From tavia@initco.net Wed Feb 26 19:58:00 1997 Subject: Blinded From: Astarte Date: Wed, 26 Feb 1997 18:58:00 -0700 (MST) Blinded by Tracy E. Aiken and Astarte This story is PG. Classification SR. Summary: After years of working together and finally becoming involved as more than partners the agents are called into Skinner's office because their solve rate has dropped. Skinner sends them off to think about what they need to do. Mulder has an epiphany of sorts and thinks he's found the answer, which inadvertently causes quite a bit of tension between the agents. DISCLAIMER! You all know the score! Chris Carter, 1013 and Fox own and deserve credit for the X-Files universe and all of it's characters. The story itself belongs to the authors. We also use, without permission, the song, "She Blinded Me with Science" and make mention of "I'll Stand by You." There is absolutely no intent to profit by use of material and characters copyrighted by Fox/1013, Thomas Dolby, The Pretenders, or anyone else. We are only borrowing them for fun. This work may be archived as long as the authors names and this disclaimer remain intact. Mailing lists and others please obtain permission from the authors before posting or distributing in any way. September 19, 2001 10:00 am Today is the happiest day of my life. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams, my life partner, and one hour ago I found out that I'm pregnant. I've been waiting for this day for so many years, mostly in secret. There was a time when I couldn't even tell my mother about my relationship with Fox. Our job was just too dangerous. We did not want to give THEM any ammunition to use against us, and we did not want to be separated. Finally, when the impossible happened and Fox's sister Samantha was returned to him, relatively unharmed, it became possible for us to work our way out of the spotlight we'd been in. Oh, Fox still works in the X-Files division. He has 6 agents under him and a new partner that I actually trust. I consult frequently on their cases (frequently as in almost every case) but am not officially Fox's partner. That allows us to be open about our relationship. Officially I don't have a department. I do pathology work for almost every department in the area. I've garnered a little fame for myself in the accuracy of my autopsies and in the number of "clues" I am able to find that most people miss. I sincerely believe that it is my partnership with Fox Mulder that has brought this ability out in me. He has always challenged me to go beyond normal procedures and do better. Anyway, enough of that. I'm here to tell you the story of how I almost ruined it all. Today almost didn't come, and it would have been all my fault. Funny thing is, I owe thanks for helping save Fox and I from my own blindness to three sources. Firstly, then Assistant Director (now Director) Skinner. Secondly, The Lone Gunman. Thirdly, Thomas Dolby. Yes, I know you're confused now, but I'll explain it all. It was 1998. Fox and I had just finished up a case in Idaho. A family of eight had come down with a very strange illness. Four of them had eventually died, the other four had barely survived. Further investigation showed that similar incidents had occurred on the same farm 20 years and 40 years earlier. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ August 1998 "Ach. What a case." "You're telling me. You didn't get to dig through those people and find that... that.. stuff. I've never, ever seen anything destroy the human body in that way before. It was awful!" "Why yes, but I think they're going to name the fungus after you. Something like Scullicillin sounds good to me." "Mulder! I don't want them naming that stuff after me. I do NOT want to go down in the history books as a deadly potato fungus that only becomes toxic every 20 years!" "Ah Scully, think of the fame, the recognition, the OW!" Mulder exclaimed as I punched him in the arm. "All right Mulder, that does it. You're taking me out for pizza." "Oh, I am? Do you want potatoes on your pizza?" "Not really, but not because I'm afraid of potatoes now. It only infected the farmers because they actually handled it. Once the potatoes were rinsed off it wasn't a problem. I'm certain that cooking would kill it too." "Ooooo Scully, all this technical talk is so arousing OW!" he exclaimed again. True to form Mulder demanded anchovies on the pizza. I relented under the condition that we both eat salad as well. "Thanks for dinner, Mulder." "You're welcome. Are you going to invite me in for coffee, Scully?" "Mulder, if you come in here tonight, you won't be leaving and you need to go home tonight. Remember, you wanted me to make sure that you stayed in your apartment tonight?" I asked sadly, remembering that we were trying to protect ourselves. Mulder had slept over at my house many times before we were involved but now we had to be especially careful not to be found out. "Scully," he whined as he walked me into the hallway and to my door. "I know Mulder, I want you here, too, but not tonight, okay?" Leaning down, he kissed me softly, "I love you, Scully." "I love you, too, Mulder. Drive safely." I watched Mulder shuffle his feet all the way down the sidewalk to where he had parked his car. I had wanted him to stay, but knew he needed to spend most nights at home to avoid suspicion. I really wished they could be together without fear of discovery. The next morning, I was in the lab when Mulder walked in carrying coffee and a paper bag. "What's in the bag, Mulder." "Wouldn't you like to know," he said teasingly. "You came to the lab, I didn't go to the basement," I said beginning to make an incision into the stomach of the last victim of the potato fungus. "Can that wait?" Mulder asked. "Sure. What's wrong?" "Skinner wants to see us." "Do you know what's up?" "I'm not sure." "Theorize, Mulder," I said rather curtly, feeling annoyed that he'd gotten us in trouble again (Little did I know!), "I'm sorry," I said when I saw the hurt flash across his face. "Okay, Mulder, when's our meeting?" "Two, this afternoon. Here, I brought you