From: "RN500" To: "Randi" Date sent: Sun, 28 Sep 1997 22:17:50 -0400 TITLE: Say The Words AUTHOR: Linda Phillips RATING: R CLASSIFICATION: S/R KEYWORDS: MSR SPOILER: A teeny tiny mention of Ascension/One Breath SUMMARY: Scully has a date, and the green eyed monster has taken over Mulder. Some good old fashioned, straight up MSR - just the way I like it! DISCLAIMER: As we all know, Scully, Mulder and all things X-File belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Television. Also- words from the song "Posession" from the CD "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" by Sarah McLachlan, are identified by one asterisk * (BTW- she is a genius, you must hear this song if you haven't yet) And- The poem "Alone" by Maya Angelou, is identified with two asterisks ** *************** Comments to Linda at rn500@ozline.net ************** Fox Mulder glanced up at his partner as she started to pack her things into her briefcase. He hadn't realized it was getting so late, so intent was he on the pages in front of him. He was reviewing a case that they had worked on some months ago but had not been able to close. Although the two of them had a better than average success rate in their investigations, the unsolved ones always gnawed at him. "Wanna grab some dinner, Scully?" Mulder asked as he, too, started to clear up his desk. "Um, no. Actually, Mulder, I have plans tonight." She replied without meeting his eyes, her hands nervously straightening the files in her briefcase so that all the edges matched exactly. Mulder grinned. "You and the mom-ster going to the movies? Whatcha going to see?" Dana Scully closed her case and turned to face him. "No, Mulder. I have a...a date." She watched him and waited for the snide remarks to start. Mulder leaned back a bit in his chair and folded his hands across his lap, nodding his head slightly, not saying a word. She couldn't tell what he was thinking from his expression. Finally she couldn't stand it any more. "Go ahead, Mulder." She gestured in the air with her hand, "Have your fun. 'A date? You , Scully?' I can't stand the tension, just get it over with." "Scully, I wasn't going to say anything like that. I hope you have a nice time." Mulder replied, getting up from his chair and reaching for his coat. Scully gave him a raised eyebrow. "Oh really? Well, ...thank you...I guess." "So, is it anybody I know?" Mulder reached for the light switch. His other hand landed in it's familiar spot on the small of Scully's back as they exited the office. "No, I doubt it." "Well, where did you meet him?" Scully shot a sidelong glance up at her partner, giving him a wary look. He looked down at her with his eyes innocently wide, apparently honestly interested in her response. Scully thought. "I met him at the grocery store." "Uh-huh...", his inflection asking for more information. "Well," she continued, "we just started talking, he seemed nice, and he asked me out. That's it." "Just two hands reaching for the same box of frozen peas, eh?" "I suppose..." "So, you don't really know anything about him, then." "Mulder...", she could feel it coming. "I mean, even serial killers are nice looking sometimes. He could be married. A mad rapist. Anything. You really should be more careful, Scully." She turned and faced him abruptly. "Mulder, stop! I knew it was too good to be true! You just have to start, don't you? Look, I don't need to run everyone I meet through the FBI files, alright? I would think that you'd be glad I was going to go out and do something besides sit home another Friday night." Mulder took his gaze off her flushed face and moved it down to his shoes. "I'm sorry. Really." He looked up at her again. "I hope you have a good time. Just be careful, OK?" Her anger was stopped in it's tracks by his obvious concern. She tilted her head slightly, trying for the millionth time to figure him out. Finally she said, "I will. I'll flash my badge and show him my gun the minute I see him, OK?" They both laughed, the moment lightened. The pair continued on up the stairs and out to the parking garage. Parting at the door, Scully said her usual "See you Monday", and turned to walk to her car. If she had looked back, she would have noticed a certain FBI agent watching her with a slightly wistful look in his eyes. **************** As Jessica Walter went over the edge of the cliff, Mulder glanced at the clock. 10: 54 p.m. The credits started to roll on "Play Misty For Me", and Mulder pushed the remote button looking for something else to keep his interest for a while. He wasn't feeling the least bit sleepy yet. As a matter of fact, he was downright restless tonight. He'd been up and down off the couch six or seven times in the past hour alone. Made popcorn. Back to the kitchen for a drink. Bathroom. Kitchen again, standing in front of the refrigerator as if a white sleeved arm was going to emerge with something new on a silver tray. The same things were there as the last time he had looked: half a gallon of milk, almost empty; a bottle of orange juice, almost empty; three cans of soda; two cartons of chinese food from last Friday ; a hunk of cheese with white freckles of mold starting on it. With a sigh, he had closed the door and returned to Clint Eastwood. Commercials, commercials. Mulder clicked off the TV and walked to the window. Pulling up the blinds, he sneezed as a cloud of dust wafted into his face, a testimony to how often sunlight was let into the room. He leaned against the window pane as he watched life go by. , he thought. He shook his head. With all the weirdos they met in their line of work, how could she just up and go off with somebody she knew nothing about? Women. He'd never understand them. The telephone beckoned to him out of the corner of his eye. Yeah! He'd call and razz her about this guy. He would get out of her how boring and dull he was, and sneak in a little 'I told you so'. Mulder's fingers pushed the buttons automatically. He sat down to wait. This was going to be good. One ring. Two. Three. "Hi. This is Dana Scully. Leave a message...". Mulder hung up quickly. He held the phone up and looked at it for a moment as if it were broken. Then, setting it down on the base, he grabbed his coat and was out the door. ************* Fumbling with his keys, Mulder managed to open the door to his apartment while balancing three bags of groceries. He made it into the kitchen before the heavy one ripped, sending cans rolling to every corner of the room. "Shit!" he sighed. "Oh well, at least they missed my foot." Mulder started to unload the other bags first, putting things away as he did. His refrigerator hadn't had so much food in it for months. Making a face, he pulled out the chinese food and the cheese and threw them in one of the empty bags, rolling it down tight in an effort to hold in the odor. The cans retrieved and shelved, he walked back to the living room and flopped down in the chair. Without the familiar noise of the TV in the background, it was so quiet he could hear the clock ticking. 