From: "Joylynn Wing" Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:56:02 -0500 Subject: New: The Lamenting 1/8 MSR NC17 by Joylynn Wing Title: The Lamenting. 1/8 Author: Joylynn Wing Archive: Everywhere, Please? Especially ATXC and Gossamer. Disclaimer: I don't own them, wish I did. C.C. and his merry bunch at 1013 always did. No infringement intended. Rating: NC17. For language and sexual situations. Classification: VSRA Keywords: MSR,UST,then major RST. Feedback: Please? All feedback taken in and given a good home at aljoyw@a-znet.com Remember, feed a starving artist. Spoilers: Several major ones, but especially " The End ", " FTF ", " The Beginning ", and " One Son ". This is a post epi for " One Son ". Summary: Scully's lament over Mulder's betrayal. Dedication: To my fellow brethren at OBSSE. I only hope that I am worthy. Also for the girls on 2 West. Thank you for your encouragement and care during my recent hospitalization and surgery. Without all of you, this never would have gotten posted. My special thanks to Mir Kat, for your smashing Beta and for your holding down the fort in my absence. I hope that this proves that I am not stuck in PG land, Mir! ****************************************************************** " Mulder, how could we have come to this? " Scully stood looking out the elegant window at the distant seashore below. The scent of fresh sea air mingled with the incoming rain, assaulted her olfactory senses as a heady onslaught. The receding sun's rays burned brightly into her bright blue eyes, which caused her to squint from the painful glare. Yet, in spite of this miraculous vision, her painful thoughts were lost in the dark swirling clouds which circled above her. << Trust; Reliance; confidence; hope; that which is entrusted; safe keeping; care; To rely upon; to be confident in. >> Her mind mused painfully. " Such a simple definition, yet so hard to earn, " she said softly to the wind. " What does it take for you to trust me, Mulder? What do I have to do to prove to you I am worthy of your consideration? " The wind continued to blow gustily, as it went about it's foretold plan and ignored her heartfelt plea. However painfully, she already knew the answer to that question. A question she had not needed to ask in their time together, until now. Nothing... There was nothing she could do. She had given all of what she had to give to prove her worth. She had sacrificed it all; for his cause, their cause, yet it still wasn't enough. He was willing to believe in another, giving blind faith, because of their past relationship together. Scully's world as she had known it for all of her life, could end at any minute, and she had no one she could really trust to be there for her. Scully tucked a strand of silken molten copper behind her ear. Her cerulean blue eyes gazed upon the infinite grains of sand which were tossed by the incoming tide in a tempest of anger and frustration. The sand glittered like tiny pieces of gold, in the quickly fading light of the brilliant sunset which she couldn't really appreciate. The silence of the moment being played before her was broken only by the high pitched cackling sounds of sea gulls, which flew over head and the occasional humming of boats out at sea. Within that universe of comforting emptiness, her heart reflected the turmoil of the storm which was starting to come to shore. Her world had crashed down around her; her defenses torn down by the inconsiderate behavior of one person. The one person who had became the most important and trusted person in her life. The person who knew her better than anyone else. The person whom she had given everything up for; to walk by his side, to help him with his cause. The one person whom she had let in further than anyone else. The person whom she loved. The person who had used it against her The person who had betrayed her. Mulder. Never again. << I can't do it, I won't do it anymore. I gave him information that could refute Diana's reputation, yet he couldn't be bothered with me. He is willing to believe in her blindly, when he has always told me to trust no one. He took her side, saying I was reaching. I guess now where I stand. >> Scully opened the door, allowing the rain touched sea scented wind to caress her pale face. The reddish gold of her hair blended flawlessly with the hues of the evening sun's repose. She sauntered out to the edge of the balcony, the thin T-shirt she was wearing little protection from the cool evening air. She pulled her thin, pale arms around her, trying to comfort herself more than to protect herself from the chilly onslaught. As she looked out at the violent clouds which danced about the evening sky, her normally bright blue eyes, were now a deep gray, expressing the deep grief which encircled her broken heart. << How could he do this to me? After all that we have been through. I thought that * I * mattered to him. I thought that he cared. Hell no, he has never really trusted me. I am just someone to help with the work, I am not worth * my * weight in trust. I guess those beautiful words that he had spoken to me, in the hall and in the hospital were lies. Beautiful, graceful lies. Designed to keep me around, to keep me in line. To keep me a good little soldier, in another man's army. He must obviously care for * her * a lot if he is willing to believe in her enough to trash * my * motives. >> She had been content to believe the lies. Her heart driving out the nagging doubts and subtle evidence she had seen along the way. She loved with a love that could distort her perceptions of the world around her. She had deluded herself after Diana had gotten the X-Files, that everything would be all right. She thought their trust issues would work themselves out, and for a while they had. Things hadn't been better between them in a long while, in spite of the pressure that they were under. Things were good. She * wanted * to believe that. She * needed * to believe that. If she didn't, then everything that she had ever done for him in the past, would be for naught. However, things had obviously not worked out the way she had planned. Scully knew that since the moment she had laid eyes upon Diana in that meeting, so many months ago, that she was trouble. Big Trouble. She had sensed that a storm was on the horizon for her and Mulder, and at the center was Hurricane Diana. And of course, she had been right. Although she couldn't prove it, she knew that Diana had to be part of it. It was just too... stinky. Too many things did not add up. If it were any one else, Mulder would automatically suspect the worst. But this was * Diana *, she had never done anything to prove herself untrustworthy. So what had Scully done to be treated like trash? Nothing. But what did that matter? From the moment she had came back into their lives, he had sided with Diana. No matter what. Even when it was possible she may have deceived him, he still trusted her. Not Scully. Mulder had thrown it in her face, time and time again how wonderful Diana was for believing in him without proof. And how he wished Scully would try to do the same. Scully had always believed in him, even when others didn't. She had lied for him, cried for him, gone to jail for him and fallen out of grace for him. Hell, she had done it all for him. She was willing to believe in him, in spite of her doubts about his theories. She was willing to stand by him, as she used her science to bail him out of jam after jam, yet he still didn't see it. She had given him all of her trust, yet that was not enough. He couldn't trust her. He didn't trust her. Even when the evidence warranted more investigation. He took the honor of a woman with whom he had a relationship with before, over hers. Scully's thoughts did not matter to him. She was being too paranoid. << Why then have I been here all of these years, fighting this fight with him, if he didn't trust me and my motives? Why didn't he just send me away? Why couldn't I see this sooner? He has never trusted me. I am just convenient. A means to an ends. A good soldier. Nothing more. >> He had made his choice. Now she had a choice to make. However, the choice wasn't really her's to make. Scully turned around and walked back inside the room she had made her home the last few days. She ran a slender hand through her tussled auburn hair. It's cool smoothness in sharp contrast to the warmth of her hands. << I wanted to believe that he trusted me as much as I trusted him. In this game, you need to be able to rely upon your partner. The future is here, and all bets are off. How can I believe in his being there when I need him, if he questions my motives? What happens if a conflict of interest occurs? Can I trust him to back me up? If we don't have trust in one another, what do we have? This isn't about just us anymore, this is about humanity as we know it. >> Scully wasn't sure of anything anymore. She thought they could count upon on another, but when push had come to shove, she ended up being out in the cold. After she and Mulder had gotten back the X-files, in Kersh's office, she had immediately left with her overnight and had came here. She needed to get away, somewhere to think and to make some decisions. She had seen the brochure months ago, after his admission of love for her. She had hoped to bring him here, to explore the new level that she thought he wanted. However things had come up, and that day had never came. He had never followed through, and it caused her to take his words as the delusional mutterings of a drugged man after all. Now she knew it was fate. This was the way it was meant to be. She had been spared the utter humiliation of throwing herself at someone who obviously didn't give a damn. << He still must love her, even after all of these years. >> Fate had been kind, for now she knew the truth that she had been looking for. She had to drive him out of her heart, where he had resided since the moment they had met so many years ago. For from that first moment, he had taken up every inch of her. Mind, body and soul. She knew that she couldn't leave him. The world was now at stake. Her petty problems were inconsequential compared to the whole. Mulder had accused her of taking things to personally, how little did he know. She was willing to make the supreme sacrifice. She was willing to remain with him and be treated like a second class citizen, a life without trust and respect, something she would never have done before. She wasn't a quitter. Ahab had never raised a quitter, or a selfish child. She had been taught that sometimes sacrifices had to be made for the greater good, in spite of the personal cost. She was ready, willing, and able. She would be there with him, to face the future, whatever it held. This was not an option. She would have learn to not rely upon his being there, as she had from the beginning. The partner- ship she thought they had, would be no more. She had learned her hard lesson well, trust * no * one. If he couldn't trust her judgment, and questioned her motives, she knew she couldn't count on him either. They would be partners in names sake only, for her to be able to remain in the game. She had invested too much to walk away now. She would leave this place, the same strong woman she was before she had came here. However, her love for him would never see the light of day. This small bed and breakfast where she had taken refuge would be where she would mourn her losses. She would mourn her loss of hope and love. She would mourn her loss of trust. Her heart would have to stay here, to hide in the dark. She would go through the motions of existing, working by his side, never having the normal life which she desired. She would give all of hope of a relationship with him, for obviously the feelings were not mutual, when she ventured forth from her self imposed exile. She would have to face his betrayal head on, and learn to accept it. She could do this, she was strong. Ahab had taught her well. She was a good little soldier. Scully walked across the well appointed sitting room over to her bedroom where her queen sized ivory lace draped canopy bed resided. She wrapped her slender hand along the glass smooth dark wood of the post, the cool surface of the head board was a hand carved masterpiece, a truly romantic sight. She was sure many a relationship had been consummated within the walls. How fitting that such a place of new beginnings, would be where she would come to her end. She would leave here, as alone as she had entered this world, and as alone as she would leave it. She would go on. She had to go on. This wasn't personal anymore. It hadn't ever really been. If it were that simple, she would just walk away. Scully sat down upon the homemade block quilt. She pulled her bare feet up and pushed herself up to the top of the bed. She bent her knees and drew them up towards her chest. She wrapped her arms around herself, as she rocked herself slowly back and forth. Tears of hot indignation fell down upon her gently freckled features. This was her time to mourn. She had lost many things over the course of her journey with Mulder; She had lost a promising upwardly mobile career, a personal life, her innocence, her memories of her abduction, her sister, her ability to have children, Emily, and had nearly lost her life, more times than she could count. However the pain she was now feeling was more intense than any of the pain she had experienced before. It was an ache which ebbed from deep within her soul, and engulfed every inch of her being. Her faith had been taken away and all that she had left now was her strength. For the most important thing she had lost was her heart. And now she knew that she would never get it back... End 1/8 see part 2/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:56:24 -0500 ****************************************************************** The Lamenting. 2/8 By Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com " Scully, what have I done? " Mulder looked outside, at the world passing by him. The drive to where he discovered Scully had been sequestered had been long and tiring one. However, in spite of the fatigue he was feeling, the beauty of the landscape around him had not gone unnoticed. The large canopies of the trees which lined the winding drive to the B&B provided just enough of a break from the fast fading sun to make it almost dark. The shadows that caressed the path to his destiny provided a startling revelation of how his soul was faring. The green of the grass and of the leaves appeared almost neon when touched by the fading graceful rays of the life-giving sun. The bright purples, blues and reds of the wild flowers appeared almost impressionistic in their glory. The lushness of the life which surrounded him, served to only remind him of the life that he had lost. The life that he planned to try to get back. The only real life that had graced his lonely miserable existence for six years. The one he had driven away from him with his thoughtless actions and cruel words. Scully. The 5ft plus red headed ball of composed, living fire encased in breathtaking beauty that was his Scully. << I'm such a fucking loser... I gave up the best thing that ever happened to me for a memory. A long dead memory which she believed false. And now in retrospect, she * may * have been right. >> Diana. He knew that he had screwed up. Screwed up bad. He had chosen Diana over Scully for some very piss poor reasons. << What the hell was I thinking? How could I question her motives? She is the most unselfish person I know. She is the only one I can trust. >> Scully had never let him down. She had always been there, by his side. She had been his rock in the face of adversity. His anchor out at sea. His port in a storm tossed sea. Diana had let him down in the past, yet he had let her in. And he had pushed Scully out. He should have known that this would have happened. He could see the pain in Scully's eyes from the moment Diana had come back into his life... Their life. Scully had warned him of what she believed, that Diana did not have his best interests in mind. Yet he had ignored the very heartfelt pleadings of his partner, which he had known and loved for the past six years; for a woman who he had once loved. He had questioned Scully's motives, and cast dispersions upon her character. << Scully is the most logical and rational person I know. She wouldn't be swayed to make poor conclusions because of illogical motivations. >> He had told Scully once that she made him whole, that her and her science had saved his ass more times than he could count. He knew that was true. So why had he essentially dumped Scully for Diana? He still was not sure. His world had been put into a turmoil, his quest put within his reach. He was beginning to get most of the answers that he needed, his beliefs vindicated. Yet instead of