From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 29 Sep 2003 02:32:59 -0000
Subject: THE URGE TO MERGE, PART 1, MSR, NC-17 by FatCat
Source: direct

Reply To: FatCat926@msn.com


Title:           THE URGE TO MERGE PART 1 Posted 9/28/03

Author:          FatCat (feedback to Fatcat33047@yahoo.com)

Website:         Please visit the wonderful home Donnilee has 
                 created to house my stories at 
                 http://donnilee.tripod.com.  Just follow my name 
                 to find my stories.  While you are there, take a 
                 peek at the other wonderful stories Donnilee has 
                 at her site.  Thank you Donni!
               
Rating:          NC-17, Loving Sexual Conduct

Category:        V MSR, RST, M/A, S/A HEA

Spoilers:        No Requiem, Season 8 or Season 9 in this world, 
                 but you will find bits and pieces of my story,
                 Scully's Pride

Archive:         As you wish, but please keep my name attached and 
                 let me know where to visit.

Summary:         The relationship that culminated in marriage in 
                 Scully's Pride is remembered by Dana Scully-Mulder.
                 
Disclaimer:      They aren't mine nor anyone's but CC, Fox, 1013, 
                 DD, and GA's.  These works are used without 
                 permission-no infringement intended.

Author's Notes:  And most of all, a big THANK YOU to Donnilee-Beta  
                 Extraordinaire for an antsy writer.  You do it all
                 Lady, and do it well.

XxXxXxXxXxX

The ringing of the phone was as insistent as it was annoying.  I 
finally roused enough from my sleep to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, may I speak to Dana Scully?" a male voice asked.

"This is she," I mumbled.

"Dana!  Hi, it's Barry Melbourne, Dr. Barry Melbourne.  We met last 
at the pathologist seminar in Chicago this spring."

"Oh, yes, Dr. Melbourne.  What can I do for you?"

"Well, you can call me Barry for starters," he teased.  

"Okay, Barry," I said at last.

"I... I erm, was wondering if you would be interested in going out 
to dinner with me tonight?  I'm stuck here in Washington for the 
next week attending mandatory classes for continuing education
credits.  I was hoping to ease the loneliness by asking the most
intriguing woman in the Washington area out to dinner," Barry's 
voice deepened as he became more confident of his proposal.

"That's very nice, Barry, but I have plans with my husband 
tonight."  I always get a secret thrill when I can surprise someone 
with the news that I am married.

"Husband?  When did you get married, Dana?"  Barry's voice had 
risen to his normal speaking voice with the news that I was not
available.

"We were married on July 5th."  I smiled as I remembered the events
leading up to our wedding.

"I knew it!  I knew I should have called right away." Barry said,
sounding aggravated.

"Whatever for?" I was surprised into saying.

"I knew you were on the verge.  I should have acted sooner."

I had always liked Barry Melbourne.  He had a reputation a fine 
doctor and a good pathologist.  He seemed to be a trustworthy 
colleague and a fair conversationalist.  The few times I had 
been in contact with him at various seminars and courses I had
attended for my continuing education units, he had seemed like a 
good person.  If I had not been head over heels in love with my 
partner, I would have considered dating him.

But right now all his words did was irritate me.  "Verge, Dr. 
Melbourne?" I replied coolly.

"Sorry, Dana.  Inside joke.  I am the youngest of six children.  I 
have five older sisters and each one of them is a successful, 
professional woman.  It's been a family joke for years that they 
each reached a certain point in their lives and suddenly my 
independent, headstrong, 'I-can-do-it-by-myself' sisters became 
putty in the hands of their future husbands," he laughed in 
embarrassment.  "My oldest sister called it, 'The Urge'.  One of the 
younger sisters picked that up and expanded it to, 'The Urge to 
Merge'.  By the time it got to my youngest sister it was officially
'The Verge of the Urge to Merge' syndrome."

I chuckled with him, "They may be onto something there, Barry."

"Congratulations, Dana.  Best wishes to you both.  He's a lucky 
man and I hope he knows it," Barry said sincerely.  "Well, I'll be 
seeing you around.  Are you going to the seminar they are holding 
in Atlanta next June?"

"No, I don't believe so.  I've got enough CEU's scheduled for next 
year all ready.  I doubt that I will have enough time to fit in the
Atlanta seminar as well."

"Okay, well, congrats again, Dana."

"Thank you, Barry.  Goodbye."  I hung up the phone and lay back 
down.

Mulder pulled me closer to him.  "Who was that?" his sleep-deepened 
voice rumbled in my ear.

"Just a professional acquaintance calling to ask me out to dinner,"
I mumbled.  I really hoped he would let me go back to sleep.  After
a Saturday morning filled with last minute Labor Day preparations, 
we came home and made wild, sweet love for what seemed to be hours.
And now I wanted a nap.

I knew that wasn't going to happen when I heard Mulder's breathing
change.  He was incredibly possessive of me at times.  This was a 
fact that never failed to equally irritate and elate me.

"Do I need to find this guy and have a talk with him, Scully?"  I
could tell Mulder was fighting his insecurities again.  

"He was just lonely and looking for a date with a professional
acquaintance, Mulder."  I squeezed his hand to soothe him.  "He 
didn't know we were married."

"Did you go out with him before?" Mulder asked.

I sighed and turned in his arms.  I looked up into his beautiful 
hazel eyes and saw the doubt clouding them.  

"No, Mulder.  He never had a chance against you, but he did say 
something that I found interesting."

"What's that?" Mulder began to chew his lip.

"He said he had five older sisters and each of them had reached a 
point in their lives that they described as 'the Verge of the Urge 
to Merge'," I said with a laugh.  "He said he should have called me
last spring because he felt I was almost there."

Mulder continued to stare at me.  "What do you think, Scully?  Were 
you on the verge last spring?"

"I don't know.  I wasn't ready to progress our relationship until 
you kissed me at New Year's."  I kissed his nose.  "I don't think I 
would have ever acknowledged my 'Urge' without you."

"Come on, Scully.  You're an incredibly beautiful woman.  You must
have been interested in some of the men who were interested in 
you."  Mulder instinctively knew I was just trying to calm him down 
so I could go back to sleep.

I snorted and said, "Mulder, what men?  I haven't been asked out on
a date in years, while you, my love, have had woman after woman 
throw themselves at you."  

"Scully, I, uh, I have something to tell you."  Mulder was chewing
his lip again.

"Oh?  And what would that be, Mulder?"  I knew he was incredibly 
uncomfortable with whatever it was he was going to reveal.  I 
couldn't help teasing, "The way you acted like an alpha male with 
all the men we've met on our cases for years or the threats you 
subtlety made against the person of all the interested male agents
at Hoover?" 

"Scully!  How did you find that out?  How long did you know?" 
Mulder was shocked.

I couldn't suppress the wave of giggles that the look on his face 
provoked.  "I didn't know until after New Year's Eve."  

"How long after New Year's Eve?" he prodded.  "Who told you?"

My laughter was like a balm to Mulder's worried heart.

"Was it Skinner?" he smiled.

I shook my head and bit my lip, trying to stop the giggles that 
threatened to overwhelm me again.  Special Agent, Dr. Dana Scully-
Mulder did not giggle.

" Byers?  Langly?  Frohike?"

"No!" I said.

"Danny?"

"No.  Do you give up?"

Mulder was out of guesses.  He nodded, "Who?"

"Kim."  I waited for his reaction.

"Kim!  Kim Cook?  How did she know?"  Mulder was stunned.

"There's not many 'Happenings at Hoover', as she calls it, that Kim
doesn't know about almost as soon as they occur," I answered.

"Ookkaayy."  Mulder mulled this over for a moment.  "When?  When did
she tell you?"

I flopped over on my back and gave him a pretend glare.  "You 
aren't going to let me sleep until I tell you, are you?"

"Nope," Mulder grinned.

"All right.  I'll tell you, but you have to let me take a nap 
afterwards.  Deal?"  I really wanted my nap.  I had some serious 
payback to inflict on my husband tonight and I wanted to be rested
and at the top of my game when I attacked...er... seduced him.

"Deal."

"It was a few weeks after New Year's at..."

"Not at Angela's funeral!" Mulder was truly shocked.

"Of course not, Mulder.  Neither Kim nor I would gossip at a tragic
occasion like that," I huffed.  "It was a week after that.  I went 
to Regina Taylor's wedding shower/bachelorette party and Kim was 
there.  We were in a limo so we all had a little more than enough 
to drink.  Now, let me sleep, Mulder, or I won't be able to play 
nice later tonight and get up early tomorrow for the picnic at 
Mom's."

My smile promised Mulder more satisfaction later than a continued 
conversation could provide now.  He knew when he should keep his 
mouth shut.  He kissed me and hauled me up against him.  I turned 
and snuggled into the curve of his body.

"Love you, wife," he said as he nuzzled my neck.

"Love you, husband," I said as I started to drift off to sleep.

Mulder closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but the 
thoughts of another man calling me and asking me out must have 
really upset him.  I could almost hear his thoughts.  'How many 
times had this happened and I didn't accept?  Had I accepted dinner
invitations and not told him?  Was I sorry that I chose to marry 
him?'  I could feel him try to relax as he struggled to be rational
and dismiss his fears.  I had chosen him.  He knew that I was his,
heart and soul, but I knew it still scared him to think how close we
had come to losing each other last spring.

