Children's Playground Alexandria Virginia Melissa began to rock her swing gently, reaching over and giving her sister a push as she had when they were young. "Hey, I haven't done this for a while have you?" Scully glanced over at her sister and smiled a bit. "No - One of *many* things I haven't done in a while," she said with no small amount of irony. Melissa laughed softly as she wondered why two of the smartest and most intuitive people she knew could actually be so damn dim. Fate was going to have to take a hand because these people needed help. She wondered if her sister's belief in the hopelessness of her situation was a resolute as she claimed. "Dana, I think you should ask for a transfer." Scully brought her swing to a halt, turning to stare at her sister, truly in shock. "What?" she shook her head as though to clear it, "What?" "From what you just got through saying, Mulder is a mess and he's turning you into one. You have to get out now." "What is this Melissa, reverse psychology?" Scully asked with quiet anger. Melissa ignored the challenge and instead responded quietly. "He hurts you Dana. If it's as bad as you say, you can't live like that." Scully fell silent. What Melissa said was true, but she just couldn't imagine her life without Mulder in it. No longer her partner, no longer her friend, never her lover. She wouldn't want to live a life where Mulder was just someone she'd send a Christmas card to once a year. The thought of it was draining on her emotionally and physically. "I don't know that I could ever walk away." She admitted quietly. "I don't know that I could go back and live another way." "Sure you can - you did before you started working with Mulder." "It was different then, I wasn't..." Scully trailed off. She wasn't what? She's been about to say, "involved." However, she wasn't "involved" now. What the hell was she? She closed her eyes a moment. The last rays of the setting sun glinted off Scully's gold cross necklace, catching Melissa's eye. She reached out and gently lifted the tiny symbol of faith to look at it more closely, noticing that it fit entirely on the very tip of her index finger. Melissa remembered something vaguely from her childhood Sunday school days about all that it took for a miracle was faith the size of a mustard seed. Maybe her brilliant sister just didn't get that miracles can be born of the heart too. "You know, it's really amazing that Mulder found this," she said as Dana nodded in agreement. "Mom told me that he'd tried to give it to her but that she made him hold on to it. She thought he'd needed it more." Scully smiled a little wistfully. "That sounds like Mom." Her mother had always been the finder of lost things, the one to bring home the abandoned puppies and the birds with the broken wings. Mulder had been no different and her mother had taken to him immediately. Oddly, Mulder seemed to like her mother and he allowed her familiarities that he didn't allow others. Scully knew that in his heart, he was lonely for the ordinary family life the Scully's shared as much as he shied away from it. "Dana," Melissa interrupted her thoughts as she let the cross fall gently back to its resting spot, "did you know Mulder wore this over his heart when you were gone?" Scully shook her head slowly not sure what to make of the implication of such a seemingly un-Mulder like gesture. "No. I didn't know that. How would you have known that?" "I can tell," she said cryptically. At Dana's look, she continued with a smile, "OK - he also was wearing it when I came to his place to ask him to come to the hospital to see you." Melissa leaned forward to look her sister straight in the eye, serious now. "Dana, Mulder wants you to love him." Scully sighed as she shook her head. "Wearing my cross as a remembrance doesn't mean...." "No," Melissa interrupted firmly. "It wasn't a remembrance - it was faith. He wore it because he knew that he was going to place it back in your hand, because you two had things left to do, things to say to each other." Scully eyes narrowed with obvious impatience at her sister's optimism. "And just how *the hell* would you know all that?" How indeed, Melissa wondered in frustration. She just knew. But she also knew that wasn't the kind of answer that her sister could accept and she had to try to make her understand. "Dana, the first time I met Fox Mulder was in your hospital room. He made damn sure that I knew that he thought my beliefs are trite and that he was going to somehow fix all the problems. He said, 'I need to do more than just wave my hands.' He was obsessed with looking at all the tangibles not the intangibles. Later, we argued about whether or not your life support should be terminated as you'd requested. He couldn't even bring himself to be in the room when your ventilator was turned off. He never said a word to Mom directly, but he looked at me with such a sense of betrayal." Melissa's voice cracked a bit and long-suppressed tears began fall silently in long suppressed guilt over her decision. In shock, Scully reached over and took Melissa's hands in hers. "Missy, I've never felt you or Mom betrayed me - Never. You did as I asked you to. You did nothing wrong, please don't feel you did. Please." Scully pleaded with her sister, "I can't explain why I made it back, but I do know you did nothing to hinder the journey. I believe that in my heart, Melissa. Please don't carry that burden." Melissa held on to her hands tightly and Scully could see Melissa finding her self-forgiveness in the truth in her words. Melissa blinked back and controlled her tears as she raised her eyes. "But Dana, I think I do understand how you made your journey back, that's what I'm trying to tell you. You see, at first I thought Mulder's actions were just a stubborn denial of your wishes, that he was on his own ego-trip that he could somehow fix everything. But I was wrong, it wasn't about him, it was about you. What drove him was a refusal to give up his rather intangible hope that you would love him." She cleared her throat as Scully looked at her with great curiosity. "After your ventilator was turned off and your condition began to deteriorate I went Mulder's apartment to tell him. I found him sitting alone in the dark. He clearly didn't want me there - He seemed to be waiting for someone, I don't know for who or what. Look, I know you don't really believe me when I say things like this, but I sensed a heaviness all around him. He wanted to stay in that dark place because he thought he deserved it somehow. A few days earlier, I'd told him that the people who'd done this to you would suffer an equal horror. He looked me straight in the eye and said, 'including myself?' I thought at the time that that was such a strange thing for him to say." Dana closed her eyes a moment, sighing inwardly. Not so strange at all, she thought. Of course, Mulder would believe her abduction to be his responsibility because she wouldn't have even been involved in the Duane Barry's case had she not been trying to help him. "Melissa, what happened was *not* Mulder's fault," Scully said adamantly. She paused, thinking about all she knew, all she'd seen and shook her head. "God, there are times when I'm not even really sure it was Duane Barry's fault." "Oh Dana, I know that. Mom knows that," Melissa assured her. "But something far more insidious than guilt was holding on to Mulder that night. He even refused to come to the hospital and I finally just left him there in the dark. But whatever it was, he shook it loose and he came for you that night after all." Seeing Dana's look, Melissa paused. "Didn't you know that?" Scully shook her head slightly. She'd had so many crazy remnants of dreams & visions that she didn't know what was real and what wasn't. So much of it had been so frightening. When she first woke up, she would have sworn that he'd been there the night before. She would have sworn that she'd heard his voice, felt his touch, sensed his warmth & strength in the cold of that night. But then again, she would have also have sworn she'd earlier heard Frohike's voice too. She would have sworn that there'd been a nurse Owens who'd looked over her, spoken with her and even kissed her on the forehead. But she been told that there'd been no Nurse Owens and feeling foolish, she hadn't asked Mulder or her family anymore about the voices she'd heard or what she'd seen in her mind. Melissa nodded her head in confirmation. "He was there. I'd gone back to the hospital and found Mom in Dr. Daly's office. He was insisting that she go home, she'd been there for days with no sleep, little food. She refused and went across the hall to the ICU but she was back just a moment later. She said she'd looked in and saw that Mulder was there with you. She said that you'd be safe with him and she let me take her home." Melissa gripped her sister's hand. "Dana, you said earlier that you were scared that Mulder wouldn't allow you to love him. But you're so wrong about that. He wants you to love him Dana. That's why he called you home. That night, Mulder put everything else that drives him aside and reached out across mortality for you when the easy thing would have been to let you go in peace." "Don't you see, he could have lived with a clean, safe, idealized memory of you; One that had none of the risks & messiness that comes with loving a person in real life - none of the hard stuff. But Mulder didn't want the easy way; he wanted the hard way and he wasn't going to let that possibility go without a fight. So even if he hasn't figured out a way to act on it yet, I should think that should tell you all you need to know about the kind of love he's capable of harboring and the risks he's willing to take." Melissa was silent a moment as she watched her sister first absorb and then believe the truth of what she'd been told. She saw Dana's resistance ebb away as the smallest of smiles began to tug at her lips. Then, because it just wasn't in Melissa's nature to go too long without teasing her little sister, she added, "call me silly, Dana, but I think letting some chick take a naked picture really kinda pales in the comparison, don't you?" As Melissa's final words sank in, Scully had to laugh, as she hadn't in months, maybe years. ****************************** Children's Playground Alexandria, Virginia Fox Mulder heard Dana Scully laugh and turned back. Just a few minutes earlier he'd been heading home, cutting across the deserted park. As he'd passed the playground, he'd noticed out the corner of his eye two grown women sitting on the park swings. Their backs were to him and his mind had mildly registered that one had red-hair. Red-hair always sent up a signal to his brain and upon the mandatory second glance, he realized it was Scully. When he looked again at the woman sitting next to her, he recognized Melissa Scully. Mulder stopped in his tracks, leaning back against a tree, thinking that if he were the kind of person who believed in coincidence, he'd be amazed. But oddly enough, he wasn't amazed at all somehow. He stood there by the trees a moment watching them safely from behind and from an anonymous distance. Funny, of all the fantasies