sharing it with the one who meant the most in the world to him, he had dumped upon her. He had betrayed the covenant of their relationship up until now, trust. Mulder pulled up into the small lot which seemed to be where he would need to park his car. He drove the car to the far corner, and parked it. He took a deep breath and let out a sigh, a frown developed upon his chiseled features. He put his forehead on the steering wheel of the vehicle and closed his eyes, as he tried to will away his acute distress. It had been a tedious search to locate the whereabouts of his enigmatic Dr. Scully. From the moment Kersh had called him to tell him Scully had taken a LOA, he knew that he had screwed up big time. She had left her badge, gun and cellular with Karen the EAP counselor who he knew she had seen from time to time. Karen had been of very little help. She said that because of Client / Counselor privileges, she couldn't divulge the nature of their discussions. However she did say that, Scully needed some time to make some decisions. She said that his actions had warranted her to reevaluate her future, and the nature of their partnership. Scully had told no one of her plans to leave, or of where she had planned to go. By the time he had gotten to her apartment, she had been long gone. The evidence of her acute distress had been evident from the condition of her home. She had packed hastily, leaving clothes around the usually very neat apartment. Her cosmetics and various other sundries were strewn about her bath, some even spilled or broken. Broken like his heart. Broken like he knew her heart had to be. But in spite of her obviously distracted state of mind, she had been careful. She had left no trace as to where she had disappeared to. It had taken The Lone Gunmen and Skinner to help him track her down. Of course, The Lone Gunmen had been extremely reluctant to help him, given the way he had treated her. Mulder knew that he deserved their scorn. Skinner was insistent that Mulder make things right, that she was essential to the future of the files. However that was the least of Mulder's worries. Without her in his life, nothing, including the files mattered. The Lone Gunmen, in spite of his relationship with him, had sided with Scully. They rather reluctantly agreed to help him find her, only out of concern for her well being. She had earned their respect and love years ago. << Why wouldn't they be... All I ever seem to do is hurt her. >> Mulder got out of the car, the brisk salty air filling his burning lungs. The gravel crunched under his feet as he walked along the path which led from the lot. The cool air mussed the dark unruly strands of hair which sat upon his head. His eyes, a sea touched hazel, were clouded and distant. To the right, just below a haggard Weeping Willow, sat Scully's car. Mulder walked quickly over towards its location. As Mulder grew closer he could see, just down a grassy windswept hill, a large house. Mulder placed his hand on the hood of the car, and he found the engine to be stone cold. He peered inside of the sea salt touched window. Inside, on the passenger's side seat, lie the suit jacket that she had worn the last day he had seen her. << She hasn't left this place since coming her >> he thought with great sadness. Mulder knew that he had hurt her. He knew that he needed to regain their relationship once again. He knew that he couldn't do it without her. Their relationship had to be mended and strong once again, and it wasn't just for the war which was to take place soon. It was something more * personal *. It was about a truth he had discovered, a truth he hadn't expected. A world without her, was not a world worth fighting for. Mulder continued to walk towards the building. It was a grand structure, a creamy gray with white shutters. A large rambling porch surrounded it, strewn with various potted plants and wicker furniture. It was surrounded by large beds of colorful flowers which spread out of a great distance around it. At the very top was a widow's perch, empty except for the swirling gray clouds which heralded the approach of an upcoming storm. He pulled the fragrant warmth of his black leather jacket around him, the chill from the shore cutting into his very essence. His storm. Their storm. As he continued to walk up the path and stepped onto the steps, the old weathered wood creaking under his weight, he realized a very important fact. Today was going to be the most pivotal day in his life. Today either their new life would begin, or his as he knew it would end. Up till six years ago, his life had been on the path less traveled. He had chosen to walk alone, afraid of being hurt, being betrayed. That was when his life had walked in the door. She had filled his heart with light and hope. She had given him her complete trust. She had chosen to walk with him on his journey, risking and loosing a great deal to the quest. She had made him complete, whole. He was a better person for having her in his life, and to show her how much he appreciated her, he had betrayed her. He had allowed his life to walk out carelessly. Since then, his soul had been desolate, alone. He wanted his life back. He needed his life back. << This is where my life is...I only hope that she will give me another chance at life... >> Mulder walked to the door and after taking a deep breath, he ran a slender hand through his thick hair. The life of the sea consoled his soul, as he opened the door and walked inside. End 2/8 see 3/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:56:42 -0500 ****************************************************************** The Lamenting. 3/8 By Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com Scully looked at herself in the mirror under soft lighting of the elegant antique bath. Small streams of cool water fell down her now red, delicate features and fell gently upon the blue silk of her night shirt. She pulled a soft blue towel from the wrought iron rack and gently dabbed her face with it. The face of a cynical, lonely middle aged woman now gazed from where once a young vibrant woman existed. When she had first came to the X-Files, she was idealistic and full of energy. She had believed that good would always triumph over evil and that things were black and white. Her life had been orderly and compartmentalized. Things always had logic and reason by which to explain them. Science had been her guiding light. Now things were no longer that way. Even though science was still her savior, more times than she could recount, she had learned that their were more things in heaven and earth than she could truly understand. Things always had gray areas yet to be discovered. Good didn't always triumph. Evil was as real as the science that she knew well. She had learned and seen things which had essentially changed the core of her being. She now had a thriving spirituality which had once been long dead and buried. She had seen and tasted death, and she had the battle scars to prove it. She had been to hell and back several times, yet she had survived. Why? Because of Mulder. When she had been lacking in the faith to continue, he had been there. He had challenged and stretched her imagination. He had tested the boundaries of her orderly universe. << Extreme possibilities >> She had earned the right to wear the fine lines and dark shadows that she now wore. She had worn them proudly, knowing she had earned them on her vision quest with Mulder. They were her badge of courage. But now they were the only things that she had left from their relationship. << Gesh, what a thoughtful gift.>> << How could I have been so stupid. How could I think that he might have feelings for me, let alone trust me. I'm convenient, a means to an ends. I am useful when he needs me to back him up, but when I need him to believe, NOT. I'm just a poster girl, proof to him of what he believes, but not to be trusted. I'm just a good little soldier. >> Scully turned around and walked into her sitting room, her slight body trembling with the effort she put forth. The soothing colors and elegant furnishings had not gone unnoticed but her state of mind as of late had kept her pretty distracted. This was her safe haven. She rubbed the reddened lids of her brilliant blue eyes, her fatigue was finally catching up with her and she wanted to rest a bit. In spite of having that beautiful bed to sleep in, she had been only able to sleep on the damask covered floral sofa which graced her small sitting room. The bed was too big and empty, reminding her of how alone she felt. Scully lay down on the sofa, the coolness of the smooth fabric chilling her a little, and pulled the soft cotton blanket up a round her shoulders. The gentle pounding of the surf through her open window and the cool sea air, were a symphony for her tired existence. They lulled her into a dreamless sleep, her mind finding refuge from it's demons, even if only for a few moments. End 3/8 see 4/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:57:00 -0500 ****************************************************************** The Lamenting. 4/8 By Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com Mulder walked into the large rambling establishment. The air was electric with the anticipation of his future. The foyer was large with high ceilings and heavy wood trim. The walls were a soft cream color bordered at the ceiling and at the floor with a soft rose printed trellis. To his left were a set of Walnut encased French doors that lead into a bigger room. To the right was a grand staircase which hugged the wall closely, it's trim also a dark Walnut. The floor was hardwood with oriental rugs scattered about to break up the space and to add color. The quickly fading sunlight streamed through the stained glass windows which graced the stairwell's assent. Mulder walked to the left, the steps of his boots resounding within the immense expanse, and walked through the French doors. He found himself in a large sitting room, the entire far wall graced with a bank of floor to ceiling walnut encased windows trimmed in off white lace. The room was filled with Victorian era antiques, sofas, tables and setting chairs. Mulder found himself in awe in the majesty which was this place. His silent musings were interrupted by the sound of a door shutting firmly. Mulder followed the sound back out into the foyer. At the desk which stood at the far wall across from the front door stood a woman in a brightly colored house dress. Mulder walked up to her confidently, and spoke firmly, his voice strong and friendly. " I'm looking for Dana Scully? " The gray-haired women smiled brightly, revealing perfect white teeth. Her eyes were a deep emerald green, and they twinkled as she spoke, " Is Miss Scully looking for you? " Her voice was low, almost resonant. She looked him over very well and nodded gently. A lock of gray hair bobbed up and down with the gentle movement. Mulder smiled brightly and ran a slender hand across the stubbled cleft of his chin, " Mmmmm. I'm not sure. I don't think that she is expecting me, but I really need to see her, " he caught her eyes with his gaze slyly, trying to gain her confidence. The older woman gestured in a sweeping motion as if to make a point with a slightly wrinkled hand. " Then, I'm not sure if I can help you. I don't just let total strangers walk in and accost my innocent guests. " Mulder grinned in amusement. He liked this woman. She was feisty, full of life and not afraid to speak up to him. Her hair was pulled up in a tight bun, so tight it was giving him a headache. << How can she stand it... It looks so painful. >> Mulder quickly pulled out his identification and put it on the hard wood desk before her. " I'm Fox Mulder... I am Scully's...Dana's partner. " " Oh...," she uttered " I am glad that you are here. " Her voice full of concern and a touch of disdain. She walked out from behind the desk and stood in front of him. She barely made it half way up his abdomen. She looked up at him as she spoke. " I've been worried about that one." By the way my name is Addie Du Bois... " She offered him her hand with a kind smile. Mulder pronounced quickly, his concern driving his speech, as he took her hand and shook it firmly. " Why? Is everything all right? She isn't hurt... " Mrs. Du Bois nodded her head slightly, her green eyes suddenly filled with sadness, " Oh, she is hurt all right, " she said softly. " Pretty hurt from the sounds of it. " Her low alto eddies were tinged with a soft Bostonian accent. " Oh..., " he replied low, as he looked at the tops of his boots, intensely studying the sand that he found there. The soft light of the room glistened off of the dark contrast of his hair. " Mmmmmm. You wouldn't happen to be the one would you? The one that she was originally planning on bringing up here? She told me that she had a long term professional relationship which might be taking a more personal course. " " I suppose so. I'm the sorry son-of-a-bitch," Mulder said sadly, his voice cracking with emotion. He looked up at her, his eyes misting over with his thoughts. << She was going to bring me up here? She was ready to take the next step? >> Mulder knew that things had seemed to change between them. Ever since their discussion in his hallway, and his admission to her in the hospital, but he didn't want to push it. Scully had seemed receptive to his advances, her soulful eyes had told him the whole story. Even in the hospital, although her response had been less than he expected, he knew. It had hung about them, just within their sight, yet just beyond their reach. They had ignored it for a long time, but as of late it had become in more of the forefront. He loved her. She loved him. Of this he was most certainly aware. Why else would she have been with his sorry ass all of those years? " You don't look like a SOB to me young man. Your eyes are deep, your soul, good. The eyes can never lie, they are the true windows to your heart. " Mrs Du Bois put her small hand on his forearm and squeezed gently, " Soooo, what went wrong? When I had last spoken to her, she had been so excited. She told me that you told her that you loved her. " " I happened, " Mulder said with regret. Mulder lifted his face up to avoid her piercing emerald gaze. " What on earth do you mean? " She asked, her voice a soft breeze to his ears. She continued to look up at him, her eyes wide, trying to read his expression. Mulder looked back down at her, his hazel eyes full with tears. He shifted his weight on his feet, trying to quell his uneasiness. " I betrayed her. " " Now, in speaking to you, even for as little time as I have, I have gotten the distinct impression that you would never hurt her intentionally, " she revealed with conviction. She patted his forearm, the leather cool under her touch. Mulder shook his head, " I wouldn't..." Mulder spoke softly, " I love her. She is * my * everything. " Mrs. Du Bois took his forearm and tugged him gently toward the sitting room. " Come with me, let's have a cup of tea and discuss this like civilized folks." Mulder went with her into the drawing room and sat down. As they shared tea, he recounted, with some editing, his and Scully's journey as of this time. He spoke of their adventures, their ups and downs, and of the personal moments they had shared. He spoke of his deeply felt emotions and of the relationship they shared. Mrs. Du Bois listened quietly, rather than spoke. Her strong silent presence, eliciting in him a trust he knew he could extend. She obviously cared about Scully, and she seemed to be very interested in what he had to say. As he spoke, she nodded and smiled, never making any judgments about him or about Scully. Mulder continued to share with her everything that had transpired until his betrayal of Scully, then and only then did she break the silence with her soft, understated voice. " You have made some very valid observations Mr. Mulder," she voiced, her warm green eyes meeting his. " It is hard to trust someone fully when they cannot seem to let you in, when they hide what they feel. Hiding behind masks of ignorance and denial can destroy the one attempting to look in. Keeping such sins of omission as opposed to commission, can spark quite a bit of distrust. What you mentioned about possibly believing too much, using you faith blindly as opposed to well chosen, is also valid. Dana seems to have had suspicions of Diana from the beginning. However, I believe that there is also something more that you are not telling me. Something that you may not be even aware of, " she ended with a low intonation. " What's that? " Mulder looked at her, his subconscious already aware of what she was to tell him. Mulder took a breath and steeled himself for the truth. << That is what I have been looking for, isn't it? >> Maybe you used your faith out of fear rather than out of