Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 09:58:55 -0400
Subject: 'Together Alone' Part 1
Source: direct

Title - "Together Alone" (1/4)
Author -  A. K. Naten
E-Mail address -  lhweaver@hotmail.com
Rating - R + some NC-17
Category - S / R / A
Spoilers - Duane Barry/Ascension, Irresistible
Keywords - Mulder/Scully Romance; Rape; Angst
Summary - An attempt at a realistic story about Mulder and Scully and
how their relationship becomes more than partners and friends.

DISCLAIMER: The X-Files and the characters of Mulder and Scully and
others belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, Fox
Broadcasting, blahblahblah, and are used without permission .. .i'm
just *borrowing * them.  No copyright infringement is intended, and I
doubt any profit will be gained.

THIS IS A SHIPPER PIECE - that's your warning.  Funny thing is, I never
really considered myself a "shipper" until I started writing this -- go
figure.  This litany was begun in late 1997, during the 4th and 5th
seasons, so it should be read with that in mind.  This is my maiden
voyage at writing XF fanfic, so please be kind with your criticisms. 
Also, I'm not the best typist and I'm sure there are misspellings and
grammatical errors everywhere, so don't be too harsh, lest you damage
my fragile ego ;-)   This piece sat idle on my PC for over a year,
until I finally convinced myself to finish it and submit it someplace. 
I've only submitted it to Gossamer - however, if it is being passed on,
I ask that you give me proper credit and keep my name and all pertinent
information intact.  Feedback, should you feel the urge, can be
directed to: lhweaver@hotmail.com.  


Together Alone
By A. K. Naten

Part 1 of 4 


The rain was pounding relentlessly on the roof of the old warehouse. 
Scully and Mulder had tracked a suspect to the old place, followed him
inside, and had now been crouched in a corner for what seemed like an
eternity, waiting for their suspect to make a move.  The place was
dark, old, musty, and extremely decrepit.  It was getting to them.

Mulder shifted impatiently.  His legs were killing him, and he was
ready to scream from waiting so long for the guy to make a move.  He
sighed impatiently and looked at his partner.
"Dammit.... what the hell is he waiting for?!"
Scully let out an annoyed sigh as well and shifted her weight onto a
different muscle group.  Her shoes were murdering her feet, and she was
very close to losing her patience with the whole stake-out.  She
watched her partner fidget with his gun.  
"I think we lost him....he had to have slipped out by now,"  she said
anxiously as Mulder gave her a disgusted look.  He huffed and stood up
abruptly.
"Well I'm not waiting here anymore, I'm gonna go see if I can flush him
out or something." He started to creep toward the steps that they saw
their suspect ascend about 1/2 hour ago.
"Wait! Mulder!" Scully scrambled to get to her feet, the right one
being partially asleep.  They both climbed the stairs carefully and
quietly, guns drawn in precision.  As they reached the top, the
staircase groaned loudly.  A long, dark hallway stretched out before
them.  They looked at each other and silently agreed that Mulder would
proceed down the hall to check it out.  Mulder made his move down the
hall, quickly stopping and checking out all the small rooms along the
way.  Scully held back at the top of the stairs, keeping a close eye
for any movement.  It was strangely quiet, save for the sound of the
rain pelting the roof, and Mulder throwing doors open.  Mulder reached
the end of the hall and the end of the rooms.  He dropped his arms down
by his sides, feeling defeated and outsmarted, and shrugged at Scully. 
Scully also dropped her guard and put her hands on her hips dejectedly.
  
"I dont think he's here, Scully.  I think he gave us the slip,
big-time."  Mulder began walking back toward Scully, looking around
again.  
"Although, I dont understand how or where he could have gotten out. 
There are no windows in these rooms, and no ceiling vents or anything,
so I think that he --- "

Before he could finish, a shot rang out.  Mulder jolted around, drawing
his gun and his flashlight.  His light shone on Scully.  She was crying
out in agony, clutching her abdomen, and falling to her knees.  
"Scully! Scullyyyyyy!!" Mulder lunged toward her, trying to grab her
before she toppled down the stairs, but he was too late.  He watched in
horror as Scully's body rolled down the metal stairway and landed with
a thud on the concrete floor below.  
"Noo, Sculllyyy!!!  Nooo!!! You sonofabitch!!!! Where are you!!!??" 
Mulder screamed and waved his gun and flashlight in front of him,
searching desperately for the shooter.  He shuffled himself to the top
of the stairs, leaning against the banisters, his mind racing
maniacally, his eyes darting wildly, and his heart thudding in his
chest.  He had to get to Scully, but he knew the shooter was still out
there somewhere in the blackness.  Then, he heard the laughter.  A
deep, sadistic chuckling echoing everywhere in the warehouse.  Mulder's
eyes strained to see what direction it was coming from.  His senses
were going crazy, the laughing seemed to come from all directions,
growing louder and louder.  
"Show yourself, you cowardly bastard!!!"  Mulder stood and pointed his
gun in all directions, his hand betraying him by shaking.  Another shot
rang out, slamming into Mulder's lower leg.  He cried out as it ripped
into the flesh of his calf, bringing him crashing down at the top of
the stairs.  The laughter came again, then a deep bellowing voice
taunted.

"I'm sooooo disappointed in you two.  I had hoped for a lot more fun! 
...I'm sorry about your lovely partner Agent Mulder ... I hope I didnt
hurt her *too * badly ...... this time!"   More laughter.  Mulder
looked up to see the shadowy figure of a man walking out a side door
and into the ferocious rain storm.
"Noooooooooo!" Mulder screamed as he clutched his leg and fell back on
the floor.

'Jesus Christ,' he thought to himself, 'Scully, oh God, Scully'.  He
scrambled down the stairs, dragging his injured leg and trying not to
fall.  Scully lay motionless at the bottom of the stairs, blood pooling
onto the floor beneath her.  Mulder cried out in anguish and nearly
burst apart at the sight. 

"Oh Jesus.....oh god! Scully! SCULLY!!? Can you hear me!?"  Mulder
grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly, fumbling for a
pulse,  but she remained silent.  He stared at her in disbelief,
brushing her hair away from her face, trying to comprehend what had
happened.  She was unconscious, her skin was cold and clammy, and her
pulse was weak.  He pulled his hand back from her head and saw that it
was drenched with her blood.  He was beginning to panic.  He was
trained for a situation like this, yet he had no idea what to do.  His
mind swirled in a maelstrom of confusion as he fought for control of
himself.
"Oh please... god... PLEASE!!  NOOOOO!!!"  His own scream brought his
mind back to reality as he remembered his cell phone.  Punching the
numbers frantically, he managed to call for an ambulance, then knelt
down and carefully cradled Scully's head in his arms, brushing her hair
and kissing her forehead.  He squeezed his eyes shut and whispered to
her.
"Please Scully.... please, hang on."  He hesitantly brought his hand
down to her blood-saturated blouse and jacket, and peeled the jacket
back to try to see the extent of damage to her abdomen.  It looked like
the bullet tore through her side, but he couldnt quite tell, blood
seemed to be oozing out everywhere.  He felt bile rise in his throat
and began to hyperventilate at the resurging panic creeping up his
spine.  Fighting for control again, and ignoring the searing pain in
his calf, he stretched his legs along either side of Scully and gently
laid her head to rest on his thigh, caressing her softly as the crimson
liquid continued to drain out of her body and onto the concrete floor. 
She let out a slight strangled moan and moved her head a bit.  
"Scully?! Scully?! Can you hear me?!" He whispered desperately to his
motionless partner, his lower lip betraying him with a quiver.  She
didnt move again.
"You hang on Scully! You hang on....... DAMMIT!!!!  Where the FUCK is
that AMBULANCE!?!?!!"  He watched her chest barely rising and falling
as the color drained from her face completely, seeping out of her and
onto the hard, dirty floor beneath him.  Incredible dread began to fill
him as he lowered his head to hers as the tears began to roll down his
cheeks.  The wail of a siren pierced the night sky as he closed his
eyes and rested his face against her.  
"You'll be OK Scully, you hear me? ...you're gonna be OK...," he
whimpered quietly into her hair, 
"You can't leave now Scully..... you cant  leave me!"  He clutched her
tightly as the sirens drew closer.

*************************************

Dana Scully awakened to find herself looking up at a white ceiling, the
beeping and humming of machinery all around her, the familiar hospital
smell of antiseptics and stale bed pans filling her nostrils.  She
closed her eyes and groaned softly.  A large, warm hand clasped hers
and squeezed gently.  She opened her eyes to see Fox Mulder hovering
over her, his eyes moist with tears and filled with grief, his face
weary with stubbly beard growth, and large dark circles evident under
his eyes.  But..... he had a smile on his lips. 

"Hi....welcome back to the land of the living."  Dana could only look
into his eyes, trying to piece everything together in her mind.  She
was obviously in a hospital, and obviously injured, as a horrific pain
in her abdomen informed her.  She just didnt remember everything quite
yet.  Mulder could read the confusion and fear in her eyes as he
watched the questions popping behind her eyes and filling her
drug-hazed mind.

"You got shot.  Remember, we were at the warehouse chasing Jennings?" 
She looked around for a minute, but he could tell she still didnt quite
remember everything. 
"If it makes you feel any better, I got shot too."  With that
admission, Scully gave Mulder a slight smile.  His eyes welled up a bit
and he whispered to her,  "You're gonna be okay Scully."   He hung his
head and shook it, then he looked deep into her eyes, his sorrow plain.
"I'm sorry......jesus, Scully... I'm so glad you're OK."  His voice
cracked, and he kissed her hand softly, then he leaned down and kissed
her forehead, allowing his lips to linger there for a few moments.  Her
skin was soft and warm under his nervous lips.
"I'll be fine, Mulder," Scully managed to choke out in a whisper.  "Can
I have some water or something, my throat is so dry."  
"Sure, sure Scully, here."  Mulder got a glass of water and reached
behind her head with his other hand to help her hold her head up.  He
brought the glass to her lips and she drank slowly.  She laid her head
back down and looked up at him.
"Thanks, Mulder."  She rasped quietly.
"Anytime, Scully." he replied with a sad smile, then he leaned over and
place another lingering kiss on her forehead and brushed her hair away
from the side of her face.
Scully could see the sadness in his eyes, and she guessed that he was
quite upset over what had happened and her being injured again.  She
was beginning to remember the events leading up to the shooting, and
she couldnt remember anything happening that would have placed any
blame on Mulder.  So why was he clinging to her?  Was she in worse
shape than she thought?  Had something else happened?  
"Mulder.....how badly am I hurt?"
"Bad enough, but the doctors say you'll make a full recovery.  The
bullet went right through your side, and you fractured your arm pretty
badly and cracked your head pretty good when you fell down the stairs. 
Aside from some other bumps, cuts, and bruises, they say you'll be
outta here in a few days."
"Oh, well, is that ALL?" she smiled.  He still wasn't telling her
something.
"What else Mulder? What aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing, nothing, its just......well.....you've been unconscious for a
couple days and...."
"And what?"
"Nothing, I just.....I was.....well......"  Mulder felt tears stinging
his eyes, and he closed them and hung his head down and shook it,
fighting again for control.
"You really *scared* me, Scully......I mean, I was just *REALLY*
scared......seeing you unconscious again, it brought back some *really*
bad memories, y'know." He sighed deeply.
"I thought I was going to lose you......again."  He let out a huge sigh
and tried to look away from her, running his hand through his hair
nervously.  Scully, surprised by his reaction and his obviously being
near tears, said nothing.  She knew he was referring to the dark days
that surrounded her life-and-death struggle in the hospital after her
abduction, and her recent frightening bout with cancer.  She squeezed
his hand and smiled gently at him as his eyes met hers again.  
"I'm still here Mulder...... I'm not going anywhere."

He stared into her azure eyes and wished so badly that he could tell
her just *how* frightened he had been.  For two maddening days and
nights he had stayed at her bedside, trying desperately to will her
back to him.  How he had missed her intense eyes and her demure smile
looking at him, arguing with him.  He wanted to throw himself over her
and hug her so tightly, he wanted to kiss her lips and tell
her......tell her......tell her what?!  He cursed himself.  Tell her
that you love her? She'd laugh in your face and tell you that your
'current emotional state was impairing your feelings', and that 'you
would feel differently in the morning'-- he could hear it all now.  But
he knew he wouldn't feel different in the morning.  He knew for certain
that he loved her more than anything, and having her nearly taken from
him drove the point home loud and clear.  But there was no way in hell
he could tell her that; they were partners and friends, nothing more,
he reminded himself, NOTHING MORE.  They couldn't be....they COULDN'T
be.  Scully wouldn't feel the same way.....would she?  No, she
wouldnt...she couldn't.  Mulder stared at her face as she drifted back
to sleep, her eyelids blinking slower and slower.  God, she was
beautiful ... more beautiful than ever, he thought to himself.  He
could swear that her lips were calling to him, and he felt his palms
growing sweaty.  He leaned over her after her eyes finally closed and
placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, then her cheek, then...... he
paused at her mouth - he shouldnt, he knew he shouldn't; but he wanted
to so badly.  He brushed her lips ever so softly -- quickly and
lightly.  'There, she'll never know,' he thought to himself.

*************************************

A few days had passed, and it was time for Scully to be released from
the hospital.  She had phoned Mulder to tell him that she was going
home today, and he'd offered to drive her home.  The doctor came into
the room with her chart, flipping through all the papers.
"Well Ms., uh, 'Dr.' Scully, you are free to go home today."
"Thank *God *," she said impatiently.  
"I dont think I could hack another day in this place -- no offense
Doctor," she threw an apologetic glance back at the Doctor as she
started to shift herself out of the bed.   Mulder chuckled quietly in
the corner.
"None taken *Doctor*."  He smiled and crossed his arms over his chart. 
"You do realize, Dana, that we have to place some conditions on your
release."  Dana stopped abruptly and turned to his with a surprised
look on her face.
"Conditions?  What kind of conditions?"   Mulder had to stifle his
chuckle.
"Well, for one, you're not driving yourself home."  Scully seemed to
agree to this.
"Two, you won't be driving any time soon with your injuries," Scully
twisted her mouth slightly,
"And three, you must stay with someone, or someone must stay with you
for a few days to make sure you're completely stable.  After all, you
did have a nasty concussion, you're still taking some heavy
medications, and your other injuries will keep you disabled for a
little while."  
'Uh-oh... that third one isn't gonna fly buddy.'  Mulder thought to
himself with a grin.
"Disabled??  And I have to STAY with someone???" Scully asked
incredulously, he eyes wide with surprise.
"Doctor, may I remind you that *I* am a doctor, and I am QUITE capable
of taking of myself!"
The doctor seemed to know this argument was coming, he held his hand
up.
"Yes, I know, *DR.* Scully, but I'm afraid I cannot and will not
compromise on this.  You must have arrangements made before we can
release you.  Don't you have a relative or a friend who can stay with
you for a week or two?"  
Scully huffed indignantly and crossed her arms.  "No, I do not."

As he watched Dana ponder the situation, Mulder knew what was going
through her head. There was no way in hell that Dana Scully was going
to let someone babysit her. She would try her best to lie her way out
of this one. He couldnt wait to see how it ended.  As Dana continued to
argue with her doctor, Mulder decided he would offer to stay with her.
She would refuse, of course, but, if she picked up on his intention,
which was to allow her to leave the hospital under the pretense that he
would take care of her, she would go along with it in front of her
doctor. He stepped out of the corner of the room and approached them. 
"Scully, you can stay with me....or, I can stay with you for awhile." 
He looked directly into her eyes, gauging her reaction.  She stared at
him and opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Finally,
"Uhhh, well, uhmm,  thats kind of you, Mulder, but, uh... I can see if
my Mom is available or something."
"I thought you said she was out of town, that's why you couldn't call
her?"
"Oh, uhhh, yah..... I forgot."
"I promise I won't try to kill you with my cooking, and I promise to
put the toilet seat down after I use it,"  Mulder said with a grin.  He
looked deep into her eyes, hoping he understood his intentions.  She
stared back at him, questioning him, but finally, understanding what he
was offering,
"Ok Mulder, ok.... but we'll stay at my place, ok? I think it would be
a bit more comfortable, if you get my drift."
Mulder clapped his chest in mock indignation, "Why Scully, are you
insulting my humble abode?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I am Mulder," she replied with a subdued grin.
"Well then, let's get you checked out of here."  The Doctor said
approvingly.
"Agent Mulder," the doctor motioned to him.  "I'll need your name and
signature on some of these release forms."  The Doctor handed Mulder a
bunch of papers, and as he signed them, he glanced sideways at Scully,
who looked back at him with her classic 'you're being very naughty'
look.  After Mulder had signed everything and the Doctor left the room,
Mulder turned to face Scully with his hands tucked sheepishly in his
pockets.
"I guess I should thank you?" Scully asked, arching her eyebrows.
"Y'know Scully, you REALLY should heed the good Doctor's advice. You
DID have a bad concussion, and you do have a broken arm."  Mulder began
thinking seriously about the situation. Scully did need someone, she
was just too proud to admit it. He thought how he would feel in her
situation. Would he want her to stay with him? Of course he would!
...that would fulfill quite a fantasy for him.  But, assuming that
Scully didnt feel the same way about him, he knew that she would be
more than uncomfortable with that type of arrangement.  'God what I
would give to *really* stay with you,' Mulder thought privately.
Scully's angry argument quickly brought him out of his reverie.
"..... I mean, you know that, don't you Mulder?" Scully queried,
looking intently at Mulder.
"Uh, what? ...I'm sorry, I wasn't really listening to that last part
Scully."
Scully sighed disgustedly, shook her head, then turned and hopped down
off her bed. She began busying herself, collecting her personal
belongings so that she could get the hell out of the hospital.
'God, this is the LAST thing I wanted!' she told herself inwardly. She
mentally pictured what it would be like having Mulder babysitting her.
He would wait on her hand and foot, while she lounged on the sofa, or
in her bed. No, she thought, he would taunt and tease me about
EVERYTHING, and drive me crazy - that would be the more realistic
picture. But what if he didn't? What if he really was sweet and caring
toward her? She vaguely remembered his numerous kisses of the last
several days, which she was sure he didn't know she was aware of, and
she wondered what was going through his head.  'Well, it doesn't
matter,' she admonished herself. 'He is my PARTNER and my friend,
NOTHING more. He can't possibly think of being anything more,' she told
herself.  '....Can he?'
Scully knew that she was a difficult person. She knew that she was
perceived as cold-hearted, unforgiving, and a bitch in general. For the
most part, she accepted that, and she had decided a long time ago that
she could live with that reputation.  She had set high standards and
goals for herself, and she was bound and determined to distinguish
herself from the throngs of wayward people with no real aspirations. 
However, her heart betrayed her mind at times.  While she consciously
set about the task of attaining her goals, subconsciously, her heart
ached for something quite different. Something that she was sure no one
could ever give her. It wasnt just a fun time, or a good laugh, or even
great sex, it was something much deeper. It was true companionship,
true love ..... a true soul mate. Someone with whom she could share her
real secrets, her real desires, her real feelings. Sometimes she would
sit alone, at night, in her apartment and wonder what it would be like
to have someone to share her life with. She looked at all her married
friends, some with kids, and she would ask herself over and over, 'am I
*really* happy?' Sure, she weighed the pros and cons of her career
versus being married with children, and lately she was having a hard
time justifying her choice of career. She NEVER imagined herself
wanting marriage, let alone children. She had written that possibility
off a long time ago.  However, lately, those thoughts had been crossing
her mind more frequently, and it bothered her. She had always thought
that she knew exactly what she wanted in life.  She knew she was moody
as hell lately, and she insisted it was anything *except* her deep
internal longings. She tried to convince herself that her close and
unusual relationship with Fox Mulder was good enough. That their unique
partnership filled the 'companion' void in her life. But, deep inside,
when she felt compelled to be truly honest with herself, she knew that
she wanted more. More from Mulder? Maybe.....No, maybe *not*; he
confused her feelings even more than she did herself. Mulder was her
friend and business confidant; but could he be more than that? She did
not want to venture a guess. She knew that he trusted her, when he
trusted no one else at all. He was too self-absorbed in his quest for
the 'truth' to even notice that she was a woman, let alone anything
more.  She knew that he cared deeply for her, but only as a partner and
good friend....right? Surely he would never think of her as more than
that.....would he? No, he couldnt, he wouldnt........but what about
those kisses he'd been planting on her lately? And what about all the
caressing and touching that he had been doing lately, when he thought
she was asleep? Yes, what about that, Dana?  She refused to let herself
jump to conclusions. We absolutely could NOT be anything more than what
we are; it would ruin everything, she told herself. Everything they'd
worked so hard for all these years.  It could NOT work. I mean, what
would happen? she asked herself.  We would sleep together, we would
feel stupid, cheap, and weird, then we wouldn't be able to work
together, and the X-Files would totally fall apart, and we would be
miserable and end up hating each other. THAT is what would happen, and
she refused to let herself think about it anymore.  As she finished
gathering her things in the room, she looked up to see Mulder slipping
out the door. She quickly got changed into her own clothes, which, she
realized, Mulder had thoughtfully brought from her house at some point
in time. He is very thoughtful, when he wants to be, she thought to
herself. But he can also be a royal pain in the ass too. He could be so
conceited and condescending, so self-righteous and self-centered that
she wanted to smack him much more than once. But, aside from all his
smart retorts and sarcastic jabs, she knew that he respected her
intelligence and abilities, and she knew that he respected HER.
Actually, she enjoyed their bantering and arguing. It kept her sharp,
and in some sick way, it was like intellectual foreplay. She almost
thought that it was some sort of constant flirtation; her always
presenting an argument, and him giving her a flippant comeback, always
with that smirk on his lips and sparkle in his eyes.'Well, it doesnt
matter what I think subconsciously, CONSCIOUSLY, I will NOT have him
babysit me,' she reminded herself. She wasnt sure just how she would
manage, as she looked at her arm in the cumbersome cast and sling, but
she would figure out something.  A soft tapping sounded on the door.
"Hey Scully, you decent?" Mulder asked throught the wood.
"Yah, Im ready." Mulder opened the door and peeked in.
"Darn, thought maybe I could catch a glimpse of you in your Victoria's
Secret duds!" he chuckled, quickly fantasizing her standing in front of
him in a silky bra and panties. 'Dont go there Mulder old boy,' he
scolded himself. Scully meanwhile gave him a disapproving glare and
bent to pick up her bag full of belongings.
"Here, wait, let me get that." Mulder reached and grabbed her bag out
of her hands.
"Mulder, for heavens sake, I am not a complete invalid! I can carry a
little plastic bag!" Scully could tell that this was going to be
difficult. He was going to play the guard dog thing to the hilt.
Actually, she wondered why she was so angry at his intentions. Was he
just playing the part and being chivalrous, or was he genuinely
concerned for her well-being, and felt the need to help her.  He jumped
back and put his hands up in front of her.
"Okay, okay!  Jesus Scully, I was just trying to help out."  He looked
at her with confused eyes. She thought she even saw some hurt in them.
She suddenly felt very guilty for snapping at him.
"No, I'm sorry Mulder." She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.
"I just," she shrugged, "I just HATE feeling inept. I mean, I cannot
tolerate being incapacitated in any way, shape, or form ... you know
that."  Mulder gently touched her shoulder and smiled slightly.
"Yes, I know that Scully. But I am NOT trying to make you feel like an
invalid. I just want to help you, thats all." He looked imploringly at
her with soft eyes. Yes, she definitely felt like shit for snapping.
"Mulder," she looked him in the eyes, "you know I'm not very good at
saying 'thanks' and that sort of thing, so..... well," she looked at
the wall, the floor, the wall, and then back at him, "so, *thank you *,
ok? For saving me, for watching over me, and for springing me from this
place." She looked at the floor and back at him again, "For just caring
about me."  Mulder felt his heart swell. She was THANKING him, and he
felt that she really meant it. He couldnt help but smile, and he found
himself stepping closer to her and reaching out to hug her carefully.
He hugged her gently and whispered in her ear, 
"I've always cared Scully, and I always WILL care." She felt herself
accepting his embrace, and she wrapped her able arm around his body. He
felt so good, so strong, so warm. She pushed her face into his chest
and clutched at his back harder, lingering in the mixed scent of his
cologne and his freshly laundered shirt. A warm feeling spread from her
chest out to her arms and her face, and she suddenly realized she was
going to cry. She further shocked herself by letting out a gasp and a
sob.  Mulder thought at first that she was laughing, and he released
his grip and began to step back when she clutched at him tighter and
kept her head at his chest. He realized then that she was crying
instead.
"Scully? Whats the matter?" he asked gently.  She didnt answer him
right away. He put his arms around her again and rested his chin on her
head. He gently stroked her back and whispered to her, "Its okay to cry
Scully, you're only human, and you've been through a hell of a lot.
You're okay now, I'm here for you." She released her grip and stepped
back from him slightly, still holding her head down and wiping the
tears away.
"Im sorry, I.....I dont know what came over me."  She was embarrassed
now, and she tried desperately to regain her cool, calm 'professional'
facade.
"Its okay.....really." He touched her shoulder again.  She looked up at
him quickly and then dropped her head again.
"I, uh, I guess something just set me off, you know.  I'm fine now."
Mulder chuckled quietly and shook his head.
"Always trying to rationalize and analyze everything, arent you?"  She
jerked her head up and stared into his eyes indignantly.
"What do you mean?" she demanded.
"I just mean that it always amazes me that you cant let yourself just
be human, and let your true feelings show, especially to me." He stared
back at her with equal intent, daring her to explain herself.
"You know I am not an emotional person, Mulder. And you should know by
now that being weak and letting your feelings run rampant can get you
into a LOT of  trouble, especially in the line of duty."
She crossed her arms and tried her best to look superior.
"I'm not talking about 'in the line of duty' Scully, I'm talking about
'in private'; just between You and Me. I know you have feelings as well
as I do. I just don't understand why you feel you can't express them to
me. You know I would never make fun of you, or think less of you.  You
can trust me, Scully." he looked sincerely at her face, but she huffed
indignantly and turned to looking out the window, avoiding him.  'She's
so good at avoiding her feelings and putting up walls,' he thought.
'Dammit! If she would just talk to me.'  She looked back at him
briefly.
"I appreciate your sentiments Mulder, *really *. Can you just take me
home now, please." She curtly turned away and started toward the door. 
Mulder reached down and grabbed her bag before she could get it. She
pursed her lips and shot him an annoyed look, but he just forced a
smile and opened the door, making a long 'after you' gesture with his
arm. Scully shook her head exasperatedly and marched out the door. They
began walking down the hall, and Mulder absentmindedly placed his hand
on her back, gently guiding her. She didn't mind, he always did it, and
she actually liked the secure feeling it gave her. She wondered why he
was pushing her about her 'feelings' though.  Normally he knew that
discussing such things was taboo with her, and he understood her need
to be so emotionally detached from everything. Besides, where does HE
get off telling her to express *her * feelings!  Why was he trying to
get her to open up? What was he up to?  The man simply exasperated her,
and she tried to forget about it. She decided that she would ask him
about some 'safe' topics on the ride to her apartment.  When they
reached Mulder's car, he was extra careful in helping her get into the
car, and he quickly grabbed the seatbelt to put it on for her, which
pissed her off slightly, but she refrained from scolding him.  He was
so close to her when he pulled the belt down and tried to buckle it ...
it seemed to Scully that he purposely lingered and acted like he
couldnt get it buckled. She was very uncomfortable having his face so
close to her body.  She realized that she was sitting as stiff as a
board, with her head pushed back into the head rest.  Mulder fumbled
with the seat belt latch. 'Damn! Just get it *in * Mulder!' he chided
himself. He felt his eyes not looking at the buckle latch, but instead
looking at her body so close to his face. He wanted to reach down and
touch her waist, her thigh, her... 'Stop it!!' he yelled at himself.
With that, the latch clicked into place, and he quickly jerked back out
of the car door.  He grinned sheepishly and said red-faced,
"All done."
"Are you sure?" Scully asked sarcastically, arching her eyebrows and
looking at his embarassed face. He just smirked, closed the door, and
walked around to his side. 'Damn!' he thought privately. 'What the hell
has come over me lately?' Mulder felt a rush of strange sensations
washing over him. He ran his hand through his hair and climbed quickly
into the car.They drove in silence for several minutes, both feeling
awkward for reasons that they didn't fully understand. Mulder wondered
why he felt so nervous, like a high school kid on a date. What had
changed?  He and Scully had been together for such a long time, he
thought it impossible for him to have any kind of strange feelings
about her. They'd been through practically everything together: fear,
tragedy, abandonment, kidnaping, life and death struggles -- he
couldn't even name all the things they'd seen together.  How many happy
times had they seen together? he wondered.  Not a whole hell of a lot
Mulder thought; not a whole hell of a lot. Something told him that he
wanted to give Scully some happy times. He felt she deserved them, and
he felt partially responsible for her not having them.  He certainly
could use some 'happy times' too. He stole a sideways glance at Scully.
She was looking out her window silently, no expression on her face. 
Mulder thought she looked especially tiny and frail.  Her skin looked
like a china doll; pale white porcelain with luscious ruby lips.  Her
copper hair was longer than she usually wore it, and it was pushed
behind her ears.  Her eyes looked hollow and tired, and she had some
fading bruises on her forehead and cheek, but Mulder still thought that
she looked exquisite.  He wondered what she was thinking. Was she
feeling confused like he was? Was she thinking of him? He suddenly felt
an  overpowering need to touch her. He reached over lightly placed his
hand on her leg.  
"Hey.....you okay?" She looked first at his hand, then at him, and
smiled slightly,
"Yah, I'm fine." she said, returning her gaze to her window, trying to
ignore his hand.
"Penny for your thoughts," he teased her. She smiled again but kept
facing her window.
"Nickel for a kiss," She replied with equal tease. Mulder smiled at her
willingness to play the little game with him. He did his best Dionne
impression,
"A diiiiiiime if ya tell me that ya love meeeeeeeee
girrrrrrrrrrrllllll!"  Scully turned her head and glared at him in mock
horror.
"Oh Mulder, please don't quit your day job!" She said with a grin.
"Gee Scully, don't you like my singing voice? I'm insulted."
"Yah, well, don't ever serenade me, I might throw up on you."  She
taunted.
"Hey, when I was in high school, some buddies of mine had a band, and,
believe it or not, I hung out with them and played drums and sang." he
saw the 'yeah, right' look she gave him.
"Im serious! I was seriously considering a career in the music biz,
man. I thought that was my calling, to be a rock-n-roll star. Our band
was called 'Dog Breath'." With that admission, Scully burst out
laughing.
"Dog Breath??? God Mulder, sounds like you hung out with a *great*
crowd!" Mulder smiled at the sight of Scully laughing. He hadn't seen
that in a long time - too long.
"Its nice to see you laugh, Scully." 
Scully's smiled quickly disappeared, and she suddenly looked
embarrassed, as if she was caught doing something shameful. Mulder
could tell that she was embarrassed by his remark, and he didn't
understand why, so he thought he would try to push her about it and see
if he could break down some of those walls.
"Why are you embarrassed Scully?" She looked at him with a frown.
"I'm not *embarrassed*," she snipped, looking back out her window.
"You're certainly acting like you are." Mulder continued, knowing full
well that he was about to get blasted. Sure enough, Scully jerked her
head around to face him, eyes blazing.
"What *is * it with you Mulder? Why are you poking and prodding me
about my feelings? Why the sudden interest? And why are you being so
overly nice to me? It's like you're going out of your way to be 'nice' a
nd chivalrous, and you keep *TOUCHING* me. Do you feel that guilty
about Jennings getting away and my getting hurt that you feel compelled
to dote on me constantly and play, 'I'm okay, you're okay' with my
feelings? What are you, Fox Freud??!" she was shouting now.
Mulder raised his eyebrows and just looked at her, a little shocked at
her exasperation.  Scully knew that she was flying off the handle, but
she had really had it with his questions. Any other time he would let
her alone when it was obvious she was feeling melancholy or depressed
about something. Usually, *he* was the one who was depressed and in a
funk. If there was anybody who had screwed up feelings, it was Fox
Mulder. They never discussed their emotions, and Scully had no
intention of starting now. Not with Mulder. That would be too
dangerous. Dangerous because she was afraid of how it may affect their
working relationship and their close partnership. It was better for
Mulder to see her on only a professional level, she had to tell herself
that nearly every day, and it was hard.  She had worked damn hard to
get where she was, and blocking out emotions and feelings was an
essential ingredient to her success. Even if that meant eliminating the
chance for getting close to people.  She thought again about her career
choice and how she resigned herself to never meeting someone, falling
in love, and living happily ever after.  So why did these doubts keep
surfacing over and over again? Why did she keep asking herself if she
was truly happy with her choice? A few years ago, the answer would have
been yes. Definitely. But now.....? Dana didn't know the answer
anymore; not with any degree of certainty. She knew didn't have time to
devote to someone and have any kind of 'normal' relationship. She
worked long hours with Mulder, she took her work home with her, she ran
off to follow a lead with Mulder at the drop of a hat, she took off on
assignments with Mulder all the time, she even spent some weekends
pouring over files with Mulder. The only person she spent ANY time with
was MULDER. How could she possibly have time for anyone else?  When she
and Mulder had first started working together, she had some
extra-curricular thoughts about him, she wasn't blind.  He was an
attractive guy.  He was educated, intelligent, and independent. 
'Actually, you've had LOTS of thoughts about him,' Scully admitted to
herself.  'But,' she countered, 'I was naive then, and, in the back of
my mind, I always knew better than to let them get out of hand.  I
always knew that I had to keep my feelings in check, to remain
professional.  Like a sexual relationship with Mulder would work
anyway,' she thought.  She remembered her earlier thoughts in the
hospital.  The same deliberations kept repeating themselves over and
over in her head.  She was driving herself nuts.  Finally, she resigned
herself to the old, 'must be PMS' explanation.  She exhaled loudly and
ran her hand through her hair.  Mulder's pulling into her apartment
parking lot and turning the engine off pulled her out of her maddening
preoccupation.
"We're here." Mulder said with a fake smile. He decided not to piss
Scully off any more. He would continue his inquisition at a later time;
he still needed answers to some questions, and he knew that the only
way to get them was to pummel her relentlessly until she broke.  It
seemed cruel, but he knew that it was the only way to get her to really
talk to him.  Besides, he could see that she was beyond 'pissed' at
this point.
"Thank God." Scully mumbled as she pushed the car door open and climbed
out, this time carrying her bag herself.  She marched up the steps to
her apartment, not caring whether or not Mulder came along.  He was,
dawdling behind her ever so carefully.  She fumbled with her keys and
finally unlocked the door.  
Scully swung the door open, visibly relieved at the sight of her
familiar living quarters.
"Home sweet home," Mulder said from the hallway. Without invitation,
Mulder stepped inside and closed the door behind him. 
Scully threw her bag and coat on the table and plopped on the couch,
leaning her head back and groaning out loud. Mulder seemed to be
surveying her apartment nonchalantly.  His eyes scanned all over, then
he leaned against the back of the couch and looked down at her.
"Y'know, you really should NOT be here alone Scully; I know you don't
want to hear that, but its true." Scully sat up and prepared to argue,
but Mulder raised his hand in protest.
"Listen to me, Scully.  They haven't caught Jennings yet, in fact, no
one has a clue where he may be. And I,... well.....Scully there's
something I didn't tell you about that night in the warehouse, after he
shot you and me." Scully's expression became tight and a mixture of
anger and fear arose in her eyes.  She sat up slowly.
"What Mulder? What did you *conveniently* forget to tell me?" Mulder
averted his gaze then returned to meet her again.
"Jennings said that he was 'sorry' and that he 'hoped he didn't hurt
you too badly, THIS time'. Then he laughed and laughed, and then he
just vanished." Scully's mouth opened a bit, and she tried her best not
to look spooked.
"That's not the creepiest part though Scully, when he spoke, and when
he laughed, it was like, his voice didn't come from any specific
direction; it was like it was all around me. Overhead, to my right, to
my left, underneath me--I can't explain it. That's why I didn't get a
shot fired off....I didn't even know where to aim. I couldn't zero in
on him, and I couldn't see him, yet he was everywhere." Mulder's eyes
begged for forgiveness for a sin that he truly felt he committed. He
felt like, once again, he let Scully down, and she got injured as a
result.  Sensing this, Scully reached up and touched his arm.
"Mulder, you shouldn't feel responsible for what happened. No one
blames you, especially me. The only one to blame is Warren Jennings. I
am *fine*." She did her best to assert this with her eyes, but Mulder
still felt guilty.  He turned and walked around to sit on the couch
beside her.
"Well, anyway, That's just one more reason why I don't think you should
be alone. Jennings is still out there, and I think he may be looking
for you and I."
"But especially me." Scully quickly added.
"Yes....especially you.  Usually all the bad guys take great pleasure
in trying to kill me first, so, this is a nice change for me."
Mulder tried to joke about it as he rose from the couch and nervously
began to pace. He grew serious again.
"We know he hates women, and we know that he's tortured and murdered
several women already, including his own mother and sister.  So....."
he turned to face Scully.
"He wouldn't think twice about hurting you again, Scully."  He stared
straight into her eyes.
"And I couldn't live with myself if he did." 
Scully watched him and tried to decide whether or not she should be
frightened. It wasn't the first time that someone was out to kill her,
but still, the prospect of it was unnerving, to say the least. She
looked at her arm and touched the still painful wound in her abdomen.
If Jennings did come after her, her injuries would create a definite
handicap for certain. 'Well,' she thought, 'I'll just have to make sure
that I sleep with my gun all night.'   She sighed deeply.
"Look, Mulder, I have a deadbolt on my door and locks on all my
windows. And, I keep my gun right on my nightstand." She was standing
next to him, but he was looking out the window. He turned to her,
feeling defeated.
"So I guess what you're saying is that you don't want me to stay." 
"You *really* don't need to. I'll be..." he interrupted her, 
"....'fine, Mulder'.....yah, I know .... right." He stared at her
silently for a moment, wanting so badly to lean down and kiss those
beautiful lips that constantly taunted him.  God she was beautiful. 
How could he have not noticed all this time?  He let out a sigh and
started for the door as she watched him, feeling a little bad for
turning him away. 
"Listen, Mulder....I'll call you before I go to bed, okay?" she offered
with a slight smile.
"Okay." He paused, staring at her again, wanting desperately to say
something before turning to leave.
"I'll talk to you soon, Scully."
"Thank you, Mulder.....for everything."  They smiled weakly at each
other, and he closed the door behind him.