12:48 a.m. Mulder picked up the phone and hit redial. He got her answering machine again. Carefully setting the phone back down, he leaned his head back in the chair, eyes wide awake. ******************* Scully turned over in bed, unsure of what had disturbed her. Bbrring. "Damn." She reached over for the phone with her eyes still closed. "Hello?" "Hey, Scully. C'mon, up and at 'em. I got some leads we need to follow up on." Scully blinked a few times to clear her blurry sight. "What? What time is it?" she glanced over at the clock beside her bed. "Mulder, it's not even 8 o'clock! Jesus!" "So? You're always up early. What's the matter, late night last night?" Scully hesitated for a moment while deciding how much she wanted to share with him. Finally, she said "I'm just really tired today, Mulder. Are you sure you couldn't handle this yourself?" There was silence on the other end. When Mulder decided to speak, he sounded slighted. "Yeah, sure Scully. No problem. I can handle it." Scully sighed. She didn't have a high tolerance for guilt. "It just takes longer, that's all. But don't worry about it." Mulder continued. "You just go back to bed." Scully sat up in bed, starting to get angry now. "Mulder, don't try to make me feel bad. It's Saturday for crying out loud! I think it's written somewhere that I *am* allowed a day off once in a while!" "Yeah, ok Scully. You're right. Sorry." She could hear him sigh on the other end of the line. "It's just a little hard to do 'good cop, bad cop' when I'm the only cop." Scully closed her eyes and knew she wouldn't be sleeping any more today. "Mulder, we never do 'good cop, bad cop.' " "Well, you know, if we needed to.... But you never mind. Go back to sleep." With an exasperated sigh, Scully swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "Give me half an hour." she said, her voice a little gravely. "Oh..." Mulder couldn't quite suppress the triumph in his voice. "You're sure?" "And bring coffee!" Scully barked before she hung up. ************** Scully kicked her shoes off with a bit more force than she'd planned, one of the tan pumps making a loud 'thud' against the far wall. Taking a deep breath, she planted her hands on her hips and paced back and forth in her small kitchen, trying to cool her temper. She concentrated on breathing slowly and deeply, in, out, in, out... Finally, she stopped and leaned back against the counter. Her stomach was rumbling, and glancing at the clock on the microwave, she realized it was nearly 6 o'clock. She'd been gone since 8:30 this morning with Mulder, chasing his so-called leads. "Ha!" she said aloud, her annoyance peaking again. "Leads, my ass!" She'd had autopsy patients who were warmer than the leads Mulder had dragged her after today. Taking another deep breath, she willed herself to calm down. Scully shook her head as she filled the teapot with water. There had to be an explanation somewhere for Mulder's actions today, but she couldn't figure out what it was. As the day wore on it was obvious that he hadn't needed her to come along, that he'd put together this little trip just to get her out of bed this morning. But why? She'd been too pissed to even confront him on it, and he knew it. They barely spoke on the hour and a half ride home. She turned on the burner under the teapot and fished a teabag out of the jar on the counter. While the water came to a boil Scully retreated to the bedroom to change. After stripping off her suit, slip, and pantyhose, she slid on a pair of old jeans and a sweatshirt. In the bathroom she scrubbed her face of the day's makeup and tried to wash away some of the tension as well. Scully caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and the image made her pause. She swore sometimes she barely recognized herself. The likeness who stared back at her was not who she imagined herself to be. The woman in the mirror was...soft. She looked young, almost pretty. Scully let a hand travel the side of her face as the figure in the mirror did the same. She felt the smooth skin, a pleasant sensation against her fingertips. This woman was real, vulnerable. So unlike Agent Dr. Dana Scully. So unlike the image that she had meticulously crafted over the years. Sometimes she wondered if anyone besides her mirror would ever see this face. Her musings were interrupted by the shrill of the teapot whistle. Returning to the kitchen, she poured the steaming water over the teabag in her cup. Carrying her cup to the living room, she set it down while she selected a CD and put it on. Scully settled into a chair and sipped at her tea while Sarah McLachlan sang, her plaintive voice fitting Scully's suddenly pensive mood. 'Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide Voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time The night is my companion and solitude my guide Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?' * Her thoughts returned to Mulder and his behavior today. A sigh escaped along with a thought frequently repeated in the last few hours. ***************** Scully glanced quickly up from her laptop. Mulder was reading some papers, his feet propped up on his desk. His eyes were somewhat obscured by the glare of the lights off his glasses, but he appeared to be intent on the work in front of him. Funny, she could have sworn that he'd been watching her. She'd had a weird feeling like that several times today, only to look up and find him immersed in something or other at his desk. Things had been strange between them since Saturday when he'd taken her on that wild goose chase. They'd both arrived at work Monday morning at their usual time, and fell into familiar routines; made coffee, coats hung in the same spots they had for years, Mulder cracking sunflower seeds while he worked, all the reassuring things that helped keep them grounded during what could sometimes be a soul-shaking job. Yet, something was different. A distance hung between them that Scully couldn't quite put her finger on. A little too polite. Not quite touching while they sat next to each other poring over the same papers. Too quiet. Monday it was barely noticeable. But Tuesday, she'd made plans to go to lunch with Jonathon, her date from Friday night. When she'd told Mulder she would have to skip their usual Tuesday-all-you- can-eat taco bar at Rosita's, she could tell he was more than a little put out. He had said "Oh. OK, fine, whatever." with the petulant voice of a child. And the air had been distinctly chilly in here since she'd returned from lunch that day. Glancing at the clock, Scully closed the file on her computer that she'd been working on. As she stood she looked at Mulder, who was still absorbed in whatever it was he was reading. "Mulder, I may be a little late back from lunch today." He looked up at her, and swung his long legs down from the desk. "You and Johnny meeting for a quick....lunch?" he asked in a just-barely condescending tone. Scully pursed her lips and gazed down at her shoes for a moment, trying to decide how to handle this. She sighed as she looked up at him. "Mulder, this is Thursday." she said in an even tone. "You know I meet my mom for lunch every other Thursday, and this happens to be the day." Mulder took off his glasses and rubbed his face with both hands. He stood up, and without looking at her said, "I'm sorry, Scully." He ventured a quick glance at her and continued. "Really. I'm sorry." Scully walked toward him, and placed a hand on his arm as she neared. "Mulder...I don't understand...I don't like how things have been with us the last few days." She leaned her head to the side, trying to make eye contact with him. "If I've done something to make you angry, I wish you would just tell me." He met her eyes and smiled. "No. No, you haven't done anything. I've just been acting like an ass. Being...territorial again." She chuckled, the sound breaking down some of the uneasiness between them. "Mulder," she said, "I'm not going anywhere. Hell, I've finally got you almost broke in! " It was Mulder's turn to laugh. "You're stuck with me, Mulder." she continued softly. "Oh, and such a penance it is too. Go on, have a nice lunch with your mom. Tell her I said hi." Scully turned and took her coat off the coat tree near the door. As she grabbed her purse, she suddenly looked back at Mulder. "Would you like to come along? You know mom would love to see you. C'mon." Oh, was he tempted. After a moment's hesitation, Mulder replied, "No, no. I've got some things to do today. I'll see you later." "Ok. Next time