some breakfast." "Thanks. Mulder...?" "Yes?" I gave him one of my biggest smiles to let him know that I loved him. He smiled back at me, understanding. "Want to have lunch later?" "Yes, about 12:30? We can plan strategy, okay?" "Deal. I'll see you later, Scully." ------- 2:30pm ------- "You wanted to see us?" I asked as we were ushered into Skinner's office. "Yes. Have a seat, please." I took note of the look on Skinner's face, the set of his jaw, and knew we were in for it. He had that sadly determined look he'd had every other time we'd done something to upset him and he had to ream us for it. "Have you been keeping tabs on your solve rate lately?" I shook my head no, thinking that I should probably keep better track, but Mulder answered somewhat hesitantly, "Yes sir." "Then you are aware, Agent Mulder, that you're solve rate is down significantly in the last eight months. Why do you think that is?" Skinner asked rhetorically. "Sir?" "There has been some speculation among my superiors about the cause of this decline." Both of us must have gone completely white, sure that we were caught and about to be separated. "However, I don't agree with their assessment. I believe that it is due to a change in your investigative style." "Sir?" Mulder said again. "I believe, Agent Mulder, that at some point in your partnership with Agent Scully you have ceased to look at the stranger cases in the same way you used to. You seem less open to 'extreme possibilities' as you put it. Your investigations are conventional, ordinary. You've tucked away that special ability of yours to see beyond the ordinary, everyday explanations. You really need to do something about this. This drop in efficiency rate is totally unacceptable. I want the two of you to take the rest of the day off and consider what it is that's causing this blindness that wasn't there before." Skinner paused and looked us both in the eye. "Dismissed, Agent Scully. Mulder, please stay for a moment." I let myself out, and only found out later what had gone on in the office after I left. "Sir?" Mulder asked again. "Mulder, I don't know what is going on between you and Scully but you're obviously letting her influence you heavily. You used to be a good balance for each other, she the scientific, you the extreme. However, it seems that she has pulled you over to her side and you are no longer looking at extreme possibilities. This must change immediately or I will be forced to separate you. It has only been your extremely high solve rate that has allowed me to keep you two together for this long, against the objections of many. I know that in the past I've been forced to chew you out for exactly the reason that you're investigations were so unorthodox. I want you to know, Mulder, that it wasn't me, ever. I have always tried hard to support you. Now, there are still many above me who want to shut down the X-Files. However, because of your connections, they find it somewhat difficult to do so. Your solve rate has been one of your saving graces. When slapped in the face with such an unbelievable statistic, your opponents sputter and *cough*." Skinner emphasized cough and knew that Skinner was handing him a clue. "If you don't pick it back up Scully will go back to Quantico and you will go back to VC. I'm sorry Mulder, but this is how it has to be. Take some time to consider this. Dismissed." Mulder stood in front of the elevator waiting for it to arrive. Soon he'd have to face me and that he was dreading. He had to face the fact that he'd given up some of his more creative ideas but somewhere in his subconscious he felt that that's what made me happy and hence anything that made me happy usually made him happy. But this time something was different. Had he changed just because of our relationship, he wondered. We'd always had a great relationship, even before we were anything more than friends and our solve rate had been 75%, one of the best in the bureau. So what had changed? He didn't really want to think this way but he knew, it was me. He wasn't blaming me really, just acknowledging a fact. Finally the elevator arrived and thankfully it was empty. Mulder walked down the dark and silent hallway to our office in the basement. He hesitated outside the door for a few minutes. He could hear me inside slamming drawers closed and banging the keys on my keyboard. He knew I was angry and didn't understand. He was the one who was really getting into trouble, not me. Slowly he opened the door and peered around the corner to see what I was doing. I was staring at the screen and all of a sudden threw a pencil across the room. "What did that pencil ever do to you?" "Mulder...." "What," he said smiling. "You can wipe that smirk right off your face," I scowled. "Scully, so we work a bit harder, what's the big deal?" "What's the big deal we are using proper scientific method and tried investigative tools to solve our cases and we just got yelled at for it so you tell me, what's the big deal?" He could see that I was mad. But, he wasn't really sure who I was more mad at, Skinner or him. He walked over to his desk, grabbing his wallet out of the top drawer and put it in his pants pocket and reached for his jacket. "What are you doing?" "Going for a walk." "Just a walk?" "What do you mean, just a walk?" "I asked where you were going." "No, you asked what I was doing." "Okay, let's make this simple, where are you going?" "Out." "Damnit, Mulder," I said sitting down in my chair and turning back to my computer. "I'm going to see the Gunmen and catch up a bit, I haven't seen them in a while. If you must know." "Those FLAKES? Mulder I thought you were over spending your time with those kinds of people!" "They're NOT flakes!" yelled Mulder. "Okay, so maybe they're a little flaky, but they aren't flakes. They ARE my friends." "With friends like that...." "This is exactly the problem Scully!" Yelled Mulder, slamming the door behind him. Mulder was angry but he wasn't sure who to be angry with. He wasn't even sure how it had come to this. He hadn't been aware of letting go of the extreme possibilities and