he'd ever pictured in his mind about his partner, somehow Scully playing on a swing-set hadn't been among them. Of course, now that he thought about it, this new idea led to some interesting scenarios. He'd started to approach them when something else he saw made him stop up short. He'd been too far away to hear anything of what they'd been saying, but he could tell from their body language they were engaged in some serious conversation. He'd seen Scully take her sister's hand as Melissa's shoulders had shaken a little with the movements of tears. He sighed. Obviously, they were having some sort of sister-moment and Scully was offering Melissa her comfort. He just didn't feel right intruding in on that. It was better to pass on by and hope it wasn't anything serious for Melissa for he knew how much Scully loved her sister. But he also knew the healing powers of Scully's comfort. He'd watched them a few more moments anyway until finally, feeling intrusive and a bit disappointed, he'd started to walk on, unseen, out of the park. He'd made it a short distance when the soft music of Scully's laughter reached him. He turned back, smiling at the sound. Scully's laughter was infectious and it had been a long, long time since he'd really heard it. He just stood for a moment, entranced. Things must be all right after all, he thought. Suddenly, he couldn't resist heading over, after all, it'd been almost 48 hours since he'd seen Scully and that was just too damn long. He moved quickly across the park and approaching with stealth from behind, he crept forward quietly, then leaned forward to place his lips next to Scully's ear. "Wanna push little girl?" he said in his best pervert voice. The sudden voice in her ear made Scully jump clear out of the swing at the same time she realized it was Mulder. She whirled around, startled, glad to see him, and irritated. In other words, the usual. "Mulder! Shit! You scared me to death! What are you doing lurking about children's playgrounds?" Mulder stood before her with his hands on his hips, smiling with smug success at having unsettled her. She tried level him with a glare, but the unexpected sight of him just made her go weak in a way she hated. His ever- present pull on her was even more insistent when he was not in his FBI suit mode. Off-duty Mulder had a boyish charm that made just looking at him hurt with pleasure. He was wearing what she thought of as his black knight outfit, although she'd rather die than admit to anything so chimeric. He wore his familiar long, black wool coat over that black lightweight turtleneck that she loved and which he wore so damn well. The rest of his lean body was poured into her favorite ratty black jeans and boots. Mulder was still a bit thin & just slightly pale from his recent illness, but God, he was so handsome she thought as she just smiled stupidly at him. For his part, Mulder was aware that he was looking Scully with equally deep fondness, but he couldn't help it. It was always a challenge to fluster her and he had to admit he enjoyed it at bit - Almost as much as he enjoyed looking at her as she was right now. He loved Scully's casual side; she always looked freer and relaxed, almost girlish though she'd probably slap him over the head for that one. She wore some wonderfully form-fitting jeans with a simple white sweater. Her hair, so often pulled back at the office, fell loose about her lovely face, calling out to him to put his hands through it. "One might ask the same thing of you, Agent Scully," he said avoiding her question with deliberate casualness. Clearly forgotten by both of them, Melissa suddenly started laughing. This was all too fucking perfect in her book, she thought, and she certainly knew when three was a crowd. Mulder turned to the giggling woman. "Melissa Scully," he greeted her affably. "I always suspected that underneath that calm new age exterior lurked a strange dementia." "Well, you would be the expert in that I guess, huh Mulder?" Melissa retorted good-naturedly as she got up from her swing also and walked towards him where he stood by the bench. Pausing, she took a moment to slowly look Mulder over, head to toe, with a frank appraisal that was completely unnerving to him and he covertly felt to see if his fly was open. She then smiled quite approvingly and nodded. What the hell was that all about, he wondered. "So what are you ladies doing in the park on this fine winter's evening?" he asked again. Melissa answered as she picked up her purse and a bag from the bench. "Lot's of girl talk Mulder. Well, we also went to brunch, missed a movie, ended up in a bookstore where Dana made a *very interesting* purchase," she said as she thrust the paper bag into his hands as her sister looked on in dismay. "Mulder isn't interested in what I bought," Scully said with a poisonous look at Melissa. She would have snatched the sack back but Mulder was a FBI agent - he was trained to notice things like that. Melissa just continued as though Dana hadn't spoken. "And now what I'm doing is going home. I'm cold, tired and bored with the company," she said flippantly, but with a smile to soften the comment. "But ...we had plans," Scully whined slightly as she followed her sister who'd already started to head out of the park, leaving Mulder standing by the bench, confused and quite literally holding the bag. "Plans change baby sister," Melissa said way too sweetly for Scully's comfort. "Melissa, you can't just leave me here - you drove remember?" Scully whispered in a hiss to her retreating sister. Melissa turned and leaned down to kiss her sister's cheek goodbye as she whispered lovingly in her ear, "Fate, little sister, has handed you an opportunity - You can screw it up by leaving with me or you can stay. It's up to you." Scully looked at her sister. "You know I'm staying." "That's my girl. Call me later or I'll have to kill you." Melissa straightened and looked back over Dana's shoulder at the tall man in the long black coat who watched them with undisguised curiosity. "Always a pleasure, Mulder, " she called to him as she turned and headed out of the park. "Ah...bye," Mulder nodded, a little baffled by Melissa's abrupt departure although he was actually pleased she was leaving. He was more than content to have Scully all to himself, although he noticed as Scully turned back to look at him she didn't seem a bit happy to see him. He noted that Scully was staring at the bag in his hand and he could almost feel the tension radiate from her. Gleefully thinking that he had his partner cornered with some possibly embarrassing personal purchase, he turned in for the kill. "So what'd you get here Scully - 50 ways to please with handcuffs?" His smart-ass tone raised Scully's hackles a bit. Yuck it up, FBI Man, she thought as she sat down on the bench, crossed her legs, crossed her arms and stared at him. I'm gonna have the last laugh on this one. "No Mulder, that's your shopping list," she said evenly, deliberately provoking his curiosity. "I'm afraid it's just a used magazine." "What - Last month's Cosmo? Did you forget to do the sex quiz? Trust me, the answer is always D." Scully just tilted her head, giving him implicit permission to open the bag. Mulder turned the bag upside down and the magazine slipped out. It was backwards so he flipped it over. His brow knitted a bit. "And you have the nerve to give me shit about what I read?" he asked as he looked at the sun-kissed surfer on the cover. "I didn't know you liked 'em blond & buff. All this time I was kinda hoping lean and spooky was your type," he said with his best lascivious grin, but only half-kidding in his heart. He noticed his goading didn't appear to phase his partner. In fact, she just smiled at him. Evilly. He's pretty damn good at that innocent look she thought as she realized he was trying to buy some time to con her. "Lean and spooky *is* my type, Mulder. In fact, there's a great example on page 41." Mulder somewhat reluctantly began to thumb though to the right page, not at all sure he wanted to see this. 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, Bingo. His hand froze in mid-page turn. As he stared at himself he felt his mind slip into a coma right there on the spot. He opened his mouth to say something then shut it. For the first time in his life, Fox Mulder was having trouble coming up with the witty remark "This isn't..." he finally started then stopped. What was he going to say - That this isn't what it looks like? What the hell else could it be *except* what looked like? Mulder was clearly rattled and Scully loved it. "You're not gonna tell me that's not you, are you Mulder? I recognize the mole on your right cheek." "Scully, I - I - I...didn't..." Jesus, I'm stammering like an idiot, he thought. Like a liar. "You didn't what Mulder? Willingly pose for it?" Scully said primly as though it was an X-File investigation. "I didn't see any signs of your being tied down. Although, you *have* intimated to me on several occasions that you do like that sort of thing." Mulder looked up to meet Scully's eyes and noted her expression. He'd heard about the cat that swallowed the canary thing and this was the first time he'd ever seen it on Scully. Lord, she was enjoying this. Mulder glanced again at the picture and now that the initial shock had passed, his brain started to function again. Fuck - he'd forgotten all about this. He'd tried to disconnect all his memories of Phoebe and he'd managed to forget this incident. It had been rather easy actually, considering there were so many bigger things to try to forget. Phoebe had taken the photo just as he'd woken up after a long night of the most raucous sex they'd ever had, a night that had started out on the Arthur Conan Doyle memorial and had worked its way across town to Phoebe's ancestral home. They'd exhausted themselves and he'd thought himself in love. More importantly, he'd thought that she was too. She'd said she'd wanted a photo to remember the evening by. He'd laughed and been somewhat secretly pleased that she's wanted a picture of him like that. Then he'd forgotten all about it. Never even knew she'd developed the photo because within a week it had all turned to shit A few days after that night, he'd been on his way to her place to surprise her. Flowers in hand, gift in pocket, heart on sleeve like a total lovesick geek. It might have been a memorable romantic evening if he hadn't found her in bed screwing some other guy so loudly he'd actually heard them through the door before he opened it. He heard her saying to someone else all the exact same things she'd said to him just a few days before. Phoebe hadn't understood why it bothered him, after all, she'd told him, and it wasn't like they were in love with each other. God, he'd wanted to believe that she cared so badly that he hadn't realized for a moment that he was just a diversion for her. A pleasant way to kill some time between classes. Phoebe went into a quiet rage when he told her he couldn't play the game anymore, a move on his part that proved to be a big mistake. He flipped the magazine over and looked at the date. It was just after he'd broken it off with her. So, this