From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 26 Sep 2004 12:30:36 -0000
Subject: PLAYBOY, NC17, MSR 1/1 by donnilee
Source: direct

Reply To: donnilee@snet.net


TITLE:    PLAYBOY
AUTHOR:   DONNILEE
E-MAIL:   donnilee@snet.net
WEBSITE:  http:/donnilee.tripod.com
RATING:   NC-17
CATEGORY: MSR
SPOILERS: One Son, Fight the Future (movie)
SUMMARY:  Scully finds out something about Mulder's 
          past that starts an inevitable chain of events.
DISCLAIMER:  All characters used from the show, The 
          X-Files are the property of Chris Carter, Ten 
          Thirteen Productions, and Fox Broadcasting.  No 
          copyright infringement intended.  No money made here.
THANKS:   To my beta reader, FatCat, who never complains even 
          when I inundate her with things to do.  Love you, girl.
          Also, to Sdani, who makes sure I don't have a comma-
          fest in every story.  Thanks girls.

XXXXXXXXXX
PART 1 (NC-17)
ALTERNATIVE BOOKS
WASHINGTON, D.C.
FRIDAY AFTERNOON

I'd wanted to finish the report I was working on so I took a late 
lunch.  Mulder had mentioned a book on the paranormal that I 
should try to pick up just as reference material.  Having given up 
fighting him on such issues, I decided to get it.  Even if I never 
read it, if he saw it laying on my coffee table once, it would make 
his month.  It took so little to make him happy sometimes that I 
didn't see any reason not to.

Let's face it, seeing Fox Mulder flash me that mega-watt smile 
with teeth was worth a little bit of effort.  I didn't get to see 
it often, so I really looked forward to it.  When he mentioned this 
book, 'How to Hunt Ghosts', by Joshua P. Warren, I'd given him my 
usual raised eyebrow and skeptical look, partially because he 
expected it.  Even that had brought a small smile to his lips.  He 
thought I was so predictable.  We'd had a brief discussion and 
when it was over I said, "I'll think about it."

I could tell he didn't think there was a snowball's chance in hell 
that I would actually spend the money.  When it came down to it, I 
knew if he was telling me to get it, he probably already had a 
copy.  In that event, I could always borrow his, but I knew these 
little signs of acquiescence on my part did wonders for his 
attitude.  He wanted to believe he was breaking me down and 
broadening my horizons.  He was actually but I didn't have to let 
him know that right away.

I chuckled to myself as I found the book in a section marked 
'Unexplained Phenomenon'.  I picked it up, leafed through the 
pages and tucked it under my arm.  I decided to look around some 
more and headed toward the back of the store, rather than back the 
way I came.

Lo and behold, the back half of this aisle was filled with 
pornographic magazines.  Oui, Penthouse, Hustler, Playboy, Playgirl,
and various and sundry magazines stared out at me showing buxom
women barely dressed and striking what they imagined were sexy 
poses.  They all looked fake to me.

'How much silicone does thirty pieces of silver buy nowadays?' I 
wondered, joking to myself.  There was no way in hell those were 
real!

I glanced at the Playgirl magazine and considered it for half a 
second and then shrugged, picking it up.  I leafed through it but 
saw nothing that caught my eye.  I glanced further down and saw a 
small section on the end marked 'Vintage Erotica'.  'Hmm, that 
could be interesting,' I thought.

I walked down and began flipping through the small rows of 
magazines there.  Most were the same magazines as in the current 
section, only they were 25-year old copies of various rags.  I 
really didn't care to look at a 25-year old copy of Hustler.  I 
knelt down to look at the two lower shelves and saw that there were 
a few books lined up there, true Vintage Erotica from the 20's 
through the 40's.  I grabbed a couple and straightened up, looking 
through them.  They were interesting, but nothing I really wanted 
to spend my money on.

I don't know why it caught my eye.  It must have been the headline.  
A December, 1982 issue of Playgirl was cocked up behind a row of 
others.  I reached for it, and stared at the headline:  'College 
Foxes'.

The man on the cover was not my type.  Although he was tall, he 
was overly muscular and had bleach blonde hair, looking much 
like a surfer dude of the 80's in San Diego, when I was growing up.

I flipped through and decided to go right to centerfold.  All these 
magazines had one, right?  I unfolded it carefully even though the 
magazine was in good shape for being 18 years old.  I gasped 
loudly.

Then I nearly dropped it.  I did drop the book cradled between my 
body and elbow.  I jerked my eyes away from the photo to the 
caption.  '21-year old Foxy Fox Williams has the girls at Oxford 
looking for his foxhole.'

How corny.  I gulped and couldn't help raising my eyes again to 
feast on the image before me.  Now, I knew it was 18 years old, 
but holy Jesus.  It was him, without a doubt.  My partner.  His 
face was softer and a little more rounded then, but the hazel eyes 
were just as bright, the hair that same perfect shade of milk 
chocolate.  His chest was well defined and he was sporting six-pack 
abs.  He was a bit thinner than he was now, having filled out, but 
his biceps were good size and not overly hulky.

The photo had him leaning negligently against a barn doorjamb, 
hay under his feet.  His arms were crossed loosely under his pecs, 
his hip cocked up to one side.  His penis was flaccid but hung half 
way down his thigh, easily five inches.  I wondered if maybe it was 
half erect.  Didn't matter.  The whole picture made me gulp again 
and I felt a tingling in my groin.  I squeezed my legs together to 
stop the feeling and it only made it worse.  I looked down at the 
bottom again and it said, 'Full Spread on Page 52'.

Well, there was no way I wasn't buying this thing.  I knew it was 
wrong but I couldn't resist.  Knowing him, he probably wasn't 
embarrassed at all about this, but would be uncomfortable knowing 
I saw it.