"Mulder, if you don't stop worrying about Barry's call, I'm going 
to have to hurt you," I grumbled. 

Mulder smiled against my hair and settled down.  He slid into sleep
holding me against his heart.

I, however, was now wide awake.  I snuggled back against Mulder and
contemplated my conversation with Barry.  The Urge to Merge.  Was 
it true?  As I pondered events leading up to our marriage, I 
realized that our happy-ever-after ending hinged on so many 'ifs'.

If Agent Angela Martin had not married Bruce McCort, Mulder's 
friend and broker... if Mulder had not kissed me at New Year's... if 
Angela McCort had not been shot and killed...  If I had decided not 
to attend Regina's bridal shower...  if Kim wasn't as good a friend 
to Mulder and me as she was...  if my mother and Aunt Maeve had not 
decided to set aside previous differences and most of all...  if 
Mulder had not offered his grandfather's house on the Vineyard for
the reunion.

A shiver of fear snaked up my spine.  I could have lost him before 
I had the chance to love him.  My thoughts churned with memories of
the chain of events that led us to marriage.

XxXxXxXxXxX

We had been informed by A.D. Skinner that Agent Angela McCort was
shot while working undercover on a simple bank fraud investigation.
We were stunned.  Mulder had introduced Agent Angela Martin to
Bruce McCort two years ago.  Bruce had been in the Hoover to take
Mulder and me to lunch.  He saw Angela in the elevator on the way to
the basement and wound up begging Mulder to ask her to lunch with 
us.  Angela had taken one look at the handsome, smiling face of
Bruce McCort and it was love at first sight.  They were married just
six weeks later.  Mulder was the best man at their wedding.

We rushed to the hospital.  Mulder knew that Angela was Bruce's 
only family.  He was orphaned at a young age and had been raised by 
his grandmother.  She had died while he was still in college.  His 
'aloneness' was one of the things that made him and Mulder great 
friends.  They had realized that there was a bond between them, a 
lack of family, that didn't need to be discussed.  Their 
interaction had ebbed and flowed through the years, but the
friendship remained strong.

We found Bruce sitting in the waiting room outside the morgue, a 
small bear in his hands, a blank look on his face.  I recognized
the symptoms of shock right away.  I commandeered an orderly and a
wheelchair and had him taken to the ER.  We stayed with him as he 
was given oxygen and a light sedative.  

Eventually he had been strong enough to be released.  We drove him
home in Mulder's car.  Bruce asked Mulder to stay with him.  

I was very concerned about them both, but especially Mulder.  He 
seemed to be as shaken up as Bruce.  He had assured me that they 
would be all right and I had taken a cab home.  

The memorial service was three days later.  Mulder had called off
work, staying with Bruce through the worst of the pain.  I hadn't 
seen either man until the actual service.  The shocking condition 
of both of them scared me.  Bruce's condition was to be expected.  
He was withdrawn, pale, almost non-verbal.  He was unable to stop 
crying throughout the entire service.

Mulder's physical deterioration was evidenced by the dark circles 
around his eyes, his pale complexion and his gaunt frame.  I was 
sure he had hardly eaten nor slept since Angela's death, but I was 
still floored by the extent of his grief.  When I had asked him to 
come home with me for supper he refused.  He wanted to stay with 
Bruce, he explained.  He wasn't sure that Bruce could be trusted 
alone.

I accepted his reasoning, but went over to Bruce's house with supper
for both of them.  I made my mother's favorite lasagna recipe and
was pleased to see Bruce eat a small serving and a couple slices of
fresh bread.  Mulder pushed his food around and finally got up and
cleared the table.  

I stayed until Bruce fell asleep watching an old movie with us.  
I helped Mulder get Bruce to bed.  When we returned to the living
room, Mulder politely but definitely refused to talk to me.  He 
assured me he would be fine and he would see me on Monday.  I had a 
really bad feeling about leaving the two men alone, but had no 
valid excuse to stay.  I hugged Mulder and agreed to see him at 
work.

I didn't expect to see Mulder in the office on Monday, but he was 
there by the time I got in.  Outwardly he looked much better.  It 
was obvious that he had gotten some sleep and had eaten at least a 
little.  The glass pan I had used for the lasagna was on my desk.

"Good morning Mulder," I said when he looked up.

"Morning, Scully."  He looked back down at the file in front of 
him.

"How is Bruce doing?"

"As well as can be expected," he said as he stood up.  "I have an 
appointment to give a deposition on the Rafferty case."  And he 
left the room.

I sat there and contemplated how different the truth could be from 
what appeared to be the truth.  Mulder looked fine.  He was as 
nattily dressed as ever, but his response to my effort to make 
small talk let me know just how far from being okay he really was.  

Before I knew it, it was time for me to leave for Quantico to fill 
in for Dr. Winters.  I remembered that I had not let Mulder know 
that I would be gone this afternoon and quickly scribbled a note 
for him.  I let him know where I was going to be this afternoon and 
asked him to call me.  

I was in bed that night before I remembered that he had not called.

The rest of the week was just as strained.  Mulder was polite but 
distant.  He didn't joke with me and he didn't touch me.  I would 
have just put it down to depression if the events of Thursday 
morning hadn't happened.

I had inadvertently left my badge at my mother's house and was 
forced to go through the front security entrance and obtain a
temporary pass for the day.  Since I had never done this before, 
the Security Chief was fairly nice about it, but let me know that 
this was not to become a habit like certain people he could name.  
I knew he was referring to Mulder, but gave him a smile and a 
promise to not let it happen again for another nine years.

The halls of the Hoover were crowded.  A new class of agents had 
just graduated and were attending in-service training sessions 
before they were given their first assignments.  I had been asked 
to give a short lecture on forensics as a specialty.   I was on my 
way up to the in-service and decided to deliver my expense 
reconciliations and return the reports I had asked Kim to pull for 
me at the same time.  

Whenever our expense reports were questioned, I needed the field 
reports to refresh my memory about the cases.  I stopped on the 
second floor and turned in my expense report reconciliations and 
got back on the elevator to go up to Skinner's office.

The elevator was crowded with newbies.  The entire class seemed to 
consist of good-looking, tall young men.  I smiled to myself as I 
thought of an old Johnny Carson show I had watched with my mother 
the night before.  We had picked out the DVD with the show that 
George Gobel did along with Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Junior.  We 
had watched Mom's favorite part about four times.  The best line 
was from George Gobel when he said, "Do you ever get the feeling 
that the whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown 
shoes?"

As I stood there surrounded by tall, athletic young men, that's how 
I felt.  Like a worn out pair of brown shoes.  I wanted to share 
that thought with Mulder.  I knew he would understand.

I must have been smiling a little too freely because the agent to 
my left turned to me and smiled back.  He glanced at my pass and 
tried to strike up a conversation.  I let him know with my one word 
replies that I was not interested in a social conversation and 
turned slightly to my right to see why the elevator was taking so 
long to go up two floors.

When the elevator finally stopped and I began to shoulder my way 
through the throng of new agents, it happened.  Someone pinched my 
derriere.

I kept going but turned to glare at them.  They didn't know me but
if they did they would be very glad I couldn't tell just who had 
pinched me.  I hadn't been pinched in the elevator since 1992...
since I was partnered with Mulder. 

I continued on into Skinner's office and returned the field reports
to Kim.  She could tell I was upset and asked why.  She started 
laughing when I told her what had happened.

"Dana, welcome to life upstairs at the Hoover," she giggled.

"I haven't been pinched in years.  Does this kind of stuff go on 
all the time?" I asked incredulously.

"Yep, every time there's a new class of agents, there's always one
hot shot in the group that goes for the first grope," she smiled.
"Usually A.D. Cassidy puts the fear of God into them during the in-
services and it ends, but you never know."

"Nothing like this has happened to me since I was partnered with 
Mulder," I replied.  I glanced at her clock and realized that I 
needed to get upstairs.  

When I looked back at her, she had a very dainty, but very definite 
smirk on her face.

"What?" I said.

"Oh, nothing," Kim evaded.  "Aren't you speaking at the next in-
service?"

"Kim...."

"Yes, Dana?"  She was playing innocent.

"Never mind.  I don't have time to get it out of you now, but I 
will get my answer, Ms. Cook!" I teased.  

When I got back on the elevator, Mulder was already there.

"Going up, Scully?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm on the in-service Speaking Committee," I replied.

"Me, too," he said.

I was suddenly saddened by the lack of communication we had over 
the last few weeks.  I wanted my Mulder back, not this quiet, 
distant man who never touched me.

I tried to lighten the mood by telling Mulder about my experience 
in the elevator earlier and Kim's remarks.  I could see his 
expression darken as I spoke.  I tried to make light of it.  I 
didn't tell him to upset him, but to make him laugh.

"Uh, what are you going to speak about, Mulder?  The X-Files?" I 
said to change the subject.

He gave me a sarcastic grin but shook his head, "Do you think any 
of the newbies would be interested, Scully?  Actually I was asked 
to give a short speech on profiling and VCS.  Apparently all the 
'real' profilers were out on cases and I was the only one left they 
could corral."  His self-deprecation cut me to the quick.

"They're lucky to get you, Mulder.  You were and are the best-of-
the-best," I said as I squeezed his forearm.