love. Maybe you placed your trust in another, not out of just being an ass, but out of a deeper reason. I think you used your trust as a weapon as opposed to a gift, " she mouthed honestly, her eyes filled with caring. She put her teacup back on the table, and leaned back upon the antique sofa. " Weapon? " Mulder inquired, raising an eyebrow as he searched her face. He put his coffee cup down on the table and folded his hands in his jean clad lap. She continued, her eyes full of understanding and strength. " You have used that faith, that trust all of these years to drive your quest. You used it to run away from your fears and insecurities, to escape your real feelings of failure and low self esteem. You feel that no matter how good you are, you still are not good enough. She smoothed a wrinkle out of her house dress and continued in honeyed tones. " Maybe Diana is just an excuse. An excuse to hide from what you feel. A way of driving away what you most want in this world, which is to be happy. Dana is that happiness which you seek, your truth, so to speak. I sense that although you really love her and want her in your life, at the same time you want a distance, a safety zone where there is some deniability. If you ignore it, it will go away. You are so afraid of being hurt and of losing her, you would rather try to drive her away than, deal with it. I also sense that you had some unresolved feelings about this Diana...Is that true? " Mulder thought for a moment and said with a soft sigh, " Yeah... " As hard as it was for him to admit it, it was true. He closed his eyes, and willed back a stab of pain. " Well, are they still unresolved? " She questioned softly, her emerald eyes shining with worry. She tried to force back a frown but her face wouldn't cooperate. " No. They are resolved," he answered quietly. He looked at his lap as he rubbed his damp palms across the black jean material. " I loved her once very much. And in away I guess that I always will. I know now however, the feelings that I * feel * , that I * felt * for her were totally different than the ones I feel for Scully. I was always able to separate myself from Diana, we had our very separate and distinct lives. With Scully, we are so intertwined, complemented, like two halves of a whole I honestly can't tell where I start and she ends, I don't know what I would ever do if I lost her. It would be like losing myself... " His voice trailed off, his tone of voice expressing more adequately what his words couldn't. He looked into her eyes, searching for her reaction. " And that frightens you? " She questioned softly. She placed a small hand upon his shoulder and squeezed softly, clearly understanding his predicament. " Yes, yes it does." Mulder said honestly, his eyes filled with tears. Mrs. Du Bois nodded knowingly, her eyes filled with determination. The lock of hair which had escaped her bun, caught on her lips and she pulled it loose. " Tell her that. Tell her of your fear, of failing her and of failing yourself. Tell her of how her omissions hurt you. Tell her how you fear losing yourself, and how you used Diana to run away from that. Love is not dependent upon worthiness. Faith is dependent upon love, then and only then is it real. When faith is based on fear, it is a false God which will lead you astray. Faith and trust are in the whole, the same thing. It is a belief in the intangible imparted from God giving us the choice of free will. " " You have failed. You have failed her and most importantly you have failed yourself. However, the path to love is never easy. Loving someone from the shadows is the easy way out. You need not risk a thing, and you do not get hurt. You have to be man enough to love in the light, to risk it all and face your fears. Do you think that you can do that? " " Yes... " He answered firmly, a bright smile breaking over his face. " Then do it. Go up stairs to your destiny, and make it happen. " She said convincingly, her face filled with hope and love. Mulder took her hand in his and he stroked it gently with his thumb. He was amazed by how much she had enlightened him. A total stranger had made sense of something he could not understand. " Thank you Mrs DuBois... " Mulder said softly, as he let go of her hand,. " It was my pleasure..." She retorted with a slight chuckle. Her face swelled into a broad grin, obviously very proud of herself. She winked an eye at him and giggled a bit. " How did you get to be so smart? " Mulder replied with a chuckle in return. << This must be fate...>> " Oh, I had the best teacher... Ralph. He was my husband. " She nodded over at a picture on the wall, the face of a handsome man met his gaze. " He taught me everything that I know. Love is the best teacher. Now I think that it is time for you to go up and speak to the lovely Dr. Scully. I will be going away for the night. I do not have anyone scheduled to come in, so I'm going to see my grandchildren. Help yourselves to the refrigerator. Enjoy the time. From what you have told me you have had a most unconventional relationship, take the chance to get to know one another. " She winked once again, her face shining brightly. Mulder nodded and leaned over and kissed her on her round, slightly wrinkled face. Mr. Du Bois giggled slightly and touched his hand. " You both are very lucky to have found love. It is the most precious gift life can offer. I hope that you cherish this chance. You both deserve it... She is in room two at the top of the stairs. " With that the elderly lady stood up as she brushed down the brightly colored floral pattern of her house dress. She lumbered over to the French doors which opened into the foyer. Mulder smiled brightly to himself. He knew that things would work out. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he had faith. A faith born of love. He had always had that faith, and now it was time to act upon it. Mulder turned to walk out of the sitting room, the moon's rays now just beginning to filter in and fill the dark corners of the house. The shadows danced merrily around him, encouraging him to complete the task that he had before him. End 4/8 see 5a/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:57:20 -0500 ******************************************************************* The Lamenting. 5a/8 by Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com Scully turned over on the soft, narrow sofa. Her neck throbbed violently from her constrained position. The sun had receded and the only light that now filled the room was the filtered light of the bright moon, struggling to peek through the clustered clouds. Scully swung her feet over the side, fighting a wave of nausea which hit her like a fist in her stomach. << Jesus, when was the last time that I ate? >> Scully sat up and looked at the door. A noise had woken her up, but in her delirium she wasn't sure what it was. She shook her head and tried to clear it, her hair swung into her face, and caught on the edge of her lip. She tucked the stubborn lock behind her ear and yawned. <> The sound filled the lonely silence of her rooms. Scully stood up slowly and stretched her arms over her head, the loose silk of the shirt pulled tightly over the gentle swells of her breasts. She rubbed her deep blue eyes gently, trying to focus her gaze and slowly padded across the thickly carpeted floor. << It's Mrs. Du Bois again. Checking to see if I needed anything. I swear, she is worse than Mom. And speaking of Mom, I had better call her tomorrow and let her know that I am all right. >> Scully swung open the door and stared into a broad leather clad chest. << Oh...Shit... >> she thought as she followed the expanse of black leather up to the owner which she already knew. Mulder. Mulder smiled rather nervously, and ran a slender hand through his dark hair. His hazel eyes almost appeared black from the dim light which was afforded from the small light at the end of the hall. His skin tight black jeans, accentuated his slender, well defined body, and in spite of her state of being, his presence caused her throat to tighten a bit. Mulder looked at Scully. She was clad only in a loose dark blue silk nightshirt, her slender petite legs bare except for a pair of silk boxers which peeked out from underneath. Her face was devoid of its usual minimalist makeup, the golden freckles revealed there stood in dark contrast to her pale skin. Her hair, washed and left it's own devices was flowing and wavy and it gently framed the fullness of her face. Her face was caught in a twist of surprise, her lips slightly parted and full. Scully raised a slender arched eyebrow and spoke rather curtly " What are you doing here Mulder? " Scully turned and walked over towards the French doors which opened up onto the balcony. The sea breezes that were coming in throughout the window, caressed and gently lifted her hair to move under it's volition Mulder walked in and turned the over head on. The room she had was quite breathtaking, the walls a soft blue, bordered with a soft floral pattern. The border was enhanced with pinks mauves and jades. Lace curtains topped the hardwood enhanced windows, which lined the whole far wall, except for the massive French doors, made of dark Walnut. A narrow sofa sat in front of two of the floor to ceiling windows, the rest of the room was heavily filled with tables and chairs of the Queen Ann influence. Mulder walked across the softly carpeted floor, the room essence assaulted his senses. Just under the heady scent of sea air was the unique essence which he knew be only Scully's. Mulder took a deep breath and began, his soft low voice barely audible over the crashing waves of the sea. " I'm here because we need to talk. One minute we had just gotten back the X-files and in the next, I discovered that you had requested a LOA. I went to go look for you, to talk, but you had left town. " " Actually Mulder we didn't get the files back. You did. I'm just an afterthought, " She mused softly, the wind stirring the silk shirt just enough to wrap tightly against her slender body, as she looked out the window at the dimly lit beach. She knew that she couldn't look at him. Her heart was still in too much pain to focus upon him. This time was to be about her. A time to heal and to move on. << Mulder, haven't you done enough damage? >> Mulder's jaw dropped slightly, anger flashed in his hazel eyes. " You seriously believe that Scully? You seriously believe that you don't matter? What in the hell is going on here Scully? " Scully continued to look at the window away from his probing gaze. The cool night air was crisp on her heated flesh and she brought her arms up and around her chest to ward off the chill. " You're the senior agent in charge, you figure it out. You don't seem to really want my opinion, if it contradicts yours, " she uttered angrily, her alto voice controlled and dark. Mulder knew he reaction would be bad but he hadn't suspected that she would feel so unappreciated. << Of course she feels that way stupid, you discount what she says and treat her like shit. This is what you should expect to get. >> " Scully, that's not true... I respect your opinion. It's just that... " Scully interjected harshly, the venom dripping from her voice. " Gesh, I would have never guessed that. " Mulder walked over to her and placed his hand over her shoulder. He gently turned her to face him, and as he met her eyes, he saw the tears which threatened to fall from her unfathomable depths. " Scully... " Scully shook violently, trying to dislodge the warm hand from her shoulder. A single tear fell from her eyes and traced a glittering path down the pale expanse of her face. " Mulder, get your hands off of me and let me go. If you don't... " Mulder pleaded with her with his eyes, he spoke painfully, trying to reach her. " You'll what? Shoot me? Been there and done that. Besides that is how I kinda feel right now. Like you shot me in the heart. Your wanting to leave the Files, me... Really hurts... I know that I... " He eyes met his, her sapphire blue eyes glittering with anger and pain. Her face was stoic and cold, not revealing the turmoil that she was under. "Good, you deserve to feel that way you sanctimonious, self-centered bastard. So how's it feel Mulder? How does it feel to be treated like a second class citizen? Do you know how does it feel to know that someone who you thought you knew and trusted doesn't even trust your opinion back. I hope you feel like shit. You betrayed me. Betrayed everything that is * us *. How could you do that? What would it take for you to trust my judgment. I may not always believe what you say is true but I do respect the journey. I do not demean or belittle you. I have always stood by your side, because I believe in you... " Mulder mused softly, hoping to diffuse the situation, " Scully, please come and sit down over here with me, we need to talk, " Mulder put his hand in the small of her back to direct her to where he wanted her to go. The warmth of his hand in his familiar spot caused a shiver to run through her body which did not go unnoticed. Scully tried to shimmy away from his touch, it's power weakening her resolve. She faced him down, her eyes hard and determined. " Mulder, stop that. I'm not a dog that you can lead around blindly. You did that enough when we were partners. I don't have to take it now, or ever again. " Her voice was pointed, showing no emotion. Mulder continued to direct her towards the sofa and Scully reluctantly complied. " I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, I never intended to make it seem like that. I know that I hurt you, I'm sorry but it feels like you ripped a part of my heart out and fed it to me." Scully spoke harshly, her low alto tones ringing in the room. " Well, now you know how I felt all those items you ditched me. All those times you claimed I was the only one that you trusted, yet in the next breath, you stab me in the back. Let's just get this over with. The sooner we do that, the sooner you can leave. That way I can begin my vacation, and get some rest. " She managed to get away from him, sat down on the couch and drew her slender legs up to her chest, in a gesture as if to protect herself. She lowered her face, and a curtain of reddish gold hair fell before her eyes. " Dana. " Mulder spoke quietly, as he stood before her. He never used her first name, and he hoped that it would get her attention. Scully looked up at him. << The only time he has ever called me that was when someone died. >> She smiled inwardly at this ironic thought. << Something had died, my heart...