From: Donna Honeycutt Date: Mon, 19 Mar 2001 12:34:11 -0500 Subject: New Story - Secrets Source: direct Title - Secrets Author - Donna Email address - donnah@pop.uky.edu URL - www.geocities.com/Area51/Quadrant/4571/ Rating - NC-17 Category - MSR, angst Spoilers - None Keywords - MSR, rape Summary - Sometimes they keep things from each other, but they're stronger together. Feedback - Please Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunman and Skinner all belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 and Fox. No infringement intended. Secrets He grabbed the phone from the wrong side of the desk, on his way to get another cup of coffee. "Mulder." "Mulder, it's me. I just wanted to let you know I wasn't coming in today." Her voice sounded slightly muffled, not quite herself. "You okay Scully?" "Yeah, I'm fine. I think it's just a little stomach flu or something." He'd already winced at the "fine", he really needed to teach her a new word for 'I'm not doing too well but I don't want you to bother me'. "What if I drop by later with some chicken soup?" "No! I mean, I'm contagious Mulder, you don't want to get near me." He frowned at that. She never hesitated to get near him if he were sick. Must be a doctor thing. "Will you call me if you do need anything?" "You'll be the first. Later." And she broke the connection. She must really be feeling ill; it almost sounded like she was crying. Except that Scully didn't cry. Okay, he'd give her a little space today, but if she wasn't here tomorrow he was going over there. The rest of the day dragged, but he got through it. He picked up the phone to call her three separate times, but managed to stop himself. If she was sleeping he didn't want to disturb her. Likewise after work, he forced himself to head to his apartment rather than hers. She'd promised to call if she needed anything. He managed to hold off calling her until 8:30. It took her four rings to answer. "Scully, it's me. Did I wake you?" "Uh, no, I wasn't asleep." "You don't sound any better." In fact she sounded worse, but he didn't want to say that. "I plan to be in tomorrow." "Don't push it Scully. If you don't feel well - " "I said I'd be in tomorrow. I need to go." "Oh, okay. I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Scully." "Goodnight." Again she was the one that broke the connection. He didn't feel any better about her. She must be feeling pretty bad. ***** She was there at her regular time the next morning though she didn't seem quite herself. "You didn't push yourself too hard, did you Scully?" "Good morning to you too Mulder." "Sorry. I am glad you're back." He grinned at her. "Didn't get the expense report finished yesterday, did you?" He chuckled, but didn't give her a straight answer, just watching her enjoy her coffee. He saw her grimace. "Scully?" "It's nothing." She turned away from him, but he followed. His eyes narrowed as he looked more closely at her face. That was a bruise, carefully covered with makeup. He automatically reached out with a couple of fingers to touch her cheek. She shied away sharply. "Scully, what happened?" "It was stupid. I got up in the night to go to the bathroom and ran into the door. I almost knocked myself out." "Damn, Scully. Are you okay?" He took another step toward her, but she backed away. "I'm fine. Can we just get to work?" "Sure." He didn't mean to hover, she always hated that. He moved back to his own desk to give her some space. She wasn't okay, but she wanted to work. He kept quiet, working beside her until lunchtime. Finally he pushed back from the desk. "Want to get something to eat?" "Uh, no. I'm not hungry." She didn't look at him. "You should eat something, at least try." "I said I wasn't hungry. Okay?" That wasn't like her. "Why don't you go eat? I'll be fine." He didn't believe her, but she obviously wanted some time. He wanted to make her feel better, and if that was what she wanted . . . She seemed agitated when he returned, unable to sit still. He finally commented on it. "Scully, I think you've put in enough time today." "What?" She turned back from the file cabinet, spilling half of the file she held. He rose and moved toward her. "I'll get it." He hesitated, watching her gather up the papers. "Go home Scully. I'll finish up here. I think you need some more time." He was startled to see her eyes grow moist. "Scully?" "Um, you're right. I'll, uh, I'll see you in the morning." She wouldn't look at him now. "Scully, why don't I take you home?" She glanced up and quickly away. "I'm fine Mulder." Without another word she gathered up her things and left. He sat staring at the door. She was really out of it. He hoped an early evening and a good night's sleep would help. She was late the next morning. He was almost out the door on his way to a meeting with Skinner before he heard her approach the office. "Get a move on, Scully. We're late." He looked up when she didn't respond and put the file he was holding back on the desk. "Are you okay?" He reached for her arm and she pulled back. The bruise on her face was more noticeable today, or the makeup job wasn't as good. "Have you seen a doctor Scully?" "Leave me alone Mulder. Stop . . . stop hovering. Let's just go to the meeting." He stepped back, stung at her attitude. He was trying to help and he was getting a little tired of her pushing him away. "Fine. Let's go." He turned from her and retrieved the paperwork. He headed out the door and didn't see her start to reach out her hand to him. She quickly dropped it and followed him to the elevator. She was distracted during the meeting. Mulder spent more time watching her than paying attention himself. Skinner caught on when he had to repeat his third question to her for the second time. "Agent Scully, are you with us here?" "I'm sorry sir. I . . . if you'll excuse me." She was practically to the door before Mulder made it to his feet. "What's going on Mulder?" Mulder shrugged helplessly. "She said she had a bug, she was out on Tuesday." "That doesn't explain the bruise." Skinner pinned him with his gaze. "She said she stumbled into her bathroom door." It sounded lame when he said it. Skinner just looked at him. "I'll go see . . . " By the time he'd reached the office she was gone, but at least she'd left a note. "I'm taking the rest of the day. This medication is making me dopey. See you tomorrow." Well, at least she was taking something. He might swing by there this evening on his way home. The day dragged by, he called once but her machine picked up before the first ring. Well, that probably meant she was asleep. That's what she needed. He did head that way when he left work, but as he got closer he developed cold feet about actually stopping. She'd been so prickly about his concern. Instead he checked that her car was there and the lights on. Okay, maybe she'd be better tomorrow. ***** The next morning came, but Scully didn't. He waited as long as he could, still only able to raise her answering machine, and finally decided to throw caution to the winds and head over there. She could yell at him if she wanted, but she needed checking on, and he should have done this sooner, he could feel it. Her car hadn't been moved from the night before. She was probably still asleep, but he didn't care. The paper was still at the door; she hadn't been out yet this morning. He tapped on her door and when there was no answer, knocked louder. When there was still no response, he pulled out his key. He opened the door and looked inside before entering, he didn't want to startle her. "Scully? It's me." No response so he came on in. The place didn't look right; it was messier than he was used to. She was usually so meticulous about her living space. He'd seen her hands twitch to straighten up his apartment more than once. Then he spotted her, sitting on her couch unmoving. Her knees were tucked under her chin and her hair was covering most of her face. It looked stringy, unkempt and her face . . . she had no makeup on and her cheeks were red, the tracks of old tears and that horrible bruise plainly visible. She was wearing the same clothes she'd had on in the meeting yesterday. "Scully?" He approached her cautiously; she still didn't seem to be aware he was in the room. "Scully, it's me, it's Mulder. Can you hear me?" Her head turned slowly and it seemed to take a while before her eyes focused on him. "Mulder?" "That's right. Scully, I'm going to take you to the hospital. Okay?" "No!" She jerked back violently at that and knocked away the hand he reached out toward her. "Don't touch!" "Okay, okay Scully. Just relax. I'm not going to hurt you." He glanced around the room again. What the hell had happened here? "Scully, I'm going to fix you some hot tea. Is that okay?" "Don't leave." He barely heard those words, whispered into her knees. "I'm not going anywhere, just to the kitchen. You'll still be able to see me. Scully?" She nodded slightly at that and he backed away from her, afraid to turn away. He found the mug and tea bags quickly; he wanted to be back in there, beside her. He realized his hands were shaking slightly when he took the cup from the microwave. Shit, he'd stared down the barrels of guns, had holes drilled in his head, killed people, and she was making his hand tremble. What was wrong with her? This was no damn stomach flu. "Scully? Drink this, okay?" She took the cup and held it as though unsure what to do next. He