Mulder stood outside her door trying to convince himself that he was
doing the right thing by leaving. He couldn't put his finger on it, but
something told him that he definitely should NOT leave her alone. It
was just a gut feeling, and it had nothing to do with his subconscious
feelings for her of late. Something told him that Jennings would come
to call on them again, and he was very fearful that he would choose
Scully first. He didn't even want to think of her being put in danger
again. This last ordeal had changed him, and left him with an intense
need to be close to Scully. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her,
and seeing her once again in a hospital, unconscious, cut through his
soul like a chainsaw. He told himself that this was the reason for his
recent need to touch her, feel her, and be physically close to her. He
must subconsciously think that if he can physically hold her, then she
won't leave him. Consciously, however, he knew that wasn't true. She
could be taken from him at any time. THEY could do that. They'd done it
before. Still, he could not stop thinking about her. It wasn't just an
'I need to protect her' feeling any longer, it was becoming more. The
more he touched her and doted on her, the more he felt drawn to her,
the more he felt his heart reach out to her, ache for her.  God!  When
had he begun to need her so much?  All the years they'd worked
together, he suppressed these feelings and avoided them, because he
knew where they would lead him.  He pushed them aside for the sake of
his job and their 'partnership', because he knew he had to.  And, he'd
gotten to the point where their relationship was a 'love' of sorts, but
a purely platonic one, built on friendship, trust, and respect, and
NEVER to be sexually consummated.  He was closer to Scully than any
family member, any friend he'd ever had, *and* any lover he'd ever had.
 He knew he loved her, and he knew their relationship was a unique one,
so what was he to do?  Tell her that he longed for her touch, that he
craved her affection, and fantasized about her body?  No, he couldn't
do that. He couldn't risk destroying everything they had worked so hard
for, that HE had worked so hard for all these years. If he had to keep
playing the role of 'partner only' to keep her with him in the X-Files,
he was willing to sacrifice his physical and emotional wants and
needs......wasn't he??  

As he pulled into the parking lot of his own apartment complex, he
decided that he would drive over to check on Scully later, whether she
liked it or not.

*********************
Scully sat in a bath full of nearly intolerable hot water and soothing
bubbles. She laid her head back and stretched out, allowing the burning
liquid to swirl around her legs and body. She reevaluated all the
events of the last turbulent week and decided that she was glad she had
a few weeks off to recuperate. Aside from her physical injuries, she
also had some emotional issues to sort out. Her thoughts returned to
Mulder, his strange stares, and the hurt expression he wore when she
told him that she didn't need him.  Truth was, she *did* need him, and
she figured that he wanted her to need him. Though he would never admit
to that, she knew inside that he wanted to watch over her and take care
of her. It touched her that he wanted to do this; however, she somehow
felt that it would be showing a weakness to allow that.  'A weakness?'
she asked herself. "Why would I be *weak* in allowing a friend to help
me out when I'm injured?" She asked herself out loud. "God, I am such a
bitch sometimes......a *pathetic* bitch at that!"  It wasn't the first
time that she had let her pride get in the way and hurt someone's
feelings. Her constant need to be an 'independent', 'strong', and
'self-sufficient' woman was sometimes a mixed blessing. She had a good
career, and she often felt like she was making a difference in the
world, but...at what cost to her? She had no personal life, no friends,
and no love life. The only person she was close to or had any
relationship with was Mulder. And she couldn't very well get involved
with Mulder. No, no, no, she screamed at herself.  She'd gone over this
and *over* this.  'Why cant I just *let it go*?' She implored herself. 
'Why can't I just cast those thoughts AWAY!  DAMN!  Mulder is
off-limits!  It would almost be incestuous!'  She threw her washcloth
over her face and groaned out loud. She was closer to Mulder than she'd
been to anyone. Yet, she kept him at bay whenever he got a little too
personal or a little nosey about her feelings. She couldn't let him get
too close...it was in the best interests of their partnership *not* to.
 Besides, she couldn't let her emotions cloud her judgement; all her
carefully constructed walls would come crashing down, and she would
jeopardize everything.  It was the old 'ego' versus 'libido' struggle,
and her 'id' was very confused right now. Something told her that
Mulder felt it too, and that frightened her even more. She remembered
how insanely jealous she always felt when Mulder flirted with other
women, and they with him.  Why did she feel that way?  What was she
jealous of? Because they had the freedom to pursue their carnal
pleasures with no worry of what was at stake or what they could
jeopardize? Because Mulder sometimes had a sex life and she had none? 
Or....because she secretly desired ...... 'No! No! NO! Don't go
there!!' She chided herself and groaned again out loud.  "You're so
pathetic Dana.  Only you would have the hots for a man you can never
have.  Goddd!"  She drew a long breath and blew it out loudly.

Scully finished her bath and wrapped herself in a nightgown, thinking
that she would occupy herself with a good movie for the evening.  It
had gotten dark while she was in the bath, and she strode out to the
living room to turn some lights on.  It suddenly felt so chilly in the
apartment.  She looked around the apartment and realized that all the
windows were open.  A horrible feeling washed over her.  Intense fear
shot up her spinal column and penetrated her mind, leaving her
paralyzed.  She knew immediately.  'He's here,' she thought, '...Oh my
god...'  She didn't move for a moment while her eyes carefully scanned
the apartment, trying to remain calm.  She saw nothing.  Slowly she
crept sideways to her bedroom with the intent of getting her gun.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Agent Scully." Jennings's voice
bellowed out from everywhere.  Scully froze again, eyes searching
desperately.  She slammed her back up against a wall, forcing herself
to think rationally.  Scully fought desperately to get a grip on
herself.  She *had* to get to her gun, and she *had* to get to the
phone. 'Oh God, why did I let Mulder leave,' she closed her eyes for a
moment and cursed her damned pride. She began slinking along the wall,
figuring that if she could reach her bedroom door, she could dash to
her nightstand and retrieve her gun. She was only inches from the door
when an arm flew around the corner and shoved a gun, her gun, into her
face. Jennings' body soon followed behind the gun. He grinned
sadistically and laughed deeply and slowly, taking great pleasure in
watching the color drain out of Scully's face. 
"You wouldn't happen to be looking for this, would you Agent Scully?"
Jennings shook the gun in front of her nose. Scully stared at him,
refusing to show her profound fear.
"You know you won't get away with this Jennings; you can't just kill me
and walk out of here unnoticed."
"Oh, won't I? I'm not so sure, Agent Scully... after all, I got in here
with no problem, didn't I? No one 'noticed' *that*, did they? NOT EVEN
*YOU*, AGENT SCULLY!" he bellowed with laughter again. It was so loud
that Scully cringed and tried to cover her ears. 
"And besides, I don't know if I'm going to kill you.....at least, not
*right away* that is!"  Jennings smiled and suddenly grabbed her by the
throat viciously, pushing his ugly face into hers so that their noses
were nearly touching.
"You and I are going to have a bit of *fun,* AGENT Scully...... a bit
of fun indeed." Scully gasped for air as Jennings threw her down to the
floor, sat on her back, and pulled her head upward by yanking her hair.
Scully grimaced, but said nothing.
"I want to hear you scream Agent Scully, only this time, I won't shoot
you in order to hear it-- this time, it will be screams of
*pleasurrrrrrre*!" he roared with insane laughter. Scully's heart was
nearly pounding out of her chest. She had to stop him soon, or there
would be no hope for her at all. She had to try something, he was going
to kill her anyway. 'I'd rather die than be raped and tortured by this
madman,' Scully thought. Jennings moved off her back and ordered her to
turn over, still pressing the gun in her head. Scully obeyed and rolled
over onto her back, grimacing from his weight pressing on her
still-sore side. Jennings quickly straddled her hips.
"Oh yes, this will be such *fun*!" he let loose a psychotic giggle that
chilled Scully to the bone. Jennings' eyes began to transform his face
into something less than human. A maniacal demon bent on horrific
torture and murder. His eyes began to glaze over and dilate until
Scully only saw black holes, with not a drop of humanity in them. 
Still pressing the gun under her chin, Jennings leaned down and touched
his tongue to Scully's exposed breastbone and licked her slowly up to
the base of her neck. She gritted her teeth and turned her head to the
side, forcing down the bile that arose in her throat. She knew she
could not cry out -- that was what he wanted. She refused to surrender.
Jennings leaned down close to her face.
"Going to fight it, eh? Oh, goody, *goody*!" Another giggle. He started
grinding his hips against her groin, and she could feel his erection
rubbing insistently against her, making her nearly vomit.  Then, his
lips were suddenly all over her face, sucking, kissing, licking, biting
her all over. She shook her head back and forth violently, but he just
giggled more. She glared at him with intense hatred spewing forth from
her eyes. She cursed him through clenched teeth and growled, 
"I will *kill* you, you son of a bitch... , DO YOU HEAR ME!!?" she
screamed at him, trying to push him off of her. He burst into laughter,
wriggling and grinding more intensely on top of her.  He looked down at
her and brought his face into hers again,
"I would like to see you try that, Agent Scully.....I *really* would!"
Scully suddenly spat in his face.  His expression immediately changed
from insane glee to boiling rage. He let loose an animalistic growl and
dealt a crushing blow across Scully's cheekbone with the butt of her
own gun. She let out a small grunt, but brought her eyes back to his,
challenging him again, refusing to back down. He rained two more blows
across her head, making her mind teeter on the brink of consciousness
as Jennings' face faded in and out of focus. 'No! I can't black out!'
she screamed at herself. Jennings leaned down again.
"Now don't you go to sleep on me little darlin'!" He stuck his tongue
out and licked some of the blood off her beaten face, then ran it along
her lips, plunging into her mouth and forcing her to taste her own
blood. She struggled to turn her head away from him, but she could
hardly concentrate on the task. All she could do was clamp down on his
tongue with her teeth. She bit down hard, filling her mouth with his
warm, metallic taste.  Jennings screamed and jerked his head back,
toppling off of her body.
"YOU BITCH!!!" he roared.  Scully tried in vain to get up and run, but
she could only fall down on her knees.  Jennings scrambled over to her
and picked her up, delivering several bruising blows to her stomach
with his fist.  His strength was incredible.  Scully crumpled to the
floor and curled into a ball, trying to protect the rest of her body.
Jennings kicked again and again. Scully felt herself losing the
strength to keep herself bound up. Her already injured stomach felt as
though it had burst apart, and Jennings's boot had made contact with
her damaged arm, causing throbbing pain in the limb. Jennings picked
Scully up by the collar of her robe and threw her up against a wall. 
Her head thudded loudly as it made contact, and she collapsed onto the
floor.  He was on top of her quickly, picking her up again, this time
literally throwing her across the entire length of the living room. She
landed on the floor with a splatter, as her mind fluttered on the brink
of reality.  She wanted to move and get away, but she couldn't. She
made a futile attempt to crawl, but she could only move one arm.
Jennings walked up to her body slowly and stood above her.  He knelt
down and wrapped one hand around her throat, squeezing and choking,
delighting in hearing her cough and sputter.
"Perhaps *now* you'll be a little more cooperative, Agent Scully." He
released his grip and tore her robe open with his hands, reveling in
her nakedness. He leaned over and began harshly kissing her flesh,
raking his hands over her breasts, her abdomen, her face, her throat. 
'No no no noooooooooooo!' Scully screamed inside her head. 'Oh
God....oh Mulder, please help me.' Tears began to slip down the sides
of her face as Jennings continued his assault on her body. Scully felt
her sanity and her consciousness slip away as  Jennings ran his
fingertips along the waistband of her panties.  He was just about to
tug them off when the door of her apartment literally burst off its
hinges, and Fox Mulder came crashing through the doorway, gun pointed
directly at Jennings' face.  Jennings lept to his feet and put his
hands up slightly, grinning with insanity.  Mulder stepped toward him
slowly.
"Put your hands in the air and turn around, you fucking bastard!" 
Jennings didn't move, but instead giggled.
"Fucking bastard *indeed *, Agent Mulder." he wiggled his eyebrows and
made a motion toward Scully's body lying on the floor, giggling
hideously and taunting Mulder.
"You fucking son of a bitch!" Mulder said through clenched teeth as he
advanced toward him.  Jennings giggled even more.
"You can't shoot me Agent Mulder, you have to arrest me and take me
downtown where I'll be put in jail," Jennings and Mulder began to walk
in a slow circle around Scully's body, Jennings continuing to taunt
Mulder while Mulder held his gun on him. 
"Then, I'll be given a fair trial, where my attorney will tell the jury
that I am insane, and I'll be taken to a nice institution where I'll
spend my days talking to nice doctors and nurses. In the meantime, you
and your partner here will continue your dull and pointless lives of
working for the F.B.I.....that is, of course, assuming that she *makes*
it!" he burst out laughing, shaking his head and howling like a madman.
Mulder's eyes bored into him and his finger tightened on the trigger.
"No, Mr. Jennings, I don't think you'll be making *any* trips
downtown." Mulder hissed through clenched teeth as he suddenly squeezed
the trigger and blew a hole through Jennings's head, dropping his body
to the floor, limp and lifeless at last.  Mulder dropped his gun and
walked over to Jennings' body, making sure that he was dead.  He
quickly rushed over to Scully's side. Her face was smeared with blood
and she was unconscious.  He could see the welts all over her body, and
her beaten, bloody face. 
"Fucking *bastard*!!!"  Mulder growled aloud.  He stood and whirled
around in a blind rage, needing desperately to find an outlet for his
anger.  A table sat nearby with a lamp and various trinkets situated on
it.  Without even thinking, he lashed out at it, sending the items
crashing onto the floor.  He let out an animalistic cry and picked up
the small table, throwing it down on Jennings' body in an unbridled
fury.  He almost wished Jennings would sit up so that he could blow his
brains out again.  As the bits and pieces of wood finished shattering
all over the floor, he grabbed his own head, screaming at himself to
get a grip.  He quickly called the police and paramedics on his phone,
then he returned his attention to Scully.  He covered her naked body
and tied her robe back together with great care as he lifted her off
the floor. Carrying her over to the sofa, he sat down and held her in
his arms. She groaned softly and opened her eyes, staring up at Mulder.
"Mulderrr....?"  His heart was breaking again.
"Yeah, its me Scully, I'm here now....you're gonna be ok." He couldnt
take it any longer, and the tears began to flow down his face, dripping
onto Scully's body. Damn it all! he thought. Damn this job, this life!
I can't take this any more!' he thought. Scully looked up at him again.
"I knew you'd come Mulder.....I knew you'd come." He smiled and sniffed
back his tears.
"Yeah, I came Scully....I'm here.....but not soon enough.....not soon
enough." Scully reached up and tried to touch his face, but only made
it to his arm.
"Please Mulder.....don't torture yourself over this, too...... please."
 The tears now streamed down both their faces.
"Just hold me, Mulder....hold me and never let me go." Scully reached
again and tried to wrap her arm around his neck, but she couldnt move
it.  Mulder's face twisted in anguish, and he buried his face in her
neck and began to sob, the weight of so much guilt and tortured
feelings exploding in his head. He hugged her tightly to his chest,
rocking her gently while she laid motionless.  After his tears had
subsided, he lifted his head and looked into her swollen, tear-filled
eyes.
"Dana, I swear I'll never let you go.....*never *."  Her lips trembled
in a half-smile as a tear dribbled down her face.  Mulder continued to
hold her close, not wanting to let her go for one second.  He didn't
say anything, but he kept looking down at her to make sure she was
still conscious.  He stared at her intently, wanting to apologize, but
knowing that he shouldn't say anything.  She had begun to shake, and he
pulled her chin up, forcing her to look at him.
"Scully," he whispered,  "you're going to be okay." he tried to sound
convincing as her chin began to quiver.  Scully covered her face with
her hand and began to completely break down.  Her whole body shook as
the sobs racked her.  Mulder brought her to his chest and hugged her
tighter, whispering softly against her face.
"Shhhh.....he's gone now Dana, he can't hurt you any more."  Tears
streamed from his eyes as he felt his heart ripping in two inside his
chest.  If only he could take away her pain; he would give his right
arm for that.  All he could right now was hold her and stay by her side
while they waited for the cavalry to arrive once again.