>> " I have a pretty good idea of what you think about me at this moment. But I think it is about time that we really talk, " Mulder continued, his voice full of sincerity. He walked over and sat by her, as he kept a respectful distance. He slipped his jacket off and put it around her slight trembling shoulders. Scully's soul reeled by the caring gesture that he showed her. His simple actions, such as that, had always endeared him to her. The deep scent that the jacket held wasn't just the usual leather scent. It held an essence which she knew only to he his. She knew that she should remove it, the gesture being a little to intimate than necessary, but she allowed her self this little indulgence. She knew that this would be all that she had left, and she wanted a little good mixed with the grief. She spoke sarcastically, attempting to hide the emotions that she was experiencing at that moment, " Really..." Mulder turned toward her, and after taking a deep breath, he spoke in a low intonation." Yeah, I think that it is time to get a few things out in the open, put our cards on the table so to speak. Things that happened in a dark hallway, almost a life time ago, along with a little confession which occurred after a rather refreshing swim in the Bermuda Triangle. " Scully shook her head and frowned slightly. " This is not about that. " Scully was confused. << What the hell does that have to do with Diana ? Is he worried that I actually took him seriously ? Sure, Mulder like you could really love me. I'm not quite your type. You have made this abundantly clear. >> " Yes it is. It is about us running away from each other. But first I think we need to talk about this problem which we seem to be having at this moment. " He spoke quietly, his hazel eyes full of concern." << Let me in. Let me see you. >> Scully lifted her head, her eyes glittering brightly in the faint light afforded by the lamp in the corner. " Oh, you mean Diana? " She said sarcastically, her voice full of hurt and resentment. << Well it's not quite the topic, but it is a starting point. >> " But this is not about Diana...It's about..." He spoke quickly, trying to bring her back to his page. Mulder's heart fell, it was very clear how truly hurt and upset she was. His eyes filled with tears, as he looked into hers. Her eyes, swirling blues and greens touched with light, showed him her uneasy soul. " Yes... Yes it is... And it isn't." She mused softly, her voice tired and sullen. She pulled her legs up closer to her chest and began to rock slowly back and forth. " It's about us and her. How come you never told me about her ? Did you think that I would not notice how you looked at her. The sly glances that you stole. The way you would stick up for her? The Lone Gunmen had to tell me. That really hurt. I thought that you trusted me. I thought that at the very least, we were friends. I know now in retrospect that we were only partners but I think that I deserved to know. You told me that you needed me, that I completed you, made you whole. I believed that. I * needed * to believe that. Shit I was such a fool. I wanted to believe so bad, I saw more than was there. Jesus, do I have a bad track record with the men in my life or what? " " I thought I was an important part of this. I wanted to believe what I had to say mattered. I thought you cared...Instead, you questioned * my * motives. You discounted what I told you. I guess that I know * my * place. " She took a deep breath and continued thoughtfully, lowering her eyes from his gaze. " I didn't even stop and consider that the only reason we stayed partners was because you were holding out for Diana to return one day. I'm just a cheap replacement. " Mulder took a deep breath, his eyes begging her to listen, " Scully, no you are wrong..." Scully interrupted harshly, " Don't lie, I have heard the truth, now I want some answers. Do you think that I am stupid ? From the moment that she walked back into our lives, you have placed more trust in her than in me. She shot down my theory and you just sat there and said nothing to her. Then when Gibson Praise came back, everything fell apart. Diana stood up for you and believed in what you said without asking you for any proof. You rewarded her by running off with her to investigate, when I had the proof we needed. Then to top it all off, you told me yourself that you trusted her more than me. That hurt, I had always thought that I had your trust. All those times that you told me that I was the only one you trusted. Those were lies. You wanted to trust me, but you just couldn't because I don't blindly accept everything you say. I'm just the little spy they sent to debunk you. " " I guess I should have realized that I would never really have your trust after you told me to never call you Fox. Anyone else who called you that got away with it, but I tried it once and you basically bit my head off. I'm sorry that you've been stuck with a partner that you didn't really want all these years. I am so sorry. I know that I'm not the best choice in a partner for you but I tried to make it work. I really did. I tried to be strong for you, I tried to be what you needed. I thought that you trusted and respected me. I thought the reason we worked so well together was because of our differences, give and take. " She continued to be stoic, her voice flat and uninflected. " Scully, ", he warned softly. His anger at himself and at her closed mindedness, overwhelming his thoughts. " Don't Scully me," she growled harshly, her eyes full of pain, " I have given it all up. Everything. For you and your damned files. All I have asked for in return was your trust. In all of these years, have I ever asked for anything more? " " No... " " And I never would. You told me once that all that mattered was the quest, your X-files and you finding Sam. I willingly came along on this journey, I was there for you. I supported you. I saved your ass. I went to jail for you. I lied for you. And all that I ever asked for was your trust. And low and behold, a woman comes along whom you have not seen in years, and you dump her for me for * her * . Thank you very much. I am so tired of beating my head against the wall. I am so tired of trying to please you, trying to be strong for you. You never wanted me here from the beginning. I was the spy. Someone not to be trusted. Of this I am now quite sure. I'm just sorry that I have wasted your time all of these years. I guess that I expected too much, to be seen as an equal. It's always been about you. No one else. I thought * I * could make a difference... Don't worry Mulder. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not the selfish person you think I am. They need us. I will be there, by your side. I know that in some small, insignificant way that you do need me. However, I will watch my own back, you won't have to worry about me. I won't hold you back. I'll do what I can, and I'll just stand out of the way. Unfortunately, we are better together than apart. I'll just learn to adjust to not having your trust. I will learn to... " Mulder grabbed her arm, trying to catch her attention, as he curtly interrupted, " Scully, I'm so sorry that I acted like such an ass. It is just sometimes I become consumed with my work that I lose sight of everything else. But you have to admit, you are totally the innocent in this..." Mulder looked at her, and reached over and tipped her chin up so he could meet her gaze. Scully met his eyes, her sapphire blue shining brightly. " Excuse me? What the hell do...," she spoke vehemently. " Scully. I do trust you. I trust you more than any person that I have ever known. Even more than Diana. It's just that... Sometimes I become so angry. I have worked with you for six years, and in spite of the time that we have spent with one another, I hardly know you. I don't know what you are thinking or feeling at any given time. You keep yourself so closed off, so distant. " Mulder stroked the smooth skin of her chin, noting how her eyelids fluttered gently under his touch. Scully shook her head, his words not having any real meaning to her. " Of course you don't know me. You hardly take notice that I am even here unless you need some thing and I am not there. It's always been on your terms. I don't matter, I am an afterthought, an inconvenience, and that's O.K., I will learn to live with that. Don't worry, I can handle it. " Scully tried to break his hold on her by pulling her head to the side, but his strong fingers, continued to keep he tear filled eyes in his gaze. " That's where you are wrong, " Mulder retorted desperately. << O.K. Mulder, the future is here and all bets are off. >> " I have. I have tried so hard to have you let me in. To get to know you. I have learned every nuance that is you Dana Katherine Scully. Every nuance and detail which is you. Except for the little part you keep hidden inside. You claim that I don't trust you, but neither do you. You claim you trust me, yet you put these walls between us. Walls between you and me. Walls between, the part which holds your inner most secrets; your burning passions which drive you, the demons which haunt you dreams, the things you need. I need to know that part. I... " Mulder looked into her eyes, seeing more tears shining back at him. He brought his other hand, to her face to reassure her of his intentions. He stroked the silken skin of her cheek, eliciting a shiver for his actions. Scully smiled sadly, her heart was breaking. After six years of hell and damnation, it wasn't them who was destroying their partnership, it was their own doing. She uttered sadly, her voice almost nonexistent, " Mulder, I have tried but you just shut me out. I have tried many times. I have never asked anything from you. I understand why, we are just partners, but don't expect me to keep smashing my head against that wall. It can't always be on your terms, and I won't play that game. I just wanted to be strong for you. I wanted to earn your trust, your respect. How can I, if you see my inner self, the part of me that I hide away from everyone? Emotions I have learned, make you weak and vulnerable. I don't want you or any one else to see me as weak, like I need to be taken care of. " Mulder took a deep breath, the realization hit him like a stiff gale. He slid a little closer to her, the length of her thigh now pressed against his. << She is actually opening up to me... >> " Scully I have never thought of you as weak. I owe you. You have been my strength through all of this. You are my courage and my heart, you give my life purpose and meaning. It's just that... Sometimes, you shut me out. You won't let me help you. You are so determined to be strong, to be in control, that I cannot help but become angry and try to push you away. " Mulder knew at this point brutal honesty was probably the best solution. Up to this point, sharing their true feelings hadn't been their highest priority. If it had been, they probably wouldn't have been in this situation. Scully narrowed her eyes, the sapphire depths now almost black. She spoke softly, the exhaustion just beginning to show in her honeyed tones. " Angry? You become angry... Mulder, the only time you want to share, is when * you * want to share. I have always been there for you through everything, yet the only time you let me in is when you need to, not when I need to. You only trust me so far... Yet you put all of you faith in Diana and expect me to be O.K. with this? " Mulder raised his voice a little, his exasperation now getting to him. He shook his head and said firmly, his eyes now boring into her very soul " Scully... I'm so sorry. Please listen to me. " " Why, you never listened to me before. You don't care... " " I do care! " Mulder yelled loudly, noting how she literally jumped off the sofa. He grabbed the tender skin of her shoulders through the cool silk of her nightshirt, and shook them a bit, hoping to get her attention. " Damn it! I care probably too much. I know I was an ass. I know that I hurt you. I should have listened to what you said. You were right. Diana was dirty. At the burn sight, she was never found. I sent her there ahead. She should have been there. Do you know why I was with Diana when I called you? I went over to her apartment. I got to thinking about what you said. I went there and found nothing except for probably the most damning evidence I could have ever imagined. " End 5a/8 see 5b/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:58:43 -0500 ****************************************************************** The Lamenting part 5b/8 By Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com She raised her brow in response, her voice became suddenly very soft, << Oh, Mulder... I am so sorry...>> In spite of her anger with Mulder, she felt very sorry. She knew how it felt to be betrayed by someone who you trusted. " What? " Scully asked softly, trying to once again be supportive. " Cancer Man, he was there. That's when he told me the truth, everything. But he made up some lame excuse about looking for Spender... That's when I knew. Something was up. I waited for her there, wallowing in my own self pity, and when we talked, she didn't seem the least bit surprised. At that time, I really didn't think of it. I allowed my past feelings for her to cloud my judgment. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. However, I knew I couldn't. I needed to get to you, I needed to make sure that you survived the holocaust, that I survived. I had lost all hope, and then when I spoke to you, you set me straight. You grounded me once again and I was then focused on the real agenda. I trusted her so much once, I really loved her. I wanted to believe that she was on our side. That she was working with us, we were not alone in all of this. And it wasn't just about that, I had issues that I needed to work through, and I used her to run away from my problems. I never meant... " " I know you didn't, she answered sadly, " You just can't trust me. You resent me. I've held you back because of my lack of faith, you needed it. She gave you that... " Mulder gripped her shoulder a bit tighter, pulling her just inches from his face. " Scully, your blind faith wouldn't have helped matters. It was my blind faith fueled by fear and denial which got us here in the first pace. It's your constant need for proof and evidence that has gotten the X-Files this far. If you hadn't have been assigned to me, I would not have found out the truth, such as it is. I would be nowhere. That's why Diana and I never worked out. Couldn't work out. We thought too much alike. But this isn't really about that is it? " He quirked a brow in questioning. He knew how she felt. He had known it for some time, for a woman so good at denying what she felt, she wasn't good at covering this up. However, he needed to hear it from her. Scully thought she knew what he was trying to get at, jealousy. The green eyed monster. However, she knew that it wasn't that, well not very much anyway. << I don't have any claim upon him, so I will get over that. >> However, the real issue was not jealousy, so she planned to play dumb, Deny everything. >> " What do you mean? " Scully asked half convincingly. Mulder looked into her eyes, seeing what he needed to know. " I think that we both know what the real reason this happened was. We have been avoiding this, denying this, coming up with really stupid ways of pushing this away. I can only speak for myself, but I think that I was trying to push you away. Fear and utter stupidity caused me to take Diana at face value. I didn't listen to you because of my feelings for you. It seems that whenever we seem to get close to resolving this thing between us, I drive a wedge to drive us apart, using whatever means at my disposal. " She quirked an eyebrow at him, her curiosity peaked. She tilted her head slightly and asked quietly. " What thing... " " This... " he said, as he took her hand in hers. Scully shivered at his gentle touch and he could sense the emotional reaction that he was eliciting. " Scully... Diana was convenient. I could see what she did to you. I could see it in your eyes. If you hadn't guessed, I am pretty poor at maintaining any sort of meaningful relationship. I am so afraid of being hurt, of hurting you, because of my inadequacies. I have failed myself and so many other people, that I am afraid of us. But most of all, I am afraid if I really let you in, I will end up losing you for good. " Mulder stroked the soft skin of her hand, and looked into her unfathomable blue depths, losing his heart in the swirling clouds of passion. " Mulder... " She said softly. << Oh, my God... Is he trying to say what I think he is? >> She felt warm tears fill her eyes. " Scully," he continued seriously, " if you really think about it, I suspect that maybe why you shut me out also. You are so afraid, of being seen as weak, as being seen as needed me as much as I need you. You feel that somehow that knowledge will hurt you... Hurt me... That you rather shut me out, deny what you feel, than risk losing me altogether." " Mulder..." Her heart shattered upon the shimmering sands which graced the seashore below. << How did he know...Oh, Mulder...