth. <His mouth> she thought. His feather-soft lips.
His. . .oh, God. All strains of coherent thought escaped her mind when their
tongues 
collided. Panic alarms went off in her head, warning her about where this could

lead, trying to coax her out of doing this, reminding her who this was, but she
silenced them all, fixating herself onto him and only him. Another piece of the

wall had dismantled, sending others around it slowly to the point of breaking. 
Soon - too soon, dammit - he pulled back with a groan. 

<No> she thought, looking at him, flushed. <What is he doing?> Then, 
self-consciously, she thought, <He doesn't feel the same way I do.>

	Mulder looked up at her. No matter how much he didn't want to, he knew he had
to end what he had initiated. It didn't feel right. Who was he kidding, it felt
wonderful! But it was almost like he was taking advantage of her and he wasn't 
about to do that. Besides, there was always Nikolas. Mentally preserving her 
look - lips swollen from his kisses, eyes a sparkling shade of blue - thoughts 
of Nikolas disappeared as quickly as they came. "I'm sorry," he finally said, 
upon finding his voice. "I don't know what came over me. It will never happen 
again." <No matter how much I want it to.>

	Scully licked her lips, still reveling in the taste of him. "It can't happen 
again." Her voice took on its rational tone. "We can't do this, Mulder."

	"I know. And I'm really sorry."

	"I know." Realizing she was still straddling him, Scully moved, muttering an
"I'm sorry" and headed into the kitchen without another word. Mulder sighed 
inwardly, running his hand once again through his hair, wondering how he was 
ever going to look her in the eye again.
_______________________________________________________________
	She emerged after hearing a soft knocking at her door. "Dana?" The voice
called. Mulder stood. Scully opened the door. "Dana, listen, about before, I 
just wanted --" Nikolas stopped after seeing Mulder.

He held up his hand, not in the mood to fight. "I'm leaving."

	"Mulder," Scully called. He held her gaze for a moment, and then left. 
She sighed, looking to Nikolas. "Why are you here?"

	"We need to talk."

	"About what? There's nothing left to discuss." She turned her back to him and
smoothed a hand over her fiery hair.

	"Dana, don't do this to me."

	"What?" She snapped, whipping back around. "What am I doing to 
you?"

	"Why won't you talk to me?" She shrugged off the arm he draped around 
her waist. "I'm sorry for what I said before."

	"It doesn't matter anymore, Nikolas. I can't take back what I said and you're
only trying to because you know what you said hurt me." A red envelope 
attached to a small box caught her eye. <Mulder> she told herself. Ripping 
the envelope, she took out the card and began reading.

		Scully, it said, it's been two months since I received the address of
Samantha from you.  I admit I've been reluctant and perhaps even skeptical
about pursuing this since I've seen what I've perceived to be my sister and
been wrong so many times before. I can practically see your face now, 
imagining to yourself how, in this particular instance, our roles of the
skeptic 
and believer have switched. But I've waited, mostly because I don't know how 
many more false leads I can bear. 

Now, I think I am ready and I have you to thank for that.

Inside this box that accompanies this is a ring that my mother had originally 
planned to give to Sam, as it was given to her by my grandmother. After Sam's
disappearance, there was no other daughter to inherit this, so it came into my
possession. I was only 15 at the time and when my mother told me to give it to 
the woman in my life I thought was "the one," I didn't understand what she 
meant. She told me, as I grew older, I would understand. 

And now I do.

I've never lied to you, Scully, and I'm not going to start by doing so now. You
are 
that "one" for me. The only thing so far in my life that has remained true.
You've helped me to find my truths countless times and you never once turned
your 
back on me - weird, out-there theories and all. I trust you like I have trusted
no 
other, sometimes even more than I trust my own self. I hope, Scully, you can 
make sense of all this; you know I'm not that good with words. I guess this is 
my way of finally saying how much I appreciate you and to tell you thanks for
believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself.
                                                               -Mulder 

	"Dana? Have you heard a word I said?"

She shook her head. "What?"

	"The least you can do is listen to me. You owe me that much."

Her eyebrow raised. "I don't owe you anything."

	"We have something special, Dana. Why are you letting Mulder come in between
us like this?" Nikolas pouted.

	"I'm not the one who has a problem with Mulder. Don't hand this off on 
me." Scully placed the card on her counter and opened the box. It was small 
and black, lined with blue velvet. The ring itself was beyond perfection. A 
sapphire heart sat nestled between two diamonds on a gold band. It was so
beautiful, she was almost afraid to touch it. Light reflected on the sapphire
as 
she moved the box. The gem shimmered brighter. A moist warmth touched the 
fair skin of her neck, causing her to jump and almost drop the box. Nikolas 
steadied her with a chuckle and kissed the underside of her jaw. Scully shoved 
him back, not as amused as he was. "I think it's time for you to leave now."

	"But I thought --"

	"There's nothing I hate more than presumptuousness in a person. What did you
think? You could just come here, maybe kiss me a little and things would 
go back to the way they were? I'm sorry, but I'm not that easily won over." She
shook her head. "I can't marry you, Nikolas. I'm sorry." Scully grabbed her
coat 
off the hook and fastened it around her, jamming her keys into the pocket.
"Lock 
up behind you. And turn off the lights."

	"Where are you going?"

She sighed. "To see my best friend. He needs me."

	"Dana, please. Don't do this."

Faltering, she looked at him once more, blinking back tears that demanded 
release. "Good-bye, Nikolas."

End of (05/12)

Author's Note:
"Blue Eyes" by Elton John
"Untitled" by Collective Soul
"I'll Be" by Edwin McCain
were used without permission. No infringement intended.

Part (06/12)

February 23, 1999
Casey's Lounge
Washington, D.C.
10:29 PM

*~*~*
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you, I do what I have to do.
And I had the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.
I don't know how to let you go.
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	Fox Mulder sat back on his bar stool, nursing his fifth straight shot of 
tequila. Normally, he didn't care for the stuff, sticking with his usual orange
juice 
and vodka, but tonight, he wasn't drinking just to drink. He was drinking to
forget. 
He wanted to forget Dana Scully, forget the hold she had over him. Forget the 
sound of her voice. Forget the way she smelled. The way she tasted. The way 
she. . .broke his heart. Mulder sighed and ordered another shot. Tonight, they 
had crossed many of those unseen lines they set in place at the beginning of 
their partnership. Hell, they almost ventured over that big line; he knew they 
both were prepared to do so and worry about the consequences later. But he 
said no. He turned down Dana Scully! Throwing his head back, Mulder drank 
the tequila. It no longer had its desired effect on him. He could still feel
Scully, 
taste her unique taste, smell her cinnamon and apple combination. And he 
couldn't stop hearing her voice.

*~*~*
I don't wanna lose you baby and I don't wanna be alone
Don't wanna live my days without you, but for now I've got to be without you
But then I think of lovin' and I just can't get you off my mind
Babe can't you see that this is killing me?
I don't wanna push you baby and I don't want you to be told
It's just that I can't breathe without you
Feel like I'm gonna lose control
Am I a fool to think that there's a little hope tell me baby
What are the rules the reasons and the dos and the don'ts
Tell me baby tell me baby what do you feel inside?
-Lenny Kravitz-
*~*~*

	"I'd really like it if you stayed here with me. I've been looking forward to 
this. . .Tonight has been wonderful. More so than I even expected. . .Of course

I'm hitting on you, Mulder. You're my favorite partner. . .I just. . .I would
feel 
more safe with you in here. . .with me. . .Besides, no one will put up with you

like I do. . .You're my best friend, Mulder, my only friend. . .I told him I
couldn't 
leave. That I couldn't leave you. . .I couldn't leave you. . .I couldn't leave
you. . .I couldn't leave you. . ." 

Mulder put a hand up to his forehead, massaging it, trying to clear his head 
from thoughts of his partner. No matter what happened between them earlier, 
she was going back to Nikolas. Goddamn him. They would marry and then,
systematically, he would be excluded from Scully's life. Not that it would be 
her doing; he knew her better than that. But it was, nevertheless, inevitable.
He 
hated the thought of being alone - on his own - again. He hated the thought of
a 
life without Scully. And, yet, he was helpless in preventing both.

*~*~*
And it's one more beer and I don't hear you anymore
We've all gone crazy lately
-Elton John-
*~*~*

	Opening his eyes, Mulder chastised himself for being the self-absorbed 
bastard he always was. He couldn't help it; it was in his genes. He should be 
happy for Scully. With the exception of that night, she seemed genuinely happy 
with Nikolas. And Mulder tried to be happy for her, he did. He knew Nikolas
filled 
her need for love and quenched her loneliness, something he himself probably
couldn't offer her. And she got some sort of stable life with Nikolas as
opposed 
to the one of unpredictability and surprise she had with Mulder. He took a 
crumpled fifty out of his coat pocket and threw it down on the bar. "Night, 
Mulder," called the bartender.

	"See ya, Jake." Mulder stood from the bar and walked with little difficulty to
the door. The putrid smell of cigarettes hit his nostrils and he forced himself
not 
to gag as he walked out onto the streets of Washington, D.C.

*~*~*
Well my time went so quickly, I went lickety-splitly out to my old '55
As I drove away slowly, feeling so holy, God knows, I was feeling alive.
Now the sun's coming up, I'm riding with Lady Luck, freeway cars and trucks,
Stars beginning to fade, and I lead the parade
Just a-wishing I'd stayed a little longer,
Oh, Lord, let me tell you that the feeling's getting stronger.
And it's six in the morning, gave me no warning; I had to be on my way.
Well, there's trucks all a-passing me, and the lights are all flashing,
I'm on my way home from your place.
-Tom Waits-
*~*~*

	An old, gray-haired man approached the bar which Mulder just departed 
from. Jake, the brawny bartender, wiped down the surface of the bar. A pack 
of Morley's opened; the man lit one and inhaled. 

Exhaled.

Inhaled.

	"Can I help you?" Jake asked.

	"You know that man who just left?" the man inquired. 

Exhaled.

Inhaled. 

The smoke that filled his lungs was as soothing as air would be to a dying man.


Exhaled.

	"Yeah. Name's Mulder. Comes in here every once in a while. FBI man." 
Jake stopped and looked into the man's face. "What's it to ya?" The smoking 
man pulled a wad of crisp bills from his pocket, pushing them across the bar in
Jake's direction. "What's this?"

	"Assurance that you'll forget you saw Agent Mulder even walk near this 
bar tonight." Another drag from the foul-smelling cigarette.

Exhaled.

Jake looked from the man to the hundred dollar bills to the man again. "And 
how do you know I'll agree?"