Together Alone
By A. K. Naten

Part 2 of 4


Later in the hospital, the police finished all their inquiries and
reports, and the doctors had examined Scully.  In addition to her now
re-injured arm and abdomen, she also had some cracked ribs, a fractured
cheekbone, and lots of very nasty looking bruises all over her body,
throat, and face.  Mulder had stayed by her side the whole time,
holding her hand or arm, or something.  He felt an extreme need to stay
physically close to her, and she had asked him to remain by her side,
even when the doctors had performed their exams.  He amazed himself
with his calmness when she had shed her clothing for her examinations,
and it didn't seem to faze her either. The hospital staff obviously
thought that they were a "couple" and made no objections to his
staying.  And she was glad that he did; she needed his comforting
presence.  Now, as she slept, he gazed upon her battered and swollen
face.  He loved her so much.  He was quite certain of it now.  He had
done such an admirable job of supressing those thoughts for all these
years; he'd nearly convinced himself that he had no feelings for her. 
It took all of  this to suddenly bring this realization out with
surety, and slap him squarely in the face.  He looked over her beaten
body.  He was beyond angry now.  He suddenly felt like he had wasted
all the years before this moment.  All those years ago he could have
admitted his feelings, and he could have perhaps had an extensive,
passionate relationship with her.  'It could still happen,' he told
himself ambitiously, 'It could still happen.'

Scully awoke some time later to find Mulder asleep, sitting in a chair
slumped forward, his head lying on her bed beside her waist, and his
arm wrapped protectively across her hips.  She smiled at the thought of
him keeping such a faithful vigil at her bedside.  She had asked him to
stay with her, and he had done exactly that.  He must be exhausted. 
She reached her hand up and stroked his soft, silky hair.  She looked
at his arm draped possessively over her body and thought about how nice
it felt.  She placed her hand on his arm and stroked it lovingly as he
stirred and lifted his head to look at her.
"Hi." she murmured with a weak smile.
"Hey, how you doing?" he asked softly.  
"Okay, I guess." she replied, wrinkling up her nose a bit.
He turned his head around to see what time it was, then returned to
look at her.  Realizing that he had his arm across her, he was suddenly
embarrassed to have been caught touching her, and he began to draw his
arm back.  Scully reached out and stopped him from removing it.
"No - it's ok.....I don't mind."  He smiled at her acceptance and
replaced his arm across her waist, stroking her side gently with his
fingers.  She smiled back at him, and he thought he saw a little
flicker of affection in her eyes.  She closed her eyes and put a hand
on top of her head, breathing out loudly.
"I must look like I've been used as a wrecking ball." she groaned
miserably.  "I certainly FEEL like it."
"You SHOULD feel like it after fighting off that maniac." Mulder said,
his anger rising slightly as a flashback of Jennings' entered his mind.
 She hesitated, her eyes welling with tears.
"I *couldn't* fight him off though, Mulder, I couldn't......*stop*
him."  Her voice quavered nervously.  She looked at him and spoke in a
tear-filled whisper.
"He almost *raped* me Mulder."  She covered her face, trying to hide
the tears that were about to burst through her pride again. Mulder
brushed her hair back and leaned over to kiss the hand covering her
face.
"Shhhh, its okay.... Dana, listen to me, no one would have been able to
fight him off if they were in the same shape that you were in -- you
had a broken arm and a bullet wound, for chrissake!" He tried to
convince her softly. Scully began weeping anyway, keeping her face
covered while she turned it to the side in a poor attempt to hide from
Mulder.  He knew it was difficult for her to break down in front of
him, *again*. She was always so good at controlling herself and keeping
a calm facade, even when faced with the most horrible atrocities. He
was glad to see her let it go, however, and he knew that she needed to
do this for her emotional well-being. He tried to soothe her without
making her feel embarrassed.
"Shhhh.....it's alright Dana, just let it go.......it's okay." He
stroked the side of her face, his heart breaking as he watched the sobs
rack her tiny frame once again.  She turned to him briefly.
"It was like Donnie Pfaster and Duane Barry and Jerry Schnauz all over
again, Mulder. He had that same look in his
eyes....insanity....inhuman....pure evil." Mulder remembered the cases
well, and how helpless he felt as his partner's cool facade crumbled
and she disintegrated into tears of terror.  Now here she was again, in
tears, her facade again in shambles. He couldn't stand it, he had to
hold her and comfort her. He couldn't let her lie there all alone. She
had turned away from him again, covering her face with her hands and
sobbing hard. Mulder sat on the edge of her bed and gently reached over
to pull her shoulder toward him. Scully dropped one hand and looked
apprehensively at him, her eyes flooded with tears. She suddenly seemed
so frail to him, so small and delicate.....so fragile.  Gone was the
tough Agent Scully, M.D., who never lost her cool and had a snappy,
shrewd argument for every theory ever put forth.  She was suddenly
emotional, sensitive, vulnerable. He knew she was only human and needed
comfort.  He wanted desperately to give it to her. 
"Dana," Mulder whispered softly to her, "please don't cry."
He leaned toward her and scooped her up in his arms, hugging her
tightly to his chest. She brought her arms around him as best she could
and hugged him, burying her face in his neck and releasing a fresh
barrage of more intense tears.  Scully's emotional floodgates were
blown wide open by Mulder's act of tenderness, and he knew it as well.
He squeezed his eyes shut in hopes of keeping his own tears at bay. He
wanted to crush her against him and never let her go, just like he
promised. He wanted desperately to tell her how much he loved her...
but he waited instead.

Mulder held her gently for a long time, until her sobs ceased and she
lay quietly against his chest.  He dropped his face down and kissed the
top of her head, a slow, soft kiss that told her he was here for her,
and he cared so much for her. She hugged him tighter. He kissed her
again and buried his face in her hair this time, not moving. He closed
his eyes and imagined that they were someplace else, someplace where it
was only the two of them, and they weren't Agents, they were just Fox
and Dana. And he was holding her, and she was holding him. God what he
would give for that to be true, he thought. How he would love to take
her away from all this madness and make her happy, really happy.....if
that were possible. He prided himself on knowing his partner pretty
well, but he knew that even *he* didn't know everything about Dana
Scully. She had her own personal demons, he was sure, and he had no
clue what her true, intimate feelings were about a lot of things. Her
well-constructed walls of protection were to blame for this, and he
wanted more than anything to get behind those walls and find these
answers. Perhaps in time, he would.  

Eventually, she fell asleep again.  As the hours droned on, he watched
her sleep, reaching out occasionally to finger a lock of her hair or
brush her cheek lovingly.  She looked so small and tired; her face was
scratched and bruised, and a little swollen. Her skin was whiter than
usual, and black and blue marks were beginning to appear, but she still
looked as beautiful as ever to Mulder. Her hair seemed longer than it
usually was, and it curved and feathered around her face, cascading
onto her shoulders. He remembered back to when they'd first met. She
was young, head-strong, confidant, and oblivious to the horrors of the
vicious crimes that Mulder had already become accustomed to. She was
fresh-faced and beautiful then, but to Mulder, she'd become even more
beautiful as the years went on. Her face was slimmer, more mature in
some way, with little tiny creases that revealed stress and strain. 
Her whole body seemed to have evolve into this older, more elegant
'woman'.  But it was her face that had changed the most.  It seemed to
have become hardened by all the pain and heartache she'd endured over
the last few years.  It was a face that reflected....something....it
was........sad.  She had become solemn, with some of her inner fire
slightly diminished.  'And why *shouldn't* she be sad,' Mulder thought
to himself. 'She lost her father and her sister, any hope of having
children, and she had seen and become a part of so many horrorific
freak-shows, how could she *not* feel sad?' he thought.  'I don't want
her to be unhappy,' he told himself.  'I have to make her happy and
take good care of her....she's all that matters to me.'

When she fully awoke the next day, Mulder wasn't in the room.  She got
her bearings and brought her bed up to a sitting position.  Taking a
drink of the lukewarm water sitting on her tray table, she wondered how
long she had been in the hospital.  She couldn't tell from looking
outside, and she thought perhaps Mulder finally went home.  She was
looking out the window when the door opened, and Mulder came in.  She
turned her head and smiled when she saw his familiar mug.  He grinned
and came over to her bed.
"God, Mulder....you look like I feel!"  He chuckled warmly and ran his
hand over his grizzled face.
"Yah, well, a couple days without shaving will do that to a man." her
eyes widened a bit.
"A couple days?  Mulder, how long have I been here?"  He sat down on
the edge of her bed and touched the side of her face.
" 'Bout 2-1/2 days."  Her eyes stayed wide as she stared blankly and
said nothing.  She looked at her cast-clad arm and then at the other
bruised one.  She gingerly lifted the blankets a little to look at the
rest of the body, but she stopped when she saw the beginning of the
bruises marring her legs.  She quietly put the blanket back in place
and bit her lower lip, trying to stop it from quivering.  It didn't
stop, however, and tears began welling up in her eyes, blurring her
vision until they spilled over and ran down her face.  
"Dammit!"  She whispered, then closed her eyes and laid back on her
pillow, turning away from Mulder.  He wasn't sure what to do or what to
say.  His heart ached for her.  He leaned toward her, putting his hands
on her shoulders.
"Hey....c'mere."  He scooped her up in his arms again and pulled her
head into his chest gently.  He stroked her hair and pressed his lips
against her head while she cried quietly.  He wondered how long this
would last.  Her pain inside.  How long for her to heal emotionally? 
He wanted so badly to tell her that he would stay by her side, no
matter how long it took.
She only cried for a few minutes, and he let her.  After a while, she
tilted her head back slightly so that his lips were now touching her
forehead.  He kissed the smooth skin of her forehead and let them rest
there for a few minutes, absorbing the feel of her skin against his
mouth.  Removing his lips from her forehead, he looked down at her
nose; it's delicate surface was scratched, but he could still see the
light dusting of freckles on the bridge.  He reached down and kissed
her nose lightly. She opened her eyes and rolled them upward to look at
Mulder, lifting her head slightly until she could see into his eyes.
His hazel orbs sparkled at her, an unrecognizable glimmer present in
them.  It sent chills down her spine and heat through her chest. Before
he could even think about it, his eyes locked onto her tender lips, and
he found his face tilting toward hers. His lips pulled him toward her
mouth with a mind of their own, and they descended onto her lips softly
but fully, caressing her with a slow, but tentative kiss.  Warm, soft,
sweet as sugar.... his head was abuzz with the sensation of her mouth
against his.  It was just a chaste kiss, but it was definitely
electrical, and the sparks were quite obvious to both of them.  Reality
suddenly returned to him and he realized what he was doing.  He broke
the kiss gently and looked immediately into her eyes, fearing that she
would pull away from him. Instead, she stared at him, eyes wide with
the shock of what he just did, and her lips on fire. Seeing her
bewilderment, he decided to try to cover-up the mutual shock as best he
could. He reached up to cradle the side of her face with his hand, and
pressed her head into his chest again, resting his chin on the top of
her head and caressing her cheek with his thumb. Her eyes were still
wide with alarm as she tried to comprehend what in the hell had just
happened. He had *kissed* her....Mulder! And she *let* him! It wasn't
just an innocent peck either, it was slow and tender.  Her mind was
reeling, and she was pretty sure that flames were engulfing her lips.
She licked them and felt suddenly nauseous.
Mulder was nervous. How the hell did *that* happen!?' he thought. What
was I thinking? What is *she* thinking? he wondered. He shouldn't be
doing this, especially now, not after what she'd been through. 'Wrong
time... wrong time...' he told himself.  He was afraid to move, afraid
that she would suggest that he get the hell out of her room now and
leave her alone. A lump formed in his throat.  He squeezed his eyes
shut and wished for a miracle, a miracle that she would not only
understand his love for her, but return it. He agonized for many
minutes. 'Don't scare her, you idiot!'  he scolded himself.  He lowered
his face and kissed the top of her head again, filling his nostrils
with her scent and sending his mind buzzing again.  She felt him moving
and feared the worst. 'Maybe he's going to leave.....maybe he's afraid
that I'll be angry.....maybe he didn't really *mean* it.'  Dana
agonized to herself . Then she felt the soft kiss on her head. 'No... I
think he meant it.' she smiled inwardly and found herself hugging him
tightly. He smiled at her hugging reaction, but it did little to
relieve his building anxiety. Then he felt her head moving to look up
at him. He released his grip slightly, allowing her to pull back and
look directly at him. Her cerulean depths were sparkling and smiling at
him. One-half of her mouth grinned slightly, seemingly embarrassed. He
tried his best to grin back at her, but felt himself staring at her
savory lips again. His eyes shimmered at her, and she saw them trail
down from her eyes to her lips. She swallowed and licked them
delicately, feeling a sudden tingle echo throughout her body, and a
flush creep up her neck into her cheeks. He was drowning in her lips,
and his heart leapt into his throat when she licked them quickly. He
was only inches from her face, and he thought he could hear her heart
pounding; he was certain she could see his thumping through his shirt.
He reached up with his hand and placed it on her cheek, slowly tracing
his fingers across her jawbone, her chin, and bringing his index finger
up to touch her lips. She tried in vain to keep her bottom lip from
quivering. Her whole body was about to explode from his touch. She
watched his eyes, looking for answers to the hundreds of questions
spinning around inside her head. She saw the look of affection that he
often flashed at her, but she still saw something that she did not
recognize. It slowly dawned on her that it could be passion, or maybe
desire, or maybe even......love?  

She couldn't take it anymore; she was flustered and on the verge of
panic, yet her lips ached for his touch again. Feeling her rational
mind leave her, she leaned forward and closed the gap between them,
bringing her lips to his tentatively, timidly, tasting his supple mouth
briefly. Before she could pull away completely, he brought his hands up
to hold her face. Their lips broke contact and they gazed into each
others eyes, minds swirling with the realization that was dawning
between them. He pulled her toward him again, kissing her more firmly
this time, inhaling deeply and opening his mouth further. She responded
the same and wrapped her arms around him, winding one hand into his
hair. Each could feel the heat building inside their bodies, but each
could also feel the nagging voice in the back of their minds that
scolded them about their impulsive actions and the possible
repercussions. Which were they to heed? Their subconscious desires
seemed to win out and pushed their conscious thoughts aside for the
moment, as they savored each other's mouths. Mulder's tongue snaked out
and sought entrance with some hesitancy, knowing that he needed to keep
himself under control, but feeling that control ebb with each drag and
suckle of her tender lips. She parted her lips almost shyly in
invitation, allowing him to dart his tongue in and out and drink in
even more of her.  A quiet moan snuck out of the back of her throat as
she dragged her tongue along his teeth and swirled it around his
tongue, dueling gently with him. They both opened their eyes and looked
at each other, breaking their kiss very slowly, and he finished with a
gentle lick to her glistening lips. He held her face and closed his
eyes, leaning his forehead against hers as they both tried to return
their breathing to normal. He held her tightly as his face contorted
into a mixture of worry and anxiety, their conscious minds returning
them to that "repercussions" thought that they had forgotten just
moments ago. Where were they going to go from here? This was going to
change *everything* for sure. The question was, was it for the good, or
the bad? Mulder reached his arms around Scully and pulled her to him,
burying his face in the hair at her neck. Scully placed her arms around
him and they held each other in silence, their minds racing fervently.
What was going on here? they asked themselves. What were they
*thinking*? What were they doing?  And WHY were they doing it!?

'Oh God, how long have I waited for this?' Mulder wondered to himself.
He couldn't believe that it was even better than he had dreamed, and it
was pretty damn good in his dreams. Her lips were succulent, and her
mouth sweet and soft with a tongue like silk. He pressed his nose into
her hair and inhaled her silken softness with a faint smell of flowery
or herbal shampoo. Mulder felt an uncomfortable tightness blossoming in
his groin. He panicked at the thought of becoming noticeably aroused
right here in front of Scully. To say that he was nervous about this
whole situation was an understatement. He had just done some very
intense lip-locking with his *partner*. This was beyond taboo, and he
knew that his mind knew better. He couldn't imagine what would happen
next. Should they reconsider and pretend it was all a mistake? 'No, no
*way* can I do that now,' Mulder told himself. 'I've thought about this
for at least 4 years, and I'm not giving up now.' Mulder quickly
thought about his alternatives, the pros, the cons. He knew what his
decision would be.  He concluded that he cared more about Dana Scully,
the woman, than he did about Dana Scully, the FBI agent and partner. If
he had to give up his *partnership* and the X-Files to have her as his
lover, he would do it. The X-Files meant a lot to him, his search for
'the Truth' meant a lot to him, and his ultimate search, for Samantha,
meant even more.  But, he realized with incredible clarity, Scully
meant the most.  He needed her.....he needed her love and affection. 
He already had her friendship and companionship.  But, now, he needed
the rest of her....he needed her heart.  The back of his mind spoke up:
did she need him and his love?  Was *she* willing to trade everything
for *him*?  He could only pray that she did.  

Scully pressed her face into Mulder's neck, breathing in his masculine
scent, mixed in with cologne. Her mind flashed back to his supple lips
caressing hers. His velvety tongue darting in her mouth and his hands
raking through her hair. The look in his eyes, overflowing with passion
and desire. Her insides burned and the heat spread down to her
nether-regions, making her suddenly feel very self-conscious. 'This is
bad, Dana, this is REALLY bad,' she told herself. 'We CANNOT do this,
we just C A N N O T,' she tried desperately to convince herself that it
was improper. But, the burning sensation in her loins betrayed her
mind. Her body craved for more, and her mind begged it to reconsider.
'If we go any farther, there is no turning back,' she reasoned. 'The
damage will be done,' she told herself. What damage? ...a different
voice spoke up.  The damage to your career, and possibly to your
friendship and partnership with Mulder,' the sane part of her mind
warned her. 'Would my career be *damaged*?' she asked her sanity,
'Could I work someplace else, if I had to?' She analyzed further: 'And
as for my "friendship" with Mulder, well, if we continue on this path,
we'll be *more* than friends, won't we?' she concluded. Yes, more than
friends; lovers then, right?  "Lovers" -- she shivered inwardly at that
word.  She'd never had a successful "lover" relationship.  Sure, she'd
slept with men, and she'd had "boyfriends", but something was always
missing from those relationships. There was no spark, no electricity,
no real compatibility. Not that she and Mulder were totally
compatible--why, they were complete opposites in nearly everything, she
thought to herself. They argued about EVERYTHING, and agreed on very
little. 'Yes, ' she told herself, '*but*, there is definitely
*electricity*, and  *chemistry*, and an underlying sexuality that both
of them were keenly aware of. They had been having a long love affair
of sorts; it just was never physically consummated.  'But, to
consummate it now would ruin *everything*, wouldn't it??' she searched
her soul for an answer.  It was a risk, definitely.  Were they willing
to risk losing all they had worked for?  Were they willing to risk
crossing that last line of trust between them?  Taking the
chance....taking this last 'plunge' in their relationship - it scared
Scully to death.  She was terrified of the possible consequences.  If
it didn't work out, then what?  They would have a strained relationship
and friendship, and they couldn't return to just 'working' together. 
Things would be unbearably awkward.  Besides, how on earth could Mulder
commit himself to her?  The only thing that mattered to him was his
search for the truth, she thought. He couldn't possibly be willing to
make a *committment* to her.....could he?  She wanted to say something
to him, but she had no idea where to begin.  It was nearly impossible
to say, 'Whoopsy, we shouldn't have done that, lets just forget about
it,' she reasoned to herself.  If one of them hadn't wanted the kiss,
they could forget about it. If one of them had resisted or pulled away,
it could have been dismissed as just an overzealous 'friendly peck'. 
'But that *didn't* happen,' Scully reminded herself.  'HE kissed me,
and then I kissed HIM, so......there's no turning back now, Dana.'  She
tried to think of something say to break the awkward silence.
Mulder's mind was spinning in the same way, trying to think of
something meaningful to say, or preparing for the damage control.  'I
love you, I love you,' was the only thing that he could think of, but
he knew he didn't dare speak those words.....not yet.  He had to be
sure that she wanted this first, that she wasn't going to back off and
throw her protective walls up again.  He needed to tell her that *he*
was sure of this, that it was difficult for him to admit this too, but,
more importantly, it was NOT a mistake......it was right....it felt so
*right*.  

He took a deep breath and slowly pulled himself away from her.  She
stayed focused on his chest, refusing to look into his eyes, fearing
their betrayal and knowing that he would see straight into her soul. 
He touched a finger to the underside of her chin, lifting it slowly so
that she looked at him finally.  He whispered her name,
"Dana,"   Chills trickled down her spine as he spoke her name.  His
eyes bored into hers - she was right, he was reading her soul.  She
closed her eyes and started to speak,
"Mulder, I -----"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and the handle began to move. 
Mulder jumped and nearly fell off the bed.  Margaret Scully peaked
around the door to see her daughter sitting up in her bed, and Mulder
standing awkwardly beside her.  She put her hands to her mouth and
began to cry at the sight of her battered daughter.
"Oh, Dana!"  She reached out and rushed to Scully's bed, wrapping her
arms around and squeezing her daughter tight.
"Oh, honey! ...my god...are you alright?  You look *awful *!"  She
looked at Scully and framed her face with her hands.  Dana reached up
and held her hands.
"I'm okay now, Mom.....really."  She looked imploringly into her
mother's eyes.  They hugged again.  Mulder shifted uncomfortably from
one foot to another.  His heart was still racing, and he felt like a
little kid who just got caught stealing from the candy jar.  Mrs.
Scully looked suspiciously at them when she first peaked in the room -
'Mother's intuition at work,' Mulder thought.  He suddenly wanted to
leave, to run out of the room and go clear his head.  Mrs. Scully
looked up at him.
"It's good to see you Fox, how are you?"  She smiled warmly.
"Nice to see you too, Mrs. Scully.  I'm fine, thank you." He tried his
best to sound calm, but his voice cracked slightly at the 'fine' part. 
Margaret smiled knowingly at him and then at her daughter, who was
looking at Mulder.
"Thank you for being here with Dana when I couldn't be, Fox." She
reached out and squeezed his hand.  He returned the squeeze and
swallowed hard, unable to say anything.  He just nodded his head.  He
stole a glance at Scully, who was still piercing him with her teary,
blue eyes.  He smiled slightly at her and decided to make his getaway.
"Um, listen....why don't I leave you two alone for awhile.  I'm sure
you need some time together." He gestured nervously with his hands and
started backing away from Scully's bed, looking at her mother and then
at her, trying to read her thoughts about his escape.  A slight worry
crept up in her eyes, and she kept them glued to him as he slowly
walked around her bed toward the door.  Margaret rose from the bed and
walked over to the corner of the room to take off her coat.  Scully and
Mulder stared at each other.  Scully finally spoke in a hushed tone.
"Are you coming back later?"  The worry was still present, and her eyes
seemed to be pleading with him. Mulder stepped over to her bedside and
put his hand on the railing.
"Do you want me to?"  His eyes reflected uncertainty.  She reached one
hand up and touched his hand, looking at them.  Mulder threaded his
fingers with hers, and she looked up at him.
"Yes." she replied, as some of the worry lifted.  Mulder smiled, and
Scully smiled back at him.  He reached his other hand up and touched
her cheek gently.  Maggie Scully turned to walk back to the bed, and
Mulder and Scully broke their touch quickly, not wanting to be caught. 
They nervously darted their eyes away from each other, and Scully
regained her composure and leaned back against her bed.  Mulder shoved
his hands in his pockets and backed up toward the door.  Maggie eyed
both of them suspiciously, watching her daughter for more reactions. 
Mulder began to open the door.
"Well, I'll see you two later then." he looked at Maggie and then at
Scully.  
"Goodbye Fox." Maggie said.  Scully only looked at him, smiled softly,
and nodded.  He closed the door and was gone.  Scully closed her eyes
and sighed.  She opened her eyes, and her mother was looking at her
with raised eyebrows.
"What was *that* all about?"  Scully felt herself blush, and she rolled
her eyes and tried her best to cover up.
"Nothing, Mom......*nothing*," her mother dropped her head slightly and
gave her a knowing glare.
"*Really *... Mulder was just......y'know......worried about me," she
looked down at her hands in her lap and then back up at her mother.
"That's *all*." She tried to look neutral and cover her racing emotions
from her mother.  Maggie just nodded knowingly and patted her
daughter's hands.
"Alright honey, I won't push you if you don't want to talk about it."
she glared at her one last time.
"Now, PLEASE, tell me how all this happened," she asked, cupping her
daughter's face in her hands.