I picked up my fallen book and hurried to the register, trying hard 
to tamp down the pink I knew had risen in my cheeks.  The man 
behind the counter didn't seem to notice and rang up my purchases 
without even acknowledging the content.  He was very professional.  
I paid and snatched up the bag, nearly bolting out the door.  I 
wasn't sure but I thought I heard a soft chuckle behind me.

My heart was racing as I flagged a taxi and jumped in.  I hadn't 
eaten, having gotten caught up in my perusal of the bookstore 
wares.  I had him drop me off a block from the Hoover building 
and bought a hotdog from the roadside cart, something I hardly 
ever did.

I munched on it as I made my way back to the building.  My car 
was in the basement parking garage, but I rarely took it out for 
lunch unless I was leaving town.  I walked slowly and finally 
boarded the elevator inside, hitting the button for our basement 
office.

I rode in silence, wondering if I should go to the car and put my 
purchases there.  I really didn't want to have to hide them for the 
rest of the day in the office.  I hastily hit the button for the 
garage, but it stopped at the basement anyway, dinging loudly as 
the doors slid open.  I quickly hit the button for the garage and 
the button to close the doors.  Too late, I saw Mulder poke his 
head out of the office and turn toward the elevator just in time to 
see the doors close.  "Scully!" he hollered.

The elevator sank to the garage.  I trotted to my car and unlocked 
it, tossing my bag in the back seat and hurrying back to the 
elevator.  If I knew him, he was already trying to follow me.

Sure enough, as the doors opened to the elevator, there he stood.  
I smiled and stepped onto the elevator.  "What's wrong, Scully?" he 
asked.

"Nothing," I said, hoping my voice sounded casual.  "I just needed 
to drop some stuff in my car."

"Oh," he said, sounding perplexed.  "You sure everything's okay?"

"Yeah, sure.  I did a little shopping instead of eating," I 
explained and flashed him a smile.  I looked down, hoping I 
wouldn't blush as I thought of the picture I'd just looked at.

A thousand questions whirled through my mind.  I wonder why he did 
it?  I wonder if he only did it once?  What other secrets did he 
have?  I found myself suddenly wishing I was home already so I 
could look at the 'Full Spread on Page 52'.

He looked dubious, but decided to let me get away with it.  "You 
didn't eat?" he asked.

"I grabbed a hotdog from Fred's stand on the way back," I 
murmured, looking at my shoes.

He chuckled.  "You must have been in a hurry.  You never eat 
hotdogs, Scully."

"I do sometimes.  I just don't like to make a habit of it."

"There's hope for you yet," he teased.

The elevator arrived back at the basement and I followed him back 
into the office.

The next three hours were torture.  No matter how hard I tried to 
concentrate on this expense report, I saw that picture every time I 
closed my eyes for more than a second.

Mulder casting surreptitious glances at me all afternoon didn't 
help either.  I was already feeling guilty.  I wondered if I should 
tell him what I found.  No, he would demand that I destroy it or 
something.  Somehow, I knew this would not be something he was 
proud of at this point in his life.  'He must have needed the 
money,' I thought.  The few other pages I'd scanned told me that 
the issue had been of college men throughout the United Kingdom, a 
special issue.

XXXXXXXXXX
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, D.C.
FRIDAY EVENING

The problem with working with an Oxford educated psychologist 
cum profiler is that it was very hard to slip anything by him.

Although my cultivated stoicism and poker face had served me 
well in the past, if anyone could pick up on hidden tension, it was 
Mulder.  I swear it was like he had radar for it.  I didn't have to 
be a genius to figure out why he was giving me strange looks right 
up until the time we left the office.

I breathed a sigh of relief when 5:00 PM rolled around.  I 
stretched, trying to look casual and said, "I'm going home Mulder.  
I've had it.  The weekend is here and I'm not staying in this damn 
basement one more minute."

He looked up and smiled.  "Okay, Scully.  I guess I'll hit the road 
too."  He didn't look happy about it though.

I was my turn to ask, "Are you all right?"

He looked at me for a couple of seconds and then said, "Yeah, just 
wondering what I'll do with myself all weekend."

I felt a wave of sadness for him, but I really didn't want him with 
me tonight.  I was dying to get home and look at my purchases.  "I 
bet if you picked up some Philly Cheese Steaks, the guys would be 
happy to entertain you."

He chuckled and stood up, putting on his suit jacket.  "Yeah, 
maybe I'll do that," he muttered.

We walked to the garage together.  I was parked right next to him 
and I hoped he didn't ask about my purchases again.  He looked at 
the bag in the back seat, but didn't ask anything when I avoided 
eye contact.

He nodded and slid behind the wheel of his car.  "Have a good 
weekend, Scully.  I'll see you on Monday."

Spur of the moment I said, "Mulder, what about tomorrow?"

"What?" he asked.

"I can't hang out tonight, but I don't have plans for tomorrow," I 
said, my voice trailing off at the end.

He smiled.  "During the day or at night?"

"How about early evening?  I'll get a pizza and you get a movie."

He beamed at me, the toothy smile that made my tummy flip-flop.  
I always loved to see it and I felt a strange little lurch in my 
stomach.  "That would be great, Scully.  Your place or mine?" he 
asked, waggling his eyebrows.

I laughed and said, "My place, Mulder.  How about five o'clock?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," he replied.

He backed out and drove away grinning from ear to ear and I felt 
somehow like I'd made his day.  That gave me a warm feeling inside.  
Then I remembered my purchase.  Jesus, how was I going to keep it 
from him that I'd seen this?  I would just have to really practice 
my poker face tomorrow.  There was no way in hell I wasn't going to 
look at that thing tonight.

I slid behind my own wheel and backed out.  Once home, I made some 
tea and changed into flannel pajamas before curling up on the couch 
with my book and magazine.

