From: Kennedy Date: Sat, 25 Sep 1999 01:01:49 -0400 Subject: xfc: REPOST: Coming Home 5/7 Source: xfc From: Kennedy "Mis-Missy...get...ow...um my bag. C-Call Fox, and Mom." Dana screamed out as another contraction swept through her. "Breath Dana. Just like in class. Let's get you changed." That proved to be a difficult task, as Dana found it more comfortable to bend over. Missy finally got her in the car, and they made it to the hospital by five a.m. Her contractions were coming about eight minutes apart and she was dilated four centimeters. The ER nurse was hesitant to admit her, not sure if her labor would progress or not. Dana screamed out in agony. "Look, Nurse Hacker, my sister is in labor. She's tough, and we wouldn't be here if she didn't think it was time." Missy pinned the nurse with her stare. Seeing the look of determination on the woman's face, she compromised. "I will not admit her right now, but she can stay in Triage until we see if her labor progresses. I'll call for an orderly." "Thank-you." Dana had a death grip on Missy's hand. She smoothed the sweat-dampened hair off Dana's forehead. "Please go call Fox and Mom. I'll be fine." "I'll see you in Triage then." Missy quickly called her mother, and then placed a call to Oxford. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Oxford, England Fox Mulder's Apartment "Phoebe, will you stop it. I'm not interested. You came here so we could work on this abnormal pysch clinical analysis we have to do." *How did I get stuck with her as a partner? If I didn't know better...* Phoebe removed herself from his lap, and came to stand behind him. She purred in his ear, "What's the matter Foxy? Can't handle a 'real' woman? Oh that's right. You only like virgins, women with less experience than you. If it'll make you feel better, I'll whimper and cry; tell you it hurts. I may even be able to come up with some chicken blood. Just to make it realistic. I won't even be offended if you call out her name. The first time." Fox was struggling to keep calm, but desperately wanted to throttle her. "Phoebe-" he growled through gritted teeth. "Speaking of which, how is the little mother-to-be? Hasn't she dropped that thing yet?" The last of Fox's control crumbled. As he jumped up from the table, he knocked his glass of ice tea over onto his leg. "I have had enough of you Phoebe! You will not talk about my child or Dana in that manner. Do you understand?" Realizing he was soaked in the general area of his crotch, he went into the bathroom to change. As he stripped from the waist down, the phone rang. He started to go answer it, but considering his state of undress and the barracuda in the living room, he thought better of it. "Phoebe? Could you answer that?" "Sure Foxy." She picked up the phone and answered. "Hello?" "Uh...yes, is this Fox Mulder's residence?" "Yes, this is Foxy's den. Do you need to speak to him?" "Yes please." "Well, he's in the bathroom cleaning up the mess we made. I'll get him for you." Melissa Scully was taken aback by this conversation. *Who in the hell was that? And what does she mean cleaning up?* "Foxy, telephone. Sounds like some American woman." Phoebe hadn't bothered to cover the mouthpiece of the phone, so Melissa heard the entire conversation. "Tell her to hang on Phoebe, I have to put my pants on." Finally getting decent he answered the phone. "Hello? Dana?" "Not quite. It's Melissa. She's in labor. We're at the Naval hospital in San Francisco. Hunter's Point Shipyard." Phoebe noticed Fox turn chalk white. "Is she alright? Is the baby ok?" Before Melissa could answer, Fox continued on. "Tell her I'm on my way. I'll catch the next flight out. As soon as I can, I'll be there. And Melissa?" "Yes?" "Tell her I love her." Before she could reply, the line went dead. Fox hurried around the apartment getting the backpack he'd packed for this occasion over two weeks ago. Checking to make sure his passport was inside, he made his way to his desk. He pulled out a wad of cash he'd been squirreling away since October. He was totally oblivious to Phoebe sitting there watching him. He cut the lights out and slammed the door behind him. After waiting two torturous hours for the next flight, he finally began his journey back to Dana. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Naval Hospital Hunter's Point Shipyard Feeling a bit confused, Melissa made her way to Triage. Dana had managed to drift off to sleep. Missy sat beside the bed, and thought about the phone call. *Who is Phoebe, and why did he have to put his pants on? Unless....no, not Fox. I'm sure there is a logical explanation for this. Yes, that's it. * A moaning Dana shook her from her thoughts. "Ow! Oh God. Mmmm." Dana was gripping the sides of the bed so hard her knuckles turned white. "Breath Dana. Come on. He He He-Ho Ho-He He He." Dana made it through the contraction. "Did you call Fox?" "Yes. He's on his way, and said to tell you he loves you." Dana visibly relaxed at that. "Did you call mom?" "Yes, she and Charlie are their way. Now, how are you?" "It hurts, but I'll make it." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Ryan arrived at the hospital around eight o'clock that morning. "Ryan? How did you know I was here?" "The support staff at the hospital radioed the ship just before we docked. My CO informed me, and here I am." "Thanks for coming. I-Ow... He He He-Ho Ho-He He He." Melissa was at her sister's side in an instant. "Ryan, stay with her. I'll go get the nurse. The contractions are coming closer." Ryan took a hold of Dana's hand and smiled. "Guess you're going to be a mommy soon, huh?" "Yes I am." She was glowing. "Has anyone called Fox yet?" "Missy did. He's on his way. So are Mom and Charlie." "I just want you to know, I'm here for you for however long you need me." Before Dana could answer, Missy and the nurse came in. Pulling the curtain, Dana was examined. "She's dilated to seven, and her contractions are now six minutes apart. It's time to admit you Dana." The nurse went to make the arrangements, as Ryan and Missy waited in the hall. "She said you'd called the father, Fox?" "Yes. He's on his way." Ryan noted the change in Missy's face. "Is something wrong?" "No. Not yet anyway. I'll let you know." Ryan was a bit confused but let it pass. "Let me go get us something to eat. You must be starved." Melissa glanced at her watch, and realized it was after ten a.m. "I'd like that Ryan. Thank-you." Dana was being settled into her birthing room when Missy found her. "How are you?" Dana grimaced. "Pretty good. Where's Ryan?" "He went to find us some food. Mom and Charlie should be here in a few hours. Now, I need to know, do you want Ryan in here when you give birth?" Dana thought for a moment. "Yes...unless Fox makes it here in time. I doubt he will though, and Ryan has been so supportive. That is, if he wants to be." Dana's labor continued to progress rather slowly. By the time her mother and Charlie arrived around three o'clock, she had been in labor for almost twelve hours. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% LaGuardia Airport New York City Fox Mulder had just spent seven long hours on an airplane, and was in no mood for a difficult ticket agent. "Look lady, I don't care how I get there, just get me to San Francisco ASAP!!" "Sir, the direct flight is full, as are the last two flights to San Francisco. I can try to redirect you, but it may be costly." "I don't give a damn how much it costs. I have money. My child is being born for God's sake! Just get me there." The weary agent began typing furiously. "The best I can do is New York to Dallas-Fort Worth, then on to Salt Lake City. From there you can catch a flight to Reno that continues on to San Francisco. The best I can do is coach all the way." "I'll take it!" Fox paid for the ticket in cash, and sprinted to his gate. He had to go to the other end of the airport, and the flight left in fifteen minutes. Having just made the flight, he settled in his seat, and willed the plane to go faster. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Naval Hospital San Francisco Dana had been in the final stages of labor for the last two hours. Missy was trying to cheer her on, but Dana was exhausted. All she wanted was Fox. "I can't do this Missy. God it hurts. Where is Fox? Why isn't he here yet?" Ryan gave her hand a squeeze. "You're doing fine Dana. You can make it. Just focus." Dana's eyes searched for the small stuffed fox she had brought as her focus object. Her contractions were less than two minutes apart. Mrs. Scully and Charlie were waiting in the lounge are when Bill Jr. showed up. "Has she had it yet?" Startled, Mrs. Scully looked up at her eldest. "How did you know we were here?" "I stopped by to see her, and the neighbors said they left early this morning and hadn't been back all day. I just took a guess she was in labor." "She's been in labor almost fifteen hours. Ryan and Missy are in there with her." Bill jerked his head up. "Just Missy and Ryan? Nobody else?" Mrs. Scully looked puzzled. "Who else would there be?" "Uh-nobody I guess. Except for the doctor's. I wasn't thinking." He started pacing and thinking. *I wonder if they've called that bastard yet? I'll just have to wait and see. If I see him, so help me.... No, I'll just make sure he stays out of her life for good. He had no right to touch her in the first place. She's better off with Ryan anyway. * "Mom, Charlie, let's go get something to eat." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Somewhere between Dallas and Salt Lake City Fox was deep in thought as the stewardess offered him a soft drink. "Coke please." Taking the drink, he looked around the cabin of the plane. His eyes settled on a little dark haired baby girl sitting in her father's lap. She was drooling, and had animal crackers all over her face. Fox started thinking again. *God. What if I'm not a good father? What if I beat my child? What if I beat Dana? No, I wouldn't do that. Would I? Can I give them a stable life? God, a life I helped create is about to, or maybe already has come into this world. All I can do is try. * He smiled at the little girl and drifted off to sleep. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Naval Hospital Hunter's Point Shipyard "One more push Dana. Come on. You can do it." "That's easy for you to say Missy! You are not having your insides ripped out!" Dana was hot, sweaty, tired and in pain. The doctor was looking a bit concerned. "Dana, I think it would help if you'd let me do an episiotomy." "No, dammit! Owwwwwww!" As Dana gave one final push, the baby's head emerged. Ryan and Missy stood staring in amazement. Dana pushed enough to get the rest of the baby out. "I-Is it ok? Wh-What is it?" Ryan peered at the baby. "It's a girl! It's a baby girl! She's perfect. Absolutely perfect. Doctor?" "She looks good to me. Would you like to cut the cord, Ryan?" Ryan was surprised, and looked at Dana. She nodded. With slightly trembling hands, Ryan cut the cord. The nurse took the baby to get cleaned up. Dana tried to catch a glimpse of the baby, but couldn't. "What does she look like Ryan?" "She has wisps of red hair, and greenish-hazel eyes. She's beautiful!" Dana smiled and thought of Fox. *We did it Fox. Our baby is here!* The doctor finished examining Dana. "Dana, we're going to run some routine tests on the baby, and then we'll bring her down to you and Ryan." The doctor smiled at her. Ryan and Missy went to the waiting room to tell Mrs. Scully and Charlie that Dana had given birth. Mrs. Scully looked up anxiously as they approached. "Well? Is it over? Are Dana and the baby all right? What was it?" Mrs. Scully was excited, and spewed questions faster than they could be answered. "Calm down Mom. We can only answer one question at a time! Dana and her daughter are fine. She weighs six pounds, six ounces, has red hair, and greenish hazel eyes. She is a small baby at eighteen and a half inches long. Dana's tired, but beaming. They're moving her to a room, and running the standard tests on the baby. After that, she'll be brought in for Dana to see and feed." Mrs. Scully teared up. "My granddaughter." Charlie sat in the corner pouting. "A girl? Just what we need." Mrs. Scully scowled at him. "Charles Scully, that is your niece, and you'll treat her with respect!" It was then that Bill Jr. came walking up. "Is it over already?" Missy glared at him, not having forgotten his remarks from the day before. "Already? She's 'only' been in labor for over fifteen hours!" "Well, what was it?" Missy smirked at him. "A baby. More specifically a baby girl." Bill scowled at his sister. After what seemed like an eternity, they were finally allowed to see Dana. "Mom, have you seen her yet?" Smoothing back her daughter's sweat dampened hair, she replied, "No." Kissing Dana's forehead, she asked, "How are you, baby girl?" "I'm tired, and I hurt. Other than that, I'm great. I just want to see her." Dana's face darkened as Bill Jr. entered the room. She was still stung by his harsh words of the day before. She gave him a "What are you doing here look?" Mrs. Scully noticed the tension in the room, but decided that was neither the time nor the place for an inquisition. "Uh-congratulations, Dana and Ryan. I understand I have a niece?" Shooting him a hard look, she replied, "Yes. ' I ' have a daughter." Before he could reply, the doctor entered the room, and asked to speak to Dana and Ryan alone. Dana was alarmed. "I-Is something wrong?" Dr. Hagood adjusted his glasses before speaking. "She's basically in good health. However, she does have a slight heart murmur. Nothing too serious, just something we'll have to keep a check on. She could out grow it. If not, it shouldn't hinder her life. Now, I'll tell the nurse to bring her in. It looks as if she has a welcoming committee waiting for her." Dana was a bit stunned by what the doctor said, but took his re-assurance to heart. A little while later the nurse brought the baby in to Dana. Missy took her picture holding the baby. For posterity's sake she claimed. Soon, the baby was hungry, and letting everyone know that. Dana didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of everyone, so she asked them to leave. After they left, she peered down at her daughter. "Oh little one. You are so beautiful. I love you, and so does your daddy. He'll be here soon. I do believe you are going to have his eyes. The window's to the soul." The baby began to breastfeed as Dana kissed her forehead. Afterwards, the nurse came to take the baby back to the nursery. It was going on ten p.m., and Ryan offered to stay with Dana. She told him, and everyone else to go home and get some rest. Dana was exhausted, and fell asleep before everyone left. Mrs. Scully kissed her daughter's forehead and left with Charlie, Missy, and Ryan. Bill Jr. stayed behind, saying he would be leaving soon. *Just as soon as that piece of shit Fox Mulder shows his face. I've got something to tell him. Maybe even show him, if he doesn't want to listen.