	"You will." The man crushed his cigarette on the bar. Checking his watch, he
smiled. 11:15. Things were going as planned. His smile widened. Things were
going better than planned.
______________________________________________________________
February 23, 1999
2630 Hegal Place - Apt. # 42
Alexandria, Virginia
11:15 PM

*~*~*
Listen as the wind blows, from across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time
The night is my companion, and solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here, and not be satisfied?
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	"Mulder?" 

Knock, knock, knock. 

"Mulder, it's me. Open up." 

Knock, knock.

 Scully's keys jangled in her hands. She inserted the one that said 'Mulder'
and turned the knob. His apartment was black, evidence that either he wasn't
there 
or he was asleep. She decided against the latter; Mulder was the insomniac's 
poster boy and, the rare times he could sleep, his television was always on,
displaying one of those disgusting videos he owned. Flipping on the lamp, she
looked at the VCR - 11:22. Where was he? They had to talk about what 
happened. Scully couldn't believe it herself. One moment they were watching 
the movie; the next, she was on top of him, moaning and panting like some 
horny teen. She felt her face flush. Since when did his touching her have such 
an effect on her? She knew she was kidding herself; it always had since the 
moment she entered that basement six years ago and shook the hand of "the 
FBI's most unwanted." Scully smiled at that memory. She was originally 
brought onto the X-Files to debunk Mulder's investigations, to bring him back 
into the normalcy of the VCS where he had been, to straighten him out of his
paranoiac and conspirital views of everything and everyone, to spy on him. Not 
to fall in love with him, precisely what she had done.

	Her finger pressed the play button on his answering machine, allowing his
voice to filter through the empty room. "Hello, this is Fox Mulder. Please
leave 
your name and a message. Thank you." This was followed by the machine's: 
"There are no new messages." Scully sat at his desk, debating whether to go 
or to stay. A deep blue-bound book caught her eye amongst the cluttered 
papers on his desk. <Maybe it's his planner> she thought, taking it into her 
hands. There was no writing on the front; she thumbed through it, stopping when

she saw dates in Mulder's handwriting in chronological order. <This is his
journal.> Immediately, she closed it, setting it back in its place. She didn't
want to break the barrier of privacy that had continued to remain in tact
between them. Staring at it, her curiosity peaked and she turned to the last
few entries. He spoke of 'being scared about the new relationship I'm forming
with her.' <Diana> she 
thought sadly, reading the date as 'December 23, 1998.' As the entries passed, 
she read about his hesitancy 'to push her into something she clearly isn't
ready 
for' and 'recognizing how deep the feelings I've tried to mask for so long
really 
go.' Feeling guilty, she started to close the book again, until 'February 23,
1999' caught her eye. "Just this last one," she told herself aloud. "I'm on my
way to 
see her," he wrote, "and I'm as nervous as if I were going on my first date. I 
know I shouldn't be, how many hours have I spent in her presence? Tonight's 
the night. I'm going to tell her everything and give her my heart. Well, not 
exactly in that order. She already has my other heart; she's had it for quite 
some time now. The decision will be left up to her, whether or not we move 
the relationship to the next level." <The next level?> she frowned. He must
have 
gone to see Diana before he came to see her. "I'm scared," he continued.
"Scared 
I'll frighten her away, scared that she'll politely shrug off the feelings for
her I've accumulated. Scared they'll use this against me, use what we could
have to 
hurt me. I wonder sometimes if it's best to just keep the platonic relationship
we 
have and stay partners, no more than that." <Stay partners?> she thought.
Mulder wrote the time in the corner of the page. 6:47. He wasn't talking about
his relationship with Diana; he was referring to the one between them. 

She remembered his words: I'm going to tell her everything and give her my 
heart. Well, not exactly in that order. She already has my other heart; she's
had 
it for quite some time now. 

He was talking about the sapphire heart ring. "Oh, Mulder," she said aloud. 
She closed the book as the door's hinges creaked while it opened. She was 
in darkness once again as the lights went out. 

"Mulder?"

*~*~*
Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in, breathe out.
You have broken in me
Broken me
All your mental armor drags me down
Nothing hurts like your mouth.
-Bush-
*~*~*

	Scully didn't see the backside of his hand, couldn't feel the contact it had
with her face. She only felt the back of her head spin with nonstopping pain. 
He stood behind her; she could feel his hot breath on her neck. "Mulder?" she
managed to say again, turning around. He laughed at her. <This isn't Mulder> 
she realized. "Get the fuck away from me." Scully brought her knee up, 
connecting painfully with his abdomen.

<Mulder, please come home. . .I need your help. . .>

	He sensed her next movement, grabbing her Sig from its cradle against her
spine before she could. His hand came crashing down on her face, a warning for
Scully to remain quiet. He shoved her onto the couch, clearly overpowering her 
and her attempts to fight him off. "Where's Mulder now, huh, Red?" he taunted.
"Where is he?" She exclaimed in pain as her head hit the arm of the couch hard.
<No> she thought. <Come on, Dana. Fight him.> Reacting as much as she could
despite her incredible pain, she pounded on his chest. It had no effect, only 
serving to aggravate him more. "Mulder can't save you. He can't protect you 
from me, Red. You're mine." He pulled her up the hair and smashed her head 
against the nearby wall. A sickening thud was heard and she felt blood coming 
from a cut of some kind around her temple.

<Don't let him do this to me, Mulder. . .don't let him kill me. . .>

*~*~*
And I would be the one to hold you down, kiss you soft
I'll take your breath away and, after I wipe away your tears, 
just close your eyes, dear.
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	He ripped her shirt, exposing her to the cold air in Mulder's apartment. Her
nipples hardened at once and he roughly latched onto one of her breasts with 
his mouth. With one hand, he pulled off her sweatpants and began to probe her 
with his long fingers; with the other, he unbuckled his jeans. One finger
slipped inside her, two, three. Before she knew it, he removed his fingers and
inserted 
her gun in its place. He was raping her with her own gun. She gasped in pain, 
feeling tears along the path down the side of her face the blood before it
took. It 
felt like blades tearing her from the inside out, a feeling of continuous pain 
searing throughout her entire body. "I could kill you right now, you know. Just

pull on this trigger and that's the end of you, Red."

	"Please. . .stop," she managed. 

<Mulder. . .Mulder, please. . .help me. . .Mulder, stop him. . .>

	So much pain. He took away the gun and thrusted himself in and out of her with
great force, the pain mounted everywhere. "So. . .beautiful. You're so 
beautiful," he repeated. Scully opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came 
out. Hot liquid flowed from her upper thighs, pouring onto the couch beneath
her. Scully mustered up what little strength she had left and tried pushing him
off her, 
to no avail. Even in the dark, she could see his eyes closed; he groaned above 
her like a savage beast would as he came. <Focus, Dana> she told herself. 
<Focus on him, so you can catch this bastard.> He was as tall as Mulder, she 
knew. About 5'9 or 6". He had piercing blue eyes and his hair, she tried to
make 
out, was either brown or black.

<Mulder, where are you? Mulder. . .>

	It seemed to go on forever; his mouth and hands pulling at her aching 
body. Finally, it was over and her prayers for Mulder's help ceased. Scully 
felt a needle prick her forearm, causing her to fade in and out of 
consciousness. "Night, Red," he whispered in a husky baritone. She had 
come over originally to apologize and tell Mulder she broke off her engagement 
with Nikolas. That all soon disappeared along with Scully's memory as to 
what happened.

*~*~*
you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I've got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to God
help me tear down my reason, help me it's your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*

End of (06/12)

Date: 26 Aug 1998 06:40:05 GMT
From: Jay1029 <jay1029@aol.com>
Subject: NEW: "Veritas Nullus" (07/12) XRA

Part (07/12)

February 24, 1999
2630 Hegal Place - Apt. # 42
Alexandria, Virginia
5:15 AM

	Mulder was sober. Or he was damn near close enough. He walked down the hallway
to his apartment, knowing he'd have to be at work in less than two hours.He
felt like shit and looked even more so. He had time to shower, get out of
yesterday's suit and try to sober up some more before he faced Scully. It
wasn't something he was looking forward to. Mulder decided he wouldn't bring up
the 
night before unless she did; there was no sense in discussing something they 
both were trying to figure out on their own. He leaned against his door, trying
to 
find the right key, and collapsed into his apartment as the open door gave way 
under his weight. He stood slowly, hand on his nine millimeter, and surveyed
the place, knowing full well he locked the door before going to Scully's.
Mulder heard 
no movements and carefully entered his living room. 

"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here . . ."

He was puzzled by the mumbling he heard, but could not find the source. The
television? He checked and saw it was off. The sound came from. . .Scully, who 
sat, balled, in the corner of the room. "Scully?" She was clothed only in a
jersey, 
her white limbs showing. <Victim is found in some sort of trance, repeating the

words "he's here" over again. Signs of shock are apparent, as are the physical
reminders of a vicious attack. Victim, upon the departure of the trance, has no
recollection of the rape or any evens taking place after> Mulder recalled from
the charts of the victims of the Maryland rapist. A chart that would soon, too,
have 
Dana Scully's name. "No. . ." He cautiously went over to the trembling form. 
"No, Scully, not you. No." Mulder didn't know what to do. If he touched her, it

could possibly frighten her off more and make her sink deeper into her
trancelike state. But if he leaves her to her own devices, there's no telling
how long the 
state could last. What to do, what to do. He was torn, needing to touch her to
reassure her of him and that she was safe, but he restrained himself from doing

so. His brows pulled together in concern, he tentatively put a hand on her
cheek. She flinched and looked into his eyes. That scared him; there was
nothing in 
those blue eyes. No emotion, no feeling, as there always was. <What did that 
fucking bastard do to her?> Mulder wondered. Her arms moved and his face 
was met with her Sig Sauer. "Scully, no. Scully, it's me, Mulder. Mulder." A 
look of determination crossed her otherwise stonelike face. Scully's index
finger shook around the trigger. She was going to shoot him, going to kill him.
He had 
to do something quickly. Scooting away, his head screamed in protest, 
reminders of his alcoholic haze coming back, bringing the pounding headache 
and lightheaded feeling with it. "Scully. Scully, it's Mulder. I'm not going to
hurt 
you, you know that. I would never do anything to hurt you. Scully, put down the

gun. Scully?" 

His words rolled right off her. She showed no sign of recognizing him at all
and 
he wondered how far gone she really was. Scully brought her left hand to steady

her right. "Scully? Scully, please listen to me. It's Mulder. You know me,
Scully. Dammit, give me the gun!" She closed her eyes, her gun still aimed
steadily at 
his head. Was it working? Was he getting through to her? 

	"Scully? Scully, say something to me. C'mon, Scully, you've got to help me out
here. I can't come get you out of that place you're in right now, even though I
want to. You know, if I could, I would, Scully. But I can't. You've got to do
that for me. You have to come out of it yourself, Scully. Leave that bad place
and 
come back to me. I'll protect you from him. I'm here, like always. He'll never 
hurt you again. Scully? Scully, open your eyes and look at me. Help me, 
Scully." She didn't do as he asked. Instead, she pulled the trigger, hitting
his 
temple. Everything went black before him as he fell onto the hardwood floor,
unconscious.