I took a deep breath and opened the magazine up.  I skimmed the 
contents and then said to myself, "Who the hell am I kidding?"  
With that, I flipped directly to Page 52.

I sucked in a breath and let my eyes lazily glide over the page.  
Jesus Christ, it wasn't fair that anyone got to be that beautiful.  
I skimmed the text telling me what his major was, what his hobbies 
and interests were.  Under the question of what he looked for in a 
woman it simply said, "Smart is sexy."

Yeah, right.  If that were the case, my situation wouldn't be what 
it is.  I immediately realized how arrogant that thought was and 
was ashamed of myself.  It turned out that he wasn't just on Page 
52.  He was on Page 53, 54, and 55 as well, and he'd been the 
centerfold.  Jesus.  My mind kept sticking on that one exclamation.  
One picture showed him lounging sideways in a chair, one leg thrown 
over the arm of the chair, the other on the floor, displaying his 
sex in all its glory.  The next one showed him kneeling on a bed, 
both hands touching himself.  I flushed to the roots of my hair and 
felt my nipples harden.  The next one showed him in a shower from 
the rear, soap all over his spectacular ass.  I felt that familiar 
tingle down below and had to stifle a moan.  And last but not least, 
he was on a bed, propped up against pillows laid against the 
headboard, his knees raised, feet flat on the bed, legs spread and 
gripping the base of his fully erect penis.

I flipped back and realized each picture showed him in a 
progressively higher state of arousal and I quickly went back to 
the last picture, licking my lips and staring.  They had to have 
enhanced that photo.  There was no way!

I dragged my eyes down and made myself read all the text.  At the 
end was his 'stats'.  Height: 6' 1/2"; Hair: Dark Brown; Eyes: 
Hazel; Penis: 9" long, 2 1/2" wide.  Then there was a further 
caption.  "This college hottie has a future in porn films if he 
ever decides to leave psychology.  Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll
go into sex therapy!"

I swallowed hard, realizing that my sex was throbbing.  "No way," 
I whispered out loud.  Men were not that big.  I'd seen him naked 
and knew he had been blessed, but I also knew I'd never seen him 
naked and fully erect.  I'd ignored various hard-ons throughout the 
years that could be seen through his slacks.  He always tried to 
hide them and I graciously ignored them, not wanting to embarrass 
him.  Men got hard-ons.  There was nothing unnatural about that.  I 
knew they didn't even have to have much stimulation sometimes.

Jesus.  This was just too much for me to take without some relief.

XXXXXXXXXX NC-17 PORTION XXXXXXXXXX

I closed my eyes and let the magazine fall off my lap onto the 
floor.  I slipped one hand under my pajama top and fondled my 
breast, pinching my turgid nipple lightly and moaning.  The other 
hand wandered under the elastic of my pajama bottoms and slid 
into my underwear.  I raked my fingers through my pubic hair and 
found my moist center.  God, I was soaked.

I sighed as I slipped a finger inside myself.  Rolling my nipple 
gently I began pumping my finger in and out slowly, teasing myself.
I closed my eyes, moaning at the delicious feel of arousal that 
sang through my veins.  It had been so long.

I switched breasts and teased the other one, sliding a second 
finger inside, curling them up and searching for my G-spot.  Damn 
it, I couldn't reach it.  My fingers were too short.  I'd always 
had to bend in half and really reach to find it.  Not worth the 
effort right now.  I pulled my fingers out and pressed them to my 
clitoris, circling and pushing down against my pubic bone.

I heard loud moaning and realized it was me.  I teased myself until 
I was on the verge of coming, then I opened my eyes and looked down 
over the side of the couch.  The magazine had landed on the floor, 
open to the last picture of Mulder.

I groaned from deep in the back of my throat and felt my inner 
walls tremble and then spasm.  I gushed into my panties, still 
euphoric on endorphins when I realized someone was pounding on 
the door.  "Scully!"  I heard his voice, sounding frantic.

XXXXXXXXXX END NC-17 PORTION XXXXXXXXX

Oh shit!  I jumped, yanking my hands out of my pants and grabbing 
up the magazine.  Frantically looking for a place to hide it, I 
could hear his key in the lock.  "Just a second, Mulder!" I 
hollered.

Too late.

He was coming through the door, wild-eyed and looking slightly 
panicked.  I shoved the magazine under the couch cushion and stood 
up in time for him to turn and look at me.  He visibly relaxed when 
he saw me and said, "What's wrong, Scully?  God, you scared me, I 
heard you moaning.  I thought you were hurt."

'Far from it,' I thought.  I swallowed hard, knowing I had to say 
something.  I glanced at the book on the table.  "I was just 
reading," I said, fluttering my hand toward the book on the table.

"You were moaning," he repeated.

Well, shit.  "I, uh, went to get up to use the bathroom and the 
muscle in my leg cramped," I lied, looking at the carpet.  I 
couldn't meet his eyes.  He would know I was lying.

He was silent for a few moments and then said, "Oh, sorry to 
interrupt."

"I thought you were going to see the Gunmen," I said, trying to 
change the subject.

"I was, but they're out of town.  Went to a Star Trek convention," 
he explained and grinned.

"Sounds like them," I said.  "Uh, look, I still need to go to the 
bathroom."

"Okay.  When you come out, I'll rub that cramp."

"Yeah, well, I'll be right back," I said quickly and left the room, 
heading down my hallway to the bathroom.

XXXXXXXXXXX
PART 2 (NC-17)
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, D.C.

Something was definitely wrong here.  She was lying through her 
teeth.  I looked at the book and knew if she'd been reading, she 
would have left it open or placed a marker in it.  She always did, 
even when she read AMA Journals.

I came deeper into the room and picked it up, leafing through the 
pages.  I'll be damned.  It was the ghost-hunting book I had been 
teasing her about earlier in the week.  She had bought it.  I hadn't
thought she would.  She did keep me guessing.  I flipped through the
pages, and she hadn't even folded down a corner to mark her place.  
Not like her at all.

