From aq806@freenet.carleton.ca Thu Jul 17 04:37:39 1997
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: REWRITE/REPOST: Love Never Dies (1/1)
From: Siobhan Gormley <aq806@freenet.carleton.ca>
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997 01:37:39 -0700

I originally wrote this story well before "Gethsemane", but
I just recently thought it fit in quite well as an after story to that
episode. I had then decided to write up another story
that took place before "Gethsemane", but after "Small Potatoes",
and thus was born my story "Things Change" which has been
posted/e-mailed before this. So, this story was rewritten and can
be considered a sequel now to "Things Change". I'm considering
writing a story that follows after this, dealing with Mulder and
Scully trying to find out what exactly happened to Mulder , but
that one's only in the 'ruminating' stage.

There are adult situations in this (Yes, I mean
*S-E-X* ;), so if you're underage, you *really* shouldn't
be reading this (Although how the hell I'm going to find
out is beyond me!) and if you don't like the idea of Scully and
Mulder *together*, then stop right here and read something else.
Don't come crying to me if you read this and it gets your panties
(or boxers or briefs ;) in a bunch, you've been warned!

One more thing. For any references I make to Gethsemane, I will
be going from memory since I seemed to have sent the tape off to
someone,
so please forgive me if I goof. =)

On to the important stuff...

Spoilers: Gethsemane
Rating: R
Classification: S, V, A
Disclaimer: For those of you who have seen the movie _Four Weddings
and a Funeral_, you might remember the poem I use at the
beginning from the funeral service in the movie.  From what
the liner notes (that's what they're called, aren't they?) with
the CD say the poem is by W.H. Auden and is called "Funeral Blues".  No
infringement intended, but I just *had* to use it.  No infringement
intended with the use of the cast of characters I use in this, they
do belong to Chris Carter and all the others there in California.
This story is *mine* though.
Summary: Scully deals with some painful feelings....


                       Love Never Dies
                       by Siobhan Gormley
                  (aq806@freenet.carleton.ca)


Dana Scully stood at the foot of the gravesite, taking a deep
breath to calm herself.  She had agreed to do the eulogy, but
now that she was up there, her body was revolting in a desperate
attempt to get her to flee, making her feel like she was going to
be ill.  But she just breathed deeply again and began.

"When I had been asked to do the eulogy, I had a hard time
deciding what I should say.  Everything I wrote down seemed
inadequate in my mind, so I decided to look at what others
had written for inspiration.  I found this one poem that
expressed my feelings perfectly, so I would like to read it
now for you."  She paused, clearing her throat as she opened
the book she had brought with her to the exact page she had
marked off.  She looked at it for a moment before she started
reading it.

"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
 Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
 Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
 Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

"Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
 Scribbling on the sky the message He is dead,"

She paused, feeling her throat constrict and the water rise in
her eyes, blocking out the words momentarily.  She let the tears
fall, then forced herself to breath, continuing the poem.

"Put crepe bows around the white necks of the public doves,
 Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

"He was my North, my South, my East and West,
 My working week and my Sunday rest,
 My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
 I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

"The stars are not wanted now: put out every one,
 Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
 Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
 For nothing now can ever come to any good."

She no longer held back the tears, or the sobs that she had
pushed down to appear strong in front of these people.  Her
mother came up beside her, pulling her into a tight embrace
and talking in low tones to try to calm her down.

****

Mulder's mother sat in her seat, numbly nodding in acknowledgement
to the people who came up to her to offer their
condolences.  When Dana Scully approached, she seemed to draw
herself out of her self-imposed numbness and pulled the younger
woman into her arms.  The two of them held each other for a long
minute before stepping back a little.

"I'm glad that he had someone like you to look after him," Mrs.
Mulder commented.  Scully got an anguished look on her face.

"I wasn't there though, when..."  Mrs. Mulder cut her off.

"There was nothing you could do there, Dana.  You were there
when you were destined to be there.  It was fate that brought
you two together in the first place.  You can't mess with fate."
Scully managed a sad smile.

Mrs. Mulder suddenly reached into her pocket and pulled out an
envelope.  She held it out for Scully to take.

"Fox had given this to me a few months ago, told me to give it
to you in case anything ever happened to him."  Scully looked at
it curiously, taking it out of Mrs. Mulder's hand. She moved away
to be alone.

****

It had been a month since Mulder had passed on, and Scully hadn't
had the heart to go to his apartment yet and clean out his
things.  She had not entered the office either, not wanting to
see anything that would bring back the painful memories for her.
Her mother had finally convinced her that it was time to move past
her grief and pack away Mulder's things.