moved closer and she pulled back into the cushions. "It's alright Scully. I won't hurt you." She looked up at him then and seemed to relax a little. She took a sip and closed her eyes. He waited, she couldn't be rushed. After a few more sips she opened her eyes and looked at him. She tried to place the cup on the table, but he ended up taking it from her, though she did pull back at first. "Can you talk to me Scully? Tell me what's wrong. Please." He moved slightly closer, but didn't want to crowd her. "How did your face really get hurt Scully?" "He hit me." She spoke low, but the words rang in his ears. "Who hit you Scully?" He managed to keep his voice even, calm. "The man out back." "Out back?" That confused him. "I . . . I took the trash out." "You were mugged?" He desperately wanted her to say yes. A mugging was bad, but . . . She shook her head. "I was just taking out the trash. I do it all the time. I was in my pajamas and robe. They were waiting for me." "They?" There was no way to hide the quaver in his voice on that word. "Scully, how many . . . people were there?" "Three. Three men." For the first time tears formed in her eyes. "Scully, were you ra . . . raped?" The tears slipped from her eyes then and he closed his own. Someone had violated her. No, not someone, three, three men had . . . he'd find them. He was going to kill them. She was his; given to him, first as a partner, then a friend, and now . . . his hands have become fists. "Scully." He reached for her and when she pulled back, didn't retreat himself. "Scully, let me touch you. Let me hold you. I won't hurt you Scully." The trembling had increased to shaking now, and her breathing had grown shallow. He cautiously moved closer and put his arm around her. She was so tense, but she wasn't pulling away. He eased her into his lap and put his arms around her. He was almost afraid she would break. Her arms didn't go around him, clutching her own body. She did bury her face in his chest. "Let me help you Scully. I would never hurt you." He continued murmuring in her ear, caressing her back. After several minutes he could feel a slight relaxation of her muscles. She finally took a deep breath, but stayed where she was in his lap. "Scully, why didn't you call me?" "I was, I . . . when they were gone I crawled inside," his arms involuntarily tightened around her. "I wanted to . . . but it all went black. I don't know. When I woke up, it was late, too late to call you." "Scully." When had it ever been too late to call him? But he stopped; he wasn't going to scold her about anything. "I got up and . . . and showered. I know," she stopped his automatic protests, "but I had to!" "You didn't call the police?" "No. Mulder I couldn't, I can't!" "Okay, okay. Don't . . . it's okay. Just relax. I'm going to take care of this. But you do need to see a doctor." She tensed up again immediately. "Scully, it doesn't have to be anyone that knows you. But you . . . I'll be with you." She looked anguished and he continued holding her, she had to seek medical help. But she also had to decide it for herself. Finally he felt her shoulders relax a little and handed her a tissue. "Where?" "There's a walk-in clinic near my apartment. I'll take you there. It'll be okay Scully." She made no comment and attempted to rise from his lap. He had to help her and then, because she seemed somehow cold without him holding her, pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her. She looked up at him gratefully. He led her to his car and headed for the clinic. He'd been there several times himself and knew the staff. Watching her was more important than watching the road right now, but he managed to do both. She was reluctant to leave the car, but with his arms around her, she managed. His badge and her appearance got them an examining room immediately. The young doctor that entered took one look at Scully, then moved over to speak in low tones to Mulder. "What do we have here?" "She was attacked. You'll need to use a rape kit." He managed to sound business-like, though his stomach was in knots. "When did it happen?" "Monday night." That brought the doctor's head up. "Monday? It's probably too late Mulder." "Do it anyway, Joe. Whatever we can find." The doctor nodded and moved over to Scully. "I'm Joe Davenport. I'm going to get a nurse in here and then I'll examine you. Try to relax. Mulder, if you'll -" He motioned toward the door. "No!" She reached for him. He took her into his arms. "I'll be right outside the door Scully." He whispered into her ear. "I'm not leaving, I swear to you I will not leave." She was shaking now and Joe could see what this was costing her. "Why don't I give you a little something to help relax you? You'll feel better." She looked up at Mulder as though for guidance and his heart broke. "Take it Scully." She nodded, not looking over at the doctor. He prepared a syringe and gave her the shot himself. In a very few minutes her eyes were closing. Mulder laid her back on the table and kissed her forehead, then after a quick look at Joe, stepped outside. The next forty-five minutes were the longest of his life. When Joe finally emerged and handed him the kit he realized he'd been holding his breath. "Is she okay?" Joe studied his shoes for a moment. "I gave her the morning after pill." "She's unable to conceive." He said it matter of factly, no emotion. "I'm sorry." That brought Mulder's head up, surprised. "Me too. But is she okay?" "I had to put in a couple of stitches." Mulder felt his knees start to buckle at those words and Joe took his arm, leading him to the nearest of the black plastic chairs in the hall. "She's not a case, is she?" Mulder shook his head. "What name do you want me to put on the file?" "Jane Doe." "You know she'll need follow up AIDS testing. Where do I send the results?" "To me. At my apartment." Joe nodded, they'd worked together before, but he'd never seen Mulder like this. After a moment the tortured man looked over at him. "Can I get her out of here?" "She's not awake. The sedative hit her pretty hard. I imagine she hasn't been sleeping." Mulder nodded. "I'll keep an eye on her. We're just going to my place." Reluctantly the doctor nodded, "Call me if you need anything." Mulder didn't bother to acknowledge that and rose. He redressed her and carried her to his car. He needed to be alone with her; he needed to make her feel safe again. His building was empty when he arrived, so he wasn't observed carrying her inside for which he was grateful. He made her comfortable in his bed and slipped from the room, leaving the door cracked in case she needed him. His hand hovered over the phone for just a second then he grabbed it and dialed quickly. "There's a problem. Can you come over?" He nodded at the answer and hung up. He stood in his living room, staring at the kit not sure what to think, what to feel. He wanted a drink, but that was the last thing he was going to do, hell it wasn't even lunchtime. He sank onto the couch and sat staring at nothing. The knock at the door finally roused him and he forced himself to his feet. He opened the door and watched his three friends enter. They gave him the once over and Byers spoke, "Mulder, what happened to you?" "Not me." He turned and picked up the kit from his counter. "I need you to analyze this. Get everything you can from it. Hack into every DNA database you can find." "What is it?" Langly took the package from him. "A rape kit." "Rape? Who was - " Frohike caught on first and they turned to look at him as he moaned. "Mulder, no!" Byers moved toward Mulder. "Not Scully." Mulder nodded. "We'll get the information." "There were three of them." Byers looked up at him stricken, Frohike lowered himself into the nearest chair and held his head in his hands. Even Langly looked pale enough to faint at that point. "Is she," Byers had to swallow to get his voice back, "is she okay?" "What do you think?" Mulder looked away for an instant as the men winced, "Sorry, I . . . " "Are you okay, Mulder?" Byers touched his arm. Mulder shook his head, but didn't bother to speak. "Is she here?" Mulder motioned toward his bedroom. "We need to get started on this. Mulder, call us if you need . . . if we can do anything." "Get this information for me. That's all I need." The men nodded and Frohike stood. Frohike and Langly left the apartment, but Byers stopped at the door. "Mulder, do you want me to stay - the guys can get this information without me. If you want to talk or . . . " "No, it's okay. She didn't know I was going to call you. When she wakes up I don't think anyone else should be here." Byers nodded and after a moment followed his friends from the apartment. ***** "Scully, Scully it's me. It's Mulder, wake up. You're safe." She opened her eyes and focused on him immediately. "Are you awake?" "Is this . . . is this your . . . " She looked around, trying to get her bearings. "Yeah, I thought you might be more comfortable over here." She nodded, her eyes tearing. "Scully, don't cry. Are you in any pain?" "No. I just . . . thanks for, for bringing me here." He took her hand and sat beside her on the bed. "I want you to stay here tonight. Okay?" She nodded. "If you'll make me a list, I'll run over to your place and pick up what you need, then get some dinner. We missed lunch anyway, so you're probably getting hungry." She demurred, but he was right about needing some things. It was just