*~*~*
And, now I sit here, I'm all alone
So here sits a bloody mess, tears fly home
A circle of angels, deep in mourn
'Cause I wanted you
Weak as I am, no tears for you
Deep as I am, I'm no one's fool
Weak as I am . . .
-Skunk Anansie-
*~*~*

	Scully looked in the mirror, tracing her fingers over the bruises on her face.
Broken glass covered the floor around thrown books. Lamps knocked over, the
table split in half. It looked like a tornado ripped through the apartment,
turning everything over in its path. She felt like she was in a daze, that she
wasn't 
entirely herself. She entered Mulder's bathroom and turned on the water for a 
shower, making it hotter than she usually liked it. A wave of nausea hit her
then, hard, and she felt weak, so weak. Scully leaned against the wall and
closed her eyes, praying the nausea would subside. She felt so dirty, this
overwhelming 
need to clean herself and do it quickly. Carefully, she peeled the bloodstained

jersey off herself, wincing as the pain returned. Bruises covered her wrists, 
spotting her torso, her face. She got into the shower, vigorously scrubbing
every
 inch of her body. She had to get the feel of him off her, the smell of him,
the 
taste of him. But no matter how much of Mulder's soap she used or how hard 
she washed, it still remained, taunting her, making her sick. She couldn't
control 
the retching and, soon enough, she vomited. Scully slid down the wall of the 
shower and sobbed loudly. 
______________________________________________________________
February 24, 1999
2630 Hegal Place -- Apt. # 42
Alexandria, Virginia
6:28 AM

*~*~*
Talk to me softly, there's something in your eyes.
Don't hang your head in sorrow, and please don't cry.
I know how you feel inside - I've been there before.
Something's changing inside you, and don't you know?
Give me a whisper, and give me a sign,
give me a kiss before you tell me good-bye.
You gotta make it your own way, but you'll be all right, sugar.
You'll feel better tomorrow, come the morning light now, baby.
-Guns 'N' Roses - 
*~*~*

	Nikolas took out his badge, showing it to the SAC and entered Mulder's
apartment.  It was small in size and the number of agents there only made it 
seem smaller. A semicircle of men were gathered in a corner amongst the 
others wandering around. Nikolas could make out Scully's fiery hair peeking 
out over their black coats. Nikolas tapped on the shoulder of one of the men. 
Special Agent Greg Baruffi of the VCS stood, now giving him a full view of
Scully.

 Her bottom lip was caked in blood; a line of crimson ran from her nose
steadily. 
Her eyes were blank, her expression the same, the right eye beginning to
bruise. 
Her hair was tousled, making her overall appearance look as though she'd been 
in a fight, and she was the loser. Wearing only a New York Knicks jersey, she
continued to rock back and forth, back and forth oblivious to the agents that 
called her name. "Special Agent Nikolas Cavanaugh," he introduced himself. 
"What the hell happened here?"

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here . . ." muttered
Scully.

	"Agent Scully was raped and shot Agent Mulder." Agent Baruffi gestured 
to Mulder's unmoving body that paramedics were trying to work on.

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here . . ." 

	"Mulder raped her?"

	"I can't say right now, but it appears that way. Agent Scully won't talk to 
us."

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here . . ." 

Nikolas' gaze went back to her, as she kept mumbling something that sounded 
like "He's here" over and over again. "Let me try talking to her. We know 
each other."

	"Good luck," Baruffi said, motioning for his agents to move. "She hasn't 
said anything except 'He's here' for the past half hour."

Nikolas sat close to her; she continued to rock. "Dana?"

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here . . ." 

	"Dana, it's me, Nikolas."

	"He's here he's here he's here he's here he's here he's here . . ."  
Nikolas put his hand on her shoulders. Her eyes focused on him; he swore he saw
something change behind them. And then, she screamed. 

She screamed so loud, she caused every person in that room to turn and look 
her way. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

	"Agent Scully?" Skinner lifted the yellow police tape and cut through the 
swarm of agents and medical personnel with a look of sadness and disgust 
on his face. Knowing there was a rape victim and recognizing Mulder's 
apartment number didn't prepare him for the sight he saw. Scully hysterical, 
still holding the gun in her hand, and Mulder lying on the floor in a growing 
pool of blood. She looked up at him, wordlessly, swiping at her 
already-disheveled hair. Carefully approaching her, he sat on the floor, taking

the gun out of her hand. "I need a paramedic over here."

Her azure eyes watered. "No hospital," she said, her voice unsteady and 
cracking.

	"But, Scully, you need to be --" He stopped himself as a gust of 
soap-smelling wind hit his nose. A tear escaped her eye. "Agent Scully, did 
you take a shower?"

	"Yes, sir," she whispered hoarsely, hanging her head.

He sighed sadly. "As a doctor --"

	"As a doctor, sir, I know what I did was wrong." Scully looked him in the 
eyes again, bottom lip trembling. "But, sir, it couldn't be helped. I had to."

She began to cry softly and the AD paused, removing his glasses as he 
did. "You know you have erased evidence that could link your partner to 
this crime."

	"I also have erased evidence absolving him for it as well, sir, I am fully 
aware of that. But it had to be done."

	"To protect Agent Mulder from facing criminal charges?"

Scully thought about Skinner's reasoning for a moment. "No, sir," she replied, 
licking her lip. "I did it to protect myself. I have no recollection of the
events 
that transpired here, only that I was. . .I was r-raped and shot my partner. .
.
Oh, God." Her focus turned to Mulder, who hadn't moved. Crawling slowly, 
she maneuvered herself to where he was. Just as Scully extended her hand 
to him, Nikolas' voice behind her made her retrieve it. 

	"Dana, don't you remember? It was him who raped you last night, who 
beat the shit out of you. It was Mulder, Dana," he spat. "Mulder."

Scully simply shook her head from side to side and cried. <No,> she told
herself. 
<He's wrong. It isn't Mulder; it couldn't have been.> She looked to Skinner for

some reassurance that he wasn't a suspect. He couldn't give her any. <It 
wasn't Mulder . . . was it?>

End of (07/12)

Author's Note:
"Weak As I Am" by Skunk Anansie
"Don't Cry" by Guns 'N' Roses
were used without permission. No infringement intended.

Part (08/12)

February 24, 1999
Northeastern Georgetown Medical Center
Washington, D.C.
Room 0129
1:05 PM

*~*~*
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
-Pearl Jam-
*~*~*

	A soft knock shook a frightened Scully. Nikolas came into the hospital 
room, placing a glass vase filled with red roses beside her bed. She pulled 
the blanket apprehensively to her chin. "Hi, Dana." He sat in the chair next to

her bed.

	"Why are you here, Nikolas?" she asked.

	"I came to see how you were." He frowned. "Dana, I'm so sorry. I mean, 
I've known Mulder for years now and I never thought he could --"

Painfully, Scully turned her head to the side. "I don't want to talk about it."
The 
pain medication she was put on was wearing off. She made a mental note to 
add to it when she got her prescription. Scully was also thankful for the 
sedatives. They helped her sleep without making her think of. . .it. She hated 
the pity she saw in everyone's eyes and knew if she could just get home and 
into a nice, long bath, she'd be okay. If everyone would just leave her alone
and 
quit asking her to think about things she couldn't even remember, she'd be
okay. 

Scully knew, though, deep down, she wouldn't be okay, not with her best friend
- 
the very man she loved - accused to the same crime that landed her here. She
shivered.

	"Are you cold?" Nikolas was instantly at her side.

	"I'm fine," she lied, hoping he, unlike Mulder, would believe her and leave 
it at that. But, like Mulder, he wouldn't. He sat on her bed, and enveloped her

into his strong arms. She froze automatically. "No. . .Nikolas, get off me." He

held her tighter to his chest.

	"Dana, I should've been there to protect you. I'm so sorry."

	"Nikolas. . .Nikolas, leave me alone. Get off me!" She pushed on his 
chest.

	"Scully? Can I come in?" Skinner stuck his head in, clearly debating 
whether his presence was allowed.

	"Sir. Yeah, come in." Scully tried to compose herself after finally pulling 
out of Nikolas' grasp. "Nikolas. . ."

	"I'll go, but I'll stop by later." He bent to kiss her forehead. "Later, Red."

She stiffened instantly, holding her breath. Her eyes closed to hold back
tears. 
He called her 'Red,' she remembered. That bastard who. . ."Scully? You okay? 
I can leave. . ."

	"No, sir, stay."

	"Alright then." Skinned took the chair Nikolas had used. Removing his 
glasses, he studied the face of this woman before him, Dana Scully. Her 
red hair regained some of its luster; her eyes weren't as plagued with their 
lines of fatigue. But her forehead was bandaged and her eye was still 
discolored. There were still cuts marring her beauty. He sighed, before asking 
the inevitable, "How are you feeling, Scully?"

She answered with the "I'm fine, sir" he'd come to expect from her, but then 
added, "I'll be okay, honest."

	"Your doctors have been updating my office hourly since you were 
admitted."

	"Then why did you ask how I was if you already knew?"

	"Because I knew you could tell me what they can't. The truth."

	"I'm feeling better. . .considering. But I still can recall very little." Her 
gaze remained on the hands she twisted nervously in her lap. "I haven't said 
it before, sir, but I thank you for what you done for me."

	"I'm just doing my job." He cleared his throat, wondering how to proceed. "I
came here for other reasons than to check up on you, Scully. I came to talk
about Mulder."

	Mulder. That one word had forced her gaze to return to Skinner. Had she 
killed him? Whenever she tried to sleep without the sedatives, the memory 
of her shooting him, and him lying, motionless, in a growing pool of his own 
blood, surfaced. Had she spared him death, turning her once-brillant partner 
into a nonresponsive vegetable for the duration of his life? "What about 
Mulder?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

	"I admit, when I received the call this morning, to possibly identify a body,
you and Mulder were the furthest things on my mind. Even when I arrived and
entered the building, my mind hadn't made the connection."

	"But?" she urged.

	"But. . .Agent Mulder had just been admitted into the psych ward at 
Washington General, where he will recuperate from the gunshot wound he 
sustained to his left temple. After which, he will be arrested in connection
with 
your. . .attack, pending sentencing at a later date." She sighed, relieved. He 
was alive. He would make it. "The X-Files," he continued, "have been shut 
down permanently this time and Agent Mulder has been suspended from 
the Bureau, with no chance of reinstatement."