>> She had always felt she needed to be strong for him. She never wanted him to feel that she needed to be taken care of. She took her other hand, and placed it over his. She opened her mouth to speak, but he curtly interrupted her train of thought. " Shush... Let me speak, " he said softly, his voice honey over gravel. " I know you are afraid. Lord knows I am afraid also. I haven't wanted to risk losing what we already have for something that might be. However, denying this ain't cutting it anymore. We end up in more trouble than it is worth. We have to stop this now. Right here. I don't expect a miracle here tonight, your not killing me is more than enough. However, we need to resolve our boundaries, our feelings once and for all. And I will take that first step Scully, join me in the light. You are the only one who fills the dark loneliness which fills my soul. Lies shrink at the light of truth and revelation. " He looked back up at her, her eyes now filled with crystal clear tears which sparkled brightly in the light. " Mulder, I don't know.... " << Oh, God... What do I do now? >> Scully was scared. Scared witless. Her deepest wish had came true. He wanted to take their relationship to a different level. However, she wasn't sure if she was ready. She had never consciously entertained the thought that this day would come. Things were happening so fast, and they still had a lot of issues to work on... She lowered her eyes and took a deep ragged breath, her fear evident in her breath's intent. " Scully, you do know. We both know. Why is it that we have not had any truly significant relationships since we met? Why is it that we have this sort of unspoken communication between us? They know it. They have used it all along against us. Why is it you have stayed by my side, in spite of everything that has happened to you? Why is it that I would go to the ends of the earth to find you? Why is it that when your gone, I am lost?" " Mulder, we are partners..." Scully offered desperately. His words were bringing down the walls she had so carefully constructed over all of these years. She felt her resolve weakening. She knew it was useless. She knew that this had to happen. If not they would destroy one another. Mulder disentangled his hand from hers. He brought his hand to her cheek and cupped it gently. She looked up, meeting his gaze with a mixture of fear and wonder, " Yes we are. In every since of the word. We are part of one another. We are connected in away I cannot explain, it's like that you are the missing part of me. Tell me you don't feel this... Tell me that it's not real? I have already spoken the words. I meant every word I said in the hallway. I meant what I said in the hospital. I know that I am not the most romantic, sweep you off your feet kinda guy, but work with me here." His voiced cracked nervously, a chuckle breaking through. Scully smiled back brightly. Her smile bright enough to light the heavens above. " You don't need to be. You are just you... I... " << Oh, My God!!! This is actually happening... >> " Scully, " When you first came into my life, it must have been fate. For it could not be a mere coincidence, because it was if I knew you forever. It was as if I had been separated from apart of myself which I had been looking for all of this time. " " At first, I wasn't consciously aware of it. You snuck up upon me from the cold dark shadows which had enveloped me for all of my life. You insinuated yourself into my work, into my life, into my thoughts, into my soul, and then into my heart. " You incited such immensely powerfully emotions within in me, that I found myself frightened by the implications. I tried to distance myself from you, trying to hide what part of myself that was left, hidden from your influence, yet at the same time I found myself drawn to you, like a moth to a flame. That feeling was like a powerful passion which I found myself quickly addicted to. It is so powerful that I find myself freed and strengthened, as I am swallowed and reborn by it. You give me such strength and power that I feel that I can do anything. " " How do think I have survived all of these years? I would have self destructed long ago if it hadn't been for you. When we have been separated by whatever the fates have thrown at us, I was lost, cold alone and very much afraid. I ceased being. It's that simple. " " In the dark stillness of the night, where once nightmares once walked in my thoughts, you now reside. Your very being fills that void with life and love. You fill my every waking thought with your presence. You fill all of the cavernous emptiness which once existed, with a warmth and a peace which cannot be adequately expressed. " " With you in my life, I have no fear. I feel safe and protected. Yet at the same time, your touch creates such a desire in me that I find myself drowning in its wake. " " This is how it is. You are my life, such as it is. " " I'm sorry if I have abused that. I'm sorry if I haven't ever expressed clearly how much that * I * owe you. Sometimes I can be so single-minded that I forget all else. This hurts you, I now know this... and this I will promise you now. " " I will promise to show you each and everyday how much I respect, appreciate, and owe to you. If you let me. Show me how. Let me in. Let me into your heart and let me drown in the passion which I know exists inside you. Let that fire destroy me and give me rebirth. " " Mulder, please stop," he heard Scully mumble softly. " Scully... I would do anything for you. I would kill for you. I would die for you. I would give it all up for you. Only you. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I am tired of fighting it. I don't know what our future what will bring us. All that I do know is that with you by my side, we will win. They cannot defeat us. By ourselves we are good, but united we are unbeatable. A force to be reckoned with. We have to win, because we have something that they do not have. We have each other, We have love. The greatest force in all of the universe. The power which can create life. The power which can move mountains and empty seas. The force which binds all of creation together as one. Please let me in. I need... " " Mulder please stop. I need you to stop. " Scully cried, with a sob just below the surface. << Jesus, Mulder... >> Mulder looked up at her, awaiting the inevitable rejection which he most feared, and saw her looking at him with the most unreadable face he had ever seen her express. Scully smiled brightly and said strongly " I love you... ", as a single sparkling tear slid down her face. Mulder took her hands in his, as the tears began to fall down his face also. The tears blinding him from the most beautiful vision, a kin to seeing the heavens themselves. Scully face filled with unconditional love and acceptance.<< Oh, my... Scully...>> He grasped her hands once again with his, dark framed light, two halves of a whole, immortalized for all time. Scully began to speak softly, her low alto tones barely registering within his hearing. << Keep it together girl, don't lose it. >> " I cannot believe that you said those beautiful words to me. I have waited for so long to hear them when I know that you are as lucid... well as lucid as you get. " She met his eyes and chuckled a little. " Even though you can be the biggest pain in my neck, you are my pain in the neck. I meant what I told you before, I wouldn't change a moment that I have spent with you. I must admit that the road to this point has been long and difficult, however I also feel that it has made this day that much more... important. Before you came into my life, I saw things in black and white. Everything was in order and in it's place, " Scully touched the stubbled skin of his cheek and smiled brightly, and continued, " you taught me to see between the lines. You challenged me to see with all of the colors of my vision." " I think that the most important thing that you have done for me, is that I don't take myself so seriously. You make me laugh. I need that. Sometimes I let my rational side get in the way of my seeing the big picture, and I lose myself. You know that my pragmatic side does not allow me to believe in fate or Karma, if you will, but I must admit that you complement me, fill in the blanks so to speak." " You were right Mulder, I have tried to run away from what I feel. My fear of you seeing me weak, drove me to push you away. I have never wanted you to feel that you needed to care of me. You have always needed me to be strong, so I complied, I would never want to let you down, to hurt you. For if I did this it would be like hurting myself because you are such a part of me. " Mulder willed the tears to subside and in that moment, he allowed all of the love and respect which he felt for her to flow between their locked gazes. Love bonding and uniting them for all of time. Two souls separated by life, now reunited by love. Mulder took a deep breath and responded to her words of forgivence. " I love you too, Scully. Scully drew in a ragged breath as she fought back a fresh onslaught of tears. " Now see what you have made me do. I hate tears, " she said with a slightly nervous chuckle. Mulder unclasped one of her hands and brought it up to her tear stained face, and wiped the moisture from the soft skin that he found there. A sudden wave of heat ran though his veins like liquid fire and he found himself leaning closer to her, seeking it's source. Scully also felt that tremendous wave and also found herself leaning into him. she felt his warm breath upon her cheek, mingling with hers. Two loves, two hearts, two lives, one breath... << He's gonna kiss me...Yes... Yes...>> Mulder brushed a gentle kiss upon her cheek, allowing his lips to linger perhaps a little too long. He felt a rush of heat cloud his judgment, driven by the fire now burning in his loins. He pulled her to his chest, enveloping her within the security of his arms. Her slight body molded to his, like a home that he had never known before. He could feel the beating of her heart. Her breaths fell in perfect time with his, like they were of one existence. He gently stroked the fiery brilliance of her hair, allowing it's silken strands to flow freely through his callused fingers. Mulder had never know such peace and content in all of his life. << So, this is what coming home means.>> Scully clung to the man before her. She had never thought in a million years that this day would come. Just a few days ago, she had though that all of her chances were gone and that she was destined to be alone. She smiled brightly and snuggled into the government employee who she loved most in the world. His arms around her felt like paradise, like the earth's only true representation of heaven. She could probably count on one hand the number of times he had held her like this. Their's was truly not the most normal of relationships, but she cherished it more than any other she had ever had. Mulder leaned back a bit, already missing the presence of her in his arms. He brushed a tendril of hair from her eyes, and brought his hands up to hold her face in them. Their eyes met, and for one moment, Scully thought that he might actually kiss her again, but instead he smiled and took her hands in his. He gently brought the blanket she had discarded earlier up and around her. " I'm gonna go make us something to eat Scully. I haven't eaten in days and I know you haven't either. You lay here and take a nap. O.K.? " Scully shook her head her eyes pleading with him and said with insistence, " Mulder, you must be tired... " She reached up with a cool hand and stroked his stubbled cheek. " Let me go and fix something, I'm fine... " Mulder looked at her dead cold, a stare which could bring a bull to its knees and she smiled nervously. " No fine huh." she managed to nervously chuckle, her voice small and questioning. She brought her hands into her lap and bit her lower lip in anxiety. " Uh Uh... I never want to hear that word again.", Mulder said firmly. He took the hands out of her lap and clenched then gently in his. His eyes flashed with the anger of his words. " Well...", she tried to speak, but her feeble words failed her. She looked into his eyes and smiled slightly, as she shrugged her shoulders in acquiescence. Mulder stroked the soft skin of her cheek. She blushed brightly as his words fell upon her ears. " Well nothing, or I will tickle you mercilessly until you beg for mercy. " He said softly in a slightly teasing tone. Scully found herself quite wet at the words he had whispered in her ear. << Shit. Where did that come from??? God I think its been a little too long. >> Scully smiled wickedly. << Two can play at that game. >> " OOOh, I suddenly got really turned on Mulder, you promise? " Her voice was intentionally seductive and suggestive. She had delivered the line with a slightly arched eyebrow. " Scully? You wouldn't happen to be into S&M would you... " Mulder teased back. He was glad to see the real Scully now back at the podium. " In your dreams... But I do enjoy variety. " She shot back seriously, a unmistakable gleam of desire in her eyes. She leaned in closer to him, licking her lower lip with the tip if her tongue. << Oh My God...Did she just do that... What have I gotten myself into? >> Mulder said nervously to himself. The air in her room suddenly became thick and moist, the tension almost palpable. Mulder nervously ran and hand through his hair and stood up, trying to get a hold on the situation. " OOOOOOOhhhh, Now I am turned on. I had better go. " He said, half teasing, half seriously. " Scully? " " Yeah?, " Scully said with that gleam as she arched her eyebrow. She loved playing with him, and from the looks of the generous dislocation of the front of his jeans, he did also. On one hand, she wished they could have just thrown one another on the floor and make hot love. But on the other, she was glad they had a little time to adjust. << Mulder, I would've never thought you a gentleman... >> " I love you..." Mulder said with a soft smile. He still was in shock that he could now say it and own it. He felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt hot tears come to his eyes, and he willed them to cease. << Get a hold of yourself, man...>> Scully smiled brightly in return, the smile lit the world with it's grace and beauty. She spoke clearly, the tears which threatened to fall causing her voice to quaver just a little. " I love you also. " Mulder turned and walked over to the door, willing himself to give her and him a little room to breath. His fondest wish in the world had just been granted to him and he intended to play it conservative. << I can't screw this one up... >> Scully removed Mulder's leather jacket and put it under her head as she curled up upon the soft cover of her sofa. She pulled the soft yellow blanket up and around her neck, shutting out the cool night breeze. She felt the desire and love that possessed her heart flow through her, and fill the loneliness that she had felt for so long. This was real. This was right. It had been a hard journey to get to this point, and she knew that challenges still lie ahead, but she knew they could handle this. Love could only make them stronger. She closed her eyes, allowing the utter peace and fulfillment to wash over her and bring her out into the sea of dreams. As her breathing slowed and grew regular, the soft rain of the incoming storm starting falling gently, Mother Earth's tears washing away the sins of the world. A new beginning for all those who wish to partake of it. End part 5b/8 see 6/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:59:26 -0500 ****************************************************************** The Lamenting. 6/8 By Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com Mulder finished putting the light meal on the serving tray he had found in the cupboard. Since he didn't cook often, and he was working in a strange kitchen, it had taken him a bit of an effort to provide a proper repast. He had silently hummed to himself, his soul at utter peace while he cooked dinner. << Thank God for Mrs. Du Bois... Her refrigerator is like a take out restaurant but with classy food. >> He thought with amusement. He knew that the road would not be easy, and they would have to take it slow. They had known each other for six years, but in that time they had hardly gotten to know one another. However, he didn't know how long he could hold out. Before, when he thought the time wasn't right, he had sublimated his desires for her, putting his energy into his work or into his sports. But now that he could feel and express what he felt, it would be hard holding off on the physical aspect that he so longed to explore. It had been along time for him, since that woman Kristen. That had not been love, or even about sex. He had been grieving for Scully. It had been an escape, and when he had called out in ecstasy, it had been Scully's name that he had to bite off his tongue. He took a single rose from the vase of flowers which graced the high counters, and placed it in a small crystal vase that he had found in his wanderings. He placed it upon the tray and began to walk up the back stairwell. ************************************************************ Mulder walked quietly into the room, the soft rain of the suddenly dissipated storm, a steady rhythm of life. From the faint light of the lamp he had turned on earlier, he could see Scully lying innocently under her blanket. He wasn't sure, but her swore he could see a smile perched upon her generous lips. Mulder began to walk across the floor, and in the silence of the room, he noted a slight crunching sound from under his feet. Mulder lifted a foot up, and noted sand which he must have tracked in from outside. He gracefully slipped the boots off and walked across the room to where Scully slept. Mulder put the tray down and sat next to her. Driven by a urge he couldn't control, he brushed a tender loving kiss across the fullness of her lips, and then reached down and brought her curled up body into his arms. Scully stirred at the warm physical contact. She could feel him enveloping her, as he brought her up in his arms, cradling her gently, like she had wished he could have done for years. Scully snuggled closer to the radiant heat that he possessed and sighed a little. Suddenly, she could feel a change in his presence, it was no longer chaste affection he was feeling. Desire began to roll off him like waves from the sea. She felt the evidence of his desire against the bottom of her thigh, and she brought her arms up to embrace his broad shoulders as she brought her lips to the curve of his neck, gently suckling there. Scully found herself reacting to the waves of desire which tossed her about, and she found herself becoming very much aware of her impending needs. Mulder cleared his throat and spoke huskily, her mouth's wanderings causing him some great discomfort. His body longed to be with her, to join molecule with molecule, soul to soul, but he wasn't sure if she was ready. Mulder wasn't going to push her into making a decision that she might regret later so he disentangled himself from her and pointed to the tray on the table. " I brought us a little something to eat. " Scully gazed at him with a twinge of disappointment. << Jesus... Just when you think...Oh, well. Maybe he isn't ready. >> She gazed at him as he rather clumsily took off the elegant dinnerware and attempted to open the wine. She could see his hands shaking quite vigorously. His dilated eyes darted nervously everywhere but her. He had slid down the sofa, gaining just a little bit more than breathing room. << Ahh... he is nervous... That is just too good to pass up.