the thought of being alone again. But here . . . it should be better here. She walked him to the door and he stood outside until he heard the deadbolt engage. He'd hurry; he didn't want to leave her alone. Mulder headed for her apartment first and let himself in, automatically looking around to see if she had left any evidence. Nothing obvious. He moved toward her bedroom and found her overnight bag. He opened it on her bed and began to look for the items on her list. Going through her underwear drawer was uncomfortable; he was here at her request, not like some pervert. Knowing that didn't help any. He finished as quickly as he could and moved to her bathroom. That wasn't nearly as bad, and it was while he was closing the mirror to her medicine cabinet that he spotted the bundle of something stuffed behind her tub. He moved over to it, was it clothing? He knelt to examine the cloth without having to touch it. Scully wouldn't . . . pajamas, this is what she'd been wearing - oh god. When he was able he rose to his feet and headed for the kitchen. There he found a plastic bag that would keep the evidence safe and returned, carefully removing the clothing and sealing it in the bag. Her things forgotten temporarily, he found himself at the backdoor, concentrating on evidence. She'd cleaned in here. That was obvious, but she'd missed some blood in the crack of the door jam. He steeled himself to think of it only as evidence and managed to open the back door. Here, this was where they had . . . No! Evidence, think about the evidence. He moved carefully, looking intently for whatever he could find, but this area was trampled constantly - the garbage had been emptied, vehicles had been in and out of the area. He'd have to rely on what he already had. Move it, he needed to get back to her. He'd drop the pajamas by the guy's apartment and pick up some dinner. He'd already been gone longer than he'd planned. Frohike answered the door. "Mulder, we don't - " "I found this." Frohike moved to let him enter. Mulder shook his head; "I have to get back to her." Frohike nodded, not sure what to say. Now he definitely felt the need to hurry, she'd been alone too long. So as not to frighten her, he knocked rather than let himself in, barely balancing their dinner as he held onto her suitcase. She opened the door and grabbed the styrofoam containers before he could drop them, then stepped back to let him in. He looked her over and grinned, partly in relief. She blushed slightly. "I took another shower, I'm - " "Believe me, it looks better on you than on me." His t-shirt came to her knees. It was one of his older ones, there was a hole at the neck and it had been washed so many times it was probably the softest thing he owned. It molded itself to her shape perfectly. As soon as he realized he noticed that he felt shame. This woman had been violated and he was looking at her like this? Scully reached out and touched his arm, as though she had read his thoughts. "Thanks for getting my things." "Hey, no problem." She'd let him off the hook. He carried the suitcase on into the bedroom while she set out their dinner. She cleaned up despite his protests following their meal. She hadn't eaten enough, but he'd made certain she ate at least a little. While she was in the kitchen he checked to see if there was any email from the guys. None. He wasn't sure what he expected this quickly, but he wanted something. He signed off as he heard her come into the living room. "That didn't take long." "Practice Mulder. You should try it sometime." He grinned up at her. She hadn't changed clothes, apparently feeling comfortable enough with him not to worry about it. He didn't bother to respond, she was right anyway. "You want to pick the movie tonight?" "You go ahead. I probably can't stay awake for the whole thing anyway." She was right, drifting off before the movie was barely begun. "Scully? Come on, let's put you to bed." She nodded and let him help her to her feet. He stopped just outside the bedroom door. "Thanks Mulder." She squeezed his hand. "Call me if you need anything." She nodded again and moved on into the room, pushing the door to, but not latching it. His smile disappeared when she was out of sight. She did seem better, but there was no way she was healed. He wondered if it were possible for her to ever be okay. Wearily he returned to his movie, but after a few minutes cut it off so it wouldn't disturb her and got ready for bed himself. He stretched out on the couch and forced his mind away from things he couldn't bear to think about right now. ***** She woke with a start, and it took her a moment to recognize his room. She relaxed back against the pillow. Had she had a nightmare? She didn't remember one, which was probably good. Then she heard him. He was in the room at Skyland Mountain. Duane Barry was in front of him, shaking his head, murmuring nonsense. "Did you hurt her?" He was helpless, he'd never been more helpless and this man had hurt her, maybe killed her. He spotted the blood and hair on the man's hospital bracelet. His rage overtook him and he had the man by the throat. "Mulder, Mulder wake up. It's Scully. You're safe." He sat bolt upright, nearly knocking heads with her. "Scully." "Yeah. It was just a dream." He held his head for a minute. "Right." "What was it?" She was beside him on the couch now. "The abduction dream." She nodded, "Samantha." She understood that one; he had it often enough. He shook his head, "No, you." She looked up startled. Her? He had dreams about her abduction? "It's okay Mulder. It was just a dream." He nodded, "Sorry I woke you." "No problem." She got comfortable on the couch next to him. "Scully?" "Why don't we finish that movie?" She knew him too well. He wouldn't be able to sleep the rest of the night anyway. He rose and put the tape back in the VCR, then returned to the couch and after only a second's hesitation tucked her in next to him and left his arm draped around her shoulder. When there was no protest he relaxed. He actually did see the rest of the movie, though she didn't. When it was over he muted the TV and began rewinding the tape. She was sound asleep, so he lifted her into his arms and carried her back into the bedroom. He laid her gently onto the bed and before he rose, pressed his lips against her forehead. Without warning her arms went around his neck. "Scully?" He whispered. "Alone." What? She wasn't awake, but . . . did she not want to be alone? Maybe he'd woken her a little carrying her in here. He'd hang around until he was sure she was asleep. He stretched out beside her, on top of the covers and she turned immediately to bury her face in his chest. That surprised him, but gave him comfort somehow. She trusted him, she wasn't afraid of him and for a change she was letting him be there for her. He lay watching her until her breathing was even, then started to move away from her. She seemed to sense it and became restless, following him. He stopped and put his arm back around her and she relaxed immediately. The same thing happened the second time he tried it, so he gave in. She wanted him here, and it was no hardship on him. He could lie here beside her as easily as he could on the couch; he wasn't expecting to sleep anyway. ***** He woke to find himself alone. Scully! Where was she? Then he heard the shower and was able to draw a breath. He rose; he could start the coffee. Did he have anything here for breakfast? Once the coffee was begun he checked out the refrigerator. Nothing there he could offer a human. Well, well - in the freezer, some English muffins. Better than he had thought he could do. His head went up when the heard the shower cut off. In a few minutes he heard her come up behind him in the kitchen and he turned to greet her, but stopped. She looked better, more relaxed. The bruise was beginning to fade and she'd pulled her damp hair back into a ponytail. He'd done well in his choice of her clothes. She was wearing a light green, scoop neck t-shirt and jeans. "Is everything okay? Mulder?" He realized he was staring and gave a low chuckle. "I'm not used to this." "What? Most of the women take the money off the dresser and leave before you wake up?" She was teasing him! She could tease about this, now? "Watch it woman - I'll charge you rent." She smiled then and dropped her eyes, moving toward the counter. He poured her a mug of coffee and lowered the muffins into the toaster. "I need to get some groceries, Scully. I'm out of . . . well, everything. Want to help me make a list?" She nodded and swallowed her coffee. "You could use some cleaning supplies too." "Scully, you don't have to - " "I want to. In fact, I've wanted to for years. Please, it will give me something to do." "Years huh? How should I take that?" He watched the smile she tried to hide grow. "I should get dressed. Write down what we need and I'll run out in a little while." She nodded not facing him. She was okay, really, most of the time. But the thoughts of him leaving left her feeling strange, alone, almost abandoned. "Scully?" "Just thinking about what we need. Go on, shower." He watched her for a moment longer then moved on to the bathroom. When he emerged, dressed and toweling his hair one more time she had assembled quite a list of needs. It was lying on the table and she was on a chair, looking through his cabinets. He picked up the list to examine it. She must be planning to