Recognizing Love (R) 

He stirred and reached for her. Finding only cool sheets he opened his eyes and 
looked around. He spotted her at the door to his bedroom. 

“Scully?” 

“I can’t. I’m sorry, I . . . I can’t.” She turned then and hurried from the room. 

Can’t? Can’t what? He was on his feet, racing after her. The door to the 
apartment was closing as he got there. That’s when it hit him; she was 
completely dressed. He couldn’t follow her, he was stark naked. What? What the 
hell had happened? 

He darted back into his bedroom and jerked on the clothes she had removed from 
his body earlier in the evening. He shoved his feet in his shoes and took off 
after her. 


There was no sign of her as he approached his car at a full run now. He peeled 
out and headed for her place, trying to keep all thoughts at bay. 

He didn’t see her car as he pulled into a slot outside of her building, but didn’t 
search thoroughly. Where else would she go at this time of night, well, morning? 

Using his own key he entered her apartment. The only light on was on the desk. 
It was the little one she kept on a timer for when she was out of town. The 
light was dim, but enough to see that she wasn’t home. 

She would be. He had broken more than a few traffic laws getting here. He found 
himself in her bedroom and nearly retreated. No, they were together, lovers; 
there was no reason not to come in here. He sat tentatively on the edge of the 
bed. 

Where was she? Had she changed her mind? Returned to his place? Should he . . . 
No. This was her home, she’d come here. There was no reason to go looking for 
her and miss her again and again. He would wait. 

The anger was leaving his body, being replaced by fear and insecurity. What had 
happened? What did she mean, ‘I can’t.’? He shied away from that, shivering 
slightly though he didn’t notice. 

He took a deep breath and slipped off his shoes, forcing himself to recline on 
the bed. The scent of her calmed him slightly. Whatever this was, they could 
work it out. Surely they could, he would accept nothing less. 

The sound of the door opening sometime later roused him and he rose from the bed, 
waiting. 

She entered the bedroom without turning on the lights either. From the 
streetlight he couldn’t read her expression. 

“What happened?” 

She jumped violently. “Jesus, Mulder. What are you - “ 

He was in front of her then, adrenline pumping into his system. He grabbed her 
upper arms in a tight grip and opened his mouth to demand answers. 

He saw her flinch at his actions and he realized what he had done. He released 
her as though his flesh was scorched. He backed away, horrified at his actions. 
He stumbled back until his legs touched the chair near her bedside table, and he 
sank into it. 

“I’m, Scully, I’m sorry. I never, I wouldn’t hurt you.” 

She had been nearly as startled when he released her as when he grabbed her, and 
now looking at his face, she could see the disbelief that he had manhandled her 
that way. 

Scully moved toward him. “Mulder, you didn’t hurt me.” 

He shook his head, afraid to look up at her. “Just scared the shit out of you, 
right?” 

She knelt in front of him then her hands resting lightly on each knee. “Mulder, 
you didn’t hurt me. But yes, I guess you did scare me tonight.” 

A low moan escaped him before he could stop himself. 

She ignored it, looking into his eyes, forcing him to meet hers. “You do scare 
me - your intensity, your commitment . . . your beauty.” 

He gave a harsh, startled laugh. “You think I’m beautiful?” 

“I think you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever known.” She took a deep breath. 
“You’re in love with me, aren’t you? I mean, I know you love me, you have for a 
long time, but it’s changed. You’re in love with me now.” 

After a long moment he nodded. 

“That’s what scared me tonight Mulder. I lay there, in your bed, watching you 
after we made love and . . . the realization panicked me and I ran.” 

His eyes closed at those words, blocking out the sight of her. From behind those 
closed eyes, he spoke. His voice was low and rough with pain. “Is this where you 
tell me we’ve made a mistake, but you’d like to remain friends?” 

“No.” She spoke softly. “This is the part where I drive around DC for a couple 
of hours before dawn to try to tell myself that it’s not a good idea and that it 
couldn’t work out for us.” 

***** 

She pulled into the diner. She wasn’t sleepy, but she wasn’t safe driving either. 
She took the back booth. There was only one other patron and he was asleep in 
his booth, head back and mouth open, snoring softly. 

Scully didn’t look up when she saw the white shoes stop beside her table. “Just 
coffee please.” 

The shoes moved away and she couldn’t get the sight of his face, the look of 
confusion and then hurt come over him as she escaped from his apartment. 

A cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate pie appeared before her. “I’m sorry. I 
didn’t - “ She looked up. The woman was older than her, the makeup too heavy, 
the hair too brassy and teased too high. There was enough hairspray to withstand 
a tornado. 

“We don’t serve ice cream, which is the accepted remedy for man problems. Did he 
dump you?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Did you find out he was married?” 