Scully carefully explained the whole sordid mess from start to finish. 
Her story was periodically punctuated by her mother's gasps, head
shakes, and tears.  When she at last finished, Maggie could only close
her eyes and shake her head in exasperation.
"Honey, I just do NOT understand why you would stay in this profession!
Honestly!" Maggie's voice raised slightly with emotional anger.  Scully
rolled her eyes heavenward and sighed loudly.
"Mom! Please! Let's not get into this *again*, okay?" she pleaded.
"Oh I know honey, but... it's just so *DANGEROUS*, Dana! WHY do you
willingly place your life in such danger EVERY single day like you do?
WHY?" she paused for a moment, Scully bowed her head and didn't say a
word.
"I know you feel the need to 'distinguish' yourself, honey, and 'build
a successful career', and really make a difference in the
world.....but......at what cost, honey?" her voice quavered with tears,
and Scully looked up at her.
"At what cost?" Maggie held her hands up in question, tears trickling
down her cheeks. Scully's eyes welled with tears as she stared at her
mother, unable to verbalize her thoughts.  Maggie dabbed her eyes with
a tissue, and she spoke in a hushed tone.
"I've already buried a husband and a daughter; I cannot bear the
thought of burying another one, Dana."
Scully closed her eyes and huffed,
"Mother, please ---" Maggie held her hand up and cut her off.
"I'm not asking you to completely change your career plans just for
*my* sake, honey.....I just want you to think about the risks that you
take, and *really* consider if its worth it."  Scully gave her an
annoyed look, then glanced away, looking out the windows and sighing.
"I'm not really sure *why* I keep doing it.  It fulfills some kind of
need that I have, I guess.  It's exciting, and challenging, and it's
rewarding when we catch the 'bad guy' and solve a case." she smiled
ironically. 
"But......it can also be very......frightening. Some of the things
we've seen shakes me to my very core, and I have asked myself the very
questions that you have asked.......why am I here?"  She shrugged her
shoulders and looked back at her mother, who was knitted her eyebrows
together in a concerned and confused fashion. Maggie spoke in a hushed
tone again.
"Do you stay because of him?"  Scully frowned and looked questioningly
at her mother.
"What do you mean?" she tried to look confused, but she was fairly
certain what her mother meant. Maggie spoke slowly and pointedly, eyes
boring right into Scully.
"Have you stayed all this time because of *Fox*?" she raised her
eyebrows, demanding an answer.
Scully opened her mouth, but nothing came out for a few moments.
Finally she stammered,
"No....no, that's not the reason." she nervously dropped her eyes and
glanced out the window again. Maggie leaned back at bit and crossed her
arms.
"I think it may be at least *one* of the reasons."  Scully gritted her
teeth and bit back the sharp retort that was on the tip of her tongue. 
Her mother continued to prod, determined to find out what was between
them.
"Dana?"  Her daughter snapped her head back to face her, her eyes a bit
fiery.
"Mom....look......" she spread her hands out in front of her.
"I cannot even *begin* to try to explain the relationship that Mulder
and I have. Even *I* don't completely understand it.......especially
NOW."  She hadn't meant to say that, it slipped.  She immediately
regretted it, and she looked sheepishly at her mother, who now had a
self-satisfied look on her face.
"So, there *is* something between you two?" Maggie asked, carefully
watching her daughter's reaction.
Scully bowed her head, shaking it, and then holding it in her hands.
"I don't know Mom..........I *don't* know what to think.......I don't
know what to *do*." she was so close to tears, and she tried so hard
not to let them fall. Maggie reached over and stroked her back gently.
"Tell me, sweetheart......you can tell me."
Scully wanted to tell her, she wanted to spill her guts and tell her
everything she was thinking and feeling.  How her mind was tortured and
torn between what her mind told her she *should* do and what her heart
told her she *could* do.  Would her mother understand any of it?  She
propped her head on her hands and stared at her bed, the tears welling
mercilessly in her eyes.
"Oh, Mom......." she started, tears choking her words.
"I think I'm in love with Mulder."
************************
She did not look at her mother; she didn't want to see the look on her
face.  Margaret Scully didn't say anything for a moment. She thought
she felt her heart skip a beat, and she nearly had to ask her daughter
to repeat herself, to make certain that she heard what she thought she
heard. She had long suspected that her daughter and Fox had feelings
for each other, but she'd never broached the subject with Dana -- she
knew better. What has changed all this suddenly? She answered her
daughter carefully.
"Well, I'm not really surprised, honey." Scully sniffled and looked up
at her with eyebrows knit in confusion.
"*Why* aren't you surprised?" her Mother just smiled knowingly.
"It seemed obvious to me for some time, Dana. The way you two speak to
each other, look at each other, even *touch* each other.  It's plain to
me." she paused briefly. 
"I think you feel that there is more to your relationship than just
being 'partners', but you don't know how to handle it, nor do you feel
that you *should* do anything about it. After all, Im sure each of you
has thought very long and hard about your feelings, and have convinced
yourselves that you mustn't act on *any* of them. And, I'm also quite
sure that you haven't discussed this with each *other* in any way,
shape or form.....have you?" Scully's mouth had dropped open in the
meantime, incredulous at her mother's perception. 
"How'd....how'd you know..... ? Are we *that* transparent?" she finally
stuttered. Her mother simply smiled.
"I'm your mother, honey. I can *see* it. And I can see it in Fox's
eyes, too. He feels very strongly about you, but he's very afraid of
those feelings and probably of what you would think if you knew what
his thoughts were. You know something honey, your sister told me one
time that she had 'feelings' about you and Fox." Dana looked
questioningly at her mother.
"She told me that she had 'visions' of the two of you, together...not
at work or anything, but just....together. She said she couldn't really
explain the feeling, just that it was 'right' for you to be together,
and that you seemed to be destined for each other." she chuckled
warmly.
"Oh, my! You know Melissa and her odd 'feelings' about things! But, for
once, I agreed with her. I too felt that you and Fox 'belonged'
together somehow." She paused and looked at her daughter's face,
waiting for her reaction. Dana remained silent as she pondered her
mother's words. 'So I'm not crazy,' she thought to herself. 'There is
something there.' she didnt know if she was relieved or even *more*
frightened. Margaret seemed to know what she was thinking.
"You know honey, no one knows what is right for you and for Fox. This
is something that you two must decide yourselves. As much as I would
love to see you two move along with this and make each other happy, it
is not for me to decide, nor to try to influence. You and Fox need to
talk about this." Dana shook her head slowly.
"I know we should, but....it's just so....hard....and...." she closed
her eyes and breathed deeply.
"and....I'm scared. I'm scared of bringing it out into the open, taking
the risk, and then possibly having the whole thing blow up in our
faces. I mean, EVERYTHING would be ruined. Our partnership, our
friendship, our careers, I mean..there are people out there who could
and WOULD use this against us, Mom." She looked imploringly at her
mother. Margaret placed a reassuring hand on her daughter's hand.
"I know it's frightening honey. You've always done such a good job at
hiding your true feelings--TOO good a job--and it's not healthy-" Dana
sighed and rolled her eyes.
"It's NOT Dana! You surpress feelings and build barriers and detach
yourself emotionally from everything, and that's *fine* for your
*work*.....but it isn't *fine* for *YOU*, honey." Maggie's eyes bored
into her daughter's. Scully knew she was right. 
"You shouldn't hold all this inside any more Dana. It's obviously
escalated to a point where you're both uncomfortable, and all you'll do
is drive yourself mad if you keep it all tucked away inside." Scully
didn't say anything; instead, her eyes began to well up with tears.
Maggie squeezed her hand.
"It's okay for you to have all these feelings, honey...it's perfectly
natural. There is nothing wrong with your wanting a life, and someone
to share it with. And, if the person who can make you whole is Fox
Mulder, then ...... so be it.  Do you *really* think you'd have to
trade your entire career just to have an intimate, *personal*
relationship with someone you love?"
"When that 'someone' happens to be your *partner*, YES!" Dana
interrupted emphatically, and crossed her arms.
"That's why I know.....I know I would have to choose.....my career, or
my possible personal happiness with someone I love.  And.....of course,
I have to hope that Mulder feels the same *exact* way about me,
which.....I doubt.  Mulder is not exactly a *committment* kind of guy,
y'know?" she smiled wryly and gave a half-hearted huff. Her Mother
smiled as well.
"Somehow, I don't think that will be a problem," Maggie offered.
"I have a feeling that he never would have started something that he
had no intention of finishing."  Scully smiled slightly.
"I would have to give up *everything* to have him....it just wouldn't
work otherwise.  There is no way we could continue to work together.
How could we? How could we sleep together, then get up and go to work
the next day like nothing's changed?" she was speaking louder, but
Maggie patiently let her vent.  
"Our judgements would be clouded, we wouldn't be able to focus on our
cases, and it would get very.....'messy'....to say the least.  And, if
we were discovered? God, who knows what would happen to us. We'd be
split up, I'm sure of that. We'd be shipped off to different divisions,
maybe even different cities, and.....I don't know if I can do that. It
would be such a huge *RISK*.  I mean, I've worked *so hard* to get
where I am. I don't know if I can just throw it all away like that."
she snapped her fingers in gesture.  
"So, you think you must decide if you're willing to 'risk it all' for
some personal happiness?" her mother raised her eyebrows in disbelief. 
Dana said nothing.
"It sounds to me that the biggest 'risk' you must take is the 'risk' of
letting someone get close to you."
Dana eyed her warily. Maggie knew she'd hit a nerve.
"I don't think this anxiety is stemming just from your fear of losing
your *job* and your career......I think it's coming from your fear of
*intimacy*." Again, Dana said nothing. Maggie waited for a reply, but
got none. She figured she'd continue being blunt while her daughter was
speechless, since that was a rarity.
"Just think about something honey," Scully looked at her mother
slightly annoyed.
"One day, when you are old and gray, and you've retired from the
Bureau, or wherever...." Dana frowned and looked at her like she was
nuts, but Maggie held up her hand and continued, seriously.
"Do you think people from the *Bureau* will come to visit you at your
lonely old spinster apartment?" Dana's frown softened, and her mother
continued.
"Do you think they will come running up to you, and throw their arms
around you and give you a big hug and a kiss? Or, climb up onto your
lap and beg you to read a bedtime story to them?" Scully got her point,
and it hit her like a ton of bricks. She looked straight into her
mother's eyes, and suddenly saw a very wise woman behind them. Maggie
spoke softly.
"I'm not trying to upset you, honey.....I'm just speaking from a little
experience, and from a lot of years of careful observance." Scully just
stared at her mother, mouth slightly agape, unable to comment on her
wisdom.  She sat in silence for a few minutes, looking down at her
hands.  Dana felt extremely strange discussing all this with her
mother, yet she was glad for the opportunity to get some of the
distress off her chest. It had been accumulating there for so long. 
And, at least she knew she could trust her mother. She finally leaned
back in her bed and spoke quietly.
"I've had other boyfriends, Mom. Other lovers too.....but....." she
paused, turning all her former relationships over in her memory.
"They never worked out. I never felt a 'connection' with them. I don't
really think that I've ever truly been 'in love' with anyone before."
she looked up imploringly at her mother for a sign of understanding,
and she got a gentle confirming smile.
"And do you know why that is?" Maggie queried. Scully looked past her
mother, thinking hard about it. She shook her head.
"It's not something I can put into words very easily. I just can't seem
to let myself be dependent on anyone, especially in an emotional way.
For some reason, it causes me to feel 'needy' and 'vulnerable'
......and I detest that in myself." Maggie was confused.
"Why, honey? Why on earth is that so despisable? You are *human*, and
you have *needs*, just like the rest of us--" Scully cut her off.
"*No* Mom. I can't explain it.....I have always been.....*incapable* of
being close to anyone, emotionally or physically.  When I've slept with
guys, it was just *sex*, and it wasn't even that great!" she snorted in
disgust.  "Even the fairly long relationships I've had; they were never
more than just amicable, sexual relationships that were 'okay' for
awhile, but then they fizzled out.  I got absolutely nothing from them,
and the guys obviously felt it."  Scully sighed loudly and ran her hand
through her hair. 
"I just figured that it was never meant to be. I was never meant to
fall in love, marry, and have kids.  I think there's something wrong
with me." she looked up at the ceiling and questioned with her eyes. 
"I think I'm emotionally sterile, or frigid, or something...I don't
know...I can't explain it." Maggie was distressed to learn so much
about her daughter's dilemma, but she wanted so much to help her. But
she knew it would be no easy task.  Dana Scully wasn't one to lean on
her 'Mommy' for help.
"Oh, honey! It upsets me so much to hear you say this!" Dana looked at
her mother, who was studying her with great concern. Scully tried to
brush her concerns off casually.
"Its no big deal Mom. I've been living with this for *years* now. I've
actually become quite used to it." She tried to sound nonchalant. 
Maggie shook her head in disagreement.
"It IS a big deal sweetheart. It is a big deal for you to be *unhappy*.
 It's not right. You are NOT emotionally 'sterile' or 'frigid'. The
Dana Scully I know is a warm, caring girl who would go to the ends of
the earth for the people she loves. You are a strong, independent,
*very* proud woman, and that does NOT change simply because you allow
yourself to love and be loved by a man, Dana!" her voice had changed
into a scolding, but motherly, words-of-wisdom tone again.
"You can't confuse your professional, detached work persona with your
private life -- I know that is difficult to do in your position, but
you really must allow yourself to have a 'personal' life--something
that is just for *you*. You must *make the time* for someone, someone
who makes you *happy*." she paused, and Dana said nothing. She just
stared at no particular place on her mother's face.
"Perhaps all the men you've had relationships with just simply weren't
the *right* men. You know, you don't always find the right one right
away." she raised her eyebrows.
"Your father wasn't the first man I had dated, and he wasn't the first
man that I *thought* I was in love with." Dana looked at her mother and
smiled appreciatively. Maggie smiled warmly back at her.
"You'll know when you've met the right man, honey. You'll know in your
heart if it's right or not. And.....I have a feeling that you *know*
who the right man is." Maggie tilted her head and looked expectantly at
her daughter. Dana closed her eyes and sighed.
"No, Mom. I *don't* know if Mulder is *the right one* or not." Maggie
didn't believe her.
"You 'don't know', or....you just can't *admit* it to yourself. You're
*afraid* to admit it. You're *afraid* to take the chance on it -- you
said that yourself, dear." she gestured a scold with her finger. Dana
knew she was right. This was torture having her mother sit here and
successfully argue against all her conjectures. Still, she tried to
reason with her.
"But you don't understand, Mom. There is more to loving Mulder than
just 'taking a chance' on a possible love life. Loving Mulder would be
even *more* complicated than simply 'working' with him and being
'friends' with him." her voice escalated slightly.
"You know, we've always been together ... in our quests, in our
work.... But we're still alone.  Something still keeps us divided,
Mom."  Maggie studied her face carefully as she spoke.
"He is *obsessed* with his work, with his searches, his  *beliefs*. He
is NOT the 'lets settle down and raise a family' type of guy, Mom." she
was slightly exasperated at the attempt to convince her mother.
"Are you saying, then, that you *are* interested in settling down?"
Maggie had caught her. Dana didn't quite know what to say, and she
thought for a few moments.
"I guess I am." she said quietly and shrugged her shoulders slightly.
"Honey," Maggie reached for Dana's hands.
"Don't you think, then, that you should *talk* to Fox about this. *Find
out* what he wants....*tell* him what you want - " Scully interrupted
her by shaking her head 'no'. Maggie was getting slightly angry now,
and she raised her voice.
"DANA! You *have* to stop *running* from this! You have to confont it -
confront *him*! You can't keep torturing yourself; look at what it's
doing to you! You're unhappy and miserable, and because of what?
Because you're afraid to let your feelings be known? Afraid to love
someone outright and let him return that love? Is *love* such a
horrible thing to you?.....Dana?" Scully's head was bowed, and she had
huge tears welling in her eyes. Her mother bent her head down to see
her daughter's face. She could see the pain and anguish there, and she
knew she had finally broken through some mighty big barriers. Scully
spoke in a tear-filled whisper.
"It's *not* horrible.....it's just incredibly *terrifying* to me." A
few tears trickled slowly down her cheeks. Maggie stroked her hair.
"Dana......when you were....'missing'.....I saw a lot of Fox." Scully
sniffed and looked up at her mother. She had heard little from her
mother about those months she was missing, and she had heard even less
from Mulder about that time. Maggie continued quietly.
"He was completely lost without you. He told me in those exact words. 
He was insane with frustration, and frantic in his search for you. 
When you finally reappeared......" she paused, tears pooling in her
eyes.
"He tried so hard to keep his composure in front of me and your sister,
but......I saw him break down at your bedside. He didn't know I saw
him, but I did. " she was staring past Dana as she recalled the
long-forgotten memories. Then, she looked back at her daughter again.
"He wept and pledged to protect you, to take care of you, and to never
let you go.  He all but said that he loved you....he just never used
the word 'love'.....but, he meant it all the same." Scully closed her
eyes and shook her head slightly.
"I don't think he's capable of a normal, loving relationship, Mom."
"*I* think he is," Margaret overruled her.
"You just have to give him the chance." she scolded Scully a little
with her eyes.
"Don't you see it, Dana? Can't you tell how frightened he is about
it.....*just like you*." she leaned toward Dana and spoke the words
slowly,
"He feels *just like you do*."
Scully sat silent for a few minutes, taking in all her mother had said.
She hated depending on her mother for advice, but deep down inside, she
truly valued her words, and......she knew she was right. After some
silence, Dana spoke the words that she hated most.
"So.....what should I do?" Margaret smiled. She saw in front of her the
teenage Dana that went through a dozen girl-hood crushes and
infatuations. The girl who had gotten her heart broken a dozen times by
obtuse, insensitive 'boys' who had no idea of the precious, delicate
soul that laid behind those crystal blue eyes. The very sensitive,
intelligent spirit that used to love unconditionally and naively, and
asked for nothing in return. Did Fox Mulder understand this about her
daughter? She was certain that he did.
"I can't tell you what to do, Dana. You must decide. You and I know
that all the things we've talked about here are not sudden
realizations--they've been inside you from the start....I've simply
pulled them out and laid them on the table for us both to see." she was
right, again.
"I believe in my heart that you are capable of great love, honey. Of
absolute, unconditional love, and the happiness and joy that goes along
with that type of love. And, I believe that you are capable of being
someone's wife *and* mother....but....it doesn't matter what *I*
believe.....*YOU* must believe it....you must *want* it." Tears
dribbled down  Scully's cheeks again, and she looked at her mother.
"I *do* want it, Mom." Maggie touched her cheek.
"Then *do something* about it, my dear. Start by talking to Fox. When
you two have figured out exactly what your feelings and your intentions
are, *then* you cross the next bridge, and the next one, and the next
one; just take it one step at a time." Scully inhaled a deep breath and
tried to stop any more tears from falling. She smiled appreciatively at
her mother, who leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
Just then, as if on cue, a knock sounded at the door, and it cracked
open.
"Is it okay to come in there?" queried Mulder with a slight smile. 
Scully's heart immediately jumped to attention, and she looked at her
mother with a mixture of excitement and bewilderment. Maggie winked at
her and rose from the bed.
"Sure Fox, come on in." Maggie opened the door the rest of the way.

Mulder stepped gingerly into the room, looking at Maggie and smiling,
then looking lovingly at Scully and smiling wide. He pulled his hands
out his pockets.
"I, uh, spent all my money at the vending machines, so I thought I'd
come back up here and see if you had any more jello." he grinned
mischievously. Scully cracked a smile. He looked at the two women, both
clutching kleenex, and he thought that perhaps he had interrupted
something.
"Listen, I can take another hike if you two aren't finished here." he
motioned to the door, but Maggie spoke up, looking at her daugher.
"No, that's alright. I should be going; I have a long drive ahead of
me." She put her coat on and came to her daughter's side.  She leaned
over and kissed her on the cheek, peering into her eyes.  She didn't
need to say anything to Dana, they simply looked at each , and Maggie
ended the silent understanding with a little nod of her head. Scully
smiled knowingly and whispered to her mother.
"Thanks, Mom........for *everything*." Maggie kissed her cheek again.
"No need to thank me honey, you know I'm here for you *always*." Dana
smiled again and kissed her mother back. Maggie patted her hands and
stood up.
"You'll call me when you get home, okay?" she asked her daughter.  Dana
nodded.
"I will. Bye, Mom." 
"Goodbye honey." She turned and headed toward the door, pausing beside
Mulder and speaking quietly to him.
"Thank you again for being here with her, Fox, I appreciate it. And,"
she turned her head slightly and eyed her daughter quickly with a
sideways glance.
"And Dana appreciates it......more than you know." she smiled gently at
him and gave his arm a squeeze. He smiled back at her, and she was
gone. 
It was just the two of them in the room. Alone with each other again.
Mulder closed the door and turned around to face Scully, who was
looking out the window. She looked exhausted, and her eyes were
slightly red, from crying, obviously. He decided to play it cool and
see if maybe she wanted him to leave, rather than get into the
discussion that he knew they would inevitably have to have. He walked
over to her bed slowly and sat down on the edge. She turned her head
and looked at him, slightly crinkling the corner of her mouth.
"You look so tired. Do you want me to leave so you can get some sleep?"
he asked her quietly. She wasn't sure of her answer. She was tired, but
she didn't want to be alone.
"I am tired, but.... no, I don't want you to leave." she slid her hand
down beside her leg and stretched her fingers out, offering them to
him. He smiled and quickly took her offer, intermingling their fingers
and stroking the top of her hand lightly. They just sat there like that
for a few minutes, she with her eyes closed and her head laid back, and
he watching her face slowly relax and soften. He wanted desperately to
lean over her and kiss her lips again. He could think of nothing else
while he was away from her room. A million thoughts flew round and
round inside his head, but the predominant one was of her and the way
she felt when he had kissed her. The taste of her lips, the feel of her
skin, the smell of her hair -- the memory of it drove him to the edge
of his sanity. His thoughts progressively became more indecent as he
sat and watched her slowly fall asleep. His eyes wandered down her neck
and her chest, and he briefly fantasized that he had x-ray vision and
could see under the hospital blankets. What did her abdomen feel like?
Soft and cottony, or sleek and muscular? What where her thighs like?
Supple and silky, or firm and athletic? He could almost feel her creamy
skin with his eyes. 'No no no -- don't go there, don't think it!' he
squeezed his eyes shut and chastised himself for thinking the impure
thoughts. He looked at her now sleeping form, lips parted slightly,
eyelashes touching the hollow skin at the sockets. She looked like an
angel -- an angel who had been through a war -- but an angel
nonetheless. He rose from the bed slowly, quietly, and hovered over her
face. Then he planted a soft kiss on her cheekbone and brushed his lips
back into her hair, where he drew a breath and inhaled her scent. 
Her smell filled his nostrils and billowed up inside his head,
satisfying his need for a brief moment. Just as he was brushing a lock
of her hair back, a nurse entered the room. Mulder pulled back from her
with a jerk. The nurse smiled at him and looked at her patient.
"Sleeping, huh?" Mulder nodded.
"That's good. Your wife took a heck of a beating; she needs a lot of
rest." Mulder opened his mouth to correct her, but instead he just
mumbled an 'uh-huh' in agreement.  The nurse checked Scully's charts
and wrote down a few things. Then she looked over her sleeping figure
quickly and nodded.
"Boy, she sure is lucky to have such a devoted husband." Mulder raised
his eyebrows in further surprise and looked up at the plump attendant.
"How's that?" he asked.  She smiled broadly at him.
"Yah, the other nurses and I were saying that you sure an *unusual*
kind of guy. We all agreed that *our* husbands would have been back at
home *looooong* ago, if we were here, flat on our backs in a hospital
bed." Mulder raised his eyebrows further and chuckled.
"Most men aren't much for sticking around and providing *comfort* to
their wives, even in the hospital!  But you've been here the entire
time -- we're all *very* impressed!" She laughed and winked, then
headed for the door. As she opened it, she turned around.
"Oh, and tell your wife that there's good news -- she'll probably be
released tomorrow. That should cheer her up a little bit!"
And then she was gone. Mulder looked at Scully again and laughed.
"My 'wife'......god, how I wish."