cook; he didn't even know what some of this stuff was for. His eyes scanned down the list and stopped about three-quarters of the way down. Was she kidding? She wanted him to buy . . . he'd never even been down that aisle of the market. But other men did, surely he could make a selection and . . . damn, the things he would do for her. He looked up to find her watching him, not speaking, just watching. He wondered what his expression had betrayed but decided not to ask. "This a complete list?" "No, but I'm not sure your car could hold everything you need. Let me get some money." "I can get this Scully. You can get the next one." She went dead still, the only movement was her throat as she swallowed. He waited, had he said the wrong thing? "Okay, I'll get the next one." He tried to hide his relief and could only hope that he succeeded. He tucked the list into his pocket and turned toward the door. "Mulder." He stopped and looked back. "Nothing. I'll see you later." He nodded, "I won't be long." She nodded and attempted to smile. He stepped back to her and took her hand. "I'll have my cell phone, in case you think of anything else we need. Okay?" "Okay." But she didn't look up at him. That's when it hit him; she didn't want to be alone. That's what last night had been about. Dana Scully was afraid. He wanted to tear them into little pieces - he would when he found them. The shopping was actually an adventure. It would have been more fun if she had been along but neither of them had thought about it. He finished up as quickly as he could, ignored the looks that he received from the cashier and loaded his car. At the last minute he decided to run by her place again. He didn't think anything would spoil in that amount of time. He was back on the road in record time. She hadn't called, but she wouldn't - she would think that showed weakness. He had to kick the door, no hands to knock with when he got home. She opened it immediately, obviously waiting for him, and took one of the bags from him. "Can you start unloading? I've got a couple more trips to make." "My god, Mulder. How much did you buy?" "Just what was on the list ma'am." He tipped an imaginary hat at her. She smiled and turned to the task assigned. He thought she looked steadier, more composed than yesterday. Was he? It took two loads to bring up the last of the stuff. The final load included a couple of her suits and work shoes. "Mulder?" "I'm enjoying the company. I thought you could stay a little longer this way." She looked at him without comment for a moment then gave a half nod. "Byers called while you were out. He didn't seemed surprised when I answered the phone." "Oh?" Careful, what should he reveal? "Did he want me to call him back?" "Yes. I had the impression he has information for you. Would this be about a case I'm familiar with?" "This is one I'm working on the side." "Mulder." She pinned him with that look. She didn't seem overly upset and she had to know. When had she ever not known what he was up to, really? "They know, don't they?" "Scully, I . . . I needed some help and I didn't want to go through the Bureau." She nodded, "Thank you." That caused his breathing to be a little easier. "Let me help you with the rest of this." "Don't you want to call him?" "Yes. But I want to do this first, with you." She blinked at that. He took her clothing on into his bedroom and when he returned she had her back to him, holding something in her hand, not moving. "Scully?" He stepped closer and realized she was crying. Shit, maybe he shouldn't have talked to the guys but . . . "Thanks." Thanks? For what? She turned then and he saw she was holding the carton of gourmet chocolate chocolate chip ice cream. "I don't remember putting this on the list." "Oh, you don't think I got that for you, do you?" She came into his arms then and he held her until she pulled away. He handed her his handkerchief. "I'm sorry. It just . . . " "Well, if you're going to act like this I guess I could share the ice cream with you." She swatted his arm and turned back to the groceries. When they were finally through she turned to him. "You need to call the guys." "Scully, why don't - " "I'm part of this Mulder. You'll need me for an identification." He rubbed her arm as he stood looking down at her. "You don't have to - " "Yes, I do. And I can, if you're running the investigation." "That's just it. I don't know if I can. Scully, we can't convict anyone with the way the evidence has been handled already." "What were you planning?" He looked away then and she saw his jaw tighten. "Mulder?" "Don't worry about that. The guys and I will find out what we can and I'll take it from there." That look on his face, she wasn't going to get anything else out of him right now. She moved into the living room and curled up on the couch. She looked up waiting for him to make the call. He closed his eyes to block the sight. He was hurting too, not like she was of course, but . . . How could he talk about this in front of her? He took a deep breath and sank into the chair at the desk, then dialed Byers' number. "It's me. Turn everything off." "It's off." "I'm not kidding." His voice was harsh and she watched him, seeing what this was doing to him for the first time. "Sorry, what did you find?" They had had some success and were accessing databases for a match. So far they had been unsuccessful there, but admitted they had only gotten into the obvious ones so far. The sexual offenders, felons, etc. did not have their men. After some discussion, the Bureau, the military and several other areas were marked for searches. Mulder offered to assist in getting the access but they didn't need it. As the conversation wound down there was a pause, then Byers asked, "Is she . . . how's she doing?" Mulder glanced over at her involuntarily and quickly away. This wasn't a case; this was so damn personal. "Better. I think she slept pretty well." "I did." She said this quietly, for his ears only and he looked up to see her smiling softly at him. He tried to smile back but failed. "Let me know what you find. And thanks." He hung up but didn't attempt to stand. She rose and put her hands on his shoulders. "Thank you, for all you're doing." "The guys are - " "No, thank you for everything else. My clothes, letting me stay here, the ice cream . . . " "That's nothing Scully. It's no trouble having you here. I just . . . I wish I could have - " "You couldn't." Her hands tightened on his shoulders. "And you can't change it. But I love you for wanting to." Love him? Had she really said those words? Of course she wasn't saying she loved him, not like he had said it from his hospital bed in Florida. But it was still incredible to hear the words, in whatever context. She moved away from him then and he managed not to grab her and pull her back. "Did you have any lunch?" He shook his head, "No, I didn't think about it. But there's plenty here now." They made sandwiches as they looked for storage for the supplies he had purchased. Mulder had just taken a big bite when the phone rang again. "I'll get it." He mumbled and headed for the living room. "Mulder." "We've got something. Can you come over?" The excitement in Frohike's voice was unmistakable. "Yeah. Give me a couple of minutes." She appeared in the doorway as he hung up. "It was them, wasn't it?" "I need to go over there for a few minutes." "I'm coming with you." She glanced around for her shoes. "Scully, no. I don't think - " "This is about me, Mulder. I'm still functioning and I'm still an agent of the FBI." She'd found them now and was shoving them on. "I don't want you involved in this. I may have to - " "Go outside the law? What else is new? You'll need me for positive identification. Mulder, don't try to stop me here." He deflated at that. He would need her ultimately but . . . damn! He nodded and followed her out of the apartment. He wasn't sure she was going to let him drive for a moment, but at the last minute she stopped on the passenger's side and let herself in. ***** Frohike was frankly stunned to see her when he got the door opened. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him speechless. He stepped back immediately to welcome her in and they followed him into the apartment. "Mulder, you were right to check those other databases, we - " Byers stopped when he realized that she was with him. "Thank you. I want you to know how much this means to me." Byers rose to his feet and the other two moved closer to him. "We'd do anything . . . If we - " he stumbled to halt in his speech. "Don't." Her eyes were already moist; this compassion was more than she could take right now. She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders. "What have you found out?" "Uh, yeah. Here, it's not legal standard, but we have a couple of hits and thought you'd like to check into it." "Military?" This from Mulder. His body tensed when Langly nodded. "Let me see what you have." They all glanced over at her, as though for permission. Mulder lowered himself into the extra chair for the best view. She nodded and Byers brought a military ID photo up on the screen. Mulder's eyes narrowed as he looked at the bland face of her possible assailant. He turned then to look at her and was on his feet immediately. She had gone deathly pale and her eyes looked impossibly huge. He had her in her arms and she sagged against him. He supported her to the couch and sat her there, then knelt in front of her. "I'm going to take that as a positive ID, Scully." She barely nodded. Frohike approached them then and offered her a glass with an amber liquid in it. "It's brandy." "Take it Scully." He took the glass from Frohike's hand and pressed it into hers. "Go on." After a moment she lifted the drink to her lips and took a sip. That brought a little color back to her face. "I want you to stay in here with Frohike. I need to talk to Byers for a minute, then I'm going to take you home." He wasn't sure she heard him, but he looked over at Frohike who nodded. He reluctantly returned to the other room. "I need to get her out of here. Can you get me a printout and everything you have on this guy?" "It's printing now. Is she . . .?" "No. I want to get her home." Langly pulled the paper from the printer and handed it to him. "Can you keep looking, for the other two?" "We're on it. You look after her. If you need help with . . . we're available." He shook his head; the next step was his and his alone. He stuffed the paper into his jacket pocket. "I'm getting her out of here. Let me know what else you find, but I don't think she's up to another trip over here anytime soon." "You can count on us Mulder." He nodded and returned to her. "Let's get out of here, okay?" She looked up at him. All of the progress she had made seemed gone. Her expression was stricken; it had all been thrown back into her face when she'd seen that man's file. He helped her to her feet and moved her toward the door. He glanced back at Frohike once, who was watching Scully. Their eyes met and Frohike's look of sympathy nearly undid him. He needed to get himself out here as well as her. He opened the door and led her out without a word. She was silent on the way back to his place. He didn't attempt conversation, she wasn't able and he wasn't sure he was. He wanted to get her settled so that he could study the information they had gotten. Once in his apartment he tried to lead her into the bedroom. "Mulder, I want, I need a shower. Please." She wouldn't face him. "Sure, anything you need. You know that." She turned from him then without a comment. He felt a growing sense of despair as he watched her disappear into the bathroom. She didn't quite close the door, as though more afraid than ever of being alone. He heard the water come on and slipped the paper from his pocket. He stared at the face of this man that had violated her and felt a murderous rage build in him. This man was going to die, die horribly at his hands. That was a pledge. He forced his eyes away from the face and began memorizing the rest of the information on this man. He finally realized that the water was still running. The hot water should be long gone by now. Was she okay? He moved to the door, "Scully? Scully, are you okay?" He pushed the door open. The room was full of steam, but he could see her silhouette, scrubbing furiously at her skin. "Scully! Scully stop it." He reached in and turned off the water, then yanked a towel from the rack and wrapped it around her. She collapsed against him and he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. She was sobbing uncontrollably by the time he got her to the bed. He found her robe and wrapped it around her, then wrapped himself around her as well. "Scully, Scully breathe. I'm here, I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He wasn't sure she could hear the words, but she clung to him as though for her life. He had never seen her like this. That strengthened his resolve, he couldn't make this right, but the men that had harmed her would pay and pay painfully. He had no idea how much time passed before she regained any composure and her exhaustion was total. "Sleep, Scully. I'll be right here." Her eyes slid closed without an acknowledgment. He didn't leave her that night, holding her through dreams and crying spells that didn't wake her fully. In the morning he woke to find her watching him. He returned her gaze, bringing a finger up to caress her cheek. "How do you feel?" She shook her head, but he didn't retreat. Finally she looked away, "Empty, embarrassed . . . dirty." He hadn't expected that much honesty. "You're not embarrassed in front of me?" She managed a weak smile at that. "Who else?" "After all the situations you've seen me in? The things you've pulled me out of? We're nowhere near even, Scully." "I don't know how to, how to get beyond this Mulder. I thought I was doing okay, I really did. But when I saw . . . Am I ever going to be able to - " "Scully. It's only been a few days; you need to remember that. Maybe you ought to see someone though, someone that's trained to help you." She shuddered at the thought. "Scully?" "I can't talk about this Mulder, not even to you. How can I talk to some stranger? "I'll help you any way I can." His hand caressed her shoulder. "I know." It was a whisper. "But I can't, not yet. Please Mulder, let me . . . " He nodded, "For a little while, Scully. For a little while." She brought his head down to her and kissed his forehead, then slid out of the bed, pulling her robe around her. It finally came to her that they had slept like this all night and he'd taken no advantage. No, Mulder would never . . . she breathed a little easier. When he emerged from the bathroom she was dressed for work. "Scully, I don't think you should try to go in. I can make up some excuse or cover for you. Skinner doesn't even have to know." "I need this. I need something that feels familiar, something I know I'm good at. And you'll be there." That statement rendered his argument moot and finally he nodded. ***** "Mulder, we can't get anything on the third man. You have everything we can get. You knew it was iffy from the beginning." He dropped a disk on the desk and leaned on his hands. "Damn it! There's nothing else you can get from the rape kit?" Byers looked up startled. "Mulder, we never got anything from the rape kit. I thought you knew. Everything we've gotten came from the pajamas you found. Apparently they had 'safe' sex with her." Mulder felt his knees start to give way with that. All three of the men converged on him as he tightened his hold on the desk to remain upright, finally collapsing into the chair Langly shoved at him. It had been that calculated. The men had been hired for this and hadn't wanted to endanger themselves! He hadn't realized he could hate anyone this much. He motioned them away and pulled himself up. She was just in the next room and he didn't want her to see him like this. He had to be strong for her. She had no idea how this had affected him and she never would. He had two names; one of them would supply the third. He would make sure of that. He wouldn't have to bring her into it. He couldn't, the first identification had been too much for her. He wouldn't put her through that again. She was still refusing to talk to anyone, but she was working, and working well. She actually seemed to forget for a little while when they were on the road. The Bureau didn't have to know that one of the rooms they took remained empty at night. If she felt safer with him, that was their business, no one else's. But he needed to be alone for what he was planning. She couldn't accompany him for this. The problem was he couldn't leave her alone. He wouldn't leave her alone. She was still living with him; there was no way she could be unaware if he was gone. Ditching her would be a bad idea, for both of them. Could he convince her to stay here, for a couple of days, maybe less? He had to; he had to get to these men. "I'm taking her home for now. Are you okay with her staying here?" "You know we are, but you shouldn't go alone Mulder." "Got to." There was no discussion to be had on that point. He was planning murder here, cold-blooded murder; no one else was going to be involved. There would be no courtrooms, no juries, and definitely no reprieves. Not even for him. ***** He looked around the bar, taking the site in, memorizing the layout. The uniform was unfamiliar, but it fit like a glove. He'd gotten past asking the guys were they got this stuff. He froze as he saw the man enter the bar. This was the first man the gunmen had found, the one that had sent Scully into the tailspin. He was a private, a medium size man, not too bright looking. Well, it was obvious he wasn't too smart - he'd hurt Scully. Mulder continued to nurse his beer. He wasn't going to approach this man - not in public anyway. When he saw him pay for his drinks and move toward the door, Mulder was moving too. Mulder jogged in the dark out away from the bar and waited as the man pulled his car away. Mulder stepped out and waved the man down. "Private, you headed back to base? Could you give me a lift?" "Yes sir, no problem." Mulder let himself in on the passenger side. "I really appreciate this Private. My car died and I was headed to the bar to use a phone." "Glad I came along when I did, Sir." They were out of sight of the bar now and there was no traffic. Mulder eased the gun from his waistband. "I want you to make a right onto that dirt road just ahead." "Do what?" The private looked over at Mulder and his eyes widened. "What the hell?" "You heard me. That's right." Mulder's voice was low, menacing. "I don't have any money." "Shut up and drive." They drove in a tense silence for several miles on the dirt road until Mulder spotted the barn he had investigated earlier. "Here. Pull