turning to face "science" alone. He wasn't at all sure how he had gotten to this point. I just sat in the office stunned I had wanted to talk to him about our chat with Skinner but somehow things got all screwed up and we just ended up yelling at each other. That never solved anything, it only ended up hurting us more. Mulder slammed his car door and squealed his tires as he left the parking garage. He turned up the stereo so loud he could barely make out the words anymore. It was only a very loud thumping sound but he really didn't care. After driving around for a few minutes he began to calm down a bit. Not enough to call me yet, but he was well on his way to being completely calm and in control again. He hated it when he got this way. He felt out of control and reckless and when he was reckless he could get himself into a lot of trouble and this time I wasn't with him. "Hell," he thought to himself, "I got along fine before Scully, I can again. I don't need her to bail me out of every situation." Arriving at the Lone Gunmen offices Mulder walked in with a much more uncertain demeanor than he had ever shown in the past. Frohike was the first to greet him, "Mulder! Long time no see! How's that hot redheaded babe doing?" "Hey Fro. She's all right. She's probably mad at me right now, but she'll get over it." "Hey guys," yelled Frohike to Byers and Langly, "Mulder's here!" The other two gunmen emerged from a back office, grinning. "Hey Mulder, it's great to see ya!" Greetings were exchanged all around. "Now," asked Byers, "what can we do for you? Have you dug up something especially interesting for us to look over?" "No, actually this call is of a more personal nature. I need some advice." "What is it Mulder?" asked Frohike, concerned. "You know us, we're a regular old 'Dear Abby' around here. You got some kinda sexual problem? That's my specialty." "Frohike!" snapped the other two gunmen. "All right so it's not that. Anyway, out with it Mulder." "Well, guys, you've probably noticed that the X-Files Division solve rate is down significantly." Mulder received three grunts in affirmation. "Skinner called us in today about it. He feels that I've turned away from extreme possibilities and am regarding science as the only answer. I don't know how I got this way. I don't know what happened. I haven't been in to see you guys in ages, and I know that there were a few cases you really could have helped me with." Frohike cut in, "Yeah, we've noticed. We've been thinking that things have been a little strange since about a month after you and Scully started to have 'relations'," he stated, not bothering to censor the bitterness from his voice. "H-h-how do you know about that?" Mulder was a little scared. If the Gunmen knew, who else might know? "Then Gunmen know all," stated Byers. "You two have been careful, though, we don't believe that anyone else knows." Mulder felt a wave of relief wash over him. "So you are saying that my relationship with Scully has something to do with it?" "Well, we're not sure, really. It seems logical though, that as her influence over you grew, with this new level to your relationship, that something of this nature could happen if you weren't on guard," stated Langly. "Hmmmm. Well, you have certainly given me something to think about. Thanks. I think I'll go get some food. I'm kinda hungry." The Gunmen said good-bye to Mulder, hoping that he'd be back sooner this time. Frohike shook his head sadly as he had often done in the time since Mulder and I had taken our relationship beyond platonic. Mulder stopped at a local bagel shop on the way home for a sandwich. As he climbed back into his car, the song on the radio caught his attention. It was old. It was an '80's tune. He remembered it. "It's poetry in motion she turned her tender eyes to me as deep as any ocean as sweet as any harmony mm - but she blinded me with science 'she blinded me with science!' and failed me in biology" Suddenly something clicked for Mulder. Quickly he pulled out his cell phone and hit speed dial one. "Scully." came the voice on the other end. "Scully, it's Mulder. Turn on your radio to 107.3. There's something on I want you to hear," with that he hung up. I did as he asked. I recognized the song as well. We both listened closely. "When I'm dancing close to her 'blinding me with science - science!' I can smell the chemicals 'blinding me with science - science!' 'Science! Science!' "mm - but it's poetry in motion and when she turned her eyes to me as deep as any ocean as sweet as any harmony mm - but she blinded me with science and failed me in geometry "When she's dancing next to me 'blinding me with science - science!' 'Science!' I can hear machinery 'blinding me with science - science!' 'Science!" "It's poetry in motion and now she's making love to me the spheres're in commotion the elements in harmony she blinded me with science 'she blinded me with science!' and hit me with technology "'good heavens Miss Sakamoto - you're beautiful!' I - I don't believe it! there she goes again! she's tidied up, and I can't find anything! all my tubes and wires and careful notes and antiquated notions" "but! - it's poetry in motion and when she turned her eyes to me as deep as any ocean as sweet as any harmony mm - but she blinded me with science 'she blinded me with - with science!' she blinded me with" I wasn't sure what Mulder was trying to tell me. Was he actually accusing me of deliberately manipulating him to use science as his base instead of imagination? Certainly I was pleased that he had done so, but I firmly believed that it was because I had somehow shown him the "light," so to speak. I was very angry. I could not believe that Mulder would accuse me of such a thing, and yet, it seemed that he was doing just that. I needed to run. Slamming the door, I went out into the warm summer air. Mulder, on the other hand was now driving towards my house with a smile. He understood what had happened, and how. He had been so eager to please me that he had unconsciously done what he knew I wanted, turning towards science and away from extreme possibilities. Now things could go back to the way they were before. Arriving at my house Mulder was worried to find that I wasn't home. Dialing my cell phone he could hear it ringing in the house. He decided to let himself in to wait. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" Going for a run had not made me any less mad. Now I was mad, tired and sweaty. Mulder was the last thing I wanted to see. "Scully?" Mulder did not understand my tone. "I came to talk to you about our solve rate and what has been happening. I think I understand now. That's why I called you so you would listen to that song. I think that explained part of it." "I can't believe you did that Mulder! Using a song on the radio to accuse me of.. of ... of doing something that horrible! You couldn't even come and face me yourself! Go, Mulder. Now!" Mulder wasn't sure what to think. He hadn't accused me of anything, had he? He had just found a way to understand and explain what had happened. But sometimes he even found it difficult to follow his thought patters. He could tell, though, that I was in no mood to talk. He thought it best to beat a hasty retreat. "Look, Scully, I'm not sure what you think I was trying to tell you but you seem to have misunderstood. I'm going to go now. Call me when you're ready to talk." With that he turned on his heel and was gone before I could say a word. "What is happening to us?" Mulder mused. "We used to be able to communicate so easily, not even needing words." But all that had changed. Somehow we'd become blinded to each other. Oh, we could still communicate certain things well, like when it was time to go around that corner, guns up, to find whomever we were chasing. We'd lost the ability, however, to communicate personal matters. Mulder slumped in the driver's seat and began fumbling with the radio. He heard a song that he hadn't heard in a while, and truthfully had never really paid attention to until now. The singer belted out the words that hit Mulder hard, "I'll stand by you, let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you." The words struck a chord, immediately bringing tears to his eyes. He dropped his head and listened to the rest of the song coming to realize just how much I meant to him. He knew I had to have heard the stories from the Academy about Spooky Mulder and yet I was willing to be his partner. Nobody else had stood by him. His father had only pushed him away and hurt him, blaming him for letting Samantha be taken. His mother, what could be said about Catherine Mulder? She had let William blame a helpless and defenseless twelve year old boy. They stole his innocence. It wasn't his fault, yet they didn't stand by him. Only I had stood by him. When he was ridiculed by other agents, I stood up for him. When my supposed friends questioned whether or not I should ask for a transfer after my abduction, I stood up to them, telling them that my place was with my partner that partners stick together and that none of it was his fault. Eventually, the office gossip got around to him, and he heard about that pressure. He never said anything at the time but I know now that he was deeply touched. He hadn't caused my abduction, I never blamed him, not for anything that happened, and there were plenty of instances that I could have, but I tried so hard to hold myself above that. In a way you could say that I was loyal to a fault. I stood by him, never letting anybody hurt him and now, what had he done? He'd gone and hurt me somehow, something that he found absolutely repugnant. He fell into a slump again, believing whole heartedly that he didn't deserve me, wondering how, until now I'd never left his side. He wondered if it wasn't for the best. How could he stand to lose me though? He sat in the car weeping openly now when his cell phone rang. "Mulder." "Fox, it's Emily. Are you okay, you sound upset?" "No, Emily, I'm fine. To what do I owe this pleasure? It is going to be a pleasure, isn't it?" He loved teasing his cousin. She had become something of a savior to him after Sam was taken, she was one of the few people he would talk to about that whole ordeal. "Of course it will be a pleasure," she said teasingly. "I'm in town and wanted to see if you wanted to have dinner and catch up?" "I'm glad you called, I'd love to have dinner with you. Where are you staying?" "The Mayflower, on Connecticut." "Great, I'll see you in about an hour, I need to go home and change." "I'll see you soon." Mulder disconnected the call and slowly pulled away from the curb and began his drive home. Meanwhile I had grabbed my favorite blue silk pajamas and gone into the bathroom. I ran myself a steaming tub full of bubbles and sank back into them. I let my mind wander. It didn't take long for it to wander to Mulder. I knew that I loved him, there was no question there, at least on my part. Maybe that was what he was trying to tell me, that we shouldn't be together anymore, other than as partners well, maybe not even as partners since he thought that I had "blinded him with science." I really didn't know what to do, for the first time in a very long period of time I didn't know what to do. So I decided that I needed a pep talk. Melissa, crazy as I had thought she way had always given me good pep talks. I wish now that I'd listened more often. What would Mel have said to me? I tried hard to imagine. "Okay, Dana, you've only been involved with him for a little while." No, Mel knew better. At first, when I was assigned to be "Spooky" Mulder's partner, I was skeptical, but I prided myself on trying hard not to prejudge anyone. I gave him a chance and immediately began to like him, as a person. I'd wondered how someone so obviously brilliant was so unliked? He was funny, kind and very polite. He had almost every good quality that was lacking in the rest of the agency. He'd given me a chance. Maybe we'd needed each other more in the beginning than we ever could have realized. Both of us were at a crossroads. I was fairly new to the bureau, needing someone to trust, someone who could show me the ropes without looking down