* Figuring Fox would stop by the nursery first, Bill went to lay in wait. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% San Francisco International Airport 10:15 PM Fox waited impatiently to deplane. He'd been traveling for the last eighteen hours, and only wanted to see Dana and their child. He'd done alot of thinking during his journey about being a father. Thought he was scared, he thought he'd do ok. After all, he reasoned, he had Dana. As long as he had her, everything would be all right. The one thought that continued to bother Fox was his fear of losing his child. As he drove the rental car to the Naval base, he was lost in thought. *What if I can't take care of them? What if I lose my child like I lost Sam? What if I can't protect either one of them? I couldn't keep Sam safe. Stop it. Just stop.* Fox pulled the car into the hospital parking lot. Looking at the hospital directory, he found the maternity ward. Bill Scully had gone to relieve himself, and missed Fox making his way to the nursery. Fox found the viewing window and pushed the intercom button. The night nurse came to the window, and eyed him suspiciously when he asked to see the newborns. "Can I help you?" "I'd like to see the newborns please." "Which baby did you want to see?" The nurse took in his disheveled appearance, and wondered if she should call the police. "Mul-Scully. Dana Scully's baby." The nurse scowled. "I don't have a baby Scully. Are you sure that's the name?" Fox was annoyed. "Uh-Mulder, maybe?" "No. No Mulder either. Are you sure you're in the right hospital?" "Is this the only Naval hospital in San Francisco?" The nurse answered dryly "Yes." Fox was at a loss for words. "Can I at least see the babies?" Reluctantly she pulled the curtain back. Fox quickly scanned the nursery, and stopped when he saw the tufts of red hair on a tiny baby swathed in pink. "Right there she is! That's baby Scully." "I'm sorry, but that is baby O'Malley." Fox would know that red hair anywhere. "Are you sure the mother's not Scully? Dana Scully?" She checked for the birth card. "No, it's O'Malley. Wait...the mother's name is Dana S. O'Malley. Is that who you're talking about?" Before Fox could answer, Bill Jr. answered for him. "Yes, that's who he's talking about. My sister and her 'husband.' That's 'their' daughter." Fox turned quickly to face Bill. "Wh-What do you mean 'husband'?" Fox was stunned. "That's right Mr. Mulder, Dana's married. She's happy, and she never wants to see you again." "But...she had Melissa call me. She loves me. She wouldn't marry someone else. 'Would she?' I don't believe you." "Dana wanted to tell you in person. She doesn't believe in Dear John letters. She's moved on with her life, and wants you to do the same. She's asleep right now. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to go see my niece." Fox grabbed him by the arm. "Not so fast. How do I know you're not lying? You could be just trying to keep us apart. I'm going to see Dana." Bill slammed him up against the wall. "Can't you just leave her alone? She can trust Ryan. He's there for her, and takes care of her. He gives her stability. What can you give her? Seventeen hours of labor for a child you forced on her. You and your damn hormones. That's probably the real reason you want to see her. Just go. It's not like you can fuck her anyway." Fox tried in vain to break free of Bill's hold, but the other man had two inches, and a good fifty pounds on him. "Don't you ever talk about her like that again!" Bill sneered at him. "Or what? You're in no position for threats. You're not even a real man. From what I hear, you couldn't even keep your sister safe. What makes you think you could keep a baby safe? Ryan can give her that. Has given her that. They're happy. You have caused her enough pain. Just leave." Seeing the defeat creep into Fox's eyes, Bill released him, and entered the nursery. Fox watched as Bill held his daughter. He turned and left the hospital. Fox was sitting in the car thinking about what Bill had said. The two halves of his brain were doing battle with each other. *He's right. No he's not. I have nothing to offer her but pain. You have your love. Can't live on love, or raise a child on love. My parents raised me on a lot less. ..... Ha! I'll just go see Dana later, and this will all be straightened out. She wants me. * He slipped into a fitful sleep. He dreamed of a little red haired girl, and her mother. Dana. They were laughing and happy. He was smiling at them, but they were looking past him to another man. They ran to the other man. Dana called him Ryan, and the little girl called him daddy. They never saw Fox. He'd been replaced. Fox awoke with tears streaming down his face. Coming to his senses, he grabbed his shaving kit, and went to the hospital bathroom. After freshening up, he headed back up to maternity. Checking his watch he saw that it was just before six am. He found Dana's room with the intentions of talking to her. He knew she'd have an explanation for all of this. Easing the door open, he found her deep in sleep and alone. Placing a kiss on her forehead, he decided to go meet his daughter. Telling the nurse he was a distant cousin of the family, he held his daughter for the first time. Fox was amazed at how tiny she was. He was afraid he would hurt her. Carefully he held her tiny hand up for inspection. "Looks like you're going to have Mommy's hands. Yes you are." As he kissed her forehead, he drank in her sweet baby smell. She lazily opened one, then two eyes to look at him. In that moment, Fox Mulder felt an overwhelming sense of love. And in that instant, he knew he'd do whatever it took to keep her safe. In her eyes, he saw himself, his love for Dana, and what their love had produced. "You have my eyes. And luckily, your Mommy's nose. I love you baby girl. I promise to always do what's best for you." Placing her in the crib, he pulled the stuffed silver fox from his backpack. He placed it next to her, and headed for Dana's room. As he stood outside Dana's room he heard soft laughter. "That's really not funny Ryan. She really is a beautiful baby." "She's beautiful like her mother. Thank-you for letting me cut the cord. It meant alot to me. I-I really do love this baby. Thanks for all you've done for me." Ryan placed a chaste kiss on Dana's cheek. "No, thank-you Ryan. I don't know what we'd have done without you. You've taken such good care of us." Fox couldn't bare to hear anymore. With tears in his eyes he ran for the nursery. Looking through the window at his daughter one last time, he said good-bye. From a distance, Bill Jr. silently wished good riddance to Fox Mulder. He then went into the nursery to retrieve the small stuffed fox. Had Fox stayed outside Dana's room for another moment, he would have heard the rest of the conversation. "I'm going to miss you two when you go to Oxford. Fox Mulder is a lucky man." Dana took his hand before speaking. "You'll make some gu-'one' a great partner. I hope you find the kind of love Fox and I have. I can't wait for him to get here!" "It shouldn't be much longer." Fox could barely see through the tears in his eyes. He still couldn't believe what he'd heard. *I knew she could never love me. I was stupid to think that. She'll be better off without me. Both of them will be.* He found himself at the airport, and decided to go home. Alone. He managed to get a direct flight from San Francisco to New York, then onto London. On the plane Fox decided to get royally drunk. As the day wore on, Dana was totally immersed in her daughter. Ryan and Bill had gone back to the base, and Mrs. Scully and Charlie were having lunch when Missy broached the subject of Fox. "Uh, Dana? What do you think you'll name her?" Dana had just finished breastfeeding when she replied, "I'm waiting on Fox to get here. We'll name her together." "When do you think he'll get here? It's been over twenty-four hours since I called him." Dana looked at her somewhat defensively. "Are you trying to imply something? He said he'd be here, and he will." Missy was afraid of upsetting her sister. "Easy Dana. I didn't mean anything by it." Secretly she wondered if Fox was really coming. When night came and there still was no sign of Fox, Ryan took Missy aside. "Do you think he's coming Missy?" Missy bit her lower lip. "I-I'm not sure. He said he was, but...." Seeing her hesitation, Ryan prodded her for more information. "What is it? What do you know?" Missy sighed, then told him what she had overheard during the phone call. "Oh. Maybe you misunderstood?" Missy looked at him doubtfully. Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. "I won't abandon them. They have a home for as long as they need one." Missy half smiled at him. "You need to tell her that, not me." They headed back to Dana's room. The doctor had finished examining her and the baby. "Now Dana, what are you and your husband going to name her?" Ryan and Missy entered the room just in time to bail her out. Ryan answered the doctor. "We haven't decided just yet, but we have narrowed the choices down." Dana looked thankful. "Just don't take too long. You know how red tape is, especially in the military." "Thanks Ryan. I wanted to wait on Fox, but that may not be possible. I wish he'd get here." Missy made an excuse to leave the room so Ryan could talk to Dana. "Dana...what...what if he doesn't come?" Defiantly, Dana responded, "He will be here. He promised." "Ok, ok. I just wanted you to know I'm here, and you both have a home for as long as you need it." Having calmed down, Dana sent Ryan home. She needed to think. *Where are you Fox? Are you hurt? Dead? Or...no. You haven't abandoned us. It's just taking longer than you thought. We can wait. * The next morning Dana asked to speak to Missy alone. "Missy, I know in my heart that he is coming. Could you please call him again? Maybe something's happened. Now, can you please send Ryan in?" Missy nodded. "Ryan, it looks like we maybe staying with you a while longer. Obviously Fox has been detained. I've decided what to name her. I'll have to put you on the birth certificate, I suppose." Ryan nodded, and went to get the nurse. Dana named the baby Sarah Grace Mulder O'Malley. She easily filled in "Mother's Name," but hesitated at "Father's Name." She desparately wanted to put in Fox's name, but didn't want to call attention to herself or the baby. *Please forgive me Fox. We'll change it when you get here. * She showed Ryan the certificate, then handed it back to the nurse. "Uh-Dana, I know you won't be staying in San Francisco that much longer, but you're being released today and Sarah doesn't have a crib. Should I go get one?" "I hadn't thought of that. C-Could you get one? I hate to ask, but...." "Of course I'll get one. If you don't mind, I'll take your Mom and Charlie with me. I'm not sure what to get. Is that all you'll need?" Dana took a mental inventory of Sarah's things. "Uhm. No, I think we've got everything else." Ryan left to go get Mrs. Scully, and a crib. Dana started gathering her things to go home. Just as she was about to get in the shower, Missy came in. Dana looked expectantly at her sister. "Sorry, there was no answer." Dana smiled. "Told you he was on his way." Missy gave a small smile. *I hope so.* After you shower, I can take you both home." Dana thought for a moment. "I can't leave without leaving directions for Fox." "Dana? Who are you going to leave them with? This is a hospital, not AAA." Dana thought. "I'll just leave them at the nurses station." Before Melissa could reply, Dana jumped in the shower. When they got home, Ryan and Charlie was putting the crib together. Mrs. Scully was waiting in the living room. She went to take Sarah from Dana, but she resisted. "Dana you can't hold her forever! Now give me that precious girl, and go lie down." Dana started to protest, but Mrs. Scully silenced her. "Dana, I can't stay forever. Take advantage of the rest while you can. Now shoo!" Dana did as she was told, and fell into a deep sleep. She awoke to the sounds of a crying baby. Her mother brought the baby in to be fed. Dana was still self-conscious about breast- feeding, so Mrs. Scully left her alone. When she finished feeding her, she made her way into the living room. "Are they finished with the crib yet?" Charlie came out of Missy's room with a triumphant smile on his face. "We just finished! Come give'er a try." Everyone crowded into the room to see the crib. Dana hesitantly placed her in the crib, and held her breath. Realizing that the crib wasn't going to fall through, she began to breathe again. Sarah fell right back to sleep. When a week had passed, and Dana hadn't heard from Fox, Missy tried to broach the subject. Dana held fast to her belief that he would still come for them. Missy and Ryan were growing ever doubtful. It wasn't until six weeks had passed, and there was no word from Fox, that Dana even considered he wasn't coming. To make matters worse, their six-week check-up didn't go well. Doctor Hagood informed Dana, that Sarah's heart murmur had gotten worse. He scheduled some tests for Sarah's heart. Dana was concerned for her child, and all thought's of Fox became secondary. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% NC-17 WARNING @@@@@@@ GRAPHIC SCENES AHEAD Oxford, England Beefeater Pub "Ok Mulder, that's it. I'm cuttin' ya off. You've had more than your share." Fox scowled, but got up to stagger home. Or somewhere. "Thanks Paddy. Jush putt'er on my tab." Paddy shook his head as Fox left the bar. Speaking to one of the regulars he lamented, "Dunno what's happened to him. Used to come in and not drink a drop. Now he comes in everyday for the last six weeks gettin' slobbered. Hell, a few times he's slept it off in the back room. Supposed to be a student at Oxford, but I don't think he finished his last term. Damn waste." Fox stumbled back to his apartment for the first time in two weeks. He'd been sleeping where ever. The park, the bar, the back alley's, even the graveyard. He just couldn't bare to be in his apartment. It reminded him of her. Both hers. He felt foolish for ever thinking he could have love, or a family, or...anything good. As he stumbled to the couch, he passed out. When he came to, he was naked on his bathroom floor. He vaguely remembered relieving himself at some point. Dragging himself up from the floor, he stared at himself. "You look like shit Mulder." He took in his stubbled face, blood-shot eyes, and pasty skin. He eased himself into the shower, and let the hot water cascade over him. He managed to shave and dress. Fixing some coffee and toast, he went through the mail. The letter from the dean of the psychology department caught his eye, and he knew he was in trouble. He was ordered to attend a meeting in one week to discuss his final project. It was incomplete at best, and he anticipated having to revise some of it. He threw the letter in the trash, and sank into the couch. *Get a grip Mulder. It's been seven weeks, and you're flushing your life. What life? My life is in San Francisco. Correction buddy- 'was' in San Francisco.