was just more of Phoebe's revenge. Certainly as her other little escapades in public humiliation after their break-up indicated, a little thing like a forged release form wouldn't have stopped Phoebe Green. He thought back to a year ago when she'd told him that enough time had passed and that he should forgive her "youthful indiscretions." Oh silly me, he thought derisively, all this time, I just thought she'd screwed around behind my back and then proceeded to screw with my head. She was probably talking about this too. Mulder sank down dejectedly on the bench next to Scully. Slowly, he closed the magazine and slid it back into the bag then dropped it on seat next to him. Crossing his arms, he stared out over the bay as long-buried resentment began to churn. Somehow, this newly discovered betrayal, although long since perpetrated, cut Mulder deep for it was just plain petty & mean, beneath even what he'd even thought Phoebe capable of. Like I needed this today, he thought, Scully's probably thinking that I sent this in - I can only imagine what else may be going on in her head. What Scully was thinking was that Mulder's reaction was not exactly what she'd anticipated. What she'd expected a certain amount of embarrassed chagrin at having been caught being young and silly once. However, it was obvious she'd turned over a different rock and Scully saw was that there something darker at work here behind Mulder's closed expression. She knew that expression well; it was the one he got when he felt a situation had slipped out of his control. God, he really wasn't feigning his surprise, she realized. He clearly hadn't even known the picture was in there. How could that be? "Mulder?" she asked. If her heard her, he didn't acknowledge it so she tried again. "Mulder, you didn't know that photo was in here?" More silence, but after a bit Mulder just shook his head, still looking off into the distance. "Phoebe took the picture right?" He nodded this time. Scully looked at his profile, reading his emotions, usually an easy job because his face was so very expressive. Mulder wasn't embarrassed - he was angry. The thought that he might be angry with her distressed her. "Mulder, I'm sorry." She tried to make amends. "I didn't mean to upset you. The picture..." "It's not the picture," he said suddenly, sharply. "I'm sorry," she began again. "Stop apologizing, Scully. It's not you - it's not the picture." "What then? What's bothering you?" She saw Mulder hesitate before answering her. "It's the *intent* behind the picture," he finally said. "I don't understand." Mulder signed deeply, he could tell that Scully wasn't going to leave this alone and that somehow not talking about it would turn into a bigger deal than talking about it. With her sharp mind, she'd already figured out the Phoebe Green connection. He shook his head ruefully, every once in a while, he wished that Dana Scully was just a little more stupid. Of course, she didn't understand. How could she? He'd done his best to shut Scully out on the subject of Phoebe Green and kept them separated a year ago as best he could while he'd tried to sort out his own damn feelings on the whole matter. Seeing Phoebe again had thrown him completely off balance as he sought to understand just what it was he was feeling about the whole thing. What kept coming back to him was the fact that what he felt for the so-called love of his life paled in comparison to what he felt for his partner of just a few short months. The truth had wholly solidified when he'd kissed Phoebe. Much to his amazement, he'd felt nothing except that he really wished it had been Scully instead. In the past, Phoebe had always held a great physical and sexual power over him and yet, he'd felt more desire when Scully just touched him *accidentally*. Later, when he'd once again found Phoebe in the arms of someone else, he'd not felt even the slightest pang of jealously, just disgust. Not at Phoebe, but at himself and all the time he'd wasted on her. Not that he'd ever told any of this to Scully, of course. He knew she'd seen him kiss Phoebe and he'd never offered her an explanation because it would have forced him into territory that he just wasn't prepared to enter. He knew his rather schizo behavior while he was busy screwing around coming to his now-obvious conclusion would have given Scully little reason to think anything other than he was easily lead about by his nose, or rather, his dick as far a Phoebe was concerned. He glanced over at Scully for the first time; she was sitting there patiently, waiting for her answer, her eyes concerned and with that look that always melted him down. He'd seen that look before concerning Phoebe. Scully had been there too after his disgrace at the hotel fire. She'd taken over from the Paramedics, taken him to his room, undressed him and put him to bed almost like a mother would a child. She was still there when he awoke just a bit later, her eyes gently concerned. He'd felt like such a failure that he could hardly meet her gaze. But at the same time, he'd realized that he *felt safe*. Not physically safe, but rather, he'd felt that it was OK that she'd seen him be powerless, seen him be vulnerable. He knew that it would never even occur to her to view his weakness as something she could use and exploit. When she'd asked what happened to him, he'd felt comfortable letting her see his anger & disappointment at himself because he felt safe with Scully, emotionally sheltered. She'd certainly more than earned the right to a few answers now. "I'm sure you noticed Phoebe's rather bizarre sense of humor when she was here last year," he said to her. "I remember that she thought I was rather odd because I didn't think the bomb scare joke was funny." Mulder nodded, remembering his partner's first introduction to Phoebe. "Well, this," he waved his hand in the direction of the bag, "is more Phoebe's sense of humor. What you have here is just photographic evidence of just one of the more pathetic misjudgments I've made in my life." "How do you mean?" Mulder slumped back, crossing his arms. He tilted his head back to rest it on the back of the bench and closed his eyes. He really didn't want to wander down memory lane but there was no way off this path without shutting Scully out and he didn't want to do that either. He had things to tell her and he might as well start with this. "Back at Oxford, you see, I was taking my relationship with Phoebe way too seriously. I didn't know that what I thought was love, was really just a rich girl's folly and a way to amuse herself. I hadn't realized I was just one of many players in the game and when I finally discovered that I was sharing the woman I thought I was in love with several others, I backed away. "Well, apparently nobody broke it off with Phoebe Green before she was goddamn good and ready. She couldn't believe my impertinence and wasn't about to take that kind of crap from a provincial dweeb such as myself. So, I guess she decided that I needed to be punished for my boorish behavior." "What happened, Mulder?" Scully asked gently, afraid he would stop talking. "Nothing dramatic really, it was mostly a whispering campaign of sorts. Some based on truth, some not." Mulder stretched his legs out and looked at his boots as he remembered the weeks that followed the break-up when Phoebe's misinformation campaign was in full swing on the Oxford grounds before he continued. "She shared things around school that I'd told her in confidence. I hadn't recovered my memory of Samantha yet, but I still had the nightmares. Phoebe knew about them." He glanced briefly over at her. "Let's just say that Quantico wasn't the first place I heard the name, 'Spooky'." Scully watched as Mulder looked back away and wrapped his heavy coat more securely around himself as though suddenly chilled as he sat up straighter on the bench. When he continued his voice was softer. "I found out that she'd amused some of her friends at a party by reading my letters to her aloud," he said. "All had quite the laugh at my sentiments, I understand. Certainly along the way, the break-up had become her idea because I was boring, a lousy lay and an American hick. Finally, after a few months of hearing whispers as I walked down a corridor or having conversation stop when I entered a room, I guess she finally lost interest and moved on. My guess is that this photo was just Phoebe's way of screwing with me back at home too, she was nothing if not through." Mulder shrugged slightly as he bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together. "Like I said, it was just little stuff." Little stuff? Scully thought incredulously as she looked at his back. Jesus Christ, what were the big things if betrayal of trust, confidences and public ridicule were the little things? Scully leaned forward a bit and looked at Mulder's profile, taking in his strong features. She didn't see the anger there any more, only a kind of resignation. She suspected there was more to the story, but didn't ask. Even Mulder had his pride and she'd leave him that. She finally had her answer about Phoebe and Mulder, but it wasn't the answer she'd been so sure of. It hadn't been love for Mulder that made Phoebe publish the photo - it'd been malice. To strike back at him, Phoebe had taken private, emotional trusting moments away from Mulder and made them public, made fun, demeaned them and therefore Mulder's feelings. He'd loved her and she threw that gift away. Damn that fucking bitch to everlasting hell, she thought, her mother-bear anger nearly paralyzing her. But damn me too, she thought. Loving someone who didn't love you back was the worst feeling in the world and she'd just brought the memory all back to Mulder. If I hadn't been so eager to rub it in his face in it, he wouldn't have to think about it all again - he would never have known of this additional hurt. All because I'd been angry with Mulder for daring to love another woman. She sighed inwardly. God, it's like I somehow expected him to be faithful to me years before we'd even met. Where the hell do I ever get the nerve to accuse Mulder of being irrational? Suddenly she heard bitter, mirthless laugh from him. "What Mulder?" she asked. "I was just thinking," Mulder paused, knowing that he was walking out on an emotional minefield. "That all those years ago Phoebe's intention was to expose me, no pun intended, as a fool in front of my friends - only she didn't know." "Didn't know what Mulder?" "She didn't know that I didn't *have* any friends to be embarrassed in front of." He paused again, "But Scully, there's a beautiful irony here that Phoebe would have loved." "What would that be?" "That her little jest lay about completely unappreciated for 10 years," Mulder turned back to look at her again, catching her steady gaze and holding it, "until you, *the only friend I have in the entire fucking world*, finally laid eyes on it." His laugh was embittered as he looked back down at his feet. "Coincidence, Scully? I think not." Scully's heart was actually deeply touched at his words, "the only friend I have in the entire fucking world." OK, she thought, so it wasn't Robert Browning, but it was