on me because I was a woman, and somewhat small. Mulder just needed someone to trust, whether or not he'd ever admit this himself. I ended up filling that void. How did my life become so wrapped up in him? No, that wasn't even it. It wasn't just him, but the X-Files too. Is that all that my life was about? It couldn't be! There was my family. Well, brothers that I never saw... I didn't have a sister or father anymore. There's always mom, she's always there. Is that what my life's come to? Mulder and my mother? When was the last time that I saw some of my other friends? I realized that I couldn't remember the last time that I'd seen any of my other friends. But I also realized that I was happy with Mulder and the X-Files. I could have left any time, asked for a transfer, but I didn't and I think I know why. Mulder satisfies that need to feel needed and loved. I'm not missing out, I have everything that I need. Maybe Mulder needs more, maybe that's what he was trying to say to me. I don't know, but whatever it is we'll get through it together. I decided that I should call and apologize and see if he wanted to have a late dinner. However, when I called, I got no answer. He was out and his cell phone was off. Worried, I ate a small meal and decided to try again in the morning. Mulder changed in record time into a pair of jeans and a turtleneck and grabbed his leather jacket and ran back out the door. He arrived almost on time to the hotel where his cousin was staying. He found her room and knocked on her door. She opened the door and immediately hugged him. "Easy there Emily, I've missed you too." She laughed into his neck and kissed his cheek. "Fox, I'd ask how you are, but I can tell that you're miserable. You want to talk about it?" "How do you do that?" "Fox Mulder, I've known you my entire life and I might remind you that it was me you talked to so many years ago, when you wouldn't talk to anybody else. So let's just say that I can read your eyes and right now they're reminding me of a scared little boy I knew, so many years ago." Taking his hand she led him into her room. He sat down in one of her overstuffed chairs and stared at her. "You don't have to talk. We can just go out and have a good time." "How about a walk, down by the river, and then I'll take you to dinner at a little restaurant by my apartment, okay?" "Sounds great, let me grab my jacket." Mulder drove them down to Potomac Park. They walked in silence for a while then he took her hand in his. She could see the tears running down his cheeks and wanted to do nothing but reach out and comfort him, but she knew he needed to exorcise some demons. After crying for a few minutes he told her about me and everything that was bothering him. Over dinner, he told her about our fight and how we'd never fought like that before. "How far is your apartment from here?" "A few blocks, why?" "Because, my dear cousin, you don't need to entertain me, you need to go home and relax a bit and try to figure out what you want to do next." "Emily....." "No, Fox, come on. We can have some coffee and talk some more if you want." "Okay." Mulder had forgotten how much he really liked Emily and what a big role she played in his life. Being able to talk to her as a teenager really helped. When he could talk to no one else, there had always been Emily. They talked through most of the night, till he saw her yawn. He looked at his watch to see that it was after one. No wonder she was tired. He was still too wired to be sleepy. "Okay, enough playing shrink for me. Take the bed, it's through there and there should be some clean sweats in the third drawer down." "Are you sure?" "Good night Emily." "Good night, Fox. I love you, try and get some rest, okay?" "Thanks, for everything. I love you, too Emily." The next morning Mulder was barely awake when he began smelling bacon frying. Dragging himself out of bed he came into the kitchen to a waiting cup of hot coffee. "Go take a shower, Fox. When you're done, breakfast will be ready." He stumbled his way down the hall and into the bathroom. I awoke that morning to the sound of the birds outside my window. The sun streamed in on my sleepy form. Disgusted with myself for falling asleep on the couch I worked out some of the kinks in my neck and shoulders. Sitting up to stretch and yawn I discovered that I was very hungry. "Maybe I'll call Mulder and see if he wants to have breakfast with me. We really should talk," I thought. Getting up, I went through my usual Saturday morning routine of brushing my teeth, washing my face, making sure I was presentable. Feeling ready to face life, I picked up the phone to call Mulder. It was after 9:00am. He should be awake, or nearly so. The telephone was ringing, but Emily didn't know whether or not to pick it up, finally deciding to answer it. "Hello?" I heard an unfamiliar female voice answer the phone. "Hello?" she asked again. When I said nothing the woman on the other end became agitated. "Fox?" I heard her call, "Do you normally get prank calls this time of the morning?" I hung up quickly. I couldn't believe it. We'd just had our first, real fight, and the bastard hadn't even waited a single day before jumping some other woman. I could imagine her now. Tall, brunette, busty, everything I wasn't. How could I have believed he loved me anyway? I wasn't his type and I knew it. I was too depressed to move. Sliding into a sitting position on the floor I began to cry. I cried until the tears would come no more. Sitting up, I realized that I hadn't eaten yet. Feeling as though nothing mattered I dialed the speed dial for pizza on my phone. I ordered a thick crust pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni, something totally out of character for me. I didn't know what to do. Fox Mulder was everything to me. He was my entire life. How did I let that happen? I knew better than to let him go. He went out and found the first woman he could. How could I ever forgive him for that? Did I even want to. I couldn't honestly answer that question, not so soon after hearing that woman answer his telephone shortly after nine a.m. I tried to decide what I needed to do for myself. I needed something to focus on, something to get my mind off of him. I decided on running. I'd just gone running the day before, and it didn't really help then, but who knows, maybe this day would be different. Finally I got myself dressed and walked out the door and slowly began running down my street. "It's a great day, sun's out and it's the weekend," I told myself, trying to pep up. I remembered that I hadn't always run. I was trying to figure out when I first started running and why, and then it hit me. I began running with *him*. I looked up and immediately recognized where I'd run to. I was in the park with the bench where we'd met when the X-Files had been closed, our bench. "Oh, God, why did I come here? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Now, I'm starting to sound like him.... I've got to get out of here..." I ran home and called my mother, arranging to meet with her later for dinner and a movie. After Mulder finished his breakfast he helped Emily clean up the kitchen. She caught him staring out of the window, "penny for your thoughts?" "I was just thinking about that call. Are you sure there wasn't any recognizable background noise? Clicking maybe?" "I'm sure. Maybe it was just a wrong number?" "Maybe, but there's no use worrying about it now. What do you have planned today?" "I have several meetings I have to go to, and my flight is tonight at 8 p.m." "So I can't make dinner and breakfast up to you?" "Next time I'm in town. I promise. Or when you come to the Vineyard, okay?" "It's a deal. Can I drive you to the airport or anything?" "No, all that's taken care of. I'm glad I could be here for you, Fox. Always remember that I'm just a telephone call away." "I promise," he said smiling. "I've got to get to a meeting, now if you need anything, you're going to call, right?" "Yes ma'am." "I love you, Fox." "I love you, too, Emily." Mulder spent the rest of the morning working on a report, trying to keep his mind off of me, but it wasn't working. He'd write a sentence and then he'd realize how I'd react to it. It wasn't very conducive to writing a report. He needed me, it was that simple. I provided something in his life that was missing, something that he hadn't known was missing, but once he found out, this separation was like an open wound. He needed to see me, and to try to explain what he had figured out. We'd worked for years together with him being more creative than scientific and our solve rate had been at its highest. He didn't really blame me when he finally thought about it. I hadn't asked him to change. I didn't complain much, but he'd done it on his own and he now needed to explain this to me, if I'd only see him. He'd never seen me so angry, well maybe a couple of times, but never with him. He didn't really explain himself very well when he asked, no told, me to listen to the song. Now he wanted to...now he needed to. When he arrived on my doorstep he found no one home and my car was gone. Suddenly panic swept through him. What if I had left? I was so mad when he'd last seen me, could I have just left without telling him, letting Skinner do it for me on Monday? He had to know. He inserted his key into the lock and gently turned it, dreading every moment. Everything looked to be in place, at least in the living room. He made his way into the kitchen, it hadn't been used in a while. The dread ebbed again. He made his way into my bedroom, feeling like some sort of sicko, invading my privacy. Slowly he opened my closet. Some of my clothes were missing, along with my suitcase. He rambled through several drawers, finding in the last, a picture of him, face down at the bottom of the drawer. Slowly he sank down to the floor from shock convinced that I'd left without telling him and it was all his fault. He sat there holding one of my sweatshirts to himself, cradling it really, and simply crying. I was glad that my mother had talked me into bringing some things over with me so that I could stay for the weekend. I knew that this was what I needed; to be in my old room, in the only real home I'd known with my mother. Being with my mother always made me feel better when nothing else would. Actually, I knew exactly what would made me feel better, to see Mulder, but I couldn't yet, Monday would come soon enough and then we would have to deal with each other. Maybe I should bypass Mulder and ask Skinner directly for a transfer. No, I quickly put that thought aside. I owed Mulder at least that much. I owed him so much more really, but right then I could only deal with one thing at a time. Perhaps with time I'd learn to live with our new relationship. Time would tell. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way. Yes he could, who was he trying to kid? It was when Sam went missing, but, oh god, it wasn't this intense. How did he let one person effect him so much, he should have learned by now. How could I just leave and not tell him. Now he was getting mad, the hurt receding a bit. He needed to get out of this apartment, it reminded him too much of me and our happiness together. He gathered himself together and walked out of my apartment and just kept walking. "Damn, why did I come here," he thought to himself? He was at our bench, the one where we used to meet when the division had been shut down. That is when we used to be able to communicate. Now it seemed as if we couldn't agree on anything. He still didn't understand why I was so mad at him over the song...he thought it explained everything perfectly. His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his cellular. "Mulder." "Mr. Mulder." "Yes." "My name is Janice Hollingsworth. I work at Georgetown University Hospital and your name was on a form to contact in case of an emergency. Dana Scully was brought in here a few minutes ago. We need you to come to the hospital." "Scully? What's wrong, what happened to her...." "Sir....." "Tell me, what happened...." "I don't know, sir, but we need you to come as quickly as possible, can you do that?" "I'm on my way." He