Scully sat silently contemplating what was just said to her. The X-Files were 
closed and Mulder was out of the FBI, just like that. Those things made 
possible by the smoking man and his cohorts, that she knew. But why keep 
Mulder in a psychiatric ward? He wasn't crazy. Albeit sometimes his ways 
were unorthodox to those that came in contact with him, but they proved 
effective more times than once in the past, not psychotic as suggested. "Sir,
is 
this necessary? Agent Mulder has shown no signs as of late to be mentally
unstable. Why is he in a psych ward?"

	"Because, Agent Scully. . .just as you can't, Agent Mulder has no memory of
your rape, his involvement or otherwise."

*~*~*
Blue eyes, holding back the tears,
holding back the pain.
Baby's got blue eyes, and she's alone again.
-Elton John-
*~*~*
_________________________________________________________
February 25, 1999
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, Maryland
10:15 AM

*~*~*
Take me away, I know I could use the rest
I want to clear up this mess
I need a few days with my good sense.
I need a few good days. . .
-Veruca Salt-
*~*~*

	Scully walked into her apartment for the first time since her birthday. 
Everything was how she'd left it - a half-empty bowl of popcorn and two 
glasses formerly filled with chocolate milk littering the coffee table, the 
wrapping paper, card and box from Mulder's present on the counter, a blanket 
draped on the couch. Behind her, Skinner carried flowers that she received and
 her suitcase from the hallway. Her eyes remained focused on the slipshod 
state of her couch. There, she recovered the feelings for Mulder she thought 
she'd buried and she was about to act on those same feelings until. . .he 
stopped them. Funny, now that she pondered it, how out of character Mulder 
putting an end to their kissing before it had lead to something more was,
rather 
than her. Certainly, she was no virgin, but she liked to keep her professional 
life as Agent Scully, M.D. separate from the personal life of just Dana. That 
was, of course, until she met Fox Mulder. The same Fox Mulder now accused 
of raping her.

*~*~*
By the shadows of the night I go
I move away from the crowded room,
that sea of shallow faces, masked in warm regret.
They don't know how to feel, they don't know what is lost.
I want it all to go away, I want to be alone.
Sympathies wasted on my hollow shell
I feel there's nothing left to fight for,
no reason for a cause.
And I can't heard your voice, and I can't feel you near. . .
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	Scully didn't know how to adjust to the situation she was currently finding
herself in. After all the horrors she'd experienced in the five years of their 
partnership - her father's death, followed by her sister's, the countless times

she thought Mulder had died, the discovery of her cancer, the knowledge that 
she had a daughter, only for her daughter to die - Mulder had always been 
behind her, not pushing her, but offering his support and himself, if need be.
Occasionally, she accepted that offer and reciprocated it when he needed her. 
She had come, through the years, to know of this unspoken agreement they 
had and to rely on it being there in case she needed it. And, now, when she 
needed it, it wasn't available. She was stunned to find herself lost without
it.
	Scully usually didn't invest so much emotionally in a person. She 
considered it an act of sacrilege to the independence that she strived so hard 
to achieve. But, with Mulder, as with everything else, it was different. Sure,
she 
tried her damnedest to dispute his wacky theories, but she secretly admired his
passion and his ability to find things even the trained eyes couldn't. She also

enjoyed the intellectual stimulation debating with him gave her. That was all 
gone now. Mulder would go to jail for a crime neither of them knew if he 
committed. Scully kept telling herself it couldn't be Mulder. It couldn't be
the 
same man who put her needs before his own. It couldn't be the same man 
who would rather put himself through hell than to see her in any pain. It 
couldn't be the same man who would sacrifice his own life for the truth he so 
deeply believed in, but would not let her follow him to do the same. Such a 
violation of her by him was simply unheard of. <Everything points at his 
involvement> her rational voice reminded. She tried to look at everything with 
the clinical detachment she used day in and day out. Why would someone 
attack her in Mulder's apartment? And if it was Mulder, why would he leave 
his own apartment after raping her, only to return later? It didn't make sense;

nothing lately seemed to. She sat, wincing at the sudden rush of pain that 
quickly went away, and covered her face with her suddenly shaking hands.

	"Scully? Can I get you something? Anything you need?" She jumped at 
the sound of his voice, forgetting Skinner was still there momentarily. 

	<Yeah> she thought to herself. <You can get me something to stop this 
ache. As if anything can.>

*~*~*
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong.
Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. 
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
-REM-
*~*~*

	"No, I'm fine, thanks." She leaned back on the couch and pulled the blanket
over her. She wasn't cold; she needed the remains of Mulder's scent that 
lingered on the blanket to offer her the comfort he couldn't. She could've 
laughed at the irony of seeking comfort from a man who could have raped 
her, but she didn't. Because, in her mind, without a doubt, Mulder was 
innocent. Now, she just had to find out who was behind this, who tried to 
deceive her into thinking that it was him to tear them apart. <You're 
beginning to sound as paranoid as he does, Dana> she told herself. "Sir, as
 much as I appreciate you taking me home and staying with me, it isn't 
necessary. I can take care of myself."

	"Do you want me to leave?"

She shook her head. "No." Scully stood, thumbing through the mail and 
assorted newspapers on her table. "I'm returning to work, sir, without the 
leave I originally wanted to take."

	"Scully." The concern in his voice made her think of Ahab and just how 
much Skinner reminded her of him. He used that tone when she defied him 
and told him he couldn't stop her from becoming a Federal Agent, instead of 
the medical examiner her parents wanted her to be. "I don't agree with what 
you're doing. You need time to yourself, time to sort through everything that's

been happening. You need to get your life back together before rushing into 
work and trying to save the lives of others. You're jeopardizing yourself,
Scully, 
and the agents that will be around you. Name me a reason why you should 
come back so soon."

She pointed to the day's edition of the Washington Post. In bold lettering, 
the headline read:

FEDERAL AGENT ATTACKED, PARTNER SHOT; CRIME REFLECTING 
MARYLAND RAPIST

"Because of that, sir. I have to prove them wrong."

*~*~*
Today she dresses for the change she's facing now
And the storm that's raging, a safe haven she has found
The love she had, she has no more
She gathers rain, yes, she gathers rain,
To rinse away all her guilt and pain
So, she gathers rain, yes, she gathers rain,
to wash and cleanse and make her whole again.
-Collective Soul-
*~*~*

End of (08/12)

Author's Note:
"Better Man" by Pearl Jam
"Blue Eyes" by Elton John
"Benjamin" by Veruca Salt
"Lost" by Sarah McLachlan
"Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.
"She Gathers Rain" by Collective Soul
were used without permission. No infringement intended.

Part (09/12)

February 26, 1999
West Forty-Sixth Street
New York City, New York
3:18 PM

*~*~*
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*

	The first elder stood when the smoking man, cigarette in mouth, arrived. 
"We've been waiting," he spoke.

A cloud of smoke soon surrounded the old man. He sat, removing the cigarette 
from his mouth. 

Exhaled. 

"I had other matters to attend to." 

Inhaled.

	"Such as?" the young British man interjected. "I've waited for your report 
on the situation at hand and have received nothing. I need to know how to 
proceed."

The smoking man turned to his younger colleague. Exhaled. "I suggest we 
move to phase two immediately."

	"Success must be great," the second elder said.

	"Yes," the smoking man lifted his cigarette to his lips again, "it is far
better than we have hoped. Everything is going as it should."

	"It's too soon to move ahead," the first elder argued. "The Bureau is 
getting involved. That is a move we haven't anticipated. Skinner is getting
suspicious."

	"Walter Skinner will be dealt with soon enough, this you should know. He won't
present a problem."

	"He'd better not," the Britishman said. "Or I'll be forced to take care of him
as I should before."

*~*~*
Where do I take this pain of mine
I run, but it stays right by my side
Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once, and now it stays
So tear me open, but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me, until I'm clean
-Metallica-
*~*~*

	"The X-Files have been closed." Another young man entered the room. 
"Agent Mulder and Agent Scully have been effectively separated. . .permanently,

as we wanted. Why is there continuous discussion about Skinner? We should 
move ahead now, while we still have the upperhand to do so."

	"I still disagree," the third elder spoke up. "We could easily lose the 
advantage we have as quickly as we gained it."	

	"There's only one way to deal with this." The smoking man fixed a cold 
stare on those who were going against him. "All in favor?" Hands, reluctant 
or no, rose, the majority winning. "It's settled then. We move ahead."

	"Next thing. The lists --"

	"--have been well hidden," the British man declared.

	"Hidden?" the other young man asked. "That's the only precaution you've
taken?"

	"There's nothing legible on those lists that can incriminate us or explain 
what it means. It was encrypted, of course," the first elder said.

	"Good." The young man seemed pleased. "What is the status on the other
project?"
	
	"Tests prove conclusive," the second elder answered.
	
	"Everything seems to be working," the third elder added.
	
	"Everything seemed to be working last time, too," the fourth elder 
challenged.

The smoking man inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled again. Visibly shaken to those 
around him as he recalled what they were referring to. Such a tragedy, it was. 
A mistake that would never happen again. That hasn't happened since. This 
would not turn out the same. No one will die this time; he would see to that. 
"How is she?" he inquired. 

Exhaled.

	"Recovering," the British man in the corner frowned. 

Inhaled.

	"Elaborate on that," the young man urged.

Exhaled.

	"The problems. . .seem to be decreasing."

Inhaled.

	"Does the vaccine work?"

Exhaled.

	"Not anymore."

Inhaled. The smoking man smashed his Morley into a nearby ashtray. "You'd 
better find a way to make it work! I won't have a repeat of before." He exhaled

and, angrily, left the room of men looking at one another.

*~*~*
So tell me why you've chosen me 
Don't want you grip, don't want your greed
I'll tear me open, make you gone
No more can you hurt anyone
And the fear still shakes me
So hold me, until it sleeps
-Metallica-
*~*~*
_______________________________________________________________
March 1, 1999
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, Maryland
6:28 PM
	
	Dana Scully opened her eyes. She was no longer in her living room; she was in
an all white room, laying on her back on some sort of. . .table, instead of her
soft couch. Where was she? She tried to sit up, noticing she was restrained.
"Hello?" she called out to no one in particular. Around her there was mumbling,

like distorted sound from a television who's reception wasn't coming in. She 
looked around - nothing but four walls and a rectangle of glass. Three men 
with medical masks watched her intently, speaking amongst themselves. <Oh, 
God, I'm back here again> she thought, recognizing the room. A man - Mulder? -
came in with her. "Mulder," she smiled, happy to see him. Scully felt safe, 
knowing he was there. "Mulder, help untie me." She struggled to get her 
wrists unbound. He didn't move, didn't even acknowledge her. "Mulder?"