maybe." With a smile, Scully was out the door. Mulder leaned back against his desk, arms crossed in front of him. "Yeah, next time." he said softly. With a quick shake of his head, he tried to throw off this mood without much success. He decided to go for a walk and slipped his coat on as he went up the stairs. The day was bright and he soon became warm in the sun, despite the cool temperature. He walked past the government buildings and headed toward his favorite street in this city. In a few minutes he was there, a tree lined street with quaint shops, restaurants and bakeries lining both sides. Not that long ago this neighborhood had been just another crime ridden, rundown sore, hidden away from tourists. Commuters avoided it. But someone had had a vision for this neighborhood, and with a combination of community pride and some courageous shopkeepers willing to take a chance, it had been transformed into a bustling small business district. People in business suits, kids with half shaved heads and earrings where no holes should be, moms with kids in strollers, were all up and down the street, in and out of stores. Mulder tilted his head up and sniffed the air. The aroma of cinnamon rolls and barbecued ribs tickled his nose. He slowed his pace and looked in the windows as he walked. Stopping at a bookstore, he decided to go in for a minute. Wandering the aisles, he picked up a new thriller he had been wanting to read. He barely noticed the poetry section, not being a poetry buff himself, until he recognized a Maya Angelou collection on the end rack. Mulder backed up and looked it over. He remembered Scully mentioning how much she liked Maya Angelou's work. He hesitated only a moment before picking up a copy and carrying it to the cash register. Mulder turned out of the bookstore and continued his walk. He was feeling pretty good about himself. His thoughts strayed a little further along that path. He took one more step before he choked out a little ironic laugh. Mulder stopped suddenly, turning his head to stare at his somber reflection in the store window. Why didn't that thought surprise him? ************* Scully returned from lunch later than she'd expected. She started apologizing as she opened the office door. "Mulder, I'm sorry I'm so late..." But the office was empty. Scully went to his desk where a note was propped up against a small paper bag. 'Scully- Sorry for being such a jerk lately. I saw this today and thought of you. Hope you forgive me. I'm taking off the rest of the day. I'll see you tomorrow.' Curious, Scully quickly opened the bag and pulled out the book of poetry. "Maya Angelou..." she whispered as she ran her hand over the smooth hardcover. Sitting down, she leaned back in the chair with a little smile. How does he do that? She may have mentioned once or twice in passing that she admired this poet's work, but he remembered all this time... She let out a sigh. He was the most annoying, weird, intelligent, wonderful person she had ever known. How does he do that? *********** Saturday morning Scully woke up with the urge to see her mom. She quickly dressed and, after making sure Maggie Scully was home, hopped in her car and was on her way. Maggie was waiting by the front door when Scully arrived. Scully was immediately enveloped in her mother's familiar embrace, and she felt her tension melt away. They walked arm in arm to the kitchen, where the aroma of fresh bread was in the air. "Mom, you made bread already? It smells wonderful!" Maggie walked to a corner of the kitchen counter and proudly pointed at her new bread machine. "I just bought it Thursday on my way home from lunch and I've been experimenting ever since. The neighbors won't have to buy any bread for weeks!" They sat down to vanilla coffee and a loaf of warm cinnamon bread. Suddenly Scully was famished, and she ate two fat slices before she spoke another word to her mother. Maggie watched with satisfaction. "Mom, stop looking like the cat that just ate the mouse, will you?" "I can't help it Dana. You're too skinny. I love to see you eat like a real Scully." "If I keep this up I'll be as big as Bill." Scully laughed. Maggie tilted her head and studied her baby girl for a moment. "Are you feeling alright Dana?" Scully looked surprised. "I'm fine mom, why? Do I look that bad today?" "Of course not, honey. You look as beautiful as you always do. I just wondered what brought you out here today? I love having you here, but you just sounded...I don't know, kind of funny on the phone this morning." Scully sipped her coffee. "I'm fine mom. Really." "Uh-huh, ok..." Maggie continued to watch her. Scully sighed. "I don't know...maybe I *have* been a little preoccupied. It's...well, it's Mulder. He's been acting strange lately. Let me rephrase that. Stranger than usual." "Oh? What's wrong?" Scully studied her cup for a few moments. "I don't know, mom, he's just been acting... well, if I didn't know better, I'd say he was jealous. I've been out a couple times with a guy I met recently, and Mulder's been kind of weird about it." "I see." Maggie said thoughtfully. "Why do you say, 'if I didn't know better'? Isn't it possible that he could be jealous?" "Mom," Scully gave her mother a skeptical look, "C'mon. Jealous? I think he just forgets that I have a life other than work." She choked out a little laugh. "Probably because I *don't*." Maggie sighed and looked down at the table. Dana watched her, concerned. "What, mom?" "Dana, I'm about to do something I try very, very hard not to do, and that is interfere in my children's lives." Maggie thought for a minute before continuing. "Don't tell your brothers this, but I always considered you the smartest of all my kids." Scully laughed. "Dana, it's true. You are very intelligent, but sometimes I wonder if you can see the forest for the trees." Scully's mind suddenly snapped to attention. "What do you mean?" "Dana," Maggie hesitated, wondering how best to phrase her observations, "I'm just going to say it." She looked her daughter straight in the eye. "Fox loves you. You must know that." Scully felt her heart drop a beat. She just stared at Maggie. Finally, in an uncertain voice she said, "Mom...I think you're reading too much into this." "Am I Dana? I wonder. Remember, I'm the one who sees how he watches you when you're not looking. I'm the one who saw him hunt for you for three months, never giving up hope that he would find you. I'm the one who sat with him by your bed and held him while he cried for you." She was quiet for a moment to allow her words to sink in. "I don't know Dana. Maybe I'm wrong. But I don't think so." Scully sat back in the chair and pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on her crossed arms. Her mind was a jumble, trying to take in the words her mother had forced her to hear. When she finally looked up into Maggie's concerned eyes, she nodded slightly, her gaze a little misty. Maggie went to her and hugged her tight. "Is that such a terrible thing Dana?" Her mother said softly. "To have someone care about you that way?" Scully bit her lip and shook her head, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "Oh, mom!" she said, burying her head in Maggie's shoulder. "I'm afraid..." "Of what, honey?" But Scully couldn't say the words. She just stayed wrapped in Maggie's safe embrace, wondering when things had gotten so complicated. ************* Scully yawned while she was waiting at the stoplight. She could hardly wait to get home, kick off these heels, and soak in a hot bath. She had been dreading this evening all day. After she left her mother's this morning, she knew she had to tell Jonathon that she couldn't see him any more. They met for dinner as planned, and Scully tried to explain to him as tactfully as she could that it