* Pulling himself up off the couch, he headed to the library to work on his project. He'd been working steadily for the past three hours when Phoebe came in. "Why Foxy! What a delight to my eyes. How is fatherhood? Fox's eyes darkened, and he glared at her. "What do you want?" Phoebe feigned surprise. "What makes you think I want something? Besides you?" Fox sighed. "Look, just leave me alone. I have alot of work to catch up on. I-I've been away." Phoebe smiled. "Oh, that's right. You were off becoming a father. How are the mommy and child? Are they here with you?" She began looking around the library innocently. "Dammit Phoebe! She's not here, so just drop it." Phoebe smiled like a Cheshire cat. "She didn't come with you. I warned you about those virgins Fox. Let me know when you're ready." "Drop dead Phoebe." "I'm sorry Fox. I really am." For a moment he almost believed her. "Let me buy you a drink." Fox eyed her suspiciously. "A drink, and nothing more?" She nodded. They proceeded to go to the Beefeater Pub, and had a drink. Much to his surprise, he actually had a decent time. For the next week they met at the pub, having a few drinks. Fox was careful not to drink too much, he still didn't trust Phoebe. He was feeling better, and after he'd screwed his head back on straight, he decided to call Dana. If for no other reason, than to see how his daughter was. He called on the day he was to meet with the dean. He waited anxiously for his call to go through. On the third ring a man answered. "O'Malley residence." Hearing that greeting stung Fox, but he tried to put those feelings aside. "Uh...yes, could I speak to..." Before he could finish, he heard someone in the background. "Ryan, its bath time, care to join me?" Fox would know that voice anywhere, and the last of his heart shattered. Abruptly he hung up the phone and stormed out of the apartment to his meeting. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% O'Malley House Ryan turned his attention back to the phone. "Hello?" Hearing only a dialtone he hung up, and went to help Dana give Sarah a bath. Dana didn't like to give Sarah a bath by herself now that the baby had been wearing a portable heart monitor for the last week. "What time is her doctor's appointment?" "It's not until three, but I wanted to get her ready while I had help. You know it takes a bit longer with this monitor and all." Dana's eyes teared up briefly. "No matter what the Doctor says Dana, we'll get through this. Now let's get her clean." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Oxford "Yes sir. I understand, but...." "Mr. Mulder, I can appreciate the strain you've been under, but it is not this institutions place to clean up our students messes. Let alone their mistakes. I am sorry your hormones ruled you, but it doesn't excuse late, incomplete, and frankly sloppy work. You will receive no credit until you redo this project. You will start from scratch with a new topic, and it must be completed within six weeks." @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ NC-17 WARNING!!!! Fox was seething as he stormed out of the office. *How dare he call my child a mistake! Bastard. And six weeks to do an eighteen week project in? Prick. Motherfucker. * He stalked into the Beefeater, and found his usual bar stool. He began chugging back beer. He was hurt, frustrated, angry, and worst of all he felt helpless. Phoebe found him at the bar and joined him. "Hello Phoebe. If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone. I really don't feel like company." Phoebe saw this as 'the' opportunity she'd been waiting for. She could tell he was about to snap, and she intended to be there to pick up the pieces. "Let me take you home Fox. You shouldn't be alone like this." Fox laughed bitterly. "I'm always alone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be alone." Phoebe discreetly placed her hand on his crotch, and rubbed him. His reply was to slide off the bar stool, and leave the bar. Alone. Phoebe followed him at a safe distance. She watched him enter a liquor store and purchase a bottle of scotch. He then continued on to the graveyard, plopping down on top of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's tomb. Phoebe laid in wait until she thought he'd consumed just enough scotch. She then crawled atop his sprawled body and kissed him. Fox responded until he opened his eyes, and realized it wasn't her. Dana. Violently he shoved her off of him. "Dammit. Don't you take no for an answer? I'm not interested." Phoebe went back on the attack, ripping his shirt open. "I'll let you give me a baby Fox. I won't leave you. I'm not like her." *You sure as hell aren't. You're not even in the same league.* Fox grabbed her wrist in a crushing grip. His mind was reeling with a lifetime of hurt and pain. He felt hate at the world for taking his one chance at happiness. He hated his father, Bill Scully Jr., Captain Scully, and Ryan O'Malley for taking a bath with his Dana. He hated that she wasn't 'his' Dana anymore. He hated himself for not going after what were his-Dana and their child. He especially hated Phoebe for trying to seduce him, and hold a baby before him like a carrot before a rabbit. The one thing he hated the most was his lack of control over anything. It was in this moment that he realized he had control of Phoebe right then. He slapped her across the face, and pushed her down to her knees. "You fucking bitch! You want Fox Mulder? Take him, and don't even think of biting." He unzipped his pants and pulled out his semi-erect cock. Grabbing her by the back of the head, he shoved it in her mouth. Phoebe looked up at him with desire in her eyes. This was a complete turn on for her. Fox began thrusting in and out of her mouth trying to get fully aroused. Phoebe managed to pull back enough to speak. "You seem to be having a little problem there Foxy." Fox grabbed her hair, and pulled her back to his cock. "Deal with it cunt!" He slapped her again. He was thrusting so hard, he almost choked her. With one final thrust he gave a primal scream and came. Phoebe barely had time to recover until he was hard again. She began to suck him again, but Fox pulled her up to face him. Phoebe bent in to kiss him, and snaked her tongue between his lips. Fox bit down on her tongue, drawing blood. Phoebe gasped in surprise. Fox pulled back. "Not so fast you cunt. I'm not done with you yet." He could feel the rage building in him again. He ripped the front of her blouse open, and tore her bra off. Visciously he bit her breast then yanked her pants and panties off. Phoebe was wet with anticipation. "You want me, don't you Phoebe?" She nodded and licked her lips in anticipation. Fox laughed. "Bend over and put your hands on the tomb bitch." Phoebe willingly complied. "I never figured you for a doggie-style kind of man Fox." Fox gripped the cheeks of her ass, and pulled them apart. "You know what Phoebe? I'm not!" With that he rammed his cock into her ass. Phoebe tightened around him, and moaned. "Yes Fox. Oh God." Fox pulled her hair back and bit her shoulder, as he pumped in and out of her. "Don't ever call me Fox again." He was pumping in and out with ease, and vaguely he wondered about that. He was surprised that she seemed to be enjoying it. *It figures this cunt would enjoy this. I can't even degrade her right. * Fox reached around and squeezed her swollen numb, with what was meant to be painful force. At his touch, Phoebe tightened around him causing him to come. Feeling him empty into her, pushed Phoebe over the edge with her own climax. They fell on top of the tomb, and Fox pulled out of her. It began to rain as they lay there. *How appropriate. Maybe the rain will wash away my 'sin.'* He helped Phoebe get dressed, and then offered to walk her home. She knew he felt guilty, so she played on it, asking to come home with him. Reluctantly he agreed. When they got there he went straight to the shower. It was just after two a.m., and all he wanted to do was forget the entire day. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% O'Malley House Ryan, Dana, and the baby had been home for almost an hour. "Ryan, how is she doing?" Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Ever since the doctor spoke to us, she's been quiet. All she's done is hold Sarah. Can you talk to her?" Missy knelt by her sister. "How about I take Sarah, and you go lie down?" Missy cringed inside at the look of sadness in her sister's eyes. "Missy, I-I need to call Fox. He has a right to know. Will you give me the number?" Missy wasn't sure what to do. "Dana-." "It's his child. He may want to see her." Missy looked at her watch. "It's-after two a.m. in Oxford! Why don't you call him tomorrow?" Dana shook her head. Missy gave her the number, and held her breath. Dana went in the bedroom to make the call. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Oxford, England Phoebe sat on the couch waiting for Fox to finish his shower. The phone rang twice before Phoebe decided to answer it. "Hello?" Dana was stunned to hear a female voice answer. "Is this Fox Mulder's residence?" The voice was distinctly American. "Yes it is. Foxy's in the shower. Can I give him a message?" Dana had to know whom she was talking to. "Why, it's Phoebe of course. And who are you?" Dana felt sick. Her worst fear was coming true. Quickly, she hung-up. Phoebe had an idea who the caller was, but decided it didn't really matter. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% San Francisco Dana felt numb. Up until this point, she had held out a tiny hope he would still come for them. The practical side of her had known he wasn't coming, but she never thought he'd replace her so quickly. And especially not with 'that slut Phoebe Green.' Although she was angry with him and the situation, she decided to focus on her daughter. When she went into the living room, Ryan and Missy were waiting on her. Both refused to meet her eyes. "Apparently Fox has moved on with his life. H-He had a woman at his apartment." She choked back a sob as she continued. "We have been replaced." Dana realized this wasn't coming as a shock to Ryan and Missy. "You-you knew! You both knew and didn't tell me! How did you know?" Neither one spoke. "Answer me dammit! If not for me then for my sick daughter." Dana finally lost the battle against her tears. Missy finally told her what she knew, and tried to console her. Dana withdrew into herself. She took Sarah and locked them in the bedroom. Around ten o'clock Missy knocked on the door seeking entrance. "Go away Missy. I need to be alone with Sarah." Missy decided it was time to call their mother. Ryan suggested not telling her about Fox, only about Sarah. Missy made the call, and informed Ryan their mother, father, and Charlie was coming the next day. Missy went to tell Dana. Finally emerging, she asked Ryan and Missy to move the crib into the master bedroom. "I want her close." Ryan nodded. That night in bed, Dana made a request of Ryan. "Ryan I need to have her Christened. I've waited too long as it is now. I want Missy to be the Godmother, but I don't have anyone to be the Godfather. Do you have any ideas?" Ryan thought for a moment. "What about Charlie? I know it's unusual, but they seem to be the best choice." Dana agreed. "Ryan? Would you mind holding me? It's just been an overwhelming day." Ryan wrapped his arms around her, and held her all night. When she awoke the next morning, Ryan was gone. He'd left a note saying he was going to see his CO. She checked on Sarah, who as usual, was asleep. Still feeling tired, she decided to go back to bed. The next time she awoke, her mother was sitting on the bed stroking her hair. "Mom!? Where's Sarah? Is she ok? She's probably starving!" Dana was trying to get out of bed when Mrs. Scully stopped her. "She's fine. Your father is giving her a bottle of your breast milk right now. Ryan told us what the doctor said." She held her daughter. "Will you send Daddy and Sarah in please?" She nodded. Captain Scully went to see his daughter. He placed a sleeping Sarah in the crib, and then sat on the edge of the bed. He was still unsure how to act around his daughter. Her letter had been harsh, but he knew there was a truth to her words. But dammit, she was his baby girl. He couldn't bare the thought of some man touching her in that way. In his eyes, she was forever a little girl in pigtails waving bye-bye as he left for the sea. Dana grabbed him and buried her head in his chest. She was on the verge of tears. "Oh Daddy! I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for disappointing you. Can you forgive me? I really need you." Ahab stroked her hair. "Shh. You haven't disappointed anyone. I'm proud of you, of the way you've handled yourself during this. I'm the one who is sorry. I was wrong, but I couldn't see past my anger. I love you Starbuck, and I love Sarah. We'll get through this. Together, as a family." She felt better after talking to Ahab. Her parents stayed a week, and Dana felt that her relationship with them was back on track. Life around the house got back to some sense of normalcy. Sarah had a doctor's appointment in three weeks, and Dana held out hope that the news would be good. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Oxford, England The Morning After Fox was awakened to the sight of a nude Phoebe standing before him. He quickly averted his eyes. "Why Foxy, first you don't come to bed, now you won't look at me. That could hurt me, you know. So you better do something about that." Fox turned completely away from her. "Phoebe, I'm sorry about last night. I should not have done that. I was hurt and angry. I don't want a relationship with you. Let's just take it for what it was- a youthful indiscretion. Please leave. I'll give you money for car fare." As he reached for his wallet, Phoebe was already getting dressed. "Don't bother Fox. I'm not your whore. Call me when you're ready to quit being a monk." She left his apartment quietly. As she walked down the street she had one thought on her mind. *One day Fox, one day. * Fox threw himself into his studies, making up for lost time. He completed his project in three weeks, but continued studying at an obsessive rate. Dana and the baby were never far from his thoughts, but the pain gradually lessened. On the rare occasions when he felt a sexual urge, he turned to his movies. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% 5/7 Melissa Lee a.k.a. Kennedy "People, it's GOD-DESS, not goddess, when refering to Gillian Anderson. Learn it, know it, use it!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I'm NOT Worthy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I like my Bubble. It's a good place. Really." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Practice random acts of kindness; tip your delivery driver. Dr. Hagood's Office San Francisco "Mrs. O'Malley, I'm sorry, but Sarah's heart is not getting better. The murmur is due to a defective aortic valve. The latest test show the left chamber of the heart is dying. Her best bet is a heart transplant. I've already added her name to the registry, and I'll increase her meds, but I am not optimistic. I'm sorry." Dana was stunned. She'd come to the appointment alone, because Missy had to work and Ryan was still in a Naval class. Rising to leave, she took the appointment card, and left the office. Instead of going home, she took Sarah to Fisherman's Wharf. She held Sarah close as she stared out at the water. *She's sick Fox. Real sick. I wish you were here, I wish you could see her.* She sat there thinking until Sarah let her know it was time to eat. She waited until she got back to the car before breastfeeding. She finally got home after nine. Missy and Ryan were frantic until they saw how lost she looked. She put Sarah to bed before telling them the grim news. Dana went to be with Sarah, Ryan followed to console her, and Missy went to call their parents. Dana would remember that day for the rest of her life. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% March 6, 1992 Basement of J. Edgar Hoover Building *Stop it Dana. That was in the past. This is now. You must be controlled, precise, professional. You can do this.* She knocked on the office door and waited. "Nobody down here but the F.B.I.'s most unwanted," called the familiar voice. Dana Scully stepped through the door to face the man she hadn't seen in almost eleven years. He had changed her life then, would he change her life now? "Agent Mulder? I'm Dana Scully, your new partner." She extended her hand to him, and he shook it. Even after all these years, his touch was electric. He regarded her a moment before he spoke. "Agent 'Scully?'....Or is it Agent 'O'Malley'?" He took in her expressionless face, and gauged her reaction. To the casual observer, it would seem she didn't give one; but he read the surprise in her eyes. She coolly replied, "Scully. Ryan and I had the marriage annulled." Mulder nodded slowly. "I see. So, tell me, how's 'my' daughter?" Scully stifled a gasp. *How the hell does he know that? Focus Dana. Be calm. * "I wasn't aware you had a daughter Agent Mulder." *Bitch. * Mulder's anger was beginning to rise. "You know damn well I have a daughter! Now where is she? I deserve to know." *Don't let him do this to you Dana. Ignore him. * "Do you have a case for us Agent Mulder?" He could see he wasn't getting anywhere, so he let it drop. "Mulder. Just call me Mulder. And as a matter of fact, I do have a case." Walking over to the slide projector, he began to click on pictures of teenagers with two small lesions on their backs. Mulder rattled off a theory of alien abduction, and Scully countered with possible scientific explanations. The discussion ended with him telling her to pack a bag for Oregon. Dana went home, and took a long bubble bath. She had a cup of orange tea as she soaked. *God he looks better now than he did then. If possible, his lower lip has gotten fuller. And those hands. * As she remembered his touch, she began stroking herself. Slowly she moved her finger in and out of her swollen opening, increasing the speed as she remembered their last time together. She shuddered as an intense orgasm overtook her. Having come back to her senses, she dried off and got out of the tub. Looking at herself in the mirror she sighed, "Face it Dana. You want him. Still." It had been a long time since any sexual experience had given her that intense of an orgasm; and she'd done that herself. Well, with memories of him. *You're pathetic Dana. No, I'm still in love. Don't go there. * She finished packing, and went to bed. As she drifted to sleep, her last thought was of Fox and what he was doing. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Fox Mulder's Apartment Fox Mulder lay sprawled across his couch in nothing but his boxer's. Tossing the half-eaten piece of pizza on the coffee table, he pushed play on the vcr. The screen flickered to life as "Lethal Red Head's" began playing. Mulder's hand moved to his groing, and he began to message his cock. Having achieved a full blown erection, he pumped his hand in time with the moans on screen. His mind drifted to the last night he and Dana were together. He began to pump his hand vigorously, and came with an earth shattering orgasm. He cleaned himself and the couch off, then got in the shower. Standing under the hot water, he cried silently. Finally getting out, he returned to the couch and tried to sleep. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% In the Skies Above America The ride to the airport had been quiet, with each one stealing glances at the other. On the plane they had assigned seats together, but as soon as he could, Mulder moved to the vacant seats across the aisle. Scully was surprised that she felt a little hurt. It didn't help that she was terrified of flying. Midway through the flight they hit turbulence. Scully gripped the armrest tightly. When the plane hit an airpocket and dropped a few hundred feet, she let out a yelp. Her eyes had been tightly shut, but when she opened them, two green eyes were staring back. "Fox? What...." Before she could finish, he admonished her. "Mulder. I told you to call me Mulder. Never Fox." Inwardly he winced at the look of hurt that briefly flicked across her face. She refused to meet his eyes. "Mulder what are you doing?" Touching her hand he sighed, "Just making sure you're ok." "I'm fine Mulder." She had thought he would go back to his seat, but he didn't. Meekly she ventured. "Why not 'Fox'?" He glanced out the window. "Fox is dead. He died a long time ago. So did Dana." They sat in silence the rest of the flight. Each lost in their thoughts. Having collected their luggage, they moved to the rental car agency to pick-up the blue Ford Taurus. After a long day of interviewing witnesses, and exhuming 'bodies,' they returned to the motel. Scully started going through the evidence, and started her report. Mulder had gone for a jog, and asked if she wanted to join him. She'd declined because of a threatening thunderstorm. The storm came to fruition, and knocked the power out. Dana was getting ready to take a shower by candlelight, when she noticed the small lesions on her back. Throwing on her robe, she ran to Mulder's room. As he cracked the door open, she pushed on into his room. Asking him to look at her back, she removed her robe. Mulder was a bit shocked to have her standing before him in nothing but her underwear, but looked at the marks anyway. After telling her they were mosquito bites, she collapsed into him. *My God, she's in her underwear. I could take her right now. Stop. Down boy.* Suddenly feeling self-conscious, she put her robe back on, and turned to leave. "Wait. It's messy out there. Why don't you wait out the storm in here?" Great. Now he thinks I'm coming on to him. Maybe...Stop. * She looked hesitant. "I won't bite. I promise." Pulling her robe around her tightly, she lay down on his bed, and he sat in the floor. He told her about undergoing regression hypnosis, and about his contacts in Washington. He also questioned her role in 'their' agenda. After denying she was a part of any agenda, they sat in silence for a few moments. "Where is my daughter, Scully? I have a right to know." Scully steeled herself for the conversation to come. "Why do you care? You didn't even come for us!" "You're the one who got married! Tell me, was he good in bed?" Dana felt as though she had been slapped. "Only because I had to!" Fox was confused. *Had to what? Sleep with him? Did he force her?* "Did he force himself on you?" Scully had an epiphany at that moment. "You honestly think I married him out of love, don't you? How could you be so stupid? How could you ever doubt my love for you?" He was really confused now. "You married him for christsake! If not for love, then why?!" "I was going to turn eighteen before she was born. I was no longer a Naval dependant, which meant no healthcare. I was seventeen, what the hell was I to do? My father arranged the 'marriage,' and threatened to have you thrown in jail if I went to you! I didn't have the support of my parents, so you tell me what you would have done." Fox sat stunned. He'd never imagined all of that. "I'm...sorry. I had no idea. So you never loved him?" She sighed. "No. I-I was waiting for you. Ryan knew I was going to leave as soon as the baby was born. Not that it mattered, you never came. Speaking of which, how did you know I had a girl? Your 'connections' find that out for you, when you learned I was to be your partner?" Mulder was getting angry. "You know damn well I came! Or did you think the hospital gave all the babies a stuffed silver fox?" This took Dana by surprise. "What silver fox? There was no silver fox in her crib. And if you came, why didn't I see you?" Mulder began to realize what had happened. Letting out a breath, he chewed on his lower lip. He sat on the bed and turned to face her. "I got to the hospital around eleven the night she was born. I stopped by the nursery first, looking for baby Scully. Of course there wasn't one, only a baby O'Malley. That's when the welcoming party of Bill Scully Jr. appeared. He said you were happily married, and didn't want to see me." "You believed him? Without talking to me?" She was outraged. "No. I slept in the car, and came back in the morning to see you. You were asleep, so I went to meet my daughter. I held her, kissed her, and gave her the stuffed fox. I went back to your room, but Ryan was there. I heard you talking to him. He was saying she was beautiful like you, that he loved her, and you were saying you didn't know what you would have done without him. So I left. I couldn't hear more." "Well, if you had stuck around, you'd have heard him say he'd miss us when we left!" Fox put his head in his hands. "How could I be so stupid? I've missed almost eleven years of my daughter's life, because I was stupid. Please let me see her." Dana was trying to process this information. *He came for us. Wait until I get my hands on Bill. I still have to tell him. Give me strength.* "Mulder? Uhm...You, you haven't missed out on her life. I mean..." He was looking at her bowed head, and realized she was trembling. "Scully?" He placed his hands on hers. "What is it? I know you didn't put her up for adoption, I used my contacts to check. Is-is she with your parents or family? I mean, you didn't give her to Bill Jr. did you?" She shook her head vigorously. "Oh Mulder, she, well she...." Mulder was uneasy. "Scully just tell me!" Her words came out in a rush, "You can't see her because she's dead." She looked at Mulder whose face had gone pale. He could see the unshed tears in her eyes, but was too numb to offer comfort. "Wh-what," before he could finish the phone rang. Running on autopilot, he answered it. Scully used the moment to compose herself for the inevitable conversation ahead. "Scully, one of the kids is missing. We have to go." *Thank God. A reprieve. * She went to dress, and then they went to the woods. After finding the kids, they headed back to the motel, only to find their rooms in flames. Realizing all of their evidence was lost, they settled into new rooms for the night. With the X-File pretty much closed, they would be leaving the next morning. The drive to the airport, and subsequent flight home was silent. It wasn't until he was driving her home that he spoke. "Uh, Scully, could we talk somewhere?" She was looking out the window. "Ok." She was still looking out the window as she answered. As he pulled into the coffee shop she shook her head. "Not in a public place. I mean not in a coffee shop, ok?" Pulling the car back into traffic, he headed for the waterfront. They sat on a bench overlooking the Potomac. Without preamble she started. "She had a heart murmur caused by a defective aortic valve. They thought it would get better, but it didn't. In fact it got worse. Real fast. The tissue of the left chamber of her heart started dying, and the doctors put her on the list for a heart transplant. It wasn't like it is now. The chances for finding a donor were nil, and the meds back then weren't as good as they are now. She died at six months." Mulder took her hand in his and wiped at his tears. "Would you take me home now?" He held her hand as they walked back to the car. He walked her to her apartment door, and stood outside for an awkward moment. "Would you like some tea or coffee? If you're not busy." He nodded and followed her inside. As she busied herself with getting the tea fixed, he resumed their conversation. "Did she suffer?" Dana sighed as she sat next to him. "Let me tell you what happened." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Annapolis, MD October 6, 1981 "Ryan, Missy, I'm going to breatfeed Sarah before Mom gets here, and we go shopping. I'll just be a few minutes." Dana walked into the bedroom to get Sarah. She was lying on her stomach in the baby bed. "Come on sweetie, it's time for your feeding." Dana placed a hand on her daughter's back and gasped. She felt cold. Too cold, and her fingers were turning blue. "Someone call 911! Sarah's not breathing!" Ryan rushed to call 911, and Missy raced to the bedroom. Dana was already performing CPR when Missy got there. The paramedics got there fairly quickly, and began working on Sarah. Dana went with her in the ambulance, followed by Ryan in the car, and Missy was left to wait on their mother. Arriving at the hospital, Dana was pushed aside as they frantically worked on Sarah. After thirty minutes, they finally pronounced her dead. Dana was fighting to maintain control, and asked to hold her daughter. As she sat rocking her, she whispered to her daughter. "I love you Sarah. You mean more to me than anything in the world, even your daddy. I wish you could have met him. Where- ever he is, I know he loves you. Oh Sarah, please come back. You haven't lived long enough baby. You're too tiny. Don't leave me. Not yet. Please," Dana knew her plea was futile, but begged anyway. Still fighting to maintain control, she swiped at the one errant tear falling down her face. The nurse came in to take Sarah from Dana. "Mrs. O'Malley, we really need to get her to the morgue. I'm sorry." The nurse reached for the baby, and Dana stopped her. "Do you have a blanket I could wrap her in? I-I don't want her to get cold." The nurse nodded, and went to retrieve a blanket. Dana lay Sarah down, and swaddled her in the soft pink baby blanket. She kissed her on the forehead, and then handed her to the nurse. Dana was numb as she walked out to the waiting area. Seeing her family she merely shook her head. Mrs. Scully moved to comfort her daughter, but Dana stepped away. "Can someone call Father McCue? Mom, please? Missy I'll need for you to speak with my professors tomorrow, and let them know what is going on. Ryan, I want you to check on getting a plot at Old Grey Cemetery. Daddy, could you please call funeral services on base. I want to use them. Tell them I'll be down tomorrow morning to pick everything out. And ask them to keep her wrapped in the blanket. I don't want her to get cold, ok? I don't want to leave her alone, and I need to go home and take care of some stuff. Will you wait here until they pick her up Charlie? Ok, everybody?" They all stared at her before beginning to tackle the tasks at hand. Missy took Dana home. When she walked into the bedroom, she shut and locked the door. She sat going through Sarah's things, trying to decide what to bury her in. She chose a mint green knit suit, with matching bonnet and shoes. Missy was knocking on the door, trying to get in. Dana slowly made her way to the door and opened it. "Dana are you alright?" As if running on auto-pilot she answered, "I need to iron this for her, ok?" Dana moved passed her sister to go iron the suit. Eventually members of the family came straggling in, and Dana went to bed. The funeral was held two days later. Dana was still running on autopilot as she said a final good-bye to her daughter. She would be for awhile. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Dana Scully's Apartment Dana had moved in front of her window sometime during the conversation. She was looking out the window, but not really seeing anything. She felt Mulder's arms encircle her from behind. He buried his face in her shoulder. Dana could feel the wetness of his tears through her shirt, and the slight tremble in his body. She turned in his arms and held him. "I'm so sorry. If I'd been stronger, I could have been with both of you. You shouldn't have had to go through that all-alone. Please forgive me, I was stupid." He was holding her so tight it hurt. "Mulder please. I can't breathe. Lets go sit down." As they settled on the couch, he put his head in her lap. He fell asleep to the feel of her fingers in his hair. Scully was to wired to sleep. She thought back over the last few hours, and tried to process everything. *Lets see: He came for us, but Bill lied to him. And stole Sarah's fox. Idiot. He overheard part of a conversation, and jumped to the wrong conclusion. He actually thought I married for love. Well, if this isn't screwed up. Of course, he could have stood up to Bill, and confronted me before running off half-cocked. And let's not forget Phoebe. Where did she fit in all of this? Oh hell. Well the first thing I'm going to do is deball Bill. Actually, I need to talk to Mom first, then get out my scalpel. * Easing out from under Mulder, she covered him with an afghan, and went to call her mother. The next morning Fox awoke with a severe crick in his neck, and not quite sure where he was. Rubbing his neck, he sat up and remembered the night before. "Scully? Scully, you here?" He tiptoed to her bed and peeked in. The bed was made, so he knocked on the bathroom door. Still no answer. Moving to the kitchen, he found a note on the fridge. "Mulder, have something important to do today. Won't be in the office at all. Towels are in the closet. I laid you out a disposable razor. Sorry, but Lady Daisy's are all I have. Make yourself at home. See you tomorrow, Dana." *Ohhhhkaaaaay. Just what kind of errand does she have? Probably just trying to avoid me. * With those thoughts, he went to shower. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully House "Now Dana, what's so important you called me after midnight? And why didn't you want your father here?" They sat down at the kitchen table, and Dana told her mother everything. "You mean your brother did that? If he were here, I'd put him over my knee. To think he caused you both so much pain. And poor little Sarah deprived of her father. How's Fox taking all of this?" Taking a drink of coffee, she started, "I left him asleep at my apartment." Dana didn't realize what it sounded like, until she saw her mother's raised eyebrow. "On the couch Mom." Mrs. Scully gave her an innocent smile. "I wasn't implying anything." Dana rolled her eyes. "But since you brought it up, why not? I know you still love him. I see it in your eyes." Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, Dana stood to leave. "Will you please tell Ahab? I have another errand to run." She quickly left the house. Dana was lost in thought as she passed through the gates of the cemetery. She didn't come here often, but she could have made the drive in her sleep. She parked the car, and made her way to the tiny above ground tombstone. It was black marble stone with a small statue of St. Jude adorning the top of the stone. She sat down next to the grave, and leaned her head against the stone. "Sarah, mommy's here. I'm right here baby." Dana shut her eyes and thought back on those six short months, she gently sang "Hush Little Baby." After a couple of hours she collected herself, and left the cemetary. When she finally got home that night, there was a message from her father and Mulder. "Starbuck? This is Ahab. Your mother just told me. I'm sorry. I-I'm going to speak to your brother. I'll handle this. Bye." *You better hope you get to him before I do. * "Scully? Scully, it's Mulder, pick-up if you're there. Look, uhm...just call me. Please?" *Not tonight Mulder.* Going to the kitchen, she pulled out her bottle of Irish Whiskey, and downed two slugs quickly. She then turned off her phones and answering machine, and climbed into bed. When sleep finally came, she had the dream again. It was the one she always had after visiting the grave. Sarah was calling out to her, but someone was taking her away. Dana would chase the figure down, but when she caught up to them, the baby was gone. Usually, she never saw the figure's face, but tonight she did. It was Mulder. Dana jerked awake with a gasp. Catching her breath, she went to the bathroom. She tried to go back to sleep, but that was useless. It was just after three a.m., and she decided to call Mulder. "H-Hello?" Mulder was slightly out of breath when he answered. "Mulder, It's me. I hope I didn't wake you?" "No. Not at all." In the background a loud moan echoed. "I didn't realize you were...uh...busy. I'll let you go." "NO! That's the ah...TV. Let me turn it off." Mulder searched around for the remote, finding it under the couch. He quickly silenced "The Big Easy Blonde," but not before several loud moans and screams filled the room. *What the hell is that? * "Mulder? Just what are you watching?" "A...uhm, a...Oh it's a documentary on wild animal sounds. You know lions, tigers, and elephants. Stuff like that." *Smooth Mulder. * "Right. Anyway, you called?" He wondered if she had just gotten home. "Uh yeah. Just get home?" He felt panicked as he realized she might have had a date. "N- well, a little bit ago. Did you need something?" "I just wanted to make sure you were-uh-coming in tomorrow. You know, since you weren't in today. Nothing's wrong I hope?" *I just had a nightmare you stole my daughter. She was his daughter too. Shut-up. * "Just had some personal things to do today. I guess I'll let you get back to your documentary." She hung-up and thought about Fox. *Mulder* she reminded herself. She rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep. Mulder looked down at his now limp dick and sighed. He vaguely considered starting over, but gave up. It just seemed hollow, and he was distracted that she'd been out until three a.m. He brooded over the idea of her with another man the rest of the night. Next Morning Basement Office Scully immediately went for the coffeepot upon entering the office the next morning. "Good morning Agent Scully. Nice to see you could join us." Mulder recognized the harshness of his words, but dammitt, he was angry. How dare she go out with another man! She was his. *Get a grip Mulder. She hasn't been yours for a while now. You gave her up. But you'd like to change that, wouldn't you?* Staring at her butt as she bent over the filing cabinet, he had decidedly unpure thoughts. *Down Boy. * "Well Scully, there isn't a new case for us just yet, so I thought we could catch up on paperwork." She nodded. "Sounds fine to me." *Even if it's YOUR paperwork that needs catching up. * They spent the next three days plowing through paperwork quietly, until finally it was Friday. Mulder had finally snapped out of his pity-party, and decided to reclaim what was his. Figuratively speaking of course. "Uh, Scully?" Before he could ask her out to dinner, the phone rang. "Hello? Just a moment. Scully?" He handed her the phone. *A man is calling her. Probably the same one she was with last night. Damn. Bet he wouldn't abandon her Mulder, not while she's pregnant. It was all a misunderstanding! Keep telling yourself that. * Mulder seriously hated the voice in his head. "Hello? Hi! How are you? Really? How about I fix you dinner, around eight? Great, see you then." She hung-up and turned to Mulder. "I'm sorry Mulder. Were you about to ask me something?" "Yeah, do you have any-ah-paperclips?" She eyed him strangely before tossing a box of paperclips on his desk. *Real smooth ass wipe. I wonder what she's cooking for 'Romeo?'* He recalled the time she had fixed him Irish Stew. She had cooked for 'him.' "So, Scully, any big plans for the weekend?" She was bent over her paperwork when she answered. "Just having a friend over for dinner tonight. What about you?" "Me? No, nothing major. So, whatcha fixing for dinner?" "Oh, just some Irish stew." Mulder, who had been leaning back in his chair, fell over. "Ouch! Damn!" Scully went to help him up, but he jerked away from her. "I can do it! Leave me alone." Scully was shocked and hurt by his words. *Way to go big guy. Haven't you hurt her enough? You get her pregnant, let her brother intimidate you, abandon her and your child, and then said child dies.* It dawned on him that he didn't even know his daughter's name. "Scully, what was her name?" His voice was a hoarse whisper. She jerked her head up and saw her pain mirrored in his eyes. "Sarah. Sarah Grace." He repeated her words with one exception. "Sarah Grace O'Malley." He was deep in thought, and almost missed her next words. "Mulder-O'Malley." At his confused expression she repeated, "Sarah Grace Mulder-O'Malley." Mulder absently nodded. Dana had to get out of the office. "It's almost five, so I'm going to leave now." As she was about to leave, she stopped at the door. "Mulder, I-I kept some of her things, if you'd like to see them sometime." He was surprised. "Really? When?" She considered it for a moment. "I can't tonight, but how about tomorrow night?" He nodded, and she left. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder got home around seven and changed into his running clothes. He had too much energy, and started to bounce a basketball. As he walked and bounced, one person stayed on his mind-Scully. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was seven thirty. Tossing the ball aside, he hurried out the door heading toward Scully's. The jog to her apartment building didn't take too long, and he got there a few minutes before seven. He was busy trying to look non-descript while casing the building out. A car pulled up in front of her building, and a man of medium build got out and headed up the steps. He was carrying a boquet of pink roses. *That must be 'Romeo.' Certainly All-American looking. Kinda short though, I could take him. Easily. Get real, this is Scully, not some fight on the playground.* He turned and jogged back to his apartment. He considered calling her around mid-night, but thought better of it. His mind was assailed by visions of her in'Romeo's' arms. Her making love to him, writhing under him, calling out his name in ecstasy, and cuddling with him afterwards. "Damn!" Checking the time, he saw that it was after two a.m. Scooping up his keys, he headed out the door. *I'll just drive by there. Make sure she's ok. Come on Mulder, you just want to know if he's still there. She might need my help. Wrong! She needed you eleven years ago, and where were you? Loser. * As he drove passed the building, he noticed 'Romeo's' car was still there, and there were no lights on in her apartment. "Fuck!" He hit the steering wheel, and sped away. He eventually wound up in a seedier part of Arlington. Finding the first prostitute he could, he pulled over. She was a tall leggy blond. "Whatcha need sugar?," she purred through the open window. "I need to fuck your lights out. Get in." She hesitated. "Look, I have money. If you're willing, let's go." She got in the car, and he pulled away from the curb. "Do you have a place for us to go, or will we need a room?" He considered taking her back to his place, but decided against that. "We'll get a room. Do you have condoms?" She nodded and directed him to the Lancelot Motor Court. Once in the room, which they'd gotten at a special rate because she was a 'regular,' he allowed her to undress him. He promptly stripped her, and devoured her mouth. She tasted of stale coffee and cigarettes, but he didn't care. She reached down to cup him, and gave a squeeze. Mulder stood waiting for the blood to rush to his groin. Nothing happened. Somewhat embarrassed, he mumbled, "Give me a minute." He began to stroke himself. After a few minutes with nothing happening, he pulled back. "Damn! Could you suck it?" She shrugged and got on her knees. "You're paying." She began to suckle him into a pretty good size erection. "Put the condom on me." She complied, and moved him to the bed. He was still hard, but as he went to enter her, he lost the erection. After a few more attempts, he swore in frustration. "Just suck the damn thing, ok?" She went to work, and he had a mild orgasm. Quickly cleaning himself off, he gave her a ride back o her 'corner.' As she went to get out, she spoke to him, "Go to her. Whoever she is, she can help you take care of your problem." Mulder barely nodded, and pulled into traffic. He went straight to the shower when he got home, and stood under the hot water, until it ran cold. He collapsed on his couch, and went to sleep. Scull was awakened to the sound of a ringing telephone at seven a.m. The phone was answered in the kitchen. "Hello?" Mulder felt sick to his stomach. In a cold voice he responded, "Agent Scully please." "Let me see if she's awake yet." He walked to her room. "Dana? The phone's for you." She picked up. "Hello?" "Scully, it's Mulder. I'm going to be out today, but wanted to make sure we were still on for tonight?" "Of course. Why don't you stop by around seven?" "See you then." He hung-up and tried not to think about the man in her apartment. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "I take it that was Mulder?" Dana was a bit surprised. "Yes. How'd you know?" He shrugged. "Call it guys intuition. How is he these days?" Dana considered for a moment. "He's...Mulder. He's coming over tonight to go through Sarah's things. Which reminds me, Mom and Ahab are expecting us for dinner tonight. Mom is dying to see you. Ahab too." He laughed. "Your mom maybe, your dad never. I think it crushed him to find out I was gay." Dana laughed. "He doesn't hate you Ryan, it was just a shock. Speaking of which, how is Zane? With everything last night, I forgot to ask about him." Ryan smiled, "He's fine. His ship docks in a week, and then we each have a year of enlistment left. After that, we're getting out and moving back to San Francisco. Settling down. What about you and 'Mulder'?" She shifted uncomfortably. "He's my partner, and I like to think my friend, but that's all." Ryan looked doubtful. "And a former lover, father of Sarah, and the only man you will ever love. If you'll admit it to yourself." Her voice was a warning. "Ryan." "What? Just admit it. Dana, you are a one timer. One man for you, one lover. You've been alone for too long, give into love. It won't make you look weak." Dana was annoyed. "Just what makes 'you' so sure he's been my only lover? After all, it's been over ten years. I'm not a saint you know." Ryan chuckled. "Same old Dana. Always have to be in control. Remember whom your talking to. 'I' know you are no saint, remember?" Dana blushed. "But, I also know how you are, and what you are willing to give of yourself. Remember Jack, and Ethan, and that other guy. Jake? Yes, Jake." He looked at her expectantly. "Let's just go to the zoo, ok?" She wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder spent the day going over the files for their next case. At least that's what he told himself he was doing. In reality he was far away. *What were you think last night? A prostitute? You are in serious trouble. I wonder what they're doing right now? It's going to be a long day.* Giving up on the files, he turned on the television, idly flipping channels. He finally settled on some basketball game. After the game, he glanced at the clock. It was a couple of minutes before six o'clock. *Time to get ready Mulder.* He showered, shaved, and finally got dressed. He'd changed clothes eight times. He decided that since it was still chilly for late March, he could get by with a black turtleneck, and tight jeans. Besides, he looked good in black. He arrived just before seven and decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. If he'd taken the elevator, he'd have bumped right into Ryan. He wondered if 'Romeo' would be with Scully. He decided probably not because this was a personal thing, and Scully was certainly private. He knocked on the door. His mouth gaped at the sight before him. She was wearing a simple sapphire blue dress that hit just above the knee, and matching pumps. God was she hot. Mulder seriously considered grabbing her and taking her to bed right then. Ohhh, that mouth! Dana was having some very un-partnerly thoughts of her own. They mainly included ripping that black turtleneck off his body, and impaling herself on his cock. The thought sent a shiver down her spine. She finally found her voice. "Come in Mulder." As he stepped inside his eyes fell on a large box on the coffee table. "Is that her stuff?" Dana could only nod. "Look, I have dinner plans tonight, so just make yourself at home. I'll probably be late, so just lock-up after you leave. I'll call you tomorrow. I have somebody special I want you to meet, so keep dinner free, ok?" Mulder nodded. She gently kissed him on the cheek, and left. Mulder went to the window to watch her leave, and was furious when he saw her get in the car with 'Romeo.' "Son-of-a-Bitch! Fuck! That's who she's going to introduce me to." He managed to compose himself, and sat on the couch. He opened the box and began learning about his daughter. He marveled at the tiny size of her sleepers. He particularly found a white terry cloth sleeper with a collar trimmed in mint green appealing. He held the garment under his nose, and could faintly smell the sweet baby scent. It comforted him. He looked through the photo album of Sarah's life, and Dana's pregnancy. She had documented each week of her pregnancy with pictures. He thought she was beautiful with her round belly, and his heart ached that he wasn't there while she was pregnant. His heart nearly stopped as he came to the last photo in the book. It was turned over, and as he flipped it; he knew why. It was Sarah in a coffin. He choked back a sob at her still form. He closed the photo album, and put it back in the box. He pulled out something that looked like a journal. He settled back and started reading. As he read the first entry, he was over come with emotion. He couldn't believe Scully cared enough to keep a journal for his benefit. Her words were so real, he felt like he'd been there. He continued to read, and was thankful she had recorded all of the important moments. It also filled him with great sorrow. Tears spilled down his face as he realized just how much she must have loved him. On especially difficult passage was where she talked of having more children with him. *I love this woman. If she'll have me, I'm hers. I had to have hurt her terribly. Never again.* He expected the journal to end with Sarah's birth, but found that it continued throughout her life. Dear Fox, April 3, 1981 Yesterday I gave birth to our daughter. She is so tiny, and perfect. Well, she does have a heart mur- mur, but the doctor's assure me it won't cause problems. She has little red fuzz for hair, and your greenish-brown eyes. She can't wait for you to get here. She sure took her time in getting here. Seventeen hours. All natural! I'm exhausted, so off to sleep I go. Love, Dana and Baby Girl Mulder *She waited for me to come. I let them down. * ******************************************* Dear Fox, April 4, 1981 We're waiting for you Fox! Please hurry. She needs a name, but I want to wait for you. She weighs 6lbs 8oz! I think she has my nose. Not that yours is ugly, but it's big, and she is little. Time to breastfeed! She eats like you! Love, Dana and Baby Girl Mulder *I failed them. I'm such a fuck-up.* ******************************************* Dear Fox, April 5, 1981 We go home today. I had to name her, so I chose Sarah Grace Mulder-O'Malley. I considered Samantha, but didn't know how you'd feel. I chose this after the little dark haired girl from your ice cream route. You said she reminded you of Sam, so I thought it was close. Love, Dana and Sarah *************************************** Dear Fox, May 16, 1981 We went for our six-week check-up. I'm fine, but Sarah's heart murmur has gotten worse. I want to believe you are still coming, but it's getting hard to believe. I still have faith though. Love, Dana and Sarah *She still held out hope. She believed in me.* *************************************** Dear Fox, May 30, 1981 The doctor isn't hopeful for Sarah. Her heart is dying. She needs a transplant, but that's not likely. Hearts are hard to come by, especially baby hearts. I don't think you're coming, but I wish you would. She needs her daddy. Love, Dana and Sarah *I failed them. * ************************************* Dear Fox, August 1, 1981 Sarah's not doing well. She has trouble breathing sometimes. Ryan has been transferred to Annap- olis as an instructor. We're actually glad, because the medical facilities are better. Not to mention we'll be close to Johns Hopkins. She's a fighter Fox. Love, Dana and Sarah *'We're' Who's 'we're'? Her and Ryan? The Scully's? Who?* ************************************** Dear Fox, Sept. 15, 1981 They've put her on some experimental drugs to slow down the deterioration of her heart. I'm scared for her Fox. I don't think she's going to make it. You've really missed out on a lot. I'm sorry for you and her. She needs you. I need you. Dad just got new orders. He's stationed here in Annapolis. I have Mom, Missy, Charlie, and Ryan to lean on if I need to. Missy and I are enrolled at the U of Maryland now. Love, Dana and Sarah *I should have been there for her.* *************************************** Dear Fox, Oct. 6, 1981 Tonight our daughter died. Her heart just gave out. I tried to do CPR, but it didn't work. I really tried. I don't think she suffered. I have to go pick out something to bury her in. Love, Dana *My God. * *************************************** Dear Fox, Oct. 8, 1981 I buried our daughter today. She wore a mint green knit suit. She was so small. I said good-bye for you. I don't think I'll be writing to you anymore. Good-bye, Dana *************************************** Mulder was sobbing. He physically hurt from the pain her words inflicted. He lay down on the couch clutching the journal, and cried himself to sleep. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully's Apartment 1:00 A.M. Scully fumbled with her keys before getting the door unlocked. "Thanks for the coffee Ryan. And the talk. I'll speak to him tomorrow. I asked him to have dinner with us tomorrow night. I want him to meet you." Ryan noticed the body asleep on the couch. "Dana, I think you have another guest," he said pointing at Mulder's prone body. Dana knelt to look at him, and noticed the tear tracks down his face. She also noticed the death grip he had on the journal. Her heart broke. She pushed the unruly lock of hair off of his forehead, and kissed his lips gently. Mulder didn't stir, so she covered him with an afghan. "Let's go to bed Ryan." Ryan and Dana lay in bed talking for a long time. "You know, Mulder should be in here, and me on the couch." "You are impossible! Besides, maybe I like sleeping with you. Well, every now and then. Seriously, thanks for everything. You've helped me see that I do still have feelings for Mulder. And, I think he still has feelings for me." "Oh really? I'd never guess the two of you were hung-up on each other. You'll talk to him tomorrow, and all will be right in the universe. That in mind, could I have the honor of holding my former wife on last night." "What makes you think this is the last time? You're in town for another week and a half." "If all goes well with Mulder, I assume he'll be sleeping here. I really don't think he'll want to share!" Dana giggled, "You're probably right. But Ryan, I'm scared of....you know. What if I can't? What's he going to think?" Ryan wrapped her in his embrace. "He'll wait. He'd do anything for you, and he'll understand your fears, and where they come from. He is a psychologist after all. Now go to sleep." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% 6/7 Melissa Lee a.k.a. Kennedy "People, it's GOD-DESS, not goddess, when refering to Gillian Anderson. Learn it, know it, use it!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I'm NOT Worthy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I like my Bubble. It's a good place. Really." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Practice random acts of kindness; tip your delivery driver. he rubbed his neck. *I've gotta quit sleeping on her couch. * He wasn't sure what had awakened him, but was glad something had. Stretching, he thought about what he was going to do. Rehearsing what he was going to say, he paused outside her bedroom door. Mulder awakened to a familiar crick in his neck, and an ache in his fingers. He realized he was still holding the journal. Sitting up Tentatively he pushed the door open, to reveal a still sleeping Scully. Scully amidst rumpled sheets that revealed a great amount of upper thigh. He paused to look at her. *Maybe I'll get lucky!* He knelt by the bed and pushed an errent lock of hair off of her face. She stirred and opened her eyes. She gave him her "Mona Lisa" smile. Mulder smiled back, and touched her face. "Good morning." She rolled more on her side and greeted him, "Morning Mulder." Mulder began nervously, "I've got something to tell you, Dana. I really appreciate your letting me see Sarah's things. I only wish I could have been there for you. And her. I let my own stupidity, and insecurities misguide me. I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but if you can and will, then I'd like to try again. Please." Scully saw the raw emotion in his eyes, and her heart leapt. She was ready to declare her love for him right there. She took his hand and kissed the tips of his fingers. "Mulder, I-." "Dana, did you wash my boxers...." Ryan stopped mid-sentence as he stood in the doorway of the bedroom wearing only a towel. Mulder, who was now standing, looked from Ryan to Scully, and back again. *'Romeo' spent the night here. In her bed. She was screwing him with me asleep on the couch! I just made the biggest fool out of myself.* "I'm sorry, 'Scully', I didn't realize you had a playmate. Forget what I just said. You've obviously moved on, as should I. Oh, thanks for leaving me to go through my daughter's things last night, while you were sneaking around with 'Romeo' here. Don't worry though, I didn't hear anything. I'll leave you two to resume fucking. I'll see you at the office tomorrow 'Agent' Scully." Venom dripped from his words. Mulder pushed by Ryan, and stalked down the hall. Scully hurried to get out of bed. "Mulder wait! It's not li-." Before she even got to the living room the door shut with a resounding thud. Ryan, who'd gone to get dressed, found Dana slumped against the door. "I have lousy timing, don't I?" Dana gave a sad smile. "Yes you do. I'll give him time to cool off, and then call him." Ryan gave her a reassuring hug. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% *Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! You're just a piece of shit Mulder. She doesn't belong to you, never could have been yours. You just made a very big ass out of yourself. Just be happy for her and let her go. Shut-up.* Mulder drove to the "Headless Woman Pub," which had just opened, and occupied a barstool for the rest of the day. He did shots of tequila, and then whiskey with beer as a chaser. His intentions were to get slobbering drunk, and he was well on his way to accomplishing that. So close was he that the bartender cut him off, and called a cab. Dana Scully slammed the phone down in frustration. "Damn!" She had been calling him for three hours, and had already left several messages on his machine. She was beginning to get a bit frantic. "Did it occur to you he may be screening calls?" Scully considered this. "You're probably right. I'll see him at work tomorrow. Let's go eat. They ended up in a Tai restaurant in Georgetown. "He loves you Dana." She looked doubtful. "I don't know Ryan. Maybe. Before you came in he said he wanted to 'try again.' I don't know what he meant. Us, a baby, what? I'm sure it's all just an emotional response to last night. I've had ten years to deal with it, he just found out. He feels guilty, that's all." "Dana, what were you going to tell him this morning? Something about still loving him?" Dana was annoyed, "That would have been a mistake. I'm sure of it now, more than ever. I'll just let him go on thinking we're an item." Ryan sighed, "Why are you so afraid? Why can't you just love and be loved?" Dana waved her hand in the air dismissively. "Let it go Ryan." *You just don't understand. Love equals hurt. I loved him once, and it almost destroyed me. I loved my Sarah, and I lost her. Why bother with emotional attachments? Because you need him.