So here she stood at Mulder's apartment door, hands shaking so
badly that she could barely get the key in the lock.  She finally
unlocked it and pushed open the door, looking over the threshold.
It was no different from the myriads of times that she had been
there.  She made herself walk in there, the memories flooding
back to her.  She ran her hands over the dust-covered surfaces,
smiling sadly.  Nothing changed, she thought.

She walked into his bedroom.  The bed was perfectly made, like
always. She began to wonder if he had ever slept in it, she
couldn't recall a time when he had.  She moved to the closet
to begin the packing.

****

She finished packing everything away that could be.  Some movers
were coming in the next day or so to take the heavier things
away.  She sat down on the floor of the living room, sighing
tiredly.  The past while had been hell for her.  She had never
realized how much it would hurt when someone that close would die.
Oh sure, it had hurt her a great deal when her father and sister had
died, but
it wasn't quite the same as this.  All those other times when
Mulder had been fatally injured, close to dying, were nothing like
this.  At least those times she was able to do something, able to
reach out and touch him.  This time she had been too late.

He had run off on her, upset that all he believed in was now very
much in question, that Scully could just be right. Scully had been
worried about him, and had considered calling, but every time
she went to pick up the phone, she stopped herself, and she didn't
know why. Now she really wished that she had phoned, had gone
to his apartment before he had done what he did.

She had been shocked to get the call from the police to come to
Mulder's apartment. She was even more in shock to find out
that he had committed suicide. That just seemed so unlike him, so....
*cowardly*, and Mulder was no coward. She had hoped against
hope that he would show up on her doorstep, telling her it was
all a ruse, or some horrible, horrible dream. But he hadn't, and
she had had to accept the fact that he was gone.

She reached into her pocket for a tissue as tears streamed down
her face as she thought about him being dead, *truly* dead.
In with the tissues she pulled out the envelope
Mulder's mother had given her after the service.  She had not
opened it yet, too afraid to see what it said.  She wiped her
eyes with the tissues, then decided it was time to open the
envelope.  As she read it, she could almost imagine hearing his
voice saying the words to her.

    "Dana,

        You probably are reading this letter because I've gone
     off and gotten myself killed, just like you always figured
     I would.  I just thought this would be the best way to let
     you know some things, some things I most probably didn't
     have enough guts to tell you myself.

        I hope you don't hate me for this, for getting myself
     killed, and most of all, DO NOT blame yourself.  You know
     how I have this incredible propensity of attracting trouble
     and danger to myself, without anyone's help."

She couldn't help but laugh at this, despite the tears still
running down her face.  She continued reading.

    "   Now I'm going to tell you something, something that I
     never had the guts to tell you in person because, as you
     well know, I'm not very good with expressing my emotions.
     Dana Katherine Scully, I love you.  I have for such a long
     time now, I just can't remember when I didn't.  I know, I
     know, I have really lousy timing, but what do you expect
     of Fox Mulder?  Just keep me in your heart, don't ever
     forget me, or the time we had together, no matter how short
     it was.  One day we will meet again, and it will be the
     happiest day of my afterlife.

               All my love, forever.

                 Fox"

Scully broke down into uncontrollable sobs, clutching the letter
to herself.

He had loved her!? And she, the true coward, had never said a
word about her feelings. She had started to realize her true feelings
for him a few months back, but she kept trying to rationalize
them to herself, debating on whether she should talk to him,
like her mother had suggested when they had talked. And now,
it was too late. No more chances, no more time. Exactly what
she had been afraid of. And it had been all her own fault.

****

"Dana, Dana. Wake up," a soft voice whispered.  Her eyelids
fluttered open, and she got the shock of her life.  She
found herself moving quickly to a corner of the room, her eyes
wide and unbelieving.  "Dana, it's me, Mulder."  She attempted
to say something, but all that came out were her gasps for air.

"You're...you're dead..." she finally gasped out.  He smiled
sardonically.

"I know I may look a little pale, but dead is a bit extreme," he
joked. She did not smile at his joke.  He put out his hand.
"Here, check it out for yourself, I'm real."  She slowly moved
from her corner and touched his warm skin.  She instinctively
checked the pulse.  It was steady and strong.  "Do I pass your
tests?"

"You were dead...you *BASTARD*! YOU MADE ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD!
I HATE YOU!" she screamed, suddenly pounding hard on his chest.
He held her close in his arms, taking the pounding.  She kept
repeating how much she hated him, until she finally began
sobbing into his chest.  Mulder whispered soft words to her,
kissing the top of her head.  She lifted her face to look into
his eyes.  He used one of his hands to wipe away the traces of
her tears. He found his face approaching hers, his lips kissing
her now closed eyelids.  Her breath was ragged, but whether it
was from the crying or from his kisses, he was unsure.  He
pulled away briefly and looked at her face, eyes closed, her
lips slightly parted, almost as if in anticipation.  He didn't
disappoint her.