wasn't going to work out. He was nice about it, and didn't give her a hard time. They finished dinner, and Jonathon walked her to her car. As they were saying their final, awkward goodnights, Jonathon took her hand and kissed her on the cheek. As he pulled away, he said, "If it doesn't work out with him...call me." Scully smiled, and got into her car without another word. She shook her head, trying to figure herself out. What the hell was she doing? As she turned the corner at the block before her apartment, a familiar sight made her slow down. Mulder's car was parked at the end of her block, and someone was sitting in the driver's seat. Squinting, she could see that it was him. Scully pulled her car over in an empty space before he saw her. She wasn't sure what to do. Pretend she didn't see him? Confront him? She was touched that he was looking out for her, but a little annoyed that he felt she needed it. Finally she turned off her car and walked up the block, coming up to the rear of Mulder's car. He was looking toward her apartment, and didn't see her approach from behind. She struggled to keep a straight face as she walked up and tapped on his window, watching him jump and clutch at his chest. He rolled the window down, and tried to catch his breath. "Jesus, Scully, you scared the crap out of me!" She leaned over and rested her forearms on the window frame, a half grin on her face. He turned away from her, looking like the kid that just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Couldn't sleep Mulder?" Scully asked, trying in vain not to betray her amusement. He gave her a sheepish look. "Just making my rounds, ma'am." "You wanna come up for a while?" "No, Scully," he quickly answered, "it's late... I gotta get going." "Mulder?" "Yeah?" "Shut up and get out of the car." ************* Scully put on a pot of coffee as Mulder hung up their coats. He walked into the kitchen and went directly to the loaf of bread wrapped in cellophane on the counter. "Scully, tell me it is..." "Yes, Mulder, it's my mom's bread. Help yourself." With a groan of pleasure, he unwrapped it and cut a couple slices for himself, offering to do the same for Scully. She declined, her stomach still churning from a combination of the greasy dinner and the unpleasant task of dumping poor Jonathon. Mulder, however, had no such inhibitions when it came to Maggie Scully's cooking. He warmed the bread slices in the microwave and slathered them with butter, licking his fingers as he ate. Scully poured them each a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table while Mulder cut another slice of bread. "Do you think your mom would adopt me?" he said, as he sat down across from her. Scully smiled. "Oh, Mulder, you have no idea..." They passed the next half hour in easy conversation about the latest government scandal, the book he was reading, a TV show they'd both seen. Mulder never asked about her date, and she didn't volunteer any information. Out of the corner of his eye, Mulder glimpsed the book he'd given her laying on the ledge between the kitchen and living room. Scully followed his gaze. "I love the book. I've been reading my favorites over and over. That was really thoughtful of you, Mulder." He shrugged and grinned. "Aw, shucks, I'm glad you like it." She asked if he had ever read any of her writings, and he admitted that he had not. "Oh, Mulder, you'll have to borrow it from me sometime. She's really wonderful." "I have a confession to make, Scully. I don't get poetry. Honestly, I usually just don't get it. I guess it just doesn't 'speak to me'." Scully tried to convince him that he would enjoy Maya Angelou, and finally he said, "Ok, read some to me." "What?" "Well, maybe I'll understand it better if I hear it instead of read it." Scully hesitated a minute, then reached over and retrieved the book. Suddenly feeling a little self conscious, she skimmed through the book and said "I don't know which one to read." "Just pick one at random." Mulder replied. "If she's that good, any of them will do, I guess." Scully closed her eyes and opened to a page near the middle. She took a deep breath, and began to read. "Lying, thinking Last night How to find my soul a home Where water is not thirsty And bread loaf is not stone I came up with one thing And I don't believe I'm wrong That nobody, But nobody Can make it out here alone. Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone. There are some millionaires With money they can't use Their wives run round like banshees Their children sing the blues They've got expensive doctors To cure their hearts of stone. But nobody No nobody Can make it out here alone. Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone. Now if you listen closely I'll tell you what I know Storm clouds are gathering The wind is gonna blow The race of man is suffering And I can hear the moan, Cause nobody, But nobody Can make it out here alone. Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone." ** Scully closed the book without looking at Mulder. A deafening silence hung in the air. Finally, Mulder broke the stillness. "You're right. She does know what she's talking about." His eyes were piercing into her, she could feel them without looking. She knew what he was thinking - 'that's you, Scully, she's talking to you.' She was thinking the same thing. Mulder, remarkably, was at a loss for words. After a few moments, he stood and took his coat off the rack. "I'd better get going. Thanks for the coffee." Shaken from her reverie, Scully stood and went to the door with him. "Thanks for stopping by, Mulder." She managed a little smile. He turned and looked down, his eyes tender in their regard. "Goodnight Scully." And suddenly, they were in an embrace, each unsure of who had initiated it, but both drinking in it's comfort like dry earth from a sweet rain. After he'd gone, Scully wrapped her arms around herself, unknowingly trying to fill the void he had left. ************** There was nothing more soothing to the soul than a hot bath and a glass of wine. Scully slowly lowered herself into the steaming water until she was immersed up to her neck. When she'd first seen this apartment, the fact that there was no shower had been a big drawback in her mind. She had debated not taking the apartment on that fact alone. But the positive factors had outweighed the negative, and she figured that she would just have to learn to live with it. However, very soon she started to look forward to filling that big old claw foot tub with fragrant water, letting her mind and body unwind after a long day. Scully reached for her second glass of Pinot Grigio and took a long sip, followed by an audible sigh. She tried to relax every muscle, longing to bring calm to a mind that was still tumbling over unwanted thoughts. Another sip from the glass. She closed her eyes, hoping for peace and darkness behind the lids. But images and thoughts of Mulder came barging into her quiet space, despite the efforts to clear her senses. She sighed again, different this time. She was feeling so... melancholy was the word that came to her. Scully knew that quiet contemplation and wine were not the remedies to this state of mind, but she didn't care. Actually, she felt the need for a little pity party. She was by nature a pragmatic person, goal oriented. If there was a problem, she thought of all the possible solutions, and chose the best one. Emotions were not as easily pigeon-holed, and so were usually relegated to a far corner of her consciousness, in a room she kept carefully locked. When they occasionally spilled out unbidden into reality, she retreated to someplace private so that no one would see her cry. She couldn't remember a time when she had not been that way, and assumed that it was a lesson learned from her father. Scully had idolized her father, and had enjoyed a close relationship with him. But he was not a demonstrative man, and she had never seen him out of control in any way, good or bad. Over the years that same trait had served her well in her work. But, in her personal life, it sometimes felt like a curse. As the wine in the glass diminished, a crack appeared around that sealed door. For a moment, Scully wished that she could say what she felt. The words were so close, another glass of wine or two would bring them right to the tip of her tongue. But she knew from experience that she would choke on them if they tried to escape. Unknown to anyone, Scully had spent time in therapy with a psychologist from the Bureau. Over time, she had come to trust Dr. Kosseff with many of her most private thoughts. But whenever they closed in on this... , as tears sprang to her eyes. Need. Why was it so difficult...no,...