Despite her cramp story, she had darted out of this room like her 
ass was on fire, and she hadn't even walked stiffly, let alone with 
a limp.  No, she didn't have a cramp.  What was up, then?  Why 
would she lie to me?

I looked around and saw that the couch cushions were a bit out of 
place, the center one tilted on an angle, not flush with the 
others.  I used my knee to tap it back into place.

Hmmm, she was in her pajamas.  'Ready for bed so early, Scully?' 
I wondered.  A scent tickled my nose but I couldn't quite place it.  
I pulled off my sneakers and sat down.  I'd gone home to change and 
called the boys.  Their private answering machine advised that they 
would be gone for one week due to their attendance at the Star 
Trek Convention in Los Vegas.

I'd decided to take a chance.  She'd said she couldn't meet with me 
tonight, but I'd wondered if she was telling the truth.  Something 
hadn't been right with her since she'd returned from lunch earlier 
today.  She never went to her car to put things in it when she 
shopped on her lunch hour.  She'd been fidgety all afternoon.  No, 
something was up.  Whatever she had bought, she didn't want me to 
see it.

I leaned my arm on the armrest and looked around the room.  Nothing 
seemed out of place but she seemed to be taking a long time in 
there.  I could hear water running.  She had a cup of tea on the 
coffee table that was no longer steaming.  It actually seemed to 
have gone cold.  What the hell was she hiding from me?

I looked down at the couch and saw that I hadn't really pushed the 
cushion back all the way.  It was square but an inch or two was 
still hanging off the front.  I reached down and pushed it back.  
My hand struck something hard.

I carefully pulled up the edge of the cushion and saw the top of a 
magazine.  'Ah ha!' I said to myself, smiling.  I lifted a little 
more and saw that it said, Playgirl, on the top.  I grinned from ear
to ear.  Well, well, well.  My little Scully was indulging in some
female porn.  What do you know?  Talk about keeping me guessing.

Then I felt the grin leave my face as I looked at the date.  What 
the fuck?  December 1982?  NO!  Without hesitation, I flipped the 
cushion up and scooped up the magazine.

Yes, it was.  Oh shit!  Where the fuck did she find this?  Well, 
this solved one mystery.  I felt my stomach tighten and I clenched 
my jaw, feeling tears of humiliation flood my eyes.  I desperately 
tried to blink them back.  Oh damn.  Scully was the only person in
the world that I cared whether she respected me or not and now she 
had to go and find this.  No wonder she was acting all funny.

She was probably disgusted.  I could just hear her now.  She 
probably thought that modeling nude for money was the next thing 
to prostitution.  That's the way I thought of it now.  At the time, 
I had been desperate for money.  I was young and proud of my body.  
I was in college, in a foreign country and didn't want to have 
to beg my parents for money.  I wanted to prove I could make it on 
my own even without a work permit.  Then the rep had come to college
and pinned up advertisements all over the bulletin boards, 
announcing the try-outs for Playgirl, an American magazine.  Of 
course, I'd been familiar with it, but a lot of my college mates 
hadn't been.

I'd decided to do it.  Who would ever know?  It was to be a special 
issue sold in the UK only, and no one back home would ever see it.  
Jesus.  Where the fuck did she find it?

I let it fall into my lap and hung my head, looking at the cover.  
I didn't need to open it to know what was inside.  The images were 
burned into my brain forever.  Oddly enough, after so many years, 
I'd forgotten all about this transgression.  It all came flooding 
back to me now, all the inane, stupid, information in the layout 
meant to titillate women.  Jesus, if she'd had any shred of respect
for me before, it would surely be gone now.  I could feel the tears
begin to slide down my face.

I heard her shuffle back into the living room and looked up.  She'd 
washed her face, that was obvious.  Drops of water still clung to 
her hairline.  Her flush was gone and she was attempting to put on 
a casual, curious smile but it wasn't working.  "Do you want 
coffee?" she asked.

I shook my head and then she realized I was crying silently.  
"Mulder!  What is it?"

She was standing to the side and couldn't see my lap.  I slowly 
held up the magazine without meeting her eyes.  I heard her gasp.  
"Mulder, damn it!  That's mine!  What are you doing?  Snooping 
through my stuff!"

She sounded angry.  Well, I was angry too.  She was in front of me 
in two strides and ripped it out of my hands.  Then she looked at a 
loss for somewhere to put it.  She finally growled and marched over
to her bookcase and threw it on top of some books.  She stalked back
over to me.  "Why are you here?" she demanded.

My tears had dried up but I couldn't stop my lower lip from 
trembling.  I ignored her question and asked one of my own.  "Where
did you get that?" I asked, in as calm of a voice as I could muster.

"None of your business!" she cried out, looking at the floor.

I looked up at her and she looked away.  I realized she was 
embarrassed that I had caught her with the magazine.  Good.  She 
deserved to be upset.  She couldn't possibly be as embarrassed as I 
was.  I felt a cleansing wash of anger.  "None of my business?" I 
growled, standing up and crowding her personal space.  "You somehow
get a hold of a 18-year-old magazine and look at nude pictures of me
and its none of my fucking business?" I shouted in her face.

She flinched and took a step backwards, a flush of arousal staining 
her cheeks.  It made something in me snap and I felt myself start 
to harden.  No!  I wasn't going to let this excite me.  I was a 
typical male, but Jesus.  "Go home, Mulder," she said through 
clenched teeth.

"No.  Where did you get it?" I asked again.

She wouldn't look at me, studying her bare feet.

I grasped her chin, not roughly, but firmly enough to startle her 
and raised her face to mine.  "Where?" I growled into her face.

She flinched but then said quietly, "Alternative Books."