* When he tried to persist, she gave him an icy glare. Ryan just shook his head. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully entered the office Monday morning to find a rather disheveled Mulder sitting at his desk. He didn't acknowledge her prescence, so she went about her daily tasks. Every now and then she'd chance a glance at Mulder. She noticed his eyes were bloodshot, face unshaven, and his hair was less than tidy. Finally taking pity on him, she plopped two aspirin down in front of him. He glanced up at her, and then back down at the pills. Without saying a word he scooped them up, and took them. Scully was content to let him brood. They continued to work quietly until the phone rang. "Mulder. Just a moment." He held the phone out to Scully. "Hello?" She was surprised to hear Ryan's voice on the other end. She was also keenly aware of Mulder's eyes on her. "Lunch sounds great. See you there." She hung-up the phone and turned to Mulder, "If there isn't anything pressing, I'm going to lunch." Mulder nodded. He watched her leave, savoring the nice view of her ass. *Yeah, the ass that's probably going to be pressed into the mattress as 'Romeo' has his way with her. On her lunch hour none the less! I'll kill him. No you won't. Obviously she's happy with him. Shut-up. * The thought of Scully being with someone besides him tore at his heart. Mulder continued to stew over Scully and 'Romeo' to the point of almost going mad. By the time she returned from lunch, his anger was at the boiling point. His imagination had gotten the best of him. Scully breezed back into the office with a smile on her face. Lunch with Ryan had gone very well, and she was ready to talk to Mulder. Really talk. Mulder stared intensely at Scully for any tale-tell signs of sexual gratification. Taking in her good mood, he decided she was in the throes of afterglow. *Is that sick or what? You just wish it was you who'd put the smile on her face. Shut-up.* "Mulder? Hello? You there Mulder?" Mulder snapped out of his trance, and realized Scully was standing before him. "What?" "I said, I need to talk to you. It's important. And there is still somebody I want you to meet. I thought maybe you'd be available for dinner...." Mulder jumped up and subjected Scully to a litany of callous remarks. "You've got some nerve, 'Agent' Scully. Waltzing in here after having a 'nooner' with 'Romeo'. I thought you had more class than that. Of course, I am talking to the woman I used to do in a damn ice cream truck! Did you even bother to wash- up? You disgust me!" Scully stood dumbstruck, wanting to defend herself, but taken aback by his remarks. Mulder continued his tirade, "And one more thing; I hope to hell you're using birth control. The X-Files aren't equipped for an agent with an unplanned pregnancy." Scully felt as if she'd been sucker-punched. Her blue eyes blazed with her anger. "Whoever I am or am not sleeping with is none of your business. It ceased to be of your concern when you abandoned your daughter for 'that slut Phoebe Green.' And you don't need to worry about my getting pregnant. That's all taken care of!" Mulder leaned into her personal space, and spoke in a cold voice, "Well, I'm glad to see you finally cut the sanctimonious bull shit, and decided you wouldn't go to hell for taking the Pill." He sneered at her, "I'm glad my daughter isn't around to se the slut her mother has become." As soon as the words left his mouth, he was deeply sorry. Scully slapped him, for of all the insults he could have hurled at her, that one cut the deepest. "You bastard! Go to hell." Mulder suddenly felt ill for the things he had said and the obvious pain they had caused her. Scully turned on her heel, and stormed out of the office. Mulder placed a hand on his stinging cheek. *What have I done?* He slumped down in his chair, and put his head in his hands. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully was speeding toward her apartment and trying not to cry at the same time. She parked haphazzardly, and ran into the building. Ryan was surprised to see her home so soon, but became concerned upon seeing her appearance. "Dana? What's wrong?" Scully was violently shaking, and finally allowed herself to collapse in his arms. An hour later she was calm enough to tell him what had happened. Ryan stroked her back. *Ok Mulder, it's time you heard from me.* Dana called her mother, who invited her over for dinner. She gladly accepted, figuring she could use the distraction. She asked Ryan to come, but he declined. She changed her clothes, washed her face, and left for her parents house. Mulder tried to resume working after he realized she wasn't coming back, but found it to be pointless. He was overcome with guilt, and trying to figure out how to make things right with her. In frustration, he left for home. Ryan decided to pay Mulder a visit. He went to Mulder's apartment building, and waited. Two and a half hours later he saw him enter the building. Ryan waited a while before going in. Finding Mulder's apartment number, he ascended the stairs for apartment 42. Mulder had ordered a pizza, so when he heard the knock on the door he assumed it was the pizza guy. He threw open the door, but was surprised to find 'Romeo' standing there. "What do you want?" Ryan met Mulder's hostility with ease. "To talk to you. About Dana." Mulder's eyes darkened, "Then we have nothing to talk about." Mulder was shutting the door when Ryan stuck his foot in the door. Mulder was surprised. "Look, you're fucking her, I'm not. She chose you. What's to talk about?" Ryan glared at Mulder. "Plenty. Now if you don't mind, I don't care to discuss this in the hall." Ryan looked at him expectantly. Mulder sighed, and allowed him to enter the apartment. "So, talk." "Allow me to introduce myself; Ryan O'Malley." Mulder's knees almost buckled. "That's right, her ex-husband. My relationship with Dana is very special. Unique actually. We share a bond because of Sarah. See, I was there when she was born. I rocked her at night, bathed her, fed her, loved her. I couldn't have loved her more if she'd been mine. I was there for all the milestones of the pregnancy, and Sarah's life. Dana and I went through alot when Sarah was sick and dying. Basically I did everything you should have done." Catching Mulder's questioning gaze, he continued. "Mr. Mulder, Dana is an attractive woman, but you are more my type. If you get my drift. So, you see, I never had intercourse with her. Now, Mr. Mulder, let me give you one piece of advice; she loves you. You love her. Make the most of that. You've both wasted too much time as it is." At first Mulder couldn't speak, but gaped at Ryan. Finding his voice, he spoke, "I hurt her. Just this morning. What do I do?" Ryan shook his head. "Yes, you did a number on her. How you fix that is up to you. I can't help you; but understand this, if you hurt her again, I'll hurt you." Ryan's voice was hard as steel. Mulder nodded his head. "One more thing Mr. Mulder, Dana has been true to you." Ryan walked out of the apartment. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder sat down and thought about what Ryan had said. *How could I be so stupid? How do I fix this?* Mulder actually considered praying to a deity he didn't quite believe in. Deciding to let her cool off, he lay on the couch trying to plan what to do. He hadn't a clue where to start. Dana sat in the den with her father drinking coffee. "Starbuck you're awfully quiet tonight. Everything ok?" She smiled. "Just thinking about work." *Well sort of. More like who I work with.* As if reading her mind, "How's working with Fox? Is it hard?" Dana lied, "No. I enjoy working with him. We're fine actually." Ahab nodded. "If it's ok, I'd like to spend the night? It's late and I'm tired." "You don't have to ask Dana! Maggie, make-up Dana's old room! She's staying the night." Dana excused herself to call Ryan so he wouldn't worry. Getting no answer, she left a message on the machine. Dana felt strange, yet oddly comforted being in her old bed. She drifted off into a deep slumber, and didn't wake-up until morning. Deciding she wasn't ready to face Mulder, she went home and called in sick. Changing into her pajamas she went back to bed. She shut off the phone, and answering machine. Lying in bed, she considered requesting a transfer. However, she didn't want to look like a quitter to the higher-ups. She was also afraid it would effect her career. She tossed scenarios around in her mind, but finally gave in to sleep. Mulder arrived in the basement office with no idea what he was going to say to her. He'd been in all of ten minutes when the phone rang. It was the A.D.'s office telling him Scully was taking a sick day. Hanging-up, he decided to give her a couple of hours and then call her. Around lunch he reached for the phone and dialed her number. It rang and rang without being answered. He then tried paging her, but still no answer. This continued for thirty minutes, until he finally decided she wasn't going to answer. He hurried out the door rushing to her apartment. Scully was just getting out of the shower when the knocking started. Wrapping her robe around her, she looked out the peep-hole. "Go away Mulder." "Open up Scully, I need to talk to you!" "Just go away! I don't want to talk to you right now!" Scully went to get dressed, figuring Mulder would leave. He had stopped pounding on the door. He had his ear pressed to the door listening for Scully. He started banging again. "Dammitt Scully! Open the door!" "If you don't go away, I'll call the police!" "We are the police!" "Then I'll shoot you!" Mulder didn't really believe she would shoot him, so he raised his leg and kicked the door just under the door knob. The door swung open as the lock gave way. Scully stood stunned looking at her busted door. In three strides, Mulder was standing in front of her. Without hesitation he took her face in his hands, and claimed her lips with his own. Dana was dazed at first, then tried to pull away; but Mulder finally forced her mouth open, and she kissed him back. Breaking the kiss, Mulder took in her dialated pupils, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips. She was torn from her dazed state by his deep chuckle. She jerked away. "What are you laughing at? You're the one who broke in here and forced yourself on me! By the way, you will pay for a new door." Mulder grabbed her in a hug. *God how I've missed this.* "Scully-Dana, I'm so sorry. I've been nothing but a selfish bastard the last two weeks. No, the last ten years. I only considered my pain and anguish, and how to lessen my suffering. I never considered yours or Sarah's. I didn't stand-up to Bill because I was afraid he was right; you would be better off without me. I didn't put faith in your love for me. I failed you. Both of you. Then I thought you were sleeping with Ryan, and it tore me up. Again, I didn't have faith in you. If he hadn't come to see me last night, I'd still be being a dick. Can you forgive me? His eyes were pleading. Scully stood before him with her arms crossed over her chest, and biting on her lower lip. "So Ryan came to see you? That's the only reason you came?" "Yes. No. Yes I came because of Ryan, but that's not the only reason. I wanted to apologize, beg for forgiveness, and to say 'I love you.' I always have. Can we try this again?" Dana was shaking her head in disbelief. "Mulder...wh-...oh Mulder." She went and sat on the couch hugging a cushion to her chest. Mulder shut the door as best he could, then joined her on the couch. They sat in silent communion for a while. "What did you mean 'try again'? That's the second time you've said that to me. Us? A baby? What?" Mulder hadn't thought about a baby, but the idea was suddenly appealing to him. "Us. A baby. All of it, part of it, just as long as you're in my life." "Mulder, that was a long time ago. I don't know if we can go back." "Then let's don't. Let's move forward. We've both changed, but I still believe we were meant to be together." He looked at her hopefully. "I don't know Mulder, I need time. This is overwhelming." "Take all the time you need, I'll be here." He got up, and Scully panicked, "You don't have to leave. That's not what I meant." Mulder smiled. "I'm going to get a new set of locks for the door. Unless, you want to stay here without any locks?" "Oh. No, please go get them." Mulder left for the nearest Lowe's or Home Depot. Scully went to make tea. She had a feeling it was going to be a long night. An hour later Mulder returned with a bag of locks. Sheepishly Mulder answered her question, "I didn't measure the size of the lock. To save time, I bought one of every kind. *Yep, it's going to be a long night.* Mulder was on his fourth lock when he asked, "Where's Ryan?" "I found a note from him this morning saying he'd taken a room at the Drake. You didn't have anything to do with that did you?" Mulder, who was now on his fifth lock, replied, "Nope. I swear." Discarding lock number five, he picked up number six. Scully peered into the bag. "Mulder, you only have three locks left." In frustration, Mulder answered, "I know that Scully." Scully sat on the couch reading a magazine. Every now and then, she'd glance in his direction. *Very long night.* In frustration, Mulder threw the last lock back into the bag, and cursed. Going into the kitchen, he brought out a dining room chair, and slid it under the old door knob. "What are you doing?" "Lowe's is closed at this time of night, so I rigged up a lock!" Scully looked unconvinced. "That doesn't look very secure to me." "Well then, come stay at my place tonight. Or, I'll just stay here." Mulder looked pleased with himself. Dana went and got a blanket and pillow. "Knock yourself out Mulder. Goodnight." He stared after her retreating form. "Your couch is too small, can't we share the bed?" Dana walked back into the living room. "Then sleep on the floor, because you're not sleeping in my bed." Again he watched her retreating form, and sighed. Stretching out on the couch as best he could, he thought about the days events. *She didn't say no. She didn't yes either. She will. At least I'm on her couch. Only because you broke her door. Shut-up.* Dana was also thinking about the days events. *He's willing to take whatever I can give. What do I want to give? What can I give? I can't even fathom having another baby. He ripped my heart out last time, I won't go through that again.* Long night indeed. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully heard Mulder on the phone the next morning. "Thank-you." "Who was that?" "I called A-1 Lock Company. There sending someone over within the hour. I requested an additional dead bolt lock." At her 'Oh please' look he defended himself, "Scully, you're working with the X-Files now. Your association with me could put you at an increased level of danger. This is just to be safe." "You are paranoid! Besides, I went through the same training as you at the academy. I can take care of myself." "Scully, you will come to see the truth to my words. Just trust me please. Anyway, what's one more lock?" "Fine." "One more thing; we leave this afternoon for Idaho. Ellens Air Base. I got a tip from a good source about pilots disappearing for months, then mysteriously reappearing. With no memory of where they were, or what happened to them. Definite X-File." "You better hope my door is fixed before we leave!" Dana turned and stormed into the bathroom. Hearing the shower start, he decided to stay. For her safety of course. After showering, a fully dressed Agent Scully entered the living room to see Mulder scrutinizing the lock guys work. "You're sure these are the best locks? I mean, I don't care to pay more for better locks." "Buddy, these are the best there is! Now if you don't mind, I'm trying to work here." Mulder moved back a little bit, and caught Scully out of the corner of his eye. "Hey! He should be done soon. While I'm thinking of it, here is a spare key to my apartment. You never know when I might take off unexpectedly." She placed the key on her key ring. When the repairman was done, Scully gave him a key to her place. "Mulder, this is only for emergencies. I better not find you sneaking in here in the middle of the night!" Mulder saluted, "Yes Ma'am!" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Somewhere over the Midwest "So, Scully, you and Ryan still keep in touch?" Looking up from her magazine she responded, "Yes. I see him usually once a year. He's been a good friend to me. Does that bother you?" "Why should it? He took care of you and Sarah. He did what I should have been there to do. I'm greatful." Dana sighed. "Will you ever stop blaming yourself? It's not your fault she died." Mulder turned to face her. "Maybe it was. I mean, my father has heart problems. Maybe...." "Mulder, stop it. Her heart problem wasn't genetic. It was just a rare defect; it wasn't anyones fault, ok?" He still didn't look completely convinced, but let it go. "How is your father?" Mulder shuddered at the thought of his father. Scully placed her hand on his arm and gave a compassionate squeeze. "I-I've only seen him a handful of times since that summer. He didn't support me when I needed him, and he said some rotten things about you and our child. I couldn't tolerate that. Besides, I was tired of being a punching bag for him. I guess he's ok." Scully could feel him withdraw into himself. He was silent the rest of the plane ride. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Col. Budahas' House On the way to Col. Budahas' house, Mulder told Scully that the case had a certain 'paranormal bouquet.' "We'll just see about that Mulder." Mrs. Budahas was waiting on them when they got to the house. She told them of the strange rash her husband had developed two years ago, and his increasingly erratic behavior. This led to him stealing a military vehicle, which landed him in a military prison. She hadn't seen her husband since the day he was taken away. She then told them of another pilot who suffered the same symptoms as her husband. She took them to Col. McLennen's house. They were mortified to see him pulling his own hair out of his head. "Well Scully? Do you think alien abduction is such a far fetched idea now?" Scully rolled her eyes. "Mulder, that man is suffering from a condition called stereotopy. It's a stress related condition, accompanied by obsessive- compulsive behavior. No aliens." They had been walking to their car and hadn't noticed the man approaching them. "You two the FBI agents? My name is Paul Mossinger, and I'm a local newspaper reporter. I heard you were looking into Col. Budahas' disappearance?" Mulder and Scully looked at each other. "We're just looking around." "Thought maybe you two were looking for UFO's like some of the other nuts running around here." Scully was straining not to laugh. "No, but if I was looking for UFO nuts, where would I go to find them?" Mossinger told them of the 'Flying Saucer Diner,' and pointed them in the direction of the diner. As they were finishing up their lunch, Mulder spotted a photograph of a flying saucer. "Hey Scully, look at that!" Mulder began chatting it up to the 'photographer' of the picture, LaDonna. She was also their waitress. Scully was surprised to find herself a little bit jealous of the attention Mulder gave the older woman. She was drug from her thoughts by the sight of Mulder purchasing a copy of the photo. "This is gonna look real good on my field report," Scully called on her way out the door. Mulder smiled at LaDonna, "She loves me!" Getting in the car, Scully told Mulder that Ellen's Air Base wasn't listed on her map. He smiled triumphantly as he waved the map LaDonna had drawn for him in front of Scully. "See what a little flirting will get you Scully?" She snorted. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Ellen's Air Base Mulder and Scully sat at the end of the runway that night, looking for...something. Mulder was intensely staring at the sky. Scully was intensely studying Mulder. She noticed the lines in his face that hadn't been there all those years ago; and it wasn't from aging. Scully sensed the years hadn't been particularly kind to him. *What happened to you Mulder? Where is the gentle soul I fell in love with? I trusted you then, can I trust you now?* Scully was beginning to become aroused just looking at Mulder, but then remembered an unpleasant thought. *Phoebe Green. How could you? While I was giving birth no less!* Mulder caught her staring, and gave her a quizzical look. Before she could answer, the area was descended upon by a military helicopter chasing two kids off the base. Mulder and Scully helped the kids escape, and then fed them. They told Mulder all about the lights in the sky and how they'd snuck into the base several times. They eventually took the kids home. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% After that the investigation went down hill fast. Col. Budahas had mysteriously reappeared, but could recall nothing of how to pilot an aircraft, and his wife insisted he wasn't the same man. A car load of Men in Black had run them off the road, and politely informed them to leave town. Scully had thought they were going to leave while they still had jobs, but Mulder had taken off without her. Now he was missing. Scully sat waiting and thinking. *Damn you Mulder! Where the hell are you? Is this what you meant by taking off unexpectedly?* Not being able to sit any longer she was up pacing; waiting, hoping, and praying. *Please God, please let him be ok. Please bring him back to me. Give us one more chance.* Scully realized that she loved Mulder just as much as she always had, and now that he was back in her life, she wasn't about to loose him again. She finally fell asleep in a chair by the window. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Somewhere at Ellen's Air Base Mulder had been captured by the military, and was being strapped to a gurney. They where getting ready to give him a shot of something, and had placed an air mask over his face. He felt the sting of the needle, and whatever was in the syringe. *Scully! Help me! Save me like you used to with my father. Scully!* It took a few minutes for the drug to kick in, and Mulder felt something cold and slick on him. Then everything went black. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Heavenly Galaxy Inn Scully was up early the next morning, and went to try and make a phone call. As she was returning to her room, she saw Paul Mossinger coming out of her room. Her suspicion piqued, she went for her gun, but realized she'd left it in the room. Scully and Mossinger had a brief struggle, before Scully held him at gun point. He knew where Mulder was, and she wanted him back. Alive. Believing her to be serious, Mossinger arranged for Mulder's return. At the exchange, a dazed and wobbly Mulder got in the car. Driving back to the motel, she asked, "Mulder? What did they do to you? Did they hurt you?" Mulder couldn't get his head cleared, but did manage to hold up his right arm for her to examine. Pulling into the motel parking lot, she took a close look at the raised area on his arm. "Looks like they've injected you with something Mulder. I'll take a blood sample once we get inside." Taking a vial from her autopsy kit, she drew his blood, and checked his vitals. "Mulder? Do you want to take a shower before we leave?" He numbly nodded. "Can you manage by yourself?" Again he nodded. She went about making reservations for them, when Mulder yelled for her. "Sc-ully! Come here!" She rushed into the bathroom to find a naked Mulder standing there. "What? And why are you standing here naked?" *Not that I really mind.* "My boxers are gone." "What!?" "My boxers are gone, and look in my jeans." Scully did, and was surprised to find some creamy white liquid in the crotch. "What the hell?" "Scully? Is that-you know?" *My God, what have they done to you Mulder?* "I don't know Mulder, but I'll bag it and do some test on it when we get back. Now let me examine the rest of you for anything else. She inspected him everywhere, even his rectum. "Is that really necessary?" "Afraid so." She then left him to shower. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder slept the entire flight home, and when they got back to D.C., she made him stay with her for a couple of days. She gave him the bed, and she took the couch. Even though they both would have preferred to be in bed together. It had been a week since they'd returned, and Mulder was now fully recovered. The tests on his blood were inconclusive, but they tests on his jeans showed a DNA match to Mulder. The substance was positively identified as ejaculate. This sent Mulder over the edge. "What the hell happened to me?! How'd they get my sperm?!" Mulder was now pacing the floor, and Scully was glad she hadn't shared the rest of what she found. She knew how they'd gotten that sample, but thought Mulder would blow a gasket if he knew. "Mulder, calm down. It'll be ok, I promise. Do you trust me?" Mulder gave a half smile. "You know you're the only one I trust. Sorry about loosing it like that." "How about I fix you dinner tonight? I want to talk to you anyway." Mulder's internal alarms went off. "Uh-ok. Is everything ok?" Scully sighed. "Just be at my place at seven, ok?" *This is it. She's going to dump me. Not that we actually have a relationship right now. And by the looks of it, we won't be having one.* Scully left soon after the invite to go home and cook. She had planned the night all week, and had waited for Mulder to fully recover, so he'd be coherent. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully went home and changed into a pair of jeans and her favorite gray sweater. She then put the Irish Stew on. She felt it would be symbolic to serve that. At exactly one minute until seven, Mulder rang her door bell. His heart leapt at the sight of Scully in casual clothing. Casual never looked so good. "Hi Mulder, come on in." He managed to walk in and sit at the table. "I hope you don't mind, but I fixed Irish Stew." "I haven't had that since you last fixed it for me. Remember, the night before we...." Mulder caught himself, and immediately shut-up. "The night before we made love for the first time. You can talk about it Mulder. It's one of my most cherished memories." She blushed slightly, as did Mulder. He was beginning to feel hopeful. Dinner was a comfortably silent affair. Afterwards they had coffee while sitting on her couch. Mulder was getting impatient. "Scully-" She cut him off. "Mulder, I've been thinking about what you asked me about 'us,' and I've come to a decision. Actually, I came to a decision while we were at Ellen's Air Base. I realized how much I love you, need you, and...want you. So, what I'm trying to say is, well, if you still want me, I'd like us to try again." Mulder was overjoyed, and engulfed her in a hug. He captured her lips in a deep kiss. Their kissing continued and became more frantic. Mulder suddenly felt alive again. Other parts of him were coming to life as well. He eased Scully back on the couch, and stretched out on top of her. As soon as she felt his ever growing bulge, she broke the kiss. "Mulder stop! I can't." A dazed Mulder was only capable of noises. "Unh?" "Mulder, I need to finish please. I want to take this slow. I'm not ready or able to give all of myself to you just yet. I need time. Ok?" Mulder nodded. "I understand. Take all the time you need. I'll be here waiting, anxiously, when you're ready." Scully smiled. "Thank-you." Mulder understood and respected her wishes, but had to at least touch her. "Scully? I understand about wanting to take it slow, and I can live without making love to you; for a while. But could I at least hold and kiss you?" Scully eased into his embrace. "I think that can be arranged." They sat like that until Scully fell asleep. Mulder put her to bed, and stared at her from the door. *I'll wait for you until forever Scully. I haven't had sex for this long, what's a little longer?* Mulder stretched out on the couch, and fell into a deep slumber. With a smile on his face. For Fox Mulder knew he was coming home. This time for good. END The entire "Coming Home" universe is now a series. Currently there are 6 stories posted and a seventh on the way. I have a "bible" for the series (for those unfamiliar with the term, most television shows have a 'bible' which contains the entire history of the show. It is used to maintain continuity within the series. For the record, the X-Files has no bible.) and the first 10 stories are already written, just not yet typed in. I like to use yellow legal pads like David E. Kelley. Now if only I could write like him. You may find the stories already archived at Xemplary, and the Annex and Pre-Excursions site. And coming soon to my own web site, www.im-not-worthy.com NO, I do NOT have self esteem issues. This is the title of my short film script about the trials and tribulations of trying to get an interview with the GOD-DESS. That'd be Gillian. After the original post I got some really great responses to the story. I wanted to take the opportunity to say thanks to all who gave their thoughts. Melissa Lee a.k.a. Kennedy "People, it's GOD-DESS, not goddess, when refering to Gillian Anderson. Learn it, know it, use it!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I'm NOT Worthy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I like my Bubble. It's a good place. Really." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Practice random acts of kindness; tip your delivery driver.