*impossible* for her to admit that she needed anything? Anyone? Her analytical inclinations attempted to come through the warm haze provided by the wine. she told herself. The tears started to overflow her lashes, warm streams making there way to join the hot water in her bath. Her heart was beating rapidly, the sound loud in her ears. She leaned her head back in the tub and closed her eyes. The tears came harder now. Scully gave up holding back and sobbed. Her secret, still safe, burned a hole where her heart should be. She quickly went to that secret room and bolted the door . ***************** Mulder was quiet on the drive home. Uncharacteristically, he had turned on the radio to cover the silence in the car. Scully was asleep on the passenger side. He was always amazed at how she could fall asleep seemingly at will. Planes, cars, trains, they were all a potential catnap for Dana Scully. He smiled as he looked over at her, leaning on her folded coat against the window, her face peaceful. Beautiful. The late afternoon sun shone through the strands of her hair like stained glass. They had made the trip to Virginia this morning to follow up on some potential leads in a new case, and they'd had a productive day. Mulder looked over at his partner again, his gaze lingering. He wanted so much to reach over right now and touch her. In sleep, her face was soft and forgiving, her defenses gone. It was the only time he could look at her and imagine that she might actually welcome his attention. Until now. For months now, he'd been concealing his increasingly un-partner-like feelings for Scully. And he had succeeded admirably. Until Jonathon. Mulder had surprised even himself with the force of his jealousy. He knew even as he was doing it, that his actions reeked of high school foolishness. But he couldn't help it. It had been six long days since Scully had found him parked outside her apartment building like some kind of stalker. He had wanted to crawl into a hole that went all the way to China when she knocked on his car window. He expected recrimination, scolding, anger, silence. But none of that was forthcoming. Instead, there had been a closeness between them this past week that seemed more than friendly. When he sat with her to look over paperwork, he could swear that she caught her breath at his touch. More than once he had caught her watching him, and it was all he could do not to leap over the desk and grab her right there. But, still, she remained an arm's length away. Their years together had taught Mulder that Scully held her emotions tightly in check. But he had, in the past, seen cracks in her armor, had held her more than once when she crumbled, had felt her cling to him just for a moment while she repaired the wall that surrounded her. It always made his heart ache. Would she ever let him past the barricade? There were a thousand reasons why he should not pursue this. A million. And only one reason why he had to. He had never experienced love in this way before. He had never been as close to anyone, had never opened his soul to another living being as he had opened it to her. And he had not regretted it for one moment. He needed her. Now, if he could just get her to realize that she needed him. He took a deep breath and tried to shore up his resolve. No time like the present. They were nearing the office, where they would go their separate ways for the evening. But not tonight, not if he could help it. Leaning over a bit, he tapped her on the shoulder. "Scully- wake up. We're almost home." Scully blinked a few times, sat up and tried to get her bearings. Mulder smiled at the wrinkle marks on her face from the coat she'd used as a pillow. "What are you laughing at?" she asked, stifling a yawn. "I was just thinking how cute you look with those button marks on your face." Scully pulled down the mirror to inspect herself. She chuckled a little. "Yeah, it's the new look. I'm finally hip. Now I don't have to get a nose ring." As they pulled into the Bureau parking garage, Mulder thought "Um, Scully, would you like to see a movie or something tonight?" She turned to him and didn't say anything for a moment. After what seemed an eternity, she replied "You mean, like a date?" Mulder hoped she didn't see the sweat beading up on his forehead. "Well, a man and a woman, going to a movie...I suppose you could construe that as a date." he answered. Scully quickly looked down at her hands. she thought. Taking a deep breath, she looked back at him. "I'd love to." ***************** Mulder looked into the mirror for at least the fifth time in the past 10 minutes. Brushed his hair again. Inspected his teeth. He felt ridiculous, acting like a kid on his first date. But it made him smile nonetheless. He looked the same as he did every day when Scully saw him at work. She'd seen him look a lot worse, that's for sure. He was sure that she wasn't acting so silly. She had probably changed into jeans and a sweater as soon as she got home from work and that's what she'd show up at her door in. Scully was the no-fuss type of beauty. She always looked great. He checked his watch. OK, time to go. It wouldn't do to be late this time. Grabbing his keys from the counter, Mulder left his apartment, and went down the front steps two at a time. ****************** Scully threw the sweater on the bed, on top of the other three that she had put on and then discarded. She sat on the edge of the bed, and lay back with an exasperated sigh. "You are being ridiculous." she said aloud. It was just a movie, for a crying out loud. With Mulder, who had seen her in every state of disarray imaginable in the past. Jeans, sweater, a little makeup, brush your hair. What was proving so difficult about that? "Sheesh." She stood up and went to her closet again. "The next thing I pull out, I'm wearing, and that's it." She reached in and took down a soft teal colored sweater, V neckline, small pearl white buttons down the front. Over the head, arms through. She turned to look in the mirror. Perfect. Brush through the hair. Touch up her lipstick. She inhaled deeply and let the air out in a huff, shaking her head at herself in the mirror. she asked herself for the hundredth time tonight. But the woman in the mirror didn't look nuts. She looked happy. She smiled. she thought. < Maybe this could work.