I dropped her chin and took my own step back.  "So I suppose any 
respect you had for me is gone now," I said with conviction.  
"Fuck," I swore under my breath.

"No, that's not true," she denied.

"Yeah, right," I said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable.

She looked at me and I looked away.  "I don't think less of you, 
Mulder."

I laughed but there was no humor in it.

"I don't," she said.

"You mean to tell me that didn't shock your sensibilities, your 
sense of moral outrage?  That didn't surprise you?  You don't care 
about it?  Don't even tell me it has nothing to do with me," I said.
I sounded bitter.  How was I supposed to take this?

She spoke softly but said, "I didn't say it didn't surprise me.  I 
said I don't think any less of you."

"How can you not?" I asked, sinking back onto the couch, no longer
able to remain standing.

She sat down next to me, seeming tentative.  Great, she didn't even 
want to be near me anymore.  I couldn't say as I blamed her.  I 
covered my face with my hand and rubbed it up and down, breathing
deeply and trying to regain some composure.


"Mulder, you were in college, right?"

"Yeah," I muttered.

"I imagine you did it for the money, right?"

"Yeah," I muttered.  Seemed to be the only word I could croak out.

"We all do things we aren't proud of," she said softly.  "Especially
when we're young."

I chuffed out a bark of sarcastic laughter again.  "Yeah, well, 
this would definitely be in that category, Scully."

"I'm embarrassed," she said.

"I don't blame you.  I'd be embarrassed about me, too," I replied, 
not knowing what else to say.

"No!" she blurted out.  "I'm embarrassed because of my actions."

I turned to look at her.  "Why?"

"Because I bought it," she said.

I stared at her, not knowing what to say.

She swallowed harshly and licked her lips.  My eyes were drawn to 
them despite my best efforts not to look.  "Scully," I began.

She held up a hand to silence me.  "It was curiosity that made me 
pick it up at first.  It was in the 'Vintage Erotica' section.  The 
title caught my eye."

"College Foxes?" I asked, slightly amused.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Why did you buy it, Scully?" I asked.

She looked down and I watched a blush rise up her neck and spread 
over her face.  I felt my own body begin to tighten again in 
response to her embarrassment.  God, what this woman did to me.

She cleared her throat and I prompted her.  "Scully?"

She was barely audible but I heard her.  "I opened it to the 
centerfold."

I groaned in humiliation and covered my eyes with my hand again, 
looking down.  "Shit.  Jesus, Scully," I said, not knowing what 
else to say.

Then she surprised me by saying, "I bought it because I couldn't 
resist."

My head snapped back up and I peered deeply into her eyes trying 
to detect her meaning.  She was watching me carefully.  "What did 
you say?"

The corners of her lips turned up quickly but then dropped again.  
"I couldn't resist.  I wanted to see the rest of the pictures, but 
I didn't have time.  So I bought it."

I stared at her as the implications of that sank in.  I licked my 
own lips, realizing my mouth had suddenly gone bone dry.  "Let me 
get this straight," I began.  "You wanted to see pictures of me 
naked, even if they were 18 years old?"

She hesitated but then nodded.

"Gee, Scully, all you had to do was ask.  I'd show the goods for 
free."

She wouldn't look at me again, but the corners of her mouth turned 
up slightly.

I closed my eyes and remembered the sounds of her moaning as I'd 
stood on the other side of the door.  The sound had been muffled 
but I knew a Scully moan when I heard one.  It had never occurred 
to me that she could be doing something innocent.  I'd instantly 
assumed the worst and fear had spiked through me, thinking she 
was hurt.  I hadn't hesitated to use my key.  That's what it was 
for, after all, emergencies, if nothing else.

Oh my God.  Had she been masturbating?  The mere thought of it 
sent a bolt of arousal through me so keen, that I grunted to keep 
from releasing the moan that threatened at the back of my throat.

My cock hardened and pressed painfully against the fly of my jeans.
I spread my legs and shifted, cocking up on one hip to try and hide
it.  She finally looked up, watching me squirm.  "What does that 
mean?" I asked, sounding like I'd just gargled with razor blades.

I watched her eyes dilate in response to my voice.  I was obviously 
aroused.  We were silent for long seconds, and I was becoming 
uncomfortable when she asked quietly, "Is it accurate?"

"Is what accurate?"

She pointed at the bookshelf where she'd thrown the magazine.  
"The statistics in there?"

I closed my eyes slowly and opened them again.  "Are you asking 
me if my measurements were exaggerated?" I asked, my voice 
cracking.  I was unable to believe she was actually asking me this 
straight out.

She nodded jerkily and I couldn't help the lecherous grin that 
spread across my face.  She blushed again and looked away.  
"Look, I'm sorry I bought it, I'm sorry I looked, and I'm sorry if 
it embarrassed you.  I shouldn't have asked that.  I don't know 
what's the hell's the matter with me," she babbled.  "This is way 
out of line."

I unfolded myself and turned toward her, cupping her cheek and 
turning her head towards me.  "I'll answer anything you want to 
know, Scully.  All you have to do is ask."

"It's inappropriate," she said automatically.

I grinned, suddenly wondering if this wasn't so bad after all.  Had 
she liked what she'd seen?  "Inappropriate is my middle name.  
What do you want to know?"

"If it's accurate," she whispered.

"My measurements?" I confirmed, knowing that's what she meant but 
wanting to see her squirm.  She didn't disappoint me, squirming and
pulling her head away from my hand.

"Or the picture," she added.  "Was it doctored?"

I grinned now as it hit me.  She'd liked what she'd seen.  Of 
course, it was 18 years ago.  I didn't have the body I had then,
but I'd kept in shape.  I was bulkier now, having filled out and 
lost my baby fat.  I was a little thicker around the middle but my 
shoulders were broader.  I still did my crunches and run and swam 
faithfully.  The job demanded it.  I didn't look all that different
except for the accumulated scars.