“What? Uh, no.” Who did this woman think she was? Scully’s annoyance was leading 
her toward rudeness rapidly. 

“Cheatin’ on you?” 

“No.” She answered shortly and then wondered why she had answered at all. 

The woman slipped into the booth across from Scully, startling her. The nametag 
on her uniform read ‘Rita’. “He didn’t hit you, did he?” 

“Of course not!” 

“Good.” Rita relaxed slightly. For the first time Scully really looked into the 
woman’s eyes. She had been worried, still was, but less than before. Why would 
this Rita care if some strange woman had problems with a man? 

“So, does he look like a toad?” 

“No.” But a small smile was teasing her lips now. The sheer audacity of the 
woman - 

“Lousy in bed?” 

“Definitely not.” Scully felt her cheeks grow a little warm at that. 

“So why are you here?” 

This was none of her business, but surprisingly Scully felt like answering. She 
deflated slightly. “He’s in love with me.” 

“Well, that explains . . . nothing. What’s your name?” 

“Um, Dana.” 

“Okay, Dana, let me see if I’ve got this straight. He’s not married; he’s 
faithful to you and doesn’t hit you. He’s gorgeous - “ 

“I didn’t say that.” 

“Your eyes did, and he’s a jackhammer in bed. And your problem is that he’s in 
love with you.” 

Scully sighed. “He’s . . . he consumes me. I’ve never been loved like this 
before.” 

“You think it will burn out, that he’ll quit lovin’ you.” 

Scully was quiet for a moment, then shook her head, “No. He’ll love me as long 
as we live.” 

Rita nodded. “But there’s someone else, better, in your life?” 

“No. I mean . . . what if . . . what if I can’t love him enough?” Tears formed 
in her eyes. “What if I do it wrong and . . . and mess things up?” 

The man in the other booth shifted, coughed, closed his mouth for a moment, then 
was back asleep. In just a heartbeat, the light snoring resumed. 

Rita looked back at her, then leaned forward. “Do you know why God gave men a Y 
chromosome?” 

“No.” Scully’s eyebrow was high at that question. 

“So they wouldn’t be perfect, like us.” 

Scully gave a startled chuckle. 

“Honey, if you didn’t love him so much, you wouldn’t be worried about this. You 
need to cut yourself a break and get home to him. Tell him you’re afraid. Sounds 
like this man would be willing to wait, even help out.” 

Again the woman’s words startled her. Of course Mulder would help her with this. 
Who else would she turn to? And look how long he’d already waited. 

The worry lines seemed to smooth out on Dana’s forehead. She nodded, “yes, he 
would.” And he would understand better than anyone what she was feeling. Like 
always - better in tune with her than she was with herself. 

“You drive careful now,” Rita stood. “It’s late.” Essentially tossing her out. 

Scully nodded, then pulled her purse to her and pulled out a ten, placing it on 
the table. 

“Sweetie, the coffee’s fifty cents and you didn’t touch the pie.” 

“This is the most practical therapy session I’ve ever had. Thank you.” Rita had 
put it in perspective. They would never be like other couples, not being who 
they were, but together . . . 

Rita nodded, “Listen, you bring this guy by, let Rita check him out and see if 
he’s really worth you.” 

Scully blinked, “I . . . I will.” She moved toward the door and let herself out. 

***** 

The tear slipped from his closed eyes, bringing her back to the present. 

“The problem is I couldn’t do it.” She started to smile. 

His eyes opened then, puzzled. 

“You see, Mulder, it’s not true. It was a good idea, it is a good idea, there’s 
no reason it can’t work and . . . and I’m in love with you too.” 

His mouth fell open, but he couldn’t seem to move the rest of his body. She took 
care of that for him. 

***** 

The diner door opened and Rita looked up from her romance novel. The snorer was 
no where in sight this time. “Dana, Sweetie.” Her eyes moved to the man behind 
her. “This has got to be him. Um um um! He is gorgeous.” 

Mulder blinked and looked over at Scully, uncertain. Who was this woman and why 
had Scully insisted they pulled in here? They were almost home. 

Rita scanned his body, then sighed. “So, no chocolate pie?” 

“Uh, no.” Scully was grinning. “We’re on our way back to DC, but I wanted you to 
see what I meant.” 

“I do. You’ll need two coffees to go.” Rita poured two cups and set them on the 
counter, then leaned closer to Scully and whispered, “velvet jackhammer, huh?” 

Mulder watched in confusion as pink tinged Scully’s cheeks. “Yeah, something 
like that.” 

“Well,” Rita leaned back. “You need to come by when you have more time.” 

“I will, I promise.” Scully smiled and picked up the cups. Mulder took her elbow 
and nodded a ‘pleased to meet you’ to Rita, then led her toward the door. 

He leaned over, and Rita heard the question, “jackhammer?” 

“I’ll explain later, Mulder.” 

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