	Ignoring her, he read over her chart, nodding to himself. "Mulder?" What 
was he doing? The men with the medical masks vanished, leaving her alone 
with him. Mulder unstrapped the restraints, freeing her. "Mulder, what's going 
on? Where are we?" He stared at her with his emotionless hazel eyes, still 
saying nothing. <Don't panic, Dana> she told herself. Scully began sitting up 
when Mulder joined her on the table. "Mul. . ." He brought her mouth up to 
his, silencing her. Mulder tasted just as she remembered; Scully opened her 
mouth to allow his probing tongue the entrance it wanted. He laid her back 
down, mouth still dueling. She wanted this for so long, but something wasn't 
right. <You think too damn much> she laughed at herself. Scully moaned as 
his mouth descended around her nipple. Involuntarily, she pressed herself 
against him hard, longing for more contact than he allowed her. Mulder nuzzled 
her earlobe with his tongue, whispering so she had to strain to hear him.
"You're 
so. . .you're so damn beautiful. Where's Mulder now, huh, Red?" Scully froze 
and opened her eyes, amazed to find Mulder's apartment around her. 

	"No! Mulder!" She sat up with a start, sweating, feeling her heart beating 
wildly. It was so real. It was. . .Mulder. Scully sobbed against the cushion of

her couch. Dreams like this - fragments of her attack incorporating themselves 
with thoughts of Mulder - had caused her to awaken, alone and afraid, at all 
hours of the night. Now, it seemed, they had crossed over into day. She just 
wanted her life back to the way it was before everything. Before she was raped.

She wanted to get yelled at by Skinner because of the latest case they had 
been on. She wanted to get disgusted at the way Mulder annoyingly left the 
shells of his damn sunflower seeds in a growing pile by his desk after she told

him to clean it up. She wanted to laugh again, to smile again. To be able to 
spend a night in her own bed, rid of the dreams that haunt her. To be herself, 
not this new, frightened at everything version of Dana Scully she had become.
She began to wonder if things could ever go back to that.

	Someone poked her shoulder, startling her. She shot up again, hand over chest,
and met Nikolas' eyes. "Dana, you're bleeding." He offered her his
handkerchief. She accepted it, dabbing at her nose.

Another nose bleed. She was getting them more frequently now than when 
she had her cancer. "What are you doing here?"

	"I stopped by to see how you were. Are you okay?"

Finishing with the handkerchief, a faint smell hit her nose. Oh, God. She 
dropped the cloth into her lap. "I probably just hit myself or something. I'm
fine."

He smiled. "Good." He stood, straightening his navy blue tie. "I have a 
meeting to attend to, but I can stop by later."

	"It's not necessary. I'm okay now. Nothing major. Just a bad dream."

	"You screamed Mulder's name. Was he in your dream? Were you 
remembering?"

Scully walked in the kitchen, turning on the water. "I'd just as soon like to 
forget about it, if you don't mind."

	"Sure. I'll see you in a couple of hours." 

She sighed against her counter. <I'll make some tea> she thought. <That, and 
a walk will settle my nerves.> Scully ran a hand over her red hair and looked 
out her window. She saw Nikolas standing in front of her building, talking into

his cell phone. She was grateful that he came over periodically to check on 
her, but she didn't like the way he pushed her to remember Mulder raped her. 
She would recover the memory soon enough, but it would be on her terms, not 
his. A black car pulled up. Scully wondered who it could be. The whistle of 
her tea pot sounded. And she didn't think anything of it when she saw a 
cloud of smoke exit from the inside of the car.

End of (09/12)

Author's Note:
"Closer" by Nine Inch Nails
"Until It Sleeps" by Metallica
were used without permission. No infringement intended.

Part (10/12)

March 1, 1999
Washington General, psychiatric ward
Room 0115
Washington, D.C.
8:05 PM

*~*~*
I don't have love to share,
and I don't have one who cares,
I don't have anything,
since I don't have you
-Guns 'N' Roses-
*~*~*

	Scully walked down the corridor, standing in front of room 0115. She
contemplated walking in; would he want to see her? Could they find the 
truth through each other? And, most importantly, could they handle the truth? 
She sighed, knocking twice before entering. Mulder was on the bed in 
restraints, his attention to the corner. He didn't look up at her as the door 
closed behind her; she didn't leave, despite the voices that told her to do 
otherwise. Stubble grew on his face, evidence he hadn't shaved in a few days. 
Her eyes fell on the bandage on the left side of his forehead. Red blood shone
through, a painful reminder to her. Scully walked slowly to his bed and, when 
she touched his hand with her own, he didn't move. All throughout their 
partnership, they had always shared such a deep connection, Scully could be 
in a room with Mulder, blindfolded and without hearing him still know he was 
there by simply feeling his presence. She could see him, laying beside where 
she stood, and she could hear his ragged breathing, but she couldn't feel him.

*~*~*
Tears filled my eyes as we said our last good-byes
This sad scene replays of you walking away
My body aches from mistakes, betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much that in nothing we trust
I try to let go, but I know, we'll never end 'til we dust
We lied to each other again but I wish I could trust
-Megadeth-
*~*~*

	Mulder was surprised when he saw her enter his room. The bruising on her face
was in its final stages before fading. <The bruises that could be from these
hands> he thought uneasily, grinding his wrists into the restraints that chafed
him. He couldn't say definitely whether he had defaced her like that because he
couldn't remember. Mulder knew he left Scully's after Nikolas arrived and drove
to D.C. - to Casey's Lounge, he was sure of it. The events that followed 
were a bit hazy until he woke up in the room he was now in. But, according to
Skinner, he had never been in Casey's that night; no one, not even Jake the
bartender, said they saw him that night when they were questioned by Skinner. 
So, it was possible that he went home, Scully followed him for some reason 
that was unknown to him, and, for yet another reason that was beyond him, 
he. . .did those awful things he was accused of doing to her. He avoided 
Scully, avoided her eyes for fear of seeing that look that could confirm the
accusations. Mulder tried to reason with himself that he couldn't have been 
the one, he never - ever - would lay an unwanted hand on her; soon, though, 
he started to believe the story the evidence constructed. He couldn't 
remember! And there was only one way to the truth - through Scully. 
"Did I. . .did. . .is what. . .is it true what they said, Scully?" He turned
and 
faced her, waiting for her answer, damning or clearing him.

*~*~*
For a second of your life tell me that it's true
Waiting for a sign is all I want of you
Your heart it hides a secret
A promise of what is or something more than this
Just a second of your time any one will do
A taste of any other is all I want from you
Make-believe in magic, make-believe in dreams
Make-believe impossible, nothing as it seems
To see, touch, taste, smell, hear
But never know if it's real
For this second of your life tell me if it's true
Anywhere beyond is all I want of you
Your lips lies a secret
A promise of a kiss or something more than this
Another second of my life not knowing if it's true
Make-believe in nothing is all I want of you
Whisper me the secret whisper me there is
Always something other something more than this.
-The Cure-
*~*~*

	<He's asking me. . .if he raped me?> Scully couldn't mask the confusion she
felt. She searched his hazel eyes. "I don't know, Mulder. I can't remember."

It was his turn to look puzzled. "You can't remember?"

	"No." 

Her confession surprised him and he squeezed her hand gently, the only 
contact he could have with her. Mulder didn't know whether he should be 
happy for her memory loss or not. "I can't remember, either." Mulder sighed 
shakily. "Scully, I. . .I'm so sorry."

She squeezed back. "What's happened to us, Mulder?"

	"Something. I just haven't figured out what yet."

	"The police - they want me to confirm you as. . .as him, Mulder, but I 
can't."

	"Do you believe I could've done such a thing, Scully?" he said in a low voice.

She knew he somewhat expected her to agree, but she didn't. "No, never." 
Scully's thumb rubbed the back of his hand. "They've got you in here like some 
kind of psychotic animal." Her voice broke, betraying the calm exterior she was
fighting to control. "I believe, Mulder, that you are incapable of doing 
such. . .things to me, as he did. Not you."

His face was shadowed with concern. "The truth is in us, Scully. We just gotta
remember it."

Her face fell. "I don't want to."

	"Scully?" He paused, trying again when she didn't look up to him. "Scully,
it's not exactly something I want you to relive, but we need to know." 

Scully resumed eye contact with him and he notice the tears that threatened 
to fall. "I'm scared to remember, Mulder." 

He interlocked fingers with her, wishing he wasn't so restricted. "I'm scared, 
too, Scully. I'm so fucking scared I can't even think straight. I keep hoping, 
praying that I can remember something to prove it wasn't me, but, as much 
as I want to, I can't." She nodded her agreement, a few tears falling. "Aw, 
Scully. . .I didn't mean to make you cry."

	"I want to remember. I want to prove it wasn't you."
__________________________________________________________

Mulder exhaled a deep breath. "Are you sure?"

	"Yes." Scully covered his hand with her other one. "You left and I read 
your card."

He offered a weak smile. "You're wearing my ring." He strained to see it on 
her hand. Never had anything looked so right. "Do you like it?"

	"I love it," she reassured, "and I went back to your place to tell you that 
I. . .I broke it off with Nikolas, but you weren't there. So, I waited for
you." She 
closed her eyes at the memory. "I heard someone fumble with the lock; I 
naively assumed it was you. I called out to you, but no one answered. It. . .it

wasn't you." Scully clenched his hand. "I can't remember the things he did 
to me, Mulder. Only that he laughed at me when I tried to pray for you to 
come home and help me." A tortured cry escaped Mulder. "Then everything 
went black until I. . .I shot you." She opened her eyes and gently touched the
healing wound. "What did I do to you? Oh, God, Mulder. . ." Scully undid his
restraints; she needed to feel him and, as soon as the last buckle was undone, 
he took her in his strong arms, allowing her to grieve for the wrong that was 
done to her.

	"I'm so sorry, Scully. I should've been there for you," he murmured to her,
smoothing her hair with his hand. Mulder felt tears of his own begin to
surface. "I let you down, Scully. You needed me and I wasn't there for you."

	"No, Mulder, don't do this." She pulled away and gazed at him. "You 
didn't know."

	"But I should have. Dammit!"

Scully held his face. "As much as we'd like you to be, Mulder, you're not 
psychic. You couldn't have predicted what happened, even if you tried. You're 
not to blame, Mulder."

They held each other again and it was hard to determine who was comforting 
who. Her arms wrapped tightly around him; he kissed the top of her head. 
They were back. They were going to be okay. Somehow, everything would 
work itself out. "I have to go, Mulder. The nurse will be coming soon." She
disentangled herself from him. Mulder, immediately missing the feel of her 
body against his, held out his wrists to her so she could put the restraints 
back on.

	"I hope you're not planning to take advantage of me now, Scully, since I'm all
tied up," he joked.

She smiled in spite of herself, glad to see the old Mulder. "I'll be back,
Mulder. 
I need to prove you innocent first. You didn't rape me and, soon, everyone 
will know that." Scully paused and kissed the bandage on his forehead, 
maybe lingering a bit longer than she should have. "Does it hurt?"