A few hours had passed when Scully awoke.  She looked around the room
for Mulder and found him standing at the windows, peering wistfully out
into the night sky.  She made rustling sounds as she stirred, causing
him to turn around and smile at her. 
"Hi sleepyhead." he said as he walked over to her bed and sat down.
"Mmmmm, how long was I asleep?" she murmured.
"Couple hours, I think." he reached up and tenderly brushed a lock of
hair off her cheek.
"Hey, guess what?" he teased her.
"What?" she obediently replied.
"You're allowed to go home tomorrow."
"Oh, thank GOD!" she exclaimed with sincere relief.  Mulder chuckled.
"Yah, the nurse thought that would make you happy."
"Yeah, well, she was right!" Scully emphasized.
"Uh-huh." Mulder agreed.
"She also paid me a compliment, well, she and the *other* nurses, that
is." Mulder bragged with a wiley  smirk. Scully raised her eyebrows and
gave Mulder one of her looks.
"Why do I get the sinking feeling that you're about to tell me that
you've been having some lengthy, improper conversations with the
nursing staff?" Scully scolded him with her look.  Mulder just
chuckled.
"What? Me?" he pointed to his chest indignantly, then chuckled again.
"No, no I didn't have any long conversations with them.  She just said
that they were 'impressed' that I had stayed here with you. In her
words, 'most husbands would've been gone a loooooong time ago'." he
smiled proudly.  Scully's eyebrows raised even farther.
"Husband? She thinks you're my 'husband'?" she laughed incredulously.
"Yah, well, I guess she just assumed.....y'know.  Why else would some
'guy' be hanging around your bedside all this time?" Mulder tried to
act nonchalant.  He hoped Scully couldn't tell by looking at his face
just how much he liked being called her 'husband'.
"And you didn't bother to correct her, I take it?" Scully inquired with
a slight smirk. Mulder squirmed a little.
"Well, no....I didn't see the point of getting into a long explanation
with her, so, I just...let it drop." he shrugged his shoulders.  Scully
gave him a measured look then put one arm behind her head and narrowed
her eyes on him.
"So, Mulder.  Why *have* you stayed by my side the entire time I've
been here?"  Mulder just looked at her, a little shocked by her
out-of-the-blue question.
"Why haven't you gone home?" she pressed him further.  She wanted to
hear his reason.  She wanted to extract an answer from him and begin
the investigation into his feelings for her.  He looked away from her
briefly, then he turned back and looked seriously into her eyes,
pulling her hand into his.
"Don't you know, Scully?" he looked at her endearingly and caressed her
hand.
"I think you know." he nodded his head, and Scully's face became very
serious as well, her eyes transforming into deep blue pools filled with
affection.  Mulder swallowed hard as he stared at her, trying to put
his thoughts into a coherent statement.
"I can't bear to be without you, Dana," he spread his hands out in
front of her in a helpless gesture.
"I don't want to be away from you for even one minute." his intense
stare transfixed her, and she didn't miss the use of her first name.
"You've disappeared from my grasp too many times, once for a *long* time
, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.  It drove me absolutely
crazy; I went totally insane.  When I thought I might lose you again,
well....." he bowed his head and spoke just above a whisper.
"I realized just how much you mean to me.....and I realized that my
life means nothing without you, Dana." he looked up at her again,
"absolutely *nothing*."  
Scully's heart began to pound, her mouth opened slightly in
astonishment, and tears welled in her eyes; she could barely comprehend
what he was saying.  He saw her reaction and reached up to touch her
cheek.
"I need you .......you're all that matters to me."  A single tear fell
from Scully's eye, and Mulder leaned in toward her slowly, watching the
track it made down her cheek.  He snuck the tip of his tongue out a
tiny bit and licked the tear trail, bottom to top, from her cheek.  She
closed her eyes and sighed softly, feeling a hot blush creep up her
cheeks.  He stayed very close to her face, their noses nearly touching,
as he looked into her eyes when she reopened them.  He saw a dozen
emotions flickering behind them...... adoration, desire, maybe even
passion?   It was foreign and unreadable to him.  He never saw her
reveal anything like it before, but he always knew, in the back of his
mind, that she was capable of deep passion.  It was there, trapped and
festering behind her prim and proper facade.  She watched him through
half-lidded eyes as he blinked long and pressed his lips against hers
ever so softly, tasting them slowly and gently.  She brought her
fingers up to his lips when they broke, and she looked at him with an
unreadable expression.  He became anxious and unsure.  What was it? 
Did she not want this?  Was she scared?  The suspense was killing him.
"What's wrong?"  His brow crinkled up in worry and he bored his eyes
into her, demanding an answer.  More tears trickled down her cheeks. 
She dropped her head and whispered.
"Nothing.....everything.....I don't know." she covered her face with
her hand.  Mulder grew even more worried.  He bent down and touched his
head with hers, whispering.
"Listen, Scully......if you don't want us to.....if you don't want
*this*....I'll understand." she raised her head quickly.
"No, no - I.....I just......" she sighed and struggled for words as
tears continued to roll down her cheeks.  Mulder's stomach coiled in
dread, worried at what she would say.  She clasped her hands together
and rested her forehead on them.
"I'm just *scared*, Mulder......this is *very* scary." she whispered,
choking back a sob.  Mulder let out a sigh that he didnt realize he'd
been holding.  He reached for her hands and clasped them securely in
his.
"I know it's scary.....hell, I'm scared too.....but......what I'm most
scared of is.....that we'll convince ourselves to let these feelings
pass....we'll keep pushing them aside....and then we'll *never* be
together.... we'll never get to truly love each other....and....we'll
never get to spend the rest of our lives together."  Scully raised her
head slowly and looked at him, mouth agape.  Had he really said that? 
She couldn't believe her ears.  He stared into her eyes, seemingly
reading her soul.
"Now you know how I feel.....tell me how *you* feel, Scully."  Dana
gulped and licked her lips, trying to formulate words on them.  She
looked down at their still-clasped hands and spoke quietly.
"I don't know how......you know I'm not good at this type of thing,
Mulder." she looked softly into his eyes, begging them to take pity on
her inability to articulate.
"I never knew you to be at a loss for words, Scully." he challenged,
"and I'm not going to let you off the hook on this one." he smiled
slightly and continued to fix his gaze on her.  She pursed her lips and
took a deep breath.
"I knew I cared deeply about you a long time ago. I don't remember when
it started exactly, but.... eventually, I knew that it was more than
just 'friendship' and more than just 'partners'. I knew in my heart
that my feelings were much deeper, but.....I refused to let myself
think about it....I just.....couldn't let myself *want* it...." she
looked directly into his eyes and whispered, "I still don't know if I
can, Mulder."
He looked at her with a slightly sad, confused expression.
"Why not?" he asked tentatively.  She shrugged and shook her head a
little, looking off into the distance, then back at him.
"We're *partners*, Mulder.  We *work* together.  Everybody knows that
office romances don't work."  She shook her head a little, but her eyes
betrayed her.  Bringing a hand up to her forehead, she continued.
"I don't want to have just a little 'fling' with only partial
commitments," she said with a little anger in her voice, and motioned
with her hand.  "Something like that would destroy any kind of
friendship or relationship between us, and I don't want that to
happen...... I'm *terrified* of that happening." she looked earnestly
at Mulder.   
"I need something that's going to *last*....I....Mulder, if we make
this move, I need to know that I have *all* of your heart and soul, not
just parts of them."  She bored into him with her eyes.  He clutched
her hands harder.
"You've *always* had my heart and soul, Scully.....*always*." his eyes
were honest and sincere.  
"I have *no* intention of making this a 'quick fling', or only
committing half-way.  I have wanted this for a *long* time, and I've
held back for the same reasons you have.  But......I can't hide it
anymore....I can't hide my feelings and my needs." he scooted even
closer to her on the bed and spoke lowly.
"I need you, and I want you.....I want to *love* you, Dana," he touched
her cheek softly, "....and I want you to love *me*."  Her chin began to
quiver, and tears sprang to her eyes, spilling down her cheeks.  She
dropped her head into her hands.  Mulder's anxieties returned.  Why was
she crying?  He couldn't read her like he usually could; what was she
thinking?  He wanted to shake her and make her talk to him, but he knew
he had to be patient.  He caressed her back and spoke softly to her.
"Dana?  What?  What's wrong?" his voice cracked a bit.  She looked up
at him with pink-rimmed eyes.
"I'm sorry Mulder.....I'm so sorry."  His heart lept into his throat
with nervous apprehension.  She wiped her eyes.
"I just......I don't know if I am capable of..... opening myself up,
and .... allowing that." she looked at him with eyes that reflected, to
Mulder's surprise, incredible insecurity.  They secretly begged for his
permission to spill over and empty their secrets onto his lap.  He
could see that she was on the verge of exposing one of the many riddles
that controlled and defined the personality that was Dana Scully.  He
wanted to know that secret, and he knew that it would be painful for
her.  He touched her cheek again.
"Tell me why, Dana.....you can tell me." he brought his face directly
in front of hers and silently willed her to talk to him and spill her
guts.  She understood, and she trusted him.  She closed her eyes, took
a deep breath, and then looked off into the distance, trying to draw
some strength and calm her nerves.  She spoke slowly and quietly.
"I don't know if I can describe it.....not in a way that makes sense,
anyway.  I just.....I've never allowed myself to be close to any guy
that I've ever been involved with.  I've never felt....safe...enough. 
It's like, somehow, I feel the need to keep part of myself protected
from them...like I can't let anyone in." she brought her hands to her
chest.  "I can't completely surrender myself to them because.....if it
didn't work out, or if they decided to take flight, then...." she
seemed ashamed, and her voice lowered even more.
"Then, it wouldn't hurt too much." she looked at Mulder as fresh tears
welled in her eyes.  
"When I was with Jack, I thought I was happy....I mean, *really* happy.
 I thought that I'd finally figured out what everyone was talking about
when they said they were 'in love'.  Things were fine for a while, and
he was fine.  But....."  she wrinkled her brow in agitation, "then, he
began to change." her voice cracked, and she paused for a moment. 
Mulder said nothing, his blood threatening to boil as he envisioned
what she might say next.
"He became more demanding..... of my time.... of me.  He....wanted to
'have' me more often, and he was rough.... more aggressive.  He wanted
me to be 'submissive'.....to him....he got off on that."  She said with
a slight laugh and low voice.  Mulder was glad she averted her gaze,
otherwise, she would have been able to see the rage building inside
him.  Jack was dead, but Mulder  hated him even more than he had
before.  He knew Scully had an unsuccessful relationship with him, but
he hadn't known the details.  She drew another breath and looked up at
the ceiling.
"I didn't like it, and I told him.  So, he became cruel and
insulting....telling me that I was 'like ice'." her eyes flashed as she
hissed the words.  She licked her lips and looked out the window.
"The pathetic thing is, I stayed with him for awhile, even when he kept
treating me like shit.  We were still together, ...but I was alone." 
She smiled wryly.  "Finally, he told me that he was involved with
someone else, and, even though I knew it was for the best, and I knew
he was a *jerk*...." she dropped her head and whispered ashamedly,
".... I was still heartbroken." she paused for a long minute.  "Y'know,
thinking back, I realize that I had no idea what 'love' really
was....and....I'm not sure I do now, either."  She didn't say anything
for a minute, then she finally brought her head up to look into
Mulder's eyes.  His warm hazel depths were teary, and they reflected
complete understanding and compassion.  Tears welled up in her eyes
again as she thanked God that he was here with her.  As he looked into
her blurry, sky-blue depths, he saw a frightened and emotionally
delicate woman.  Not a tough, hard-as-nails federal agent, but a
sensitive, fragile soul that longed desperately for the safety and
security of a true love.  He understood with newfound clarity why she
got so angry with him when he took off without her on one of his
'quests', or 'ditched' her while on a case.  She was afraid of
abandonment; afraid of becoming close to anyone whom she feared would
ultimately leave her in the end.  She had thought that she loved Jack
Willis, and he returned that love with abuse; she loved her father and
her sister, and they both left her.  Obviously, she thought he would
leave her someday as well.  He suddenly hated himself for all the
selfish times that he scampered off without any regard for her
feelings.  She would get so mad at him, and he finally understood the
real reason why.  She was afraid that he would never return to her, and
she would lose him as well.  All her walls were built out of fear; fear
of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of her own intense feelings.  Dr.
Dana Scully, the woman who feared nothing, was, in the end, afraid of a
little four-letter word:  love.  Mulder leaned forward and embraced her
in his arms, burying his face in her hair.  She put her arms around his
neck and returned his embrace, letting even more tears stream down her
face.  He turned his face and whispered into her ear.
"Scully......you can let *me* in......I'm not going to leave you, I'm
not going to hurt you, I'm not going to quit or disappear on you......
not *ever*."  She sniffed and pulled back from him slightly.
"Mulder, you shouldn't make promises that you can't keep." he frowned
at her.
"These are promises I *fully* intend to keep, Scully.....at least as
long as it's in my power to do so." he added, thinking of the dark
forces that could play them like pawns on a chess board.
"That's just it, Mulder.  Neither of us can control the 'powers that
be', and if they find out about us, about *this*," she motioned
in-between them.
"They could destroy everything.....they could destroy *us*."  Mulder
shook his head in disagreement and Scully was about to argue when he
held a finger to her lips.
"I am no longer living for *other* people and their agendas." his voice
raised a little in anger.
"I no longer care about what 'other people' might think or do," he took
her chin in his hand, and his voice softened.  "I only care about *you*
and *me*.....right here, right *now*."  She looked at him with surprise
and said nothing for a few seconds.
"How will we work together?  They won't *allow* us to work together any
more if they find out." she finally spit out.  He shook his head again.
"They *won't* find out -- no one needs to know." he countered.  Scully
huffed out loud.
"How will we hide it?" she asked incredulously.  "How can we have an
intimate relationship at home, and then turn around and go to the
office and play 'just partners'?"  Mulder's mind sparked at the words
'intimate relationship', and he raised his eyebrows slightly at her
words, but he quickly regained control and shrugged casually.
"I'm not sure.  We'll just have to cross that bridge when we get to
it."  he bent his head down and peered at her partially bowed face. 
"I'm in no hurry.....I want to take our time with this."  Scully nodded
in agreement, remembering her mother's words earlier.
"Me too.....we can't rush into anything.  I still need to think about
this, Mulder, and I want us to consider everything very carefully." she
motioned with her hand.
"Okay," he agreed.  "But no 'thinking' too much," he scolded her with
his finger.  
"I've been 'thinking' about this for so long that I can't stand to
*think* any more.....I know what I want, and it has nothing to do with
*work*.....it has everything to do with *you*." he looked tenderly at
her and took her face in his hands.  She looked back at him teary-eyed,
but lovingly, believing him with her heart and soul, but still fearing
the unknown.  He kissed her tenderly, a slow, soft kiss that reassured
her for the time being.
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 09:58:55 -0400
Subject: 'Together Alone' Part 3
Source: direct

Together Alone
By A. K. Naten

Part 3 of 4


After the doctors released Scully, Mulder took her home to her
apartment.  When they arrived, Scully entered apprehensively, obviously
remembering the incident that took place just a few days prior.  She
came in and looked around carefully, observing that everything was
cleaned up and put back in place.  She knew who had taken care of this,
and she turned to Mulder with a half-smile.
"You cleaned up?"  She asked, and he answered her with a sheepish grin.
"Yeah.....I hope you don't mind, but I didn't think you'd want to come
home to a trashed place." she smiled wider and stepped toward him,
planting a quick kiss on his lips.
"No, I don't mind....thank you, Mulder." she told him sincerely.  She
turned and took her things into her bedroom, then puttered around
putting stuff away.  Mulder wandered around the rest of the apartment,
not knowing if he should make himself comfortable, or if he should get
ready to leave.  He plopped down on her sofa and watched some TV while
she puttered around.  After a bit, she went into her kitchen, where she
began sorting and opening her surprisingly large stack of mail. 
Suddenly, Mulder heard Scully muttering, "Yeah, right!" and he came out
to see what was going on.
" 'Yeah, right' what, Scully?" he asked, coming to her side to see her
reading an invitation with her mouth agape.
"Oh, nothing." she said dismally.  Mulder looked at her impatiently,
and she waved an invitation at him.
"One of my old college room mates is getting married and says, 'she'd
*love* to see me again'.  Yeah, sure, I'll go and tell everybody, 'Hi,
I'm Dana, and I work as a punching bag'." she snorted, framing her
bruised face with her hands.  Mulder made a face at her and took the
invitation from her.
"It's not for another month yet, you'll be back in your 'prime' again."
he said positively.  "You should go." he said dismissively, flipping
the invitation onto the counter and walking away.  Scully looked
thoughtfully at the invitation.
"Yeah, right." she replied with a sigh.

After Scully had finished with her mail, she putzed around a little,
meandering here and there, pretending to clean up, checking things out,
telling herself that she really was home, and she was safe.  Mulder
could see that she was jittery, and he wasn't sure how to calm her
down.  He came up behind her as she was fussing with some of her
clothes in her bedroom.  He put his hands on her shoulders gently, but
she flinched anyway.  He tried to sooth her by rubbing her shoulders
lightly, loving the feel of her in his hands.  She stilled and allowed
him to massage her, it did feel good, but it unnerved her at the same
time.   His heart began to race as his body became painfully aware of
her closeness.  He could smell her shampoo and her clean skin mixed in
with her usual fragrance that said 'Scully' to his senses.  She could
feel the light exhaling of his breath against her neck, and his hot
fingertips lightly grazing the skin on her neck.  She wasn't ready for
this.  Just then, he stopped, giving her shoulders a little squeeze.
"Hey...why don't you get a nice hot shower or a bath, and I'll go get
us something to eat?" he kissed her neck lightly.  She turned to face
him, smiling nervously.
"Okay, that sounds nice."  Mulder smiled back at her, and, reminding
himself to keep his libido in check,  turned and walked out of the
bedroom.  As he reached the doorway, he turned around slowly to steal a
look at her.  She had turned away from him, obviously thinking that he
was gone, and was sitting on her bed unbuttoning her sweater.  Mulder
watched her for a minute, admiring her ability to unbutton the garment
with one hand in a cast.  She slipped it off her shoulders and slid it
off her arms.  As she did so, she suddenly felt his eyes on her, and
she immediately knew what he was seeing.  She froze for a minute, not
wanting to turn and face him.  Finally, after what seemed like several
minutes, she turned and looked at him.  He was still standing in the
doorway, his arms hanging at his sides, his mouth open, and his face
horror-stricken.  He stared at the shock before him  - what had once
been a smooth, sleek torso of beautiful ivory skin was now a purple,
black, and yellow assortment of badly mottled bruises; agonizing
reminders of Jennings' attack.  She self-consciously held her hands in
front of her abdomen now, realizing Mulder's obvious bewilderment.  She
twisted her hands nervously.
"It.....it looks worse than it feels." she stammered quietly.  Mulder's
gaze drifted from her abdomen up to her eyes, as his eyes began welling
with tears.  He walked toward her and dropped to his knees in front of
her, reaching up and lightly touching the contusions on her abdomen. 
As he did so, a single tear trickled down his cheek.  It broke his
heart and infuriated him at the same time to see her beautiful body
battered like this.  He closed his eyes and lowered his head, burying
his face in her lap and wrapping his arms around her.  She clutched at
his head with her hands, running her fingers in his hair and letting
her own tears flow.  They sat there like that for a few minutes, Mulder
trying to rein in his anger and frustration.  He knew he could not
direct his anger at anyone any longer; Jennings was dead.  But he still
felt defeated, and it hurt him deeply to see her in this shape.  He
finally looked up at her and saw the unspoken understanding in her
eyes.  He didn't need to say anything, so he did not.  He just brushed
her cheek with his hand and left the room quickly.  She knew it was
killing him to see her in this shape, and she also knew that he was
probably still blaming himself for it.  She couldn't stop him from
doing that; it was his nature to accept responsibility for everything. 
She just hoped that her body would heal quickly so that they both could
forget about the incident and move on.

Mulder listened as she ran a tub full of water.  He hoped he didn't
hurt her feelings by letting himself gawk at her injuries.  He wasn't
repulsed by *her*, he was repulsed by the bruises; the huge,
purplish-black masses that marred her beautiful frame.  'Goddamn
bastard!' he hissed to himself.  'May God damn your soul for eternity,
Jennings!' he slammed the magazine he had been reading onto the table
as he heard the water shut off, and some splashing sounds.  His anger
abated as he thought of Scully slipping out of her clothes and easing
into the tub.  He wondered what the rest of her body looked like.  The
filthy part of his mind had visions of milky-white loveliness; the
realistic part saw only more bruises.  Still, it was a tantalizing
thought.  'Food,' his mind snapped him back to reality.  'I'm supposed
to be getting food.'  He started to flip through the phone book looking
for some restaurant numbers, but he decided to try to have a little fun
first - see if he could lighten their somber moods a little.

Mulder snuck down the hall toward Scully's bathroom.  She had the radio
playing, and he couldn't hear anything else.  He pushed the door open
ever so quietly, and peeked in.  She was lying in the tub, her arms
stretched along the sides, her head resting back, and a washcloth
draped over her face.  A wide, mischievous grin spread along his lips
as he pushed the door a little more and poked his whole head inside. 
He watched her like a wolf, slipping inside the bathroom the rest of
the way, but staying at the door.  She began to stir, and he thought it
best not to scare her too bad, so he spoke up at last.
"Uh, Scully - "   Scully's head shot up at the sound of his voice, the
washcloth flying from her face, and her arms landing in the water with
a loud splash.
"Mulder!" she cried indignantly, trying her best to be modest with the
little scrap of washcloth.  Mulder couldn't help it, and he chuckled
out loud at her predictable reaction.
"What?" he held his hands out and shrugged, a huge smirk playing across
his face.  Scully shot daggers at him with her eyes.  He continued to
chuckle.
"I just wanted to know if you preferred Chinese, Tai,
or....McDonald's?" he asked in mock innocence.  She jutted her jaw out,
balled the washcloth up and threw it at him as best she could.  He
jumped out of the way and laughed out loud.
"Get *out * Mulder!" she scolded impatiently, a smirk threatening to
take over her lips.
"Okay, okay! I'm going!" he held his hands up, but then he stooped to
pick up the washcloth that she had hurled at him.  He picked it up and
held it to his nose, inhaling the mixture of soap and Scully.  He
approached the tub slowly, and Scully squirmed uncomfortably in the
foamy water; he loved it.  He reached the side of the tub and offered
the cloth to her, his eyes trying desperately to devour her
foam-concealed figure.  She twisted her lips in a smirk and snatched
the cloth from him.  She knew exactly what he was up to.
"Thank you." she said indignantly.  He had a devilish glint in his
eyes.
"You're quite welcome." he wagged his eyebrows at her.  She looked back
at him, raising her eyebrows at him expectantly, silently telling him
to 'get lost'.
"You need me to scrub your back or anything?  You shouldn't get that
cast wet, y'know."  Scully twisted her mouth again and thought about
yelling at him for a brief moment, but then she changed her mind.  'Two
can play this little game,' she thought to herself.  She held out the
cloth to him.
"As a matter of fact, yes.....you could help me with my back."  She
challenged him with her stare, and he gladly accepted.  He took the
cloth and the soap and worked them into a good lather, all the while
thinking thoughts that were making him increasingly uncomfortable in
his jeans.  He knelt down beside the tub.
"Lean forward" he commanded quietly.  Scully obeyed, and he began
washing her back with slow, gentle circles.  He made his free hand
soapy and gently rubbed her shoulder too.  The feel of his strong, warm
hands on her tender back made her dizzy and she began to wonder if
perhaps this little joke was a bad idea.  He pushed the cloth up her
back and pulled her hair away from her neck with his free hand,
brushing his fingers across her tender flesh, and making goosebumps
appear all over her skin.  He washed her neck and shoulders slowly,
carefully, making sure he didn't press too hard on the bruised skin. 
She tilted her head to one side, allowing him better access, and he
drank in every curve and angle.  Before he knew it, he had dropped the
washcloth, and he was just running his soapy fingers over her
shoulders, throat, and jawline.  He was getting incredibly turned-on,
and he knew he should stop before he lost it.  They hadn't seriously
kissed or touched each other since the hospital, and Mulder was just
about at the breaking point of his patience.  Dana knew it too, but she
was too enthralled by his erotic touch to make him stop.  She had her
eyes closed and was breathing more deeply.  After a few minutes of
caressing, he brought his hands back to her shoulders and calmed them,
making only tiny massaging motions.  He had brought his face very close
to her, and she could feel his warm breath on the skin of her shoulder,
making her shudder.  She straightened her head again and turned it
slowly to look at him out of the corner of her eye.  He cleared his
throat and gave her a little squeeze.
"Better go get that food." he said in a low whisper.  She turned to
look at him more.  His eyes were dark and smoky with arousal, and he
looked at her with obvious hunger.  Her eyes flickered at him like blue
flames.  She licked her lips and simply nodded, unable to say anything
else.  He leaned in and quickly kissed her shoulder, then disappeared
out of the room.  She slumped back down into the water and blew out a
deep breath, looking up at the ceiling and wondering why in the hell
they had just teased each other like that.  'God, what in the hell am I
doing?' she asked herself.  "You're playing a dangerous game, Dana
dear," she said aloud as she slumped further down into the soapy
bubbles.
Mulder took plenty of time getting the food; he needed to cool off
after the bathroom stimulation.  He kept playing the scene over and
over again in his mind.  She harbored some uncertainty, he could sense
it, and he began to doubt her desire to move forward with their
newfound 'relationship'.  'Just have to take things slowly...I can
wait...I can wait...'  he told himself over and over.   Finally he
returned with some piping hot Chinese food.  Dana was lounging on the
couch in baggy sweats and a cotton shirt.  Her hair was pulled back in
a ponytail and her freshly-scrubbed, make-up-free face made her look
like she was about 20 years old...save for the few remaining cuts and
bruises.  She smiled gently at  him as he made his oh-so-familiar
entrance into her apartment with food in hand.  They ate fairly
quietly, speaking only briefly about work and other job-related issues.
 It was getting late, and Dana decided that she should call her mother
to let her know that she was home and doing fine.  Mulder cleaned up as
she spoke with her on the phone.  He wondered what he should do about
the night.  He *really* wanted to stay here with her - not for amorous
reasons, he just wanted to stay *with* her and be by her side.  She
ended her call with her mother and came out to the kitchen just as he
was finishing.  
"Mom says 'hi'."  He wiped his hands with a cloth and smiled at her. 
She smiled back, and they just looked at each other for a moment, the
uncertainty of the evening on both their minds.  They were trying to
read each other's thoughts; she could see that he wanted to stay, but
he couldn't tell if she wanted him to.  She wanted him to stay; she
should just ask him, dammit.
"Umm.....were you going to go home tonight, or......" she raised her
eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders and motioned with her hands
slightly, questioning him.
"Do you want me to go home?"  He wanted to hear her say it.  She
dropped her gaze to his chest and hesitated for a long minute.
"No."  she shook her head slowly and looked back up at his face, and he
was smiling.
"Good ..... I want to stay."  He put his arms around her waist and
leaned down to deliver a soft, delicate kiss to her lips.  He touched
her glistening mouth with his fingers, and she looked at him with
ambivalence.  He understood, so he just hugged her tightly, trying his
best to silently reassure her.

They decided to watch a movie for the evening, and Mulder settled
himself on the couch while Scully went to the bathroom.  She came back
to see him fully stretched out on the sofa, leaving no room for her.
"Make yourself comfortable, Mulder." she teased him.  He grinned and
patted his hand on his chest.
"Come here," he stretched his arm out toward her.  "Lay down here with
me."  
She smiled a rare toothy grin at his playfully affectionate gesture and
climbed gingerly onto the couch, sliding her body carefully on top of
his, grimacing a little, and finally resting her head on his chest.  He
held his breath as her small, warm body crept up his, praying that the
monster between his legs didn't rear its ugly head.  Placing a
protective arm around her, he kissed the top of her head and absorbed
the feeling of her heated form lying snugly against his.  She rested
her arm at his side and absentmindedly stroked it with her thumb.  He
smiled at the shivers it sent up his spine, and he brought his other
hand around her to play with the stray strands of copper hair that
spilled onto his chest.  They laid there like that for a long time,
watching TV and not saying anything; just cuddling with each other
peacefully and thoroughly enjoying the new and extraordinarily more
intimate bond that was blossoming between them.  Mulder loved the feel
of her, like the favorite stuffed toy that you could never put down
when you were a kid.  She was becoming his security blanket.  He needed
to touch her, to feel her body, to smell her hair.  He couldn't get
enough of her.  All these years, he had her silent permission to sit or
stand close to her only, yet he longed to touch and feel her like this.
  He had touched her physically before too, but never like this.  He
*never* thought he'd have this opportunity, and he felt like pinching
himself to make certain that it was really happening.  It was damn hard
for him to suppress the urge to move his hips against her; she felt
*so* good against him.  She was reveling in his comfortable masculine
sensation as well, and was amazed at how well their bodies fit together
- too well perhaps, since she could swear that she felt something a
little hard beneath her stomach.  She was flattered by his apparent
arousal, but she also didn't want this to go any further.  She just
laid very still and concentrated on his warm, comforting chest, the
intoxicating, gentle thump-thumping of his heart, and the inhaling and
expelling of air through his lungs.
They soon dropped off into a peaceful slumber, their arms and legs
tangled protectively around each other.

Mulder began having a vivid nightmare sometime later.  He saw Scully
lying naked on a floor, her eyes wide and her face frozen in terror,
and someone, or some*thing* was atop her, raping her over and over. 
Then she let loose a scream of sheer bloody terror.  He awoke with a
gasp and jerked upward on the couch, sweat pouring down his temples,
causing Scully to jerk awake also. 
"What? Mulder, what is it?"  He panted and darted his eyes around
frantically until he realized where he was, and that it was only a bad
dream.  She was here, she was alright, and she was lying on top of him.
He hugged her tightly for a moment and then flopped back down on the
couch, rubbing his face.
"S'nothing....just a dream."  Dana sat upright and grimaced.  Her arm
was aching, and falling asleep on the couch on top of Mulder certainly
didn't help her already sore body.  Mulder saw her obvious discomfort
and sat up as well.
"Maybe you should take some more pain pills." Mulder offered.
"Mmm, yeah....I suppose."  She mumbled half-heartedly as she began to
get up, but he stopped her.
"No, I'll get them for you. You stay here."  She gave him a half-smile
and did as he said.  He returned with the medicine and a hot cup of
tea, and she took them and gratefully drank.  He watched her carefully
as her lips pressed on the cup and she sipped the steaming liquid,
sitting back against the sofa and closing her eyes as the brew soothed
her insides.  He observed her small body and wondered how it was that
something so small could feel so good lying atop him.  He suddenly
wanted to feel her against him again, very much.  He had an
overwhelming urge to grab her and crush her body to his, to keep her
locked in his arms and never let her go.... to kiss her deeply like he
did in the hospital.  She sat her cup in her lap and looked up at him,
only to see him staring intently at her.
"What?" she asked, seeing the dark look on his face.
"I.....I was just.... thinking how nice it was to lie here with you."
he said, almost embarrassed.  She smiled gently at him and reached over
to grasp his hand.  He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it and
staring into her eyes.  She smiled nervously at him and leaned forward
to place the cup on the table.  Feeling some stiffness in her shoulder,
she grimaced a little and squeezed her shoulder.
"Sore?" he asked.
"Mmmm, yeah, a little bit." she acknowledged.
"Here....let me rub it for you."  he offered as he scooted closer to
her.  She looked at him for a minute, remembering the bathroom incident
earlier, and feeling uneasy about letting him to touch her again.  But,
she turned her back to him anyway, allowing him to gently place his
hands on her sore shoulder and rub softly.  She closed her eyes as he
mesmerized her with his touch, swirling his thumbs all around her skin
and lightly sweeping his fingers across her back.  She had to fight the
little moan of pleasure that kept creeping up her throat, and her head
unconsciously kept cocking from side to side.  All her little sighs and
movements made Mulder's throat constrict painfully as he watched her. 
He prayed that she couldn't feel the trembling of his fingers as they
touched her skin and flirted with her hair.  He became entranced by the
warm lingering scent that wafted from her hair every time she moved her
head.  He had to get closer to her; he had to feel her against him
again.  He ceased his movements and dropped his mouth down to place a
kiss on her shoulder, causing her to still.  Hoping and praying that he
hadn't ruined the moment, he moved up to her neck and kissed her there
also.  She turned her head back toward him slowly, looking at him out
of the corner of her eye, and he daringly placed a kiss on her cheek as
well.  She turned the rest of her body, placing her back against the
couch, and she pinned him with one of her trademark dark looks that
made his heart stop.  It was a look she'd given him countless times
before, usually after he'd come close to crossing one of their
imaginary 'lines'.  It said, 'what do you think you're doing?' or maybe
'I know you're flirting with me' or *maybe* 'you're playing with fire,
buddy-boy.'  Whatever it said, it made his stomach twist into knots. 
Was she waiting for him?  Was the glare coquettish, or was she telling
him to back off?  Mulder only knew that he was being helplessly drawn
in by her, and he gave in as he leaned toward her to kiss her lips.  He
descended on her carefully, softly touching his lips to hers.  He was
surprised when she didn't move, and he broke the kiss and looked
intently at her.  Some uncertainty lingered behind her sea-blue soul
doors, and she looked away for a moment, sitting her cup on the table. 
'Well, that's it,' he thought to himself, 'I've gone too far again.'
Instead, she turned back to him and lifted her hand to caress his
cheek.  He covered her hand with his and kissed it, allowing her to
make the next move.  She smiled slightly and gently pulled his face
back to hers for a kiss.  Their lips met again, this time a little more
insistent as their tongues met and duelled gently with each other. 
Mulder pulled her closer to him until she scooted into his lap, and he
tried valiantly not to crush her too badly as he held her close and
kissed her deeper and deeper.  Scully felt her insides melting as
Mulder's hot lips burned hers and his arms snaked around her back and
neck.  She twined her fingers into his hair and pressed her body up
against his, her stomach churning as she felt the bulging heat
emanating from his groin.  Mulder moved his hands down to her hips and
pulled them against his slowly, grinding her against him gently as she
let out a slight gasp.  Her breathy response made him shudder inwardly
and he groaned a quiet 'oh God' into her mouth.  He devoured her now,
hungrily kissing her lips, her chin, her jaw, and moving down her sleek
neck to the buttons on her thin cotton shirt.  He had barely touched
the buttons with his hand when she suddenly flinched and pushed him
back away from her.  He looked at her, stunned for a moment, wondering
what he did wrong.  Scully stared at him like a bewildered animal, her
lips glistening and her chest heaving.  She opened her mouth to say
something, but she only stammered nervously.
"I......I'm sorry....Mulder...." she whispered and shook her head
slightly as tears welled in her eyes.  He started to lean toward her,
wanting to tell her that he understood, but she bolted up off the
couch, tearfully mumbling "I'm so sorry" as she scurried back to her
room.
"Scully.....wait!...." he lept up and shouted to her, but she was gone.