in." "What do you think you're going to do with me?" The man's shock was wearing off and his anger was growing despite the gun. "Shut up and put your hands behind you." The man put the car in park, but didn't comply with Mulder's request, until he heard a bullet being ratcheted into the chamber. He slowly removed his hands from the wheel and turned his back slightly toward Mulder. He was cuffed quickly. "Who the hell are you? What's going on here?" Mulder didn't respond as he shut the car off and pocketed the keys. He then exited the car and moved to the driver's side, and opened the door. "Get out." The bound man glared at him but kept quiet for now, exiting the car awkwardly. Mulder shoved him toward the barn and muttering the man moved in that direction. Once inside, Mulder switched on the lantern he had stored there and had the man sit at one of the beams that supported what was left of the roof. "Face it. Put your legs around it." "Tell me what's going on." "Your legs, now." Once the man had moved into position, Mulder snapped cuffs around his ankles as well, imprisoning him to the beam. "Your name Vince Dean?" "I'm not answering any questions until I know what's going on." He was still bluffing, not believing his peril. "Did you attack a woman in Georgetown, you and two other men, about three weeks ago?" He watched the man's face pale, but he didn't answer. "I don't believe I heard you soldier." He had his face down close to his now and for the first time the man knew true fear. "Who are you?" But his voice wavered slightly. "I have a question and your answer will determine how easily you die." Vince's eyes grew even larger. "I know one of the other men was Stu Bremman, I want the name of the third man." "You're crazy. I don't know what you're talking about." But Mulder could see the sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. "I have all the proof I need." "Then call the police, man, and when I tell them about this - " "You're not going to any court." His voice was icy, hard. "I want the name of the third man." "No way." "We'll see about that." Mulder moved around him and unfastened his hands, then brought them around the beam and recuffed him, so that he was seated on the ground, his limbs around the solid support beam. "Hey! You're not leaving me here?" "What's the name of the third man?" "I can't! Mister, listen to me, I can't!" He was pleading now, but even he realized it was useless. He watched as Mulder removed a roll of duct tape from its hiding place and move toward him once more. "No, listen man, don't do this." "Did you give her a chance?" Vince's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed but he had no answer to that. Mulder wound the tape around his mouth and head twice before stopping. "Sleep well." Mulder then moved over to the electric lantern and picked it up, moving toward the door. He didn't look back as he exited the barn. He drove the man's car back toward the base and abandoned it at a pawnshop near the gates. One down. Mulder wanted to call her, check on her. Hell, he needed to hear her voice, but he didn't dare. It might weaken his resolve to stay away from her until he was through. She had been extremely upset when she realized he really was going. No, she'd been pissed as shit. He hadn't admitted why he was going away, but she knew. And it scared her. Hell, it scared him too. He didn't want to play Dirty Harry, as she had hurled at him, but these men were not getting away scot-free. Never. He had to finish this. He let himself into his room. This motel was worse than most, of course he'd never allow her to stay in a place like this, she deserved better. His adrenaline was dissipating. He didn't have everything he needed yet, but he would. He got ready for bed, feeling the need to wash after being in Vince's presence. Stu looked just as sleazy from the photo. He should have him in custody before this time tomorrow. Mulder lay on the bed, not even bothering with the TV, knowing sleep was a long way away, if possible at all, and stared into the darkness. ***** Both men were now secured in the barn Mulder had scouted out. Neither was very happy, but Stu hadn't had the pleasure yet of spending the night. Vince was now convinced of Mulder's intention. "I want the name of the third man." "Well you ain't gettin' it from me. I rather take my chances with you any day." Stu yanked on the cuffs that restricted his hands. Vince looked over at him but kept quiet. "You're more afraid of him than you are of me?" Even Stu stopped at the sound of his voice. Vince shivered slightly. "Stu - " "Shut up, he's just trying to scare us." "Is it working?" Mulder moved closer to him and Stu leaned away from him. "You've got nothing on us, no proof." "DNA. I have you." "DNA? No way man. Now I know you're lying." Mulder pulled the torn pajamas from the paper bag he carried. "Wanna bet?" "There's no . . . " Stu looked over at Vince, "Did he . . . Shit! That lousy son of a bitch, could he have . . .?" "What? Was the third man supposed to protect you? And instead he sold you up the river? You'd rather take your chances with him? Why don't I let you sleep on it tonight." Mulder replaced the cloth tenderly in the bag and stepped back. Vince gave a low moan, "Shut up!" Stu spat at him. "He's not going to kill us, he would have already." Mulder turned his back on them and left the barn. Stu was partly right, he was no long quite as sure he could just kill them. They were people - scum of the earth and deserving of a horrible death - but living people nevertheless. Maybe he had better start thinking of a new plan, just in case. He could hear them whispering but couldn't quite make out the words. No problem, he had purposely not gagged them tonight. He got in the car and returned to his motel room. He slept even less that night, he was just grateful he didn't remember the dream that jerked him awake. He lay in the dark, envisioning her, wishing she were beside him tonight. He didn't know what tomorrow would bring. He had killed people before, but never in cold blood. It wasn't that he was changing his mind - they deserved whatever happened to them, but . . . he desperately wanted to see her. He'd become used to living with her, having her around. He had worried about that in the beginning, with both of them so used to living alone. It hadn't been a problem; she had melded into his apartment just as she had melded into his life - as though she had always been there. If his video collection had gotten a little dusty, he certainly hadn't cared. Being celibate with her around was a little more difficult, but he would never presume where she was concerned. She'd been hurt enough. He sighed and closed his eyes. ***** He didn't bother to speak when he arrived at the barn the next morning. He'd brought food and drink, and placed it where it was plainly visible. The look in Vince's eye was almost comical. He moved directly to the post that separated the two men and removed the recorder from the place that he had secreted it. He saw Vince go pale and Stu shut his eyes. "Think I might have gotten some information boys?" He pressed rewind and then play. "You keep your mouth shut Vince. Clint has connections, we wouldn't survive a day in prison or anywhere else if he thought we had squealed on him." "But he set us up! It had to be him that left the . . . the evidence behind." "It don't matter. He - " Mulder cut the recorder off. "Clint. Okay, now I want to know who hired you." "We don't know. Listen mister, we took our orders from him, from Clint. It was his contract, he just paid us to go along." "Shut up Vince!" Mulder moved over to the food and laid the recorder down, then opened the bag and removed a ham and egg biscuit. He could see Vince salivate from where he stood. "How hungry are you Vince?" The man didn't respond, just watched Mulder's eyes. His shoulders sagged as he realized that he was dead either way. "Very." Mulder nodded and approached him, placing the biscuit and juice beside him. He removed the key to the cuffs and unlocked them, then stepped back and drew his gun. "Eat." Vince didn't wait for a second invitation, scooping up the sandwich with one hand and the juice with the other. When he was through he looked up at Mulder. "Hands." He nodded and placed his arms back around the pole. He watched Mulder's eyes as he rose. "You're going to kill us aren't you?" "Talk to me about Clint." "Vince - " "You shut up, Stu! He set us up; he planted evidence against us. To hell with him!" He turned back to Mulder. "You won't get him, men like him are above the law and you can't get close enough to hurt him yourself." Mulder didn't respond, waiting. Vince shook his head. "I don't know who hired him. I swear. He came to us; we've done little things for him before. This was the biggest. He was . . . " "What?" "He was excited about this job. I don't know what he meant, but he said something about being in the big time now. He . . . he went first, he enjoyed it too." Vince was unaware of the tension that had overcome Mulder's body as he relived that night. "I'd never seen him . . . like that, he wanted to hurt her. She was barely conscious when - " He looked up at Mulder's face then and his own lost all color. Any other words he'd been about to say were stuck in his throat. Mulder turned without a word and headed for the door. "Hey, wait! Don't I get any food?" Stu called to him. "What's