	"Not too much anymore. I'm too drugged up to notice. Remind me never 
to piss you off again." She turned to leave when a nurse came in. "Scully?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Veritas nullus."

Her eyebrow shot up. What does that mean? She asked him with her eyes, 
hoping their silent communication hadn't been destroyed.

It hadn't. It means 'trust no one,' he answered her. And she didn't. There was 
no one left to trust now but him. As it always was. Her and Mulder against the 
world, round number 857. This time, they would come out victorious.

*~*~*
I have a smile, stretched from ear to ear
I stare for a while
The world around us disappears
It's just you and me on my island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you, a sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
But everytime I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot to tell you I love you
And night's too long, it's cold here without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say
I need you so
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*
___________________________________________________________

March 2, 1999
Washington General, psychiatric ward
Room 0115
Washington, D.C.
11:18 AM

*~*~*
I'm half the man I used to be
This feeling as the dawn, it turns to gray
I'm half the man I used to be
-Stone Temple Pilots-
*~*~*

	"Mr. Mulder?" Melissa, his nurse, came in, interrupting him from his thoughts.
In his short stay, he grew fond of the small brunette. Her blue eyes reminded
him of Scully's, and that comforted him. It was also her who had told her 
doctors it would be good to get him out of his bed and into doing normal 
things. She brought him a chair and, although he was still restrained, he 
could look out the window.

	"Yes?"

	"You have a visitor." Another thing he liked about Melissa. She got Scully in
to see him last night. Had she come back so soon? His back remained 
turned to the door; the footsteps he heard were all wrong; not Scully's soft 
heels clicking at all.

	"Scully?" he called, turning around.

	"Guess again." He was greeted by a male voice. 

Nikolas. 

"Get out." Nikolas smirked at him. "Melissa!"

	"She can't hear you." He stood so that he and Mulder were only separated by a
few inches. "How's that lovely partner of yours, Mulder?"

Scully. 

He did something to Scully. 

"Leave her alone."

	"Why, Mulder? Because you say so? You're in no position to have any 
say in anything concerning Dana anymore after what happened in your 
apartment. What a shame her rapist was never caught." Nikolas moved in 
closer to him. "You wanna know who's name she calls out?"

	"You fucking bastard," Mulder whispered. He pulled tightly on his wrists; 
the ties wouldn't give. He was bound to the chair. "You raped her, you fucking
bastard!"

	"Now, Mulder, calm down. It really isn't anything to get excited over. It 
was bound to happen anyway." He grinned. "You know, Mulder, I'm going to 
tell you a little story. Once upon a time, there was this redhead. Everybody - 
and I mean everybody - wanted to melt the ice and get into that body of hers." 

Mulder clenched his eyes, continuing his struggle against the restraints that 
held him back. The man that raped Scully - and possibly the six women before 
her - was right there and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. 

	"No, wait, here's the best part. The Ice Queen falls for another guy instead
of Spooky. Of course, Spooky becomes insane, no pun intended, with jealousyand
started buying the Ice Queen rings and everything. But in the end, Mulder, it
was me. I fucked her!" Nikolas laughed. "Picture this, if you can. I took her
on your couch. The whole time, she whispered your name. 'Oh, Mulder, help 
me, Mulder,' " he imitated Scully. "She was so tight and so hot. . .God,
Mulder, 
you don't know what you're missing." Nikolas laughed at himself. "Oh, wait, 
maybe you do. Everyone already thinks you went crazy and raped your partner
anyway!"

Mulder spit in his face. "Fuck you." This made Nikolas laugh harder. <He 
laughed at Scully like this> he thought. He twisted his wrists around as tight 
as he could and he heard a buckle snap. Looking down, his right hand was 
now free. Mulder ripped the left restraint off his wrist, without Nikolas' 
knowledge. Slowly, he stood. He would kill him with his own bare hands, 
if need be. He hurt Scully and that's all Mulder needed to know.

	"Hey! Wha--" was all he said before Mulder's hands flew around his 
throat. "Nurse! Nurse!" He laughed off Nikolas' please for help, much like, he
imagined, he did to Scully. Adrenaline coursed through his veins and he 
tightened his grip, provoking Nikolas to fall to his knees in pain. It felt
good to 
feel him struggling to get Mulder off of him.

	"This hurting you, Cavanaugh? Imagine all the pain you caused her 
everytime you hit her!" Mulder's hands tightened. "And everytime you touched 
her!" Tightened even further. "And everytime you raped you, you asshole!"

Melissa ran inside the room. "Mr. Mulder!" He let go of him without fighting 
him.

Nikolas, who tried to regain his breath, threw a dirty look at Mulder. "He's 
fucking crazy, man! Fucking insane. He tried to kill me!"

	"I think you should leave now," Melissa instructed. She turned to Mulder. "You
broke your restraints, Mr. Mulder." He nodded, his breath still coming in heavy
spurts. "What happened?"

	"It's him," he answered, laying back in his bed. "He's the one who raped 
my partner."
_____________________________________________________________
March 2, 1999
West Forty-Sixth Street
New York City, New York
4:00 PM

*~*~*
Things could be worse, but they couldn't be much more
Turn out the lights, close the door.
Oh, I'm tired of being me
Yeah, can't you see?
Tell me it's all right, help me believe
I'm tired of being me
-Streetcleaners-
*~*~*

	"It's time." Several heads turned to see who was talking. The smoking 
man tapped his Morley's box on the heel of his hand.

	"Something wrong?" the second elder asked. 

The young man fidgeted in his chair. "They made contact."

	"How?" The first elder instantly got to his feet. "This was something we 
arranged for you to prevent."

	"It couldn't be helped," the young man tried to explain. "It happened outside
of my presence."

	"This is what we've feared. Soon enough, they'll be able to fit the pieces 
together and. . ." the third elder trailed off.

	"And nothing!" The smoking man threw down the pack. "We will rectify 
the mistake immediately. The plan will be moved into Phase Three."

	"Isn't that a little risky?" the fourth elder asked.

	"Mulder and Scully together are far more powerful than Mulder and Scully
alone," the second elder reminded.

	"It's too dangerous," the British gentleman said. "Mulder and Scully 
are becoming suspicious. And we know how Mulder gets when he's in that
mindframe."

	"New players are being added to the game board," the smoking man replied. "We
will carry out Phase Three with caution."

	"Excuse me, sir?" A man entered the room.

	"Yes?"

	"We're, uh, experiencing some. . .difficulties with the young woman, sir. Your
presence is requested; we need to know how to proceed." The smoking man 
nodded in his direction and the man exited.

	"Again?" the young British man asked.

	"I'll deal with it." The smoking man opened the door.

	"Wait!" The young man crossed the room. The smoking man lit a cigarette and
raised it to his lips. Inhaled. "What do I do if Dana starts asking me 
questions about Mulder?"

Exhaled. 

"Deny everything, of course."

*~*~*
I hurt myself today to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away but I remember everything
what have I become, my sweetest friend?
everyone I know goes away in the end
you could have it all my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of shit on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time the feeling disappears
you are someone else I am still right here
if I could start again a million miles away
I would keep myself, I would find a way
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*

End of (10/12)

Author's Note:
"Since I Don't Have You" perf. by Guns 'N' Roses
"Trust" by Megadeth
"More Than This" by The Cure
"I Love You" by Sarah McLachlan
"Creep" by Stone Temple Pilots
"Tired Of Being Me" by the Streetcleaners
"Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails
were used without permission. No infringement intended.

Part (11/12)

March 3, 1999
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, Maryland
6:19 PM

*~*~*
So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to us baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see
I'll never find anyone to replace you
Guess I'll have to make it through, this time -
Oh this time
Without you
-Guns 'N' Roses-
*~*~*

	Scully looked, exasperated, at her front door. Somebody kept knocking 
and then, mumbling something. Who was it? It wasn't Skinner; she hadn't 
talked to him in a few days. Nikolas? She'd kill him just for interrupting her 
movie. She wasn't in the mood for another one of his visits. Her mother? As 
far as she remembered, she was still in Texas with Charlie. Who could this be? 
She rose, wearily, and looked through the peephole. Oh. . .God. She wasn't in 
the mood for this, either. She was trying to relax after a long day in the
office of 
the X-Files, trying to finish the abundant number of expense reports for cases 
Mulder had put off doing, and she really wanted to get back to "The Shining" 
before she missed her favorite part. Opening the door a few inches, she glared
irritatedly at the men in front of her. "What?" she groaned. Nice wasn't an
option anymore.

	"Scully, can we come in?" The long-haired one asked.

	"It's really important. Things you should know," the suited one asked. It 
always amazed her how much he stuck out like a sore thumb.

The old one simply leered at her. "What are you wearing under that robe, 
Agent Scully?" 

She rolled her eyes in response and pulled her robe around her tighter. She 
could picture Mulder as Frohicke in a few years. "What brings you guys here? 
Don't you have some secret government covert operation to exploit?"

	"That's what we came here to do, honest," Langley said.

	"I'm really going to regret this, but, come in." Scully stepped aside, 
gazing longingly at the couch she left. "And this better be quick, because I'll

shoot you. And, if it isn't important, I'll shoot you twice."

	"May I?" Byers nodded towards her chair.

	"Knock yourself out." Langley sat on the floor; Frohicke joined her on the
couch. "All right, out with it. What's up?"

Byers reached into his briefcase and pulled out two of what she made out 
to be medical charts. One was Mulder's, the other was. . .hers? 

	"What are you doing with these? I've already seen them."
	
	"Then you know about the nameless drug you were given?" Langley 
continued.

	"Drug? We were given plenty of drugs. Sedatives, pain medication --"

	"Something that probably set this whole thing in motion, too," Frohicke 
said, lowering his head. "Scully, we're really sorry about --"

She held up her hand to abruptly cut him off. "It's okay, thanks." She could 
do without delving into the whole Mulder-rape discussion again; she didn't 
need reminders of that plaguing her already terror-filled dreams. Setting both 
of the charts on the table side by side, she sat on the floor, looking for
evidence 
to back up their claims. Sure enough, something she, in all her years of
medical practice, had never heard of, was consistent in both of their charts.
Whatever it 
was -- ironically labeled with an X and nothing more - both had a high dosage
of 
it in their respective hospitals. "My God, what the hell is this?"

	"We searched every medical database," said Byers.

	"Hacked through various hospitals and medical centers we could," Langley
contributed.

	"And we're still stumped," finished Frohicke. "So, that's why we're here. 
We figured you might know."

Scully scrambled to her feet, rushing to the bookshelf that contained her 
various medical journals and other literature. "This is nothing I've ever seen 
before." She began rummaging through the text. "I don't know how this even 
got into us. And at such a high level!"