still beautiful Mulder-poetry to her ears. She reached over and took Mulder's hand, intertwining their fingers as she ran her thumb gently over his smooth skin. For a moment Mulder looked at her small hand enclosed in his, amazed at the tender feeling in his gut just the touch of her fingers brought. Then he raised eyes back to hers to see that she was smiling gently at him, that in fact, there was something very seductive in her eyes as they searched his. The bitterness left and his demeanor softened. God, why couldn't it have been her 10 years ago, he thought, all that wasted time "Well, at least it was seen by a friend who could appreciate its beauty," Scully said to him lightly, very softly, as she leaned against him. To both her amazement and delight, she saw Mulder's face flush just a tad as he smiled in self-conscious pleasure at her remark. "Well at least I provided you with some entertainment," he said easily squeezing her hand, loving the feel. "So," his tone teasing, "can I expect the e-mail system of the FBI to be running amok with this little gem come Monday morning?" Scully laughed and playfully bumped her shoulder up against his. "What - and make all the other male agents suffer from the comparison? Good God Mulder, that could completely devastate FBI office morale." Mulder laughed with genuine humor this time, Scully could always make him laugh. "Thank you, but you have to remember that picture is way old. The contents of the package have settled somewhat during shipment so to speak," he said back to her. "I don't know Mulder, from what I've seen very recently, I bet I could still bounce a dime off your butt." He searched her eyes, remembered her earlier remark about preferring lean and spooky. God wouldn't that be something if that were true, he thought. Actually, the way things were going here, it was beginning to look as though it just might be true. As their light banter faded, Scully continued, "Mulder, about the magazine - I'm so sorry that it brought back such an awful time. I.." Mulder cut off her apology with a wave of his free hand, "It doesn't matter, Scully." "Bullshit, Mulder, it matters to me," Scully interjected sharply. "Everything you think or feel matters to me. Everything that hurts you matters to me." She paused, as her voice became insistent. "God, Mulder don't you know that by now?" Mulder swallowed hard as her words got inside him. He mattered to Dana Scully. Something was happening here on this park bench and he realized that they each were dancing about the feelings. It wasn't happening as he'd planned, but then again, when the hell had any of his life worked out the way he planned. But he also realized that Scully might think that he was feeling bad over Phoebe Green not loving him. Mulder almost laughed out loud at the travesty of that idea. You fucking coward, he berated himself, are you gonna fix this or are you gonna sit here on your ass until sooner or later you do finally manage to get yourself killed and you never get to tell her. He opted for fixing it even though he was terrified. "I know, Scully." He nodded as he looked back at her and tightened his grip on her hand. "I *do know* that. I just meant, it doesn't matter because I realized way last year how twisted it was with Phoebe." Mulder leaned towards Scully shaking his head, "Phoebe and I were never friends; it was never once in all the time we were together like...Like how you and I are. I just meant it doesn't matter, because when Phoebe Green blew into town last year, I finally realized that she doesn't know shit about love and never has. But what I *really* learned was that the reason I hadn't figured that out earlier was because I really didn't have a clue either, I'd had so little to compare it too. And then..." he looked away briefly. "And then what Mulder?" Scully asked, daring to hope. Mulder looked back and fixed her with his intense gaze. "And then, Scully, you came into my basement office two years ago and I learned all about love, all about friendship. I finally got it all straight in my head and I learned that you're the only woman I've ever truly been in love with." The unexpected honesty of Mulder's words had the effect of silencing Scully as the emotions flooded her. She looked down at her hands, took a deep breath to slow her heart, and tried to get her mind to speak the words she wanted to tell him. In ensuing stillness, Mulder realized that the part where Scully was supposed to throw herself in his arms hadn't happened. He became acutely aware of the fact that he'd said way too much and that it was time to go home and desperately pretend on Monday that none of this conversation ever happened. He slowly released his grip on Scully's hand, picked up the bag up off the bench and held it out to her as he stood to go. "I guess this belongs to you." Oh God, she thought in a panic, say something you idiot, he's running. Mulder had confessed a lot for him; she couldn't let him think he was out on that limb alone. "No, Mulder" she said suddenly, stopping him as she shook her head. "It doesn't belong to me at all - It belongs to Phoebe." She raised her eyes to the troubled hazel of his gaze, taking in every aspect of his exquisite, masculine face, hoping he was seeing everything she'd done her best to keep as hidden for two years. She tried with little success to keep her voice from shaking as she took the bag from him. "This was intended to hurt the only man in this entire fucking world that I've ever loved. I want no part of it." Suddenly she stood and walked quickly past Mulder, who was now the one frozen in place, to a nearby trash can where she took a moment to bury the bag deep within before turning back to face him. It was dark now with only the park lamps giving off a warm glow, but she could still his eyes, she could see that he was listening so intensely that he surely must be able to hear her heart beat from where he was standing. "Mulder, when Phoebe was here a year ago, I saw you kiss her when you danced and...and I wished back then that it had been me instead of her. Then today, when I saw how you looked at her in that photo, I wanted it to be me that you looked at like that all those years ago. Not her - me. I know it's not rational, Mulder - I know that. But it's what I felt because I love you. I wished it had been me from the beginning." Mulder thought his heart just might crack open as her words seeped inside. Jesus Christ - Dana Scully just told him that she loved him. Twice. How the hell had that happened? Unable to find anything lucid to say back at the moment, he simply reached his hand out towards her and called her name softly, beckoning her to come to him. In two steps, she took his hand and was pulled into his arms and up against him. Mulder held her as close to him as he could and still allow her to breathe. Just held her and felt her arms encircle his back as she laid her head against his chest, feeling the length of his body pressed to hers. "I wish it had been you too, Scully, " he told her softly, "you don't know how much." He felt a surge of energy flow through him and like a bad music video, he picked her up off her feet as he experienced the totally foreign feeling of elation. Scully gave a bright laugh and wrapped her legs around him Wow, this unfamiliar love-thing was making him dizzy, he thought as he took a couple steps backwards and sat down in one of the swings holding Scully facing him on his lap, her legs dangling behind him. Scully wound one arm around his neck as her other rested gently against his chest. She had the slight advantage on him, for if he moved his arms from around her waist, she'd slide off his lap. He was trapped and he loved it. Scully realized why he'd placed her on his lap - she could look directly into his eyes as Mulder silently spoke his full heart to her. His gaze to her was warm and full of solemn honesty. He gave her the picture that she wanted, the one that would live in her own heart and obliterated all others from her mind for this picture was based on knowledge and truth and it was only hers. "Scully?" "What Mulder?" "I love you." "Oh thank God, because I love you too Mulder." OK, he thought - It was out there now. They'd each really said it, there was no taking it back, and a kind of shy nervousness came over the two. Mulder gave the smallest of smiles as he saw Scully slowly moisten her lips as though in anticipation of something delicious. Oh God, Scully's going to kiss me, he thought stupidly as she caressed his cheek & jaw lightly with her fingers and then nuzzled in against his neck before she drew back just a bit and looked at him. He could feel her warm breath and he closed his eyes just as she slowly touched her lips softly to his in a gentle first kiss. Mulder simply allowed the tender caress to happen, savoring the sweet moment and the chill that shot though the pit of his stomach, before moving to return it. Scully sucked gently on his full bottom lip and as he moved forward into the fragile kiss, he felt her bottom lip move to brush against his upper one, tugging at it slightly to slide the tip of her tongue just inside the curve of his lip. Taking a slow breath, Mulder gently drew her tongue within his mouth, caressing it with his own before letting it retreat back. He followed into her mouth with his own tongue, tasting her heated sweetness. Scully moved to accommodate his caress, to open more to him, bring him deeper. By unspoken mutual consent, the kiss moved on to a harder, more desperate edge, going on endlessly and deeper with years of longing and craving behind it. Finally, Mulder had to come up for air. As he nuzzled his head into the curve of her neck, he was quiet a moment as his breathing evened out and he realized that Scully had slipped her small shaking hand over his heart during the best kiss he'd ever been given. This alone was way more than he ever believed he could have, he thought and yet he knew there was more awaiting them. He could hardly understand the extreme fortune given to him at this point of his life. Scully sighed a warm, satisfied sound as she felt him place a trailing row of kisses over her collarbone and into the hollow of her throat. Then she heard his soft voice. "How the hell can you love me Scully? I'm such a fucking mess," he asked even as he took immense pleasure in the soft noises she made low in her throat at his touch. "Are you sure it's not just pity?" "Oh, Mulder," she breathed softly into his ear, feeling the shiver run thorough his body she pulled even closer against him. Mulder's tone was deliberately light, but Scully realized his question was deadly serious. She drew back slightly to look him in the eyes and smiled as she trailed her fingers through his soft hair. He's ever the truth seeker, she thought with deep affection; I can't start lying to him now. She realized that she needed to share a secret truth with him; the one men didn't know about, didn't suspect in most cases. She touched his face, running her fingers over the beautiful planes, feeling his lips graze her fingertips as she did so, saw him smile slightly when he felt her own matching tremble, even as he held her gaze and waited