Clint's last name?" He turned to look at Stu. The bound man looked away. "Where can I find him?" Vince looked over at Stu, then back at Mulder. "The base. I don't know his last name." Stu growled at him, but said nothing. Mulder tossed the bag with the remaining food in their direction and left. He was on the phone immediately. "Langly, find me someone on the base named Clint. And hurry." He pulled the car out onto the paved road and returned to the bar. Once there he entered and ordered a sandwich and a beer. He had to wait somewhere for Langly's call, but it seemed to be taking forever. Intellectually he knew that wasn't true - things were actually moving quickly, but he wanted this to be over. He wanted to be back with her. He ate seated at the bar and wasn't paying attention to the clientele. Mulder checked his watch again, why hadn't Langly called? He missed the man that entered as he was finishing his meal. The man didn't miss him though and his eyes widened in recognition before he slipped into a back booth to keep on his eye on Mulder. Frustrated, Mulder finally rose from the bar and headed out the door. The man watching him followed discretely. Once in the car Mulder pulled out his cell phone again. "Langly, anything?" "No Mulder, we're still trying. There's no 'Clint' on the base and our source went wiggy when we asked. He knows something, but he's too scared to talk to us." "So Clint exists. My friends are scared of him too. Keep trying; I'll head back to them. Is she . . .?" "She's missing you. I think she knows what's going on." "She is Scully, man. I'll be home soon." He replaced the phone in his pocket and pulled out of the parking lot. He was nearly out of sight of the place before the car began following him, and only the dust showed the man where Mulder had turned onto the dirt road. On instinct the man followed the dust cloud at a slow pace. He spotted Mulder's car up ahead, parked at an abandoned barn. He pulled his own car off the road and proceeded on foot, his weapon drawn. If Mulder was this close it wasn't good, and he wasn't about to take any chances. He'd thought leaving the evidence was a lark. That uptight bitch of a partner of his would never go public with what had happened to her, it had been a joke to keep the other guys in line. He hadn't counted on Mulder taking the initiative. The man moved closer to the barn. If he was right, the two missing morons were inside and since Mulder was looking for 'Clint' they had to have talked. No problem, he had the advantage of surprise, and out here, no one would find them for a very long time. He was just outside the door now and he still couldn't hear very well, however he could see. Stu was shackled around a post, when he moved slightly he could see that someone was shackled around another one. That had to be Vince. Those stupid assholes - how had they gotten themselves caught like this? And where was Mulder standing? It would be best to get him out of the way first, but all three were going to die, no more loose ends on this assignment. He must have moved too much, because he realized Stu had spotted him seconds before he blurted out his name in fear. "Clint, no!" That settled that. The bullet caught Stu in the throat, severing the artery. The man was dead before he had time to fall against the post that held him. Clint was inside now, pivoting toward Mulder. Vince had been scared silent. Damn the agent was fast; Mulder already had his gun out. So what? He fired at him as the FBI agent dived for some debris as a shield. A tight smile appeared on Clint's face as he saw blood blossom on Mulder's coat. Mulder wasn't out, but he was down. That gave him the time to turn and take care of Vince with no more thought than squashing a bug. He turned back to Mulder now. Time to finish off this icon that the men who had hired him feared so. He hadn't been in their employ long, a few small jobs and then this one - hurt the partner, make him back off. It was a stupid plan in his opinion, if they wanted to be rid of Mulder, go ahead and be rid of him, but he'd seen the partner and it wouldn't hurt his feelings to get a little time in - it was their plan after all. She was a feisty bitch, she'd actually fought for a while, even knowing there were three of them. His blow to her head had finally calmed her down, then the fun had begun. He'd gotten first dibs, but he'd left enough to satisfy the other two. A smile came to his face as he remembered her. That smile is what sealed his fate. When Mulder saw it, saw that smile, he had known instantly what the man was thinking. He went ice cold, the pain in his shoulder vanishing as the frigid fury took over his body. This man was going to die. Clint was a murderer now as well as a rapist, doing Mulder's job for him. It didn't matter what happened to him, this man was already dead, even if he didn't know it. Mulder silently reached for his second gun. He wasn't quite as good left handed, but with both guns in play, that shouldn't be a problem. He rose as though he had all the time in the world. Clint was just a fraction late seeing him stand. His mind had been on other things for a second there. Big mistake, Mulder's first shot knocked him back against the post that held Stu. That kept him upright though and he managed to fire at Mulder. His aim was off, and Mulder didn't even bother to duck, bringing his left hand up and firing again. Mulder's next conscious thought was that his guns were empty. He had no recollection of firing all of those rounds, but the evidence was in front of him. Both guns had been fully loaded, now the firing pin was hitting nothing and 'Clint' was lying on the filthy floor of the barn in a large pool of blood. It took a minute for Mulder to get his breath, he must have been holding it the whole time and after staring at the man in front of him for a long moment, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. Once the police were on the way, he moved to replace the phone and winced for the first time as his own bullet wound made itself known to him. He'd need to get Scully to look at it; she could patch him up. ***** He wandered into the kitchen and spotted her at the counter. He couldn't stop the smile from growing on his face. It felt so good having her here, even if she hadn't quite forgiven him. At least she hadn't left him and she had patched him up quite well. His smile faded as she turned to him. "Is something wrong?" "No. I just . . . I was . . . I need to think about going home." "You are home." That slipped out before he thought about it. She gave him a sad little smile. "Not really. I need to get back to my apartment. I have - " "What? I don't mind getting it for you." "Mulder. I have to go back sometime. All of my things, my furniture is there. And you need your space." "My space." He thought about that for a couple of seconds. "My apartment has never looked better, I'm eating like a king, and I wake up with a beautiful woman in my arms every morning. Yeah, I need things to go back like before." She'd looked away at the 'in my arms' part. Now she faced him again. "But you deserve more." "More?" She moved toward the living room, her hands fumbling with the coffee cup. "Mulder, what if you meet someone and you want to start a relationship with her. I'm in the way here." "Start a relationship? Scully, I'm in a relationship. I have been for years and I'm not looking to meet anyone. Are you?" He followed her and almost took her hand. Was she looking for a way out? "No. Mulder, damn it." She studied the coffee intensely. "You deserve a whole woman. One who's not afraid - " "Scully, stop it. I haven't tried to push you have I? I haven't meant to put any pressure on you. If I have - " "You haven't. But a woman who was whole wouldn't make you wait this way. You could be in a healthy relationship, maybe even start a family." She absolutely would not look up at him now. "Scully, when you're ready you'll tell me." He decided to ignore the family part; that wasn't a topic they should get into right now anyway. "Until then I like things the way they are. Well, except for one thing." She looked up and he saw the fear in her eyes. "It is a little crowded around here. I was thinking about looking for another place. Maybe a two bedroom." "So we could have separate rooms." "Did I say that? Stop putting words in my mouth Scully. I like sleeping with you; I don't miss the nightmares at all. I was thinking we could use an office. We both have a lot of stuff and I'd really like to keep the couch. It just wouldn't go too well with your furniture." She was staring at him, mouth slightly open. "You want to live with me?" He glanced around the apartment and then back at her. "What are we doing now Scully?" She hesitated, that question had caught her off guard. "You're letting a friend stay over following a traumatic experience." "Yeah. Can you see me curled around Frohike each morning? No, don't go there." But he delighted at the smile that took over her face at that visual. It didn't last long. "Mulder, I'm serious. I've been here a lot longer than I had ever imagined. You need your life back. You need to meet a whole - " "Stop, stop right there. You are a whole woman. I'm tired of you referring to yourself that way. You are the most 'whole' woman I have ever met." "Don't patronize me Mulder. I wasn't whole before this happened, and now - " "Now what, Scully?" He was watching her too