didn't know how he got to the hospital, probably the grace of God, but he parked in a no parking area and ran into the building and up to information. "I'm Fox Mulder, I was called about Dana Scully." "Okay, sir, let me check our records...yes, she's down in Emergency." That was all he needed to hear, he didn't need to wait for directions, we'd both been there enough times to know where the various departments were. When he reached emergency he asked for the nurse that had called him. "I'm looking for Janice Hollingsworth." "She's right over there," the nurse pointed to an elderly lady across the room. "Ms. Hollingsworth." "Yes." "My name is Fox Mulder, you called about Dana Scully. How is she, what's wrong?" "Come with me Mr. Mulder." He was led back to a cubical where they could talk without being interrupted. "What's wrong with her," he asked with tears threatening. "She was at the wrong place at the wrong time. She was in a convenience store when some young men decided to rob it, at least that's what I got from the police." "But that doesn't tell me what's wrong with her...." "She tried to help someone the robbers had injured and they shot her, Mr. Mulder. She's in surgery now." "Oh my god," he said as he began pacing. "Where?" "The bullet went through her shoulder, but it wasn't a normal bullet...from what we can tell." "Cop killer?" "Maybe...." "Which shoulder?" "Left. She lost a lot of blood and it was a while before they let her out. The last time I spoke with a policeman they said that the young men were still inside the store with several hostages. They let her go because they didn't want to face murder charges. I'm going to go check on her, will you wait here?" He just nodded his head. She could see how much he cared about me, he was in total shock, but wouldn't let anybody near him. He was going to be there for her, himself be damned. "Why Scully?" he thought to himself. He needed to call Margaret, but what could he tell her? He thought I wasn't thinking clearly because of him. She didn't even know that we were a couple, at least he didn't think she knew, but he had to call. He pulled his cellular out and began dialing when a doctor entered the cubical. "Mr. Mulder?" "Yes." "I'm Dr. Stevens. I operated on Ms. Scully." "How is she?" "There was a lot of damage to her shoulder, but we got it repaired and she should be okay, I don't think that she'll lose any mobility, but we'll have to wait and see." "Can I see her?" "Soon, right now she's in recovery. We'll be moving her up to a private room in about an hour or so, you can wait up there, or I'm sure that there's paperwork to fill out down here," he said smiling. "I'll go ahead and fill out the paperwork and get it over with, thanks. What floor will she be on, 5?" "Yes, how'd you know that?" "The last time one of us was shot, we ended up on 5." "So you are frequent patients here?" "You must be new here," Mulder said smiling. "We're FBI agents and we tend to end up here a lot, I think records has given us a whole file cabinet by ourselves." "We'll I don't want to see either of you for a while, understand? Now go fill out the paperwork and I'll meet you up on 5 in about an hour." "Thank you." "I'll see you later." Mulder collapsed back into his chair trying to get himself to breathe normally. I was going to be okay, but he still needed to call my mom, but was he ready to face her? He knew the minute that she saw him, she'd know about us, but he had to call. He pulled his cellular out of his coat pocket and dialed the number that he dreaded more than anything. "Hello." "Mrs. Scully, it's Mulder." "Fox, how nice to hear from you, how are you dear?" "Mrs. Scully, I need to tell you something, okay...Dana was brought into the hospital a while ago." "Is she okay?" He knew she was trying to be brave but he could hear the fear in her voice. "She will be fine. She was trying to help someone and got shot in the shoulder during a robbery." "I'll be right there, what hospital?" "Georgetown University...but Mrs. Scully...." "I'll be right there. I'll meet you in the lobby in about half an hour." "I'll see you soon." "She's almost as stubborn as me", he thought. "I guess that's where Scully gets it. Probably from her father too", he mused. Mulder wandered back out to the nurses station and asked about the paperwork. "You'll have to go down to admitting, they have everything down there. Do you need directions?" "No, I can find my way, thanks." He didn't want to go down and start paperwork just to be interrupted and besides he'd be able to see me in about 45 minutes and he knew the paperwork would take a lot longer than he wanted to give it right now. Finally deciding on getting some fresh air he walked out to the front of the building, just in time to see his car being towed. What a perfect ending to this day. He'd deal with that later. He sat down on a bench and waited for my mom to arrive. He looked up in time to see her smile at him, but he could tell she was upset. "Mrs. Scully," he said as she hugged him. "How is she?" "She should be up in her room now, probably about ready to wake up." He couldn't look her in the eye and she knew he was feeling guilty, but she couldn't figure out what it was. "Fox," she said lifting his chin and making him look at her. "Mrs. Scully. I'm so sorry...." "Fox, why are you feeling guilty? You couldn't have done anything about this." "I don't know." "What do you mean, Fox?" "Maybe she was preoccupied and wasn't paying attention...." "And how does that involve you?" "As if I couldn't tell," she added, mentally. "Mrs. Scully....." "It's going to be okay, we can talk about this later, let's go see Dana." He walked a step behind her, until she grabbed his hand and held it tight. She saw him smile a quick smile and squeezed his hand. They got on the waiting elevator and rode in silence up to my room. My doctor was waiting for them when they arrived. "Dr. Stevens, this is Margaret Scully, Dana's mother." "Doctor." "Mrs. Scully, your daughter should be just fine. She'll probably have to go through some rehab to regain total movement in her