patiently for his answer. "Mulder, there's some pity in *every* woman's love," she told him gently but firmly as she continued to sooth her fingers along his strong jaw line. "I mean, what kind of person would I be if I knew of what hurt you and *felt nothing*? I'd be no different than those who seek to do you harm." Now Mulder, like most men, had obviously been unaware of this universal truth of women and she saw the confusion knit his brow for a moment as he pondered this news. "All women?" he questioned finally. Scully just arched her own brow and nodded to him in affirmation. She could almost see concept click into place in his mind where it was turned over and examined closely for defect until, finally, his male-ego deemed it acceptable. His Mulder-humor returned, and he leaned in next to her ear again. "So what you're saying is that you love me *because* I'm a mess?" Scully laughed gently with him as he laid his head down against her chest and tightened his arms around her. "It's not the only reason, no," she told him. The anticipation of the touch of his lips and body nagged at her, but she had to make him understand and believe her. "Mulder, you're more than I've ever hoped for, you've shown me so much, you've helped make to me more than I ever thought I could be. I've wanted you for so long that just looking at you hurt." Scully caressed the rough stubble on his cheek and the smoothness of his brow as she raised his face to look into hers. "I take such pride in you, Mulder, in your honor. I've trusted in and felt protected by your courage. There isn't a human being alive that I respect more because I know of the prices you've paid for your refusal to compromise your integrity." "But you were almost one of those prices, Scully. Following me on this search for answers might get you killed someday. I don't know if...." She interrupted him by touching her fingers to his lips and shaking her head with affectionate impatience. "I don't follow you, Mulder, I walk beside you. I have my own stake in this journey now - you know that." She watched as he sighed and nodded his acknowledgement of that truth, his expression sad. Scully smiled a little and looked in his soft hazel eyes, amazed as always at how expressive they were and how they seemed to change colors with his emotions. "Mulder, I love you. We will find out what happened to your sister. We will find the truth of what happened to me. We're going to outrun, outsmart and outlive those who would stop us. I promise you all that Mulder - You can believe it." Mulder closed his eyes and turned his head away against the force of the first honest words of love he'd ever heard as he gripped her tightly against him. He lowered his face back against her neck because if he knew if he looked at her, he was going to totally lose it and start crying and he didn't want to do that right now. Later maybe, but right now, if he didn't kiss her again he was going to implode right there on the swings in the park. But as he moved to lay claim to her lips again apparently Scully had one more thing to say first. "And Mulder...?" "What?" "Just one more thing," she said as she ran her fingers through his hair, still totally amazed that she could now touch him freely and all she wanted. "If Phoebe Greene ever shows up in his town again, I'm gonna drive a stake right through where her heart should have been. She'll become an X-File, Mulder, and I'll get to do the autopsy. I'll teach that bitch to mess with my man's head." Surprised at Scully's vehement words, Mulder looked back up at her as she slowly nodded her seriousness to him. He then began to laugh, a genuine laugh, the kind she'd rarely heard from him. "You're my hero, Scully," he told her honestly. "Damn right and you're mine." As Scully gazed down at him, his laughter faded into that charming, roguish grin that he always used so well to his advantage. The one that almost always got him what he wanted. What?" she asked suspiciously. "What is it, Mulder?" He began to lay kisses along the length of her throat, which he'd already discovered was something she really liked. Her head fell back with the simple luxury of his touch and to offer him more of her skin to work with. "I was just thinking," he said as he worked, "that this day started out with me waking up alone, eating cold ravioli and drinking shitty coffee. It's going to end with me getting to make love to you." Mulder suddenly stopped his trail of teasing kisses, leaving her hanging and looked up at her with his best wicked grin, the light dancing in his hazel green eyes. "I *am* gonna get to make love to you aren't I?" She leaned forward and kissed the sensitive skin just behind and below his ear, discovering that she'd found one of his spots too as he shivered a bit. "Actually, Mulder," she whispered, her breath warm on his skin. "I'd like you fuck me until my ears bleed." She was rewarded with a deep growl of impatience from his throat. "Ooooooo, Scully," he intoned, "that sounds like another X-File." Sliding his arms up her back and cradling her closely against him, he slid out of the swing and then gently lowered her slowly back into the soft white sand. Mulder indulged himself by smoothing back that always-errant strand of red hair off her forehead and tucking it behind her ear, mirroring a gesture he'd seen her do a hundred times and had always longed to do himself. And now he had, he thought and he couldn't believe that something so simple actually gave him a physical pleasure. Jesus, he wondered briefly, this just may kill me. For just a moment, he lingered, just looking at her as he thought that this was all just going too damn well and an irrational fear that a plane would drop out of sky and crush then both ran through his mind. Finally, Mulder took his last breath as a free man, leaned down and kissed Scully urgently, feeling a strength and satisfaction at the pleasured noise she made. He felt her hands move through his hair, pulling at him clearly wanting more and he searched the recesses of her lips and then deep into her mouth with his tongue. His aloneness was vanquished and craving her touch, he couldn't get close enough to her as he moved against her with a reckless edge and an overwhelming need to possess. Mulder's kiss was everything Scully had imagined, long slow deep alternated with light tickling touching; almost making her giggle in playfulness and then back to serious depth. God, she loved to be right, she thought with deep satisfaction, and nothing in her life had ever felt as right as this moment. He moved relentlessly, keeping her breathless, his own breath warm and sweet as he lifted his lips only long enough long enough to move into another position, to trail over her jaw line and under her ear and then back to her lips, pressing her deeper into the soft sand. Mulder moved over her, entangling his long legs with hers as his long black coat fell over them like a blanket against the chill of the night. He braced himself over her as he cradled the back of her head gently in one large hand, his fingers entwined in her hair, holding on. Scully's hands were against his back, stroking and caressing as she responded up to his kiss. His slid his free hand under her sweater to pull the T-shirt she was wearing underneath from out of her jeans. Succeeding in that, he then slipped his hand up under the soft cotton, but as his chilled fingers encountered the deep warmth of her belly, Scully gave an involuntary, gasping, "eeek". Mulder, who'd broken from her kiss at the sound, realized what had happened. "Opps, sorry" he said, laughing just a bit nervously, "that wasn't quite the reaction I was going for." He started to remove his hand, but Scully stopped him, catching his fingers with her own. "It will warm up faster if you keep it where it is Mulder," she said softly. She moved his hand back up to her breast, slipping it inside the sheer cotton bra and holding it in place with her hand covering his. It indeed warmed up incredibly fast as he molded his hand over the softness and felt the nipple harden in response to his touch. "See?" "Don't know, Scully, I think the cold did it some good." He caught her eye and she nodded in mutual amusement. He bent down in for another breath depleting kiss, as she dimly thought just how perfectly his hand fit her entire breast. Oh Jesus, this was going to be fun, she thought. "I knew Mulder," she said when he'd lifted his lips a moment. "Knew what, Scully?" Mulder said absently, concentrating on sucking on her earlobe. "Knew that you'd be so damn good at this." Mulder lifted his head to look into her eyes and granted her the rare smile, the one that only came when he was deeply, genuinely happy. She could count on one hand the number of times she'd seen it before today. "Trust me, it helps to have found the right partner," he told her. Scully smiled as reached down to spread her hand over the heated and expanding center of his jeans. She heard the ragged intake of his breath as she cupped and massaged the rapidly hardening mass through the rough material, spreading her fingers and moving in a soothing rhythm. Seeing his eyes close in pleasured concentration, she popped the top button and hurriedly tried to find the tag of his zipper as he dipped his head into the curtain of hair at her neck while he made a thrumming noise of deep satisfaction. She had just succeeded in slipping her hand inside the waistband of his jeans when Scully suddenly felt Mulder's entire body tense in a way that had nothing to do with what her fingers were doing. His warm lips suddenly left her neck, leaving a shock of cold air. What? Scully opened her eyes and saw Mulder looking above her head. "Ah, good evening, Officer," she heard him say. She tilted her own head back as best she could and saw one of Alexandria's finest standing over them. Even with her upside down view of things she could see the stern older face that had caused Mulder's hand go dead still on her breast. In her urgency, Scully had almost completely forgotten that they were in a public park, as had Mulder apparently. She bit her lip to keep from laughing, as she slowly extracted her hand from inside Mulder's underwear. "You know folks," the cop offered dryly, "the city of Alexandria has *many* fine hotels." "Ah, yes sir." Mulder paused a moment, then glanced briefly back down at Scully then back at the cop as he gingerly removed his own hand from under her sweater. "Would you happen to know where the closest one is and does it take American Express?" Scully hid her face in Mulder's neck, but to her relief the cop, apparently having been young and in love himself once, laughed. "Let's just move it along folks - OK?" was all he said and then moved on himself. "Ah yes Sir. Thank you." Mulder turned his head to watch the cop walk away a moment then looked back at Scully. When their eyes met the laugher started. "It doesn't look like there's going to be any ear bleeding in the park, Scully," he said as he slowly rose off Scully and up to his feet. She felt a rush of cold replace his warmth and she already felt deprived. As Mulder reached for her hand, he noticed her shiver and as he pulled her to her