> ************** They had both enjoyed the movie, a political thriller, even though it couldn't compare to some of the escapades that they had experienced first hand. They left the theater in a crush of people, and rather than get separated, Mulder had grabbed Scully's hand. It seemed completely natural to him. He held on to it until they got to the car, waiting to see if she would try to pull away. She didn't. A quiet dinner later, they were on their way back to Scully's apartment. Neither of them spoke much, but it was a comfortable silence. As they pulled up to Scully's building, she suddenly turned to him and asked, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" Mulder couldn't think of anything he'd rather do at that moment. In her apartment, Scully put on the coffeepot, then excused herself for a moment. Mulder wandered around her living room for a minute, wondering why this time seemed so different from all the other times he'd been there. It was definitely too quiet. "Mind if I turn on your stereo?" Mulder called to her. "Go ahead." Mulder opened the CD tray and checked out what Scully had there. Rod Stewart, Sarah McLachlan, Heart, Clint Black. Clint Black? He turned the player on random select, and let it go. As the music started he returned to the kitchen. That's where Scully found him, going through her freezer. "Mulder, you can't possibly be hungry." "No, I just need something sweet. Girls always keep chocolate around, don't they? Ahhh....a Dove Bar!" He brought the last one out of the freezer and looked at Scully with a hopeful look in his eyes. She shook her head and replied with a grin. "Go ahead, help yourself." Mulder sat down and unwrapped the ice cream. "Quite an eclectic selection of CD's you have there, Scully. You always surprise me." She shrugged. "The boys don't call me enigmatic for nothing." They both laughed at that. Mulder was showing no mercy to his ice cream bar, when he suddenly felt a pang of guilt and offered the last of it to Scully. She took a bite, her eyes meeting his for a moment, and Mulder felt a shock as if a current had passed through him. Nervously, he brought it back to his own mouth and took another bite. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Scully was watching him. Turning his eyes to hers, he held the ice cream to her again, and she turned her head to take the last little bit off the side. It was an awkward angle, and a small dribble of vanilla was dripping down the side of her mouth. Mulder reached out and slid his thumb along the corner of that lovely red mouth, catching the white liquid. Her eyes were locked on his as he brought his thumb to his mouth and sucked the ice cream off. The air between them was electric. Scully's chest felt heavy, it was hard to breathe. Suddenly, she stood up and walked past him to the doorway between the living room and kitchen, leaning heavily against the rail post. "Oh, Mulder..." was all she could say. She couldn't face him. He stood and waited where he was, giving her space. Finally he spoke. "Scully, if you want me to go I will," he said quietly. "But only if it's because you *want* me to go. Not because you think I should." She was silent. She was sure he could hear her breathing, loud, the rush of her heartbeat in her ears. "Scully..." Her hands tightened their grip on the post. Her words were faint, and she knew he could hear the trembling in her voice. "I'm...I don't know what you want from me, Mulder." The power in his next quiet words nearly brought her to her knees. "I want to be what you need, Scully." She closed her eyes, willing them to stay dry. When she spoke, it was in a whisper. "I don't know what I need..." Mulder stepped closer. She could feel him near her, as she always could. "Yes you do, Scully. And so do I." She squeezed her eyes tight, hot tears threatening to betray her. She couldn't face him, her face would show it all. He would know her secret, find the lock... She felt his hands touch her shoulders, tentative, soothing. She didn't move away. His voice was gentle, tender. "I know, Scully. I do. You don't have to say the words. Just let me in." She turned her tear stained face to him. He caught his breath at the fear in her eyes. Cupping her face in his two strong hands, he spoke quietly. "Don't be afraid of me, Dana. Please. Just let me in." He leaned down, slowly, until his breath was warm on her face. "Let me in..." Scully closed her eyes and felt the lightest touch of his lips on her wet cheek, then the other. Her lips parted as she whispered. "Yes..." Burning...it was burning where he kissed her... The music surrounded her... ('You speak to me in riddles, you speak to me in rhymes...')* "Dana..." ('My body aches to breathe your breath, your words keep me alive...')* Her arms wrapping him, holding him, so close...so close...let him in... ('And I would be the one to hold you down, kiss you so hard, I'd take your breath away...')* His kiss the key to unlock her secrets... (And after, I'd wipe away the tears, just close your eyes ...')* Scully felt his arms go around her, holding her gently. His mouth on hers, not probing, not forceful, but offering her comfort. A place to feel sheltered. Mulder pulled his head back and circled around her into the living room, where he sat on the armrest of the chair. Their faces level now, he pushed her hair back with his hands, studying her. Her hands reflexively came up to hold his wrists. She watched him, watching her. "I won't hurt you, Scully. Do you believe me?" She nodded. "I love you." Hearing the words, Scully closed her eyes, and tears ran anew. When she opened them, he looked into her eyes. "Don't be afraid..." Her hands went to his face, and he closed his eyes as she ran her fingers down his temples, over his cheeks. Her hands spoke as her voice could not. Mulder opened his eyes. Holding her gaze, he said, "I know what you're thinking. This shouldn't be happening...we must be crazy..." Scully shook her head gently. "You're wrong this time, Mulder." He tilted his head slightly, eyes wide in mock surprise. "That's not what I was thinking at all." she continued. "What then?" "I was thinking..." she faltered a moment, and let her eyes wander the shadowy room. Mulder waited, silently encouraging her. "I was thinking..." her throat was tight. she told herself. "Tell me..." Her voice became a whisper. "I want you to hold me." In an instant, Mulder swept her up in his arms. Scully let out a small "Oh!" in surprise.His heart was pounding wildly. He could have carried her a hundred miles at that moment. Mulder walked the few steps to the sofa, and sat down with her on his lap. He shifted around and brought his feet up onto the sofa and gently pulled Scully against him, her head resting on his chest, her body along his stretched out on the sofa. Mulder leaned back against the pillows on the armrest, and sighed as he wrapped her in his long arms. He felt Scully raise her head slightly as if to look at him, then think better of it and she lay her cheek against him again. He stroked her hair, caressed her back soothingly. His chest rumbled against her cheek as he spoke. "It's alright. It'll be alright." Scully felt herself relax. This was where she needed to be. It seemed so simple suddenly. So completely true and real. Spreading her arm across Mulder's chest, she breathed in his scent, the familiar spiciness she recognized as distinctly his. "Have you noticed you fit there perfectly, Scully?" Finally trusting her voice, she said, "It feels perfect." "You're safe with me." he said softly. "I know." her voice a whisper. They lay together, holding, being held, as the music played in the background. Scully listened to Mulder's heart beating, and thought of the time she had felt it beating within her. They had all thought him dead, but she had known. He would come back. To her. Although unable to admit it to herself then, she knew that their futures were entwined from that moment. she thought sadly. He would sooner die himself than hurt her. Her thoughts drifted back to when they had first met. He had put on a good front of wanting to dislike her, to mistrust her. But she soon saw that he so wanted to trust someone. As time went by Scully had realized how much it meant that he had confided in her in the beginning. She only wished she could have had the strength to do the same before now. Where would this road take them? Only time would give the answer to that. But at this moment, in his arms, she knew she would risk it all. Nothing in her life had ever felt so right. For once, reason would defer to emotion, to passion, to life. Scully lifted her head to look at the man she knew she loved, only to find his eyes closed. His arms were still around her, relaxed. She smiled, and lay back against him. It could wait. This was heaven for now. She closed her eyes to join him in his dreams. ************** When Mulder awoke, it took him a moment to place his surroundings. Then he felt her in his arms and it all came back. The apartment was dark except for the dim light from the kitchen. The only sound was Scully's soft, easy breathing. He looked at his watch. 