He took a quick breath and stepped back from me before saying, 
"Thanks, Scully, but you're in the minority on that opinion."

The elevator doors opened and we walked towards the auditorium.  
Mulder excused himself and went over to speak to A.D. Cassidy.  She
smiled and nodded at him and I wondered what he had discussed with 
her.

A.D. Cassidy called the group to order and introduced the first 
speaker.  She started reciting a long list of solved cases, 
commendations and awards, and I knew she was describing Mulder long
before Monty Props' name or the doctorate from Oxford was 
mentioned.  When she finally introduced Mulder there was a buzz of 
discussion in the auditorium and a few quiet 'Spookys' could be 
heard.

Mulder stepped to the podium and began to speak.  Within moments 
you could have heard a pin drop outside the door.  He held them in 
the palm of his hand.  His every word was gold to them.  As a 
profiler and a member of the VCS, Mulder was every young agent's 
idol.  But as always there had to be one in the group to start the 
crap rolling again.

When the Q & A period started, the usual questions about Mulder
leaving the VCS and his activities with the X-Files began.  A.D. 
Cassidy ended that discussion quickly and then stepped aside as 
Mulder began to speak again.

"Thank you for your attention.  I have the privilege now to 
introduce our next speaker.  This next Special Agent has one of the
finest records of any agent in the FBI..." I was mortified.
Mulder was introducing me.

After a couple minutes describing my credentials and commendations,
he finished with, "She is one of the finest agents it has ever been 
my pleasure to work with.  She graduated top in her class at 
University of Maryland School of Medicine, at the top in her 
graduating class at Quantico, holds the record for the best scores 
on the shooting range, and has saved my life on numerous occasions.
Please greet Special Agent, Doctor Dana Scully."  Mulder smiled at
me as he left the stage.

I was blushing by the time the applause died down.  I hated public
speaking.  That was one of the reasons I wanted out of teaching at 
Quantico.  I looked out over the group and saw the grinning faces 
of the group of newbies in the elevator.  One of them wasn't 
smiling, though and was being teased by the rest of his group.  I 
assumed that this was the one responsible for the grope in the 
group.

I gave a short speech on why I joined the FBI, the need for 
talented, interested forensic investigators and distributed a number
of pamphlets with Dr. Winters' name in case any of the group was
interested.

My Q & A time was much shorter than Mulders.  I could understand 
why.  The topic of dissecting dead bodies wasn't nearly as 
attractive as the history of profiling and capturing sickos.

I left the meeting as soon as A.D. Cassidy took over again.  I 
wanted to get back down to our office and talk to Mulder.  I needed
to understand why he was avoiding me.  I wanted my old Mulder back.

By the time I reached our office, he was gone.  There was a note 
that said he had some personal business to attend to and would see 
me tomorrow.  I made a mental note to call him later and find out 
what was going on.  The next day, I was called in on an autopsy at 
Quantico and didn't make it back to the Hoover at all.  I called 
Mulder and left a message on his machine for him to call me.

He called my machine and told me that everything was fine and he 
would see me on Monday.  I tried to reach him several times over 
the weekend, but always got his machine or voice mail.  I decided 
that maybe he just needed some space and I would talk to him on 
Monday for sure.

But when Monday came, there was no Mulder.  I called A.D. Skinner's
office and Kim told me that Mulder had called Skinner earlier that 
morning.  I requested a few minutes of the A.D.'s time and was told 
to come right up.

"Agent Scully, what can I do for you?" A.D. Skinner asked as I 
entered his office.

"Sir, I wondered if Agent Mulder had give you a number when he 
called in earlier," I said.  

"Agent Mulder did not leave a number other than his regular cell 
phone number."  The A.D. wasn't going to give me any information 
unless I explained why I was requesting it.  "Is that all, Agent?"

"No, Sir," I hesitated.  "I'm concerned about Agent Mulder.  He's 
taking Agent McCort's death hard.  He and Bruce McCort have been 
friends for a long time and he seems to feel responsible for 
Bruce's grief.  Any information you could give me about his leave 
would be appreciated."  I knew I had to let Skinner know that I was 
concerned without being too specific.

Skinner seemed to consider my words carefully before replying, "I
understand your concern, Agent Scully.  Agent Mulder requested two 
weeks off to help Bruce McCort move.  He sounded upset, but..." he 
hesitated.  "I didn't get the feeling that there was anything there
more than the urge to help a friend."

I nodded at him and then asked, "Did he say where they were going?"

"Mulder mentioned Morehead City, North Carolina.  Apparently Angela 
and Bruce have some property down there.  He indicated that Bruce 
was moving there permanently, even having Agent McCort's ashes 
moved."

I had a very bad feeling about this information.  I wanted to run 
out the door and grab the next airplane to North Carolina, but I 
didn't.  Mulder had to do what he felt was right for his friend.  I 
knew I could call him later and check on him.  Skinner had done 
everything for me that he could.  I thanked him and went back to 
our office.

Several strange things happened that week.  Men that I had never 
spoken more than a few words to in the entire time I'd worked on 
the X-Files approached me and asked for dates.  I decided that 
Mulder's absence was the reason for the spate of bravery being 
displayed, and found myself searching for polite ways to decline 
their attention.  The icing on the cake of my week was the 
invitation to dinner by the pinching newbie from the elevator.  I 
didn't even try to be polite to him.

It still scared me to think how close I came to not going to Regina 
Taylor's bachelorette party that Friday.  I was worried about 
Mulder and was in no mood to be entertained, even by a good friend.

Regina was one of the few Agents I kept in touch with from my 
Academy class.  She was a fun person to be around, and was sharp as 
a tack but hid it well with her wicked sense of humor.  After a 
whirlwind romance and engagement, she had invited me and a few of 
her other favorites for a combined bridal shower/bachelorette 
party.  We were taking a limo while we bar hopped on her last night 
of freedom.  She had several dance clubs and a performance by a 
Chip'n'Dale-type revue lined up.

Even though I had R.S.V.P.'d yes to Kim, I was so concerned about 
Mulder that I almost decided not to go.  A last minute cry for help 
from Regina had tipped the scales and I was swept away by a group 
of laughing, tipsy women to ride in a huge white limo and drink 
myself silly while bar hopping the night away.

I'm not much of a drinker but I found that watching the others 
drink and grow rowdy was more fun than I had expected.  Half way 
through the evening something happened that changed my life.

Kim and I were alone in the limo, waiting for the other three women
to drag Regina out of the arms of the dancer she had decided to run 
away with.

I was glad Kim was included in the group.  She was a lot of fun 
away from the office, but then, weren't we all.  I had just finished 
telling her about the pincher in the elevator and his look of 
fright when he realized just who he had pinched.

"So, are you going to accept any of the dates you were asked on 
last week?" she asked casually after our laughter died down.

I stared at her for a moment, trying to understand this leap of 
conversation topic.  Hadn't we just been talking about newbies?  I 
swore I was on soda for the rest of the evening.

"Huh?" I managed.

"You know, Dana, all the men who asked you out this week.  Are you
going to accept one or more?"

"Kim, you know that I don't date.  Mulder and I don't have time to
date.  Our work..."

"Come on Dana.  You can tell me.  I know everything about the 
'Happenings at Hoover', but I never tell anyone," she giggled.  
"Well, maybe Walter, but certainly not everything."

I looked at her again.  'Walter?'  Just how close were Ms. Cook and
A.D. Skinner?

"Nothing's changed, Kim.  I don't have the time or the inclination
to date.  I have my work with Mulder to keep me busy."  I wasn't 
lonely, not at all.  Well, not until these last couple of weeks.

Kim's eyes widened and she blushed furiously.  "Oh my God.  You 
don't know do you?'

"Know what?  Kim, what?"

"Last week, Mulder let a couple of the biggest gossips in the 
office know that you were a free agent.  Everyone assumed that you 
two had called it quits until the glowing introduction he gave you 
at the in-service."  Her words still made no sense to me.

"Dana, everyone thinks you two had a fight and broke up.  Mulder 
made it clear that he was no longer involved with you and wouldn't
take out any man that approached you any longer.  A lot of people 
asked for a refunded on their marriage pool bet and started a new 
pool on when your partnership would officially end."

I stared at Kim for a long time.  Everything started to make sense.
I needed to go home.  I needed some coffee and a bath to sober 
myself up.  I needed to think through everything and decide what to
do.

I climbed out of the limo and walked down the street.  Kim ran 
after me.  "Dana, are you all right?"

"I'm fine Kim.  I just need to go home," I replied as I kept 
walking.  Why wasn't there a taxi in sight when you needed one?

"Dana, look at me."  She pulled me to a stop.  "Dana, I'm sorry if I
said something to hurt you.  Please don't be mad at me.  I would 
never talk about your business to anyone else, I promise."

I stared at her for a moment until I realized that she was scared 
that she had hurt me.  "Kim, everything will be okay.  Thank you 
for telling me about Mulder.  He's going through a bad time right 
now and is too stubborn to realize he needs his friends around him.
I'll be just fine as soon as I get home and figure out how to help 
him."

"Are you sure?  You aren't mad at me?"  There were tears in her 
eyes.

"Kim, I'm not mad, I'm grateful.  Trust me, everything will be fine
as soon as I figure out how to help Mulder."

"Okay, Dana.  Let me know if I can help.  I'll let the others know 
you went home."