"No," I said simply, watching the side of her face.

She glanced at me with just her eyes, her hands folded in her lap 
primly.  For some reason, that excited me.  She was sitting there, 
acting all prim, and asking me if my cock was really nine inches 
long.  That was the crux of this conversation.  It blew me away. 
Watching her rigid spine made me want to see her lose her 
composure.

"No, it's not accurate?  Or no, it's not embellished?" she asked, 
making sure she understood me.  She still wouldn't look at me.

"It's accurate," I whispered, suddenly losing the ability to speak 
in a normal tone of voice.  Did that excite her?

It wasn't something I'd ever been vain about.  In fact, it scared 
some women, not that I'd had that many.  I knew I wasn't as 
experienced as Scully thought I was.

She turned to me then and stared.  I saw her eyes flicker to my 
crotch, and I did nothing to hide the bulge there behind my zipper.  
Her eyes came back up to mine and I had to know.  Was this idle 
curiosity on her part?  "Does that excite you?" I asked, my voice 
even lower pitched than before.

Her eyes darted away and I saw the blush rise again.  It did!  She 
didn't have to answer me.  She rocked in her seat and I knew she 
was going to get up and try to run away from this.  "I'm sorry," 
she hissed and started stand up.

My hand shot out and grasped her wrist.  She yanked hard but I 
held on.  "Mulder!"

Then she froze.  I tugged gently and she took a step towards me.  I 
kept looking at her until she met my gaze.  "Do you want to see 
it?" I asked, feeling stupid.  Wasn't that something a kid would 
ask his first girlfriend?

There was a slight tremor of her head, like she was going to shake 
it in the negative.  But she didn't.  Instead, she held still.

I let go of her wrist and reached for the button on my jeans.  She 
gasped and said, "Mulder, don't."

I looked up at her and popped the button open.  It did nothing to 
relieve the pressure on my cock.  I was nearly fully engorged and 
the pressure was very uncomfortable.  I held her gaze as I reached 
for my zipper and slowly slid it down.

The sound was loud in the silence of the room.  She gasped again 
and turned her head, but she didn't move away.  "It's all right, 
Scully.  You're the only one I'd want to show it to," I whispered.

That got her attention.  She turned back to me.  "What's happening 
here?  I feel like I violated some sacred male code or something."

I smiled and said, "I'm embarrassed, but not enough to not notice 
that maybe you liked what you saw."

She nodded, admitting it.  "Mulder, it doesn't mean," she started.

I cut her off.  "Doesn't mean I turn you on?" I asked as casually 
as could.

She didn't answer.  Her eyes flickered toward my open jeans now.  
There was some relief but not much.  I reached down and spread 
the flaps of my jeans so she could see my cock tenting my boxer 
briefs.  They were snug and held it against my stomach.

"Jesus," she whispered.

"Does it?  Turn you on?"

"Mulder, please!" she said, in a tone close to begging.

"Please what?" I asked.

"Mulder!" she bit out, seemingly at a loss for what to say.

I decided to take a chance, feeling my insides flutter at the 
prospect of jumping off this particular high dive.  "Because you 
turn me on, Scully."

Oh, that got her attention.  She was staring at me now, right in 
the eyes, trying to determine the validity of what I was saying.  
She must have liked what she saw.  "I do?" she asked in a whisper.

"You always have," I added, extending the admission a bit further.

Her mouth dropped open and I stood up.  She took a step back but 
kept looking at me.  It was now or never.  I was never going to be 
closer.  I was never going to have another opportunity as good as 
this one.  I stepped up next to her, grasping her wrist.

She didn't pull away.  I slowly tugged her towards me and placed 
her hand on my cock.  She gasped and I hissed through my teeth, 
involuntarily bucking into her hand.  My briefs did nothing to 
quell the heat or dull the sensation of her little hand on me.

Her fingers closed slightly, squeezing gently and I moaned and felt 
my knees bob.  She looked up, surprised at my reaction.  My cock 
twitched in her hand.  "Scully," I whispered, wanting her so much I 
could scream.

"What are we doing, Mulder?" she asked.

I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around her.  Her hand slid off 
my cock and it throbbed.  I missed the sensation.  She tipped her 
chin up and her eyes stared into mine.  I decided to go for broke.
"I want to make love with you, Scully."

"Mulder, we can't!"

"Why not?"

"What do you mean, why not?  You know why not!" she sputtered.

"No, I don't.  Tell me something," I said, trying to sound casual.

"What?" she asked, avoiding my eyes now.

"Were you masturbating when I came to the door?"

"Mulder!  What?  That's none of your business!" she repeated.

I lowered my head and buried my nose in the hair at the side of her 
neck.  I nuzzled her and she shivered.  I found the delicate shell 
of her ear and breathed a hot breath into it.  She squeaked in 
surprise and I smiled inside.  "If you weren't, you would have said
no.  If you were touching yourself looking at pictures of me, how is
that not my business?" I asked, teasing her.

"Because you were never supposed to know!" she cried out, turning 
her head to the side.  She was so embarrassed.  God help me, it only
made me hotter.  She was admitting it if only in a backhanded way.

"Mmm, but I do know.  Do you have any idea how hot that makes 
me, picturing you pleasuring yourself, thinking of me, looking at 
pictures of me, even if they are a younger version of me?  Hmm?"

"No," she said.

I bit gently on her lobe and then worried it with my lips.  She 
moaned and sank against me, her body pressing into mine.  "It 
makes me so hard and hot I want to scream," I whispered right into 
her ear.

"Oh Jesus," she whimpered.

"Make love with me, Scully," I encouraged.

She tried to pull away, but the attempt was feeble.  "I made a 
mistake!"

"No, you didn't."