4:45 a. m. He hated to wake her, but his right arm was asleep and it was beginning to feel more than just annoying. Moving carefully, he slowly inched off the sofa and let Scully slide gently onto the cushions. She murmured something, but still seemed to be asleep. Mulder stood and stretched, feeling the sensation of a thousand needles jabbing into his arm as the blood returned. He wandered into the kitchen for a drink of water, then to the bathroom. Returning to the living room, he chose to sit in a chair across from the sofa. Leaning back, he studied Scully's shadowy form at rest. She was lying on her side facing him, cheek resting on her curved arm. Her top leg bent at the knee and draped forward over the lower leg, accentuating her curves. he thought. Suddenly a voice interrupted his daydreaming. "What are you thinking?" Mulder drew in a surprised breath. "I thought you were asleep. Sorry I woke you." He paused a moment, then continued. "What was I thinking? Hmmm. I was thinking that I'm the luckiest guy alive tonight." He could make out her smile through the darkness. "What about you?" he asked. "I was thinking that you're risking alot." "So are you." He walked to the sofa and knelt before her. Taking her hand in his, Mulder spoke again. "You know that I will never stop looking for Samantha. Whether it be through official channels or not." She nodded. "But having you in my arms...I can't describe how I feel. Like a part of me has been waiting for you to fit there. And now you're there, and I could no more stop loving you than stop breathing." "If you're trying to sweep me off my feet, it's working," Scully said, squeezing his hand. He leaned down and kissed her. As he pulled away, she reached her hand up behind his neck and brought him back to her, probing this time, wanting him. She turned on her back and Mulder followed her, his upper body across hers. Afraid to push too quickly, he followed her lead, and she was leading him somewhere he very much wanted to go. A muffled groan escaped from him as her sweet mouth covered his with kisses. He pulled away and looked into her eyes, those eyes as deep and mysterious as the ocean. "I don't want to push you..." he whispered. She stroked his face. "It seems that I'm the one doing the pushing, Mulder." "I don't want to get my heart broken, Scully," he said with a half smile. "There's not much of it left." Scully's expression grew serious, and he saw her eyes sparkle with wetness. "I know I'm not very good at expressing myself, Mulder." She bit her lower lip for a moment as a salty stream trickled from one eye. She spoke slowly, deliberately. "I don't know if I even have the words to tell you what you mean to me. You've been part of me from the beginning, although I never wanted to admit it. I don't know if 'love' is strong enough." It was Mulder's turn for misty eyes. Was he dreaming this? He touched her to be sure. She was soft and warm and real. "Do you believe in fate, Scully?" "I do now." Mulder smiled as he took in her words. After a moment he leaned over and kissed her again, softly, slowly, electricity pulsing between them. Then, abruptly, he stood up and said "I'll be back in a little while." "What?" Scully's sat up, disbelief in her voice. "I'm starving. The bagel place opened at 5- I'm gonna go get us some breakfast." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and headed for the door. "Mulder! What are trying to do to me?" "I'll be back," he said as he neared the door. Stepping out into the hall he heard Scully call to him. "You wait, Mulder! You're gonna pay for this!" A smile lit up his face as he closed the door. ************* A half hour later Mulder returned with fresh bagels and orange juice. He sat them on the kitchen table and called out to Scully. No response. He wandered into the still dark living room. "Scully?" The room was empty. He noticed the bathroom light was on and the door was cracked open. He thought he heard humming coming from behind the door. Mulder knocked lightly. "Scully? You in there?" "Yeah, come on in." Mulder slowly pushed the door open, to find Scully soaking in a tub full of bubbles. Her hair was pulled up in a clip, and she was tucked down until the bubbles were touching her chin. "Where's my bagel?" she asked innocently. Mulder stood frozen to the floor. After a moment, he pointed out the door and replied "Um, it's, uh, in the kitchen." "Why don't you bring it to me." He did as requested, returning with the bagel already smeared with cream cheese between the two halves. "My hands are wet, Mulder. Give me a bite." Mulder perched on the edge of the tub and held the bagel to her mouth. As she bit into it, a gob of cream cheese squeezed out of the bagel onto the side of her mouth. Scully turned her cheek up toward Mulder. "Oh...get it, Mulder!" she said with her mouth full. He reached over and wiped the cream cheese off her mouth with his finger. Scully turned and caught his finger between her teeth, nibbling the cheese off with her lips. Mulder let out a little groan. "You are a very bad girl, Scully." She looked up at him with her eyes wide. "Me? I'm just trying to eat my breakfast. Gimme another bite." They shared the rest of the bagel and the juice that Mulder retrieved from the kitchen. When the last of it was gone, Scully asked Mulder to hand her the towel that was draped over the towel bar. He unfolded it and stood before the bathtub, the towel stretched out wide between them. Scully took the cue and stepped out, quickly grabbing the towel and wrapping it around herself. Mulder stood his ground, so that she barely had room to maneuver in the small space between the tub and his body. She sensed that he was about to lean into her, and as he did she reached to her left and took a bottle of pearly peach colored lotion off a shelf. Hearing a little snort of displeasure from Mulder, she faced him and said, "I have to put some lotion on. My skin is really dry. It's a girl thing." She turned to duck away from him, and as she darted past he grabbed the bottle from her hand. "I'll do that." Scully lifted an eyebrow at him, then turned back and continued into her bedroom, a slow saunter covering up her nervousness. Mulder followed silently. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Scully lifted her foot off the floor and pointed her toe at Mulder. "I usually start here," she said, her eyes never leaving his. Mulder sat down next to her, and had her scoot up on the bed a bit so that he could lay her feet in his lap. Scully leaned back and relaxed against the pillows. She closed her eyes as she felt his hands, slippery and soft, start to glide along her shin. The scent of peaches filled the room. He massaged gently, rubbing the lotion into the skin of her calf, knee, thigh. She caught her breath as his hands started to creep up beneath the towel, and released it as they made their way down again. He was trying to drive her insane, she was sure of it. His hands left her, and she was about to protest when she felt his fingers fold around her foot and start to knead. She sighed as he rubbed each toe, then the arch, his thumbs sliding across the entire sole of her weary foot. "Mulder, you have just stumbled across a tightly guarded secret of the female sisterhood. You have to promise never to breathe a word of it to another man or I may have to kill you." Mulder looked up from his work with a half smile on his face. "What are you talking about?" "Foot rubs, Mulder. Not candy, or flowers, or diamonds. Foot rubs." Scully said in a quiet, satisfied voice. "It's the one thing that can bring us to our knees in a quivering mass of jelly, utterly at your command." "I promise I'll never tell," Mulder replied, as he went to work on the other foot. Scully let out a moan of sweet agony as he massaged. When he finished with her legs, Mulder crawled up on the bed and gave Scully's arms the same treatment. She remained still, her eyes closed, enjoying every stroke. After he had caressed the lotion over every fingertip, every knuckle, he lay down next to her, propping himself up on his elbow. Scully opened her eyes. Slivers of golden-orange light were beginning to dance across the walls, an intrusion of reality into this intoxicating night. She turned her eyes to him, for him, and hoped that he could see the emotion that was welling inside her. His hand rested against her cheek, thumb caressing her soft brow, her smooth pale skin. Mulder felt the heat building within him. He wanted her so much, and yet he wanted just to lie here and look at her, drink her in. Not just her physical form, but the trust in her eyes, her openness to him. He had dreamt of her just this way. "You are so beautiful, Dana." he whispered. Scully closed her eyes, opened them, gratitude shining back at him. "You make me feel that way." she replied softly. Leaning down, he kissed her tenderly. She wrapped her arms around him, and Mulder felt enveloped in a sea of contentment. He sighed as she pulled him to her, her lips searching his now, communicating an urgency he was beginning to feel as well. His fingers roamed down her still towel clad body, until he reached the hem of the towel at her thighs. Slipping his hand under the soft terry cloth, he ran his palm over her hip, to the curve of her waist, across her flat abdomen. The towel was wrapped too tightly to permit further exploration, and Mulder brought his hand back out from underneath, leaning back up on his elbow again. Resting his fingers at the knot of the towel between her breasts, he looked at her, waiting for approval. She nodded. Untucking the knotted towel, he slowly pulled back the fabric from her skin, first one side then the other. As the last of it fell away, he caught his breath at the sight of her creamy, round breasts. His hand passed slowly over one, and left a hot trail with his finger as he moved to explore the other. Scully closed her eyes and held her breath as he teased the pink nipple with his thumb, over and over, a luscious torment. She felt his lips on them, kissing, licking, suckling, as his hand slid down over her belly, stopping to rest in the curve above her silky curls. Her breathing was coming in short little gasps, as if his touch was stealing her breath away. His lips left a burning trail as he moved back up to her waiting mouth. "I love you so much..." he whispered breathily between kisses. Scully rose toward him at his touch, anxious to feel him caress her everywhere. Her own hands found their way beneath his sweater, pushing it up until he moved to pull it over his head. Finally unhindered, she let her hands smooth over every muscle, every inch of skin on his arms and back. Scully pushed at Mulder's shoulders until he rolled over on his back. He lay back as she spread her hand over his chest, exploring, her touch light. She pulled herself up until she was lying across his chest, her face near his. The feel of her soft skin against his was fueling Mulder's desire to the breaking point. He struggled to move slowly, allowing her to set the pace. She brought her lips to his, lightly touching. Her hair fell against his face, a whisper of silk. he thought. "Mulder...", her voice a husky whisper. "I do love you. So much." The words...she wondered if she could ever say...now so easily flowing from her. Words of redemption. Words of life. "I love you," she breathed into him. He held her so tight, she had to back away slightly to catch her breath. She freed one hand, and it traveled to the center of his desire, hard and warm. Quickly, she released the button, pulled on the zipper. Mulder let go of her long enough to slide the jeans and boxers down and off onto the floor. Scully's hand teasingly returned to him, tracing over his hips, his upper thighs, until he groaned and pulled her to him. When she finally wrapped her hand around him, she drew in a breath as she felt how hard and wet he was. "Jesus, Scully, you keep that up and I'm not going to last more than a minute!" Mulder moaned. He buried his hands in her hair, trying to keep himself in some semblance of control. Scully's eyes never left his as she rose up and swung her leg over his hips. Balancing herself with her hands against his chest, she moved until she was on him, just barely allowing entrance. Slowly, she began rocking her pelvis on just the tip of his erection, as he moved up to try to enter her completely. When Mulder thought he couldn't stay sane for another moment, she lunged herself down against him, covering him, drowning him. He sank through the waves gratefully, calling her name. Mulder held onto her firm hips, digging his fingers in as she rocked. He forced himself to open his eyes, to watch her face as she moved over him. Her head was thrown back, her eyes closed, her nails cutting into his chest, though she could have drawn blood and he wouldn't have felt it. All he was aware of was that warm, sweet place that he never wanted to leave. He rocked with her, matching her rhythm. Her face was flushed and sparkling with sweat, her moans beginning to match the tempo of their dance. His concentration was failing, and he was caught up in a rush of passion. "Oh, God...Oh my God, Dana...so sweet..." Mulder pulled her to him, tangled his hands in her hair, felt her hot tongue in his mouth... Her breathing became ragged, moans escaping into his mouth as he kissed her... So close... Scully cried out, and he held her to him as she came, her body trembling as the spasms washed over her. He quickly increased the force of his thrusts into her body, and before her last pulsations faded he exploded into her with a force he barely remembered, then falling, falling... ...into her, no end, no beginning... They lay together, Scully's head on his shoulder, arms entwined, for a heartbeat, or an eternity. Their breathing slowed to match their spent bodies. Finally, Scully spoke. "Mulder?" "Hmm?" "I can't move." He chuckled lazily. "What's the matter, feeling kind of like a quivering mass of jelly? Don't tell me that was better than a footrub?" "Well..." she snuggled closer. "It was damn close." They were quiet again, each relishing this new gift that had been given them. Mulder was about to doze off when he heard Scully's voice, soft and full of emotion. "Thank you." He tilted her chin up so that their eyes met. Oh, he would march into hell for those eyes... "For what?" he asked. "For making me trust you. For knowing me. Knowing that I needed you. For letting me... say the words." Mulder brushed her hair back, curled it around his fingers. "Say them again, Dana." "I love you." she whispered. "I always have, and I always will." Mulder closed his eyes. For a man who once thought he had lost everything, he was pretty damn lucky. He had it all. *************** End