"Thanks, Kim," I said as I started to walk away again.  I turned
back to tell her, "Oh, and by the way, Kim, I wouldn't put any 
money in the partnership-breaking-up pool.  You have a better 
chance of winning in the marriage pool."

She grinned and disappeared back into the club to help with Regina.

I went home and had my bath and about two pots of tea.  I soaked 
and sweated the two drinks I had out of my system quickly.  I 
needed a clear head to think through this problem.

I tried to piece together all the parts of the puzzle that was 
Mulder for so long that I got a headache.  I finally took a couple 
Tylenol and drank a huge glass of water and went to bed.  I would 
be able to think more clearly in the morning.

The next day I slept in until nine.  I woke up clearheaded and 
rested so I snuggled down under the covers and thought about my
problem with Mulder.

Actually it was Mulder's problem.  According to Kim, Mulder told 
the biggest gossips in the FBI that I was back on the market.  A 
tingle of excitement ran through my entire body.  If Mulder told 
them I was back on the market that meant the Mulder considered 
himself the reason I was previously OFF the market.  As quickly as 
my excitement washed through me, I now had a flash of anger.

Who did he think he was?  How dare he decide that I was not 
available?  Just what was he thinking?

Again, as quickly as the anger came it left.

He was my partner.  My friend.  My best friend.  And if he had only
spoken up and shared his feelings with me, we could have been... 
more to each other for some time.

But that wasn't Mulder's way.  Life had taught Mulder to hide his 
feelings, to protect himself from others.  Samantha was probably 
the last person that ever had felt Mulder's unconditional love.  
Even then it was the love of a preadolescent brother for his 
sister.

I once again cursed every woman that had taken advantage of Mulder.
From his mother to Diana Fowley, I wished them all to be judged by 
the Lord for their actions against this gentle man.

I had known for some time that Mulder felt a deep affection for me,
perhaps even a partnerly love.  But New Year's Eve was the first 
time I believed that his feelings were of a deeper type of love.  
As much as it had thrilled me, it also scared me to death.  I had my
own personal hang-ups to deal with.  When he hadn't pursued a deeper
relationship, I had been too cowardly to take the first step.

I couldn't ignore Mulder's actions of the last few weeks.  If I 
did, I was certain that we would never have an opportunity to 
explore our feelings for one another.

I quickly packed a bag and called Skinner's office.  I left a voice
message requesting a two week vacation and raced for the airport to 
make the flight to Jacksonville, North Carolina that was leaving at
1:00 PM.

If Mulder couldn't easily share his feelings with me, I would have 
to go the extra mile to get him to open up.  It was more than a few 
miles to Morehead City, North Carolina.  He would just have to talk 
to me about the truth when I got there.

XxXxXxXxXxX

I called Mulder from Cox's Family Restaurant in Morehead City.  The
rental car agent had recommended that I stop there for dinner.  He 
had suggested that I ask for a waitress named Maxine.  After hearing
him rant about the food and the service, I had visions of a busty
young, gum smacking, waitress who was probably topless or used to
work at Hooters in New York.  He claimed that she had even been 
written up in a book about North Carolina tourism.

I was totally surprised when I finally met the famous Maxine.  A 
round, white-haired woman with sparkling blue eyes and an 
infectious smile greeted me.  I told her about the compliments of 
the rental agent in Jacksonville and she hooted and laughed.  She 
had a couple smart remarks to make but I could tell she was pleased 
with his recommendation.

I had a delicious shrimp burger and when Maxine came back to check 
if I needed anything else, she asked why I was visiting Morehead.

I found myself telling her all about Angela and Bruce and how it 
had affected Mulder.  There was something about this woman that 
encouraged me to talk.  Before I was done eating, I had told her 
the entire story, including my fear that Mulder was closing me out.

"You said he was your partner, didn't you?  He won't leave a pretty
little thing like you," Maxine assured me.

"He's my partner at the FBI, not personal partner," I explained.

She gave me a shrewd look and then smiled.  "I don't know very many
partners who would follow their 'work partner' all the way to North
Carolina to make sure he was okay.  I have a feelin' that your 
relationship is much deeper than that.  Maybe that's what you 
should think about before you see him."  She winked as she filled 
my iced tea glass and left.

I thought about her words and couldn't shake the picture Mulder 
made as we lay on the ice pack in Antarctica after escaping the 
alien ship.  He had gone to the end of the earth for me, and my 
reasons for following him were the same.

I was finished with my meal, when Maxine appeared at my table with 
a piece of pie and pot of coffee.

"You look like you need a piece of pie, honey."  She smiled and 
placed the peach pie in front of me.

"How did you know that peach is my favorite type of pie?" I asked, 
anticipating another of her southern quips.

"Why, that young man over there said it was your favorite," she
smiled and poured me a cup of coffee.

I glanced over and felt a grin slide onto my face.  Mulder.

"Hey, Scully.  How did you find this place?" Mulder sat down across
from me.  Maxine hustled up with a piece of sweet potato pie and a 
cup of coffee for him.

"Thanks, Max," he gave her a smile.

"The customer assistant at the rental car place recommended it.  I 
didn't know what I'd find here, but Maxine is quite a pleasant 
surprise."

"We should ask if that clerk is related to her.  He recommended 
Maxine and this place to us too."

I couldn't take my eyes off him.  He looked much better.  He was 
rested and, even though it was still winter, had a light tan.

"You're looking better, Mulder."

"Thanks, Scully.  What are you doing here?"

I was surprised at his direct approach.  "I... I was worried about
you, Mulder.  You and Bruce, of course."

"Bruce is doing better.  He's having a memorial service for Angela
in a couple days.  Her family is from Raleigh and the few that are 
flying in from out of state will be here tomorrow.  Is that why 
you're here, Scully?  For the service?"

"I told you why I'm here, Mulder.  I am worried about you... and 
Bruce."

"There's nothing wrong with Bruce that time won't ease, and we both 
know that I'm screwed up, so there's nothing new to worry about 
concerning me."  He smiled to ease the sting of his words.  "Do you 
have a place to stay yet?"

"No, I called you right after I got here.  I thought I could stay 
at the same motel as you."

Mulder looked at me for a few minutes before speaking.  "I'm not 
sure that that would be a good idea, Scully.  We're in a little 
place up on the Neuse River.  It's pretty rough, just a fish camp
kinda place while his house is being fumigated.  We'd better find
you something in town here."

I tried to argue with him but he was adamant.

"Let's go get you a room and then run out to see Bruce before 
dark."  Mulder had the final say.

XxXxXxXxXxX

The next few days were a roller coaster ride.  I helped Bruce and 
Mulder get the house back together and aired out so that as many of
the long-distance relatives that needed it could have a place to 
stay.  I was shocked to see how big Angela's family was.  I 
contacted the caterer and increased the food order.

The bittersweet farewell of the memorial service for Angela that 
allowed her entire extended family to say goodbye was difficult to
say the least.  The wake afterwards surprised me.

Bruce seemed to be comforted by the stories and happy memories the
family shared about Angela's childhood.  The food was fabulous, the 
ice tea flowed and the children ran around laughing and playing as 
children will.

I had just helped Angela's mother clean up the last of the dishes 
and realized I hadn't seen Mulder or Bruce for a long time.  I got 
my purse and started looking for them to say goodnight.  

Even though it was still winter, the air was fresh and spring-like.
I stood at screen door and let the evening air cool me off.  I 
didn't see anyone on the porch, and was just about to go back 
through the house to see if they were out on the dock when I heard
Bruce say, "So, have you and Dana talked yet, Mulder?"

I stood still and waited for Mulder's reply.

"No, I haven't found a way to tell her I'm not going back to 
Washington yet."

My world tilted.  Not going back to D.C.?  Damn it, Mulder, why?
 
"She's a smart gal, Mulder.  You're gonna have to tell her sooner o
later."  They were in the shadows at the end of the porch.  I could
hear him shift on the seat of the old swing.  "You're not thinking
of letting your boss tell her, are you?"

There was no reply from Mulder, and I knew that's exactly what he
had planned.

"Damn!  Mulder.  You are an 'A-Number-One-Asshole' if you let her 
find out that way."

"I know I'm an asshole, Mac, but I just can't say goodbye.  I've 
thought this whole thing through a million times.  I can do what's 
best for her, but I can't say goodbye to the only woman I'll ever
lo..." his words faltered.  "She'll be safer away from me.  They'll
transfer her and she'll skyrocket up the ladder of success.  She'll
find someone to actually love, someone safe."

The creaking of the swing was the only sound coming from the shadows
for a few minutes.  I slumped against the doorframe holding both my
hands over my mouth to keep the moans that pushed at my throat from
escaping.

He was leaving to save me.  How could he do this, the bastard?

"Mulder... Fox, I'm going to tell you something I haven't told 
anyone," Bruce's voice cracked.  "We... I... Angel was... sick," 
his voice failed completely.

"Sssick?" Mulder stammered.  

"She had M.S., Multiple Sclerosis.  She was in Bank Fraud because 
it was easy duty.  She had already informed her supervisor that she 
would not be working after Easter.  We were going to move down here
and take it easy for a while.  See if we could find a way to slow 
down the progress of her disease."

"Oh, God, Bruce.  I'm so sorry," Mulder whispered.