	"At a number like that I'm sure you experienced some kind of abnormal 
side effects, Agent Scully," Byers said.

She froze in mid-search. Side effects. She thought about her weakness, 
constant nausea and other things she just attributed to the aftermath of her 
attack. <God, what happened to us?> "I have to tell Skinner," she whispered. 
"Mulder would've had to have effects, too, which is why he was given the pain
medication."

Langley chuckled. "How could he not? You two almost o.d.'d on the stuff!"

	"Which means. . .oh, God!" Scully quickly ushered them to the door. "You have
to leave now. I have to go over this stuff."

	"But--" Byers interrupted.

	"Thank you, guys. I owe you big time." She opened the door and pushed 
them out.
	
	"Scully!" Langley began.
	
	"Bye!" She closed the door behind them, now in her Doctor Scully mindset. She
returned to the charts, interpreting the medical notations made on each. The
drug had to be ingested somehow, in something they both ate or drank the night
of her birthday and of January 11. It wasn't the cake, or even the popcorn.
That only left. . .the milk! Both had drank milk on her birthday and she drank
milk with her coffee on the 11th. Mulder was complaining of headaches, 
dizziness and nausea. Scully picked up her cell phone, smiling with an 
excitement she hadn't had since this whole ordeal began. <I'm going to prove 
them wrong> she thought to herself. <All of them.>

*~*~*
I am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you then my heart won't let me right
Cause I've drowned in you and I won't pull through
Without you by my side
Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight
-Mariah Carey-
*~*~*
______________________________________________________________
March 3, 1999
3170 West 53 Road - Apt. # 35
Annapolis, Maryland
7:17 PM

	Scully sat cross-legged on her couch, a lit cigarette dangling from her 
fingers. She hadn't smoked in years, an old remedy for calming her down, and 
yet, here she was, bringing it to her lips once again. An abrupt knock startled

her. She reached over the ashtray for her Sig Sauer 9 mm, raising it and 
walked to the door. "Agent Scully?" a voice called. Lowering her weapon, she 
knew it was Skinner. She opened the door and stepped aside, offering access 
into her apartment. "Sir," she said, formally.

	"I never knew you smoked."

She extinguished the cigarette as quickly as she had lit it. "I don't." She 
reholstered her weapon.

Uncomfortably, he sat in her chair. "What is this meeting about, Agent 
Scully?"

	"Sir, I was wondering if I could talk to you off-record."

	"Concerning?"

	"Agent Mulder . . . and the events leading to and around my assault."

	"Something you've remembered about the incident, I'm assuming."

	"No, sir. Something that was recently brought to my attention." Scully 
pushed two folders - one with a Washington General emblem, the other with 
one from Northeast Georgetown Medical Center - to the end of the coffee 
table. Skinner picked up both, beginning to read the one from Georgetown. 
"What am I looking for?" he asked, unable to decipher what was in front of 
him.

	"An unidentified agent was listed as being administered previous to both 
my hospitalization and that of Agent Mulder."

	"An unidentified agent?" he repeated with uncertainty as to what that 
meant.
	"One that I myself haven't been able to distinguish, sir. After various
testing and vigorous researching, I cannot even begin to tell you what this is,
only 
what side effects arose from the introduction."

	"Agent Scully, I must ask. Is this a last attempt of yours to clear your 
partner's name?"

	"Sir, I'm not sure. I just want to know what we were exposed to without 
our consent." Her cerulean eyes fixated on his. "Although I cannot presently
collaborate with Agent Mulder's version of events, I want you to know, sir, I 
have no knowledge of being given this substance, nor do I recall it being given

to Agent Mulder. I do, however, think we ingested it in some milk I have in my
refrigerator." She ran her fingers lazily through her hair as Skinner replaced
the charts. "What I can clearly say is that, after both myself and Mulder were
given 
this, we both have sustained what I believe to be temporary memory loss, though

I also believe mine to be worse than his, due to the heightened state of my 
prolonged exposure to this. 

	"On January eleventh, Mulder came to my apartment so we could begin 
our investigation of this rapist by stating our respective views. I must say
now, 
that this case we were beginning bears more than a trivial resemblance to the 
one we are currently in ourselves. I was ill and Agent Mulder spent the 
night. . .with me. . .in my bed. . .at my insistence. All of this, of course, 
was relayed back to me from both Mulder and my mother since I had, and 
still have, no recollection of this."

	"How did you come about this information? I'm sure neither hospital 
made the connection."

	"I'm not at liberty to say."

	"Agent Scully, I thought you wanted this off record."

	"I do, sir. But I feel the need to withhold the name or names out of 
obligation to my source."

	"All right." Skinner shifted slightly in the chair. "I'm not exactly sure what

to say. If what you're saying is true --"

	"It is, sir, all of it. But there's more. I am now beginning to believe Agent 
Mulder is not my attacker, and, therefore, should not be charged as so."

*~*~*
If we could see tomorrow, what of your plans?
I was the one who's washing blood off your hands.
I know the things you wanted, they're not what you had.
With all the people talking, it's driving you mad.
If I was standing by you, how would you feel?
I thought I could live in your world, as years all went by.
And when you're in need of someone, my heart won't deny you. 
So many seem so lonely with no one left to cry to, baby.
Don't you cry tonight - I still love you, baby.
Don't you cry tonight.
-Guns 'N' Roses -
*~*~*

	Skinner's eyebrows shot up; she instantly knew how Mulder felt 
whenever she was skeptical. "I thought you couldn't remember anything 
about that night. Is there something you've voluntarily withheld from me?"

	"No."

He saw Scully frown. He didn't mean to sound so accusing, but he wanted to 
get to the bottom of this, and, through her was the only way to do that. "Well,

then, what makes you so sure of Mulder's innocence?"

	"He and I both share the memory loss, I know of that. But since we 
were exposed to the same substance, we should have the same effects 
from it, which clearly we didn't. The night of January 11th, a night of which I

most likely was overexposed, I had a high fever, accompanied by slight 
convulsions and nausea. I also had a nosebleed; although reoccurances in 
me are likely, that was the worst I'd had so far. Mulder shared my memory 
loss and high fever, but his symptoms included a pounding headache and
lightheadedness. Those, of course, could be attributed to his high alcohol 
intake that night, any prescription or other medical drug he could've taken 
outside my presence or simply the fact that he's a man. I cannot say with 
certainty what altered the effects, but I can say with the dosage amount he 
had in him, he wouldn't have been able to hit a fly, let alone me. Physically, 
he wasn't well enough; almost like a bad flu or virus took hold of him, as it 
did with me twice. And, sir, why would Agent Mulder voluntarily expose himself 
to this? He couldn't have possibly known the effects from it. I don't even 
know where he could've gotten it from. I've never seen or read about anything 
like it." She paused to make sure he was understanding the medical evidence 
she'd come to realize. 

	"Also, I'm sure of your knowledge about the X-File we were working on 
that parallels this scenario. I'm sure, if we see the files on the three
victims, 
this unknown drug will be consistent with them, as will the effects from it."

	"Details regarding the rapes were made public," Skinner added.

	"Exactly. Agent Mulder suspected this wasn't a random attacking, but one of a
serial sex offender. Now, granted, since Mulder was working on the profile 
of the attacker, it is plausible that he could've thrown in mistakes to throw
me 
off track. But, not only was Mulder nowhere in the vicinity of where the other 
crimes took place, but he was with me working on other cases. I even double
checked all the dates to make sure. The case against Mulder just doesn't 
add up, and, frankly, doesn't make any sense."

	"You've given this a lot of thought."

	"As I should, sir. I don't want an innocent man to be indicted for crimes 
he did not commit." Skinner stood, taking hold of his keys. "Where are you
going?"

	"I'm going to take you to your mother's. While you're there, I'm going to 
see what I can do about getting Mulder released." Scully got to her feet.
"Don't 
tell anyone, for any reason, where you are." Locking the door behind her, they
walked out to his car. Skinner took out his cell phone, dialing the number for
Washington General. 

	"Washington General Psychiatric Ward Nurses' Station, how may I help 
you?"

	"Yes, this is Walter Skinner with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. 
You currently have one of my agents admitted there, Fox Mulder. I would 
like to speak with his doctor, please."	

	"I'm afraid that isn't possible, Mr. Skinner."
	
	"Not possible?"
	
	"No. Mr. Mulder is no longer a patient here. He's been discharged."

End of (11/12)

Author's Note:
"Estranged" by Guns 'N' Roses
"My All" by Mariah Carey
"Don't Cry [alt. lyrics]" by Guns 'N' Roses
were used without permission. No infringement intended.

Part (12/12)

March 3, 1999
1029 Cedar Crest Terrace
Baltimore, Maryland
8:25 PM

*~*~*
Why are you doing this to me?
am I not living up to what I'm supposed to be?
why am I seething with this animosity?
I think you owe me a great big apology
 terrible lie
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*

	Skinner paced back and forth across Maggie Scully's empty living room. 
He was at a loss for what to do next. Mulder disappeared from the hospital 
and, now, his worried extended from Scully to her partner. "Hello?" Skinner 
reached for his gun, knowing that voice was not Scully's. "Mrs. Scully?" 
Mulder came into the living room, going face to face with his superior. "Uh, 
hello, sir."

	"Where the hell have you been, Mulder? I don't remember authorizing 
your discharge."

Mulder ignored the question, instead looking around the empty house. 
"Where's Scully?"

	"Why should I tell you?"

	"I believe she's in danger, sir. That's why I came here."

	"The only danger she's in is around you." Skinner and Mulder turned 
around to find Bill Scully staring back at the two. "I want you gone, Mulder. 
Dana doesn't need you adding to her problems."

	"Mind your own business." Scully's brother or no, Mulder wasn't about to 
get pushed around by Bill when he needed to protect Scully. No way.
	
	"Dana's my sister. It is my business." Bill grabbed Mulder's shoulders 
and forcefully pulled him toward the door.

	"Get off me, Bill," Mulder warned, pushing him. Bill reached back and 
punched him in the stomach; Mulder bowled over, giving him the opportunity to 
kick him. Falling to the floor, he pulled Bill's legs out from under him,
causing 
him to fall alongside of him. Mulder punched Bill twice in the face. 
	"Mulder, stop!" Scully called out. "What the hell's gotten into you?" He did
as she asked, standing in spite of his pain.

*~*~*
I really don't know what you mean.
seems like salvation comes only in our dreams.
I feel my hatred grow all the more extreme.
 can this world really be as sad as it seems
don't take it away from me.
I need someone to hold on to.
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*

	"I'm, uh, sorry, Scully." He nodded towards Bill, who laid on the floor.

	"Go back upstairs, Dana," he said.

	"Don't order me around like some little girl, Bill," she argued.

	"I didn't do it, Scully." Mulder walked over to her slowly.

She nodded. "I know."