>> By his overall demeanor, she could tell that he was more than just a little nervous, he appeared down right scared silly. Scully stifled a wicked smile. << All of these years you have tried to get to me with your sexual innuendo, this is payback. >> She slid back down towards where Mulder sat on the sofa. He had set out their plates and their silverware. Upon the plates lie a most sumptuous feast. Colorful foods of various sizes and shapes were showcased rather elegantly upon the fine china which gleamed softly in the pale light. Crystal wine glasses filled with white wine sparkled brightly like diamonds. As Mulder rather nervously dug into his food with his silverware, and looked up at her, his face flushed and shining. " Well? " << O.K. Dana, make it good. >> Scully mused as she leaned over quite a bit more than necessary, and in the calculated movement revealed a good glimpse of her pale breasts clad only in a half bra, as she reached for one of the appetizers. She brought her hand slowly up to her mouth in a deliberately sensuous manner and began to nibble the shrimp canap with small deliberate bites between rosebud lips. " Oh, God. Is this heavenly ", she moaned rather breathlessly as she rolled her cerulean blue eyes back into her head. She continued to take small, methodical bites, carefully making sure her lips and mouth were as sensuous as she could make them. She continued to make little whimpering sounds as she slowly devoured the morsel. It wasn't very hard to make those noises, between her own growing desire and the salty, slightly sweet taste of her food, she found herself being quite turned on by the whole affair. Scully was also quite pleased with the reaction a rather startled Mulder was returning her. << Jesus, it's going to be a long night >>. Mulder stared mindlessly at his very bold partners actions. From the moment she had bent over and revealed herself to him, his mind had shut down, way down, and his more southern parts had began to think for him. << Jesus, I think that was her nipple I saw >> His lost mind realized. He watched her rather seductively eat her way through the canap, her reactions better than anything he had ever experienced before. A lick of fire ran through him, as his manhood leapt to life, causing him to be quite uncomfortable in the very tight jeans that he was wearing. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, driven with his desire. He couldn't catch his breath, his lungs burning with the sight of those lips... << Oh, God. Those lips, wrapped around... Don't go there. She is just eating. Just eating. Try to catch your breath. >> He was clueless as to her intentions, instead believing she just was enjoying her food. Scully smiled brightly, her plan working better than she had hoped. << Got ya. >> She forced back a snicker and continued to seriously secretly seduce the man before her. She reached over and touched his face, noting the flush she found there. His heavy breathing fell softly upon her face in warm moist puffs as she drew close and whispered. " You look famished. You should really try to eat. You seem... disoriented. I bet your blood sugar is low. " She said each word pointedly, carefully letting them fall upon him in seductively husky tones. Mulder shivered violently and grabbed one of the canap in his sweaty hand. He brought it to his mouth, and shoved it in. His mind was so lost that the flavor of the food was lost on him. He chewed it quickly, almost swallowing it whole. His breathing remained labored, his adrenaline at high alert. The room seemed unfocused almost hazy, and he found himself struggling to remain lucid when all that he wanted was to throw her on the floor and do her. << This is Scully. She deserves a lot more than that. >> Scully reached for the crystal wine glass, making sure her shirt fell open once again. The gentle swells of her breasts rose and fell shallowly, her nipples tightened, her desire also heightened. She had never in her life attempted such a obvious seduction, but it seemed to be working and she was enjoying herself immensely. She noted as she rose up with the glass, that a rather large lump existed where one wouldn't pack a firearm. She brought her glass up to her lips, noting how he was openly staring at her almost drooling and said rather softly, " Mmmmm. I love wine. The things that it does to me... It makes me feel so hot. " She took a sip, swirling the dry, semisweet liquid over her palate. " Good. Sweet... Just a bit of bite. Just the way I like it. " Mulder liked his lips. The sight of her graceful fingers wrapped around the stem, eliciting a response that he knew that he couldn't hold back much longer. << You are such a perv, getting of on the way she is eating, get a grip. >> He tried to control his breathing, and to squash his burning hunger which didn't want what was on the menu, he picked up his glass and downed it in one gulp. The deceptive coolness, trailed a line of fire down his parched throat. Once the alcohol reached his nearly empty stomach, the alcohol went rather quickly to his head. Scully smiled wickedly, having more fun than she felt possible. She felt herself getting quite damp and was determined to follow through. She was tired of playing games, it was time to get to business. She reached for a crab cake filet and shoved over half into her mouth. She closed her eyes slowly, groaning loudly into the stark silence of the room broken only by the heavy breathing of her partner. She pursed her swollen lips and chewed exaggeratedly. Small crumbs fell gently upon the bare skin of her chest revealed by the shirt. " Hot. Rich. Creamy." she said with a passion filled voice. She sucked each of her fingers, one by one, carefully cleaning the surface with her perfect blow job lips, noting the salty sweet flavor which resided there. Mulder shoved a filet down his throat. His appetite was long gone for food, now he just awaited his certain demise. Her every movement and sound drove him to mindless distraction. He watched her roll her eyes, and grunt appreciatively at the feast. He stopped eating and sat back, his jeans way to tight for health reasons, and took a ragged breath. Scully heard him draw in a sharp breath and going for broke, literally climbed on top of his lap and ground her wet center into his passion's evidence. She met his gaze, her passion filled sapphire blue meeting his hooded hazel and said just above a whisper. " Ahhh. Poor baby. Let me help you with that. " She reached over and picked up a roll and brought it to his pursed lips. She ground her bottom into him once again, hoping he would get the message. And boy did he get the message. Scully purring like a love starved vixen, crushing her very obviously wet crotch into his loins, finally awakened his alcohol enhanced, sexually dimmed mind. << Jesus... She is deliberately doing this. >> << The bitch is deliberately trying to kill me. >> He stared into her eyes, they were hazy and unfocused. Her pale skin was flushed and damp with pheromone infused Scullysweat. Her breaths were labored and shallow, causing her cleavage to rise and fall quite noticeably. He could smell quite noticeably, the essence of her as it filled the room about him. He raised a brow at her. << You started this, but I'm going to finish it. >> He brought his hand up to hers, and with a gentle motion he took a bite of the roll into his mouth, groaning in return and swallowing quickly. He took her fingers into his mouth, and with his tongue, gently swirled around them, one by one, tasting the various foods they had eaten and the salty essence that was uniquely her own. Scully watched him suck mercilessly on her fingers. She shuddered slightly under his warm moist mouth's attentions. She knew that this was going to get out of hand soon. However the sooner the better, so she leaned over and grabbed a cherry tartlett. She brought the rich desert to her mouth and with the tip of her tongue, licked some of the filling off the very top. His eyes narrowed as he sucked in a breath. With as steady of a voice her her passion addled mind could muster, she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. " Would you...like ...my cherry? " End part 6/8 see 7/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 19:59:56 -0500 ****************************************************************** The Lamenting. 7/8 By Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com Mulder's brain literally blew a fuse upon these sexually charged words. He picked the tartlet from her hand and tossed it onto the table, the desert landing with a small plop which could be heard around the world. Mulder then cupped her face in his hands as he felt Scully's hands entangle in the silken dark hairs which were just above his collar. Mulder brought his warm full lips to her full parted one's and gently brushed the soft opulence of hers. Her soft lush lips molded to his as if they were meant for one another. He brushed hers gently, it was like a gentle spring breeze, a forbidden caress, enticing yet still not enough. She drew back, her eyes fluttering open slowly, her desire floated hazily against the sky blue of her eyes. << Oh, God...>> he thought << This is really happening >> Mulder was overwhelmed by the flood of emotions which flowed through him. It was better than anything he could have ever imagined. It was like the end of a very long journey had came to rest, in the arms of Dana Katherine Scully. Mulder reached a hand behind her neck, twisting his hand into her hair, and brought her closer to him. Mulder bent down and brought his lips to hers once again, gently nipped on her lower lip and then soothed it with his warm moist tongue. Scully weakened against him, her mouth instinctively opening to his, as she emitted small whimpering sounds. Mulder slowly brought his tongue to hers, swirling and stroking inquisitively. His tongue ran across her teeth, and tentatively explored the hidden depths of her mouth. His tongue sought out her inner most secrets; the roof of her mouth, the silken walls of her cheeks, the slick surfaces of her perfect teeth. He plundered her garden with a need so overpowering, it took his breath away. She tasted of wine, cherries, and an essence which could be described as only hers. This simple act of kissing had already sent rivers of excitement throughout his body, his hormones on full alert. His mouth was tender and fierce, hot on hers, and Scully responded with a passion which surprised herself. Scully groaned loudly, uncontrollably at his intrusion. A wave of burning desire flowed through her, instantly wetting her silk panties. She met him furiously, returning the favor in kind, her kisses becoming more erotic, more passionate than she had ever experienced before. She attempted to seek out his innermost secrets, his intimate flavors with her insistent exploration. Her body began trembling from the sexual tension she was experiencing. She pressed herself as hard as she could against him, attempting to meld with him, and her hands ran up and twisted into his dark thick hair. She always knew he could elicit within her a primal response with just a simple touch of his, but she was clueless as to how much of a response. A violent shiver ran through her slight body, and she found herself growing weak from the experience. Her mind whirled from the realization that her fondest desire was transgressing between them at that very moment. << Jesus, Mary and Joseph... This is really happening. >> As Mulder continued to kiss her, Mulder slowly consumed her mouth sliding his tongue with passionate care against hers. He could feel the sensation of her pounding heart again his, and the realization that he was caused her to feel this way, caused his loins to throb painfully against the jeans that he was wearing. Mulder's passions dictated his actions and he slid his one of warm hands under the loose silk shirt she wore and caressed the smooth skin that covered her ribcage, darting closer and closer to her breasts with each pass. He delighted in her as she arched up to meet him this action sending a new flame of fire throughout out his veins. Scully moaned softly into his mouth as his gentle assault. The heat rising exponentially in her core, caused her to lose the very breath of her body. Her mind began to spin out of control, the desire which she felt for him engulfed her in a hot sea of fire. She leaned closer to him, pulled the tight T-shirt from his jeans and slid one of her cool hands up underneath, seeking out the hot flesh which pulsed underneath. When she finally reached her intended target, she tugged lightly on his nipple. Mulder moaned loudly into her consuming kiss and broke free of her mouth. He tucked his head into the curve of her neck, taking deep ragged breaths in time with hers. His last shred of uncertainty was erased as she cuddled into him as she murmured his name. He sighed into her skin and brought his mouth up once again and kissed her deeply as he finally rubbed his palm against her nipple clad only in the barest of silken bras. As Scully felt Mulder rub the highly sensitive nub, she arched and sighed her pleasure into the warm confines of his mouth. She never wanted it to end, and her lips sought his hungrily; suckling, biting, possessing totally the man which she had dreamed of all of these years. Her other hand inched from the curve of his neck to slide down his chest and up under the shirt which hung about him, to wrap around his strong muscled back. She ran her slender hand up and down the soft skin that she found there, kneading the flesh gently with her fingers. She finally pulled away from him when she thought that she would pass out from oxygen depravation. " Wow...", Mulder managed to mutter softly, a huge grin gracing his chiseled features as he stroked the soft skin of her passion flushed cheek, with his warm hand. His hazel eyes were full of wonder and surprise. Scully finally took in a deep breath and uttered softly, " Wow yourself... I think I just experienced first hand a real honest to goodness X-File... " She managed a small nervous smile, her stomach still reeled from their earlier activities. Mulder chuckled a bit, pleased that she felt the same way as he. " I hope so... Sooooo, would you like to do some intense investigation on the subject Agent Scully?", he asked with an obviously dangerous leer, his brows lifted in suggestion. Scully rolled her deep blue eyes, a innocent look perched upon her delicate features. In her best serious inflection she exclaimed, " I'm not sure what you mean, what kind of investigation? " << Two can play at that game >> Mulder took the initiative and retorted in his best professional voice, his facade only broken by the teasing gleam of his sea touched hazel eyes, as he squeezed the round firmness of her breast. " Oh, come on Scully... Your a scientist and for you only empirical research will do... " Scully reached over and gently grabbed the bulge in his pants and smiled with a wicked grin as she lifted a Scully brow. Mulder moaned and rolled his eyes in the back of his head as she said seductively, " Oh, yeah... I see what you mean, I think that I just found myself a well honed tool to work with at this very moment. " " Scully... " he grunted out huskily, as he gently pinched the hard pebble which his hand encircled, his breathing now erratic and shallow, as his desire hooded eyes met hers. Scully arched her chest into his hand, the warmth which resided in his hands wreaking havoc with her libido. She continued to rub his manhood, revealing in the knowledge that if it was possible he seemed to be getting harder and bigger with each of her movements. " And how do you plan to do your research Mulder? ", she asked softly, her eyes a deep sky blue filled with passion unleashed. Mulder reached into the half cup of a bra and gently took her breast into his hand. He head rolled back, her copper tresses flowing down her shoulders. Mulder rolled her nubbin between his fingers eliciting