"Yeah, me too.  But not as sorry as I would have been if we had 
waited to marry like her family wanted.  I had almost two years
with the woman I will love for the rest of my life and I wouldn't 
give up a minute of that time for anything less than bringing her 
back from the dead."

"Hey, is that a 'Spooky' joke?" Mulder tried to lighten the mood.

"No, but it is directed at you, Fox Mulder."  Bruce continued, "If 
you let Dana go without telling her how much you love her, and 
allowing her to make her own decision on whether to continue as 
your partner or not...  well, Mulder, that's the biggest mistake 
you'll ever make."

"Scully doesn't love me like Angela loved you, Bruce."  Mulder 
halted when Bruce made a rude noise.  "What?"

"Mulder, you're the smartest man I know.  You could be a success at
any career you chose.  You have a doctorate from Oxford, for crying
out loud.  Your knowledge of the market rivals mine.  You are an 
accomplished writer, and musician.  You would make a fortune at the
upscale piano bars right there in D.C.  But you are the blindest 
son-of-a-bitch that ever walked the face of the earth."

"What are you talking about, Mac?"  Mulder was truly confused but 
getting angry now.

"Dana Scully is your equal in the brains department, Mulder.  She's
level-headed but intuitive, and contrary to your delusional 
opinion, proficient at taking care of herself.  She's also capable 
of making up her own mind, choosing her own path, loving whomever 
she wants.  And for some fool reason that Angela and I could never 
understand, she's chosen you."

"That's bullshit, Mac.  She's way too good for me.  Scully doesn't 
love me," Mulder denied.

"You're right, Fox, she is way too good for you," Bruce said.  The
swing creaked as he stood up.  "But not for the reasons you think 
are true.  She's too good for you because you're a damn fool and 
are going to walk away from the best thing that ever happened to 
you in your sorry life and she deserves better than that kind of 
coward."

I heard Mulder stand up, too.  There was a scuffling of feet as if 
they were shoving one another.  Mulder said, "What's gotten into 
you, Mac?"

Bruce heaved a huge sigh and said, "I'd do anything to have just 
one more day with Angel, but you're so blind you're throwing away a 
your best chance at happiness because you're afraid to act on your 
feelings.  I might be the one who's alone, but at least I have my 
memories.  You?  You'll never have anything but 'what-ifs' and 
nightmares.  Don't do this to yourself, Fox.  Don't walk away from 
the one person on this earth that can make you happy."

Bruce was coming back into the house and I had to get out of there.
I quietly slipped into the downstairs bathroom.  I sat there
contemplating their conversation for a few minutes then prepared to
leave.

I decided not to say anything to Mulder about his conversation with
Bruce.  Nothing I could say would change his mind if he was set on 
leaving me.  I needed to get home as soon as possible.  I didn't 
know how long I could pretend that I didn't know he was leaving me. 

I found everyone in the living room and bid them all goodnight.  I 
walked swiftly to my car and drove away before Mulder could speak
to me privately.  I didn't think I was up to any more revelations 
that night.  I called and made plane reservations to return to 
Washington on the first flight in the morning.  I thought about it 
for a long time before I called Mulder and told him about my plans.  
He asked me to meet him at Cox's for breakfast and, reluctantly, I 
agreed.

Continued in Part 2

Part 2

XxXxXxXxXxX

I checked out and drove to the restaurant early, hoping to see 
Maxine before Mulder got there, but I was out of luck.  He was 
already seated and drinking a cup of coffee when I walked in.

Maxine was right there with the menus and a cup of coffee for me.  
I smiled at her and glanced at the menu, trying to find something I 
could force down past the lump in my throat.  I finally settled for 
a piece of the peach pie I enjoyed before and the coffee.

Mulder cast an inquisitive look my way and proceeded to order a 
huge breakfast including grits and hash browns.

Neither of us had much to say.  We were both relieved when the food
arrived.

"Is that all you're going to eat, Scully?" Mulder asked as I pushed
my pie away a few moments later.

I nodded and took a sip of my coffee to keep from having to speak.

"Mind if I eat it, then?  You can't find pie this good back in
D.C.," he happily munched away.

I wanted to smack him.  He wasn't going back to D.C., he could have 
his pie anytime he wanted.  Tears filled my eyes, but I refused to 
allow them to fall.

Mulder finished his meal in silence and then excused himself for a 
moment.  I stared out the window, trying to bring my emotions under 
control.  By the time he returned, I was calm again.

"It's time for me to leave for Jacksonville."  I pulled a five from 
my wallet for my food and started to stand.

Mulder touched my hand and said, "Don't go yet, Scully.  You've got
a few minutes before you have to leave for the airport."

I froze.  His touch was light, but it held me in place as if it 
were a thousand pounds.  I sank back down into my seat and waited 
to hear what he had to say.

Before Mulder could speak, Bruce strode up to our table.  "Am I too
late?" he grinned.

"Too late?" I asked.

"Yeah, Mulder called and told me to hurry up so that you two could
get going to the airport.  I wanted to say goodbye, Dana."  He 
hugged me.  "I really appreciate all your help this past week."  

I stared at him and then turned to look at Mulder.  He had a silly 
grin on his face.  "Well, I have to turn in my rental car in at the 
airport, too, so I can't drive back with you, but I got a ticket on 
the same flight as yours right after you called."

"Mulder, you don't have to leave because I am," I said.

"Yeah, Scully.  I do," he said cryptically.  He threw down a tip 
for Maxine and took both checks up to the cashier.

I turned to Bruce and hugged him again, "Don't be a stranger, 
Bruce.  You know you have friends in D.C. anytime you want to come
up for a visit."

"Thanks Dana, and don't forget, you're always welcome to visit me, 
too."  Bruce hesitated and then said, "Give him time, Dana.  He's 
trying, but he doesn't have a lot of positive experience to draw 
from."

I gave him a startled glance.  Did he know I was listening last
night?

"I gotta get home.  There are a couple boards in the floor by the 
front door I want to replace.  They make a very distinctive squeak 
when you walk up to the door."

I blushed and nodded.

We said our goodbyes and I took off.

XxXxXxXxXxX

I had the entire drive back to Jacksonville to think about Bruce's
words.  I finally came to the conclusion that he was right.  Mulder 
didn't have a wealth of positive experiences to draw from.  How 
hard would it be for him to know what to say to me right now?  How 
hard would it be for him to let me know exactly how he felt about 
me?  How hard would it be for him if I rejected him?  

That thought was ludicrous.  I would never reject Mulder.  But did 
he know that?

I decided that I wasn't exactly the most forthcoming woman in the 
world.  My own fear of rejection and desire to always be perceived 
as an equal and professional partner had kept me from giving Mulder 
any overt hints about my feelings.  I couldn't give Mulder the 
courage he needed to approach me directly, but maybe it was time I 
changed my actions.  I didn't know what I was going to do, but I 
knew I had to do something.

I had already boarded the plane before Mulder joined me.  I 
couldn't help feeling the twist of fear in my gut that he had 
ditched me again.

He slid into the aisle seat next to me and smiled, "Got stopped by
an accident.  You were smart to leave right when you did.  A few 
minutes later, it could have been you in the accident."

I thought of my new commitment to open communication and said, "We
never know what's going to happen, do we, Mulder?"

He gazed at me for a long moment and then agreed softly, "No, I 
guess we don't."

The next few minutes were the same on every flight we had ever been
on together.  I don't consider myself afraid of flying, but the 
first few minutes are always an anxious time for me.  Mulder came 
to my rescue once again.

"Scully, did you know that there is a haunted fort near Bruce's 
house in Morehead City?"  His eyes were sparkling as he spoke.

"Haunted?  Really, Mulder, who fed you that one?" I teased back.

"Maxine told me.  We had dinner there one night when she was 
working.  She told us all about Fort Macon and the ghosts that 
haunt the old jail cells there.  If you go there during the spring,
on the anniversary of the last battle fought there, you can hear 
the ghosts of the soldiers held captive, screaming to be let out 
when the attacking ships cannon set the wooden barracks on fire."

"And just where has this phenomena been documented?" I asked.

"Well, there was a team of students and a professor from Duke that
spent a whole month there a couple years ago..." he began.

"Anthropology students?" I interrupted.

"No, well, actually it was a Physical Manifestations in American
History course study," Mulder grinned.

Our ensuing argument got us off the ground and past my take-off
anxiety.  The steady drone of the plane made me sleepy.  I was up 
early and I didn't have my full serving of caffeine at breakfast.  
I was struggling to hold my eyes open.  About my third or fourth 
big yawn and Mulder asked, "Do you want a pillow, Scully?"

I smiled and nodded and he stood up to retrieve a blanket and 
pillow from the bin above us.

"Thanks, Mulder."

"No problem.  Why don't you lean on me?" he said.

I plumped the pillow against his shoulder and let him spread the 
blanket over me.  I was asleep almost instantly.

I woke up when the attendant asked Mulder if he wanted something to
drink.  I was going to sit up, but her next words made me freeze in
place.

"Do you want something for your wife?" 

"No, I don't want to wake her.  We're on our way back from our 
honeymoon and she needs her sleep," his words were soft and loving.

I couldn't tell if he knew I was awake and was teasing me.  I 
continued to breathe in a steady slow pattern that always fooled my
mother into thinking I was asleep when I was younger.