The slam of her door reverberated through his entire body.  'Way to go
shithead,' he told himself.  'The poor woman has just been through a
horrific near-rape, she says she wants to take it slow, and you come on
to her like a freight train....smart, *real * smart, asshole!'  God, he
was such an idiot!  How could he be so stupid and insensitive!  Mulder
held his head in his hands, wondering what on earth he should do now. 
He should just leave, just go and let Scully alone.  No, he couldn't do
that-- that's what she'd *expect* him to do--run away and ditch her
when a problem arose.  He had to talk to her; he had to apologize to
her for coming on so strong.  God, maybe she isn't ready for this;
maybe this really *is* a mistake for us to try this.  He sat and
thought for a while longer, then, figuring he'd given her enough time
alone, got up and headed for her bedroom.  He rapped lightly and called
her name.  No reply.  He nervously placed his hand on the doorknob and
turned it gently, popping the door open slightly.  He peered into the
dark room and called out again.
"Scully?  You okay?"
"Yes."  Came a quiet, but flat reply.  Mulder stood at the door for a
minute, not knowing whether or not he should venture in to talk to her.
 She gave no indication if she wanted him to go or stay.  Taking a deep
breath, he opened the door further and stepped inside.  She was laying
on her bed, slightly curled up, with her back to the door.  She said
nothing as Mulder walked up and sat on the edge of her bed, facing her
back.  He wanted touch her, God, how he wanted to touch her.  Her whole
room smelled like her.  Soft whispers of her Scully essence; light,
airy, fresh fragrances of clean laundry, or fresh sheets, or soap, or
something.  He gathered his thoughts and his nerve, and began with a
whisper.
"Scully.....I'm.....I'm sorry.....I shouldn't have done that.  I.....I
wasn't thinking." he said apologetically.  She rolled over to look at
him, then.
"No." she said, shaking her head slightly.  "Don't apologize."  She
stared at him intently, fixing him with a stare that he couldn't quite
make out because of the darkened room.  He stared back at her for a
minute, longing to tell her how much he wanted to touch her, how much
he just wanted her.  But he didn't.
"I should go." he whispered, and he got up off the bed.  She sat up
quickly.
"No!" she said in a rush.  
"I mean.....I don't want you to go."  Again, the stare eminated from
her eyes.
"Can you stay......please?"  How could he resist those eyes, that face?
"Sure, Scully.....I'll stay."  He whispered back to her.
"But you really should get some rest and go to bed now."  She nodded in
agreement, and looked up at him again, her face still unreadable.  He
smiled slightly and turned to leave the bedroom.  God!  He was so
confused.  A million analytical thoughts raced through his mind and he
smacked himself on the head, telling them to leave him alone.  'I can't
read anything into this,' he told himself.  'She just needs some
time.....I just have to give her time.'

Scully meanwhile discarded her pants and crawled into her bed
carefully, wondering how much of an idiot Mulder thought she was by
this time, and cursing herself for acting so irrational.  Why was she
pushing him away?  Did she want him or not?  She couldn't focus her
thoughts as the pain medicine began to work its delirium on her mind. 
Mulder came back into the room and sat down  on her bed.  They looked
at each other in silence for a few minutes until her eyes began to
slide shut.  Mulder leaned down and stroked her cheek lovingly.
"Goodnight, Dana." he whispered and started to get up to leave.  Scully
grabbed his hand suddenly.
"Wait....Mulder.....do you think you could....y'know.....lie here, in
bed, with me tonight?" she looked at him innocently, pleading with her
eyes.  How could he turn down those eyes? Of course he would stay with
her; he longed to crawl into a bed with her, although for different reas
ons.  He knew what she wanted tonight though:  comfort, and he would
give it to her, no questions asked.
"Of course... I'll do whatever you want.  Just let me go turn off the
lights and stuff."  He bent down and kissed her forehead, then went out
the door.
'Oh God!....she wants me to sleep *IN BED * with her!' he screamed to
himself. This was going to be tough. He looked down at his groin and
shook his head. He felt himself tense up at the thought of climbing
into that bed and curling his body around hers, wrapping his arms
around her, wrapping his legs around her, feeling her body against
his....'Oh shit!' he grimaced in agony as he felt himself swell at the
thoughts racing through his mind. 'Can't think that way, can't think
that way!!' he chided himself. 'Stop thinking like a GUY!! She needs me
to *comfort* her now, not jump her bones!' he told himself. ...This was
going to be a long night indeed.

Dana laid in her bed, listening to him walking around, pacing.  'Maybe
this was a bad idea,' she thought to herself. She didnt want him to
think that she was teasing him; she just wanted to be near him, be with
him. If she were in better shape physically, she would have *other*
plans, but not now.  No, they needed to take this slowly anyway.  They
could just lie together and sleep, couldn't they?  That wouldnt be so
hard....would it?  Dana's stomach began to churn with anxiety.  Mulder
reappeared in the bedroom, approaching the bed carefully, eyeing Dana
to see if she was still awake. She briefly considered faking sleep, but
then decided against it.  She turned her head and looked up at him,
giving him a reassuring smile and pulling the sheets down in
invitation.  He saw that she had taken her pants off, and again he felt
more blood rush to his nether-regions.  He swallowed hard and nervously
dropped his pants and took off his shirt as well, leaving only his
boxers.  Scully studied him in the darkened room, admiring his gently
muscular form. ..Oh, this *was* a bad idea indeed... She could have
sworn she saw a slight bulge tenting his boxers, but then again, it
could be the pain medication.  Mulder quickly slid under the sheets and
covered them both up.   She smiled shyly at him and stretched one leg
over to him until they touched.  He smiled nervously and scooted over
toward her until they were separated by mere inches.  She sleepily
reached her arm around him, stroking his side and back lazily.  It
suddenly felt 20 degrees warmer in the room, as Mulder struggled to
maintain his cool.  He hesitantly reached his arm over to her side too
as she scooted closer to him and snuggled up against him, her leg
sliding up so that it rested on top of his.  He pushed his knee
in-between her legs, sliding it along her silkiness, but making sure to
stop mid-thigh.  He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying
desperately to keep his arousal at bay.  He hugged her tightly, praying
that she would just lie still and fall asleep quickly.  He stroked her
sides and back gently, feeling her ribcage and her backbone too easily,
he thought.  She felt so frail, and yet he wished that he could tear
her  t-shirt off and feel just her skin against his palms.
"That feels good, Mulder." she hummed sleepily. 
"Goodnight, Dana." he whispered, kissing her head and praying that he
would soon succumb to sleep and escape this uncomfortable situation. 
"G'night." she mumbled, giving his torso a squeeze.
She soon gave off a slow, soft, breathing rhythm, indicating that she
had fallen asleep.  Mulder closed his eyes, listening to her gentle
rhythm and smelling her strawberry hair.  As she slipped deeper and
deeper into sleep, the dedicated insomniac soon realized what his cure
was as he felt himself succumb to the blackness of his own unconscious
mind.

********************

The days seemed to pass rather quickly as they continued to play
"house" together and experiment carefully with their newfound intimacy.
 Mulder was with Scully at her apartment almost constantly, and she was
beginning to truly treasure his company, to her dismay.  She hadnt been
sure what to expect of all this, but he really made her feel safe and
provided her with some much-needed, but never acknowledged, security. 
They didn't move beyond little kisses and gentle touching, mostly
because it was obvious to Mulder that she wasn't ready to move on to
anything heavier yet, so he waited patiently and followed her leads. 
He was in a dilemma about their bedtime ritual, however.  He loved
sleeping next to her, but he couldn't take much more of the arousal
that inflamed him every night.  He kept having incredibly erotic dreams
about her, about the two of them together, about the things he wanted
to do to her, and it was driving him mad.  He began avoiding touching
her in bed, and even when they would cuddle on the sofa he had to fight
the urge to touch her intimately, not wanting to arouse himself
pointlessly.  He wondered if she had any idea of the number of times
he'd gotten out of bed hours before day break, just so that she
wouldn't catch sight of his huge erection. 

They knew that the "house-playing" couldn't last, and they'd eventually
have to go back to being Special Agents once again.  After nearly 2
weeks, they finally  went back to work in their favorite basement
office, against Mulder's better judgement, but ultimately at Scully's
insistence.  She was beginning to go stir-crazy being at home and she
needed to get back to work.  Mulder had at least convinced her to work
only partial days for awhile, much to her displeasure, but he knew that
she fatigued easily and wasn't quite 100% yet.  Both of them made a
pact to be acutely aware of their body language while at work.  They
knew they had to be highly discreet about their newfound relationship,
and they made it a point not to even stand close to each other when
anyone was around.  It was difficult not to touch or smile at each
other in their 'knowing' way, but they somehow managed to pull it off. 
Mulder also did his best not to hover over her and make her feel
'protected' -- he knew she'd hate that.  But, he was forever casting a
watchful eye in her direction, no matter where she went.  Occasionally,
he worried that they were drifting apart instead of becoming closer. 
At times she seemed to be very happy and content; at others she seemed
distant and almost frustrated.  He wondered if he had done something to
upset her, or if he *wasn't* doing something.  He was certain of only
one thing:  women were the most confusing creatures on the planet, and
Scully was no exception.

At Scully's suggestion, they decided not to spend every evening with
each other, for obvious reasons, but they tried to get together at
least twice a week.  When they weren't together in an evening, they
called each other and talked for several hours, usually right before
they went to bed.  They talked intimately about things that were
normally taboo, revealing more and more of themselves to each other
little by little.  They were surprised how easy it had become to talk
with each other, and it kept them emotionally connected.  Mulder was
quickly learning that the private Scully was quite unlike the
professional Scully.  She was not tough and determined on the inside;
she was sensitive and vulnerable.....and sexual.  She had needs and
desires just like he did, only she didn't say these things aloud to
him; he could just sense it.  It drove him crazy.  Her soft, sexy voice
purring to him on the phone made him dizzy, and he had to use all his
powers to stay in control.  He wanted to push himself into her so badly
he could taste it, and cold showers were no longer helping him.  Still,
he was  grateful for the evenings that they did spend together, which
consisted mostly of quiet dinners and lots of couch cuddling.  They
usually laid in each other's arms speaking lowly, touching and
caressing.  There were a few nights when things got more intense,
however.  Gentle touches became more insistent fondling, innocent
kisses became passionate tongue duels.  The sexual tension was both
exhilirating and unnerving, but it never went any further than that. 
She didn't want to go any farther; he could sense it, and he continued
to let it go.  Mulder hated to leave her at the end of their evenings
together, and she truthfully didn't want him to go.  She longed for him
to stay the whole night and make love with her in her bed. 
But......she couldn't.....not yet.  There was something inside her that
wouldn't allow her to take the final step.  What was it?  Why couldn't
she just let go?  It drove her mad, and she worried that he thought she
was leading him on.  Every time Mulder would leave, she would collapse
onto her couch and cry for hours in frustration.  She loved him, she
was certain of that....and he loved her, she was fairly certain of
that, even though he'd never said it, she could see it in his eyes, in
his actions.  So what was she afraid of?  He made her feel wonderful,
right?  She loved his touch and the feel of his body against hers.  He
made her become aware of her own body again, and she saw herself once
again as a *woman*, not as Dr. Dana Scully, M.D., FBI Special Agent Ice
Queen, but as a living, breathing, sexual female.  His presence
reawakened the  long-forgotten female parts of her body that had been
dormant from such long disuse.  She was suddenly newly appreciative of
her femininity; her breasts, her legs, her hips, and all the internal
body parts that made her a woman, that made her capable of bearing and
nourishing children... well, normally anyway.  It felt so good to feel
like a *real* woman again, to be loved by a man.....to be *wanted* by a
man.  And that was, perhaps, what frightened her -- this newfound
identity.  She had thought she knew who she was; she thought she knew
exactly where she was going in life.  But now......now she was falling
in love with a man......she *needed * this man.... and it was changing
everything.....and she was scared to death.  How on earth could she
explain this to Mulder?

Mulder thought she was probably just nervous about venturing any
further, and everyday he told himself that he would wait and let her
give *him* the signal.  Hell, he was ready the first time he'd kissed
her, but he knew that he needed to take his time and let her call the
shots.  Nonetheless, he still felt a twinge of anxiety after their
evenings together.  She touched him and kissed him, but she always
pulled back when things got too heated.  He couldn't prevent the worry
from entering his consciousness every once in awhile.  Maybe she didn't
really *want* him..... maybe she didn't ever *want* to have sex with
him, maybe she wasn't turned-on by him.... maybe.... maybe she was just
scared.  Yeah, he was pretty sure that she was just scared, and, if he
was really honest with himself, so was he.  He tried *really* hard to
put the thoughts out of his mind and focus on work, but it was becoming
increasingly difficult, and he was growing increasingly frustrated.

He fought with himself constantly.  Should he confront her and find out
what the problem is?  Should he allow the slow pace to continue and let
her be in control?  Or should he just forget about the whole thing and
let her go?  He had no idea what to do.

She could sense his frustration, and she hated herself for being the
cause of it.  Why couldn't she just give in to it, her want, her
desire, his desire?  Why couldn't she tell him how she felt?  She was
going to screw it all up; everything.  Their relationship, their
friendship, their partnership....everything.   It would all be her
fault; hers and her stupid fear of intimacy.  She would not lose him;
she would not allow herself to screw up their one chance at happiness. 
Her hospital conversation with her mother ran through her head over and
over and over: '... the biggest 'risk' you must take is the 'risk' of
letting someone get close to you...' '....Is *love* such a horrible
thing to you?....' 'Fox feels just like *you* do....'  '....Just take
it one step at a time.....'.  Well, it was time for that next step, she
finally concluded.

*********************

A couple more weeks had passed when Scully hatched a plan for a
possible romantic getaway, where they could hopefully clarify their new
relationship and put their burning passions to the test.  She was
ready; ready to conquer her fear of intimacy and take that huge step. 
To say that she was scared was an understatement; she'd never "planned"
any kind of romantic seduction in any way, so this was new territory
for her.  But, it was the perfect opportunity:  she would ask Mulder to
go to her friend's wedding, and they would stay at a nice hotel for the
weekend.  They would be away from work, and in a completely different
city where no one would know them.  The idea of spending a long
romantic weekend with Mulder down in sunny Florida gave Scully chills. 
She just hoped that he would think the same; he had been acting a bit
cool lately, and she hoped that it wasn't too late.  She waited until
the end of the day and decided to ask him right before she left for the
evening.  She watched him sitting at his desk reading.  He was so sexy
with those glasses on.  She got chills every time she looked at his
lean body, and her stomach lurched.  He must have felt her staring at
him, because he looked up at her and smiled.
"Something on your mind, Scully?" he asked.  Scully grinned a little,
embarrassed to have been caught.
"Umm," she hesitated.  "I was going to take a little non-work-related
jaunt next weekend, and, uhh....," she hesitated nervously.
"I thought perhaps you might like to go with me?"  She asked, trying to
sound  lighthearted.  He raised his eyebrows and blinked.
"A 'jaunt', with you?" he teased her and she pursed her lips.
"You wouldn't happen to be asking me to accompany you to your friend's
wedding, would you Scully?" he smirked at her, enjoying watching her
squirm.  She smiled and nodded, acknowledging his correct guess.
"Yes, Mulder, I'm asking you to go with me." she replied
condescendingly.  He smiled affectionately at her, something he hadn't
done in a long time.
"And *where* would this 'jaunt' take us, Agent Scully?" he asked
mischievously.
"Ahhhhh, someplace warm and tropical," she arched her eyebrow and
teased him back.  "Someplace far, far away from the clutches of the
prying eyes of the F.B.I. and the Consortium from Hell." she teased
again.  Mulder smiled appreciatively.
"Unfortunately, I'm not sure there is ANY place that is out of their
reach, but, it will be fun pretending."  he replied, and Scully made an
acknowledging gesture with her face.
"So, where is this shin-dig, for real?" Mulder asked seriously.
"Way down in sunny Florida, near Cape Canaveral." Scully pulled some
papers out of her purse.
"Cape Canaveral, huh?  Sounds good to me, you know how I love rockets
and astronaut stuff." Mulder's eyes glinted with secret glee.  Scully
looked impatiently at him.
"Mulder, we're not going down there to hang out at the launching pad of
the Space Shuttle.  Melinda and her fiance both work at the Cape, but
they live in Melbourne, which is where we'll be staying too."
He smiled and walked over to where she was sitting at her desk, placing
his hands on her shoulders and leaning down to look at her, his
suddenly serious eyes boring straight into her heart.  They looked at
each other for a moment, and he spoke softly to her.
"Are you sure you want us to spend a weekend .... together?"  She
smiled nervously, pausing for a few moments, her eyes darting around
then returning to his.
"Yes, Mulder.....I'm sure."  She did her best to give him a determined
look.  He looked back at her with some uncertainty.
"I can wait, you know."  he said, trying his best to look as though he
had the patience of Job.  She laughed a nervous breath.
"No you can't......and I think we've waited long enough, don't you?"
she whispered to him, looking deeply into his eyes and feeling more
certain than ever that this was what she wanted.  He stared softly at
her, his throat constricting uncomfortably as he read the look of
certainty in her eyes.  She was saying that she was ready; she was
emitting the signal that he had been waiting so patiently for.  He
couldn't contain the huge smile that broke across his face as he kissed
her quickly on the lips, glancing back toward the door, just in case. 
She returned his affectionate gesture with her own blinding grin.  It
nearly took his breath away to see such brilliance from her at last.  
"Do you have any idea how much I love to see that smile?"  he said
thoughtfully to her.  She gave him a sheepish look, slightly
embarrassed.  
"I can't believe.....all these years..... and I've only seen that smile
a few times.  I hope I get to see it a *lot* more." he said in a more
serious tone, stroking her cheek.  Fighting back tears, she reached up
to kiss him softly, the lump in her throat not allowing her to speak. 
Mulder cleared  his throat and did his best to shift into
'business-as-usual' mode, plopping back down into his chair.
"So, where are we staying?  Someplace nicer than our usual F.B.I.
motel-hell suites, I hope?" Mulder queried.  Scully shrugged.
"I don't know.  Melinda gave me some places to call, but I have no idea
what they're like.  I also have to call and book a flight for us, and I
have to think of a gift for them, and something to wear...." she began
spouting the thoughts off quickly, making Mulder's head spin.  He held
his hands up.
"Whoa, whoa! Slow down, you're giving me a headache!  Why don't you
give me the list of hotels, and let me find one for us.  *You* can make
the flight reservations and hunt for a gift, BUT, may I suggest edible
underwear and fur-lined handcuffs?"  Scully gave him her best disgusted
look.
"Uh, I think you're mistaking bachelor party gifts with holy matrimony
gifts, Mulder, but, hey....it's the thought that counts." Scully rolled
her eyes, then rose from her seat and started for the door.
"Oh, by the way, the wedding is Saturday *evening*, and it's *formal*,
so, you'll have to take a nice suit....and a *nice* tie." she smiled
triumphantly as Mulder made an insulted look.  Scully grinned, waved,
and disappeared out the door.  Mulder fidgeted with the hotel list as
he smiled inwardly.  She was coming back to him at last.  His steadfast
patience had paid off.  He let out a  sigh of relief, and began
formulating some very *special* plans for Dana Scully.  

*********************
The weekend of their trip arrived slowly, the anticipation nearly
killing both of them.  They boarded the plane bound for the Florida
coast, eager for a break from work, and anxious about their private
weekend alone....together.  Scully slept on Mulder's shoulder while he
held her hand, stroking it and fantasizing about the coming nights.  He
looked down on her sleeping form.  Mulder wondered if she was as
nervous about the weekend as he was.  If she was, she gave no
indication; then again, she had *never* given any indication of what
she was feeling.  He loved her so much, and he really wanted to tell
her.  She hadn't told him that she loved him either, and he wondered if
perhaps she was waiting to hear it from him first.  But he was
petrified to take that step.  He figured that she was feeling
apprehensive about the escalating physical nature of their new
relationship, and he wondered if she felt that she wasn't good enough
for him or something, or won't be able to fulfill his wants and needs. 
He knew that women got stupid ideas like that in their heads sometimes,
and she *did* make constant comments about her bruised and beaten body.
 Actually, she had healed quickly, and her fears about her face still
being bruised for this wedding turned out to be groundless; she was
nearly completely healed, with only a few faint scars evident. Maybe
the strong-willed, enigmatic Dr. Scully was  just a little insecure? 
She was as beautiful as ever to him, but....he hadn't told her
that.....and, he hadn't told her that he loved her.  Could that be part
of the reason why she was holding back?  Maybe she needed to hear him
say that he wanted her, that he thought she was beautiful, and probably
most of all, that he loved her.  He looked down at her again and felt
the urge to shake her awake and tell these things right now, but, he
realized that it wasn't exactly the best time for it.  He felt like
smacking himself for being so stupid.  She may be worrying about
fulfilling his needs, when in fact, it will probably be the opposite. 
She'll probably fulfill him *so * much, that he'll need her and want
her too much too soon.  God... if she only knew.  He didn't want to
scare her with intense feelings and needs.  Mulder was keenly aware of
all his new and powerful feelings.  He had to make damn sure that he
didn't frighten her off with their intensity.  He was driving himself
crazy, and they hadnt even arrived yet.  He sighed exasperatedly and
laid back in the seat, trying to relax as best he could.  They would be
landing soon, and he would soon get to surprise her with his "hotel"
choice.  He smiled as he began to doze off.

Sometime later, they were in a rental car, zipping along the Florida
coast, Mulder with a permanent grin on his face.  Scully sensed that he
had something up his sleeve, especially when she asked him what hotel
they were staying at, and his reply had been, "we aren't".  She
remained quiet as they drove along erratically, obviously searching for
an address.  A few moments later they pulled into a long driveway,
camoflauged with trees and loads of Spanish moss.  Mulder checked the
address on the mailbox.
"Yep, this is it."  he grinned triumphantly at Scully, who looked at
him like he had 2 heads.  They continued along the drive until the
trees diminshed and opened up to a beautiful little white cottage
situated right on the beachfront.  It was secluded and serene, with
only the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach.  They got out of
the car and Scully looked around in wonderment.  Mulder smiled as he
approached her.
"You like?" he held his arms out in gesture.
"It's....perfect," she grinned from ear to ear.
"But....how did you..." Mulder held up his hand to quiet her.
"Ask me no secrets, Scully.....I wanted to find a special place for a
special weekend together." he leaned forward and kissed her gently, and
she smiled lovingly at him.
"Agreed, but......we aren't at work, so, let's just be Dana and Fox
this weekend....okay?" she asked as she placed her hands on his
shoulders.  He made a face at his detested name, but decided it was
okay.
"Agreed."  He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her more deeply,
promising passion with his lips.  Scully shivered inwardly at his
intimate touch and smiled shyly at him.  
"C'mon, let's check this place out before it gets too dark." he
squeezed her arms and pulled her toward the front door.

They wandered around the cottage, checking out every room, closet, and
cupboard.  Scully was amazed at the contents of the place; it was quite
deceiving from the outside.  It just looked like a little old cottage,
but the interior was modern, spacious, and beautifully decorated in
beach/ocean motif.  There was only one bedroom, and it had everything:
a huge king-sized bed, a large bathroom with a glass walk-in shower,
and access to a small balcony that overlooked the ocean.  The kitchen
was a bit small, but very modern and accommodating.  The living area
had a wide sectional sofa, a huge television, and a porch that also
looked out onto the ocean.  The best part, though, was the hot tub on
the side of the porch.  Scully saw Mulder's eyes light up when they
walked out to inspect it.  She was sure that the tub played a major
part in his choosing this place.

After they got settled in, they went out for something to eat, finding
a little restaurant at a neighborhood marina.  They were served their
food and chatted with each other quietly, discussing the wedding and
Scully's history with her friend Melinda.  Mulder watched her eat small
bites of food while she chatted.  Her mouth was intoxicating to him. 
She noticed him watching and became amused by it, so she turned it up
higher, taking slow bites, seductively tugging the pieces of scallop
off her fork with her teeth while watching his eyes glisten.  He caught
her act and chuckled, embarrassed to have been sucked in, yet delighted
by her very un-Scully-like actions.  Yes indeed...Scully was truly
*different * on the inside.   She smiled triumphantly as he continued
to watch her, and she purposely chewed her food slowly.  Still
infatuated with her mouth, he reached over and stabbed another scallop
with her fork, basting it in the buttery juice, then lifting it to her
mouth, his eyes locking with hers.  She opened her mouth and he fed her
carefully, some juice dribbling down her chin as she closed.  She
smiled as she chewed and began to lift her hand to wipe at the juice,
but his own hand interrupted her as he wiped at the juice with his
finger, then brought the finger to his mouth to suck it off.  She
almost stopped chewing as he did it, feeling a nervous wave of anxiety
that made her face flush.  The look in his eyes was enough to set the
whole room on fire, and she drank her water quickly in an attempt to
calm her jittery stomach.  He stabbed another piece and lifted it to
her mouth again.  She looked at him as one corner of her mouth crinkled
slightly, and she opened, taking in the scallop seductively.  She
closed her mouth and flicked her pink tongue out to lick her lips,
making his groin tingle with arousal.  This was a huge turn-on for him,
and he was surprised she was going along with it, which turned him on
even more.  He lifted another bite to her mouth, dribbling more juice. 
Again he wiped the juice with his finger, but this time he offered his
finger to her.  She quirked the corner of her mouth again as she opened
her lips and took his finger in gently, licking and sucking the juice
from it.  He shifted in his seat slightly as Major Wood began to stand
at full attention.  He pulled his finger out and closed his eyes,
grimacing slightly and smiling.  She let out a small laugh quietly.
"You started it." she teased softly as she arched one eyebrow.
"I couldn't help myself." he said apologetically, laughing through his
smile.  They finished their meals in silence, knowing smiles plastered
on their faces, watching each other intently.  This was going to be an
interesting weekend indeed.