	"But how?"

	"I remember. . .everything. It wasn't you." Scully slipped her hand into his.

	"Can you positively identify your attacker, Agent Scully?" Skinner asked.

Her grip tightened around Mulder's hand. "Sir, my attacker was that son of 
a bitch who just walked through the front door," she pointed.

	"Dana," Nikolas called out to her.

*~*~*
 there's nothing left for me to hide.
I lost my ignorance, security and pride.
I'm all alone in a world you must despise.
 I believed that promises, your promises and lies
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*

	"Agent Cavanaugh," Skinner started.

	"Dana, get away from him," Nikolas warned, approaching her and 
Mulder. 

Scully put her hand around Mulder's arm, making sure he stayed with her 
instead of attacking Nikolas. "Go to hell."

	"It's too late, Cavanaugh. She remembered the truth," Mulder said.

	"Come with me, Dana," Nikolas continued, extending his hand to him. "We can
talk."

	"Agent Cavanaugh, I'm afraid you'll have to come with me," Skinner 
said, approaching him.

He pulled out his Sig Sauer. "I'm not leaving without her."

Mulder pulled out of Scully's clutches. "You heard the man, Cavanaugh. 
Scully's staying here."

	"Uh-uh." Nikolas looked pleadingly to Scully. "Come on, Dana. Please."

	"Get out, Nikolas," she replied.

Both Skinner and Mulder closed around Nikolas when Bill stood up, plowing 
into the back of Nikolas. He pulled the trigger of his Sig, two bullets cutting

through the air. "NOOOOOOOO!" Scully screamed.

*~*~*
you made me throw it all away, my morals left to decay.
how many you betray, you've taken everything
my head is filled with disease, my skin is begging you please.
I'm on my hands and knees, I want so much to believe.
I gave you everything, my sweet everything
-Nine Inch Nails-
*~*~*
______________________________________________________________
March 3, 1999
1029 Cedar Crest Terrace
Baltimore, Maryland
9:09 PM

*~*~*
I looked into your eyes they told me plenty I already knew
you never felt a thing so soon forgotten all that you do
in more than words I tried to tell you, the more I tried I failed
& I would stand by you no matter what they'd say, I would
I thought I'd be with you until my dying day
I used to think my life was often empty a lonely space to fill
you hurt me more than I ever would have imagined you made my world stand still
& in that stillness there was a freedom I never felt before
-Sarah McLachlan-
*~*~*

	Scully's eyes darted around the room, nervously, trying to figure out 
where the bullets had hit. Nikolas was on the floor under Bill, so it wasn't
them. 
She looked to Mulder in fear, who shared her expression as he saw the blood 
on her. Was she shot? "It wasn't me," she confirmed. That left Skinner, 
who was looking down at his leg. Scully ran over to him. "Lay down, sir," she 
said, trying to quickly find out how much damage was done. She took off her
sweatshirt, leaving a small tank top underneath, and pressed against the 
wound. He was bleeding so much. "Bill, we need an ambulance!"

	Mulder knocked the gun out of Nikolas' hand and the two picked up where they
had left off. Nikolas was on Mulder, with his hands around his neck. 
Mulder rolled over and the situation was reversed. 
	
	"Bill, hurry!" Scully cried. Skinner moved underneath her hand. "Sir, you're
going to have to stay still. We're getting help." 

Nikolas threw Mulder back underneath him; with two fistfuls of hair, he smashed

his head against the hardwood floor, repeating each movement after hearing the
gratifying sound Mulder's skull made. 

	"Mulder!" Scully turned to Skinner, who was fighting consciousness. His 
blood continued to flow everywhere. "Sir?" Scully shook him violently. <Please 
don't let him die now, God> she thought. His eyes fluttered open. "Sir, I need 
you to hold this against your leg. Sir? Can you do that?" Skinner nodded 
inaudibly. 

Nikolas reached for his gun. Not too far away. . .just a little more. . .a
little bit 
more. . .His fingertips grazed the black metal. He quickly put it in his hand
and 
held it at Mulder's head, cocking off the safety.

	"Freeze!" Scully shouted, bringing her own gun up to his head. "I've got 
you, Nikolas. You so much as breathe wrong and I'm gonna blow your fucking 
brains out."

	"Come any closer, Dana, and I'll shoot him." Mulder looked up at her; she
didn't return his gaze. Her blue eyes concentrated on Nikolas.

	"Drop your weapon and step away from my partner."

	"I can do it without blinking. Isn't that what they taught us in Quantico? 
Don't think of your mark as a person - think of them as a target. And then 
eliminate the target." He pressed the barrel into Mulder's temple. "I really
didn't 
want it to have to come to this, Dana, but you forced me to. Drop your weapon."

	"I'm placing you under arrest, you fucking dickhead, for the sexual assault of
a federal agent, obstructing justice and the attempted assassination of 
the Assistant Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. You have the 
right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a 
court of law." Scully moved closer, step by step, and threw back the hammer. 
"You have the right to an attorney." Step, step. "If you cannot afford one, one

will be appointed to you." Step, step. She now stood right in front of Nikolas 
and Mulder. Sirens of ambulances blared in the distance, growing closer. "Do 
you understand these rights as I have explained them to you?"

	"Scccuuullllllleeeeee. . ." Mulder called.

	"Stop right there, Dana." His finger twitched by the trigger. "You don't
really want to play the game of 'who's gun is faster,' do you?"

	"Do. You. Understand. These. Fucking. Rights. As. I. Have. Explained. 
Them. To. You?" she yelled through clenched teeth. "Get off Agent Mulder 
now!" Nikolas pulled back on the trigger, but she reacted first, firing her
entire 
round into his body. The bullets sounded like popcorn, pop, pop, pop, as they
emptied from her gun. Mulder took in Scully's expression as Nikolas' lifeless 
body slumped over against the wall. At first, her eyes went wide with shock 
and her lips parted slightly to make a small O. Later, her lower lip trembled 
and she wrapped her arms protectively around herself, eyes watering but still 
locked on the body in front of her. She'd killed him. 

	"Give me the gun, Scully," Mulder said. Her Sig Sauer fell to her feet. 
	
	<No.> Was she the only one? Or had there been more? And just how 
many more? The more the amount of questions filled her head, the less 
amount of answers she had to go along with them. Scully ran up to him and 
started kicking him. Hard. She kicked him for everytime he kissed her. "You
asshole!" She kicked him for everytime he entered her against her will. "I hope

you rot in hell, you fuck!" She kicked him for everytime he made her think it 
was Mulder. "You fucking raped me!!" Mulder pulled her away from Nikolas' 
body as the paramedics walked into the house, splitting to attend to Nikolas 
and Skinner. Her hands went instinctively up to her face, her body shaking with

mute sobs that came freely. Her whole world, the perfect world she thanked 
God for everyday, dissolved. Scully then and there felt so unwanted, so 
openly stupid. Cursing herself for how she hadn't noticed this, how she could 
be so blindly aware of what was going on around her. 

	She felt a warmth come over her and she was lifted up. Peering at her 
partner, Scully half-expected to see an 'I told you so' look on his face, 
admonishing herself immediately for thinking that. Mulder's eyes offered her 
the support and strength she needed. He carefully laid her down on her 
childhood bed; he pulled her closer to his side in embrace, trying to soothe 
her pain as only he knew how to. Scully moved closer to him, thankful he knew 
this would closeness would make her feel better. It was all over now, yet, she 
found no pleasure in knowing Nikolas had died at her hand. She sniffled as 
her breathing slowed, shivering slightly under Mulder's hand that rubbed her 
back. She took comfort in feeling his heartbeat against her cheek, a calming 
noise that brought her a safe feeling.

	Mulder looked down at her, smoothing her hair with his right hand. <She's
fallen asleep> he observed. It was better that she had; she didn't need 
anymore reminders of what just happened. From the way she laid on his 
chest, he could smell her patented scent, apples and cinnamon. The most
delectable mixture, one he had always associated with her. Hell, he couldn't 
even eat an apple pie without thinking of her. Mulder heard the chirping of her

cell phone. Removing himself gently, she stirred against him. "I'll be right 
back," he whispered, answering the questions her eyes asked. "I have to get 
you something." Somewhat satisfied with his answer, she drifted off to sleep 
again and he left the room. "Hello?" he spoke into her phone.

	"Don't take the case in Vermont, Agent Mulder," a breathy voice cautioned.

	"What? Who is this?"

	"There will be more danger than you care to take on in Vermont. Leave the case
alone or you and Agent Scully will risk more than you ever have before."

	"Who are you?"

	"Now is not the time for introductions. I'm risking myself too much as it is.
Just remember what I told you, Agent Mulder," the voice continued persistently.
"Do not, under any circumstance, take this case in Vermont. I'll be in
contact." The dial tone buzzed loudly in his ear. Deciding not to read too much
into the warning, he walked into what was once Captain William Scully's study,
leaving with a blanket in hand.

	"You left," Scully said, now awake and pouting slightly, when he returned.
There was no arguing in her voice, just laden fatigue and pain.

	"I went to get you this." He wrapped her in a blue blanket, matching her 
equally blue eyes.

	"Ahab," she stated, offering him a slight smile. This was her favorite 
blanket. 

	"I figured you were cold."

There was more to it than that and they both knew it. Scully curled up with 
that blanket whenever something was troubling her. It reminded her of the sea,
which, in turn, reminded her of her late father. "Thanks, Mulder." She opened 
the blanket and touched the side of the bed next to her. 

	"Are you sure?" he asked.

She shook her head, motioning for him to join her. Scully fell asleep again,
her 
head on Mulder's chest and her heart on the way to repair as they walls around 
them finally collapsed.

*~*~*
Won't you let me catch your fall
Won't you let me land a hand
Those lonely eyes have seen it all
But love's too blind to understand
Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone
You need someone to show you how to live again
You wouldn't know that I was there
Cause I have been there all the time
And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms
And leave the madness all behind
Cause you got so much to give
But you throw it all away
And all you got to show for who you are is pain
And I've got so much to give
If you'd only let me in
I'm gonna take this time to show that I'm a friend
You'll believe in love again
I wanna be there in the pouring rain
I wanna be there when you call my name
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna fuel your flame
I wanna be there when I'm outta town
And when your damn world is crashing down
I wanna be there when your nights are long
And when you're feeling like you don't belong
I'm gonna be there in the morning
I'm gonna be there in the night
I'm gonna be there to make you strong when you're tired
I'm gonna be there when you want me
I wanna be there when you don't
Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end
-Blessid Union Of Souls-
*~*~*

The End
Loved it? Hated it? Let me know. :)

Author's Note:
"Terrible Lie" by Nine Inch Nails
"Plenty" by Sarah McLachlan
"I Wanna Be There" by Blessid Union of Souls
were used without permission. No infringement intended.