"Just because we're horny doesn't mean we have to act on it!" she 
tried again to deflect my attention.

"Even if I'm in love with you," I whispered, feeling my insides 
begin to tremble.  Oh shit!  Why had I said that?  If I hadn't 
scared her before, that would do it!  'You moron!' I screamed at 
myself internally.

To my surprise, she lifted her head slowly and stared into my eyes 
again.  "You're in love with me?" she asked softly.

I nodded, feeling stupid, and I looked away.  I couldn't bring 
myself to loosen my arms from around her waist, even though I 
knew that would be the prudent thing to do.

I got the shock of my life when she nearly crawled up my chest.  
Her little feet landed on top of mine as she pressed her hot little 
body against me.  She pulled one leg up and wrapped it around my 
hip, pulling my head down at the same time with a hand on the 
back of my neck.

My mouth fell over hers and she kissed me.  She literally growled 
into my mouth and shoved her tongue inside.  It made me so horny 
I thought I was going to explode.

My hands slid down and cupped her rear end, lifting her against me.
Her legs spread and she wrapped them around my waist.  I turned, 
glancing over her shoulder so I wouldn't bump into anything and 
walked awkwardly into the bedroom.  It wasn't awkward because of 
her weight.  It was awkward because of the jeans that were sliding
down my thighs and the towering erection I was sporting.  It was 
now peeking out of the top of my boxer briefs and pressed tightly
against her hot, little center.

I unceremoniously dropped her on the bed and ripped my shirt off 
over my head.  I hesitated, wondering if she would still like my 
body.  I wasn't 21 years old anymore.  Her eyes lit up and she 
smiled, as she sat up, unbuttoning her pajama top.

I watched intently as she slid it off her shoulders and let it pool 
around her waist.  "Beautiful," I whispered when her breasts came 
into view.

They were milky white, full globes, sitting high on her chest.  Her 
nipples were coral pink and turgid, beckoning to me.  I ripped my 
jeans down my legs and pulled my socks off.  All that was left was 
my boxer briefs.

I stopped and watched her.  She didn't ask what I was waiting for.  
She simply lifted her hips and slid her pajama bottoms down, 
taking her panties with them.  I sucked in a breath at the sight of 
her cinnamon curls.  She was a real redhead.  I'd thought she was, 
however, both of my previous glances she had been wet, once from 
the decontamination shower and once from the pod on the alien 
ship, making it look darker.  Jesus, that made me even hotter for 
some reason.  I'd been expecting brown curls or black even, but 
there they were, rusty and kinky, neatly trimmed away from her 
bikini line, trimmed low and short and pointing to her most private 
asset.

She raised an eyebrow, eyeing my briefs and the bulge inside.  I 
looped my hands into the elastic and pushed them down, letting my 
cock finally spring out into the cool air of the room.  It ached 
and throbbed.

I was fully engorged now and I couldn't ever remember being this 
hard.  Her eyes were riveted on it and I wondered if I would 
survive this.  Jesus, I was so excited I worried about 
embarrassing myself.  I touched myself experimentally and when I 
saw her eyes widen and her tongue come out to lick her lips, I 
stroked myself gently.

Too much stimulation and I could come right here, right now.

XXXXXXXXXX NC-17 PORTION XXXXXXXXXXX

JesusH.Christonacrutch!  He was beautiful.  He was golden, he 
was toned.  He was perfect.  God help me for being superficial but 
he had the most mouth-watering piece of equipment I'd ever seen.

It was huge, long and ridiculously thick.  My breath began to come 
in short little pants as I became more aroused.  It was a dirty 
little secret of mine.  I'd always been a size-hound.  Everyone 
said size didn't matter, that it was just a bonus.  No, it might 
not be more stimulating from a physical point of view, but there 
was no denying that visually and emotionally, it had an effect on
me that average ones didn't.  Not that I'd seen a bunch in my bed.
I had however, seen plenty of dead people and plenty of pictures.  
There was no doubt that Fox Mulder was blessed.

My insides convulsed with want at the mere sight of it and he 
smiled.  He began to stroke himself lightly and I nearly choked at 
this blatant display of his sexuality.  "Come here," I grunted.

He flashed me a lazy, confident smile and I thought I would ignite 
right there on the sheets.  He crawled forward.  He was bulkier and 
little less cut than he was in his youth, but there was nothing 
wrong with his body now.  He was well-toned and in extremely good 
shape.  Frankly, I liked the added bulk.  I'd never liked skinny 
men.  Slender and toned, yes, but not skinny.

He kissed me, his eyes fluttering shut.  Our tongues danced together
for a few minutes.  His hands wandered all over me and he finally 
made his way down between my legs.

I nearly levitated off the bed at the first lick of his talented 
tongue.  I'd never complain about sunflower seed shells again.  His
acrobatic tongue dipped and dove into my creases so quickly, I 
hardly had time to catch my breath.  When his fingers, two of them,
long and thick, slid inside me they curled up, finding my G-spot 
like someone had given him a map.  His tongue landed on my clit, I
exploded in an orgasm that rocked my body on the bed and left me 
chanting, "Oh God, Mulder.  Oh God, Mulder.  Oh God, Mulder."

My brain couldn't come up with anything else to say as I grabbed 
his head and pressed it into my juncture, nearly smothering him as 
I humped against his face.  He didn't seem to mind.

He lifted his face, sliding his fingers out slowly and then he 
sucked each one into his mouth, licking off my juices.  I groaned, 
my eyelids feeling heavy as I watched him.  He kissed up my 
stomach, making it cringe from the sensation and then suckled both
nipples until I was whimpering.  I couldn't believe it but my 
arousal was rising all over again.  He took his weight on his 
elbows and I lifted my legs, spreading them wide and he poked me 
with that gorgeous shaft.

"Do I measure up to your expectations?" he rumbled into my ear.