feet, he took her back into the shelter of his arms, wrapping his coat around the two of them and resting his chin on the top of her head. "Thank God for long coats" Scully sighed, snuggling back against him. "Yes," Mulder said wryly. "It may also help to keep me from being arrested." Scully laughed softly as she pressed against him. "Yes, I noticed. I may be able to help you with that too." "I was kind of hoping you'd volunteer." Mulder looked down at her and kissed her again. When he released her, he brought his hands up to trail down the sides of her face to hold her. As he looked down, she saw a confused emotion pass through his eyes. She tightened her grip around his waist, "What Mulder, what is it?" "I guess, I just can't get used to the fact that I can touch you because I want to, because *I feel like it*," he said in wonder. "I don't have to stop myself. You have no idea how many times I had to stop myself." Scully smiled up at him. "Of course I do Mulder, it was probably as often as I had to stop myself." "Yeah?" he grinned back at her. "Oh Yeah." Mulder dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Scully, where should we go since groping you up in the park isn't going to work out? One of Alexandria's fine hotels or your place?" "Let's just to your place, Mulder, it's closer." Mulder was a bit dismayed. He'd imagined making love to Scully in virtually every imaginable place; her bed, his couch, the office desk, the shower, the middle of her cream colored carpet in her living room. Hell, even that rainy graveyard in Oregon seemed like a good idea. But when faced with the reality of quite literally taking Scully home, he felt a reluctance because he didn't feel like it *was* home. "We can go somewhere nicer," he offered. "I want to go to your place." "We can go to your place or a really nice hotel instead." "Mulder - I want to go to your place," she just insisted again. "But why?" "Because it's where you live, Mulder and I want you to let me in where you live." "But..." he paused as he thought about what she said, knowing she wasn't talking about the physical apartment. "Are you sure, Scully?" "Of course, I'm sure Mulder," she answered firmly as though he were a silly child asking a stupid question. Mulder took her hand in his. If she wanted to, they'd go to his place, where maybe it just might feel like home for once. He had the feeling that anywhere with Scully would feel like home. "Where's your car?" he asked. Now Scully was the one who paused. "Melissa drove." His eyebrows lifted. "She just left you here?" "Well, we walked a long time today and just ended up here. I was thinking about things I had to tell you and I guess Melissa thought that today was as good a time as any." Mulder nodded, Melissa just might be smarter than he and Scully put together, he thought. "We can just take your car Mulder." It was his turn to smile. "I walked here too." "From your place? Mulder, you shouldn't have pushed yourself like that," Scully's physician mode temporarily taking over. "Trust me Scully, I've never felt better in my life," he smiled a bit lasciviously at her. After a moments pause, he continued. "I felt like walking. I was thinking about some things I had to tell you and I ended up here." They looked at each other and simultaneously both shook their head and laughed. "What are the odds of us finding a cab?" she asked. "It's a Sunday night in February with a storm coming in and considering the way things usually run for us, I'd say not good." "It's just always going to be an uphill battle for us isn't it Mulder?" "Looks that way. Come on, we've got some walking to do." ****************************** Mulder's Apartment Alexandria Virginia By the time, they'd reached his apartment building a slight tension had built between them. They'd not talked much and they'd both gone inside their heads and were thinking too damn much, Scully realized, but unsure how to make it better. In his hallway, Mulder dug his keys out of his pocket and promptly dropped them though whether from cold or nervousness, he wasn't sure. They both bent down for them with Scully capturing them first. Silently she stood back up and extended her hand palm up with the keys in them. As Mulder scooped the keys up, his fingertips grazed across her palm and just that small touch made her shiver. Mulder saw it and grinned. He bent to capture her mouth with hers in a deep, sweet kiss, backing her up against the unopened door. He knew he could probably unlock the door better if he could take his eyes off her and look at what he was doing, but he just couldn't be bothered with that for a moment. Scully heard someone clearing their throat too loudly and she looked over Mulder's shoulder to see one of his neighbors, a very wide, older woman she didn't recognize. She'd gotten off the elevator with her groceries and was now staring at them in nasty disapproval as they were blocking the narrow hallway with their public display of affection. Mulder leaned in hard against Scully to allow the biddy to pass. She pushed past them making sure that they heard her very loud, obnoxious "tsk" of censure as she did so and the small devil that lurked in Scully's heart got loose. "Sir, I *did* tell you that it was an extra $50 if you want to keep my panties too, didn't I?" she asked Mulder loudly. She was rewarded with a slight gasp just before the old bat's door shut down the hall and she looked back up to meet Mulder's eyes concerned for just a second that he might be ticked. After all, he did have to live here. But he was smiling in amusement as she'd actually suspected he would be. "God, I love you," he whispered in her ear. With one arm holding her close, he managed to finally get the door opened with the other, and pulled her quickly inside, slammed it shut, threw the deadbolt and dropped the keys on the floor. The momentary uncomfortable tension was completely gone and just delicious anticipation remained. Taking her hands, and walking backwards in the darkness he pulled her towards the bedroom and she followed. Once inside, he let go long enough to turn on the small light on the nightstand. Scully had never really more than glanced in the usually dark room and as the soft glow from the light illuminated them, she vaguely noted that he had a large bed with large pillows and not much else besides the nightstand and a dresser by the window. She should probably take a moment to really look around, but she only wanted to look at Mulder who stood by the bed gazing at her with sweet expectation. She approached him in two steps, stretched up to kiss him as he bent to meet her half way. Holding onto the lapels of his long coat, she pushed it up and off his shoulders, forcing him to let go of her long enough for her to drop in a heap on the floor, which she then pushed over to the wall with her foot. Backing him up a step, she decided to go for the shoes next. With one small push from her, he was sitting on the edge of the bed as she knelt between his legs. She felt his hand smooth through her hair as she untied the boots and pulled them off. Each made a clunk against the wall as she tossed them blindly over her shoulder, followed next by the socks. Now she looked up at him and he met her gaze, saw her deep affection for him. She cupped her hands over his knees and raised herself to a kneeling position, running her hand slowly up his thighs as she did so. She leaned forward, lifted his sweater and placed a soft wet kiss on his belly, wrapping her arms around his waist and feeling the hardness of his erection through his jeans against her breasts. She rocked slightly against him, easing back and forth, as she placed other wet kisses about his navel and followed the trail of downy hair below. With a deep sigh, Mulder lay back on the bed, his hands outstretched on either side grasping at the bedclothes. Scully decided to tease him a bit by placing her hand over his jeans- encased hardness and alternating between ticking and deep massage. She traced the contours straining against the fabric, repeatedly as she worked her kisses down from his navel after dipping her tongue deep in its hollow. She finally gave him some relief by popping the top snap of his jeans and rolling the zipper down. Reaching up, she grasped the waistband of his jeans and tugged. They didn't move; Mulder had gone dead weight on her. Scully smiled a bit. "Gonna need a little cooperation here Mulder," she requested. Mulder returned from where ever he was just long enough to raise his hips just enough for her to slide the pants and underwear off in one smooth motion where they too were tossed over her shoulder to join the rest of the heap against the wall. He thought absently that was a particularly smooth move on her part, but then he felt her warm, wet mouth close over him and he lost all sense of logical thought from there. Mulder's head snapped back up. Oh sweet Jesus, he thought, struggling to maintain control as he also struggled to raise himself back on his elbows so he could watch the incredible sight of Scully giving him a blow job. He watched her tousled red-hair move, and felt her deep warmth not only on his cock, but also in his gut. The reality of the moment hit him after having fantasized it for so long. Jesus, it's Scully, he thought. *His Scully*, his mind corrected possessively. God, how had he lived without her touch like this, he wondered dazedly in the few brief seconds Scully backed off to give him a break, keeping him from going over the edge just yet. Feeling his eyes on her, Scully looked slowly up the length of Mulder's body, still clad in black turtleneck, his chest rising and falling rapidly with short breaths, a slight sheen breaking out on his face. She finally met up with Mulder's gaze; his eyes half-closed in satisfied bliss. He blinked slowly as he took a deep breath and smiled intimately at her. In that moment, Scully realized that besides the obvious bodily pleasure she was bestowing upon him, Mulder was also gaining a more extraneous enjoyment from the mere fact that she who was doing it - Her touch and her mouth. So often, there was a careless anonymity to this act. The knowledge that it wasn't that way for Mulder filled Scully with tenderness for him. Her hand traced over his thighs, over the long healed bullet-wound scar and moved up to grasp the base of his cock, holding him steady as she moved the flat of her tongue up and down its length. She stopped occasionally to bring him fully and deeply into her mouth, feeling him respond with the tightening of his hips and the sharp intake of his breath. He was close, so very close, she thought. She could feel it. Mulder watched and drew ragged breath as the pleasurable pressure grew from the ministrations of her lips and tongue. One of Scully's hands cupped and massage his balls while her other hand found a heretofore unknown pressure point, that medical training coming in good for something besides dissection. It almost killed him, but he knew he had to stop her before it was too late because he had his own plans in mind. Scully felt his hands in her hair, tugging gently as he sought her attention. "Scully," he beckoned softly, "Scully." She