After the disturbing dinner, they returned to the cottage and decided
to go out for a walk on the beach.  They crossed the dunes and reached
the shoreline, discarding their shoes and dabbling in the water.  It
felt wonderful on their feet, and Scully sat down and squished watery
sand through her toes, reveling in the free feeling of the ocean breeze
billowing through her hair.  Mulder sat down behind her and they began
discussing the stars and constellations that were visible in the clear
night sky.  Dana wriggled her feet as the waves continued to lap at
them.  She drew a deep breath and sighed, leaning her head back against
Mulder's shoulder.
"I love the ocean, it was always my favorite place to vacation." she
murmured.
"Yeah, there's nothing quite as relaxing as the sound of water, that
is, assuming you don't have to go to the bathroom." Mulder cracked. 
Scully chuckled.
"Did you know that the ancient Greek scholars thought that the ocean
was a river that surrounded the earth, dividing it in half -- the
beautiful world from the dark underworld?" Mulder asked.
"Mmm-hmm," Scully nodded.  Mulder was silent for a moment.
"Y'know.....sometimes I think of myself as Hades, Ruler of the
Underworld."  Scully sat up and turned to face him.
"Why would you think that?" she looked puzzled and wondered what he was
getting at.  He smiled and touched her cheek.
"I think of myself as Hades, and you as the beautiful Persephone," he
began.  Scully looked at him, confused.  He continued.
"I feel like I've drug you down into hell with me, made you to eat the
pomegranite, and now you are trapped and persecuted in the underworld
that is the 'X-Files'."  He smiled wryly, but she knew he was being
serious.  She looked at him incredulously.
"Mulder, I -- *Fox*, you are NOT like Hades, and I am NOT like
Persephone.  You didn't *force* me to work with you in the X-Files, and
no one has *forced* me to stay as long as I have."
"It *wasn't* your decision to be assigned to work with me." he
interjected.
"That's true, however, it *was* my decision to stay--you know damn well
that I could have left if I had wanted to."  She looked at him
intently.  He said nothing.
"Why have you stayed, Dana?" he looked at her imploringly.
"Because I wanted to.  Because I believe in what you do,
and.....because I have faith in you, Fox."  She took his hands in hers
and gave them a reassuring squeeze.  
"I've told you that you're the only one I trust, Fox....I still feel
that way." she looked at him with absolute sincerity, and he believed
her.  She cupped his face with a small hand.  Mulder looked at her with
deadly seriousness,
"I just don't like you getting hurt."  He said in a hushed, nearly
quivering voice.
"Oh Mulder...." She touched her fingers to his lips.
"Let's not get into this now... I don't want to talk about *work*,
okay?" she implored him with her eyes.
"Okay....I'm sorry." he said sincerely.
She gave him a rare, toothy smile and leaned forward, kissing him
deeply.  Her smile blinded him for a moment, and his heart skipped a
beat as her mouth descended on his.  Her lips were supple and inviting,
and he wanted to devour her.  His hands raked through her hair and he
swiftly pulled her body to him so that she was sitting on his lap,
straddling him.  His tongue darted in and out of her mouth, tangling
madly with her tongue.  She gasped lightly as she felt him harden
underneath her, and she bit lightly on his bottom lip, digging her
nails into his back.  Moaning softly in her mouth, he dropped his hands
to her hips, pressing her into his lap harder, gyrating her against his
bulging manhood.  Waves of arousal shocked through her like lightning,
causing her to gasp again and drop her head back.  Mulder brought his
hands up to stroke the soft skin of her neck, and he placed wet kisses
along her jaw and behind her earlobe.  She felt hot, liquid passion
course through her veins as she became undone, and she clutched at his
shoulders as he worked his way down her throat.  He undid the top few
buttons of her shirt and placed more kisses on her chest.  She smelled
heavenly.  He wanted to stay here and drown in her sweet, supple skin
forever.  The feel of his hot breath on her was driving her mad, and
chills raced up and down her body, making her nipples impossibly
hard... she actually thought she might faint.  He buried his face
between her breasts as she raked her hands through his hair and pulled
his head against herself.  Jerking his head up, he kissed her quite
forcefully, pulling on her ass again and applying delightful pressure
against his aroused self.  They never heard the older couple
approaching them.

"Ahem!" the older gentleman exclaimed indignantly as they walked past
the youngsters groping each other by the water.  Both Mulder and Scully
nearly jumped out of their skins as they heard the noise.  Their heads
snapped up and saw the older couple walking by, shaking their heads in
disgust.  Scully hid her face in Mulder's chest and started giggling,
feeling very much like a teenager again.  
"Uhhhh, sorryyy!" Mulder called out to them, but the couple ignored
them and continued walking. 
"I guess this isn't an R-rated beach." he said with a chuckle.
"Oh Goddd, I'm so embarrassed!" Scully said with a laugh.  He waved his
hand in their direction.
"Ahhhh, they're just jealous, that's all!" he said with a devilish
smile.  They looked at each other for a minute, deciding what they
wanted to do with the situation.  Scully was mortified at what they
almost did on the beach, in full public view.  She tried her best to
hide her anxiety, her uncertainty.  He could see her apprehension, and
he tried not to look disappointed as he placed a quick kiss on her
lips.  'After all, we couldn't really do anything here on the beach,
could we?' Mulder asked himself. 
"C'mon.  Let's go back; it's getting late."  She pursed her lips
nervously, cursing herself for backing out once again.  Still, she
nodded in agreement, and they got up and went back to the cottage.

Back at the cottage, they lounged on the couch and watched television. 
They cuddled, but were careful not to get hot and heavy.  It was really
late now, and they were both tired from the flight and the drive, so
they gave in to their bodies and fell asleep on the couch.  Sometime
later, Mulder awoke.  He looked at her sleeping form and kissed her
head lovingly.
"I do love you, Dana." he whispered softly to her.  .... Now if only he
could tell her to her face. 

Together Alone
By A. K. Naten

Part 4 of 4


Saturday morning came and went, and they spent some time on the beach,
then decided to drive around and do some "tourist" stuff for the
afternoon.  It was strange doing things as a "couple", but they both
enjoyed it.  Mulder loved seeing Scully smile and acting carefree.  It
was such a change from her usual seriousness.  Scully loved the way
Mulder behaved like a little kid, frolicking and splashing her on the
beach.  She also liked the way he constantly touched her, in little
ways, or put his arm around her, or held her hand.  She began to feel
like this really could work between them.

Evening drew near, and they reluctantly returned to their cottage to
get ready for the wedding.  Mulder got dressed and eyed himself in the
living room mirror.  He wanted to go to this thing and meet Scully's
friends as Fox Mulder, Dana's significant other, not Agent Mulder,
Agent Scully's 'spooky' partner.   He pranced impatiently around the
living area, anxious to see what Scully would wear.  It was definitely
something blue, but that's all he got a glimpse of.  His jaw dropped to
the floor when she came out of the bedroom at last.  She had on a deep
royal blue dress with a low-scooped neck, narrow shoulder straps, a
tantalizing slit up the side of one leg, and a back that plunged down
to nearly expose her underwear... assuming she was wearing some.  The
only thing that was covered in the back was her butt, and the whole
dress shimmered when she moved.  She had pinned her hair up so that a
few stray tendrils dangled at her temples and the back of her neck, and
her eyes were made up so that they pierced right through Mulder's
heart.  She looked at his gaping mouth and shyly smiled, dispelling
some of her nervousness.
"Uhh, you look......*incredible*,"  he managed to stammer through his
stupor as he walked toward her.  She smiled bigger with relief.  The
dress hugged every curve of her body, and it made her exposed skin look
impossibly creamy and delicious, and her lips... they seemed to beckon
Mulder closer and closer... 
"Could you help me with this wrap?" she motioned to the knit fabric in
her hand.  He managed to drag his eyes away from her lips to help her
put the fabric on her shoulders, then gave her a kiss on the cheek when
he finished.  She smiled lovingly at him.
"Jesus, I feel under dressed!" he muttered, looking at her again.
"Nonsense!  You look perfect." she said as she played with his lapels. 
She fingered his sensible tie and grinned at him.
"Just *perfect*!"  He grinned back at her and placed a lingering kiss
on those lips.  
"We'd better leave right now, or we might not make it to the wedding!"
he wagged his eyebrows at her mischievously, and she responded with a
small chuckle and a shake of her head.
"Let's go."  He smiled back at her, and they left.

The wedding was a huge, ravishing affair with all the expected excesses
that wealthy Southern families would offer.  Mulder hated it.  He
didn't know that this would be such a first-class affair, and he did
*not* want to be at a boring, extravagant party with people he didn't
know.  He just wanted to be back at the cottage with Scully.  He sat
fairly glum-faced through the whole thing, with Scully giving him an
occasional glare.  The only good part for him was that he got to sit
close to Scully and think nasty thoughts about her in that dress.  He
knew he was pissing her off by fidgeting and sighing, but he *really*
hated weddings.  She scolded him on the drive to the reception.

"I'm just saying that you could have at least *appeared* to be vaguely
*interested* in the ceremony, instead of sitting there with that *look*
on your face."  He knew she was annoyed with him, and he was sort-of
sorry that he had behaved rudely.
"Ok, you're right, and *I'm wrong*, okay?  It's not that I was *bored*,
I was just a tad sickened by the vulgar display of wealth, that's all. 
I can't *WAIT* to see this reception.  We'll probably have caviar and
imported escargot as appetizers!" he said sarcastically.
"Well exactly *what* type of wedding *wouldn't* make you sick, Fox? 
I'd be willing to bet that *any* type of wedding would cause you to sit
with *that look* on your face, assuming, of course, that you'd even
show up." she challenged.
"What do you mean by *that*!?"  He was a bit annoyed at her inference.
"I mean that you're not exactly the "matrimony" type of guy, therefore,
any and all weddings probably turn you completely *off*.  You'd
probably just prefer to live  with someone in 'common law' eternity,
rather than get *married*.....am I right?"  She bore her eyes into him.
 He wasn't sure if he was getting angry because she was close to being
right, or because she had the nerve to call him on it.
"What do you mean, I'm not the "matrimony" type of guy?!"
"I *mean* that most guys do NOT care for weddings, and I'm *quite*
certain that YOU don't either.  Most guys turn a shade of green when
you merely mention the word 'W-E-D-D-I-N-G', and I would be willing to
bet *a lot* of money that you would not only turn green, but vomit
too!"  He was suddenly angry, and he knew why this time.  He swerved
off the road and slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to a
screeching halt.  She looked at him dumbfounded but angry.
"What the hell are you doing?!" she demanded.
He looked at her with his jaw tight, his tongue fighting his teeth for
release.
"You think I'm afraid of commitment.....don't you?! That's what this
conversation is really about, isn't it?!  You think I have no idea what
I want?!"  He was tapping his fingers against the steering wheel
impatiently, daring her to confess.  She jutted her jaw out and sat
motionless, trying to refrain from becoming angry by staring out the
windshield.  She had started out being only slightly annoyed, but his
sudden belligerency made her really angry.  He was daring her to broach
a very taboo subject, and she really didn't want to get into an
argument on the way to the reception.  On the other hand, she *did*
want to know how "committed" he really was to her and their possible
relationship.  She figured they'd have to talk about it eventually, but
not right here, right now.....so much for that.
"Is that what you *think* I'm trying to get at?"  she looked at him and
asked softly.  He glared back at her.
"I don't *know* what you're trying to "get at", but I'd like you to cut
the crap and just say what you mean." He refused to even blink.  Dana
pursed her lips and stared down at the floor.
"Okay." she paused for a minute, then turned and looked directly at
him.
"What kind of commitment are *we* talking about .... here." she
motioned between them with her hand.  Mulder paused and looked out the
windshield, sighing.  She continued.
"I don't want to have a relationship that just consists of us
*sleeping* together on a week-to-week or month-to-month basis.  I need
to know that it means more than that ..... I *want* more than that." 
Her voice cracked as she looked at him earnestly, her eyes welling with
tears.  He looked at her tenderly.
"Is that what's been bothering you?  Is that why you've been holding
back?" he asked her quietly.  She couldn't formulate words to spit back
at him; she didn't want him to know that her reason was because she was
just plain scared.  He continued to stare at her, and his face
developed a look of hurt as she failed to answer him.
"Dana.....do you really think I just want to hop into the sack with you
for a quick fling?" he asked incredulously.  She closed her eyes and
shook her head, then looked back at him.
"No.....I don't think that." she admitted with a whisper.
"Then what?  What is it that you need, Dana?  Commitment?  The "M"
word?" he questioned her intensely with his eyes.  Anger flared in her
for a second, and she bit off the sharp retort that formulated in her
mind.
"No!  That's not what I'm saying!" she spat back at him, flustered,
trying desperately to think of a way to gain the upper hand on the
conversation again.
"Then what?"  he asked calmly and quietly.  Taking his cue, she started
quietly.
"I don't know." she sighed exasperatedly.  How could she possibly
explain her trepidation to him without looking like a complete
manic-depressive?  She began slowly, speaking in a hushed voice.
"Don't you ever think about the future at all?  I mean,... you and
I...." she hesitated and huffed impatiently, searching for the right
words.
"All we do is go back in time, sifting through confusing details,
trying to recreate events and mysteries of the past." she stared at him
and continued, hoping that he would understand.
"I would like to concentrate on the *future*, for a change; I would
like to think about the bright light at the end of the tunnel.....for
once.   I would like to know that there is more to my life than chasing
government hit-men and avoiding alien bounty hunters.  I would like my
life to have a bigger and better purpose.  I need...... more."  She sat
and stared at him as he looked back at her with a slightly surprised
expression.  He dropped his eyes and thought to himself for awhile.  
"So, that is why you've been waiting." he said in half-question,
half-statement of fact, pinning her again with his eyes, demanding an
answer.  She looked away from him and half-shrugged.
"Partly......maybe."  She wasn't sure how to tell him that, while she
did want to know how committed he was, she was deathly afraid to
proceed with the whole thing.  Yet, as they sat here, she felt herself
becoming more certain of her want, and need, to forge ahead with this
relationship.  Was she finally reaching a point in her life where she
felt she could handle emotional attachment?  Had the loneliness and
distance she kept from everything and everyone finally gotten to her?

He sat and pondered her answer.  She was waiting to hear if he was
committed to her?  She thought he was going to bed her and then leave
her?  What kind of jerk did she think he was?  How could she think
that?  Was she really looking for a permanent commitment?  He couldn't
believe he was hearing this.  Never in a million years would he have
thought that Dana Scully would want to settle down and get married. 
And, possibly with *him*???  He wanted to jump for joy, but he knew he
had to keep his cool for now.  He drew a deep breath and turned back to
her.
"Dana.....I feel like I 'committed' to you a long time ago.... I mean,
I knew ages ago that you and I were meant for each other."  He reached
out and held her hands.
"I have thought about this for *so long*.....I kept telling myself that
it was inappropriate and impossible, and that it was highly unlikely
that you'd ever let me touch you or kiss you, let alone make love to
you."  Chills ran down her spine and she tried to swallow the lump that
rose in her throat. 
"Now....here we are, on the threshold of entering into this wonderful
'next step' of our lives...and you think I don't want to go there with
you?  Or, you think I'll take you there and then *leave* you?"  She
just stared at him, trying to digest his words and his apparent hurt. 
He sighed and looked out the window and then back to her again.
"I won't lie to you, Dana - I'm not ready to get married and move to
the country and start playing 'happy family' yet."  He shook his head
and motioned vigorously with his hand.  She quickly shook her head in
agreement.
"Me either." she offered.
"But.....I *am* committed to you.....and to whatever our future may
hold."  He looked at her with pure honesty and compassion in his eyes. 

"Fox....I just....." she stammered and searched for words. 
"I'm just ..... nervous....about this.  This is *very scary* for me,
y'know?"  He shook his head in agreement.  "And I need to know that
you're going to be with me every step of the way.  I don't want to be
together alone anymore.  I need all of you....not just bits and
pieces....*all* of you."  She demanded commitment with her eyes.
"Dana....when you were lying in that hospital, after the incident
with....Jennings....I knew that I couldn't lie to myself about my
feelings any more.   I've come to the realization that it's time to let
go of the past and face the future......with *you* by my
side.....instead of yesterday's ghosts.  I'm done chasing my ghosts,
Dana....I'm done." He gestured with his hands up in front of him.
"And you don't need to be scared.....I'm right here....and we *will* be
together."  He kissed her hands, looking at her with pure, naked
honesty.  She reached up and touched his face, her eyes nearly spilling
over with tears of joy.  He leaned over and kissed her deeply.  They
looked at each other and smiled, glad to have 'the discussion' over
with.  Scully cleared her throat.
"Well, we'd better get going, or we'll commit a major wedding faux pas
by missing the 'entrance' of the newlyweds."  Mulder nodded in
agreement and steered the car back out onto the road.

***************************

The reception was enormous and extravagant, with more lavish accolades,
and exquisite cuisine.  Mulder sat at their table and pondered what
kind of sickening price tag the whole shin-dig carried.  Scully could
read his mind, of course, and gave him a warning glance.  He smiled
impishly and promised to behave himself.  They ate their meal and
chatted idly with the other table guests.  Mulder had been touching her
possessively all evening, sending shivers up and down her spine each
time.  He couldn't help himself; she looked so incredibly gorgeous,
that he wanted to drag her into a bathroom and ravage her over and
over.  He felt like they'd overcome a huge hurdle with their 'talk' in
the car, and he had felt her anxiety diminish significantly afterward. 
She seemed quite a bit more relaxed now as they sat at the table, his
fingers playing with her leg while they sat talking.  He smiled as she
unconsciously twined her fingers with his, resting them on her thigh as
she politely chatted with someone.  Growing increasingly bored with the
idle chit-chat, Mulder noticed that people had begun dancing to the
classy jazz music that the live band was playing.  He leaned over to
Scully's ear and whispered lowly to her.
"Let's ditch this dull scene and dance, babe."  She shivered at his hot
breath in her ear, and smiled at his term of endearment.  They excused
themselves from the table and made their way to the dance floor. 
Mulder placed his hand around her waist as they made their way to the
floor, observing how nearly everyone turned their heads to watch as
they walked by.   He gloated.  He was with the most beautiful woman in
the world, and she was all his.  They reached the floor and began
dancing to the energetic music.  He twirled her round and round, and
they giggled and laughed.  Scully was surprised by his smooth dancing;
he was a perfect partner, as usual.  After a few minutes, the music
changed to a slow song, and the lights dimmed, conveniently.  He pulled
her close to him and ran his heated fingertips down her bare back,
making her shiver inwardly.  She held one of her hands against his
chest and encircled the other around his neck, resting her forehead on
him.  She could feel his breath in her hair as he wrapped an arm around
her waist and pressed her body against his.  The sensation of his warm,
lean body, mixed with his musky scent and his cologne tantalized her
senses and made her dizzy.  She thought her heart might burst from the
love she felt for this man.  They danced slowly to the soft music,
pressing their hips together, almost intimately, moving in perfect
unison with one another.  He drug his hand up her bare back again,
lightly touching her neck and the soft strands of dangling hair.  He
relished touching her satiny skin so intimately, feeling her heated
body pressing against his, inhaling her essence.  She looked up at his
face, naked with desire, and he saw the blue flames dancing in her
eyes, revealing a tantalizing glimpse of her well-guarded passion. 
"Did I tell you how absolutely *beautiful* you look tonight?" he
whispered seductively to her.  She smiled coquettishly and nodded her
head.  She turned serious again, ruffling the hair on the back of his
head with her fingers. She pulled his face down in slow motion and
kissed him softly.  Feeling a slow-burning fire ignite within his
chest, he returned the kiss hungrily, her lips fueling the flames that
began to spread throughout his body.  He brought his hands up to cradle
her jaw, his eyes darkening as the kiss intensified.  He reached down
and pressed on her bottom with one hand, lifting her slightly so that
he could gently grind their hips together.  She let out a soft, breathy
gasp that made him nearly lose it, and he felt himself begin to swell. 
She knew they shouldn't be doing this here, of all places, but the feel
and smell of him was intoxicating to her.  She pressed against him
again, nearly melting as he released a quiet groan in her ear.  She
felt a hot flush start at her toes and skyrocket up to her face as she
felt his hardness against her.  They broke suddenly as the lights were
turned back up.  Scully's face was flushed, and she grinned
self-consciously as he chuckled softly.
"Umm.....I think I'm ready to blow this joint.....you?"  He looked at
her hopefully.
"Yah, I think that's a good idea."  She smiled nervously, knowing what
they were going home to do.

Scully chatted politely but briefly with her newly-espoused friend,
then bade her farewell.  They held hands as they walked out to their
car, stealing little anxious glances at each other.  Mulder's insides
twisted tightly as he fantasized about the coming night and the
possibilities it held.  He got more of a hard-on just visualizing
himself peeling her out of that dress, and scolded himself to keep it
together for a little while longer.  Scully's tension grew worse as
Mulder opened the car door for her and brushed his groin against her
backside sensually as she got in the car.  'God, I hope we make it
home!' she thought worriedly.  As they pulled away and began the drive
home, Mulder reached over and took her hand in his, giving her a
reassuring squeeze and smile.  They didn't say very much the rest of
the ride... they were too busy sweating bullets and fantasizing about
the next few hours.

The finally reached the cottage again and went inside.  Scully bolted
straight for the bedroom, mumbling something about needing the
bathroom, and Mulder meandered inside slowly, processing ideas on how
to proceed  in his head.   He figured that Scully must have taken off
to get changed, to his disappointment, since he had been entertaining
fantasies about ripping the skin-tight blue sheath from her body.  
Mulder tossed his keys on the kitchen counter and took off his jacket
and tie, walking past the slightly ajar bedroom door.  Succumbing to
voyeurism, he went up to the door and peered inside.  Scully was
standing in the darkened bedroom in front of her dresser, peeling off
her wrap in slow motion and staring into the mirror as though
transfixed by her own image.  Mulder's heart leapt into his throat as
he watched the wrap slip off her shoulders, baring their creamy surface
to his hungry eyes.  The moonlight filtered into the dark room  through
the glass doors, silhouetting her petite form.  She never heard him
enter the bedroom, and she gave a small gasp as he suddenly appeared
behind her in the mirror, placing his arms around her and molding his
body against hers.  He drug his hands up and down her shoulders and
arms slowly, watching her carefully in the mirror, gauging her reaction
to his caresses, watching as her eyes deepened to the color of
sapphires.  He kissed the back of her neck as he brought his hands to
her waist, sending chills down her spine and causing her to make little
breathless noises.  She leaned her head back against him as her eyes
fluttered shut, feeling her body responding to his hands as they played
her, and his lips as they set her body aflame.  She opened her eyes to
see him bring one hand around to cup a breast and another to her
stomach where it shifted lower, pressing against her heated center of
excitement as he gently pushed his hips against her backside.  She made
a little moan in the back of her throat, causing him to stop his
neck-nuzzling for a moment and look up at her in the mirror.  The sight
of her flushed face, half-lidded smoldering eyes, and heaving chest was
too much for him to bear.  He had to have her, *now*.  He jerked her
around to face him as he captured her mouth with his, kissing her hard
enough to bruise.  She seemed shocked at first, but soon returned the
kiss with equal ferocity as their tongues dueled hotly and their hands
groped and squeezed various body parts.  He broke from her lips and
looked down at her, his eyes dark with desire, his heart pounding and
his body throbbing with need.  Her lips were glistening and swollen
from his onslaught, her chest heaved with ragged breaths, and her eyes
were dilated in a passionate glaze.  They looked deeply into each
other, acknowledging that the time was right, and that they were more
than ready. 

How long had he wanted this moment?  How long had he dreamed of
pressing his naked flesh intimately against hers, feeling her supple
skin moving against his, whispering passionate words to her, hearing
her cry out in ecstasy?  He felt an indescribable urge building inside
himself as he looked at the voluptuous, scarlet-haired vixen standing
in front of him, and he devoured her with his dark, hungry eyes.

She reached up and pushed her hands into his hair, pulling his face
down toward hers.  She wanted him to possess her, to take her and
ravish her with his mouth, hands, and manhood.   She wanted to feel
them touching, skin to skin, with no boundaries, and she wanted to hear
him cry her name, over and over again.  Their lips met more gently this
time, with soft licking and suckling.  She bit gently on his lower lip,
causing him to moan softly into her mouth.  He brought his hands up to
her hair, trying unsuccessfully to undo the pins.  He wanted it down so
he could drag his fingers through it and feel it.  She smiled and
helped him, pulling the pins out and letting the coppery mass spill
down onto her shoulders.  He grinned in approval and pushed his hands
and face into her locks, inhaling that unique Scully smell.  He pulled
his head back and looked down at the straps of her dress, bringing his
fingers to them and pushing them down off her shoulders.  Looking her
in the eye as he did so, he waited for her unspoken approval to
proceed.  She raised one corner of her mouth, then turned around slowly
to allow him to unzip the garment.  He kissed her all the way from neck
to clasp as he slid the zipper down and pushed the dress down her body.
 She stepped out of it and turned to face him again, wearing only her
little undergarments, which, to Mulder's shock, consisted of a slinky
navy blue teddy.  Mulder's mouth dropped open and he let out a silent,
"Ooooo," much to Scully's pleasure.  She grinned widely and reached for
his belt.
"You like?" she whispered huskily.  All he could manage was an
acknowledging nod and a suck of air as her hands swiftly undid his belt
and unzipped his slacks.  He slid his hands up and down her back and
sides as she undid his shirt, peeling it off his shoulders and arms. 
He dropped it and she leaned forward to kiss his chest, licking and
teasing his nipples with her tongue.  He gritted his teeth and sucked
air in with a hiss and a groan each time her tongue flicked across his
hardened nipples.  She stopped her torture and pushed his pants down
swiftly, leaving only his silk boxers with a bulging protrusion in the
center.  He crushed her to him, searing her lips with his, pushing his
tongue in and out, running his hands over her butt, squeezing and
grinding her hips into his throbbing organ.  She wrapped one leg around
him, feeling his hardness pressing into her own sensitized crotch. 
Letting out a gasp and throwing her head back, she allowed him to
suckle her ivory neck.
"Oh God," he breathed in a whisper.  He was going to explode if they
kept up this pace.  His normally prim and proper partner was grinding
against his bulging manhood wearing nothing but a slinky teddy.  No--
she was no longer his prim and proper partner; she was *Dana*, the
woman he was deeply in love with, the woman he couldn't live without,
the woman he was about to make love to, at long last.  He looked down
at her flushed face and wild eyes, kissing her deeply, his animal
instincts shifting into overdrive.  He fought desperately to keep his
urges in check, but felt his control quickly slipping away.  He slipped
a hand down to slide across her crotch, causing his fingers to come
into contact with the silky material, now drenching wet with her
excitement.  He groaned in her mouth as he completely lost it, the
animal finally winning the battle in him.  Grabbing the snaps in the
crotch of her teddy, he ripped them open, invading her slick flesh with
his fingers as he pushed them inside her, evoking a cry from her.  He
forced her back against the wall as he continued to probe her with one
hand while kissing her lips and face roughly, snorting and scratching
her skin with his five-o'clock shadow.  He had to have her now, he had
to get inside *now*!  She let him devour her, her head spinning and her
heart pounding too wildly for her to fully concentrate on what she
should be doing; she was only dimly aware that she was gasping and
moaning out loud.  He was out of control, eating her alive and ravaging
her as she had wanted him to for so long, his forcefulness and beastly
ferocity exciting her like never before.  Slipping his fingers out of
her, he shoved his boxers down and grabbed her thighs with lightning
speed, jerking her up and planting his feet widely as he thrust up into
her, grunting and banging her head against the wall with his
forcefulness.  She cried out and he hissed through clenched teeth as
his enormous member became sheathed in her burning furnace, her legs
wrapping around him as she dug her fingernails into his sweat-drenched
back.  He pulled his hips back and drove into her again.  It had been
too long for her, he was huge, and she felt her eyes stinging with 
pleasurable torture.  He started thrusting his hips against her
mindlessly, hard and fast, hard and fast, breathing loudly against her
neck, his carnal need all-consuming.  She felt so hot, so tight, *so
good* - he wasn't thinking clearly enough to remember that this was
their first time; he only knew that his legs were killing him and he
needed to take this to the bed.