shoulder, but that's about it." "How long will she be in the hospital?" "I'd like to keep her a couple of days, she lost a lot of blood." "Thank you, doctor." "So, Fox, do you want to tell me why you're feeling so guilty, we seem to have some time before Dana wakes up? "Mrs. Scully...." "Fox, just tell me, it's okay, I'm not going to be mad at you," she said taking his hand. "She was mad and upset at me and I think she wasn't concentrating on keeping herself safe during that robbery." "She was helping someone who was injured, that's who she is, Fox." "I understand that Mrs. Scully, but I don't think her mind was paying attention." "Why was she upset?" "It's complicated...." "Fox, it's okay, I think I know most of it anyway." "How?" "Dana called and needed someone to talk to, so I suggested that she spend the rest of the weekend with me." "That's why some of her things are missing." "And how do you know some things are missing?" He didn't realize he'd said that out loud. "Ummm...." She loved to tease him so. "Fox," she said smiling. "How much do you know Mrs. Scully?" "I know you love my daughter very much, I can see that in your eyes." "I do love her.. She means everything to me, I can't lose her...." "The doctor said she was going to be fine." "That's not our only problem." "Do you want to talk about it?" "I need to talk to her, if you don't mind Mrs. Scully." "I'll go grab us some coffee, okay?" "Thank you." Mulder watched as she walked out of my room and summoned the elevator. He slowly turned back to see me laying in the bed with tubes running into my arms. I looked so pale. He sat on the side of the bed and took my hand in his. "Scully...I love you, you know. Maybe you don't, maybe I don't tell you often enough, but I do love you, with everything I am, I love you. I'm sorry we fought. I thought that song described our situation perfectly, at least perhaps it made sense to me. I guess I didn't explain things very well. I need you to wake up and talk to me. I'm so sorry, please wake up." He laid his head down on the bed, still holding my hand as he began to cry. The first thing I became aware of was something wet on my hand and then slowly it all came back to me, first the robbery and getting shot and then I thought about Mulder and the pain doubled. Slowly I became aware of a person sitting on my bed, holding my hand and shaking. I tried to open my eyes but the light hurt so I compromised by squinting and allowing them to get used to the lighting. Slowly I came to the realization that the person on the bed was Mulder and that he was crying and murmuring some thing I couldn't quite figure out. "Please wake up, I need you so much." "Mulder...." His whole body jerked at the sound of my voice. I loved getting that kind of reaction out of him. "Scully...." It's funny, the times that are so important to us, he calls me Scully, not Dana, I mused. "How're you feeling? Do you remember what happened," he immediately regretted what he'd just said to me as he saw a flash of pain cross my face, "I mean about the robbery?" "I remember the robbery, and the bastard that shot me, that wasn't a regular bullet, was it?" "Cop killer, I think. So, how do you feel?" "I'm okay, Mulder, I really am." "I'm so sorry, Scully...about everything, me making you mad, I didn't mean to, it's just...," he began as tears formed in his eyes and one escaped down his cheek. I brushed the tear away and took his hand in mine, we were both hurting and needed this time together, to talk and to mend. "When I heard that song, it made me realize something, and I know that my brain makes wild and strange connections sometimes and I know I needed to let you catch up, and I didn't. I need to explain this to you, are you up to that?" "Yes, but on one condition." "What's that?" "You get up here in bed with me and hold me while we talk about this," I said as I moved over to give him room to climb in. He carefully climbed into bed and took me in his arms and just held me, like I was the most precious thing in the world to him. He took my hand and began explaining to me what he thought had happened and how the song fit in. "Mulder, I believe in science, but I also believe in you. I didn't just fall in love with you recently, I fell in love with you back when science was one of the last options you chose to look at. I love you, always remember that." "Scully, Dana, are we okay?" "We are just fine, Fox." "So what do we do about our solve rate?" "I think that you should open yourself up to extreme possibilities again, question relentlessly, talk to your friends the Gunmen, let them help us. I know it'll take some time to get back to where we were, before I mean...." "I know, Scully, and it won't be easy, I've come to rely on science, but I know science will always be there to back me up, right?" "Always." 6 Months Later I picked up the telephone on it's second ring, it was Skinner's office, he wanted to see us. "Mulder, Skinner wants to see us." I followed him out and up the stairs to see Skinner. I didn't know what to expect from him. I know that our solve rate was better, but I was still nervous, and so was Mulder from the way he was walking. Skinner's door was open as I stepped through a bit to knock. "Scully, Mulder, come in, please sit." I could never read Skinner, maybe that's why I was so nervous. "Do you know what your solve rate is," never one to beat around the bush. Mulder spoke first, "not exactly, sir." "It's very good, you've even surpassed your best solve rate, congratulations, what ever has changed obviously has worked. Dismissed." That was all that there was to it, we went back downstairs and began working on our newest case and the rest is as they say, history. -------------------------------------------------------- There was a sudden knock on my dressing room door. "Come in." It was Walter Skinner. He smiled when he saw me in my dress. "Scully, are you sure about this, I mean me giving you away?" "Very. Now come on," I said as I walked out and began a new life, one shared with Mulder and our child. The End Feedback appreciated. Tracy E. Aiken and Astarte