left the job unfinished and moved to join him on the bed as he scooted back from the edge of the bed and back from the edge of pleasure. Seeing her questioning look, Mulder laid back against the big pillows on the headboard and pulled Scully up into his arms, bringing her face close to his. "I want to be inside you when I come," he said just before he kissed the lips that had just nearly driven him insane. "I want that," he insisted again, drawing Scully's tongue deep within his mouth and sucking gently, tasting the bits of his early juices on her lips, "and you've got too fucking many clothes on." Scully understood that he wanted his turn at her and again, was deeply pleased. "Just one more thing and I'm all yours," she said teasingly. She grasped the edge of his black turtleneck and pulled it over his head, smiling at his well-tousled hair and his boyish grin that emerged from the fabric constrains. The sweater floated gently through the air to the ever- growing heap. Finally fully naked in her eyes, she looked her fill at Mulder and he lay there patiently allowing her to do so. Finally, Mulder pulled her back into his arms, pressing her clothed body against his naked one as he reached down and started with Scully's shoes, silently thanking God they were loafers because he surely didn't think he had the composure to deal with laces. They both laughed at the thunking noise as they hit the wall and slid down to join their brethren on the clothing heap. Scully was then duly impressed with his dexterity as he managed to pull her socks off with his toes and keep his hands busy on her upper body at the same time. Who knew such a talent was there, she wondered. Mulder nudged her over onto her back and he slid one arm underneath her to cradle her against him still. His other hand skimmed down her belly to find the waistband of her jeans where he popped open the buckle on her belt and pulled it out of her belt loops in one efficient motion. He missed the clothing pile with his toss because Scully, who had busied herself with touching wherever she could reach of his smooth skin, suddenly had fastened her mouth to his nipple and was suckling greedily. The resulting electric jolt threw off his aim by several feet. Mulder realized that she was going to make undressing her difficult because in spite of her promise that she was all his, she continued to attach herself to his body with her lips and hands where she could. Not that he minded, but he would have to do something about that. He did manage to look into her eyes as he popped the snap on her jeans, moved the zipper down, and was rewarded with her smile. His strong fingers worked their way into the tight jeans and underneath the panties into the hot moistness where his middle finder instantly found its spot. With the heal of his hand, he applied gentle pressure as he massaged her clit below with sure circular strokes. Mulder watched with pleasure as Scully's head dropped back as she clutched on to his arm rhythmically in tune with his motions, small soft cries coming from her throat. Yes, she was most definitely all his now, he thought. Mulder raised her up to him for a deep soul kiss that smothered her moans as he worked her responsive body, bringing her as close as he dared and then backing off. Stilling his hand a moment, he placed his lips on the side of her neck and worked on applying the first serious hickey Scully had had since high school. A very small one, just enough to leave his mark, Just enough to say, "Mulder was here." Satisfied with the result, he returned to the business at hand. The restriction of the jeans, which had once excited, now began to impede and he let go of her long enough to move to the end of the bed to tug her jeans down and off, tossing them aside. Unlike Scully, Mulder hadn't managed to get the underwear in the same movement, probably because they were thoroughly plastered in place he thought as he moved back up along side of her. His fingers trailed up the inside of her slickened inner thighs, snagging the edge of the lacy garment and he slid them down and off. However, instead of tossing them aside with the other garments, he gathered them into a ball in his hand and inhaled deeply, memorizing her scent, feeling almost a slight rush and he felt himself harden even more if possible. "So, Scully, it's $50 bucks if I want to keep these?" he asked with his wicked humor. She tilted her head slightly as though considering. "For you, Mulder, $25." "Well, then I'm keeping them." Scully watched as in one smooth motion, Mulder leaned over her body, reached out and slid open the drawer of his nightstand, dropped the panties inside and slammed it shut before turning his attention back to her. "Mulder you are completely insane." Scully told him as he moved back over her. "You make me insane," he said dropping a kiss on her forehead and then her lips. "And I'm beginning to feel seriously underdressed here." She arched one eyebrow at him. "Well, Mulder, if you hadn't stopped for your little impromptu panty raid, we'd be a lot further along by now" He chucked low in his throat. Scully loved the sound, she loved to make him laugh, and the fact that she knew she could was a turn-on all on its own. Not that she needed any additional help right that moment. Mulder pulled her sweater off over her head, then the T-shirt and went to work on the bra that matched the panties, deftly unhooking it from the back and sliding it down her arms where all three items were unceremoniously flicked from the bed. Mulder's hand rested on her flat stomach a few moments as he looked down at her, noting the contrast of his darker skin against her soft white. Unlike Scully, he'd never been afforded real opportunity to see her other than the one time she stood before him in that hotel room in Oregon, scared and shaking. He slowly moved his eyes down her body, loving everything he saw. He ran his hand down the length of her side; slightly tickling and eliciting a shiver from her before he moved his hand back down to tease her sensitive clit a little more. For the first time, Scully felt a little reticent under his frankly guileless study, concerned in the very back of her mind about stacking up against those glossy magazines and videos. Mulder lowered his head to kiss her breast for the first time, laving the nipple with his tongue and drawing it softly into his mouth, to suckle as she had done to him. After a moment, he placed his mouth next to her ear and she heard him sigh as he kissed her there also. "Oh Jesus, Scully, you're so beautiful. I just knew you'd be this beautiful." Scully reached up and cupped her hand to his cheek, feeling the roughness where he hadn't shaved, loving the intense masculine feel of him. Mulder placed his hand over hers and moved her palm to his lips so he could kiss it softly. He parted his lips slightly as she felt his tongue tickle and caress her palm as she felt a tingle run through her. He released her hand and lowered his head back to her breast as Scully held him against her as he resumed his loving suckling treatment, as she caressed the length of his erection, enough to make his heart pound and his breath quicken. He drew back just enough to look at her in the eyes as his fingers dipped inside her wetness as she smiled so lovingly for him as she closed her eyes as he reached & stroked deep into her. He moved over her body to kneel between her thighs, moving to kiss and tongue her wetly all around except the sensitive area where she wanted his tongue the most. Mulder tickled and teased her with his fingers and mouth as she writhed up against him. "Oh God, please" she pleaded with him. "Please," as her hands reached out for him. Finally, he gently nudged open her legs apart even further in preparation for him, bent down and gave her one long deep lick. The sensation nearly jolted her off the bed. "Mulder!" she called out as she felt every muscle contract as she arched up to meet him. Mulder dipped in for series of short, hard, caressing tongue strokes followed with another long, laving lick, then another and another. Within just a few more, Scully came so hard for him that she arched up and clutched bedclothes as her head tossed back and forth across the pillow, making insensible noises. He could feel the inner tremors ripple from the nerve center under his tongue to the tips of her extremities and he almost came himself as he watched the flush run her pale skin. He loved the sounds she made as he made love to her. Even in the deepest grip of sexual quaking, Scully was an internalizer; she didn't make the histrionic shrieks that just reminded him of a cheap porno video. The pleasured sounds she made were low toned and primal, coming from her deepest self. He listened to her call out his name and felt her hands grip him and it thrilled him to know he was responsible for her intimate and intense reward. Mulder moved over her to kiss her again as she returned from her journey to the higher plane, he filled her mouth with his tongue, as he just lightly brushed his hand over her pubic area, still feeling the lessening muscle spasms that shook her body. As she regained awareness, Scully forced her eyes to open. Her instinctual need to have Mulder within demanded its gratification and she wanted to watch every moment of Mulder's pleasure. She pulled away gently from his kiss, "Mulder, please, I need you now." she entreated, as her hand reached between them to grasp on to him. Mulder felt her legs move open further to bring him in and he went gladly sliding his length deep inside her as he thrust forward. Their mutual deep moan at that complete first melding came innately and Scully watched as Mulder had to turn his head away a moment to gain control. "Jesus, Scully. I..." "I know, Mulder." Scully run her hands up the tense planes of his back, urging him with her caresses, wanting him to reach that moment too, that loss of control that she could give him. Oh God, he thought, turning his face back to her as he began to move in long deep strokes. Nothing in his life had ever felt a good as that first full push up inside Scully. Inside Scully, his mind repeated in awe and nothing had ever felt so good at that first stroke. Well, except maybe the second. Or the third. Mulder gave up comparing by the fourth as the primal instinct of driving towards satisfaction overtook him Scully watched blissfully as Mulder began to lose himself in her and she brought her knees up and wrapped them around him to give him deeper access as he groaned his thanks, his thrusts becoming more frenzied as she rocked upwards to meet him. He filled her physically and emotionally, that longing for completion finally fulfilled and Scully felt herself begin to coil up again inwardly. She watched as Mulder moved above her and he was so beautiful, so unrestrained. His eyes were tightly closed in sexual concentration, his face turned slightly to one side, his breath coming deeply, mixing the sound of her name with other more guttural noises of gratification, building a cadence, like his strokes within her. Scully strained to meet his need, to make it good for him as she tightened her inner muscles and reached