I let my body slide down Mulder's shoulder and onto his torso.  My 
ear was pressed to his chest and I could hear his heartbeat speed 
up slightly.  I sighed and nuzzled my cheek against his pec.  His 
heartbeat increased once again.

I had my hands folded up under my chin and I let them drop down as 
if I had reached the point of total relaxation.  I knew this was 
cheating, but I wanted to see what he would do after making that 
statement.

I sighed and wrapped my hands around his thigh.  I let my face 
slide lower until my cheek was resting against his crotch.  It took 
every bit of my concentration to continue to breathe deeply and 
slowly.  My heartbeat was beginning to increase.

Mulder straightened the blanket over my shoulders, tucking it in 
gently behind me to keep the draft from the overhead air vent away
from my back.  He slipped the small airline pillow over to his left
side.  I could feel the muscles in his thigh tighten and I knew my 
shoulder was probably pressing into his leg painfully.

I pretended to stir in my sleep and let my nose and cheek nuzzle 
against his burgeoning erection.  I inhaled deeply and the scent of
an aroused Mulder made a rush of warmth and wet flood my sex.  He 
moaned softly and began to lightly run his fingers through my hair.

It was a wake up call, of sorts, for me.  What was I doing?  Mulder 
had made it completely clear that he wanted to keep our 
professional relationship platonic.  I was thankful that he had 
changed his mind about coming back to D.C.  Whether or not he would 
continue with the FBI was still up in the air at this point.

Was I ready to commit to a sexual relationship with my best friend?
Did he want me physically or was he just responding to the stimuli 
as any red-blooded man would?  

I continued to breathe deeply and contemplate our situation.  
Mulder scooted down in the seat far enough so that the pressure my 
shoulder placed on his thigh was reduced, but not enough to move my 
head away from his erection.

The steady, slow movement of his fingers through my hair was 
soothing, and I felt myself slipping into real sleep.  I should 
have moved, should have given him some relief, should have stopped 
invading my best friend's personal space.  I couldn't.  The languor
his soft touch created took over and I fell asleep.

I woke up when the fasten seatbelt sign came on.  Our flight was 
short, but I felt wonderful.  My sleep had been deep and 
refreshing.  I noticed that my position had changed significantly.  
I was no longer snuggled into Mulder's lap facing the seat backs in 
front of us, but was cuddled against his chest with my arms wrapped 
around his waist.

I buried my nose in the juncture of his neck and shoulder and 
yawned.  I tried to pull away from him to sit up but his arms 
tightened around me.  "Welcome back to the land of the living, 
Sleepyhead," he teased.

I smiled back as I sat up.  "Mmmmm," I said as I stretched.  I 
heard Mulder inhale sharply and glanced at him.  He was starting at 
me with a dark, hungry look that he blanked as soon as he felt my 
stare.

"Thanks for being my pillow, Mulder.  I haven't slept that well 
since... well, for a very long time."  Mulder just nodded and 
busied himself with his seatbelt.  I followed his lead.

We didn't talk about anything important on the way home.  I stopped
in front of his apartment and told him I would see him the next day
at work.

He hesitated, then nodded his agreement.  He leaned over and kissed
me on my cheek, "Thanks, Scully."  He opened the door and stood up.

"Mulder?"  I couldn't think of anything more to say without 
breaking our unspoken agreement not to talk about 'IT'.

He leaned back down to see what I wanted but I chickened out.  
"Glad to have you back, partner."

"Good to be back, Scully.  Breakfast is on you in the morning," he
grinned and slammed the car door.  I popped the trunk and he pulled
his luggage out.  He turned and waved and then disappeared into his
building.

I waited for a moment until I saw his lights come on and then left
for home.  'So much for better communications,' I remember thinking.

XxXxXxXxXxX 

Mulder stirred beside me.  I glanced over to watch my husband sleep
and I couldn't help smiling.

He grumbled in his sleep and snuggled closer, pulling me into his
arms like a rag doll.  He breathed out a sexy groan and buried his
nose in my hair.  He was soon fast asleep again.  He deserved his 
rest.  After the fantastic sex we had this morning, I wanted him 
well rested for later.

Memories fast-forwarded as I continued to think about our relation-
ship.  I was trying to be more open and communicative with Mulder 
about my feelings after our return from North Carolina.  I knew it 
was working, especially after a playful Fox Mantle gave me batting
lessons one night.

Mid-June was the beginning of the happiest and yet most stressful 
time of my life.

My mother and Aunt Maeve had decided to try to bury old animosities
and let the families get together over the Fourth of July.  Maeve
was going to fly all her brood over for a visit and Mom was going 
to find a place for the get-together.

I was shocked when my mother came to me with her tale of deceit.  
How could she and Melissa have spun such a huge lie?  Did Ahab know
about this?  What the heck were we going to do?

I, of course, wanted her to tell Maeve the truth before they got 
here, but Mom surprised me.  I got another glimpse of the fiery 
spirit that my father was so taken with.  Maggie Scully was a force
to be reckoned with when angered, and Aunt Maeve knew just the 
right buttons to push.  She was so determined to hide the fact that
Melissa had fabricated a relationship for me and Mulder and that 
she had backed her up, she was willing to actually tell him the 
truth and ask for his help.  All she needed from me was my 
acceptance of my part of the deception.

I was stunned.  Mom wanted me to lie and was even willing to draft
Mulder into the lie to keep from backing down from Aunt Maeve.  
This was a revelation.  I thought my pig-headed determination came 
from Ahab.  I needed to rethink the entire paradigm of my Scully 
pride.  And while I was busy thinking about my parents, I couldn't
help worrying about Mulder.

What would he think about my mother's lies about our relationship? 
Would he be offended that they had used his name and emotions so 
cavalierly?  Would he do it?

My argument with Mom at the office brought everything to a head.  I
finally agreed, but refused to approach Mulder.  If my mother 
wanted to deceive Aunt Maeve and the rest of the family to save
her Scully pride, she was going to have to the dirty work for
herself.

The day after our confrontation I was surprised by a call from my 
mom.  Not only had she approached Mulder with her dilemma and he 
had accepted his role in her deception, but he had offered one of 
his properties on Martha's Vineyard as an alternative to the resort 
Mom had booked.

I tried to question Mom about his reaction, but she was somewhat 
evasive about their discussion.  I should have known then that she
hadn't told Mulder everything, but I was so relieved that I didn't 
have to discuss it with him that I allowed her to gloss over the 
actual details and move forward with the plans.

I was excited about spending a holiday with Mulder.  I had no 
intention of entertaining my relatives for the entire weekend.  I
had lived for years without my cousins and I didn't feel the need
to bond with them now.  I was, however, looking forward to seeing 
my brothers and their families.  I wanted to introduce Mulder to my
brother Charlie and his wife and kids.

And if I were truthful with myself, I wanted to spend a few days
with Mulder away from the office.  Perhaps that was the first overt
sign of my urge to merge.  Even if it were, now that I think back, 
I was probably too hung up on my self-pronounced short-comings to
accept it.

When I allowed myself to consider furthering my relationship with 
Mulder, I had concluded that one word summed up the reasons that we
would never be more than partners.  History... his, mine and ours.  
It kept us apart, kind of like the 'three strikes and you're out' 
rule in his favorite game.

Strike one was the most obvious.  Mulder wasn't interested in me.
Oh, I knew that he loved me.  I was, after all, his partner.  He 
loved Reggie Purdue, too, and I am certain that there was no 
romantic history between them.  He loved his sister, he loved 
Phoebe, or thought he did, and I believe...hard as it is to 
swallow... that he loved Diana.  Not exactly a sterling track 
record, but I couldn't fool myself about this one.  I wasn't 
Mulder's 'type'.  He was obviously attracted to tall, large-
breasted blondes and brunettes.  I was a short, red-headed realist.
There's a world of difference in loving someone and being 'In Love'
with them.

Strike two was 'our careers'.  The FBI discourages personal 
relationships between partners, officially.  But the 'Don't ask, 
don't tell' mentality simply did not apply to Mulder and me.  Our 
cases have insured that we aren't exactly low profile, and we have 
the highest solve rate of any partnership in the history of the 
FBI.  That should have bought us a little wiggle room, but so far 
all it had done was make us targets for gossip.  If Mulder and I 
did become intimate, I was afraid it would be the end of our work 
partnership.

Even if by some weird chance Mulder did find me attractive, and we
could work around the job situation, there was still my history 
against us.  Strike three.  Every relationship I'd had was a bust.
I have a long history of choosing the wrong man.  If I chose 
Mulder, didn't that make him just another one of the horde of bad 
choices?

Also there was the still the fear factor to overcome.  I had never 
had an orgasm with anyone I had been involved with.  Mulder was 
such a passionate, sensual man, I wanted to believe that our 
relationship would be better, complete.  But what if things weren't
different with him?  I feared that he would eventually tire of my 
inability to respond and this would destroy our work, personal and 
sexual relationships.

On top of all this was my sterility.  Mulder deserved a whole woman,
one that could give him children.  Strike three and I was out.

What I didn't count on in all this was Mulder's capacity to love.
I knew he was willing to help my mother because he loved her, 
probably more than he did his own mother.  But the depth of his love
for me was incredible.

He helped me open up about my fears and stood fast as I fought like
a wildcat and pushed him away.  Right up to the day I married him.