His lips came down so hard on hers, she was sure they would
be bruised later on, but at this moment she didn't care.  She
wanted his touch, *needed* it, no matter how rough it might
be.

They fell to their knees as they frantically tore each other's
clothes off, kissing intermittently.  As the last piece came off,
he pushed her back to the floor, thrusting himself into her.
Scully gasped at the feeling.  Mulder continued thrusting
vigorously, as if it was the last thing he would ever do.  He
finally let out a little cry, his need spent for the moment.  He
lay atop her, dropping soft kisses on her sweat-covered skin.

He soon found himself getting aroused again. He looked into her
eyes, and saw that she was teetering on the edge, her eyelids
drooping from the weight of desire.

Mulder thrust into Scully again, this time more gently.  His hands
and mouth journeyed down her body, eliciting moans of pleasure from
her.  This time his thrusts were more slowly paced, allowing her to
build up to a climax.  With each thrust, she let out a gasp and her
back instinctively arched, as if it could aid in bringing him
deeper inside her.

She began to feel the tremors building inside her loins, working
their way up her body like ripples in the water.  He too noticed
the sudden change in her, and began to thrust faster, bringing
himself to a climax. Her back arched for a final time as she let
out screams of ecstasy as she finally climaxed, him not too far
behind.  She lay on the chilly floor, him on top of her, spent
again.

He rolled over and pulled a blanket out of one of the boxes she
had left in the living room, wrapping it around the both of
them.  Moments later, they both drifted off into a blissful
slumber.

****

Scully lay on her side, her head propped up on her hand.  She
was watching him sleep, still amazed that it truly was him.
She gently laid a hand on his arm, smiling happily at the warmth
and realness of it.

Mulder's eyelids flew open in surprise at her touch.  His
startled look changed to one of tired delight when he saw her.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hi. Who are we hiding from?" he responded equally quietly, poking
fun at her. She lightly tapped his arm in a feeble attempt
to chastise him.  He made a face, then smiled.  "What ya doing?"

"Watching you sleep."

"Now *there's* a pastime."  The two of them chuckled.  Scully
sighed happily, pulling herself up into a sitting position. He
looked at her quizzically.

"I'm going to get us something to eat, almost dinnertime." He
nodded his approval, pushing himself up as well.

"Do you know if the water's still running?"  She shrugged.

"I assume so.  I've paid your bills for the month," she
replied, her voice suddenly fading near the end.  She
looked away, breathing deeply.  Mulder pulled her into his arms,
holding her tightly.  She began to cry again, but very softly.
"I thought I had lost you," Scully cried.  He shushed her
as they rocked back and forth.

"I'm here now, and I'm not planning on leaving."  She sniffed
loudly, wiping her face off with the back of her hand.  He
let her out of his embrace, allowing her to start putting
her clothes on, or what remained of her clothing.  They had
been so frantic initially that they had literally ripped the
clothes off of each other.  Scully couldn't help but smile
as she held up her blouse, or what had once been her blouse.

"I guess I won't be using this too soon again."  She went
into one of the boxes and pulled out one of Mulder's shirts,
putting it on.  She was quite the sight with Mulder's Knicks
jersey and her dress pants.

"Quite a fashion statement there, Dana."  They both chuckled
again.  She leaned down and gently kissed him.

"I'll be back in a bit."  She walked over to the door, stopped
and turned around to look at him before she walked out, a smile
on her face.

****

Mulder had explained to Scully after she had returned how he didn't
remember how he had gotten out of his predicament.  All he
remembered was one minute he was sitting, upset and watching
a tape of his, then a noise, then a blank. His memories began again
starting from a few days ago, when he had woken up in a private
care facility.  He had gotten out the other day and bought a ticket
back to Washington with money he found in his pocket.

They now sat in relative silence as they ate.  Every once in a
while one or the other would catch the other staring.  They would
then smile and go back to their food.

When they had finally finished eating, neither could stand the
silence any longer.

"Dana.."
"Fox..."

They both smiled again, feeling silly.  Mulder indicated to
Scully that she should go first.

"Fox, I just wanted you to know that what happened here,
earlier...normally I don't, you know..."  She suddenly
started to feel the redness of embarrassment creeping up.
Mulder put his hand over hers, then entwined his fingers
with hers as he spoke.

"I know.  Normally I don't have unprotected sex either, but
we both got so swept up in the moment..."  She looked into
his eyes, relief sweeping across her features.

"Exactly!  Not to say that it wasn't, you know, well..." She
started getting all red again, and Mulder couldn't help smile
in amusement.