up to touch his face. Mulder felt both and opened his eyes to meet hers, letting her know he was he was aware of her. "Scully," he called out lowly as he raised himself slightly by sliding one arm underneath her, bracing himself. He took her hand and slipped it down between their bodies to so she could feel him stroking her with both his fingers and his body as he moved relentlessly against her. Suddenly he bent down and kissed her with deep resonance. The soft stroking of his fingers and his body's desperate thrusting had intensified the tightening of the glorious twisting coil within her, but it was his kiss that made it suddenly let go. The pleasure unwound like a spring, dancing though Scully's body as she went rigid a moment just as her second Mulder-induced orgasm overtook her and she had to pull her lips from his to breathe and call out his name. Mulder's fingers left the spot he'd been soothing and he slid his arms underneath her and lowered himself to her, his thrusting becoming quick and hard. Scully pulled him along, helping him towards what they both wanted. "Mulder, please. I need to feel you," she urged, "Please. Mulder, for me, please." Mulder allowed himself several more deep full length strokes and then curled up forward into her as his gut-deep spasms overtook him. He made a sound that Scully would have mistaken for a painful sob had she not known it was coming from the deepest of euphoric pleasures as his body seized up. Looking into Mulder's face she could see he was, for a moment anyway, in that place where nothing ever, ever had felt that good, that right or that perfect. She'd given him that moment, she thought possessively. Deeply she felt the spasms rock his body up inside hers and he moved against her mindlessly as he fell over the edge completely and spilled both emotionally and physically into her, calling out her name. As his tremors slowed, Mulder flattened softly down upon Scully with the total depletion of strength that comes of spent passion. The fulfillment of the longed for physical expression with this woman causing his mind and his body to fall into the deep languor of tranquility. Scully's hand came up to cradle the back of his head now buried in the crook of her neck, stroking him gently. She looked down the length of his now-familiar body, his back polished with the slight sheen of sweat, the gentle curve of his butt where he was still buried deep within her, his long legs and feet tangled in the bedclothes where he had found footholds for his earlier thrusting. She felt an overwhelming protectiveness towards him, a deep satisfaction in having given him such exhaustive pleasure, a wondrous gratitude that this moment had finally happened. She was close to tears in her contentment. Right at that moment, she had it all. As conscious thought returned to Mulder, she felt him begin to move to relieve her of his weight. She flattened her palms against his back and wrapped her legs more firmly about him. Mulder felt her resistance to his leaving and raised himself back on his elbows to look at her, saw the shine in her eyes and knew it matched his own. "I'm too heavy for you, Scully," he whispered. "Never," her voice catching a bit. "I love you." Mulder smiled and returned the words to her as he kissed her sweetly & gently; a soft, romantic almost first kiss. Their first kiss as a couple who were now lovers. God, it was so easy to say he loved her now, he wondered, when just a few hours ago he'd almost shaken with the fear of saying it. He slowly extracted himself, slid his arms underneath her, and then rolled over onto his back up against the pillows so that Scully draped over him like a blanket. She laid her head against his shoulder and felt his hands on the small of her back, gently caressing her rounded bottom as his other hand came up to mesh into her hair and cradle her against him. His warm, moist skin felt luxurious beneath her and the smell of him and the sex was really quite intoxicating. Their breathing fell into a slow mutual rhythm. It was in the few minutes of the calm following the storm that Mulder asked Scully the question she knew was coming. "Scully?" "Hmmmm?" "May I ask you something?" Scully smiled against his chest. What is it with men? They always asked. Maybe not flat out, maybe not blatantly, but somehow, someway they always asked. It pleased her somehow that Mulder was no different. "Seven, Mulder" she answered. "What?" "Seven," she repeated. Scully shifted more comfortably against him. "You were going to ask me that 'on a scale of one to ten question' right? Shit, Mulder thought, how did she know? Was there anything about him that this woman didn't already know? "Well, yeah, I was." "Well, the answer is seven." She closed her eyes, and while she didn't look up into his face, she could almost hear his mind processing the data. Mulder pondered her answer a bit, trying to make it work out in his mind. Seven. Seven? No matter how he rationalized it, that just wasn't the number he was hoping for. Yes, it was better than a one which was probably some guy who was gone in 20-seconds and yes, it was better than a 4 which was probably something that involved batteries. So, he was just a few points above a good quality vibrator? "Seven?" he asked again just in case he'd misunderstood and she'd really said eleven. "Seven, Mulder." Shit. He shouldn't have asked. Scully raised her head as she moved higher against him and he held her tight. "God I love the feel of you" she told him, just before she opened her mouth and kissed him with all her heart, pressing against him as he held on for dear life. When she lifted her mouth slightly, she was already breathless and she could feel his heart beating under hers as she coaxed his head forward to whisper in his ear. "Mulder, before tonight I'd never even had a *six*. As for the rest, I wanted to leave us something to look forward to over the years." Mulder's head fell back into the pillow as he laughed. "You're *never* going to cut me any slack, are you Scully?" he asked as she shook her head with mock-regret and a smile. "Well, good" he said as stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Someone has to be the rational one." "You make me irrational, Mulder," she said with deep conviction. Scully suddenly pulled back just a little and looked deeply into his eyes, serious for the first time "I love it and yet it scares me at the same time. Just like looking forward does," she added softly. Mulder nodded, delving into her soul with his eyes and luxuriating in the bone-deep contentment that the feel of her body draped down the length of his brought. "I know," he said wistfully, "me too." With a happy sigh, Scully moved of from on top of him but remained curled up close again his body within the circle of his arms as she began to tickle the fine hairs around his nipples a bit. She felt a deep contented lethargy; the emotional turbulence of the day combining with physical expenditure had temporarily depleted her strength. Scully also mulled over the thought that simply sleeping with this man was as beguiling as making love to him. Well, *almost*, she amended, with a smile. "Mulder, you quite wore me out," she said in a sleepy voice. She heard his gentle laugh and felt his hand stroke against her back in silent agreement. "Rest just a bit," Mulder suggested drowsily. "Then we can work on bumping that 7 up to an 8." He felt Scully smile against him as she nodded her absolute agreement with his plans. He looked down at her resting so securely in his arms and he felt at home, he felt safe, just as he always had with her. Except now they were lovers, Mulder thought. They'd been emotional lovers for so long anyway that he was still having a bit of trouble with the reality of all this, with the reality of it all finally coming full circle to physical lovers too. He had to wonder at the variables that had driven both he and Scully to take a walk today and wondered it he had God or Fate or Destiny to thank. He knew it was one of them, or perhaps all three because he didn't believe in coincidence. Scully did and they would have a good time arguing the possibilities of destiny or just dumb luck, he thought, it could keep them busy for years. Mulder knew the chances were slight that he and Scully could ever be a so-called normal couple, living a regular and blessedly ordinary life, bickering about the kids and dogs and what color to paint the bathroom. That wasn't going to be in their future, not anytime soon anyway. They'd chosen a different path for themselves, just as they'd chosen to stay on it to the end. They'd seen too much, experienced too much and knew too much to do otherwise. Mulder had no illusions that it wouldn't be long until the amoral coterie that conspired against them discovered that he and Scully had taken this next step. What ramifications might come of that knowledge he didn't yet know, but he did know what they were capable of and that knowledge made him uneasy. But then he remembered the promise that Scully made to him in the park. Mulder believed in her promise. So for right now, he wouldn't look more than a few hours ahead. Right now, he just wanted to commit the entirely ordinary act of sleeping with the woman he loved a bit, then make love to her a few more times in the late night and early morning. Then they'd eventually have to get up and go to work where they would have pretend that they were still just what they'd been on Friday - Partners and not lovers. That was going to be the hardest part, he knew. But then they could come home and steal moments like this for themselves. God knows they deserved it, he thought, allowing himself a completely selfish moment. They deserved the refuge they'd found with each other. Even so, there was some tiny lingering worry that it was all some sort of cruel joke or bad dream. "Hey Scully," he asked, shaking her gently as he could tell she was just on the verge of sleep. "Hey, you're not gonna wake up in a hour, decide this was all a mistake and leave in the middle of the night are you?" "Oh, Mulder I could *never* do that," Scully said, caressing him gently with her fingers. "After all, you've got my underwear." God he loved this woman, he thought with a smile. "And I'm keeping them also," he reminded her as he reached over to switch off the lamp. "Well, then you're keeping me too, Mulder," she murmured just she fell under the edge of sleep. "I love you," were her last conscious words. "Yes, indeed," he whispered back the darkness as he drew the comforter up about them. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was 11:21 pm. Sunday was almost over. Too bad, he thought as he curled back into Scully's arms. He rather liked Sundays. **************************************** Feedback, comments and all the rest - Write me, write me, write me!! KiMeriKal@aol.com / Cathleen Faye http://members.aol.com/kimerikal Version 1.5 "Erotica is just smut gone to college." *************************************** Disclaimer: It's not the author's intention to infringe upon or profit from the characters created & owned by Chris Carter, 1013 Productions or the Fox Network and its subsidiaries. 2/23/98 9