a low groan and he muttered softly, " I'll guess I'll do what comes naturally... Feeling out the situation " " Don't...ah.. you mean...oh... feeling up? " she muttered almost incoherently. Her body auto reflexively arched into his attentions once more, as she felt another gush of moisture meet her already sodden panties. Mulder leaned forward to the woman sitting on his lap and brought his lips to her chin. He began to nibble gently along the length of her jaw, laying open mouthed kisses along the way. He reached her ear and with the gentle touch of his jaw tilted her head to the side so be could continue his appointed ministrations. " Semantics... Semantics...", he whispered into her ear, his loins now doing all of the thinking. " So where... do you want to ... take this little research group... of ours, " he finished softly, quite proud of still being able to use complete sentences. Scully twisted her hands quite forcefully into his hair, her breathing now but all out of control. She sucked in a ragged breath and grunted out almost incoherently. " Bedroom... Right now..." Mulder chuckled slightly and continued to consume the warm flesh if her ear, they as a unit managed to stand up together, his neck still buried into the curve of her graceful neck. Scully moaned once more, then she felt him reach down and in one graceful motion, he swung her up into his arms. Scully grabbed his neck for her dear life as she gasped loudly. Her eyes snapped open, her swirling blue meeting his and said full of surprise, " Mulder what are you doing. Put me down this instant." Mulder turned to toward where her bedroom was and began to make his way carefully to his destination. He smiled wickedly and spoke in a teasing voice, " What's this... The fearless Dr. Scully has a fear of heights? " His low chuckle reverberated through their entwined bodies. She looked into his laughing eyes and said in all seriousness. " No, just a fear of being let go. " Her eyes filled with tears at the momentary seriousness of the topic. << Don't cry, you sappy fool. >> Mulder looked seriously into her deep blue depths and said in a tone full of love and respect. " I'll never let you down... " Scully smiled brightly and with her hands she brought his mouth down onto hers. Their lips met one another with a force which lacked the grace and gentleness the other kisses had shared. This time it was reckless, out of control fueled by six years of sexual repression. Their mouths merged, their tongues dancing in time to their repressed urges. As they continued to kiss brutally, Mulder managed to get them into the small hall before her bedroom. His fire stoked to the point of no return, he slid her gently against the wall, pressing his urgent need into her, her body molded to his hard quivering length. He needed to prove to her in no uncertain terms that this was going to happen, giving her a chance to back out. Scully moaned loudly, inadvertently breaking their oral contact, and arched an eyebrow gently as their gazes locked. Her eyes were unfocused and dilated from hr passion. Her mouth, pink, and moist form his ardor was parted ever so slightly, revealing her perfect white teeth, as her ragged breath rushed through them. " Mulder? ", she gasped out. " Yeah... " Mulder uttered back, his eyes drowning in hers. " How about starting the first part of our research right here, " she said seductively as she brought her hand to the bulge which throbbed against her tummy. She arched an eyebrow and cocked her head slightly to the right. " My... my what do you have in mind. " Mulder said innocently, raising his brows in answer to hers, fully aware of what she was insinuating. << This wall looks good to me. >> " Dear God... do I need to spell it out for you... " Scully said as she rubbed him firmly with her hand, his eyes fluttered shut in response. She squeezed him and whispered softly " You... Me... The wall..." Mulder chuckled softly, the vibrations sending signals throughout her body. He opened his eyes with great difficulty and said " The wall. I never thought you had it in you... " Scully made short work of the top button and zipper of his jeans, and she said rather pointedly as she reached for the belt. " Well, I don't have it in me yet... " Mulder broke her words off with a kiss, and then all bets were off. As they kissed passionately, Mulder felt her undoing the buckle of his belt and then he felt his jeans fall with a soft plop to the heavily carpeted floor. Mulder jumped a bit as he felt her small hand pull down his boxers and take him in her hand. " Whoa... " He grunted as she stroked the silken hardness with her hand. The heat of him radiated onto her, and she found herself breaking out into a glistening sweat. Scully looked up into his deep soulful eyes, " Mulder? " " Are you sure this is...Oh God...what you ahhh had in mind...Ah to hell with it, " he groaned as she stroked him once again with the cool touch of her hands. He leaned down and began to nip the curve of her neck rather hard as his hands found their way into the silk boxers that she was wearing, and cupped the curves of her bottom in his hands. " Oh God," she muttered as he nipped along the length of her neck, kissing gently along the way. She began to coo as he began to nip harder, more forcefully each successive time. She was soon muttering unintelligible sounds as he reached her ear and took her lobe in his mouth, he suckled it for a minute, then dropped it as he spoke quietly in her ear, his breath on her causing her to grow more wet with each passing second. " Mmmmm...", he said as he kneaded the soft, yet firm flesh he found there. She pressed herself firmly into his strong fingers, as she let her face fall onto the cool cotton of his shirt. " You know Scully, " as he slipped his hands inside of the damp silk," these panties, why bother wearing them anymore, they will only get in the way. " Scully bit him gently through the material of his shirt, eliciting a groan from him, and much firmer grip upon her buttocks. " Shut up and get..., " she mumbled as she felt his hands trace the silk band along her heated flesh. She felt him reach his intended target in front, and she stepped back a bit allowing him some room. As he cupped her mons through the moist silk barrier she sighed softly " Ahhh... yeah right there... " Scully reached down and as a team, they liberated her from the very damp silk boxers and confining underwear. Mulder looked up from the curve of her neck and met her gaze; her cerulean blue eyes danced wildly with need. Mulder watched her bite her lower lip, as she smiled slightly at him. As Mulder reached down for a kiss, his hand went between her legs, and gently sought out her readiness through the wet curls that he found there... " Jesus Scully, " he cried, " you are so wet. " Scully moaned loudly against his open mouth and ground her throbbing center into his hand as she lifted a leg to wrap around his thigh, allowing him access to explore her. She rolled her head back against the wall, her eyes fluttered shut as she bit her lower lip. << Oh, God... Does he have talented fingers... >> Mulder began to tease her there, gently tracing the outline of her velvety folds with a long graceful finger. Mulder was rewarded with a guttural groan and a fresh gush of her desire. Mulder continued to tease her, tracing all around her, but never coming quite close to where he knew she wanted him to be. Suddenly, he parted her folds and thrust a slender finger deeply into her, her slick hot and tight walls tightening around him. Scully drew in a deep gasp, her body burning brightly, as he explored her. Scully spoke in a deep alto tone, her voice rough with desire, as she grabbed his hand and met his hazel eyes with hers. " Mulder..." Her voice sounding the kiss of death. " Play later... Fuck me now... " Mulder smiled wickedly and waggled his brows. " My, my... Such language and from a Catholic never the less... " He drew his hand out of her, a shudder from her body catching his attention. He pulled her towards him and he rubbed her breast firmly with the palm of his hand. Scully groaned again, her eyes drooped slightly, her eyes now a dark sapphire, almost black with her tension. She thrust her hips at him, rubbing his manhood with her body. She brought her slender arms up around him, and grasped his shoulders. " I'll show you Catholic... " She said lustily as she tightened her grip and bit the nub of his nipple through his shirt. Mulder shuddered uncontrollably and groaned his answer. He wrapped his arms around her and brought his hands down to cup the sweet swells of her bottom. Mulder took a good grasp of her and in one swift movement, lifted her up. Scully wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, as she reached up around his neck to get some security. She ground her hips into him once more, an invitation to continue as she licked the expanse of the subbled cleft of his jaw. Mulder squeezed her ass hard and braced her against the wall as he lifted her up a bit, and brought her down upon himself hard, filling her completely. He grunted loudly as he felt the silken heat of her slide inch by inch around him. " JESUS... " Scully managed to get out, her voice filled with surprise. Her head slammed hard back onto the hard wall behind her, her eyes clamping shut. The burst of pain from hitting the wall was lost in the maelstrom of her need. She felt full, complete. The evidence of his desire for her tight against womb. She took a ragged breath and gripped the skin of his neck tightly in her hands. Mulder looked at the woman impaled upon him. Her delicate face was twisted in a grimace, her breathing was labored. His desire filled dark eyes searched her face for her answer as he asked worriedly, " Scully, are you... " A bright smile greeted him as she sighed. Her head still against the wall. "Oh, yeah... I'm better than... OH GOD... " She managed to get out just as Mulder pulled out and thrust back into her tight center. Mulder began to move with in her slowly, allowing himself to enjoy the sensations that he was feeling. She was hot, wet, tight, and oh, so soft. Just the movements he was making were enough to drive him over the edge, but he held back, the reactions he was eliciting from Scully were more than enough for him at the moment. She was twisting, groping and moaning like a woman possessed. Scully was overpowered by his presence within her. He filled her completely, and even more so. The delicious pleasure/pain of him hitting her womb was more than she could remember. As he continued to plunge harshly into her, she groaned softly, " Oh God... Harder... Yeah... " She tightened her legs around him and with her arms she tried to thrust back. Mulder heard her words of encouragement and increased his tempo, thrusting for all of his worth. Scully was suddenly reduced to unintelligible grunts and moans, he adjusted her just a little, seeking the spot he knew would drive her over the edge. " Oh, my God..." Scully screamed loudly, and her voice cracked as Mulder hit her spot just right. She could feel the tide rushing up to nip at her heels, she grasped tighter to him, shouting loudly to the celestial heavens, " don't...No...Oh God... Yes...don'tstop don'tstop..." She felt a flash of heat curse through her as her release to meet her. Mulder could feel her release coming in like a tsunami, her walls clenched him tightly as she began the thrash about from her finality. Mulder found himself pounding violently into her soft flesh, her head smacking the wall with each thrust. The sounds of their hitting the wall filled the void of the room, joining with their cries. Mulder could feel his release coming quickly, but as he looked at her pre-orgasmic grimace which filled face, her ruby red lips parted with panting breaths escaping them, he needed to see her, feel her come so he told himself silently. << Hold back... don't do it man. Give this to her. >> " Mulder... Yes....." she screamed loudly as her soul ascended upward. She found herself floating in a universal sea of sensation, bright lights flashing behind her eyelids. She felt the rivers of release flush through her as she lost lucidity. Mulder felt her fall limp against him, her body shaking uncontrollably. He felt the cool mist of her perspiration through his T-shirt. He took slow even breaths, holding her close to him, his evidence of desire unrelated, still buried deep within her. He talked softly to her, awaiting her eventual return. Scully found herself slowly coming back to reality. The room finally coming to a non spinning clarity. As she found herself becoming more aware, she could feel and hear Mulder's incessantly beating heart against her. She also could feel the hardness which was Mulder, still inside her still quaking center. She couldn't remember him coming with her, or at all for that matter. << Oh, God...,>> she thought with panic << He didn't...>> She looked up from his chest, her tear filled gaze meeting his soft loving one. " Welcome back... How was the trip?" he asked softly, as he brushed a kiss upon her parted lips. Scully felt a wave of panic overcome her." Mulder, you didn't... Your still... Oh, God... Did I do something wrong? " She implored emotionally, as she brought her pale trembling hand to his cheek. Mulder searched her face, a clear sense of panic and regret written there. He answered with a bright smile and happy inflection, trying to reassure her. " Scully? Oh...Honey... You were wonderful. I just... I wanted to see you... God you were... you are so beautiful. I was right there, but when you started... I had to see. " " Mulder... " She said sheepishly, her panic now subsided. She stroked his face gently, the perspiration she found there cool and slick. Mulder looked into her eyes, his eyes filled with tears unshed. You're like living fire, Scully. You burn hot and bright, like the brightest star. You bring me in, like a moth to a flame. I find myself burned by you, yet I rise like the proverbial Phoenix from the ashes, once again complete and alive. Scully smiled and brought a kiss to his full lips, and she sighed softly. " Mulder, I would have never guessed, but you really have away with words. " Mulder smiled back at her and said with meaning, " You are my inspiration to create, sexy. " " Mmmmm...," she answered as she nibbled at the cleft of his chin " This is nice. " She found the tip of his nose and licked it with her tongue, moaning softly. " I agree, but let's take this into your bedroom," he groaned as he felt her clench down upon him. End part 7/8 see 8/8 Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 20:00:24 -0500 ******************************************************************* The Lamenting. 