Mustering up what strength and agility he could, he grabbed her
tightly, shuffling his feet carefully and, keeping them joined, backed
up to the edge of the bed and collapsed onto his butt when his legs hit
the side.  They both groaned aloud from the impact, and he laid back on
the bed, grimacing in pleasure-pain.  They were still for a moment as
they tried to catch their breath and recollect their scattered
thoughts, and he opened his eyes to look up at her, checking to see if
she was still with him.  She was panting, one corner of her open mouth
quirked in a tiny grin, her hair hanging wildly in front of her face,
her eyes ablaze.  Her wanton look inflamed his desire all over again,
as he sat up and crushed her to him, searing her lips with a blistering
kiss.  She pushed him back down gently and began rocking slowly back
and forth against him, stimulating herself against the base of his
rock-hard shaft while kissing and licking his lips.   She moaned
breathlessly out loud as the electric sparks coursed through her, and
he grasped her hips and thrust himself up against her hard, again and
again, creating  shockwaves that reverberated throughout her body.  He
arched his back up off the bed, groaning loudly and pulling her hips
down onto him so that he could impale her fully.  She rode him
patiently, leaning down to kiss him as he alternated tangling his
fingers in her hair and fondling her silk-clad breasts.  Her actions
were quickly driving him to the edge of his sanity, her lips trailing
all over his face and her hair tickling him as he emitted long groans. 
She clenched and unclenched her muscles around his rigid member while
she calmly kept a moderate tempo atop him.  He briefly wondered how in
the hell she was staying so in control while he was about to burst
apart at the seams at any minute.  He felt himself slipping back into
'animal' mode as a maddening sexual frenzy began to overtake him. 
Bolting upright and making a guttural sound in his thoat, he pulled her
against him roughly, smashing her breasts against him and making her
gasp in surprise.  He kissed her hard enough to bruise her lips while
he stilled her movements with one hand.
"Turn around." he rasped in a low, breathless voice.  She looked at him
a little puzzled, an unreadable dark look in his eyes.  She quirked her
mouth again and obediently turned around, trusting him completely.  He
lifted the now sweat-soaked teddy up over her head, throwing the
offending garment sharply across the room, causing her to flinch a
little.  His display of strength and harshness continued to surprise
her.
"Lay down." he commanded gruffly, as he placed his hands on her damp
back and pushed her face-down onto the bed.   Again, she obeyed, his
sudden curt commands making her head spin with nervous excitement.  He
laid down on top of her, pinning her and pushing her hair off her neck
so he could kiss and bite her lightly while pushing his throbbing organ
between her crack.  Feasting on her like a ravenous animal, he licked
and kissed his way down her back and buttocks, making every hair on her
body stand on end, the excitement of this new, rough play causing her
to the teeter on the brink of erotic fear.  She could feel his hot
breath in her crack as he kissed and kneaded her butt.  It  was firm
and perfectly round, and he had to fight back the urge to bite it.  He
felt himself growing more brutish as he pawed at her, her musky scent
filling his head, intoxicating him with the desire to drive into her
and plant his seed, to mark her as his mate.  He felt like a Neandertal
man, primitive, hungry, needing to rutt like a wild animal and fulfill
his fundamental biological instinct to copulate and breed.  He had a
raging fire boiling inside him, and Dana Scully was the only woman who
could quell it.  Kneeling on his knees, he grabbed her hips roughly and
jerked her toward him, guiding himself into her swiftly and slamming
into her brutally with a grunt.  She moaned out loud as he repeated his
grunts and his motions, withdrawing and pounding harder, harder, 
grasping her waist and her hips, shoving her against himself ...
grunting, straining.  He needed to get inside farther, deeper,
harder....his mind screamed at him.  Her moaning whimpers suddenly
snapped him out of his beastly trance, as he realized that he might be
hurting her.  He felt himself wither slightly as fear crept into his
mind.  Oh God, what in the hell was he doing?  This is exactly what he
did NOT want to do... he was 'fucking' her, he wasn't 'making love' to
her.  He knew she didnt like to play rough, she had *told* him that. 
This wasn't how he had planned their first time; he had wanted to make
love to her slowly and carefully, taking in every inch of her body.  He
nearly stopped his pumping as he looked at her tiny limp form beneath
him, back slicked with sweat, hair strewn wildly and concealing her
face, red marks on her hips and waist where he had grabbed her so hard.
 God, how could he be so merciless with her?  He almost felt sick.  He
leaned over her tentatively and whispered in her ear.
"Dana?....are you alright?"  She was breathing raggedly, ruffling the
hair that covered her face.  He reached up and brushed her hair back
hesitantly--he needed to see her eyes; they would tell him all he
needed to know.  She didnt have them open though, instead she had them
squeezed shut tightly, her brow knit in a mixture of pleasure and pain,
and her mouth open, panting breathlessly.  Just as he was about to
apologize, she flashed her eyes at him, the ice-blue blaze
indiscernible to him.
"Don't........stop..." she breathed raggedly.  His eyes widened in
disbelief.  She *liked* it?  She *liked* him being rough?  ...Oh god...
 So much for withering -- he felt himself swell immediately with a
surge of newfound and unexpected excitement, and he quickly resumed his
motions.  She mewled aloud, writhing against him, her body set afire by
his renewed ministrations.  He jerked her hips against him harder as he
increased the rhythm, feeling his climax growing closer.  He pulled her
body up against him so that he held her against his chest with one hand
while reaching down with the other hand, feeling where he penetrated
her, and rubbing her clitoris, making her cry out and arch back against
him.  She twisted and turned her head, locking lips with him in an
awkward, but deep kiss.  He broke the kiss and pushed her back down,
frantically thrusting harder and harder and  picking up the tempo as
his body began to shudder, nearing his goal.   She twisted her head
back, trying to look at him, wanting them to watch each other when they
climaxed.  Understanding and agreeing with her desire, he pulled out of
her quickly and flipped her over onto her back.  She let out a grunt as
he tugged her hips up to him, filling her again without missing a beat.
 He grabbed her legs and pushed them up to his shoulders, wanting to
drive into her as deeply as possible, to fuse their bodies together and
push himself so far into her that he would disappear inside her womb. 
He pumped furiously as he felt her walls contracting around him. 
"Uhhh, God...." he mumbled incoherently as the tremors began inside
him.  She raked her nails down his chest and let out a strangled cry,
feeling the atomic explosion engulfing her entire body as he catapulted
her into a cataclysmic orgasm.  His own floodgates burst apart as he
felt her frenzied convulsions and saw the wild, delirious look in her
eyes as she came. 
"DanaDanaDanaaa......!" he groaned loudly, certain that he was
splitting in two.  He arched his back, clenching his teeth as he
erupted violently, pulsing and discharging his load into her warm,
welcoming cavern.  

He collapsed on top of her and buried his face in her hair, his chest
heaving with exhaustion.  She was quite still under him, and he could
feel her heart thudding against his ribcage.  He still feared that he
hurt her, or that she was upset at his harshness.  They laid there for
several minutes, breathing heavily and not wanting to move, and not
being able to anyway.  'Jesus, are we gonna be sore tomorrow,' she
thought ruefully to herself.  Her thighs were still quaking, and she
wondered if she would ever walk normally again.  His sweaty stomach
pressed up and down on hers as they panted, and she could feel beads of
sweat dripping from the hair on his chest, and rolling down between her
breasts.  He moved his arms and began to pull away from her, but she
tightened her legs in protest, bringing her arms around his hips.
"No....stay," she whispered in his ear.  He grinned in her hair and
turned his face to kiss her softly, his cheek scratching against hers
slightly.  He loved this woman so much, he felt his heart might
explode.  They lay together in silence for a moment, allowing their
breathlessness to subside.   He finally brought his face up to hers and
kissed her softly, looking intently at her with some worry etched in
his boyish features.
"Dana......" he ventured quietly.
"Hmmm?"  She kept her eyes closed.
"I'm....I'm sorry.....I didn't mean to be so.....rough.  I....I didn't
hurt you....did I?" his eyes begged her for forgiveness.  She opened
her eyes and grinned at him.
"Not too bad....nothing that a few days in traction can't fix anyway." 
He smiled at her and kissed her lightly, relieved that she wasn't hurt
or angry.  Brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead, she smiled
tenderly at him.  He smiled briefly and turned serious again.
"Dana....." he murmured quietly, his darkened eyes penetrating straight
into her heart.
"I love you.....so much."  He whispered it softly and tenderly, his
voice cracking with emotion.  Her heart skipped a beat and tears sprang
to her eyes.  Finally, he had said it.  The little 'wait and see' game
she was playing with herself was over.  She had been so patient with
herself, waiting to hear those words spoken to her first before she
said them.  She wasnt sure why, but she was fearful that she would have
scared him off if she had blurted them out before him.  She had begun
wondering if he would ever say them to her at all.  Now her fears could
be put to rest.  He loved her.  She cradled his cheek with her hand and
whispered back to him.
"Oh, Fox......I love you."  He smiled and covered her mouth with his,
kissing her passionately and murmuring 'I love you' into her mouth
several times.  She couldnt believe that this was real.  Tears
unwittingly slipped down her cheeks, wetting his as well.  He looked up
at her, a tad worried.
"What's wrong?" he brushed her hair back with his thumbs, and she
smiled and shook her head, wishing the tears would stop, but knowing
that they wouldn't.
"Nothing, nothing.....this is just... so......" She shook her head and
couldn't finish the thought, because she didn't know how to describe
the incredible emotions surging through her heart and soul.  He
understood her completely, and he smiled and nodded his agreement.
"I know," he kissed her softly, "I know."
They hugged each other tightly and shifted to their sides, giggling and
struggling to stay joined.  They silently laid beside each other for
some time, allowing their racing hearts to idle while they looked at
each other and let the comprehension of what just took place slowly
sink in.  He drew lazy circles on her side and stomach with his
fingertips, luxuriating in the feel of her silky skin under his hands. 
 She gently fingered his chest hair, massaging his chest gently with
her palms.  After awhile, he propped himself up on his elbow and stared
at her.  She looked up at him, a slight frown on his brows.  
"What's wrong?" she asked, trailing her fingers up and down his chest.
"Nothing......I was just thinking....." 
"Uh-oh," she interjected teasingly.  He smiled at her jest.
"No, I just......I don't know what you're doing with me......I don't
deserve you." he spoke in a hushed tone, his voice cracking slightly. 
She looked up at him, a bit confused.
"What are you talking about?" she scolded him with her eyes, as he laid
back down with a slightly gloomy look in his eyes.   
"Don't start the self-destruction crap now."  She was trying not to
chide him, but she wasn't going to let him ruin this wonderful moment. 
He looked at her like a little child.
"I'm *with* you because I *love* you, Fox....I have for a *long* time. 
And as for whether or not we 'deserve' one another, I think we're just
*perfect* for each other, period.  There's no one else for
me......there's only you.  No matter how hard you might try, I will
*not* let you convince yourself otherwise."  She pulled him down to her
until their noses touched, and she smiled slightly at him.
"You got that, mister?"
"Yes, Ma'am.....I got it."   He smiled wide and shook his head
sheepishly, and she returned his grin with a happy kiss.  He wrapped
his arms around her and kissed her deeply, running his hands up and
down her back and butt.  She snickered as she felt his arousal growing
again, nudging her thigh.   He laughed in her mouth as she reached down
and wrapped her hand around his swollen member.
"So soon?" she asked him playfully. 
"You have no idea what you do to me....I just can't get enough of you,
babe." he whispered breathlessly.  She smiled and stroked him gently,
eliciting a soft moan from his lips.
"Hmmm......good." she whispered back as she snaked her other hand down
his body, trailing wet kisses down his torso to his thighs.  His eyes
widened then fluttered shut as she licked the tip of him and took him
wholly into her hot, moist mouth.  He groaned aloud as she began a slow
pace of sliding him in and out, swirling her tounge around his
sensitive tip.  He wove his fingers into her hair, fighting the urge to
thrust himself into her further, and cried out as she nipped his tender
skin with her teeth.
"Oh, Jesus, Dana....you're gonna kill me!" he growled breathlessly. 
She laughed and leaned up to kiss him passionately.  He took the
opportunity to grab her and flip her onto her back as she squealed in
surprise.  He knelt between her legs, dragging his fingers down her
body, taking in every inch of her gorgeous nakedness, as he should have
the first time.  He  raked over her hotly with his hungry eyes....  she
looked so incredible to him.  Her stomach was flat and smooth as satin,
her thighs sleek and slightly muscular.  The supple curves of her
slender waist blended perfectly into her shapely hips.  She watched his
face for a reaction, ever self-conscious of herself.  His mouth dropped
open, but nothing came out as his eyes devoured her nude form.  He
finally smiled and whispered.
"So beautiful."   She smiled slightly, feeling suddenly shy.  He knelt
forward again, lightly touching her stomach and slowly dragging his
eyes up her body to her face, feasting on each part as he went.  
"Absolutely..... *beautiful*!" he whispered hoarsely as he leaned in 
to kiss her softly.  Her body relaxed at his appreciative and tender
words, and she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him in for a
deeper kiss.  He broke and knelt back again, fixating on her perfect
creamy breasts,  licking his lips and sliding his fingers around them,
cupping them and feeling their suppleness.  Scully gasped and arched
her back as he dropped his mouth to lap at one of the hardened nipples.
 He sucked and nipped at each tight, silky bud until Scully was moaning
softly and digging her fingernails into his shoulders.  He sat back up
again, pulling her with him as he offered his body to her now. 
Appreciating the offer, she took the opportunity to devour his
nakedness as well.  His long, lean arms and legs were fibrous and
athletic, and his stomach was tight with soft ripples.  She knelt in
front of him, reaching out to touch his abdomen and his thighs, wanting
to explore him.  His hair stood on end as her small, warm hands
wandered over his body, touching, feeling, and exploring him.  She
gently reached down and took his aching penis in her hands, squeezing
and stroking very lightly.  He dropped his head back and clenched his
teeth, squeezing his eyes shut.  He thrust his hips forward slightly as
she continued to grip him.  She marveled at his immense, silk-clad
shaft; the feel of him pulsating under her fingers made her groin surge
with moisture, and he arched his back and thrust more, his whole body
coiling with tension.  He was gonna lose it any minute now, and there
was no way he wanted this to be over yet.  He snapped his head back and
took her by the wrists, pulling her hands off his organ, and pushing
her onto her back.  She frowned for a second, but it soon disappeared
as he covered her body with his, smashing his chest against her breasts
and kissing her feverishly.  The feel of his hot, bare flesh on hers
was like a jolt of electricity, and both felt their blood begin to boil
in their veins.  She writhed under him as she felt his rock-hard shaft
press insistently at her groin.  It burned her skin with its heat, and
she felt herself moaning and gushing with wetness.  She kissed him back
with equal force as he gave little thrusts, grunting and breathing
heavily into her mouth.  Her mind swirled in a storm of arousal as he
slid his body down hers, kissing a wet path down to her navel and
delving his tongue into it.  Nudging his knee between her thighs, he
kissed all over her stomach, then moved to her hip bone and down to the
inside of her thigh.  A sudden panic shot through her mind - she never
had a man do to her what she thought he was about to do, and she
suddenly felt her heart begin to pound wildly, a lump of anxiety rising
in her throat as she gripped his head with both hands.  He gently
pushed her knees apart farther and bent down to plant a kiss on each
inner thigh.  The musky scent of her female essence filled his
nostrils, and his penis twitched in reaction.  He hungrily kissed his
way up to the dark auburn curls, when she suddenly sat up and placed a
hand on his mouth, drawing her legs closed.  He looked up at her,
surprised, but he soon understood what was going on by the panicked
look in her eyes.  She had never done this before, or rather, no one
had ever done this for *her*, he thought.  He leaned up and kissed her
reassuringly, whispering in between kisses.
"Please, baby....." he purred.  She parted her mouth slightly to speak,
but nothing came out.  More kisses.
"I want to taste you....." he gently pushed her back down, still
kissing her and urging her to relax.  Her mind swirled in a dizzying
fog as his voice seduced her.
"I want to make you feel good," he purred again, kissing her
more.=0D"Let me make you feel good." he whispered against her lips,
looking into her eyes, which were still wary, but told him that she was
willing to proceed.  He wanted to show her how much he loved her; he
wanted to drive her mad with pleasure and give to her what all her
other asshole lovers obviously never cared to.  He kissed his way back
down to her nest of curls, kissing her mound and pushing his nose into
the soft, kinky hair.  Her thighs yielded under his hands as they
pushed them apart again.  She shuddered as his hot breath gusted over
her, and gasped aloud as his tongue slipped in between her
honey-drenched folds.  =0D"Oh, God," she whispered breathlessly as she
clutched his head with her hands.=0DHe lapped delicately at her,
savoring each little piece of her with his lips and tongue.  She began
to writhe and mewl quietly, clenching her fists in his hair.  Her cries
made his whole body even more taut with excitement, and he felt himself
swell impossibly harder.  She was warm, wet, and so delicious.  And it
was all because of him; *he* was making her feel this way, and it
fueled his hunger even higher.  He slipped his hands under her thighs
and ass, pushing her knees up and angling her pelvis toward him. 
Hungrily latching onto her sensitive button of nerve endings, he sucked
and swirled his tongue around the slippery nub.  She arched her back
and thrust her hips into his face, crying out with pleasure.  He
grabbed her ass tighter and laved her entire valley with his tongue as
more nectar trickled out of her, dampening his nose as he thrust his
tongue in deeply to taste her.  She drove her hips into his face over
and over as she quickly began to lose control, and he alternated
plunging his tongue inside her and sucking on her vulnerable nub.  Her
thighs began to quiver, and she felt herself begin to spasm
uncontrollably.  =0D"Uhhh.....Jesus.....Fox!"  She whimpered, waves of
excruciating ecstasy crashing over her body as he continued to suckle
her, coaxing a shattering orgasm from her.  She arched her back and
neck further off the bed, groaning loudly as she came hard and fast,
convulsing repeatedly.  He felt warm liquid spill out of her in a rush,
and he greedily lapped it up, swallowing her sweet milkiness and
humming with delight.  Licking her clean, he kissed her curly thatch as
he felt her body come back down to earth again.  He kissed her thighs
and stomach as he patiently waited for her to return to her senses and
resume normal breathing again.  She blew out a breath and put her hand
on her forehead, grinning shyly.  He brought his face to hers and whispe
red lowly to her.=0D"There now.....that wasn't so bad, was it?"  He
smiled devilishly, and she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck
and pulling his body against hers, kissing him lovingly.  He tasted of
her, a new and strangely erotic sensation for her.  His body was still
taut with excitement, and she could feel his still-burning hard-on
pressing into her groin.  She was surprised to feel a tingly sensation
sparking in her core again as he kissed her hungrily, restlessly
shifting his hips so that his tip nudged against her most sensitive
area.  They broke their kiss and looked deeply into each other's
passion-hazed eyes.   He shifted his hips again, causing the tip of his
shaft to press insistently at her mound.  They both hummed aloud as she
broke into wide smile.=0D"We're gonna be sore tomorrow!" she said with
a giggle.  Mulder chuckled too.=0D"Yah, but it will be well worth it." 
  He pulled his hips back slightly so that he could lightly rub the
head of his penis in her folds and at her entrance.  She hummed loudly
as he did so, little sparks of electricity igniting a fresh fire
between her legs.  She clutched his ass, pulling his hips to her, and
guiding him into her tight, hot cavern.  He clenched his teeth and
squeezed his eyes as he felt her envelope him, plunging him into new
state of ecstasy.  Unable to hold back any longer, he thrust into her
hard, feeling like he almost certainly hit her cervix, and she gasped
out loud and dug her nails into his ass, hard.  He was afraid he hurt
her, and he opened his eyes to look at her.  Her face was flushed, her
head was thrown to the side with her mouth agape and her eyes closed,
her flaming hair spilled out all around her.  She looked positively
wanton.  He kept his hips pressed tight against her, grinding and
pushing gently, as he placed feathery kisses on her jaw.  He stopped
for a moment as she turned her head and looked at him with
tear-dampened eyes.  He thought he had never seen anything as beautiful
as the woman lying beneath him.  =0D"Don't move." he purred quietly to
her as she began shifting her hips under him.=0D"I need to move." she
whispered back breathlessly, her eyes smoldering with
heat.=0D"Don't.....move." he whispered again, teasing her and licking
her lips delicately.   They kissed softly, relishing the feeling of
their physical union.  He filled her completely, and her whole body
throbbed  along with his swollen member deep inside her.  She draped
her hands around his neck and kissed him more insistently, unable to be
still any longer, causing him to groan.  He jerked his hips against her
as they kissed hungrily, tongues darting in and out.  She gasped, her
eyes flashing icy blue fire at him, turning her from wanton into
tempest.  She grabbed his ass firmly, wrapping her legs around his
waist, arching and taking him in as deep as possible.  He groaned again
and drew his hips back, slamming into her in response, starting a
rough, quick rhythm that he knew would not last for long.  He grunted
as he pumped wildly, overcome with primal mating instincts once again. 
She rose to meet his every stroke, feeling like her pelvis would crack
from the force of their thrusts.=0D"Oh God,"  She whimpered as her body
began to quiver again, her release imminent.  A feral growl started
deep in the back of his throat as he continued to pound into her like a
jackhammer.  
"Dana....Danaaa!" he groaned incoherently.
They locked eyes with each other, watching the maddening pleasure
playing across each other's faces.  She felt like a volcano was
erupting within her, the explosions rocking her entire body and
shattering her control.  She cried out and dug her nails into his
sweat-slicked back as he sent her over the edge, her body convulsing
out of control once more.  He grabbed her arms and threw them over her
head, holding onto them.  The deep growl in his throat let loose as he
felt her contract around him, sending him plummeting over the edge as
well.
"Unnnhh.....Goddd.....Dana!"   He arched his back and growled loudly,
tremors overpowering him as he exploded inside, pulsating over and
over, emptying himself deep within her. 

They lay slumped together on the bed, heaving and trying to catch their
breath, their bodies and minds totally spent.  Mulder wondered if there
was such a thing as mind-altering sex, because if there was, he had
just had it with Dana Scully.  He thought he already knew what 'great
sex' was; obviously he had been wrong.  He was right about one thing,
though: she was immensely passionate and sensual, maybe even more than
he thought she would be.  He marveled at the way they were able to move
together like the wind and the sea; ebbing and flowing in perfect
unison, somehow sensing  what each one wanted and needed, and bringing
each other crashing to the shore at the same time.  His heart was
filled to capacity with his love for this woman.  This woman who stood
by him, who went through hell and back for him; this woman who hurt
him, who healed him, who changed his entire life and enhanced the way
he thought and felt about *everything*.  He silently thanked God for
allowing their paths to cross all those years ago, and allowing their
lives to become so inescapably intertwined ever since.  

They laid in each other's arms for a long time, gently caressing and
kissing, whispering 'I love you's' to each other until she fell asleep.
 He watched her intently as she slid into a peaceful slumber, a slight
smile resting on her lips. 

They had finally done it.  They'd crossed that final bridge together,
making them lovers at long last.  It would now be even *more* difficult
to work beside her without touching her, Mulder thought to himself.  It
would definitely makes things *different*, but they knew that, and they
had discussed that.  They'd just have to find a way to deal with it,
that's all.  He didn't really want to leave the X-Files if he didn't
*have* to, and he certainly didn't want her to leave either,
so.....they'd just have to wait and see how things worked out.  If he
really *had* to give it up for her, he would....he knew he would; he
almost did before when she was abducted.  He just hoped that he
wouldn't be faced with a decision like that too soon.  Then again, if
they ever wanted to get married, they would almost certainly have to do
something else.  'Married?  Where did *that* come from??' he shook his
head and asked himself.  Did he really want to *marry* her??  Obviously
his subconscious mind thinks so, since it spoke up so forthrightly. 
Marriage, marriage, marriage - the words flew around inside his head,
making him dizzy.  The thought of matrimony was downright terrifying to
him, but, as thoughts of Scully's hand with a magnificent diamond on it
filled his mind, some of the terror seemed to subside.  He looked down
at his left hand, imagining a glittering gold band on his finger, and
hearing the words, 'this is my *wife*, Dana,' in his mind, rather than
'this is my *partner*, Scully'.  He smiled as he remembered back to
their intense lovemaking just a short while ago.  How incredibly
alluring she had looked lying on the bed under him.  He never, not in
his wildest imagination, would have thought it possible for her to
look, feel, or taste as incredibly as she had, nor did he think she
would be as passionate as she was.  He was right about her hidden
sensuality; she was *not* an 'Ice Queen' - she was far from it.  No one
had ever loved her the right way, or they would have discovered that
about her.  He watched her sleeping through half-lidded eyes, the
moonlight shining on her body, illuminating her perfect porcelain skin
like an angel.  She looked so peaceful, so totally serene, so totally
opposite her usual demeanor.  It must have been so difficult for her to
open herself up to him like this; to allow him to invade her most
private places, physically as well as emotionally.  He knew that her
trust was not earned easily; but most of all, he knew that she loved
him completely.  Perhaps they *were * 'perfect' for each other... did
he dare to hope such a thing?  Giving in to the sleepy fog of happiness
that began to envelope him, he kissed her lightly and snuggled against
her, following her into a deep sleep.

She awakened with a start, panicking for a second as she realized
someone's hands were touching her.  Then, as the haze in her mind
dissipated, she remembered.  ...Mulder...  They had made love.  And
more than once, she thought as a satisfying smile overtook her face. 
They had made incredible, beautiful, passionate love; better than she'd
ever experienced with anyone.  ...as if that was a surprise to her. 
She'd dreamed about it being perfect, and it was even better, she
thought.  Mulder was a sensitive yet intense lover, wanting to please
her as much as himself; giving to her what she craved, fulfilling her
body's innermost wants and needs with unbridled passion.  She looked at
his sleeping face.  He looked boyishly innocent, his hair askew and his
lips slightly parted.  He had been so incredibly patient with her; she
loved him for that alone.  Was it possible that one of her deepest
secret wishes had finally come true?  She couldn't believe how
completely satisfied she felt at that moment, as though some of the
aching in her had finally subsided, and some of the empty voids had
been filled at long last by the strange, elusive thing called....Love. 


She turned and kissed his lips softly, and he unconsciously brought his
arm around her to pull her tightly against him.  She smiled as a single
tear dribbled down her cheek and hugged him tightly in return, wanting
never to leave the safe haven of his embrace.   At long last ... they
were together completely.


End

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