"I guess you can't escape that Catholic guilt and embarrassment,
can you?" he teased.  She laughed, even though it was technically
at her own expense.

"I guess not.  I just...I want to tell you how I feel, how it
felt..."  He smiled gently, his other hand caressing her cheek.
She leaned into his caress, a happy smile on her face.

"I think I have a *pretty* good idea."  They sat in a comfortable
silence for a moment.

"I just want you to know that if I happen to get pregnant or
anything, I mean, there's always a chance, I won't hold it
against you," she blurted out.  Mulder looked at her in
surprise.

"Okay," he replied carefully.  She got up from her seat and
started to clean off the table.

****

Over a month later, Mulder was back to work.  Mulder and Scully
continued their working relationship as it had always been, but
they found that when they were alone together, *truly* alone
together, they both had a *very* hard time concentrating on work.
They kept everything professional looking though, for the sake of
all the hard work they had put into their partnership.

Despite what had happened when Mulder had reentered Scully's
life, they had not had any more encounters.  It was almost as if
they were afraid of tempting fate since they weren't sure whether
Scully could be pregnant or not.  Even though a month had passed
since her last period, it had not returned when it was supposed
to.  This caused Scully more worry than she already had, forcing
her to go to the doctor for tests.  She had not told Mulder this,
she was afraid of what his reaction might be.

One day she walked into the office, a semi-relieved smile on her
face. Mulder looked up at her and got a curious look on his face.

"What's going on?  Skinner let you off and decide to flay me
alive instead?" She snorted out a laugh.

"No, nothing like that."  She paused, looking around carefully,
then looked back at him. She leaned on her hands on the front of his
desk,
a conspiratorial look on her face now. "Can you come over to
my place tonight?  I have something I need to tell you, *in*
*private*," she whispered. He leaned closer to her, a devious
grin on his face.

"Okay," he whispered back.  She gave another quick look behind
her, then turned around and quickly kissed him on top of the
head.  She then headed back to her desk, glanced back his way,
a smile still plastered on her face.  Mulder leaned back in
his chair. Curiouser and curiouser, he thought.

****

Mulder stood at Scully's front door, patiently waiting for her
to open it.  When she opened the door, she seemed to have a
slightly annoyed look, but that changed once she saw who it
was.  He leaned down and pulled her into a passionate kiss.
After about a minute or so, they heard a harrumph from behind
and looked over to see Scully's neighbour looking at them in
a somewhat disapproving manner.  Scully dragged Mulder inside.

"That woman can be such a battleaxe at times," she complained,
taking his coat from him.  Once she had hung it up, she headed
to her kitchen, Mulder not far behind.  He placed a bottle of
wine on the counter, then pulled himself up onto the counter
beside it.  She began chopping some vegetables that she had
obviously already been chopping when he had come.  Her silence
finally drove Mulder to ask the question that had plagued him
most of the day.

"So.  Are you going to tell me why you invited me here tonight,
or are we going to play guessing games?"  He had meant to ask
it in a chiding manner, but it seemed to come out wrong, making
Scully's brow furrow in consternation.  She didn't say anything
at first, she just picked up the chopping board of vegetables
and proceeded to dump the vegetables into a pot on the stove.
Once this was done, she just stood there, her back to Mulder.
She took a deep breath, then began to talk.

"After what happened when you returned, I have to admit, I
was a little worried about getting pregnant.  I decided that
I would wait to see if my period came when it was supposed to.
It didn't."  She paused, and when she didn't hear anything
from Mulder, she continued. "When it was a week overdue, I
decided to go to my doctor for some tests.  I just got the
results today.  I'm not pregnant, I'm just late because of
the unnecessary stress I've been putting myself under."

Mulder came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"Are you happy about this?" he asked, a tone of slight
disappointment in his voice.

"Aren't you?" she asked, turning to face him.  He sighed, unsure
of what to say.  He moved away from her, taking a seat at the
kitchen table.  A look of surprise came into her eyes.  "You
mean you..."

"I don't know.  In a way I suppose I am because I wouldn't
want to bring a child into this world, into *my* world where
it's definitely not safe.  At the same time, I guess I'm not.
I suppose I always imagined having kids by now."  Scully
came over to him, kneeling down in front of him, taking his hands
into hers.  She smiled softly.

"I never knew."

"I don't think I ever realized it myself until now."  He looked
into her eyes.  "But I do know one thing for certain."

"What's that?"

"That I could never love anyone but you, Dana, and I wouldn't
want any other woman but you to be the mother of my children."  She
felt tears welling up in her eyes, then pouring down her face.
Mulder kissed them away, then pulled her into an embrace.

THE END