8/8 by Joylynn Wing aljoyw@a-znet.com " Good call G-man... " she said seductively, as she tried to disentangle from him. Her movements caused her to slide down further upon him, and she moaned as her eyes fluttered shut, his desire causing her to grow excited once more. He however wouldn't relinquish his hold on her. She opened her eyes and said firmly, her eyes flashing brightly, " Mulder... Put me down. You are going to hurt yourself. " " Uh...Uh...," he said softly, " Now that I have you I'm not going to let you go. " He smiled and turned as he brought her closer to him. She clung to him tightly, as she sunk further upon him. Mulder walked carefully into her bedroom and carefully dropped her down onto the firm mattress. She stroked his face gently, and Mulder pulled himself out of her and came down beside her. Scully rolled over to meet his gaze, his eyes meeting hers, locked in one moment of time. Scully broke their gaze as a lump grew in her throat. It was so difficult for her to believe that this was actually happening. After years of sexual innuendoes, stolen glances and sexual repression, they were finally going to do this. They were finally admitting to their feelings and were going to let each other in. Mulder seemed to sense her musings and took her small hand in hers and said "What is it? ", as he moved closer to her, as he sought out her warmth. She shook her head slowly, her hair fell across her face and with a small nervous smile she pushed it behind her ear. " Nothing. Just that it's hard for me to believe that this is happening. " Mulder nodded slowly, his mind racing with thoughts he was barely capable of expressing. He felt the same way. His fondest wish had been just given to him, and it all seemed to much. How could he explain what she meant to him? Mulder took a deep breath in and spoke in soft dulcet tones. " This should have happened a long time ago. Scully... do you know how long I've wanted us to happen?" Scully smiled brightly, a single tear fell down her slightly freckled cheek. " I have wanted this forever. It's just that... " Your scared. Look if you're not ready for this... ", he said honestly as he brought his hand to her face. " Mulder... ", she said softly. She knew that she needed this they needed this. She needed to show him that she was ready to let him in. Scully slid off the bed and stood up to stand in front of him, her reddish gold hair glinting brightly in the dim lighting. " I'm ready for this... for us... " And with that she reached down and pulled the silk shirt over her head, and tossed it to the floor. Standing there in only her bra, she blushed brightly as she reached behind her to unclasp her bra. She allowed it to slide down, revealing her small perfectly formed breasts. She stood there a while, wanting to prolong this for as long as was humanly possible. The expression on his face was priceless. His eyes were round and filled with awe, his mouth parted with amazement. As his eyes traveled slowly down the creamy white expanse of her bare skin, she felt as though she could feel his gaze travel down every single inch of her skin. It lit a fire which began to consume her very being. Her breathing became ragged and quick. She bit her lower lip nervously in anticipation. After all of these years, this was the way it had to be, she needed to let him in. She needed to offer him her total trust and commitment. This was a course which had to be followed, this was more than about sex, more than about desire, it was about respect, loyalty, trust and love. "Scully... Your... God. Oh my God. You are so exquisite. " He sighed softly, his eyes filled with love. She knew that he meant it. The utter certainty of this made tears spring to her eyes. Scully smiled brightly revealing her perfect teeth. " I'm glad you like... " Mulder nodded his head in agreement, " What's not to like. " He crooked a slender finger, for her to join him. She pointed to herself innocently and arched a brow at him. He nodded enthusiastically, and began to remove his own clothing. As she came up to him, Mulder smiled and nodded as he lifted a hand to greet her. Scully took his hand and gracefully fell down next to him. Mulder leaned over to her, brushing a gentle kiss across her cheek. He dropped his head to her chest, lips moving rapturously over stomach and sternum, planting small kisses along the white expanse of her skin. Mulder took in the fragrance of her, vaguely reminiscent of cinnamon and fresh spring breezes. Scully moaned loudly and arched her back as Mulder attached himself to one of her small hard nipples, flicking the pebbled surface gently with the end of his tongue. Mulder had always fantasized how it would be with her, and he found himself amused in the fact he could make Scully moan in such a seductive way. He smiled against her skin in pleasure as he suckled her. However the close proximity of her body to his and the fact she was in his mouth and he suddenly became voracious. He slid his warm lips across the valley between her breasts, as he intermittently paid equal attention to each delicate nipple. Mulder, driven by his need to explore his new lover, then slid down the supple expanse of her abdomen, feeding on the creamy richness of her silken skin. He smiled brightly at her ever growing utterances aimed towards him as he ignored her attempts to direct his mouth to where she most needed it. Instead he took the time to commit to memory; every angle and plane, every scent and taste, every subtle shudder of her lithe body. Scully was lost in the sensorium which enveloped her. The warm touch of his lips on her cool flesh, the delicate caress of his breath upon her was simply heavenly. It had been such a long time since she felt someone else's touch, other than her own against her skin. The path that he was taking, awakened a fire upon her skin which she couldn't extinguish. She found herself floating higher and higher to the heavens, her soul floating amongst the clouds. She found herself becoming rather loud in her vocalizations, but she couldn't help herself, this was right. This was good. And she didn't care if any one heard her. With each unintelligible vocalization, another rush of moisture shot between her legs. By the time Mulder reached wiry reddish curls between her thighs, Scully lifted Mulder's head up with her hands, saying softly... "You don't have to do this. " With half-lidded eyes she blushed brightly, her discomfort apparent upon her face. In spite of this, her cheeks were flushed with pleasure and desire and her chest heaved heavily from her excitement. Mulder smiled brightly and lifted one of her legs up and over his shoulder, and then smoothed his hands over her belly, feeling the soft warm skin he found there. Scully grabbed one of them, her fear mixed with excitement and hung on tight for her dear life. << Oh, my God... This is really happening. Mulder is between my legs and he is going to...OH MY GOD!!!!>> The first touch of that talented tongue against her center might have well as been the second coming. A cry escaped her pursed lips as her hips thrust toward him all on their own. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as her head fell rather ungracefully on to the mattress. Shooting streams of heat raced down every nerve and they pooled between her slightly shaking thighs. Scully lost the ability to focus on anything other than Mulder and his attentions upon her. She felt his free hand push her legs further apart and out as he arranged her to achieve better access. And after he took a deep breath, she felt him dive into her like a man starved for food. That was about the last coherent thought she had. As Mulder buried his nose in her damp, hot center, Scully moaned and spread her thighs further apart. His first exploration of her inner self more than she could have ever imagined. Mulder smiled brightly and sniffed deeply. " I have always wondered how you would smell. " Scully blushed even brighter and groaned softly as her eyes fluttered shut. Mulder slipped one of his hands under the curve of her rump and brought her closer to his hungry mouth. Mulder's tongue began trailing a path of fire which transversed over mons, inner thighs and outer lips. Scully's hips began to rise and fall of their own volition, meeting his gentle explorations. After a few moments of careful exploration, Mulder gently pushed her outer self apart and began to work his attentions on her small bundle of nerves. " Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh... Mulder. Don't stop. Don't stop. " Scully screamed loudly as Mulder began to stroke her with a eye for detail. Mulder smiled brightly, at his good fortune. Scully was even more responsive than even his wildest dreams could have imagined. He had always know that behind that professional cool exterior beat the heart of a very passionate woman, but he had never guessed that she would be this enthusiastic. He nuzzled her softly, enjoying the essence that was hers, egged on by her now incoherent babble. Mulder could feel the tension build up in her, like a building wave out at sea, so with a quick movement he freed himself from her hand and he guided two of his fingers to her opening and thrust them in deeply. " Jesus... Your so wet... So warm... " He cried out, his words meeting her grunts and moans << Scully grunts??? >> He thought humorously as he watched her face grimace in anticipation of her upcoming release. Scully continued to moan louder and louder as she thrashed her head about upon the pillow. Mulder smiled brightly as the waves of heat also began to overtake him also, his throbbing groin nearly driving him to distraction. Scully found herself on the edge of oblivion " ... don'tstopdon'tstopdon'tstopdon'tstop ... ! " In one calculated motion, he pushed hard into her, took her nub between his teeth and pulled. She screamed and shuddered through her climax, as she tossed her head and bite her lip. Mulder held her down as he rode her waves of ecstasy with her. Her slender body twitched and shuddered beneath his gentle touch. Her release giving him more pleasure than he could ever express. Before, with other women, it had been about his needs. Now, with Scully he knew the difference between sex and making love. Sex was self gratuitous and narrow-minded, making love was a gift imparted from God. An act of unselflessness which put your partners needs ahead of yours. Mulder came out from between her legs, slid up beside her, and pulled her into his arms. He held her tightly as she came back to him. After a few moments, Scully found herself finally coming back down to earth. The ebb tide of burning sensation which had lifted her to the celestial heavens had just receded and her soul was now back in her corporeal body. She felt Mulder's arms around her, holding her as she regained lucidity. He was cooing gently to her, placing gentle kisses upon her mussed hair. Scully turned slightly, and wrapped herself around him as her mind continued to clear. As Scully rested within his arms, she could feel the evidence of his needed release throbbing gently against the smooth skin of her abdomen. Scully opened her eyes, and his hazel met her blue. " Hi there...", he said rather smugly. " Ugh, " she grunted, her speech centers still off line << Smooth move Dana...>> Mulder chuckled softly and spoke teasingly," now I know how to render the ever amazing Dr. Scully totally verbally illiterate. " Scully looked at him and a bright smile graced her flushed, fully relaxed face, and a sound which was a cross between a snort and a giggle erupted... << Scully giggles??? >> He said totally beside himself. He smiled even brighter and said with a serious inflection, his eyes shining brightly. " Scully did you just...uh...giggle? Scully arched an eyebrow and stared at him with the look of death. " I don't giggle... " " Sure...Fine...Whatever, " he replied with a grin. Scully reached over and firmly grasped the evidence of his desire. She stroked it firmly from base to tip, the hot silk which encased the steel hardness of him, sent fingers of heat down the length of her spine. " God... " Mulder muttered softly, the feeling of her warm hands upon him once again awaking his burning need to be within her. Scully smiled wickedly and reached down and firmly grasped his soft pulsing sac within her other hand. " What's wrong Mulder, did ya finally find God??? " Mulder's eyes fluttered shut, trying to will his need to back down a little. He wanted this to last. He wanted to make this good for her, but if she kept doing that, he would lose it. " If you keep going that you will find a lot more than God!!! " Scully took the soft flesh of his earlobe in her mouth and groaned " Mmmmm...sounds interesting. " She bit it hard, eliciting a moan from his lips. " Stop that... I'm to close. I wanna be inside you when I come. " Mulder pushed her back a bit, her swirling blue eyes drowning him within a deep sea of desire. " Me??? ", she said teasingly. She pointed a slender perfectly manicured at herself and batted her lashes at him. " Yes you...", Mulder grumbled as he reached for her hips, " Come here, don't make me come after you..." Scully leaned in closer to him, wrapping a leg around his hips. " Oooooh...Hand to hand combat... I soooo scared. I think that I have you at an disadvantage, " as she squeezed his warm testicles in her hand. Mulder reached down, bringing his hands down to her warm moist center, and parted the wet curls he found there. " I don't think... " Scully spurned on by his fingers wanderings over the throbbing flesh between her legs, brought her mouth to his, kissing him with every ounce of passion that she could muster. She broke away, her eyes unfocused and lustful, and asked rather breathlessly. " So who do you want to do the driving? " Mulder waggled his brows, exploring silently the endless possibilities. His mind raced to a screeching halt and he spoke suggestively. " Whatever do you mean... I thought that * you * would do the driving, if you think those little legs of yours will reach... " He slid himself to the top of the bed, and put his back against the soft fluffy pillows which resided there. Scully rolled over and came up onto her knees. She waggled a finger, her nakedness outshining her seriousness. " Don't push me... I haven't driven in a long time... You could be risking your life, so be good. " " I plan on being good." Mulder said lifting a hand up to greet her. His eyes smiled with his love. Scully took his hand and came up to him, saying softly, " promises, promises..." Scully crawled up on top of the man next to her. She could smell his desire, Pheromones her rational scientific mind added carefully. She sat her very wet center down upon his abdomen and gently ground herself into his. She then proceeded to lick, kiss, and stroke down every inch of his slender expanse. She paid special attention to his small erect nipples, causing him to moan loudly... She was in sheer heaven. This was the man who complemented her in every way. With him, she ceased to be one person. They became one entity, a union of heart and mind. Scully looked up at him, throwing him a wicked smile. " Mmmmm, I think you like this.... " She began to lick and nip her way down the trail of fine dark hair which were sprinkled generously upon his tummy. She the slid herself down on top of his thighs, and continued her assault until she reached what she was looking for. She took him in her hand, his length still slick with her moisture. She felt another gush of moisture, and she knew that she needed him in her now. She rather shakily attempted to lift herself up, but her desire was clouding her thought. Mulder noticed her movements and with a gentle movement of his warm hands on her hips, he helped her up as she adjusted him into position. With a swift movement she brought herself down, impaling herself on top of him. Scully leaned forward, her hands upon his chest, and cried out loud, the sensation of him filling her once again almost to much for her already overtaxed senses. Mulder moaned loudly, his eyes fluttered shut with the sensation of her gripping him within her caused him to take in a deep ragged breath. " Jesus... baby, you're... so tight...wet...God you feel so good. " Mulder looked up and saw he face tucked tightly into her chest. The bright copper of her tresses effectively obscured the beauty of her features. Her pale breasts heaved violently with her desire. " Scully, look at me... tell me what you are thinking. I want to see your eyes. " Scully leaned back, her eyes searching his face... " I love you...", she said with a nervous smile. She reached down to touch his face, it's planes and shadows, a conundrum to be solved. " I love you too... " He managed to say. Mulder looked down at where they were joined, her light meeting his dark, and he sighed happily. He looked back at her and smiled, speaking in a quiet honeyed tone. " Scully, look at us. I always knew we would be beautiful together." Scully looked down following his hooded gaze, her eyes still a little unfocused and said, " Oh God, I still don't believe this is happening ". " I have always believed... " Mulder said as he came up to place butterfly kisses across the gentle curve of her shoulder. Scully pushed him back down as she ran her fingers over the muscled expanse of his broad chest. " I guess you had enough faith for both of us... You always have, " she said thoughtfully. Tears came to her deep cobalt eyes, and threatened to spill down upon her gently freckled cheeks. She fell downward, pressing her body to his and kissed the full, passion swollen lips which she adored. " You my love, have always been our strength, in spite of the odds. " He muttered as she released his lips. Scully smiled brightly as she rose up a bit and brought herself down back on top of him, the rushing tide of sensations caused Scully to lean back a bit. Her eyes fluttered wildly like the flickering flames of a fire. " OOOOh, you feel...", she grunted as she rose up once again and came back down to join with him wholly. Mulder and Scully began to move together, as they always had, their silent communication and sense of each others needs, a map toward their ultimate finality. In this sacrifice of ultimate trust and respect, they met each other thrust for thrust, kiss for kiss and caress for caress. From faith, the soul's gift from God, manifested as trust amongst the corporeal bodies existence, their bodies finally fused as one. One body... One soul... One breath... Their embrace of their oneness, transcended time, transcended mortality, the celebration of life eternal, the celebration of oneness with creation. In this reunion they died and were reborn, like the Phoenix, the fire cleansing their sins and freeing their souls. As they met the summit of their passion, their cries lifted up to the stars. They glimpsed of the beauty and splendor of heavens, their energy mixed with the creator and joined the ultimate song of the heavens. The Universe. Any and all feedback gratefully accepted at aljoyw@a-znet.com