I smiled.  "More than measure up."

"We'll see," he replied mysteriously.  "Ready?" he asked.

I nodded but then he paused and looked serious.  "Has it been a 
long time, Scully?"

I wasn't sure why he was asking.  Did he want to know if I'd been 
saving myself for him?  I had, but he didn't really need that ego 
boost right now.  "Yes," I replied, knowing I couldn't lie to him.

"I'll go slow then," he said.

I nodded, realizing he didn't want to hurt me with his size.  He 
pressed gently and I felt my labia spread and strain as the lips 
were parted for the first time in years.  The head of his shaft 
popped inside and my muscles curled over the back ridge of his 
glans.

We both moaned softly and he kissed me slowly and tenderly as he 
pulsed his hips, working his enormous shaft up inside me a bit at a 
time.

I was shaking from nervousness, excitement and anticipation.  
When he only had a couple inches to go, he pulled back, nearly 
backing completely out and then snapped his hips, driving himself 
in to the hilt.

I felt his wide head collide with my cervix and push it upwards.  
There was a short dart of pain and I cried out, "Oh GOD!"

The rushing sensation of warmth and tingling arousal that followed 
washed away even the echo of discomfort.  Oh, God, he completely 
filled me.  It felt so fantastic.  I wanted him to use me, fill me
with it over and over.  God, I had never trusted a lover the way I 
trusted Mulder, enough to let go and let him take control of my 
pleasure.  He stroked slowly, only pulling a couple inches back and
forth.  I groaned in frustration.

"What do you want, Scully?  I mean, how do you want it?  Jesus, 
you feel so good."  I felt him tremble against me and it excited me 
to no end.

"I want," I blurted out and then stopped.

He stopped moving, amused and just looked at me.  "Tell me," he 
whispered.  "Don't be embarrassed.  Ask me, tell me," he coaxed.  
"God, I don't want to screw this up."

I could hear the sincerity in his voice and the touch of fear.  I 
could see the same thing echoed in his deep hazel eyes.  I grinned 
and he tilted his head to side as if waiting to be amused.  I'm 
fairly sure I shocked him when I said, "Fuck me hard, make me sore 
with it."

His eyes nearly popped out of his head.  He blinked once and then 
he roared, "Oh Fuck!"

He began to nail me to the mattress, driving hard and deep, rocking 
my body with every stroke.  I reached up and pressed my hands to 
the headboard so his thrusts wouldn't push me up the bed.

This raised my breasts in the air and his head dropped, sucking and 
nipping at my pebble-hard nipples.  I shrieked and let myself go, 
loving the feel of him, digging up deep inside my belly as he laved 
my breasts.  I instinctively knew that although I'd always been a 
lip biter, that wouldn't do with Mulder.  He would want to hear me 
make noise.  I knew it.  The look on his face the first time I let 
go with a low-throated groan of surprise and arousal confirmed it 
for me.


His face lit up with determination.  He wanted to hear it again.  I 
didn't disappoint him.  I didn't need to fake a thing.  His big 
cock impaled me over and over again at a hard, steady pace until I 
was screaming and coming like I'd never come before.

He kept stroking, biting his lip so hard I thought he would break 
the skin.  "Kiss me!" I demanded.

He did, letting go of his abused lip to punch his tongue deep into 
my mouth and tickled the roof of my mouth.

He tunneled into my long unused body again and again until I came a
second time.  I shrieked, "Come with me!"

He groaned and I felt his cock twitch, seeming to swell as he held 
himself dug deeply inside me.  Then he was hollering an 
unintelligible sound as he let loose and sprayed my insides with 
his hot seed.

He shuddered to a stop and collapsed on top of me.  I didn't mind.  
I enjoyed the feeling of his sweaty weight on top of me.  He panted 
but finally got his breathing under control.  He lifted head and we 
stared at each other for a long time, just taking in the other's 
flushed features.

XXXXXXXXXX END OF NC-17 PORTION XXXXXXXXX

"Whew," he breathed out suddenly.

I chuckled.  "Mulder, that was incredible," I whispered.

He smiled.  "I love you, Scully, even if you can never love me," he 
said, looking resigned.

I cupped his cheeks and tilted his face, placing a soft kiss on his 
warm, dry lips.  "I love you too, Mulder," I said.  I kissed his 
nose and cheeks and forehead.  "I'm sorry that it took me so long to
tell you how I feel," I said as I kissed him again.  "I'm especially
sorry that I embarrassed you."

His eyes pooled with wetness and he said, "I was just afraid you 
would be disgusted."

I grinned then.  "You've got to be kidding."

He shook his head, smirking now.

"I have a secret," I whispered.

"What's that?  Wanna share?" he asked.

"I'm not as much of a prude as most people think I am," I said in a 
conversational tone.

He played along.  "Oh really.  Are you telling me that this wasn't 
the first Playgirl magazine you've ever bought?" he teased.

I chuckled again.  "Well, no it wasn't, but besides that, I have a 
tiny fetish."

"Really, do tell, Agent Scully," he drawled.

I blushed but couldn't help it.  I met his amused gaze.  "I like," 
I started.

"What?" he coaxed.

"Well-endowed men," I blurted out.

He grinned from ear to ear.  "I passed the test?" he teased.

"Oh, you more than passed," I admitted.  "However, you can no longer
be a playboy, Agent Mulder," I said in a mock serious voice.

"No?"

"Only for me," I said, punctuating it with a firm nod of my head.

He grinned again.  "Only for you, Scully.  Only for you since the 
day we met," he said.

I felt tears sting my eyelids now and we kissed again.  My curiosity
had turned into a good thing.  It had pushed us across the line I 
didn't think either of us would ever have crossed on our own.  We'd
figure the rest out later.  As long as we stayed together, I knew 
we could get through everything else life had to deal out.

THE END.