Our wedding and honeymoon was... unusual.  Not 'bad' unusual, 
just... different than any I had ever imagined.  It was a typical 
Mulder and Scully affair.  Part Cinderella, part soap opera, and 
just right.  I had found my happily ever after.

XxXxXxXxXxX

Mulder had moved in his sleep to place his head on my chest.  I had
been stroking my fingers through his hair for the last few minutes.
I loved his hair.  He was wearing it slightly longer since we've 
been married.  My wedding rings sparkled in the late afternoon sun.

They are so beautiful, just like Mulder's love for me.  Strong and
constant, yet bright and sparkling.

I remember the first time I flashed these rings at the Hoover. . .

XxXxXxXxXxX 

"Yes, it's true.  He did get married while he was off," I told the
sorrowful young agent in from of me.  "I'm sorry this upsets you so
much, Agent Mason."  I did feel sorry for the young man with a 
crush.

"Scully?" Mulder said as he stepped up to the elevator and flipped
open the file in his hands.  

I pushed the call button and with a final consoling smile towards 
Mason, stepped to his side.

Poor Mason staggered back a step or two and several agents rushed to
surround him.  Obviously he told them the news that had given him 
such a shock because they all jerked around to look at us.

The elevator arrived at our floor and the doors opened.  Mulder 
pretended to be totally engrossed in the file Skinner had given us,
but was aware of every movement.  We stepped on the elevator and 
turned to face the front.

Tom Colton, the asshole, silently mouthed the question everyone was
afraid to ask with Mulder there.

"WHO?"

As the doors closed I had raised my left hand with a flourish and 
displayed my wedding and engagement rings.

"ME!"  I silently mouthed back as the elevator doors shut in front
of their stunned faces. 

Mulder gave me a sideways look and decided to tease me as we 
descended to the basement.

"You know, Agent Scully, pride goeth before a fall."

His grin was infectious.  "You may be right, Mulder."  I gave him a
smile in return.  "But remember, Scully pride brought us both our 
heart's desire, so it can't be all bad."

"Not bad at all, Mrs. Mulder.  Not bad at all," he chuckled.

I don't know if it was the shock of our fellow agents, the pride of
possession of my heart's desire... Mulder... or just the fact that I
could finally, openly, express my love for my partner, but I was 
suddenly as turned on as I had ever been in my life.

I felt as I were going to explode if I didn't have him right then
and there.

I managed to tamp down my desire until we were safely ensconced in
our office.  Mulder headed towards his desk right away, but I 
lingered by the door.

He tossed the file on the desk and looked up at me, "Scully?"

His voice was the last straw.  I reached behind me and twisted the
deadbolt on the door.

Mulder blinked and when he looked at me again, I could tell that he
was in sync with my thinking.  His pupils were dilated and his 
breathing had quickened.

"Mulder," I purred.  "Do you remember our discussing our fantasies
on our honeymoon?"

He nodded.

"Well, I think one of your all-time favorites is going to come 
true."

He smiled and opened his arms to me.  I shook my head and motioned
for him to come to me.  His eyes registered his surprise and delight
as he strolled over to me.

"Here, now, up against the door," I managed to growl.

"Scully!"

That was the last whole sentence I was able to complete for many
minutes.

He pushed against me with his big, beautiful body and lifted me up
until we were eye to eye.  We kissed and necked like teenagers until
we were both gasping for air.  When we pulled apart, I realized that
I had my legs wrapped around his waist.  Thank goodness for skirts.

In my suspended position, my sex was rubbing against Mulder's 
erection.  I could feel the heat of his excitement as he stroked 
against me.

"Mmmmm... Mulder, you better stop," I'd managed to say.

"Don't wanna," he said as he kept up the rhythm that was driving me
wild.

"Mulder," I'd pushed him away far enough that I could look into his
eyes.  "You have to stop, or the front of your suit pants will be 
completely soaked."  'Just like my panties' I thought.

"Don't care," he'd said.

I'd kissed him again and gave into the excitement his movements 
created for a moment.  Finally my brain took over again and I'd
dropped my legs from around his waist.

"Scully," he practically whined.

"I want you too, Mulder, but I don't want you to have to go home and
change clothes before your meeting with Skinner later."

He'd let me slide the rest of the way down to the floor and dropped 
his forehead to rest on mine.

"God, I want you.  I can't get enough of you," he'd groaned.

"I want you, too, Mulder.  We just have to be careful with your 
clothes."  I'd grinned evilly at him as I began to unbuckle his 
belt.

"Mmmmm, that's my wife, the problem solver," he'd teased.  "Turn 
around."

I'd glared at him but did as he requested.  "Now, put your hands 
above your head on the door and spread 'em," he'd ordered.  He 
wanted to play and I had been more than willing to participate.

His hands had worked their way up and down my body in a sexy mockery
of a shake-down.  His fingers had traced mine and stroked my wedding
rings.  I could feel the heat from his body as he had crowded me 
against the door during his exploration.

When he'd reached my shoulders, he slid my jacket down off my 
them, lifting one hand at a time from the door to get it the rest of
the way off.  He'd placed it neatly on the table by the door and
returned to 'frisking' his suspect.

His hands lingered over my chest, kneading and cupping my breasts,
tweaking my nipples through my clothing before slowly pulling my 
blouse from my skirt and unbuttoning it.  

"Scully!"  He'd expressed his delight over the front clasp of my bra
before flicking it open.  His hands once again had given my breasts
a thorough inspection.  "Possession of concealed weapons, Agent 
Scully?" he'd teased.  "These babies could tear a man's eyes out of 
his head at thirty paces."  He'd kissed my neck, "Not to mention his
heart."

I'd moaned and stood on my toes to press my ass back against his
erection.  I'd liked the game, but I was dying to have him inside
me.

His thorough inspection of my breasts had ceased and he'd stepped
back as he'd slid his hands down my skirt, fondling my ass as he 
went.  God I loved it when he felt up my butt.

He'd finally reached my knees and surprised me by pushing up my 
skirt around my waist.  He explored my stockings, garter belt and 
thong thoroughly before he'd spoken again.  

"Do you have any special reason for wearing this little piece of 
heaven to the office, Agent?"  His voice was gruff, full of need.

"I was hoping to seduce someone I work with," I'd whispered.  "He's
so damn sexy and I've had the hots for him for so long... I thought
this might let him know how much I want him."  Why hadn't we played
this game years ago I'd wondered?

"Well, I don't know if this will work on your co-worker, but it's
certainly driving me crazy.  I think I'm just going to have to give 
this a trial run, in the interest of justice, truth and the American
way, of course.  You do understand, don't you?" he'd teased.

"Yes.  If I let you fuck me up against this door, you won't report
me to my husband.  You won't tell him about my plans to seduce my
partner.  He'll never find out what a naughty woman I really am." 

"That's right, Agent.  Now what will it be?  Do I tell your husband
about your obsession with your partner, or do I...?"   His fingers
pushed my thong aside and he began to stroke my sex.

"Please, don't tell my husband.  Anything."  I'd giggled then moaned
as his fingers found my center.

"What exactly did you have in mind for this partner of yours?" he'd
whispered.  "This?" he'd said as he pulled me back and bent me over 
next to his desk.  My hands had clutched the edge for support.  He 
pushed my legs apart even more and began to flick my clit with his
fingers.

"Yesss..." I'd hissed.

"You wanted him to feel you up and then fuck you.  Is that it?" he'd
whispered.

"No, no!  I wanted him to make love to me."  God, he really was into
that role playing.  I could tell by just his voice that he was 
immensely turned on.

"Does your husband know?  Do you think he would approve of this 
fixation you have on your partner?"

"Yes, he knows and approves.  He knows I owe him my allegiance, my 
life, my heart."
 
"You sound like you love this guy, this partner of yours."  The 
sound of his zipper exploded in the quiet of our office.

"I do.  I've loved him for a long time."

"How much?  How much do you love him?" he pushed.

"Enough to lie for him.  Enough to die for him," I responded.  This
had taken on a deeper meaning than the game we first started
playing.

"Enough to live for him?  Enough to marry him?" 

I could feel him poised, hot and ready at the lips of my vagina. 
"Yes, forever."

"Scully!" he'd groaned as his cock slammed into my heat.  

I'd moaned and pushed back farther on him, "Oh God!"  We had used 
this position before, but the force of his desire and the excitement
of this forbidden environment, made it new, more intense than at any
other time.

I could feel the soft hair on his legs on the back of mine as he'd
pushed into me, his balls thrusting forward to touch my clit with 
each inward stroke.  He'd leaned over me and I could feel the heat
of his body envelope me in a warmth that was only partially
physical.

His hands had covered my breasts.  His long fingers were stroking
and pinching my nipples.  I wished that he could suck them while he
pounded into me.  As if he could read my thoughts, he let one of his
hands trail down to my cunt.  He caught some of my juices and 
brought it back up to my nipples.  He circled each one and gently
began to flick them as if it were his tongue.

I cried out and arched my body back and up in pleasure.

"You like that, Scully?  Do you like my hands on your breasts while
I fuck you from behind?" he'd whispered hoarsely.

I'd thought I was beyond words until his pinch to my nipple and his 
whispered command, "Answer me!"  I'd managed to squeak out a 'yes'
as I retaliated by tightening my vaginal muscles around his cock.  
Two could play at that game.

I had pushed him too far.  The steady rhythm of his hips had 
increased.  He'd been close and so was I.