closely. She looked away, trying to escape him. "Scully, please." "Mulder, damn it, I'm supposed to be at my sexual peak. I'm living with the most desirable man I've ever known, and I can't even - " "Wait! Back . . . back up a minute. You . . . you think I'm desirable?" The glare she shot him didn't even faze him. He sank onto the couch and looked up at her, giving her the position of power. "Are you saying that there's a chance in hell that you might want to be more than partners?" She sat down on the coffee table, facing him finally. "That's what I'm talking about. A real woman would jump at the chance to be with you." He just stared at her speechless. "Mulder, stop it. You haven't had a woman over here since I moved in. That's not fair to you. I can't - " "Just for the record Scully, I hadn't had a woman over here for years prior to you moving in." "Mulder, I - " "It's true Scully." She looked away, "Regardless, you deserve more than I can give you." "Scully, tell me, have I pushed you? I need to know." He saw her shoulders relax a little then. "No. No, Mulder. You've been wonderful. You've kept me sane. I'm not . . . I know you've not given me the complete story about . . . but I know you're responsible for their punishment." "They deserved what happened to them." She looked down. They'd been over this before. He had been cleared of all charges. It had been proven beyond a doubt that Clint had killed Stu and Vince. And he had shot Mulder. That meant self-defense. Why Clint had taken the two men out to the abandoned barn had not been explained, but with Clint dead that would probably never be explained. "Scully, could you care for me?" She looked up quickly. "I already do." "Then stay. I'm serious, Scully. I want you to stay. If you want . . . more," he cleared his throat, unsure what it was she wanted, "we can get through this." He watched her shoulders sag. She didn't believe him. What could he do to help her see? He had to help her - as much for himself as for her. It was true he didn't want her to move out. When she'd moved in he hadn't given it that much thought; knowing it was temporary. As the time passed and more of her things appeared in the apartment it had felt right. Now it was right and he didn't want to even think about her leaving. Hell he'd even learned to put the seat down. With his willingness to take that kind of training, surely she didn't want to go. ***** He joined her in bed and propped himself up on one elbow to look down at her. She had her back to him, and didn't jump as his finger began outlining her ear. She didn't move at all, but her breathing grew shallow. Finally she spoke, "Mulder, what . . . what are you doing?" "I'm investigating your ear." "Why?" "I'm a desirable male." She relaxed then and chuckled lightly. "I knew I should never have said that." "Ahh, but you did." He kissed her ear, then rolled over and switched off the light, leaving her staring after him, speechless. Nothing was mentioned the next day though she found herself watching him; it was as though it had never happened. The next night she was already tense when he came into the room. He lay down beside her, again with her back to him. She turned to stone as she felt his hand find its way inside her pajama top. He lightly kneaded the muscles in her back. "You still counting on your desirability as a man?" She asked, her voice only shook slightly. He decided to ignore the question. "You're awfully tense." He continued to massage her back, not removing her top or straying forward to touch her breasts. He felt her begin to relax and smiled to himself. After a few more minutes he withdrew his hand, kissed the ear that he had investigated the night before again, then rolled away from her and switched off the light. She sat up then and looked down at him. What the hell? She didn't have a clue what to say, so after a moment she eased back down. She felt more relaxed in one way, but more keyed up in another. She lay there, confused. She almost asked questions a couple of times, but finally fell asleep. She didn't see the smile that kept appearing on his face. Scully was distracted most of the day, but Mulder made no comment, merely finding the things she kept misplacing in the office. It was his night to cook, so she was a little surprised to find wine on the table. He almost never drank, but she made no comment. Maybe it would make things clearer for her. When she was getting ready for bed that night, she realized her pajamas were missing. Mulder must have put them in the laundry. Rather than dig through the unfolded clothes, which were in the other room anyway, she pulled out a nightgown and slipped it on. She got in bed and pulled the covers up over her. She glanced up when he entered the room and her breath caught to see that he was only wearing shorts, no t-shirt. He'd worn a t-shirt every night since she'd come here. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him, from the pattern of hair on his chest. She couldn't seem to get a full breath. He didn't even seem to notice, just climbing into the bed and stretching out, taking part of her side of the bed. "Mul . . . Mulder, what's going on?" "Um? What?" He glanced at her then away, ignoring her turmoil. She realized her hand was on his chest. When did that happen? He didn't seem to mind, and he had touched her - kind of - the last two nights. No, she couldn't do this. She probably couldn't follow through and that wasn't fair to him. But she hadn't removed her hand. "Mulder, I don't know . . . " "Your show Scully, your pace." "You . . . you'd be okay if I couldn't . . . " "I'm good with whatever you decide. You know that, don't you?" She nodded, her fingers entangling in his chest hair now. His breath caught as she brushed his nipple. He got that under control, there was nothing he could do about his cock, so he tried to ignore it. It wasn't as easy for her. She glanced down and he saw her face pale. He brushed a finger along her cheekbone. "Scully, don't worry about that. Please." "Ignore part of your desirability?" She managed to smile. The chuckle rumbled in his chest, it turned to a gasp as Scully rolled his nipple between her fingers. "Would you touch me?" It was barely a whisper. He blinked but managed to nod. "Where?" "My breasts?" It was barely a breath that time. His hand found and cupped her breast. She shook her head and he stopped. "Not through the nightgown." A small smile played around his lips then. He slowly found the hem of her nightgown and at her slight nod, lifted it gently over her head. That left only the panties. She was beautiful, more than he had imagined - and more fragile than she had ever let him see before she'd moved in. Those men couldn't hurt her again, they'd never hurt anyone again - he'd seen to that, but it had been too late for her. She was trying. He just had to make sure he didn't scare her, didn't rush her, even if she was trying. His hand cupped her breast again, his thumb brushing her nipple, which immediately hardened into a little bud. He felt the shiver run through her whole body. "Your decision Scully. Your pace." When she made no move to stop him, he began caressing her body, exploring all those places he'd fantasized about all of these years. He had to be slow, gentle - this was for her, not for him. She did seem to be enjoying it - it sounded like she was purring. After a little while she took hold of his hand and moved it to the elastic of her panties. He looked up at her face. "Scully?" She nodded, "Before I change my mind." He took that in. He was going to give her plenty of time to change her mind. For now he could continue showing her pleasure without pressure. He slipped her panties from her body and let them fall near her nightgown. He slid his finger into her crevasse. She was slick with juices. Her body was ready even if her mind remained ambivalent. He needed to let her know that sex could be enjoyable, safe with the right person. He wanted to be that right person for her. He continued to caress her with one hand while the fingers of his other hand drove her mad. This was Mulder, she was safe here. She felt herself melting into his touch. She didn't realize that she was moaning, but he did and his eyes smiled though he managed to keep it from his lips. He found that bundle of nerves and pressed gently on it. She tensed slightly and he started to withdraw. "Please. Mulder, please." He relaxed slightly and continued loving her. She was moving now, increasing the pressure herself. "Mulder!" And then she was coming in his arms. She was clutching his shoulders, her head back, her eyes closed. "Oh God, Mulder." Her body was still shuddering and he held her as she came back to herself. "Why the tears?" He asked gently as he brushed a tear from her cheek. "I never thought . . . I believed that was over for me, that I never . . . that not even you . . . " "Shhhh." He pulled her to him then and held her as she cried, partly from relief, partly from joy. There was time; there were no secrets between them now. He loved her and she knew it. And better yet, she loved him. She wasn't sure about everything yet, but now she could start to believe in things again. Now they could truly be together. - Fin - Author's note Kristen, not sure how I feel about Retribution!Mulder either, and I tried to redeem the situation, but I couldn't just throw this one away. Thanks for the shove in the right direction!