Stroking into me like a piston, he'd caressed my breast with one
hand.  The other had slid down to my clit and he'd begun to rub it
back against his cock on each inward stroke.  

"Oh, God!  Mulder!"  My orgasm had washed over me, hot and strong
and disabling.  My knees collapsed and I had started to fall.  
Mulder realized in time and had wrapped me up against his body with
his long arms, lifting my feet from the ground.  

"Mine," he'd hissed but he never missed a stroke.  I could feel 
another orgasm building as he'd driven into me.  The change in 
position had created a delicious friction against my G-Spot and I
was gasping in pleasure.  I fell over the edge again.

"God, Scully, that's the most erotic sound I've ever heard.  You
coming and coming again.  Because of me.  Love you.  God!  I love 
you.  Scully!" his moaned words of love buried in my hair.  Even at
the height of passion, Mulder wanted to protect me.  No screaming
my name until we were safely home, thank God.

I hadn't been sure I could stand and was pleased when he lifted me
in his arms and shuffled back to flop down into his chair.

"I'm getting too old for all this lovin'," he'd teased as he tried
to catch his breath.

"Not too old, just out of practice.  We've only been married a few
weeks, Mulder.  Like any new exercise program, you're going to need
to develop new muscle groups to gain stamina."  I'd slid into my Dr. 
Scully persona to tease him.

"I leave my physical therapy all in your hands," he'd teased back.
"And your lips, and your cunt and..."

I'd twisted around to give him the eyebrow, but I couldn't keep my
laughter from bubbling up.  "I accept the challenge, Mulder, but you
may be sorry you gave me that much control."

"Never!  I love you, Scully."

"I love you too, Mulder, but we need to get cleaned up.  Wait right
here and I'll be back."  I'd slid off his lap and walked to the door 
after straightening up my clothes.

"What should I do if some one comes in?" he laughed incredulously.

"Scoot up to your desk and don't stand up," I'd tossed over my 
shoulder.  "I need to make a bathroom run for a wet towel."

"Don't forget, I have an appointment with Skinner in about twenty
minutes."

"I'll be back," I said with my best Arnold impersonation.

And I was.  I got back with a few wet towels and we got him 
freshened up and out the door in plenty of time for his meeting.
If Skinner was any the wiser, he didn't let on to Mulder until 
that one cryptic remark at the end of the interview.

Mulder was almost out the door, home free, when Skinner said, "Oh,
and Agent Mulder.  You and Agent Scully are one of the few couples
that the Bureau has not separated after marriage.  I suggest you 
don't do anything further to give them reason to change their 
minds."

"Sir?"  

Skinner stared at him for a moment before saying, "Change your 
aftershave to Musk, Mulder?"

"Uhhhh, no sir.  I tried something new today, but I don't think I'll
use it at the office again."

"Good thinking, Agent.  Dismissed."  Skinner turned back to the file
he was reading.

We had made plans to meet at home that evening.  I had an autopsy 
scheduled while he met with Skinner and afterwards, I needed to 
check some findings done in my absence.  I was speechless when he 
finished telling me about his meeting with Skinner, then I started
laughing uncontrollably.

"Busted!" I'd giggled.

The sober expression on his face faded and he began to laugh with 
me.  We had a nice long talk that continued through our dinner and
evening preparations, right into the bedroom.

"Hold it, Scully.  I draw the line right here," he'd said with a 
serious expression.

"What?"  I'd pulled off my sweater.

His eyes had tracked down to my breasts for a moment, but he'd shook
himself and continued, "I refuse to discuss Skinner in our bedroom."

"Mulder, I wasn't talking about Skinner, per se, I was talking 
about..."

"No, Scully.  The only man I want in this bedroom with you is me,"
he growled.

"Getting possessive, are you?" I'd teased back.  I couldn't resist
and I'd begun to chant the names of men I felt were attractive as I
backed away from him.  "Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Harrison Ford, 
David Duchovny, Ralph Feines, Heath Ledger... Ack!"

He'd caught me and tossed me on the bed and after many happy hours,
our evening had ended in the same position we were laying in now;
Mulder enfolded in my arms, his head on my chest, my hands in his 
hair.  Heaven.

XxXxXxXxXxX 

Mulder blinked and smiled up at me.  "Have you been awake all this
time?"  He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on the clock.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Why didn't you wake me up, Scully?  We could have done something
together."  He stroked my arm and let his finger slide down to 
fiddle with my rings.  He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it 
reverently. 

I smiled and shrugged.  "I was resting and thinking."

"What were you thinking about?"

"About Barry Melbourne's words.  The Verge of the Urge to Merge," I
laughed.

"Only a man with a lot of older sisters would believe in that one,"
he grinned back.

"Besides, I wanted you to rest, Mulder.  I promised you some pay 
back earlier this morning, and..."

"And now?" he prompted, waggling his eyebrows at me.

"Now, I think I'm beyond the 'Verge of the Urge to Merge'," I 
answered as I rolled on top of him.  "How about you, lover?"

He did that muscle curl that made his stomach muscles flex as he 
reached up to kiss me.  Damn, his every move was sexy.  I felt my 
panties dampen.

"I've had the urge to merge with you for years, Scully.  You know
that."  

He kissed me and all thoughts of anything but Mulder, sex, kissing
Mulder, sex, loving Mulder, and sex with Mulder, now and later 
tonight, left my mind.

We kissed for an eternity.  When we came up for breath, I leaned
back and stripped off my shirt.  My nipples were hard and puckered,
my breathing was shallow.

"I want you right now, Mulder," I groaned as I moved my hips over
his.  I knew he wanted me as well.  He was already hard.

I pulled at his shirt, trying to get it off him without moving from
above him, so I wasn't looking into his eyes when he said, "I don't
know, Scully.  Now that you mention it, this sounds more and more 
like an X-File.  I think we should call the guys and have them set 
up some kind of Internet poll to get some documented proof."  

He fought to keep a straight face.  "You could co-write it with Dr.
Barry Melbourne.  Maybe you two could even publish an article on it
in JAMA.  Who knows, you might even get a commendation from Skinner
if you...."  He lost it as I tried to smother him with the pillow in
my hand.

We had been at it for several minutes, laughing, tickling and 
wrestling when he said, "Scully, uncle, Uncle!" 

"Had enough?" I smiled down into his eyes.

"Never," he said.  "Never enough of you, Scully.  I'll want you
every day for the rest of my life.  After all they already have
Viagra.  Just think about all the medical breakthroughs they'll
make before we're old."  

"I wouldn't worry about that," I said as his eyes drifted down to my
breasts.  Our kiss was tender and loving but held a hint of the 
passion to come.  

I spoiled the mood with my yawn.  "Sorry, Mulder.  Maybe I should
have napped when you were."

"Scully, I only laid down in order to get you to take a nap.  You've
been so tired lately."  He bit his lip as if he was worried about my
reaction to his next statement, "Do you think you should go to the 
doctor and get a check up?"

He seemed surprised when I smiled at him.  "I was going to tell you
tonight over dinner, but I already went to the doctor, Mulder."  The
fear on his face made me rush ahead with my next statement.  "I'm 
fine.  I'm going to be experiencing a few more weeks of being easily
exhausted then I'll be fine."

His features hardened, "'Fine' as in 'Mulder, I'm fine.', or really
all right?"  He got me.

I smiled and kissed his lips tenderly.  "I will be FINE in about six
months." 

I let the timing sink in before continuing.  He tensed then jerked
back to look at me more closely.

"Scully?  Are you... Scully?"

"Ah, Agent Mulder shocked speechless," I teased.

"Scully, are you pregnant?"  His voice was barely a whisper.  He was
shaking and looked like he was going to pass out.  I quickly placed
a hand over his mouth and nose and told him to breath slowly.

"Yes, Mulder, by some miracle, I am pregnant."

"How?  But I thought... You haven't had any morning sickness...  
When?"  He was still incapable of completing his sentences, but his
color was better so I moved my hand from his mouth.

"Megan Reynolds, my gynecologist, thinks that we probably conceived
during our honeymoon."

"Sssoo somewhere off the ccoast of Massachusetts..." he stuttered.
"While we were out on Scully's Pride..."

"Yep, we made a baby."

He pulled me into his arms and tenderly kissed me just before he 
jumped up out of bed, swaying right to left, a mixture of delight,
confusion and fear written all over his face.

"Mulder, where the hell do you think you're going?"  I fought to 
keep my laughter from overtaking me.

"Do you need a glass of milk, Scully?  How about a drink of water?
Do you want me to rub your back or your feet?"  He was obviously 
still overwhelmed.

"Mulder," I groaned and fell back on the bed.  "There is something 
you can do for me," I said in a pitiful little voice.

He leaned over me and said urgently, "Anything, anything you want
Scully."

I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him into a 
passionate kiss.  "I want you.  Naked.  Now."

"Scully!  Should you be," he hesitated then gestured.  "You know?
Won't I hurt the baby?"

"While you are built like a stud, Mulder, even YOU cannot hurt the
baby this early in the pregnancy.  Now, I have the Urge to Merge.
Right here.  Right now.  What do you say to that?"  I raised my 
eyebrow, daring him to contradict me.

He grinned and said "Yes Ma'm!" as he stripped down to bare skin.
"Merging, Ma'm!" just before he jumped me.

The End